May 24, 2023 • 31 mins
After landing in Saint Mareen, Gareth and Izzy head out to sell the treasures they recovered on their dive. A twist of fate leads them to meeting the young street urchin, Teesh.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
[VDM logo music]Quack-quack-hiss
(00:07):
Venomous Duck Media presents,Gareth and the Lost Island.
Episode 6 - Saint Mareen
Disclaimer (00:17):
This audio drama
should be considered ratedPG-13 for discussions of
sexual hijinks, drinking,consuming questionable potions,
brief moments of violence,crude language,
and even cruder humor.Please use caution when
(00:37):
listening in public, as thisstory may cause audible laughter.
Venomous Duck Media is notliable for any strained
abdominal muscles you mayreceive while listening,
or the strange looks youmight get from other commuters.
If laughter persists for morethan four hours,
seek immediatemedical attention.
(00:59):
[Theme]
(01:24):
[Tralnis and Garethlaughing]
TRALNIS (01:27):
I’m sorry, could you repeat that please.
I haven’t had that goodof a laugh in a long time.
IZZY (01:34):
Elizabeth is sending me into the City of Saint Mareen
to sell the figurines.TRALNIS: Go on lass,
tell us again why she can’tcome into town with us.
Elizabeth is on probation here
for drunk anddisorderly conduct.
After a few too many,she decided to perform an
impromptu burlesque showin front of the Court House.
(01:57):
Even though the magistratesaid it was the most unique
and entertaining thing he’dseen in a long time,
he found her guilty anyway.The Magistrate told her that
if she was arrested again,he would have her
spend the entire time
of her suspended sentenceperforming the act,
(02:18):
three times a day with anextra matinee on Sundays,
or pay a fine greater than thevalue of the Glorious Dawn
[Tralnis and Garethlaughing again]
(chuckles) Stop it you two,
it isn’t that funny.Okay, well maybe it is,
but it wasn’t all her fault.The local alcoholic beverages are
(02:42):
brewed with Cadanious flowersto give them extra flavor.
GARETH (02:45):
What are Cadanious flowers?
TRALNIS (02:47):
Cadanious flowers are the main component in
most major aphrodisiacs.My great-great-great-grandfather
was the first to use theflowers in a mixture to
treat erectile dysfunction.The great success of that
potion is how my family gotour last name, Granitestaff.
The locals must havedeveloped a tolerance for it
(03:08):
since Hadronus isn’t overrunwith the people of
Saint Mareen. If you don’tmind, Gareth, I would
appreciate it if you sold ourshare of the figurines to
whomever Izzy linesup to sell theirs.
I’m off to find thenearest pub
to experience these Cadaniouslaced beverages for myself.
GARETH (03:27):
Sure, just remember what happened to the Captain
in case you suddenly getdecide to put on a show.
IZZY (03:32):
Come on, Gareth, the main bazaar
isn’t too far from here.
GARETH (03:36):
My Lady, might I offer to escort you on this outing.
IZZY (03:39):
Why thank you, Professor.
Hopefully this outing will beless exciting than our first date.
[walking]
GARETH (03:50):
So, do you have a plan for selling the figurines?
IZZY (03:53):
Yes… sort of… well at least a vague one.
I thought we could wanderaround the bazaar
and try to find shops thatsold similar items. Then
we could ask the owners if theywanted to buy the figurines.
GARETH (04:08):
Izzy, that’s not exactly the best…
[body falling] IZZY (04:11):
Oof! [footsteps running]
IZZY (04:12):
I can’t believe how rude that Dwarf was!
They didn’t even apologizefor knocking me over.
GARETH (04:19):
Here, let me help you up.
IZZY (04:21):
Thanks. [pats down clothes]
Gareth! That little bastard stole the bag with
the figurines! Hurry, weneed to catch them before
they get lost in the crowd.[running]
Dammit! We lost them!
GARETH (04:35):
Maybe not. Hold on. Excuse me, which way did the
‘short, rude person wearinga dirty gray robe’ go?
ROEHUS (04:42):
They ran that way, and then turned left at the
stall belonging to the manwho always smells
of boiled cabbage.
GARETH (04:50):
Thank you! Izzy, follow me!
[running]IZZY: (panting) Now where?
Let me listen to the conversations.
[crowd murmuring]GARETH: Got it!
Those Dryads are wonderingwhat the ‘small, strange
smelling Dwarf’ was runningfrom. Considering all three
of them are looking at thesame alleyway, it’s a pretty
safe bet where our thief went.You head down the alley.
(05:12):
That pair of Cyclops givesme an idea. I’ll try and
cut the Dwarf off.[running]
IZZY (05:17):
(out of breath) This is one of the reasons I love my
engine room so much,no running.
Okay, here I go. [running]
GARETH (05:26):
Hey! CYCLOPS
Gaxo no u kaakd! CYCLOPS
(thinking) Okay Gareth, this is only slightly
different than what you didat the Sea Labs with Henry.
I just hope I stick the landingthis time. One…two…Three
[running, Cyclops and Gareth grunt]
Huh, that actually worked. Now where did
our thief go? There you are,Gotcha! Izzy, go down to the
(05:50):
next intersection,and turn right!
IZZY (05:52):
Gareth?! How did you end up on the roof
of a two-story building?!
GARETH (05:56):
I’ll explain later. Hurry, they’re getting away.
Ahhh!
IZZY (06:01):
Gareth? GARETH
Gareth, as someone who wears a brazier, I can
safely say that on your headisn’t the proper way.
On the other hand,that blue sundress wrapped
around your neckreally suits you.
GARETH (06:19):
Thanks. Hey, the thief is doubling back, and heading
off to the left now. If we hurry,we can cut them off!
[running, Izzy takes deep breath, running]
IZZY (06:33):
The money’s worth the running,
the money’sworth the running,
the money’sworth the running,
(thinking) Gareth, what areyou doing? You’re out
pacing the thief, and running out of building
rapidly. And now you’rerunning even faster. I need
to distract the thief togive Gareth time to do
(06:55):
whatever he’s planning.(outloud) Oey, vertically
challenged thief! You’ve gotloo paper stuck to your sandal!
TEESH (07:03):
I do? No, I don’t. Hey wait, it’s that lady that I
stole this bag from.How’d she follow me?
[running, Gareth grunts,lands hard on ground]
IZZY (07:17):
(thinking) With what I just saw, added to the
stories Tralnis has told meof Gareth growing up, I have
only one question (07:23):
How in the hells is he still alive?
At least he distractedthe thief. Now’s my chance!
TEESH (07:32):
Did that idiot just jump off a two story …
(grunts)Get off me! You’re heavy!
IZZY (07:39):
This beard’s a fake! You’re not a Dwarf!
TEESH (07:43):
Yeah, well judging from your weight,
I’m guessing you’renot a pixie!
IZZY (07:48):
Oh, you are so going to regret saying that.
GARETH (07:52):
Wait, Izzy! She’s just a kid.
IZZY (07:55):
A kid? You’re right, she is a little girl.
Grab her so shecan’t get away.
TEESH (08:02):
Let go! GARETH
IZZY (08:04):
I’ll be taking my bag back, thank you very much.
TEESH (08:07):
Can’t blame a thief for trying to make a living.
IZZY (08:10):
As the person who you stole from, I can and do.
TEESH (08:14):
Okay, that’s fair I suppose.
IZZY (08:17):
I think we need to go have a chat with your parents.
TEESH (08:20):
Hard to do, seeing I ain’t got none!
IZZY (08:23):
What should we do with her?
GARETH (08:25):
Based on her threadbare clothes, and the
fact she’s almost thinenough to disappear if
she turns sideways, there’sonly one place I can think
of to take her. Grab herother arm, the place I’m
thinking of isn’t toofar away. I saw it
while runningon the rooftops.
TEESH (08:38):
No! Let me go! You got your stuff back!
GARETH (08:42):
Nope, you’re coming with us,
whether youwant to or not.
[walking]
TEESH (08:50):
You know, you should probably let me go, and get your
boyfriend checked out by adoctor. I think he must have
hit his head when he triedto fly without an airship.
This isn’t a City Guardpost, it’s a tavern.
I promise to live a justlife, and give up my
misguided wayswhile you get him help.
GARETH (09:09):
Izzy, if you get the door, I’ll keep a hold of her.
TEESH (09:13):
It was worth a shot.
[door opens]
GARETH (09:18):
Barkeep, we’ll take three…
no, make that fourlunch specials
and four desserts too.We’ll be in that booth
in the back corner.[walking]
If I let go of your arm,
will you promise to stay longenough to have lunch with us?
TEESH (09:33):
Wait… lunch?
IZZY (09:36):
It’s a meal usually eaten around midday.
But that’s notimportant now.
TEESH (09:40):
Ha, ha. Fine, if you want
to feed me, I’mnot going to say no.
GARETH (09:46):
Good, ‘cause holding onto your arm is
killing mine. Henry alwaysmade it look so easy when
he was demonstrating howto do a shoulder roll to
bleed off momentum. Here,looks like you could use the
extra serving. My nameis Gareth, by the way,
and the woman you stolefrom is my friend, Izzy.
TEESH (10:03):
(with full mouth) Teesh.
IZZY (10:04):
What?
TEESH (10:05):
Teesh… that’s my name.
IZZY (10:07):
I’ve only visited Saint Mareen a few times,
but on each visit, I wasasked to donate to the
local orphanages fund.Why are you living on the
street if they have severalorphanages in town?
GARETH (10:19):
It’s not always that black and white, Izzy. Even
in the good orphanages likethe one I was in, things
can get pretty bad. The staffcan only be so many places
at one time, and some of theolder kids exploit that fact.
In the bad orphanages, it’susually better to live on the
streets, so you don’t have toworry about both the older
kids and the adults who aresupposed to be protecting you.
(10:40):
Places like Saint Mareen,which have a high number
of parentless refugees,usually ends up with more
of the bad typethan the good ones.
TEESH (10:47):
Gareth’s right. Most of the orphanages
in Saint Mareen are notso secretly run by the
Scaled Ones. The strongchildren are taken away
to be sold as slaves, whilethe pretty ones are sold
closer to home to localbrothels. Miss H’jarth
had negotiated a contract tosell me to a brothel that
specialized in young girls.Once I got too old to attract
(11:10):
the sick bastards they callcustomers, I was going to be
resold to one of the Aetheriummines the Scaled Ones run.
[silverware bounces]IZZY: Where is that bitch!
Gareth, I’ll need yourhelp to move the body
back to the GloriousDawn. Don't worry,
the others won’t mindonce I explain to them
why I strangled the bitchwith her own tongue.
(11:32):
It’s okay, Izzy. Sit back down. Miss H’jarth
died in a horrible‘not-accident’
involving a rabid camel, anda barrel full of fireworks.
IZZY (11:43):
...not-accident?
TEESH (11:45):
What else do you call something that was
totally on purpose?[tavern music grows]
I don't remember the last time
I ate that much.Thanks, Gareth.
If I really promise not totry and steal it again,
can you tell me what’sin the bag? Not right now.
(12:08):
Let’s head back outside,away from eavesdroppers.
[walking, door opens,walking]
Okay, this looks pretty private. Will you
please show me what’sin the bag? I’m dying to
(12:29):
know what’s so importantthat Gareth would risk
snapping his neck over.
IZZY (12:33):
These are what’s so important.
[choir of angels]
TEESH (12:38):
Seriously? You almost killed
yourself over abag of metal dolls?
GARETH (12:44):
They’re metal hero statues. See, this
one has a sword you can remove,and put back in it's hand.
TEESH (12:51):
They come with accessories, and have moving
arms and legs. I’m prettysure that makes them dolls.
GARETH (12:58):
These hero statues are made out of something
that looks like silver, but isn’t.They were also made
sometime before theSecond Great Apocalypse.
TEESH (13:08):
Wow. Okay, risking an early trip to the
undertaker makesmore sense now.
Where were you planning onoffloading a haul like that?
IZZY (13:17):
Well, before you interrupted us, we were
headed to the bazaar tofind a merchant who sells
similar stuff, and offer to sell the figurines to them.
TEESH (13:26):
Really, that was your plan?
IZZY (13:29):
What’s wrong with my plan?
TEESH (13:31):
Nothing, except for the fact that the market
is for regular people, notthe fat pockets who collect
rare, ancient junk. Gareth,I expected more from a
fellow orphanage survivor.
GARETH (13:44):
I was about to explain why her plan wouldn’t work,
when a short thief wholikes to dress up like
a dwarf complicated things.
TEESH (13:51):
I just haven’t hit a growth spurt yet!
IZZY (13:54):
Alright Professor, if my plan was such
rubbish, how aboutyou tell me yours?
GARETH (14:00):
I was just going to go to the local university,
and talk to some of thearchaeologists.
they usually get paid for digsby a small share of the items
removed, they would knowwhich wealthy citizens
would be interested inacquiring what we found.
TEESH (14:12):
Not bad, but you probably won’t get a very
good price trying tosell the metal dolls…
GARETH (14:19):
Metal hero figures.
TEESH (14:23):
Like I said, metal dolls. If you try
to sell all of them to thesame buyer, they will think
they can get a bulk discount.If you take the time to sell
them to multiple buyers, theywill know that what they are
getting isn’t unique, andwon’t offer you as much money.
IZZY (14:39):
We should hire you to do all of our cargo negotiations.
I take it you havea third option?
TEESH (14:46):
Of course. You just need a good fence who will
buy your loot, and thenstring along the fat pockets
until they pay four timeswhat he gave you.
Follow me, I’ll introduce youto the fence I usually use.
He’s always been fair to me.
GARETH (15:01):
Your call, Izzy. You and Elizabeth have
the larger share, soyou have more at stake.
IZZY (15:07):
We’re trusting you, Teesh.
Please don’t makeus regret this.
TEESH (15:11):
Don’t worry, my fence is one of the only ones
I know that alwaystreats his suppliers fairly.
[scene change music]
GARETH (15:23):
Teesh, I hate to say this, but it looks like
the church shut down sincethe last time you were here.
IZZY (15:32):
I’m pretty sure this creepy, old church was
shut down beforeshe was born. Hells,
it was probably shutown before I was born.
TEESH (15:42):
It’s not like Yanlith can open up a
stall in the bazaar. Can youthink of a better hideout?
GARETH (15:48):
She's got a point. Lead on, Teesh.
[walking, doorcreeks open]
IZZY (16:00):
This is the part in a penny dreadful where the
heroine gets capturedby a death cult.
TEESH (16:06):
You read that one too? I got my copy after someone
threw it out. After readingthe ending, I tossed it back
into the trash. I mean really,the heroine ends up with the
‘reformed’ head priest,instead of the man from
her village who lovedher since they were kids.
IZZY (16:22):
I know, right. She totally ignored how
he risked his life torescue her from the cult.
It must have beenwritten by a man.
GARETH (16:32):
It sounds like they're speaking in trade,
but I have no ideawhat they’re saying.
IZZY (16:37):
Ha, ha, TEESH
GARETH (16:41):
Coming back to why we’re here,
I don’t see anyoneelse in the church.
TEESH (16:47):
That’s because even though Yanlith owns
this property, it isn’t wherehe actually does business.
IZZY (16:54):
Then why did you bring us here?
TEESH (16:57):
Izzy, push up the torch bracket
you’re standing under.
IZZY (17:01):
Okay. [bracket pull, chains moving]
TEESH (17:07):
This is my favorite part. Now watch
as I, a little girl,move this solid
stone altar withonly two fingers.
[stone sliding]
Thank you, thank you.If you enjoyed the
(17:27):
performance, please leavea donation in the hat.
IZZY (17:31):
I’ll admit, that’s a pretty neat trick.
How’d you do it.
TEESH (17:35):
Yanlith said it’s done using counterweights,
and a bunch of other stuff Ituned out because I got bored.
Hold on a minute, and I’llturn on the lights in the shaft.
[footsteps, lightsturning on]
GARETH (17:56):
That is a really deep hole in the ground.
TEESH (17:59):
It’s only ten stories down.
GARETH (18:02):
I stand by my earlier statement.
TEESH (18:05):
The sooner we climb down the ladder,
the sooner you get tosell your metal dolls.
GARETH (18:09):
Metal hero figures. TEESH
Hey Izzy, try not to fallon me. You’re kinda heavy.
IZZY (18:22):
I might be heavy, but at least I have boobs.
TEESH (18:27):
Like I said, I haven’t had a growth spurt yet.
[scene change music]
GARETH (18:36):
I’m not sure which is cramping more, my hands
or my thighs from that climb.I am not looking forward to
going back up that way.TEESH: As long as you make
a good deal with my fence,he should let you use his
back door to getup to the surface.
IZZY (18:51):
If that’s not an incentive to make
some bargaining concessions,I don’t know what is.
TEESH (18:57):
Follow me, his front door is down this way.
[walking]TEESH: Here we are.
[knocks on door]I guess Yanlith is out on an errand.
We’ll just have to waithere until he gets back.
IZZY (19:13):
How long should we wait?
TEESH (19:15):
Until Yanlith gets back, or you’re ready
to climb back up that ladder.IZZY: Wait it is.
GARETH (19:23):
Based on the runes carved into the stone around
the door, I would have to datethese tunnels to sometime
during the FourthIronbeard Dynasty.
TEESH (19:33):
He’s speaking trade, but I have no
idea what he’stalking about.
YANLITH (19:38):
You would, if you paid more attention
to your studies, missy.I’m impressed, lad.
Most humans who can readour language aren’t able to
see the subtleties in therunes that mark which
dynasty theycame from.
GARETH (19:52):
I’m a linguist that specializes in ancient
languages, and I wasadopted by Dwarf.
YANLITH (19:59):
Yep, that would do it.
IZZY (20:01):
Nice suit. I would think you were a well
to do business man ifI saw you on the street.
YANLITH (20:07):
Once I tried wearing a shirt embroidered
with ‘I deal in stolen goods’,and walked around the bazaar.
While I got several newcustomers, I was also
harassed by the City Guard.So, what has my favorite
street urchin broughtme today? Or should
I ask who shehas brought me?
GARETH (20:30):
My name is Professor Gareth Mintel,
and this is my friend,Izzy Morgana. Teesh
has led us to believethat you might be interested
in acquiring some pre-SecondGreat Apocalypse artifacts.
YANLITH (20:39):
She did, did she? Smart lass, that one. Come in,
let’s head inside, and seewhat kind of deal we can make.
GARETH (20:47):
Ouch IZZY
to have Tralnis take a lookat your shoulder. I’m worried
you might havetorn something.
YANLITH (20:55):
You said Tralnis, lass. You wouldn’t happen
to be speaking of Dr.TralnisGranitestaff would you now?
IZZY (21:01):
Well, yes. How do you know him?
YANLITH (21:04):
My name is Yanlith Granitestaff. I’m Tralnis’ younger,
and much better-looking cousin.
GARETH (21:12):
Tralnis is the one who adopted, and then raised me.
YANLITH (21:15):
Well, shite. There goes me fleecing
you, Dwarves nevertake advantage of family.
IZZY (21:22):
Teesh, you told us we could trust Yanlith to be fair.
YANLITH (21:27):
Yep, Teesh is definitely a smart one.
She probably also forgotto mention that she gets
a finder’s fee for everyperson she brings me.
TEESH (21:36):
Hey, a girl’s gotta eat.
YANLITH (21:38):
Speaking of which, it’s just about tea time. Let me
unlock the door, and we candiscuss business over a meal.
[lock click, frightened chicken]
Don’t ask. Have a seat you lot.
Tell me, Gareth, how isthat old sawbones these days?
GARETH (22:04):
Right now…I would guess he’s drunk, and trying
to seduce as many peopleas he can fit into his rented
bed at the inn nextto the airship port.
YANLITH (22:12):
Ah, or as we Dwarves would call it, a normal Tuesday.
Let’s take care of businessquickly so I can get pissed with
family. Did Tralnis everperfect that formula for the
instant sobriety potion he was working on?
I could make a fortune sellingthose on the open market.
GARETH (22:30):
It works fine. The only problem is that
it tastes worsethan his cooking.
YANLITH (22:36):
Lad, I think you might be exaggerating there
just a wee bit. You see,Tralnis and I shared a flat
after he left that septetcommune he lived in.
While technicallywhat Tralnis did could be
called cooking, I alwaysthought of it as a crime
against nature, and all thatis good in the world.
IZZY (22:55):
Come on, he can’t be that bad.
YANLITH (22:58):
Lass, when we shared that flat, Tralnis had
a rat terrier as a pet. I swear,we had the only dog on
Hadronus that didn’t lick itsballs just because it could.
Ours was trying toget the taste of the
table scraps out of its mouth.Seriously Gareth,
does it really tastelike his cooking?
GARETH (23:17):
Yes, yes it does.
YANLITH (23:20):
Damn… maybe I won’t be able to sell it after all.
Well, back to the matterat hand. I would offer you
lot some tea, but my stomachis suddenly off. Teesh, I know
nothing puts you off of yourappetite the biscuits are
where I usually keep them.TEESH: Yes!
Let’s see what you brought me.
GARETH (23:43):
We recovered twelve of these on a recent expedition.
YANLITH (23:47):
Let me see one of those. Hmm, yep…
perfect condition. This isgoing to be a tough decision.
IZZY (23:56):
Whether or not to buy them from us?
YANLITH (23:58):
No, of course not. I meant who to sell these to.
There’s no doubt that these arepre-Second Great Apocalypse,
and will fetch handsome priceswith collectors. I also have some
metallurgist friends whowould pay a pretty penny
to get their hands on these.Perhaps I should let both
sides see one of the figurinesso I can start a bidding war.
(24:20):
Tell you what, I’ll buy thelot of these for a thousand
IRD marks apiece.
GARETH IZZY (24:26):
We’ll take it!
YANLITH (24:27):
Good! Now let’s go find my cousin, so those
of us who are of legal age,can get drunk off our arses!
[scene change music]
[kitchen noises]
GARETH (24:47):
(thinking) I still can’t get over the fact that
Henry ended up makingfriends with the skull from the
underwater temple. It’samazing how much
they can communicate withChompers only being able to
do one clack for yes,and two for no. Henry even
used Izzy’s workshop to putmetal caps on Chomper’s teeth,
so the skull could help himout in the galley. Now Henry
only has to use one handto chop things.
(25:08):
[kitchen noises]
(thinking) Oo, Henry just peeled some pig-nuts.
I think I’ll snatch one whilethey're both distracted.
[slap]GARETH: Ouch!
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR: I’m cutting you off, Gareth. (25:23):
undefined
You’ve had way too manyin the last couple days.
GARETH (25:28):
What do you mean? I haven’t had any pig-nuts
in a week. Why doyou think it was me?
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR: You’re the only one on the (25:35):
undefined
ship who can eat them raw.
If it wasn’t you, wemight have a problem.
GARETH (25:43):
I think you’re right.
[scene change music]
ELIZABETH (25:52):
Alright everybody, we have searched the rest of
the ship. If we have astowaway, like Henry
and the Professor suggest,they would have to be hiding
in here. Sheldon, Izzy,Tralnis, I want you three
to search the portside. The Professor,
Henry, and I willsearch starboard.
[walking]
GARETH (26:13):
(thinking) I guess it was a false alarm, no one
over here either. Wait just a tick, somethings off with
this row of crates.[walking]
With this crate, all of the nailsin the lid except one
have been removed. That one nail makes a really
good pivot point. Given therelatively small size of the crate,
(26:38):
I have a sinking feeling thatI know who our stowaway is.
TEESH (26:41):
Uh… hi, Gareth. Fancy meeting you here.
Okay, even I thought thatsounded lame. What gave me away?
GARETH (26:55):
A couple things. I saw this crate is slightly off
kilter from the ones nextto it. Had this airship’s
cargo master been a human,I wouldn’t have thought anything of it.
but our cargo master isan Ur, an entire species
that suffers from obsessivecompulsive disorder. Sheldon
would have made sure theedges of this create
lined up wit the ones nextto it. Also, other than you,
(27:17):
I'm the only other person on theship who likes raw pignuts.
TEESH (27:21):
Are you serious? GARETH
What a bunch of weirdos.
GARETH (27:26):
I agree completely. Why ruin a perfectly good
pignut by cooking it? It's kindalike when they make pickles.
You know, when they drowna perfectly good cucumber in evil.
Enough about how weirdother people’s tastes are.
Give me your hand,and I’ll help you out.
TEESH (27:46):
Thanks, getting in is easy, out’s a lot harder.
GARETH (27:51):
Izzy, I found our stowaway.
[walking]IZZY: I should have known.
TEESH (28:02):
Don’t be too hard on yourself, Izzy. Common
sense isn’t always yourstrong suit. Did you just
stick your tongueout at me?
IZZY (28:13):
Maybe. TEESH
ELIZABETH (28:16):
Would either of you two like to explain
what in the hellsis going on here?!
IZZY (28:21):
Captain Elizabeth Morgana, I would like to
introduce you to Teesh…TEESH: It’s just Teesh.
No family, so no last name.
ELIZABETH (28:32):
Be that as it may, she is still a stowaway,
and trade law is veryclear on what to do with
them. Since she is a child,I’ll have Pilot lower the ship
to only a hundred feet or soabove the water before I toss
the little street rat overboard.
If you insist on going through with
tossing Teesh overboard, I’ll call for a crew’s vote.
(28:55):
You know how Roehus feel about children.
Besides, it’s not like we can’t put her to work.
Every airshipneeds a good cabin boy.
Two problems with that. The first is, I have
never wanted a cabin boy.The second is, she can’t
be a cabin boy- she’s a girl.
TEESH (29:16):
So are you! But that doesn’t keep
you from being a dick!IZZY: [snicker]
ELIZABETH (29:21):
Until she pulls her own weight on this airship,
cost of her upkeep comesout of your share of the profits,
Issadora. You will be expectedto feed her, water her, and make
sure she gets plentyof exercise. Any accidents
will be your responsibilityto clean up.
TEESH (29:38):
I’m not some bloody pet!
ELIZABETH (29:41):
Prove it.
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR: Talk about grumpy. I’ll have to (29:42):
undefined
make sure Elizabeth gets morefiber in her diet from now on.
TEESH (29:51):
MR. FUZZY BOTTOM!!!
[running]HENRY: Oof!
I’m… I’m sorry. Before my village was
destroyed, and my parentskilled, I had a stuffed Chim
doll that looked just likeyou. I would cuddle with
it whenever I got frightened,and he would watch over me.
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR: I’ve got you. (30:15):
undefined
Mr. Fuzzy Bottom will alwayskeep an eye on you.
[outro music]
This has beenGareth and the Lost Island.
(30:38):
Episode 6
Starring:
Peter McGiffen asthe Narrator,
Henry’s translator,and Yanlith Granitestaff
Allen Pettey asTralnis Granitestaff
Patrick Mallard asGareth Mintel
Debra Mallard asIzzy Morgana
(30:59):
Lauren Kong asElizabeth Morgana
and Jenna Oliver asTeesh
Like the listeners, thecast and crew are also
trying to figure out howa non-accident involving
a rabid camel and a barrelfull of fireworks would work.
Gareth and the Lost Islandwas written
and directedby Patrick Mallard.
[VDM logo music]Quack-quack-hiss
(00:07):
Venomous Duck Media presents,Gareth and the Lost Island.
Episode 6 - Saint Mareen
Disclaimer (00:17):
This audio drama
should be considered ratedPG-13 for discussions of
sexual hijinks, drinking,consuming questionable potions,
brief moments of violence,crude language,
and even cruder humor.Please use caution when
(00:37):
listening in public, as thisstory may cause audible laughter.
Venomous Duck Media is notliable for any strained
abdominal muscles you mayreceive while listening,
or the strange looks youmight get from other commuters.
If laughter persists for morethan four hours,
seek immediatemedical attention.
(00:59):
[Theme]
(01:24):
[Tralnis and Garethlaughing]
TRALNIS (01:27):
I’m sorry, could you repeat that please.
I haven’t had that goodof a laugh in a long time.
IZZY (01:34):
Elizabeth is sending me into the City of Saint Mareen
to sell the figurines.TRALNIS: Go on lass,
tell us again why she can’tcome into town with us.
Elizabeth is on probation here
for drunk anddisorderly conduct.
After a few too many,she decided to perform an
impromptu burlesque showin front of the Court House.
(01:57):
Even though the magistratesaid it was the most unique
and entertaining thing he’dseen in a long time,
he found her guilty anyway.The Magistrate told her that
if she was arrested again,he would have her
spend the entire time
of her suspended sentenceperforming the act,
(02:18):
three times a day with anextra matinee on Sundays,
or pay a fine greater than thevalue of the Glorious Dawn
[Tralnis and Garethlaughing again]
(chuckles) Stop it you two,
it isn’t that funny.Okay, well maybe it is,
but it wasn’t all her fault.The local alcoholic beverages are
(02:42):
brewed with Cadanious flowersto give them extra flavor.
GARETH (02:45):
What are Cadanious flowers?
TRALNIS (02:47):
Cadanious flowers are the main component in
most major aphrodisiacs.My great-great-great-grandfather
was the first to use theflowers in a mixture to
treat erectile dysfunction.The great success of that
potion is how my family gotour last name, Granitestaff.
The locals must havedeveloped a tolerance for it
(03:08):
since Hadronus isn’t overrunwith the people of
Saint Mareen. If you don’tmind, Gareth, I would
appreciate it if you sold ourshare of the figurines to
whomever Izzy linesup to sell theirs.
I’m off to find thenearest pub
to experience these Cadaniouslaced beverages for myself.
GARETH (03:27):
Sure, just remember what happened to the Captain
in case you suddenly getdecide to put on a show.
IZZY (03:32):
Come on, Gareth, the main bazaar
isn’t too far from here.
GARETH (03:36):
My Lady, might I offer to escort you on this outing.
IZZY (03:39):
Why thank you, Professor.
Hopefully this outing will beless exciting than our first date.
[walking]
GARETH (03:50):
So, do you have a plan for selling the figurines?
IZZY (03:53):
Yes… sort of… well at least a vague one.
I thought we could wanderaround the bazaar
and try to find shops thatsold similar items. Then
we could ask the owners if theywanted to buy the figurines.
GARETH (04:08):
Izzy, that’s not exactly the best…
[body falling] IZZY (04:11):
Oof! [footsteps running]
IZZY (04:12):
I can’t believe how rude that Dwarf was!
They didn’t even apologizefor knocking me over.
GARETH (04:19):
Here, let me help you up.
IZZY (04:21):
Thanks. [pats down clothes]
Gareth! That little bastard stole the bag with
the figurines! Hurry, weneed to catch them before
they get lost in the crowd.[running]
Dammit! We lost them!
GARETH (04:35):
Maybe not. Hold on. Excuse me, which way did the
‘short, rude person wearinga dirty gray robe’ go?
ROEHUS (04:42):
They ran that way, and then turned left at the
stall belonging to the manwho always smells
of boiled cabbage.
GARETH (04:50):
Thank you! Izzy, follow me!
[running]IZZY: (panting) Now where?
Let me listen to the conversations.
[crowd murmuring]GARETH: Got it!
Those Dryads are wonderingwhat the ‘small, strange
smelling Dwarf’ was runningfrom. Considering all three
of them are looking at thesame alleyway, it’s a pretty
safe bet where our thief went.You head down the alley.
(05:12):
That pair of Cyclops givesme an idea. I’ll try and
cut the Dwarf off.[running]
IZZY (05:17):
(out of breath) This is one of the reasons I love my
engine room so much,no running.
Okay, here I go. [running]
GARETH (05:26):
Hey! CYCLOPS
Gaxo no u kaakd! CYCLOPS
(thinking) Okay Gareth, this is only slightly
different than what you didat the Sea Labs with Henry.
I just hope I stick the landingthis time. One…two…Three
[running, Cyclops and Gareth grunt]
Huh, that actually worked. Now where did
our thief go? There you are,Gotcha! Izzy, go down to the
(05:50):
next intersection,and turn right!
IZZY (05:52):
Gareth?! How did you end up on the roof
of a two-story building?!
GARETH (05:56):
I’ll explain later. Hurry, they’re getting away.
Ahhh!
IZZY (06:01):
Gareth? GARETH
Gareth, as someone who wears a brazier, I can
safely say that on your headisn’t the proper way.
On the other hand,that blue sundress wrapped
around your neckreally suits you.
GARETH (06:19):
Thanks. Hey, the thief is doubling back, and heading
off to the left now. If we hurry,we can cut them off!
[running, Izzy takes deep breath, running]
IZZY (06:33):
The money’s worth the running,
the money’sworth the running,
the money’sworth the running,
(thinking) Gareth, what areyou doing? You’re out
pacing the thief, and running out of building
rapidly. And now you’rerunning even faster. I need
to distract the thief togive Gareth time to do
(06:55):
whatever he’s planning.(outloud) Oey, vertically
challenged thief! You’ve gotloo paper stuck to your sandal!
TEESH (07:03):
I do? No, I don’t. Hey wait, it’s that lady that I
stole this bag from.How’d she follow me?
[running, Gareth grunts,lands hard on ground]
IZZY (07:17):
(thinking) With what I just saw, added to the
stories Tralnis has told meof Gareth growing up, I have
only one question (07:23):
How in the hells is he still alive?
At least he distractedthe thief. Now’s my chance!
TEESH (07:32):
Did that idiot just jump off a two story …
(grunts)Get off me! You’re heavy!
IZZY (07:39):
This beard’s a fake! You’re not a Dwarf!
TEESH (07:43):
Yeah, well judging from your weight,
I’m guessing you’renot a pixie!
IZZY (07:48):
Oh, you are so going to regret saying that.
GARETH (07:52):
Wait, Izzy! She’s just a kid.
IZZY (07:55):
A kid? You’re right, she is a little girl.
Grab her so shecan’t get away.
TEESH (08:02):
Let go! GARETH
IZZY (08:04):
I’ll be taking my bag back, thank you very much.
TEESH (08:07):
Can’t blame a thief for trying to make a living.
IZZY (08:10):
As the person who you stole from, I can and do.
TEESH (08:14):
Okay, that’s fair I suppose.
IZZY (08:17):
I think we need to go have a chat with your parents.
TEESH (08:20):
Hard to do, seeing I ain’t got none!
IZZY (08:23):
What should we do with her?
GARETH (08:25):
Based on her threadbare clothes, and the
fact she’s almost thinenough to disappear if
she turns sideways, there’sonly one place I can think
of to take her. Grab herother arm, the place I’m
thinking of isn’t toofar away. I saw it
while runningon the rooftops.
TEESH (08:38):
No! Let me go! You got your stuff back!
GARETH (08:42):
Nope, you’re coming with us,
whether youwant to or not.
[walking]
TEESH (08:50):
You know, you should probably let me go, and get your
boyfriend checked out by adoctor. I think he must have
hit his head when he triedto fly without an airship.
This isn’t a City Guardpost, it’s a tavern.
I promise to live a justlife, and give up my
misguided wayswhile you get him help.
GARETH (09:09):
Izzy, if you get the door, I’ll keep a hold of her.
TEESH (09:13):
It was worth a shot.
[door opens]
GARETH (09:18):
Barkeep, we’ll take three…
no, make that fourlunch specials
and four desserts too.We’ll be in that booth
in the back corner.[walking]
If I let go of your arm,
will you promise to stay longenough to have lunch with us?
TEESH (09:33):
Wait… lunch?
IZZY (09:36):
It’s a meal usually eaten around midday.
But that’s notimportant now.
TEESH (09:40):
Ha, ha. Fine, if you want
to feed me, I’mnot going to say no.
GARETH (09:46):
Good, ‘cause holding onto your arm is
killing mine. Henry alwaysmade it look so easy when
he was demonstrating howto do a shoulder roll to
bleed off momentum. Here,looks like you could use the
extra serving. My nameis Gareth, by the way,
and the woman you stolefrom is my friend, Izzy.
TEESH (10:03):
(with full mouth) Teesh.
IZZY (10:04):
What?
TEESH (10:05):
Teesh… that’s my name.
IZZY (10:07):
I’ve only visited Saint Mareen a few times,
but on each visit, I wasasked to donate to the
local orphanages fund.Why are you living on the
street if they have severalorphanages in town?
GARETH (10:19):
It’s not always that black and white, Izzy. Even
in the good orphanages likethe one I was in, things
can get pretty bad. The staffcan only be so many places
at one time, and some of theolder kids exploit that fact.
In the bad orphanages, it’susually better to live on the
streets, so you don’t have toworry about both the older
kids and the adults who aresupposed to be protecting you.
(10:40):
Places like Saint Mareen,which have a high number
of parentless refugees,usually ends up with more
of the bad typethan the good ones.
TEESH (10:47):
Gareth’s right. Most of the orphanages
in Saint Mareen are notso secretly run by the
Scaled Ones. The strongchildren are taken away
to be sold as slaves, whilethe pretty ones are sold
closer to home to localbrothels. Miss H’jarth
had negotiated a contract tosell me to a brothel that
specialized in young girls.Once I got too old to attract
(11:10):
the sick bastards they callcustomers, I was going to be
resold to one of the Aetheriummines the Scaled Ones run.
[silverware bounces]IZZY: Where is that bitch!
Gareth, I’ll need yourhelp to move the body
back to the GloriousDawn. Don't worry,
the others won’t mindonce I explain to them
why I strangled the bitchwith her own tongue.
(11:32):
It’s okay, Izzy. Sit back down. Miss H’jarth
died in a horrible‘not-accident’
involving a rabid camel, anda barrel full of fireworks.
IZZY (11:43):
...not-accident?
TEESH (11:45):
What else do you call something that was
totally on purpose?[tavern music grows]
I don't remember the last time
I ate that much.Thanks, Gareth.
If I really promise not totry and steal it again,
can you tell me what’sin the bag? Not right now.
(12:08):
Let’s head back outside,away from eavesdroppers.
[walking, door opens,walking]
Okay, this looks pretty private. Will you
please show me what’sin the bag? I’m dying to
(12:29):
know what’s so importantthat Gareth would risk
snapping his neck over.
IZZY (12:33):
These are what’s so important.
[choir of angels]
TEESH (12:38):
Seriously? You almost killed
yourself over abag of metal dolls?
GARETH (12:44):
They’re metal hero statues. See, this
one has a sword you can remove,and put back in it's hand.
TEESH (12:51):
They come with accessories, and have moving
arms and legs. I’m prettysure that makes them dolls.
GARETH (12:58):
These hero statues are made out of something
that looks like silver, but isn’t.They were also made
sometime before theSecond Great Apocalypse.
TEESH (13:08):
Wow. Okay, risking an early trip to the
undertaker makesmore sense now.
Where were you planning onoffloading a haul like that?
IZZY (13:17):
Well, before you interrupted us, we were
headed to the bazaar tofind a merchant who sells
similar stuff, and offer to sell the figurines to them.
TEESH (13:26):
Really, that was your plan?
IZZY (13:29):
What’s wrong with my plan?
TEESH (13:31):
Nothing, except for the fact that the market
is for regular people, notthe fat pockets who collect
rare, ancient junk. Gareth,I expected more from a
fellow orphanage survivor.
GARETH (13:44):
I was about to explain why her plan wouldn’t work,
when a short thief wholikes to dress up like
a dwarf complicated things.
TEESH (13:51):
I just haven’t hit a growth spurt yet!
IZZY (13:54):
Alright Professor, if my plan was such
rubbish, how aboutyou tell me yours?
GARETH (14:00):
I was just going to go to the local university,
and talk to some of thearchaeologists.
they usually get paid for digsby a small share of the items
removed, they would knowwhich wealthy citizens
would be interested inacquiring what we found.
TEESH (14:12):
Not bad, but you probably won’t get a very
good price trying tosell the metal dolls…
GARETH (14:19):
Metal hero figures.
TEESH (14:23):
Like I said, metal dolls. If you try
to sell all of them to thesame buyer, they will think
they can get a bulk discount.If you take the time to sell
them to multiple buyers, theywill know that what they are
getting isn’t unique, andwon’t offer you as much money.
IZZY (14:39):
We should hire you to do all of our cargo negotiations.
I take it you havea third option?
TEESH (14:46):
Of course. You just need a good fence who will
buy your loot, and thenstring along the fat pockets
until they pay four timeswhat he gave you.
Follow me, I’ll introduce youto the fence I usually use.
He’s always been fair to me.
GARETH (15:01):
Your call, Izzy. You and Elizabeth have
the larger share, soyou have more at stake.
IZZY (15:07):
We’re trusting you, Teesh.
Please don’t makeus regret this.
TEESH (15:11):
Don’t worry, my fence is one of the only ones
I know that alwaystreats his suppliers fairly.
[scene change music]
GARETH (15:23):
Teesh, I hate to say this, but it looks like
the church shut down sincethe last time you were here.
IZZY (15:32):
I’m pretty sure this creepy, old church was
shut down beforeshe was born. Hells,
it was probably shutown before I was born.
TEESH (15:42):
It’s not like Yanlith can open up a
stall in the bazaar. Can youthink of a better hideout?
GARETH (15:48):
She's got a point. Lead on, Teesh.
[walking, doorcreeks open]
IZZY (16:00):
This is the part in a penny dreadful where the
heroine gets capturedby a death cult.
TEESH (16:06):
You read that one too? I got my copy after someone
threw it out. After readingthe ending, I tossed it back
into the trash. I mean really,the heroine ends up with the
‘reformed’ head priest,instead of the man from
her village who lovedher since they were kids.
IZZY (16:22):
I know, right. She totally ignored how
he risked his life torescue her from the cult.
It must have beenwritten by a man.
GARETH (16:32):
It sounds like they're speaking in trade,
but I have no ideawhat they’re saying.
IZZY (16:37):
Ha, ha, TEESH
GARETH (16:41):
Coming back to why we’re here,
I don’t see anyoneelse in the church.
TEESH (16:47):
That’s because even though Yanlith owns
this property, it isn’t wherehe actually does business.
IZZY (16:54):
Then why did you bring us here?
TEESH (16:57):
Izzy, push up the torch bracket
you’re standing under.
IZZY (17:01):
Okay. [bracket pull, chains moving]
TEESH (17:07):
This is my favorite part. Now watch
as I, a little girl,move this solid
stone altar withonly two fingers.
[stone sliding]
Thank you, thank you.If you enjoyed the
(17:27):
performance, please leavea donation in the hat.
IZZY (17:31):
I’ll admit, that’s a pretty neat trick.
How’d you do it.
TEESH (17:35):
Yanlith said it’s done using counterweights,
and a bunch of other stuff Ituned out because I got bored.
Hold on a minute, and I’llturn on the lights in the shaft.
[footsteps, lightsturning on]
GARETH (17:56):
That is a really deep hole in the ground.
TEESH (17:59):
It’s only ten stories down.
GARETH (18:02):
I stand by my earlier statement.
TEESH (18:05):
The sooner we climb down the ladder,
the sooner you get tosell your metal dolls.
GARETH (18:09):
Metal hero figures. TEESH
Hey Izzy, try not to fallon me. You’re kinda heavy.
IZZY (18:22):
I might be heavy, but at least I have boobs.
TEESH (18:27):
Like I said, I haven’t had a growth spurt yet.
[scene change music]
GARETH (18:36):
I’m not sure which is cramping more, my hands
or my thighs from that climb.I am not looking forward to
going back up that way.TEESH: As long as you make
a good deal with my fence,he should let you use his
back door to getup to the surface.
IZZY (18:51):
If that’s not an incentive to make
some bargaining concessions,I don’t know what is.
TEESH (18:57):
Follow me, his front door is down this way.
[walking]TEESH: Here we are.
[knocks on door]I guess Yanlith is out on an errand.
We’ll just have to waithere until he gets back.
IZZY (19:13):
How long should we wait?
TEESH (19:15):
Until Yanlith gets back, or you’re ready
to climb back up that ladder.IZZY: Wait it is.
GARETH (19:23):
Based on the runes carved into the stone around
the door, I would have to datethese tunnels to sometime
during the FourthIronbeard Dynasty.
TEESH (19:33):
He’s speaking trade, but I have no
idea what he’stalking about.
YANLITH (19:38):
You would, if you paid more attention
to your studies, missy.I’m impressed, lad.
Most humans who can readour language aren’t able to
see the subtleties in therunes that mark which
dynasty theycame from.
GARETH (19:52):
I’m a linguist that specializes in ancient
languages, and I wasadopted by Dwarf.
YANLITH (19:59):
Yep, that would do it.
IZZY (20:01):
Nice suit. I would think you were a well
to do business man ifI saw you on the street.
YANLITH (20:07):
Once I tried wearing a shirt embroidered
with ‘I deal in stolen goods’,and walked around the bazaar.
While I got several newcustomers, I was also
harassed by the City Guard.So, what has my favorite
street urchin broughtme today? Or should
I ask who shehas brought me?
GARETH (20:30):
My name is Professor Gareth Mintel,
and this is my friend,Izzy Morgana. Teesh
has led us to believethat you might be interested
in acquiring some pre-SecondGreat Apocalypse artifacts.
YANLITH (20:39):
She did, did she? Smart lass, that one. Come in,
let’s head inside, and seewhat kind of deal we can make.
GARETH (20:47):
Ouch IZZY
to have Tralnis take a lookat your shoulder. I’m worried
you might havetorn something.
YANLITH (20:55):
You said Tralnis, lass. You wouldn’t happen
to be speaking of Dr.TralnisGranitestaff would you now?
IZZY (21:01):
Well, yes. How do you know him?
YANLITH (21:04):
My name is Yanlith Granitestaff. I’m Tralnis’ younger,
and much better-looking cousin.
GARETH (21:12):
Tralnis is the one who adopted, and then raised me.
YANLITH (21:15):
Well, shite. There goes me fleecing
you, Dwarves nevertake advantage of family.
IZZY (21:22):
Teesh, you told us we could trust Yanlith to be fair.
YANLITH (21:27):
Yep, Teesh is definitely a smart one.
She probably also forgotto mention that she gets
a finder’s fee for everyperson she brings me.
TEESH (21:36):
Hey, a girl’s gotta eat.
YANLITH (21:38):
Speaking of which, it’s just about tea time. Let me
unlock the door, and we candiscuss business over a meal.
[lock click, frightened chicken]
Don’t ask. Have a seat you lot.
Tell me, Gareth, how isthat old sawbones these days?
GARETH (22:04):
Right now…I would guess he’s drunk, and trying
to seduce as many peopleas he can fit into his rented
bed at the inn nextto the airship port.
YANLITH (22:12):
Ah, or as we Dwarves would call it, a normal Tuesday.
Let’s take care of businessquickly so I can get pissed with
family. Did Tralnis everperfect that formula for the
instant sobriety potion he was working on?
I could make a fortune sellingthose on the open market.
GARETH (22:30):
It works fine. The only problem is that
it tastes worsethan his cooking.
YANLITH (22:36):
Lad, I think you might be exaggerating there
just a wee bit. You see,Tralnis and I shared a flat
after he left that septetcommune he lived in.
While technicallywhat Tralnis did could be
called cooking, I alwaysthought of it as a crime
against nature, and all thatis good in the world.
IZZY (22:55):
Come on, he can’t be that bad.
YANLITH (22:58):
Lass, when we shared that flat, Tralnis had
a rat terrier as a pet. I swear,we had the only dog on
Hadronus that didn’t lick itsballs just because it could.
Ours was trying toget the taste of the
table scraps out of its mouth.Seriously Gareth,
does it really tastelike his cooking?
GARETH (23:17):
Yes, yes it does.
YANLITH (23:20):
Damn… maybe I won’t be able to sell it after all.
Well, back to the matterat hand. I would offer you
lot some tea, but my stomachis suddenly off. Teesh, I know
nothing puts you off of yourappetite the biscuits are
where I usually keep them.TEESH: Yes!
Let’s see what you brought me.
GARETH (23:43):
We recovered twelve of these on a recent expedition.
YANLITH (23:47):
Let me see one of those. Hmm, yep…
perfect condition. This isgoing to be a tough decision.
IZZY (23:56):
Whether or not to buy them from us?
YANLITH (23:58):
No, of course not. I meant who to sell these to.
There’s no doubt that these arepre-Second Great Apocalypse,
and will fetch handsome priceswith collectors. I also have some
metallurgist friends whowould pay a pretty penny
to get their hands on these.Perhaps I should let both
sides see one of the figurinesso I can start a bidding war.
(24:20):
Tell you what, I’ll buy thelot of these for a thousand
IRD marks apiece.
GARETH IZZY (24:26):
We’ll take it!
YANLITH (24:27):
Good! Now let’s go find my cousin, so those
of us who are of legal age,can get drunk off our arses!
[scene change music]
[kitchen noises]
GARETH (24:47):
(thinking) I still can’t get over the fact that
Henry ended up makingfriends with the skull from the
underwater temple. It’samazing how much
they can communicate withChompers only being able to
do one clack for yes,and two for no. Henry even
used Izzy’s workshop to putmetal caps on Chomper’s teeth,
so the skull could help himout in the galley. Now Henry
only has to use one handto chop things.
(25:08):
[kitchen noises]
(thinking) Oo, Henry just peeled some pig-nuts.
I think I’ll snatch one whilethey're both distracted.
[slap]GARETH: Ouch!
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR: I’m cutting you off, Gareth. (25:23):
undefined
You’ve had way too manyin the last couple days.
GARETH (25:28):
What do you mean? I haven’t had any pig-nuts
in a week. Why doyou think it was me?
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR: You’re the only one on the (25:35):
undefined
ship who can eat them raw.
If it wasn’t you, wemight have a problem.
GARETH (25:43):
I think you’re right.
[scene change music]
ELIZABETH (25:52):
Alright everybody, we have searched the rest of
the ship. If we have astowaway, like Henry
and the Professor suggest,they would have to be hiding
in here. Sheldon, Izzy,Tralnis, I want you three
to search the portside. The Professor,
Henry, and I willsearch starboard.
[walking]
GARETH (26:13):
(thinking) I guess it was a false alarm, no one
over here either. Wait just a tick, somethings off with
this row of crates.[walking]
With this crate, all of the nailsin the lid except one
have been removed. That one nail makes a really
good pivot point. Given therelatively small size of the crate,
(26:38):
I have a sinking feeling thatI know who our stowaway is.
TEESH (26:41):
Uh… hi, Gareth. Fancy meeting you here.
Okay, even I thought thatsounded lame. What gave me away?
GARETH (26:55):
A couple things. I saw this crate is slightly off
kilter from the ones nextto it. Had this airship’s
cargo master been a human,I wouldn’t have thought anything of it.
but our cargo master isan Ur, an entire species
that suffers from obsessivecompulsive disorder. Sheldon
would have made sure theedges of this create
lined up wit the ones nextto it. Also, other than you,
(27:17):
I'm the only other person on theship who likes raw pignuts.
TEESH (27:21):
Are you serious? GARETH
What a bunch of weirdos.
GARETH (27:26):
I agree completely. Why ruin a perfectly good
pignut by cooking it? It's kindalike when they make pickles.
You know, when they drowna perfectly good cucumber in evil.
Enough about how weirdother people’s tastes are.
Give me your hand,and I’ll help you out.
TEESH (27:46):
Thanks, getting in is easy, out’s a lot harder.
GARETH (27:51):
Izzy, I found our stowaway.
[walking]IZZY: I should have known.
TEESH (28:02):
Don’t be too hard on yourself, Izzy. Common
sense isn’t always yourstrong suit. Did you just
stick your tongueout at me?
IZZY (28:13):
Maybe. TEESH
ELIZABETH (28:16):
Would either of you two like to explain
what in the hellsis going on here?!
IZZY (28:21):
Captain Elizabeth Morgana, I would like to
introduce you to Teesh…TEESH: It’s just Teesh.
No family, so no last name.
ELIZABETH (28:32):
Be that as it may, she is still a stowaway,
and trade law is veryclear on what to do with
them. Since she is a child,I’ll have Pilot lower the ship
to only a hundred feet or soabove the water before I toss
the little street rat overboard.
If you insist on going through with
tossing Teesh overboard, I’ll call for a crew’s vote.
(28:55):
You know how Roehus feel about children.
Besides, it’s not like we can’t put her to work.
Every airshipneeds a good cabin boy.
Two problems with that. The first is, I have
never wanted a cabin boy.The second is, she can’t
be a cabin boy- she’s a girl.
TEESH (29:16):
So are you! But that doesn’t keep
you from being a dick!IZZY: [snicker]
ELIZABETH (29:21):
Until she pulls her own weight on this airship,
cost of her upkeep comesout of your share of the profits,
Issadora. You will be expectedto feed her, water her, and make
sure she gets plentyof exercise. Any accidents
will be your responsibilityto clean up.
TEESH (29:38):
I’m not some bloody pet!
ELIZABETH (29:41):
Prove it.
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR: Talk about grumpy. I’ll have to (29:42):
undefined
make sure Elizabeth gets morefiber in her diet from now on.
TEESH (29:51):
MR. FUZZY BOTTOM!!!
[running]HENRY: Oof!
I’m… I’m sorry. Before my village was
destroyed, and my parentskilled, I had a stuffed Chim
doll that looked just likeyou. I would cuddle with
it whenever I got frightened,and he would watch over me.
[ape noises] TRANSLATOR: I’ve got you. (30:15):
undefined
Mr. Fuzzy Bottom will alwayskeep an eye on you.
[outro music]
This has beenGareth and the Lost Island.
(30:38):
Episode 6
Starring:
Peter McGiffen asthe Narrator,
Henry’s translator,and Yanlith Granitestaff
Allen Pettey asTralnis Granitestaff
Patrick Mallard asGareth Mintel
Debra Mallard asIzzy Morgana
(30:59):
Lauren Kong asElizabeth Morgana
and Jenna Oliver asTeesh
Like the listeners, thecast and crew are also
trying to figure out howa non-accident involving
a rabid camel and a barrelfull of fireworks would work.
Gareth and the Lost Islandwas written
and directedby Patrick Mallard.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.