March 31, 2025 • 45 mins
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Slow conversations that we have about our own autism with lots of silences. (edited out here)
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Jules-Autistic-Association.org (00:01):
Hi there.
Every Sunday a group of autisticpeople get together and drop in.
It's an informal group.
Um, but some of the things thatpeople say deserve a bigger audience,
so they give us permission for usto put them in a an edited reel.
And that's what we are here for today'sedited reel of the conversations
(00:23):
that we have about our own autism.
Cheers,
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (00:26):
enjoy.
Fa.
Good evening everybody.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (00:36):
So the Dunbarton game yesterday, get beat,
but that wasn't the main talking point.
After two weeks ago at the last homegame where the fans put a flare.
The park and light a flare,
you can, there was complaints andthat you're not allowed to, it's
(00:57):
meant to be illegal and therewas, there's even a statement from
the club, please do not do this.
This will gets into trouble when afinancial typical team, you make a
fine, it's against rules, et cetera.
And then the idiots so-calledultras data yesterday.
And then they be thrown out.
I mean, I'm going, then people keepsaying about, ah, but they add to
(01:18):
the atmosphere what they talkingabout, adding to the atmosphere.
What it did yesterday, is itdistracted from the game I was
watching to see what was going on.
Apart of that was a good day out.
How's everybody else?
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (01:33):
You don't want any more financial
penalties, Harry, do you?
'cause the club havealready been hit with that.
Well you weren't, wasn'tfinancial penalty.
You were dot points, which is whyyour languishing at the bottom
of the table really, isn't it?
Yes.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: I mean this is the rain (01:46):
undefined
fans, you know what I mean?
It's like was trying to get
the revenge.
The opposition fans, but thethe fans that did it only there.
It was, it was there.
I just don't get it.
There's this sort of, oh,we see it on the telly.
They do it abroad.
Kin rangers do it.
Aberdeen does it, and I'm going,that doesn't make it right.
(02:09):
It's just like, I feel thepublic in many ways are damn
selfish in what is entertainmentand what it's lack of safety.
I mean, come on.
Football's for everybody.
Well, for everybody it's interest.
And of course, it just really frustratesme how people do these dangerous acts
(02:30):
that could cause injury to themselves,to anybody else, to, you know, it's
just, and the financial penalty, well,the, the do the financial penalty, you
know, would be, you know, a fine from.
The Scottish fa, or even Europecan sell the dude without that.
But there's this massive defensesaying that they add to the atmosphere.
(02:52):
And I'm going, I don't know what
you're talking about, singing andbanging a drum, which is not my
big thing either, but I get howthat can add to an atmosphere.
But creating smoke and nearly creatinga fire, that's that's atmosphere.
No, I don't think so.
The worst thing aboutit is done band beat as
(03:15):
well and remain eight
points at the bottom, but yep.
Well, Jules?
Yep.
A lot as well.
The statistic wantingrules, work sensitivity.
Yes.
Maybe I'm just toosensitive for football, eh?
Now a bit in serious it is.
That's two home games I've been,and I've never seen it before,
(03:37):
of these flares or whatever youwanna call them, getting set off.
They're miles away from arm.
You know, I'm safe, but I'm just thinkingabout the PE people are, are over
there and why people do in the first
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (03:49):
place
ran over.
Well, I'm breaking in a new setof dentures, so you might hear
them clicking now and then.
It's
very, that must be worsethan getting new shoes.
It's, it affects things, you know,your bite, you know, and l fitting
is a thing I know all about.
(04:11):
So kinda try to figure outhow to basically eat with it,
first of all, and then speak.
So certain words were giving me a lotof difficulty, you know, like stress.
That one's really hard.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: Apologies to, to Robbie and Nicola there. (04:26):
undefined
I was too busy talking.
I forgot if, uh, add into theconversations, but you're here now,
so welcome.
Too busy ranting.
Ben.
I've stopped.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (04:42):
Thanks Harry.
I was happy just to jump in and Hi.
Drinks joining
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com: Talk, talking about no shows. (04:47):
undefined
That's one of my biggest nightmares isactually trying to get some that fit.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (04:55):
Yeah, same.
Like I kinda get a pair of shoesand wear them till they fall apart.
Like I've never been somebodywho's been able to date donate
my own secondhand clothes.
'cause I, I prefer the onesthat are pretty familiar.
I really don't likehaving uncomfortable feet.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: I spend half my, (05:11):
undefined
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (05:14):
I'll spend
half
my spend, half my time sent,sending the shows back 'cause
the sizes are inconsistent.
With
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: clothes, shoes, and all that. (05:23):
undefined
I can, I hold onto 'em as long aspossible because I hate change or having
to go out and buy, or I don't reallygo out and buy, can I do it online?
But then having to break into like newshoes or even breaking into new clothes.
In a way it just seems like.
(05:46):
I don't know.
It's just, I always listen autistic thing
and it's just the familiarity of the sameclothes, you know, for, I mean, I've had
the same pair of shoes for, and the shoes
that I have, they don't have anylaces, just gonna slip ons, you
know, and it's, they're quitecomfortable in most wears and
(06:08):
just like the same thing I suppose.
And just use it to, it's absolutely done.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (06:14):
I'll save my money, but then I'll probably
spend money on other things.
Has anybody ever sprayed their shoes?
You know, like for cleaningthem when rot begins to set in
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (06:29):
tides, uh, my kids have been into that stuff, so
we've tried some trainer cleaner, andthat did actually work quite well.
It was like a moose.
Consistency, uh, side issues.
I don't, A friend told, I don't dunno if
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: that's what you mean. (06:42):
undefined
Spray his with, um, surgical spirit andI'd heard people talk about vinegar, but
that might be a step too far by carbonatesoda is always a standby, isn't it?
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (06:56):
Uh, I filled my son's football boots, both by
carbonate, so, and he was very mad at me.
Apparently it did not make his bootsvery comfortable afterwards, so I
don't know if I would recommend it.
Izer.
Yeah, it does it.
I felt better.
He doesn't,
but
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (07:12):
if I'm cleaning them, of course, polishing them.
Is it?
As I spray diligent into thembefore I go out because I've
got this fear of I may smell inpublic, although I probably don't.
It's just in case because there'sbeen that the odd time where I can
remember standing somewhere, I'mlike, what the hell is that smell?
Somebody stinking around here.
(07:32):
And it was me and it was somethinglike darkness that there was
nothing I could do about it.
It was just, it was a darkness.
'cause I was out in the rain and Iwas standing in the the shot, but.
I dunno if I was the only one thatnoticed, because nobody's gonna
tell you, you stink, I suppose.
But it kind of stuck in my head so Ican try and make sure that I've put
on a lot of vacancies, not a lot, butenough vacancies so that I don't, I
(07:54):
haven't got the paranoia that may stink.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (07:58):
There are people whose houses I've never been back
to because I blame them for having a badsmell when it was really my own feet.
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (08:10):
I wouldn't even know 'cause I lack a sense of smell.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (08:13):
Is that a recent thing, Robbie?
A Covid thing?
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (08:18):
No, I've, I've been like that as long as I remember.
I initially blamed overuse of nosesprays, but I come the conclusion
the UN under sensitivities my autism,
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: so Lucy can't hear anyone. (08:32):
undefined
Is that.
Going be put down to something at her end?
Or is it something Well,I was looking, I think
if it's, if it's Lucy's
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: end, it's Lucy needs to resolve it. (08:41):
undefined
I mean, I was, I tried to put the,the mute off just to see if that
would, but, 'cause she's mutedHerselves, so No, Jules says it's,
the sound is working on the system.
So it's uh, Lucy's end.
Right.
(09:01):
There was something else done last nightthat I said I wouldn't do again, and
I went to the pub after the football.
I got a little fright thismorning 'cause I woke up and I
don't remember how I got home.
I, that's never happened to me before.
It
(09:26):
was a good night, whoI was having a, a good.
And all that and the pub and all that.
You know, there was no,I won't party like that.
Overindulging probably, but
I think that's to be a lessonbecause you're getting to think,
have I done something or anything?
But obviously I haven't, but Ijust, I just don't like that.
It's like when I was only drinkingbeer and I don't drink that, the hard
stuff to avoid that sort of thing.
(09:47):
And because I'm not a big ticklerfan of things like vCAN whiskey, but.
Yeah, this wasn't a good thing, but,and the weird thing is only went into
the pub 'cause I'm reading the toiletand I don't like going and using the
toilet without using the facilities.
Um, in terms of, youknow, giving money back.
(10:08):
'cause obviously thepeople, you know, pubs
don't like that they put signsfor, you know, to say that and I
can get away with it and all that.
But like doing now, so instead ofhaving just one pain, I had more so.
But
anyway, I listened to Berlin.
Harry, what's the last thing you remember?
(10:29):
Yeah, I've
been in the pub and wantingto go home, but I've, you
know, I haven't lost anything.
And the last time I was, had issues,well, walking back from the pub is I lost
my phone, but I checked and I woke up.
The thing that got me is I knewthat I must have been drunk.
(10:51):
Or my main, not my man was away,but I knew that what made it seem
strange is I always set an alarm andI woke up, no set any kinda alarm
and that just kinda gave me a freak.
'cause that's usually my routine.
So
I don't think anything's happened,just so I'm just getting off my
chest because it happened and justto remember to watch I'm doing.
(11:13):
And, uh,
hoping that nobody in my family finds out.
Well, nobody will, because I'm justtelling you and you just don't need to
put out in public for the recording.
So I'm just getting off my chest really.
Just going, let the hell outthere, you know, everyone's fine.
Really.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (11:33):
I'm gonna be, I'm glad you're okay and that
you've got your, your phone and stuff.
Um,
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: I actually thought I lost my, and (11:38):
undefined
that you're feeling alright today.
I just didn't put them downproperly and they fell off
the, the bedside, uh, cabinet.
So, yeah.
Uh, just, just kind of thinking outloud there, but it's just strange.
I just thought I'd share thatsince we're having a B later.
But thanks.
I'm, I haven.
I, my, it's just, it's just somethingthat's gonna give me a beef rai
(11:58):
or who can I not remember why?
But anyway, I'm,
I'm
hoping I'm safe.
And that's nothing, nothing happened.
Isn't they cut down the beer ordon't go to the pub as often?
I saying that though, it'squite expensive, so I might
(12:19):
be cutting down on the
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (12:20):
pub.
Actually,
I don't drink
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (12:23):
any
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (12:24):
more
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (12:25):
in that.
I don't drink anymore, but I used toget caught up in that, that atmosphere
sometimes if there was a good atmosphereand also would sometimes get in trouble
if I hadn't eaten enough dinner.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (12:37):
Having lunch, I was kind of helping out my,
my, my friend up in Glasgow with, withhis work and I was going to meet my
brother and sister afterwards, you know,in the pub up the way and didn't have.
I feel, oh, I'm really that hungry.
And, uh, once you're doing yourtask, you just don't really bother.
But usually I have lunch,
(12:59):
but I didn't that day and I was wonderingwhy I was feeling tired and, and
lacking energy at the end of the day.
And then I'm going, for God'ssake, I didn't eat the day.
And then the kind of finalstraw was trying to actually
drink coffee, came awake.
I end up going to bed, not dead early, butyou know, be, you know, before all the.
(13:19):
Can I be kinda mingling and all that?
And the, and my brothersister's house, uh,
finished.
I had to go to bed.
So yeah, they avoid that.
Getting
back to the game itself, there's thisthing that I can't get a handle of is,
uh, when I go and get something to eatand, you know, at the football stadium,
(13:43):
I guess something in our black coffee.
But because of the way the seating isin the stadium, it's like it's hard
to put the coffee down even thoughit's got a lid on top of it without
spilling a damn thing every damn time.
I spill it, try to getused to the rituals.
It was definitely a, it was definitelya weather for the, the coffee.
(14:07):
Everybody else seems to keep over.
I don't leave over, I don't see, it'sjust a sort of stereo, no stereotypical,
but just a. A sort, a traditionalthing the people saying to do
and they listen me do it atfootball matches for some reason.
So, well,
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (14:27):
there's a news flash in the, um, comments from India.
Yes, I see that.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (14:35):
I get you.
Yeah, I get you Joe.
I get you.
Personal
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: space is important. (14:40):
undefined
Did you ever do that thing where youpeople got too close and you just put
your arms out and just start spinning?
You know what I mean?
Like marking it
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (14:54):
out.
It reminds me of when you'refight with your sibling and
you got bicycle kicks going on.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: Well, I suppose it sort of depends. (15:00):
undefined
I can't think of any incidentrecently, but I have felt at
many times of the personal spacebeing invaded by certain people.
I mean, I know a certain person,it's just what they do, but I'm
not, it's like when they talk to
(15:21):
you, they step forward.
They, they, because I'm expectingthat happen now, and it's not
done with malicious intent.
It's like you get used to it.
But see, the
first couple of times I. I said,I've always said, you know, can
you, can you stand back a bit?
But then I didn't want to cause asoffense, but I've never go had anybody
come and get it right in my face.
(15:42):
I mean, aggressively or anything.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (15:45):
Sometimes Harry, when, um, somebody has a
hearing problem, they get quite close.
In fact, one of my friendswas always argumentative and
really easily irritating, andI thought, what's this problem?
And it was the fact that Iwas talking in the wrong ear.
Right.
I
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (16:04):
get it.
There's always a reason for howpeople behave and what people do.
A lot of time it's, it's not malicious toget at you, but sometimes it bloody is.
So
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (16:18):
I've had that.
So were any recordings done this week?
I know Lucy's done a. Substack,but I'll wait for it to come
back before mentioning that.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: Well, I don't do the call. (16:32):
undefined
I do the edits.
Last week I just had a hell of a, well,it was a busy week, and then my brother
invited to know me up and I thought,I don't really see my brother often.
So the time that I would've hadto do the edit, I was my brothers
and my mom and dads as well.
So.
This week coming up, I've got plentyof time to, to get some of the edits
(16:56):
done because it's quite strange ifyou don't see at least one podcast
being put on, you know, when Joe getsit and put on the, the Facebook, you
know, though hasn't been that many.
It's weird because it's like bosses.
It's like, well, to methey're like bosses.
Like you don't see onefor a while, and then they
(17:20):
come like three or four in a row.
But yeah, I could timely do the, I'mactually looking forward to doing the
editing work and listen back to theconversations when the Facebook all done.
And I'll only tell us some of thepodcasts I wasn't involved in.
We all
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: spoke on Tuesday, didn't we? (17:33):
undefined
I mean, I'm getting that feelinglike you had this morning, Harry.
It's like, I can't reallyremember much of this week.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (17:43):
It has felt like a long week.
It's been February break for my kids,so I've been a bit of a taxi this
week, but I think I made a recordingwith Jules on Monday and then I saw
you on the Tuesday very briefly.
I really enjoy listening to youryours and jus recording Raymond like
(18:04):
I was really into like a fair bitof that sort of searching stuff.
Um.
Of of in my own sort of travelexperiences and now kind of, I don't
live that kinda life at all anymore.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (18:19):
He's a computer doesn't more about stop
working, so he hasn't been able to, todo any, any work this week and he can't
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (18:29):
fix it.
Take us home.
But there's many in the pipeline coming.
Yeah, that explains that then.
Okay.
Yeah.
Searching Nicola's, uh,interest and perspective on it.
'cause I think what I was trying tosay was that my travel was done because
(18:50):
it was to, in a sense, socializedto see my friends who were far away.
But there was an elementof searching about it too.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (19:00):
I ended up with like a lot of made dearest friends,
like being kind of people who wereall over different parts of the world
and like not where I ended up staying.
And it something as I've got olderis been trying to learn how to
like, let go a little bit more.
Like, eh, still, you know, obviouslythere's, still have them, they're
(19:20):
friends, but let go and be willingto kinda let new people in.
Because, yeah, at one point I waslike, I thought, yeah, I've got really
like friends I have really meaningfulconversations with, and, um, realized
that I was living a very isolated lifedespite that, but it shifted a bit.
Now
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (19:40):
have they all come home to roost?
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (19:44):
No, they're still all over the place, but like
I've got more, I've, I've opened up to.
More people, people like in myneighborhood, I suppose, in my community.
And so it's, it might not, it, it'smaybe not like it is with some of my,
like, you know, lifelong friends orwe have these meaningful connections
every sort of five years or so.
(20:06):
And it just like, feels like a big,like, I don't know, like there's some
sort of mark like, um, gravity to itwhen it's, I have just like lighter day
to day.
Connection now.
Much more so.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (20:23):
Yeah, folk come back in the orbit.
I had a phone call like this weekthat was quite long from someone I
hadn't heard from for a year, but wehaven't seen each other since maybe
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (20:36):
2010.
It strange.
I mean, I've got a friend thatlives around the corner follow
me, but hardly ever see him
because I don't know.
I'm not wrapped up.
He's, he works you know a lot andI'm obviously to be wrapped up in my
commitments and I'm like, but everynow and again we do meet up and he's
(20:57):
the one that does the contact andI need to make more effort on that.
I just keep forgetting, we go to theice hockey and pretty head arena in
Glasgow and it's always quite good fun.
It's kinda ritual with,we go to the center.
And then we kind go and have ameal and have a blather 'cause
(21:18):
we don't see each other often.
So have a good blather and wehave a, an evening meal and
then go with the ice hockey.
It's a
and disasters a few times.
And I couldn't go and I was raging.
It was just that other thingson, but it's just strange.
I see my friend that livesfurthest away more often than
the one who lives in the corner.
(21:39):
And the one that I'm talking aboutis the one who comes upstairs
for the weekend, was in Glasgow.
It's just strange.
And as I've got older, I'm saying thatI'm a friend of Liz Fellas that that's
actually when I lives in England actually.
But I haven't spoke to him for years.
Even though he was
like the friend.
It was I was mostly with whilegrowing up just to be the life goes.
(22:05):
It's weird thinking about that.
It seems
like a lot of the timeI'm in my own company.
And most of the time I feel that'sgood enough and I choose it.
And I do choose it.
Although that seems in our society abad thing or you want to be yourself
or something already, but you,what's wrong with being be other
people and that includes family.
(22:26):
So,
yep.
Good to have friends though.
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (22:33):
When I lost my dad circumstances.
I had, most of the friendshave got now and, and you, and
most rely on me going to them.
Virtually
everybody I know is, is virtual.
I think that happensif Raymond's unmuted at
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: the same thing someone's talking. (22:55):
undefined
That's an interesting one though.
I'm saying I don't, I've got for it.
And I even thought of virtual friends,even though they'd be to promote it
on here.
I would regard you as friends, but virtualfriends, I mean, that's a big thing.
(23:15):
I mean, I've seen it beingkinda shared on Facebook.
Like people are sayingit, the internet is bad.
You know, someone's always on the internetand they shouldn't, they should be out
and meeting new people, blah, blah, blah.
But they are meeting new people.
They're meeting a lotof new people online.
And even though there's these horrorstories, what comes to people?
(23:35):
Who meet some people online.
I mean, it is to me, and a good thing fora lot of people because it's connection.
It's like not feeling alone.
I mean, right now, I mean, I'msitting in the house myself.
I haven't seen anybody since yesterday,and I'm talking to you right now,
and you feel that you're in theroom with someone and talking away
(23:57):
and talk with things in common.
So yeah, it's a friend thing.
Yeah, we need to remember that one.
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (24:04):
I kind of find it less hassle, I guess,
because I don't have to go anywhere.
And I think that's a big thing for me.
It's like, uh, when I have metup with people in the past,
I find it really hard work.
So sometimes I find that if I cando it over the internet or through,
you know, because generally it'sthrough messages and whatever, it's
not, it's not really talking faceto face with someone or even audio.
(24:26):
Sometimes it's just typing.
So I've got loads of friends on Facebook.
And I guess I, I regard them as friends.
They, that we, we, we correspondwith each other but we just don't
meet face to face very often.
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (24:40):
So I met a lot of people for doing music
live, live streams once sinceI started taking part in that.
I'm not gonna actually meet up with mostthem 'cause they live around the world.
But, but it's still friendship.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (24:59):
I think you could have like so many different kinds of
friends and do like, have different kindsof friendship with each person and I like
how I like kind of not trying to force.
It at all, but just, just see howit unfolds and just be open to that.
(25:20):
'cause I've got some friends who arelike, I, I've got like one in particular
who like, feels like, I guess peoplewould sort of describe like family
or like really close people feel.
And then I've got other people thatare like, are friends that I see
at like certain groups and theymean so much to me, but it's like,
you know, I might not go and do.
(25:41):
Other things that I do with myother friends, it's just, yeah,
it's like, and then the internetfriends as well, like, I think that
can be such a supportive thing too.
And like Lucy was saying, like I reallyrelate to that sense of like not having
the, the hassle of the outside worldto contend with in order to connect and
(26:03):
being able to go, oh, I have to go now.
And it's quite easy.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (26:09):
Yeah, but I've got habit making that hard.
It's like right, Cheerio.
And then I, I start a story sayingwhy I'm saying Cheerio and they're
all looking at me like, okay, go.
Nice seeing you.
But go
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (26:22):
mo.
Most of my friends, it's revolvearound dub something with someone
like playing music or singing in the.
Rid.
I find difficult relationships ofthe conversations because I'm not,
I, unlike a lot of autistic people,I don't collect a lot of facts.
(26:46):
People quickly get bored in myconversation and I don't wanna
talk about all the politics stuff,which usually comes to arguments.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (26:54):
Yeah.
Talk about politics if
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (27:02):
the friend of mine is actually at maybe
in the same wavelength or may have abit of understanding, but I certainly
wouldn't want to just speak to, to all
my friends.
I don't, it can turn into, maybe not anargument, but I could get there and I just
find that, you know, quite uncomfortableconversations and I've heard.
(27:25):
Other people follow, youknow, I've seen it in the pub.
You know, people start talk whenthe Scottish independent thing,
man, it only caused a riot one time.
You know, it's just like, ah.
But what's good though, with manyfriends and how you be many friends, as
Robbie says, it's like doing something.
It's like part of an activity,like play music, and.
(27:50):
Writing or
doing art and all sorts of things.
And I used to enjoy going to socialgroups years ago where there was a
group of artistic people went out
to things like pub quizzes andthe cinema man, stuff like that,
(28:10):
which I felt was good at the time.
And I had a few friends through that,or there's some, you don't always make
friends through those kinda groups 'causethere's some people you just don't.
Take on because you can't choose yourcompany and who goes to the group.
Not that I'm saying I don't like anybody.
It's just like, there's just, youknow, there's company you want to be
(28:31):
in and company you don't want to be in.
And I can understand if peoplefeel the same with me as well.
So it's a two way thing.
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (28:39):
In the past, I'm just thinking about this.
In the past I've had people who tryto force their friendships on me.
So I work with this oneparticular lady and.
You know, I'm, I'm a real loner.
I really am.
I don't, I don't like goinganywhere or doing anything.
I, I can see I'm, I'm pretty much just me.
But she kept inviting me togo out and saying, you wish we
(29:02):
should go to the pub sometime?
We should, we should goout for a meal sometime.
And it was, and she wasn't gettingmy sort of signals that this
wasn't something I wanted to do.
And she was really persistent.
So I went and it was terribleand really, really awkward.
But yeah, it was really strange.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (29:18):
Jill was saying in the chat that we can
define every contact differently.
We can define, we can defineall of this ourselves.
We don't have to copy norms.
I really agree with that.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (29:33):
Yeah, I totally agree with that as well.
I was actually, well, not criticized, butsomebody made a comment to me because one
of my friends was a lot older than me.
You know,
I was like 20 and my friendwas like late forties and.
I met him through not an autisticgroup, it was a mental health group.
(29:53):
He wasn't autistic, but webecame good friends over the
years and, uh, went holidays and all that.
And people just found it strange because,um, my friend David and was older
than my dad and people were saying,and people actually thought he was my
dad and I went to PUB in that way andit's like, oh, your dad was there.
And I went, oh, my dad has come here.
Oh.
I said, oh my dad.
(30:14):
It's just people's expectations.
So, so you're right.
It's just.
Sometimes people question it andyou think, well, you question it
for a friends, a friend, as longas no harm's been done, what is.
Issue.
It was so-called normal friendship.
Anyway, everybody's got their differentways of being friends with people and
how to stay in contact and how theybecame friends in the first place.
(30:35):
I mean, sometimes being friends is
somebody meet through trauma andthings you don't want to remember, but
somebody maybe helped you through that.
You know, there's all sorts of things.
It.
Jules
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (30:52):
is saying it's the word friend that often causes
the problem, not individual contacts.
And I guess it is, it's like if weapproach it go well, this is what
friends do, this is having allthese expectations, you know, can,
can sort of shut us out,I dunno, dis us in a.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (31:19):
Yeah.
Words as we know, words are powerful.
Words, stick and words.
Any kind of terminology just has thatthing, you know, to, if you labeled
somebody a word, or even just likefriend, it's like there's an expectation
of you giving this person that label.
(31:41):
So they must do this, they must do that.
They must act a certain way.
Must be in contact.
He must
meet up every so often.
Um, you know what?
Often, and, and I can see what Raymond'ssaying about the trust issue, and it's
like, you need to trust your friends.
(32:03):
You need to trust someone to be a friend.
So that word.
Yeah.
So, but I had, you know.
I have, um, heard Jules say the termcontacts when he is been relating
bit, you know, Tom about someone.
So, yeah, that's true.
That's true.
The, the word does give a lotexpectation and misleading.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (32:30):
Okay.
'cause he's gone on to sayeven the word relationship.
I think talking about causing theproblems and that's why I am use,
I am using contact that makes a lotof sense and untangles quite a lot.
I had to, I'm not sure if Ibrought this up already, but
I've had to recently navigate thehug expectation of given a hug.
(32:55):
I think I might have brought it up.
To do the hugs thing and that thatwas a little bit, it felt a little bit
of like untangling the expectationsof friendship there for me too.
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (33:14):
The
hug thing.
Yeah, the hug thing is, is somethingthat I find a little bit difficult,
but it's generally people who I knowonline who, if I meet them in public
and we go to something, 'cause youknow, we go to events and things
and we'll, our paths will cross.
Actually have started to ask me ifit's okay if they give me a hug.
And I quite like that.
I like that because it, it's,it's kind of like, and I'll be
(33:36):
like, yeah, fine, no problem.
Because it's nice that they've.
They kind of know my boundaries andthat they're not overstepping when
doing something that's gonna alarm me.
So really, I've got some good sortof virtual friends that I make.
So,
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: yeah, I forgot what I was gonna say. (33:51):
undefined
Yeah, I totally agree.
And the hug thing.
Yeah.
Sometimes I feel a Denny dog.
Well, honestly, always like,depends who it's from, but.
The,
the boundary thing's a big thing as well.
(34:12):
It's like, because I'm uncomfortablewith being touched and because I
went to get my bladder checked, youknow, at the hospital in Glasgow.
That was an experience.
It wasn't that bad.
It was just, uh, somebodyelse is touching me.
(34:33):
I just found, don'tthink about it too much.
It won't be long.
And, and it wasn't and it was as fineas it could be, but it's the touch
thing leaving, bumping any peoplein public and things like that.
Or if someone says beside mein a bus or a train and it's
like, oh, don't, I don't sh at
a shiver or shudder or anything like that.
But I do have that kindof feeling of discomfort.
But I do like.
Whilst I was goingthrough physiotherapy, uh,
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (35:03):
this shoulder of mine that's, that's still
not properly healed from June last year.
I was, I was going through a lotof physio for that and also going
to the hospital, to the fracturedclinic and things like that.
And I've always felt uncomfortable withit, you know, especially with the physio.
'cause it's really hands-on and thatit's, it's like, and I, I was really
(35:24):
recoiling from it a little bit andmake, and I knew I was doing it for
a reason and I was trying to get throughit, but I'd come out of there feeling
just a little bit strange, a bit icky.
Like some boundaries have beencrossed and I didn't like it, but.
He was trying to suppressthat feeling and, and just
say greater good and all that.
But it was, it was weird.
(35:44):
I could relate to that at one
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (35:49):
point.
Um, I thought I had to goand get a massage to kind of
be okay with being touched.
This was before I knew I was.
Autistic.
And, um, I went along and just felt,and I didn't enjoy myself at all, and I
came away feeling really, really drainedand tired and quite uncomfortable.
So I think it, it feels, it, for me,it's felt really important to like,
(36:12):
listen to my body, but I know whatyou mean about when it's essential.
Um, and for the greater good,having to sort of talk your, I
would have to really talk myself
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (36:21):
through that.
The massage thing happened to me as well.
I was given massage therapy as sortof a, to help with my depression.
They thought it'd be nice ifI went and had a massage and
it was the most awkward thing.
And I came out there and I exactlythe same, felt really like I'd
gone through a lot of effort.
You know, I felt the least relaxedI ever had been after that.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (36:45):
Yeah, it's an interesting one and something
that, that seems to be recommended,uh, willingly to, to everyone.
But, but you know, it's, it's recommendeda massage if you're stressed out or if,
if you can through a hard time, it'ssomething that's, you know, it can help.
But if you don't like gettingtouched and that's gonna stress you
out, who's, how would that help?
(37:06):
Obviously there's certain situationsthat it's, it's medically and pro
to her, but it's something silly Iwouldn't want to do, and I'm actually
surprised that people can get through it.
You know, someone touching you.
I think there was one time years ago whereI was at an event and it was somebody
(37:28):
giving massage, you know, no mass.
It kinda shoulder rubs.
And when they've done it tome and my shoulders are always
quite tight angle, body tense.
They're just, just the way I operate.
It's just the way that I'm, it's justlike, hopefully it's just a strange on my
body and when they keepingup, I felt worse after it.
(37:50):
'cause I couldn't relax 'causeI was actually embarrassed at,
you know, what was happening.
And I was really annoyedat how's this snow working?
It's because I was tenseall the way through it.
And I just, I wouldn't,I wouldn't bother with
it.
It may be somebody really closefor, for that to, to happen
anyway, to be touched like that.
(38:11):
It wasn't a nice experience.
No harm in the person that was doing it.
They, you know, they were nice.
It was, you know, therewas, it was fine that way.
It's just that it's just somethingthat I did and wouldn't like.
I
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (38:26):
just wanted to reply to Jules here 'cause he said that he
thinks that it's really great that peopleask me about hugging and personal space.
Really?
He said that it's, it's, it's great,Lucy, that they ask you 'cause caring
for you and being different and it isreally nice, you know, if, if somebody
has listened to you and understood you.
And has kept that with them forthe, you know, until they meet
(38:48):
you the next time and then it'sstill with them and they're, they,
they're, they're careful of you then?
Yeah.
I mean, I, I see that as beingsomething really, really positive
and nice and a hugs fine after that.
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com: Most of the issues (39:01):
undefined
I've had is with people in fertilizing meand telling me how I have to behave and
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: yeah, I can remember that, you know. (39:13):
undefined
Okay, well, not, not so much now,but I do remember, like, I was
kind of told like, you know, youbehave, you just, you calm down.
Don't act in a way that's notice I thinkI did used, see if I wasn't happy with
something, I used to be make it deadobvious, you know, even as an adult.
(39:34):
And it was just like, I was kind ofput down all bit saying, look, you
behave yourself and all that annoy.
Even though part of it was maybe myfault, but it's, it's not a nice thing.
It's like someone's saying,like, you calm down.
I spoke, uh, you know,a few weeks ago, my,
my birthday, my ownkind birthday occasion.
(39:54):
I was getting
kinda loud and shouting becauseI'm happy, you know, and uh, I was
told, no, no, calm down, calm down.
This was a surprise, 40thbirthday thing, and uh,
I was told to get arm down,
so yeah, I can, I can totally
(40:16):
relate in some ways
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (40:20):
his ex fem was behaving like she was my
parent and the kind of friendshipshe, she likes is where she's in.
Totally in control.
It's
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (40:34):
that word
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (40:35):
friend
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: again, because that does (40:35):
undefined
sound to a lot of people.
Unfortunately.
It's like people over, either over,they think they're helpful, or some
people just stay because that'sthe way, that's what they want to
do, and it's like a power trip.
Don't understand why peoplecan be that way, but there's
plenty of people out there.
The
(40:55):
thing about making things obviousthat I don't like something because
it's, that's kind of funny now,
and I put up with, it is a good day, momand dad's, you know, for, for my dinner.
You know, I'm lucky enough to havethat and the always watching news
(41:16):
I off
it's like routine.
My dad's on
they watch, he's a Scottish news.
And then he watches the UK Wade News.
Because of all the things that I,at the moment, you know, it's like
the Donald Trump latest and stuff.
It's just like, I hear about this,you know, you're aware of a lot of
(41:37):
stuff and all that, but the, thenews loves bad news and they get into
great detail and it's, it's horrible.
And obviously something they can talkabout, like, you know, a tragedy,
a murder, stuff
like that.
10 minutes straight.
Happy enough that I've got my phone tosort of distract me, but sometimes it's
(41:59):
part of the conversation as well andit's just like, oh, I kind of jokingly
kinda make a feel of it rather than whatI used to do was, uh, moan and I could
tell if you don't like it, get him.
So I know I just make it a jovial
kind of thing.
(42:20):
In fairness, if the news doesa good news story, I go, I'm
not, you call that news, so
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: can you please me? (42:29):
undefined
I'm very hard to please.
So media
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: stand back. (42:34):
undefined
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (42:38):
Well, the way autism affects me is pretty
obvious When I'm happy and there'snot a thing I can do to hide it.
Well over 40
years to realize that there wasabsolutely no point in masking because
I couldn't master vital pits thatwould actually give any benefit.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: Yeah, totally agree on that. (42:59):
undefined
And I've kind of felt the same way.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (43:05):
It's like behavior and being the way are is
different.
And I think people kinda.
It's this part of you and youshouldn't feel, or people shouldn't
feel the need to hide it or mask.
But sometimes a masking thing can besomething that's, you know, done on
(43:27):
purpose just to make things a littlecomfortable, just depending on the
company and depending who, who you are.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (43:35):
I sometimes have to wear sunglasses or put my hood
up because I like, I'm like, my faceis going to say so much out loud if I
don't cover it up or it feels like that.
Like I somehow feel like I can getreally kind of uncomfortable kind of
being seen when I'm feeling stuff.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: Yeah, I get (43:56):
undefined
it.
I, when I was feeling kind of.
And the only
place I really went to at the timewas a local shop, but it was winter
time, so I, I waited till I got darkbefore I actually left the house.
'cause I didn't want to beseen, not, I was hiding.
(44:17):
I just didn't feel comfortable because Iwasn't feeling comfortable within myself.
So I can totally get
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (44:35):
that
with exception of people being.
People are, you prettyaccurately know how I feel.
So if they can't, if people arenot gonna accept me that way, I
don't tend to, I tend to stay away.
Well, that was a great discussion.
Well, it's 5
Jules-Autistic-Association.org (44:49):
44 now, so our drop-in hour is finished,
and thank you to all the people whohave texted, and also to the people
who have put their voices to thisthat are gonna allow us to put some
of those words out into the podcast.
If you join us here at the 4,4, 4, your voice isn't recorded,
your text isn't recorded, but thepeople here have given permission
(45:12):
so that it's an example for others.
See you again.
Always reliably Sunday.
Four four, 4:00 PM Cheers, guys.
Hi there.
Every Sunday a group of autisticpeople get together and drop in.
It's an informal group.
Um, but some of the things thatpeople say deserve a bigger audience,
so they give us permission for usto put them in a an edited reel.
And that's what we are here for today'sedited reel of the conversations
(00:23):
that we have about our own autism.
Cheers,
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (00:26):
enjoy.
Fa.
Good evening everybody.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (00:36):
So the Dunbarton game yesterday, get beat,
but that wasn't the main talking point.
After two weeks ago at the last homegame where the fans put a flare.
The park and light a flare,
you can, there was complaints andthat you're not allowed to, it's
(00:57):
meant to be illegal and therewas, there's even a statement from
the club, please do not do this.
This will gets into trouble when afinancial typical team, you make a
fine, it's against rules, et cetera.
And then the idiots so-calledultras data yesterday.
And then they be thrown out.
I mean, I'm going, then people keepsaying about, ah, but they add to
(01:18):
the atmosphere what they talkingabout, adding to the atmosphere.
What it did yesterday, is itdistracted from the game I was
watching to see what was going on.
Apart of that was a good day out.
How's everybody else?
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (01:33):
You don't want any more financial
penalties, Harry, do you?
'cause the club havealready been hit with that.
Well you weren't, wasn'tfinancial penalty.
You were dot points, which is whyyour languishing at the bottom
of the table really, isn't it?
Yes.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: I mean this is the rain (01:46):
undefined
fans, you know what I mean?
It's like was trying to get
the revenge.
The opposition fans, but thethe fans that did it only there.
It was, it was there.
I just don't get it.
There's this sort of, oh,we see it on the telly.
They do it abroad.
Kin rangers do it.
Aberdeen does it, and I'm going,that doesn't make it right.
(02:09):
It's just like, I feel thepublic in many ways are damn
selfish in what is entertainmentand what it's lack of safety.
I mean, come on.
Football's for everybody.
Well, for everybody it's interest.
And of course, it just really frustratesme how people do these dangerous acts
(02:30):
that could cause injury to themselves,to anybody else, to, you know, it's
just, and the financial penalty, well,the, the do the financial penalty, you
know, would be, you know, a fine from.
The Scottish fa, or even Europecan sell the dude without that.
But there's this massive defensesaying that they add to the atmosphere.
(02:52):
And I'm going, I don't know what
you're talking about, singing andbanging a drum, which is not my
big thing either, but I get howthat can add to an atmosphere.
But creating smoke and nearly creatinga fire, that's that's atmosphere.
No, I don't think so.
The worst thing aboutit is done band beat as
(03:15):
well and remain eight
points at the bottom, but yep.
Well, Jules?
Yep.
A lot as well.
The statistic wantingrules, work sensitivity.
Yes.
Maybe I'm just toosensitive for football, eh?
Now a bit in serious it is.
That's two home games I've been,and I've never seen it before,
(03:37):
of these flares or whatever youwanna call them, getting set off.
They're miles away from arm.
You know, I'm safe, but I'm just thinkingabout the PE people are, are over
there and why people do in the first
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (03:49):
place
ran over.
Well, I'm breaking in a new setof dentures, so you might hear
them clicking now and then.
It's
very, that must be worsethan getting new shoes.
It's, it affects things, you know,your bite, you know, and l fitting
is a thing I know all about.
(04:11):
So kinda try to figure outhow to basically eat with it,
first of all, and then speak.
So certain words were giving me a lotof difficulty, you know, like stress.
That one's really hard.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: Apologies to, to Robbie and Nicola there. (04:26):
undefined
I was too busy talking.
I forgot if, uh, add into theconversations, but you're here now,
so welcome.
Too busy ranting.
Ben.
I've stopped.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (04:42):
Thanks Harry.
I was happy just to jump in and Hi.
Drinks joining
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com: Talk, talking about no shows. (04:47):
undefined
That's one of my biggest nightmares isactually trying to get some that fit.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (04:55):
Yeah, same.
Like I kinda get a pair of shoesand wear them till they fall apart.
Like I've never been somebodywho's been able to date donate
my own secondhand clothes.
'cause I, I prefer the onesthat are pretty familiar.
I really don't likehaving uncomfortable feet.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: I spend half my, (05:11):
undefined
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (05:14):
I'll spend
half
my spend, half my time sent,sending the shows back 'cause
the sizes are inconsistent.
With
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: clothes, shoes, and all that. (05:23):
undefined
I can, I hold onto 'em as long aspossible because I hate change or having
to go out and buy, or I don't reallygo out and buy, can I do it online?
But then having to break into like newshoes or even breaking into new clothes.
In a way it just seems like.
(05:46):
I don't know.
It's just, I always listen autistic thing
and it's just the familiarity of the sameclothes, you know, for, I mean, I've had
the same pair of shoes for, and the shoes
that I have, they don't have anylaces, just gonna slip ons, you
know, and it's, they're quitecomfortable in most wears and
(06:08):
just like the same thing I suppose.
And just use it to, it's absolutely done.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (06:14):
I'll save my money, but then I'll probably
spend money on other things.
Has anybody ever sprayed their shoes?
You know, like for cleaningthem when rot begins to set in
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (06:29):
tides, uh, my kids have been into that stuff, so
we've tried some trainer cleaner, andthat did actually work quite well.
It was like a moose.
Consistency, uh, side issues.
I don't, A friend told, I don't dunno if
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: that's what you mean. (06:42):
undefined
Spray his with, um, surgical spirit andI'd heard people talk about vinegar, but
that might be a step too far by carbonatesoda is always a standby, isn't it?
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (06:56):
Uh, I filled my son's football boots, both by
carbonate, so, and he was very mad at me.
Apparently it did not make his bootsvery comfortable afterwards, so I
don't know if I would recommend it.
Izer.
Yeah, it does it.
I felt better.
He doesn't,
but
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (07:12):
if I'm cleaning them, of course, polishing them.
Is it?
As I spray diligent into thembefore I go out because I've
got this fear of I may smell inpublic, although I probably don't.
It's just in case because there'sbeen that the odd time where I can
remember standing somewhere, I'mlike, what the hell is that smell?
Somebody stinking around here.
(07:32):
And it was me and it was somethinglike darkness that there was
nothing I could do about it.
It was just, it was a darkness.
'cause I was out in the rain and Iwas standing in the the shot, but.
I dunno if I was the only one thatnoticed, because nobody's gonna
tell you, you stink, I suppose.
But it kind of stuck in my head so Ican try and make sure that I've put
on a lot of vacancies, not a lot, butenough vacancies so that I don't, I
(07:54):
haven't got the paranoia that may stink.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (07:58):
There are people whose houses I've never been back
to because I blame them for having a badsmell when it was really my own feet.
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (08:10):
I wouldn't even know 'cause I lack a sense of smell.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (08:13):
Is that a recent thing, Robbie?
A Covid thing?
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (08:18):
No, I've, I've been like that as long as I remember.
I initially blamed overuse of nosesprays, but I come the conclusion
the UN under sensitivities my autism,
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: so Lucy can't hear anyone. (08:32):
undefined
Is that.
Going be put down to something at her end?
Or is it something Well,I was looking, I think
if it's, if it's Lucy's
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: end, it's Lucy needs to resolve it. (08:41):
undefined
I mean, I was, I tried to put the,the mute off just to see if that
would, but, 'cause she's mutedHerselves, so No, Jules says it's,
the sound is working on the system.
So it's uh, Lucy's end.
Right.
(09:01):
There was something else done last nightthat I said I wouldn't do again, and
I went to the pub after the football.
I got a little fright thismorning 'cause I woke up and I
don't remember how I got home.
I, that's never happened to me before.
It
(09:26):
was a good night, whoI was having a, a good.
And all that and the pub and all that.
You know, there was no,I won't party like that.
Overindulging probably, but
I think that's to be a lessonbecause you're getting to think,
have I done something or anything?
But obviously I haven't, but Ijust, I just don't like that.
It's like when I was only drinkingbeer and I don't drink that, the hard
stuff to avoid that sort of thing.
(09:47):
And because I'm not a big ticklerfan of things like vCAN whiskey, but.
Yeah, this wasn't a good thing, but,and the weird thing is only went into
the pub 'cause I'm reading the toiletand I don't like going and using the
toilet without using the facilities.
Um, in terms of, youknow, giving money back.
(10:08):
'cause obviously thepeople, you know, pubs
don't like that they put signsfor, you know, to say that and I
can get away with it and all that.
But like doing now, so instead ofhaving just one pain, I had more so.
But
anyway, I listened to Berlin.
Harry, what's the last thing you remember?
(10:29):
Yeah, I've
been in the pub and wantingto go home, but I've, you
know, I haven't lost anything.
And the last time I was, had issues,well, walking back from the pub is I lost
my phone, but I checked and I woke up.
The thing that got me is I knewthat I must have been drunk.
(10:51):
Or my main, not my man was away,but I knew that what made it seem
strange is I always set an alarm andI woke up, no set any kinda alarm
and that just kinda gave me a freak.
'cause that's usually my routine.
So
I don't think anything's happened,just so I'm just getting off my
chest because it happened and justto remember to watch I'm doing.
(11:13):
And, uh,
hoping that nobody in my family finds out.
Well, nobody will, because I'm justtelling you and you just don't need to
put out in public for the recording.
So I'm just getting off my chest really.
Just going, let the hell outthere, you know, everyone's fine.
Really.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (11:33):
I'm gonna be, I'm glad you're okay and that
you've got your, your phone and stuff.
Um,
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: I actually thought I lost my, and (11:38):
undefined
that you're feeling alright today.
I just didn't put them downproperly and they fell off
the, the bedside, uh, cabinet.
So, yeah.
Uh, just, just kind of thinking outloud there, but it's just strange.
I just thought I'd share thatsince we're having a B later.
But thanks.
I'm, I haven.
I, my, it's just, it's just somethingthat's gonna give me a beef rai
(11:58):
or who can I not remember why?
But anyway, I'm,
I'm
hoping I'm safe.
And that's nothing, nothing happened.
Isn't they cut down the beer ordon't go to the pub as often?
I saying that though, it'squite expensive, so I might
(12:19):
be cutting down on the
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (12:20):
pub.
Actually,
I don't drink
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (12:23):
any
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (12:24):
more
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (12:25):
in that.
I don't drink anymore, but I used toget caught up in that, that atmosphere
sometimes if there was a good atmosphereand also would sometimes get in trouble
if I hadn't eaten enough dinner.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (12:37):
Having lunch, I was kind of helping out my,
my, my friend up in Glasgow with, withhis work and I was going to meet my
brother and sister afterwards, you know,in the pub up the way and didn't have.
I feel, oh, I'm really that hungry.
And, uh, once you're doing yourtask, you just don't really bother.
But usually I have lunch,
(12:59):
but I didn't that day and I was wonderingwhy I was feeling tired and, and
lacking energy at the end of the day.
And then I'm going, for God'ssake, I didn't eat the day.
And then the kind of finalstraw was trying to actually
drink coffee, came awake.
I end up going to bed, not dead early, butyou know, be, you know, before all the.
(13:19):
Can I be kinda mingling and all that?
And the, and my brothersister's house, uh,
finished.
I had to go to bed.
So yeah, they avoid that.
Getting
back to the game itself, there's thisthing that I can't get a handle of is,
uh, when I go and get something to eatand, you know, at the football stadium,
(13:43):
I guess something in our black coffee.
But because of the way the seating isin the stadium, it's like it's hard
to put the coffee down even thoughit's got a lid on top of it without
spilling a damn thing every damn time.
I spill it, try to getused to the rituals.
It was definitely a, it was definitelya weather for the, the coffee.
(14:07):
Everybody else seems to keep over.
I don't leave over, I don't see, it'sjust a sort of stereo, no stereotypical,
but just a. A sort, a traditionalthing the people saying to do
and they listen me do it atfootball matches for some reason.
So, well,
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (14:27):
there's a news flash in the, um, comments from India.
Yes, I see that.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (14:35):
I get you.
Yeah, I get you Joe.
I get you.
Personal
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: space is important. (14:40):
undefined
Did you ever do that thing where youpeople got too close and you just put
your arms out and just start spinning?
You know what I mean?
Like marking it
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (14:54):
out.
It reminds me of when you'refight with your sibling and
you got bicycle kicks going on.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: Well, I suppose it sort of depends. (15:00):
undefined
I can't think of any incidentrecently, but I have felt at
many times of the personal spacebeing invaded by certain people.
I mean, I know a certain person,it's just what they do, but I'm
not, it's like when they talk to
(15:21):
you, they step forward.
They, they, because I'm expectingthat happen now, and it's not
done with malicious intent.
It's like you get used to it.
But see, the
first couple of times I. I said,I've always said, you know, can
you, can you stand back a bit?
But then I didn't want to cause asoffense, but I've never go had anybody
come and get it right in my face.
(15:42):
I mean, aggressively or anything.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (15:45):
Sometimes Harry, when, um, somebody has a
hearing problem, they get quite close.
In fact, one of my friendswas always argumentative and
really easily irritating, andI thought, what's this problem?
And it was the fact that Iwas talking in the wrong ear.
Right.
I
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (16:04):
get it.
There's always a reason for howpeople behave and what people do.
A lot of time it's, it's not malicious toget at you, but sometimes it bloody is.
So
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (16:18):
I've had that.
So were any recordings done this week?
I know Lucy's done a. Substack,but I'll wait for it to come
back before mentioning that.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: Well, I don't do the call. (16:32):
undefined
I do the edits.
Last week I just had a hell of a, well,it was a busy week, and then my brother
invited to know me up and I thought,I don't really see my brother often.
So the time that I would've hadto do the edit, I was my brothers
and my mom and dads as well.
So.
This week coming up, I've got plentyof time to, to get some of the edits
(16:56):
done because it's quite strange ifyou don't see at least one podcast
being put on, you know, when Joe getsit and put on the, the Facebook, you
know, though hasn't been that many.
It's weird because it's like bosses.
It's like, well, to methey're like bosses.
Like you don't see onefor a while, and then they
(17:20):
come like three or four in a row.
But yeah, I could timely do the, I'mactually looking forward to doing the
editing work and listen back to theconversations when the Facebook all done.
And I'll only tell us some of thepodcasts I wasn't involved in.
We all
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: spoke on Tuesday, didn't we? (17:33):
undefined
I mean, I'm getting that feelinglike you had this morning, Harry.
It's like, I can't reallyremember much of this week.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (17:43):
It has felt like a long week.
It's been February break for my kids,so I've been a bit of a taxi this
week, but I think I made a recordingwith Jules on Monday and then I saw
you on the Tuesday very briefly.
I really enjoy listening to youryours and jus recording Raymond like
(18:04):
I was really into like a fair bitof that sort of searching stuff.
Um.
Of of in my own sort of travelexperiences and now kind of, I don't
live that kinda life at all anymore.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (18:19):
He's a computer doesn't more about stop
working, so he hasn't been able to, todo any, any work this week and he can't
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (18:29):
fix it.
Take us home.
But there's many in the pipeline coming.
Yeah, that explains that then.
Okay.
Yeah.
Searching Nicola's, uh,interest and perspective on it.
'cause I think what I was trying tosay was that my travel was done because
(18:50):
it was to, in a sense, socializedto see my friends who were far away.
But there was an elementof searching about it too.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (19:00):
I ended up with like a lot of made dearest friends,
like being kind of people who wereall over different parts of the world
and like not where I ended up staying.
And it something as I've got olderis been trying to learn how to
like, let go a little bit more.
Like, eh, still, you know, obviouslythere's, still have them, they're
(19:20):
friends, but let go and be willingto kinda let new people in.
Because, yeah, at one point I waslike, I thought, yeah, I've got really
like friends I have really meaningfulconversations with, and, um, realized
that I was living a very isolated lifedespite that, but it shifted a bit.
Now
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (19:40):
have they all come home to roost?
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (19:44):
No, they're still all over the place, but like
I've got more, I've, I've opened up to.
More people, people like in myneighborhood, I suppose, in my community.
And so it's, it might not, it, it'smaybe not like it is with some of my,
like, you know, lifelong friends orwe have these meaningful connections
every sort of five years or so.
(20:06):
And it just like, feels like a big,like, I don't know, like there's some
sort of mark like, um, gravity to itwhen it's, I have just like lighter day
to day.
Connection now.
Much more so.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (20:23):
Yeah, folk come back in the orbit.
I had a phone call like this weekthat was quite long from someone I
hadn't heard from for a year, but wehaven't seen each other since maybe
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (20:36):
2010.
It strange.
I mean, I've got a friend thatlives around the corner follow
me, but hardly ever see him
because I don't know.
I'm not wrapped up.
He's, he works you know a lot andI'm obviously to be wrapped up in my
commitments and I'm like, but everynow and again we do meet up and he's
(20:57):
the one that does the contact andI need to make more effort on that.
I just keep forgetting, we go to theice hockey and pretty head arena in
Glasgow and it's always quite good fun.
It's kinda ritual with,we go to the center.
And then we kind go and have ameal and have a blather 'cause
(21:18):
we don't see each other often.
So have a good blather and wehave a, an evening meal and
then go with the ice hockey.
It's a
and disasters a few times.
And I couldn't go and I was raging.
It was just that other thingson, but it's just strange.
I see my friend that livesfurthest away more often than
the one who lives in the corner.
(21:39):
And the one that I'm talking aboutis the one who comes upstairs
for the weekend, was in Glasgow.
It's just strange.
And as I've got older, I'm saying thatI'm a friend of Liz Fellas that that's
actually when I lives in England actually.
But I haven't spoke to him for years.
Even though he was
like the friend.
It was I was mostly with whilegrowing up just to be the life goes.
(22:05):
It's weird thinking about that.
It seems
like a lot of the timeI'm in my own company.
And most of the time I feel that'sgood enough and I choose it.
And I do choose it.
Although that seems in our society abad thing or you want to be yourself
or something already, but you,what's wrong with being be other
people and that includes family.
(22:26):
So,
yep.
Good to have friends though.
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (22:33):
When I lost my dad circumstances.
I had, most of the friendshave got now and, and you, and
most rely on me going to them.
Virtually
everybody I know is, is virtual.
I think that happensif Raymond's unmuted at
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: the same thing someone's talking. (22:55):
undefined
That's an interesting one though.
I'm saying I don't, I've got for it.
And I even thought of virtual friends,even though they'd be to promote it
on here.
I would regard you as friends, but virtualfriends, I mean, that's a big thing.
(23:15):
I mean, I've seen it beingkinda shared on Facebook.
Like people are sayingit, the internet is bad.
You know, someone's always on the internetand they shouldn't, they should be out
and meeting new people, blah, blah, blah.
But they are meeting new people.
They're meeting a lotof new people online.
And even though there's these horrorstories, what comes to people?
(23:35):
Who meet some people online.
I mean, it is to me, and a good thing fora lot of people because it's connection.
It's like not feeling alone.
I mean, right now, I mean, I'msitting in the house myself.
I haven't seen anybody since yesterday,and I'm talking to you right now,
and you feel that you're in theroom with someone and talking away
(23:57):
and talk with things in common.
So yeah, it's a friend thing.
Yeah, we need to remember that one.
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (24:04):
I kind of find it less hassle, I guess,
because I don't have to go anywhere.
And I think that's a big thing for me.
It's like, uh, when I have metup with people in the past,
I find it really hard work.
So sometimes I find that if I cando it over the internet or through,
you know, because generally it'sthrough messages and whatever, it's
not, it's not really talking faceto face with someone or even audio.
(24:26):
Sometimes it's just typing.
So I've got loads of friends on Facebook.
And I guess I, I regard them as friends.
They, that we, we, we correspondwith each other but we just don't
meet face to face very often.
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (24:40):
So I met a lot of people for doing music
live, live streams once sinceI started taking part in that.
I'm not gonna actually meet up with mostthem 'cause they live around the world.
But, but it's still friendship.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (24:59):
I think you could have like so many different kinds of
friends and do like, have different kindsof friendship with each person and I like
how I like kind of not trying to force.
It at all, but just, just see howit unfolds and just be open to that.
(25:20):
'cause I've got some friends who arelike, I, I've got like one in particular
who like, feels like, I guess peoplewould sort of describe like family
or like really close people feel.
And then I've got other people thatare like, are friends that I see
at like certain groups and theymean so much to me, but it's like,
you know, I might not go and do.
(25:41):
Other things that I do with myother friends, it's just, yeah,
it's like, and then the internetfriends as well, like, I think that
can be such a supportive thing too.
And like Lucy was saying, like I reallyrelate to that sense of like not having
the, the hassle of the outside worldto contend with in order to connect and
(26:03):
being able to go, oh, I have to go now.
And it's quite easy.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (26:09):
Yeah, but I've got habit making that hard.
It's like right, Cheerio.
And then I, I start a story sayingwhy I'm saying Cheerio and they're
all looking at me like, okay, go.
Nice seeing you.
But go
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (26:22):
mo.
Most of my friends, it's revolvearound dub something with someone
like playing music or singing in the.
Rid.
I find difficult relationships ofthe conversations because I'm not,
I, unlike a lot of autistic people,I don't collect a lot of facts.
(26:46):
People quickly get bored in myconversation and I don't wanna
talk about all the politics stuff,which usually comes to arguments.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (26:54):
Yeah.
Talk about politics if
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (27:02):
the friend of mine is actually at maybe
in the same wavelength or may have abit of understanding, but I certainly
wouldn't want to just speak to, to all
my friends.
I don't, it can turn into, maybe not anargument, but I could get there and I just
find that, you know, quite uncomfortableconversations and I've heard.
(27:25):
Other people follow, youknow, I've seen it in the pub.
You know, people start talk whenthe Scottish independent thing,
man, it only caused a riot one time.
You know, it's just like, ah.
But what's good though, with manyfriends and how you be many friends, as
Robbie says, it's like doing something.
It's like part of an activity,like play music, and.
(27:50):
Writing or
doing art and all sorts of things.
And I used to enjoy going to socialgroups years ago where there was a
group of artistic people went out
to things like pub quizzes andthe cinema man, stuff like that,
(28:10):
which I felt was good at the time.
And I had a few friends through that,or there's some, you don't always make
friends through those kinda groups 'causethere's some people you just don't.
Take on because you can't choose yourcompany and who goes to the group.
Not that I'm saying I don't like anybody.
It's just like, there's just, youknow, there's company you want to be
(28:31):
in and company you don't want to be in.
And I can understand if peoplefeel the same with me as well.
So it's a two way thing.
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (28:39):
In the past, I'm just thinking about this.
In the past I've had people who tryto force their friendships on me.
So I work with this oneparticular lady and.
You know, I'm, I'm a real loner.
I really am.
I don't, I don't like goinganywhere or doing anything.
I, I can see I'm, I'm pretty much just me.
But she kept inviting me togo out and saying, you wish we
(29:02):
should go to the pub sometime?
We should, we should goout for a meal sometime.
And it was, and she wasn't gettingmy sort of signals that this
wasn't something I wanted to do.
And she was really persistent.
So I went and it was terribleand really, really awkward.
But yeah, it was really strange.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (29:18):
Jill was saying in the chat that we can
define every contact differently.
We can define, we can defineall of this ourselves.
We don't have to copy norms.
I really agree with that.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (29:33):
Yeah, I totally agree with that as well.
I was actually, well, not criticized, butsomebody made a comment to me because one
of my friends was a lot older than me.
You know,
I was like 20 and my friendwas like late forties and.
I met him through not an autisticgroup, it was a mental health group.
(29:53):
He wasn't autistic, but webecame good friends over the
years and, uh, went holidays and all that.
And people just found it strange because,um, my friend David and was older
than my dad and people were saying,and people actually thought he was my
dad and I went to PUB in that way andit's like, oh, your dad was there.
And I went, oh, my dad has come here.
Oh.
I said, oh my dad.
(30:14):
It's just people's expectations.
So, so you're right.
It's just.
Sometimes people question it andyou think, well, you question it
for a friends, a friend, as longas no harm's been done, what is.
Issue.
It was so-called normal friendship.
Anyway, everybody's got their differentways of being friends with people and
how to stay in contact and how theybecame friends in the first place.
(30:35):
I mean, sometimes being friends is
somebody meet through trauma andthings you don't want to remember, but
somebody maybe helped you through that.
You know, there's all sorts of things.
It.
Jules
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (30:52):
is saying it's the word friend that often causes
the problem, not individual contacts.
And I guess it is, it's like if weapproach it go well, this is what
friends do, this is having allthese expectations, you know, can,
can sort of shut us out,I dunno, dis us in a.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (31:19):
Yeah.
Words as we know, words are powerful.
Words, stick and words.
Any kind of terminology just has thatthing, you know, to, if you labeled
somebody a word, or even just likefriend, it's like there's an expectation
of you giving this person that label.
(31:41):
So they must do this, they must do that.
They must act a certain way.
Must be in contact.
He must
meet up every so often.
Um, you know what?
Often, and, and I can see what Raymond'ssaying about the trust issue, and it's
like, you need to trust your friends.
(32:03):
You need to trust someone to be a friend.
So that word.
Yeah.
So, but I had, you know.
I have, um, heard Jules say the termcontacts when he is been relating
bit, you know, Tom about someone.
So, yeah, that's true.
That's true.
The, the word does give a lotexpectation and misleading.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (32:30):
Okay.
'cause he's gone on to sayeven the word relationship.
I think talking about causing theproblems and that's why I am use,
I am using contact that makes a lotof sense and untangles quite a lot.
I had to, I'm not sure if Ibrought this up already, but
I've had to recently navigate thehug expectation of given a hug.
(32:55):
I think I might have brought it up.
To do the hugs thing and that thatwas a little bit, it felt a little bit
of like untangling the expectationsof friendship there for me too.
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (33:14):
The
hug thing.
Yeah, the hug thing is, is somethingthat I find a little bit difficult,
but it's generally people who I knowonline who, if I meet them in public
and we go to something, 'cause youknow, we go to events and things
and we'll, our paths will cross.
Actually have started to ask me ifit's okay if they give me a hug.
And I quite like that.
I like that because it, it's,it's kind of like, and I'll be
(33:36):
like, yeah, fine, no problem.
Because it's nice that they've.
They kind of know my boundaries andthat they're not overstepping when
doing something that's gonna alarm me.
So really, I've got some good sortof virtual friends that I make.
So,
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: yeah, I forgot what I was gonna say. (33:51):
undefined
Yeah, I totally agree.
And the hug thing.
Yeah.
Sometimes I feel a Denny dog.
Well, honestly, always like,depends who it's from, but.
The,
the boundary thing's a big thing as well.
(34:12):
It's like, because I'm uncomfortablewith being touched and because I
went to get my bladder checked, youknow, at the hospital in Glasgow.
That was an experience.
It wasn't that bad.
It was just, uh, somebodyelse is touching me.
(34:33):
I just found, don'tthink about it too much.
It won't be long.
And, and it wasn't and it was as fineas it could be, but it's the touch
thing leaving, bumping any peoplein public and things like that.
Or if someone says beside mein a bus or a train and it's
like, oh, don't, I don't sh at
a shiver or shudder or anything like that.
But I do have that kindof feeling of discomfort.
But I do like.
Whilst I was goingthrough physiotherapy, uh,
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (35:03):
this shoulder of mine that's, that's still
not properly healed from June last year.
I was, I was going through a lotof physio for that and also going
to the hospital, to the fracturedclinic and things like that.
And I've always felt uncomfortable withit, you know, especially with the physio.
'cause it's really hands-on and thatit's, it's like, and I, I was really
(35:24):
recoiling from it a little bit andmake, and I knew I was doing it for
a reason and I was trying to get throughit, but I'd come out of there feeling
just a little bit strange, a bit icky.
Like some boundaries have beencrossed and I didn't like it, but.
He was trying to suppressthat feeling and, and just
say greater good and all that.
But it was, it was weird.
(35:44):
I could relate to that at one
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (35:49):
point.
Um, I thought I had to goand get a massage to kind of
be okay with being touched.
This was before I knew I was.
Autistic.
And, um, I went along and just felt,and I didn't enjoy myself at all, and I
came away feeling really, really drainedand tired and quite uncomfortable.
So I think it, it feels, it, for me,it's felt really important to like,
(36:12):
listen to my body, but I know whatyou mean about when it's essential.
Um, and for the greater good,having to sort of talk your, I
would have to really talk myself
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (36:21):
through that.
The massage thing happened to me as well.
I was given massage therapy as sortof a, to help with my depression.
They thought it'd be nice ifI went and had a massage and
it was the most awkward thing.
And I came out there and I exactlythe same, felt really like I'd
gone through a lot of effort.
You know, I felt the least relaxedI ever had been after that.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (36:45):
Yeah, it's an interesting one and something
that, that seems to be recommended,uh, willingly to, to everyone.
But, but you know, it's, it's recommendeda massage if you're stressed out or if,
if you can through a hard time, it'ssomething that's, you know, it can help.
But if you don't like gettingtouched and that's gonna stress you
out, who's, how would that help?
(37:06):
Obviously there's certain situationsthat it's, it's medically and pro
to her, but it's something silly Iwouldn't want to do, and I'm actually
surprised that people can get through it.
You know, someone touching you.
I think there was one time years ago whereI was at an event and it was somebody
(37:28):
giving massage, you know, no mass.
It kinda shoulder rubs.
And when they've done it tome and my shoulders are always
quite tight angle, body tense.
They're just, just the way I operate.
It's just the way that I'm, it's justlike, hopefully it's just a strange on my
body and when they keepingup, I felt worse after it.
(37:50):
'cause I couldn't relax 'causeI was actually embarrassed at,
you know, what was happening.
And I was really annoyedat how's this snow working?
It's because I was tenseall the way through it.
And I just, I wouldn't,I wouldn't bother with
it.
It may be somebody really closefor, for that to, to happen
anyway, to be touched like that.
(38:11):
It wasn't a nice experience.
No harm in the person that was doing it.
They, you know, they were nice.
It was, you know, therewas, it was fine that way.
It's just that it's just somethingthat I did and wouldn't like.
I
Lucy-Dawson-Autie-Unmasked (38:26):
just wanted to reply to Jules here 'cause he said that he
thinks that it's really great that peopleask me about hugging and personal space.
Really?
He said that it's, it's, it's great,Lucy, that they ask you 'cause caring
for you and being different and it isreally nice, you know, if, if somebody
has listened to you and understood you.
And has kept that with them forthe, you know, until they meet
(38:48):
you the next time and then it'sstill with them and they're, they,
they're, they're careful of you then?
Yeah.
I mean, I, I see that as beingsomething really, really positive
and nice and a hugs fine after that.
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com: Most of the issues (39:01):
undefined
I've had is with people in fertilizing meand telling me how I have to behave and
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: yeah, I can remember that, you know. (39:13):
undefined
Okay, well, not, not so much now,but I do remember, like, I was
kind of told like, you know, youbehave, you just, you calm down.
Don't act in a way that's notice I thinkI did used, see if I wasn't happy with
something, I used to be make it deadobvious, you know, even as an adult.
(39:34):
And it was just like, I was kind ofput down all bit saying, look, you
behave yourself and all that annoy.
Even though part of it was maybe myfault, but it's, it's not a nice thing.
It's like someone's saying,like, you calm down.
I spoke, uh, you know,a few weeks ago, my,
my birthday, my ownkind birthday occasion.
(39:54):
I was getting
kinda loud and shouting becauseI'm happy, you know, and uh, I was
told, no, no, calm down, calm down.
This was a surprise, 40thbirthday thing, and uh,
I was told to get arm down,
so yeah, I can, I can totally
(40:16):
relate in some ways
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (40:20):
his ex fem was behaving like she was my
parent and the kind of friendshipshe, she likes is where she's in.
Totally in control.
It's
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (40:34):
that word
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com (40:35):
friend
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: again, because that does (40:35):
undefined
sound to a lot of people.
Unfortunately.
It's like people over, either over,they think they're helpful, or some
people just stay because that'sthe way, that's what they want to
do, and it's like a power trip.
Don't understand why peoplecan be that way, but there's
plenty of people out there.
The
(40:55):
thing about making things obviousthat I don't like something because
it's, that's kind of funny now,
and I put up with, it is a good day, momand dad's, you know, for, for my dinner.
You know, I'm lucky enough to havethat and the always watching news
(41:16):
I off
it's like routine.
My dad's on
they watch, he's a Scottish news.
And then he watches the UK Wade News.
Because of all the things that I,at the moment, you know, it's like
the Donald Trump latest and stuff.
It's just like, I hear about this,you know, you're aware of a lot of
(41:37):
stuff and all that, but the, thenews loves bad news and they get into
great detail and it's, it's horrible.
And obviously something they can talkabout, like, you know, a tragedy,
a murder, stuff
like that.
10 minutes straight.
Happy enough that I've got my phone tosort of distract me, but sometimes it's
(41:59):
part of the conversation as well andit's just like, oh, I kind of jokingly
kinda make a feel of it rather than whatI used to do was, uh, moan and I could
tell if you don't like it, get him.
So I know I just make it a jovial
kind of thing.
(42:20):
In fairness, if the news doesa good news story, I go, I'm
not, you call that news, so
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: can you please me? (42:29):
undefined
I'm very hard to please.
So media
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: stand back. (42:34):
undefined
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (42:38):
Well, the way autism affects me is pretty
obvious When I'm happy and there'snot a thing I can do to hide it.
Well over 40
years to realize that there wasabsolutely no point in masking because
I couldn't master vital pits thatwould actually give any benefit.
Raymond-AutisticRadio.com: Yeah, totally agree on that. (42:59):
undefined
And I've kind of felt the same way.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org (43:05):
It's like behavior and being the way are is
different.
And I think people kinda.
It's this part of you and youshouldn't feel, or people shouldn't
feel the need to hide it or mask.
But sometimes a masking thing can besomething that's, you know, done on
(43:27):
purpose just to make things a littlecomfortable, just depending on the
company and depending who, who you are.
Nicola-AutisticRadio.com (43:35):
I sometimes have to wear sunglasses or put my hood
up because I like, I'm like, my faceis going to say so much out loud if I
don't cover it up or it feels like that.
Like I somehow feel like I can getreally kind of uncomfortable kind of
being seen when I'm feeling stuff.
Harry-Autistic-Association.org: Yeah, I get (43:56):
undefined
it.
I, when I was feeling kind of.
And the only
place I really went to at the timewas a local shop, but it was winter
time, so I, I waited till I got darkbefore I actually left the house.
'cause I didn't want to beseen, not, I was hiding.
(44:17):
I just didn't feel comfortable because Iwasn't feeling comfortable within myself.
So I can totally get
Robbie-AutisticRadio.com (44:35):
that
with exception of people being.
People are, you prettyaccurately know how I feel.
So if they can't, if people arenot gonna accept me that way, I
don't tend to, I tend to stay away.
Well, that was a great discussion.
Well, it's 5
Jules-Autistic-Association.org (44:49):
44 now, so our drop-in hour is finished,
and thank you to all the people whohave texted, and also to the people
who have put their voices to thisthat are gonna allow us to put some
of those words out into the podcast.
If you join us here at the 4,4, 4, your voice isn't recorded,
your text isn't recorded, but thepeople here have given permission
(45:12):
so that it's an example for others.
See you again.
Always reliably Sunday.
Four four, 4:00 PM Cheers, guys.
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