October 5, 2024 • 9 mins
why do we avoid talking about our feelings? why does it negatively affect our mental health? how can i become better at talking about my feelings? join me as we discuss these topics and feel our feelings.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Have you ever been asked, hey how are you and without even
thinking said I'm fine when in reality you are definitely not
fine? I know I've been there.
But why do we do that? Why do we feel the need to lie
and protect others from how we really feel?
(00:20):
What if holding that in is doingmore harm than good?
Today we're going to talk about something that most of us are
guilty of avoiding, talking about our feelings and why,
despite how hard it can be, it'sone of the best things we can do
for our mental health, our relationships and overall for
(00:41):
the health of our social circles.
My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your
Feelings. Before we dive into this topic,
I want to remind you I'm not a doctor, not a psychiatrist, and
not a professional in the mentalhealth industry at all.
I'm a normal guy who, like you, has felt some big feelings and
(01:03):
wants to start the conversation about mental health.
As you may know, I host this podcast, but I also make music
that is centered around mental health.
And almost every day I get messages telling me that my
music helps people put their feelings into words.
So this genuinely got me thinking, What makes it so hard
to put our feelings into words? Why do we struggle with that so
(01:26):
much? I know I struggled for years and
music was finally the outlet that allowed me to put my
feelings into words as well. I'm so grateful to have that to
share with some of you. But the truth is, many of us
never learned how to talk about our emotions.
We may have been taught what they were, how they affected us,
but when it comes to actually vocalizing our feelings and
(01:49):
struggles, many of us fall flat,myself included.
The reasons for this may vary, but there's a few I can identify
right now. The first being that there's a
stigma around vulnerability. For years, society has sent us a
message that being vulnerable, especially when it comes to
emotions, is a sign of weakness.This goes way back to outdated
(02:12):
viewpoints, such as the idea that men shouldn't cry and need
to just man up, or that women need to stay composed and
ladylike, or that people in general aren't supposed to show
emotions. These outdated viewpoints have
translated into more modern ideas that sharing your feelings
is dramatic, that you'll be too much for your friends, that it's
(02:35):
all in your head. All of these ideas are very
toxic for our mental health. They're woven so deeply into our
society that even as the mental health awareness movement grows,
we are still lacking real conversations about our
feelings. We lack the ability to be honest
about how we're feeling, to tellpeople that we need space or
(02:58):
time to heal and get better. It's easier to lie than let them
in. Another reason we struggle to
talk to others is because of theculture of fixing instead of
listening. We live in a world that yearns
for quick solutions and fixes for everything, but with mental
health there is no get better quick scheme.
(03:21):
It can feel frustrating and evendemeaning to receive quick
casual fixes for deep rooted issues.
It's exhausting to open up to someone just to get told you
haven't done the obvious. This can drive us away from
talking to others as this cycle is emotionally difficult to
engage in. Wishing to be listened to, but
(03:42):
instead having casual, disinterested solutions tossed
our way feels like we are talking to a brick wall.
And even if we don't face that brick wall, we may be scared of
judgement from others. After all, feelings are not a
common topic of conversation. So what if they judge me?
What if they think that I'm too much or that my feelings are odd
(04:06):
or unusual? What if they don't understand
me? A culmination of all of these
causes can lead us to keep it all inside.
After all, it seems easier to just bottle it up than face
potential vulnerability, judgement, or disinterest.
However, when we suppress our emotions, we stunt our emotional
(04:30):
growth. Although it feels like we're
avoiding conflict or stress, we're actually creating a
ticking time bomb inside. Suppressed feelings don't just
go away, they fester. Research shows that when you
don't express your feelings, it can lead to increased anxiety,
depression and stress. Emotional suppression has been
(04:52):
linked to higher risks of developing chronic mental health
issues over time. It can also lead to long term
physical health issues. When you keep your feelings to
yourself, your body feels it too.
You may experience headaches, digestive issues, insomnia and
fatigue. Your mind and body physically
manifests the feelings that you're experiencing and without
(05:13):
any form of release, you'll go into fight or flight, constantly
holding in stress, being anxious, unable to identify what
exactly you're feeling. Not talking about your feelings
can also place barriers within your relationships.
We can't all read each other's minds, and when we don't
communicate, it often leads to misunderstandings, frustrations,
(05:38):
or resentments. By not opening up, we can end up
feeling more isolated, which reinforces an unhealthy idea
that we should just deal with everything on our own.
The truth is, relationships thrive on openness and
vulnerability, relationships with others and your
relationship with yourself. By being open and honest with
(06:01):
your feelings, you develop more emotional intelligence, which
increases your confidence in what you feel.
It allows you to be more honest with yourself and respect your
own boundaries. It is crucial that we start
having open and healthy conversations about our emotions
with others. So how can we move in that
(06:24):
direction? I recommend that you start small
and build trust. Although I'm all about open
honesty, sometimes we need to build up trust with a person
before we get deep into emotional communication.
It's good to ensure that somebody won't betray that trust
(06:45):
or be disinterested entirely. Start by sharing small moments
of emotional vulnerability. It could be as simple as I've
been feeling a little bit off lately, or I've had a lot on my
mind. These small openings could pave
the way for a deeper conversation in the future.
It can also identify people who just aren't in a place to have
(07:06):
communication like that, who aren't in a place to have that
level of emotional connection intheir friendships or
relationships. But before you can take that
path to a deeper conversation, you also have to understand your
feelings yourself. This is where the relationship
with yourself that I mentioned earlier comes into play.
(07:28):
Start with some self reflection.Take time every day to check in
with yourself. You could journal, meditate, or
literally just sit quietly without distractions to help you
identify what's really going on below the surface.
The more comfortable you get being alone with your own
thoughts and feelings, the easier it'll be to share them
(07:51):
once you've developed this trustand understanding.
Timing and environment also matters when opening up to
others. We have to keep in mind that the
other person also could be goingthrough something or may not
have the emotional capacity to have a conversation about
feelings and emotions. By making sure the other person
is also in a receptive state of mind, you ensure that both of
(08:14):
you are fully present in the conversation.
Don't force this to happen. Allow yourself to learn more
about yourself, develop the connection with the other
person, and move in a direction where your relationships are
more full of free, open, honest conversations.
By normalizing these kinds of conversations, we not only help
(08:37):
ourselves by alleviating some ofthe stress and pain that
feelings can bring, but we also help others by normalizing this
kind of talk. Feelings should never be taboo.
We should all work towards a world where we can talk, be
honest, and allow our feelings to exist.
(08:58):
You are not abnormal for having feelings, and neither is anyone
else around you. So let's practice talking about
and feeling our feelings. That's going to wrap it up for
today's episode. Thank you so much for being
here. If you need help feeling your
feelings, you should check out my music on all platforms under
(09:20):
the name of Ethan Jewel and I almost guarantee it'll make you
cry. Also, please shoot me a message
on my Instagram at Jewel Boy with an I under score and let me
know what you thought about today's episode.
So thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for having a real honest conversation with me
about feelings. And as always, thank you for
feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.
Have you ever been asked, hey how are you and without even
thinking said I'm fine when in reality you are definitely not
fine? I know I've been there.
But why do we do that? Why do we feel the need to lie
and protect others from how we really feel?
(00:20):
What if holding that in is doingmore harm than good?
Today we're going to talk about something that most of us are
guilty of avoiding, talking about our feelings and why,
despite how hard it can be, it'sone of the best things we can do
for our mental health, our relationships and overall for
(00:41):
the health of our social circles.
My name is Ethan Jewell and welcome back to Feel Your
Feelings. Before we dive into this topic,
I want to remind you I'm not a doctor, not a psychiatrist, and
not a professional in the mentalhealth industry at all.
I'm a normal guy who, like you, has felt some big feelings and
(01:03):
wants to start the conversation about mental health.
As you may know, I host this podcast, but I also make music
that is centered around mental health.
And almost every day I get messages telling me that my
music helps people put their feelings into words.
So this genuinely got me thinking, What makes it so hard
to put our feelings into words? Why do we struggle with that so
(01:26):
much? I know I struggled for years and
music was finally the outlet that allowed me to put my
feelings into words as well. I'm so grateful to have that to
share with some of you. But the truth is, many of us
never learned how to talk about our emotions.
We may have been taught what they were, how they affected us,
but when it comes to actually vocalizing our feelings and
(01:49):
struggles, many of us fall flat,myself included.
The reasons for this may vary, but there's a few I can identify
right now. The first being that there's a
stigma around vulnerability. For years, society has sent us a
message that being vulnerable, especially when it comes to
emotions, is a sign of weakness.This goes way back to outdated
(02:12):
viewpoints, such as the idea that men shouldn't cry and need
to just man up, or that women need to stay composed and
ladylike, or that people in general aren't supposed to show
emotions. These outdated viewpoints have
translated into more modern ideas that sharing your feelings
is dramatic, that you'll be too much for your friends, that it's
(02:35):
all in your head. All of these ideas are very
toxic for our mental health. They're woven so deeply into our
society that even as the mental health awareness movement grows,
we are still lacking real conversations about our
feelings. We lack the ability to be honest
about how we're feeling, to tellpeople that we need space or
(02:58):
time to heal and get better. It's easier to lie than let them
in. Another reason we struggle to
talk to others is because of theculture of fixing instead of
listening. We live in a world that yearns
for quick solutions and fixes for everything, but with mental
health there is no get better quick scheme.
(03:21):
It can feel frustrating and evendemeaning to receive quick
casual fixes for deep rooted issues.
It's exhausting to open up to someone just to get told you
haven't done the obvious. This can drive us away from
talking to others as this cycle is emotionally difficult to
engage in. Wishing to be listened to, but
(03:42):
instead having casual, disinterested solutions tossed
our way feels like we are talking to a brick wall.
And even if we don't face that brick wall, we may be scared of
judgement from others. After all, feelings are not a
common topic of conversation. So what if they judge me?
What if they think that I'm too much or that my feelings are odd
(04:06):
or unusual? What if they don't understand
me? A culmination of all of these
causes can lead us to keep it all inside.
After all, it seems easier to just bottle it up than face
potential vulnerability, judgement, or disinterest.
However, when we suppress our emotions, we stunt our emotional
(04:30):
growth. Although it feels like we're
avoiding conflict or stress, we're actually creating a
ticking time bomb inside. Suppressed feelings don't just
go away, they fester. Research shows that when you
don't express your feelings, it can lead to increased anxiety,
depression and stress. Emotional suppression has been
(04:52):
linked to higher risks of developing chronic mental health
issues over time. It can also lead to long term
physical health issues. When you keep your feelings to
yourself, your body feels it too.
You may experience headaches, digestive issues, insomnia and
fatigue. Your mind and body physically
manifests the feelings that you're experiencing and without
(05:13):
any form of release, you'll go into fight or flight, constantly
holding in stress, being anxious, unable to identify what
exactly you're feeling. Not talking about your feelings
can also place barriers within your relationships.
We can't all read each other's minds, and when we don't
communicate, it often leads to misunderstandings, frustrations,
(05:38):
or resentments. By not opening up, we can end up
feeling more isolated, which reinforces an unhealthy idea
that we should just deal with everything on our own.
The truth is, relationships thrive on openness and
vulnerability, relationships with others and your
relationship with yourself. By being open and honest with
(06:01):
your feelings, you develop more emotional intelligence, which
increases your confidence in what you feel.
It allows you to be more honest with yourself and respect your
own boundaries. It is crucial that we start
having open and healthy conversations about our emotions
with others. So how can we move in that
(06:24):
direction? I recommend that you start small
and build trust. Although I'm all about open
honesty, sometimes we need to build up trust with a person
before we get deep into emotional communication.
It's good to ensure that somebody won't betray that trust
(06:45):
or be disinterested entirely. Start by sharing small moments
of emotional vulnerability. It could be as simple as I've
been feeling a little bit off lately, or I've had a lot on my
mind. These small openings could pave
the way for a deeper conversation in the future.
It can also identify people who just aren't in a place to have
(07:06):
communication like that, who aren't in a place to have that
level of emotional connection intheir friendships or
relationships. But before you can take that
path to a deeper conversation, you also have to understand your
feelings yourself. This is where the relationship
with yourself that I mentioned earlier comes into play.
(07:28):
Start with some self reflection.Take time every day to check in
with yourself. You could journal, meditate, or
literally just sit quietly without distractions to help you
identify what's really going on below the surface.
The more comfortable you get being alone with your own
thoughts and feelings, the easier it'll be to share them
(07:51):
once you've developed this trustand understanding.
Timing and environment also matters when opening up to
others. We have to keep in mind that the
other person also could be goingthrough something or may not
have the emotional capacity to have a conversation about
feelings and emotions. By making sure the other person
is also in a receptive state of mind, you ensure that both of
(08:14):
you are fully present in the conversation.
Don't force this to happen. Allow yourself to learn more
about yourself, develop the connection with the other
person, and move in a direction where your relationships are
more full of free, open, honest conversations.
By normalizing these kinds of conversations, we not only help
(08:37):
ourselves by alleviating some ofthe stress and pain that
feelings can bring, but we also help others by normalizing this
kind of talk. Feelings should never be taboo.
We should all work towards a world where we can talk, be
honest, and allow our feelings to exist.
(08:58):
You are not abnormal for having feelings, and neither is anyone
else around you. So let's practice talking about
and feeling our feelings. That's going to wrap it up for
today's episode. Thank you so much for being
here. If you need help feeling your
feelings, you should check out my music on all platforms under
(09:20):
the name of Ethan Jewel and I almost guarantee it'll make you
cry. Also, please shoot me a message
on my Instagram at Jewel Boy with an I under score and let me
know what you thought about today's episode.
So thank you so much for being here.
Thank you for having a real honest conversation with me
about feelings. And as always, thank you for
feeling your feelings. I'll see you next time.
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