#19 Are you afraid of your dreams? Stop sabotaging yourself, and become the person you want to be

Hi! It's Monday! And I'm back from NYC - the two weeks I spent there were amazing. This was - by far - the best trip I ever went on, and I can't wait to go back. There's just something about being in NYC as an entrepreneur... there's an energy that I can't find anywhere else.

But for some strange reason (or maybe not so strange, I'll tell you all about it in a minute), this trip also made me start thinking about fear and how we sabotage ourselves from achieving our dreams. We're all capable of great things, but often, we let fear get in the way. 

We keep ourselves small and play it safe instead of taking risks and pursuing what we want.

I used to think this was about being afraid of failing - because if you never try anything new or challenging, you can't fail either. But I'm not so sure anymore. I used to think I feared my dreams because I couldn't make them come true. But now, after many years of achieving my goals and helping so many other people achieve theirs, too, I think there might be something else going on: I'm not afraid I won't make it, I'm afraid that I will - I'm afraid of what I perceive to be the "enormity" of my dreams, and NYC definitely unlocked that feeling for me.

When I founded a software security start-up there back in 2015, I felt it too, but it was different. The dream was to try and see if it could work. When you put yourself in that headspace, you're not too attached to the outcome. Of course, you want it to succeed, but since you haven't done it before, it's healthy to be a little bit cautious about the potential success of your enterprise. At least, that is how I approach new things that I do and what I encourage my clients to do as well: you can't know for sure that something you've never done before will work. However, you can have a goal and do your best to achieve it. If you do: perfect! If you don't, no big deal: you learned something. And that learning will make it easier for you to succeed next time.

So when I embarked on that start-up adventure in NYC back then, it was all about taking the plunge without knowing where I would land. And I was OK with that because it was all so new.

That start-up did work out. I'm not associated with the project anymore, but that's because of personal reasons. I hope it's still going well, and I'm proud to have been part of it.

But this most recent trip was different because my dreams are no longer small or new. I've done many things since, including investing in other people's businesses, building a successful international coaching practice, and writing a book in its third edition that sells well online. More recently, I've started incubating a new start-up project in the DEI and inclusivity field and fundraising for new and exciting initiatives. I'm eight years further along my entrepreneurial journey since launching that start-up. 

It's crazy how life works. As a creative generalist, I know I need variety to stay engaged and inspired to do my best work. When I start to feel the "itch," that internal jitter that tells me it's time to start thinking about something else or something new, I've learned to follow it. What's cool about it is that the new thing I decide to do always builds on what I've done before. That's the "glue" I so often talk about. Creative entrepreneurs, or people with multiple interests and passions, can look very disorganized to the outside world. It's often unclear to others why we like what we like or do what we do. It's not unclear to us! We are the glue, the common denominator that makes everything come together and make sense. That's true for me and the new projects I'm putting together.

So even though what I'm doing now is a logical continuation of my journey so far, combining everything I have learned, believe in, am passionate about, and want to create more of in the world - it also feels so much bigger and scarier. The reason is that I can't tell myself I'm just a beginner anymore; I can't pretend I haven't learned a thing or two about business or that I haven't done some of this before. I don't really believe it won't work out; in fact, if I put my mind to it, there's a big chance it will work out, and I will get what I want.

And this is the scary bit. Big dreams come with big life changes, responsibilities, and transitions. And this is why sometimes we sabotage ourselves. It's more comfortable to stay where we are, even if we know it's not where we want to be. It's familiar, cozy, and easy. We're sitting in our comfort zones, minding our business, and don't want to leave - even though we know we could be or do so much more.

One of the major fears that show up with big dreams is the fear of failure. But it's not the only one, perhaps not the main one. Life is more challenging, messier, and more complicated when trying to go after your dreams. But it's also much richer, more adventurous, exhilarating, meaningful, and far more re