Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome to Bipolar Thoughts. My name is Steven and I'll be your host.
(00:11):
Okay so today I wanted it to go, I was supposed to do like an end of year 2023
like recap but so much shit has gone on this year. It's not even funny like between deaths in
the family and kid situations and school and moving and everything else that's been going on.
(00:40):
It's just been, it's been a hell of a year. I guess I'll kind of like just give like a
like quick end of the year recap kind of thing. I was supposed to start my ECT
this week actually. Tuesday was supposed to be my first treatment but I felt like I was getting
(01:06):
my aspirin so much by so many people that I just, I canceled it. It was just too much for me to have
to try and deal with like all the people that wanted me to not deal with it and then there was
the fact that like I was going to lose my memory and I just made memories with my kids. I didn't
want to lose those. Golf has become like a huge thing for me and like a big outlet for me and so
(01:33):
I didn't want to forget how to swing a golf club. You know there was a lot of different things that
just kind of convinced me that it was in my best interest to not do the ECT. We are going to try
and work on getting the TMS which is a little bit different instead of like just putting you to sleep
and shocking your brain. This one they put electrodes all over your brain and then they
(02:00):
move electricity around basically in your brain from what I understand but it's like a five day
process like every day for five days for like a few weeks or something like that. It's real
fucking intense but I wasn't, I didn't even qualify for it at first so now we're trying to push through
(02:23):
and see if we can't get approved for it.
I mean it's kind of a shot in the dark, it's kind of a jump.
My PA said he's going to push it through his people above him or whatever and see if he can't
(02:44):
get it pushed through which would be great if he can but if not in the meantime we've decided to
kind of go a little bit more of an Eastern medicine route. My girlfriend's mom works for and
a Dallas college that does like a lot of acupuncture and things like that. So yesterday, no day before
(03:08):
yesterday, Thursday was my first acupuncture session ever. People always say that you're supposed to
be like more relaxed and stuff after all that but I didn't really notice a whole lot of difference
to be honest with you and maybe that's like a thing where you have to do it like consistently
(03:29):
or something I don't know but I just didn't feel like a lot changed. The thing that I like the
most about it was like the cupping part because I felt like like I've had some muscles and like
underneath my shoulder that had just been like knotted up for years actually like it's been a
(03:52):
problem for a long time and like I feel like the like that cup section like just kind of sucked
them back into place or whatever but like they don't it doesn't hurt anymore and it's a little bit
easier to move and like I noticed I was swinging a golf club yesterday and I noticed it was just
(04:12):
a little bit easier for me to just kind of move you know a little bit so that was that was pretty cool.
So the whole moving thing there's a whole debacle with that so what the whole thing was we were
(04:33):
supposed to move into this new apartment and but we're waiting on my refund check from school to
come in and last year it came in pretty early like right around this time but classes also started
right around this time so we got our refund like pretty early but we also started classes a little
(04:55):
bit earlier so this one here is like tripping me out a little bit I don't know if that's any better
but whatever but yes so the check didn't come and so we weren't all able to put down the money to
move into the new apartment and then we're like okay well hopefully it'll come by like Tuesday or
(05:19):
something so we'll just push out the apartment until then and that didn't happen because we called
financial aid and they said that the checks won't even be dispersed until classes actually start
which doesn't make any sense to me because how the fuck am I supposed to order my school books if
(05:40):
if I don't have my my money like I don't know I mean I guess you take it out of my tuition and
then just give me the refund after that I don't know for me being a veteran it's a little bit
different just because of the the program I'm in I get vouchers for my books so it's a little bit
and like the tuition part is a little bit weird because like they have to charge me the tuition
(06:04):
take it out of my financial aid and then they have to send it to the VA the VA has to pay them back
and it's just a whole a whole thing so anyway we ended up not moving we ended up coming back to
this apartment and we asked them you know if we could you know do like a two-week lease thing
(06:24):
you know just in you know because we were waiting on this money to come in and we were just going
to move once the money came in we were going to move into the new place but we weren't sure
if they were going to have anything available so we just kind of said fuck it we'll just stay here
it turns out it's only $30 a more month more a month to stay here anyway so we just decided this is
(06:45):
probably the best place for us we did however move things around like I don't you can't I can't really
tell I doubt very much but we moved to I moved to the master bedroom a little bit bigger space
I get home bathroom in here that's kind of cool I guess you know so it makes it easier to take a
(07:11):
shower and everything and do all my morning stuff without having to wake anybody up um
so that was kind of cool it like I do feel a little more cramped in here like I don't I feel
a little less open and I think it's because my desk has to be a little bit further into
(07:32):
into the room I mean I'm sure I could move things around if I really wanted to but I just kind of like
where I am I like the position of the desk it's just a little too far forward if I move it back
any I can't I'm up against the wall I can't get out of my chair so um yeah there's that
um I did want to kind of cover like depression a little bit because that's the whole point of
(08:01):
doing the TMS and the ECT and acupuncture is that when you have bipolar things can get kind of weird
like I kind of compare what's been going on with me lately to like like a functioning alcoholic
um which I was one for a very long time so that's why I can make the comparison I think
(08:26):
um I was I'm I'm functionally depressed I can still get through my day and I could still
do the things that I'm supposed to do but I I have no enjoyment in anything I have no interest
in anything I'm tired as fuck constantly like and it's but it's weird because like my body is so used
(08:50):
to being up at a certain time and all these different things and like mr. Katie and rhythm is all
fucked up and I have sleep apnea so that even with the machine and the machine is even kind of more
fucked because like it only like I can keep it on for about three or four hours and then all of a
sudden like the hose comes apart and then air comes shooting out and then the next thing I know the
(09:15):
dog is freaked out running out of the room I'm awake my girlfriend's awake everybody's awake
you know and then so I just turned it off because trying to reconnect it and put it back on and
recalibrate and do all that shit all you know it you know 11 30 12 o'clock at night and kind of
a pain in the ass to deal with so I just eventually once that happens I just take it off and then
(09:39):
two hours later I'm awake you know like I've been awake since 130 and it's 5 30 now and all I've
done like I mean I've done a lot too like I've hung a bunch of shit in my office and kind of rearranged
a little bit and I don't know I'll watch the new a little bit watch the little Indiana Jones you
(10:01):
know like I don't know now I kind of feel like I'm rambling but I don't know I didn't want this
episode to be like just strictly hairy just my the end of my year sucked so I wanted I wanted
this to be a little bit more positive as like let's end 2023 on a shitty note and start 2024
(10:26):
on a positive note let's see if we can do that let's see if we can find some way to
make this year better than it was last year I'm not entirely sure how to do that I'm starting to
work on things like setting goals for myself I'm like I've actually got some pretty lofty goals
(10:52):
and I say they're lofty just because like like one of my one of my goals is to win an amateur
championship in golf and for somebody who's 36 and who hasn't been playing I mean I picked I
didn't play for 20 plus years and then I just started playing again a couple months ago and
you know I mean I'm cutting my strokes back I'm down down to like playing in the 80s and
(11:17):
you know high 90s now or low 90s now but I mean I know I'm a long way away from a championship
but I would like to at least compete and want to see where I can you know where I place um
you know I wanted to be better physically in better physical shape and some other different
(11:41):
things like I have some goals you know they're not too lofty but like setting goals is one of
my big things this year setting intentions like and like manifesting manifesting is something I'm
not like a lot of people are big on that and I'm not it's not one of my things because I just don't
I don't understand it I don't understand saying okay I call the universe to say to give me you
(12:04):
know this if it was just that easy then I would just manifest a million dollars and be fucking set
set you know and maybe that's how some people do it I don't know but I know for me it's
that's a hard concept to grasp so something I'm working on um if you have any tips or any kind of
(12:25):
like guidance or anything that might be useful for not just for me but for anybody else out there
that might be listening um you know put them in the comments put them you know send me an email
something let me know and then you know I'll give you a shout out and we'll maybe we'll make a list of
of you know different tips and things that we can use and like tools that we can use to make 2024
(12:51):
a little bit of a better year um let's see if we can't strive to do that and just remember you don't
have to sit in the dark alone
Hello and welcome to Bipolar Thoughts. My name is Steven and I'll be your host.
(00:11):
Okay so today I wanted it to go, I was supposed to do like an end of year 2023
like recap but so much shit has gone on this year. It's not even funny like between deaths in
the family and kid situations and school and moving and everything else that's been going on.
(00:40):
It's just been, it's been a hell of a year. I guess I'll kind of like just give like a
like quick end of the year recap kind of thing. I was supposed to start my ECT
this week actually. Tuesday was supposed to be my first treatment but I felt like I was getting
(01:06):
my aspirin so much by so many people that I just, I canceled it. It was just too much for me to have
to try and deal with like all the people that wanted me to not deal with it and then there was
the fact that like I was going to lose my memory and I just made memories with my kids. I didn't
want to lose those. Golf has become like a huge thing for me and like a big outlet for me and so
(01:33):
I didn't want to forget how to swing a golf club. You know there was a lot of different things that
just kind of convinced me that it was in my best interest to not do the ECT. We are going to try
and work on getting the TMS which is a little bit different instead of like just putting you to sleep
and shocking your brain. This one they put electrodes all over your brain and then they
(02:00):
move electricity around basically in your brain from what I understand but it's like a five day
process like every day for five days for like a few weeks or something like that. It's real
fucking intense but I wasn't, I didn't even qualify for it at first so now we're trying to push through
(02:23):
and see if we can't get approved for it.
I mean it's kind of a shot in the dark, it's kind of a jump.
My PA said he's going to push it through his people above him or whatever and see if he can't
(02:44):
get it pushed through which would be great if he can but if not in the meantime we've decided to
kind of go a little bit more of an Eastern medicine route. My girlfriend's mom works for and
a Dallas college that does like a lot of acupuncture and things like that. So yesterday, no day before
(03:08):
yesterday, Thursday was my first acupuncture session ever. People always say that you're supposed to
be like more relaxed and stuff after all that but I didn't really notice a whole lot of difference
to be honest with you and maybe that's like a thing where you have to do it like consistently
(03:29):
or something I don't know but I just didn't feel like a lot changed. The thing that I like the
most about it was like the cupping part because I felt like like I've had some muscles and like
underneath my shoulder that had just been like knotted up for years actually like it's been a
(03:52):
problem for a long time and like I feel like the like that cup section like just kind of sucked
them back into place or whatever but like they don't it doesn't hurt anymore and it's a little bit
easier to move and like I noticed I was swinging a golf club yesterday and I noticed it was just
(04:12):
a little bit easier for me to just kind of move you know a little bit so that was that was pretty cool.
So the whole moving thing there's a whole debacle with that so what the whole thing was we were
(04:33):
supposed to move into this new apartment and but we're waiting on my refund check from school to
come in and last year it came in pretty early like right around this time but classes also started
right around this time so we got our refund like pretty early but we also started classes a little
(04:55):
bit earlier so this one here is like tripping me out a little bit I don't know if that's any better
but whatever but yes so the check didn't come and so we weren't all able to put down the money to
move into the new apartment and then we're like okay well hopefully it'll come by like Tuesday or
(05:19):
something so we'll just push out the apartment until then and that didn't happen because we called
financial aid and they said that the checks won't even be dispersed until classes actually start
which doesn't make any sense to me because how the fuck am I supposed to order my school books if
(05:40):
if I don't have my my money like I don't know I mean I guess you take it out of my tuition and
then just give me the refund after that I don't know for me being a veteran it's a little bit
different just because of the the program I'm in I get vouchers for my books so it's a little bit
and like the tuition part is a little bit weird because like they have to charge me the tuition
(06:04):
take it out of my financial aid and then they have to send it to the VA the VA has to pay them back
and it's just a whole a whole thing so anyway we ended up not moving we ended up coming back to
this apartment and we asked them you know if we could you know do like a two-week lease thing
(06:24):
you know just in you know because we were waiting on this money to come in and we were just going
to move once the money came in we were going to move into the new place but we weren't sure
if they were going to have anything available so we just kind of said fuck it we'll just stay here
it turns out it's only $30 a more month more a month to stay here anyway so we just decided this is
(06:45):
probably the best place for us we did however move things around like I don't you can't I can't really
tell I doubt very much but we moved to I moved to the master bedroom a little bit bigger space
I get home bathroom in here that's kind of cool I guess you know so it makes it easier to take a
(07:11):
shower and everything and do all my morning stuff without having to wake anybody up um
so that was kind of cool it like I do feel a little more cramped in here like I don't I feel
a little less open and I think it's because my desk has to be a little bit further into
(07:32):
into the room I mean I'm sure I could move things around if I really wanted to but I just kind of like
where I am I like the position of the desk it's just a little too far forward if I move it back
any I can't I'm up against the wall I can't get out of my chair so um yeah there's that
um I did want to kind of cover like depression a little bit because that's the whole point of
(08:01):
doing the TMS and the ECT and acupuncture is that when you have bipolar things can get kind of weird
like I kind of compare what's been going on with me lately to like like a functioning alcoholic
um which I was one for a very long time so that's why I can make the comparison I think
(08:26):
um I was I'm I'm functionally depressed I can still get through my day and I could still
do the things that I'm supposed to do but I I have no enjoyment in anything I have no interest
in anything I'm tired as fuck constantly like and it's but it's weird because like my body is so used
(08:50):
to being up at a certain time and all these different things and like mr. Katie and rhythm is all
fucked up and I have sleep apnea so that even with the machine and the machine is even kind of more
fucked because like it only like I can keep it on for about three or four hours and then all of a
sudden like the hose comes apart and then air comes shooting out and then the next thing I know the
(09:15):
dog is freaked out running out of the room I'm awake my girlfriend's awake everybody's awake
you know and then so I just turned it off because trying to reconnect it and put it back on and
recalibrate and do all that shit all you know it you know 11 30 12 o'clock at night and kind of
a pain in the ass to deal with so I just eventually once that happens I just take it off and then
(09:39):
two hours later I'm awake you know like I've been awake since 130 and it's 5 30 now and all I've
done like I mean I've done a lot too like I've hung a bunch of shit in my office and kind of rearranged
a little bit and I don't know I'll watch the new a little bit watch the little Indiana Jones you
(10:01):
know like I don't know now I kind of feel like I'm rambling but I don't know I didn't want this
episode to be like just strictly hairy just my the end of my year sucked so I wanted I wanted
this to be a little bit more positive as like let's end 2023 on a shitty note and start 2024
(10:26):
on a positive note let's see if we can do that let's see if we can find some way to
make this year better than it was last year I'm not entirely sure how to do that I'm starting to
work on things like setting goals for myself I'm like I've actually got some pretty lofty goals
(10:52):
and I say they're lofty just because like like one of my one of my goals is to win an amateur
championship in golf and for somebody who's 36 and who hasn't been playing I mean I picked I
didn't play for 20 plus years and then I just started playing again a couple months ago and
you know I mean I'm cutting my strokes back I'm down down to like playing in the 80s and
(11:17):
you know high 90s now or low 90s now but I mean I know I'm a long way away from a championship
but I would like to at least compete and want to see where I can you know where I place um
you know I wanted to be better physically in better physical shape and some other different
(11:41):
things like I have some goals you know they're not too lofty but like setting goals is one of
my big things this year setting intentions like and like manifesting manifesting is something I'm
not like a lot of people are big on that and I'm not it's not one of my things because I just don't
I don't understand it I don't understand saying okay I call the universe to say to give me you
(12:04):
know this if it was just that easy then I would just manifest a million dollars and be fucking set
set you know and maybe that's how some people do it I don't know but I know for me it's
that's a hard concept to grasp so something I'm working on um if you have any tips or any kind of
(12:25):
like guidance or anything that might be useful for not just for me but for anybody else out there
that might be listening um you know put them in the comments put them you know send me an email
something let me know and then you know I'll give you a shout out and we'll maybe we'll make a list of
of you know different tips and things that we can use and like tools that we can use to make 2024
(12:51):
a little bit of a better year um let's see if we can't strive to do that and just remember you don't
have to sit in the dark alone
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