March 5, 2024 • 28 mins
Hey friend,
Ever feel like you’re waiting for a nod or a green light to just... breathe? To decide what’s truly right for you and your family? You’re not alone.
This episode is all about breaking free from the ‘permission slip’ we think we need—whether it’s to pause for self-care, shift gears, or dive into homeschooling. It’s time to talk about why we stall, waiting for approval that, deep down, we know we don’t need.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Guilt, doubt, fear of judgment—these shadows loom over us, making decisions feel heavier than they should.
We’re diving deep into self-trust (or the lack thereof), the fear of falling behind, and the worry about what others will think. It’s these feelings that often send us seeking validation from anyone but ourselves.
Tune in for a real talk on granting ourselves the permission to live on our terms. Discover strategies to manage the inner critic, celebrate our autonomy in homeschooling, and more.
You’ll learn to embrace planning with flexibility and how to build your own circle of trust for those moments when you crave a bit of backup in your choices.
Though we zero in on homeschooling, this episode is a must-listen if you’ve been waiting for someone else to say “It’s okay” about any aspect of your life.
Listen, breathe easier, and share the journey with a friend. It’s time to claim the power of your choices.
xo,
Inga, your Homeschool Life Coach
🔗 What's Next? 1. Come hang with me in the CYB Facebook Community.
2. Want to learn how to create a homeschool where you have space to breathe, click the link to book a Discovery Call, Not sure if coaching is for you, there are no strings attached to have a call.
3. Know another mom who could use a reminder to take a break? Don't hold back; share the love.
Looking for extra support for your child's mental wellbeing? Learn how to help your child navigate tough emotions. Join our upcoming Youth Mental Health First Aid training. It's a straightforward way to enhance your support for your child’s emotional well-being. Secure your spot now and bring more understanding and support into your homeschooling. Email me at hello@ingamasek.com for the deets.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Have you ever wanted to do something? You knew you wanted to do it or you felt
like you needed to do it and you felt like before you could,
you needed permission from someone.
And I'm not talking about when you were a kid. I'm talking about right now as
a grown woman that you felt like you needed someone to say that it was okay
to take care of yourself or that it was okay to take the break.
(00:22):
Or when it comes to homeschooling, that it was okay to buy the curriculum,
or it was okay to change the schedule, or it was okay to skip a lesson in the curriculum.
Well, in this episode, we're going to talk about why that happens.
What are some of those underlying feelings that we have when we're in that place, where that comes from?
(00:43):
And then most importantly, what can we do about it? How can we get to the place
where we can trust the decisions that we want to make and know that what is
best for us is best for us?
So if this sounds like something that you have ever wrestled with,
talked about, thought about, then I want you to go ahead and grab your favorite tea.
(01:06):
And I just found a new recipe for making my own tea with some turmeric.
You know, I need that turmeric for the inflammation, some cayenne pepper,
some ginger, some lemon, and some hot water with a little bit of honey or a
lot of bit of honey. You hear me.
So, if that sounds like something that is interesting to you,
go ahead and make that and join me back here. Let's do it.
(01:30):
Just like the safety instructions on an airplane, we must secure our own oxygen
mask before helping others.
Well, this is your reminder.
Music.
(02:29):
This moment to catch your breath. Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode
of the Catch Your Breath podcast.
If this is your first time here, you're in for a treat because we're going to
talk about the things that we just need to talk about in homeschooling,
in life, in parenting, all of that.
And if you are back again, you know how we do. So come on in and get comfortable
(02:50):
because we're going to talk today.
And I have a confession to make, and so I'm really going to get into this one.
But before we do, I have to ask how you're doing. How are you doing?
How has your month started off?
Because I know that this is the season when we can start to feel exhausted.
(03:10):
We can start to feel that there's just too much to do and not enough of the
rest of the year to get it done.
And so when we do that, that can play tricks on us. And I have an episode coming up about that.
But I want you to just take a moment and to really check in with yourself to
really determine where you are and what you need.
(03:31):
And that's key for this episode because we're going to be talking about that.
And we're going to talk about what you don't, what happens when you don't.
When you don't take the time to give yourself what you need,
when you know that you need it, but you feel too guilty and all of that.
So I'm excited about this one, but I pray that that you'll just take a deep
breath, that you'll inhale,
(03:53):
exhale, and that this will be your opportunity to just breathe through this
and that we can work together to make this a little easier.
So as I said before, I do have a confession.
And if you are returning and you've been here, hopefully you missed me last
week because I did not do an episode.
(04:13):
And I want you to know that, Well, let me take that back. I did do an episode.
I just didn't publish the episode because the reality is.
As I was thinking about what I needed to give myself, I just felt too guilty
to not do what I had committed to do.
And so I came in and I did an episode and it was hard for me.
(04:37):
And I don't even know if it was horrible, but it was just really hard because
the reality is I should have listened to what my body needed.
So I didn't post it. And so there was none that came out this last week.
Week and that was just really hard
and I think as I was taking the
(04:58):
time I had a choice to make I was kind of in an impasse to say
so are you going to post something that you just don't
feel completely comfortable but comfortable with just to say that you did it
so that you would hold to your agreement or is it better to take a pause and
say no I can't and so the pause actually really came for me in not posting it when I was going to.
(05:23):
And then I said, I'll come back around to it. And I had a major fibromyalgia
flare and I was completely out of where I needed to be.
And there are other things that were going on.
And so I didn't do it. And as I had an opportunity to just really lay around
and spend some time trying to figure out what was going on with me,
(05:45):
one of the things I was asking myself,
because I'm big on reflection, as you probably know if you've listened already,
and I really wanted to understand why I felt so guilty about not doing the thing that I committed to.
And the truth is, for me, it was like, well, this...
(06:05):
This is a reflection of who I am if I don't do the thing that I committed to.
And will people see me as reliable?
And will people be able to count on me?
And am I the type of person that does what I say when the time, the going gets tough?
And just all these things, all these sayings and things and beliefs that I kept putting on myself.
(06:31):
But then I had to take a moment because it's always good to take a moment to
catch your breath and to pause and to be still and know that he is God.
And rather than having that conversation with myself, which is just laden with
guilt, rather to go to scripture, to take some time to pray,
to say, okay, God, I'm making the choice that I feel is right,
(06:54):
but I really need your guidance.
And wouldn't it be great if he could just come and sit on the bed and go,
yes, my child, this is what it is.
But but that doesn't happen. Or at least it's never happened to me.
And I'm sure it's never happened to you.
And so we want that answer because we want permission.
And that's really what this episode is about.
It is about, can we, do we feel empowered enough?
(07:19):
Do we feel, do we have enough freedom to give ourself permission to prioritize
our needs without feeling guilty?
And really it's permission across the board. So we're going to talk a little
bit about our needs, but it's really just when we're thinking about a thing
that we feel is best for us.
And I'm talking about like in my life, in my business and that,
(07:41):
but it also goes all the way through to homeschooling.
Do we feel that we need permission from someone to do something different,
to do a thing that, that to make a decision, to follow through on the decision
that we have made, do we feel like we need permission?
And I would say that we probably do feel that way.
(08:03):
And so today we just want to take some time to really explore what are the feelings behind that?
What causes us this pause or this need for someone to say that it's okay for
us to do the thing that we truly feel in our spirit is the best thing for us
or our children or whatever it is?
And then what's behind that? And then what can we do?
(08:25):
What are some things that we can do to really help us in that moment to be able
to give ourselves permission?
So let's talk a little bit about.
What might be some of the reasons that we struggle with needing permission,
with feeling like we must have, as we would say, somebody co-sign on our decisions?
(08:47):
First of all, I think there is a lack of self-trust.
And I know for me, that really did make me in that moment feel like,
can I trust that this is the right decision for me? and it happens in homeschooling.
Can I trust that this is the right curriculum?
(09:07):
Can I trust that this is the right schedule? Can I trust that I'm doing the
best things for my children?
That trust piece is challenging because sometimes we think of our past decisions
and we're like, well, I really messed up on that before and I don't wanna mess up on this again.
Or like we tell ourselves the always or never, you always make the wrong decision.
(09:29):
You never think it through. you, all of that.
So I'm just thinking about all of what we say and all of that plays into the
fact that we don't trust ourselves.
And so sometimes we feel like, okay, then I have to have validation from someone else.
And understand that I don't think that it's bad to actually have a trust circle
(09:50):
and your advisory board.
I heard this a long, long time ago, and we're going to talk about that in one
of the ways that we can do this, one of the strategies, but a lot of times it
comes from there, that we just don't fully trust ourself and trust our decision.
Another thing that can help us, especially in terms of taking care of ourselves
or giving ourselves what we need,
(10:11):
is this lack of feeling that we deserve it and thinking that we don't deserve
the time for ourself because we didn't do whatever we said we were going to do.
If we have a list of 10 things that we need to accomplish saying,
well, I only did two of those things, so I certainly don't deserve to take a break.
(10:32):
I can't give myself what I need. When it comes to the curriculum and you're
just like in your homeschool season where everything is pressing on you and
you have all these different things, you're like, well, no, because I don't
really teach to fidelity.
I don't really do all the things that I'm supposed to do. or my children need
(10:52):
me to do whatever it is for them in the lesson.
So I don't deserve to just pause to take this break to give myself this fundamental need.
Understand that I am not saying that you can be all willy nilly with this because
I think if we get into that place where it's like, I deserve to take a break right now.
We've been homeschooling for an hour. I deserve two days of break time.
(11:15):
I deserve to go to the movies. I deserve, as many people think we do,
to sit around and eat bonbons.
I deserve to hang out with my friends, talk on this phone for an hour.
I think that that's definitely going to the extreme.
But even that, that fear of like, if I start with this a little bit,
then I'm just going to go all the way and I won't know how to stop myself,
can also be a place where we don't trust ourselves.
(11:36):
I don't trust myself to give myself what I need. I feel like if I give myself
an inch, I'm going to take a mile. I'm going to go all the way.
And so being able to say, OK, what is behind this?
The other thing, and this especially comes when it comes for in our homeschooling,
and it's that fear of falling behind.
I absolutely cannot stop because I have to keep up with whatever the academic
(12:00):
standards that I've set for my children, the curriculum pace that I've set,
the other moms that are within the same homeschool group with me,
whatever it is, we have this fear that if I take a break, I'm going to fall
behind, my children are going to fall behind.
And then I'm laughing, but it's not funny.
But sometimes we go from, if I take this break right now, then they're not gonna
(12:20):
be able to read and then they're not gonna get into college and then they're
gonna have to do this for the rest of their life or they're gonna have to live
with me and we just can go down that spiral.
And so understanding that that's what we're feeling, that's what we're experiencing
can truly help us in that moment.
And then one of the things that I think is the most critical in this giving
(12:40):
ourself permission thing is this fear of judgment.
And it's the fear of judgment and the perception that others might give us when
we're in that homeschooling community to feel like even without,
even not within the homeschool community, community, but in the place where
we're going to meet somebody because, you know, they do that random to us and
(13:02):
they're going to quiz my child, just give them a random unit exam over a topic
that they think that they should know and they're going to fail.
And then they're going to look at me and say, oh, yeah, and it'll be because
I took that break yesterday for 20 minutes or an hour or the week or the day
or whatever I needed in that moment.
That perception of somebody's going to think that I'm not doing what I should
(13:25):
do, whether it's a spouse, even the perception and the judgment of your children,
like that your children will be looking at you and thinking,
you're not really a good teacher to me.
All of that plays a part in us feeling like we need to get permission for whatever the thing is.
It's important to know that when we're in that place of needing what we need
(13:50):
and then placing the stress of now I need to get permission because then who
do you get permission from? Do you get permission from your spouse?
Do you get permission from the other homeschool moms within the community?
Do you get permission from being on the Facebook groups? Where do you get the permission?
And so you're searching for who's going to
(14:12):
tell you that it's okay to do the thing that we
need that you need to do and when you're in that place
a if you really know if you really know that that's what you need and so you're
waiting for somebody to co-sign on it and they don't resentment can kick in
animosity can kick in and all that does is then raise our stress levels even
(14:33):
more than they were already there.
And it affects not just our well-being in that moment, but then also how we
show up for our children.
And if the person that we were waiting for permission from was our spouse,
how we interact with them, how we look at the people around us,
because now we start to compare to see, well, how come that person is able to do that? And I'm not.
It truly impacts our patience because we know we need this thing,
(14:57):
but we're just in that moment still trying to push through.
It definitely affects our creativity because we cannot not expand and see the
extra hands-on or whatever it is, things that we want to do.
And overall, our homeschool environment goes down.
And truthfully, if we're honest with ourselves, even the feeling in our home,
because there's just that tension.
(15:17):
There's just this underlying, I don't know what's going on.
And so I want to give you permission to give yourself permission mission to
do what you need to do, to give yourself an opportunity to trust yourself,
trust your instinct, trust that.
(15:39):
God is within you and that he
will direct you and lead you and order your steps. So how do we do this?
Well, here are four things that we can do to get in the habit of granting ourselves permission.
The first thing is that we have to cultivate our self-trust and that's just
going to be practicing it, getting in that space where we make a decision and
(16:04):
then we say, okay, I'm gonna follow through on this decision.
And being able to look at when we've made decisions in the past and celebrate
that and say, that went okay.
And even looking at when we've made decisions that we didn't feel were so great,
how did we come up out of that?
When those voices start to come in our head, to remember to silence them by
(16:28):
having an affirmation that's based on scripture,
that you can remind yourself who God is in your life and how he has made you
so that you can make the decision.
And one of the things I talk about with clients is being present with your thoughts and your emotions.
So if you can take a moment to be present and think about what you're thinking
(16:48):
about in that moment when you're hoping to get permission or you're hoping to
have somebody tell you that it's okay to do the thing, whatever it is,
you can stop and think about,
wait a minute, why am I questioning this?
This? What am I thinking right now? What am I feeling right now?
What am I feeling in my body? Is that stress? Is that anxiety? Are those butterflies?
Why? What does this bring up? And while that sounds really like...
(17:13):
Psychology. And sometimes we're like, I don't have time for all of that.
Just taking that moment to be present with your thoughts, to think about what
you're thinking about really allows you to then decide, is that something that
I want to stick with? Do I want to take this thought?
Well, not even do I want to take this thought. What do I want to do with this thought?
Because you can decide, okay, I'm actually not going to do whatever it is I
(17:38):
thought I was going to do.
Or if you take a moment to say, what am I thinking about right now?
Why am I thinking that? and what can I do? Why am I questioning myself?
What's the next step I can do? A lot of times you can build yourself up by the
things you're telling yourself.
One of my pastors used to say, you can huzzah it to yourself.
You can encourage yourself in the Lord to do the thing that you know you need to do.
(18:00):
You can recognize when you are feeling that you're not worthy of whatever it,
if it's self-care that you're not worthy of it, if it's a break that you're
not worthy of it, Or even if it's a decision that you feel like I am just not
the person who needs to be making this decision, then ask yourself, who is?
Who is the person that I think is better equipped to make this decision?
(18:23):
And then ask the big question, why?
Why do I think it's that person? And you may come out to say,
you know, it really is better for them to make that decision because in this
moment, I'm not ready. I'm not able. I don't want to.
That's fine. But that comes from a place of empowerment rather than a place
of feeling as if you're the victim and this is put upon you.
When you are making your decision, remember to plan with flexibility.
(18:48):
And that just means that you give yourself space and time to change your mind.
And if you can do that, then you don't feel so locked into whatever the decision or the choice is.
So if you say, okay, I'm making the decision, but for instance,
in my situation, okay, so I'm choosing not to record the episode or publish
(19:09):
the episode and I'm going to go take a nap.
But if I decide that I want to, as I'm laying there after 10,
15 minutes, I'm like, no, you know what?
I need to go and record the episode or do whatever it is.
That there's, I'm not judging that, that I gave myself the flexibility and the
time and the space to change my mind, that I was able to say,
(19:31):
okay, I thought I wanted to do this and it's not what I wanted and now I'm gonna change my mind.
And if you can do that, you're not so tied to the outcome of,
well, I made this decision and now I'm stuck with it and I can't make a different decision.
And then how do we deal with judgment? Well, the true way that we deal with
it is to remember that we get to make our own choices.
(19:53):
And so we don't have to pay attention to the judgment of others.
The reality is other people are making their choices and doing those things
without necessarily thinking about you.
And so you just have to put yourself in that place where you remember that you
get to do that for yourself. You get to do that with your children.
And when it comes to homeschooling, this is one of those places where you can
(20:14):
get the input, you can find the resources, you can ask for the advice,
all of that, but you get to make the decision.
You and your spouse, however you decide, side, you get to make the decision.
You get to change the decision when you decide that it needs to be changed,
but you do not have to feel like you have to have somebody else say that it's
okay, or you have to see that somebody else did it.
(20:35):
You get to decide, this is what I'm going to do.
This is how I'm going to do it. If it helps you to feel better,
sometimes it's helpful to think about why.
You don't always have time to sit with that and say, this is the decision that
I'm making. this is why I'm making the decision.
But when you do have an opportunity, especially if you're kind of in that place
where you're like, I'm not sure, it's okay for you to say.
(20:59):
This is the decision I'm thinking I'm going to make and this is why I'm going
to make. And then I talked about having your advisory board or your counsel.
I would not say this is for everything, but for some things where you're just
like, you know what, this is hard.
I had a big decision that I needed to make and I kind of was going back and
forth and I did my pros and cons and just all those different things.
(21:19):
And I had some input from some other people, but I was like,
you know what, let me decide who my advisory counsel can be.
Now in this situation, you can decide that your advisory council will be the
same people every single time, or you can decide that they're gonna be different
people for different things.
So on my advisory council for this decision that I needed to make,
(21:41):
there was my husband, my mother, and my coach.
And so I decided I was gonna talk to the three of them, kind of get some input
on their things, and then make my decision based on that.
And I don't mean about doing the podcast, but I mean a bigger thing that I had to do.
And I had to stop myself from asking for everybody's advice for trying to look
(22:04):
at what would people say and let me see what other people have done.
Or let me ask this person just to say, all right, I'm just going to talk to
these three people and then I'm going to make a decision.
When you do that, you give yourself an opportunity to hear the input,
but you also have to say, and then I make the decision.
Decision or if it's a situation where you're
with your spouse and you're saying well as the head I'm going to have him kind of
(22:26):
give his input then you say all right so I don't
feel comfortable making the decision I don't know what I need to what I
want to do and then you say all right we're going to talk about it and
then I'm going to let him make the final decision because that's just going
to be easier but whatever it is even in that remember that you're making the
choice because anytime we come from a place of empowerment a place that we are
(22:48):
getting to make that choice we feel better rather than that thing being put upon us.
So as you think about this, I know that it can be so easy to feel like we need
somebody to say that all the choices that we're making are are okay.
But let's remember that.
(23:11):
God has placed us in our bodies with our children, with our spouses,
and we have to trust that he has equipped us with what we need.
And let me say this, when you're making a decision, if you feel like you don't
have enough information, so you have your advisory council, but also you can
feel like, you know what, I don't have enough information, then equip yourself
(23:33):
with the information that you need.
But do not spend hours upon hours upon hours sifting through all of the things
because Because that's just going to overwhelm you.
And you're going to be, a lot of times you're going to make a fatigue decision
where you're just like, okay, whatever.
Or now you're stressed out. And so you really need somebody else to tell you
the thing and to give you permission to do it because you don't even know what
you need permission for.
(23:54):
So yes, if you feel like I need some more information so I can make an informed
decision, then get that information and then give yourself permission.
This month, as you are going through your homeschool life, your season,
where this can can be a challenging season.
As I've said, I'm going to challenge you to really get clear about what you
(24:18):
need and then give yourself permission to do it.
So while we're talking about homeschooling, curriculum, like all those different things,
one of the biggest things I think that we feel like we need to have permission
from, and we don't really get it because we think we need it,
but we don't go searching for it.
But I feel like one of the big things is our self-care and just taking an opportunity
(24:41):
to give ourself the thing that we need.
And understand when I'm talking about that, I really do not mean,
I always say I'm not talking about massages and dinners out because that is a piece of it.
But holistically looking at what do I need emotionally, mentally,
physically, environmentally, all of those things, what do I need?
(25:05):
And then being intentional about I give myself permission to do that.
So if you need permission to go sit in your car for 30 minutes and read quietly
because that's the only place you can do it, you have permission to do it.
If you need permission to go into your closet and eat a piece of chocolate,
(25:27):
flip through a magazine, go ahead and do it.
If you need permission to take a nap, hallelujah, do it.
I just want to leave you with a reminder of the importance of self-compassion
and understanding in your journey towards granting yourself permission.
If this is something that you haven't done in the past and you always have felt
(25:47):
like you couldn't trust yourself, remember that you can trust God.
You can trust yourself. And then when you create a strategy,
a process, and even this whole, how do we give ourselves permission?
That's a strategy. That's a process that you can be intentional about.
And when you do that, you can trust that process.
Remember that when you're doing that, We really, as parents,
(26:09):
as moms, are setting a positive example for our children.
We're showing them the importance and the value of our personal well-being and
the strength in making and trusting our own decisions.
That is a skill that they can take, and we can teach them and cultivate that
so that they're able to trust themselves,
(26:29):
so they're able to make those decisions that they need to make.
Like, I cannot wait to hear about your experience about trusting yourself,
about granting yourself permission to do the things that you know you need to
do, you know that you want to do.
And then I want to hear how it has impacted your homeschooling journey and overall
your life, because that's usually what happens.
(26:51):
We talk about homeschooling, but this is all about our lives because homeschooling
is a part of our life and we can't subtract it out and pretend that it doesn't
affect every other area and we can't pretend that our life doesn't affect our homeschooling.
So I hope that you will come into our Facebook group and share.
But also, if you have been listening and you have not hit that subscribe button,
(27:15):
go ahead and do that so that you don't ever miss another episode of Your Opportunity.
Music.
To Catch Your Breath. Until next time.
Thank you for tuning in. I hope that this episode empowered,
equipped, and most of all, encouraged you.
Don't forget to share your thoughts on today's topics because
(27:35):
I'd love to hear how you're implementing these strategies and.
Music.
You can do that in the free community where you can connect with me
and other like-minded moms you'll get some practical
tips for homeschooling and teaching your child managing your
stress and prioritizing your self-care you can also ask questions there you
can participate in the fun challenges and of course you can celebrate your wins
(27:56):
because we like like to party over there also if this was helpful and you know
that it can be helpful to someone else leave a review or share this with another
homeschooling mom who needs to catch her mommy,
that's my cue but before i go i want to leave you with these words from philippians
4 6 through 7 i pray that you won't be anxious about anything but that in every
(28:18):
situation by prayer and petition with thanksgiving you would present your request
to god and that you will experience the kind of of peace that surpasses understanding,
as you navigate the stresses of life and homeschooling.
Until next time, remember to take care.
Music.
Have you ever wanted to do something? You knew you wanted to do it or you felt
like you needed to do it and you felt like before you could,
you needed permission from someone.
And I'm not talking about when you were a kid. I'm talking about right now as
a grown woman that you felt like you needed someone to say that it was okay
to take care of yourself or that it was okay to take the break.
(00:22):
Or when it comes to homeschooling, that it was okay to buy the curriculum,
or it was okay to change the schedule, or it was okay to skip a lesson in the curriculum.
Well, in this episode, we're going to talk about why that happens.
What are some of those underlying feelings that we have when we're in that place, where that comes from?
(00:43):
And then most importantly, what can we do about it? How can we get to the place
where we can trust the decisions that we want to make and know that what is
best for us is best for us?
So if this sounds like something that you have ever wrestled with,
talked about, thought about, then I want you to go ahead and grab your favorite tea.
(01:06):
And I just found a new recipe for making my own tea with some turmeric.
You know, I need that turmeric for the inflammation, some cayenne pepper,
some ginger, some lemon, and some hot water with a little bit of honey or a
lot of bit of honey. You hear me.
So, if that sounds like something that is interesting to you,
go ahead and make that and join me back here. Let's do it.
(01:30):
Just like the safety instructions on an airplane, we must secure our own oxygen
mask before helping others.
Well, this is your reminder.
Music.
(02:29):
This moment to catch your breath. Welcome, welcome, welcome to another episode
of the Catch Your Breath podcast.
If this is your first time here, you're in for a treat because we're going to
talk about the things that we just need to talk about in homeschooling,
in life, in parenting, all of that.
And if you are back again, you know how we do. So come on in and get comfortable
(02:50):
because we're going to talk today.
And I have a confession to make, and so I'm really going to get into this one.
But before we do, I have to ask how you're doing. How are you doing?
How has your month started off?
Because I know that this is the season when we can start to feel exhausted.
(03:10):
We can start to feel that there's just too much to do and not enough of the
rest of the year to get it done.
And so when we do that, that can play tricks on us. And I have an episode coming up about that.
But I want you to just take a moment and to really check in with yourself to
really determine where you are and what you need.
(03:31):
And that's key for this episode because we're going to be talking about that.
And we're going to talk about what you don't, what happens when you don't.
When you don't take the time to give yourself what you need,
when you know that you need it, but you feel too guilty and all of that.
So I'm excited about this one, but I pray that that you'll just take a deep
breath, that you'll inhale,
(03:53):
exhale, and that this will be your opportunity to just breathe through this
and that we can work together to make this a little easier.
So as I said before, I do have a confession.
And if you are returning and you've been here, hopefully you missed me last
week because I did not do an episode.
(04:13):
And I want you to know that, Well, let me take that back. I did do an episode.
I just didn't publish the episode because the reality is.
As I was thinking about what I needed to give myself, I just felt too guilty
to not do what I had committed to do.
And so I came in and I did an episode and it was hard for me.
(04:37):
And I don't even know if it was horrible, but it was just really hard because
the reality is I should have listened to what my body needed.
So I didn't post it. And so there was none that came out this last week.
Week and that was just really hard
and I think as I was taking the
(04:58):
time I had a choice to make I was kind of in an impasse to say
so are you going to post something that you just don't
feel completely comfortable but comfortable with just to say that you did it
so that you would hold to your agreement or is it better to take a pause and
say no I can't and so the pause actually really came for me in not posting it when I was going to.
(05:23):
And then I said, I'll come back around to it. And I had a major fibromyalgia
flare and I was completely out of where I needed to be.
And there are other things that were going on.
And so I didn't do it. And as I had an opportunity to just really lay around
and spend some time trying to figure out what was going on with me,
(05:45):
one of the things I was asking myself,
because I'm big on reflection, as you probably know if you've listened already,
and I really wanted to understand why I felt so guilty about not doing the thing that I committed to.
And the truth is, for me, it was like, well, this...
(06:05):
This is a reflection of who I am if I don't do the thing that I committed to.
And will people see me as reliable?
And will people be able to count on me?
And am I the type of person that does what I say when the time, the going gets tough?
And just all these things, all these sayings and things and beliefs that I kept putting on myself.
(06:31):
But then I had to take a moment because it's always good to take a moment to
catch your breath and to pause and to be still and know that he is God.
And rather than having that conversation with myself, which is just laden with
guilt, rather to go to scripture, to take some time to pray,
to say, okay, God, I'm making the choice that I feel is right,
(06:54):
but I really need your guidance.
And wouldn't it be great if he could just come and sit on the bed and go,
yes, my child, this is what it is.
But but that doesn't happen. Or at least it's never happened to me.
And I'm sure it's never happened to you.
And so we want that answer because we want permission.
And that's really what this episode is about.
It is about, can we, do we feel empowered enough?
(07:19):
Do we feel, do we have enough freedom to give ourself permission to prioritize
our needs without feeling guilty?
And really it's permission across the board. So we're going to talk a little
bit about our needs, but it's really just when we're thinking about a thing
that we feel is best for us.
And I'm talking about like in my life, in my business and that,
(07:41):
but it also goes all the way through to homeschooling.
Do we feel that we need permission from someone to do something different,
to do a thing that, that to make a decision, to follow through on the decision
that we have made, do we feel like we need permission?
And I would say that we probably do feel that way.
(08:03):
And so today we just want to take some time to really explore what are the feelings behind that?
What causes us this pause or this need for someone to say that it's okay for
us to do the thing that we truly feel in our spirit is the best thing for us
or our children or whatever it is?
And then what's behind that? And then what can we do?
(08:25):
What are some things that we can do to really help us in that moment to be able
to give ourselves permission?
So let's talk a little bit about.
What might be some of the reasons that we struggle with needing permission,
with feeling like we must have, as we would say, somebody co-sign on our decisions?
(08:47):
First of all, I think there is a lack of self-trust.
And I know for me, that really did make me in that moment feel like,
can I trust that this is the right decision for me? and it happens in homeschooling.
Can I trust that this is the right curriculum?
(09:07):
Can I trust that this is the right schedule? Can I trust that I'm doing the
best things for my children?
That trust piece is challenging because sometimes we think of our past decisions
and we're like, well, I really messed up on that before and I don't wanna mess up on this again.
Or like we tell ourselves the always or never, you always make the wrong decision.
(09:29):
You never think it through. you, all of that.
So I'm just thinking about all of what we say and all of that plays into the
fact that we don't trust ourselves.
And so sometimes we feel like, okay, then I have to have validation from someone else.
And understand that I don't think that it's bad to actually have a trust circle
(09:50):
and your advisory board.
I heard this a long, long time ago, and we're going to talk about that in one
of the ways that we can do this, one of the strategies, but a lot of times it
comes from there, that we just don't fully trust ourself and trust our decision.
Another thing that can help us, especially in terms of taking care of ourselves
or giving ourselves what we need,
(10:11):
is this lack of feeling that we deserve it and thinking that we don't deserve
the time for ourself because we didn't do whatever we said we were going to do.
If we have a list of 10 things that we need to accomplish saying,
well, I only did two of those things, so I certainly don't deserve to take a break.
(10:32):
I can't give myself what I need. When it comes to the curriculum and you're
just like in your homeschool season where everything is pressing on you and
you have all these different things, you're like, well, no, because I don't
really teach to fidelity.
I don't really do all the things that I'm supposed to do. or my children need
(10:52):
me to do whatever it is for them in the lesson.
So I don't deserve to just pause to take this break to give myself this fundamental need.
Understand that I am not saying that you can be all willy nilly with this because
I think if we get into that place where it's like, I deserve to take a break right now.
We've been homeschooling for an hour. I deserve two days of break time.
(11:15):
I deserve to go to the movies. I deserve, as many people think we do,
to sit around and eat bonbons.
I deserve to hang out with my friends, talk on this phone for an hour.
I think that that's definitely going to the extreme.
But even that, that fear of like, if I start with this a little bit,
then I'm just going to go all the way and I won't know how to stop myself,
can also be a place where we don't trust ourselves.
(11:36):
I don't trust myself to give myself what I need. I feel like if I give myself
an inch, I'm going to take a mile. I'm going to go all the way.
And so being able to say, OK, what is behind this?
The other thing, and this especially comes when it comes for in our homeschooling,
and it's that fear of falling behind.
I absolutely cannot stop because I have to keep up with whatever the academic
(12:00):
standards that I've set for my children, the curriculum pace that I've set,
the other moms that are within the same homeschool group with me,
whatever it is, we have this fear that if I take a break, I'm going to fall
behind, my children are going to fall behind.
And then I'm laughing, but it's not funny.
But sometimes we go from, if I take this break right now, then they're not gonna
(12:20):
be able to read and then they're not gonna get into college and then they're
gonna have to do this for the rest of their life or they're gonna have to live
with me and we just can go down that spiral.
And so understanding that that's what we're feeling, that's what we're experiencing
can truly help us in that moment.
And then one of the things that I think is the most critical in this giving
(12:40):
ourself permission thing is this fear of judgment.
And it's the fear of judgment and the perception that others might give us when
we're in that homeschooling community to feel like even without,
even not within the homeschool community, community, but in the place where
we're going to meet somebody because, you know, they do that random to us and
(13:02):
they're going to quiz my child, just give them a random unit exam over a topic
that they think that they should know and they're going to fail.
And then they're going to look at me and say, oh, yeah, and it'll be because
I took that break yesterday for 20 minutes or an hour or the week or the day
or whatever I needed in that moment.
That perception of somebody's going to think that I'm not doing what I should
(13:25):
do, whether it's a spouse, even the perception and the judgment of your children,
like that your children will be looking at you and thinking,
you're not really a good teacher to me.
All of that plays a part in us feeling like we need to get permission for whatever the thing is.
It's important to know that when we're in that place of needing what we need
(13:50):
and then placing the stress of now I need to get permission because then who
do you get permission from? Do you get permission from your spouse?
Do you get permission from the other homeschool moms within the community?
Do you get permission from being on the Facebook groups? Where do you get the permission?
And so you're searching for who's going to
(14:12):
tell you that it's okay to do the thing that we
need that you need to do and when you're in that place
a if you really know if you really know that that's what you need and so you're
waiting for somebody to co-sign on it and they don't resentment can kick in
animosity can kick in and all that does is then raise our stress levels even
(14:33):
more than they were already there.
And it affects not just our well-being in that moment, but then also how we
show up for our children.
And if the person that we were waiting for permission from was our spouse,
how we interact with them, how we look at the people around us,
because now we start to compare to see, well, how come that person is able to do that? And I'm not.
It truly impacts our patience because we know we need this thing,
(14:57):
but we're just in that moment still trying to push through.
It definitely affects our creativity because we cannot not expand and see the
extra hands-on or whatever it is, things that we want to do.
And overall, our homeschool environment goes down.
And truthfully, if we're honest with ourselves, even the feeling in our home,
because there's just that tension.
(15:17):
There's just this underlying, I don't know what's going on.
And so I want to give you permission to give yourself permission mission to
do what you need to do, to give yourself an opportunity to trust yourself,
trust your instinct, trust that.
(15:39):
God is within you and that he
will direct you and lead you and order your steps. So how do we do this?
Well, here are four things that we can do to get in the habit of granting ourselves permission.
The first thing is that we have to cultivate our self-trust and that's just
going to be practicing it, getting in that space where we make a decision and
(16:04):
then we say, okay, I'm gonna follow through on this decision.
And being able to look at when we've made decisions in the past and celebrate
that and say, that went okay.
And even looking at when we've made decisions that we didn't feel were so great,
how did we come up out of that?
When those voices start to come in our head, to remember to silence them by
(16:28):
having an affirmation that's based on scripture,
that you can remind yourself who God is in your life and how he has made you
so that you can make the decision.
And one of the things I talk about with clients is being present with your thoughts and your emotions.
So if you can take a moment to be present and think about what you're thinking
(16:48):
about in that moment when you're hoping to get permission or you're hoping to
have somebody tell you that it's okay to do the thing, whatever it is,
you can stop and think about,
wait a minute, why am I questioning this?
This? What am I thinking right now? What am I feeling right now?
What am I feeling in my body? Is that stress? Is that anxiety? Are those butterflies?
Why? What does this bring up? And while that sounds really like...
(17:13):
Psychology. And sometimes we're like, I don't have time for all of that.
Just taking that moment to be present with your thoughts, to think about what
you're thinking about really allows you to then decide, is that something that
I want to stick with? Do I want to take this thought?
Well, not even do I want to take this thought. What do I want to do with this thought?
Because you can decide, okay, I'm actually not going to do whatever it is I
(17:38):
thought I was going to do.
Or if you take a moment to say, what am I thinking about right now?
Why am I thinking that? and what can I do? Why am I questioning myself?
What's the next step I can do? A lot of times you can build yourself up by the
things you're telling yourself.
One of my pastors used to say, you can huzzah it to yourself.
You can encourage yourself in the Lord to do the thing that you know you need to do.
(18:00):
You can recognize when you are feeling that you're not worthy of whatever it,
if it's self-care that you're not worthy of it, if it's a break that you're
not worthy of it, Or even if it's a decision that you feel like I am just not
the person who needs to be making this decision, then ask yourself, who is?
Who is the person that I think is better equipped to make this decision?
(18:23):
And then ask the big question, why?
Why do I think it's that person? And you may come out to say,
you know, it really is better for them to make that decision because in this
moment, I'm not ready. I'm not able. I don't want to.
That's fine. But that comes from a place of empowerment rather than a place
of feeling as if you're the victim and this is put upon you.
When you are making your decision, remember to plan with flexibility.
(18:48):
And that just means that you give yourself space and time to change your mind.
And if you can do that, then you don't feel so locked into whatever the decision or the choice is.
So if you say, okay, I'm making the decision, but for instance,
in my situation, okay, so I'm choosing not to record the episode or publish
(19:09):
the episode and I'm going to go take a nap.
But if I decide that I want to, as I'm laying there after 10,
15 minutes, I'm like, no, you know what?
I need to go and record the episode or do whatever it is.
That there's, I'm not judging that, that I gave myself the flexibility and the
time and the space to change my mind, that I was able to say,
(19:31):
okay, I thought I wanted to do this and it's not what I wanted and now I'm gonna change my mind.
And if you can do that, you're not so tied to the outcome of,
well, I made this decision and now I'm stuck with it and I can't make a different decision.
And then how do we deal with judgment? Well, the true way that we deal with
it is to remember that we get to make our own choices.
(19:53):
And so we don't have to pay attention to the judgment of others.
The reality is other people are making their choices and doing those things
without necessarily thinking about you.
And so you just have to put yourself in that place where you remember that you
get to do that for yourself. You get to do that with your children.
And when it comes to homeschooling, this is one of those places where you can
(20:14):
get the input, you can find the resources, you can ask for the advice,
all of that, but you get to make the decision.
You and your spouse, however you decide, side, you get to make the decision.
You get to change the decision when you decide that it needs to be changed,
but you do not have to feel like you have to have somebody else say that it's
okay, or you have to see that somebody else did it.
(20:35):
You get to decide, this is what I'm going to do.
This is how I'm going to do it. If it helps you to feel better,
sometimes it's helpful to think about why.
You don't always have time to sit with that and say, this is the decision that
I'm making. this is why I'm making the decision.
But when you do have an opportunity, especially if you're kind of in that place
where you're like, I'm not sure, it's okay for you to say.
(20:59):
This is the decision I'm thinking I'm going to make and this is why I'm going
to make. And then I talked about having your advisory board or your counsel.
I would not say this is for everything, but for some things where you're just
like, you know what, this is hard.
I had a big decision that I needed to make and I kind of was going back and
forth and I did my pros and cons and just all those different things.
(21:19):
And I had some input from some other people, but I was like,
you know what, let me decide who my advisory counsel can be.
Now in this situation, you can decide that your advisory council will be the
same people every single time, or you can decide that they're gonna be different
people for different things.
So on my advisory council for this decision that I needed to make,
(21:41):
there was my husband, my mother, and my coach.
And so I decided I was gonna talk to the three of them, kind of get some input
on their things, and then make my decision based on that.
And I don't mean about doing the podcast, but I mean a bigger thing that I had to do.
And I had to stop myself from asking for everybody's advice for trying to look
(22:04):
at what would people say and let me see what other people have done.
Or let me ask this person just to say, all right, I'm just going to talk to
these three people and then I'm going to make a decision.
When you do that, you give yourself an opportunity to hear the input,
but you also have to say, and then I make the decision.
Decision or if it's a situation where you're
with your spouse and you're saying well as the head I'm going to have him kind of
(22:26):
give his input then you say all right so I don't
feel comfortable making the decision I don't know what I need to what I
want to do and then you say all right we're going to talk about it and
then I'm going to let him make the final decision because that's just going
to be easier but whatever it is even in that remember that you're making the
choice because anytime we come from a place of empowerment a place that we are
(22:48):
getting to make that choice we feel better rather than that thing being put upon us.
So as you think about this, I know that it can be so easy to feel like we need
somebody to say that all the choices that we're making are are okay.
But let's remember that.
(23:11):
God has placed us in our bodies with our children, with our spouses,
and we have to trust that he has equipped us with what we need.
And let me say this, when you're making a decision, if you feel like you don't
have enough information, so you have your advisory council, but also you can
feel like, you know what, I don't have enough information, then equip yourself
(23:33):
with the information that you need.
But do not spend hours upon hours upon hours sifting through all of the things
because Because that's just going to overwhelm you.
And you're going to be, a lot of times you're going to make a fatigue decision
where you're just like, okay, whatever.
Or now you're stressed out. And so you really need somebody else to tell you
the thing and to give you permission to do it because you don't even know what
you need permission for.
(23:54):
So yes, if you feel like I need some more information so I can make an informed
decision, then get that information and then give yourself permission.
This month, as you are going through your homeschool life, your season,
where this can can be a challenging season.
As I've said, I'm going to challenge you to really get clear about what you
(24:18):
need and then give yourself permission to do it.
So while we're talking about homeschooling, curriculum, like all those different things,
one of the biggest things I think that we feel like we need to have permission
from, and we don't really get it because we think we need it,
but we don't go searching for it.
But I feel like one of the big things is our self-care and just taking an opportunity
(24:41):
to give ourself the thing that we need.
And understand when I'm talking about that, I really do not mean,
I always say I'm not talking about massages and dinners out because that is a piece of it.
But holistically looking at what do I need emotionally, mentally,
physically, environmentally, all of those things, what do I need?
(25:05):
And then being intentional about I give myself permission to do that.
So if you need permission to go sit in your car for 30 minutes and read quietly
because that's the only place you can do it, you have permission to do it.
If you need permission to go into your closet and eat a piece of chocolate,
(25:27):
flip through a magazine, go ahead and do it.
If you need permission to take a nap, hallelujah, do it.
I just want to leave you with a reminder of the importance of self-compassion
and understanding in your journey towards granting yourself permission.
If this is something that you haven't done in the past and you always have felt
(25:47):
like you couldn't trust yourself, remember that you can trust God.
You can trust yourself. And then when you create a strategy,
a process, and even this whole, how do we give ourselves permission?
That's a strategy. That's a process that you can be intentional about.
And when you do that, you can trust that process.
Remember that when you're doing that, We really, as parents,
(26:09):
as moms, are setting a positive example for our children.
We're showing them the importance and the value of our personal well-being and
the strength in making and trusting our own decisions.
That is a skill that they can take, and we can teach them and cultivate that
so that they're able to trust themselves,
(26:29):
so they're able to make those decisions that they need to make.
Like, I cannot wait to hear about your experience about trusting yourself,
about granting yourself permission to do the things that you know you need to
do, you know that you want to do.
And then I want to hear how it has impacted your homeschooling journey and overall
your life, because that's usually what happens.
(26:51):
We talk about homeschooling, but this is all about our lives because homeschooling
is a part of our life and we can't subtract it out and pretend that it doesn't
affect every other area and we can't pretend that our life doesn't affect our homeschooling.
So I hope that you will come into our Facebook group and share.
But also, if you have been listening and you have not hit that subscribe button,
(27:15):
go ahead and do that so that you don't ever miss another episode of Your Opportunity.
Music.
To Catch Your Breath. Until next time.
Thank you for tuning in. I hope that this episode empowered,
equipped, and most of all, encouraged you.
Don't forget to share your thoughts on today's topics because
(27:35):
I'd love to hear how you're implementing these strategies and.
Music.
You can do that in the free community where you can connect with me
and other like-minded moms you'll get some practical
tips for homeschooling and teaching your child managing your
stress and prioritizing your self-care you can also ask questions there you
can participate in the fun challenges and of course you can celebrate your wins
(27:56):
because we like like to party over there also if this was helpful and you know
that it can be helpful to someone else leave a review or share this with another
homeschooling mom who needs to catch her mommy,
that's my cue but before i go i want to leave you with these words from philippians
4 6 through 7 i pray that you won't be anxious about anything but that in every
(28:18):
situation by prayer and petition with thanksgiving you would present your request
to god and that you will experience the kind of of peace that surpasses understanding,
as you navigate the stresses of life and homeschooling.
Until next time, remember to take care.
Music.
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