you're not a burden, you're just hurting

if you've ever felt like your emotions make you “too much” for others to handle, this episode is for you. today, we'll explore the painful belief that we’re a "burden" when we’re struggling and gently remind ourselves that needing help doesn’t make us weak, it makes us human. you are not a burden. you are just hurting. and you deserve support, even in your darkest moments. let's Feel Our Feelings.

Welcome back to Feel Your Feelings with Ethan Jewell! I'm not a psychologist, a doctor, or a mental health professional. Instead, I'm here to guide you through the world of mental health from a casual, relatable lens. I've been there, I've felt that, and I understand what you're feeling. Let's feel some feelings.

Poetry book and more on my website: ⁠⁠www.ethanjewell.com⁠⁠

IG: ⁠⁠@jewellboi_

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You are not a burden, you're nottoo much, You're not causing
problems by simply existing. You're just hurting.
You're just struggling. You're just being a human and
that's OK. You are allowed to want people
to care, you are allowed to leanon others, and you are allowed

(00:20):
to exist and hurt and deal with the mental health issues that
you're dealing with, free from worry of how you're burdening
other people. My name is Ethan Jewell and
welcome back to Feel Your Feelings.
That feeling of being a burden, of being too much, of thinking.

(00:41):
Why would anyone want to deal with me right now?
Of shrinking yourself down because your pain is
inconvenient? If you've ever felt this way, I
need you to hear me. You're not a burden, you're just
hurting, and there's a huge difference between the two.
So if this is a feeling that you've grappled with, you are in
the perfect place. I want to remind you, I'm not a

(01:03):
doctor. I'm not a psychiatrist.
I'm not a professional in the mental health industry
whatsoever. I'm just a guy who, like you,
has felt some very big feelings and has talked to tons of people
who have felt big feelings as well.
And I want to chat about these things from a very real personal
standpoint. So thank you so much for being
here and let's feel some feelings.

(01:24):
So let's start with where this belief even comes from.
Let's be honest, we weren't borninto this world thinking that
we're burdens. No, this kind of belief gets
planted slowly. Maybe when you were younger, you
were told to stop crying, or to go to your room when you were
upset. Maybe the people around you
didn't know how to hold space for your emotions, so you

(01:46):
learned how to hold them in. Or maybe as you got older,
people stopped checking in. You had to be the strong one,
the reliable one, the one who keeps it together.
And anytime you did breakdown, you felt guilty afterwards.
You felt like you were botheringsomeone.
So now, every time you feel something deeply, every time

(02:08):
you're going through a hard time, instead of reaching out,
you isolate. And look, I get it.
I've been there. There have been times where I
didn't text someone back becauseI felt like I was too messy, too
broken, too much. But let me tell you something
I've had to learn the hard way. You're not too much.

(02:33):
Your feelings are not a burden on other people.
You just need someone to care. You just want someone to hear
you, and you're not wrong for that.
Needing care doesn't make you weak.
Wanting someone to hear you, notwanting to be alone doesn't make

(02:54):
you weak or unmanageable. It makes you human.
You're not wrong for wanting someone to care, and we have to
get rid of that idea first and foremost.
This idea that wanting care, that wanting someone to be there
for us is, is harmful. The idea that wanting support is

(03:16):
harmful is not true. Now don't get me wrong, I'm
going to play a little bit of devil's advocate here.
We do need to be aware of the fact that on occasion our
emotions can hurt others. That's a very realistic part of
the mental health struggle. This doesn't give us permission
to lash out at people for no reason.

(03:37):
This doesn't give us permission to treat people badly and then
blame our mental health. That's something that I know
I've gotten caught up in before,and it's a very realistic part
of dealing with mental illness. Mental illness is very rude to
us and it tries to separate us from the people that we love, so
we do need to be aware of that part of it.
However, wanting people to care is not a bad thing and you

(04:02):
simply having feelings and wanting someone to be there for
you does not make you a burden. So now we understand where that
feeling comes from. But a question is what is the
downside of this? What is the downside of our
pain? What does it do to our self
worth? How does it affect our
relationship with others? One of the most cruel things

(04:24):
that pain does is it convinces us that we deserve to be alone
in it. When you're hurting, your brain
tells you things like no one wants to deal with this.
You know you're dragging people down, they're better off without
you. But here's the truth that your
pain doesn't want you to hear. You deserve connection even when
you're not OK. You are worthy of love even in

(04:46):
your lowest moments. You are not bringing others down
by wanting a helping hand. You're not pulling them down
with you. You simply want someone to care.
Think about your best friend or someone you deeply care about.
If they came to you and said, I feel broken, I feel like I'm too
much, I feel like a burden, whatwould you say?

(05:07):
You'd you'd probably tell them that they're not.
You'd tell them they're allowed to struggle.
You'd hold space for them. So why is it so hard to offer
yourself that same grace? You are not a burden.
Your pain doesn't make you a burden.
The same way you wouldn't tell your best friend, Oh no, you're
being too much right now. You'd be there for them, so be

(05:32):
there for yourself. Acknowledge that you are allowed
to hurt and you're allowed to ask for help, and you are not
this burden that your pain triesto convince you that you are.
You're not asking for too much, you're asking to be seen.
Anyone who's struggling deservesto be heard and deserves to be
seen. So I need you to know you're not

(05:54):
asking for too much when you want someone to just check in on
you. You're not asking for too much
when you just want someone to bethere with you, even in silence.
You're not asking for too much when you're honest about how
hard life feels right now. You're not asking for too much.
You're asking to be seen and to be heard and to be recognized

(06:16):
within your mental health struggles, and that's one of the
most human things anyone can askfor.
And you're not wrong for asking for that.
And sure, maybe not everyone in your life is capable of holding
that space. Some people won't understand.
Some people might not be safe toopen up to.
But that doesn't mean that no one will.

(06:37):
It doesn't mean that you're unlovable.
Sometimes we just have to find the right people, people who
won't try to fix us. People who will just sit next to
us in the dark and say, I'm not going anywhere.
You deserve that kind of support.
You deserve that kind of love. You deserve to open yourself up
to the possibility of receiving that kind of care, of

(06:58):
understanding that you're not a burden and you deserve to have
other people support you. So how do we start shifting this
belief that we're a burden? Well, it starts small.
Maybe it's reminding yourself even just once a day that
needing help doesn't make you weak.
It makes you brave. Maybe it's reaching out to one
person, not with a huge breakdown or in a big moment.

(07:20):
Just a simple hey, I'm not doinggreat today, can I talk to you?
Maybe it's even just being kinder to yourself in your own
mind. The next time that voice tells
you you're a burden, I want you to ask yourself, what if I'm
just hurting today? Because if you're hurting, you
don't need to hide. You don't need to apologize.

(07:41):
You need care, you need love, and you deserve both.
Mental illness is very cruel, and it's cruel in the way that
it isolates us, in the way that it tells you you're too much,
that you're bothering other people by hurting, that you're
bothering other people by just wanting somebody to be there and

(08:03):
to listen. But that's not the case.
You're not too much. You are allowed to feel deeply,
you're allowed to reach out, youare allowed to take up space in
someone else's life. You're not a burden, you're just
hurting. And you are not alone.

(08:24):
If you're in that place right now, where everything feels
heavy and too much, just know that I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of you for fighting every day, for trying, for
feeling your feelings. It's not an easy thing to do.
It's very difficult, and it requires a level of bravery and

(08:44):
strength that you might not evenrealize that you have.
You are more than enough. You're not a burden on other
people, and you deserve to be seen.
You deserve to be heard. So I want to tell you right now,
I hear you, I see you, I've beenwhere you are, and I can tell
you that it does get better. And one of the ways that we can

(09:07):
help it get better is by reaching out is by allowing
other people to be there for us.And that can start by shifting
how we think about allowing other people to be there for us
and shifting how we think about ourselves and believing that you
are not a burden. That's going to wrap it up for

(09:28):
today's episode. If you need help feeling your
feelings, please check out my music on all platforms under the
name of Ethan Jewell. I almost guarantee it'll make
you cry. Also, please drop me a comment
and let me know what you thoughtabout today's episode.
If you struggle with this feeling, if you struggle with
feeling alone within your own mental health struggles, I'd
love to know your thoughts and if this episode was at all

(09:51):
impactful. So thank you so much for being
here. Thank you for understanding that
you're not a burden, you're justhurting.
And as always, thank you for feeling your feelings.
I'll see you next time.