February 20, 2024 • 35 mins
HI friend,
I'm tackling a question that's been on the minds of many in our community: how do we create and deepen friendships as busy homeschooling moms? This topic, sparked by a question from one of our community members, is something I'm really excited to talk about.
Tune in to learn
- why finding joy in your own company can actually attract more meaningful friendships,
- why the quest for the perfect 'mom friend' might not be the answer, and
- how embracing the natural ebb and flow of friendships can be incredibly rewarding.
This episode is all about discovering deeper connections without the usual pressures, finding friends who truly understand you by following your own interests, and making room for these relationships in the whirlwind of homeschooling.
Get ready for down-to-earth advice and actionable tips on building your social network, all inspired by a conversation that started right here, in our homeschool circle.
As always, if this podcast encourages you in any way, please share it with another mom or leave a review.
Enjoy!
Here cheering you on every step of the way with a prayer in my heart and a smile on my face!
Your Homeschool Lifestyle Coach,
Inga
**If you're stressed out and overwhelmed and feel like you're almost ready to throw in the towel but know you don't want to put them in school, book a discovery call, and let's chat about how I can help.**
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
So today's episode is from a listener question, and I think that you will relate
because you've probably had it before.
It says, how do you make and maintain friendships as a homeschool mom?
We moved across the country almost three years ago, and I'm having a hard time building friendships.
I have friends, but having a hard time connecting and deepening those relationships
(00:21):
with everyone else's busy schedule.
So I'm sure that she is not
the only one I'm sure you are feeling that or you felt that
before and if you have then this is the
perfect episode to you because I'm going to talk about a couple of things that
are probably going to be a little different than the advice that you have heard
but I know this to be true because I've been in that place because we've moved
(00:45):
so many times and I know that it can be challenging and I think that this is
going to be helpful to her and also is going to be helpful for you.
So go ahead and grab your favorite tea, whatever it is.
Let the laundry bold itself for a second. Let the dishes sit.
Grab your favorite tea. And let's talk about friendships as homeschool mom. Tune in.
(01:09):
Just like the safety instructions on an airplane, we must secure our own oxygen
mask before helping others.
Well, this is your reminder.
Music.
(02:11):
Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode of the Catch Your Breath podcast.
I'm excited that you have joined me again, if you're back again,
and if this is your first time, hello, welcome to your space to be encouraged,
to be empowered, to really get excited again about teaching your child.
Today we're talking about a topic that I think we've all wondered about,
(02:37):
been experiencing, experiencing, been in the midst of, and it's all about making
those friendships as a homeschool mom.
So you're in for a good one if this is your first time joining me.
But before we get into the topic, we have to check in. So how are you doing?
How has your week been? Take a moment.
That's me breathing in, breathing out for you.
(02:58):
Go ahead and do that for yourself and just think about one thing that went well
this past week, so far in the week?
What is one thing that went well?
Get that in your head and then give yourself a pat on the back. You did that.
You helped that to happen. And I hope that you will remember that when you're
(03:21):
feeling stressed out, when you're feeling overwhelmed,
when you're feeling like, I cannot do this, that you will remember that and
that you'll start to add more to that list because remembering what you're doing
well can really help you to keep going.
And then if you're not taking care of yourself, please go ahead and take care of yourself.
I was in bed from Friday around two to pretty much most of the weekend.
(03:47):
No, all of the weekend and even Monday. And I finally got up and said,
okay, you gotta get up and do some things.
But I was actually starting to feel better. And as I was going through,
I was having a fibromyalgia flare, which just means that intense pain that I
haven't felt for, I would say, eight months.
(04:07):
And so I really thought I was healed from it.
Maybe I was in relapse, not relapse. Maybe I was in remission from it,
which I didn't even know that could happen.
But anyway, as I sat there or laid there, because I was mostly laying down,
I thought about a conversation that I had with one of my friends earlier that day.
And she said, like, let's talk about what's going on. And I was like, I don't really know.
(04:31):
And when we really just, you know, she has a mental health background.
And so she started to pull through and say, wait a minute, but are you doing this thing?
And are you doing, are you doing those things that, you know, keep you in good health?
And I was like, no, but I've been taking some supplements. So I think I was
just like, well, I'm good.
I'm taking the supplements, but it, it wasn't good good enough.
My body needs what it needs.
So please give your body whatever it needs to be able to do this because you'll
(04:56):
need it to be able to build and cultivate these friendships.
So we are all in that same place, I think, knowing that it can be hard.
And there's several reasons why it's hard. We're just in different stages and
seasons of our life right now where our children and our husbands come first.
And so we're going to prioritize their schedules and their needs and their wants,
(05:17):
which can make us already turn down the volume on our needs and our wants.
But on top of that, as we look at all of those pillars, I believe that one of
the pillars that usually goes first is that social.
And that social aspect, a lot of times we think, I know for me,
I thought I have a lot of time. I'll do that when they're older.
I will make time when whatever it is.
(05:39):
And while there is a certain amount of putting some of this on hold,
depending on the season of life we're in, depending on the age of our children, all of that.
If we continue to put that at the bottom of the list, usually there are dire
effects to that. when we talk about our holistic well-being,
when we look at all of those pillars of the wellness wheel, we have to think
(06:02):
about that piece as well.
And while there is no perfect balance to it, like we're not going to be able
to have all of those as the percentages that equal to 100% and they're going
to change and move and adjust as we change and move and adjust,
we still have to make sure that we're making time and we're being intentional
about ensuring that that that side, that social well-being side is really filled up.
(06:27):
But I think that in some ways there is some advice for when we're trying to
cultivate the friendships that keep us still being in this same state.
And I know it was a challenge for me moving each time to cultivate those friendships.
And there were some times when honestly you just get exhausted and you're just
(06:49):
I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm good.
My children are my friends. I'll be friends with them forever.
And I do enjoy hanging out with my children. So sometimes it just feels hard
to want to have to make the space for it because it's just easier sometimes
to not have to do it. But it's worth it.
It's 100% worthy. And as I said in another episode, I've never regretted making
(07:13):
that time because it's my soul realizes it needs it more than I realize sometimes.
So today I want to talk about a few things that can be a little different than
what you might have heard around making and maintaining our friendships as homeschool moms.
And as I was thinking about my own experiences and some things work for people
(07:39):
while they don't work for other the people.
So that's first and foremost, we have to understand that. But I also think that
because of the whole mindset thing.
We can change our mindset around how we approach making friendships and maintaining
them and cultivating and helping them to grow deeper by doing some things.
(07:59):
So first things first, and I think that this will be the foundation of what
you're able to start your journey on, is if we embrace the solitude as a strength
for the time that we have it.
Not that we're saying that this is how we're going to stay forever,
but we recognize just just like when we were in preparation for our husband
(08:22):
and we didn't even really know it.
We knew that God had to do some things in us and through us to be able to have
us be ready and prepared for that.
So I believe that that can be the same thing in the friendship.
So as we're taking that time to get to that place where we're gonna have those friendships.
We can see our time where it's just us as an opportunity for us to spend some
(08:42):
time doing some simple things,
some self-discovery and the things that we will and won't accept Because I know
I went through a season of friendship where I was like, you know what,
I need to redefine what I will accept and what I need to let go.
And so spending that time to do that, to make sure your personal growth is where it needs to be,
to make sure that you are doing some things in your home so you have space and
(09:04):
time for it so that you maybe have to look at your children being a little more
independent so that you can step out and do those things or making them be more
on a schedule so that they're able to finish up.
Things so you can have time to do it. Just using that as a time to say,
all right, let me look to see how can I use this time to prepare for the time
(09:28):
whenever the next thing is going to be the friendship that we're coming.
I tell my children all the time when we move is that God knew that we would be making these moves.
And so he allowed you to have siblings live in the house with you so you could
practice being an amazing friend.
So you can recognize how to do this in the the relationship.
And so definitely you can think of that. Like this is your time in the home
(09:50):
to be able to make space and make time.
And even this, a lot of times I laugh because it's been me as well,
when we are so connected.
Just drenched in our homeschooling, our parenting and all those things,
we actually have to figure out what we like to do.
And so even when we get into those friendships, we have the friendships,
(10:12):
we don't even know what are the things that we might want to do.
And so this time that you're experiencing that solitude and you're by yourself,
you can develop your interests and figure out what are the things that you love
to do? What are the hobbies?
And then I think that helps when you start to go to join things because you
know, hey, I really like this.
I want to learn more about it. Let me find some things, some classes,
some groups for people who are doing things like that.
(10:34):
And when you're doing that and you're already feeling that fulfillment because
you've done that, which is one of those other pillars, you talked about your emotional well-being,
your mental well-being, like all those things, your physical well-being,
when you're focusing on those other things, it actually makes you then attract
those type of people in the friendships that you're looking for.
(10:56):
And so that becomes truly who you are, rather than if you're in a space right
now where you really don't know, you're overwhelmed, you know,
you might feel that you just want to vent.
And so that's the energy that you're giving off.
And you then make the friendship with the person who's like,
oh, she's just like me. She likes to vent about this or whatever.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. There's a time and a place for that.
(11:17):
That's important. important but you're in that space where that's what the friendship
was built on is complaining and talking about all the things that are going
wrong and then you step outside of that and.
Start to change your mindset or your season change or your whatever and then
that person that's just kind of who they are and so you you feel like wait a
(11:37):
minute how come this friendship isn't working and it could just be that that
was the energy that you were putting off so that's the energy that you pulled in.
And so we want to be really cautious about that, but also pay attention to taking
care of ourself in this season so that we can, so that we are ready to cultivate
those friendships and make them more.
(11:57):
When we think about quality over quantity,
I think that that's important to recognize that it is important for us to be
around the people that we want to cultivate these friendships with regularly
and that around them doesn't necessarily mean that it has to be important.
I mean, in person, it could be that you're talking on the phone,
(12:19):
that you're doing Zoom calls, any of those things can suffice as that quality time.
But it's important for us to remember that we want to spend quality time with
the people who we feel like we want to invest in the relationship with.
And so I think it can be challenging when you're in mom's night out that you're
(12:42):
constantly with, which I think it's important to be in those.
But sometimes if you're trying to get to those deeper friendships,
it might be important to then say, instead of maybe going to the mom's night
out for that time, if you, you know, you're like, you know, I think we could
be really good friends that you say, hey, do you want to do this?
Because you just, if you're doing all of this with people and not having an
(13:04):
opportunity to have the deeper conversations, then you don't really have an
opportunity to build those meaningful relationships.
And so if you have several people that are there, and I know for me,
when I'm around a lot of people, I feel, or I felt, I would say I'm getting better.
I felt responsible for every single person having a good time.
And so anybody that I saw that wasn't, I felt like I need to talk to them,
(13:26):
I need to make sure. and so I felt exhausted at the end of every day and don't
know that I necessarily got to have those deeper conversations because I felt
like it was my responsibility to make sure that people were okay.
And that's really, I'm learning that that has to do with being an empath,
but it was one of those things where I had to say, okay, wait a minute, I can't do that.
I have to be selective with the time so that I can have the quality time with
(13:49):
those relationships that I want to grow further.
The next thing that we wanna do is just let go of the ideal mom friend.
And this is the one that has had to be a journey for me.
Because sometimes in your mind, you're thinking, well, in order for me to have
a really strong relationship with the person, they must be a homeschooling mom
(14:10):
with the same number of kids or close to it and kind of in the same things,
like the same things, want to do the same things, all of that.
And the reality is, what I'm learning is that we have to be open to the friendships
that come outside of our homeschooling circles.
Because that is going to happen. and that we're not, we're going to meet people
who may not necessarily homeschool.
It may be somebody that wants to homeschool, may be somebody that absolutely
(14:34):
won't, but you end up being really great friends with it.
And you know that that can happen if it's your neighbor that isn't homeschool,
but she's, you know, it doesn't even necessarily always have to be a mom,
but I would say it definitely doesn't have to be a mom in the exact same season where you are.
Because I have friends who are even 10 years older than me, whose children are
all grown and they're out of the the side of the house.
(14:56):
And I love having those friendships to be able to have those deeper conversations.
And so if I would have said, okay, I cannot have a relationship.
I cannot have a friendship with people who do not look exactly like me or think
exactly like me, do exactly what I do, all of that, then I would have missed
out on my diverse friendship pool.
And that is probably one of the most enriching parts of my friendship circle
(15:20):
is just being able to look at all of the different backgrounds that people come
from, nationalities, even seasons in life,
just all of that has just been just amazing.
And so I'm thankful that I do go and talk to people because I get to have that rich friendship.
But I know that there was a time when I thought they had to look exactly the
(15:43):
way that I looked in terms of mindset and actions and just all of that.
And so So I used to be like, okay, if they could also have one daughter and
three sons, then we'd be able to have that to relate. And then Emma would have this.
Try to craft it that way. Hasn't happened as yet, but that's okay because it
wasn't a thing that had to happen.
(16:04):
The fourth thing that we want to do is look at rejection, which can be very
scary and can keep us from trying more.
We can change these to look at what do we learn from them.
And so what I have been able to really have these conversations with my daughter
because it's been a struggle, a challenge for her here to really get the same
(16:28):
type of strong friendships that she had in the past.
And really even in this season right now, she's not had any of those friendships
where it's like absolutely come over all the time.
And so it's a challenge for her when she feels like she's met friends and then it doesn't go anywhere.
And I've heard myself telling her the things that I've had to now take for myself
to remember that every one of those relationships, those interactions,
(16:52):
no matter how long, no matter how short, they're teaching us some valuable lessons about friends,
about friendship and about ourselves in those friendship relationships.
It's also helping us to be able to learn how to cultivate stronger bonds and
to be discerning about who we actually try to cultivate those bonds with.
(17:12):
And that's something that I think doesn't just go for her. It goes for us as moms too.
Looking for those friendships to recognize that it's not always going to work
out, that those people that you are trying to connect with.
It may not be that you don't have the same likes it may just
be location because a lot of times location has plays
a major role in that it could be any of that and that we are able to not look
(17:35):
at that as something lost but look a bit more as a lesson learned like what
can i learn from this what did i what did i know that i need to do for next
time or you know i believe in that saying that says that we have friends for a reason, a season,
I forgot the third one, or a lifetime, a reason, a season, a something, or a lifetime.
(17:58):
And I think about that in my friendships and recognize that they all serve different purposes.
And so if it wasn't for a lifetime, which we obviously want those friendships
to go on forever, it means that it's okay, that it's a different season and
that you can still love that person and say, okay, but in this season,
we don't have have that same sort of friendship.
And even as you are trying to create those friendships and they don't happen
(18:22):
and you're not getting the call back or the text reply or whatever,
that you still give generosity of spirit in that and say, you know,
how would I want somebody to feel about me or treat me in this situation if
I couldn't reply because of this? Because I know for me, I don't always have my phone.
And so I don't remember to look at it until nighttime sometimes.
And then Then I'm saying, oh, I had it on vibrate or I had it on silent most
(18:45):
of the time and didn't realize people had reached out to me.
And then thinking, okay, well, I don't want to go, I don't want to try to reply
tonight because it's too late. I'm going to do it in the morning.
And then the morning goes and you forget. And then it's been four or five days.
And so, you know, feeling bad about that and wanting to apologize,
but then also remembering on the receiving end, if I have, you know,
(19:06):
text someone or reach out to someone and they haven't replied in,
you know, five to six days, even two weeks to give them the same generosity of spirit.
And if it is somebody, as we're talking about quality over quantity that you've
been, you You have some discernment around you like, you know,
but I really I think this would be a great friendship.
Then saying, OK, I'm going to still keep pursuing this until God tells me or
(19:28):
the person tells me, no, it's not a thing.
It's it's we're not going to be friends, which is not necessarily that we wouldn't
be friends, but that you start to recognize it. OK, this is not worth pursuing.
The fifth one is about using technology wisely, but really differently.
So a lot of times when we're in the communities, we're looking for some advice.
(19:53):
We're looking for maybe validation in some ways.
Like if we have a situation that's going on, we're like, hey,
listen, but it can turn into us comparing ourselves.
Our social lives are things that are happening or that we think are happening
based on the picture or the perfection or whatever it is.
And so we want to be wise about using this technology, especially as we're trying
(20:15):
to cultivate the friendships, to really facilitate some real life connections.
So we are posting to say, hey, I'm heading over to the park with my kids or the museum or whatever.
Anybody else want to come on this date, whatever, we're going to do this.
Or going to the park with my kids. I'm gonna bring some arts and crafts.
We're thinking about doing this thing. Does anybody wanna come and bring that for their kids?
(20:38):
And I feel like the more often that you do that, the more you have an opportunity
of creating those friendships.
That you get to see the people that are willing to come out and the people that
wanna come out and the people that have your same interests.
Some of the best advice that I got from one of my friends was that you plan
your thing that you were gonna do anyway way and then invite people so that
(21:01):
you don't feel any kind of way if people don't come because you were going to do it already.
And you're excited if you do have some company, but you're okay if you don't. I love that.
So thinking of using technology in that way that you're able to say,
hey, do people want to get together?
You can even get in some meetups that aren't necessarily related to homeschooling,
but that have your same interests that are the thing that you love to do.
(21:25):
And then in the introduction, you can let people know you're a homeschooling
mom. And a lot of times, you know how we do when we see somebody, are you homeschool?
I homeschool. And then you make that connection around this thing that you're already into.
Why did I have such a hard time getting that out?
The next thing we want to do, I always love to redefine words that I feel like
(21:48):
we might have a different sense of what they mean.
And so one of the things we can do is just redefine socialization.
That big word. The word that we're not supposed to say.
When we think about socialization, we usually think of it in terms of group interactions.
But we can redefine it to really look at the one-on-one connections that we
(22:12):
can make. And even the smaller, the more intimate gatherings.
And so it may be a situation where you're starting to cultivate friendships
with someone, one or two people, and you just invite them over just by themselves
to come over the house, either by themselves or with their children.
And you just are spending some time getting to know them and chat with them.
And the more you do that or say, you know, I'd love to, I think of it as dating
(22:33):
sometimes, like, I'd love to do this again if you guys want to do it again. But that's the reality.
I was just saying like, hey, y'all want to do this again? And then you can do it at your house again.
And then maybe somebody else will be like, well, you want to come over our house?
And there you go, you have it.
And a lot of times that's how I hear that it happens with those friendships
that go deeper is that we start to realize that we can find those people who
(22:54):
like what we like, want to do what we want to do, and are willing to come out
of their house or let us in our house.
And then you know, how do you know it's a for real friendship that's deepened
all the way when you don't have to clean up anymore when they come over? That.
Don't you want those kind of friendships where you don't have to do a whole
thing? They just can come in, no judgment. Yes, we all want it.
That's what we're working for.
(23:14):
All right. So the seventh thing that we want to do is to prioritize our own interests.
And that's kind of related to what I was talking about before when you get into
the spaces of the interest that you love.
But it's really about taking that time to make sure that you understand what you love.
Now, contrary to what we have been kind of in that mindset as moms is that we
(23:40):
always have to put our kids' social needs first and that we have to look at their things.
And so we can make those friendships there if we're going to the sports events
for our children and all that with other moms.
But the reality is we also need to pursue whatever our own interest thing is.
So I have a friend who loves to paint or likes to go to the painting parties, prioritizing that.
(24:03):
I love to go to live events.
What am I trying to say? Theater, opera, dances, those type of things.
Ballets, Cirque du Soleil, all of that. And so I would love to do that with my husband.
But if that's not something my husband's interested in, I'd love to do that with other moms.
I like trying out new places to eat that have like a special something and try
(24:28):
to see if they have Mediterranean or gluten-free options that I can eat and
just having that and laughing with friends, going over a friend's house,
watching a movie together,
even the simple things when you're cultivating the friendships where you're
just having planning parties, which are my favorite things, or you are looking
over each other's curriculum and talking about what works or just kind of chilling with some tea.
(24:49):
Those are when you know that you have really made those stronger, deeper relationships.
And I feel like in order to get to that place where you're doing that,
you have to invite more for it to happen.
And you can do that by looking at those things that matter to you.
So where you like to go, what do you like to do if it's working out,
(25:12):
showing up to those classes.
I'm trying to think some other things that we like to do because I was going
to say the spa, spa, but I don't agree with that because I'm not trying to talk when I go to the spa.
But whatever your thing is, finding that crafts, whatever, and making it,
which is why I say that is so important that you're taking that time to do your self-care action plan.
(25:33):
I'm planning, looking at doing a workshop on that because if we're not thinking
about it ahead of time, if we're not intentional about it,
a lot of times we can forget and then we are missing some key parts of our holistic
and they're showing up and knocking us out.
I digress, but I'm going to get to that one. I think that's one that we might
(25:55):
need to do. Let me know. Come on in the group. Let me know if that's something that you want.
And then finally, this is going to be the key, is that making friends is not really the end goal.
Friendship really is going to be this evolving thing. It is going to be something
(26:15):
that you're going to continue to grow in.
It's going to continue to change. change prayerfully you'll keep
those same friends but even if you don't you are going
to meet new people have an opportunity to
connect to learn and recognizing that
one of the things that I you know was talking to my daughter about that I said
(26:35):
I hadn't thought about until we started talking about it I'm like wow friendship
really is this kind of ebb and flow kind of relationship where where you recognize
that or you think at least that you're going to be friends with somebody forever. Absolutely.
And not that you are not friends with them, like you've had something where
you're just like, we're not talking to each other anymore, but more so that
(26:59):
you recognize it changes, that
it looks different in different seasons and that you have to fight for it,
especially through the hardest seasons, which is when you don't want to fight,
it, but you have to pursue it.
And so what I look at is hopefully you have those people and you find those
friendships and you cultivate those relationships wherein when you can't fight
(27:22):
for it because you're too weak, you'll have the other person fighting.
And when they can't fight for it, you'll fight for it. And not that it should
seem like this horrible tug of war, but just because we know that we get really busy.
Number one. Number two, I believe the devil will use anything and everything.
So I believe that he doesn't want us to have those friendships that can build
(27:42):
us up, that can draw us closer to God, that can help us to see God's goodness and see his glory.
And so why wouldn't he keep those away from us? Why wouldn't he keep us by ourselves
so that he could tell us all of the lies and we will believe them because we
don't have anybody else to say, stop, that's not true.
And you stay by yourself long enough, you will start to believe some of those
because you don't see opportunities to see evidence anywhere else.
(28:05):
And so we have to remember that even as we're thinking about friendship,
I think that that scripture that talks about that we do not wrestle against
flesh and blood, but against principalities and all of those,
I think that is so key because what it tells us is everything can be under attack.
And anything that's going to bring glory to God, the devil wants to break apart
(28:26):
and doesn't want to have.
And you need those friendships, your children need of those friendships,
your family needs those friendships to be able to live life well in the fullest,
in the way God has called us to be.
And so when we think about fighting, we don't want to think about it in this
negative way, but to say, I'm going to prioritize it.
I'm going to be intentional about building my friendships,
(28:47):
about maintaining my friendships, and that you'll be willing,
I pray, after listening to this, to think a little bit outside of the box about
how do we find what truly matters to you in your homeschooling journey as a homeschooling mom,
as you're trying to cultivate these friendships, that what are some of the things?
And as I've given you eight, think about one thing that you're going to try.
(29:11):
Do it one step at a time, one bite at a time, go back and listen to this if
you need to again, or just decide that, you know, I'm going to be open to friendships.
When my children, when we move each time, because it takes some time,
it's hard harder on kids for sure but one of the things I would tell them is
just pray about it talk to God about the type of friend that you're hoping to
(29:32):
have talk to God about the type of friend you're.
Hoping to be. Talk to God if you are feeling lonely right now.
Talk to God if you know that you want the friendships, but you just don't have the time.
Talk to God if you don't want the friendships. If you're saying,
I don't want the asshole. I've been burned too often. I'm good.
Talk to him about it all. And I think when we do that, when we start to just
(29:55):
take that to him, he starts to reveal those yearnings in our heart,
but he also starts to reveal the places where where we're not seeing that there's
opportunity for friendship.
And he starts to reveal to us those things that we might need to do within ourselves
to be ready for those friendships.
Whatever it is, we can talk to him about it. This is one of those things that
(30:16):
we can take to him that we shouldn't keep from him.
I really hope that this encouraged you. I hope it was helpful.
I hope that it really gave you some insight into some things you can do differently
about making friends, cultivating friendships.
And if you were the one who sent the question, I hope that this answers your
question, gives you some things to do, how to look for it differently.
(30:37):
Obviously, there's the same things about going to all the places,
being present, being intentional about showing up and being there.
But I think shifting our mindset around what that might look like is going to be helpful.
And so I hope that these eight things can shift your mindset,
get you in that place where you're looking at this season differently in preparation
(30:58):
for the next season. and know that God cares about this too.
So we can take this to him. We can ask him to send those people.
And until then, I cannot wait to hear more about your friendship journey.
And if we're not friends on Facebook, go ahead.
Send me a friendship request. You can jump into my DMs and say what's up. Send me an email.
(31:20):
Let me know how you're doing. Let me know what you're challenged with,
what questions you have that you want me to talk about here on the podcast.
And I cannot wait to have you right back here next time so we can talk about
some more things about homeschooling, stress management, and making sure that
you're taking that opportunity to catch your breath.
Have you heard that I am going to be at the NCHE, the North Carolina Home Education Association.
(31:47):
They have done an amazing job of helping to build community in North Carolina.
I love that they have different groups within, based on where they are in North
Carolina, but also they have affinity groups.
And so if you are a mom that's homeschooling a child with special needs,
or you're a mom who is is homeschooling with a disability or you're a working mom or a single mom.
(32:13):
They've got groups for each of them. So they're doing an amazing job of cultivating
friendships, but also it's going to be exciting because these two workshops
that I'm going to do, I'm super pumped for them.
The first one is about mindset makeover. Absolutely.
You know, I got to be there to talk about that, to help, to encourage you around
embracing imperfection in your homeschool.
(32:35):
Yes, I said it because we can can get into that place where we feel like it has to be perfect.
And you know, I want to knock that down. And it starts with our mindset.
And then this one I'm super excited about because we're going to be talking about celebrating.
And so we're going to be looking at the art of celebration and why it matters in your homeschool.
And then I got some surprises up my sleeve. So if you've been thinking about
(32:57):
going to a homeschool conference, you don't have one in your area and get your
ticket for the nche.com Thrive Conference.
And I'll make sure to put the link in the show notes so that you can.
Get your tickets and then let me know that you're coming and I'll be looking
out for you because I cannot wait to chat with you.
(33:20):
I'm not going to have a booth this time around, which I know,
but let me know if you're going to come.
I'd love to have you there. Got some amazing speakers that are going to encourage
you, are going to uplift you, they're going to really help you on this homeschool journey.
And I think you're going to really look forward
to conferences after going going to this one because they do a
(33:42):
really good job of making sure that we're talking about practical things but
also that we're really looking at all of the the pillars of your home your well-being
and so I'm excited about that so I hope I'll see you this May and I cannot wait
until we're talking about having our own catch-up call wouldn't that be amazing.
Music.
(34:05):
Thank you for tuning in I hope that this episode
empowered equipped and most of all encouraged you
don't forget to share your thoughts on today's topics because
I'd love to hear how you're implementing these strategies and
you can do that in the free community where you can connect with me
and other like-minded moms who get some practical
tips for homeschooling and teaching the child managing your
(34:26):
stress and prioritizing your self-care you can
also ask questions there you can participate in the fun challenges and
of course you can celebrate your wins because we like
to party over there also if this was
helpful and you know that it it can be helpful to someone else
leave a review or share this with another homeschooling mom
who needs to catch her mommy well that's
(34:48):
my cue but before i go i want to leave you with these words
from philippians 4 6 through 7 i pray that you won't be anxious about anything
but that in every situation by prayer and petition with thanksgiving you would
present your request to god and that you will experience the kind of peace that
surpasses understanding as you navigate the stresses of of life and homeschooling.
(35:11):
Until next time, remember to take a moment.
Music.
So today's episode is from a listener question, and I think that you will relate
because you've probably had it before.
It says, how do you make and maintain friendships as a homeschool mom?
We moved across the country almost three years ago, and I'm having a hard time building friendships.
I have friends, but having a hard time connecting and deepening those relationships
(00:21):
with everyone else's busy schedule.
So I'm sure that she is not
the only one I'm sure you are feeling that or you felt that
before and if you have then this is the
perfect episode to you because I'm going to talk about a couple of things that
are probably going to be a little different than the advice that you have heard
but I know this to be true because I've been in that place because we've moved
(00:45):
so many times and I know that it can be challenging and I think that this is
going to be helpful to her and also is going to be helpful for you.
So go ahead and grab your favorite tea, whatever it is.
Let the laundry bold itself for a second. Let the dishes sit.
Grab your favorite tea. And let's talk about friendships as homeschool mom. Tune in.
(01:09):
Just like the safety instructions on an airplane, we must secure our own oxygen
mask before helping others.
Well, this is your reminder.
Music.
(02:11):
Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode of the Catch Your Breath podcast.
I'm excited that you have joined me again, if you're back again,
and if this is your first time, hello, welcome to your space to be encouraged,
to be empowered, to really get excited again about teaching your child.
Today we're talking about a topic that I think we've all wondered about,
(02:37):
been experiencing, experiencing, been in the midst of, and it's all about making
those friendships as a homeschool mom.
So you're in for a good one if this is your first time joining me.
But before we get into the topic, we have to check in. So how are you doing?
How has your week been? Take a moment.
That's me breathing in, breathing out for you.
(02:58):
Go ahead and do that for yourself and just think about one thing that went well
this past week, so far in the week?
What is one thing that went well?
Get that in your head and then give yourself a pat on the back. You did that.
You helped that to happen. And I hope that you will remember that when you're
(03:21):
feeling stressed out, when you're feeling overwhelmed,
when you're feeling like, I cannot do this, that you will remember that and
that you'll start to add more to that list because remembering what you're doing
well can really help you to keep going.
And then if you're not taking care of yourself, please go ahead and take care of yourself.
I was in bed from Friday around two to pretty much most of the weekend.
(03:47):
No, all of the weekend and even Monday. And I finally got up and said,
okay, you gotta get up and do some things.
But I was actually starting to feel better. And as I was going through,
I was having a fibromyalgia flare, which just means that intense pain that I
haven't felt for, I would say, eight months.
(04:07):
And so I really thought I was healed from it.
Maybe I was in relapse, not relapse. Maybe I was in remission from it,
which I didn't even know that could happen.
But anyway, as I sat there or laid there, because I was mostly laying down,
I thought about a conversation that I had with one of my friends earlier that day.
And she said, like, let's talk about what's going on. And I was like, I don't really know.
(04:31):
And when we really just, you know, she has a mental health background.
And so she started to pull through and say, wait a minute, but are you doing this thing?
And are you doing, are you doing those things that, you know, keep you in good health?
And I was like, no, but I've been taking some supplements. So I think I was
just like, well, I'm good.
I'm taking the supplements, but it, it wasn't good good enough.
My body needs what it needs.
So please give your body whatever it needs to be able to do this because you'll
(04:56):
need it to be able to build and cultivate these friendships.
So we are all in that same place, I think, knowing that it can be hard.
And there's several reasons why it's hard. We're just in different stages and
seasons of our life right now where our children and our husbands come first.
And so we're going to prioritize their schedules and their needs and their wants,
(05:17):
which can make us already turn down the volume on our needs and our wants.
But on top of that, as we look at all of those pillars, I believe that one of
the pillars that usually goes first is that social.
And that social aspect, a lot of times we think, I know for me,
I thought I have a lot of time. I'll do that when they're older.
I will make time when whatever it is.
(05:39):
And while there is a certain amount of putting some of this on hold,
depending on the season of life we're in, depending on the age of our children, all of that.
If we continue to put that at the bottom of the list, usually there are dire
effects to that. when we talk about our holistic well-being,
when we look at all of those pillars of the wellness wheel, we have to think
(06:02):
about that piece as well.
And while there is no perfect balance to it, like we're not going to be able
to have all of those as the percentages that equal to 100% and they're going
to change and move and adjust as we change and move and adjust,
we still have to make sure that we're making time and we're being intentional
about ensuring that that that side, that social well-being side is really filled up.
(06:27):
But I think that in some ways there is some advice for when we're trying to
cultivate the friendships that keep us still being in this same state.
And I know it was a challenge for me moving each time to cultivate those friendships.
And there were some times when honestly you just get exhausted and you're just
(06:49):
I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm good.
My children are my friends. I'll be friends with them forever.
And I do enjoy hanging out with my children. So sometimes it just feels hard
to want to have to make the space for it because it's just easier sometimes
to not have to do it. But it's worth it.
It's 100% worthy. And as I said in another episode, I've never regretted making
(07:13):
that time because it's my soul realizes it needs it more than I realize sometimes.
So today I want to talk about a few things that can be a little different than
what you might have heard around making and maintaining our friendships as homeschool moms.
And as I was thinking about my own experiences and some things work for people
(07:39):
while they don't work for other the people.
So that's first and foremost, we have to understand that. But I also think that
because of the whole mindset thing.
We can change our mindset around how we approach making friendships and maintaining
them and cultivating and helping them to grow deeper by doing some things.
(07:59):
So first things first, and I think that this will be the foundation of what
you're able to start your journey on, is if we embrace the solitude as a strength
for the time that we have it.
Not that we're saying that this is how we're going to stay forever,
but we recognize just just like when we were in preparation for our husband
(08:22):
and we didn't even really know it.
We knew that God had to do some things in us and through us to be able to have
us be ready and prepared for that.
So I believe that that can be the same thing in the friendship.
So as we're taking that time to get to that place where we're gonna have those friendships.
We can see our time where it's just us as an opportunity for us to spend some
(08:42):
time doing some simple things,
some self-discovery and the things that we will and won't accept Because I know
I went through a season of friendship where I was like, you know what,
I need to redefine what I will accept and what I need to let go.
And so spending that time to do that, to make sure your personal growth is where it needs to be,
to make sure that you are doing some things in your home so you have space and
(09:04):
time for it so that you maybe have to look at your children being a little more
independent so that you can step out and do those things or making them be more
on a schedule so that they're able to finish up.
Things so you can have time to do it. Just using that as a time to say,
all right, let me look to see how can I use this time to prepare for the time
(09:28):
whenever the next thing is going to be the friendship that we're coming.
I tell my children all the time when we move is that God knew that we would be making these moves.
And so he allowed you to have siblings live in the house with you so you could
practice being an amazing friend.
So you can recognize how to do this in the the relationship.
And so definitely you can think of that. Like this is your time in the home
(09:50):
to be able to make space and make time.
And even this, a lot of times I laugh because it's been me as well,
when we are so connected.
Just drenched in our homeschooling, our parenting and all those things,
we actually have to figure out what we like to do.
And so even when we get into those friendships, we have the friendships,
(10:12):
we don't even know what are the things that we might want to do.
And so this time that you're experiencing that solitude and you're by yourself,
you can develop your interests and figure out what are the things that you love
to do? What are the hobbies?
And then I think that helps when you start to go to join things because you
know, hey, I really like this.
I want to learn more about it. Let me find some things, some classes,
some groups for people who are doing things like that.
(10:34):
And when you're doing that and you're already feeling that fulfillment because
you've done that, which is one of those other pillars, you talked about your emotional well-being,
your mental well-being, like all those things, your physical well-being,
when you're focusing on those other things, it actually makes you then attract
those type of people in the friendships that you're looking for.
(10:56):
And so that becomes truly who you are, rather than if you're in a space right
now where you really don't know, you're overwhelmed, you know,
you might feel that you just want to vent.
And so that's the energy that you're giving off.
And you then make the friendship with the person who's like,
oh, she's just like me. She likes to vent about this or whatever.
Not that there's anything wrong with that. There's a time and a place for that.
(11:17):
That's important. important but you're in that space where that's what the friendship
was built on is complaining and talking about all the things that are going
wrong and then you step outside of that and.
Start to change your mindset or your season change or your whatever and then
that person that's just kind of who they are and so you you feel like wait a
(11:37):
minute how come this friendship isn't working and it could just be that that
was the energy that you were putting off so that's the energy that you pulled in.
And so we want to be really cautious about that, but also pay attention to taking
care of ourself in this season so that we can, so that we are ready to cultivate
those friendships and make them more.
(11:57):
When we think about quality over quantity,
I think that that's important to recognize that it is important for us to be
around the people that we want to cultivate these friendships with regularly
and that around them doesn't necessarily mean that it has to be important.
I mean, in person, it could be that you're talking on the phone,
(12:19):
that you're doing Zoom calls, any of those things can suffice as that quality time.
But it's important for us to remember that we want to spend quality time with
the people who we feel like we want to invest in the relationship with.
And so I think it can be challenging when you're in mom's night out that you're
(12:42):
constantly with, which I think it's important to be in those.
But sometimes if you're trying to get to those deeper friendships,
it might be important to then say, instead of maybe going to the mom's night
out for that time, if you, you know, you're like, you know, I think we could
be really good friends that you say, hey, do you want to do this?
Because you just, if you're doing all of this with people and not having an
(13:04):
opportunity to have the deeper conversations, then you don't really have an
opportunity to build those meaningful relationships.
And so if you have several people that are there, and I know for me,
when I'm around a lot of people, I feel, or I felt, I would say I'm getting better.
I felt responsible for every single person having a good time.
And so anybody that I saw that wasn't, I felt like I need to talk to them,
(13:26):
I need to make sure. and so I felt exhausted at the end of every day and don't
know that I necessarily got to have those deeper conversations because I felt
like it was my responsibility to make sure that people were okay.
And that's really, I'm learning that that has to do with being an empath,
but it was one of those things where I had to say, okay, wait a minute, I can't do that.
I have to be selective with the time so that I can have the quality time with
(13:49):
those relationships that I want to grow further.
The next thing that we wanna do is just let go of the ideal mom friend.
And this is the one that has had to be a journey for me.
Because sometimes in your mind, you're thinking, well, in order for me to have
a really strong relationship with the person, they must be a homeschooling mom
(14:10):
with the same number of kids or close to it and kind of in the same things,
like the same things, want to do the same things, all of that.
And the reality is, what I'm learning is that we have to be open to the friendships
that come outside of our homeschooling circles.
Because that is going to happen. and that we're not, we're going to meet people
who may not necessarily homeschool.
It may be somebody that wants to homeschool, may be somebody that absolutely
(14:34):
won't, but you end up being really great friends with it.
And you know that that can happen if it's your neighbor that isn't homeschool,
but she's, you know, it doesn't even necessarily always have to be a mom,
but I would say it definitely doesn't have to be a mom in the exact same season where you are.
Because I have friends who are even 10 years older than me, whose children are
all grown and they're out of the the side of the house.
(14:56):
And I love having those friendships to be able to have those deeper conversations.
And so if I would have said, okay, I cannot have a relationship.
I cannot have a friendship with people who do not look exactly like me or think
exactly like me, do exactly what I do, all of that, then I would have missed
out on my diverse friendship pool.
And that is probably one of the most enriching parts of my friendship circle
(15:20):
is just being able to look at all of the different backgrounds that people come
from, nationalities, even seasons in life,
just all of that has just been just amazing.
And so I'm thankful that I do go and talk to people because I get to have that rich friendship.
But I know that there was a time when I thought they had to look exactly the
(15:43):
way that I looked in terms of mindset and actions and just all of that.
And so So I used to be like, okay, if they could also have one daughter and
three sons, then we'd be able to have that to relate. And then Emma would have this.
Try to craft it that way. Hasn't happened as yet, but that's okay because it
wasn't a thing that had to happen.
(16:04):
The fourth thing that we want to do is look at rejection, which can be very
scary and can keep us from trying more.
We can change these to look at what do we learn from them.
And so what I have been able to really have these conversations with my daughter
because it's been a struggle, a challenge for her here to really get the same
(16:28):
type of strong friendships that she had in the past.
And really even in this season right now, she's not had any of those friendships
where it's like absolutely come over all the time.
And so it's a challenge for her when she feels like she's met friends and then it doesn't go anywhere.
And I've heard myself telling her the things that I've had to now take for myself
to remember that every one of those relationships, those interactions,
(16:52):
no matter how long, no matter how short, they're teaching us some valuable lessons about friends,
about friendship and about ourselves in those friendship relationships.
It's also helping us to be able to learn how to cultivate stronger bonds and
to be discerning about who we actually try to cultivate those bonds with.
(17:12):
And that's something that I think doesn't just go for her. It goes for us as moms too.
Looking for those friendships to recognize that it's not always going to work
out, that those people that you are trying to connect with.
It may not be that you don't have the same likes it may just
be location because a lot of times location has plays
a major role in that it could be any of that and that we are able to not look
(17:35):
at that as something lost but look a bit more as a lesson learned like what
can i learn from this what did i what did i know that i need to do for next
time or you know i believe in that saying that says that we have friends for a reason, a season,
I forgot the third one, or a lifetime, a reason, a season, a something, or a lifetime.
(17:58):
And I think about that in my friendships and recognize that they all serve different purposes.
And so if it wasn't for a lifetime, which we obviously want those friendships
to go on forever, it means that it's okay, that it's a different season and
that you can still love that person and say, okay, but in this season,
we don't have have that same sort of friendship.
And even as you are trying to create those friendships and they don't happen
(18:22):
and you're not getting the call back or the text reply or whatever,
that you still give generosity of spirit in that and say, you know,
how would I want somebody to feel about me or treat me in this situation if
I couldn't reply because of this? Because I know for me, I don't always have my phone.
And so I don't remember to look at it until nighttime sometimes.
And then Then I'm saying, oh, I had it on vibrate or I had it on silent most
(18:45):
of the time and didn't realize people had reached out to me.
And then thinking, okay, well, I don't want to go, I don't want to try to reply
tonight because it's too late. I'm going to do it in the morning.
And then the morning goes and you forget. And then it's been four or five days.
And so, you know, feeling bad about that and wanting to apologize,
but then also remembering on the receiving end, if I have, you know,
(19:06):
text someone or reach out to someone and they haven't replied in,
you know, five to six days, even two weeks to give them the same generosity of spirit.
And if it is somebody, as we're talking about quality over quantity that you've
been, you You have some discernment around you like, you know,
but I really I think this would be a great friendship.
Then saying, OK, I'm going to still keep pursuing this until God tells me or
(19:28):
the person tells me, no, it's not a thing.
It's it's we're not going to be friends, which is not necessarily that we wouldn't
be friends, but that you start to recognize it. OK, this is not worth pursuing.
The fifth one is about using technology wisely, but really differently.
So a lot of times when we're in the communities, we're looking for some advice.
(19:53):
We're looking for maybe validation in some ways.
Like if we have a situation that's going on, we're like, hey,
listen, but it can turn into us comparing ourselves.
Our social lives are things that are happening or that we think are happening
based on the picture or the perfection or whatever it is.
And so we want to be wise about using this technology, especially as we're trying
(20:15):
to cultivate the friendships, to really facilitate some real life connections.
So we are posting to say, hey, I'm heading over to the park with my kids or the museum or whatever.
Anybody else want to come on this date, whatever, we're going to do this.
Or going to the park with my kids. I'm gonna bring some arts and crafts.
We're thinking about doing this thing. Does anybody wanna come and bring that for their kids?
(20:38):
And I feel like the more often that you do that, the more you have an opportunity
of creating those friendships.
That you get to see the people that are willing to come out and the people that
wanna come out and the people that have your same interests.
Some of the best advice that I got from one of my friends was that you plan
your thing that you were gonna do anyway way and then invite people so that
(21:01):
you don't feel any kind of way if people don't come because you were going to do it already.
And you're excited if you do have some company, but you're okay if you don't. I love that.
So thinking of using technology in that way that you're able to say,
hey, do people want to get together?
You can even get in some meetups that aren't necessarily related to homeschooling,
but that have your same interests that are the thing that you love to do.
(21:25):
And then in the introduction, you can let people know you're a homeschooling
mom. And a lot of times, you know how we do when we see somebody, are you homeschool?
I homeschool. And then you make that connection around this thing that you're already into.
Why did I have such a hard time getting that out?
The next thing we want to do, I always love to redefine words that I feel like
(21:48):
we might have a different sense of what they mean.
And so one of the things we can do is just redefine socialization.
That big word. The word that we're not supposed to say.
When we think about socialization, we usually think of it in terms of group interactions.
But we can redefine it to really look at the one-on-one connections that we
(22:12):
can make. And even the smaller, the more intimate gatherings.
And so it may be a situation where you're starting to cultivate friendships
with someone, one or two people, and you just invite them over just by themselves
to come over the house, either by themselves or with their children.
And you just are spending some time getting to know them and chat with them.
And the more you do that or say, you know, I'd love to, I think of it as dating
(22:33):
sometimes, like, I'd love to do this again if you guys want to do it again. But that's the reality.
I was just saying like, hey, y'all want to do this again? And then you can do it at your house again.
And then maybe somebody else will be like, well, you want to come over our house?
And there you go, you have it.
And a lot of times that's how I hear that it happens with those friendships
that go deeper is that we start to realize that we can find those people who
(22:54):
like what we like, want to do what we want to do, and are willing to come out
of their house or let us in our house.
And then you know, how do you know it's a for real friendship that's deepened
all the way when you don't have to clean up anymore when they come over? That.
Don't you want those kind of friendships where you don't have to do a whole
thing? They just can come in, no judgment. Yes, we all want it.
That's what we're working for.
(23:14):
All right. So the seventh thing that we want to do is to prioritize our own interests.
And that's kind of related to what I was talking about before when you get into
the spaces of the interest that you love.
But it's really about taking that time to make sure that you understand what you love.
Now, contrary to what we have been kind of in that mindset as moms is that we
(23:40):
always have to put our kids' social needs first and that we have to look at their things.
And so we can make those friendships there if we're going to the sports events
for our children and all that with other moms.
But the reality is we also need to pursue whatever our own interest thing is.
So I have a friend who loves to paint or likes to go to the painting parties, prioritizing that.
(24:03):
I love to go to live events.
What am I trying to say? Theater, opera, dances, those type of things.
Ballets, Cirque du Soleil, all of that. And so I would love to do that with my husband.
But if that's not something my husband's interested in, I'd love to do that with other moms.
I like trying out new places to eat that have like a special something and try
(24:28):
to see if they have Mediterranean or gluten-free options that I can eat and
just having that and laughing with friends, going over a friend's house,
watching a movie together,
even the simple things when you're cultivating the friendships where you're
just having planning parties, which are my favorite things, or you are looking
over each other's curriculum and talking about what works or just kind of chilling with some tea.
(24:49):
Those are when you know that you have really made those stronger, deeper relationships.
And I feel like in order to get to that place where you're doing that,
you have to invite more for it to happen.
And you can do that by looking at those things that matter to you.
So where you like to go, what do you like to do if it's working out,
(25:12):
showing up to those classes.
I'm trying to think some other things that we like to do because I was going
to say the spa, spa, but I don't agree with that because I'm not trying to talk when I go to the spa.
But whatever your thing is, finding that crafts, whatever, and making it,
which is why I say that is so important that you're taking that time to do your self-care action plan.
(25:33):
I'm planning, looking at doing a workshop on that because if we're not thinking
about it ahead of time, if we're not intentional about it,
a lot of times we can forget and then we are missing some key parts of our holistic
and they're showing up and knocking us out.
I digress, but I'm going to get to that one. I think that's one that we might
(25:55):
need to do. Let me know. Come on in the group. Let me know if that's something that you want.
And then finally, this is going to be the key, is that making friends is not really the end goal.
Friendship really is going to be this evolving thing. It is going to be something
(26:15):
that you're going to continue to grow in.
It's going to continue to change. change prayerfully you'll keep
those same friends but even if you don't you are going
to meet new people have an opportunity to
connect to learn and recognizing that
one of the things that I you know was talking to my daughter about that I said
(26:35):
I hadn't thought about until we started talking about it I'm like wow friendship
really is this kind of ebb and flow kind of relationship where where you recognize
that or you think at least that you're going to be friends with somebody forever. Absolutely.
And not that you are not friends with them, like you've had something where
you're just like, we're not talking to each other anymore, but more so that
(26:59):
you recognize it changes, that
it looks different in different seasons and that you have to fight for it,
especially through the hardest seasons, which is when you don't want to fight,
it, but you have to pursue it.
And so what I look at is hopefully you have those people and you find those
friendships and you cultivate those relationships wherein when you can't fight
(27:22):
for it because you're too weak, you'll have the other person fighting.
And when they can't fight for it, you'll fight for it. And not that it should
seem like this horrible tug of war, but just because we know that we get really busy.
Number one. Number two, I believe the devil will use anything and everything.
So I believe that he doesn't want us to have those friendships that can build
(27:42):
us up, that can draw us closer to God, that can help us to see God's goodness and see his glory.
And so why wouldn't he keep those away from us? Why wouldn't he keep us by ourselves
so that he could tell us all of the lies and we will believe them because we
don't have anybody else to say, stop, that's not true.
And you stay by yourself long enough, you will start to believe some of those
because you don't see opportunities to see evidence anywhere else.
(28:05):
And so we have to remember that even as we're thinking about friendship,
I think that that scripture that talks about that we do not wrestle against
flesh and blood, but against principalities and all of those,
I think that is so key because what it tells us is everything can be under attack.
And anything that's going to bring glory to God, the devil wants to break apart
(28:26):
and doesn't want to have.
And you need those friendships, your children need of those friendships,
your family needs those friendships to be able to live life well in the fullest,
in the way God has called us to be.
And so when we think about fighting, we don't want to think about it in this
negative way, but to say, I'm going to prioritize it.
I'm going to be intentional about building my friendships,
(28:47):
about maintaining my friendships, and that you'll be willing,
I pray, after listening to this, to think a little bit outside of the box about
how do we find what truly matters to you in your homeschooling journey as a homeschooling mom,
as you're trying to cultivate these friendships, that what are some of the things?
And as I've given you eight, think about one thing that you're going to try.
(29:11):
Do it one step at a time, one bite at a time, go back and listen to this if
you need to again, or just decide that, you know, I'm going to be open to friendships.
When my children, when we move each time, because it takes some time,
it's hard harder on kids for sure but one of the things I would tell them is
just pray about it talk to God about the type of friend that you're hoping to
(29:32):
have talk to God about the type of friend you're.
Hoping to be. Talk to God if you are feeling lonely right now.
Talk to God if you know that you want the friendships, but you just don't have the time.
Talk to God if you don't want the friendships. If you're saying,
I don't want the asshole. I've been burned too often. I'm good.
Talk to him about it all. And I think when we do that, when we start to just
(29:55):
take that to him, he starts to reveal those yearnings in our heart,
but he also starts to reveal the places where where we're not seeing that there's
opportunity for friendship.
And he starts to reveal to us those things that we might need to do within ourselves
to be ready for those friendships.
Whatever it is, we can talk to him about it. This is one of those things that
(30:16):
we can take to him that we shouldn't keep from him.
I really hope that this encouraged you. I hope it was helpful.
I hope that it really gave you some insight into some things you can do differently
about making friends, cultivating friendships.
And if you were the one who sent the question, I hope that this answers your
question, gives you some things to do, how to look for it differently.
(30:37):
Obviously, there's the same things about going to all the places,
being present, being intentional about showing up and being there.
But I think shifting our mindset around what that might look like is going to be helpful.
And so I hope that these eight things can shift your mindset,
get you in that place where you're looking at this season differently in preparation
(30:58):
for the next season. and know that God cares about this too.
So we can take this to him. We can ask him to send those people.
And until then, I cannot wait to hear more about your friendship journey.
And if we're not friends on Facebook, go ahead.
Send me a friendship request. You can jump into my DMs and say what's up. Send me an email.
(31:20):
Let me know how you're doing. Let me know what you're challenged with,
what questions you have that you want me to talk about here on the podcast.
And I cannot wait to have you right back here next time so we can talk about
some more things about homeschooling, stress management, and making sure that
you're taking that opportunity to catch your breath.
Have you heard that I am going to be at the NCHE, the North Carolina Home Education Association.
(31:47):
They have done an amazing job of helping to build community in North Carolina.
I love that they have different groups within, based on where they are in North
Carolina, but also they have affinity groups.
And so if you are a mom that's homeschooling a child with special needs,
or you're a mom who is is homeschooling with a disability or you're a working mom or a single mom.
(32:13):
They've got groups for each of them. So they're doing an amazing job of cultivating
friendships, but also it's going to be exciting because these two workshops
that I'm going to do, I'm super pumped for them.
The first one is about mindset makeover. Absolutely.
You know, I got to be there to talk about that, to help, to encourage you around
embracing imperfection in your homeschool.
(32:35):
Yes, I said it because we can can get into that place where we feel like it has to be perfect.
And you know, I want to knock that down. And it starts with our mindset.
And then this one I'm super excited about because we're going to be talking about celebrating.
And so we're going to be looking at the art of celebration and why it matters in your homeschool.
And then I got some surprises up my sleeve. So if you've been thinking about
(32:57):
going to a homeschool conference, you don't have one in your area and get your
ticket for the nche.com Thrive Conference.
And I'll make sure to put the link in the show notes so that you can.
Get your tickets and then let me know that you're coming and I'll be looking
out for you because I cannot wait to chat with you.
(33:20):
I'm not going to have a booth this time around, which I know,
but let me know if you're going to come.
I'd love to have you there. Got some amazing speakers that are going to encourage
you, are going to uplift you, they're going to really help you on this homeschool journey.
And I think you're going to really look forward
to conferences after going going to this one because they do a
(33:42):
really good job of making sure that we're talking about practical things but
also that we're really looking at all of the the pillars of your home your well-being
and so I'm excited about that so I hope I'll see you this May and I cannot wait
until we're talking about having our own catch-up call wouldn't that be amazing.
Music.
(34:05):
Thank you for tuning in I hope that this episode
empowered equipped and most of all encouraged you
don't forget to share your thoughts on today's topics because
I'd love to hear how you're implementing these strategies and
you can do that in the free community where you can connect with me
and other like-minded moms who get some practical
tips for homeschooling and teaching the child managing your
(34:26):
stress and prioritizing your self-care you can
also ask questions there you can participate in the fun challenges and
of course you can celebrate your wins because we like
to party over there also if this was
helpful and you know that it it can be helpful to someone else
leave a review or share this with another homeschooling mom
who needs to catch her mommy well that's
(34:48):
my cue but before i go i want to leave you with these words
from philippians 4 6 through 7 i pray that you won't be anxious about anything
but that in every situation by prayer and petition with thanksgiving you would
present your request to god and that you will experience the kind of peace that
surpasses understanding as you navigate the stresses of of life and homeschooling.
(35:11):
Until next time, remember to take a moment.
Music.
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