September 20, 2024 • 40 mins
In today's episode, Jaime dives deep into a topic all entrepreneurs and business leaders face: making decisions that align with your personal and professional goals. If you've ever felt overwhelmed by balancing growth, leadership, and well-being, this episode is for you.
Jaime shares insights from her research, including a unique quadrant system to help you make clear, connective decisions. She discusses the importance of differentiating between what you want and need, with what you don't want, and don't need, and how having a deeper understanding into your wants and needs leads to better decision-making in both your personal and professional life.
This episode is packed with practical advice and thought-provoking insights to help you stay true to your values and avoid burnout.
Are you looking for more help and guidance becoming a more graceful, impactful leader? Jaime’s Authentic Leadership Course. Gain valuable insights and practical strategies to establish healthy boundaries and thrive in both your personal and professional life. Don't miss out on this transformative opportunity to enhance your leadership skills and cultivate a more fulfilling life.
Jaime Bancroft Gennaro specializes in business coaching for entrepreneurs, guiding leaders in balancing personal and professional growth. She focuses on reducing burnout, achieving business clarity, and developing leadership strategies for long-term success.
Currently, she leads Practica Consulting, where she provides tailored coaching solutions to help businesses thrive.
Host and Producer: Jaime Gennaro
Music by: Luca Gennaro
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to Business for Humans. I'm Jamie Gennaro, business coach and consultant,
and today I'm diving deep into a topic all entrepreneurs and business leaders face,
making decisions that align with your personal and professional goals.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed by balancing growth, leadership,
(00:22):
and well-being, this episode is for you.
We're going to explore how you can prioritize your needs and wants without compromising
your integrity or burning out. Enjoy.
Hello, hello. So we are continuing the theme of focus for this month.
(00:44):
And one of the things that happens when we want to stay focused on something
is that we have to make a decision, right?
We have to decide what we're focusing on.
And I've been reading a lot about decision-making, decision-making for leaders.
I've been reading a lot of Adam Grant, clear thinking, clear decisions.
(01:07):
And what I'm finding when I'm researching these concepts of making decisions
as leaders is I'm not finding something that is connective.
There are a lot of examples of quadrants you can build or graphs you can create
that help you through the decision-making process.
(01:29):
And a lot of it is deciding what's urgent, what's not urgent,
what's high impact, what's low impact, what's high results, what's low results.
But what happens sometimes is that we don't know the answer to those things.
That's why we're in a spin of deciding what's the next best step for us in our
business or sometimes in our personal lives when we're trying to make really
(01:53):
big, weighted decisions.
You can't decipher what's most urgent or what's least urgent when you're in
that space of trying to make a decision because you're getting hit by all the
priorities that feel like they're equally weighted priorities.
So I've been kind of trying to figure out what feels more connective to me of
(02:16):
the way I make decisions because it's not all about productivity or finance
or high impact, low impact, right?
Sometimes it's high impact or low impact on me, right?
What's it going to take for me to get to that place.
If I decide to go that way, if that's the decision I make and I decide to go
in that direction, what's the impact on me?
(02:38):
It's not just the impact on the business or the impact on finances or the impact
on a team, but also for me, what's my personal impact?
And I think we don't look at that part enough when we're measuring how we make
decisions for our business because we're so focused on productivity and revenue
and urgency and all of those pieces,
(03:02):
which are very disconnected from the human element.
And so I've been trying to figure out what are the factors in the decision.
And I landed on something that I don't know is the perfect answer,
but it's getting me to an interesting place.
So I wanted to share it with you. So you have a decision to make where you're
You're trying to set priorities or you're trying to figure out what is the next
(03:25):
place where you should focus your attention.
So here's the quadrant I built. So I drew a big T and in the top left, I put want.
In the bottom left, I put need.
Top right, I put don't need. And bottom right, I put don't want.
You can decide what those four quadrants are, but I think it's really interesting
(03:47):
to put the opposition to whatever it is that you're trying to measure or understand
in the opposite quadrant.
If we use this more traditional idea of urgent, not urgent. High revenue, low revenue.
I think it's interesting just to have this juxtaposition of opposing ideas so
that you can see what's the opposite of that.
(04:09):
So as I was working through this want, want, need, don't need,
don't want, what I realized, and it may happen to you if you go through this
exercise, is that of course the want category is the biggest, right?
Like I have a lot of desires, which is great. That means that you're ambitious, you're pushing, right?
You're looking for things to kind of enrich your life or business.
(04:33):
So the want category is the easiest to fill in.
And then I started looking at the need. It was hard for me to figure out because
then we start unwinding like, well, do I really need this thing?
Is it something I want? Is it something I need? What's the weight of this thing? What does need mean?
(04:54):
But I think that thought process is so important.
I think it's really important to, especially in your business,
especially if you're a small business owner, to know the difference between want and need.
Because need is where there's no negotiation, right?
So if you're setting a rate, let's say you're in a services business and you're
(05:15):
setting an hourly rate for yourself or for your team.
If you do the math on what your overhead costs are,
what your business needs to survive and what that baseline number is,
what that breakeven number is, it's so easy to negotiate because you know there's
no way I can go below that number. That's your need.
(05:36):
It's really important to know what that number is.
But then there's the number that we want. And that number is very important.
This is why in decision-making, I don't want to de-emphasize our wants or desires
because I think there's this very interesting space between meeting our needs
and reaching for our desires.
(05:58):
I think that's the journey that I find really interesting. But the journey I
mostly help people on is the meeting their needs journey.
So when people and small business owners or people that are really working on
finding confidence in negotiation or finding confidence in sales,
(06:19):
they haven't met that need number yet.
And this happens a lot for female business owners. We're more in the zero to need category.
We give a lot of work away. It's there for various reasons.
I'm not going to try to unravel that because there are layers and layers of
socialization and psychological reasons we might be giving away work.
(06:44):
But that's where I help people. I feel like the most is just in that zero to
meeting your needs category.
Fill in the needs and spend a lot of time there because there are things that
you need that you're not giving yourself, that you're are not making time for.
(07:04):
So what's on my needs list? So I have my baseline, what's my break-even number,
right, that I need, let's say on a monthly basis. So that's in there.
And then I started thinking like, what is something that I really truly need
to survive just in general?
And you know, the thing that I talk about a lot, but that shows up on that list is exercise, right?
(07:26):
Exercise Exercise is not a luxury when you get to my age, right?
So I'm going to be 50 in 2025.
Like it's creeping up. So I'm officially middle-aged and exercise is not a luxury anymore.
Exercise is the thing that's going to keep me from having really severe health
(07:49):
issues going forward, like osteoporosis and bone mass loss and issues with hormone regulation.
Exercise is not a luxury.
It's a need. My body needs to move.
And it's strange how, again, it's like the zero to need.
There's the I don't exercise at all to what's the amount of exercise that my body needs to move.
(08:14):
That's where we have the most work to do, right? So interesting.
I need to exercise, but I have to fill that gap from zero to the baseline before
I can say, I want this from my exercise.
I want this kind of body or this kind of optimized version of myself.
We have to get from that zero to need category.
(08:36):
Are we meeting those baseline needs? Spend time there.
What do do you need? And don't think of it as like, it's a luxury.
That might mean time off or time to rest.
What is the amount of rest that you need? And I'm not talking about sleep, although that is a need.
Like we all need to sleep and we all need to sleep a certain amount of time per night.
(08:58):
That could make it to the list, but also what's the amount of time you need
to rest and to recover and to
heal and that's not a want there's the
need level of that there's the want level also like
I want to retire and not have to work
but I don't think that's actually true so I wouldn't actually put
that on my list I love I love my job I want to do it forever but now you can
(09:23):
start to see the difference between need and want and I think it's really important
because most of the work that we are here to do on this journey together is
from zero to need and not from need to want we need to keep the wants alive.
Because at some point, once we meet that baseline, which is my mission,
that we're meeting that baseline need in our work and in our personal lives.
(09:45):
Then we get to reach for the wants and we're going to be that much closer.
That gap between need and want is so much smaller than the gap from zero to baseline.
That's a really big gap. I'm not doing anything to I'm meeting my baseline.
That's a pretty big gap. And just in discipline and the hurdles that are there.
(10:05):
But once you're meeting your baseline, to elevate or optimize on that baseline
is a really small amount of time, work, effort. This is why I kind of love this quadrant.
And then you get to the don't need. And this one is really hard.
Your brain's going to go into a lot of different spaces. Like,
is it about material items?
(10:25):
Is it about emotional things? Like, what don't I need? This is a thing I really don't need.
And I think it's really important to spend some time here too.
This was the hardest quadrant for me to really understand, but I basically boiled
it down to just one thing.
What is something I don't need? What I came up with that I find really interesting
(10:47):
that my brain went into this place is constant worry about what's next.
Like this is something I just do not need. I don't need to hold on to this.
It's constant. I do feel like I'm in a constant spin of like,
what's next? What's what's next, what's next, what's next. And it's not serving me.
And it's something I don't need. And my brain just immediately,
(11:08):
that was the only thing on the list.
And if I spent a little bit more time here, I think I would come up with more things.
But I feel like in my life, in terms of material items or luxuries or things,
I don't think I have a lot on that list to pare back on. If I say,
oh, I don't need like a fancy car. I mean, I don't even need a car.
(11:31):
I live in the Netherlands. Like a car is not even on the list.
I already live a life that's pretty simple and pared down.
I don't carry a lot of extra weight in terms of material items or things.
I don't feel like I'm carrying around a lot of things that I don't need.
Need that's just been a practice of mine really
(11:53):
through my whole adult life of just paring back paring
back paring back I just don't want to carry around
a lot of things I don't need let it flow do not judge it but there's still a
very significant difference between what you don't need and what you don't want
so if we're thinking about work I might want a lavish high-powered title in a.
(12:20):
Beautiful, big corporate brand. I don't even know if that's a thing.
Maybe that's something I want. But what I need is just.
Money in the door. It doesn't matter where it comes from.
And I think it's the same with don't need and don't want.
There's the don't need, like there are certain things I literally do not need to survive.
(12:42):
And then there's the what don't I want. For me, when I think about work and
when I think about work environments, what I don't want is a work environment
that doesn't feel open, that doesn't feel collaborative.
I've been in that environment. I do not want that ever again.
To be in an environment that doesn't feel inclusive or open or collaborative
(13:04):
or flowy or all the things that a work environment can be.
I just do not want to be in an environment that doesn't feel open.
It's really important for me to know that. That was the first thing on the list.
If I get pulled because of money that I want from my want category,
And there's a brand or a corporation that I want in my want category.
(13:28):
But either of those things equals my don't want category.
What's the exchange? I was very clear about I don't want an environment that
doesn't feel spacious or open or collaborative.
We don't always know that. But if we do know it, if we do know that this environment
is in our don't want category, then our decision is made.
(13:52):
What happens in that in-between space of, but I want the money,
but I don't want the toxic work environment, it's in that space where,
what are we compromising now? Now we're making a compromise.
And that's where we go back to our need category. Are you meeting your basic needs? Yes.
Can you meet your basic needs and not be in that toxic work environment? Yes.
(14:15):
In the in-between space of getting what I want and knowing this isn't what I want, right?
That's where people have burnout and breakdowns. This is where we use the term golden handcuffs.
So a lot of people are in work positions where it meets all their wants.
All their fancy desires are being met in the want category, but they're also
(14:39):
filling up the don't want category.
And then they're stuck in the middle going, I want that. But it's not a need.
Making $300,000 a year, I don't know what that number would be.
That's a golden handcuffs number, but let's say it's $300,000.
You don't actually need $300,000. No matter how much you've convinced yourself
(14:59):
that you need it, you don't. That's a want.
This is why I'm just really loving these quadrants because it really helps you
calibrate your decision-making into to what's your most important baseline need
compared to what's your baseline of your don't wants, basically.
Like, what are the things that you really don't want? And why don't you want them?
(15:23):
Because you know the pain and the suffering and the things that will come from
those things that you just don't want in your life.
And then it helps us really understand like this is a want versus a need versus
a like, I don't need this versus I don't want this.
So for me, it's this toxic work environment. I can further break that down for
(15:45):
myself. What does that mean?
And also, as we all know, and the work that I do is always thinking like,
don't blame the work environment. Maybe it's not the work environment. Maybe it's you.
But because I'm not in a work environment right now, if I was invited into a
work environment, environment that decision-making process for me would be,
is it a want or a need to join this organization?
(16:08):
And is it the kind of environment that I want or need?
And I would say I need a work environment that's open and collaborative.
I need that to thrive. I need that to do a good job.
I need that to stay in a job that I'm not just going to jump from job to job.
(16:28):
If I get invited again into an organization, I'm going to need to look at these
quadrants of like, what do I want versus what do I need versus like,
what's not going to be the right fit for me? And I know that to be true.
And then in making the decision, I just have to lean into the belief that if
I go for the things I know I need, will they come to me?
(16:50):
Which is a whole nother layer. But let's go back into the, we talked about don't
need, let's go back into the don't want category. mine was quite full,
which is not surprising because my wants category was also quite full.
So the other thing that was on my don't want category is that I don't want work
that's not connected to something deeper or more impactful.
(17:12):
One of the reasons I really love my job so much, and there are of course things
in every job including mine that are hard,
but one of the things that I love so much
about my job is when I'm on a call with
a client and we crack something open and
the light bulb goes off for them and they see the path and they start moving
(17:35):
towards that path and they're just having so much understanding about themselves
and growth and success in moving towards those places and their confidence is growing.
I'm in a conversation with them where I can see it happening.
Feeling so connected and I don't want to use the word happy,
(17:58):
but I think confidence is a big thing that I really focus on trying to grow in my clients.
And when I'm seeing that confidence starting to blossom and it's putting them
in different situations that they want, right? That they want to be in.
It's just that is the best feeling.
(18:19):
I just love that feeling. I'm helping someone find something that's really important
to them, that's really meaningful to them.
And when we're in these conversations where there's that flow,
that connection to me is something I really need.
I really need connection.
So it's interesting how my don't want is so closely tied to what I need.
(18:44):
I can't and I don't need work that doesn't feel connected to something more impactful.
And again, I'm in a very privileged position, I mean, for many reasons,
but I'm in the privileged position of having worked at a lot of jobs.
And it's just the same as being in a lot of relationships until you get to that
(19:04):
relationship that you feel like is the one because you're in it for all the
right reasons and you know the relationships that are not healthy for you.
I've been in a lot of jobs, so I know the jobs that are not healthy for me,
that are not a good fit because of who I am and my personality and the way I work.
There are some environments that are just not a good fit for me.
They're actually really unhealthy and they push me in that direction of what I don't need.
(19:30):
What is not going to serve me? What's going to spin me out?
And the only reason I've landed in those positions or tried to make them work
was because I was trying to prove something.
I was trying to prove something to myself to say, this is really hard,
but I can do it instead of going, this is really hard. Do I need to do it?
Like, am I here for all the right reasons or am I here to fill some kind of
(19:54):
gap or void or prove something to myself that I can do it?
So what I know now from all of that work experience is that I do not need that anymore.
I do not need to prove anything to myself or to others.
I mean, in a way I am proving something something to myself by doing what I'm doing now.
I want to prove to myself that I can do it. I've been doing it for four years
(20:16):
and somehow I still haven't proven to myself that I can do it because it's still
part of the conversation I have in my self-coaching sessions.
Believing that I'm doing it, I am doing it. I'm making a living from this work.
But that's another story. But it's really important to focus really honestly
(20:38):
on what is it that I don't want and why is it that I don't want that, right?
We don't want to get into that spin of convincing ourselves that, you know, what I want.
Is okay and justified. And what I don't want is okay and justified, right? Just let it flow.
It's okay. Like whatever's on that list, let it be.
(20:59):
Don't judge it. Don't judge what I don't want as being a problem,
right? Like, oh, I don't want a toxic work environment. Well, why not?
Right? Like, why can't you just fix it then? Right? Like, let's not get into
that. Like, I just don't think that kind of environment is going to serve me.
And what I can tell you is that I have a couple
like big decisions on my plate and I
(21:22):
have been spinning trying to figure out these decisions
and the and putting things in these quadrants has just made it really easy for
me because I know now the decision I need to make because I've done this work
and and now I'm circling around that middle point of like the what I want and what I don't want.
(21:44):
I know really clearly what I don't want.
And I know that some of these decisions are pushing me in the don't want category.
And now I can be really honest with myself. I told myself I didn't want that.
Why am I still going towards it?
Why am I afraid to cut that off and believe into the fact that if I don't go
(22:06):
in the direction of what I don't want, what I want will come. Let me say that again.
If we're in that middle ground of this is what I want, but it's also what I
don't want, what's keeping you from cutting it off and saying this,
I know clearly this is what I don't want.
(22:26):
And I want to believe that what I want will come in and fill its place, right?
And then it's not going to be the combination of what I want,
what I don't want. It's going to be just what I want and what I need.
That's the fear. That's when the fear and the worry and the anxiety comes up.
That's where the golden handcuffs conversation is really hard to have with people
(22:51):
who are making a lot of money and they have a certain lifestyle,
but they know it's not serving them.
They know that in the background, it's sort of slowly killing them.
But that fear that's in between those two things of believing that something
will take its place, that fear is too big.
It's too big to cut it off. It's too big to say that I'm going to not go after
(23:18):
what I want because I know it's also what I don't want.
They just can't reconcile that. And so they just stay in that want.
And then this is, again, where burnout lives because you're just not living
in your integrity. You're not living in your truth.
You're having to push all that stuff down because there's so much of what you
don't want in that world that you just have to ignore it and push it down.
(23:43):
It will always come back. It will come back in lots of different ways. It will come back,
And it will hit you in your health. It will hit you in your emotional health.
It will hit your relationships. It will hit, you know, all these things.
And it will creep in, right? Like you're going to push it down, but it will come back.
(24:04):
So every decision is right. I do not want to judge people who are staying in
that one category, even though there's so many things that they don't want,
because everyone has a reason for making the decisions they're making.
And all I want to encourage is that you love your reasons.
That you love your reasons. You know what like I'm going to make a decision
(24:25):
to do this thing even though there are some things that I don't want tied to that decision.
But you know what like I'm deciding right now that that's okay.
That I'm willing to make that compromise.
I think what I'm trying to say out loud is that I don't want to make the compromise,
but I'm not judging you if you are making the compromise.
(24:46):
But I think I'm in a place with all my work experience, with all the time that
I've put in to this hamster wheel, all that I have put in my time running that race,
and I know that I don't want it anymore, very clearly.
And it's a huge relief. It's helping me make a really big decision decision
(25:08):
because I know that my integrity is not in it.
Like my integrity would not be in it.
I would be doing it for the wants.
And I don't want to say that's the wrong reason, right? It's not like,
oh, this is the right reason. That's the wrong reason.
It's just, I would be making a lot of compromise to go in a direction because
I know that there's a lot of things in the don't want and don't need category.
(25:32):
If I go towards this particular decision that really meets everything thing
in my want category, right?
This is why I'm just, I'm like loving this decision-making process because I
don't want to say it's easy.
It's not like, okay, well, I know that this decision that fills all my wants
will leave me out of my integrity.
(25:54):
It still doesn't make the decision like 100% easy because I still want those
things that I want, right? That part's not going away.
But I have to get really honest with myself. Like, is this going to serve me?
Because it basically checks everything on the don't want list.
And if everything on the don't want list is what I need also,
(26:15):
right? It's kind of equals what I need.
If I make that decision, I know how it's going to feel. I know how I will feel
because I'm checking all of the boxes of what I don't want.
And I've been there and I know how painful that is.
And the pain of where I am, right? Like there's always, we're treating one pain for another, right?
(26:35):
So the pain, quote unquote, of where I am versus like what I think is going
to be the relief of that pain going towards something, that's what I'm trying to judge, right?
But if I, this is like getting really philosophical and potentially a little
bit complicated, but if I spin where I'm at, right?
So I'm reaching for something, but my needs aren't met right now.
(26:58):
Okay. So my needs are met. I'm reaching for a want.
That want is filled with things I don't want.
So the honesty in that decision is, are my needs being met or are they not being met in the moment?
Am I going for this want because it's a want or am I going for this want because it's actually a need.
This is what we need to really get clear about. Do I want a job that gives me
(27:23):
more money, but also is toxic and is going to make me feel bad?
Well, do I want that more money because I want it or because I need it?
And that's an important distinction, a very important distinction.
Because if you're compromising the things you don't want because you need the
money, that is now a completely different decision than I want the money.
(27:50):
And so if you need it, and what I said the baseline was, is the money just needs
to come through the door. It doesn't matter what the work is, right?
Like at a certain point to meet your needs from zero to baseline.
It doesn't matter. Sometimes you have to make really big sacrifices in that
space to get to your baseline. You have to be at your baseline.
And then you make decisions from your baseline. Is it a want or is it a need?
(28:14):
What are the sacrifices and the things I'm going to have to give up to get there?
But if it's a need, it doesn't matter. Those sacrifices, the I don't want and
I don't need, that is not important when we're going from zero to baseline.
We really just need to get from zero to baseline. What I don't want and what
I don't need, it's not part of the conversation.
(28:36):
I need exercise.
What I don't want is to sweat. And what I don't want is this.
And what I don't want, it doesn't matter. Those things are bullshit, dude.
It doesn't matter what you don't
want or don't need when it comes to the baseline. That's just whining.
But what's important about the don't want and don't need is when you're moving
(28:58):
into that want category.
I'm moving into this space. of like, I really want this thing.
What am I going to have to compromise to get it?
Right? And that's, that to me, that's also like a very interesting part of this journey.
Like, what if we didn't have to compromise?
What if it was a want and it filled all my needs and there was no don't need or don't want tied to it?
(29:25):
That's, that's the sweet spot. That's the sweet spot. But we got to get from zero to baseline.
And then we go into that, like, now what do I want?
And how do I believe I can get what I want without having to compromise and
take something that I don't want?
That's the fun, right? And if you work with me, you know, like,
that's the nut we're really ultimately trying to crack.
(29:48):
But we have to get to that baseline first, because otherwise there's just going
to be too much in there, right?
There's going to be too much that we have to navigate around if we're not at
the baseline. and then be really honest about where your baseline is.
And I'm just like, and I can tell you in the decisions I'm trying to make right
(30:08):
now, it's so clear, like the honesty of what that decision is in front of me is so clear now.
It's like, well, I can go that way. Sure. I can say yes to that.
The compromise is too big. It's too big. And it's just so clear.
And I can still say yes. And it doesn't mean it's wrong.
It's just that I have to be real about what's going to go along with it.
(30:32):
What am I going to have to navigate to say yes to that opportunity or decision?
And again, right or wrong, we all make the decisions for all the right reasons,
but we need to know, right?
We need to be really honest with ourselves what that decision,
What the impact of that decision is going to have.
(30:54):
And I think this has really helped me understand that pretty big distinction
between what I need and what I want and then what sacrifices would I have to
make to get what I want when I have what I need.
And I'm not making any sacrifices. I mean, of course, there are some. There are some.
But I think that need place, it's really important to know what that is.
(31:20):
And I think, again, just to pull it back to the very beginning,
if you're building a business,
or you're in a negotiation, or you're trying to have a conversation about money
in any way, shape, or form, you need to know what that baseline number is.
And in a business, that baseline number isn't just, I need to make a certain
(31:43):
amount per month to survive if I'm a small business owner.
It's, I need to know how much money my business is spending on a monthly basis.
Like, let's get real about what your overhead costs are.
Because you might accidentally start losing money, right? You might be in the red.
You might be going negative because you don't know what that baseline actually is.
(32:06):
So I did this exercise with a client the other day, and she's just a one-person
shop. She's a consultant.
And when we went through her overhead costs, they were $700 a month.
And we have to include everything in that list. So if you need to buy a new
computer, or you need to buy a new phone, you need to amortize that across the year.
(32:31):
And that's a reality. If you run a business in 2024, you're going to need a computer.
That's just a reality. So that overhead cost is true. And it's not every year.
So maybe you amortize it over three years. But it's a true cost.
And you don't want to get stuck not having considered that when you're selling services.
So that baseline number is just so critical for you to feel safe,
(32:55):
for you to really be honest about my needs are being filled.
I'm at my baseline and that might be enough.
I love the desire and I love the wants because that's where we get into goal setting.
But you need to know that baseline number. And I just encourage everybody,
especially if you're a small business, to know that baseline because a lot of
(33:19):
people go into scarcity for no reason. They start spinning into scarcity.
And it's a real waste of energy where that energy could be put somewhere else.
And then we get into that, you know, that's a whole different kind of coaching
level where it's like your baseline needs are being met.
Why are you spinning on worry and scarcity? Why?
(33:42):
Right? Like, what's the story there?
We also need to work on getting comfortable around that baseline.
Not that we only need to survive in the baseline, but it's really important
to just get comfortable there so that you're not making huge compromises all
the time around your integrity and your values and what your soul needs, right?
(34:04):
Like what your true, true, true soul needs are.
Those need to go on the list too. For me, it's connection.
I didn't realize how important that was until I made this list.
Like that feeling of connection with someone
in work and I'm not
saying it has to be just as an entrepreneur like I have that kind of connection
(34:25):
you know I've had it I should say when I've managed people right or when we've
been in flow as a team and we're solving problems like I felt that level of
connection I remember building a website with a team I don't know maybe like like eight years ago.
And we were all just kind of like holed up in a room trying to solve strategically
(34:46):
the problem that this website was going to serve.
And we were stuck in a room trying to solve a problem.
And we were making really interesting connections, right?
We were talking about things that we never would have talked about if we weren't
holed up in this room. We were solving kind of lots of problems, right?
(35:08):
Like not just the problem of this business, but like other things, right?
Other things were coming up and there was just a really beautiful connection
in that space of like a team trying to solve a problem and making some really
interesting connections in that space.
And it was fun. It was really fun and enriching. And I think that connection piece is a need now.
(35:30):
And I didn't realize it until I did this exercise. So if there's no sense of
connection or connectivity with people in a work opportunity, like I can't take it.
Right? If it's like a fully automated AI X, Y, Z, and there's no human connection
tied to it, like I'm not going to be able to do it.
It's not going to fit the need I have for connection.
(35:53):
And even this podcast, like we're not looking at each other,
but I'm like riffing off what I think is important to you, right?
And that's a whole other level of this,
but I am connecting to you,
right there's still a connection here that we're
making even though you're not
(36:13):
here right in front of me you are you know
what I mean like there's still a connection that's why
I'm doing this because I know there's a connection there's something here that's
resonating with you and that's why you're coming back and that's why I'm doing
this right I'm doing this because there's a connection here you're you're hearing
something from this that's resonating with you that's helping you make decisions.
(36:39):
That's why I'm doing it. I'm not doing it for my ego. I'm not doing it because I think I'm right.
I'm not doing it because I think I have all the answers. I'm doing it because
I think there's a connection here, right?
I think I'm connecting with you around topics that are important to you that might be helping you.
And if there's even that slight incremental amount of help that I can offer,
(37:01):
I'm going to keep doing it.
And I took a break, and some of you noticed. I'm hearing about it.
And I took a break and what I realized was I'm missing it. I'm missing this connection.
And sometimes you think you're doing something for the reason of like,
oh, is it growing my business? Is it getting me more clients?
Okay, if it's not, I need to stop. And what I realized is what I need is connection.
(37:26):
I think this is creating connection and that's enough.
So again, I'm going to say I'm really happy. I probably didn't invent this.
I just came upon it because I was trying to figure out a way to really break
down decisions that are less about urgency and priorities and impact and delegation
(37:49):
and all these things that we look at as leaders.
These are the metrics we're measuring by.
And for me, it's like, no, it's a little bit more personal than that.
And not that we want to pull all the personal stuff into work
but this business for me is very personal and
so when I'm making decisions life or business I
needed something that was a little bit more tied to my values and what's important
(38:13):
to me and that's how I make decisions in general a very like heart forward person
but I also want to make sure I'm making decisions that are are grounded.
And this is really helping me. It doesn't mean that I'm going to make every
decision and it's going to be easy, but at least I know what I want and I know
(38:34):
what I need and I know what I don't want and I know what I don't need.
And that's really helpful in me being honest with myself about what this decision is going to mean.
So again, on this theme of focus, I hope this helps you understand what should be the next focus.
What's your next priority?
(38:55):
What's the next thing you want to really be diving into?
And is it aligned within these quadrants? Does it make sense for you?
And sometimes what makes sense for you and what makes sense for the business
might be a little bit off too. So you could even do this exercise for the business.
I like to think of businesses is as, I hate the word avatar,
(39:17):
but as a living, breathing organism of its own with its own set of needs and
wants, you can do this exercise side by side.
If you're running a business or leading a business, you can also do it side by side.
It's important to know what's important to you versus what's important to the
(39:39):
company. This is what we do as managers.
We want to know what's important to our teams?
What's going to help them grow personally and professionally?
And how does that align to the business and the business needs,
right? That's like the exercise we do all the time.
So if you're a small business owner, you can do this side by side.
What does my business need? But what do I need?
(40:00):
And hopefully that will help you at least get to the place where you can be
really honest with yourself about what that decision is going to mean for you.
And then what actions you're going to take from that and what next things are
going to be your primary focus.
So I hope that's helpful. As always, you can always reach out to me,
leave a comment, leave a note, send me an email. All of those are options.
(40:23):
Love to hear from you, see how I can support you. But I'm going to leave it
at that. Talk to you next week.
Welcome to Business for Humans. I'm Jamie Gennaro, business coach and consultant,
and today I'm diving deep into a topic all entrepreneurs and business leaders face,
making decisions that align with your personal and professional goals.
If you've ever felt overwhelmed by balancing growth, leadership,
(00:22):
and well-being, this episode is for you.
We're going to explore how you can prioritize your needs and wants without compromising
your integrity or burning out. Enjoy.
Hello, hello. So we are continuing the theme of focus for this month.
(00:44):
And one of the things that happens when we want to stay focused on something
is that we have to make a decision, right?
We have to decide what we're focusing on.
And I've been reading a lot about decision-making, decision-making for leaders.
I've been reading a lot of Adam Grant, clear thinking, clear decisions.
(01:07):
And what I'm finding when I'm researching these concepts of making decisions
as leaders is I'm not finding something that is connective.
There are a lot of examples of quadrants you can build or graphs you can create
that help you through the decision-making process.
(01:29):
And a lot of it is deciding what's urgent, what's not urgent,
what's high impact, what's low impact, what's high results, what's low results.
But what happens sometimes is that we don't know the answer to those things.
That's why we're in a spin of deciding what's the next best step for us in our
business or sometimes in our personal lives when we're trying to make really
(01:53):
big, weighted decisions.
You can't decipher what's most urgent or what's least urgent when you're in
that space of trying to make a decision because you're getting hit by all the
priorities that feel like they're equally weighted priorities.
So I've been kind of trying to figure out what feels more connective to me of
(02:16):
the way I make decisions because it's not all about productivity or finance
or high impact, low impact, right?
Sometimes it's high impact or low impact on me, right?
What's it going to take for me to get to that place.
If I decide to go that way, if that's the decision I make and I decide to go
in that direction, what's the impact on me?
(02:38):
It's not just the impact on the business or the impact on finances or the impact
on a team, but also for me, what's my personal impact?
And I think we don't look at that part enough when we're measuring how we make
decisions for our business because we're so focused on productivity and revenue
and urgency and all of those pieces,
(03:02):
which are very disconnected from the human element.
And so I've been trying to figure out what are the factors in the decision.
And I landed on something that I don't know is the perfect answer,
but it's getting me to an interesting place.
So I wanted to share it with you. So you have a decision to make where you're
You're trying to set priorities or you're trying to figure out what is the next
(03:25):
place where you should focus your attention.
So here's the quadrant I built. So I drew a big T and in the top left, I put want.
In the bottom left, I put need.
Top right, I put don't need. And bottom right, I put don't want.
You can decide what those four quadrants are, but I think it's really interesting
(03:47):
to put the opposition to whatever it is that you're trying to measure or understand
in the opposite quadrant.
If we use this more traditional idea of urgent, not urgent. High revenue, low revenue.
I think it's interesting just to have this juxtaposition of opposing ideas so
that you can see what's the opposite of that.
(04:09):
So as I was working through this want, want, need, don't need,
don't want, what I realized, and it may happen to you if you go through this
exercise, is that of course the want category is the biggest, right?
Like I have a lot of desires, which is great. That means that you're ambitious, you're pushing, right?
You're looking for things to kind of enrich your life or business.
(04:33):
So the want category is the easiest to fill in.
And then I started looking at the need. It was hard for me to figure out because
then we start unwinding like, well, do I really need this thing?
Is it something I want? Is it something I need? What's the weight of this thing? What does need mean?
(04:54):
But I think that thought process is so important.
I think it's really important to, especially in your business,
especially if you're a small business owner, to know the difference between want and need.
Because need is where there's no negotiation, right?
So if you're setting a rate, let's say you're in a services business and you're
(05:15):
setting an hourly rate for yourself or for your team.
If you do the math on what your overhead costs are,
what your business needs to survive and what that baseline number is,
what that breakeven number is, it's so easy to negotiate because you know there's
no way I can go below that number. That's your need.
(05:36):
It's really important to know what that number is.
But then there's the number that we want. And that number is very important.
This is why in decision-making, I don't want to de-emphasize our wants or desires
because I think there's this very interesting space between meeting our needs
and reaching for our desires.
(05:58):
I think that's the journey that I find really interesting. But the journey I
mostly help people on is the meeting their needs journey.
So when people and small business owners or people that are really working on
finding confidence in negotiation or finding confidence in sales,
(06:19):
they haven't met that need number yet.
And this happens a lot for female business owners. We're more in the zero to need category.
We give a lot of work away. It's there for various reasons.
I'm not going to try to unravel that because there are layers and layers of
socialization and psychological reasons we might be giving away work.
(06:44):
But that's where I help people. I feel like the most is just in that zero to
meeting your needs category.
Fill in the needs and spend a lot of time there because there are things that
you need that you're not giving yourself, that you're are not making time for.
(07:04):
So what's on my needs list? So I have my baseline, what's my break-even number,
right, that I need, let's say on a monthly basis. So that's in there.
And then I started thinking like, what is something that I really truly need
to survive just in general?
And you know, the thing that I talk about a lot, but that shows up on that list is exercise, right?
(07:26):
Exercise Exercise is not a luxury when you get to my age, right?
So I'm going to be 50 in 2025.
Like it's creeping up. So I'm officially middle-aged and exercise is not a luxury anymore.
Exercise is the thing that's going to keep me from having really severe health
(07:49):
issues going forward, like osteoporosis and bone mass loss and issues with hormone regulation.
Exercise is not a luxury.
It's a need. My body needs to move.
And it's strange how, again, it's like the zero to need.
There's the I don't exercise at all to what's the amount of exercise that my body needs to move.
(08:14):
That's where we have the most work to do, right? So interesting.
I need to exercise, but I have to fill that gap from zero to the baseline before
I can say, I want this from my exercise.
I want this kind of body or this kind of optimized version of myself.
We have to get from that zero to need category.
(08:36):
Are we meeting those baseline needs? Spend time there.
What do do you need? And don't think of it as like, it's a luxury.
That might mean time off or time to rest.
What is the amount of rest that you need? And I'm not talking about sleep, although that is a need.
Like we all need to sleep and we all need to sleep a certain amount of time per night.
(08:58):
That could make it to the list, but also what's the amount of time you need
to rest and to recover and to
heal and that's not a want there's the
need level of that there's the want level also like
I want to retire and not have to work
but I don't think that's actually true so I wouldn't actually put
that on my list I love I love my job I want to do it forever but now you can
(09:23):
start to see the difference between need and want and I think it's really important
because most of the work that we are here to do on this journey together is
from zero to need and not from need to want we need to keep the wants alive.
Because at some point, once we meet that baseline, which is my mission,
that we're meeting that baseline need in our work and in our personal lives.
(09:45):
Then we get to reach for the wants and we're going to be that much closer.
That gap between need and want is so much smaller than the gap from zero to baseline.
That's a really big gap. I'm not doing anything to I'm meeting my baseline.
That's a pretty big gap. And just in discipline and the hurdles that are there.
(10:05):
But once you're meeting your baseline, to elevate or optimize on that baseline
is a really small amount of time, work, effort. This is why I kind of love this quadrant.
And then you get to the don't need. And this one is really hard.
Your brain's going to go into a lot of different spaces. Like,
is it about material items?
(10:25):
Is it about emotional things? Like, what don't I need? This is a thing I really don't need.
And I think it's really important to spend some time here too.
This was the hardest quadrant for me to really understand, but I basically boiled
it down to just one thing.
What is something I don't need? What I came up with that I find really interesting
(10:47):
that my brain went into this place is constant worry about what's next.
Like this is something I just do not need. I don't need to hold on to this.
It's constant. I do feel like I'm in a constant spin of like,
what's next? What's what's next, what's next, what's next. And it's not serving me.
And it's something I don't need. And my brain just immediately,
(11:08):
that was the only thing on the list.
And if I spent a little bit more time here, I think I would come up with more things.
But I feel like in my life, in terms of material items or luxuries or things,
I don't think I have a lot on that list to pare back on. If I say,
oh, I don't need like a fancy car. I mean, I don't even need a car.
(11:31):
I live in the Netherlands. Like a car is not even on the list.
I already live a life that's pretty simple and pared down.
I don't carry a lot of extra weight in terms of material items or things.
I don't feel like I'm carrying around a lot of things that I don't need.
Need that's just been a practice of mine really
(11:53):
through my whole adult life of just paring back paring
back paring back I just don't want to carry around
a lot of things I don't need let it flow do not judge it but there's still a
very significant difference between what you don't need and what you don't want
so if we're thinking about work I might want a lavish high-powered title in a.
(12:20):
Beautiful, big corporate brand. I don't even know if that's a thing.
Maybe that's something I want. But what I need is just.
Money in the door. It doesn't matter where it comes from.
And I think it's the same with don't need and don't want.
There's the don't need, like there are certain things I literally do not need to survive.
(12:42):
And then there's the what don't I want. For me, when I think about work and
when I think about work environments, what I don't want is a work environment
that doesn't feel open, that doesn't feel collaborative.
I've been in that environment. I do not want that ever again.
To be in an environment that doesn't feel inclusive or open or collaborative
(13:04):
or flowy or all the things that a work environment can be.
I just do not want to be in an environment that doesn't feel open.
It's really important for me to know that. That was the first thing on the list.
If I get pulled because of money that I want from my want category,
And there's a brand or a corporation that I want in my want category.
(13:28):
But either of those things equals my don't want category.
What's the exchange? I was very clear about I don't want an environment that
doesn't feel spacious or open or collaborative.
We don't always know that. But if we do know it, if we do know that this environment
is in our don't want category, then our decision is made.
(13:52):
What happens in that in-between space of, but I want the money,
but I don't want the toxic work environment, it's in that space where,
what are we compromising now? Now we're making a compromise.
And that's where we go back to our need category. Are you meeting your basic needs? Yes.
Can you meet your basic needs and not be in that toxic work environment? Yes.
(14:15):
In the in-between space of getting what I want and knowing this isn't what I want, right?
That's where people have burnout and breakdowns. This is where we use the term golden handcuffs.
So a lot of people are in work positions where it meets all their wants.
All their fancy desires are being met in the want category, but they're also
(14:39):
filling up the don't want category.
And then they're stuck in the middle going, I want that. But it's not a need.
Making $300,000 a year, I don't know what that number would be.
That's a golden handcuffs number, but let's say it's $300,000.
You don't actually need $300,000. No matter how much you've convinced yourself
(14:59):
that you need it, you don't. That's a want.
This is why I'm just really loving these quadrants because it really helps you
calibrate your decision-making into to what's your most important baseline need
compared to what's your baseline of your don't wants, basically.
Like, what are the things that you really don't want? And why don't you want them?
(15:23):
Because you know the pain and the suffering and the things that will come from
those things that you just don't want in your life.
And then it helps us really understand like this is a want versus a need versus
a like, I don't need this versus I don't want this.
So for me, it's this toxic work environment. I can further break that down for
(15:45):
myself. What does that mean?
And also, as we all know, and the work that I do is always thinking like,
don't blame the work environment. Maybe it's not the work environment. Maybe it's you.
But because I'm not in a work environment right now, if I was invited into a
work environment, environment that decision-making process for me would be,
is it a want or a need to join this organization?
(16:08):
And is it the kind of environment that I want or need?
And I would say I need a work environment that's open and collaborative.
I need that to thrive. I need that to do a good job.
I need that to stay in a job that I'm not just going to jump from job to job.
(16:28):
If I get invited again into an organization, I'm going to need to look at these
quadrants of like, what do I want versus what do I need versus like,
what's not going to be the right fit for me? And I know that to be true.
And then in making the decision, I just have to lean into the belief that if
I go for the things I know I need, will they come to me?
(16:50):
Which is a whole nother layer. But let's go back into the, we talked about don't
need, let's go back into the don't want category. mine was quite full,
which is not surprising because my wants category was also quite full.
So the other thing that was on my don't want category is that I don't want work
that's not connected to something deeper or more impactful.
(17:12):
One of the reasons I really love my job so much, and there are of course things
in every job including mine that are hard,
but one of the things that I love so much
about my job is when I'm on a call with
a client and we crack something open and
the light bulb goes off for them and they see the path and they start moving
(17:35):
towards that path and they're just having so much understanding about themselves
and growth and success in moving towards those places and their confidence is growing.
I'm in a conversation with them where I can see it happening.
Feeling so connected and I don't want to use the word happy,
(17:58):
but I think confidence is a big thing that I really focus on trying to grow in my clients.
And when I'm seeing that confidence starting to blossom and it's putting them
in different situations that they want, right? That they want to be in.
It's just that is the best feeling.
(18:19):
I just love that feeling. I'm helping someone find something that's really important
to them, that's really meaningful to them.
And when we're in these conversations where there's that flow,
that connection to me is something I really need.
I really need connection.
So it's interesting how my don't want is so closely tied to what I need.
(18:44):
I can't and I don't need work that doesn't feel connected to something more impactful.
And again, I'm in a very privileged position, I mean, for many reasons,
but I'm in the privileged position of having worked at a lot of jobs.
And it's just the same as being in a lot of relationships until you get to that
(19:04):
relationship that you feel like is the one because you're in it for all the
right reasons and you know the relationships that are not healthy for you.
I've been in a lot of jobs, so I know the jobs that are not healthy for me,
that are not a good fit because of who I am and my personality and the way I work.
There are some environments that are just not a good fit for me.
They're actually really unhealthy and they push me in that direction of what I don't need.
(19:30):
What is not going to serve me? What's going to spin me out?
And the only reason I've landed in those positions or tried to make them work
was because I was trying to prove something.
I was trying to prove something to myself to say, this is really hard,
but I can do it instead of going, this is really hard. Do I need to do it?
Like, am I here for all the right reasons or am I here to fill some kind of
(19:54):
gap or void or prove something to myself that I can do it?
So what I know now from all of that work experience is that I do not need that anymore.
I do not need to prove anything to myself or to others.
I mean, in a way I am proving something something to myself by doing what I'm doing now.
I want to prove to myself that I can do it. I've been doing it for four years
(20:16):
and somehow I still haven't proven to myself that I can do it because it's still
part of the conversation I have in my self-coaching sessions.
Believing that I'm doing it, I am doing it. I'm making a living from this work.
But that's another story. But it's really important to focus really honestly
(20:38):
on what is it that I don't want and why is it that I don't want that, right?
We don't want to get into that spin of convincing ourselves that, you know, what I want.
Is okay and justified. And what I don't want is okay and justified, right? Just let it flow.
It's okay. Like whatever's on that list, let it be.
(20:59):
Don't judge it. Don't judge what I don't want as being a problem,
right? Like, oh, I don't want a toxic work environment. Well, why not?
Right? Like, why can't you just fix it then? Right? Like, let's not get into
that. Like, I just don't think that kind of environment is going to serve me.
And what I can tell you is that I have a couple
like big decisions on my plate and I
(21:22):
have been spinning trying to figure out these decisions
and the and putting things in these quadrants has just made it really easy for
me because I know now the decision I need to make because I've done this work
and and now I'm circling around that middle point of like the what I want and what I don't want.
(21:44):
I know really clearly what I don't want.
And I know that some of these decisions are pushing me in the don't want category.
And now I can be really honest with myself. I told myself I didn't want that.
Why am I still going towards it?
Why am I afraid to cut that off and believe into the fact that if I don't go
(22:06):
in the direction of what I don't want, what I want will come. Let me say that again.
If we're in that middle ground of this is what I want, but it's also what I
don't want, what's keeping you from cutting it off and saying this,
I know clearly this is what I don't want.
(22:26):
And I want to believe that what I want will come in and fill its place, right?
And then it's not going to be the combination of what I want,
what I don't want. It's going to be just what I want and what I need.
That's the fear. That's when the fear and the worry and the anxiety comes up.
That's where the golden handcuffs conversation is really hard to have with people
(22:51):
who are making a lot of money and they have a certain lifestyle,
but they know it's not serving them.
They know that in the background, it's sort of slowly killing them.
But that fear that's in between those two things of believing that something
will take its place, that fear is too big.
It's too big to cut it off. It's too big to say that I'm going to not go after
(23:18):
what I want because I know it's also what I don't want.
They just can't reconcile that. And so they just stay in that want.
And then this is, again, where burnout lives because you're just not living
in your integrity. You're not living in your truth.
You're having to push all that stuff down because there's so much of what you
don't want in that world that you just have to ignore it and push it down.
(23:43):
It will always come back. It will come back in lots of different ways. It will come back,
And it will hit you in your health. It will hit you in your emotional health.
It will hit your relationships. It will hit, you know, all these things.
And it will creep in, right? Like you're going to push it down, but it will come back.
(24:04):
So every decision is right. I do not want to judge people who are staying in
that one category, even though there's so many things that they don't want,
because everyone has a reason for making the decisions they're making.
And all I want to encourage is that you love your reasons.
That you love your reasons. You know what like I'm going to make a decision
(24:25):
to do this thing even though there are some things that I don't want tied to that decision.
But you know what like I'm deciding right now that that's okay.
That I'm willing to make that compromise.
I think what I'm trying to say out loud is that I don't want to make the compromise,
but I'm not judging you if you are making the compromise.
(24:46):
But I think I'm in a place with all my work experience, with all the time that
I've put in to this hamster wheel, all that I have put in my time running that race,
and I know that I don't want it anymore, very clearly.
And it's a huge relief. It's helping me make a really big decision decision
(25:08):
because I know that my integrity is not in it.
Like my integrity would not be in it.
I would be doing it for the wants.
And I don't want to say that's the wrong reason, right? It's not like,
oh, this is the right reason. That's the wrong reason.
It's just, I would be making a lot of compromise to go in a direction because
I know that there's a lot of things in the don't want and don't need category.
(25:32):
If I go towards this particular decision that really meets everything thing
in my want category, right?
This is why I'm just, I'm like loving this decision-making process because I
don't want to say it's easy.
It's not like, okay, well, I know that this decision that fills all my wants
will leave me out of my integrity.
(25:54):
It still doesn't make the decision like 100% easy because I still want those
things that I want, right? That part's not going away.
But I have to get really honest with myself. Like, is this going to serve me?
Because it basically checks everything on the don't want list.
And if everything on the don't want list is what I need also,
(26:15):
right? It's kind of equals what I need.
If I make that decision, I know how it's going to feel. I know how I will feel
because I'm checking all of the boxes of what I don't want.
And I've been there and I know how painful that is.
And the pain of where I am, right? Like there's always, we're treating one pain for another, right?
(26:35):
So the pain, quote unquote, of where I am versus like what I think is going
to be the relief of that pain going towards something, that's what I'm trying to judge, right?
But if I, this is like getting really philosophical and potentially a little
bit complicated, but if I spin where I'm at, right?
So I'm reaching for something, but my needs aren't met right now.
(26:58):
Okay. So my needs are met. I'm reaching for a want.
That want is filled with things I don't want.
So the honesty in that decision is, are my needs being met or are they not being met in the moment?
Am I going for this want because it's a want or am I going for this want because it's actually a need.
This is what we need to really get clear about. Do I want a job that gives me
(27:23):
more money, but also is toxic and is going to make me feel bad?
Well, do I want that more money because I want it or because I need it?
And that's an important distinction, a very important distinction.
Because if you're compromising the things you don't want because you need the
money, that is now a completely different decision than I want the money.
(27:50):
And so if you need it, and what I said the baseline was, is the money just needs
to come through the door. It doesn't matter what the work is, right?
Like at a certain point to meet your needs from zero to baseline.
It doesn't matter. Sometimes you have to make really big sacrifices in that
space to get to your baseline. You have to be at your baseline.
And then you make decisions from your baseline. Is it a want or is it a need?
(28:14):
What are the sacrifices and the things I'm going to have to give up to get there?
But if it's a need, it doesn't matter. Those sacrifices, the I don't want and
I don't need, that is not important when we're going from zero to baseline.
We really just need to get from zero to baseline. What I don't want and what
I don't need, it's not part of the conversation.
(28:36):
I need exercise.
What I don't want is to sweat. And what I don't want is this.
And what I don't want, it doesn't matter. Those things are bullshit, dude.
It doesn't matter what you don't
want or don't need when it comes to the baseline. That's just whining.
But what's important about the don't want and don't need is when you're moving
(28:58):
into that want category.
I'm moving into this space. of like, I really want this thing.
What am I going to have to compromise to get it?
Right? And that's, that to me, that's also like a very interesting part of this journey.
Like, what if we didn't have to compromise?
What if it was a want and it filled all my needs and there was no don't need or don't want tied to it?
(29:25):
That's, that's the sweet spot. That's the sweet spot. But we got to get from zero to baseline.
And then we go into that, like, now what do I want?
And how do I believe I can get what I want without having to compromise and
take something that I don't want?
That's the fun, right? And if you work with me, you know, like,
that's the nut we're really ultimately trying to crack.
(29:48):
But we have to get to that baseline first, because otherwise there's just going
to be too much in there, right?
There's going to be too much that we have to navigate around if we're not at
the baseline. and then be really honest about where your baseline is.
And I'm just like, and I can tell you in the decisions I'm trying to make right
(30:08):
now, it's so clear, like the honesty of what that decision is in front of me is so clear now.
It's like, well, I can go that way. Sure. I can say yes to that.
The compromise is too big. It's too big. And it's just so clear.
And I can still say yes. And it doesn't mean it's wrong.
It's just that I have to be real about what's going to go along with it.
(30:32):
What am I going to have to navigate to say yes to that opportunity or decision?
And again, right or wrong, we all make the decisions for all the right reasons,
but we need to know, right?
We need to be really honest with ourselves what that decision,
What the impact of that decision is going to have.
(30:54):
And I think this has really helped me understand that pretty big distinction
between what I need and what I want and then what sacrifices would I have to
make to get what I want when I have what I need.
And I'm not making any sacrifices. I mean, of course, there are some. There are some.
But I think that need place, it's really important to know what that is.
(31:20):
And I think, again, just to pull it back to the very beginning,
if you're building a business,
or you're in a negotiation, or you're trying to have a conversation about money
in any way, shape, or form, you need to know what that baseline number is.
And in a business, that baseline number isn't just, I need to make a certain
(31:43):
amount per month to survive if I'm a small business owner.
It's, I need to know how much money my business is spending on a monthly basis.
Like, let's get real about what your overhead costs are.
Because you might accidentally start losing money, right? You might be in the red.
You might be going negative because you don't know what that baseline actually is.
(32:06):
So I did this exercise with a client the other day, and she's just a one-person
shop. She's a consultant.
And when we went through her overhead costs, they were $700 a month.
And we have to include everything in that list. So if you need to buy a new
computer, or you need to buy a new phone, you need to amortize that across the year.
(32:31):
And that's a reality. If you run a business in 2024, you're going to need a computer.
That's just a reality. So that overhead cost is true. And it's not every year.
So maybe you amortize it over three years. But it's a true cost.
And you don't want to get stuck not having considered that when you're selling services.
So that baseline number is just so critical for you to feel safe,
(32:55):
for you to really be honest about my needs are being filled.
I'm at my baseline and that might be enough.
I love the desire and I love the wants because that's where we get into goal setting.
But you need to know that baseline number. And I just encourage everybody,
especially if you're a small business, to know that baseline because a lot of
(33:19):
people go into scarcity for no reason. They start spinning into scarcity.
And it's a real waste of energy where that energy could be put somewhere else.
And then we get into that, you know, that's a whole different kind of coaching
level where it's like your baseline needs are being met.
Why are you spinning on worry and scarcity? Why?
(33:42):
Right? Like, what's the story there?
We also need to work on getting comfortable around that baseline.
Not that we only need to survive in the baseline, but it's really important
to just get comfortable there so that you're not making huge compromises all
the time around your integrity and your values and what your soul needs, right?
(34:04):
Like what your true, true, true soul needs are.
Those need to go on the list too. For me, it's connection.
I didn't realize how important that was until I made this list.
Like that feeling of connection with someone
in work and I'm not
saying it has to be just as an entrepreneur like I have that kind of connection
(34:25):
you know I've had it I should say when I've managed people right or when we've
been in flow as a team and we're solving problems like I felt that level of
connection I remember building a website with a team I don't know maybe like like eight years ago.
And we were all just kind of like holed up in a room trying to solve strategically
(34:46):
the problem that this website was going to serve.
And we were stuck in a room trying to solve a problem.
And we were making really interesting connections, right?
We were talking about things that we never would have talked about if we weren't
holed up in this room. We were solving kind of lots of problems, right?
(35:08):
Like not just the problem of this business, but like other things, right?
Other things were coming up and there was just a really beautiful connection
in that space of like a team trying to solve a problem and making some really
interesting connections in that space.
And it was fun. It was really fun and enriching. And I think that connection piece is a need now.
(35:30):
And I didn't realize it until I did this exercise. So if there's no sense of
connection or connectivity with people in a work opportunity, like I can't take it.
Right? If it's like a fully automated AI X, Y, Z, and there's no human connection
tied to it, like I'm not going to be able to do it.
It's not going to fit the need I have for connection.
(35:53):
And even this podcast, like we're not looking at each other,
but I'm like riffing off what I think is important to you, right?
And that's a whole other level of this,
but I am connecting to you,
right there's still a connection here that we're
making even though you're not
(36:13):
here right in front of me you are you know
what I mean like there's still a connection that's why
I'm doing this because I know there's a connection there's something here that's
resonating with you and that's why you're coming back and that's why I'm doing
this right I'm doing this because there's a connection here you're you're hearing
something from this that's resonating with you that's helping you make decisions.
(36:39):
That's why I'm doing it. I'm not doing it for my ego. I'm not doing it because I think I'm right.
I'm not doing it because I think I have all the answers. I'm doing it because
I think there's a connection here, right?
I think I'm connecting with you around topics that are important to you that might be helping you.
And if there's even that slight incremental amount of help that I can offer,
(37:01):
I'm going to keep doing it.
And I took a break, and some of you noticed. I'm hearing about it.
And I took a break and what I realized was I'm missing it. I'm missing this connection.
And sometimes you think you're doing something for the reason of like,
oh, is it growing my business? Is it getting me more clients?
Okay, if it's not, I need to stop. And what I realized is what I need is connection.
(37:26):
I think this is creating connection and that's enough.
So again, I'm going to say I'm really happy. I probably didn't invent this.
I just came upon it because I was trying to figure out a way to really break
down decisions that are less about urgency and priorities and impact and delegation
(37:49):
and all these things that we look at as leaders.
These are the metrics we're measuring by.
And for me, it's like, no, it's a little bit more personal than that.
And not that we want to pull all the personal stuff into work
but this business for me is very personal and
so when I'm making decisions life or business I
needed something that was a little bit more tied to my values and what's important
(38:13):
to me and that's how I make decisions in general a very like heart forward person
but I also want to make sure I'm making decisions that are are grounded.
And this is really helping me. It doesn't mean that I'm going to make every
decision and it's going to be easy, but at least I know what I want and I know
(38:34):
what I need and I know what I don't want and I know what I don't need.
And that's really helpful in me being honest with myself about what this decision is going to mean.
So again, on this theme of focus, I hope this helps you understand what should be the next focus.
What's your next priority?
(38:55):
What's the next thing you want to really be diving into?
And is it aligned within these quadrants? Does it make sense for you?
And sometimes what makes sense for you and what makes sense for the business
might be a little bit off too. So you could even do this exercise for the business.
I like to think of businesses is as, I hate the word avatar,
(39:17):
but as a living, breathing organism of its own with its own set of needs and
wants, you can do this exercise side by side.
If you're running a business or leading a business, you can also do it side by side.
It's important to know what's important to you versus what's important to the
(39:39):
company. This is what we do as managers.
We want to know what's important to our teams?
What's going to help them grow personally and professionally?
And how does that align to the business and the business needs,
right? That's like the exercise we do all the time.
So if you're a small business owner, you can do this side by side.
What does my business need? But what do I need?
(40:00):
And hopefully that will help you at least get to the place where you can be
really honest with yourself about what that decision is going to mean for you.
And then what actions you're going to take from that and what next things are
going to be your primary focus.
So I hope that's helpful. As always, you can always reach out to me,
leave a comment, leave a note, send me an email. All of those are options.
(40:23):
Love to hear from you, see how I can support you. But I'm going to leave it
at that. Talk to you next week.
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