June 24, 2025 • 20 mins
In the episode I share how I rated my own autistic traits on a 1-10 scale and how I'm learning to think in terms of "difference, not deficit." Check out the blog post on charting my autistic traits here: https://barbaragraver.substack.com/p/charting-my-autistic-traits
Check out my blog Writing On The Spectrum here: BarbaraGraver.substack.com
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Full transcript below. If you need closed captioning (or the transcript is cut off), please listen via the podbean app or at AutisticPOV.com (https://www.autisticpov.com/).
Episode 13 Transcript Welcome to Autistic POV. My name is Barbara Graver and I started this podcast to share a bit of my journey as a late diagnosed autistic. Hi everybody, this is Barbara Graver. Thank you for joining me today on Autistic POV. Today I wanted to talk a little bit about autistic characteristics and I'm going to 0:32 be doing this through the lens of the characteristics I've identified in myself. I just try to steer away from speaking for other people because there's such a a wide range of experience and abilities in autism that I feel whenever I try to speak for anyone else, I always feel like I'm getting it wrong. 0:57 So this is purely from my perspective. The disclaimer is these traits are not necessarily going to present the way they aren't going to present the same way across the spectrum as they present in me because we're all different. So I talked a little bit during my autism and psychic ability series, 1:19 I talked a little bit about the idea of a linear spectrum, a spectrum from high to low, as is suggested by the DSM-5. And I talked about why I have problems with that. I think ranking across the board is problematic, although I do think autism is a constellation of traits. 1:39 And I do think it could be useful to do specific individual ranking in terms of trait by trait. I think that's helpful. It gives you a better picture of yourself and what your abilities and what your challenges might be. Ranking people as a whole, to me, I feel that's a little problematic for various reasons, 2:01 such as the many different comorbidities, apraxia, for example, anxiety. all kinds of comorbidities come into play, as well as inherent differences like talents and abilities and intellect. It's just there's so much at play that I think ranking from low to high is problematic. And it's also, 2:26 it causes people to fall into a way of thinking that I don't feel is very helpful. I don't think it's helpful to to think of people as more or less autistic or more or less challenged or more or less worthwhile. I don't think that's a good way to think. 2:44 And I think when you're ranking individuals from low to high, you're always going to kind of suggest that or lead people into that kind of thinking, which I don't like. So I did discuss this before, but I just wanted to put it out there kind of as a disclaimer. 2:59 So what I did, and I have a blog post on this that I'll link to. What I did for myself was I looked at the DSM-5. I don't like the DSM-5. I don't like that it calls autism a disorder. I don't like that it ranks people. 3:14 But I do think it does a fair job of describing observable traits in autistics. I don't find it totally useless, even though I have issues with it. So what I kind of did is I took the traits that were listed in the DSM-5 and sort of adapted them to better reflect me. 3:35 And I used those traits to come up with categories for myself. And I made various charts and put them in my blog, which people seem to like. I'll link to that. And the chart showed my different characteristics. And this is not an idea that's specific to me. 3:57 YMark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
[Music]
(00:06):
welcome to Autistic POV my name is
Barbara Graver and I started this
podcast to share a bit of my journey as
a late diagnosed autistic
hi everybody this is Barbara Graver
thank you for joining me today on
Autistic POB today I wanted to talk a
(00:28):
little bit about autistic
characteristics and and I'm going to be
doing this through the lens of the
characteristics I've identified in
myself i just try to steer away from
speaking for other people because
there's such a wide range of experience
and abilities in autism that I feel
(00:52):
whenever I try to speak for anyone else
I I always feel like I'm getting it
wrong so this is purely from my
perspective the disclaimer is these
traits are not necessarily going to
present the way they they aren't going
to present the same way across the
spectrum as they present in me because
we're all different so I talked a little
(01:15):
bit during my autism and psychic ability
series i talked a little bit about the
idea of a linear spectrum a spectrum
from high to low as is suggested by the
DSM5
and I talked about why I have problems
with that i think ranking across the
board is problematic although I do think
(01:36):
autism is a constellation of traits and
I do think it could be useful to do
specific individual
ranking in terms of trait by trait i
think that's helpful it gives you a
better picture of yourself and what your
abilities and what your challenges might
be ranking people as a whole to me I I
(01:58):
feel that's a little problematic for
various reasons such as the many
different comorbidities
for example anxiety
all kinds of comorbidities come into
play as well as inherent differences
like talents and abilities and intellect
it's just there's there's so much at
(02:19):
play that I think ranking from low to
high is problematic and it's also So
it causes people to fall into a a a way
of thinking that I don't feel is very
helpful i don't think it's helpful to
think of people as more or less autistic
or more or less challenged or more or
(02:40):
less worthwhile i don't think that's a
good way to think and I think when
you're ranking individuals from low to
high you're all you're always going to
kind of suggest that or or lead people
into that kind of thinking which I don't
like so I did discuss this before but I
just wanted to put it out there kind of
as a disclaimer so what I did and I have
(03:01):
a blog post on this that I'll link to
what I did for myself was I looked at
the DSM5 i I don't like the DSM5 i don't
like that it calls autism a disorder i
don't like that it ranks people but I do
think it does a fair job of describing
observable traits in autistics i I don't
(03:22):
find it totally useless even though I
have issues with it so what I kind of
did is I took the traits that were
listed in the DSM5 and sort of adapted
them to better reflect me and I use
those traits to come up with uh
categories for myself and I made various
(03:43):
charts and put them in my blog which
which people seem to like i'll link to
that and the chart showed my different
characteristics and and this is not an
idea that's specific to me you could see
a lot of people will be looking at
autism in this way it's a spectrum but
it's not a linear spectrum it's more of
(04:05):
like a radial spectrum which I think is
interesting you know it's kind of
interesting in terms of dimensionality
we think of a spectrum as high to low
and technically that's what it is but
that's a linear 2D kind of
dimensionality where if you want to
think of it more 3D kind of as a radial
sort of thing you could do that too so
(04:27):
what I did is I came up with 10
categories one of my things had 10
categories one had 12 because it it just
worked better for the type of charts I
used but the categories I used were
hypers sensitivity
hyposensitivity
hyperfixations
special interests nonverbal
(04:49):
communication i I don't like that word
non-verbal but I didn't know what else
to use some people will call it social
cues but I find that confusing too but
that's basically your ability it should
probably be called non-speaking
communication your ability to to
communicate and to read cues without
speaking conversation I use conversation
(05:11):
so
instead of
expressive
communication I just kind of lumped
conversation together relationships
transitions echoleleia repetitive motor
and pattern recognition and then I rated
myself in each of these categories and
(05:32):
and I think this is a useful exercise
for everyone to do and everyone's going
to differ but I think it's interesting
to find that you will have some kind of
if you do this you will have some kind
of a relationship to each of these
categories even if you get a one you you
you'll have a kind of relationship to
them or that's what I found so for me
(05:54):
fixations hyperfixations I gave that a
10 i'm not sure that might have been a
little excessive but that is huge for me
my special interests dominate my life
they dominate my thought processes they
dominate the way I spend my time they
they completely dominate my life and
(06:16):
this is how I relate to the world and it
kind of reminded me of there's an
episode in elementary where Sherlock
says to Watson and I can't find the
episode so if anyone knows it please
tell me but where he says to Watson "But
we are what we do." And she says "No you
are i'm not." And it's interesting one
(06:38):
thing I liked about that show is
everything he does in that show and I
mentioned this before everything he does
in that show like all his friends he
interacts with them through his
hyperfixation
in solving crimes and that's really the
only way he he could interact with
people and that's how I am that's how my
relationships are my relationships with
people are organized around an interest
(07:01):
and when that interest shifts I can no
longer really relate to that person and
I don't really have any face- tof face
relationships at all i'm aside from my
adult kids but if that if that
orientation shifts I can't continue with
the relationship usually I just can't
find the common ground in order to do it
(07:23):
but there is a in my opinion a good side
to all these things i don't really
consider them deficits my therapist said
that to me i was talking about
communication and and a problem I was
having and she said "Is this making you
more aware of your deficits?" And I said
"I don't really see them as deficits i
see them as differences i communicate
(07:45):
differently it's not wrong it's not bad
i here I am on the podcast blabbing away
because it's one-sided it's not that I
can't communicate it's that I
communicate differently." So anyhow
hyperfixations mine are books media
mythology ancient history religion the
occult like anything kind of under that
(08:06):
umbrella that mystical umbrella and
writing in books so those are are my
hyperfixations and that is what I spend
my time doing and I can't change that
even if I want to I can't and there have
been times in my life I really really
did but I still couldn't uh another
category I identified was hyper
sensitivity for me when I was little
(08:28):
this had to do with feeling like wool
burned and feeling like polyester cut
like if you've read that poem by Emily
Dickinson a panther in the in the glove
that's what that's about and it's a
difficult thing because kids that
experience these kind of hyper
sensitivities they're subject to a lot
of gaslighting because people will tell
them "You're being dramatic you're
(08:50):
making this up you're being a
primadana." You know all these things
and no they're not they're really
perceiving it that way and that kind of
gaslighting is very detrimental for
children because it teaches them to
dismiss their own perceptions and their
own um their own impressions of reality
(09:11):
their own feelings and that's a very
dangerous for a child it for and for a
teenager it sets them up to all kinds of
things including exploitation it's a
dangerous thing and it's something that
people should be aware of people are not
overreacting that's how people are
actually it's a hyper sensitivity that's
how they're perceiving things so so I
(09:32):
now I'm adult i could wear what I want
it's not an issue but I still have
problems with lights i have a lot of
problem with sound a lot of problem i
live I live on a very very busy street
we have a business across the street and
for a time people were leaving their
vehicles running including trucks all
the time when they'd go into that
business and I I went out and it did not
make me popular in my neighborhood but I
(09:54):
just couldn't stand it i couldn't stand
it traffic going back and forth I got
used to but the idling I couldn't stand
it people are better now it works
eventually it works and also I have
noise cancelling headphones and and I do
what I can i mean I always have white
noise going but I know I got that
reputation in my neighborhood of like
(10:16):
being a but it's not that it's
that it it really is painful to people
it really is and I also feel with hypers
sensitivities this is my own opinion
like I have some intuitive abilities
i've had like precognitive dreams i've
had a lot of lot of experiences that I
I'm going to talk about in my memoir i I
almost feel like that's the extension of
(10:38):
the hypers sensitivities hypers
sensitivity is the physical things i I
feel like it extends into like the
energetic i really do so and hypo
sensitivity that could be a tolerance to
pain for example even though I'm super
hyper sensitive about certain things
i've I've got a fair pain tolerance so
it's it's kind of a um interesting thing
(11:00):
so with hyper sensitivity I gave myself
a seven with hypo I gave myself a three
pattern recognition I gave myself a six
cuz I I'm not a genius i'm not spotting
patterns nobody else could see but I do
tend to put things together and not in a
mastermind kind of way but I put things
together i notice things part of it I
think is detail being detail oriented
(11:23):
part of it is pattern recognition i
notice things that a lot of other people
don't notice and that could come in very
helpful for certain activities it's good
for like literary analysis it's good
with writing it's good for spotting
synchronicities it's good for
interpreting dreams it's good for
studying studying anything but
especially studying mythology it has a
lot of benefits and for some people who
(11:46):
are extremely intelligent that could
give themselves a 10 in this it can help
make significant contributions to
society pattern recognition it's a big
thing um emotional intensity was another
one I did and that I gave myself a eight
on that i'm I'm not sure if that's
really accurate anymore i I think that's
probably part of sensitivity general
(12:08):
sensitivity meltdowns aren't simply
emotional intensity but it's certainly
emotional intensity plays a part as does
trauma like a lot of people who are
autistic have trauma histories i mean
they have may have been subject to
exploitation they may also have been
bullied they may have had experiences
all through their life of being
(12:30):
traumatized and just being different is
a little bit traumatic in and of itself
so I think trauma definitely can play a
part in emotional in intensity because
if you get triggered with something odds
are you're you're going to feel intense
so and communication which we we talked
about a little already but I think that
(12:51):
that that is a big thing for me and it
impacts relationships it overlaps kids
therapy friendships
uh life it's It's definitely impactful
however I kind of feel like I personally
don't want to be part of the negative
kind of spin on autism because I I like
(13:14):
my communication style i I write I
express myself through writing or
through one-sided things like this
podcast and I I my receptive
communication is different too i receive
information differently i receive I
receive a lot of information through
studying and reading which there's an
intuitive aspect and a pattern
(13:36):
recognition aspect that comes into that
so it kind of all mixes up together but
I think I gave myself probably like I
closed it but I I think I gave myself
like a seven on communication because I
don't necessarily feel I don't
necessarily feel that I'm terribly
terribly challenged in communication i'm
just different in communication and and
(13:58):
I think that's true of all these things
you could flip all of them and and I
feel like people I like to see people do
that more because I feel it's easy to
feel bad about yourself and about your
life and and it is difficult i mean I'm
not saying it's not difficult my life
I'm writing this memoir if you read it
you'll see my my life got pretty grim at
(14:19):
a few few spots but I think we have to
see that we're different for a reason
and I think it's important difference
and I think there have been a lot of
contributions made to society by
autistic people and one of the reasons
for it is because of these different
traits these different ways of
interacting with reality have a lot to
(14:41):
do with that in my opinion
so
um repetitive motor I scored real low in
that i mean I have a tiny bit of that
but I scored low in that and also in
echalleia I scored low and the echalleia
like I gave myself a one and I pro maybe
should have gave myself a zero but then
I thought I do have this repetition
(15:03):
thing like in writing i have this thing
in writing it's one of many problems I
have with writing that I I not problems
differences I have with writing that are
autism related is it's very hard for me
to to refrain from saying something
three times if I say it twice it's very
hard for me to not say it three times
(15:25):
it's sometimes that's kind of poetic
sometimes it's just stupid but it's
something I do um the other thing
executive function I gave myself a seven
but that again is related to the
hyperfixations to a large degree because
if you're writing 12 hours a day you're
not going to get a whole lot done and if
you can't and also transitions I gave
(15:47):
myself eight on that because it's very
hard for me to stop an activity uh a
special interest activity whether it's
reading whether it's media whether it's
writing extraordinarily hard for me to
stop and I do I'm much better than I
used to be i mean we have dinner at a
different time every night but we have
(16:08):
dinner and that's like huge for me it's
like a huge victory that I could stop
and make dinner and sometimes somebody
has to come get me but I can do it and
that that's big for me and it's very
hard and that too can really interfere
with your life i mean it makes you can
make you late it can make you neglect
things it could just cause all kinds of
(16:30):
problems really but the the thing is
with this is it a problem because we're
a problem or is it because our society
is set up obviously for neurotypical
people who function in neurotypical ways
so it's not it's not geared towards it's
not geared towards autistic people so
there's always going to be that that
(16:52):
disconnect that problem that clash that
way that that things just don't quite
align that's why I don't like to think
of it as deficits because I think part
of it is just we're trying to fit into a
paradigm that doesn't really suit us and
if we were the predominant neurotype
(17:13):
which who knows maybe someday we will be
some people think that i I I don't know
about that but it's interesting idea and
I think autism and autistic traits are
valuable whether they're valuable as a
evolution of consciousness debatable
whether they're valuable as a outlier
perspective that contributes greatly to
(17:34):
society i think definitely I think
definitely that's that's true and like
all these things that people say that
are negatives they're not actually
negatives they're deviations from the
norm and the more we understand the
specific characteristics
and the walls we run into in dealing
with quote normal society the easier it
(17:58):
is for us to reframe some of reframe
some of the stuff and it's not really
just about feeling good about yourself
it's about being the person you're meant
to be like if you if you could see some
of these things like I see my
hyperfixation as a strength does it mean
I can't have a quote normal life with
like a husband and a ordinary day job
(18:21):
and yeah it does kind of mean that so
does it cause me distress yeah it
definitely does but I still see it as a
strength because I feel that's the
person I was meant to be and I I feel
like we all need to do those things that
we're we're put here to do and I think
that our traits and our characteristics
(18:43):
are part of that and I think it's good
to look at them through that lens and
that that's what I try to do now and and
I'll talk maybe a little more about that
in the next episode and and I'll talk
too about how you have to make
accommodations and stuff like that too I
think in the next episode but this is
what I wanted to share for here and I
will link to this blog post it's called
(19:05):
Charting My Autistic Traits i'll link to
that in the description you you might
like that it's real visual i made these
you can make these great charts with
Canvas so of course I did and maybe do
your own inventory of traits and look at
them and see where you could flip those
things and where you could see the
advantages and the strengths in it
(19:26):
doesn't mean you're not going to
struggle we're always going to struggle
it's just a given but I think the the
key is that you want to understand why
it's worth it i think that's important
so that's it for this time i I hope you
enjoyed the walk through my autistic
traits and I will link to the blog post
in the description and next time we'll
(19:48):
talk more about accommodations and and
maybe a few more specifics on this topic
so until then this is Barbara Graver of
Autistic POV and thank you very much for
listening
[Music]
[Music]
(00:06):
welcome to Autistic POV my name is
Barbara Graver and I started this
podcast to share a bit of my journey as
a late diagnosed autistic
hi everybody this is Barbara Graver
thank you for joining me today on
Autistic POB today I wanted to talk a
(00:28):
little bit about autistic
characteristics and and I'm going to be
doing this through the lens of the
characteristics I've identified in
myself i just try to steer away from
speaking for other people because
there's such a wide range of experience
and abilities in autism that I feel
(00:52):
whenever I try to speak for anyone else
I I always feel like I'm getting it
wrong so this is purely from my
perspective the disclaimer is these
traits are not necessarily going to
present the way they they aren't going
to present the same way across the
spectrum as they present in me because
we're all different so I talked a little
(01:15):
bit during my autism and psychic ability
series i talked a little bit about the
idea of a linear spectrum a spectrum
from high to low as is suggested by the
DSM5
and I talked about why I have problems
with that i think ranking across the
board is problematic although I do think
(01:36):
autism is a constellation of traits and
I do think it could be useful to do
specific individual
ranking in terms of trait by trait i
think that's helpful it gives you a
better picture of yourself and what your
abilities and what your challenges might
be ranking people as a whole to me I I
(01:58):
feel that's a little problematic for
various reasons such as the many
different comorbidities
for example anxiety
all kinds of comorbidities come into
play as well as inherent differences
like talents and abilities and intellect
it's just there's there's so much at
(02:19):
play that I think ranking from low to
high is problematic and it's also So
it causes people to fall into a a a way
of thinking that I don't feel is very
helpful i don't think it's helpful to
think of people as more or less autistic
or more or less challenged or more or
(02:40):
less worthwhile i don't think that's a
good way to think and I think when
you're ranking individuals from low to
high you're all you're always going to
kind of suggest that or or lead people
into that kind of thinking which I don't
like so I did discuss this before but I
just wanted to put it out there kind of
as a disclaimer so what I did and I have
(03:01):
a blog post on this that I'll link to
what I did for myself was I looked at
the DSM5 i I don't like the DSM5 i don't
like that it calls autism a disorder i
don't like that it ranks people but I do
think it does a fair job of describing
observable traits in autistics i I don't
(03:22):
find it totally useless even though I
have issues with it so what I kind of
did is I took the traits that were
listed in the DSM5 and sort of adapted
them to better reflect me and I use
those traits to come up with uh
categories for myself and I made various
(03:43):
charts and put them in my blog which
which people seem to like i'll link to
that and the chart showed my different
characteristics and and this is not an
idea that's specific to me you could see
a lot of people will be looking at
autism in this way it's a spectrum but
it's not a linear spectrum it's more of
(04:05):
like a radial spectrum which I think is
interesting you know it's kind of
interesting in terms of dimensionality
we think of a spectrum as high to low
and technically that's what it is but
that's a linear 2D kind of
dimensionality where if you want to
think of it more 3D kind of as a radial
sort of thing you could do that too so
(04:27):
what I did is I came up with 10
categories one of my things had 10
categories one had 12 because it it just
worked better for the type of charts I
used but the categories I used were
hypers sensitivity
hyposensitivity
hyperfixations
special interests nonverbal
(04:49):
communication i I don't like that word
non-verbal but I didn't know what else
to use some people will call it social
cues but I find that confusing too but
that's basically your ability it should
probably be called non-speaking
communication your ability to to
communicate and to read cues without
speaking conversation I use conversation
(05:11):
so
instead of
expressive
communication I just kind of lumped
conversation together relationships
transitions echoleleia repetitive motor
and pattern recognition and then I rated
myself in each of these categories and
(05:32):
and I think this is a useful exercise
for everyone to do and everyone's going
to differ but I think it's interesting
to find that you will have some kind of
if you do this you will have some kind
of a relationship to each of these
categories even if you get a one you you
you'll have a kind of relationship to
them or that's what I found so for me
(05:54):
fixations hyperfixations I gave that a
10 i'm not sure that might have been a
little excessive but that is huge for me
my special interests dominate my life
they dominate my thought processes they
dominate the way I spend my time they
they completely dominate my life and
(06:16):
this is how I relate to the world and it
kind of reminded me of there's an
episode in elementary where Sherlock
says to Watson and I can't find the
episode so if anyone knows it please
tell me but where he says to Watson "But
we are what we do." And she says "No you
are i'm not." And it's interesting one
(06:38):
thing I liked about that show is
everything he does in that show and I
mentioned this before everything he does
in that show like all his friends he
interacts with them through his
hyperfixation
in solving crimes and that's really the
only way he he could interact with
people and that's how I am that's how my
relationships are my relationships with
people are organized around an interest
(07:01):
and when that interest shifts I can no
longer really relate to that person and
I don't really have any face- tof face
relationships at all i'm aside from my
adult kids but if that if that
orientation shifts I can't continue with
the relationship usually I just can't
find the common ground in order to do it
(07:23):
but there is a in my opinion a good side
to all these things i don't really
consider them deficits my therapist said
that to me i was talking about
communication and and a problem I was
having and she said "Is this making you
more aware of your deficits?" And I said
"I don't really see them as deficits i
see them as differences i communicate
(07:45):
differently it's not wrong it's not bad
i here I am on the podcast blabbing away
because it's one-sided it's not that I
can't communicate it's that I
communicate differently." So anyhow
hyperfixations mine are books media
mythology ancient history religion the
occult like anything kind of under that
(08:06):
umbrella that mystical umbrella and
writing in books so those are are my
hyperfixations and that is what I spend
my time doing and I can't change that
even if I want to I can't and there have
been times in my life I really really
did but I still couldn't uh another
category I identified was hyper
sensitivity for me when I was little
(08:28):
this had to do with feeling like wool
burned and feeling like polyester cut
like if you've read that poem by Emily
Dickinson a panther in the in the glove
that's what that's about and it's a
difficult thing because kids that
experience these kind of hyper
sensitivities they're subject to a lot
of gaslighting because people will tell
them "You're being dramatic you're
(08:50):
making this up you're being a
primadana." You know all these things
and no they're not they're really
perceiving it that way and that kind of
gaslighting is very detrimental for
children because it teaches them to
dismiss their own perceptions and their
own um their own impressions of reality
(09:11):
their own feelings and that's a very
dangerous for a child it for and for a
teenager it sets them up to all kinds of
things including exploitation it's a
dangerous thing and it's something that
people should be aware of people are not
overreacting that's how people are
actually it's a hyper sensitivity that's
how they're perceiving things so so I
(09:32):
now I'm adult i could wear what I want
it's not an issue but I still have
problems with lights i have a lot of
problem with sound a lot of problem i
live I live on a very very busy street
we have a business across the street and
for a time people were leaving their
vehicles running including trucks all
the time when they'd go into that
business and I I went out and it did not
make me popular in my neighborhood but I
(09:54):
just couldn't stand it i couldn't stand
it traffic going back and forth I got
used to but the idling I couldn't stand
it people are better now it works
eventually it works and also I have
noise cancelling headphones and and I do
what I can i mean I always have white
noise going but I know I got that
reputation in my neighborhood of like
(10:16):
being a but it's not that it's
that it it really is painful to people
it really is and I also feel with hypers
sensitivities this is my own opinion
like I have some intuitive abilities
i've had like precognitive dreams i've
had a lot of lot of experiences that I
I'm going to talk about in my memoir i I
almost feel like that's the extension of
(10:38):
the hypers sensitivities hypers
sensitivity is the physical things i I
feel like it extends into like the
energetic i really do so and hypo
sensitivity that could be a tolerance to
pain for example even though I'm super
hyper sensitive about certain things
i've I've got a fair pain tolerance so
it's it's kind of a um interesting thing
(11:00):
so with hyper sensitivity I gave myself
a seven with hypo I gave myself a three
pattern recognition I gave myself a six
cuz I I'm not a genius i'm not spotting
patterns nobody else could see but I do
tend to put things together and not in a
mastermind kind of way but I put things
together i notice things part of it I
think is detail being detail oriented
(11:23):
part of it is pattern recognition i
notice things that a lot of other people
don't notice and that could come in very
helpful for certain activities it's good
for like literary analysis it's good
with writing it's good for spotting
synchronicities it's good for
interpreting dreams it's good for
studying studying anything but
especially studying mythology it has a
lot of benefits and for some people who
(11:46):
are extremely intelligent that could
give themselves a 10 in this it can help
make significant contributions to
society pattern recognition it's a big
thing um emotional intensity was another
one I did and that I gave myself a eight
on that i'm I'm not sure if that's
really accurate anymore i I think that's
probably part of sensitivity general
(12:08):
sensitivity meltdowns aren't simply
emotional intensity but it's certainly
emotional intensity plays a part as does
trauma like a lot of people who are
autistic have trauma histories i mean
they have may have been subject to
exploitation they may also have been
bullied they may have had experiences
all through their life of being
(12:30):
traumatized and just being different is
a little bit traumatic in and of itself
so I think trauma definitely can play a
part in emotional in intensity because
if you get triggered with something odds
are you're you're going to feel intense
so and communication which we we talked
about a little already but I think that
(12:51):
that that is a big thing for me and it
impacts relationships it overlaps kids
therapy friendships
uh life it's It's definitely impactful
however I kind of feel like I personally
don't want to be part of the negative
kind of spin on autism because I I like
(13:14):
my communication style i I write I
express myself through writing or
through one-sided things like this
podcast and I I my receptive
communication is different too i receive
information differently i receive I
receive a lot of information through
studying and reading which there's an
intuitive aspect and a pattern
(13:36):
recognition aspect that comes into that
so it kind of all mixes up together but
I think I gave myself probably like I
closed it but I I think I gave myself
like a seven on communication because I
don't necessarily feel I don't
necessarily feel that I'm terribly
terribly challenged in communication i'm
just different in communication and and
(13:58):
I think that's true of all these things
you could flip all of them and and I
feel like people I like to see people do
that more because I feel it's easy to
feel bad about yourself and about your
life and and it is difficult i mean I'm
not saying it's not difficult my life
I'm writing this memoir if you read it
you'll see my my life got pretty grim at
(14:19):
a few few spots but I think we have to
see that we're different for a reason
and I think it's important difference
and I think there have been a lot of
contributions made to society by
autistic people and one of the reasons
for it is because of these different
traits these different ways of
interacting with reality have a lot to
(14:41):
do with that in my opinion
so
um repetitive motor I scored real low in
that i mean I have a tiny bit of that
but I scored low in that and also in
echalleia I scored low and the echalleia
like I gave myself a one and I pro maybe
should have gave myself a zero but then
I thought I do have this repetition
(15:03):
thing like in writing i have this thing
in writing it's one of many problems I
have with writing that I I not problems
differences I have with writing that are
autism related is it's very hard for me
to to refrain from saying something
three times if I say it twice it's very
hard for me to not say it three times
(15:25):
it's sometimes that's kind of poetic
sometimes it's just stupid but it's
something I do um the other thing
executive function I gave myself a seven
but that again is related to the
hyperfixations to a large degree because
if you're writing 12 hours a day you're
not going to get a whole lot done and if
you can't and also transitions I gave
(15:47):
myself eight on that because it's very
hard for me to stop an activity uh a
special interest activity whether it's
reading whether it's media whether it's
writing extraordinarily hard for me to
stop and I do I'm much better than I
used to be i mean we have dinner at a
different time every night but we have
(16:08):
dinner and that's like huge for me it's
like a huge victory that I could stop
and make dinner and sometimes somebody
has to come get me but I can do it and
that that's big for me and it's very
hard and that too can really interfere
with your life i mean it makes you can
make you late it can make you neglect
things it could just cause all kinds of
(16:30):
problems really but the the thing is
with this is it a problem because we're
a problem or is it because our society
is set up obviously for neurotypical
people who function in neurotypical ways
so it's not it's not geared towards it's
not geared towards autistic people so
there's always going to be that that
(16:52):
disconnect that problem that clash that
way that that things just don't quite
align that's why I don't like to think
of it as deficits because I think part
of it is just we're trying to fit into a
paradigm that doesn't really suit us and
if we were the predominant neurotype
(17:13):
which who knows maybe someday we will be
some people think that i I I don't know
about that but it's interesting idea and
I think autism and autistic traits are
valuable whether they're valuable as a
evolution of consciousness debatable
whether they're valuable as a outlier
perspective that contributes greatly to
(17:34):
society i think definitely I think
definitely that's that's true and like
all these things that people say that
are negatives they're not actually
negatives they're deviations from the
norm and the more we understand the
specific characteristics
and the walls we run into in dealing
with quote normal society the easier it
(17:58):
is for us to reframe some of reframe
some of the stuff and it's not really
just about feeling good about yourself
it's about being the person you're meant
to be like if you if you could see some
of these things like I see my
hyperfixation as a strength does it mean
I can't have a quote normal life with
like a husband and a ordinary day job
(18:21):
and yeah it does kind of mean that so
does it cause me distress yeah it
definitely does but I still see it as a
strength because I feel that's the
person I was meant to be and I I feel
like we all need to do those things that
we're we're put here to do and I think
that our traits and our characteristics
(18:43):
are part of that and I think it's good
to look at them through that lens and
that that's what I try to do now and and
I'll talk maybe a little more about that
in the next episode and and I'll talk
too about how you have to make
accommodations and stuff like that too I
think in the next episode but this is
what I wanted to share for here and I
will link to this blog post it's called
(19:05):
Charting My Autistic Traits i'll link to
that in the description you you might
like that it's real visual i made these
you can make these great charts with
Canvas so of course I did and maybe do
your own inventory of traits and look at
them and see where you could flip those
things and where you could see the
advantages and the strengths in it
(19:26):
doesn't mean you're not going to
struggle we're always going to struggle
it's just a given but I think the the
key is that you want to understand why
it's worth it i think that's important
so that's it for this time i I hope you
enjoyed the walk through my autistic
traits and I will link to the blog post
in the description and next time we'll
(19:48):
talk more about accommodations and and
maybe a few more specifics on this topic
so until then this is Barbara Graver of
Autistic POV and thank you very much for
listening
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