March 31, 2025 • 38 mins
4.44 PM Every Sunday, Drop in All welcome No Booking Just come in.
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Some things the regulars say are in this podcast never the casuals.
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Some text
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Slow conversations that we have about our own autism with lots of silences. (edited out here)
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Jules
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (00:01):
Hi there.
Every Sunday a group of autisticpeople get together and drop in.
It's an informal group.
Um, but some of the things thatpeople say deserve a bigger audience,
so they give us permission for usto put them in a an edited reel.
And that's what we are here for today'sedited reel of the conversations
(00:23):
that we have about our own autism.
Cheers, enjoy.
Robbie (00:29):
I'm Okay.
Was out Music Jam last week.
I got offered a lift.
Yes, I've got it back.
I've got it back Tuesday.
My friend kind took, tookme over to collect it.
Had a lovely day with Beach.
Visited my friends as by the time Ifinished all I was doing, the people
(00:53):
that I didn't see already left.
If
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (00:58):
I've got access
to socializing, I don't struggle.
I think it's calmed down in my
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (01:05):
house now she's, we managed to get the football boot
off of her and she's calmed down just now.
So hopefully I won't be distracted.
I
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (01:15):
decide now.
I cleared enough.
We can hear you well, I can hear you.
Nicola.
Yeah, that's fair enough.
I letting as well.
Is that you heading home orjust heading somewhere else?
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (01:36):
I know they're feeling, well maybe not in Glens,
but in terms of reparation and beingairli places, so that's fair enough.
It's amazing when youdo something like that.
You sort of are not paid for it, butyou feel it when things kinda work
well enough that got this technical.
Some days it walks out.
If you're going off,take to rest or whatever.
(01:57):
Well,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (01:57):
at least you're
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (01:58):
planning.
No, it's not me.
I'm not messing about, I'm justtrying to get my sound to work.
Do I have sound update from um, Lucy?
She's not gonna be in today.
How you doing?
Robbie?
Haven't seen you for a while.
Oh, excellent.
Did you get the bike saw out as well?
(02:21):
I will tell you what fella,you're sounding really upbeat.
It's really good to hear that.
I
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (02:25):
think I used to have catfish when I was very young.
I had an uncle who wasinto marine biology.
Um, so I know the whiskeys look thatyou're talking about, but I'm, I'm just
trying to imagine what sort of qualitiesa Catfish Spirit guide would have.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (02:41):
Oh, I,
that's cool.
I think that's cool.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (02:44):
I think in, in tropical fish, keeping the
catfish, which may be a differenttype of fish, is a bottom feeder.
Yeah.
They write songs about them, don't they?
The catfish blues.
I would take that as a compliment.
I identify with bottom feeders, you know,the macro fishers that the peer down here.
(03:04):
I'd like to.
Correct.
But yes, very much so.
The trash, where it at, I'm notgonna be, that's where the action
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (03:11):
is able to do any of the recordings next week.
'cause I'm gonna be on a, a nightbus on my way back to the airport.
I'm on one of these.
Buses that you sleep on thathave these beds, you're like,
like
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (03:27):
earthworms can
tastee
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (03:29):
all over their body apparently.
Yeah.
So they're like, it would be too noisyif I start talking then rot stuff.
But they're having an amazing day.
People get pissed off withme, but I will listen in.
No, that's me heading home.
It'll be, um, I'm flying on the Tuesdayabout two o'clock in the morning,
so it's the Sunday night on the bus.
(03:53):
I'm hoping to arrive to get afew hours at some kind of place
where I can get a bed before I go.
Straight to the airport.
So my takeaway might be that I'm justgoing the, for the next 10 minutes, I'm
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (04:06):
still
here.
Just gotta try and get my voice to, so
there
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (04:09):
was enough time for them to have a, uh, and I
were discussing breakdown or anything.
I wanted to make sure I gotthere conversations week
about how, when I traveled,
when I was
younger, Shetland missed a plane.
Kind of the
very chap that I went up
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (04:22):
there to see was on the phone to me today.
It was a big hour and a halflong phone conversation there.
So I'm not burnt out, butmy voice is a wee bit weak.
So,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (04:34):
so I'm just gonna sit back a wee bit.
I saw the oddest thing today.
I was walking along a street and,you know, you get, you get used to
seeing bizarre things, um, kind of.
That,
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (04:56):
you know, I don't wanna say some of the things,
but this one thing is that thereare open sewers in lots of places.
It hasn't rained.
And we're not by the sea and there isn'tany string springs or rivers or anything.
These are obviously open.
So
Jill,
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: will that be the last time I (05:16):
undefined
get to interview you in India?
Sometimes
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com: you see a rat here and there. (05:20):
undefined
It's on Monday.
Um,
and as I was walking along, Iheard all this splashing going on
and I thought, oh, probably a rat.
Or, you know, something, somebig sort of amount of water has.
Been pushed into the sewer fromsomewhere, you know, something's
(05:40):
been flushed or something, and Ilooked over and, you know, the water
was thrashing around and stuff.
And then I saw a catfish about, justshort of a foot long, you know, catfish,
you, you could see it in the water,even though the water's quite murky.
(06:01):
You could see it and it, youknow, catfish have these.
I dunno what they're called, but theseappendages that give them this whiskers
that, that's why they get the nameand it, it, it swims off, you know,
swims, swims in the same direction.
I'm walking and I. Head.
I think in my head it's sosurreal to myself like a monkey
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: slot to do this work. (06:24):
undefined
So that's what I was
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (06:27):
even more surreal than when I saw these white res
in another place that were fishing inthe, it sounds walking down the Chester
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: bits of travel too. (06:35):
undefined
So hopefully you'll be able speakto you when you get back about it.
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (06:39):
Really odd spirit, Christ spirit guide says Raymond.
Well, bisexual, I suppose.
They're definitely scavengers,but there's a hell of a lot of,
um, different species of 'em.
I think some are in brackish water, whichis half salty and some are in fresh water.
(07:01):
They have 'em in the bios in Louisianaand places like that don't they?
Seems like I've not seenin it, but for the ages,
I won't take offense that you thinkmy spirit guide is a bottom feed
of it.
My friend was up for the first timethis weekend and trying to get arranged
(07:24):
for me to come up for a couple of days.
It generally does, but
in culture though, to call somebody abottom feeder is to call somebody the
kind of person that down right at thelowest part society, you know, living
on the trash and it's, and it's justbecause I told it's an insult, isn't it?
Our,
it's just strange when I.
(07:48):
I really enjoyed it.
It just felt good just to weatheraway for a couple of days and then
actually enjoy when the conversation'sover and enjoy the me time rather than
going on or I'm missing it and all
that.
Actually a nice
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (08:03):
balance, so
quite that could be weekend.
I've also seen a lot of you have
been
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (08:11):
busy.
In terms of the Facebook page, a lot ofpodcasts are being recorded and done.
Couldn't meet shame actually, 'causeI've not managed to do the, the
editing for the ones that, for, forthe Facebook one Facebook discussion.
But it's good to see all the, thestuff happening and I'm always
(08:31):
surprised there's always something new.
'cause I thought everything was done.
But it's good to see, keep my act onkeeping busy and all different things.
Need to actually sit
down and
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (08:41):
listen to one of them because they all sound interesting.
So well done.
All.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (08:48):
I actually enjoyed listening to
Lucy's um, one.
Um, Substack and I listened to a fewmore this week as well when I got the
chance, uh, at, well, I think Gilles,you'd asked me if I'd listened to
the one that we recorded, so I did.
I thought, oh, I better listen, but I justremembered the conversation anyway, so it
(09:08):
was just like listening to all over again.
Um, so yeah, I'm really unmasked.
That's the one I've really,I've been enjoying that a lot,
especially the most recent one Iwas, was really uplifting as well.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (09:23):
Yeah, that most recent one was great.
You know, won't give anyspoilers as to what it's
about really.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (09:30):
Uh, it was good.
Well, that, that's up to
you.
Tuesday night,
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (09:39):
I'm on a night train over to Bengaluru, going to.
Try to go and have a look at thefactory, but the guy hasn't been very
helpful after making one contact.
So it might,
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: yeah, time and space. (09:54):
undefined
I was actually looking at some of Dave'sstuff today because while it went through
my mind about what we did over Christmas,a conversation with him and, um,
I just got this idea like.
There's a website called Disco.
It kind is the ultimate listof all music ever made, and
(10:18):
let's put Dave Dawson in there.
And there's like 10 Dave Dawsonin the music world if you want.
I have no idea if any of them werehim and whether he was recorded in the
professional sense and released, but Idid encounter a lot of his books online.
A lot of the reactions to them and
(10:39):
all.
Very positive and quite inspiring.
So I'm thinking abouthim and Lucy just now.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (10:46):
I think if
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (10:46):
I think it through, I've probably got about
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (10:49):
20 conversations
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (10:55):
because I, you know, I, today I have spoken
to a couple of people in a, um,in a cafe kind of restaurant.
A salesman.
No, he wasn't actually, he wasa, a guy traveling over India
doing hygiene, food hygiene andchecking on restaurants and things.
And then a couple of people whodidn't really have that much English,
(11:17):
but that wanted to practice on me.
That's all I've reallyspoken to today to people.
So maybe in total 12 minutes or somethingof of words to somebody in a conversation.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (11:35):
Yeah, I was getting those threads as well.
Weaving away.
Was that ever, Evelyn,that you were referring to?
The Irish person?
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (11:45):
I've just sent another one over to Lucy,
but maybe I've made a mistake.
I thought she might needsomething to fill her time a bit.
I dunno.
So I sent her the, the same kind ofthing that you had, Raymond, with the.
The words that you could thencut out anything you wanted to.
(12:07):
I'd done all of the hatchet, all themain stuff and done all the processing.
But she came back saying somethingthat was a bit ambiguous to me.
I can't, I wasn't sure whether she washappy or not and, but that was when
she said that, you know, she's had arough week after losing a friend and.
(12:29):
Tonight she's going out with, uh,Dave Dave's taking her out to the
cinema, which uh, I think is lovely.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (12:36):
Yeah, everybody seems tired tonight.
Haven't started yet,but no pressure to talk.
I just, there's nice silence'cause of that, many of it.
It's surprising.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: Harry, I am feeling cold here. (12:50):
undefined
Is it cold over your side of the country?
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (12:56):
Yes.
And there's warning about, about
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (12:59):
storm snowstorm sort of thing coming.
That's,
I've actually done the, the rough editand the processing of the one that we did
over Christmas when we was talking abouthis work in the, in the old people's home.
Yeah.
But
that's not quite nappy
and that's coincidental at the,the same time as we had that
meeting with the dementia research.
(13:21):
And I've also done a. A recording way
to cover my ears.
A researcher from Ireland, not
a professor, but psychiatry andlectures at one of the universities.
And they were mentioning that theyhave autism in their family and also,
(13:43):
and although I'm saying have, werespecifically talking about behaviorism
being something that was being used inold people's homes and that they were
uncomfortable generally my son, down
to illness.
So it all kind of tied intothat conversation that we had
on Friday with the, um, researchwith the people from draft height.
Robbie (14:04):
It's
cold where I'm, which is.
Limiting me being able to get outbecause I have to go on my bike.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (14:12):
Yeah, that east wind can really surprise
you and take it out of you.
So getting indoors can be quite cozy.
This one hasn't gone out therebecause she hasn't toasty
checked it through it's ether
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (14:22):
sleepy time.
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (14:22):
Um,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (14:27):
she's somebody that's going to, uh, that, uh,
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (14:32):
there's a. She did a a paper criticizing
a b, a historically, so it wasa strange one, how it had been
used
trying incorrectly and how it had nottaken autistic people into consideration.
But at least I've got one room 50sixties and seventies, and that's why
(14:56):
we are appearing in the international.
Journal of PBS Autistic Radio.
I did a piece for that and those twomanaged to get that into the spring
edition that's coming up to, so they,that's how that all link together
properly because anytime they updateit or fix it or whatever they do,
(15:17):
they always seem to complicate more.
They say, oh, you can adjust itwith this, and it's simple and
all you need to do is read theinstructions, but it never that simple.
It's always simpler the
time before
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (15:29):
the body change it every time.
That's exactly
what I do,
Harry.
I leave a back bedroom kind of off with
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (15:39):
the heating, so it's cool 'cause opening windows
seems quite wasteful when you'retrying to retain heat in the room.
But suppose with a setting, if youget a certain temperature, that's it.
It should just switch itself off.
But you
Robbie (15:56):
can
overheat, that's for sure.
I just have to put an extra layer ofclothes on when I'm cold because I'm far
too frightened to put the heating up andwhen I can't, when it's cold, I don't get
out, which means I don't see or speak toanyone, which is worse than being cold.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (16:16):
I think this is an important topic, these essential,
basic needs people have, and it's everyoneregardless, but just with autistic people,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (16:28):
there's a certain, what's the word I'm looking for?
Relationship with those essential needs.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: Everyone has to deal with it, but. (16:37):
undefined
Reactions and relationshipsto these basic functions.
And I was quite enjoying that In a lotof, uh, Lucy's work, the, the subjects
that she brings up are very often these
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (16:57):
basic
experiences that kind ofdefine a life at work.
If, even if it's just somethinglike clothing or grooming.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: Certain things like that. (17:14):
undefined
Your appearance or yourrelationships or even, yeah.
Some of the subjectsshe's been talking about
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: recently, so they're (17:21):
undefined
really identifiable and they are aplace where the autistic person can
share their experiences of those.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (17:39):
Times with other autistic people, and I think
this kinda space is good for that.
Robbie (17:46):
If I sit in a pub or cafe, it's alone in the crowd instead of alone
in my flat, which is I get the feelingof rejection on top of the loneliness.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: I love being on my own. (17:58):
undefined
I really do.
And I often feel like.
If I don't get enough uninterruptedtime on my own, that's when
I start to feel more raggedy.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (18:12):
So Nicola, do you find the flow in that space
where you're alone, it's you've gotmore access to it, less interruption?
I.
Yeah, I would say so.
The lack of interruptions.
I feel like I can, uh,
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (18:25):
stay with a thought long enough to sort of maybe see
an idea through, and I find that I justfeel like my brain works a bit better
when there's not another person around.
Like I feel maybe it's becausethere's nobody else to notice, so
my little mistakes that I make,but I just feel like a lot more
like able to concentrate deeply.
(18:47):
I find other peoplemostly really distracting.
And I do have, um, I've got maybeone friend who I can say I, I re,
I can recharge around like her.
I have that to the extent with mydaughter that I feel like I can
like recover even if she's around.
But, um, most other people, it'slike, even if I really like them,
(19:09):
like I, I feel it's like I'm kindof having to hold my breath or.
Um, go without air a bit.
There's something, there'ssomething hard about
Robbie (19:26):
it.
It's very specific environments Ineed to be in, like the craft group
or the choir or the music jams or openmics because I bounced off the other.
It's this feeling ofinclusion and being wanted.
It's not just any environment,but the alternatives
(19:49):
worse than being on my own.
I
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (19:52):
really like what Robbie's saying there.
This idea that in the group athing I tend to avoid at times.
You can have that flow, that feeling ofthat you seek when you're often alone.
Solitary, it's a better word.
(20:13):
I'm currently looking into that, you know,the idea of like that flow still existing
for me, even if there are distractions,
even discussions with Jewels recentlyare listening to the broadcast
with, with Jewels and Nicola.
I brought that up in my mind how Julesis traveling through environments and as
(20:34):
Jules has just stated there, he thinksreturning home to the UK will bring,
bring a large amount of interactions.
That will be a shock.
There are in interactionswhere Jules is just now in
India, but they feel different.
I suppose it's, it'smaybe enough flow there.
(20:56):
So it's a strange thing about flowsolitary and flow in community,
as Robbie was talking about there
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (21:05):
do feel that unmasking is helping a bit more
with a sense of flow in the group.
It's very, very not like familiarto me at all, and it's something
that I can only just sort ofsee small shifts in for myself.
And one of the things that, um.
To do today was to speak up aboutmy own boundaries around touch.
(21:27):
Quite often I find not, like quiteoften one of the things that I've
come up against in my friendshipsis people wanting cuddles and hugs.
Um, and I don't ever really want to hug.
My friend, like my friends, Idon't really ever want to hug.
And I've kind of justalways been like that.
And it's, um, been a big thing for meto, to sort of love myself despite,
(21:51):
um, the difficulties that I've felt.
Um, because I've, you know, from.
Family members when I was a kidthrough like friendship and stuff.
Now it's like touchwhen touch is difficult.
I think it.
(22:12):
Well, in my experience, it's maderelationships quite challenging.
I had to say to somebody Ireally cared about, I was like,
I really, I don't want a hug.
And if like, I, I didn't like, Ican't remember exactly the phrase,
but I tried to put across that I,I don't want a hug and that hugs
aren't, they don't feel good to me.
And that often I'll try to givepeople hugs when that's what they've
asked me for when they need a hug.
But it's like when, when I'm,if I'm in need, I never, I
(22:34):
really never, ever be hugged.
So yeah, it was tricky.
I'm hoping that by getting to be abit more my authentic self, I won't
feel the need to isolate as much.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (22:48):
Yeah,
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (22:49):
exactly.
You're in control, but
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: it, it feels like, (22:52):
undefined
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (22:56):
yeah, sometimes you feel like, are you doing
the right or the wrong thing Up, up andbecause of other people's reactions.
But as you say, the authentic selftakes control of these things.
If we're going to be in control, we mightas well be in control in a positive way.
I think
Robbie (23:15):
one, one of the things about the music groups I'm involved in,
in the craft groups is violence.
I can be
my authentic self and Iknow I'll be respected.
Did you say you were incraft groups, Robbie?
Yes, I do crochet, I crochet squaresto make up blankets to center Armenia.
(23:42):
Wow.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: I love a craft group. (23:44):
undefined
I find I've, similar to you, Robbie,like I've found quite a comfy place for
myself in a, a craft a. Craft group.
We've done
dress making and felting and um,now we're kind of dabbling a bit
more and use the different mediums.
But yeah, that's felt like a, aquite a good environment to be in.
Robbie (24:10):
The groups I'm involved with, you can choose, choose what you do, which
is one of the important things like I doblankets, someone else might do something
else.
And that works for me.
And I like crochet because if Igo wrong, I can undo it and it's
actually making something useful.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: I was so tempted to learn (24:32):
undefined
a, a craft skill like that.
'cause I always thoughtknitting groups looked amazing.
So as a sense of kind, almost like aQuaker thing of being with each other and.
And it's almost like a, a kind of activitythat can concentrate you in a sense.
(24:54):
But I might be idealizing that a bit.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (24:59):
I'd say there's something lovely about it
though, when I've sat in a grip andbeen doing something like embroidery.
You talk if you feel like it, there'sjust a really comfortable, it can be a
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (25:10):
really comfortable silence as well.
That's what we want.
I.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (25:17):
Definitely, I want somebody to stay around me, but
don't touch me and don't talk to me.
Thank you.
Robbie (25:24):
That's what I like about what the group I go to.
We can be yourself.
You can talk if you want.
You don't if you don't wanna,they've got little prayer groups
you can go to if you want to do
that.
And it's just so inclusive.
And whenever I've had ameltdown, I've been supported.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: Yeah, that's very important. (25:44):
undefined
Yeah.
The thing that's important isabout environment and safe spaces
as we always talk about, and besomewhere you feel comfortable
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (25:55):
doing activity and not feeling pressured, even if not
directly, but feeling maybe pressuredand that you know, you feel pressured
with the atmosphere that you need to doa certain activity, but you're left alone
to do a certain one that you want to do.
And a lot of things aboutactivities that autistic people do.
(26:18):
It never seems to be that pastimein terms of just pastime alone.
It's an activity
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: that makes something that (26:24):
undefined
progresses something, you know,
you know, making
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (26:31):
things or drawing, you know, it's like
creating something, you know,I've noticed that for all autistic
people, and that's a great thing.
You know, and especially when peoplecan through hard times as well, it's
like they're going somewhere and they'vecreated something that's a positive
and that can give you a buzz becauseyou've done that and it's something
you can work on or something you can
(26:54):
just be proud of and enjoy themoment or something you can do again,
Robbie (26:59):
if all the music, it's again about creating something for people.
Enjoy, that I particularly enjoy whenI'm out playing with other musicians.
Also to
a bit of live streams and it providesall the interaction I need without
all the difficult conversations.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (27:23):
Yeah.
Music is sometimes calleda universal language.
It can be difficult sometimeswhen people try to organize it.
Yeah, so talk and no action, but
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (27:36):
actual playing.
Music's wonderful.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (27:39):
I
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: am going to ask you this. (27:42):
undefined
Um, you play
Robbie (27:44):
the guitar?
Yeah.
Yes.
Early stages of accordion.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: Oh, I love accordion, man. (27:51):
undefined
Right?
So guitar.
Do you ever use
Robbie (27:56):
alternative
tunings?
No.
My plays it.
Playing is very basic.
I'm hoping to learn additionalstars of playing, but it's finding
lessons from someone who workedwith me and my autistic traits.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: Yeah, I remember when we were all (28:17):
undefined
learning to play guitar, we justwent for it with no instruction.
It was all quite basic, and one of mymates turned out to be absolutely amazing.
Not like a virtuoso or skillful,but just the passion that came
out of him was unbelievable.
He had it.
He just, the sound.
He had the sound and it was a veryrhythmic thing he had going on.
(28:40):
He almost played the guitarlike a percussion instrument,
you know, struck it.
It was great and admire them for itbecause they can't teach you that
stuff.
Robbie (28:52):
With me.
It's all simple playing and passion.
I'm normally going out with a littletraveler guitar on my back to open mics.
Also do live stream streamsat most Tuesdays and Fridays.
I have a separate page calledRobbie Music Music spelled for
(29:18):
K, where I put videos.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: Music with a K. Love it. (29:20):
undefined
Yeah.
My German
Robbie (29:25):
connection.
Spell it the German way.
And, and the other thing that, thatperformance that people forget is
I'm choosing the songs so I'm incontrol and it's all predictable.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (29:39):
Harry, did you
know that David Burn of
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (29:42):
the Token Heads was from Dunbarton?
Yes.
It's something that people like
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com: mention everything. (29:50):
undefined
Again, if he's on the telly orif he's, you know, if something's
regarding David Burns kinda notice.
That's something I like to say.
He's from Dunbarton, but he actuallyleft to go to United States.
You know, he was three or four years old.
He
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (30:09):
was born
and born and is artistic as well.
Just wondered if theymaybe had a statue of him.
No, not quite.
Jackie Stewart's more celebrated.
Don't think he's got a statue assuch, but does that kinda things
(30:29):
around the area and Dun Bar that kinda
pay tribute to To Jackie
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com: Stewart, although he is not (30:34):
undefined
from Dunbar, he's actually fromMelton, which is a village next
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (30:40):
door Dunbar.
So
pushing bee.
Ma local.
Sometimes you forget it.
Sometimes people do well or become famous
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com: or famously as well. (30:52):
undefined
They actually come from the local area.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (30:55):
I was interest you find that out
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: back to the days when a (30:59):
undefined
neighbor in village was seen as
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: exotic and foreign (31:13):
undefined
to Dunbar get beat again.
A very good season.
This season, more potent things in life.
But it's one, well,
at
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: least you're no Aberdeen, Harry. (31:20):
undefined
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (31:24):
Well, that's
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (31:25):
true, but in saying that, I'm, even though it wasn't
a game yesterday because was away, I'mactually enjoying, even though the bar I'm
getting through a bad season and actuallya bit of a hard time is I'm mostly join.
Even though I've only done it twiceso far, like being a half season
ticket holder, sitting in the sameseat and doing the same routine, and
(31:46):
I look forward to doing it next week.
It's something to look forward to,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (31:50):
even though
I'm not expecting much in termsof results, but it's just a nice
thing to do something different.
Also, we, rituals are
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (32:00):
important.
Harry, I mean, last week youmentioned a wee about, you know.
Ultras,
even for tiny wee teams in Scotland asa wee gangy ultras are dressed in black
with a flares, acting out these weirdrituals and most of the time going to
see a game for a lot of people was aritual, a very male ritual at one point.
(32:24):
Yeah.
So regardless of what the content,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: it's the delivery. (32:29):
undefined
Yeah.
There's certain football clubsthat have reputations of possible
people trying to cause troubleor kind of boisterous crowds.
I never thought of that for all.
I
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (32:36):
mean, to
be
an innocent either.
I mean, there has been a few complaintsin the past, I think even this season
(32:57):
actually, that the Barton fans,I can't remember what it was, but
it was a Stanhouse smu anyway.
And they caused some damage, and thatwas just after it was announced at
the Obama administration and financialtrouble and try to raise money to
get to the end of season in termsof keeping players and managers.
And then you get idiotsdoing things like that.
I've never give actual seven.
These be gangs.
You know?
It's, it's, it's this sort of, we arefrom one place and they're from another.
(33:22):
It's like enemies.
It's, it's quite comicalwhen it gets to that level.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (33:28):
It's like they've found a use for
this space that's different.
Their use of this space is tocause that chaos and trouble.
I kinda relate it to like litter.
When I saw litter walking the dogthe other day, it really hit me
people litter because they have noconnection with the environment, that
they're throwing the litter away andthey just, they can't relate to it.
(33:53):
They've lost the, the, the relation to it.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: So, God, I almost got one (33:57):
undefined
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (34:00):
of old speech
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: impediments back there (34:00):
undefined
from my you anyway.
Nah, totally ladder and all the backparking, et cetera, but not good time.
But, oh, my
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: P Bears dog fell (34:16):
undefined
the worst.
Harry.
The thing that strikes me thatlike is when you say that you get
your own seat, it's like so good.
I can just imagine like how good that isto just know that you've got your own seat
and that's where you're gonna go and sit.
Like if I was going to somethingand I was like, oh, I've got my
own seat, I would be so good.
I would just take my mug from home andI've got my own seat and I'd feel better.
(34:36):
Uh,
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com: uh, you're right. (34:39):
undefined
It just seems strange to goback to the same seat as before.
'cause when I used to go to games,I didn't have a season ticket.
I just went to time and Ijust sat in different places.
So it was quite weird toget back to the same place.
And I'm just thankful because when Ibought the ticket, I, I didn't kinda
look to see whereabouts the seat was.
(35:00):
And the seat where is locatedis actually just good for me.
It's kind of far away from the, theultras that bottom with a, from,
you know, knee heart with them.
But I don't want that in my ear.
It's not too close to the away.
Fans either want to befight or want be argument.
I can't be bothered.
So, yep.
(35:21):
I'm really happy with my, my seatand I've got another seven games,
so another seven times to, to
look forward to up.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: That's good news. (35:32):
undefined
It's in a good position.
My son really likes to go and scorequite near the ultras 'cause it,
he loves getting to do the chants.
Um, and like I felt, I feel likeit was the first time that people
weren't saying to him, be quiet.
Be quiet.
'cause he's like really,really big on the vocal stems.
Like as a baby, he broke his babymonitor 'cause he was so loud and
(35:57):
persistent.
Um.
And he, he, he's just got thisplace where his voice is just doing
exactly what it was made to do.
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (36:04):
That's actually quite an instinct to hear actually,
because that does happen to people.
A lot of people, they get toldto be quiet and they actually
find an environment that theyactually suit in children or adults.
That's actually quite a good time.
So football could be so inclusive inmany ways as well, which is great.
It's not perfect, but it certainlycan be inclusive and there can be
(36:26):
opportunities for so many peopleto to feel part of something.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (36:32):
I love it.
The chat Jules has said it sounds like it.
That's like heavy metal and I can thinkof like quite a few dear friends who
one of their best ways to regulate islike the loudest possible noises they
can find to like put in their ear drums.
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (36:47):
The weird thing is I'm the total opposite.
I'm not a chant I by a moaner, butmost of the time I just sit there and
growl and moan and sometimes smile.
If things go well, I just don't havethe energy to do all the chanting,
all the, you don't really getmuch singing at the Dunbar games?
Well, not at the moment anyway.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (37:14):
I just don't.
As long as
it's in a good,
positive way.
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (37:21):
And I've always got me a ear, my
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: ear plugs if it gets too loud. (37:22):
undefined
Yeah.
I'm the ear defense person.
It's how, it's the balance thatI've struck with my son, with
his noise that he likes to make.
So I just protect my ear so that I'mnot just moming at him all the time.
Um, that helps a lot, but likesometimes I just need like ear
defense against the fridge, so.
(37:42):
Oh.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (37:46):
Thanks
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (37:46):
everybody for
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (37:46):
Think
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (37:47):
Part Tonight.
It was a nice
good discussion again andthen, you know, take, it's good
that we had a very good chat.
There was a lot of kinda don'twanna say a lot of silence.
There wasn't that much silence really,but there was still a lot to be said
and a lot of kind of contribution anda lot of listening as well.. I look
(38:07):
forward to it again next week, soI'll season the 5, 5, 5 after a break.
Well, it's 5 44 now, so our drop-inhour is finished, and thank you to all
the people who have texted, and also tothe people who have put their voices to
this that are gonna allow us to put someof those words out into the podcast.
(38:30):
If you join us here at the 4,4, 4, your voice isn't recorded,
your text isn't recorded, but thepeople here have given permission
so that it's an example for others.
See you again.
Always reliably Sunday.
Four four, 4:00 PM Cheers, guys.
Hi there.
Every Sunday a group of autisticpeople get together and drop in.
It's an informal group.
Um, but some of the things thatpeople say deserve a bigger audience,
so they give us permission for usto put them in a an edited reel.
And that's what we are here for today'sedited reel of the conversations
(00:23):
that we have about our own autism.
Cheers, enjoy.
Robbie (00:29):
I'm Okay.
Was out Music Jam last week.
I got offered a lift.
Yes, I've got it back.
I've got it back Tuesday.
My friend kind took, tookme over to collect it.
Had a lovely day with Beach.
Visited my friends as by the time Ifinished all I was doing, the people
(00:53):
that I didn't see already left.
If
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (00:58):
I've got access
to socializing, I don't struggle.
I think it's calmed down in my
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (01:05):
house now she's, we managed to get the football boot
off of her and she's calmed down just now.
So hopefully I won't be distracted.
I
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (01:15):
decide now.
I cleared enough.
We can hear you well, I can hear you.
Nicola.
Yeah, that's fair enough.
I letting as well.
Is that you heading home orjust heading somewhere else?
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (01:36):
I know they're feeling, well maybe not in Glens,
but in terms of reparation and beingairli places, so that's fair enough.
It's amazing when youdo something like that.
You sort of are not paid for it, butyou feel it when things kinda work
well enough that got this technical.
Some days it walks out.
If you're going off,take to rest or whatever.
(01:57):
Well,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (01:57):
at least you're
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (01:58):
planning.
No, it's not me.
I'm not messing about, I'm justtrying to get my sound to work.
Do I have sound update from um, Lucy?
She's not gonna be in today.
How you doing?
Robbie?
Haven't seen you for a while.
Oh, excellent.
Did you get the bike saw out as well?
(02:21):
I will tell you what fella,you're sounding really upbeat.
It's really good to hear that.
I
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (02:25):
think I used to have catfish when I was very young.
I had an uncle who wasinto marine biology.
Um, so I know the whiskeys look thatyou're talking about, but I'm, I'm just
trying to imagine what sort of qualitiesa Catfish Spirit guide would have.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (02:41):
Oh, I,
that's cool.
I think that's cool.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (02:44):
I think in, in tropical fish, keeping the
catfish, which may be a differenttype of fish, is a bottom feeder.
Yeah.
They write songs about them, don't they?
The catfish blues.
I would take that as a compliment.
I identify with bottom feeders, you know,the macro fishers that the peer down here.
(03:04):
I'd like to.
Correct.
But yes, very much so.
The trash, where it at, I'm notgonna be, that's where the action
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (03:11):
is able to do any of the recordings next week.
'cause I'm gonna be on a, a nightbus on my way back to the airport.
I'm on one of these.
Buses that you sleep on thathave these beds, you're like,
like
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (03:27):
earthworms can
tastee
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (03:29):
all over their body apparently.
Yeah.
So they're like, it would be too noisyif I start talking then rot stuff.
But they're having an amazing day.
People get pissed off withme, but I will listen in.
No, that's me heading home.
It'll be, um, I'm flying on the Tuesdayabout two o'clock in the morning,
so it's the Sunday night on the bus.
(03:53):
I'm hoping to arrive to get afew hours at some kind of place
where I can get a bed before I go.
Straight to the airport.
So my takeaway might be that I'm justgoing the, for the next 10 minutes, I'm
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (04:06):
still
here.
Just gotta try and get my voice to, so
there
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (04:09):
was enough time for them to have a, uh, and I
were discussing breakdown or anything.
I wanted to make sure I gotthere conversations week
about how, when I traveled,
when I was
younger, Shetland missed a plane.
Kind of the
very chap that I went up
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (04:22):
there to see was on the phone to me today.
It was a big hour and a halflong phone conversation there.
So I'm not burnt out, butmy voice is a wee bit weak.
So,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (04:34):
so I'm just gonna sit back a wee bit.
I saw the oddest thing today.
I was walking along a street and,you know, you get, you get used to
seeing bizarre things, um, kind of.
That,
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (04:56):
you know, I don't wanna say some of the things,
but this one thing is that thereare open sewers in lots of places.
It hasn't rained.
And we're not by the sea and there isn'tany string springs or rivers or anything.
These are obviously open.
So
Jill,
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: will that be the last time I (05:16):
undefined
get to interview you in India?
Sometimes
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com: you see a rat here and there. (05:20):
undefined
It's on Monday.
Um,
and as I was walking along, Iheard all this splashing going on
and I thought, oh, probably a rat.
Or, you know, something, somebig sort of amount of water has.
Been pushed into the sewer fromsomewhere, you know, something's
(05:40):
been flushed or something, and Ilooked over and, you know, the water
was thrashing around and stuff.
And then I saw a catfish about, justshort of a foot long, you know, catfish,
you, you could see it in the water,even though the water's quite murky.
(06:01):
You could see it and it, youknow, catfish have these.
I dunno what they're called, but theseappendages that give them this whiskers
that, that's why they get the nameand it, it, it swims off, you know,
swims, swims in the same direction.
I'm walking and I. Head.
I think in my head it's sosurreal to myself like a monkey
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: slot to do this work. (06:24):
undefined
So that's what I was
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (06:27):
even more surreal than when I saw these white res
in another place that were fishing inthe, it sounds walking down the Chester
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: bits of travel too. (06:35):
undefined
So hopefully you'll be able speakto you when you get back about it.
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (06:39):
Really odd spirit, Christ spirit guide says Raymond.
Well, bisexual, I suppose.
They're definitely scavengers,but there's a hell of a lot of,
um, different species of 'em.
I think some are in brackish water, whichis half salty and some are in fresh water.
(07:01):
They have 'em in the bios in Louisianaand places like that don't they?
Seems like I've not seenin it, but for the ages,
I won't take offense that you thinkmy spirit guide is a bottom feed
of it.
My friend was up for the first timethis weekend and trying to get arranged
(07:24):
for me to come up for a couple of days.
It generally does, but
in culture though, to call somebody abottom feeder is to call somebody the
kind of person that down right at thelowest part society, you know, living
on the trash and it's, and it's justbecause I told it's an insult, isn't it?
Our,
it's just strange when I.
(07:48):
I really enjoyed it.
It just felt good just to weatheraway for a couple of days and then
actually enjoy when the conversation'sover and enjoy the me time rather than
going on or I'm missing it and all
that.
Actually a nice
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (08:03):
balance, so
quite that could be weekend.
I've also seen a lot of you have
been
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (08:11):
busy.
In terms of the Facebook page, a lot ofpodcasts are being recorded and done.
Couldn't meet shame actually, 'causeI've not managed to do the, the
editing for the ones that, for, forthe Facebook one Facebook discussion.
But it's good to see all the, thestuff happening and I'm always
(08:31):
surprised there's always something new.
'cause I thought everything was done.
But it's good to see, keep my act onkeeping busy and all different things.
Need to actually sit
down and
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (08:41):
listen to one of them because they all sound interesting.
So well done.
All.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (08:48):
I actually enjoyed listening to
Lucy's um, one.
Um, Substack and I listened to a fewmore this week as well when I got the
chance, uh, at, well, I think Gilles,you'd asked me if I'd listened to
the one that we recorded, so I did.
I thought, oh, I better listen, but I justremembered the conversation anyway, so it
(09:08):
was just like listening to all over again.
Um, so yeah, I'm really unmasked.
That's the one I've really,I've been enjoying that a lot,
especially the most recent one Iwas, was really uplifting as well.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (09:23):
Yeah, that most recent one was great.
You know, won't give anyspoilers as to what it's
about really.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (09:30):
Uh, it was good.
Well, that, that's up to
you.
Tuesday night,
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (09:39):
I'm on a night train over to Bengaluru, going to.
Try to go and have a look at thefactory, but the guy hasn't been very
helpful after making one contact.
So it might,
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: yeah, time and space. (09:54):
undefined
I was actually looking at some of Dave'sstuff today because while it went through
my mind about what we did over Christmas,a conversation with him and, um,
I just got this idea like.
There's a website called Disco.
It kind is the ultimate listof all music ever made, and
(10:18):
let's put Dave Dawson in there.
And there's like 10 Dave Dawsonin the music world if you want.
I have no idea if any of them werehim and whether he was recorded in the
professional sense and released, but Idid encounter a lot of his books online.
A lot of the reactions to them and
(10:39):
all.
Very positive and quite inspiring.
So I'm thinking abouthim and Lucy just now.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (10:46):
I think if
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (10:46):
I think it through, I've probably got about
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (10:49):
20 conversations
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (10:55):
because I, you know, I, today I have spoken
to a couple of people in a, um,in a cafe kind of restaurant.
A salesman.
No, he wasn't actually, he wasa, a guy traveling over India
doing hygiene, food hygiene andchecking on restaurants and things.
And then a couple of people whodidn't really have that much English,
(11:17):
but that wanted to practice on me.
That's all I've reallyspoken to today to people.
So maybe in total 12 minutes or somethingof of words to somebody in a conversation.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (11:35):
Yeah, I was getting those threads as well.
Weaving away.
Was that ever, Evelyn,that you were referring to?
The Irish person?
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (11:45):
I've just sent another one over to Lucy,
but maybe I've made a mistake.
I thought she might needsomething to fill her time a bit.
I dunno.
So I sent her the, the same kind ofthing that you had, Raymond, with the.
The words that you could thencut out anything you wanted to.
(12:07):
I'd done all of the hatchet, all themain stuff and done all the processing.
But she came back saying somethingthat was a bit ambiguous to me.
I can't, I wasn't sure whether she washappy or not and, but that was when
she said that, you know, she's had arough week after losing a friend and.
(12:29):
Tonight she's going out with, uh,Dave Dave's taking her out to the
cinema, which uh, I think is lovely.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (12:36):
Yeah, everybody seems tired tonight.
Haven't started yet,but no pressure to talk.
I just, there's nice silence'cause of that, many of it.
It's surprising.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: Harry, I am feeling cold here. (12:50):
undefined
Is it cold over your side of the country?
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (12:56):
Yes.
And there's warning about, about
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (12:59):
storm snowstorm sort of thing coming.
That's,
I've actually done the, the rough editand the processing of the one that we did
over Christmas when we was talking abouthis work in the, in the old people's home.
Yeah.
But
that's not quite nappy
and that's coincidental at the,the same time as we had that
meeting with the dementia research.
(13:21):
And I've also done a. A recording way
to cover my ears.
A researcher from Ireland, not
a professor, but psychiatry andlectures at one of the universities.
And they were mentioning that theyhave autism in their family and also,
(13:43):
and although I'm saying have, werespecifically talking about behaviorism
being something that was being used inold people's homes and that they were
uncomfortable generally my son, down
to illness.
So it all kind of tied intothat conversation that we had
on Friday with the, um, researchwith the people from draft height.
Robbie (14:04):
It's
cold where I'm, which is.
Limiting me being able to get outbecause I have to go on my bike.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (14:12):
Yeah, that east wind can really surprise
you and take it out of you.
So getting indoors can be quite cozy.
This one hasn't gone out therebecause she hasn't toasty
checked it through it's ether
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (14:22):
sleepy time.
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (14:22):
Um,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (14:27):
she's somebody that's going to, uh, that, uh,
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (14:32):
there's a. She did a a paper criticizing
a b, a historically, so it wasa strange one, how it had been
used
trying incorrectly and how it had nottaken autistic people into consideration.
But at least I've got one room 50sixties and seventies, and that's why
(14:56):
we are appearing in the international.
Journal of PBS Autistic Radio.
I did a piece for that and those twomanaged to get that into the spring
edition that's coming up to, so they,that's how that all link together
properly because anytime they updateit or fix it or whatever they do,
(15:17):
they always seem to complicate more.
They say, oh, you can adjust itwith this, and it's simple and
all you need to do is read theinstructions, but it never that simple.
It's always simpler the
time before
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (15:29):
the body change it every time.
That's exactly
what I do,
Harry.
I leave a back bedroom kind of off with
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (15:39):
the heating, so it's cool 'cause opening windows
seems quite wasteful when you'retrying to retain heat in the room.
But suppose with a setting, if youget a certain temperature, that's it.
It should just switch itself off.
But you
Robbie (15:56):
can
overheat, that's for sure.
I just have to put an extra layer ofclothes on when I'm cold because I'm far
too frightened to put the heating up andwhen I can't, when it's cold, I don't get
out, which means I don't see or speak toanyone, which is worse than being cold.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (16:16):
I think this is an important topic, these essential,
basic needs people have, and it's everyoneregardless, but just with autistic people,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (16:28):
there's a certain, what's the word I'm looking for?
Relationship with those essential needs.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: Everyone has to deal with it, but. (16:37):
undefined
Reactions and relationshipsto these basic functions.
And I was quite enjoying that In a lotof, uh, Lucy's work, the, the subjects
that she brings up are very often these
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (16:57):
basic
experiences that kind ofdefine a life at work.
If, even if it's just somethinglike clothing or grooming.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: Certain things like that. (17:14):
undefined
Your appearance or yourrelationships or even, yeah.
Some of the subjectsshe's been talking about
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: recently, so they're (17:21):
undefined
really identifiable and they are aplace where the autistic person can
share their experiences of those.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (17:39):
Times with other autistic people, and I think
this kinda space is good for that.
Robbie (17:46):
If I sit in a pub or cafe, it's alone in the crowd instead of alone
in my flat, which is I get the feelingof rejection on top of the loneliness.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: I love being on my own. (17:58):
undefined
I really do.
And I often feel like.
If I don't get enough uninterruptedtime on my own, that's when
I start to feel more raggedy.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (18:12):
So Nicola, do you find the flow in that space
where you're alone, it's you've gotmore access to it, less interruption?
I.
Yeah, I would say so.
The lack of interruptions.
I feel like I can, uh,
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (18:25):
stay with a thought long enough to sort of maybe see
an idea through, and I find that I justfeel like my brain works a bit better
when there's not another person around.
Like I feel maybe it's becausethere's nobody else to notice, so
my little mistakes that I make,but I just feel like a lot more
like able to concentrate deeply.
(18:47):
I find other peoplemostly really distracting.
And I do have, um, I've got maybeone friend who I can say I, I re,
I can recharge around like her.
I have that to the extent with mydaughter that I feel like I can
like recover even if she's around.
But, um, most other people, it'slike, even if I really like them,
(19:09):
like I, I feel it's like I'm kindof having to hold my breath or.
Um, go without air a bit.
There's something, there'ssomething hard about
Robbie (19:26):
it.
It's very specific environments Ineed to be in, like the craft group
or the choir or the music jams or openmics because I bounced off the other.
It's this feeling ofinclusion and being wanted.
It's not just any environment,but the alternatives
(19:49):
worse than being on my own.
I
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (19:52):
really like what Robbie's saying there.
This idea that in the group athing I tend to avoid at times.
You can have that flow, that feeling ofthat you seek when you're often alone.
Solitary, it's a better word.
(20:13):
I'm currently looking into that, you know,the idea of like that flow still existing
for me, even if there are distractions,
even discussions with Jewels recentlyare listening to the broadcast
with, with Jewels and Nicola.
I brought that up in my mind how Julesis traveling through environments and as
(20:34):
Jules has just stated there, he thinksreturning home to the UK will bring,
bring a large amount of interactions.
That will be a shock.
There are in interactionswhere Jules is just now in
India, but they feel different.
I suppose it's, it'smaybe enough flow there.
(20:56):
So it's a strange thing about flowsolitary and flow in community,
as Robbie was talking about there
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (21:05):
do feel that unmasking is helping a bit more
with a sense of flow in the group.
It's very, very not like familiarto me at all, and it's something
that I can only just sort ofsee small shifts in for myself.
And one of the things that, um.
To do today was to speak up aboutmy own boundaries around touch.
(21:27):
Quite often I find not, like quiteoften one of the things that I've
come up against in my friendshipsis people wanting cuddles and hugs.
Um, and I don't ever really want to hug.
My friend, like my friends, Idon't really ever want to hug.
And I've kind of justalways been like that.
And it's, um, been a big thing for meto, to sort of love myself despite,
(21:51):
um, the difficulties that I've felt.
Um, because I've, you know, from.
Family members when I was a kidthrough like friendship and stuff.
Now it's like touchwhen touch is difficult.
I think it.
(22:12):
Well, in my experience, it's maderelationships quite challenging.
I had to say to somebody Ireally cared about, I was like,
I really, I don't want a hug.
And if like, I, I didn't like, Ican't remember exactly the phrase,
but I tried to put across that I,I don't want a hug and that hugs
aren't, they don't feel good to me.
And that often I'll try to givepeople hugs when that's what they've
asked me for when they need a hug.
But it's like when, when I'm,if I'm in need, I never, I
(22:34):
really never, ever be hugged.
So yeah, it was tricky.
I'm hoping that by getting to be abit more my authentic self, I won't
feel the need to isolate as much.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (22:48):
Yeah,
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (22:49):
exactly.
You're in control, but
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: it, it feels like, (22:52):
undefined
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (22:56):
yeah, sometimes you feel like, are you doing
the right or the wrong thing Up, up andbecause of other people's reactions.
But as you say, the authentic selftakes control of these things.
If we're going to be in control, we mightas well be in control in a positive way.
I think
Robbie (23:15):
one, one of the things about the music groups I'm involved in,
in the craft groups is violence.
I can be
my authentic self and Iknow I'll be respected.
Did you say you were incraft groups, Robbie?
Yes, I do crochet, I crochet squaresto make up blankets to center Armenia.
(23:42):
Wow.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: I love a craft group. (23:44):
undefined
I find I've, similar to you, Robbie,like I've found quite a comfy place for
myself in a, a craft a. Craft group.
We've done
dress making and felting and um,now we're kind of dabbling a bit
more and use the different mediums.
But yeah, that's felt like a, aquite a good environment to be in.
Robbie (24:10):
The groups I'm involved with, you can choose, choose what you do, which
is one of the important things like I doblankets, someone else might do something
else.
And that works for me.
And I like crochet because if Igo wrong, I can undo it and it's
actually making something useful.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: I was so tempted to learn (24:32):
undefined
a, a craft skill like that.
'cause I always thoughtknitting groups looked amazing.
So as a sense of kind, almost like aQuaker thing of being with each other and.
And it's almost like a, a kind of activitythat can concentrate you in a sense.
(24:54):
But I might be idealizing that a bit.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (24:59):
I'd say there's something lovely about it
though, when I've sat in a grip andbeen doing something like embroidery.
You talk if you feel like it, there'sjust a really comfortable, it can be a
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (25:10):
really comfortable silence as well.
That's what we want.
I.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (25:17):
Definitely, I want somebody to stay around me, but
don't touch me and don't talk to me.
Thank you.
Robbie (25:24):
That's what I like about what the group I go to.
We can be yourself.
You can talk if you want.
You don't if you don't wanna,they've got little prayer groups
you can go to if you want to do
that.
And it's just so inclusive.
And whenever I've had ameltdown, I've been supported.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: Yeah, that's very important. (25:44):
undefined
Yeah.
The thing that's important isabout environment and safe spaces
as we always talk about, and besomewhere you feel comfortable
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (25:55):
doing activity and not feeling pressured, even if not
directly, but feeling maybe pressuredand that you know, you feel pressured
with the atmosphere that you need to doa certain activity, but you're left alone
to do a certain one that you want to do.
And a lot of things aboutactivities that autistic people do.
(26:18):
It never seems to be that pastimein terms of just pastime alone.
It's an activity
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: that makes something that (26:24):
undefined
progresses something, you know,
you know, making
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (26:31):
things or drawing, you know, it's like
creating something, you know,I've noticed that for all autistic
people, and that's a great thing.
You know, and especially when peoplecan through hard times as well, it's
like they're going somewhere and they'vecreated something that's a positive
and that can give you a buzz becauseyou've done that and it's something
you can work on or something you can
(26:54):
just be proud of and enjoy themoment or something you can do again,
Robbie (26:59):
if all the music, it's again about creating something for people.
Enjoy, that I particularly enjoy whenI'm out playing with other musicians.
Also to
a bit of live streams and it providesall the interaction I need without
all the difficult conversations.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (27:23):
Yeah.
Music is sometimes calleda universal language.
It can be difficult sometimeswhen people try to organize it.
Yeah, so talk and no action, but
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (27:36):
actual playing.
Music's wonderful.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (27:39):
I
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: am going to ask you this. (27:42):
undefined
Um, you play
Robbie (27:44):
the guitar?
Yeah.
Yes.
Early stages of accordion.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: Oh, I love accordion, man. (27:51):
undefined
Right?
So guitar.
Do you ever use
Robbie (27:56):
alternative
tunings?
No.
My plays it.
Playing is very basic.
I'm hoping to learn additionalstars of playing, but it's finding
lessons from someone who workedwith me and my autistic traits.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: Yeah, I remember when we were all (28:17):
undefined
learning to play guitar, we justwent for it with no instruction.
It was all quite basic, and one of mymates turned out to be absolutely amazing.
Not like a virtuoso or skillful,but just the passion that came
out of him was unbelievable.
He had it.
He just, the sound.
He had the sound and it was a veryrhythmic thing he had going on.
(28:40):
He almost played the guitarlike a percussion instrument,
you know, struck it.
It was great and admire them for itbecause they can't teach you that
stuff.
Robbie (28:52):
With me.
It's all simple playing and passion.
I'm normally going out with a littletraveler guitar on my back to open mics.
Also do live stream streamsat most Tuesdays and Fridays.
I have a separate page calledRobbie Music Music spelled for
(29:18):
K, where I put videos.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: Music with a K. Love it. (29:20):
undefined
Yeah.
My German
Robbie (29:25):
connection.
Spell it the German way.
And, and the other thing that, thatperformance that people forget is
I'm choosing the songs so I'm incontrol and it's all predictable.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (29:39):
Harry, did you
know that David Burn of
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (29:42):
the Token Heads was from Dunbarton?
Yes.
It's something that people like
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com: mention everything. (29:50):
undefined
Again, if he's on the telly orif he's, you know, if something's
regarding David Burns kinda notice.
That's something I like to say.
He's from Dunbarton, but he actuallyleft to go to United States.
You know, he was three or four years old.
He
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (30:09):
was born
and born and is artistic as well.
Just wondered if theymaybe had a statue of him.
No, not quite.
Jackie Stewart's more celebrated.
Don't think he's got a statue assuch, but does that kinda things
(30:29):
around the area and Dun Bar that kinda
pay tribute to To Jackie
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com: Stewart, although he is not (30:34):
undefined
from Dunbar, he's actually fromMelton, which is a village next
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (30:40):
door Dunbar.
So
pushing bee.
Ma local.
Sometimes you forget it.
Sometimes people do well or become famous
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com: or famously as well. (30:52):
undefined
They actually come from the local area.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (30:55):
I was interest you find that out
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: back to the days when a (30:59):
undefined
neighbor in village was seen as
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: exotic and foreign (31:13):
undefined
to Dunbar get beat again.
A very good season.
This season, more potent things in life.
But it's one, well,
at
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com: least you're no Aberdeen, Harry. (31:20):
undefined
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (31:24):
Well, that's
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (31:25):
true, but in saying that, I'm, even though it wasn't
a game yesterday because was away, I'mactually enjoying, even though the bar I'm
getting through a bad season and actuallya bit of a hard time is I'm mostly join.
Even though I've only done it twiceso far, like being a half season
ticket holder, sitting in the sameseat and doing the same routine, and
(31:46):
I look forward to doing it next week.
It's something to look forward to,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (31:50):
even though
I'm not expecting much in termsof results, but it's just a nice
thing to do something different.
Also, we, rituals are
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (32:00):
important.
Harry, I mean, last week youmentioned a wee about, you know.
Ultras,
even for tiny wee teams in Scotland asa wee gangy ultras are dressed in black
with a flares, acting out these weirdrituals and most of the time going to
see a game for a lot of people was aritual, a very male ritual at one point.
(32:24):
Yeah.
So regardless of what the content,
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: it's the delivery. (32:29):
undefined
Yeah.
There's certain football clubsthat have reputations of possible
people trying to cause troubleor kind of boisterous crowds.
I never thought of that for all.
I
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (32:36):
mean, to
be
an innocent either.
I mean, there has been a few complaintsin the past, I think even this season
(32:57):
actually, that the Barton fans,I can't remember what it was, but
it was a Stanhouse smu anyway.
And they caused some damage, and thatwas just after it was announced at
the Obama administration and financialtrouble and try to raise money to
get to the end of season in termsof keeping players and managers.
And then you get idiotsdoing things like that.
I've never give actual seven.
These be gangs.
You know?
It's, it's, it's this sort of, we arefrom one place and they're from another.
(33:22):
It's like enemies.
It's, it's quite comicalwhen it gets to that level.
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (33:28):
It's like they've found a use for
this space that's different.
Their use of this space is tocause that chaos and trouble.
I kinda relate it to like litter.
When I saw litter walking the dogthe other day, it really hit me
people litter because they have noconnection with the environment, that
they're throwing the litter away andthey just, they can't relate to it.
(33:53):
They've lost the, the, the relation to it.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: So, God, I almost got one (33:57):
undefined
Raymond-Autistic-Radio.com (34:00):
of old speech
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com: impediments back there (34:00):
undefined
from my you anyway.
Nah, totally ladder and all the backparking, et cetera, but not good time.
But, oh, my
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: P Bears dog fell (34:16):
undefined
the worst.
Harry.
The thing that strikes me thatlike is when you say that you get
your own seat, it's like so good.
I can just imagine like how good that isto just know that you've got your own seat
and that's where you're gonna go and sit.
Like if I was going to somethingand I was like, oh, I've got my
own seat, I would be so good.
I would just take my mug from home andI've got my own seat and I'd feel better.
(34:36):
Uh,
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com: uh, you're right. (34:39):
undefined
It just seems strange to goback to the same seat as before.
'cause when I used to go to games,I didn't have a season ticket.
I just went to time and Ijust sat in different places.
So it was quite weird toget back to the same place.
And I'm just thankful because when Ibought the ticket, I, I didn't kinda
look to see whereabouts the seat was.
(35:00):
And the seat where is locatedis actually just good for me.
It's kind of far away from the, theultras that bottom with a, from,
you know, knee heart with them.
But I don't want that in my ear.
It's not too close to the away.
Fans either want to befight or want be argument.
I can't be bothered.
So, yep.
(35:21):
I'm really happy with my, my seatand I've got another seven games,
so another seven times to, to
look forward to up.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: That's good news. (35:32):
undefined
It's in a good position.
My son really likes to go and scorequite near the ultras 'cause it,
he loves getting to do the chants.
Um, and like I felt, I feel likeit was the first time that people
weren't saying to him, be quiet.
Be quiet.
'cause he's like really,really big on the vocal stems.
Like as a baby, he broke his babymonitor 'cause he was so loud and
(35:57):
persistent.
Um.
And he, he, he's just got thisplace where his voice is just doing
exactly what it was made to do.
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (36:04):
That's actually quite an instinct to hear actually,
because that does happen to people.
A lot of people, they get toldto be quiet and they actually
find an environment that theyactually suit in children or adults.
That's actually quite a good time.
So football could be so inclusive inmany ways as well, which is great.
It's not perfect, but it certainlycan be inclusive and there can be
(36:26):
opportunities for so many peopleto to feel part of something.
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com (36:32):
I love it.
The chat Jules has said it sounds like it.
That's like heavy metal and I can thinkof like quite a few dear friends who
one of their best ways to regulate islike the loudest possible noises they
can find to like put in their ear drums.
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (36:47):
The weird thing is I'm the total opposite.
I'm not a chant I by a moaner, butmost of the time I just sit there and
growl and moan and sometimes smile.
If things go well, I just don't havethe energy to do all the chanting,
all the, you don't really getmuch singing at the Dunbar games?
Well, not at the moment anyway.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (37:14):
I just don't.
As long as
it's in a good,
positive way.
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (37:21):
And I've always got me a ear, my
Nicola-Autistic-Radio.com: ear plugs if it gets too loud. (37:22):
undefined
Yeah.
I'm the ear defense person.
It's how, it's the balance thatI've struck with my son, with
his noise that he likes to make.
So I just protect my ear so that I'mnot just moming at him all the time.
Um, that helps a lot, but likesometimes I just need like ear
defense against the fridge, so.
(37:42):
Oh.
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (37:46):
Thanks
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (37:46):
everybody for
Harry-Autistic-Radio.com (37:46):
Think
Jules-Autistic-Radio.com (37:47):
Part Tonight.
It was a nice
good discussion again andthen, you know, take, it's good
that we had a very good chat.
There was a lot of kinda don'twanna say a lot of silence.
There wasn't that much silence really,but there was still a lot to be said
and a lot of kind of contribution anda lot of listening as well.. I look
(38:07):
forward to it again next week, soI'll season the 5, 5, 5 after a break.
Well, it's 5 44 now, so our drop-inhour is finished, and thank you to all
the people who have texted, and also tothe people who have put their voices to
this that are gonna allow us to put someof those words out into the podcast.
(38:30):
If you join us here at the 4,4, 4, your voice isn't recorded,
your text isn't recorded, but thepeople here have given permission
so that it's an example for others.
See you again.
Always reliably Sunday.
Four four, 4:00 PM Cheers, guys.
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