i miss who i was when i was younger

Do you miss your childhood? Who you used to be when you were younger? Maybe you're grieving that piece of you without even realizing it. In today's episode, we'll discuss how it feels to grieve our younger selves, and then learn how to reconnect with that part of ourselves. Your inner child is still there - just waiting for you to rediscover them.

Welcome back to Feel Your Feelings with Ethan Jewell! I'm not a psychologist, a doctor, or a mental health professional. Instead, I guide you through the world of mental health from a casual, relatable lens. I've been there, I've felt that, and I understand what you're feeling. Let's feel some feelings.

Poetry book and more on website: www.ethanjewell.com

IG: @jewellboi_

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
I miss who I was when I was younger.
Sometimes I look back at old photos and I think I don't even
recognize that person. Not just because of the smile or
the haircut, but because that version of me hadn't been
through all of this heaviness. When we grow up, it's easy to

(00:22):
lose that side of us, that limitless wonder, that passion,
curiosity, creativity. But it's always right there.
You just have to make a conscious effort to reconnect
with it. My name is Ethan Jewell and
welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.

(00:45):
Do you remember who you were before things got really heavy
and difficult? Maybe it was your young
childhood. You used to play outside and
laugh for hours, get lost in books, wonder, play.
Maybe it was your teenage years,when you followed dreams, chased
passions, saw friends, took careof yourself.

(01:05):
Maybe. Maybe you never had those
memories at all. Maybe it was just an idea, or a
concept. Either way, that younger version
of you, the version full of lifeand curiosity, was there.
Maybe they were more spontaneous, more hopeful, more
trusting, less anxious and guarded.

(01:28):
I personally remember my childhood self.
He was brave and he was so filled to the brim with joy and
he would laugh for no reason at all.
And he loved it when those around him did the same.
He wasn't afraid to try new things.
He he never doubted himself. He was secure and blindly
confident. Before I started struggling with

(01:51):
depression and anxiety, I was all of these things.
And then it felt like it got taken away from me.
I felt as though I'd been robbedof this version of me.
And that sits with me. That grief of losing that

(02:11):
version of me sat with me for years without me even realizing
what the grief was or where it was coming from.
But then I realized we grieve most of the things we lose.
So why do we not give ourselves the space and the gentleness to
emotionally grieve who we once were?
You know, it's easy to look backat a younger version of yourself

(02:33):
and wonder what happened. Somewhere along the way the the
weight started piling on. But here's the thing, there's
usually not one big moment that changes us.
Of course there can be, but often there's a slow build
collection of small, sharp things.

(02:54):
The world doesn't drop all of its heaviness on you at once.
It hands it over, little by little, until one day you're
carrying more than you ever thought you could.
Maybe it was heartbreak, or losing someone too soon, or
mental illness creeping in quietly and loudly, or a moment

(03:15):
when your trust was broken. You haven't fully repaired it
since. Maybe it was just growing up,
because let's be real, adulthoodhas a way of hardening the edges
of things. Responsibilities pile up, bills,
expectations, deadlines. And the more aware we become of

(03:35):
how the world actually works, the injustice that the pressure,
the unpredictability, the more the light hearted version of
ourselves starts to dim. And then there's the trauma.
Got emotional wounds that we didn't ask for.
Maybe your childhood wasn't the way it should have been.
Maybe someone hurt you or you hurt yourself in ways that you
didn't even understand. There's so many things that are

(03:58):
trying to take away that wonder and that joy and just that
childlike sense of self, that confidence that we used to have.
It pokes away at us and slowly, before we know it, we've lost
it. I personally feel way more
hardened to the world and I haveto make a conscious effort to

(04:22):
bring back that part of myself. I think part of what makes this
so painful is that no one prepares you for it.
No one tells you that losing parts of yourself is a part of
growing up. That you can be doing everything
right. You can be going to therapy,
journaling, doing self work, andstill wake up one day feeling

(04:43):
like a stranger in your own skinand you miss that younger you,
the one that wasn't carrying allof this.
But let let me say something that I really hope you hear.
It's not your fault that the world got heavy.
You didn't do something wrong bybecoming more aware or by

(05:08):
surviving what you've survived. The fact that things feel
heavier now doesn't mean that you're broken.
It means that you've lived. It means that you know things.
It means that you felt deeply, cared deeply, maybe even lost
deeply. And all of that weight, It
shaped you, but it didn't erase you.

(05:31):
You're not broken. You're just layered.
You're a whole collection of memories and changes and growth
and effort. And yeah, sometimes it does feel
like the lightness is gone, but I promise it's not gone.
It's just buried a little under everything that you've carried.
And it's OK to grieve that. It's OK to say I miss who I was
before the world got heavy. That's not weakness.

(05:53):
That's honesty. And honestly, that is where
healing starts. When I say healing, I don't mean
that we can magically go back towho we were.
We can't and we shouldn't. Growth happens for a reason.

(06:14):
We change for a reason. It's a necessary part of life.
But reconnecting with that younger version is not only
possible, but empowering, healing, and potentially life
changing. We can still reach for who we
were before, not to erase who weare now, but to invite that old

(06:36):
self to walk with us into who weare becoming.
You might have heard of this before.
It's reigniting your childlike wonder, healing your childlike
self. And I think this is a beautiful
and amazing part of our mental health healing journey.
So how do we do that? Honestly, as with many things,

(06:59):
when healing your mental health,it starts with the small stuff.
Think back to what used to lightyou up.
What did you love to do before things got heavy?
Maybe it was painting with no purpose and no judgement.
Maybe it was singing in the car like no one was watching.
Writing poetry that didn't have to rhyme or make sense.
I do that one. Staying up too late, talking

(07:22):
about nothing. Dancing in your room, dancing in
public, Making silly videos, collecting rocks or drawing
Dragons or other things. Maybe it was building Legos.
Maybe it wasn't even what you were doing, but how you felt
doing it. That sense of wonder.
Play freedom and safety, then try to bring some of that back

(07:44):
into your own world, even if it feels awkward or weird or
embarrassing at first. I think the idea of cringe has
completely ruined fun and and childlike wonder for us.
We feel ashamed to get excited or to love the little things
because there's this blanket idea that expressing joy and

(08:04):
happiness and passion and excitement is cringe.
If being cringe is experiencing joy and being silly and skipping
instead of walking and dancing in public and discovering new
hobbies and being super super excited about things, then I
will happily be cringe any day. This is a powerful part of

(08:25):
healing your mental health, Rediscovering that childlike
wonder within you, rediscoveringwho you used to be, and then
implementing that same play and wonder and joy and cringe into
your life. My life got drastically better
when I began to do this, and I know that yours can too.
So pick up that old hobby again.Revisit that music that used to

(08:49):
play on repeat. Watch the movie that made you
feel something back then. Journal as your younger self or
to them. Let them talk to you.
Let them remind you of the partsof yourself that you've tried to
protect by hiding. Let yourself be free.
Reconnecting isn't about erasingyour growth or pretending that
nothing's changed. It's about weaving that earlier

(09:13):
version of you into your present, letting their lightness
mix with your wisdom, their openness mix with your
boundaries, their playfulness mix with your strength.
You're not trying to be who you were, You're trying to remember
what they knew and what they felt.

(09:35):
That joy is possible. That you're allowed to be silly.
That you can trust people. Sometimes that hope is worth
holding on to, even when it feels fragile.
And if you're sitting here thinking, I don't know where to
start. I don't know how to uncover that
version of me that I've kept hidden and protected for so

(09:58):
long. Start small.
Do one thing the old you would have loved, even if it feels
silly. Especially if it feels silly
because the world will always try to weigh you down.
That's just what it does. But you, you get to decide how
much of that weight that you carry and you get to decide when

(10:18):
to set some of it down so you can reach back and hold hands
with the person that you used tobe.
They're still there and they're rooting for you and so am I.
That's going to wrap it up for today's episode.
Thank you so much for being herewith me.

(10:40):
If you need help feeling your feelings, you should check out
my music on all platforms under the name of Ethan Jewell.
I almost guarantee it'll make you cry.
Also, drop me a comment and let me know what you thought about
today's episode. Let me know your thoughts and
your feelings on discovering that childlike wonder and that
that that part of you that you've seemingly lost, or maybe
you haven't lost it. Maybe you have a great
connection with it. So thank you so much for being

(11:04):
here. Thank you for understanding that
we should respect and try to reconnect with that younger
version of ourself that had so much joy and wonder and passion.
And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
I'll see you next time.