December 21, 2025 • 62 mins
What happens when helping people turns into carrying burdens God never asked you to carry? In this episode of Between Sermons, Pastor Sol McQuay, Pastor Asa, and Ti’heasha Beasley unpack the final message of the Red Flags series by tackling the Savior Complex—the subtle but exhausting belief that it’s our job to fix, rescue, or control the outcomes of the people we love. Through honest stories, humor, and deep biblical wisdom, they explore how emotional suppression, poor communication, and misplaced responsibility can quietly lead to burnout, anxiety, and spiritual heaviness. This conversation challenges listeners to recognize when compassion turns into control, how to love people without making them projects, and why true freedom only comes when we surrender outcomes to God. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by other people’s problems, struggled to let go, or felt spiritually exhausted from “doing too much,” this episode will help you put the cape down, trust God again, and learn what healthy, Spirit-led love really looks like.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (00:00):
Sam.
Pastor Sol McQuay (00:55):
Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to Between
Sermons, where we take what is happening
on Sundays and we bring it into
a conversation. It is gonna be a
really, really good episode. As always, we
have Taisha here, and Pastor Asa is
gonna be helping us with this conversation.
It's gonna be. It's gonna be wonderful.
It's gonna be wonderful.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:15):
It's gonna be funny already. What was
that?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:20):
Sometimes I hit the Barry White voice,
but anyway, DJ.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:23):
DJ. I call him DJ.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:25):
Pastor Asa.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:26):
That's new. That's new. In the last
20 minutes.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:30):
Yeah. Date.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:31):
This is getting worse, weird and worse.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:35):
I love it already. I love you.
Glad you're with us.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:37):
Yeah. This is great. This is awesome.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:39):
Yes. I love it. Thank you for
the introduction, Pastor.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:42):
So.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:42):
And thank you for opening us up.
How was that? You know, taking the
filling, the shoes of Pastor Bread.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:47):
It feels different. It feels different. This
chair feels intimidating, roomy. To grow into
it. Like, I feel excited to grow
into it. Okay. You know, you did
well.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (02:00):
I was like, oh, she's opened before.
She didn't know how to do this.
Ti'heasha Beasley (02:03):
She memorized. That's gross.
Pastor Sol McQuay (02:05):
I listened to it every single week.
Ti'heasha Beasley (02:08):
Thank you for being a loyal listener
and participant. Like, I've been on this
show a.
Pastor Sol McQuay (02:13):
Lot of times, so it's always fun.
Ti'heasha Beasley (02:15):
So we're going to have a good
conversation today. We ended our sermon series
Red Flags this month. How was it?
How was the series for you guys?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (02:26):
Red Flags. I don't remember nothing but
yesterday. No, I'm just playing. It was
really good. Yes. It started off great
with Pastor. I'm trying to remember what
he talked about.
Pastor Sol McQuay (02:36):
We had emotions.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (02:37):
We had emotions, and then we had
communication, and then we had. Yeah, the
whole. I tried to block out the
whole emotion thing. That's probably why I
didn't remember.
Pastor Sol McQuay (02:47):
Red Block.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (02:47):
Right? I partially blocked that out. Yesterday
was great.
Pastor Sol McQuay (02:54):
Oh, God.
Ti'heasha Beasley (02:55):
Okay, now I'm very curious why we
blocked out emotion.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (03:00):
Hey, listen, my wife learned a long
time ago that I just like to
file them things away and never bring
them back out until they explode. Okay.
Pastor Sol McQuay (03:09):
See you in my i5, Asa.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (03:11):
Oh, you with me?
Pastor Sol McQuay (03:12):
Oh, my gosh.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (03:13):
Oh, my gosh.
Pastor Sol McQuay (03:13):
I am not. I am not. Let's
talk it out. I'm like, it's happening.
We have two pastors on the show
talking about that doesn't mean we're perfect.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (03:22):
That's all. And I'm working through it.
Pastor Sol McQuay (03:25):
Oh, gosh. Oh, yeah. No. I grew
up with this whole idea of you
just bottle it up. Like, nobody will
know. You just don't tell anybod. So
when I got married, that was one
of the biggest things like, that I
will just pretend like it didn't happen.
And then thankfully, I have this personality
that doesn't really hold grudges very much.
(03:46):
So, like, I can be mad at
my husband and 30 minutes later, I'm
like, what do you want to eat?
And I'm like, nothing ever happened. So
he was the one that always said,
like, no, we have to talk about
it. And I'm like, we don't. Like,
I will forget about it at some
point and we will be fine, sister.
Ti'heasha Beasley (04:00):
That. Let me tell you, I would
be scared to eat after we barbecue.
And then you go from, like, arguing,
you're better at me, and you're like.
Pastor Sol McQuay (04:08):
What do you want to eat? Nothing.
Ti'heasha Beasley (04:10):
Nothing at all.
Pastor Sol McQuay (04:10):
Because we didn't talk about what happened.
I'm growing. Like, I'm getting better. And
now we are able to communicate and
everything. But yeah, no, just going out
and expressing my feelings. It's weird.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (04:21):
Yeah. So me and Tracy had a.
I was about to say a big
fight a long time ago about that
because she was mad at me because
I kind of quickly forgot about an
argument. It was like, I was like,
oh.
Pastor Sol McQuay (04:36):
Yeah, we had an argument, but let's
eat.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (04:38):
Who cares? It's over. And she was
so mad at me that I was
not still upset. So I think it
is a personality thing. I just rather
be happy. Let's just be happy and
have fun.
Pastor Sol McQuay (04:49):
There's times that we have fought and
I'm like, this time I'm not talking
to you. I am right. Like, we
are. Like, I am. I am not
doing this.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (04:58):
Did it work?
Pastor Sol McQuay (04:59):
No.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:00):
Like, that's what I thought about it.
Pastor Sol McQuay (05:01):
Like, he walks by and I'm like,
hey. Like, I'm like, oh, you talked
to him again. Like, I tried that.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:08):
I tried that exact thing once. Like,
you know what? I'm writing this one
and I'mma stand up and I'm going
to be mad.
Pastor Sol McQuay (05:14):
And man, I just couldn't.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:16):
It was unnecessary. I had to live
there. Why am I trying to make
myself be mad?
Pastor Sol McQuay (05:21):
Exactly.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:22):
What are we doing? I'm no longer.
Can I have some real humans on
the show?
Pastor Sol McQuay (05:27):
I feel like I'm the one that.
Ti'heasha Beasley (05:29):
Is no broken.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:32):
People that actually acknowledge that they have
emotions.
Ti'heasha Beasley (05:34):
Where's the red flags? Okay?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:36):
Where's the red flag? The problem is
this. If you do that and then
it does come to a head or
it comes to this volcanic situation in
the end and now you explode. That's
where the problem lies.
Pastor Sol McQuay (05:48):
The explosions for us are bad.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:51):
Yes. So it's best to deal with
it in the moment and not file
it away. I've learned over 18 years
of marriage, but, yeah, it still takes
effort to not fall it away.
Pastor Sol McQuay (06:05):
Yeah. And I think for me, honestly,
like, I know that this is not
the episode today, but I remember, like,
growing up, I used to be a
crier. You know, I was the kid
that was always crying. I was like,
I got hurt. Like, they did this.
I was a tattletale. And I remember
my mom, since I was little, saying,
take it like a man, you know,
(06:25):
she was like, I want the comolos
machos. So I was like, take it
like a man. Take it like a
man. If you're gonna play, you're gonna
keep. You're gonna take it, you know,
So I started to just toughen up,
and it's just like, I'm gonna take
it. So I think that that made
me, honestly, like, therapy time. That made
(06:47):
me kind of just not express my
emotions all the time, like, to the
point that I get uncomfortable with crying,
you know, it's just like, I don't.
I don't know what to do. Like,
don't cry.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (06:59):
Like, there.
Pastor Sol McQuay (06:59):
There, Like, I don't know. Like, I
don't know. Because I grew up saying,
just. Just take it.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (07:04):
Wow.
Pastor Sol McQuay (07:05):
You know, so, like, not in a
bad way. It's not like, you know,
like, suffer abuse and don't do anything
about it. Like, it wasn't like that,
but it was like, you don't have
to cry about every single little thing.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (07:14):
You know, just if you're playing and.
Pastor Sol McQuay (07:16):
You got hurt, you chose to play,
you know, so. Exactly. So that's not
right, though. Don't. Don't take it. Just
express your emotions. I'm like, in a
healthy way.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (07:29):
Clearly, this is the right show. It's
the right show. We can all learn,
Learn from each other.
Pastor Sol McQuay (07:32):
But we're growing.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (07:33):
Yeah, she's growing. I'm growing. So interesting
now. I wasn't. I'm not a crier
in the sense of that I'm good
at sucking it up, and it's not.
I'm not crying over. It skinned me
and I fail, and I don't cry
over those types of things, but I
can. I'm very extreme emotion, so I'm
(07:57):
extreme on the high side. I guess
when I'm really fired up about something,
it could move me to tears. But
I'm also very emotional when it comes
to those I love. Like, that type
of stuff can move me to Tears
very easily. But, like, she smacked me
in the face. I'm a man up
(08:19):
I fall, I fall in the hall.
I'm a laugh at all. I'm just
saying. So, like, I'm not like. And
my feelings ain't getting hurt.
Pastor Sol McQuay (08:27):
We're getting a line over here, please.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (08:30):
But I'm a hard lover if I'm
a I' ma love you hard type
of thing. You know what I'm saying?
If I love you, I'm always in
with you, and if I don't, then
I don't hate you. But I'm just.
If I like you, I love you
hard.
Ti'heasha Beasley (08:44):
You're not getting no emotions if you
don't like. Okay, now that we've covered,
you guys have no emotions.
Pastor Sol McQuay (08:50):
Let's talk about communication. We have emotions.
We are walking through them. We're walking
through them. Say that again, Pastor.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (08:59):
We all know how to communicate them
effectively.
Ti'heasha Beasley (09:01):
So how does that series. How did
that sermon rock, you guys? Before we
get to savior complexes, you.
Pastor Sol McQuay (09:07):
Guys have it all.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (09:10):
I was sitting next to Tracy during
that sermon. We was in the back
because I think it was maybe baptism
week or I don't know what it
was, but we were sitting in the
back row, hanging out back there as
the communication was going on. And we
had a little tension the day before,
the Friday before. So it was so
funny. We were sitting there going through
(09:31):
the argument while Pastor Chris was up
there talking about communication. It was amazing.
But what's good about it is we're
able to sit there and talk through
it. And, like, Tracy was like, yeah,
I was wrong. And I was like,
yeah, I was wrong on that one.
So we were just basically processing it
right there in the service in the
back row together.
Pastor Sol McQuay (09:49):
It was great.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (09:50):
It was awesome. So it was good.
Pastor Sol McQuay (09:53):
And then Athena, for me, that's something.
Like I said, the brand really stressed
out when we first got married, because
that was when I was just like,
we're not gonna tell anybody. We're not
gonna talk about anything. It's just, you
know, like, whatever happens is here. And,
like, even. Even between us, like, I
would just. Just give me a few
minutes, and I will forget about it.
(10:13):
We don't have to talk about it.
There's no confrontation needed here, Right? And
he was always like, no, we.
Ti'heasha Beasley (10:20):
Have to talk about it. We have
to talk about it.
Pastor Sol McQuay (10:22):
And I will be like, just. Just
put it aside. You know, like, by
tomorrow morning, we're gonna be great. And
he was like, no, we're not gonna
bed. We're not gonna go to bed
if we're angry. So he really pushed
me to communicate. And he continues to
do that because it is. That's. That's
hard for me, like, just being able
(10:42):
to tell you everything that is in
my head. Like, I'd rather just bottle
it up, like, honestly. But I know
that it's not healthy. So he was
always the one that pushed me to
communicate, the one that pushed me to.
To talk about all of the things,
you know. And I'm thankful for him
because there were a lot of times
that I had expectations, but I never
(11:04):
even communicated my expectations. And I would
just get angry, right? Like the dishes
are still here and nobody washed them.
And he said, well, you didn't ask
me to wash dishes, right? So I
will just get upset because I am
once again doing the dishes. And he
finally told me one day, he's like,
listen, I don't see the things the
same way that you do. But I
don't mind helping. Just tell me, right?
(11:27):
If you want me to do the
dishes, just say, hey, can you do
the dishes? I don't mind doing it.
But if you expect me to just
walk by and be like, oh, there's
dishes, let me do the dishes, it's
never going to happen. So I started
learning that what he needs is clear
ask a clear communication so that he
can then help me when I need
(11:47):
the help. And I cannot just expect
for him to know what I need
or what I want all the time,
because it's not gonna happen. So I
think that he has helped me and
he has made me grow in communication,
but it doesn't come natural to me.
Like, I have to work and be.
Ti'heasha Beasley (12:01):
Intentional about all makes sense now. This
savior complex, you non communicators, you just
rather do it yourself.
Pastor Sol McQuay (12:11):
To avoid conflict.
Ti'heasha Beasley (12:12):
So let's go there.
Pastor Sol McQuay (12:13):
Yes, 100%.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (12:15):
Well, don't put me in the savior
conf. I didn't feel like that one
was for me.
Pastor Sol McQuay (12:20):
I'm good. We are in this together.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (12:23):
We separated at the savior complex.
Ti'heasha Beasley (12:28):
So before we dive in, Pastor, so
what was the overall message like of
the savior complex yesterday?
Pastor Sol McQuay (12:35):
So if I can put it in
one sentence. And I was asking, actually,
Bren, I'm like, was it weird that
I just repeated it like a million
times? But if I can put in
just one sentence, is it he is
God, I am not, and he is
good at being God, right? Like, I
cannot do the saving for God. I
cannot pretend to have control because I'm
not God. So I just need to
(12:56):
let him be God because he's good
at it. So if I could just
put in just one sentence, I will
be it.
Ti'heasha Beasley (13:02):
Yeah, that's good.
Pastor Sol McQuay (13:03):
Okay.
Ti'heasha Beasley (13:04):
So as you were unpacking this message,
I know you shared, you know, your
heart. You said, I'm going to open
this to share my heart. How was
that for you as a communicator of
the message yesterday? Awful.
Pastor Sol McQuay (13:17):
Awful. Like, the amount of times that
I was trying to pass the message
to everybody, I'm like, it's written. You
want to just read it. And everybody
said, no. But no, it was difficult
because it's different when you are talking
about something that is really personal. You
(13:38):
know, that adds a layer of vulnerability
that is intimidating. On top of that,
it's not something that is resolved. You
know, like, you can be vulnerable and
say, but God delivered me, and God
did it. And, you know, it's all
good now. But for this one, I
am literally showing you a wound that's
(14:00):
still bleeding, and they very much hurt.
So it was really, really difficult. It
is not about what other people are
going to think or anything like that.
It was more of, this is something
that I am struggling with. This is
something that I so desperately want for
(14:21):
the people that I love, that I
have been running myself crazy trying to
help them, trying to take pain away,
trying to bring them closer to Jesus,
trying to make them see that they
are valued, trying to make them see
that the enemy is lying to them,
all of the different things. And when
you are talking about something that is
(14:43):
so deep and so personal, it's hard.
So that's why I said it was
awful. I think that it was what
God wanted us to talk about, and
I just trust that he was able
to use that for a lot of
people. But, yeah, just being that transparent,
because there's a level of transparency and
(15:05):
there's when you actually open the door
a little bit more and you let
people see a lot more, you know?
And that's how I felt. Yeah.
Ti'heasha Beasley (15:14):
Very open.
Pastor Sol McQuay (15:15):
Yes.
Ti'heasha Beasley (15:17):
So when you were going through the
message, did you realize that this was
an area where you were still actively
having to surrender to God, that savior
complex? Or was it. I know you're
still in the middle of those situations.
How did it really impact you when
you realize, man, I have this issue?
Pastor Sol McQuay (15:36):
Well, that is not something that I
realized as I was preparing for this
message. This is something that God has
been teaching me for two years. It
is a message that has been in
my heart for this whole time, just
because that's what I am living, you
know? So it wasn't That I had
(15:57):
to sit down and prepare and investigate
or, you know, do all of the
research that I usually do. I was
able to sit down and just literally
write my life story. So it is.
That was. So. That's why it was
so different, you know, because it's not
that I am telling you something that
I study or something that I discovered
or, you know, like, let me tell
you the percentage of people that, like,
(16:19):
sometimes you go into that research mode
when you are trying to teach. I
didn't have to go anywhere to find
inspiration. I just had to be like,
this is all of the things that
I am learning as I am going
through it. It's a lot of things
that God has been showing me about
myself, about the things that I'm doing
(16:39):
about. And I could talk for hours
and hours and hours, because again, it's
been two years. It's been two years
of lesson after lesson after lesson after
lesson of just letting God do what
he wants to do and just settle
down. Because it was getting. It was
getting bad. I don't know how deep
you want to go in this, but
(17:01):
it was getting bad. For me, personally,
for the very first year when just
everything just started hitting. We started getting
bad news after bad news after bad
news and just more things coming and
coming and coming. I started getting really
bad panic attacks. Like, I could not.
Like, anything will set me off, you
know, because I was putting all of
(17:23):
the pressure of everything on myself. And
it wasn't until I realized, like, you
gotta surrender. You gotta give control. You
gotta just trust that God got it,
that I have been able to live.
Wow. Yeah.
Ti'heasha Beasley (17:39):
And maybe both of you guys can
kind of answer this question. Do you
feel like. I feel like this whole
series, as playful as we try to
make it with the cute bumpers and
things of that nature, wrestling.
Pastor Sol McQuay (17:53):
Usually they're cute bumpers because her husband.
Ti'heasha Beasley (17:54):
Is in the.
Pastor Sol McQuay (17:57):
Right. But my whole creative team stepped
up and did amazing jobs. So it
was cute bumpers for me.
Ti'heasha Beasley (18:07):
But as you know, we tried to
start on a light note, but it
was really a heavy series because I
feel it was a series that really
put the mirror in front of all
of our faces in different ways. And
even I shared in another podcast where
I had a personal experience where I
experienced healing and deliverance from, like, the
(18:27):
message, the emotion, a message. Do you
feel like it's something that people can
experience? Freedom from bad communication, emotions that
drag you down and even the savior
complex. Is this something you can work
yourself out of, or do you really
need the Holy Spirit? To help you
(18:48):
identify these and actually.
Pastor Sol McQuay (18:50):
Get set free from these things.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (18:53):
I feel like anything that needs getting
set free from true freedom only comes
one way, in my opinion. So for
instance, you have aa and there's probably
a very high percentage of people that
succeed, fail, succeed, fail, succeed, fail. My
(19:15):
guess, total guess, is that when there's
a Christ component mixed into those types
of therapies and those types of support
groups and things like that is where
true freedom come from. I could be
wrong. Maybe some people get free just
with those programs, but in my opinion,
man, freedom only come one way. But
(19:35):
I'm a pastor, so maybe that's just
a spiritual thing to say. I don't
know any other way to get free
from anything. What about your own personal
experience? I don't know any way to
get free from anything other than actually
yielding to the Holy Spirit in my
life. Because I mean, we deal with
all types of stuff. And it's not
always big don't seem like big things.
(19:56):
It's little things, it's middle things. It's
all of the above. And to me,
being able to truly get free is
not just I stopped today. Freedom is
a forever thing. So if you're going
to be free, meaning stay free, you're
going to have to do something. You're
going to have to be able. You're
going to need something to count on.
(20:17):
You're going to need to be able
to walk with God through that thing.
Because as much as I don't do
drugs and alcohol, well, I did at
one point in my life. So here's
the thing. I'm well aware that if
I let go of Jesus, eventually over
time, drugs and alcohol are going to
come back. So I'm free, but not
if I let go of Jesus. I'm
(20:39):
no longer free. And it may not
show itself in a week or a
year or two years or five years.
It may take time for me to
get back down that path, but at
the end of the day, I'm going
to end up on that path unless
I continue to hold on to Jesus.
So to me, whatever it is, is
going to be acknowledging God in that
thing continuously for the rest of your
(21:00):
life to actually be free. Because you
can be free today and bound tomorrow
from all of this stuff unless you
hold on to Jesus. That's my opinion.
Pastor Sol McQuay (21:08):
I think you need both. You know,
I think that you need God, who
is the one that gives you the
freedom. The freedom only comes through him
and gives you the. The desire to
do something different with your life. That
repentance only comes through the power of
the Holy Spirit at work in your
(21:29):
life. The conviction of God saying, this
is wrong. But there's a part that
we play in all of this too.
You have to put in the work
after he frees you, you have to
put in the work to continue to
seek God. You have to put in
the work that the moment the temptation
comes to go back to the same
thing, to say, no, I am a
new creature in God. I have to
(21:50):
now think different. I think that it
is both. The closer you are to
God, the more that you can resist
going back to the same patterns of
life. But you still have to put
of yourself, you know, I cannot just
be like, well, God miraculously changed everything,
and I have never even worried ever
again. No, of course not. Situations are
(22:13):
gonna pop up and I'm gonna still
gonna want to be like, let me
do something. But I have to remember
in those moments, no, I trust God.
So it is this partnership that we
have with God that he does the
ultimate delivery. But I have to continue
to put in the work and the
effort every single day to maintain what
he has already done in my life.
(22:35):
That's good. Yeah.
Ti'heasha Beasley (22:36):
Because, I mean, I just really feel
like I've been hearing stories of people
being freed and testimonies and even struggles
of people like, well, how do I
know that I really have this issue?
And, you know, and I'm just wondering
in my mind, like, man, this has
to be something that we walk out
with Jesus because we're going to get
it wrong every single time. So what
(22:59):
is some practical. What is a good
starting point for someone who is struggling
with that Savior complex? Like, how do
they even identify it and say. Some
people may say, I just like helping
people. Or some people may say, if
I.
Pastor Sol McQuay (23:17):
Don'T do it, who's going to do
it?
Ti'heasha Beasley (23:18):
Kind of like what happened in that
video yesterday. So how do people start
recognizing, like, no, I'm stepping in the
place of God.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (23:27):
I think the beginning of it has
to just be taking it to God
for him to show you the scripture
she read. Basically, lord, show me what's
in my heart. Because without you examining
that, you could think you could be
totally deceived and think that you're in
a certain place. When God looks at
it, you're actually in a different place
than what you think. So deception is
(23:49):
real. Some people think they're fine in
a lot of ways. And unless you
and as Christians, non Christians, we think
we're fine. But once it gets brought,
whether it's through A message or through
a friend or just through whatever. Once
you're made aware of it, are you
going to now say, well, okay, let
me actually take this to God and
see if I am struggling in that
(24:09):
area or if this is a problem
problem, and then you have to act
on it from there. So I think
you got to start with acknowledging that
there's an issue going to God about
how deep that issue is and what
you need to be doing about that
issue. And then it's the walkout process.
So did that answer your question? Was
there more to the question?
Ti'heasha Beasley (24:31):
No, it's just, how do you identify?
Because again, some people don't even realize
they're in that savior complex space. You
know, like, you know, just thinking.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (24:39):
About our parents and even just like,
if you. If you find yourself stressing
out about a bunch of stuff that
you can't control, it's likely you haven't
given that thing to God. It's likely
you haven't cast your care on the
Lord because you continue to strive, you
continue to try to do things to
make change or to change circumstances that
(25:00):
you ultimately cannot change. So to me,
it's like this total reliance upon God.
As much as it seems everything with
God is by faith, right? So we're
saved by faith, by grace, through faith.
For me to cast my care on
God, let's say it's about my child
(25:22):
that's going to take faith in believing
that God actually is going to now
carry that for you. So it's not
like, oh, well, that was easy. I
gave it to God, and now I
ain't got to do nothing. No, you
kind of have to keep your mind
trained through His Word to continuously keep
that thing surrendered to him, because it
is so easy to just pick it
(25:42):
back up. One thing goes wrong, one
doctors report that is not right, and
you write back, carrying it again. So
to me, it's this constant reminder of,
okay, I'm not going to carry this.
And you know, at some point when
you're carrying it, whether it be your
body is physically reacting to it or
(26:02):
your personality or your mood or the
way you act is changing. Marriage helps,
because if I'm changing, my wife can
point that out to me like something's
not right. A good example, when I
first became a pastor here, within those
first, I'll say five months, I'm not
sure the exact date. Tracy said, asa,
(26:27):
what's wrong? She said, because you're sleeping
a lot and you're not cracking a
lot of jokes. You're not very joyous.
Like you normally are.
Pastor Sol McQuay (26:34):
And I'm like, no, I'm fine.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (26:35):
What you mean, what's wrong?
Pastor Sol McQuay (26:36):
What's the problem?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (26:37):
And he's like, something wrong? So I'm
like, lord, what's wrong? You know what
I mean? And what I believe he
showed me was, you are carrying the
weight of being a pastor, and you
can't. You're gonna need to. He said,
this is how I feel. Like, he
said it to me in the same
way that you cast your cares on
me, you have to cast your pastoral
(26:57):
job on me. You have to cast
those cares on me. So I'm like,
oh, that makes sense. Because I watched
a mother who cast her cares on
the Lord. So that's kind of natural
for me. Not natural, but I've seen
examples of it. I know to do
that, but for some reason, I'm doing
it in my life. But I got
this new job where now I'm hearing
(27:18):
people's problems, seeing people's problems, giving advice,
and now I'm carrying their issues with
me. I ain't even thinking about my
own issues. I'm carrying somebody else's issues.
That's terrible. So the Lord had to
show me, yeah, the same way you
cast your cares on me, you need
to do that with the cares of
others. I've been pretty good since then.
(27:39):
At least Traci ain't pointed out to
me that I'm off track again. So
for three years, I feel like I've
been casting those cares on the Lord.
And I know that I have to
continue to do that. Like, it can
easily come a point where if I
allow time to build up, where I'm
not doing that, it's going to affect
something in my life. My personality, my
health, whatever it may be. So it's
(28:01):
a constant thing. Am I delivered from
carrying it? Not if I let go
of what God told me to do,
which is cast it on him, cast
it on Him, Just cast it on
Him. So I got to be mindful
of that. That when I feel like
work is weighing on me, I gotta
reset and cast that care on the
Lord. So that's kind of how I
deal with that long term.
Pastor Sol McQuay (28:22):
And I think not a lot of
people go around saying, I have the
savior complex. Right. I think that even
though, like, there's a thing for some
people who like to be in the
spotlight and want to have the glory
of the outcome and all that stuff,
I don't think that that is the
majority of people. I think that there's
(28:44):
some people that truly do want to
Go out of their way and just
fix everybody's problems because they want to
be the center of attention. And I
think that that's real, but I don't
think that that's everybody. I think that
a lot of us end up in
this situation because life hands you all
of this stuff, and you're so overwhelmed
that you feel like you have to
do something right. And I think that
(29:05):
you end up exercising the savior complex
out of necessity. But I think that
you can recognize it in your own
life. And at least it happened for
me when I realized that I was
trying to strategize how to change the
situation, you know, that something is happening.
What can I do? And, like, instead
(29:27):
of immediately going and saying, God, this
is the situation that is happening. What
are you going to do in this?
I was just trying to say, okay,
how can I make it better? How
can I, you know, like, what can
I say to them so that they
will hear it? And then they're gonna
understand and they're gonna be like, yes,
I want Jesus. You know? And, like,
in my head, I have this whole
(29:48):
conversation, and the next time they come
and I'm gonna say this, so they
will probably respond this way. So I'm
gonna say that. And I have a
whole strategy, and I set it all
in place, and it completely bombs. And
then I'm like, but, God. Like this.
But isn't. Isn't it what you want
for them to come back to you?
You know, like, well, yeah, but you
(30:09):
are not doing it.
Ti'heasha Beasley (30:10):
Yeah, I'm doing it.
Pastor Sol McQuay (30:11):
You know, And I think that that's
when. When sometimes you can realize, like,
I am obsessing over the outcome so
much that all I am doing is
thinking about how I'm gonna get there,
thinking about what I'm gonna say so
that I can get there, thinking about,
like, the next conversation and the next
interaction. How we're gonn. And you're so
(30:34):
overrun with it that you don't realize
what God actually wants you to do.
You know, you're trying to do the
job that God has of himself. And,
like, I can't. Like, I cannot convict
anybody of anything. You know, just. Period.
I cannot change anybody. So I just
(30:54):
have to be obedient to what God
wants. And that sometimes is very scary
because when you feel like you don't
have the control of it, like, I
want my hands in it. Like, let
me just be busy doing something, because
if not, then I just feel like
I'm just in the sidelines, sitting there,
(31:15):
just waiting. But that's what the word
says, you know, that we are supposed
to wait on the Lord, and then
it says that he is fighting for
us. All we have to do is
be still, but we don't know how
to be still. We are trying to
strategize and try to do it and
try to, you know, like, how. How
can I take the pain away and
how can I show them that this
is wrong and what can I say
(31:37):
to change their mind? And you are
consumed by all of the things that
I can do and how can I
show and how can I tell them
and how can I make them see,
you know? And. And even though you
don't necessarily want to be the hero
of the story, you are putting yourself
as the primary person in the whole
(31:58):
story when the story wasn't even about
you to begin with, you know, and
that's what ended up happening to me.
Like that story that I told yesterday
about me being in the kitchen. Like,
yes, I am praying for them, and
yes, I am crying for them, but
the main person of the story is
me. Like, I don't like this. I
don't want this. How can I make
it better? How can I make them
change? When if I just took a
(32:22):
moment and realized all of the stuff
that they are doing, all of the
stuff that they are going through, it
is being rooted out of deep pain
that they are struggling with. But I
forgot about that because I'm just thinking
about, what am I gonna do to
fix it? And then you end up
forgetting about the actual person that is
(32:44):
going through it, you know? So I
think that that's something that we need
to be careful because you need to
just leave it on to God. So
how do you know that you are
getting here? Like Asa said, you just
feel heavier than you should be. The
word says that his burden is light.
(33:04):
And if your burden is incredibly heavy,
that means that you're carrying too much
that you're not supposed to carry.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (33:10):
Yeah, that's good.
Pastor Sol McQuay (33:13):
Easier said than done, though, I was.
Ti'heasha Beasley (33:15):
Going to say, because some people are
in situations where it almost seems like
it is God putting them in that
situation to carry that burden. And I
know that sounds really weird, but I'm
thinking about a situation specifically in my
family where a loved one has to
stay with another loved one while they
(33:35):
go through a very bed season. And
so we have one loved one who's
like, oh, I gotta help them fix
their life. That's why God brought them
back here. And I'm just like. It
can seem like God is putting you
sometimes in positions to rescue that person.
But how do you decipher between like,
I should go above and beyond or
(33:57):
I should just provide a space for
them to live. Like, how do you
maneuver that space?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (34:03):
I think, as you were saying, it
makes me think about something. I don't
know if I mentioned it to my
group or to staff, but I was
talking about like, okay, I believe I'm
called and I'm in the right place
that I'm supposed to be here at
Disciples Church as a pastor, right? I'm
like, but even within that, there's this
(34:24):
day to day obedience, walk, acknowledgement of
God that I have to have. So
there's the obedience to go do the
thing and then there's the obedience with
within that season of life. So kind
of like, yeah, maybe it is a
God thing for you to be able
to help this person, but within that
you have to be acknowledging God and
(34:45):
seeking his counsel on the details of
it, the day to day aspects of
it, the timing of stuff. Because you
can say, okay, I'm supposed to help
with this and I'll just try to
do it your way and never even
go back to God and consult him
about why he has this person in
your life to begin with. So it's
like, yeah, it might be a God
(35:06):
thing today in your life, but now
what does God want you to do?
You know? So I think that's really
part of our process with anything, with
any season of life, with anything God
got you doing. Okay. Yeah, when you
take that step. Because a lot of
times in my experience, God don't give
you all of this laid out roadmap.
He tell you to do something and
then when you do that, you kind
(35:26):
of be finding out what's next to
do. You know what I mean? He
told you to read a scripture. He
didn't tell you when you was gonna
have to actually use what he was
having you read. Right? Because you would
have turned and ran and said, lord,
I'm not doing that. And I think
that's what it is. I probably would
have ran if God would have showed
me what he was doing.
Pastor Sol McQuay (35:45):
I probably were like, yeah, I don't.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (35:46):
Want to be a pastor, Lord, I'm
out. What are we talking about? So
a lot of times it's those little
steps of obedience for one. Strengthen you,
give you more experience with God, helps
you to practice listening and being obedient
to what he's doing. So it's like
you're in this training with each step
you take that will help you down
the road with what God wants you
(36:07):
to do. So that's kind of how
I see the thing. I have no
idea. I have no idea. I just
say that I have no idea. But
sometimes I'm in these situations here as
a pastor at Disciples Church, and I'm
like, lord, I have no clue. But
I believe he helps in those moments.
But then also I need to be
doing my part in like staying in
(36:27):
the Word, staying in prayer, because it
don't always have to be this crisis,
help moment. Because he really. I think
God is good enough to prepare us
before we ever get to some of
these situations. We may not know what
the thing is, but he can be
preparing us through His Word and His
Word strengthening us for the moments to
come. And that's why getting in the
(36:49):
Word and prayer and fasting is not.
You don't do this stuff out of
duty. You do it because you need
to be in fellowship with God to
receive the strength that you need. Not
only for ministry, not for a job,
which is ministry just for life in
general, for day to day life. It
would behoove all of us, and I
(37:10):
don't even know how to use that
word, behoove. It would behoove us all
to kind of be in fellowship with
God.
Pastor Sol McQuay (37:21):
And something that you need to keep
in mind is, and remind yourself often
is that, no, you don't rescue people.
Only God does that. If I feel
like I am in this relationship to
rescue them, then again I am putting
myself as the rescuer. I am not
the rescuer. God is. I am not
(37:43):
the one that is going to convince
anybody that they are doing wrong unless
the Holy Spirit starts working their lives.
So it's hard. It's hard. So how
do you know how much to give?
How do you know how far you
can go? You're gonna go as much
as God is giving you the green
light for. So it is honestly moment
(38:04):
by moment. It is a situation by
situation. It is day by day. It
is conversation by conversation. You know, I
know that it is not the answer
that most of us want because we
want a plan. You know, just tell
me what to follow and I'll follow
it. But I think that that is
the importance of being close to Jesus,
is that it is conversation by conversation.
(38:26):
Is this conversation about speaking some truth
or this conversation just about loving people?
You know, how many times can I
just say it's wrong, it's wrong, it's
wrong. At one point they're gonna be
like, oh no, she's coming again. She
just again gonna tell me all of
the Things I'm doing wrong and that
I need Jesus, right? So you start
(38:48):
getting people to tune you out. So
you have to be very, very strategic
in how you do things. And the
only strategy that you can follow is
the one that the Holy.
Ti'heasha Beasley (38:59):
Spirit is giving us.
Pastor Sol McQuay (39:00):
So what I think about is the
friends, you know, they brought the crippled
men to Jesus, so they are doing
as much as they can. They realize
the room is full. So we are
gonna make a hole on the ceiling,
right? And we're gonna bring you down.
But they are not the ones saying,
(39:21):
I'm gonna heal you. Their only job
was to bring the person to the
feet of Jesus, not to do the
saving. So I think that we are
gonna go as far as we can,
and we're gonna do as much as
we can to bring people to the
feet of Jesus. What the outcome would
be, that is up to Jesus. You
know, but we are just gonna speak
(39:41):
truth. We're gonna speak life. We're gonna.
We're gonna be loving, we're gonna be
kind. You know, you're gonna. You're gonna
do your part because that's what we're
supposed to do. But it is not
my job to say, okay, in this
conversation, you say yes to ch. That
doesn't happen that way. I wish, but
that is not it. So my job
(40:02):
is to bring opportunity after opportunity after
opportunity for you to be able to
receive something from God. It is now
up to you and the Holy Spirit
what happens next. And when I flip
that, then I am putting the burden
of their salvation on me. And I
can't forgive anybody's sins. I can't do
(40:24):
any of those things. So it is
just remembering I am just in this
relationship to be an extension of the
love that God has for you. So
I'm just gonna show you love. I'm
just gonna show you grace. I am
just gonna speak life when I can,
you know? And in that one, it's
also a little tricky because you cannot
(40:45):
always just be saying, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,
Jesus. Right? Some people are not ready
for that conversation yet. Some people are
not ready to just, you know, receive
the words that are true. Because at
this moment, it just feels like judgment,
or it just feels like hating, or
it just feels like whatever it's happening
in their lives. So sometimes you just
(41:07):
kind of like. I call it a
hit and run, you know, Like, I've
been doing that a lot with some
people in my life that I just
hit and run, you know, Like, I
just get close and I'm like, I
cannot wait to See what God does
to you. Bye. Like, you know that
there we are walking around or wherever,
and I'm like, oh, I love you
so much. And God loves you so
much, too. Okay, what about this? You
(41:29):
know, change the subject. Like, we are
not gonna have a discussion or we're
not gonna shut down about this. Like,
it was like, hit and run. Like,
I'm just gonna plant a seed of
truth and then we're gonna go somewhere
else. Because I know we're not ready
for this conversation right now, but that
doesn't mean that I'm not gonna say
anything. So sometimes it's just the little.
The little bit, and then you just
(41:51):
believe that all of those seeds will
bring forth something. And I know that
God does it just, you know.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (42:00):
And early in that. I like what
you said. What, you said it more
and more times. But, yeah. Is God
wanting you to speak this word of
truth or to just love that person?
And, you know, sometimes we think we
know, but we really don't know what
he wants us to do in those
moments if we don't allow him to
tell us what he wants us to
do. You know what I mean? To
try to be sensitive in those moments
(42:21):
as to what to do kind of
came up in our meeting, or at
least the scripture popped up in my
head as some of the conversation was
happening. But, like, how Jesus was moved
with compassion with a lot of things.
Like, we need to kind of be
more sensitive to just following. Like, is
this me just wanting to make something
happen, or is this the compassion of
(42:41):
Jesus that I'm extending toward them and
trying to identify that stuff. In some
of these moments, sometimes you want to
just say, don't be dumb. Just do
this. And that might be right, but
God might want you to just say,
it's okay, baby. Whatever, brother. It's okay,
and give him a hug. When it's
really. I'm thinking, just don't be an
(43:01):
idiot, you know? But sometimes, maybe later,
Jesus will let me tell him, don't
be an idiot. But right now, he
want me to hug this brother. So
some stuff seems real obvious to us,
but that ain't how God wants you
to do it that day or ever.
I don't know. But let's just try
to be as sensitive as we can
(43:22):
to those things. But a lot of
the being in the word, prayer, fasting,
that's preparing us for this stuff. That's
what we need to be. Our hearts
need to be prepared to go be
God's hands and feet. Because if we're
not Prepared. If we're not in a
(43:43):
place of sensitivity to the Holy Spirit,
we could screw some stuff up in
the name of Jesus.
Pastor Sol McQuay (43:49):
Oh, my goodness.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (43:51):
And that's the problem.
Ti'heasha Beasley (43:53):
True. It's making me think about the
word love so much. Even just hearing
what you're sharing about, like, how you
can shut down and push people away
when you just keep attacking them and
you're not looking at what they're really
going through. I remember, I don't know
why I had this vision, but what
really changed me, like, how I evangelized
(44:15):
to people, was this illustration. Guy had
dropped into my mind. He was like,
what if you were at a party
and you saw a girl and she
was getting drunk and everyone was like,
oh, look at her, she's getting drunk.
We need to go tell her not
to get drunk. How could you change
that person's life if you stop and
be like, are you okay? Is there
something going on? And then she tells
(44:37):
you, yeah, I don't have any money
to see my children. This is the
last result. How much more we can
minister serve that person by not necessarily
trying to. You know, you could be
a better person if you just give
your life to God right now and
just be like, are you okay? And
I feel like when you think about
loved ones or people that we, God
(44:59):
put us in community with, like stopping
to really see them through his eyes.
Like, I think when he see us,
he sees the real pains and the
real things that's driving a lot of
these actions. And so I don't know,
I think heart motives is good, but
also being connected to Christ, I think
we can see the real.
Pastor Sol McQuay (45:20):
Yeah, and I think you hit it
on the head with that one. Like,
sometimes in our zealous pursuit of getting
people closer to Jesus or getting people
living a life that is better, you
know, you forget about the person. You
(45:42):
don't see, you don't hear, you don't
understand where they're at. All you want
is for them to change, and that's
good. I think that we should want
people to come to Jesus. I think
that we should want people to live
differently and to, you know, to be
who God has created them to be.
But sometimes you forget what they are
going through and what pain they has
(46:04):
caused them to act in a certain
way or just what is bringing them
to do this? What is their background?
We forget so many things. I remember
a few months ago, after the whole
thing with Charlie Kirk, and there were
(46:25):
videos of him just everywhere. Like, he
just kind of flooded the Internet, right?
And I Remember that? I was just
scrolling on Facebook, I think it was,
and one of the videos popped up
because that was all that was around
on social media at the time. And
it was this young person who had
(46:46):
transitioned and the question was like, why
do you dress like that? Or something
like that. I don't remember exactly the
question, but his answer was, so that
I don't hate myself every time that
I see myself in the mirror. And
when I told you that, I started
(47:07):
crying when I heard that. Because sometimes
you just attack the situation, the sin
or whatever, and you don't realize that
there's so much more inside, you know,
that the issue is less about what
you're wearing today or what you are
(47:27):
wanting to be. And the bigger issue
is the fact that you hate who
God created you to be, you know,
and sometimes you forget that. So in
your desire to save somebody, you're just
saying, this is wrong, this is wrong,
this is wrong. And they're like, listen,
I just don't want to hate myself
every time that I look in the
(47:48):
mirror, you know, so sometimes you have
to. To put your cape and your
sword down and just sit down and
listen. Where are we coming from? What
is actually happening? What is it that
God needs to heal in you so
that you can hear what he has
for you? But we forget that when
(48:09):
we are trying to just solve the
problem.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (48:12):
It's really good. Like she said, you
hit it on the head with that.
God sees past our sin. So for
us to not be able to see
past somebody's sin and actually see the
heart is a problem. Definitely I learned
that hard lesson. And it wasn't hard
because I didn't have no consequences for
him. But the Holy Spirit, I guess,
(48:32):
kind of, I believe, showed me that
a while ago, told this story several
times. But walking through the mall, going
to get my wife something for. I
don't remember, I was going to the
Pandora store and two guys walked by
holding hands. And my first glance just
got this, you know, man, this disgust.
(48:53):
Like, oh, you know, this disgust. And
instantly it was like, I need you
to see people how I see them.
I was checked in that moment in
the middle of them all by the
Holy Spirit, like, oh, I need to
love them like the Lord love them.
Not that I did anything, said anything
or even dare would've, you know what
I mean? If I'd have caught myself
looking at them wrong, I could have
(49:13):
checked myself. But God was looking at
my heart and how I responded and
checked my heart in that moment. Like,
you need to see them with the
same love that I see them. And
I'm like, oh, yes, you are right,
Lord. My bad. You know, because it's
easy for us to let culture, to
let just life have us to get
(49:37):
callous toward people and see the sin
or see the differences versus seeing that
this is somebody that Jesus died for.
And while they're alive, there's still an
opportunity for them to receive that same
salvation that I received as I was
out being a fool, living in sin
in the same way. And God was
seeing me and not my sin and
(49:59):
showing me his love. So, yeah, it
really is. We have to really do
our best to not get callous toward
people.
Pastor Sol McQuay (50:08):
And that is the beautiful thing about
this series, is that we are not
looking at other people. Right? We are
looking at ourselves. Because as we are
trying to see other people's problems and
other people's mistakes, God is saying, what
about you? You know, like, change. You
need to change. You're the one that
needs to have some refining. Yeah, they
do, too. Sure. But let's start with
(50:31):
you. Let's do something with you and
just let him do something with the
other person in his own timing, in
his own way, and we can just
be used by him however he wants
us to, you know, Like, I think
about the Bible and how Paul was
(50:51):
when everybody was like, but I am
a disciple of this, and I am
a disciple of that. And he's like,
what? What are we talking about? You
know, like, one planted the seed, the
other one water, and it's God who
is gonna bring the fruit, you know,
so sometimes you don't know if you're
the one that is just planting the
seed and will never see a change,
(51:11):
but somebody else is gonna say something
else, and it's gonna be a little
bit of water, you know, and then
somebody else is gonna say something else,
and it's gonna be a little bit
more of an awakening. And one day
the Holy Spirit is gonna bring the.
So we cannot pretend to be all
in all for everybody. My job is
not take everybody to the finish line.
(51:33):
My job is just to be a
part of the process in their life,
as God wants me to, and just.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (51:38):
Understanding that it is true power in
God's word and in the seed of
the word. I say this to parents
a lot whose kids are, you know,
going astray but growing up, you know
what I mean? They're starting to make
their own decisions, and it's like, hey,
you've done what you can do. You've
had them in church. You've been trying
to live a life that reflects Christ.
(52:00):
It's okay, because the word of God
that has been planted in their heart
can speak to them. They've heard you.
They know what you feel. They've heard
you, but you've planted the Word of
God. Trust that. Trust that process. Pray
for them to be safe until they
say yes to Jesus. I mean, really.
Because the word of God and that
(52:20):
experience for me, I've seen played out
in so many times where I'm living
a life that I know I shouldn't
be living. And all of the Word
that was planted and planted and planted
and planted and planted in my heart
from the time I was born until
the time I finally surrendered, spoke always.
I could be in the middle of
sin and the word of God is
speaking. It's just rising up in me.
(52:43):
And I try to ignore it. I
was high for a decade trying to
ignore the word of God that's in
me speaking. And the only way I
could ignore it was to be high.
That's it. Or I was being tortured
by God's word, which is crazy to
say, but in essence, it was God
just drawing me and drawing me and
drawing me. And I was like, I
(53:04):
just want to do what I want
to do. Leave me alone, Lord. And
praise God. He didn't leave me alone.
Me alone. It wasn't any specific person
that came and got me free. It
was the Word of God that was
in me. It was God steady, showing
me his hand in things over the
course of my life. All of a
sudden, I just couldn't stop seeing all
of the good of God over the
(53:25):
course of my life. From us being
evicted one morning to in a better
place by the end of the night.
I don't know how that happened. It
wasn't because my mother had it. It
was because God. It was because somebody
from the church was like, well, we
got a place you can live. Well,
praise the Lord, saints, you know what
I mean? Or this happened, or that
happened, and God just began to just.
He just kept replaying this stuff in
(53:45):
my head. He just kept showing me
all of this goodness and the good
that he's been. And scripture just rising
up in me in the same way
you can sit here and a song
from your childhood that you ain't heard
just rises up. What you plan in
your heart will rise up, but the
difference is the power of God's word
can actually change the situation. You know
(54:05):
what I mean? So when that's been
planted, that's really the key, man. Plant
the Word of God. If you're in
the middle of sin, start planting the
word in the middle of it. It'll
help you. You don't have the strength
to do it. So plant the word.
As much as that feels like sacrilegious,
listen, the word is what changes. Plant
the word in the middle of your
(54:26):
sin until you can get out of
of it because you trying to do
it, ain't doing it, period. That's not
gonna work.
Pastor Sol McQuay (54:31):
No.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (54:32):
So, man, it's God's word that changes.
Ti'heasha Beasley (54:35):
Y' all preaching out here. Okay?
Pastor Sol McQuay (54:38):
And next time you go to Pandora,
Bren would love to go with you.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (54:46):
I have to let him know we
need to take a date to Pandora.
Ti'heasha Beasley (54:50):
Actually invite your invite.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (54:57):
Well, I kind of overplayed my hand.
Tracy told me, don't go to Pandora
no more. It was an easy gift.
For years running to Pandora, she was
like, enough.
Pastor Sol McQuay (55:05):
I have enough Pandora charm bracelet.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (55:08):
It was easy. Now Ava is into
Pandora. I had to dig it out
for my date. It's really funny.
Ti'heasha Beasley (55:17):
Well, as we land the plane, I
want to do something a little different.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (55:21):
Because.
Ti'heasha Beasley (55:24):
I feel like some people probably need
encouragement with this entire series, specifically the
Savior complex, because I think that there
are some believers who really want to
help people that they love. And so
how can they do that in a
healthy way? Maybe give some a takeaway
on how they can do that in
a healthy way to encourage them?
Pastor Sol McQuay (55:49):
Definitely help. Definitely help. Don't. Don't just
cross your arms and just be like,
well, if God is gonna get him,
then go get him. You know, help
love on them. But make sure that
you become a safe space for people,
(56:10):
that they don't feel judged, that they
don't feel like a project to you.
You know, because sometimes when we are
so immersed into saver mode, we start
seeing people as a project, right? Like,
this one is broken. Let me fix
it. And when this one is done,
then let's fix her. And then when
(56:30):
that's done, like, people are not projects.
People are the creation of God, that
he has place close to you so
that you can love on them. So
love on them with everything that you
have. You know, give your time, give
your energy, but also remember that you
(56:51):
also are important. And sometimes when you
go into savior mode, you completely forget
about you, and you cannot give out
of an empty cup. And when you
are at your best, you can give
your best. And when you're at your
worst, you can only give worse. So
make sure that you are spending time
with God. Make sure that you are
(57:11):
replenished. Make sure that you are rested
because you need it. And just love,
just love, just love, just love. And
just remember, it is not up to
you what happens next. It is up
to God. And if it is not
good, that means that it is not
done, because God only does good work.
So if it doesn't look good right
(57:31):
now, God is not done, but he
will finish it, because that's what the
Bible says. The one who began the
good work will finish it until the
day of Jesus. So if it's not
done, just be patient. I don't like
that word because that means you have
to sit down and wait, but you
can do it because.
Ti'heasha Beasley (57:51):
God is with you.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (57:53):
It's funny, she said she don't like
that word. So as she was talking
about the love, I'm thinking about First
Corinthians 13.
Pastor Sol McQuay (57:59):
The love is patient.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (58:01):
The love is patient and kind. And
I was more thinking about the long
suffering part of it, but it's kind
of twofold because like you said, you
have to take care of yourself. I
think a huge part of that taking
care of yourself is taking care of
yourself. Letting God take care of you
through His Word and through prayer and
things like that, so that you have
(58:22):
the strength to love patiently and long
suffering, you know what I mean? So
you can love properly because it's not
about you, but it is about the
health of you to be able to
do it right? So to love like
God wants you to love, you totally
have to receive that from Him. Like
you have to. You have to receive
it to give it out, because that
(58:43):
don't make sense. Love is patient. Love
is kind. Love doesn't think of itself.
You know what I mean? It's not
self seeking, all of those things. Yeah,
it sounds good. But to do it,
that got to come from you being
sealed up by God and now being
able to go do it and being
filled up again and being able to
go do it and kind of stand
in that, oh, I got to be
(59:04):
filled up with the love of God
to go give this love of God.
You know, it's kind of this cycle
of you giving what you get from
God.
Pastor Sol McQuay (59:15):
If I can leave everybody with a
Bible verse that you can pray, because
I think that something that I've learned
in this season is praying. A scripture
is the most powerful prayer that you
can actually pray because that's, that's what
God already had established for us in
2nd Corinthians 7:10. It says that godly
(59:36):
grief produces repentance and leads to salvation.
So pray that over the people in
your Life who are not doing or
living the life that Jesus asked for
them to live, that they will not
just feel sorry, that they will not
just be remorseful, that they will not
just be like, man, that was a
bummer. I should have not done that.
(59:57):
But that it will be such a
grief that is coming straight from God,
from the Holy Spirit's conviction that actually
will produce repentance, which means a change
of mind and a change of heart
and a change of behavior, a change
of direction. Because when that happens, then
it's going to lead them to salvation.
It's going to lead them to the
feet of Jesus. So there is that
(01:00:18):
godly grief that produces repentance and leads
to salvation. So, 2 Corinthians 7, 10.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:00:23):
Amen.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:00:24):
No, that's good. Well, the first takeaway
is go watch that sermon from Pastor.
So she did a fantastic job with
just breaking down the Savior complex. She
even talked about pride, and she gave
us some scriptures to stand on. So
it was just really good. I think
my takeaway from just the entire series
(01:00:47):
is we need God.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:00:51):
Well, I am glad it took all
of these years.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:00:54):
Hey, I hope you get that from
every year. We need Jesus, folks.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:01:02):
I mean, it's really. I'm learning, and
I've been a believer for a long
time, but I am learning. I need
God every day, every second, every hour.
And.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:01:14):
And the things that have made the.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:01:16):
Biggest changes have only happened through Christ.
So being delivered, being set free, living
in joy, and not feeling that heaviness
only came through God. So you gotta
lean on him. So for 20, 26,
we're not leaning on our own understanding.
We're leaning on Jesus. And so that
is my takeaway from this. I just
(01:01:37):
encourage you to go back and listen
to the whole series, the Red Flags.
Emotions, bad communication, Savior complex. Keep it
on repeat this whole holiday season.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:01:48):
Okay?
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:01:48):
We gotta get through Christmas Eve New
Year.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:01:53):
Just go back to it.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:01:54):
That'll be a tool that you can
carry for this year. And, yeah, I
pray that it blessed you. And we
all love you here at Disciples Church
and we're praying for you. And we
don't take this lightly. We are really
praying that you find true freedom in
these different areas so that you can
just live a healthy life and be
whole so you can go make disciples.
(01:02:15):
That's ultimately what this thing is about.
And so. All right, until next time,
we love you.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:02:20):
So, quick question. Have you ever saved
a cat? Let us know in the
comments. Have you ever saved a pet's
life? Because I have.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:02:31):
I thought she was delivered from bed?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:02:34):
We're working on it. When you watch
the message, the first point was pride.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:02:39):
Hear the music, Reuben.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:02:42):
We're out.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:02:46):
Bye.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:03:05):
Sam.
Sam.
Pastor Sol McQuay (00:55):
Well, hello, everybody, and welcome to Between
Sermons, where we take what is happening
on Sundays and we bring it into
a conversation. It is gonna be a
really, really good episode. As always, we
have Taisha here, and Pastor Asa is
gonna be helping us with this conversation.
It's gonna be. It's gonna be wonderful.
It's gonna be wonderful.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:15):
It's gonna be funny already. What was
that?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:20):
Sometimes I hit the Barry White voice,
but anyway, DJ.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:23):
DJ. I call him DJ.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:25):
Pastor Asa.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:26):
That's new. That's new. In the last
20 minutes.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:30):
Yeah. Date.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:31):
This is getting worse, weird and worse.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:35):
I love it already. I love you.
Glad you're with us.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:37):
Yeah. This is great. This is awesome.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:39):
Yes. I love it. Thank you for
the introduction, Pastor.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:42):
So.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:42):
And thank you for opening us up.
How was that? You know, taking the
filling, the shoes of Pastor Bread.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:47):
It feels different. It feels different. This
chair feels intimidating, roomy. To grow into
it. Like, I feel excited to grow
into it. Okay. You know, you did
well.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (02:00):
I was like, oh, she's opened before.
She didn't know how to do this.
Ti'heasha Beasley (02:03):
She memorized. That's gross.
Pastor Sol McQuay (02:05):
I listened to it every single week.
Ti'heasha Beasley (02:08):
Thank you for being a loyal listener
and participant. Like, I've been on this
show a.
Pastor Sol McQuay (02:13):
Lot of times, so it's always fun.
Ti'heasha Beasley (02:15):
So we're going to have a good
conversation today. We ended our sermon series
Red Flags this month. How was it?
How was the series for you guys?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (02:26):
Red Flags. I don't remember nothing but
yesterday. No, I'm just playing. It was
really good. Yes. It started off great
with Pastor. I'm trying to remember what
he talked about.
Pastor Sol McQuay (02:36):
We had emotions.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (02:37):
We had emotions, and then we had
communication, and then we had. Yeah, the
whole. I tried to block out the
whole emotion thing. That's probably why I
didn't remember.
Pastor Sol McQuay (02:47):
Red Block.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (02:47):
Right? I partially blocked that out. Yesterday
was great.
Pastor Sol McQuay (02:54):
Oh, God.
Ti'heasha Beasley (02:55):
Okay, now I'm very curious why we
blocked out emotion.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (03:00):
Hey, listen, my wife learned a long
time ago that I just like to
file them things away and never bring
them back out until they explode. Okay.
Pastor Sol McQuay (03:09):
See you in my i5, Asa.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (03:11):
Oh, you with me?
Pastor Sol McQuay (03:12):
Oh, my gosh.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (03:13):
Oh, my gosh.
Pastor Sol McQuay (03:13):
I am not. I am not. Let's
talk it out. I'm like, it's happening.
We have two pastors on the show
talking about that doesn't mean we're perfect.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (03:22):
That's all. And I'm working through it.
Pastor Sol McQuay (03:25):
Oh, gosh. Oh, yeah. No. I grew
up with this whole idea of you
just bottle it up. Like, nobody will
know. You just don't tell anybod. So
when I got married, that was one
of the biggest things like, that I
will just pretend like it didn't happen.
And then thankfully, I have this personality
that doesn't really hold grudges very much.
(03:46):
So, like, I can be mad at
my husband and 30 minutes later, I'm
like, what do you want to eat?
And I'm like, nothing ever happened. So
he was the one that always said,
like, no, we have to talk about
it. And I'm like, we don't. Like,
I will forget about it at some
point and we will be fine, sister.
Ti'heasha Beasley (04:00):
That. Let me tell you, I would
be scared to eat after we barbecue.
And then you go from, like, arguing,
you're better at me, and you're like.
Pastor Sol McQuay (04:08):
What do you want to eat? Nothing.
Ti'heasha Beasley (04:10):
Nothing at all.
Pastor Sol McQuay (04:10):
Because we didn't talk about what happened.
I'm growing. Like, I'm getting better. And
now we are able to communicate and
everything. But yeah, no, just going out
and expressing my feelings. It's weird.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (04:21):
Yeah. So me and Tracy had a.
I was about to say a big
fight a long time ago about that
because she was mad at me because
I kind of quickly forgot about an
argument. It was like, I was like,
oh.
Pastor Sol McQuay (04:36):
Yeah, we had an argument, but let's
eat.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (04:38):
Who cares? It's over. And she was
so mad at me that I was
not still upset. So I think it
is a personality thing. I just rather
be happy. Let's just be happy and
have fun.
Pastor Sol McQuay (04:49):
There's times that we have fought and
I'm like, this time I'm not talking
to you. I am right. Like, we
are. Like, I am. I am not
doing this.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (04:58):
Did it work?
Pastor Sol McQuay (04:59):
No.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:00):
Like, that's what I thought about it.
Pastor Sol McQuay (05:01):
Like, he walks by and I'm like,
hey. Like, I'm like, oh, you talked
to him again. Like, I tried that.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:08):
I tried that exact thing once. Like,
you know what? I'm writing this one
and I'mma stand up and I'm going
to be mad.
Pastor Sol McQuay (05:14):
And man, I just couldn't.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:16):
It was unnecessary. I had to live
there. Why am I trying to make
myself be mad?
Pastor Sol McQuay (05:21):
Exactly.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:22):
What are we doing? I'm no longer.
Can I have some real humans on
the show?
Pastor Sol McQuay (05:27):
I feel like I'm the one that.
Ti'heasha Beasley (05:29):
Is no broken.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:32):
People that actually acknowledge that they have
emotions.
Ti'heasha Beasley (05:34):
Where's the red flags? Okay?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:36):
Where's the red flag? The problem is
this. If you do that and then
it does come to a head or
it comes to this volcanic situation in
the end and now you explode. That's
where the problem lies.
Pastor Sol McQuay (05:48):
The explosions for us are bad.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (05:51):
Yes. So it's best to deal with
it in the moment and not file
it away. I've learned over 18 years
of marriage, but, yeah, it still takes
effort to not fall it away.
Pastor Sol McQuay (06:05):
Yeah. And I think for me, honestly,
like, I know that this is not
the episode today, but I remember, like,
growing up, I used to be a
crier. You know, I was the kid
that was always crying. I was like,
I got hurt. Like, they did this.
I was a tattletale. And I remember
my mom, since I was little, saying,
take it like a man, you know,
(06:25):
she was like, I want the comolos
machos. So I was like, take it
like a man. Take it like a
man. If you're gonna play, you're gonna
keep. You're gonna take it, you know,
So I started to just toughen up,
and it's just like, I'm gonna take
it. So I think that that made
me, honestly, like, therapy time. That made
(06:47):
me kind of just not express my
emotions all the time, like, to the
point that I get uncomfortable with crying,
you know, it's just like, I don't.
I don't know what to do. Like,
don't cry.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (06:59):
Like, there.
Pastor Sol McQuay (06:59):
There, Like, I don't know. Like, I
don't know. Because I grew up saying,
just. Just take it.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (07:04):
Wow.
Pastor Sol McQuay (07:05):
You know, so, like, not in a
bad way. It's not like, you know,
like, suffer abuse and don't do anything
about it. Like, it wasn't like that,
but it was like, you don't have
to cry about every single little thing.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (07:14):
You know, just if you're playing and.
Pastor Sol McQuay (07:16):
You got hurt, you chose to play,
you know, so. Exactly. So that's not
right, though. Don't. Don't take it. Just
express your emotions. I'm like, in a
healthy way.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (07:29):
Clearly, this is the right show. It's
the right show. We can all learn,
Learn from each other.
Pastor Sol McQuay (07:32):
But we're growing.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (07:33):
Yeah, she's growing. I'm growing. So interesting
now. I wasn't. I'm not a crier
in the sense of that I'm good
at sucking it up, and it's not.
I'm not crying over. It skinned me
and I fail, and I don't cry
over those types of things, but I
can. I'm very extreme emotion, so I'm
(07:57):
extreme on the high side. I guess
when I'm really fired up about something,
it could move me to tears. But
I'm also very emotional when it comes
to those I love. Like, that type
of stuff can move me to Tears
very easily. But, like, she smacked me
in the face. I'm a man up
(08:19):
I fall, I fall in the hall.
I'm a laugh at all. I'm just
saying. So, like, I'm not like. And
my feelings ain't getting hurt.
Pastor Sol McQuay (08:27):
We're getting a line over here, please.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (08:30):
But I'm a hard lover if I'm
a I' ma love you hard type
of thing. You know what I'm saying?
If I love you, I'm always in
with you, and if I don't, then
I don't hate you. But I'm just.
If I like you, I love you
hard.
Ti'heasha Beasley (08:44):
You're not getting no emotions if you
don't like. Okay, now that we've covered,
you guys have no emotions.
Pastor Sol McQuay (08:50):
Let's talk about communication. We have emotions.
We are walking through them. We're walking
through them. Say that again, Pastor.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (08:59):
We all know how to communicate them
effectively.
Ti'heasha Beasley (09:01):
So how does that series. How did
that sermon rock, you guys? Before we
get to savior complexes, you.
Pastor Sol McQuay (09:07):
Guys have it all.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (09:10):
I was sitting next to Tracy during
that sermon. We was in the back
because I think it was maybe baptism
week or I don't know what it
was, but we were sitting in the
back row, hanging out back there as
the communication was going on. And we
had a little tension the day before,
the Friday before. So it was so
funny. We were sitting there going through
(09:31):
the argument while Pastor Chris was up
there talking about communication. It was amazing.
But what's good about it is we're
able to sit there and talk through
it. And, like, Tracy was like, yeah,
I was wrong. And I was like,
yeah, I was wrong on that one.
So we were just basically processing it
right there in the service in the
back row together.
Pastor Sol McQuay (09:49):
It was great.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (09:50):
It was awesome. So it was good.
Pastor Sol McQuay (09:53):
And then Athena, for me, that's something.
Like I said, the brand really stressed
out when we first got married, because
that was when I was just like,
we're not gonna tell anybody. We're not
gonna talk about anything. It's just, you
know, like, whatever happens is here. And,
like, even. Even between us, like, I
would just. Just give me a few
minutes, and I will forget about it.
(10:13):
We don't have to talk about it.
There's no confrontation needed here, Right? And
he was always like, no, we.
Ti'heasha Beasley (10:20):
Have to talk about it. We have
to talk about it.
Pastor Sol McQuay (10:22):
And I will be like, just. Just
put it aside. You know, like, by
tomorrow morning, we're gonna be great. And
he was like, no, we're not gonna
bed. We're not gonna go to bed
if we're angry. So he really pushed
me to communicate. And he continues to
do that because it is. That's. That's
hard for me, like, just being able
(10:42):
to tell you everything that is in
my head. Like, I'd rather just bottle
it up, like, honestly. But I know
that it's not healthy. So he was
always the one that pushed me to
communicate, the one that pushed me to.
To talk about all of the things,
you know. And I'm thankful for him
because there were a lot of times
that I had expectations, but I never
(11:04):
even communicated my expectations. And I would
just get angry, right? Like the dishes
are still here and nobody washed them.
And he said, well, you didn't ask
me to wash dishes, right? So I
will just get upset because I am
once again doing the dishes. And he
finally told me one day, he's like,
listen, I don't see the things the
same way that you do. But I
don't mind helping. Just tell me, right?
(11:27):
If you want me to do the
dishes, just say, hey, can you do
the dishes? I don't mind doing it.
But if you expect me to just
walk by and be like, oh, there's
dishes, let me do the dishes, it's
never going to happen. So I started
learning that what he needs is clear
ask a clear communication so that he
can then help me when I need
(11:47):
the help. And I cannot just expect
for him to know what I need
or what I want all the time,
because it's not gonna happen. So I
think that he has helped me and
he has made me grow in communication,
but it doesn't come natural to me.
Like, I have to work and be.
Ti'heasha Beasley (12:01):
Intentional about all makes sense now. This
savior complex, you non communicators, you just
rather do it yourself.
Pastor Sol McQuay (12:11):
To avoid conflict.
Ti'heasha Beasley (12:12):
So let's go there.
Pastor Sol McQuay (12:13):
Yes, 100%.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (12:15):
Well, don't put me in the savior
conf. I didn't feel like that one
was for me.
Pastor Sol McQuay (12:20):
I'm good. We are in this together.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (12:23):
We separated at the savior complex.
Ti'heasha Beasley (12:28):
So before we dive in, Pastor, so
what was the overall message like of
the savior complex yesterday?
Pastor Sol McQuay (12:35):
So if I can put it in
one sentence. And I was asking, actually,
Bren, I'm like, was it weird that
I just repeated it like a million
times? But if I can put in
just one sentence, is it he is
God, I am not, and he is
good at being God, right? Like, I
cannot do the saving for God. I
cannot pretend to have control because I'm
not God. So I just need to
(12:56):
let him be God because he's good
at it. So if I could just
put in just one sentence, I will
be it.
Ti'heasha Beasley (13:02):
Yeah, that's good.
Pastor Sol McQuay (13:03):
Okay.
Ti'heasha Beasley (13:04):
So as you were unpacking this message,
I know you shared, you know, your
heart. You said, I'm going to open
this to share my heart. How was
that for you as a communicator of
the message yesterday? Awful.
Pastor Sol McQuay (13:17):
Awful. Like, the amount of times that
I was trying to pass the message
to everybody, I'm like, it's written. You
want to just read it. And everybody
said, no. But no, it was difficult
because it's different when you are talking
about something that is really personal. You
(13:38):
know, that adds a layer of vulnerability
that is intimidating. On top of that,
it's not something that is resolved. You
know, like, you can be vulnerable and
say, but God delivered me, and God
did it. And, you know, it's all
good now. But for this one, I
am literally showing you a wound that's
(14:00):
still bleeding, and they very much hurt.
So it was really, really difficult. It
is not about what other people are
going to think or anything like that.
It was more of, this is something
that I am struggling with. This is
something that I so desperately want for
(14:21):
the people that I love, that I
have been running myself crazy trying to
help them, trying to take pain away,
trying to bring them closer to Jesus,
trying to make them see that they
are valued, trying to make them see
that the enemy is lying to them,
all of the different things. And when
you are talking about something that is
(14:43):
so deep and so personal, it's hard.
So that's why I said it was
awful. I think that it was what
God wanted us to talk about, and
I just trust that he was able
to use that for a lot of
people. But, yeah, just being that transparent,
because there's a level of transparency and
(15:05):
there's when you actually open the door
a little bit more and you let
people see a lot more, you know?
And that's how I felt. Yeah.
Ti'heasha Beasley (15:14):
Very open.
Pastor Sol McQuay (15:15):
Yes.
Ti'heasha Beasley (15:17):
So when you were going through the
message, did you realize that this was
an area where you were still actively
having to surrender to God, that savior
complex? Or was it. I know you're
still in the middle of those situations.
How did it really impact you when
you realize, man, I have this issue?
Pastor Sol McQuay (15:36):
Well, that is not something that I
realized as I was preparing for this
message. This is something that God has
been teaching me for two years. It
is a message that has been in
my heart for this whole time, just
because that's what I am living, you
know? So it wasn't That I had
(15:57):
to sit down and prepare and investigate
or, you know, do all of the
research that I usually do. I was
able to sit down and just literally
write my life story. So it is.
That was. So. That's why it was
so different, you know, because it's not
that I am telling you something that
I study or something that I discovered
or, you know, like, let me tell
you the percentage of people that, like,
(16:19):
sometimes you go into that research mode
when you are trying to teach. I
didn't have to go anywhere to find
inspiration. I just had to be like,
this is all of the things that
I am learning as I am going
through it. It's a lot of things
that God has been showing me about
myself, about the things that I'm doing
(16:39):
about. And I could talk for hours
and hours and hours, because again, it's
been two years. It's been two years
of lesson after lesson after lesson after
lesson of just letting God do what
he wants to do and just settle
down. Because it was getting. It was
getting bad. I don't know how deep
you want to go in this, but
(17:01):
it was getting bad. For me, personally,
for the very first year when just
everything just started hitting. We started getting
bad news after bad news after bad
news and just more things coming and
coming and coming. I started getting really
bad panic attacks. Like, I could not.
Like, anything will set me off, you
know, because I was putting all of
(17:23):
the pressure of everything on myself. And
it wasn't until I realized, like, you
gotta surrender. You gotta give control. You
gotta just trust that God got it,
that I have been able to live.
Wow. Yeah.
Ti'heasha Beasley (17:39):
And maybe both of you guys can
kind of answer this question. Do you
feel like. I feel like this whole
series, as playful as we try to
make it with the cute bumpers and
things of that nature, wrestling.
Pastor Sol McQuay (17:53):
Usually they're cute bumpers because her husband.
Ti'heasha Beasley (17:54):
Is in the.
Pastor Sol McQuay (17:57):
Right. But my whole creative team stepped
up and did amazing jobs. So it
was cute bumpers for me.
Ti'heasha Beasley (18:07):
But as you know, we tried to
start on a light note, but it
was really a heavy series because I
feel it was a series that really
put the mirror in front of all
of our faces in different ways. And
even I shared in another podcast where
I had a personal experience where I
experienced healing and deliverance from, like, the
(18:27):
message, the emotion, a message. Do you
feel like it's something that people can
experience? Freedom from bad communication, emotions that
drag you down and even the savior
complex. Is this something you can work
yourself out of, or do you really
need the Holy Spirit? To help you
(18:48):
identify these and actually.
Pastor Sol McQuay (18:50):
Get set free from these things.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (18:53):
I feel like anything that needs getting
set free from true freedom only comes
one way, in my opinion. So for
instance, you have aa and there's probably
a very high percentage of people that
succeed, fail, succeed, fail, succeed, fail. My
(19:15):
guess, total guess, is that when there's
a Christ component mixed into those types
of therapies and those types of support
groups and things like that is where
true freedom come from. I could be
wrong. Maybe some people get free just
with those programs, but in my opinion,
man, freedom only come one way. But
(19:35):
I'm a pastor, so maybe that's just
a spiritual thing to say. I don't
know any other way to get free
from anything. What about your own personal
experience? I don't know any way to
get free from anything other than actually
yielding to the Holy Spirit in my
life. Because I mean, we deal with
all types of stuff. And it's not
always big don't seem like big things.
(19:56):
It's little things, it's middle things. It's
all of the above. And to me,
being able to truly get free is
not just I stopped today. Freedom is
a forever thing. So if you're going
to be free, meaning stay free, you're
going to have to do something. You're
going to have to be able. You're
going to need something to count on.
(20:17):
You're going to need to be able
to walk with God through that thing.
Because as much as I don't do
drugs and alcohol, well, I did at
one point in my life. So here's
the thing. I'm well aware that if
I let go of Jesus, eventually over
time, drugs and alcohol are going to
come back. So I'm free, but not
if I let go of Jesus. I'm
(20:39):
no longer free. And it may not
show itself in a week or a
year or two years or five years.
It may take time for me to
get back down that path, but at
the end of the day, I'm going
to end up on that path unless
I continue to hold on to Jesus.
So to me, whatever it is, is
going to be acknowledging God in that
thing continuously for the rest of your
(21:00):
life to actually be free. Because you
can be free today and bound tomorrow
from all of this stuff unless you
hold on to Jesus. That's my opinion.
Pastor Sol McQuay (21:08):
I think you need both. You know,
I think that you need God, who
is the one that gives you the
freedom. The freedom only comes through him
and gives you the. The desire to
do something different with your life. That
repentance only comes through the power of
the Holy Spirit at work in your
(21:29):
life. The conviction of God saying, this
is wrong. But there's a part that
we play in all of this too.
You have to put in the work
after he frees you, you have to
put in the work to continue to
seek God. You have to put in
the work that the moment the temptation
comes to go back to the same
thing, to say, no, I am a
new creature in God. I have to
(21:50):
now think different. I think that it
is both. The closer you are to
God, the more that you can resist
going back to the same patterns of
life. But you still have to put
of yourself, you know, I cannot just
be like, well, God miraculously changed everything,
and I have never even worried ever
again. No, of course not. Situations are
(22:13):
gonna pop up and I'm gonna still
gonna want to be like, let me
do something. But I have to remember
in those moments, no, I trust God.
So it is this partnership that we
have with God that he does the
ultimate delivery. But I have to continue
to put in the work and the
effort every single day to maintain what
he has already done in my life.
(22:35):
That's good. Yeah.
Ti'heasha Beasley (22:36):
Because, I mean, I just really feel
like I've been hearing stories of people
being freed and testimonies and even struggles
of people like, well, how do I
know that I really have this issue?
And, you know, and I'm just wondering
in my mind, like, man, this has
to be something that we walk out
with Jesus because we're going to get
it wrong every single time. So what
(22:59):
is some practical. What is a good
starting point for someone who is struggling
with that Savior complex? Like, how do
they even identify it and say. Some
people may say, I just like helping
people. Or some people may say, if
I.
Pastor Sol McQuay (23:17):
Don'T do it, who's going to do
it?
Ti'heasha Beasley (23:18):
Kind of like what happened in that
video yesterday. So how do people start
recognizing, like, no, I'm stepping in the
place of God.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (23:27):
I think the beginning of it has
to just be taking it to God
for him to show you the scripture
she read. Basically, lord, show me what's
in my heart. Because without you examining
that, you could think you could be
totally deceived and think that you're in
a certain place. When God looks at
it, you're actually in a different place
than what you think. So deception is
(23:49):
real. Some people think they're fine in
a lot of ways. And unless you
and as Christians, non Christians, we think
we're fine. But once it gets brought,
whether it's through A message or through
a friend or just through whatever. Once
you're made aware of it, are you
going to now say, well, okay, let
me actually take this to God and
see if I am struggling in that
(24:09):
area or if this is a problem
problem, and then you have to act
on it from there. So I think
you got to start with acknowledging that
there's an issue going to God about
how deep that issue is and what
you need to be doing about that
issue. And then it's the walkout process.
So did that answer your question? Was
there more to the question?
Ti'heasha Beasley (24:31):
No, it's just, how do you identify?
Because again, some people don't even realize
they're in that savior complex space. You
know, like, you know, just thinking.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (24:39):
About our parents and even just like,
if you. If you find yourself stressing
out about a bunch of stuff that
you can't control, it's likely you haven't
given that thing to God. It's likely
you haven't cast your care on the
Lord because you continue to strive, you
continue to try to do things to
make change or to change circumstances that
(25:00):
you ultimately cannot change. So to me,
it's like this total reliance upon God.
As much as it seems everything with
God is by faith, right? So we're
saved by faith, by grace, through faith.
For me to cast my care on
God, let's say it's about my child
(25:22):
that's going to take faith in believing
that God actually is going to now
carry that for you. So it's not
like, oh, well, that was easy. I
gave it to God, and now I
ain't got to do nothing. No, you
kind of have to keep your mind
trained through His Word to continuously keep
that thing surrendered to him, because it
is so easy to just pick it
(25:42):
back up. One thing goes wrong, one
doctors report that is not right, and
you write back, carrying it again. So
to me, it's this constant reminder of,
okay, I'm not going to carry this.
And you know, at some point when
you're carrying it, whether it be your
body is physically reacting to it or
(26:02):
your personality or your mood or the
way you act is changing. Marriage helps,
because if I'm changing, my wife can
point that out to me like something's
not right. A good example, when I
first became a pastor here, within those
first, I'll say five months, I'm not
sure the exact date. Tracy said, asa,
(26:27):
what's wrong? She said, because you're sleeping
a lot and you're not cracking a
lot of jokes. You're not very joyous.
Like you normally are.
Pastor Sol McQuay (26:34):
And I'm like, no, I'm fine.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (26:35):
What you mean, what's wrong?
Pastor Sol McQuay (26:36):
What's the problem?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (26:37):
And he's like, something wrong? So I'm
like, lord, what's wrong? You know what
I mean? And what I believe he
showed me was, you are carrying the
weight of being a pastor, and you
can't. You're gonna need to. He said,
this is how I feel. Like, he
said it to me in the same
way that you cast your cares on
me, you have to cast your pastoral
(26:57):
job on me. You have to cast
those cares on me. So I'm like,
oh, that makes sense. Because I watched
a mother who cast her cares on
the Lord. So that's kind of natural
for me. Not natural, but I've seen
examples of it. I know to do
that, but for some reason, I'm doing
it in my life. But I got
this new job where now I'm hearing
(27:18):
people's problems, seeing people's problems, giving advice,
and now I'm carrying their issues with
me. I ain't even thinking about my
own issues. I'm carrying somebody else's issues.
That's terrible. So the Lord had to
show me, yeah, the same way you
cast your cares on me, you need
to do that with the cares of
others. I've been pretty good since then.
(27:39):
At least Traci ain't pointed out to
me that I'm off track again. So
for three years, I feel like I've
been casting those cares on the Lord.
And I know that I have to
continue to do that. Like, it can
easily come a point where if I
allow time to build up, where I'm
not doing that, it's going to affect
something in my life. My personality, my
health, whatever it may be. So it's
(28:01):
a constant thing. Am I delivered from
carrying it? Not if I let go
of what God told me to do,
which is cast it on him, cast
it on Him, Just cast it on
Him. So I got to be mindful
of that. That when I feel like
work is weighing on me, I gotta
reset and cast that care on the
Lord. So that's kind of how I
deal with that long term.
Pastor Sol McQuay (28:22):
And I think not a lot of
people go around saying, I have the
savior complex. Right. I think that even
though, like, there's a thing for some
people who like to be in the
spotlight and want to have the glory
of the outcome and all that stuff,
I don't think that that is the
majority of people. I think that there's
(28:44):
some people that truly do want to
Go out of their way and just
fix everybody's problems because they want to
be the center of attention. And I
think that that's real, but I don't
think that that's everybody. I think that
a lot of us end up in
this situation because life hands you all
of this stuff, and you're so overwhelmed
that you feel like you have to
do something right. And I think that
(29:05):
you end up exercising the savior complex
out of necessity. But I think that
you can recognize it in your own
life. And at least it happened for
me when I realized that I was
trying to strategize how to change the
situation, you know, that something is happening.
What can I do? And, like, instead
(29:27):
of immediately going and saying, God, this
is the situation that is happening. What
are you going to do in this?
I was just trying to say, okay,
how can I make it better? How
can I, you know, like, what can
I say to them so that they
will hear it? And then they're gonna
understand and they're gonna be like, yes,
I want Jesus. You know? And, like,
in my head, I have this whole
(29:48):
conversation, and the next time they come
and I'm gonna say this, so they
will probably respond this way. So I'm
gonna say that. And I have a
whole strategy, and I set it all
in place, and it completely bombs. And
then I'm like, but, God. Like this.
But isn't. Isn't it what you want
for them to come back to you?
You know, like, well, yeah, but you
(30:09):
are not doing it.
Ti'heasha Beasley (30:10):
Yeah, I'm doing it.
Pastor Sol McQuay (30:11):
You know, And I think that that's
when. When sometimes you can realize, like,
I am obsessing over the outcome so
much that all I am doing is
thinking about how I'm gonna get there,
thinking about what I'm gonna say so
that I can get there, thinking about,
like, the next conversation and the next
interaction. How we're gonn. And you're so
(30:34):
overrun with it that you don't realize
what God actually wants you to do.
You know, you're trying to do the
job that God has of himself. And,
like, I can't. Like, I cannot convict
anybody of anything. You know, just. Period.
I cannot change anybody. So I just
(30:54):
have to be obedient to what God
wants. And that sometimes is very scary
because when you feel like you don't
have the control of it, like, I
want my hands in it. Like, let
me just be busy doing something, because
if not, then I just feel like
I'm just in the sidelines, sitting there,
(31:15):
just waiting. But that's what the word
says, you know, that we are supposed
to wait on the Lord, and then
it says that he is fighting for
us. All we have to do is
be still, but we don't know how
to be still. We are trying to
strategize and try to do it and
try to, you know, like, how. How
can I take the pain away and
how can I show them that this
is wrong and what can I say
(31:37):
to change their mind? And you are
consumed by all of the things that
I can do and how can I
show and how can I tell them
and how can I make them see,
you know? And. And even though you
don't necessarily want to be the hero
of the story, you are putting yourself
as the primary person in the whole
(31:58):
story when the story wasn't even about
you to begin with, you know, and
that's what ended up happening to me.
Like that story that I told yesterday
about me being in the kitchen. Like,
yes, I am praying for them, and
yes, I am crying for them, but
the main person of the story is
me. Like, I don't like this. I
don't want this. How can I make
it better? How can I make them
change? When if I just took a
(32:22):
moment and realized all of the stuff
that they are doing, all of the
stuff that they are going through, it
is being rooted out of deep pain
that they are struggling with. But I
forgot about that because I'm just thinking
about, what am I gonna do to
fix it? And then you end up
forgetting about the actual person that is
(32:44):
going through it, you know? So I
think that that's something that we need
to be careful because you need to
just leave it on to God. So
how do you know that you are
getting here? Like Asa said, you just
feel heavier than you should be. The
word says that his burden is light.
(33:04):
And if your burden is incredibly heavy,
that means that you're carrying too much
that you're not supposed to carry.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (33:10):
Yeah, that's good.
Pastor Sol McQuay (33:13):
Easier said than done, though, I was.
Ti'heasha Beasley (33:15):
Going to say, because some people are
in situations where it almost seems like
it is God putting them in that
situation to carry that burden. And I
know that sounds really weird, but I'm
thinking about a situation specifically in my
family where a loved one has to
stay with another loved one while they
(33:35):
go through a very bed season. And
so we have one loved one who's
like, oh, I gotta help them fix
their life. That's why God brought them
back here. And I'm just like. It
can seem like God is putting you
sometimes in positions to rescue that person.
But how do you decipher between like,
I should go above and beyond or
(33:57):
I should just provide a space for
them to live. Like, how do you
maneuver that space?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (34:03):
I think, as you were saying, it
makes me think about something. I don't
know if I mentioned it to my
group or to staff, but I was
talking about like, okay, I believe I'm
called and I'm in the right place
that I'm supposed to be here at
Disciples Church as a pastor, right? I'm
like, but even within that, there's this
(34:24):
day to day obedience, walk, acknowledgement of
God that I have to have. So
there's the obedience to go do the
thing and then there's the obedience with
within that season of life. So kind
of like, yeah, maybe it is a
God thing for you to be able
to help this person, but within that
you have to be acknowledging God and
(34:45):
seeking his counsel on the details of
it, the day to day aspects of
it, the timing of stuff. Because you
can say, okay, I'm supposed to help
with this and I'll just try to
do it your way and never even
go back to God and consult him
about why he has this person in
your life to begin with. So it's
like, yeah, it might be a God
(35:06):
thing today in your life, but now
what does God want you to do?
You know? So I think that's really
part of our process with anything, with
any season of life, with anything God
got you doing. Okay. Yeah, when you
take that step. Because a lot of
times in my experience, God don't give
you all of this laid out roadmap.
He tell you to do something and
then when you do that, you kind
(35:26):
of be finding out what's next to
do. You know what I mean? He
told you to read a scripture. He
didn't tell you when you was gonna
have to actually use what he was
having you read. Right? Because you would
have turned and ran and said, lord,
I'm not doing that. And I think
that's what it is. I probably would
have ran if God would have showed
me what he was doing.
Pastor Sol McQuay (35:45):
I probably were like, yeah, I don't.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (35:46):
Want to be a pastor, Lord, I'm
out. What are we talking about? So
a lot of times it's those little
steps of obedience for one. Strengthen you,
give you more experience with God, helps
you to practice listening and being obedient
to what he's doing. So it's like
you're in this training with each step
you take that will help you down
the road with what God wants you
(36:07):
to do. So that's kind of how
I see the thing. I have no
idea. I have no idea. I just
say that I have no idea. But
sometimes I'm in these situations here as
a pastor at Disciples Church, and I'm
like, lord, I have no clue. But
I believe he helps in those moments.
But then also I need to be
doing my part in like staying in
(36:27):
the Word, staying in prayer, because it
don't always have to be this crisis,
help moment. Because he really. I think
God is good enough to prepare us
before we ever get to some of
these situations. We may not know what
the thing is, but he can be
preparing us through His Word and His
Word strengthening us for the moments to
come. And that's why getting in the
(36:49):
Word and prayer and fasting is not.
You don't do this stuff out of
duty. You do it because you need
to be in fellowship with God to
receive the strength that you need. Not
only for ministry, not for a job,
which is ministry just for life in
general, for day to day life. It
would behoove all of us, and I
(37:10):
don't even know how to use that
word, behoove. It would behoove us all
to kind of be in fellowship with
God.
Pastor Sol McQuay (37:21):
And something that you need to keep
in mind is, and remind yourself often
is that, no, you don't rescue people.
Only God does that. If I feel
like I am in this relationship to
rescue them, then again I am putting
myself as the rescuer. I am not
the rescuer. God is. I am not
(37:43):
the one that is going to convince
anybody that they are doing wrong unless
the Holy Spirit starts working their lives.
So it's hard. It's hard. So how
do you know how much to give?
How do you know how far you
can go? You're gonna go as much
as God is giving you the green
light for. So it is honestly moment
(38:04):
by moment. It is a situation by
situation. It is day by day. It
is conversation by conversation. You know, I
know that it is not the answer
that most of us want because we
want a plan. You know, just tell
me what to follow and I'll follow
it. But I think that that is
the importance of being close to Jesus,
is that it is conversation by conversation.
(38:26):
Is this conversation about speaking some truth
or this conversation just about loving people?
You know, how many times can I
just say it's wrong, it's wrong, it's
wrong. At one point they're gonna be
like, oh no, she's coming again. She
just again gonna tell me all of
the Things I'm doing wrong and that
I need Jesus, right? So you start
(38:48):
getting people to tune you out. So
you have to be very, very strategic
in how you do things. And the
only strategy that you can follow is
the one that the Holy.
Ti'heasha Beasley (38:59):
Spirit is giving us.
Pastor Sol McQuay (39:00):
So what I think about is the
friends, you know, they brought the crippled
men to Jesus, so they are doing
as much as they can. They realize
the room is full. So we are
gonna make a hole on the ceiling,
right? And we're gonna bring you down.
But they are not the ones saying,
(39:21):
I'm gonna heal you. Their only job
was to bring the person to the
feet of Jesus, not to do the
saving. So I think that we are
gonna go as far as we can,
and we're gonna do as much as
we can to bring people to the
feet of Jesus. What the outcome would
be, that is up to Jesus. You
know, but we are just gonna speak
(39:41):
truth. We're gonna speak life. We're gonna.
We're gonna be loving, we're gonna be
kind. You know, you're gonna. You're gonna
do your part because that's what we're
supposed to do. But it is not
my job to say, okay, in this
conversation, you say yes to ch. That
doesn't happen that way. I wish, but
that is not it. So my job
(40:02):
is to bring opportunity after opportunity after
opportunity for you to be able to
receive something from God. It is now
up to you and the Holy Spirit
what happens next. And when I flip
that, then I am putting the burden
of their salvation on me. And I
can't forgive anybody's sins. I can't do
(40:24):
any of those things. So it is
just remembering I am just in this
relationship to be an extension of the
love that God has for you. So
I'm just gonna show you love. I'm
just gonna show you grace. I am
just gonna speak life when I can,
you know? And in that one, it's
also a little tricky because you cannot
(40:45):
always just be saying, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,
Jesus. Right? Some people are not ready
for that conversation yet. Some people are
not ready to just, you know, receive
the words that are true. Because at
this moment, it just feels like judgment,
or it just feels like hating, or
it just feels like whatever it's happening
in their lives. So sometimes you just
(41:07):
kind of like. I call it a
hit and run, you know, Like, I've
been doing that a lot with some
people in my life that I just
hit and run, you know, Like, I
just get close and I'm like, I
cannot wait to See what God does
to you. Bye. Like, you know that
there we are walking around or wherever,
and I'm like, oh, I love you
so much. And God loves you so
much, too. Okay, what about this? You
(41:29):
know, change the subject. Like, we are
not gonna have a discussion or we're
not gonna shut down about this. Like,
it was like, hit and run. Like,
I'm just gonna plant a seed of
truth and then we're gonna go somewhere
else. Because I know we're not ready
for this conversation right now, but that
doesn't mean that I'm not gonna say
anything. So sometimes it's just the little.
The little bit, and then you just
(41:51):
believe that all of those seeds will
bring forth something. And I know that
God does it just, you know.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (42:00):
And early in that. I like what
you said. What, you said it more
and more times. But, yeah. Is God
wanting you to speak this word of
truth or to just love that person?
And, you know, sometimes we think we
know, but we really don't know what
he wants us to do in those
moments if we don't allow him to
tell us what he wants us to
do. You know what I mean? To
try to be sensitive in those moments
(42:21):
as to what to do kind of
came up in our meeting, or at
least the scripture popped up in my
head as some of the conversation was
happening. But, like, how Jesus was moved
with compassion with a lot of things.
Like, we need to kind of be
more sensitive to just following. Like, is
this me just wanting to make something
happen, or is this the compassion of
(42:41):
Jesus that I'm extending toward them and
trying to identify that stuff. In some
of these moments, sometimes you want to
just say, don't be dumb. Just do
this. And that might be right, but
God might want you to just say,
it's okay, baby. Whatever, brother. It's okay,
and give him a hug. When it's
really. I'm thinking, just don't be an
(43:01):
idiot, you know? But sometimes, maybe later,
Jesus will let me tell him, don't
be an idiot. But right now, he
want me to hug this brother. So
some stuff seems real obvious to us,
but that ain't how God wants you
to do it that day or ever.
I don't know. But let's just try
to be as sensitive as we can
(43:22):
to those things. But a lot of
the being in the word, prayer, fasting,
that's preparing us for this stuff. That's
what we need to be. Our hearts
need to be prepared to go be
God's hands and feet. Because if we're
not Prepared. If we're not in a
(43:43):
place of sensitivity to the Holy Spirit,
we could screw some stuff up in
the name of Jesus.
Pastor Sol McQuay (43:49):
Oh, my goodness.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (43:51):
And that's the problem.
Ti'heasha Beasley (43:53):
True. It's making me think about the
word love so much. Even just hearing
what you're sharing about, like, how you
can shut down and push people away
when you just keep attacking them and
you're not looking at what they're really
going through. I remember, I don't know
why I had this vision, but what
really changed me, like, how I evangelized
(44:15):
to people, was this illustration. Guy had
dropped into my mind. He was like,
what if you were at a party
and you saw a girl and she
was getting drunk and everyone was like,
oh, look at her, she's getting drunk.
We need to go tell her not
to get drunk. How could you change
that person's life if you stop and
be like, are you okay? Is there
something going on? And then she tells
(44:37):
you, yeah, I don't have any money
to see my children. This is the
last result. How much more we can
minister serve that person by not necessarily
trying to. You know, you could be
a better person if you just give
your life to God right now and
just be like, are you okay? And
I feel like when you think about
loved ones or people that we, God
(44:59):
put us in community with, like stopping
to really see them through his eyes.
Like, I think when he see us,
he sees the real pains and the
real things that's driving a lot of
these actions. And so I don't know,
I think heart motives is good, but
also being connected to Christ, I think
we can see the real.
Pastor Sol McQuay (45:20):
Yeah, and I think you hit it
on the head with that one. Like,
sometimes in our zealous pursuit of getting
people closer to Jesus or getting people
living a life that is better, you
know, you forget about the person. You
(45:42):
don't see, you don't hear, you don't
understand where they're at. All you want
is for them to change, and that's
good. I think that we should want
people to come to Jesus. I think
that we should want people to live
differently and to, you know, to be
who God has created them to be.
But sometimes you forget what they are
going through and what pain they has
(46:04):
caused them to act in a certain
way or just what is bringing them
to do this? What is their background?
We forget so many things. I remember
a few months ago, after the whole
thing with Charlie Kirk, and there were
(46:25):
videos of him just everywhere. Like, he
just kind of flooded the Internet, right?
And I Remember that? I was just
scrolling on Facebook, I think it was,
and one of the videos popped up
because that was all that was around
on social media at the time. And
it was this young person who had
(46:46):
transitioned and the question was like, why
do you dress like that? Or something
like that. I don't remember exactly the
question, but his answer was, so that
I don't hate myself every time that
I see myself in the mirror. And
when I told you that, I started
(47:07):
crying when I heard that. Because sometimes
you just attack the situation, the sin
or whatever, and you don't realize that
there's so much more inside, you know,
that the issue is less about what
you're wearing today or what you are
(47:27):
wanting to be. And the bigger issue
is the fact that you hate who
God created you to be, you know,
and sometimes you forget that. So in
your desire to save somebody, you're just
saying, this is wrong, this is wrong,
this is wrong. And they're like, listen,
I just don't want to hate myself
every time that I look in the
(47:48):
mirror, you know, so sometimes you have
to. To put your cape and your
sword down and just sit down and
listen. Where are we coming from? What
is actually happening? What is it that
God needs to heal in you so
that you can hear what he has
for you? But we forget that when
(48:09):
we are trying to just solve the
problem.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (48:12):
It's really good. Like she said, you
hit it on the head with that.
God sees past our sin. So for
us to not be able to see
past somebody's sin and actually see the
heart is a problem. Definitely I learned
that hard lesson. And it wasn't hard
because I didn't have no consequences for
him. But the Holy Spirit, I guess,
(48:32):
kind of, I believe, showed me that
a while ago, told this story several
times. But walking through the mall, going
to get my wife something for. I
don't remember, I was going to the
Pandora store and two guys walked by
holding hands. And my first glance just
got this, you know, man, this disgust.
(48:53):
Like, oh, you know, this disgust. And
instantly it was like, I need you
to see people how I see them.
I was checked in that moment in
the middle of them all by the
Holy Spirit, like, oh, I need to
love them like the Lord love them.
Not that I did anything, said anything
or even dare would've, you know what
I mean? If I'd have caught myself
looking at them wrong, I could have
(49:13):
checked myself. But God was looking at
my heart and how I responded and
checked my heart in that moment. Like,
you need to see them with the
same love that I see them. And
I'm like, oh, yes, you are right,
Lord. My bad. You know, because it's
easy for us to let culture, to
let just life have us to get
(49:37):
callous toward people and see the sin
or see the differences versus seeing that
this is somebody that Jesus died for.
And while they're alive, there's still an
opportunity for them to receive that same
salvation that I received as I was
out being a fool, living in sin
in the same way. And God was
seeing me and not my sin and
(49:59):
showing me his love. So, yeah, it
really is. We have to really do
our best to not get callous toward
people.
Pastor Sol McQuay (50:08):
And that is the beautiful thing about
this series, is that we are not
looking at other people. Right? We are
looking at ourselves. Because as we are
trying to see other people's problems and
other people's mistakes, God is saying, what
about you? You know, like, change. You
need to change. You're the one that
needs to have some refining. Yeah, they
do, too. Sure. But let's start with
(50:31):
you. Let's do something with you and
just let him do something with the
other person in his own timing, in
his own way, and we can just
be used by him however he wants
us to, you know, Like, I think
about the Bible and how Paul was
(50:51):
when everybody was like, but I am
a disciple of this, and I am
a disciple of that. And he's like,
what? What are we talking about? You
know, like, one planted the seed, the
other one water, and it's God who
is gonna bring the fruit, you know,
so sometimes you don't know if you're
the one that is just planting the
seed and will never see a change,
(51:11):
but somebody else is gonna say something
else, and it's gonna be a little
bit of water, you know, and then
somebody else is gonna say something else,
and it's gonna be a little bit
more of an awakening. And one day
the Holy Spirit is gonna bring the.
So we cannot pretend to be all
in all for everybody. My job is
not take everybody to the finish line.
(51:33):
My job is just to be a
part of the process in their life,
as God wants me to, and just.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (51:38):
Understanding that it is true power in
God's word and in the seed of
the word. I say this to parents
a lot whose kids are, you know,
going astray but growing up, you know
what I mean? They're starting to make
their own decisions, and it's like, hey,
you've done what you can do. You've
had them in church. You've been trying
to live a life that reflects Christ.
(52:00):
It's okay, because the word of God
that has been planted in their heart
can speak to them. They've heard you.
They know what you feel. They've heard
you, but you've planted the Word of
God. Trust that. Trust that process. Pray
for them to be safe until they
say yes to Jesus. I mean, really.
Because the word of God and that
(52:20):
experience for me, I've seen played out
in so many times where I'm living
a life that I know I shouldn't
be living. And all of the Word
that was planted and planted and planted
and planted and planted in my heart
from the time I was born until
the time I finally surrendered, spoke always.
I could be in the middle of
sin and the word of God is
speaking. It's just rising up in me.
(52:43):
And I try to ignore it. I
was high for a decade trying to
ignore the word of God that's in
me speaking. And the only way I
could ignore it was to be high.
That's it. Or I was being tortured
by God's word, which is crazy to
say, but in essence, it was God
just drawing me and drawing me and
drawing me. And I was like, I
(53:04):
just want to do what I want
to do. Leave me alone, Lord. And
praise God. He didn't leave me alone.
Me alone. It wasn't any specific person
that came and got me free. It
was the Word of God that was
in me. It was God steady, showing
me his hand in things over the
course of my life. All of a
sudden, I just couldn't stop seeing all
of the good of God over the
(53:25):
course of my life. From us being
evicted one morning to in a better
place by the end of the night.
I don't know how that happened. It
wasn't because my mother had it. It
was because God. It was because somebody
from the church was like, well, we
got a place you can live. Well,
praise the Lord, saints, you know what
I mean? Or this happened, or that
happened, and God just began to just.
He just kept replaying this stuff in
(53:45):
my head. He just kept showing me
all of this goodness and the good
that he's been. And scripture just rising
up in me in the same way
you can sit here and a song
from your childhood that you ain't heard
just rises up. What you plan in
your heart will rise up, but the
difference is the power of God's word
can actually change the situation. You know
(54:05):
what I mean? So when that's been
planted, that's really the key, man. Plant
the Word of God. If you're in
the middle of sin, start planting the
word in the middle of it. It'll
help you. You don't have the strength
to do it. So plant the word.
As much as that feels like sacrilegious,
listen, the word is what changes. Plant
the word in the middle of your
(54:26):
sin until you can get out of
of it because you trying to do
it, ain't doing it, period. That's not
gonna work.
Pastor Sol McQuay (54:31):
No.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (54:32):
So, man, it's God's word that changes.
Ti'heasha Beasley (54:35):
Y' all preaching out here. Okay?
Pastor Sol McQuay (54:38):
And next time you go to Pandora,
Bren would love to go with you.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (54:46):
I have to let him know we
need to take a date to Pandora.
Ti'heasha Beasley (54:50):
Actually invite your invite.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (54:57):
Well, I kind of overplayed my hand.
Tracy told me, don't go to Pandora
no more. It was an easy gift.
For years running to Pandora, she was
like, enough.
Pastor Sol McQuay (55:05):
I have enough Pandora charm bracelet.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (55:08):
It was easy. Now Ava is into
Pandora. I had to dig it out
for my date. It's really funny.
Ti'heasha Beasley (55:17):
Well, as we land the plane, I
want to do something a little different.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (55:21):
Because.
Ti'heasha Beasley (55:24):
I feel like some people probably need
encouragement with this entire series, specifically the
Savior complex, because I think that there
are some believers who really want to
help people that they love. And so
how can they do that in a
healthy way? Maybe give some a takeaway
on how they can do that in
a healthy way to encourage them?
Pastor Sol McQuay (55:49):
Definitely help. Definitely help. Don't. Don't just
cross your arms and just be like,
well, if God is gonna get him,
then go get him. You know, help
love on them. But make sure that
you become a safe space for people,
(56:10):
that they don't feel judged, that they
don't feel like a project to you.
You know, because sometimes when we are
so immersed into saver mode, we start
seeing people as a project, right? Like,
this one is broken. Let me fix
it. And when this one is done,
then let's fix her. And then when
(56:30):
that's done, like, people are not projects.
People are the creation of God, that
he has place close to you so
that you can love on them. So
love on them with everything that you
have. You know, give your time, give
your energy, but also remember that you
(56:51):
also are important. And sometimes when you
go into savior mode, you completely forget
about you, and you cannot give out
of an empty cup. And when you
are at your best, you can give
your best. And when you're at your
worst, you can only give worse. So
make sure that you are spending time
with God. Make sure that you are
(57:11):
replenished. Make sure that you are rested
because you need it. And just love,
just love, just love, just love. And
just remember, it is not up to
you what happens next. It is up
to God. And if it is not
good, that means that it is not
done, because God only does good work.
So if it doesn't look good right
(57:31):
now, God is not done, but he
will finish it, because that's what the
Bible says. The one who began the
good work will finish it until the
day of Jesus. So if it's not
done, just be patient. I don't like
that word because that means you have
to sit down and wait, but you
can do it because.
Ti'heasha Beasley (57:51):
God is with you.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (57:53):
It's funny, she said she don't like
that word. So as she was talking
about the love, I'm thinking about First
Corinthians 13.
Pastor Sol McQuay (57:59):
The love is patient.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (58:01):
The love is patient and kind. And
I was more thinking about the long
suffering part of it, but it's kind
of twofold because like you said, you
have to take care of yourself. I
think a huge part of that taking
care of yourself is taking care of
yourself. Letting God take care of you
through His Word and through prayer and
things like that, so that you have
(58:22):
the strength to love patiently and long
suffering, you know what I mean? So
you can love properly because it's not
about you, but it is about the
health of you to be able to
do it right? So to love like
God wants you to love, you totally
have to receive that from Him. Like
you have to. You have to receive
it to give it out, because that
(58:43):
don't make sense. Love is patient. Love
is kind. Love doesn't think of itself.
You know what I mean? It's not
self seeking, all of those things. Yeah,
it sounds good. But to do it,
that got to come from you being
sealed up by God and now being
able to go do it and being
filled up again and being able to
go do it and kind of stand
in that, oh, I got to be
(59:04):
filled up with the love of God
to go give this love of God.
You know, it's kind of this cycle
of you giving what you get from
God.
Pastor Sol McQuay (59:15):
If I can leave everybody with a
Bible verse that you can pray, because
I think that something that I've learned
in this season is praying. A scripture
is the most powerful prayer that you
can actually pray because that's, that's what
God already had established for us in
2nd Corinthians 7:10. It says that godly
(59:36):
grief produces repentance and leads to salvation.
So pray that over the people in
your Life who are not doing or
living the life that Jesus asked for
them to live, that they will not
just feel sorry, that they will not
just be remorseful, that they will not
just be like, man, that was a
bummer. I should have not done that.
(59:57):
But that it will be such a
grief that is coming straight from God,
from the Holy Spirit's conviction that actually
will produce repentance, which means a change
of mind and a change of heart
and a change of behavior, a change
of direction. Because when that happens, then
it's going to lead them to salvation.
It's going to lead them to the
feet of Jesus. So there is that
(01:00:18):
godly grief that produces repentance and leads
to salvation. So, 2 Corinthians 7, 10.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:00:23):
Amen.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:00:24):
No, that's good. Well, the first takeaway
is go watch that sermon from Pastor.
So she did a fantastic job with
just breaking down the Savior complex. She
even talked about pride, and she gave
us some scriptures to stand on. So
it was just really good. I think
my takeaway from just the entire series
(01:00:47):
is we need God.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:00:51):
Well, I am glad it took all
of these years.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:00:54):
Hey, I hope you get that from
every year. We need Jesus, folks.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:01:02):
I mean, it's really. I'm learning, and
I've been a believer for a long
time, but I am learning. I need
God every day, every second, every hour.
And.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:01:14):
And the things that have made the.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:01:16):
Biggest changes have only happened through Christ.
So being delivered, being set free, living
in joy, and not feeling that heaviness
only came through God. So you gotta
lean on him. So for 20, 26,
we're not leaning on our own understanding.
We're leaning on Jesus. And so that
is my takeaway from this. I just
(01:01:37):
encourage you to go back and listen
to the whole series, the Red Flags.
Emotions, bad communication, Savior complex. Keep it
on repeat this whole holiday season.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:01:48):
Okay?
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:01:48):
We gotta get through Christmas Eve New
Year.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:01:53):
Just go back to it.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:01:54):
That'll be a tool that you can
carry for this year. And, yeah, I
pray that it blessed you. And we
all love you here at Disciples Church
and we're praying for you. And we
don't take this lightly. We are really
praying that you find true freedom in
these different areas so that you can
just live a healthy life and be
whole so you can go make disciples.
(01:02:15):
That's ultimately what this thing is about.
And so. All right, until next time,
we love you.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:02:20):
So, quick question. Have you ever saved
a cat? Let us know in the
comments. Have you ever saved a pet's
life? Because I have.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:02:31):
I thought she was delivered from bed?
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:02:34):
We're working on it. When you watch
the message, the first point was pride.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:02:39):
Hear the music, Reuben.
Pastor Sol McQuay (01:02:42):
We're out.
Ti'heasha Beasley (01:02:46):
Bye.
Pastor Asa Slaughter (01:03:05):
Sam.
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