Manic 03_21_2024

I just needed to get some things off my chest. I'm stuck in this limbo of 'Am I manic or not?'

If you feel anything like I do, where you're feeling some of the symptoms of mania but not all of them, but you can't tell if it's a mixed episode either, then you've got the right show.

Leave your comments on your tricks and tips on how to handle these types of situations.

Like and follow so that you can keep up with how things turn out with my TMS treatments and just life in general. Share if you know someone who might feel this way so they don't feel alone either.

#fyp #mania #bipolar #mentalhealth

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey guys, um, it's probably gonna be kind of a short episode today

(00:06):
I don't really have like a game plan for this episode. I'm kind of just winging it
um, I
am and I
Don't know if you would call it a manic episode necessarily
maybe I've been very irritable. I've had very little sleep and

(00:27):
That's really like those are really the two only like the like the only two real symptoms that I have
That make me feel like I might be manic like
When I say no sleep, I mean
I've been getting up like I go to bed at like 9 30 10 o'clock. I'm up at 11 30 and then I'm up

(00:49):
Pretty much the rest of the day
Or you know the next day
However, the fuck you want to call it Thursday? I don't really know but anyway for a long time
even tonight like and last night and tonight or
The last night night whenever anyway when I went to bed last night I

(01:13):
took a
sleeping pill Lunezza and
Even with that I still like I toss and turn I got up every hour to get a cup, you know drink of water like I
Finally I just said fuck it. I'm up and I mean I came in here because I say if you go do things that are like
You know mundane or whatever like things just go do something and it'll help you go back to sleep

(01:38):
Bitch I came in here. I did push-ups. I watched fucking the news like
I've done
Quite a few things to try and like go back to sleep and nothing is nothing's working
So I think at this point. I'm just kind of stuck in the
In limbo I guess you call it

(02:02):
You know, I don't really I don't really know what else to call it
But I like I it's it's weird because like I don't have any of the other symptoms like normally I'm like super
hypersexual, you know, I'm a lot more, you know
So what I'm looking for I spent a lot more money

(02:26):
You know
There's a lot of different things like I talk a lot faster. I'm move faster. I think faster
everything
like is enhanced whenever I'm manic and
Right now I don't feel that I don't feel
enhanced in any way I don't feel like

(02:48):
Like even with the treatments which
I'll get into that in a second, but like
Even with the treatments I like I feel better, but I don't I just like I don't I don't know me
It's fucked up because I feel like like I've got like I don't know how else to explain that I am

(03:09):
Up like this like that. I'm up and I can't sleep and that I am which I guarantee you is leading into the like the whole reason why I'm irritable and
I don't know
I don't know. It's like a fucking vicious cycle. You know, I don't know what to do
You know, I reached out to my doctor and they're like, well, let me get back to you. I'm like, okay

(03:31):
Well, that's cool. I guess I'll just be pissed off and be a dickhead for the next 24 hours or however long it takes you to get back to me
So we'll see what happens there
I've been trying to go to the gym trying to exercise a little bit
Luckily this new medicine that I take which might also be the cause of my irritability and lack of sleep

(03:52):
So I didn't take it last night
I'm not planning on taking it today
Just to see how things work out
but I
don't know I just
Anyway, that was supposed to help and I felt like it did for the you know a little bit

(04:13):
But then that plus the treatments so the TMS treatments are going fucking awesome. I think
You know, I didn't at first notice any kind of real difference, you know my girlfriend kind of did and
It took a little while but eventually like the first I mean
I'm about halfway through almost now and I can definitely tell the difference in my like

(04:35):
Peppin must up like I'm not as depressed as I was. I don't know that I'm necessarily not depressed anymore necessarily
but I definitely not like
Do them in gloom like I was before, you know
I
It's just it's just this right now thing

(04:59):
That's like really bothering me because I like I don't know what the fuck it is like
Like I'm tired, but I'm not tired, you know, and I'm like I feel like I'm manic, but I'm not manic
You know and I talked about being in mixed episodes before but it doesn't feel like that like a mixed episode is more like
Your body is on fire because you're fucking manic and you want to move but you're so depressed it hurts

(05:24):
to actually physically move
Like to me, that's a mixed episode. I mean everybody now
That's that's just me everybody else experiences them different ways, but to me
It's like
Having so much energy that like you need to move but every time that you move a muscle like your muscles are so tense and tight
That every time you do move you it physically hurts like to me. That's a panic. That's a mixed episode

(05:54):
So a little cold there probably don't need caffeine, but you know
whatever it's 120 a.m. and
I've already been up for a couple hours. So you fucking
next-step coffee
You know because obviously I'm not going back to bed tonight
um
I mean that's really kind of all I had to really talk about on this episode it's just I

(06:18):
Wonder if there's anybody else out there that kind of feels like I do, you know, like in this like limbo of
the being manic but not really being being manic and like
It maybe maybe even somebody who's going through TMS treatments like maybe if you're doing treatment, you know treatments
Maybe you can relate to this a little bit
Maybe you can reach out and kind of maybe help me with some tips or some tricks or whatever that might make you know

(06:43):
Or maybe you can explain it to me a little bit better, you know, I'd be down for that. I just I
Don't know a little confused or like just like I don't I just don't know what's going on
And it's kind of I
Don't know bothering me. I guess. I don't know. I just needed to vent and get it out

(07:07):
So yeah
Anyway, I hope this helps somebody if not very least it helped me get some shut off my chest
If it did help you I'm so grateful for you to listen to the show it like I cannot tell you how much it means to me
I gotta let I got an email from a fan
You know and and we had a little chitchat a little bit, you know, it's I love getting emails like that

(07:30):
I love getting comments from you guys. I love getting
Information and feedback from you guys because that's the whole point of this is to build a community where we can all come together and and
at least
for a moment have our own safe space to talk about something that's
That impacts our life so dramatically, you know and and drastically I think it's really the word I meant there, but

(07:52):
Anyway, hey both both work
But anyway, I just want us to all be able to have a place to come to have conversations that are productive and that can
help other people not sit in the dark alone and
That's the whole premise of this show
It's for you to feel like you don't have to sit in the dark alone