June 7, 2023 • 38 mins
Gareth’s dreams of finally learning where he came from are put on hold when pirates attack once again, this time with overwhelming numbers. The crew of the Glorious Dawn are forced to decide between certain destruction either at the hands of pirates, or a storm of mythical proportions.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
[VDM logo music,Quack-quack-hiss]
NARRATOR (00:07):
Venomous Duck Media presents, Gareth and the Lost Island.
Episode 10 - The No Longer Lost IslandDisclaimer:
This audio drama should be considered ratedPG-13 for discussions of sexual hijinks, drinking,
(00:30):
consuming questionable potions, brief momentsof violence, crude language, and even cruder humor.
Please use caution when listening in public,as this story may cause audible laughter.
Venomous Duck Media is not liable for anystrained abdominal muscles you may receive
(00:51):
while listening, or the strange looks youmight get from other commuters. If laughter
persists for more than four hours, seek immediatemedical attention.
[theme]
GARETH (01:27):
I can’t believe we’ve spent a month flying to Mascal to be stopped by a
storm when we’re almost there.
ELIZABETH (01:36):
What do you think, Pilot? Should we chance it, or try to wait out the storm?
PILOT (01:40):
To be honest, Captain of the Glorious Dawn, I think we should wait. I’ve seen
many storms while piloting this ship, andthere is something about this particular storm
that makes my quills want to stand on end.
ELIZABETH (01:50):
I agree. That storm looks chancy. I won’t risk it while we still have plenty
of provisions. Sorry, Professor, but it lookslike you’ll have to wait a day or two to
find whatever it is you’re hoping to find.
[heavy footsteps]
SHELDON (02:09):
[left eye] Hey, Captain, what’s small, gold, and flashes red a lot?
ELIZABETH (02:13):
Sheldon, I don’t have time for riddles right now!
SHELDON (02:16):
[right eye] Fine, we’ll just put this… whatever it is… back where we found it.
ELIZABETH (02:21):
Wait! Stop! What are you talking about?
SHELDON (02:24):
[left eye] This gold disk with a red crystal set in the
center. We were shifting around some of theempty crates, and found this wedged in between
the floorboards and the wall. We thought itwas just some ugly piece of jewelry one of
the slavers dropped, but it has magical runesinscribed on the back.
ELIZABETH (02:36):
Dammit! Professor, see if you can translate the runes
and find out what that thing does.
GARETH (02:42):
Hand it over, Sheldon. Hhmm, that’s odd. These first runes are just a simple lighting
spell. It’s what’s causing the crystalto glow every so often. The second set of
runes are part of a spell used to enact abonding ritual between like items, but I have
no idea why you would want to bond two golddisks together. It’s not like you could
(03:02):
use them to communicate, or anything likethat. The lighting spell is even woven into
the binding ritual, making it so the diskwould only be able to stay lit if it was near
its mate. Sort of a dumb design if you askme.
Unless that’s exactly the effect they arelooking for. I think we’re in trouble. It
wouldn’t be hard at all to use a pair ofthese to track someone. The closer you got,
(03:22):
the quicker the crystal would start to flash.
SHELDON (03:24):
[left eye stalk] That explains why it keeps flashing quicker
ever since we found it.
ELIZABETH (03:28):
Professor, throw that thing overboard as quick as you can.
GARETH (03:31):
Right [grunt as he tosses the disc]
ELIZABETH (03:33):
Pilot, hand me the spyglass, and then tell Izzy to fire up the Aetherium furnace,
and to be ready to burn whatever Aetheriumwe have on hand!
[picking up speaking tube]
PILOT (03:41):
Engineer of the Glorious Dawn, stand by for an emergency full Aetherium burn.
IZZY (03:45):
[speaker tube] Life threatening mid-air emergency?
Must be Tuesday.
ELIZABETH (03:49):
Flaming dragon shit! Pilot, take this and tell me what you see.
[passes spyglass]
[Pilot drops spyglass, yanks the wheel]
PILOT (03:59):
I saw what looks like a destroyer with three frigates as escorts. None of them are
flying any sort of colors to show what countrythey are from. It seems as though the pirates
have found us again.
ELIZABETH (04:08):
Sheldon, man the cannon. It probably won’t hurt them much,
but I won’t go down without a fight!
[faint cannon shot, miss]
Pilot, get us out of here!
PILOT (04:16):
Initiating ‘the Professor made me crap my pants’ maneuver in 3…2…1.
[pause in magic hum, increased wind][faint cannon shot, miss]
[reengages magic, faint cannon shot, miss]
The destroyer has three main guns on deck. It will take them at least two minutes
to reload. However, the frigates will bein range long before that.
[door thrown open][propellers get louder]
TRALNIS (04:35):
What in the hells are you people doing up here? I haven’t been thrown around
a sickbay that much since the weekly orgiesback in med school.
[cannon shot, wood splintering, cannon shot,sails tear]
[surprised yelp] Question withdrawn.
ELIZABETH (04:47):
Doctor, get Teesh and Henry down into the engine room with Izzy. It’s the
most heavily reinforced part of the ship.
SHELDON (04:54):
[right eye] And the Kwa-Kwa-Ur shoots…
[GD cannon shot, propeller shatters]
[right eye] and it’s good! The crowd goes wild!
[fake crowd sounds]
[right eye] That frigate won’t be shrugging off that hit anytime soon.
[left eye] Captain, happy to report one frigate has been
sent on an extended right turn now that it’sleft propeller is gone. We’ll see if we
(05:17):
can’t make any more lucky…
[cannon shot, GD cannon destroyed]
[left eye] Ouch. We’re going to pass out now, night night.
[heavy thud]
ELIZABETH (05:26):
Our cannon took a direct hit, and Sheldon’s out of the fight.
Get us out of here, Pilot.
PILOT (05:31):
I am attempting to do so, Captain of the Glorious Dawn. We will need to repair
the tear in the mainsail if we wish to getenough speed to outrun the remaining frigates.
[cannon shot, main mast destroyed]
Never mind. The new lack of a main mast shifts repairing the mainsail to the
bottom of the maintenance list.
ELIZABETH (05:47):
If we can’t outrun them, you’re going to have to outfly them, Pilot.
Professor, now would bea really good time for you
to pull another mysteriousmagical miracle out of your--
[cannon shot, wood debris flying, Pilot andElizabeth knocked out]
GARETH (06:01):
[internal dialogue] Get up, Gareth! Pilot and Lizard Breath are
out. That’s it, one hand on the railing,and pull!
[picks up speaking tube]
Izzy, burn the Aetherium and flood the tubes with
as much chargedAetherium gas as you can.
IZZY (06:15):
[speaking tube] Gareth? Where’s Pilot or Elizabeth?
GARETH (06:19):
Hurt, and we’ve lost both sails and the cannon.
Our only chance is to tryand lose them in that storm.
IZZY (06:25):
[speaking tube] If I flood the tubes
with that much Aetherium gas,they're gonna shatter.
GARETH (06:30):
And if we don’t, we might as well surrender to the pirates right now.
IZZY (06:34):
[speaking tube] Gottcha, I'm flooding the tubes.... now.
There's a gauge on your left whenthe needle gets into the red,
we'll be a maximum power.
Gareth, if we get out of this alive,
you and I are definitely taking our relationship to the next level!
GARETH (06:50):
Aye-aye, Engineer!
[magical energy redlines, wheel turning, windnoise increases, storm noises approach]
Yes! We’re pulling away from them. Now I just need to bleed off altitude.
[large cannon shot, port Aetherium tube shatters,storm full volume]
Seriously, the port Aetherium tube?! Come on, old girl, hold together just a little
longer so we can get low enough to survivea crash landing.
(07:12):
[heavy, close lightning]
Gods dammit, Fate! Don’t you think
you’re taking this whole mess with Gareththing a bit too far?!
[lightning strike, starboard tube shatters]
Guess not.
NARRAROR (07:26):
In the engine room.
[engine room sounds, rumbling as the GD plummets]
TEESH (07:31):
[startled yelp]
IZZY (07:32):
Don’t worry, Teesh. Gareth will find a way to get us to safety.
GARETH (07:37):
[speaking tube mod] Brace for impact!
TRALNIS (07:38):
Shite!
[storm sounds, huge splash]
[scene change music]
[tapping noise, hover hum]
(07:58):
[groan] No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.
Baby! I am not from Chimia!
DAR-C (08:07):
Woda iv, kkorr beurusecor kvacekam.
Yenn woqi ruposs, xeasabevos rnivepim.
Wake up, small biological specimen.
TRALNIS (08:20):
Huh… what?
DAR-C (08:22):
Are we awake, small biological specimen?
TRALNIS (08:26):
We’re not sure. Are we… a floating metal automaton?
DAR-C (08:32):
Yes we are.
TRALNIS (08:33):
Then we’re awake, but we’re very confused.
I mean, I’m very confused. I must have a concussion.
DAR-C (08:41):
Kevin, this small biological specimen is awake.
KEVIN (08:44):
Coming, DAR-C.
[tank treads]
TRALNIS (08:49):
Whoa! You’re a big one, aren’t you?
You’re as tall as a centaur,and four times as wide.
KEVIN (08:56):
Hello! Would you like to be my friend?
TRALNIS (08:59):
Considering that not being your friend would probably
be very bad for my health, I would be honored to be your friend.
KEVIN (09:07):
Oh good. My last biological friend ceased to function,
and then rotted away into dust a long time ago.
[steampunk robot walking]
RENE (09:19):
Do you have a preferred designation, or should we refer to you as Dwarf unit 1?
TRALNIS (09:24):
Preferred designation? Do you mean name?
RENE (09:28):
Correct. My designation is Research and Evaluation of Non-mechanical Entities
unit 7, but you may refer to me as RENE 7if you prefer.
TRALNIS (09:38):
Pleasure to meet you, RENE 7. I’m Doctor Tralnis Granitestaff.
Who are your friends here?
DAR-C (09:45):
My designation is Debris Assessment, Reclamation, and Cataloging unit 254 or DAR-C
254. That big lug-nut over there is the PowerCore Maintenance and Protection Automaton
Prototype. We just call him Kevin.
KEVIN (10:01):
Hello, friend Doctor Tralnis Granitestaff.
TRALNIS (10:04):
How about we just shorten that up to Tralnis.
KEVIN (10:08):
Hello, friend Tralnis.
RENE (10:10):
Doctor is an honorific given to those who perform maintenance on biological entities.
Is that your primary function, Tralnis?
TRALNIS (10:19):
Yes, I’m a medical doctor.
RENE (10:21):
Excellent. We have found six biological specimens that may require maintenance. There
are three humans, a Roehus, a Chim, and anUr-Kwa-Kwa. They were located in the same
remains of the crashed airship we found you in.
TRALNIS (10:37):
You mean Kwa-Kwa-Ur?
RENE (10:39):
Kwa-Kwa-Ur? Interesting, I wonder what happened to make it so that the eye stalk
symbiotes receive top billing now?
TRALNIS (10:47):
There were eight of us. We’re still missing one.
Considering the Glorious Dawn is scatteredaround an area the size of a deathball field,
I should count us as lucky that you were ableto find that many of us alive.
RENE (11:02):
DAR-C 254... Kevin, go back to the airship,
and tell me if you find any other biological specimens.
TRALNIS (11:10):
[grunts as he stands up] Take me to the other ‘biological specimens’
so I can see what I can do to help them.
RENE (11:17):
[steampunk robot walking away] Follow me, please.
[tank treads rolling and then stops]
KEVIN (11:21):
I found a pretty blue starfish.
RENE (11:24):
That’s good, Kevin. Keep looking, but focus on trying to find biological specimens
closer in size to Tralnis.Kevin is… a bit… special. Yes, we’ll
go with special.[steampunk robot walking away]
TRALNIS (11:44):
I can see Pilot, Elizabeth, Teesh, Izzy, Sheldon, and Henry.
We’re still missing a human male.
NARRATOR (11:53):
Meanwhile back at the crash site.
[debris being tossed aside, sails throughthe air, lands far away]
KEVIN (11:59):
Um… DAR-C, I think I found something.
DAR-C (12:01):
What did you find, Kevin?
KEVIN (12:03):
I think I found a Mascalian.
DAR-C (12:06):
Kevin, the last Mascalian left the island nearly 13,000 years ago.
KEVIN (12:12):
He looks really good for a 13,000-year-old biological.
DAR-C (12:17):
Kevin, what makes you think he’s a Mascalian.
KEVIN (12:20):
He has pointed ears, and an active DM signature. A really big DM signature.
DAR-C (12:28):
Your DM sensor was damaged in the blast that… umm, it was damaged so bad that
you can barely detect a fellow automaton.
[DAR-C hovering]
You weren’t exaggerating my friend.
I’m measuring an 8.1 DM signature coming off of him.
(12:50):
[magic scan]
Oh, that makes more sense. He has a Void Rod on him.
That must be what’s giving off the emissions. I’ll just hold onto it for now.
[picks up Void Rod, starts to float away]
KEVIN (13:02):
Nope, DM signature’s still there.
DAR-C (13:05):
Let me scan the Void Rod now that I ain't so close to him
[magic scan]
7.0? Kevin, hold the Void Rod while I scan the biological.
[hands over rod, magic scan]
You’re right, he’s still registering an 8.1.
Well interface me with anupside-down cable… a Mascalian!
KEVIN (13:27):
I’m going to put his Void Rod back in his holster.
I don’t remember much from before the final battle,
but do know I fought alongside the Void Guardians to protect our island.
[puts rod back]
My lord, it’s time to wake up.
GARETH (13:42):
Have someone cover my morning classes, I’m sleeping in.
[scene change music]
IZZY (13:54):
Any idea why the human shaped automaton keeled over like that? The floating one,
and the one whose backside is wider than mine, have been working on her for quite a while.
TRALNIS (14:05):
I overheard DAR-C, the floating one, say something about reconfiguring RENE’s
disbelief filter, whatever that means. I guesswe’re stuck waiting for them to finish up
before we can go fartherinto this amazing city.
IZZY (14:20):
I know, right! I mean, look at all of those Automatons! ...and those small airships
above us! It looks like they are held aloftby the same
type of Aetherium containers DAR-C uses.
GARETH (14:33):
They’re helping RENE to her feet now. We should probably get up as well.
[steampunk walking, tank rolling, flying hum]
RENE (14:41):
Please come with us, Central will want to meet with you.
ELIZABETH (14:45):
Who, or what, the hells is Central?
DAR-C (14:47):
Central runs the island, and is tied directly into the main data crystals.
He'll know how to help yall.
IZZY (14:54):
It’s not like we have anything else to do, Lizard Breath.
ELIZABETH (14:58):
Fine. For now, I’ll trust these contraptions. I hope we’re not walking all
the way there; this city is huge.
RENE (15:07):
Of course not, Lizard Breath, DAR-C 254 signaled
for an air taxi before she brought me back online.
ELIZABETH (15:14):
What did you call me?
GARETH (15:16):
Her name is actually Elizabeth Morgana. ‘Lizard Breath’
is just a name Izzy uses to let herknow that she’s angry, or upset with her.
RENE (15:25):
I see… one formal name, and another for when she is annoying.
I understand. Thank you. As I was saying, ‘Lizard Breath’,
an air taxi should be here momentarily. DAR-C 254 requested
one big enough for everyone but her to rideinside.
TRALNIS (15:44):
Are you not coming with us, DAR-C?
DAR-C (15:47):
I am, but I prefer to attach myself to the outside of the air taxi.
It’s a much more exciting ride.
[air taxi lands]
RENE (16:04):
Please let Kevin enter first. If the air taxi were to make an unscheduled landing,
he would not be between you and the exit ramp.
KEVIN (16:12):
DAR-C, do I enjoy flying in transports?
DAR-C (16:16):
Yes you do.
KEVIN (16:19):
Oh good.
[footsteps rushing forward]
IZZY (16:22):
Oh wow, just look at that Aetherium engine! It’s so compact! I wonder how they
regulate the Vernian feedback loop?
[hand slap]IZZY: Ouch!
DAR-C (16:33):
Now… now, Ms. Morgana, remember we look with our optical sensors,
not with our object manipulators.
IZZY (16:41):
Sorry.
[cargo ramp closes, air taxi lifts off, flighthum]
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR (17:04):
Gareth, everything's dead in this city.
RENE (17:08):
Henry is correct in his assessment. There is no plant life in the city.
GARETH (17:13):
What happened?
RENE (17:14):
They called it the Blight. It was released against Mascal
during the final days of the Wizard War.The Blight was the reason the
Mascalians tried to flee the island 13,000 years ago.
GARETH (17:26):
The Second Great Apocalypse. This Wizard War must have been what was responsible
for wiping out half the life on Hadronus.What exactly was the Blight?
RENE (17:36):
The Blight was a magical plague created by the Council of Wizards to end the war they
were fighting with the people of Mascal. Itwas designed to destroy all life it came in
contact with, and then die out itself aftera few days. The wizards in their arrogance
never considered the plague might mutate andmanage to leave the shores of Mascal.
IZZY (17:57):
Why would they do that? Why snuff out all life on the island,
and risk killing everythingon Hadronus?
RENE (18:05):
Like almost all wars that have ever been fought, it boiled down to greed. And
just like those wars, religion was the excuseused to sway the masses.
The Wizards had gained power over most ofHadronus by being the sole suppliers of magics
and the supposed chosen of the gods. Theyinfluenced the various religions so that not
(18:26):
only was science frowned upon, the mixingof magic and science was labeled pure heresy.
The Wizards were furious when the people ofMascal refused to bow down to them, and then
showed they were capable of magics the Wizardshad never dreamed of. To make matters even
worse, the Mascalians had created us, theAutomatons, beings that exist only through
(18:47):
the marriage of science and magic. Once theWizards discovered our existence, they branded
us demons to be destroyed at all costs.
The Mascalians refused to give the Wizardstheir secrets. In the end, they all died defending
us, as if we were their biological children.
At least, we thought they had all died.
TRALNIS (19:08):
My people have built some Automatons, but they are like windup toys compared to
you lot. How did they manage to give you eachdifferent personalities?
DAR-C (19:19):
[speaking tube] I can answer that one. It was the greatest
gift the Mascalians gave us. Before the WizardWar, each adult had a copy of their personality,
but not their memories, magically stored ina crystal. Every Automaton is given a random
crystal when they are brought online.
IZZY (19:39):
Oh… is that why you refer to yourselves as ‘he’ or ‘she’? Leftover impressions
from the personality donors?
DAR-C (19:47):
[speaking tube] Yes and no. Only about 30% of us had definite feelings of being one
gender or the other when we came online. 50%of us determined which gender we were after
going through some tests.
TRALNIS (20:02):
What about the other 20%?
DAR-C (20:05):
[speaking tube] The tests are inconclusive, and the Automaton is given the choice of which
gender they prefer. Most of them just endup flipping a coin in the end,
or choose to be both or neither.
TRALNIS (20:16):
I have a feeling I’m going to regret asking, but what type of tests do you perform
to assign gender?
RENE (20:23):
The easiest, and most reliable test,
is to have the Automaton pretend to use the loo.
If they leave the toilet seat up, they’reobviously male.
TRALNIS (20:33):
You know, without the use of facial expressions,
I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.
[scene change music]
RENE (20:46):
Central is housed in this building.
[doors open]
Gentlebeings, I would like to introduce you to the Logistics and Operational Node
Interface. She helps Central run the island.
(21:07):
[LONI wheels out from behind her desk]
LONI (21:11):
Please, just call me LONI. Unless you lot are some sort of ambassadors,
I don't see why we should have to keep things formal.
RENE (21:17):
LONI, this is Pilot of the Roehus, Henry of the Chim, Sheldon of the Ur-Kwa-Kwa…
I’m sorry, it’s Kwa-Kwa-Ur now. The humanfemales are Elizabeth and Isadora Morgana,
and the young one is Teesh.
TEESH (21:32):
How do you balance on that one big ball to move around?
LONI (21:36):
The same way a biological would, plenty of practice with lots and lots of falling
down in the beginning.
RENE (21:43):
Finally, we have Gareth Mintel.
LONI (21:46):
Central will want a blood test to confirm if this young man is who he claims to be.
It would be quite the morale booster for theAutomatons to learn the Mintel line lives on
[rolls over to get the runic bowl and knife]
Gareth, please use the knife to prick your thumb or index finger. After that, allow
four drops of blood to land in the bowl.
GARETH (22:08):
Okay. Ouch! 1…2…3…4.
[magic sound]
GARET (22:15):
Is the bowl supposed to glow like that?
LONI (22:18):
Yes, that’s normal. Now let me place the bowl on the interface disc. The results
should be instantaneous.
[places bowl down, instant chime]
That’s… not… possible.
RENE (22:30):
Had DAR-C 254 and Kevin not adjusted my disbelief filters,
I would have agreed with you.
Gareth, the blood test shows that you arenot a long-lost
descendant of the residents of Mascal.
GARETH (22:42):
Damn, I really thought I was finally learning where I came from.
LONI (22:46):
RENE did not explain this well. While you are not a long-lost descendant, according
to the results (and we do have a 100% match),you are in fact a prior resident who left
just before the Blight was released on Mascal.
KEVIN (23:01):
See, I told you he looked good for being 13,000 years old.
GARETH (23:06):
What?! How is that even possible?!
[large doors sliding open][hologram appearing]
CENTRAL (23:13):
Perhaps I can shed some light on that, Gareth. Come inside, your friends are
more than welcome to join us.
ELIZABETH (23:20):
We’re not actually thinking of going into a room with a giant, disembodied
head floating in the middle, are we?
TEESH (23:27):
If you’re really that scared, Mr. Fuzzy Bottom can stay out here and hold your
hand. The rest of us will be putting on ourbig girl trousers,
and talking with the nice, floating person.
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR (23:40):
You go girl!
[three finger snaps]
CENTRAL (23:44):
Kevin, it’s good to see you again my old friend.
Did you enjoy the package I sent you?
KEVIN (23:49):
Hello, Central. I like coloring in the books you sent me. Thank you.
CENTRAL (23:55):
Welcome, Gareth, it’s been quite some time since I saw you last.
GARETH (23:59):
We’ve met before?
CENTRAL (24:01):
Oh yes, your father used to bring you here all the time. You see, this is where
he created me. I suppose in an odd sort ofway, you and I are siblings.
DAR-C (24:14):
That would explain his 8.1 DM signature.
PILOT (24:19):
Floating disembodied head, I overheard the mechanical people use that term earlier.
What does it mean?
DAR-C (24:25):
Sorry, we forgot that only Mascalians would already know what we were talking about.
The DM signature of a person, or object, indicateswhere they fall on an exponential scale that
shows how much Dark Magic they're capable of using.
ELIZABETH (24:40):
I should have known!
GARETH (24:41):
Whoa, Elizabeth. Before this trip, I never even knew I was able to use
magic, let alone evil magic.
CENTRAL (24:49):
What would evil magic have to do with anything?
ELIZABETH (24:52):
You said Dark Magic. Everyone knows magic is divided up into either Light Magic
which is good, or Dark Magic which is evil.
CENTRAL (25:02):
Nonsense! That’s not how magic works at all. Magic is only ‘good’ or
‘evil’ based upon how it is used. Lightor Dark refers to whether or not the magic
can be detected by normal means. The magicthat can be detected by Wizards and their
ilk only amounts for about only 15% of themagic in the Universe. The other 85% is what
(25:24):
we call Dark Magic. The Mascalians are theonly known biological species able to sense
and tap into Dark Magic.
TRALNIS (25:32):
Huh??
GARETH (25:33):
What he said.
CENTRAL (25:35):
Long ago, the inhabitants of this island were no different than the other Humans
on Hadronus. That all changed when the VoidStone fell out of the night sky during the
First Great Apocalypse. The strange magicsgiven off by the stone slowly altered the
people of this island, until they became whatwe now know as the Mascalians. Exposure over
(25:57):
generations had given them the ability tosense magics,
like the ones found in the Void Stone.
The Mintel family had always been the mostin tune with Dark Magic, and were the ones
who developed the runes able to tap into it.Their work is what keeps the Automatons, and
this city, running long after ‘normal’runes would have failed.
TRALNIS (26:17):
That’s all well and good, and we thank you for the ancient history lesson,
but I’ve known Gareth since he was a weelad. So, unless these Mascalians of yours
spend nearly 13,000 years as toddlers, thismakes no sense at all.
CENTRAL (26:32):
Actually, Gareth’s presence here today answers a question I have always had
about the final battle before the Blight wasreleased. Observe the viewing plate on the
wall. What you are watching is a recordingof the final moments of the Majesty, the Mintel
family’s private ship.
Notice the small craft that shoots out ofthe airship, and dives below the waves.
(26:55):
Like all ships of her class, the Majesty wasequipped with null-entropy lifeboats – escape
pods with runes designed to freeze time withinthem. She was only able to launch one of her
lifeboats before being destroyed. I alwayswondered if it had been a misfire, or if there
had been someone aboard it. Now I know.
IZZY (27:17):
You know, Gareth, I always thought I would enjoy dating an older man.
Of course,13,000 years is a littleolder than I was anticipating,
but I know we'll make it work.
CENTRAL (27:29):
Well, as nice as this has been, reuniting with family so to speak,
you should probably head offto visit your home to see
if there is anything you want totake with you before you leave Mascal.
GARETH (27:40):
Leave? We just got here! Why are you trying to get rid of us?
CENTRAL (27:46):
It’s not what you’re thinking, Gareth. In case you hadn’t noticed on your
flight here, most of Mascal is still sterile.Only within the last hundred years has the
land around the city begun to show signs oflife. As mechanical entities, we have no need
of food, and any food left by the Mascaliansturned to dust eons ago. We have nothing to
feed you. You’re more than welcome to returnto the island anytime you want, you just need
(28:10):
to bring your own food. The provisions wewere able to salvage from the remains of your
Leyship will only last you a few weeks atmost.
ELIZABETH (28:18):
Thanks for reminding me that My--
IZZY (28:20):
[clears her throat]
ELIZABETH (28:21):
…our ship was destroyed. Just how exactly are we supposed to leave this
gods forsaken island?!
CENTRAL (28:28):
Well, I was somewhat expecting you would use the experimental battleship that
is sitting in a null-entropy dock at the moment.We would have used it to travel across Hadronus,
but it requires a Mascalian as Captain tobring it online.
It will take an hour or so to shut down thenull-entropy runes. During that time, everyone
but Elizabeth should go visit Gareth’s oldhome.
ELIZABETH (28:49):
Why not me?
LONI (28:51):
To be perfectly honest, Elizabeth, exposed mechanisms are sooooo last millennium. I thought
you might like an upgrade at a salon nearby.You see…
[unintelligible whispers]
ELIZABETH (29:04):
You’re kidding? You can actually do that?!
LONI (29:07):
Of course, we can.
ELIZABETH (29:09):
I’ll catch up with you guys at the dry docks.
SHELDON (29:11):
[right eye] Pilot and us will head to the drydocks right
away. We can’t wait to get our eyes on ournew ride. What? Still no laughs?
[scene change music]
IZZY (29:28):
What a beautiful home, except for that strange, motionless fog surrounding it.
DAR-C (29:36):
That there is a level 6, residential protection field.
Runes carved into the stone foundationof homes, such as this,
register the presence of their owners.If they are gone for more than
a week, the home seals itself up until theyreturn. If anyone not authorized by the family
touches the fog, they are rendered unconsciousuntil the authorities arrive. If Gareth is
(30:01):
who we think he is, the field should collapsewhen he knocks on the door.
GARETH (30:07):
And if I’m not who you think I am?
DAR-C (30:11):
We’re mostly certain we figured out what the police did to revive trespassers,
so you should be reasonably safe.
GARETH (30:21):
Okay. Nothing ventured and all that.
[steps forward, knocks shave and a haircut,field collapses]
TRALNIS (30:29):
Really?
GARETH (30:31):
I couldn’t resist, plus I figured if this is my family home, I probably got
my sense of humor from whomever lived here.Come on, let’s head inside.
[door opens]
DAR-C (30:45):
Thank you, Gareth, but RENE and I have an errand to take care of. It shouldn’t
take too long, and we’ll just let ourselvesin when we return.
[automatons leave]
GARETH (30:54):
Alright, I’ll see you in a bit then.
[footsteps walking on hardwood floors]
[door closes]
IZZY (31:01):
So how does it feel to be back here?
GARETH (31:06):
Strange. I keep thinking that I should feel some sort of attachment to the place,
but I don’t. Nothing seems familiar.
TRALNIS (31:16):
Gareth! Come to the study at the end of the hall, I found something!
[hurried footsteps]
GARETH (31:27):
What did you find?
TRALNIS (31:29):
Take a look at that large book on the table here. In fact, have a close look
at this page.
[pages turning]
[chuckling] I recognize the wee lad in this picture.
TEESH (31:40):
Wow, nice hair, Gareth! It looks like you licked a charged Aetherium tube.
GARETH (31:50):
[laughing]
TEESH (31:59):
I wasn’t that funny. Why are you laughing so much?
GARETH (32:03):
According to the caption, that’s exactly what happened. I got into some of
my father’s equipment, and decided I wantedto see what charged Aetherium tasted like.
It says my hair didn’t go back to normalfor a week.
TRALNIS (32:17):
Since Elizabeth isn’t here, I’ll say it for her. Licking charged Aetherium
as a child explains a lot.
[DAR-C knocking on the door to the study]
DAR-C (32:28):
Gareth, RENE 7 and I thought that since you will be the Captain of the new airship,
you should dress appropriately. We had oneof the fabrication automatons whip up a dress
uniform for you in the style of the RoyalMascalian Air Navy.
GARETH (32:43):
You mean Central was being serious about me being the Captain? Elizabeth is not
going to like this one bit.
IZZY (32:50):
We’ll deal with Lizard Breath later… as a team.
Now shoo, go put the clothes on. I’ve alwayshad a thing for guys in uniform.
DAR-C (33:00):
I’ll help show you how to wear it.
[footsteps and flying hum]
RENE (33:07):
Where do you think you are going, Ms. Morgana?
IZZY (33:11):
Can’t blame a girl for wanting to take a peak.
[Gareth walks back in]
GARETH (33:17):
So, what do you think?
IZZY (33:18):
Teesh is in the room, so I can’t tell you exactly what I think. So let’s just go
with I'm really looking forward to doing a detailed pre-flight inspection.
TRALNIS (33:32):
That black uniform with the white piping really suits you, Gareth. You look
like a right proper officer. Just out of curiosity,what do those fancy decorations mean?
DAR-C (33:43):
The four black stars on a field of white denote the Captain of the Mascalian
flagship. Regular Captains only receive threestars. Your new ship is the flagship of the
Royal Mascalian Air Navy.
RENE (33:57):
It’s the only ship in the Air Navy.
DAR-C (34:00):
And therefore, the flagship.
TRALNIS (34:04):
Fine, fine, my son’s a Senior Captain. What does the fancy symbol on his neck mean?
GARETH (34:11):
From what DAR-C tells me, it’s sort of like a Mascalian coat of arms. It designates
me as the Head of House Mintel.
IZZY (34:21):
Come here, handsome, you look like you need a hug.
[whispers]Gareth, I know Elizabeth will try to argue
that you shouldn’t be Captain, but standyour ground. I believe in you.
Just so you know, if shesomehow managers to win over
the rest of the crew, you’re still keepingthat uniform.
(34:43):
I can't decide if that uniform will lookbetter on you, or on the floor of my cabin.
[mechanical clacking enters room]
TEESH (34:52):
What’s that thing?
DAR-C (34:54):
This little fellow is part of a network of surveillance Automatons we have stationed
around the island. It seems as though thepirates that destroyed your Leyship are still
in the area. Spider-eye 7685 says he saw asmall two-man dirigible cross the storm boundary,
once it saw the island, it turned tail and took off like
(35:15):
someone was trying to lubricateits chasse with the wrong type of oil.
RENE (35:19):
Gareth, we need to get you to the dry docks as soon as possible! The experimental
airship is the only air defense we have. Thepirates would soon learn the range of our
land-based weapons, and simply fly higher.They could bombard Mascal from the air with
impunity if we don’t launch the ship soon!
GARETH (35:38):
Nothing like on the job training. Let’s go find the others.
[receding footsteps]
DAR-C (35:46):
Gareth, I know it seems like a trivial thing, and probably odd coming from a mechanical,
but the Mascalians had a superstition aboutflying an airship that hasn’t been named
yet. As Captain, it’s your right to namethe ship before her maiden voyage.
GARETH (36:01):
I know just what to call her. [unintelligible whisper]
DAR-C (36:04):
I’ll have that passed along to dry docks while we’re on our way in a taxi.
RENE (36:09):
DAR-C 254 let the others go on ahead for a moment. I wish to speak with you alone.
DAR-C (36:15):
Go on.
RENE (36:16):
DAR-C 254 I’m still not sure we made the right decision in keeping the information
we discussed from Gareth.
DAR-C (36:22):
We agreed that it would be too much for him to process in such a short amount of time.
With the pirates attacking, it makes evenmore sense not to overload him.
RENE (36:33):
You’re correct, but you know that we will have to tell him eventually. The other
Automatons would melt us down for scrap whilestill online if we don’t.
DAR-C (36:42):
Of course, we’ll tell him. We just need to wait until after this crisis is over
Then we'll tell Gareth that the last Senior Captain to wear the diamond starburst
was his granddaddy, King Ianto.
[scene change music]
NARRATOR (37:01):
This has been Gareth and the Lost Island.
Episode 10Starring:
Peter McGiffen as the Narrator and Henry’stranslator
Allen Pettey as Tralnis Granitestaff
Patrick Mallard as Gareth Mintel and Kevin
Debra Mallard as Izzy Morgana and DAR-C 254
(37:27):
Lauren Kong as Elizabeth Morgana
Jenna Oliver as Teesh
Kayce Swan as Pilot
Daniel Fore as Sheldon’s Left Eyestalk andLONI
O J VA as Sheldon’s Right Eyestalk
A I Brooke as RENE-7
(37:51):
and
David Gardiner as Central
As a vertically challenged individual, thedirector is considering using the designation
of Dwarf Unit 1 himself.
Gareth and the Lost Island was written anddirected by Patrick Mallard.
[VDM logo music,Quack-quack-hiss]
NARRATOR (00:07):
Venomous Duck Media presents, Gareth and the Lost Island.
Episode 10 - The No Longer Lost IslandDisclaimer:
This audio drama should be considered ratedPG-13 for discussions of sexual hijinks, drinking,
(00:30):
consuming questionable potions, brief momentsof violence, crude language, and even cruder humor.
Please use caution when listening in public,as this story may cause audible laughter.
Venomous Duck Media is not liable for anystrained abdominal muscles you may receive
(00:51):
while listening, or the strange looks youmight get from other commuters. If laughter
persists for more than four hours, seek immediatemedical attention.
[theme]
GARETH (01:27):
I can’t believe we’ve spent a month flying to Mascal to be stopped by a
storm when we’re almost there.
ELIZABETH (01:36):
What do you think, Pilot? Should we chance it, or try to wait out the storm?
PILOT (01:40):
To be honest, Captain of the Glorious Dawn, I think we should wait. I’ve seen
many storms while piloting this ship, andthere is something about this particular storm
that makes my quills want to stand on end.
ELIZABETH (01:50):
I agree. That storm looks chancy. I won’t risk it while we still have plenty
of provisions. Sorry, Professor, but it lookslike you’ll have to wait a day or two to
find whatever it is you’re hoping to find.
[heavy footsteps]
SHELDON (02:09):
[left eye] Hey, Captain, what’s small, gold, and flashes red a lot?
ELIZABETH (02:13):
Sheldon, I don’t have time for riddles right now!
SHELDON (02:16):
[right eye] Fine, we’ll just put this… whatever it is… back where we found it.
ELIZABETH (02:21):
Wait! Stop! What are you talking about?
SHELDON (02:24):
[left eye] This gold disk with a red crystal set in the
center. We were shifting around some of theempty crates, and found this wedged in between
the floorboards and the wall. We thought itwas just some ugly piece of jewelry one of
the slavers dropped, but it has magical runesinscribed on the back.
ELIZABETH (02:36):
Dammit! Professor, see if you can translate the runes
and find out what that thing does.
GARETH (02:42):
Hand it over, Sheldon. Hhmm, that’s odd. These first runes are just a simple lighting
spell. It’s what’s causing the crystalto glow every so often. The second set of
runes are part of a spell used to enact abonding ritual between like items, but I have
no idea why you would want to bond two golddisks together. It’s not like you could
(03:02):
use them to communicate, or anything likethat. The lighting spell is even woven into
the binding ritual, making it so the diskwould only be able to stay lit if it was near
its mate. Sort of a dumb design if you askme.
Unless that’s exactly the effect they arelooking for. I think we’re in trouble. It
wouldn’t be hard at all to use a pair ofthese to track someone. The closer you got,
(03:22):
the quicker the crystal would start to flash.
SHELDON (03:24):
[left eye stalk] That explains why it keeps flashing quicker
ever since we found it.
ELIZABETH (03:28):
Professor, throw that thing overboard as quick as you can.
GARETH (03:31):
Right [grunt as he tosses the disc]
ELIZABETH (03:33):
Pilot, hand me the spyglass, and then tell Izzy to fire up the Aetherium furnace,
and to be ready to burn whatever Aetheriumwe have on hand!
[picking up speaking tube]
PILOT (03:41):
Engineer of the Glorious Dawn, stand by for an emergency full Aetherium burn.
IZZY (03:45):
[speaker tube] Life threatening mid-air emergency?
Must be Tuesday.
ELIZABETH (03:49):
Flaming dragon shit! Pilot, take this and tell me what you see.
[passes spyglass]
[Pilot drops spyglass, yanks the wheel]
PILOT (03:59):
I saw what looks like a destroyer with three frigates as escorts. None of them are
flying any sort of colors to show what countrythey are from. It seems as though the pirates
have found us again.
ELIZABETH (04:08):
Sheldon, man the cannon. It probably won’t hurt them much,
but I won’t go down without a fight!
[faint cannon shot, miss]
Pilot, get us out of here!
PILOT (04:16):
Initiating ‘the Professor made me crap my pants’ maneuver in 3…2…1.
[pause in magic hum, increased wind][faint cannon shot, miss]
[reengages magic, faint cannon shot, miss]
The destroyer has three main guns on deck. It will take them at least two minutes
to reload. However, the frigates will bein range long before that.
[door thrown open][propellers get louder]
TRALNIS (04:35):
What in the hells are you people doing up here? I haven’t been thrown around
a sickbay that much since the weekly orgiesback in med school.
[cannon shot, wood splintering, cannon shot,sails tear]
[surprised yelp] Question withdrawn.
ELIZABETH (04:47):
Doctor, get Teesh and Henry down into the engine room with Izzy. It’s the
most heavily reinforced part of the ship.
SHELDON (04:54):
[right eye] And the Kwa-Kwa-Ur shoots…
[GD cannon shot, propeller shatters]
[right eye] and it’s good! The crowd goes wild!
[fake crowd sounds]
[right eye] That frigate won’t be shrugging off that hit anytime soon.
[left eye] Captain, happy to report one frigate has been
sent on an extended right turn now that it’sleft propeller is gone. We’ll see if we
(05:17):
can’t make any more lucky…
[cannon shot, GD cannon destroyed]
[left eye] Ouch. We’re going to pass out now, night night.
[heavy thud]
ELIZABETH (05:26):
Our cannon took a direct hit, and Sheldon’s out of the fight.
Get us out of here, Pilot.
PILOT (05:31):
I am attempting to do so, Captain of the Glorious Dawn. We will need to repair
the tear in the mainsail if we wish to getenough speed to outrun the remaining frigates.
[cannon shot, main mast destroyed]
Never mind. The new lack of a main mast shifts repairing the mainsail to the
bottom of the maintenance list.
ELIZABETH (05:47):
If we can’t outrun them, you’re going to have to outfly them, Pilot.
Professor, now would bea really good time for you
to pull another mysteriousmagical miracle out of your--
[cannon shot, wood debris flying, Pilot andElizabeth knocked out]
GARETH (06:01):
[internal dialogue] Get up, Gareth! Pilot and Lizard Breath are
out. That’s it, one hand on the railing,and pull!
[picks up speaking tube]
Izzy, burn the Aetherium and flood the tubes with
as much chargedAetherium gas as you can.
IZZY (06:15):
[speaking tube] Gareth? Where’s Pilot or Elizabeth?
GARETH (06:19):
Hurt, and we’ve lost both sails and the cannon.
Our only chance is to tryand lose them in that storm.
IZZY (06:25):
[speaking tube] If I flood the tubes
with that much Aetherium gas,they're gonna shatter.
GARETH (06:30):
And if we don’t, we might as well surrender to the pirates right now.
IZZY (06:34):
[speaking tube] Gottcha, I'm flooding the tubes.... now.
There's a gauge on your left whenthe needle gets into the red,
we'll be a maximum power.
Gareth, if we get out of this alive,
you and I are definitely taking our relationship to the next level!
GARETH (06:50):
Aye-aye, Engineer!
[magical energy redlines, wheel turning, windnoise increases, storm noises approach]
Yes! We’re pulling away from them. Now I just need to bleed off altitude.
[large cannon shot, port Aetherium tube shatters,storm full volume]
Seriously, the port Aetherium tube?! Come on, old girl, hold together just a little
longer so we can get low enough to survivea crash landing.
(07:12):
[heavy, close lightning]
Gods dammit, Fate! Don’t you think
you’re taking this whole mess with Gareththing a bit too far?!
[lightning strike, starboard tube shatters]
Guess not.
NARRAROR (07:26):
In the engine room.
[engine room sounds, rumbling as the GD plummets]
TEESH (07:31):
[startled yelp]
IZZY (07:32):
Don’t worry, Teesh. Gareth will find a way to get us to safety.
GARETH (07:37):
[speaking tube mod] Brace for impact!
TRALNIS (07:38):
Shite!
[storm sounds, huge splash]
[scene change music]
[tapping noise, hover hum]
(07:58):
[groan] No, thank you. Fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben.
Baby! I am not from Chimia!
DAR-C (08:07):
Woda iv, kkorr beurusecor kvacekam.
Yenn woqi ruposs, xeasabevos rnivepim.
Wake up, small biological specimen.
TRALNIS (08:20):
Huh… what?
DAR-C (08:22):
Are we awake, small biological specimen?
TRALNIS (08:26):
We’re not sure. Are we… a floating metal automaton?
DAR-C (08:32):
Yes we are.
TRALNIS (08:33):
Then we’re awake, but we’re very confused.
I mean, I’m very confused. I must have a concussion.
DAR-C (08:41):
Kevin, this small biological specimen is awake.
KEVIN (08:44):
Coming, DAR-C.
[tank treads]
TRALNIS (08:49):
Whoa! You’re a big one, aren’t you?
You’re as tall as a centaur,and four times as wide.
KEVIN (08:56):
Hello! Would you like to be my friend?
TRALNIS (08:59):
Considering that not being your friend would probably
be very bad for my health, I would be honored to be your friend.
KEVIN (09:07):
Oh good. My last biological friend ceased to function,
and then rotted away into dust a long time ago.
[steampunk robot walking]
RENE (09:19):
Do you have a preferred designation, or should we refer to you as Dwarf unit 1?
TRALNIS (09:24):
Preferred designation? Do you mean name?
RENE (09:28):
Correct. My designation is Research and Evaluation of Non-mechanical Entities
unit 7, but you may refer to me as RENE 7if you prefer.
TRALNIS (09:38):
Pleasure to meet you, RENE 7. I’m Doctor Tralnis Granitestaff.
Who are your friends here?
DAR-C (09:45):
My designation is Debris Assessment, Reclamation, and Cataloging unit 254 or DAR-C
254. That big lug-nut over there is the PowerCore Maintenance and Protection Automaton
Prototype. We just call him Kevin.
KEVIN (10:01):
Hello, friend Doctor Tralnis Granitestaff.
TRALNIS (10:04):
How about we just shorten that up to Tralnis.
KEVIN (10:08):
Hello, friend Tralnis.
RENE (10:10):
Doctor is an honorific given to those who perform maintenance on biological entities.
Is that your primary function, Tralnis?
TRALNIS (10:19):
Yes, I’m a medical doctor.
RENE (10:21):
Excellent. We have found six biological specimens that may require maintenance. There
are three humans, a Roehus, a Chim, and anUr-Kwa-Kwa. They were located in the same
remains of the crashed airship we found you in.
TRALNIS (10:37):
You mean Kwa-Kwa-Ur?
RENE (10:39):
Kwa-Kwa-Ur? Interesting, I wonder what happened to make it so that the eye stalk
symbiotes receive top billing now?
TRALNIS (10:47):
There were eight of us. We’re still missing one.
Considering the Glorious Dawn is scatteredaround an area the size of a deathball field,
I should count us as lucky that you were ableto find that many of us alive.
RENE (11:02):
DAR-C 254... Kevin, go back to the airship,
and tell me if you find any other biological specimens.
TRALNIS (11:10):
[grunts as he stands up] Take me to the other ‘biological specimens’
so I can see what I can do to help them.
RENE (11:17):
[steampunk robot walking away] Follow me, please.
[tank treads rolling and then stops]
KEVIN (11:21):
I found a pretty blue starfish.
RENE (11:24):
That’s good, Kevin. Keep looking, but focus on trying to find biological specimens
closer in size to Tralnis.Kevin is… a bit… special. Yes, we’ll
go with special.[steampunk robot walking away]
TRALNIS (11:44):
I can see Pilot, Elizabeth, Teesh, Izzy, Sheldon, and Henry.
We’re still missing a human male.
NARRATOR (11:53):
Meanwhile back at the crash site.
[debris being tossed aside, sails throughthe air, lands far away]
KEVIN (11:59):
Um… DAR-C, I think I found something.
DAR-C (12:01):
What did you find, Kevin?
KEVIN (12:03):
I think I found a Mascalian.
DAR-C (12:06):
Kevin, the last Mascalian left the island nearly 13,000 years ago.
KEVIN (12:12):
He looks really good for a 13,000-year-old biological.
DAR-C (12:17):
Kevin, what makes you think he’s a Mascalian.
KEVIN (12:20):
He has pointed ears, and an active DM signature. A really big DM signature.
DAR-C (12:28):
Your DM sensor was damaged in the blast that… umm, it was damaged so bad that
you can barely detect a fellow automaton.
[DAR-C hovering]
You weren’t exaggerating my friend.
I’m measuring an 8.1 DM signature coming off of him.
(12:50):
[magic scan]
Oh, that makes more sense. He has a Void Rod on him.
That must be what’s giving off the emissions. I’ll just hold onto it for now.
[picks up Void Rod, starts to float away]
KEVIN (13:02):
Nope, DM signature’s still there.
DAR-C (13:05):
Let me scan the Void Rod now that I ain't so close to him
[magic scan]
7.0? Kevin, hold the Void Rod while I scan the biological.
[hands over rod, magic scan]
You’re right, he’s still registering an 8.1.
Well interface me with anupside-down cable… a Mascalian!
KEVIN (13:27):
I’m going to put his Void Rod back in his holster.
I don’t remember much from before the final battle,
but do know I fought alongside the Void Guardians to protect our island.
[puts rod back]
My lord, it’s time to wake up.
GARETH (13:42):
Have someone cover my morning classes, I’m sleeping in.
[scene change music]
IZZY (13:54):
Any idea why the human shaped automaton keeled over like that? The floating one,
and the one whose backside is wider than mine, have been working on her for quite a while.
TRALNIS (14:05):
I overheard DAR-C, the floating one, say something about reconfiguring RENE’s
disbelief filter, whatever that means. I guesswe’re stuck waiting for them to finish up
before we can go fartherinto this amazing city.
IZZY (14:20):
I know, right! I mean, look at all of those Automatons! ...and those small airships
above us! It looks like they are held aloftby the same
type of Aetherium containers DAR-C uses.
GARETH (14:33):
They’re helping RENE to her feet now. We should probably get up as well.
[steampunk walking, tank rolling, flying hum]
RENE (14:41):
Please come with us, Central will want to meet with you.
ELIZABETH (14:45):
Who, or what, the hells is Central?
DAR-C (14:47):
Central runs the island, and is tied directly into the main data crystals.
He'll know how to help yall.
IZZY (14:54):
It’s not like we have anything else to do, Lizard Breath.
ELIZABETH (14:58):
Fine. For now, I’ll trust these contraptions. I hope we’re not walking all
the way there; this city is huge.
RENE (15:07):
Of course not, Lizard Breath, DAR-C 254 signaled
for an air taxi before she brought me back online.
ELIZABETH (15:14):
What did you call me?
GARETH (15:16):
Her name is actually Elizabeth Morgana. ‘Lizard Breath’
is just a name Izzy uses to let herknow that she’s angry, or upset with her.
RENE (15:25):
I see… one formal name, and another for when she is annoying.
I understand. Thank you. As I was saying, ‘Lizard Breath’,
an air taxi should be here momentarily. DAR-C 254 requested
one big enough for everyone but her to rideinside.
TRALNIS (15:44):
Are you not coming with us, DAR-C?
DAR-C (15:47):
I am, but I prefer to attach myself to the outside of the air taxi.
It’s a much more exciting ride.
[air taxi lands]
RENE (16:04):
Please let Kevin enter first. If the air taxi were to make an unscheduled landing,
he would not be between you and the exit ramp.
KEVIN (16:12):
DAR-C, do I enjoy flying in transports?
DAR-C (16:16):
Yes you do.
KEVIN (16:19):
Oh good.
[footsteps rushing forward]
IZZY (16:22):
Oh wow, just look at that Aetherium engine! It’s so compact! I wonder how they
regulate the Vernian feedback loop?
[hand slap]IZZY: Ouch!
DAR-C (16:33):
Now… now, Ms. Morgana, remember we look with our optical sensors,
not with our object manipulators.
IZZY (16:41):
Sorry.
[cargo ramp closes, air taxi lifts off, flighthum]
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR (17:04):
Gareth, everything's dead in this city.
RENE (17:08):
Henry is correct in his assessment. There is no plant life in the city.
GARETH (17:13):
What happened?
RENE (17:14):
They called it the Blight. It was released against Mascal
during the final days of the Wizard War.The Blight was the reason the
Mascalians tried to flee the island 13,000 years ago.
GARETH (17:26):
The Second Great Apocalypse. This Wizard War must have been what was responsible
for wiping out half the life on Hadronus.What exactly was the Blight?
RENE (17:36):
The Blight was a magical plague created by the Council of Wizards to end the war they
were fighting with the people of Mascal. Itwas designed to destroy all life it came in
contact with, and then die out itself aftera few days. The wizards in their arrogance
never considered the plague might mutate andmanage to leave the shores of Mascal.
IZZY (17:57):
Why would they do that? Why snuff out all life on the island,
and risk killing everythingon Hadronus?
RENE (18:05):
Like almost all wars that have ever been fought, it boiled down to greed. And
just like those wars, religion was the excuseused to sway the masses.
The Wizards had gained power over most ofHadronus by being the sole suppliers of magics
and the supposed chosen of the gods. Theyinfluenced the various religions so that not
(18:26):
only was science frowned upon, the mixingof magic and science was labeled pure heresy.
The Wizards were furious when the people ofMascal refused to bow down to them, and then
showed they were capable of magics the Wizardshad never dreamed of. To make matters even
worse, the Mascalians had created us, theAutomatons, beings that exist only through
(18:47):
the marriage of science and magic. Once theWizards discovered our existence, they branded
us demons to be destroyed at all costs.
The Mascalians refused to give the Wizardstheir secrets. In the end, they all died defending
us, as if we were their biological children.
At least, we thought they had all died.
TRALNIS (19:08):
My people have built some Automatons, but they are like windup toys compared to
you lot. How did they manage to give you eachdifferent personalities?
DAR-C (19:19):
[speaking tube] I can answer that one. It was the greatest
gift the Mascalians gave us. Before the WizardWar, each adult had a copy of their personality,
but not their memories, magically stored ina crystal. Every Automaton is given a random
crystal when they are brought online.
IZZY (19:39):
Oh… is that why you refer to yourselves as ‘he’ or ‘she’? Leftover impressions
from the personality donors?
DAR-C (19:47):
[speaking tube] Yes and no. Only about 30% of us had definite feelings of being one
gender or the other when we came online. 50%of us determined which gender we were after
going through some tests.
TRALNIS (20:02):
What about the other 20%?
DAR-C (20:05):
[speaking tube] The tests are inconclusive, and the Automaton is given the choice of which
gender they prefer. Most of them just endup flipping a coin in the end,
or choose to be both or neither.
TRALNIS (20:16):
I have a feeling I’m going to regret asking, but what type of tests do you perform
to assign gender?
RENE (20:23):
The easiest, and most reliable test,
is to have the Automaton pretend to use the loo.
If they leave the toilet seat up, they’reobviously male.
TRALNIS (20:33):
You know, without the use of facial expressions,
I can’t tell if you’re joking or not.
[scene change music]
RENE (20:46):
Central is housed in this building.
[doors open]
Gentlebeings, I would like to introduce you to the Logistics and Operational Node
Interface. She helps Central run the island.
(21:07):
[LONI wheels out from behind her desk]
LONI (21:11):
Please, just call me LONI. Unless you lot are some sort of ambassadors,
I don't see why we should have to keep things formal.
RENE (21:17):
LONI, this is Pilot of the Roehus, Henry of the Chim, Sheldon of the Ur-Kwa-Kwa…
I’m sorry, it’s Kwa-Kwa-Ur now. The humanfemales are Elizabeth and Isadora Morgana,
and the young one is Teesh.
TEESH (21:32):
How do you balance on that one big ball to move around?
LONI (21:36):
The same way a biological would, plenty of practice with lots and lots of falling
down in the beginning.
RENE (21:43):
Finally, we have Gareth Mintel.
LONI (21:46):
Central will want a blood test to confirm if this young man is who he claims to be.
It would be quite the morale booster for theAutomatons to learn the Mintel line lives on
[rolls over to get the runic bowl and knife]
Gareth, please use the knife to prick your thumb or index finger. After that, allow
four drops of blood to land in the bowl.
GARETH (22:08):
Okay. Ouch! 1…2…3…4.
[magic sound]
GARET (22:15):
Is the bowl supposed to glow like that?
LONI (22:18):
Yes, that’s normal. Now let me place the bowl on the interface disc. The results
should be instantaneous.
[places bowl down, instant chime]
That’s… not… possible.
RENE (22:30):
Had DAR-C 254 and Kevin not adjusted my disbelief filters,
I would have agreed with you.
Gareth, the blood test shows that you arenot a long-lost
descendant of the residents of Mascal.
GARETH (22:42):
Damn, I really thought I was finally learning where I came from.
LONI (22:46):
RENE did not explain this well. While you are not a long-lost descendant, according
to the results (and we do have a 100% match),you are in fact a prior resident who left
just before the Blight was released on Mascal.
KEVIN (23:01):
See, I told you he looked good for being 13,000 years old.
GARETH (23:06):
What?! How is that even possible?!
[large doors sliding open][hologram appearing]
CENTRAL (23:13):
Perhaps I can shed some light on that, Gareth. Come inside, your friends are
more than welcome to join us.
ELIZABETH (23:20):
We’re not actually thinking of going into a room with a giant, disembodied
head floating in the middle, are we?
TEESH (23:27):
If you’re really that scared, Mr. Fuzzy Bottom can stay out here and hold your
hand. The rest of us will be putting on ourbig girl trousers,
and talking with the nice, floating person.
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR (23:40):
You go girl!
[three finger snaps]
CENTRAL (23:44):
Kevin, it’s good to see you again my old friend.
Did you enjoy the package I sent you?
KEVIN (23:49):
Hello, Central. I like coloring in the books you sent me. Thank you.
CENTRAL (23:55):
Welcome, Gareth, it’s been quite some time since I saw you last.
GARETH (23:59):
We’ve met before?
CENTRAL (24:01):
Oh yes, your father used to bring you here all the time. You see, this is where
he created me. I suppose in an odd sort ofway, you and I are siblings.
DAR-C (24:14):
That would explain his 8.1 DM signature.
PILOT (24:19):
Floating disembodied head, I overheard the mechanical people use that term earlier.
What does it mean?
DAR-C (24:25):
Sorry, we forgot that only Mascalians would already know what we were talking about.
The DM signature of a person, or object, indicateswhere they fall on an exponential scale that
shows how much Dark Magic they're capable of using.
ELIZABETH (24:40):
I should have known!
GARETH (24:41):
Whoa, Elizabeth. Before this trip, I never even knew I was able to use
magic, let alone evil magic.
CENTRAL (24:49):
What would evil magic have to do with anything?
ELIZABETH (24:52):
You said Dark Magic. Everyone knows magic is divided up into either Light Magic
which is good, or Dark Magic which is evil.
CENTRAL (25:02):
Nonsense! That’s not how magic works at all. Magic is only ‘good’ or
‘evil’ based upon how it is used. Lightor Dark refers to whether or not the magic
can be detected by normal means. The magicthat can be detected by Wizards and their
ilk only amounts for about only 15% of themagic in the Universe. The other 85% is what
(25:24):
we call Dark Magic. The Mascalians are theonly known biological species able to sense
and tap into Dark Magic.
TRALNIS (25:32):
Huh??
GARETH (25:33):
What he said.
CENTRAL (25:35):
Long ago, the inhabitants of this island were no different than the other Humans
on Hadronus. That all changed when the VoidStone fell out of the night sky during the
First Great Apocalypse. The strange magicsgiven off by the stone slowly altered the
people of this island, until they became whatwe now know as the Mascalians. Exposure over
(25:57):
generations had given them the ability tosense magics,
like the ones found in the Void Stone.
The Mintel family had always been the mostin tune with Dark Magic, and were the ones
who developed the runes able to tap into it.Their work is what keeps the Automatons, and
this city, running long after ‘normal’runes would have failed.
TRALNIS (26:17):
That’s all well and good, and we thank you for the ancient history lesson,
but I’ve known Gareth since he was a weelad. So, unless these Mascalians of yours
spend nearly 13,000 years as toddlers, thismakes no sense at all.
CENTRAL (26:32):
Actually, Gareth’s presence here today answers a question I have always had
about the final battle before the Blight wasreleased. Observe the viewing plate on the
wall. What you are watching is a recordingof the final moments of the Majesty, the Mintel
family’s private ship.
Notice the small craft that shoots out ofthe airship, and dives below the waves.
(26:55):
Like all ships of her class, the Majesty wasequipped with null-entropy lifeboats – escape
pods with runes designed to freeze time withinthem. She was only able to launch one of her
lifeboats before being destroyed. I alwayswondered if it had been a misfire, or if there
had been someone aboard it. Now I know.
IZZY (27:17):
You know, Gareth, I always thought I would enjoy dating an older man.
Of course,13,000 years is a littleolder than I was anticipating,
but I know we'll make it work.
CENTRAL (27:29):
Well, as nice as this has been, reuniting with family so to speak,
you should probably head offto visit your home to see
if there is anything you want totake with you before you leave Mascal.
GARETH (27:40):
Leave? We just got here! Why are you trying to get rid of us?
CENTRAL (27:46):
It’s not what you’re thinking, Gareth. In case you hadn’t noticed on your
flight here, most of Mascal is still sterile.Only within the last hundred years has the
land around the city begun to show signs oflife. As mechanical entities, we have no need
of food, and any food left by the Mascaliansturned to dust eons ago. We have nothing to
feed you. You’re more than welcome to returnto the island anytime you want, you just need
(28:10):
to bring your own food. The provisions wewere able to salvage from the remains of your
Leyship will only last you a few weeks atmost.
ELIZABETH (28:18):
Thanks for reminding me that My--
IZZY (28:20):
[clears her throat]
ELIZABETH (28:21):
…our ship was destroyed. Just how exactly are we supposed to leave this
gods forsaken island?!
CENTRAL (28:28):
Well, I was somewhat expecting you would use the experimental battleship that
is sitting in a null-entropy dock at the moment.We would have used it to travel across Hadronus,
but it requires a Mascalian as Captain tobring it online.
It will take an hour or so to shut down thenull-entropy runes. During that time, everyone
but Elizabeth should go visit Gareth’s oldhome.
ELIZABETH (28:49):
Why not me?
LONI (28:51):
To be perfectly honest, Elizabeth, exposed mechanisms are sooooo last millennium. I thought
you might like an upgrade at a salon nearby.You see…
[unintelligible whispers]
ELIZABETH (29:04):
You’re kidding? You can actually do that?!
LONI (29:07):
Of course, we can.
ELIZABETH (29:09):
I’ll catch up with you guys at the dry docks.
SHELDON (29:11):
[right eye] Pilot and us will head to the drydocks right
away. We can’t wait to get our eyes on ournew ride. What? Still no laughs?
[scene change music]
IZZY (29:28):
What a beautiful home, except for that strange, motionless fog surrounding it.
DAR-C (29:36):
That there is a level 6, residential protection field.
Runes carved into the stone foundationof homes, such as this,
register the presence of their owners.If they are gone for more than
a week, the home seals itself up until theyreturn. If anyone not authorized by the family
touches the fog, they are rendered unconsciousuntil the authorities arrive. If Gareth is
(30:01):
who we think he is, the field should collapsewhen he knocks on the door.
GARETH (30:07):
And if I’m not who you think I am?
DAR-C (30:11):
We’re mostly certain we figured out what the police did to revive trespassers,
so you should be reasonably safe.
GARETH (30:21):
Okay. Nothing ventured and all that.
[steps forward, knocks shave and a haircut,field collapses]
TRALNIS (30:29):
Really?
GARETH (30:31):
I couldn’t resist, plus I figured if this is my family home, I probably got
my sense of humor from whomever lived here.Come on, let’s head inside.
[door opens]
DAR-C (30:45):
Thank you, Gareth, but RENE and I have an errand to take care of. It shouldn’t
take too long, and we’ll just let ourselvesin when we return.
[automatons leave]
GARETH (30:54):
Alright, I’ll see you in a bit then.
[footsteps walking on hardwood floors]
[door closes]
IZZY (31:01):
So how does it feel to be back here?
GARETH (31:06):
Strange. I keep thinking that I should feel some sort of attachment to the place,
but I don’t. Nothing seems familiar.
TRALNIS (31:16):
Gareth! Come to the study at the end of the hall, I found something!
[hurried footsteps]
GARETH (31:27):
What did you find?
TRALNIS (31:29):
Take a look at that large book on the table here. In fact, have a close look
at this page.
[pages turning]
[chuckling] I recognize the wee lad in this picture.
TEESH (31:40):
Wow, nice hair, Gareth! It looks like you licked a charged Aetherium tube.
GARETH (31:50):
[laughing]
TEESH (31:59):
I wasn’t that funny. Why are you laughing so much?
GARETH (32:03):
According to the caption, that’s exactly what happened. I got into some of
my father’s equipment, and decided I wantedto see what charged Aetherium tasted like.
It says my hair didn’t go back to normalfor a week.
TRALNIS (32:17):
Since Elizabeth isn’t here, I’ll say it for her. Licking charged Aetherium
as a child explains a lot.
[DAR-C knocking on the door to the study]
DAR-C (32:28):
Gareth, RENE 7 and I thought that since you will be the Captain of the new airship,
you should dress appropriately. We had oneof the fabrication automatons whip up a dress
uniform for you in the style of the RoyalMascalian Air Navy.
GARETH (32:43):
You mean Central was being serious about me being the Captain? Elizabeth is not
going to like this one bit.
IZZY (32:50):
We’ll deal with Lizard Breath later… as a team.
Now shoo, go put the clothes on. I’ve alwayshad a thing for guys in uniform.
DAR-C (33:00):
I’ll help show you how to wear it.
[footsteps and flying hum]
RENE (33:07):
Where do you think you are going, Ms. Morgana?
IZZY (33:11):
Can’t blame a girl for wanting to take a peak.
[Gareth walks back in]
GARETH (33:17):
So, what do you think?
IZZY (33:18):
Teesh is in the room, so I can’t tell you exactly what I think. So let’s just go
with I'm really looking forward to doing a detailed pre-flight inspection.
TRALNIS (33:32):
That black uniform with the white piping really suits you, Gareth. You look
like a right proper officer. Just out of curiosity,what do those fancy decorations mean?
DAR-C (33:43):
The four black stars on a field of white denote the Captain of the Mascalian
flagship. Regular Captains only receive threestars. Your new ship is the flagship of the
Royal Mascalian Air Navy.
RENE (33:57):
It’s the only ship in the Air Navy.
DAR-C (34:00):
And therefore, the flagship.
TRALNIS (34:04):
Fine, fine, my son’s a Senior Captain. What does the fancy symbol on his neck mean?
GARETH (34:11):
From what DAR-C tells me, it’s sort of like a Mascalian coat of arms. It designates
me as the Head of House Mintel.
IZZY (34:21):
Come here, handsome, you look like you need a hug.
[whispers]Gareth, I know Elizabeth will try to argue
that you shouldn’t be Captain, but standyour ground. I believe in you.
Just so you know, if shesomehow managers to win over
the rest of the crew, you’re still keepingthat uniform.
(34:43):
I can't decide if that uniform will lookbetter on you, or on the floor of my cabin.
[mechanical clacking enters room]
TEESH (34:52):
What’s that thing?
DAR-C (34:54):
This little fellow is part of a network of surveillance Automatons we have stationed
around the island. It seems as though thepirates that destroyed your Leyship are still
in the area. Spider-eye 7685 says he saw asmall two-man dirigible cross the storm boundary,
once it saw the island, it turned tail and took off like
(35:15):
someone was trying to lubricateits chasse with the wrong type of oil.
RENE (35:19):
Gareth, we need to get you to the dry docks as soon as possible! The experimental
airship is the only air defense we have. Thepirates would soon learn the range of our
land-based weapons, and simply fly higher.They could bombard Mascal from the air with
impunity if we don’t launch the ship soon!
GARETH (35:38):
Nothing like on the job training. Let’s go find the others.
[receding footsteps]
DAR-C (35:46):
Gareth, I know it seems like a trivial thing, and probably odd coming from a mechanical,
but the Mascalians had a superstition aboutflying an airship that hasn’t been named
yet. As Captain, it’s your right to namethe ship before her maiden voyage.
GARETH (36:01):
I know just what to call her. [unintelligible whisper]
DAR-C (36:04):
I’ll have that passed along to dry docks while we’re on our way in a taxi.
RENE (36:09):
DAR-C 254 let the others go on ahead for a moment. I wish to speak with you alone.
DAR-C (36:15):
Go on.
RENE (36:16):
DAR-C 254 I’m still not sure we made the right decision in keeping the information
we discussed from Gareth.
DAR-C (36:22):
We agreed that it would be too much for him to process in such a short amount of time.
With the pirates attacking, it makes evenmore sense not to overload him.
RENE (36:33):
You’re correct, but you know that we will have to tell him eventually. The other
Automatons would melt us down for scrap whilestill online if we don’t.
DAR-C (36:42):
Of course, we’ll tell him. We just need to wait until after this crisis is over
Then we'll tell Gareth that the last Senior Captain to wear the diamond starburst
was his granddaddy, King Ianto.
[scene change music]
NARRATOR (37:01):
This has been Gareth and the Lost Island.
Episode 10Starring:
Peter McGiffen as the Narrator and Henry’stranslator
Allen Pettey as Tralnis Granitestaff
Patrick Mallard as Gareth Mintel and Kevin
Debra Mallard as Izzy Morgana and DAR-C 254
(37:27):
Lauren Kong as Elizabeth Morgana
Jenna Oliver as Teesh
Kayce Swan as Pilot
Daniel Fore as Sheldon’s Left Eyestalk andLONI
O J VA as Sheldon’s Right Eyestalk
A I Brooke as RENE-7
(37:51):
and
David Gardiner as Central
As a vertically challenged individual, thedirector is considering using the designation
of Dwarf Unit 1 himself.
Gareth and the Lost Island was written anddirected by Patrick Mallard.
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