May 3, 2025 • 41 mins
4.44 PM Every Sunday, Drop in All welcome No Booking Just come in.
A few regulars welcome new people who spontaneously join in last minute. No expectations or expectations just come & go.
Some things the regulars say are in this podcast never the casuals.
Most casuals just listen and hang out in our company.
Some text
Some Speak
Slow conversations that we have about our own autism with lots of silences. (edited out here)
Welcome page and link to join in Sunday-Drop-in-4-44pm
Cheers. Enjoy.....
Jules
AUTISTICRADIO.com IS ALSO Live Broadcasting
Listen and comment in a LIVE Podcast Recording
5.55 PM GMT Every Sunday
1PM EST in USA 10AM PST
Autistic Conversation - Our Autism
We Speak - Our words - We Listen
Listen Live from these pages and text comments to us for our responses
https://www.facebook.com/AutisticRadioCom/
https://www.linkedin.com/in/autistic-network-radio-podcasts-blogs-8b098a270/
Live Raw Authentic Autistic Unscripted Unedited Actually Autistic
Listen to podcasts Link HERE ...
https://autisticradio.podbean.com/
Contact us: https://www.autisticradio.com/ https://www.facebook.com/AutisticRadioCom/ https://linktr.ee/autisticradio Link Us - Network Us - Share Us Autistic Autism Radio News@AutisticRadio.com
Podcast series include
*** Harry`s Spectrum Voices Discussions *** Lucy Autie Unmasked Substack *** Adult Post Diagnosis Experience Chat *** Autism Adventures Abroad Alex Stratikis *** Autistic Knowledge Development Sean & Leila *** Travelling Autistic Jules *** Scott Frasard Autistic Advocate *** Explain-Me-Autism Ep1-20 *** Short-Intros-to... .Ep1-20 *** A-Seat-at-The-Table Ep1-20 *** The Late Late Diagnosis Show Adult Autism Discovery Ep1-25 *** The-Big-Autism-Conversation-ABA-PBS-Behaviour-Analysis Ep1-25 ***
Do you have something to share? We enable your "voice" or AC text
Our audio model makes this possible if you are willing.
A Professional - An Advocate - An Autistic with a Story or Passion?
All safely with equity in the communication
We get serious too.... in Documentary style
The big conversation in autism is the one about behaviourism.
Our project here is opening safe channels of communication.
The-Big-Autism-Conversation-ABA-PBS-Behaviour-Analysis
ABA PBS Autism The Conversation 20 episode series LINK PAGE
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
We speak our words, we listen,we speak our words, we listen.
We speak our words.
We listen.
We speak our words.
We listen.
It's amazing how weather, brightweather, even if you're not a fan of
the sun as such, which I'm not, isjust, it just brightens up, just kinda
(00:27):
even if you're feeling a bit tiredand a bit sluggish in math, in my
experience, it kind of pers up a bit.
Yeah, so nice.
I do like the change.
I do like, I mean, spring isprobably the best part of it.
I mean, once you get into summerit's a bit sweltering and you know,
things feel like more of an effort.
But we're at that point now where theweather's just getting right and we
(00:48):
had to go out and do some stuff today,and it just made all the difference.
And knowing that the nights arenot gonna be so dark as well.
'cause I don't like it when it allsort of goes all dark at three o'clock.
It just seems so gloomy.
But we're starting to getto the happy days again.
Yeah, strangely enough, I can enjoy,if not the weather, I can enjoy
the, especially, I'm not feelinggreat, I enjoy the dark nights.
(01:11):
It feels I can hide away, especiallyif I feel I need to go somewhere and
do something like walk out to the localshop or go to the local community for,
or whatever, and it's kind of dark.
It's light.
You can sort hide away, notsneak about, but just hide away.
But if you're in the right mood andsometimes if you're not in the right mood,
(01:32):
it can per you up this kind of weather.
And because of where I live, andeven though I've said it many
times, I don't take advantage of it.
It's just like you can appreciate,you know, the beauty of the area when
it's, it's nice and just get us yearbeginning to, if they're not blooming,
they're beginning to bloom or they're.
(01:55):
It's just nicely.
Where I sit in my living room is Ilook straight over to the window, the
other side of the room and just theway that you know, the curtains are
open, which is unusual for a Sunday.
They're usually closed becausethey usually don't go out, so it's
usually closed, but they're open.
They've got flowers which are fake,but the nice decorator flowers
(02:16):
on the windowsill and it's nice.
The background you see the kind the
blue.
Behind as well.
So, my god, my tears down myeyes here to even the stip
that, so it's nice and pleasant.
So Mother's Day today, which wasgreat 'cause there wasn't a lot
of people about on the street.
(02:36):
Everybody was visiting their mothers.
So I, I managed, I, I,I don't do that anymore.
Obviously I haven't got my mum withme anymore, but it's sort of day
when you do think about her a bit.
But, uh, yeah, it's just likeeverybody goes crazy and there
were so many flowers everywhere.
Everybody was carrying a bouquetof flowers today near me.
I live near, quite near a big supermarketand it was just people last minute
buying for their mothers, you know?
(02:57):
So I was keeping my mum in mind today.
Yeah.
First things in perspective, becauseI was kind of rushing about today, can
down my mom's house, and I did the lastminute thing, even though I planned to do
that, which was basically getting the car
some money in and havinga discussion, you know.
(03:20):
But what I've also seen is peoplepaying tribute to, to mothers
that are no longer with them.
And that includes knowing mom, youknow, you know she died a long time
ago, and you just see that kinda,it's somber for people sometimes.
Just a tribute, you know, a thought, andit just makes you feel grateful for what I
(03:41):
have and for all the memories I do have upto now, and hopefully many more to come.
I know it'll be, you know, quite aintense, uh, period for some people
this time of year, it's like Christmasseason and Father's Day as well, and
it's like Christmas season, birthdays.
It's like, it's a reminder ofsometimes if someone's no longer
(04:03):
there and it's quite intense.
Yeah.
I, you, it's, it's all aboutsort of, I mean, mom went, uh,
to and a bit years ago now.
So, so for me, each one thatpasses is just sort of, I, I
mean, I'm, I'm, I'm sort of.
It's, it's kind of sad and melancholy,but at the same time I quite like to,
(04:25):
to think about what my mom thought aboutMother's Day and she hated flowers and
she didn't like chocolates and so shewas really difficult to buy for, and
I was just thinking about that todayand sort of just about everything.
My mom was really, you know, a littlebit of an irritant sometimes, but
generally nice, but she was difficultto get presents and bits for, so that
was something I was thinking abouttoday and it was making me smile
(04:47):
because we just had to be creativeand try and find something she liked.
Mother's Day just sneaked up on me thesame way the clock change did as well.
I set my alarm clock last night andit said I only had seven hours of
sleep that I was gonna get insteadof the eight that I was expecting.
That's how I found out about thatand I found out about Mother's Day
'cause one of my friends messaged me.
(05:08):
I don't really remember the ever beinglike such a big deal as a holiday
or sort of Hallmark Day before.
Yeah, I'm trying to think back.
I don't, I, I, I mean, I don't think itwas such a big thing when, when I was,
and I, Hey, I'm 50 so I'm going back halfa century, but I don't remember being
a little one and, you know, having toget mom massive presents or anything.
(05:31):
I think we used to make maybe littlecards and things for her ourselves,
but they didn't seem to be thepressure, and I don't remember
anybody making a big fuss over it.
But, you know, it's, it's, it's thatcommercialization thing really, isn't it?
Everything's a, a card day nowyou get cards for everything.
My mom, uh, kinda buys into that.
She likes being spoiled and she's, mymom's just, uh, is a nice me character,
(05:55):
like friendly with everybody and kindamostly, kinda, sort of kinda happy kinda
character, which I'm kind of jealousof, you know, even in the morning,
you know, you know, having to be singsong herself and stuff like that.
And, and it's always nice, uh, youknow, give, and she's, you know, she.
(06:16):
Hysteria and the, the nonsense andIslam's family are involved, which is
a co total, um, different from my dad.
My dad hates being spoiled.
He hates being put the center ofattention when it comes to the
Father's Day, his birthday, Christmas.
But my mom, she, she loves it.
So it makes it easier to, you know,just to not buy anything but, you know,
(06:37):
just celebrate it all different ways.
And even doing it, you know, over.
She likes the occasion because I knowa lot of people don't, but you know,
thankfully my mom likes the occasion,so it makes it a bit easier when
it comes to the actual day itself,although the over commercialization
and all that does do my head in.
(06:57):
But then again, it does my head in witha lot of things, but it's not gonna
ruin that day because it's a nice day.
I used to love my dad'sattitude 'cause he was the same.
He didn't want to, he, he,he booked all holidays.
I, he, he really wasn't there forChristmas either for us, you know,
he just didn't, he had, there was,he comes across as being quite
a boring person, but he wasn't.
But he, he didn't do sortof celebrations and things.
(07:19):
But the one thing, the tradition Ihad with my dad and the thing that
we used to share, and it's a reallyodd thing, is that I, every year I
try and find him the most insensitiveand insulting card I possibly could.
And send that to him because it usedto make him laugh when I insulted him.
And so I used to go and just get somethingthat was really offensive that, you
(07:39):
know, was, is just calling him all thenames under the sun and send that to him.
And I tried to do outdo myself everyyear, but he said it always just made
him laugh, you know, he preferred it toa, a real sort of proper Father's Day
card or you know, he just found thata little bit off the wall and funny.
It was very him.
(08:00):
Deal with a lot of things.
Things are uncomfortable.
Things that are people are not reallyinto, you know, like the of, uh, or
overhyping of something is to use Schumer.
And, uh, I've kind ofdone that in many ways.
My mo and dad as well.
And for other things, you know, like thesed calves which, uh, are in insults, but
(08:21):
they're kind of jovial in insults like.
Know, old grump or something likethat, you know, with the, the
canister grumpy man on the, thething or the, the dwarf, uh, grumpy.
And it's quite weird looking at thatbecause, uh, I can, I buy things
like that can I not realizing orrealizing soon after I do that
I'm exactly the same that I grump.
(08:51):
I do like how that sort of thing canmake things that are a bit uncomfortable,
even though they're meant to benice, you know, it can make it a
bit more comfortable for some peoplethat just don't like that either.
There's don't like being set ofattention and I've got it dead.
I don't like that either.
But it's good to raise differentways you can kind of go, you know
about things, to make things kindof nice for people in their own way.
(09:15):
I've talked all before aboutChristmas and things like that.
It's like doing your own thing andnot going with what's the actual
thing you should be doing and what'sthe traditions and what's the rules.
So it's the same that comes tolike the Mother's Day, father's
Day birthdays, or any other sort ofkind of celebrated days that exist.
But thing it matters is that you'recelebrating with people and if
not worth them, you're certainlycelebrating or thinking about them.
(09:39):
As an aside, I'm stillpreparing for my new, my cat.
Who's currently, uh, still withher mum and very, very little.
I know somebody who's got this litter andI'm, I'm getting one of the, the little
kids and I'm, I'm so waiting for it now.
It seems to be a long time until Iget her, but you notice it's that
(10:01):
animal thing since I, I, I haven'thad Daisy in the house anymore.
There's really been something is the,the, the kind of the comfort that an
animal brings into the home is just so,it's, it's, I find it so important and so
having another little soul to look after.
And I think I quite like that, thatfeeling of looking after and having
(10:24):
a, having a someone I've gotta.
Really, I mean, I, Idon't quite have kids.
I always had animals instead, but he'sgonna be lovely to have that little
soul in the house and to shape her andto, you know, take care of her and to
get used to the routine and all that.
And to, and, and I'mreally excited about it.
Given that it's gonna be a lot of work.
I'm just counting the days.
I think I've got about a monthor something before I get it.
(10:45):
But that's my, my project at the moment.
Such a lovely thing.
Be anticipating
collecting bits, so.
We got a stockpile.
The minute I knew that this was gonnahappen, I knew what I was gonna do.
So I've, I've, I've got the litter trayand some litter and a couple of little
(11:07):
sort of chase toys and things like that.
I'm trying to think back to thelast time I had a kitten and
the things that I had to do.
So I'm kind of featheringthe nest at the moment.
Having it all, it is all sort of,I've got the all a little corner
designated with bits and pieces for her.
Um, it's obviously, I don'tknow her personality yet, but
(11:28):
she's, she's only very tiny.
But I mean, she's, from what I'm told,she's, she's quite a little chunk now and
she's, she's playing with her brother.
She's got a brother.
And so I'm, I'm, I'm kind of building alittle corner or like a, a, a sort of a
little chest of things that, that she cancome and play with when she gets here.
(11:49):
So yeah, it's, I'm, I'm going abit getting mad at the moment.
I. I was reminded, uh, by my daughterthe other day by my daughter the other
day, kittens and, um, kitten PS and, um,she said that, um, a lot of new owners
are a lot of new, so kitten they get,especially puppy, especially the kids, um,
that everyone forgets that they, everyoneforgets animal children through the night.
(12:16):
Just imagine, just imagine.
You, you're waiting for this to arrive.
You're waiting for this kitten to arriveand it's, it's something that you are
gonna have to still, you're on time,still back on all that time sleep.
You gonna need sleep and you'regonna want to play with it.
Yeah.
I remember with my, my firstkitten, stu, my, my first
(12:38):
kitten, I, I got for a small ad.
Actually, somebody just gave her tome because their child had become
allergic or something like that.
And I remember her coming into the house.
And just the first couple of daysbeing like, she was just laying
next to me and I was just sortof like, I don't know what to do.
I'd never had a cat of my own before,so I, I'm kind of going back to that
and trying to remember how I feltand how it was and what she was like.
(13:01):
So yeah, I'm just gonna be sortof in anticipation for the moment.
She actually wants to do the, the playingand the chasing and all that, so Yeah.
I'll be all right.
You know, but it, it's, so I haveto get back into the cat mode
after being dog mode for a while.
I find it's quite good if you've gotsome stuff to read, um, if you've
around like a, either a baby or a,a puppy or a kitten, because when
(13:25):
they're having a sleep, you can justread for as long as they need it.
It's quite comfortable as well, likea little weighted weighted object
when you lap a little cozy one.
My life.
Last cat, she used to like to wakeme in the middle of the night.
So, and 'cause I was, I, Ilived with her for a long time.
It was just me and her.
(13:45):
And so I was, she wascompletely imprinted on me.
I, I was everything.
So there were times and when she wasgetting a bit older as well and a
bit crotched and stuff, she used tosit by the bed and just stare at me.
And I used to keep asking her,you know, what do you want?
But she, she was, wasso imprinted on me that.
I was just twenty four sevensort of on call for her.
(14:07):
Didn't ever mind.
She was good.
But yeah, it's like this,it's just all very exciting.
I'm, I'm just all over theplace about it at the moment.
My youngest schools take, like, changedall the structure, the structure at the
moment because they're doing a school playand just not, not at all vibing with this.
(14:29):
So he's been doing.
From home a few days this week,and so I'm just feeling a wee
bit extra tired than usual.
So I've really enjoyed today justnot really having to go anywhere.
I just did a wee gentle walk withthe dog and that's been about glad.
The rest
(14:53):
I used to hate.
Timetable was changed becausesomething extraordinary like letting
school, like something's happening.
So they, they're adjusting it and itused to just, it used to hit me off.
Ter you know, I remember this mustbe when they must have kind su
that I may have autism and I wasactually in Army Naval Hospital
(15:23):
and.
And I remember that theychanged the timetable a bit.
It's like they changed the classfrom a Thursday to Friday, and
for some reason I went no nuts.
Well, I did go nuts.
I became very angry about it.
I was like, why are you change?
It was fine the way it was 'cause Ijust felt it was complicated and that
(15:45):
even though looking back on it, it.
What was it?
It was like on a Thursday they had thissort of kinda meeting that the nurses
and staff would have in between twoclasses or something, and then they
(16:06):
changed it to Friday, which shortenedthe lesson on the Friday, and it was
only like a half day on the Friday.
And, uh,
shorten day, shorten the doing.
Brought back a memory there, a changeof routine can really rattle you
(16:28):
or just be a total inconvenience.
Yeah, it's been really nice that he'sbeen able to, to just do work at home.
Like he does that half a day aweek already, so it's not totally
unfamiliar and I think 'causeit was kind of his choice as to.
We could have gone, gone to schooland had the change there or had the
change of being at home and work.
And he chose the work.
(16:49):
Um, he's, he had quite a childout week and it was really nice
to see him like not stressed.
And we were talking about how it's likereally how when like for both of us when
we were younger, it really felt like.
Stressful stuff was just normal.
You just had to deal with it.
And it's so lovely.
Like, you're like, oh wow, we don't alwayshave to be living life in struggle modes.
(17:13):
Um, so it's, it's been good.
It's been really good in that way.
It's just good that there's, there'smechanisms to, to help people now, like
being online does help a lot because I'm.
And we've talked about it and manypeople have spoke about the difficulty
(17:34):
of going to school or even difficultyin education, even like going to
college or whatever, because it's notthe actual work that's the problem.
It's not even the routinethat's the problem.
A lot of the time, theroutine actually helps.
It's like being amongstother people and the stress
(17:55):
high school.
Primary school wasn't too badbecause it was local and it was,
I walked down there and I walkedhome within 10 minutes each way.
But high school, because of wheremy high school was, I had to get
a bus there and go to, I used togo to the bus stop there early.
(18:15):
You know, I'm to half an hour early.
I mean, people are going,well, you going dead early for,
you're just in your day longer.
So I used to go up there as well,so that I. Just around people
that, you know, just the, in themorning I suppose wasn't so bad.
The only thing I didn't like the schoolbus in the morning was smoke because
(18:37):
people smoked and it just really, itgot to me and because my mom and dad
don't smoke, um, I wasn't used to it.
And, and I always dreaded the wayhome because everybody was all dead
excited, especially on the Friday.
And the
about.
Sometimes I wind up the bus driver.
(18:57):
I see his reaction, and thenI had to actually go a certain
route, uh, eventually becauseI used to go by another school.
And what would happen is people wouldattack the bus from another school because
people on the bus with certain attack.
Still, it's just like, it's allthat, you know, all do to school.
(19:20):
What.
I'm just talking aboutthe school bus here.
I'm even talking about actuallybeing within the actual people when
you get into classes and all that,which was another kinda challenge.
So it's good to know there's alternativesthere and certainly help there and
actually accessing that as makingyou seem like you are the problem.
(19:43):
It's just the adaptability.
So it's different people.
I know it's not always the case andthere'll always be people kind of try
to put it down and done into somethingkind of negative, but it's certainly a,
a positive thing for a lot of people.
And it's just good that thingshave progressed that way.
At least.
I was just thinking about my school,my secondary school, and the biggest
(20:05):
routine change for me was when I gotto the third year and came up from the
lower to the sort of middle school.
We had a choice.
I. Of either doing a bit of communityservice, going out and helping people
in the community, or you had to jointhe CCF, which was the, the confi.
It was like a, the, you had to choosebetween whether you wanted to be
(20:26):
in the RAF or the Army or the Navy.
We had these within our, thiswas part of our framework.
So you had to wear a uniform on,on a Thursday of whichever branch
of the armed forces you were in.
I was in the Air, air Force.
As a. For that time, and it wasjust such a weird thing to be doing.
(20:49):
My school has an armory as well,so funnily enough they trained
me on how to strip a gun and putit back together, which was part
of my education at my school.
But I could strip a gun and put it backtogether again in a certain amount of
time, and we went shooting and flyingand all sorts of things of this.
It's, it was a really.
(21:10):
Odd school I was in, but I lookback and I think nobody else
would've had these experiences.
This is just so very probably selectiveof me that I've got this in my past and
that's what they taught me at school.
You're not gonna believe this or you'renot gonna believe this, or maybe you
will, would, I'd say anything different.
Why would I say anything different?
Um, Lucy, I was also in theLucy, I was also in the, um, our,
(21:33):
also our school also had armor.
Yes, I did also, yes, I did learn how tostrip a stripper brain gun and also 3 0 3.
The 3 0 3, and put competitionsin the timing of competitions
in the timing of that, and shootand go flying planes as well.
Flying planes as well.
Yeah.
Cool.
So, yeah.
Cool.
Crikey.
I've never met anybody elsewho's had that experience.
(21:54):
I thought that was, that was somethingthat, that was really re that's
that, that is a huge coincidence.
Yeah.
But I mean, I quite enjoyed some ofthe stuff and we, we did go out like to
airfield and I got to fly in a gliderand, you know, we, we went up the chipmunk
planes and we got to fly them ourselves.
So yeah, it was, it was, it it's,but it's very strange to meet
somebody else who had that as well.
(22:16):
Hello?
Sorry that yeah, you're through ahard time in the moment from the
comments you're making on the chat.
My bike's been hit in the car park inCambridge, so I have no transport and
I've just, so I can't get out and I'vejust got a, a letter that was delivered
to my neighbor, wrongly addressedby the housing appointment tomorrow.
(22:41):
And I'm well enough if I don't, ifI. They could start threatening me.
That's true, Robbie.
But there is true.
Rob, another possibility.
There is also another possibilitythat if you're not here, if you're
not, we'll just make another appointappoint or just make another.
It's not such a big, it's not such abig thing, so you might be correct.
(23:02):
You might be correct.
There's a good chance that there'sa good chance that it'll soften out.
It'll soften out back on it, and you'llbe okay and it'll be okay in the end.
No choice.
Kind of working at the same time,working at the same time together.
Then if ever there was a time ever therewas a time, shitty time with your bike.
Shitty time where you, whereyou have to be at home anyway.
(23:24):
I suppose I'm fighting with themtrying to bully me into being
involved with mental health service,which damage my health considerably.
Do you feel like somebody who couldbe, do you feel like somebody who
could giving me that impression so far,not giving me that impression so far?
Uh, I can be.
Because what they do is use my loudvoice as a way of using threats.
(23:47):
Sounds like you've gotit sussed out as plan.
You've got it Sussed out as a plan mate.
You, you know how to deal with'em, know how to deal with them.
You, you know what they'll, if you useyour voice, if you use your loud voice,
so you, you, you obviously thinking,you're obviously thinking you're right.
Sus it and I'll, um, I'll sussit and I'll make sure I don't
give, don't give many excuses.
More power to your elbow mate.
(24:07):
To your elbow mate.
You sound prepared.
Witness my therapist and a fewfriends and hope that I can
get someone here as witness.
Does it feel that bad then?
Does it feel that bad?
Have a, you need to have a witness.
'cause um, that sort of thing is usuallythe sort of thing that's the sort of
thing that starts, put them on the wrongfoot and put them on the right first.
(24:27):
Place 'em off, right?
The first place.
That, that's a way of sticking the,you know, sticking the, sticking
the stick in the hornet, stickingstick in the hornets nest, isn't it?
I would, I just want you to jump inand share like a, like if, when I have
to deal with like authority figures,I suppose I do quite like to have just
somebody there, just more just for myself.
Not so much as a witness, but I, I'vehad to do that before, but just as, just
(24:53):
so that, like I've got a kind of personthat I know knows me, um, and it kind of,
I feel calmer and I just find it easierto talk to the, the person as well.
So like, I, I can relate to that.
Yeah, I can relate to that too.
Yeah, I can relate to that too.
As you've described, as you'vedescribed, it's a support, isn't it?
It's a support, isn't it?
It's a, it's a feeling that,it's a feeling that you're not
(25:14):
exposed, somebody exposed yourback, and somebody's got your back.
As soon as you start, as soon as you startusing language like witness using language
like witness that really antagonizes them.
Antagonizes them.
I need someone to support that.
Yeah, I've been in that position myselfwhere I've felt that I've needed someone
(25:36):
to be there because it feels like asituation that could be threatening or
just could be awkward because of, youknow, an authority figure or whatever it
is, because there'd be somebody there,they can understand the way that I
communicate, and if it's misunderstood,they could actually help me.
(25:57):
Not an interpreter, but.
I mean, the, the thing is sometimespeople take the way people speak in
mannerisms and things the wrong way.
Like if you speak loud, for instance,because you're asserting yourself and
you, you wanna get a point across.
Some people take that or even usethat as a form of threatening, even
(26:21):
though it's not, it's like maybe you'refrustrated or you're just, and making.
People have said to me a few times,you're shouting, even though I
don't feel myself, I'm shouting.
I'm just kinda giving a point across.
So, and I think some things that canbe used against people, some things
(26:44):
I've kind of read things and I'veheard things, people's experiences, and
it's just a shame that that happens.
So there someone there to bea witness, you wanna use that
word, or someone to support.
It's always a.
My experience as safeguarding team,did it always push you towards a mental
(27:04):
health service and that won't help?
I think the comments other peoplemade, the comments, other people made.
Really, Robbie, reallyimportant here, Robbie, but I.
But at the end of the day, at the endof the day, if you are worried that
they're going, if you are worriedtowards, they're going push you
towards the mental health team, is themental health team getting involved?
What is the best case?
(27:26):
Case scenario and case scenarioand the alternative you would
like to push them towards?
Does it exist towards and does it exist?
What I need doesn't exist.
That's why I'm struggling.
I need help a thing.
What I've ended up with because ofthe neglect from the adult social
(27:47):
care, I have meltdowns at the daycenter, so I'm excluded for life.
So every time I can't get out onmy bike, I'm shutting the flack,
which causes me to be depressed.
Now the only thing that liftsmy mood IT company and I've
got nowhere where I can go.
I hear you Robbie, and I'm glad you IRobbie, and I'm glad you're here with
(28:08):
us here having company with us now.
Its that balance.
It's like knowing what you wantfor yourself and being capable of
knowing what you want for yourself.
And sometimes you feel you may be gettingpushed towards a ion 'cause people
are saying that you need somethingeven though you feel you don't.
I know it's a bit of a minefield,this sort of thing, but only you can
(28:31):
know you and there's no point pushed.
Something you feel is not.
For me anyway, you, I'm quite, you know,lucky in many ways for the life I've
got, you know, that I do get company,but there has been times where even
though I do have that company, there'sbeen times that I haven't and there's
(28:53):
been times where I haven't felt goodand I feel that, 'cause I live alone,
I feel that loneliness and it's nota nice place to be and company is.
Something's all you need.
Nothing judgmental.
Not even giving advice.
Sometimes just a listening ear and justtalking away, you know, with someone.
(29:13):
Or even just listening to peopletalking, you know, about a certain
thing and feeling comfortable withinthat and don't feel judged when a, a
lot of that's kind of done good for me.
You know, even just talk, noteven talking about the thing that
you're worried about, just talkingother things to take your off.
It even, you know, can be very be.
(29:35):
But it is a hard thing and it, it dependson the individual and what they born.
There's sometimes there's thatfeeling that something you're
looking for may not exist yet.
I have plenty of places to go,but no means of getting there.
I'll get these newer, atypicalpeople thinking because I've done
a simple bus journey that's easy.
They don't see the distress and there'snothing, nothing within Burwell.
(30:00):
Things I would normally do are so.
Day that I could easily get stranded,well resonate with the, the public
transport thing, for instance.
And of course some timings.
If you're going somewhere and thepublic transport isn't great, you
know, it's too late in the last bus ortrain, whatever you're going to get,
(30:21):
you know, as well before the thingyou want to do ends or even starts.
And in my experience, there never beena. On public transport, even if I'm
just going even at a short five minutetrip, and sometimes if it's a five
(30:41):
minute trip on a bus, I even just walkinstead if it's doable, because it always
seems to be planning to how I'm goingcope or being on the public transport
because the slightest mistake or theslightest thing that upsets or a noise.
(31:02):
Can stick in their mind, youknow, well after it's happened.
I mean, I can remember one time nottoo long ago when my concession pass
had run out without me realizing it andthen getting a bus ticket and knowing
how to do the return and where to showthe drive and what machine they put
it in was kind of causing distressitself even before he even got the bus.
(31:28):
I think there was one thing where Iwas pointing up with the, the sort of
what you call it, the, the thing that,you know, the kinda square thing they
used to identify the thing that you'retrying to use and I was pointing it down
rather up, and I held the boss salt formaybe 10 seconds and that is still real.
(31:52):
And, and it was resolved.
There was no problem really.
Everybody else was seen.
But for me, I was just ragingbecause I made this a mistake
because I'm not used to doing it.
And I even caused a bit ofdistress on the trip itself, even
though nothing else happened.
It's so, there's no suchthing in myEd of it.
(32:13):
A simple task like that,especially on public transport.
So when people say, I just jumpedthe bus, I'll just jump the train.
It's not as simple as that,especially if you use a certain
mode of transport usually as well.
I can, I I used to live in a very smallvillage, very small here in Wiltshire.
We moved to Salisbury because it's biggerand a bit more politan, but I, I lived
(32:35):
in a very isolated visit, uh, village.
And I know exactly what it's likewhen you can't get very far from
where you are and there's not verymuch where you are and you have to
travel in order to get to anything.
So my only options were from this tinyvillage with hardly any people living
there and no train, transport, and a busthat came every couple of hours and took
(32:57):
two hours to get to the next village.
We had to go village to village.
It was really frustrating and itwas never a simple thing for me.
And you know, I felt so very isolated.
So I've always, I, I, I, I,I've never been able to drive,
never learned, never could.
So for me, journeys across Wilshirehave been really difficult coming from
(33:19):
London where there's all the transportto come into a place where there's none.
It was such a culture shock.
It just felt very isolating.
We ended up here in Salisbury basically,'cause I couldn't cope with it anymore.
The buses here are Monday to Saturday,and the last one is at quarter past seven.
If I missed that, I. Totally seethat Robbie, that that's what
(33:42):
used to happen to me as well.
A certain point at night,the buses would stop.
There was no way for meto way to get to anything.
And if I'd got there, I hadto have a way to come back.
So, yeah, exactly the same thingwhere you, you want to go out and
do things, but you have that kind oflittle bit of palpable feel, fear.
That maybe this isn't going to turn outright and you might be stranded somewhere.
(34:04):
So it does, it does takeyou, yeah, I understand that.
It, it kind of takes you backa bit and you don't, you feel
like you can't do things.
I do find it ridiculous though,know in many areas I know it's down
to, to money and things like that.
That's usually the case in nurse country.
But just to find a revital is thebus service is finishing at seven.
(34:24):
They get, people are work, some peopleare working all day, don't have a car
and they want to go somewhere but theycan't use public transport 'cause there
isn't any, it's like people don't go out.
It's like people just sit in the houseand sometimes feel are settling in a
house 'cause they can't go out 'causethere's nothing provided for them to
go somewhere considerable distance.
I'm luckily in an which, youknow, in comparison to that.
(34:50):
I mean, I, I live close to a railwaystation that takes me straight to Glasgow.
I can even go to, can go anywherebasically in the train, change a train
at Dump Barton and even go all the way toEdinburgh and it's like half hour early.
So, and the buses round here, althoughthey're not always great, they're
still buses after seven at least.
(35:11):
And I can get to places if I wanna,but just of all these that people.
And even if they did, they may not want tochoose to, to drive the car to go there.
Would you rather get public transportto go there so they can relax and, and
the artistic mind, you know, would getyou ready to, you know, the return home.
(35:33):
You would, you would prepare yourself,you know, for a bus or Shane that would
be on later on and then go for, becauseI've done that myself so that, so
off.
Public transport is running certain areas.
I mean, obviously it doesn't just affectautistic people, it affects a lot of
(35:53):
people, a lot of owner people that justwant to go out and basically be with
other people per wee while and not havingto rely on somebody with their car and
certainly don't want to rely on thingslike taxis 'cause they cost a fortune.
So, yeah.
(36:17):
Often in the evening, all weekendbecause it is nothing just to, to ask,
did uh Michael come back last week?
Just wonder he actually come back.
I know I wasn't there.
Just wondering.
No, he didn't.
Okay, fair enough.
Just wondered.
Actually, maybe seen them soon.
Actually he did say me.
(36:38):
He did enjoy coming along.
Obviously I wasn't sure how it wasgoing go, was meet new people and.
Not too familiar with theformat, but we found it okay.
And it was easy enough to do the use.
I've gotta say, last week when I, I wasn'there because I was watching a Scotland
game Halfway through that game, I felloff By time, I should have just done
(36:59):
it because I was sitting in the house.
Didn't actually, I met my, my brothersisters for the first game in the game.
I just in the house, which wasn't great.
Well.
My club club and my country wererelegated in the same weekend.
(37:20):
So that was a quite interestingexperience for a football fan.
But then it was stilla good weekend though.
I mean, uh, you know, I was out, youknow, on the Thursday, the Friday and the
Saturday, which was good, and a Sunday aswell, which I decided that I had too much
company and I wanted to have time myself.
(37:43):
Which doesn't happen very often.
Usually I'm kind yearning for companymany anyways and on the wind more company.
So yeah.
So apart from theresult, Tom do all right.
Actually started to get a wee bit mu in.
I actually got out to amusic jam last Sunday.
We take part Robbie?
(38:04):
Yes.
Sounds good.
I'm not a musician myself,but you can sort of see how.
Great.
It is for, well, my brother's a musician.
I see them jamming and you know, havinga kind of strum of the guitar with other
people, you know, and although this isgiant family occasions or, or whatever,
(38:24):
but it's, it's nice when things like thathappen, you know, the music, you know,
bringing people together and you know,it's, and then I've kind of seen it,
I've been in pubs and things like that.
What was it
in one of the.
I stopped going because I felt you.
It was a bit too loud for me, but Iappreciated, I appreciated it a little
(38:46):
bit because the atmosphere was goodand uh, you just coming in with our
instruments and that and just kindasettling in and then strumming here and
strumming there, and basic guitar stuff.
But I think the thing got it tome it's because it was charming.
There wasn't, there wasn't a completeor didn't feel it was a complete
(39:07):
tuner song and it was driving me downbecause of my per professionalism.
It's like I feel screaming for God's sake.
Funny, simple song.
First of while you want to another one.
How dare you enjoy yourself.
I need perfection here in my atmosphere.
So I throw, that was nice.
(39:29):
And that will be accommodatefor, for many people that
otherwise maybe don't go anywhere.
Because a lot of it is, there'snot a lot of conversations.
Some people just come in and justkinda stem away or play away, you
know, sitting, you know, with adrink, with a Coke or whatever.
There's no like pressure to, you know,introduce yourself too much around.
It's just like, oh, do we goplay this or do we go play that?
(39:51):
And I found that quite, you know,kind, warm actually seeing like.
That's why it works for mebecause it's less conversation
and I've got a common interest.
And most Thursdays I can findsomewhere to go to an open mic.
A couple of Tuesdays I can, so every otherSunday I can find a music jam to get to.
(40:15):
And it all with people I'veknown a long time accept me as
I'm and on a choir practice.
Singing with a choir at CambridgePride on the main stage.
It's always good to have anoutlet to, you know, to do
something or be part of something.
(40:36):
And I've got different things with me.
It seems to be committees and, uh,you know, a few years ago, it was 10
years ago now, it used to be AshleyFootball, which was a club that I.
It was just disabled addictions, autistic,you know, mental health, trying to
bring it all together and people don'tgenerally go anywhere or do anything.
(40:59):
And one or two people, including myselfof course, were autistic and it was just
like an interest just to bring peopletogether, you know, but for an hour or so.
And it wasn't just about the activity.
Sales, sometimes if it's if good
suit, you can actually hang you.
You know, just before or bitof time after it as well.
(41:22):
I remember I used to enjoy that,particularly after it where after
kinda running about in a hole, standingoutside, cooling off, drink some water,
just having pleasant conversationand generally because you're playing
football, you're talking about that thinganyway, so you've all got an interest.
So nobody seems to be left out.
(41:44):
I know it's not perfect,but it certainly suited me.
The choir, I normally go back to
Clk.
We speak our words, we listen,we speak our words, we listen.
We speak our words.
We listen.
We speak our words.
We listen.
It's amazing how weather, brightweather, even if you're not a fan of
the sun as such, which I'm not, isjust, it just brightens up, just kinda
(00:27):
even if you're feeling a bit tiredand a bit sluggish in math, in my
experience, it kind of pers up a bit.
Yeah, so nice.
I do like the change.
I do like, I mean, spring isprobably the best part of it.
I mean, once you get into summerit's a bit sweltering and you know,
things feel like more of an effort.
But we're at that point now where theweather's just getting right and we
(00:48):
had to go out and do some stuff today,and it just made all the difference.
And knowing that the nights arenot gonna be so dark as well.
'cause I don't like it when it allsort of goes all dark at three o'clock.
It just seems so gloomy.
But we're starting to getto the happy days again.
Yeah, strangely enough, I can enjoy,if not the weather, I can enjoy
the, especially, I'm not feelinggreat, I enjoy the dark nights.
(01:11):
It feels I can hide away, especiallyif I feel I need to go somewhere and
do something like walk out to the localshop or go to the local community for,
or whatever, and it's kind of dark.
It's light.
You can sort hide away, notsneak about, but just hide away.
But if you're in the right mood andsometimes if you're not in the right mood,
(01:32):
it can per you up this kind of weather.
And because of where I live, andeven though I've said it many
times, I don't take advantage of it.
It's just like you can appreciate,you know, the beauty of the area when
it's, it's nice and just get us yearbeginning to, if they're not blooming,
they're beginning to bloom or they're.
(01:55):
It's just nicely.
Where I sit in my living room is Ilook straight over to the window, the
other side of the room and just theway that you know, the curtains are
open, which is unusual for a Sunday.
They're usually closed becausethey usually don't go out, so it's
usually closed, but they're open.
They've got flowers which are fake,but the nice decorator flowers
(02:16):
on the windowsill and it's nice.
The background you see the kind the
blue.
Behind as well.
So, my god, my tears down myeyes here to even the stip
that, so it's nice and pleasant.
So Mother's Day today, which wasgreat 'cause there wasn't a lot
of people about on the street.
(02:36):
Everybody was visiting their mothers.
So I, I managed, I, I,I don't do that anymore.
Obviously I haven't got my mum withme anymore, but it's sort of day
when you do think about her a bit.
But, uh, yeah, it's just likeeverybody goes crazy and there
were so many flowers everywhere.
Everybody was carrying a bouquetof flowers today near me.
I live near, quite near a big supermarketand it was just people last minute
buying for their mothers, you know?
(02:57):
So I was keeping my mum in mind today.
Yeah.
First things in perspective, becauseI was kind of rushing about today, can
down my mom's house, and I did the lastminute thing, even though I planned to do
that, which was basically getting the car
some money in and havinga discussion, you know.
(03:20):
But what I've also seen is peoplepaying tribute to, to mothers
that are no longer with them.
And that includes knowing mom, youknow, you know she died a long time
ago, and you just see that kinda,it's somber for people sometimes.
Just a tribute, you know, a thought, andit just makes you feel grateful for what I
(03:41):
have and for all the memories I do have upto now, and hopefully many more to come.
I know it'll be, you know, quite aintense, uh, period for some people
this time of year, it's like Christmasseason and Father's Day as well, and
it's like Christmas season, birthdays.
It's like, it's a reminder ofsometimes if someone's no longer
(04:03):
there and it's quite intense.
Yeah.
I, you, it's, it's all aboutsort of, I mean, mom went, uh,
to and a bit years ago now.
So, so for me, each one thatpasses is just sort of, I, I
mean, I'm, I'm, I'm sort of.
It's, it's kind of sad and melancholy,but at the same time I quite like to,
(04:25):
to think about what my mom thought aboutMother's Day and she hated flowers and
she didn't like chocolates and so shewas really difficult to buy for, and
I was just thinking about that todayand sort of just about everything.
My mom was really, you know, a littlebit of an irritant sometimes, but
generally nice, but she was difficultto get presents and bits for, so that
was something I was thinking abouttoday and it was making me smile
(04:47):
because we just had to be creativeand try and find something she liked.
Mother's Day just sneaked up on me thesame way the clock change did as well.
I set my alarm clock last night andit said I only had seven hours of
sleep that I was gonna get insteadof the eight that I was expecting.
That's how I found out about thatand I found out about Mother's Day
'cause one of my friends messaged me.
(05:08):
I don't really remember the ever beinglike such a big deal as a holiday
or sort of Hallmark Day before.
Yeah, I'm trying to think back.
I don't, I, I, I mean, I don't think itwas such a big thing when, when I was,
and I, Hey, I'm 50 so I'm going back halfa century, but I don't remember being
a little one and, you know, having toget mom massive presents or anything.
(05:31):
I think we used to make maybe littlecards and things for her ourselves,
but they didn't seem to be thepressure, and I don't remember
anybody making a big fuss over it.
But, you know, it's, it's, it's thatcommercialization thing really, isn't it?
Everything's a, a card day nowyou get cards for everything.
My mom, uh, kinda buys into that.
She likes being spoiled and she's, mymom's just, uh, is a nice me character,
(05:55):
like friendly with everybody and kindamostly, kinda, sort of kinda happy kinda
character, which I'm kind of jealousof, you know, even in the morning,
you know, you know, having to be singsong herself and stuff like that.
And, and it's always nice, uh, youknow, give, and she's, you know, she.
(06:16):
Hysteria and the, the nonsense andIslam's family are involved, which is
a co total, um, different from my dad.
My dad hates being spoiled.
He hates being put the center ofattention when it comes to the
Father's Day, his birthday, Christmas.
But my mom, she, she loves it.
So it makes it easier to, you know,just to not buy anything but, you know,
(06:37):
just celebrate it all different ways.
And even doing it, you know, over.
She likes the occasion because I knowa lot of people don't, but you know,
thankfully my mom likes the occasion,so it makes it a bit easier when
it comes to the actual day itself,although the over commercialization
and all that does do my head in.
(06:57):
But then again, it does my head in witha lot of things, but it's not gonna
ruin that day because it's a nice day.
I used to love my dad'sattitude 'cause he was the same.
He didn't want to, he, he,he booked all holidays.
I, he, he really wasn't there forChristmas either for us, you know,
he just didn't, he had, there was,he comes across as being quite
a boring person, but he wasn't.
But he, he didn't do sortof celebrations and things.
(07:19):
But the one thing, the tradition Ihad with my dad and the thing that
we used to share, and it's a reallyodd thing, is that I, every year I
try and find him the most insensitiveand insulting card I possibly could.
And send that to him because it usedto make him laugh when I insulted him.
And so I used to go and just get somethingthat was really offensive that, you
(07:39):
know, was, is just calling him all thenames under the sun and send that to him.
And I tried to do outdo myself everyyear, but he said it always just made
him laugh, you know, he preferred it toa, a real sort of proper Father's Day
card or you know, he just found thata little bit off the wall and funny.
It was very him.
(08:00):
Deal with a lot of things.
Things are uncomfortable.
Things that are people are not reallyinto, you know, like the of, uh, or
overhyping of something is to use Schumer.
And, uh, I've kind ofdone that in many ways.
My mo and dad as well.
And for other things, you know, like thesed calves which, uh, are in insults, but
(08:21):
they're kind of jovial in insults like.
Know, old grump or something likethat, you know, with the, the
canister grumpy man on the, thething or the, the dwarf, uh, grumpy.
And it's quite weird looking at thatbecause, uh, I can, I buy things
like that can I not realizing orrealizing soon after I do that
I'm exactly the same that I grump.
(08:51):
I do like how that sort of thing canmake things that are a bit uncomfortable,
even though they're meant to benice, you know, it can make it a
bit more comfortable for some peoplethat just don't like that either.
There's don't like being set ofattention and I've got it dead.
I don't like that either.
But it's good to raise differentways you can kind of go, you know
about things, to make things kindof nice for people in their own way.
(09:15):
I've talked all before aboutChristmas and things like that.
It's like doing your own thing andnot going with what's the actual
thing you should be doing and what'sthe traditions and what's the rules.
So it's the same that comes tolike the Mother's Day, father's
Day birthdays, or any other sort ofkind of celebrated days that exist.
But thing it matters is that you'recelebrating with people and if
not worth them, you're certainlycelebrating or thinking about them.
(09:39):
As an aside, I'm stillpreparing for my new, my cat.
Who's currently, uh, still withher mum and very, very little.
I know somebody who's got this litter andI'm, I'm getting one of the, the little
kids and I'm, I'm so waiting for it now.
It seems to be a long time until Iget her, but you notice it's that
(10:01):
animal thing since I, I, I haven'thad Daisy in the house anymore.
There's really been something is the,the, the kind of the comfort that an
animal brings into the home is just so,it's, it's, I find it so important and so
having another little soul to look after.
And I think I quite like that, thatfeeling of looking after and having
(10:24):
a, having a someone I've gotta.
Really, I mean, I, Idon't quite have kids.
I always had animals instead, but he'sgonna be lovely to have that little
soul in the house and to shape her andto, you know, take care of her and to
get used to the routine and all that.
And to, and, and I'mreally excited about it.
Given that it's gonna be a lot of work.
I'm just counting the days.
I think I've got about a monthor something before I get it.
(10:45):
But that's my, my project at the moment.
Such a lovely thing.
Be anticipating
collecting bits, so.
We got a stockpile.
The minute I knew that this was gonnahappen, I knew what I was gonna do.
So I've, I've, I've got the litter trayand some litter and a couple of little
(11:07):
sort of chase toys and things like that.
I'm trying to think back to thelast time I had a kitten and
the things that I had to do.
So I'm kind of featheringthe nest at the moment.
Having it all, it is all sort of,I've got the all a little corner
designated with bits and pieces for her.
Um, it's obviously, I don'tknow her personality yet, but
(11:28):
she's, she's only very tiny.
But I mean, she's, from what I'm told,she's, she's quite a little chunk now and
she's, she's playing with her brother.
She's got a brother.
And so I'm, I'm, I'm kind of building alittle corner or like a, a, a sort of a
little chest of things that, that she cancome and play with when she gets here.
(11:49):
So yeah, it's, I'm, I'm going abit getting mad at the moment.
I. I was reminded, uh, by my daughterthe other day by my daughter the other
day, kittens and, um, kitten PS and, um,she said that, um, a lot of new owners
are a lot of new, so kitten they get,especially puppy, especially the kids, um,
that everyone forgets that they, everyoneforgets animal children through the night.
(12:16):
Just imagine, just imagine.
You, you're waiting for this to arrive.
You're waiting for this kitten to arriveand it's, it's something that you are
gonna have to still, you're on time,still back on all that time sleep.
You gonna need sleep and you'regonna want to play with it.
Yeah.
I remember with my, my firstkitten, stu, my, my first
(12:38):
kitten, I, I got for a small ad.
Actually, somebody just gave her tome because their child had become
allergic or something like that.
And I remember her coming into the house.
And just the first couple of daysbeing like, she was just laying
next to me and I was just sortof like, I don't know what to do.
I'd never had a cat of my own before,so I, I'm kind of going back to that
and trying to remember how I feltand how it was and what she was like.
(13:01):
So yeah, I'm just gonna be sortof in anticipation for the moment.
She actually wants to do the, the playingand the chasing and all that, so Yeah.
I'll be all right.
You know, but it, it's, so I haveto get back into the cat mode
after being dog mode for a while.
I find it's quite good if you've gotsome stuff to read, um, if you've
around like a, either a baby or a,a puppy or a kitten, because when
(13:25):
they're having a sleep, you can justread for as long as they need it.
It's quite comfortable as well, likea little weighted weighted object
when you lap a little cozy one.
My life.
Last cat, she used to like to wakeme in the middle of the night.
So, and 'cause I was, I, Ilived with her for a long time.
It was just me and her.
(13:45):
And so I was, she wascompletely imprinted on me.
I, I was everything.
So there were times and when she wasgetting a bit older as well and a
bit crotched and stuff, she used tosit by the bed and just stare at me.
And I used to keep asking her,you know, what do you want?
But she, she was, wasso imprinted on me that.
I was just twenty four sevensort of on call for her.
(14:07):
Didn't ever mind.
She was good.
But yeah, it's like this,it's just all very exciting.
I'm, I'm just all over theplace about it at the moment.
My youngest schools take, like, changedall the structure, the structure at the
moment because they're doing a school playand just not, not at all vibing with this.
(14:29):
So he's been doing.
From home a few days this week,and so I'm just feeling a wee
bit extra tired than usual.
So I've really enjoyed today justnot really having to go anywhere.
I just did a wee gentle walk withthe dog and that's been about glad.
The rest
(14:53):
I used to hate.
Timetable was changed becausesomething extraordinary like letting
school, like something's happening.
So they, they're adjusting it and itused to just, it used to hit me off.
Ter you know, I remember this mustbe when they must have kind su
that I may have autism and I wasactually in Army Naval Hospital
(15:23):
and.
And I remember that theychanged the timetable a bit.
It's like they changed the classfrom a Thursday to Friday, and
for some reason I went no nuts.
Well, I did go nuts.
I became very angry about it.
I was like, why are you change?
It was fine the way it was 'cause Ijust felt it was complicated and that
(15:45):
even though looking back on it, it.
What was it?
It was like on a Thursday they had thissort of kinda meeting that the nurses
and staff would have in between twoclasses or something, and then they
(16:06):
changed it to Friday, which shortenedthe lesson on the Friday, and it was
only like a half day on the Friday.
And, uh,
shorten day, shorten the doing.
Brought back a memory there, a changeof routine can really rattle you
(16:28):
or just be a total inconvenience.
Yeah, it's been really nice that he'sbeen able to, to just do work at home.
Like he does that half a day aweek already, so it's not totally
unfamiliar and I think 'causeit was kind of his choice as to.
We could have gone, gone to schooland had the change there or had the
change of being at home and work.
And he chose the work.
(16:49):
Um, he's, he had quite a childout week and it was really nice
to see him like not stressed.
And we were talking about how it's likereally how when like for both of us when
we were younger, it really felt like.
Stressful stuff was just normal.
You just had to deal with it.
And it's so lovely.
Like, you're like, oh wow, we don't alwayshave to be living life in struggle modes.
(17:13):
Um, so it's, it's been good.
It's been really good in that way.
It's just good that there's, there'smechanisms to, to help people now, like
being online does help a lot because I'm.
And we've talked about it and manypeople have spoke about the difficulty
(17:34):
of going to school or even difficultyin education, even like going to
college or whatever, because it's notthe actual work that's the problem.
It's not even the routinethat's the problem.
A lot of the time, theroutine actually helps.
It's like being amongstother people and the stress
(17:55):
high school.
Primary school wasn't too badbecause it was local and it was,
I walked down there and I walkedhome within 10 minutes each way.
But high school, because of wheremy high school was, I had to get
a bus there and go to, I used togo to the bus stop there early.
(18:15):
You know, I'm to half an hour early.
I mean, people are going,well, you going dead early for,
you're just in your day longer.
So I used to go up there as well,so that I. Just around people
that, you know, just the, in themorning I suppose wasn't so bad.
The only thing I didn't like the schoolbus in the morning was smoke because
(18:37):
people smoked and it just really, itgot to me and because my mom and dad
don't smoke, um, I wasn't used to it.
And, and I always dreaded the wayhome because everybody was all dead
excited, especially on the Friday.
And the
about.
Sometimes I wind up the bus driver.
(18:57):
I see his reaction, and thenI had to actually go a certain
route, uh, eventually becauseI used to go by another school.
And what would happen is people wouldattack the bus from another school because
people on the bus with certain attack.
Still, it's just like, it's allthat, you know, all do to school.
(19:20):
What.
I'm just talking aboutthe school bus here.
I'm even talking about actuallybeing within the actual people when
you get into classes and all that,which was another kinda challenge.
So it's good to know there's alternativesthere and certainly help there and
actually accessing that as makingyou seem like you are the problem.
(19:43):
It's just the adaptability.
So it's different people.
I know it's not always the case andthere'll always be people kind of try
to put it down and done into somethingkind of negative, but it's certainly a,
a positive thing for a lot of people.
And it's just good that thingshave progressed that way.
At least.
I was just thinking about my school,my secondary school, and the biggest
(20:05):
routine change for me was when I gotto the third year and came up from the
lower to the sort of middle school.
We had a choice.
I. Of either doing a bit of communityservice, going out and helping people
in the community, or you had to jointhe CCF, which was the, the confi.
It was like a, the, you had to choosebetween whether you wanted to be
(20:26):
in the RAF or the Army or the Navy.
We had these within our, thiswas part of our framework.
So you had to wear a uniform on,on a Thursday of whichever branch
of the armed forces you were in.
I was in the Air, air Force.
As a. For that time, and it wasjust such a weird thing to be doing.
(20:49):
My school has an armory as well,so funnily enough they trained
me on how to strip a gun and putit back together, which was part
of my education at my school.
But I could strip a gun and put it backtogether again in a certain amount of
time, and we went shooting and flyingand all sorts of things of this.
It's, it was a really.
(21:10):
Odd school I was in, but I lookback and I think nobody else
would've had these experiences.
This is just so very probably selectiveof me that I've got this in my past and
that's what they taught me at school.
You're not gonna believe this or you'renot gonna believe this, or maybe you
will, would, I'd say anything different.
Why would I say anything different?
Um, Lucy, I was also in theLucy, I was also in the, um, our,
(21:33):
also our school also had armor.
Yes, I did also, yes, I did learn how tostrip a stripper brain gun and also 3 0 3.
The 3 0 3, and put competitionsin the timing of competitions
in the timing of that, and shootand go flying planes as well.
Flying planes as well.
Yeah.
Cool.
So, yeah.
Cool.
Crikey.
I've never met anybody elsewho's had that experience.
(21:54):
I thought that was, that was somethingthat, that was really re that's
that, that is a huge coincidence.
Yeah.
But I mean, I quite enjoyed some ofthe stuff and we, we did go out like to
airfield and I got to fly in a gliderand, you know, we, we went up the chipmunk
planes and we got to fly them ourselves.
So yeah, it was, it was, it it's,but it's very strange to meet
somebody else who had that as well.
(22:16):
Hello?
Sorry that yeah, you're through ahard time in the moment from the
comments you're making on the chat.
My bike's been hit in the car park inCambridge, so I have no transport and
I've just, so I can't get out and I'vejust got a, a letter that was delivered
to my neighbor, wrongly addressedby the housing appointment tomorrow.
(22:41):
And I'm well enough if I don't, ifI. They could start threatening me.
That's true, Robbie.
But there is true.
Rob, another possibility.
There is also another possibilitythat if you're not here, if you're
not, we'll just make another appointappoint or just make another.
It's not such a big, it's not such abig thing, so you might be correct.
(23:02):
You might be correct.
There's a good chance that there'sa good chance that it'll soften out.
It'll soften out back on it, and you'llbe okay and it'll be okay in the end.
No choice.
Kind of working at the same time,working at the same time together.
Then if ever there was a time ever therewas a time, shitty time with your bike.
Shitty time where you, whereyou have to be at home anyway.
(23:24):
I suppose I'm fighting with themtrying to bully me into being
involved with mental health service,which damage my health considerably.
Do you feel like somebody who couldbe, do you feel like somebody who
could giving me that impression so far,not giving me that impression so far?
Uh, I can be.
Because what they do is use my loudvoice as a way of using threats.
(23:47):
Sounds like you've gotit sussed out as plan.
You've got it Sussed out as a plan mate.
You, you know how to deal with'em, know how to deal with them.
You, you know what they'll, if you useyour voice, if you use your loud voice,
so you, you, you obviously thinking,you're obviously thinking you're right.
Sus it and I'll, um, I'll sussit and I'll make sure I don't
give, don't give many excuses.
More power to your elbow mate.
(24:07):
To your elbow mate.
You sound prepared.
Witness my therapist and a fewfriends and hope that I can
get someone here as witness.
Does it feel that bad then?
Does it feel that bad?
Have a, you need to have a witness.
'cause um, that sort of thing is usuallythe sort of thing that's the sort of
thing that starts, put them on the wrongfoot and put them on the right first.
(24:27):
Place 'em off, right?
The first place.
That, that's a way of sticking the,you know, sticking the, sticking
the stick in the hornet, stickingstick in the hornets nest, isn't it?
I would, I just want you to jump inand share like a, like if, when I have
to deal with like authority figures,I suppose I do quite like to have just
somebody there, just more just for myself.
Not so much as a witness, but I, I'vehad to do that before, but just as, just
(24:53):
so that, like I've got a kind of personthat I know knows me, um, and it kind of,
I feel calmer and I just find it easierto talk to the, the person as well.
So like, I, I can relate to that.
Yeah, I can relate to that too.
Yeah, I can relate to that too.
As you've described, as you'vedescribed, it's a support, isn't it?
It's a support, isn't it?
It's a, it's a feeling that,it's a feeling that you're not
(25:14):
exposed, somebody exposed yourback, and somebody's got your back.
As soon as you start, as soon as you startusing language like witness using language
like witness that really antagonizes them.
Antagonizes them.
I need someone to support that.
Yeah, I've been in that position myselfwhere I've felt that I've needed someone
(25:36):
to be there because it feels like asituation that could be threatening or
just could be awkward because of, youknow, an authority figure or whatever it
is, because there'd be somebody there,they can understand the way that I
communicate, and if it's misunderstood,they could actually help me.
(25:57):
Not an interpreter, but.
I mean, the, the thing is sometimespeople take the way people speak in
mannerisms and things the wrong way.
Like if you speak loud, for instance,because you're asserting yourself and
you, you wanna get a point across.
Some people take that or even usethat as a form of threatening, even
(26:21):
though it's not, it's like maybe you'refrustrated or you're just, and making.
People have said to me a few times,you're shouting, even though I
don't feel myself, I'm shouting.
I'm just kinda giving a point across.
So, and I think some things that canbe used against people, some things
(26:44):
I've kind of read things and I'veheard things, people's experiences, and
it's just a shame that that happens.
So there someone there to bea witness, you wanna use that
word, or someone to support.
It's always a.
My experience as safeguarding team,did it always push you towards a mental
(27:04):
health service and that won't help?
I think the comments other peoplemade, the comments, other people made.
Really, Robbie, reallyimportant here, Robbie, but I.
But at the end of the day, at the endof the day, if you are worried that
they're going, if you are worriedtowards, they're going push you
towards the mental health team, is themental health team getting involved?
What is the best case?
(27:26):
Case scenario and case scenarioand the alternative you would
like to push them towards?
Does it exist towards and does it exist?
What I need doesn't exist.
That's why I'm struggling.
I need help a thing.
What I've ended up with because ofthe neglect from the adult social
(27:47):
care, I have meltdowns at the daycenter, so I'm excluded for life.
So every time I can't get out onmy bike, I'm shutting the flack,
which causes me to be depressed.
Now the only thing that liftsmy mood IT company and I've
got nowhere where I can go.
I hear you Robbie, and I'm glad you IRobbie, and I'm glad you're here with
(28:08):
us here having company with us now.
Its that balance.
It's like knowing what you wantfor yourself and being capable of
knowing what you want for yourself.
And sometimes you feel you may be gettingpushed towards a ion 'cause people
are saying that you need somethingeven though you feel you don't.
I know it's a bit of a minefield,this sort of thing, but only you can
(28:31):
know you and there's no point pushed.
Something you feel is not.
For me anyway, you, I'm quite, you know,lucky in many ways for the life I've
got, you know, that I do get company,but there has been times where even
though I do have that company, there'sbeen times that I haven't and there's
(28:53):
been times where I haven't felt goodand I feel that, 'cause I live alone,
I feel that loneliness and it's nota nice place to be and company is.
Something's all you need.
Nothing judgmental.
Not even giving advice.
Sometimes just a listening ear and justtalking away, you know, with someone.
(29:13):
Or even just listening to peopletalking, you know, about a certain
thing and feeling comfortable withinthat and don't feel judged when a, a
lot of that's kind of done good for me.
You know, even just talk, noteven talking about the thing that
you're worried about, just talkingother things to take your off.
It even, you know, can be very be.
(29:35):
But it is a hard thing and it, it dependson the individual and what they born.
There's sometimes there's thatfeeling that something you're
looking for may not exist yet.
I have plenty of places to go,but no means of getting there.
I'll get these newer, atypicalpeople thinking because I've done
a simple bus journey that's easy.
They don't see the distress and there'snothing, nothing within Burwell.
(30:00):
Things I would normally do are so.
Day that I could easily get stranded,well resonate with the, the public
transport thing, for instance.
And of course some timings.
If you're going somewhere and thepublic transport isn't great, you
know, it's too late in the last bus ortrain, whatever you're going to get,
(30:21):
you know, as well before the thingyou want to do ends or even starts.
And in my experience, there never beena. On public transport, even if I'm
just going even at a short five minutetrip, and sometimes if it's a five
(30:41):
minute trip on a bus, I even just walkinstead if it's doable, because it always
seems to be planning to how I'm goingcope or being on the public transport
because the slightest mistake or theslightest thing that upsets or a noise.
(31:02):
Can stick in their mind, youknow, well after it's happened.
I mean, I can remember one time nottoo long ago when my concession pass
had run out without me realizing it andthen getting a bus ticket and knowing
how to do the return and where to showthe drive and what machine they put
it in was kind of causing distressitself even before he even got the bus.
(31:28):
I think there was one thing where Iwas pointing up with the, the sort of
what you call it, the, the thing that,you know, the kinda square thing they
used to identify the thing that you'retrying to use and I was pointing it down
rather up, and I held the boss salt formaybe 10 seconds and that is still real.
(31:52):
And, and it was resolved.
There was no problem really.
Everybody else was seen.
But for me, I was just ragingbecause I made this a mistake
because I'm not used to doing it.
And I even caused a bit ofdistress on the trip itself, even
though nothing else happened.
It's so, there's no suchthing in myEd of it.
(32:13):
A simple task like that,especially on public transport.
So when people say, I just jumpedthe bus, I'll just jump the train.
It's not as simple as that,especially if you use a certain
mode of transport usually as well.
I can, I I used to live in a very smallvillage, very small here in Wiltshire.
We moved to Salisbury because it's biggerand a bit more politan, but I, I lived
(32:35):
in a very isolated visit, uh, village.
And I know exactly what it's likewhen you can't get very far from
where you are and there's not verymuch where you are and you have to
travel in order to get to anything.
So my only options were from this tinyvillage with hardly any people living
there and no train, transport, and a busthat came every couple of hours and took
(32:57):
two hours to get to the next village.
We had to go village to village.
It was really frustrating and itwas never a simple thing for me.
And you know, I felt so very isolated.
So I've always, I, I, I, I,I've never been able to drive,
never learned, never could.
So for me, journeys across Wilshirehave been really difficult coming from
(33:19):
London where there's all the transportto come into a place where there's none.
It was such a culture shock.
It just felt very isolating.
We ended up here in Salisbury basically,'cause I couldn't cope with it anymore.
The buses here are Monday to Saturday,and the last one is at quarter past seven.
If I missed that, I. Totally seethat Robbie, that that's what
(33:42):
used to happen to me as well.
A certain point at night,the buses would stop.
There was no way for meto way to get to anything.
And if I'd got there, I hadto have a way to come back.
So, yeah, exactly the same thingwhere you, you want to go out and
do things, but you have that kind oflittle bit of palpable feel, fear.
That maybe this isn't going to turn outright and you might be stranded somewhere.
(34:04):
So it does, it does takeyou, yeah, I understand that.
It, it kind of takes you backa bit and you don't, you feel
like you can't do things.
I do find it ridiculous though,know in many areas I know it's down
to, to money and things like that.
That's usually the case in nurse country.
But just to find a revital is thebus service is finishing at seven.
(34:24):
They get, people are work, some peopleare working all day, don't have a car
and they want to go somewhere but theycan't use public transport 'cause there
isn't any, it's like people don't go out.
It's like people just sit in the houseand sometimes feel are settling in a
house 'cause they can't go out 'causethere's nothing provided for them to
go somewhere considerable distance.
I'm luckily in an which, youknow, in comparison to that.
(34:50):
I mean, I, I live close to a railwaystation that takes me straight to Glasgow.
I can even go to, can go anywherebasically in the train, change a train
at Dump Barton and even go all the way toEdinburgh and it's like half hour early.
So, and the buses round here, althoughthey're not always great, they're
still buses after seven at least.
(35:11):
And I can get to places if I wanna,but just of all these that people.
And even if they did, they may not want tochoose to, to drive the car to go there.
Would you rather get public transportto go there so they can relax and, and
the artistic mind, you know, would getyou ready to, you know, the return home.
(35:33):
You would, you would prepare yourself,you know, for a bus or Shane that would
be on later on and then go for, becauseI've done that myself so that, so
off.
Public transport is running certain areas.
I mean, obviously it doesn't just affectautistic people, it affects a lot of
(35:53):
people, a lot of owner people that justwant to go out and basically be with
other people per wee while and not havingto rely on somebody with their car and
certainly don't want to rely on thingslike taxis 'cause they cost a fortune.
So, yeah.
(36:17):
Often in the evening, all weekendbecause it is nothing just to, to ask,
did uh Michael come back last week?
Just wonder he actually come back.
I know I wasn't there.
Just wondering.
No, he didn't.
Okay, fair enough.
Just wondered.
Actually, maybe seen them soon.
Actually he did say me.
(36:38):
He did enjoy coming along.
Obviously I wasn't sure how it wasgoing go, was meet new people and.
Not too familiar with theformat, but we found it okay.
And it was easy enough to do the use.
I've gotta say, last week when I, I wasn'there because I was watching a Scotland
game Halfway through that game, I felloff By time, I should have just done
(36:59):
it because I was sitting in the house.
Didn't actually, I met my, my brothersisters for the first game in the game.
I just in the house, which wasn't great.
Well.
My club club and my country wererelegated in the same weekend.
(37:20):
So that was a quite interestingexperience for a football fan.
But then it was stilla good weekend though.
I mean, uh, you know, I was out, youknow, on the Thursday, the Friday and the
Saturday, which was good, and a Sunday aswell, which I decided that I had too much
company and I wanted to have time myself.
(37:43):
Which doesn't happen very often.
Usually I'm kind yearning for companymany anyways and on the wind more company.
So yeah.
So apart from theresult, Tom do all right.
Actually started to get a wee bit mu in.
I actually got out to amusic jam last Sunday.
We take part Robbie?
(38:04):
Yes.
Sounds good.
I'm not a musician myself,but you can sort of see how.
Great.
It is for, well, my brother's a musician.
I see them jamming and you know, havinga kind of strum of the guitar with other
people, you know, and although this isgiant family occasions or, or whatever,
(38:24):
but it's, it's nice when things like thathappen, you know, the music, you know,
bringing people together and you know,it's, and then I've kind of seen it,
I've been in pubs and things like that.
What was it
in one of the.
I stopped going because I felt you.
It was a bit too loud for me, but Iappreciated, I appreciated it a little
(38:46):
bit because the atmosphere was goodand uh, you just coming in with our
instruments and that and just kindasettling in and then strumming here and
strumming there, and basic guitar stuff.
But I think the thing got it tome it's because it was charming.
There wasn't, there wasn't a completeor didn't feel it was a complete
(39:07):
tuner song and it was driving me downbecause of my per professionalism.
It's like I feel screaming for God's sake.
Funny, simple song.
First of while you want to another one.
How dare you enjoy yourself.
I need perfection here in my atmosphere.
So I throw, that was nice.
(39:29):
And that will be accommodatefor, for many people that
otherwise maybe don't go anywhere.
Because a lot of it is, there'snot a lot of conversations.
Some people just come in and justkinda stem away or play away, you
know, sitting, you know, with adrink, with a Coke or whatever.
There's no like pressure to, you know,introduce yourself too much around.
It's just like, oh, do we goplay this or do we go play that?
(39:51):
And I found that quite, you know,kind, warm actually seeing like.
That's why it works for mebecause it's less conversation
and I've got a common interest.
And most Thursdays I can findsomewhere to go to an open mic.
A couple of Tuesdays I can, so every otherSunday I can find a music jam to get to.
(40:15):
And it all with people I'veknown a long time accept me as
I'm and on a choir practice.
Singing with a choir at CambridgePride on the main stage.
It's always good to have anoutlet to, you know, to do
something or be part of something.
(40:36):
And I've got different things with me.
It seems to be committees and, uh,you know, a few years ago, it was 10
years ago now, it used to be AshleyFootball, which was a club that I.
It was just disabled addictions, autistic,you know, mental health, trying to
bring it all together and people don'tgenerally go anywhere or do anything.
(40:59):
And one or two people, including myselfof course, were autistic and it was just
like an interest just to bring peopletogether, you know, but for an hour or so.
And it wasn't just about the activity.
Sales, sometimes if it's if good
suit, you can actually hang you.
You know, just before or bitof time after it as well.
(41:22):
I remember I used to enjoy that,particularly after it where after
kinda running about in a hole, standingoutside, cooling off, drink some water,
just having pleasant conversationand generally because you're playing
football, you're talking about that thinganyway, so you've all got an interest.
So nobody seems to be left out.
(41:44):
I know it's not perfect,but it certainly suited me.
The choir, I normally go back to
Clk.
Popular Podcasts
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com