HH: Ep. 7 - Damned If You Do, Damned If You Not Us | DND404 - DND404 | Dungeons and Dragons Podcast

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hello everybody, and welcome back to another episode of the
Whole Back Humanitarians. I'm your double 100 master, 100
Master today, your 100 master today.
Joined with me are the other girly drinks that I'm not afraid
to order at the bar, starting with the Yas girl, Tim.
What's up guys? It's Tim here.

(00:21):
I'm definitely the bartender's worst enemy, The famous mojito.
Oh, I love those. I like them too.
Make him. Great on a hot.
Summer's day. Oh man.
Mint tea. Yes, the Mint.
Mint for sure. Gotta be spearmint.
Gotta be spearmint. Oh, love it. 100% spearmint over

(00:43):
any other mint. Absolutely.
What about you, Jared? I am the Rosata Moss.
What is it? You never ordered this before.
You never ordered this. You never ordered this before.
I don't believe you've ordered this.
I don't. Believe you at all.
He doesn't drink girly drinks, he doesn't shame him in the

(01:04):
tote. I really don't that much, but
it's Moscato Diasti. It's the real candy.
Like white, Very, very. Wine.
Sweet wine. Yeah, that's like my thing.
Glitter bottle. Moscow because that was going to
be my other one, but I feel like.
Moscow meals are like Moscato that is such a sugary, like,

(01:26):
white girl will drink like let'sgo out of the town.
Yeah, exactly. Tony, what about you?
I am no stranger to the Appletiti look not stirred,
yeah? That's an awesome.
One I the let I one time ordereda appletini at a Christmas party
and the bartender left. She was a woman.
She laughed at me and then stared at me and I said I'm

(01:48):
serious. And she was.
Oh, she made me an appletini. Because we are securing our
masculinity. Absolutely.
What about you, Dan? I am the lemon drop of this
podcast. Have you never?
Had That's a good lemon drop. Lemon Drop's good.
But you said lemon drop, You said risotto.

(02:13):
You said risotto. If you've never had a lemon
drop, they are the most scrumptious things.
I especially like lemon drops when they're made with the
creamy version of the yeah, I'm forgetting what the liqueur is
called that has the lemon in it.The limoncello mixed with the
creamy limoncello. Oh my goodness.

(02:35):
I think limoncello in general ispretty girly, right?
But I will always get me some limoncello.
But you guys know the deal. Before we get into the show,
we're going to give you the rundown.
And today's rundown is all aboutthe discord.
That's right, we have already had a movie night in the
Discord. It was a hell of a time.

(02:57):
We're going to try and do more movie nights, but in order to do
more movie nights, we need you to go into the link down below.
Join our Discord. It's not scary, I promise.
Just make a quick account. You can go in there and chat
with us and you can tell us whatmovie we should do next for
movie night. It just needs to be on Netflix
or Disney Plus or wherever you watch that stuff so that we can

(03:19):
all watch together. You know, that's all I got to
say today. Please join the Discord link
down below. I guess we're out to say hit it.
Bard just stunted. Good job, Daniel.
Now hit it, Bard. NOTE i.e. don't die.
HULLBECK. Let's go walking through the

(03:40):
streets and I'm feeling OK. Drone with special guests and
I'm sure they'll be just fine. Hold back, humanitarians.
It's their time to shine. To shine.
That's right. Yeah.
Today in Holbeck is Foragers Feast.
This is a vibrant annual celebration held in the heart of

(04:03):
the humble town square where thecommunity comes together to
honor the bounty of the surrounding forests.
From early morning, the air is filled with warm sense of
roasted mushrooms, wild Berry tarts, herbal stews and spice
forest teas, all crafted from the seasons forged goods.
Wooden stalls brim with hand picked ingredients, home brewed
drinks and lovingly prepared dishes.

(04:25):
Long tables invite strangers andfriends alike to share meals,
memories and laughter. Above them, colorful banners
ripple in the breeze while floral garlands and wreaths
decorate doors, carts and lampposts.
Weaving nature's beauty through every corner of the town.
Children and adults alike partake in lively games rooted
in the natural world. Leaf dropping contest, mushroom

(04:46):
scavenger hunt, squirrel races and vine swinging challenge are
some of the most popular ones inthis festival.
Musicians play wooden flutes anddrums carved from hollow stumps,
their songs echoing through the cobbled streets and into the
nearby woods. A dust glowing lanterns will be
fashioned from hollowed gourds to light up the square and a

(05:08):
chorus of toast will begin to the forest, to the feast, and to
the bonds of community. This gets said probably every
hour on the hour to be honest. Typically started by Juan
Johnson who is very excited and already starting to get tipsy
today as he walks over to ECOM and Regna who are currently on

(05:29):
their break. You see the wild very tarts ecom
are just so exquisite these typeof year, the way they are just
plucked and pruned and primed tojust live in this tiny House of
pastry. Wait, what'd you say?
I was, I was trying to figure out this leaf dropping
competition. I I still don't understand it.
You see a few kids all on a platform, it's up about 10 feet,

(05:52):
not too high, and they've all like picked their favorite leaf
and have folded it in a specificway they think will help them
win. And they all drop it at the same
time. And one of them makes it first,
second, third, 4th and while thekids get real, gets really
excited and goes to get a prize.But is it when it falls to the
ground? Is it the furthest away?
I still don't. Know technically this is

(06:13):
impossible because of the theoryof gravity but still how's it
going gents? I see you're starting your
break. How was your break so?
Far you have to try this wild Berry toss.
It's absolutely exquisite, fruitful to the touch and
sweetness abound. I can't believe this is healthy
for you. They are amazing.
I know. Well, it's because it's made

(06:34):
with fresh fruits and none of the processed stuff you
typically get from Aramore. We're there more?
We got all magical food made by magic.
OK. How can that be healthy?
Can't be not me. Anyways, you see FUD over here,
he's going to be trading places.We're doing kind of like a work
study kind of experiment. He's going to be sent off to our

(06:55):
neighboring town and he's going to be working for the Knights of
Holy Justice. Hey, guys.
The Knights of Holy I go to E com that's a promotion in me.
Did we train him? Hey, it's not much.
It's not really a promotion. We're just I'm going to learn
from them a little bit and then I'll be back here in about a

(07:16):
month. But oh, here's my replacement.
So he'll be shadowing you for the day.
And you see to ASMR walking up and damn, name this.
You can describe your character as you walk up to these gents.
Yeah, damn not. This is a medium, builds
somewhat tall. Ask some more.

(07:37):
He is a cleric. Long silvery hair, very very
pale skin with golden eyes. Oh, my dad is beautiful as I
stare at Themnatus. Themnatus, it's good to have
you. These two gents are going to
show you around the festival on their break.
Excellent these these two gents.Wait, are brakes over?

(08:00):
You just, you just started your break.
Calm down. You got time.
You got you got about an hour, maybe a little less.
Yes, well dem Natus as a gem dragonborn approaches you.
He's a Crystal Dragonborn. He has a regal shaped head with
with a Crest horn shape, wearinga shiny paladin armor with the
sigil of Bahamas on it. He's holding a halberd as he is,

(08:24):
although relaxing on his break, you can see that his that's his
weapon of choice, and he is as shiny as he is slightly
intimidating, and he approaches and make this a Dean and reaches
his hand out to shake. Dan Notzis reaches his hand out
and grabs your hands and does some awkward fumbling where it's

(08:45):
results in his index finger stroking your palm as he looks
to the side awkwardly just. Put it right there that why are
you tickling me? OK, hold on, wait.
And I like readjust your head and I go up, down.
Oh, yes, OK, yes, that was that was that was good.
As that's all happening, Ecom slowly starts walking over, but

(09:05):
as he walks over a a a female ends up walking in front of him
and you could see that he he kind.
Of it's Sandra, one of the people that came to collect FUD.
Hello, it is lovely to meet you.We'll take good care of foot
FUD. Yep, fout.
Yep. And he goes.

(09:26):
It's Futt. Goes over to damn natus anyways.
Hi, hey how you doing E com? A strange one.
As E com a. Cute one.
Let's go futt as he goes away. All right, Bye, guys.
I'm gonna head out. I'll see you guys in a month,
OK? E com is just a normal looking

(09:47):
elf that you'd probably see a little bit on the athletical
side. Dark hair and is a wood elf and
he's a monk and he's the way of the the long death and he shakes
your hands very vigorously trying to but you can tell that
he's not really into it and he'sjust making sure that the butt
left. They're not just like.

(10:09):
Yes, goes hello and I am Dean. If calm down Demnotis, I'm
speaking. I am Dean, and I'm one of the
greatest warriors as part of theKnights, and I promise I will do
my best to not only uphold your standards, but protect the
citizens. That's why I like to hear Gene.

(10:30):
I give him a hearty handshake. He.
Gives you a very hearty 1 back and he is very strong.
Verb. I like it.
Damn. Not don't.
Worry me and my trusty stored again.
I am speaking. Wait till I am done.
Me and my trusty sword Ragnar will do wonders.
And you see a golden hilt gleaming at his side of a long
sword. Right Stemnatus, Continue on.

(10:52):
Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off too much.
He kind of rolls his eyes and just stares at Regna and Dean as
they handshake and kind of just stares long away and then looks
away. Well I have another post to go
to so I will be enjoying the festival with someone else.
I hope you all enjoy your day and that everything goes

(11:14):
swimmingly. And he thunders off.
You have a joyous day. I look back to Denatos.
You as well. Have the most wonderful day.
Wow, what a great guy. That's your travelling
companion. You must be so lucky.
You must feel this. Great guy, man.
Oh, is this the? Worst.
The worst? Does he also linger on the on

(11:37):
the ideology of death? And seems like a dark cloud is
following him all day too. Ecom just blinks in the
background. I.
Don't know what that's like. He is way too positive.
Tell me about it. I know someone like that.
The worst right to have to travel with all the time, and

(11:59):
they're always trying to do all the right things.
So holy nights, Yes, out of the holy nights.
Yes, the holy nights of justice.And I am destined to do great
things, I mean. You looked apart and I have no
doubt that if you travel with usyou will be doing great things,
but hopefully today is a day of peace and adventure comes
tomorrow as we celebrate. And celebrate you shall, as Juan

(12:23):
Johnson comes over to you. Oh hey guys, I I forgot to give
you your obviously your customary tickets.
We each get 2 free tickets beingpart of the Hobeck Humanitarians
and you each get 2 tickets that are coupons you can use at carts
or games and all kinds of festival activities.
And now to this. I know you're new, but you get 2

(12:44):
coupons as well. Of course we take good care of
our own here. I love.
Games, well, good games, are jolly.
Healthy distraction. I like the vine swinging
competition. Try that one out.
All right, I'm good. Back to my responsibilities.
And he saunters off. I think that he's had too many
tickets as he starts to walk away.
You see, if you fly out of his back pocket, you're.

(13:05):
Assuming that our captain has a problem while he's on duty, I've
never seen a man mow at a straight and narrow of my life.
See what I'm talking about? And I look at him.
Not just the worst. Is your captain usually this
loose with his beverages? About every time I've seen him
now that now that I'm thinking back.

(13:27):
I like to think that he hydratesregularly.
I don't think that's a problem. OK, OK, good.
Good to know. So house is going to work is you
all can choose between going to the shops in the stalls.
You can use a ticket there or you can use a ticket at the
games. You can use two tickets on food
and drink or you can use two tickets on games or one or the

(13:48):
other. Up to you.
And we're going to start with Tony.
I want to buy the funniest looking festival hat there is
that's clearly overpriced. Looks like a giant balloon of
some kind. Or maybe a giant rubber foam
finger? Yeah, you drop like probably way
too much gold, probably like 10 freaking gold on this really
silly looking hat. Hey, I crafted it myself.

(14:09):
I hope you enjoy it. I would love it.
And then what? Does it look like which one do
you want to? So there's probably hats that
are vines wrapped into a wizard hat.
There's probably a hat that looks like a sausage crafted out
of ranches. That's.
It you already saw me, there's like a sausage scraped out of
branches, yes. There you go.

(14:31):
And you can tell that she painted the branches so it does
look like a hot dog. So there's kind of like some red
and yellow branches intertwined up top.
And you give her 10 gold. And then you decide to go check
out and peruse the other carts and festivities.
Now if you go to the carts, you could get smoothies, you could
get those tarts that you were talking about, you could get

(14:51):
teas, Mead, or stews. If you go to play some games,
there's a leaf dropping competition, there is a scroll
race and there's vine swinging. Is it still Ragnas?
Yeah. We're going to go through each
of your turns as you each kind of take your own time because
you don't always get this much time to yourself.
So I think you're all kind of relishing in it.

(15:12):
And damn Natus, you can tell us who you decide to follow during
this time. I'm a brunch dragon myself and I
strut along as I go through the crowd and I'm going to get
myself a nice Red Bull Stew. There are all kinds of different
cauldrons and they're all home brewed and they are all maybe a

(15:35):
little dangerous to try to say the least, because you're not
sure what people are putting in there and if you can handle
certain people's spices. So you're going to 1st roll me a
Constitution saving throw? I'm a dragon.
I want the spiciest, hottest water there is.
The Nat 20. Nice.
What a way to start. You do exactly that.

(15:59):
Yes of course. I I put as many Peppers as I
could into this Stew. It is the hottest 1 here and it
will make you breathe like a dragon.
If you didn't already do that, of course.
I love the idea and I want that.I want that.
Give me the biggest Red Bull youhave of that.
Love worms, Bean Peppers? And it is super spicy, but

(16:22):
nothing you can't handle. You're used to the spices and
for the rest of the day, or at least right now, but you get
plus 10 temporary hit points. This is a really good Hardy
Stew. I'm.
Going to get some. I'm going to Molly Wop.
Nice. Does everybody else?
Does anybody else want to partake in the stews while
you're here? Danger is the spice of life, as

(16:44):
I always say. I'll take a Stew.
Adventurous. Maybe you're trying to, you
know, look good in front of yournew higher up and you are going
to make me a Constitution savingthrow.
Not great. It's got a bit of a.
You take it and you see this young ASMR immediately start
breathing fire and you start sweating and you realize that

(17:08):
there's a spice in here that you're not used to that's
probably specifically grown in this town, specifically from
this town's water, and your bodydoesn't handle it very well.
You are going to receive the poison condition for an hour and
half of those hit points as you get +5 temporary hit points.
Look back at me, you see my dragon scale lips are swollen

(17:29):
from the he and spices got a bitof a bite.
So you each used one of your coupons as we go to the tea
cart. Let's go to have you at the
Teas. We make pretty great teas here.
OK, what we got, what we got, Which ones would you recommend?
What do you like? You like something a bit

(17:49):
sweeter, a bit bitter? You like something with some
herbs and spices? Some cream perhaps?
You know I'm going to go with the sweet sounding 1.
Sweet sounding, That's fine, right?
Here you go. And it's got a little bit of
spices, but the after taste is extremely mellow and very

(18:09):
calming and sweet. And he you noticed that he did
add some very sweet cream in there.
And you now have advantage on all saving throws for the rest
of the day as it warms your chest.
Wait. What?
What's? This buff he gets advantage on
all saving throws for the rest of the day.
Wow. OK.
Temporary hit points. Who knows what else is in store

(18:32):
at the other stalls. All right, as you reconnect with
these two, you come with your teeth.
Fighting into the bread bowl, it's so good.
My mouth's still a little on fire.
Hot day today we're having. I see both of them just
sweating. My mouth's a little numb, it's

(18:54):
so good. Your scales go listening.
All right, well, you guys are finishing that up.
I have dying to figure out what this leaf dropping is.
So you go over to the northern part of the square and you see
that there's a platform and you are one of maybe two adults
playing in the leaf dropping competition is mostly adults.

(19:15):
I mean, kids is mostly kids. Becomes going to crush
everybody. You're like oh this is going to
be easy against all the kids. So as you hand your last coupon
over you are going to make me a slight of hand check as you fold
your leaf to see if maybe you can fold it in a nice way to
give yourself an advantage. 12. Well, we'll do it, and you're
gonna have advantage on your luck check.

(19:37):
You're gonna make a pure luck check as you drop the leaf.
See if you can beat everybody tothe bottom.
OK, so roll 2 D 20s and. And tell me which get highest.
I rolled A1 and A31 and A4, I guess.
Oh, wait, no, it's a one and a three.
Was it? Yeah.

(19:57):
Did it add up to 4? Is that what it was?
Yeah, you rolled A1 and A3. Against all odds you fold your
leaf, but somehow the wind catches it in such a way you you
lose to all these kids that justdropped the leaf.
I thought it was distance but. Hit the ground.

(20:18):
And you don't receive anything as you see these kids getting
like all these fancy potions, No.
And let me show you how much Dhoni come.
Are you using your last coupon on this?
Yes, honey. OK, you got to see what you got
to do is you got to drop the fastest.
Same thing. Give me a slant of hand check.
So I did make one preemptively. It was the seven.
Yes you don't get advantage but you will make me a pure luck

(20:39):
check to see how it your leaf falls compared against the rest.
10. There's another adult there
who's giving you a stink eye, and the two of you drop your
leaves. Both of you beat the kids and
you come in second place. Though to the adult who folded
his leaf a little better, you get a potion of greater healing.

(21:04):
Those are handy. How many goals to play again?
You don't get to because of time's sake.
As you're doing all these events, it's taking time to
like, get through the lines and it's like taking up half of your
hour to do each thing because the lines are very long here.
Railroading, DM railroading. Oh my goodness.
Did you do two things? Damn, not this.

(21:27):
You want to try the leaf? Or would you rather try
something else? After watching both the ecom and
Regna do the leaf dropping I think I will do the vine
swinging. That seems my speed.
Vine swinging. I like that, yeah.
You go over to the vine swing competition and this is where
most of the adults are. And you can see there are a lot

(21:49):
of drunk adults as well that areall trying to best each other.
And there are like 3 vines that you have to swing between to see
how you do and try and beat everybody to the other side of
this muddied pit. And if you fall, you're just
qualified, of course. But as you do this and you make
your way through the line and finally get to compete, you will

(22:09):
make me a acrobatics or an athletics check.
You make whichever you want. I should have done this one.
I will go with athletics. OK I have a + 6.
They gave me an. 11 yes. So with an 11 you do pretty well
and you pass up half of the crowd that is fighting against

(22:29):
you. 2 of the drunkards fall into the muddy pit and you come
in 3rd and as you come in 3rd they give you a potion of
climbing. Excellent.
He takes that and stashes in hispack.
And because I'm a fun DM, I'll say everybody gets to do one
more activity if they want to spend.
Yeah. Just kidding.
I want to do. I want to do the vine.

(22:51):
Thing 10 gold each and you wouldhave 10 gold the anatis if it's
not on your sheet OK, E com. What are you doing, the vine
swinging now that you've seen? Oh, there's an athletic thing I
can do. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. I see damn notice.
And I'm like, oh, I messed up and I need to be doing this.
I can easily win this thing. Perfect, Roll me the athletics

(23:13):
check and let's see how you do against some of the drunkards
and. And a roll a 15.
Whoa, 15 you do really well. So well that you get to the
front and you're like, ha, I wasthe first one here, but then you
look over and Ilagen has beaten you.
Ah hai yikon, you can have my prize if you like.

(23:36):
No, the the that's OK. Thanks and.
As he walks away, I. I go to the the person who's
handing out president. What's my price?
I'll just take it real quick. We don't need the ceremony.
Oh. Yeah, she'll prize is a potion
of growth. Is it, is it character growth
because you're still afraid of women?
Do you, do you 2 have history? What's what's going on?

(23:59):
She's just creepy. Girlfriend.
She's creepy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So creepy. You like me, right?
No, she's still there. And then she goes to hang out
with some of her friends that she's made in town.
She's starting to make friends and get to know the people here.
Tom is stressing that they're talking about it.
Yeah, you have a feeling they'retalking about you for sure.

(24:21):
She like, glances over at you. They giggle right now.
What are you doing with your last?
Is there a some type of eating competition?
We can say there is. Yeah, hot dog eating.
Let me let me get this right, you just devoured a a spicy
bread bowl and you're looking for another stomach, something
to eat. Stomach's dump from the inside.
I can do this. It would be like fairly

(24:46):
straightforward whipped cream, like pie eating contest.
So they made pies and there's whipped cream on top.
And what I'll do is we're just going to roll some pure luck
checks here. I'm going to roll 3D 20s.
You just got to beat them with your initiative.
You'll use your initiative on this. 18 That's pretty.

(25:08):
Good. With the spice in your mouth,
you still feel yourself really, really Russian in every which
way. And you breeze through this
fighting contest. And this is held only once a
day. And you're the champion of the
day. Because you're the champion of
the day, you receive a potion ofheroism.
Wow. And as you see your new mentor

(25:30):
finish off a really nice pecan pie, Damnatus, what are you
doing with your last stall game?What do you choose?
Damnatus is going to contemplatewho where Regna will be sleeping
tonight after watching him devour that Stew and then a
bunch of whipped cream pies. With that thought, he shudders
and he's not feeling fulfilled. He's going to go back to the the

(25:52):
vine swinging. He wants to be remembered as the
champion today and he is going to attempt to win they.
Come give some tips. OK, what you got to do is when
you start swinging, OK, you got to got to really put your core
into it and then it's all in thehips.
Once you get to, you know, halfway point, just make sure
you really thrust those hips. And you will roll me that check

(26:13):
with advantage because you're doing it again and because ecom
is giving you tips. Excellent.
All right. We got 15 for the first and a
seven for the second. You come in second place, just
like Ecom did. His tips were just good enough
to get you there, but not good enough for the win.
Not. Enough to win at all.
I will never be remembered. And you too receive a potion of

(26:35):
growth. Symbolic, really.
Regna, as you're finishing off your pie, ECOM as you are
clapping and watching your new By the way, Junior reformer do
the vine competition and Denatusas you go to receive your
potion. Everybody, please roll me a
Wisdom saving throw. You get plus three cuz you're
next. To me, you are not next to each

(26:57):
other. Oh, I get advantage on these 21.
I got a 10. And I got a not natural 20A
flaccid 20 as Dan would say. With that flaccid 20 and that 21
you see as you look back that the vines are almost moving in
slow motion and eventually halt and stop moving.

(27:20):
Econ you see the same thing. The the vine swinging thing is
what we're looking at, right? Yep, you see all the vines and
someone is mid swing in another competition frozen.
Frozen in in place. Yep.
Like oh, I'm cold, frozen or frozen in time?
It looks like they've been frozen in time.

(27:41):
Guys, you see in this and I point over towards the the vine.
Damn. Not just licks his fingers and
sticks them in the air. Wind.
There's still wind. Why are they?
Frozen, you do feel this shockwave that has gone over the
town and you see these dark clouds, but almost spatial
clouds, like you're looking up at the stars starting to cover

(28:02):
the town. E com is that typical of
Haldbeck? Nope.
And I put down my tea on the ground and reach for my spear.
All the noises and the music andthe chatter that you once heard
are now gone. Everything is a very eerie still
as you look around behind you and see cheering humanoid

(28:24):
creatures are all frozen in jumps clapping.
Everyone besides you and Damnatus, at least right now,
seem to be frozen. We can.
Everything's like slowing down or everything is frozen.
Frozen. I am immediately concerned.
But before that, I run over to the leaf competition and try to

(28:46):
steal one of the potions that I was so wrongfully stole it from
me. There are locked boxes and you
will give me a light of hand check if you have thieves tools.
I do. Just a slide of handshake with
these tools. OK, sleight of hand.
Yeah, you got. Them.
Thick you break the lock. You like break the kick in the
lock? Give up, it's officially.

(29:08):
I didn't deserve this. I understand.
Thanks universe all. Right, this is really the
universe speaking through the role.
You didn't see that? When you go over the pie eating
contest, you see half of the people still eating their pie
and Regna is in slow motion, jumping up and down, excited

(29:30):
with his prize. Is that something he normally
does? No things, things are bad.
I don't know what's about to happen, but it's about to get
real in here. Dragging.
This. This isn't you.
You come, Prince of Darkness andall.
No, this isn't. I mean, hey, Flattered, My

(29:50):
Darkness is a little bit more edgy as opposed to blatant.
Can we go and grab Mr. Champion?Yes, okay.
I shove a little kid. When you grab him, he starts to

(30:12):
speed up again and eventually ison the same wavelength as you,
but it takes some time my. Entrepreneur, did you see that I
totally bested them with not only my iron belly, but my wit
and my iron will. Muhammad truly blesses me this
day. Yes.

(30:33):
The gracious of his platinum light shines upon me to defeat
my foe, which. Are 10.
Year old children trying to out pine.
Not right now. We, we, we got bigger problems
than π right now. And he points to the sky.
If you. Beat a π has a big problem when
it sees me, am I right? You look around and you you hear
all the sound is gone. Oh, the is the jovial music.

(30:54):
Where's the jubilee? The jubilation look.
Around look at the vine and I point to the person swinging,
frozen in place. This is quite peculiar.
We had one of those pop up improv groups.
And then you hear, oh God, is anybody here?

(31:15):
And Juan Chances running around guys?
Yeah. Is anybody awake?
Captain. Captain.
Oh. Guys, yes.
Guys, Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.
And you see, he's holding like abunch of Mead.
Like way too much Mead. And he shouldn't be probably
holding that, but he grabbed a bunch of Mead on his way over.
I I just give damn Natus a look like.

(31:36):
Yeah, cultish. Good.
We got cultish. More cultish.
Oh, it's bad. The whole town, they're frozen.
I don't know what's going on, but I saw some lights.
And when you look over to the north, you see a light beam down
on one of the churches right now.
House of Holy damn Coltus. Damn rats with robes, I say.

(32:00):
Exactly. Coltus, The other.
None of the other hold back. Humanitarians are awake.
We need to do something. It seems like they've captured
all the churches. All right, Mohammed.
There's a problem, though. There's the church in each
corner of the town. I'll go to the South.
Ragna, you go to the north, how's that sound?

(32:23):
That's the one of Muhammad. That is, yes, to the east and
then they made this. I know it's your first day, but
go to the church. The Lord's church to the West
should be easy to spot. OK, go there and go see what's
going on. OK, guys, OK, hands in break and
He doesn't even let you guys putyour hands in.
It goes up, rushes to the South.You can each take an action as

(32:47):
you run. For my action, I'm gonna pull up
my long sword and cast light on it.
Nice. Very cool.
The sky gets darker and darker. My weapons already out.
He's he's prepared, he's ready to go.
Yeah, I'm casting. Once I get to the church, I'm
going to be casting Shield of Fate.
Yes, as you see this dim red light descending upon the Church

(33:07):
of Bahamut, the. Color of bromance, The fiery red
heat of anger. And I run, and as you go into
the church, it almost feels likeyou rush through gelatin and
find yourself on the other side in the church.
But it doesn't look like the Church of Bahamut.
You know. In fact, when you get into the
church, it looks a bit older. When you came here, you

(33:30):
renovated this church, and it looks like it used to look
before you renovated the church.And it was rundown.
And when you look to your northwest and your northeast in
front of you in the room, you can see that there are these
transparent colored walls separating you from other parts
of the church, but not actually other parts of the church, but
other churches. You see this parallaxing chasm

(33:54):
of space between these glowing walls and the other churches,
The Natus. When you walk in, it is a lot
darker in your area. It's amazing that you cast a
light, because that's going to help you here.
There are no windows whatsoever.It looks like you just walked
into the base of a pyramid with sandstone and sand bricks all

(34:15):
around. Everything looks red and orange,
and in front of you is an infernal golem conjured by
someone. And you see see your allies
across from you on other ends ofthe room.
Question mark Regna in that exact area that we talked about
before, facing off some sort of fiendish wizard with wings

(34:35):
flying in the middle of the roomin this classic stone medieval
room. And Ecom, who is in this metal
work room that you don't understand at all.
It looks far in the distant future as he faces off against a
fiendish cultist. Everybody please roll me
initiative. Fuck good good dude.

(34:57):
Well love the baked biscuits. I rolled A1.
Oh no. Then Natis rolled A7, Ecom
rolled A9. He's.
Oh, is that bad? Hopefully bad.
No, Yeah, yeah, this is the guy that got the Nat 20.
We got a Nat 20. Excuse me, Don't worry about it.

(35:19):
To be clear, we can see each other, correct?
I got to that 20. I got to that 20.
Yes, you can see each other, butyou cannot hear each other.
Encourage the cowardly dog them.Right now, what do you say as
you face off against this fiendish wizard?

(35:40):
Fiend, how dare you defile the Church of Bahamut and taint his
platinum glow? I will spite you into this
fashionable get dirty floor. Smite me.
You can try, but he will succeedin this time and the next and

(36:02):
the next and the next. As he's going to use an action,
he is going to summon something.You see that these tiny little
fiery imp looking creatures are created all around the room.
And as you look around the room,scared or perhaps just anxious

(36:22):
about what's going on, you do notice that there are colored
gems around the room as well. There was an orange one to the
West, there is a green one in the center of the room, and a
blue gem in the northeast. And then he looks at you, made
time rattle to your bones as he makes an attack roll against
you. An arcane burst.
A 20? Yeah, a 20.

(36:44):
I'll hit with six points of force damage.
Yeah, all right. Ten hit points.
Yay. Yes.
As it goes to your turn right now.
Oh yes, and how far in the air is he?
About 30 feet. 70 feet of the air.
I'm gonna use bonus action to also spread my wings and fly 30
feet to him. Love that, that's amazing.
You know, glorious, beautiful gem like fashion.

(37:06):
Yeah, from and I pack him 10 feet away with my halberd
possess I said 19 to hit. 19 will definitely hit.
Hey, that's going to be 12 points of slashing damage as I
do a cool. This is a reaction.
You reaction using Biscuit Wielder.

(37:28):
There's a reaction called Selfish transportation.
After taking damage, the wizard may teleport along with any
equipment it is wearing or carrying, up to 60 feet to a
space that it can see that is occupied by a demon Shard or by
an ally with fewer hip points onitself.
The wizard swaps places with whichever chooses, and the ally
or Shard takes the damage instead.

(37:48):
And you see he switches places with one of these imprints, I
called them, and it will take that damage.
So it's 12 dead, can I make an improvised weapon throw with my
second attack and throw my halberd at him?
You can just make a ranged attack as your second attack.
It's not a range weapon, this one.
I'll say you, I guess it's not arranged.

(38:11):
No, no, I'm not gonna do that. I won't do that.
I won't do that. But I have a javelin.
So if you'll allow me, I would like to throw my javelin as my
second attack. No, not with another weapon.
It would have to be on the same attack action with the same
weapon. It might be all you can do if
you don't have any more movement.
I have 10 feet of movement left,yeah.

(38:31):
You can definitely do that improvised weapon attack if you
like. Yeah, yeah.
You know what? I'm gonna do that.
I'm gonna try. I'm just gonna do a go for him
and throw my halberd at him. Yeah.
So would you like me to make an like an athletic check or
something first? He's improvised.
You're just going to make me a straight up dexterity roll.
Can it be strength? You're throwing it, so yes,
you're making a strength check if you like.

(38:54):
Nat. 20 Nat. 20 yeah rule improvised weapons that is
different than a lot of people is you just you still get the
damage because you're throwing afreaking halberd at this guy.
You don't have the modifier. Right.
OK. So I'll take it.
Hey, listen, just it's the disrespect, it's the message I'm
sending. It's going to be 3 points of

(39:16):
slashing damage, or I guess 3. Points of slashing damage, so 3
+ 1013. Oh yeah, because it's the crit.
Because it's, yes, that's reallygood.
Throw it with Adam as my halberdblades like his on the floor.
Yeah, the wizard is looking pretty Dang bloody now.
Not very bloody, actually, but it's looking hurt.

(39:37):
And you know, this isn't like a pretty strong creature.
There's a reason it's conjuring stuff and shooting from afar.
Is that going to be your turn? Yes, but I'm I'm going to use
the rest of my movement to go towards one of these other No 10
feet towards them your. Halberd's on the ground there.
You will have to pick it up. You want to keep using it.
All right, so next in that initiative is going to be the

(40:00):
Infernal Gollum. As you illuminate this sandstone
area, you see this Gollum going to rush over and start attacking
you, and it is just going to. Uses multi attack and it's going
to start slamming into you with a 12 and a nine.

(40:22):
Yeah, that's a miss. And you see, it uses a bonus
action to grab a large stone like a boulder from the ground.
It will go to your turn. Gollum return to the abyss from
Once You Came. He's going to cast a inflict
wounds at level 1 on him. 13 hits.
It's going to be a he'll take 13.

(40:44):
The crock damage. That was the first thing I
rolled. So as he reaches out and touches
with his gauntlet at hand, feel pain as the croc energy surges
through him into the Gollum. This is definitely feeling pain.
ECOM. You see this?
Venus Coltus looks directly at you.
All right, let's go and is goingto immediately start attacking

(41:07):
you. It has a multi attack and is
going to use both of its attack weapons or both attacks or its
back weapon. It's going to need it. 10
misses, 26 will definitely hit though, as you see that you take
9 points of slashing damage and one point of fire damage.
Econ's been ready ever since things started going in slow
motion and he is ready to pounce.
He's going to go in with his spear and 13.

(41:30):
Oh, 13's going to miss. Yeah, next.
One will hit though, no? 114.
As you swing past this fiendish cultist, it is quite quick and
dodging all your moves you notice these same gems around
the room and it notices. You notice it and it kind of
looks back and looks at you and stands in your way.
I'm going to use a key point andstunning strike it.

(41:53):
Oh, I love that. Oh wait, I can't.
You have to hit right? Yeah, yeah.
Sorry. Not bad.
Before it moves to the top of the round, you see that this
fiendish wizard swirls its staffand it uses a legendary action,
I guess we'll call it. It happens at initiative 1:00
every single time. Now regna you notice that there
is an orb above you and it kind of looks like that.

(42:16):
As you move around it parallaxesaround with that abyssal space
kind of look just like the otherareas of the room.
And as he swirls this, it zaps all three of you and you all.
Trade places. Oh no, I was kicking his butt.
This is exactly where I want to be.
Oh. This is a way worse situation

(42:36):
than I was curly in. You do not have have your
halberd. I have other things.
So you're now on the Wizards initiative ECOM as the wizard
looks at you. I like this prey.

(42:56):
Let's try some bolts. As it starts shooting it's
arcane burst at you is going to be a 14 hit.
Nope, misses you. And then you see these Imps now
get to take their turns and theystart spitting fire onto the
ground around you. Oh, thanks.
And they use their turn to do that.

(43:19):
As it goes to your turn income, What do you do with a new phone?
Yes, 30 feet in the air. Oh, he's up in the air.
Are the Imps up in the air as well?
Yes, they're flying. They're flying down on your
level though. OK, I'm gonna run straight over
to the Imps and attack it with my spear.
Hey, 23 to hit and on that one still kills it.

(43:40):
Stop rolling so bad. Oh, kills it.
Yeah, they're tiny. I'm take the soul out of the
imp, catch it and throw it, throw it into my chest and then
I point my spear over at the other end.
You could throw your spear if you wanted at the wizard.
No, I'm gonna just run over to the imp and use Furia Blows 22

(44:03):
to hit Yep. Dead.
Nice. OK, perfect.
And. Stop it as he's getting mad as
you move to the golem in the Egyptian looking room, we'll
call it. As it goes to slam another
attack. All of a sudden the creature in
front of it changes. It goes but keeps attacking you.
It throws down its object that it's holding.

(44:26):
Is going to do a slam object attack 19.
Oh, that's on the money. That's gonna you're gonna take
half of this then, which is good, 11 points of damage.
Nice and. Then make me ADC. 14
constitution saving throw one fail.
You are stunned until the beginning of its next turn.
Oh stunned. As we move over to the cultist

(44:49):
in the future looking room, the cultist begins to attack.
You're different and it's going to make 2 attacks against you.
11 misses but 21 I think hits you.
It does, yes. Yeah, Danitis, you take one
point of slashing damage or 4 points of fire damage, and now
it's getting really upset. So it's going to use its bonus

(45:09):
action offhand attack on you forthe 19 as you take two points of
slashing and one point of fire damage, and you see these
spectral axes cutting through your armor, picking you up a
bit. What are you doing?
Back he looks around and by tears gauntlets.
What is happening? Am I within a disadvantage of
spell range or is it within 5 feet?

(45:32):
Depends on what you're doing, what you're casting, a spell.
Yeah, I was going to guiding bolt him, but if he's within 5
feet with disadvantage he'll just attack the sword.
I don't really do that with guiding bolt with like spell
attacks. OK.
We do it with mainly attacks, soyour spell attacks you can point
blank because it's like coming from your hand, you know?
Got it. OK then yeah, he's in the cast.

(45:53):
Level 1 guiding bolt on. Him.
He's gonna miss. Rough.
He watches as the gun is off thewall behind him.
Yeah. He starts to look around at this
futuristic room, panicking a little bit.
This guy is also looking shifty eyed as he you can clearly see
he's kind of trying to stop you from going towards gems.
And then we move to the top of the round again, swirling its

(46:16):
staff by poor creatures. Damn you as you all trade places
again. Wait till I get my hands on you.
Oh, now you're in this. Oh, not you.
Sandy looking temple with this golem.
You're real tall. I'll take any one of you on as
the fetish wizard in the medieval room is going to send a

(46:38):
bolt an arcane burst your way 9 to hit so that misses you as you
continue your turn. Denatus.
He's going to look around and make a run for the orange orb.
I'm looking. To do it, yeah, he can get
there. OK.
We'll do that and make it to theorange orb and he's going to put
his hand on the orb and what happens?

(46:59):
With your movement, you put yourhand on the orb and nothing
happens, but you feel this pulsating energy and you almost
feel like it's connected to other gems somewhere, but
somewhere not here. Can he like I guess with a good
reaction, like point to the, I guess try to get Ecom's
attention, who's directly ahead of him?
You'll be able to get Regna's attention, but you won't be able
to get Ecom's attention with this hooking figure in front of

(47:21):
him. OK.
But you point. You definitely point before you
are you what attacking it? Yeah, I I'm gonna like point at
the gem and like get my like I guess come down with my sword on
it and see if Regna pays attention or can see that and
he's an attacker with as long. As yeah, Regna, you see that and
you don't even need to make an attack.
Well, you get that for free, OK,And you destroy this orange gem

(47:43):
and you see destroy this orange gem.
You see that? The orange barrier between you
and this sandstone looking room kind of vibrates for a second,
pulsates, and then continues glowing as you've destroyed this
gym. All right.
McGowan looks down at ECOM, begins to attack.
It uses a bonus action to pick up another one of these boulders
and it's going to slam down at you with a boulder.

(48:07):
ECOM. Pretty quick 21 not that quick.
Six points of bludging damage and make me ADC 14 constitution
saving through. Well that's another net one, but
I got saving and then that's a 2.
What is going on? You're stunned until the

(48:27):
beginning of its next turn as ittakes an attack roll for free
with its second attack with advantage and hits you for four
points of bludging damage and three points of the chronic
damage as its fist sends this pulse of necrotic energy through
you as it goes to the cultist turn, who is immediately going

(48:49):
to attack you. I hate when he does this and he
begins to attack you. 26 Damn 25.
Damn. 26 was an at 20, by the way, as you take 22 points of
damage, some of that's fire and some of that's splashing, and

(49:10):
the next one does 10 points of slashing and two points of fire.
Cool. And it's going to attack again
with his off hand and 21 hit. Damn, yeah.
Fucking hell as you take 6 points of damage total from that
from fire and slashing. How messed up is he looking?

(49:31):
No one has done anything to him yet.
Until now, I take out my Lance. Yes, please A.
Good polar master always has an extra pole arm at the side and
I'm going to tackle with my Lance that's 16.
Yeah. Yeah, that's going to be 12
points of damage. That's good.

(49:52):
I'm going to spite him. Spite him.
I like his left. I love that there we.
Go. That's going to be two D6 right
there. Seven points of rainy damage.
Ow 14 points of Radian damage. Hey hey, the next attack is
going to be a 23 to hit 11 points of slash damage.
I'll throw another smite on there.
Why not Let's. Just get rid up now, it's really

(50:13):
bloody. This is that's another smite.
It's going to be 6 points of Radian damage.
Looking so messed up. So messed up.
Like on a scale of 1 to 4. One I guess from that scale.
Like 1 being worst. Yes.
For being like AD 4 by do the job.

(50:33):
Yes. I'm going to use my bonus action
to hit him with my blood side ofthe weapon.
There you go. Yeah.
Is it 23 to hit? Yeah.
OK, dead. Just.
Deleted from this futuristic world as you look around this
metal room. Man, I actually didn't Remember

(50:56):
Me. Whoosh as you get teleported
back into the other room. That's so funny.
Oh my God. I throw my legs.
He's going to attack you first. Of course he is.

(51:19):
What does he want to do though? What does he want to do?
Maybe he'll do a spell. Wait, if it's in, just do, do I
go again? Am I going back-to-back?
Yeah, because it's parallaxing. That's how it is.
Parallaxing, yes. Exactly.
Yeah. So top of the round, but now
you're round, it is going to cast False life on itself, and
you see that it receives a bunchof temporary HP as it moves to

(51:42):
your turn. What are you doing right now?
Just doing some quick math. Doing some quick math.
You would be able to hit the green gem if that's where you're
going. Oh, but I don't know if you're
doing that. I'm.
Going to stay where I am just for now.
Yep, for a moment I'll move 30 feet up.
I'm going to use my Longbow. Oh, OK, I'm going to use the
Yeah I'm attack. Is that they got something
Longbow some of the misses 10. Misses completely.

(52:06):
It hits it with its wing and laughs at you.
One, I have no luck with this bow ever.
Then it catches it and crushes it.
Is there any bonus I actually like to do before we shift over
from the medieval wing? Yes, Cure Wounds.
Cast the second level cure wounds on myself.
Yes, I trust you to add that to yourself as his golem is happy

(52:30):
to see Demnotis again and it is going to just start attacking
you 23. Jeez.
I'll do it. And 13 will miss as you take 7
points of bludging damage and one point the chronic damage.
What are you doing, Demnotis? He kind of shrugs off the damage
he just took and he is going to use one of his features,

(52:54):
Celestial Revelation, but he's going to pick Heavenly wings.
So I have a family speed equal to my walking speed, which is
30. Nice.
How tall is the the golem it's. Probably about like I want to
say 12 feet tall. 12 feet tall. He's gonna, I guess, fly up to,
what's that 17 feet above him? Yeah.

(53:16):
And then he's going to is, are these crates around that blue
gem or can I land on that? You can.
Those are just like panels on the floor.
Those are just like ornate panels.
OK, he is going to land then on the I guess southernmost panel
and attack the blue gem if. You guess.
Make me a dexterity saving throwplease.

(53:37):
Sure thing. No one's going to fail as you
take 3 points of piercing damageas a bunch of holes.
Now you see in the ground, Spears come up.
Oh no, it's. Stabbing the feet and I can make
your attack rules against this guy. 17.
Yeah, that's in. 10 points of damage.
Oh. Really good, And if that's not

(53:58):
enough to break it, he's going to use his Savage attacker.
Feet. Oh nice, we're just using this
last night I. Can roll up his damage dice
twice, so I'll roll another damage for that.
Another seven points damage. Nice.
You're really hurting this golemas it's starting to get very
angry, screaming and pounding and shaking the room.

(54:19):
Your buddy's gone, E calm and you snap out of this stunned
state and you're just alone in this strange metal ship.
You don't understand anything that's in here, but you do see
gems. I didn't see him destroying any
of the other two gems, right? Now you can see the orange 1
crushed. From across.
Yeah, looking straight across. From the dimensional offset,

(54:40):
ECOM sees the orange gems crushed and walks over to the
orange gem and before he crushesit goes into his bag and pulls
out his potion of giant strengthbecause he wants to get some
revenge on the guy that he's stunned him.
So he's going to drink that and then destroy the orange orange

(55:03):
gem. You destroy the orange gem
crushed, and you see the orange barrier that is between the
pyramid room. Stop.
All my stuff between the pyramidroom and the medieval room
vibrate again and gets weaker and weaker but stays up as you
crush that gem. So ECOM is enlarged and ready
to. Yes, ready to.

(55:24):
Party awesome as a monk. Break the gem.
Whoosh, you're teleported right now.
We'll address that later. This wizard sees you and is
immediately going to cast a spell on you.
Ready. It is going to cast.
It's going to fly up to you. It's going to roll to hit you

(55:46):
20. Yep.
As you were going to take 11 points of a chronic damage as it
hits you with his inflict wounds.
And so he's in range now, like he's.
Yeah, he's in range now. Oh, you just messed up and so.
What could a measly being like you do?
You don't even have weapons. Oh, you have a spear and he's

(56:09):
starting it 26220. Sixes, finally the roads are
coming out. Lookout here we go.
E com enraged. I'll wait but then I get to add
my what is it AD 4? Is that what it was?
Yeah, D4. Is it every attack?
Every attack if I do 4 attacks. Yes, every attack is realizing

(56:29):
goodness. Realizing.
OK, so 15 for the first hand. My very good voice yo 11 for the
second hit. The creepy wizard.
Stop it. And we're definitely furrying
the blows with a 16 to hit. 16 is going to hit.

(56:53):
And A20 dirty 20. Yeah, but before that actually,
sorry reaction, you see that switches places like, Nope, I'm
done with that. It uses this reaction to switch
places. And you see the blue gem on the
northeast side of the room breaks, and it does not take
that damage from that attack, but it does break one of the
gems. It's like, no, I need to.

(57:16):
As much as I want to save the gem, I got to break it.
And you see the blue wall connecting the medieval and the
futurist room begins to fade a little.
Oh calling for backup as as it goes away do I have?
Did he teleport before I used mykey point or like?
While I use your key point. While I use it.
OK, yeah. Just trying to maintenance,
making sure I can still move which I'm going to.

(57:38):
How much movement you got? 50. 2345678910 You can almost
get there here. Yeah, almost.
Yep, I will do that as I'm excitedly wait for the next room
and get my sweet revenge. Right now, make me a Dexterity
saving throw. Easy, it's a 14.

(58:00):
Pass and you go hot feet, hot feet as you escape these Spears.
And then this column goes, yeah,and begins to attacking.
Flame attack 14, yes. 27, yes. That's going to be 10 points of
bludgeoning and four points of the chronic damage as it hits
you into the column. What are you doing?

(58:20):
I'm going to move diagonally to stay within his range and off
the spear trap. Yes, and then I'm going to beat
his ass some is my life. Huzzah at 11.
Miss. Ted, Miss.

(58:42):
Bonus OK, I'm gonna use a bonus action to drink a potion.
I'm gonna drink a potion of greater healing, and then I'm
gonna use my 25 feet of movementto fly straight up.
Yeah, we'll take the attack of opportunity, of course, but.
Wait, Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I'm gonna fly straight up 25 feet.

(59:09):
It takes that attack on you 22 get. 16 help points back.
As you take five points bludgeoning and three points in
a chronic damage. Okay, nice.
As you fly up 20 feet. I spit my dragon tongue at him.
And then we go to Damn. Not this.
I think I'm going to make a run for the blue orb.

(59:32):
The orange one in this room has already been destroyed.
Guests. Blue crystal is for the taking.
I'm not. This is going to take his long
sword and strike the blue orb. Destroy the crystal crush, you
see the blue barrier and you arequite close to econ.
You can wave to econ now as you are right up against the barrier
as it dims, but it's not quite fully gone.

(59:53):
Ecom is pointing A spear at the the fiendish wizard.
And then all of a sudden he's Dematis and he's just all of a
sudden changes his. He's like, oh, hi, he was
brooding almost just a second ago.
Can I ask how hurt does ecom look?
How hurt do you look? You know, just have a few cuts
on me. I think the one you may want to

(01:00:15):
worry about is the old dragon over there.
Probably looks a lot worse for wear out of the two of us.
All right, I will focus my efforts on him next turn.
So the blue orb is destroyed, but the barrier is still up,
correct? Yep.
Yes. He's gonna move 10 feet back
towards the green orb and that will be his turn.

(01:00:36):
Whoosh as you're teleported. Oh yes, I.
Forgot. I teleported and all of a sudden
like wait. We'll get to that in a second.
The fetish wizard looks down therookie.
You'll never amount to anything.What could you do to us?
I will be your aunt. The prophecy is false.

(01:00:58):
Never will it come to fruition. As it attacks, you bring it 9
missing miss and it flies up 30 feet and finishes its turn where
it is. I'm going to send a second level
guiding bolt at it. It says no Sir.
To that it uses its reaction andcrushes the green gem.

(01:01:19):
As you see for the first time, the green barrier between the
future room and the Egyptian looking room begins to fade a
little bit. OK, so all three gems in this
room are now destroyed. Yes, I am going to then use my
movement to move. I love that up here as it moves,
poof, hitting the ground. Unfortunately, you go prone and

(01:01:44):
you take. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
wait. Reaction slow fall.
Slow fall reaction. Tell us what slow fall does for
the listeners that don't know. You can use your reaction when
you fall to reduce any fall damage you take by 35.
Yes. So you take none of that damage

(01:02:05):
as you use your reaction becauseit goes up to 35 essentially.
Got it. And damn.
That's really fun. You are not not prone because
you use that and this golem comes over and it is going to
just attack you. I've been waiting for this. 22
becomes voice OK? 16 misses.
That's that's what we're ready for that.

(01:02:25):
Oh wait, I used the wrong step lock.
Ignore that. 22 dozen hits. 24 hits though OK, and 13 misses as
you take now you just plain points of bludgeoning and two
points of the chronic damage. We do an ECOM to this Gollum.
We're hitting him with everything.
So giant ECOM is gonna finally get his revenge.

(01:02:47):
Yes. Go in after being stunned.
Yeah, he's gonna do a 19 to hit and a 17 to hit.
The first damage, Let me know what that is. 12. +4 You see, as
you hit this creature as a reaction, it negates 2 points of
that damage only, which is good for you, and it immediately
splits into two more smaller columns.

(01:03:10):
Do. I get to technically dead so I
get to temp or no not dead. No, it splits its own HP.
OK. I changed my mind apart.
And you can continue your attackaction on whichever 1 you like.
OK, OK, I'm gonna choose whatever one falls closest to me

(01:03:31):
on my right side. So that's. 14 is really good. 4
this. Thing's.
Looking messed up already whoo. Fear your blows 22 to hit. 22
hits dead this one yes. Suck up the Does that mean?
Actually, no, you don't get the temporary hit points.
It's still alive. Sorry.

(01:03:53):
It got me excited. But you're ruining its
abilities. You are ruining its abilities.
Good. The second one I rolled I got a
what was it? 2 came out to 10. 10 is on the
money. Is it really?
So it'll take half of that, yeah. 13 damage.
Half is 6 right now. What are you doing as you see
your friends? Whittling down the Gollum,
taking care of gems. Well, clearly I have not only

(01:04:17):
weakened all of them for my companion, but I will also solve
this puzzling puzzle as I walk over to the green gem and I
smash you with my mighty Let's Smashed.
Barrier is getting weaker. You can hear the world's
whirling, and I go over to the stove with the remainder of my

(01:04:37):
turn. I want.
To see yeah, you want to go to the.
Stove. Yeah.
Do I stop my hot dog hat? Just of curiosity.
Yeah, I used to wear a hot dog hat.
It's definitely like getting messed up though.
It's not looking good. Perhaps there's a warranty on
this Work to get it repaired? Whoosh as you get Trout
teleported, the Wizard looks straight at you.

(01:04:59):
Regna, welcome back. You're not lenient.
It'll take a lot to slay me as it attacks you 21.
Yeah, hits. There's going to be only 12
points of force damage. Yay.
And it moves away because it just really hurt.
You know what I don't like this running.
All right, this is so annoying. Is my because of my go Yeah,

(01:05:24):
right. I'm going to use my Longbow.
I'm going to try again. Try again. 19 hits.
Hey, use my plus one arrow. It's six points of damage.
It's wing gets shredded. So look, I can't you spite our
range attacks. I'm gonna shoot with another
arrow. Yep.

(01:05:46):
It's a 16 hit. Hits. 10 points of damage.
How do you kill this guy? I shoot him right between the
stupid eyes. As he falls to the ground.
Move for three. You see the golem crumbles into

(01:06:06):
the ground before you demnotis, and as you do this you see the
barriers go away. The barriers are gone and you
feel this shaking sensation, andthen all of a sudden this rush
of momentum as all the platformscrush together.

(01:06:28):
You go out. I'm conscious for a moment, No.
No. I pick up my halberd.
You can't. You can't grab your halberd.
Yay everybody. Gotta drink a potion.
Gotta drink a potion. I'll say everybody can do 1
action before this all goes well.
Drink a potion. Drink your potion.
I'll use Channel Divinity DivineSpark and I will give one D 8 +

(01:06:54):
2 HP to. Can I tell which of my party
members are the most hurt? Yes, you guys can just tell him
who's more hurt. I've 13 health left.
Oh. Go ahead.
Damn. Damn.
Damn damn real. Bruised all right, Regna, you
will get 10. Very good for a moment you're

(01:07:17):
going conscious as you each like.
Do your last ditch effort thing before all this happens.
The platform crumbles together. You now see that as you lift
your eyes up prone on the ground, you see that the metal
has crumbled into the sandstone of the Egyptian room.
The sandstone has crumbled into these really nice marble floors

(01:07:38):
of the medieval room. And again on the other side of
the marble to the metal. When you look down over the
ledge, you are now floating above Olbeck.
Obeck is now burning to the ground.
Oh no. You see buildings on fire,
banners burned, demons all over killing innocent citizens, and

(01:08:01):
when you look to the center of the platform, you watch as the
flesh of the Gollum and the cultist and the wizard all
slowly get sucked together in this flash of light.
Everything goes slow and fast atthe same time.

(01:08:21):
You're not sure exactly how to perceive time anymore as this
creature stands before you. Akhmat, we'll eat this world's
time. I will have it.
Paul Beck's juicy time circle. And you see that this
monstrosity is now standing in front of you as you are all not

(01:08:43):
in space, I promise. I I use my free action to throw
up. As Agmath stands before you, you
see it lifts those gems that were once crushed and reforms
them, Breaks them, reforms them.They keep doing this in a
continuous pattern as the gems fly around it, as it flies in
the center of this crushed platform, floating above the

(01:09:05):
city, flaming everybody will roll me new initiative please.
19. 3. 8 As you see these gems, you see that the blue ones and
the red ones are floating at ground level.
The orange ones and the green ones are floating 30 feet above,
orbiting around the platform. Would you say a minute has

(01:09:28):
passed? No.
You probably got about four morerounds.
OK. Three, yeah, three more rounds.
Regna, the guardian of the hot dogs.
What are you doing as this creature stands before you?
This grotesque mix amalgamation of the creatures you just
fought. Gymnotus E calm, especially
Gymnotus stay safe for destroy the gems.

(01:09:49):
I will handle this abomination and focus his efforts on me and
I'm going to use an action as I approach it.
I'm going to get within its range.
I'm going to use an action to cast Lay on Hands to heal myself
at 35 to 30 points of health. I'm going to use a bonus action

(01:10:10):
to cast nothing, nothing. No no, no.
I use boss action to threaten itas I cast Lay on Hands to kill
myself for 30 points of health. Ark Mark looks over to E Com Ark
Mark Mike it's going to send a bolt to ECOM.
You see it has is doing a lot ofbolts 1 to ECOM, 1 to demnatus

(01:10:33):
and one to pregnant. ECOM misses with a 13, Demnatus
hits with a 22 and a Nat 20 Regna.
A Nat 20 on me. Yes, you can see it in the chat.
Suck his eggs dude, like you should, whatever.
Five points of force damage to Demnatus, 17 points of course,

(01:10:57):
damage to retina. Just thank goodness for laying
on hands, yeah? For real dude.
Yeah, I'm glad that lasted one round.
Econ what are you doing as your buddies getting messed up?
Oh, OK, yeah, OK. So Regna told us that we should
worry about the gems. He's going to handle the big
guy. I might recant that statement,

(01:11:18):
but we'll see. Before I see him getting just
blown away behind me, I've already turned around and
started hitting this green gem that's right next to me.
I. Believe what I said before is
the blue and red ones or ground level.
The green and orange are floating in the air 30 feet
above you. Got it.
So I run over to the red 1 and Itry to hit it and I got a 13 to

(01:11:39):
hit for. 13 hits. First attack and do I roll
damage? Yep, 7.
Not quite, but you see it's cracking and crumbling and a
bunch of the pieces fly off intothe void.
I guess that is parallaxing around you on this platform as
you can see like through into the sky, but then all of a
sudden into space and then it rewinds and goes forward again.

(01:12:00):
Oh wait. And then I get another attack.
Right, you can use your attack actions on these gems.
Got it. OK, 17 to hit and and that'll.
Crush the gem as this goes and you see a red barrier around
Aukbach begins to fade a little.Nice.
I will run over to the other redgem.
Very good blows, 17 to hit. Yep, that hits. 6 damage, which

(01:12:22):
means I got to do it again, which is 27 to hit.
Yep, 11 damage. Oh, wait.
Crumbled. OK good, I forget to add my D
fours. Yeah, don't forget the D fours
crumbles and you see this shimmering spectral barrier
around Akmak completely fades away.
It turns and glares at you as you do that and not this.
You're facing down the craziest demon you've ever seen, and this

(01:12:46):
is something similar to a prophecy you've heard in old
tales books from your nightly order.
This will be my glory. Damothis is going to cast
Sanctuary on Regna as he was instructed to deal with the gems
and he would handle the demon. Damothis is going to run over to

(01:13:08):
the blue one and attack it with his long sword.
Yeah, it's 5 damage. But I'm going to use my savage
attacker to roll damage again. Good idea, 8 damage.
Yes, as you crush this blue gem is on eye level, a blue mist in
the air begins to fade. And that will be.

(01:13:29):
I totally forgot to tell everybody your speed is halved
during this. OK, I think I only went tailed
DM. I think I only went ten there,
so I think I'm still good. All right.
I'm technically I think still could have made it.
It is. No.
Now got it. OK, But yeah, that is going to
be Demos's turn. As we go back to Regna.
Hey, you know what? I'm going to try to attack it
with my lens, then it's going tomiss.

(01:13:52):
Miss. So I know it has like force
fields around it. Do I notice anything when I go
to hit it? You don't notice anything when
you miss. 24. There you go.
Hey, look at me. We're doing damage.
That's going to be sound one. One point of damage.
Budgeting, OH. My God, you hit it, you feel

(01:14:15):
that your strike goes true and you do the full damage.
Not like one could have been have, but you feel like you're
doing the full damage now that those red gems are taken care
of. Oh oh, it had the topple
ability, yes. So I would like to topple him
since I landed. See his tag.

(01:14:36):
I don't think you'll be able to topple him with his size.
I would say it would just roll whatever the save is with
advantage or if it's your check it would be disadvantage.
When you hit a creature with this weapon, you could force it
to make a Constitution, saving through DC plus your ability
modifier. Yeah, it'll just make that with
advantage. On a failed save, the creature

(01:14:57):
has the prone condition. Fails.
Yeah, actually. Sorry 2121.
Sorry. From here it is zero.
I'm so sorry the amending. Rules rig the hit.
Add rules. I forgot to roll the advantage,
but all right, it's a hulking creature.

(01:15:18):
I'm going to use my bonus section.
Try to hit it. 11 Miss. Yeah, Oh my God, bro.
And that's it. Yeah, yeah.
That's it. Yeah, OK.
Rob But yeah, yeah, that's it. Rob, I could have just said no.
I could have just said no. You could have.

(01:15:41):
As you hit it in the gut, though, you see all of a sudden
there's this glowing white sphere in between it where all
the body parts have come together and you see Dean
yelling from the center. Help help Get Me Out of here.
Dean, my favorite. Holy fuck, Avenger of justice.
And then it closes back up. Damn.
Not AS chuckles a little bit as he watches this happen.

(01:16:03):
It uses a bonus action on its turn, you see that it is going
to activate the green gems and it begins to phase almost in and
out of reality, and then it is going to attack you guys.
You don't know exactly what's happening yet.
Econ It's attacking you twice because it didn't like what you
were up to a 17 to 25. A-17's on the money.

(01:16:25):
That'll be halved and damnatis 1515 misses.
Misses yeah. So you're going to take half of
four and then six points of so 8total force damage.
E com is this thing is attackingyou?
E Com What are you doing on yourturn?
I want to work on these gems if I can, but if they're all out of

(01:16:46):
reach I'll just go to him. What is?
Yeah, you can get to him no problem.
Yeah, with your movement. Well, in that case, I will go to
him and I will start wailing on it.
I'm going to go with the spear attack.
Trust the Spear 23 to hit. Yeah, 23 will hit.
And then add 12/9 damage with the spear and then I'm going to

(01:17:09):
fury of blows 24 damage. Yeah, I'm sorry, 24 hit and. 19
yeah. Love those.
OK, so 6 damage, 8 damage, 2 damage.
Yeah, over here D Fours. And two damage.
So I know. That is, add it all up.

(01:17:31):
You're really cutting chunks offof this guy and this time Demon
is getting very upset. Damn.
Not just you think you should have the upper hand to continue
your turn, but Ock mock with theglowing green gems phases and it
almost feels like he's rewinded time and gone again and is in
fact taking another turn on the initiative between ECOM and

(01:17:52):
Denatus and is taking attacks onall three of you.
And Regna, I forgot to tell you,when he did the topple ability,
you saw that it flashed an orange barrier around itself as
you did that. That helps you mechanically.
All right, let's do Regna first.12 misses, misses Denatus and

(01:18:15):
hits ECOM for 13 points of forcedamage.
Finally, you're getting some double digits on these guys the
entire touch and you're like, oh, you take 3 damage, you take
four and six regular, you take it 17 plus another 18 and.
The dice. You're telling the story, man.
I've. Taken as much as you have, I

(01:18:37):
really do. I think I'm hurting.
I'm. Hurting a lot.
We're not just what are you doing on your turn as you see
this thing phasing? Did I catch the orange I guess
phase pop up when he attacked them or was that only a regular?
One, yeah, you all would have seen that as regular attacked
them. OK, I think I won't be able to
make it to the orange gem. I'm going to shoot a guiding

(01:19:00):
bolt at it at first level then from here.
At the orange one or the Yeah, yeah, you can do that.
Yeah, I'll do the orange one directly across from me.
It's all right. It's crushed.
Excellent. You see, the guiding bolt
obliterates it without problem. I am then going to fly 30 feet
to the green, 115 feet. I was at 15.

(01:19:21):
OK, perfect. And Oh yeah, it's right,
because. I have to go 1515 so.
I will not make it there, unfortunately.
I think that will be his turn. Quick question, are the gems
creatures? No, I was also wondering that,
but. They just have an AC and points.
So they don't have a soul for meto just, you know, slurp up and

(01:19:42):
get 10 temporary hit points. OK, cool, cool.
Cool. Sorry, no.
No, I gotcha. Maybe maybe you could argue
mechanically I gave it hit points so you deserve it.
So sure, take some temporary hitpoints.
It's my fault for giving it HP. And I use a cantrip on this that
targets creatures because that'swhat I was looking for.

(01:20:03):
Yeah, that'll work. That all counted as a creature,
a thing you know, as as reality is bending and time is shaping
around you, you're not sure whatanything is and anything could
be anything at this point right now.
What you doing? Using a bonus action valve in
the MIDI on Akhmak and I get a Vantage on all attacks, so I'm

(01:20:25):
going to use my Lance. So we have 13 to miss.
I don't know it's advantage. It's advantage, yeah.
Yeah, it was like with advantage.
OK, second attack. Regnie's having a time.
OK, 18 so definitely hits. I would like to perhaps topple
it as I do. Five points of slashing, five

(01:20:46):
points of piercing. Yep, takes the five points and
it'll make that save with advantage ten.
Wow. Nice.
Fails toppled you like wedge your Lance like a crowbar in
between its feet and use all your might to spin it and it
falls down and it kind of like phases in and out of reality as
it shifts down and falls into the hole it came out of.

(01:21:09):
That was your chance E com beat his ass.
Ahmad continues to fire bolts atall of you.
Well proved. Yeah, with disadvantage.
When you're prone, you have disadvantage I believe.
Yo, prone range attacks have disadvantage on prone creatures
if they're far away. An advantage on attacks, yeah.

(01:21:31):
Male. Yeah, an attack rule against
creature. Yeah.
It still has disadvantage on allits attack rules though.
So good. Yeah.
So it's got to keep attacking all y'all.
What? What is this attack that it's
doing? It's describe it, you see almost
like these phasing bolts of force, just pure energy.

(01:21:51):
Oh. OK, flying out at all of you
ECOM 12 misses, that's a 14 and a 26.
So the 14's going to miss Damnatis?
Oh, thank God. And a 13 is going to miss Regna
as it's yelling. Nice phasing in and out of
reality. ECOM, what are you doing?

(01:22:13):
I yell at the right now, I got this and I go with my my spear,
Yeah. Advantage on all of these.
Almost a one and turned into a 19.
So 28 to hit on the first one, Yep, 25 to hit on the second
one, Yeah, going to be 10 damageplus. 10 damage plus.

(01:22:34):
Just be fours. Three damage plus Furia blows,
19 to hit and then a somebody nice, Yeah, and then a 23 to hit
for the second one. OK, that's this guy up.
That's awesome. So 12 damage and then 12 and

(01:22:58):
then seven. So he kind of went with the
Spears. He's just going to town on him
and then drops the spear for a second, then just continues to
punch him while he's on the. You see, you see, Regna, that
ECOM, now that you gave him the opportunity, beats off his wings
and they're just eviscerated this guy's wings and it cannot

(01:23:20):
fly anymore. I laugh with my wings like as
the next round comes and they surely disappear because I'm in
this past. As this guy goes and makes
attack rolls and I'll go all of you guys on each of you, let's
make it on Regna first. Why not 15 A13 on E com and A an
11 on dimnatus? That's a mess.

(01:23:41):
As oh, I forgot to get up beforedoing that.
It gets up though as it looks angrily at you guys.
Don't say. Dimnatus, get up.
Get in on this. Get up in here, Dimnatus.
What are you doing on your turn?I'm going to move to.
The. Green Orb and I'm going to
attack it with my long sword. Well, we got 21 for the first

(01:24:03):
and a 14 for the second. Yeah, you definitely hit.
It all right, so I got the firstdamage, got total of 12 damage.
Obliterated. Perfect.
And then for my bonus action, I am going to I'm not because I'm
not within range. I got was that 10 feet that I

(01:24:25):
moved or 15? So you got 15 feet?
I got. To go wherever you like.
Then I'll move 5 feet to the center then for my 15 total and
that will be it. Goes to the top of the town.
Regna, this guy's glaring at you.
It's a demon, right? Yeah, but this has more
resistances than before. It's a time, demon.
Sorry, time. Demon, I'm going to breathe on
it. We'll use my breast weapon.

(01:24:46):
Yeah, it used to make an X30 saving throw with DC.
Passes 17. That's going to.
Be totally eight points of radiant damage.
This is looking really messed up.
It looks down at you and is veryupset and is going to send
attacks your way. All all three of them at you

(01:25:08):
right now. No, I'm just kidding.
All three of them at ECOM because he's a fucking, he's
destroying this guy. That's a 25.
That's 16 misses and a 23 as youtake 24 points of force damage.
That's the ECOM souls leaving his body that he's absorbed over

(01:25:31):
the course of his entire life squeaking out are.
You down or are you? Released.
I'm hanging in there. I'm leaning on my spear right
now. Just it's your turn, so this
might be your final stand. Well, in that case I'm going to
give it a bio and he's going to go in and roll A1 right away.

(01:25:54):
So he's and then A. Oh man, no.
He's still hurt. He can't, he can't fight back.
He's swinging just aloof and it's not looking good.
No, and I think that's all he could do.
There's not really any good votesections that I think I can

(01:26:16):
throw out here. Wait, I can spend a key point to
do a dodge action? Yes, you can.
Is going to try and attack you with disadvantage.
Why not? Because it goes to his turn
again. Because it's still phasing in
and out. Nine misses.
It's like screw that, it's goingto go and attack Regna for an 8
to miss and a 14 to miss and this thing is yelling and
screaming through the void as Dimnatus takes his turn.

(01:26:38):
I'm going to cast, I cast the healing Word on ECOM level 2.
Nice. And ecom, you're going to get.
Oh my God, 12. Points of hit points and because
of my feature, you get to pick an opportunity attack on this
thing. Now as soon as I find what this

(01:27:00):
thing is called, what? That's crazy.
Yeah, once I cast a spell Voice of Authority.
If you cast a spell with a spellslot up first level or higher,
you target an ally with a spell.That ally can use their reaction
immediately after the spell to make one weapon attack against
the creature of your choice thatyou can see so you can make.
A Ecom. I can hit it right now.
Another spirits that Yep as yourreaction.

(01:27:21):
What? OK, ECOM feels real good about
this at 10. Oh my God.
But he wasn't. He wasn't fully healed and
misses with the 12. No.
Come on man. I'm sorry I failed you.
But you look really cool when you do it.
Yeah, right with. That I'll take my full action
and I'm going to dash to the blue gem.

(01:27:42):
Yeah, you make it there. There you go.
He's like, I'm tired of this slow mist man.
And that'll be it. All right, right now.
With this Lance, may it Pierce your blackened heart like the
Bahama's tail of topless. And I go to attack him with my
Lance. With the Vantage, you have two.

(01:28:05):
Lance 2 and they promise. You 24.
Nice. Oh, that's 12 points of piercing
damage and I'm going to do a second level smite on that.
Yeah. There you go.
Yeah, that's going to be an additional 9 points of radiant
damage. On the money dead.

(01:28:32):
What happens as you save Dean? I ran my spear through its belly
just underneath the crotch, the region of Dean as I open his gut
and I go firm handshakes and I grab him and pull him out from
the gullet of the demon as I bring him aboard.

(01:28:53):
Dean, pleasure to see you here. I bet you were fighting it from
the inside, tearing it's organs from limb to limb, truly
providing some maximum effort inthis battle.
I tore apart another demon across town.
I was in another Chapel, but then all of a sudden I got
teleported up here. A bunch of demons captured me

(01:29:14):
and I didn't know what was happening.
They were trying to stop me fromdoing something.
What were they trying to stop mefrom?
I I don't know. And as all this is happening,
you see Akhmak goes to the ground, all the gems shatter and
fall around him, and you feel the platform slowly begin to
plummet to earth. Oh.
Not again. The staff that Akhmak was

(01:29:35):
holding clamors across the platform and right in front of
your feet, Damnatus. And you feel like maybe this is
the prophecy foretold. You look down at everything
falling and this time staff thatyou wheeled and maybe if you try
hard enough you could reverse all the damage that was done.

(01:29:55):
I immediately grabbed the staff.You grab the staff, you put your
leg up on the ledge as you look down over the town and you wave
it. Make me a Oh yeah, make me a
Wisdom saving throw with disadvantage.
So I got a flaccid 20 and. A 11 and 11.

(01:30:17):
As you wave it, you feel a sparkof energy and it fuels you with
energy. But then you feel your body
splitting apart into different realities.
You see yourself young on one side and old on the other and
then back as a powerful blast occurs between you and the
staff. The staff gets blown back and
you fall onto the ground and youget up and you feel older all of

(01:30:40):
a sudden as the staff clamors infront of Dean's feet.
And Dean looks at the staff and goes, wait the notice.
Thank you. You found the staff from the
prophecy. And he grabs it, and Dean goes
into the center, and Akbar goes.No, we could never be.

(01:31:00):
You are the one. And Dean swirls the staff
around, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh as you feel the platform that
was about to plummet into the earth rise back.
The gems come apart and go againfarther into the distance and
blast into the the universe as you each go back into your
separate churches and everythingfeels like it was before Econ.

(01:31:24):
You are in this. Oh my gosh, nothing.
You were falling through the airinto Holbeck as whatever this
futuristic church was in a location above the church that
you're originally at. You're falling down on the
church. You use your feather fall to get
down. OK, the Egyptian area is now
back to Maloris Church and that's where you find yourself

(01:31:48):
Damnotis. And right now, you find yourself
in the north and of course, Bahamas presence as a Bahamas
statue stares down at you. I stare longingly at the statue
and I give a salute. Thank you for your presence
today's bout. You all find your way back into
the center of town. Everything looks just like it

(01:32:11):
was before. Everybody's smiling and happy
and jovial. Nobody harmed everybody moving.
The music fills your ears again,Regna a beautiful, beautiful
music econ. You see the leaves falling and
you think maybe it's time to give it another go.
Juan Johnson comes to the center.
Huh. Oh, what happened, everybody?

(01:32:33):
What happened? All right, everybody's safe by
the reculters. And oh man, I forgot there isn't
a Chapel in the South, so I justwent there for nothing.
But how'd you guys do? What's Damnotis say?
Damnotis, you come limping forward into the center of town
and Juan Johnson goes, Oh, who'sthis?
Who are you? I don't remember you.

(01:32:53):
And you see Damnotis aging in front of your eyes, becoming
more wrinkled by the 2nd. My my long flowing silvery hair,
now Gray and dry. Oh, no, Demnotis.
Well, don't worry. It wasn't in vain.
You gave me the staff. You You saved us, Dean.

(01:33:15):
You were the one that was wielding the staff.
I saw the glow from above. Yes, it was me.
Your name will go down in the history books, Dean.
Thank you so much. And thank you, Demnacious.
Thank you so much. It.
Wasn't Dean I'm the one who got the staff?

(01:33:36):
I mean, I'm sure you helped greatly.
Yes, You did a really good job giving me the staff, Demnotis.
As you see, Demnotis slowly get more wrinkly and more wrinkly
until his skin has no more waterand his skin has essentially
recessed into his bones and he falls down crumbled with no

(01:33:59):
hair, a bald man, no into the earth.
Like a leaf in the wind. Like a leaf.
In the wind. And that is where we'll at.
We'll end this episode of Whole Bank Humanitarians.
I will never forget you, Deb. Not just, but I am so glad we
had a prodigy on our side. Ain't that right?
That's right. One chance gets excited.

(01:34:21):
He's like, huh, don't call me a prodigy, I guess I was the
chosen one, but it's fine. Thank you for playing Tim, that
was a blast. Yeah, that was great, dude.
Yeah. Thank you so much, man.
It was. Awesome.
Thanks guys for having me. That was that was a lot of fun.
I appreciate it. Glad you had fun.
Oh, not my water. Kicked my water to the side.
Oh, was that that Saratoga? Water bro.

(01:34:44):
That's Saratoga Water did. You hover in the air for 5
minutes as. We end this session.
Tim, you might not have been aware of this.
I don't know if we told you or not, but at the end of these
episodes we give our special guests 30 seconds to shout out
themselves or whatever they wantto shout out.

(01:35:06):
It could be anything that you want to draw people's attention
to. So the the floor is yours.
Please let us know how people should follow you or if there's
someone else you want to highlight.
Oh, man, pressure is on. Yeah, I think I don't have
anything specific, but I think just with everything going on in
the world right now, just everybody be kind to each other.

(01:35:28):
You know, a lot of different people out there with different
views and, yeah, beliefs, but I think everybody just right now
needs to be kind of each other. I agree with that 100% yes.
Sir, yes. Sir, Yeah, what a wonderful
message to end this podcast on. I would like to ask you one more
very important question though, Tim, of course.

(01:35:50):
Is there a show or a video game or something some type of media
people should be consuming rightnow that they're not?
Recommendation. So I posted in the Discord a
book I started reading book. Yeah, it was, it's, I saw it at
Barnes Noble in the the D&D section.
And of course, I own, I think every Wizards of the Coast

(01:36:11):
published piece of literature. But there was a novel there.
It was Dungeon Crawler Carl and there's like 7 books I think.
I just finished book one. I'm on book 2 now and my God it
is. It is great.
If you love D&D and Hunger Games, crass humor, pop culture,
this is this is the book for you.
It's really, really good. Is it?

(01:36:32):
Is it on Spotify audio? Books.
Unfortunately not it is not. Dang, you have to get if you
want an audio book. It's on audible.
It is, I think $14.00. Or if you have a prime, Amazon
prime you get a free one every for second month.
Yeah, but really, really good. I am hoping that they make it

(01:36:53):
into a show or movie someday because.
Yeah, it's have to. It's fantastic.
Their subreddit is very active. Oh.
Yeah, I'll have to check that out because I haven't checked
the subreddit out yet. That'll be my next step, I think
so. Yeah.
Yeah. Read the book first.
That'll go check out the subreddit.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, Get the books done 1st and
then go there. Awesome.
Good recommendation. Thank you.
Thank you. What a really, really poignant

(01:37:13):
recommendation for everything going on as we crawl through
dungeons. Tim, everybody, please join us
in the after show after this on Patreon.
We're going to talk to Tim and see how he liked the session,
his thoughts, his concerns, critiques, whatever he happens
to think about it. But until then, everybody,
please give your most aging goodbye.
Goodbye, goodbye. Goodbye.

(01:37:40):
All right, everybody, welcome back to Drell's first annual
Bodacious Boditorium Bodybuilding contest.
Try to say that five times fast,and I will be going over the
contestants. First we have the Bloodshot
Bandits, The Dread. You've officially become a

(01:38:01):
silent icon in the posing practice room that Mere Rotini
did yesterday. Powerful, elegant, and
terrifying. A couple new members actually
left the gym because they thought you were a rape that had
materialized. Can't wait to see what you bring
to the stage. Might not speak, but your flexes

(01:38:21):
are loud. Brandy Woodburner.
While everyone else is trying toget their micros right, you
rolled in and asked if we wantedred, white or sparkling Brandy.
You're not competing, but you'remaking sure the post competition
celebrations are legendary and your deadlift and dry rose

(01:38:42):
tasting last night is already sold out.
And the bench press brute you dropped off surprisingly
drinkable after a set of curls. Bless you and your blessed
barrels, Craig Dawnbringer. There was a rumor going around
that you weren't entering the competition, but I've noticed a

(01:39:03):
sudden increase in protein shakes, mirror glances, and
subtle lunges during conversation.
Don't worry, I get it. I mean, I totally do the same
thing. You're going for the surprise
reveal strategy? Bold move.
Just know I'm on to you. Julius Kendrick.
Still technically on probation, but somehow I found your name on

(01:39:25):
the men's most theatrical entrance sign up sheet.
What do you know? Fine, you know what you're in.
If you want to descend from the ceiling on a roast room, just
test it this time. Julius, we're still recovering
from the fog machine incident. Knock muck.
Your cooking has fueled half thecompetitors in this gym and

(01:39:46):
possibly made the other half weep tears of flavorful induced
joy. That new high protein spice Stew
you've been testing is either game changer or a mild
hallucinogen. I'm not really sure yet.
Regardless, you've earned the title Master of the meal prep in
muscle growth. Just maybe tone down the heat

(01:40:08):
next batch. We lost 3 lifters to spice
induced vision loss yesterday. Morgan Oldfield, while you
haven't signed up, I've seen youand your fox familiar running
synchronized hill sprints behindthe gym.
Either you're preparing for the comp or.
For some sort of woodland ambushscenario.

(01:40:31):
Either way, I respect the hustleand so does your fox, who for
the record is now also maybe hasbetter absent half the gym.
I'm just saying Artemis, you're not competing, but you've taken
upon yourself to be the officialintimidation coach for the
competitors. Whispering he skips leg day, the

(01:40:54):
people mid set for psychologicalwarfare.
Frankly, it's genius. Just don't say it to me ever
again. And I mean ever.
Gloric night breaker. I saw you working on your posing
transitions in the cardio room, shirtless, covered in glitter
and doing your finger guns between each flex.

(01:41:18):
Is it regulation? Absolutely not.
Is it unforgettable? Also yes.
Keep it mildly illegal and you've got a real shot.
Next up is Sly. Everyone's counting reps and
you're counting exit routes. You train like you're pulling
off a heist, not a workout, and somehow it's working.

(01:41:40):
Your flex routines look like a distraction tactic, and
honestly, it's kind of genius. Just don't swap the winner's
medal for decoy again, OK? We're still looking for the real
1 Sidgic College alumni David Lachance.
I've noticed you just standing off stage during everyone's
posing practice, sipping smoothies and whispering

(01:42:03):
critiques like some kind of shredded theater director.
Either compete or stop making people question their life
choices. Mid flex, preferably both.
Punk. Your guitar bass worms are
great, but the gym floor is not your stage.
That said, your lat spread powerchords have a certain magic and

(01:42:25):
if you bring that same energy tothe posing room you might just
create a new category. Most melodic muscle?
Mongo the Yeti giant, you've begun circulating Flyers titled
Carbs Are Lies, Shred the bread.While your anti gluten crusade

(01:42:45):
is noted, we do need to remind you that carbs are kind of
important for you. You know, lifting heavy things
and all. At least let the other
competitors eat their bagels in peace.
Saint Chaos, the mysterious new supplement powder you've been
handing out backstage, has been described as tasting like

(01:43:06):
moonlight in danger. If that's legal, I don't even
care. Just save me a scoop.
Also, your private posing room with fog lasers and ambient
chatting. Very own brand chartreuse Vex
Shade. The smallest gnome in the gym
with the biggest magical flare that'll caught you using sorcery

(01:43:27):
to amplify your lifts, sometimeswith unexpected side effects
like turning kettle bells into glowing frogs mid set, your
arcana enhanced workouts, or definitely turning heads.
Just try to keep the fireballs away from the treadmills.
Yeah, and Brea's heroes, Mister Man with Glass, Charcoal Darts

(01:43:49):
and D&D Virgin. Your team routine rehearsals for
the competition has turned into an elaborate stage play.
The fake swords, synchronized flexing, and the villain
monologue. I don't know how this will score
with the judges, but I already sold tickets.

(01:44:11):
Bjorn, Annie, Master of Weapons,Toby Large and John Carroll.
You're still a sneaky mirror noir into the gym as your team
nutritionist. You think I can't tell?
That's him under the sunglasses,the fake bicep suit, and if I
see him backstage coaching again, we're going to be bumped

(01:44:31):
that band of one year. Also, that's a nice fake
mustache. Did he steal that from Menace,
Johnny Tarr, Avanox, Cypress, Daywind and Nico?
Team Pickleball has entered the group posing category under the
title Flex and Paddle. The use of pickleball paddles as

(01:44:51):
props Weirdly elegant. Just remember, if you drop 1
during your routine, it's an automatic point deduction unless
you can play it off with a powerful pose.
Drown TNU 2 Point O and Tim AKA Heart U3 are still in training
mode and it shows. I've seen the sweat, the

(01:45:14):
grunting and the chalk clouds and three man mirror prep talks.
Just remember this is a gym. Don't go too hard or I'll have
to enter the comp last minute just to remind people who built
this temple of glory. Well, that's it folks, that's
your contestants. Thanks again to everybody here

(01:45:37):
in the auditorium. Family keep lifting, flexing and
occasionally glowing unnatural energy.
Competition is coming. Stace wool drill out.
Poor guy. Well, hey, look, the town's
fine. You do great.

(01:45:58):
Good. Yeah, it was really good.
He comes waiting to be chastisedagain.
I don't. Know what happened to this guy?
Looks like he died by natural causes.
Usually you end up getting them killed.
This is great. Did I die for glory?
What? He saved the town.
What? What are you talking about?
That was Dean. And as you try and knock some
sense into Juan Johnson, you start to hear a clamor in the

(01:46:20):
crowd. The clamors get louder until
it's become shouting as kids begin pointing to the sky,
parents start screaming as something gets closer and closer
to the ground. From the distance, you realize
that it was the platform that once existed in all universes
simultaneously falls closer, closer, until boom.

(01:46:41):
As the dust settles, you realizethe platform landed on a church
to the north. Is that the temple of Bahamut
that I just saw it land on? Everyone stares at Ragna.
I'm going to have to take an extended vacation.

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