April 30, 2024 • 35 mins
Caregiving is a difficult and rewarding role that many people find themselves in at some point in their lives. Whether it's for a parent, a spouse, a child, or a friend, caregiving can take a toll on the physical, mental, and emotional health of the caregiver. That's why it's so important to have support, resources, and strategies to cope and thrive as a caregiver.
In this episode, I interview Danae, a yoga instructor and a caregiver for her father who has been diagnosed with three different cancers. We talk about the challenges and joys of caregiving, the importance of self-care, and the lessons we have learned from their experiences. Danae shares how she balances her life while caring for her father, how she copes with grief and guilt, and how she uses laughter, yoga, and podcasts to stay healthy and happy. She also gives some advice and encouragement for anyone who is new to caregiving or struggling with it. Danae and I also discuss the role of siblings, doctors, and neighbors in the caregiving journey, and the value of communication, boundaries, and acceptance.
This episode is a heartfelt and honest conversation that will inspire and empower anyone who is a caregiver or knows someone who is. It will also give you some tips and tools to take care of yourself and your loved ones in the best possible way.
Where to find Danae:
Website: https://www.danaerobinett.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danaerobinett/
More info on the amazing retreat: https://www.danaerobinett.com/galapagos
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
>> Jolene (00:03):
Welcome to holistic health made simple. Are you tired of
chasing fad diets and endless workouts? Frustrated
and confused by the conflicting advice on health and weight
loss? Well, you're not alone. I'm Jolene, a nutritional
therapy practitioner, and I'm here to guide you on
a different path through holistic wellness. Together,
we'll blend ancestral wisdom with scientific
principles, making health and weight loss a
(00:25):
reality. Say goodbye to yo yo dieting, and
hello to simple, individualized steps that will
help you reach your goals. Let's explore the power
of healing your gut, optimizing your metabolism, and
embracing whole foods. Ready to make that personalized
wellness a reality? Let's get started on your
journey to real health.
Hello. hello, everybody. I am super excited
(00:47):
to have Danae here with me today. She has her
bachelor's from Arizona in dance and
choreography and performance.
She is a yoga instructor. She's been practicing
all the way since 1999, and she's been teaching
for over 19 years. So pretty much an expert. she
also teaches up at the San Francisco State
University. She still dances, she still
(01:09):
performs. I am so excited to have
her here, because she is going to be talking to me
today about something that's really dear to me, which is
caregiving. caregiving is
difficult, and there's a lot of us in our
demographic that are sandwiched. So we also have children.
I don't personally, but you have children you're caring for
as well as parents. So the
(01:31):
caregiving aspect and taking care of yourself
and all of that. So let's get started and see where we go.
First, I'd like the name to properly introduce
herself and tell us a little bit more of
how she got started with
self, like, taking care of herself as well as being a
care. I mean, family always leads us to caregiving, but how.
How that path started.
>> Danae (01:54):
Sure. First, I'm so delighted to be with you, Jolene. Thank
you so much for, ah, having this time together and
conversation about an important topic. Caregiving.
Yes. So my name is Danae. It sounds like Renee,
as Jolene said, been teaching for 19 years.
Yoga is, something I'm extremely passionate
about. Making sure everyone knows that
(02:14):
yoga is available to them, no matter
age, stage, shade, all
the things. And, I'm based in the bay
area, and I'm also my father's
caregiver, which I consider it a
gift to both of us that
I show, up and be his caregiver.
(02:34):
but that caregiver journey started, as you are so
correct, in saying, family brings us to
caregiving. with my mom. So my mom
was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in
2005, and she has since
passed. And so that sort of became
the gateway into caregiving. At that time, I was at
university and told my mom and dad I would drop out
(02:56):
of school and come home. Only,
a stayed away in Arizona, and they said that was
nonsense and that I have to
live my life. However, I basically
flew home once a month. It was an easy fight,
and I was happy to do that.
although my dad really cared for her, I was there as best
(03:16):
I could. And ovarian cancer is such a
brutal disease. If we're
not sure, it's one of the cancers that is
often found much too late.
Advanced disease is usually at play,
but we were lucky enough to have her around for four and a half years
and really learned what a present is, which is not
(03:36):
a shiny wrapped box. It's really being
in the present. Being in the present moment with the
people you love. Being in the present moment when
you're facing a plate of food that someone prepared
for you. Really, honoring that in
the moment quality.
my father is smart, you know, after she did
(03:58):
die in 2009, I said, I'll move
back home and be with you, even though I had
already started teaching yoga and building my life in
Arizona. And he said, how about you finish out the year?
So she passed 831 oh nine.
And I still think about her every day.
>> Jolene (04:14):
It's a hard one.
>> Danae (04:16):
Grief is real, and there's no timeline with
it. And, he was
right. So I finished out the year, moved
back, and drove, back Christmas Eve,
actually made the twelve hour
drive from Phoenix. And, I've been with
him since then. And, his health
was fine at that point. Lucky enough,
(04:38):
he had some cardiac events, but nothing
serious. And then big serious
happened in July of 2017
when he was diagnosed with a stage four cancer.
So I bring it up again with stage four. I don't
remember my mom's classification. It was like stage
c three c, you know, it was like right at the
(04:59):
edge of super duper horrible.
but, the stage four diagnosis doesn't happen
overnight, right?
And my dad's journey into his health
decline is being dismissed by the medical
world, which is really, really sad. And I think that's such an
important piece of caregiving, is not
only the caring, but
(05:21):
the advocacy, the learning, the
learning.
>> Jolene (05:24):
not to interrupt you, but my mother passed in 2015
from complications of diabetes. And that's really what
started changing my trajectory into what I
do, because we are our best
advocates. And as children, we become our parents best
advocates. Yes, but you have to understand
what's going on. And don't treat the
(05:45):
medical profession as all knowing. They're
humans. They're doing the best they can with
what they were taught. So, just to
interject that a little bit, because I think a lot of people often
just go, well, I got it, and they just follow the rules without
advocating for themselves.
>> Danae (06:03):
True. So true. I mean, full
stop. That is, you know,
say it one more time for the people in the back.
>> Jolene (06:11):
Right?
>> Danae (06:11):
Like, advocating for yourself and for the one
you're caring for is
tremendous. And, yes, the doctors went
to school. They know a whole lot. But the
individual, right, the patient, the
client, the parent you're caring for,
they know their body because they've been
living in that body for a long
(06:34):
time. You know? and I
just want to. I want to hone that in.
When you are a caregiver, really
step up. Don't be shy. You know, have your
notepad, have your questions.
And I'm not saying be
rude, but be firm and,
you know, demand the time that you need so that questions
(06:57):
can be answered. There can be clarity.
you know, if you're not sure, most likely your
caregiving person is, you know, they're not sure
either. If you're concerned or confused, you know, they can
repeat things. I think we put the
medical folks on a pedestal
for, right, for wrong, and, that's simply not
needed.
>> Jolene (07:18):
Absolutely. And
it's difficult because we're in
the emotions, you know, and sometimes it
takes the first time in the emotions to learn for the
second time, unfortunately. And
then we feel like, oh, man, I wish I knew
back then what I know now, so I could have done things,
(07:38):
and sometimes it's just about comfort, but, you know, your dad's
very blessed to have you, and, it's
hard. It's hard.
So how do you keep going,
knowing that you have all this cancer in your family as well? Like, that's
a big one.
>> Danae (07:52):
Yes. That's such a tremendous point,
jolene. yes. So
I live by the rule that, knowledge is
power and not to be feared.
So I have gone through genetic counseling.
again, what we know when we know, we don't know from the
past. We didn't do anything with my mom's
body in order to know if she had any
(08:15):
mutations. But, I have been following
along with, feminine
reproductive because I was greatly concerned
about that after seeing how it just devastated her body.
and then, as science is emerging, which is so great
and amazing. they decided at some point. Well,
let's also test your dad.
(08:35):
I got a mutation from my father.
>> Jolene (08:38):
Great.
>> Danae (08:40):
The gift that keeps on giving. And,
so that requires some assessments twice a
year. And, you know, honestly, I have only done that
once. Insurance is hard to come
by. You know, I am insured, but really
underinsured.
>> Jolene (08:56):
Yeah.
>> Danae (08:56):
Yoga teacher. I'm not making millions of dollars. And that's
okay.
>> Jolene (09:00):
No, but self employment tends to be
underinsured. there is a lot of
resources out there about
genetics versus epigenetics. So I just
don't want to scare everybody just because we carry certain
genes. It's how we turn them
on or off. Amen is
huge once you realize that you can
(09:22):
control if something gets turned on, as
long as you catch it. Like, I get it. What? Sometimes we let
things go a lot too far, especially as women will complain and complain
and complain and get ignored and being so, oh,
it's just your hormones. It's just when it's not necessarily
that. So always, you know, understand
that a diagnosis even
(09:42):
isn't always the end. It's.
It's the problem that you, or
challenge that you now can work towards, whether it's just a
longer, happier quality of life.
You know, all little things you could do to have the
quality versus quantity sometimes. I mean, we gotta
make those choices, which are difficult, and I get
(10:04):
that. But I love that you're being your best
advocate, the best you can, because, yes, insurance does not
cover a lot of these things. Cause they're like, ah, you don't need it.
You're not sick. You don't need it.
>> Danae (10:17):
So true. I so
appreciate what you said about the, turning
the gene on, the mutation on, right? Because we all have the genes.
It's whether we or not. And that's
where the caring for yourself comes in. Right?
The being good to you. as the
caregiver. I absolutely agree. there should
(10:38):
be no fear around anything that you might find out in
genetic counseling. It is awareness, it is knowledge, it
is empowering to have that, information. Because
then you get to decide what to do
next, how you might make changes, if at
all, how you're living, how you
look. go throughout your day. Like, take a quick look,
how you go throughout the day, how you start the day,
(11:01):
how much sleep you're getting. Hydration, right.
Before we started, we both took a few sips of water
because we know how important, being well hydrated is
to have a conversation like this
and be able to speak well, you know, getting
all the things count.
>> Jolene (11:18):
Absolutely.
So your dad got a diagnosis, and then
let's go back to the story. Your dad got a diagnosis, and so you became
part of. I'm sorry. I'm really good about going this way
and then this way.
>> Danae (11:30):
I welcome it. I welcome it.
>> Jolene (11:33):
So now you're becoming a caregiver a second
time.
>> Danae (11:36):
Yes. Yes.
>> Jolene (11:37):
Now you're the primary caregiver versus being the
secondary.
>> Danae (11:42):
Good distinction. Exactly. Exactly, yes.
And living in the home and seeing the day to day
unfolding, and so, I mean, make no mistake,
it was very scary. You know,
he. At first, in the initial meeting, the tumor
board meeting, with all the people coming in, we're so lucky
he's been referred to Stanford. So when you're at
Stanford, you know, everyone comes
(12:04):
into a room. The main people, the people who are learning,
the students.
>> Jolene (12:08):
Wow.
>> Danae (12:09):
It's very exciting and yet also overwhelming just to
be in a smallish room with a lot of people. All eyes on
your dad. and initially, he
wanted to decline all the treatment, which
was several radiations, eight
chemotherapies. No surgery
indicated. and they basically told him, you'll
(12:30):
die.
>> Jolene (12:31):
Yeah.
>> Danae (12:32):
No. If you don't say yes to all these things. This is
so serious. Beyond serious.
So he did step into it,
and, I just
said yes to all the things. I
was handed a caregiver manual, interestingly enough,
which I didn't read, jolene, until
(12:52):
just last July, when he was
diagnosed with his third cancer, because
I thought, I care for my dad. Of
course I'm going to do all the things. If he needs to go to an appointment, I'm going to
do it. He needs his food chopped, his pills crushed.
All the things. I will do it. I stepped away from all
my teaching, minus one thing, in the fall of 2017,
(13:13):
so I could be all hands on deck for him. He
ended up in a sniff in a skilled nursing facility for
m. About 87 days. And I drove every
day on a 70 miles round trip from our
home, and I don't care. That was
my desire to do there for
him in his need, in his grave time of
(13:33):
need. but I read the manual last
July, and I realized, oh, my
goodness. Wow. Danae, this is not about how
to care for dad. It's about how to care for
you as the one that is giving the
care. Wow.
Outstanding.
>> Jolene (13:51):
And I think that's a point that a lot of
caregivers neglect is
themselves. it's hard because when
my mom was sick. My dad was the primary caregiver, though.
When she got really sick, my work
was nice enough to let me go every morning to go
check in, prepare food. So I basically got to
work late, but that just meant I worked a lot later
(14:13):
that night because I didn't have this typical nine to five
job. So I might show up at work at
1030, but I wasn't leaving till
930. So, you know, you forget to take.
>> Danae (14:23):
Care of you, and it
accumulates, you
know, in that phase, that 2017 fall
from July through December. You know, I ate
horribly. You know, I put on
some weight, and people say, oh, I can't see, I can't
tell. And it's not about a number. It's
about how my body changed. Like, I wasn't
(14:46):
taking care of myself at all.
I. You know, I was putting him first, and. And he
would be the first to tell me when he wasn't severely
medicated, you know?
So, actually, Danae, you have to put yourself
first.
>> Jolene (14:59):
Yeah. You kind of lose yourself in the process,
like, you know, and, finding yourself again
is difficult and figuring out
who you want to be on the other side.
And it sounds like you've had several iterations
of this as well now.
>> Danae (15:16):
Yes. And I feel like, you know, first of all, to be
funny, we would do anything to, you know, get a cash refund
on all this experience that we have gained from, first
my mom, then my dad, and his first,
cancer, and then his second, and now his third, and more
grateful that it's all primary and not the n word, which I do not
even say out loud because I don't want to. and
(15:36):
yet. Wow. It also is an opportunity for me to
become better towards myself.
We want to think about why. Why did this happen to my mom?
Why did this happen to my dad, our family? Why is this happening
again? You know, you can dwell on that for a minute or an
hour, but, you know, definitely not longer than that, because it's not going
to get you anywhere. but the gift
(15:58):
is that it's an opportunity to show up and be better
each day.
>> Jolene (16:04):
So, what are some things you actually do besides
yoga? Obviously, to take care of yourself.
Like, what. What are your primary focuses?
To keep your health. Because one of the things
I like to teach now that I learned, unfortunately, the
hard way, is if you don't take care of yourself, eventually, you
cannot take care of the person who needs you.
>> Danae (16:24):
Yes. Yes.
>> Jolene (16:25):
it was a long road backwards, so that I was capable
again. so what are things you
like to incorporate or share with people
so that they keep their sanity, they keep their physical
health, their mental health, because it's more than just,
oh, I gained weight. Yeah, but are you sick?
Are you so drained and tired you can't get out of bed
(16:46):
to take care of your family or your
spouse or just you. You can't go for a
walk. You got to the point where everything hurts.
Like, how do you get out of that? Or how did you
get out of that specifically?
>> Danae (16:59):
Well, ah, I've had those days where everything hurts, and I've
had those days where I want to just stay under the covers, for
sure, honestly. full stop. And
how do I get out of that? Laughter. Laughter
is such an
elixir for me and for my dad to make jokes, you
know, to laugh instead of to cry. Nothing
(17:20):
wrong with crying. And I absolutely have shed enough
tears on through all this time.
but laughter is so, so helpful to be silly.
definitely to get outside walk is helpful for
me to clear my head. you know, we
are on a podcast right now, but tapping into
that, you know, that's such a great way to,
(17:42):
learn something new or to be inspired,
for a short period of time. So I wouldn't say
it's an escape, but it's a chance to kind of
detach from the
schedule, the duties,
right. The tasks at hand, and sort of, you
know, just focus for a 30 minutes or a 45 minutes
(18:03):
chunk and learn what you're going to learn
in that talk. So I really, really enjoy
podcasts.
>> Jolene (18:09):
Yeah. I also think, the more you share,
and I want to encourage you to keep sharing because it
makes people know they aren't alone, even
if they've gone through it. And on the other side, sometimes the
guilt of what they might or
might not have done. And it's like, you can only do
what you can do, and you should never
feel guilty about not doing enough.
(18:32):
And it's hard to get that for
me to explain that to people, because if you're not
in it, it's like, I did the best I could.
You're doing the best you can for you, for your father,
for your family. Like, that's all we can
do. And for some people, that means that they
can't physically be hands on. They have to go to work
(18:53):
to finance it all. Like, and that's
okay.
>> Danae (18:56):
Yes. And there are many ways to show up as a
caregiver, and I. And I know the guilt
piece. Have I done enough? I have. You know,
initially, for sure, I would play that. It's a game, you know?
Am I doing enough? Mercy me. Yes, you
are doing enough. You're driving a great
distance every day to sit at a bedside and watch someone
sleep, mainly, or to make sure they're not using the
(19:18):
suction device that I would remove all the
secretions that formed in his mouth from the
radiation. And instead I walk into the room and he's
suctioning his sock because he's so, like, strung out
on all the morph. You know, it's really kind of cute
to see it for a second, but.
>> Jolene (19:35):
It'S funny now to talk about it. It's just not at the
time.
>> Danae (19:39):
Not at the time. No, no.
But, that's such a great piece because people will often ask,
well, don't you have any siblings? And I say, I do.
I have a brother, and he lives.
>> Jolene (19:49):
On the east coast, which makes it
difficult because he cannot be there. I mean, I'm blessed
that when my dad started, we realized he
couldn't live alone anymore. My brother stepped up to
the plate and said, he's going to move in with me.
Part of that is because my husband was out in the wild and this
was all during COVID And my husband's a
(20:10):
first responder, so we didn't want my dad to get sick
either, but. So, we got the house ready, he moved
in here, and three days a week, at the minimum,
I drive to my brother's just like
you. It takes me an hour to get here, an hour to get
home, and I do and give him the relief.
So we both work from home, which is, we're blessed that
(20:30):
way. So he can go do his meetings or he can get out of the house
or, you know, a week ago, it was his birthday. He went out
with his friend, you know, his girlfriend, his friends, they went
out. So things like that. And it's hard because
you can't just say, well, why isn't it 50 50? Well, it's
never going to be 50 50.
You know, with my mom, my mom being female, there was a
(20:50):
lot of things she preferred me to do versus my
brother. The same with my dad. My dad's not going
to let me go in when he takes a bath. You
know, they're still private. Yes.
>> Danae (21:02):
no, it's. This is such a true, true
consideration. Yes. With my mom, for sure. I
remember being in the shower and bathing her and not having
any qualms or concerns. You know,
interestingly enough that we did have a time in the snf
where I would assist the,
CNA, the certified nurse assistant in bathing
him, and he was wearing, you know, some
(21:23):
underwears, and
he, had to be seated in a chair in order to do it.
and we do joke, like, is that going to. Are we going to get to
a point where I'll be wiping your bottom?
>> Jolene (21:36):
that might happen, but you know what? We try to
respect privacy until that needs to happen.
>> Danae (21:41):
Yes, exactly. Exactly. Right. You know, because
the third cancer is prostate cancer. So many times
I have been in the waiting room, not been in the actual
room, just to give that level of
comfort and privacy, because
he is a man, and these are the parts that are of
concern. And, you know, let's. Let's
(22:02):
be mindful of that. And if. And when
he says, you know, it's okay, come on over. Come on
in. You know, he'll make the comment
senior porn to make everybody laugh.
But, But, yeah, those are important considerations, especially
when it's, you know, opposite.
>> Jolene (22:18):
Yeah. You know, and, I
mean, I'm hoping your brother does come visit. I mean,
I'm sure he does. And he calls and, you know, it's
just hard, you know. I mean, I have family
that had this similar situation, and there was eight
siblings, but it still falls on the one because you
also, when there's medical things going on, can't have a lot of
(22:38):
people involved. It gets confusing. It's
got to be pretty much the same person going to the
doctors with them to get the information or
same, you know, if it's a big family, maybe the same two people,
but when you've got
five people and it's rotating, the information
doesn't come across. Right. Like it gets lost
(22:58):
in the, shuffle a little bit.
>> Danae (23:01):
I agree. It could be the telephone game.
Yes, yes, yes.
>> Jolene (23:07):
Okay, so what else
do you suggest
to manage it all? Like, where you don't get overwhelmed?
Because it's a lot. It's a lot. It's not just you and
what you need to do for your
physical, your dad's physical, you know,
well being, doctors, food, cooking,
(23:28):
cleaning, work, business,
all of it. So how do you incorporate it
all?
>> Danae (23:35):
So clarity.
Clarity and communication. So
we have a board, excuse me. a calendar
that's attached to the refrigerator for my dad.
And, you know, it's a dry race situation. So
we update all the things in terms of his
schedule, medical appointments, where he's got to go and be that I
take him to, and also what Denny's doing. So
(23:58):
10:00 a.m. Podcast interview on a
Thursday. Right. So, that
he, knows I'm unable to be
available to him, right? And at first, that was
so hard. Like, of course, I feel like the
scene in love, actually, if people have seen this beautiful
movie, which is about love and all the ways love
(24:19):
happens. But Laura Linney's character, I think
that's the actress, his name. She's the one that's always
answering the phone for the brother. Right? The brother's
always. Even when she's about to get intimate with the really hot
guy from work, he's calling, and she's
answering the phone. so
setting some boundaries
(24:40):
around all of it. so,
yes, my father can call me anytime, day or
night. Am I going to answer every
time, day or night? No, I have my phone on
silent at nighttime. We have agreed that
if there's an emergency, he will take a 911
to a hospital,
some, protocols, what if
(25:03):
scenarios, so that
boundaries, can be held.
>> Jolene (25:11):
Now, I've got an important question. Do you
have people around you to reach out for help when you do need a
break?
>> Danae (25:18):
Not exactly. Not exactly.
Because my brother is on the east coast. and
that's something I'm working on where I would.
I could have a.
I could release the control around it a little bit if
I'm being.
>> Jolene (25:33):
Having some. Even, it's something that we've talked
about, too, is having someone come in for a few hours
once a week, and just that few hours that, you
know, they can get bathed or they cook a meal that day.
It gives you some. I don't have to worry about that
time space.
>> Danae (25:49):
Yes, exactly. Exactly. there's a
neighbor that comes to mind that she and my
dad, they know each other quite well. They have each other's
phone numbers. I. You know, in a pinch, in fact, I have.
I have relied on her when, you know, my dad has said he ended
up at a store, and he thinks he left the
key in the front door. And
(26:10):
I said to her, hey, are you home by chance? And can
you just walk across the street? And if you see
that key, can you put it in this location? And
sure enough, she saw that key, and she put it in that
location for us, you know, because I don't live with my
dad anymore. I moved away in
2021. So I have my own space with my
(26:30):
fiance, which is very nice. but, it's
about 50 miles away. Oh,
wow. Across the bridge. Yeah. And,
I still come over four or five times a week for
sure, on the schedule and more if
needed. but so I do. I guess I have
Rebecca. So that's great. I have,
that's good.
>> Jolene (26:50):
So I get it. I live, through the canyons, we
call it. I don't have a bridge, I have to go through the
canyons.
>> Danae (26:56):
Nice.
>> Jolene (26:58):
It's a nice drive, though. It's peaceful. That's what I look at. My
drive time is peaceful time
podcast time to listen to other people's
stuff.
>> Danae (27:08):
Exactly. That's when I consume them in the.
>> Jolene (27:11):
Driving, everyone's like, how do you listen to
books and all that? I'm like, well, I drive in the
car. I don't listen to them pretty much any other time.
Maybe on a walk here and there, but for the most part,
driving.
>> Danae (27:23):
Agreed.
>> Jolene (27:25):
So I'm happy to hear that you do have an escape, because
I know when you're in it full time, it can get
very, very overwhelming,
very, hard on you. So
what else do you suggest for someone
just getting into caregiving, like, that's just new
to it because it can get over. Like
(27:45):
the beginning can be more overwhelming because
you're not only dealing with needing to help somebody,
you're dealing with a diagnosis of an illness. Most of
the time it's a rarity where it's just they got
older and slowed down like that, you kind of see as
it happens. But when someone gets diagnosed with cancer
or some other disease where they need someone
(28:06):
pretty much full time at first,
wow.
>> Danae (28:09):
I think to just give yourself a hug
and say, this is such a
beautiful gift you are giving to the person
and to yourself, and that no matter what, you are doing
your best. Every day when you show up,
you're doing your best and believe it
so wholeheartedly. and that,
(28:30):
take the breaks, you know?
the 24/7 mode is not sustainable.
Burnout will happen fast and then what
also can happen, which sometimes does happen
for my dad and I, is that
miscommunication?
maybe I'm noticing this a lot more because
(28:52):
his decline is starting to really happen in terms
of, walking. He now walks
and I get so sad because
adult Danae knows he will not live forever,
and baby Danae wants him to live
forever. so sometimes I
might rush him or I might be
(29:12):
abrupt, with my speaking and then
realize that and see that and get all
sad about that and apologize.
So if you're starting, then just
realize every day is a little different, you
are doing your best. it's going to be
hard, it's going to be exhausting. But taking
(29:33):
care of yourself, putting the oxygen mask on first, like
we hear every time we board a plane. It's so,
so true. and that your
person, they're going to be okay with that because they
want to make sure you can keep helping them.
They're going to be your biggest fan in support of that. That you take a
break, actually.
>> Jolene (29:52):
Exactly. And honestly,
I look at it more now as being blessed to have that
time.
>> Danae (29:59):
Yes. Yes.
>> Jolene (30:00):
The one thing we are not promised is tomorrow.
>> Danae (30:03):
Exactly.
>> Jolene (30:03):
For ourselves, for our spouses, for everybody. Like, we're
not. So
enjoy it and make the best of
it, is what I like to say.
You know, it's.
>> Danae (30:15):
It's.
>> Jolene (30:16):
It is what it is in life, we know is not easy.
So just feel blessed that you can have that time
and do what you can and be okay with whatever
it is.
>> Danae (30:26):
Acceptance is huge.
Acceptance is huge. Yes. And it's
something I grapple with. Right.
Because in yoga, we were taught to release
attachment, you know, and, you
know, my dad is very logical. He'll say,
you know, it's. It's only going to happen once, Danae,
(30:48):
when you come here. And I am not able to
say anything back to you, as I
passed. but just take it day by day.
Absolutely.
>> Jolene (30:58):
Absolutely. I want to say thank you so much
for this conversation, because I think it's going to help a lot
of people in similar positions.
where can people find you? I know that you primarily
do yoga and teach online.
and in person.
>> Danae (31:15):
Yes, I am all
teaching, online. Excuse me. I am all teaching on
person. I have one private client
that is out of state. She lives on an island, actually, Puget
island, all places. So I'm not commuting to her
anytime, soon. So we do meet
on facetime for her lesson. But
(31:36):
I have public classes in Livermore
and Castro Valley. I have the university class, and then
private yoga support is in person preferred
all around the Bay area. I travel for that. and where
people can connect with me is on instagram. That's my
favorite social media platform. My full
name at deneerobinette. my website is also my
(31:56):
full name,
www.danaerobanet.com.
>> Jolene (32:01):
And I will have all of that information linked in
the show notes. And, I really appreciate your time. Cause I
know time is valuable for a lot,
and sometimes this is your personal time. So I'm
happy to have you. And I look forward
to speaking to you again about maybe some other
relaxation and stress techniques in the future. Cause I think
(32:21):
that that would be another great topic. And,
anyway, you're a great person of service,
so I appreciate you taking this time. I
really do appreciate it.
>> Danae (32:32):
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Jaleen, thank
you for your time as well. Thank you for this
platform that you are offering of learning and
sharing ideas and absolutely, I would be so delighted
to return and come back and share some of those protocols and
techniques with the community.
>> Jolene (32:48):
Awesome. thank you so much and I will see you next time.
Wonderful.
>> Danae (32:52):
Bye.
>> Jolene (32:53):
I hope you enjoyed this conversation with Danae, and
please make sure you check the show notes for all of her information,
including her upcoming retreat to the
Galapalos Islands. Until next time,
friends. Bye.
Thanks for listening in today. I hope you've got some nuggets
to take away on your health journey. Remember, this
(33:13):
podcast is for educational and entertainment
purposes. No medical advice is being
given by listening to this podcast, you agree to the
full disclaimer, which is linked in the show notes. You
can stay connected to me by joining the
newsletter@holistichealthmatesimple.com
where I share additional tips and tricks weekly.
Once again, thank you for being a part of my community and until
(33:35):
next time, have a blessed day.
Welcome to holistic health made simple. Are you tired of
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(00:25):
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journey to real health.
Hello. hello, everybody. I am super excited
(00:47):
to have Danae here with me today. She has her
bachelor's from Arizona in dance and
choreography and performance.
She is a yoga instructor. She's been practicing
all the way since 1999, and she's been teaching
for over 19 years. So pretty much an expert. she
also teaches up at the San Francisco State
University. She still dances, she still
(01:09):
performs. I am so excited to have
her here, because she is going to be talking to me
today about something that's really dear to me, which is
caregiving. caregiving is
difficult, and there's a lot of us in our
demographic that are sandwiched. So we also have children.
I don't personally, but you have children you're caring for
as well as parents. So the
(01:31):
caregiving aspect and taking care of yourself
and all of that. So let's get started and see where we go.
First, I'd like the name to properly introduce
herself and tell us a little bit more of
how she got started with
self, like, taking care of herself as well as being a
care. I mean, family always leads us to caregiving, but how.
How that path started.
>> Danae (01:54):
Sure. First, I'm so delighted to be with you, Jolene. Thank
you so much for, ah, having this time together and
conversation about an important topic. Caregiving.
Yes. So my name is Danae. It sounds like Renee,
as Jolene said, been teaching for 19 years.
Yoga is, something I'm extremely passionate
about. Making sure everyone knows that
(02:14):
yoga is available to them, no matter
age, stage, shade, all
the things. And, I'm based in the bay
area, and I'm also my father's
caregiver, which I consider it a
gift to both of us that
I show, up and be his caregiver.
(02:34):
but that caregiver journey started, as you are so
correct, in saying, family brings us to
caregiving. with my mom. So my mom
was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in
2005, and she has since
passed. And so that sort of became
the gateway into caregiving. At that time, I was at
university and told my mom and dad I would drop out
(02:56):
of school and come home. Only,
a stayed away in Arizona, and they said that was
nonsense and that I have to
live my life. However, I basically
flew home once a month. It was an easy fight,
and I was happy to do that.
although my dad really cared for her, I was there as best
(03:16):
I could. And ovarian cancer is such a
brutal disease. If we're
not sure, it's one of the cancers that is
often found much too late.
Advanced disease is usually at play,
but we were lucky enough to have her around for four and a half years
and really learned what a present is, which is not
(03:36):
a shiny wrapped box. It's really being
in the present. Being in the present moment with the
people you love. Being in the present moment when
you're facing a plate of food that someone prepared
for you. Really, honoring that in
the moment quality.
my father is smart, you know, after she did
(03:58):
die in 2009, I said, I'll move
back home and be with you, even though I had
already started teaching yoga and building my life in
Arizona. And he said, how about you finish out the year?
So she passed 831 oh nine.
And I still think about her every day.
>> Jolene (04:14):
It's a hard one.
>> Danae (04:16):
Grief is real, and there's no timeline with
it. And, he was
right. So I finished out the year, moved
back, and drove, back Christmas Eve,
actually made the twelve hour
drive from Phoenix. And, I've been with
him since then. And, his health
was fine at that point. Lucky enough,
(04:38):
he had some cardiac events, but nothing
serious. And then big serious
happened in July of 2017
when he was diagnosed with a stage four cancer.
So I bring it up again with stage four. I don't
remember my mom's classification. It was like stage
c three c, you know, it was like right at the
(04:59):
edge of super duper horrible.
but, the stage four diagnosis doesn't happen
overnight, right?
And my dad's journey into his health
decline is being dismissed by the medical
world, which is really, really sad. And I think that's such an
important piece of caregiving, is not
only the caring, but
(05:21):
the advocacy, the learning, the
learning.
>> Jolene (05:24):
not to interrupt you, but my mother passed in 2015
from complications of diabetes. And that's really what
started changing my trajectory into what I
do, because we are our best
advocates. And as children, we become our parents best
advocates. Yes, but you have to understand
what's going on. And don't treat the
(05:45):
medical profession as all knowing. They're
humans. They're doing the best they can with
what they were taught. So, just to
interject that a little bit, because I think a lot of people often
just go, well, I got it, and they just follow the rules without
advocating for themselves.
>> Danae (06:03):
True. So true. I mean, full
stop. That is, you know,
say it one more time for the people in the back.
>> Jolene (06:11):
Right?
>> Danae (06:11):
Like, advocating for yourself and for the one
you're caring for is
tremendous. And, yes, the doctors went
to school. They know a whole lot. But the
individual, right, the patient, the
client, the parent you're caring for,
they know their body because they've been
living in that body for a long
(06:34):
time. You know? and I
just want to. I want to hone that in.
When you are a caregiver, really
step up. Don't be shy. You know, have your
notepad, have your questions.
And I'm not saying be
rude, but be firm and,
you know, demand the time that you need so that questions
(06:57):
can be answered. There can be clarity.
you know, if you're not sure, most likely your
caregiving person is, you know, they're not sure
either. If you're concerned or confused, you know, they can
repeat things. I think we put the
medical folks on a pedestal
for, right, for wrong, and, that's simply not
needed.
>> Jolene (07:18):
Absolutely. And
it's difficult because we're in
the emotions, you know, and sometimes it
takes the first time in the emotions to learn for the
second time, unfortunately. And
then we feel like, oh, man, I wish I knew
back then what I know now, so I could have done things,
(07:38):
and sometimes it's just about comfort, but, you know, your dad's
very blessed to have you, and, it's
hard. It's hard.
So how do you keep going,
knowing that you have all this cancer in your family as well? Like, that's
a big one.
>> Danae (07:52):
Yes. That's such a tremendous point,
jolene. yes. So
I live by the rule that, knowledge is
power and not to be feared.
So I have gone through genetic counseling.
again, what we know when we know, we don't know from the
past. We didn't do anything with my mom's
body in order to know if she had any
(08:15):
mutations. But, I have been following
along with, feminine
reproductive because I was greatly concerned
about that after seeing how it just devastated her body.
and then, as science is emerging, which is so great
and amazing. they decided at some point. Well,
let's also test your dad.
(08:35):
I got a mutation from my father.
>> Jolene (08:38):
Great.
>> Danae (08:40):
The gift that keeps on giving. And,
so that requires some assessments twice a
year. And, you know, honestly, I have only done that
once. Insurance is hard to come
by. You know, I am insured, but really
underinsured.
>> Jolene (08:56):
Yeah.
>> Danae (08:56):
Yoga teacher. I'm not making millions of dollars. And that's
okay.
>> Jolene (09:00):
No, but self employment tends to be
underinsured. there is a lot of
resources out there about
genetics versus epigenetics. So I just
don't want to scare everybody just because we carry certain
genes. It's how we turn them
on or off. Amen is
huge once you realize that you can
(09:22):
control if something gets turned on, as
long as you catch it. Like, I get it. What? Sometimes we let
things go a lot too far, especially as women will complain and complain
and complain and get ignored and being so, oh,
it's just your hormones. It's just when it's not necessarily
that. So always, you know, understand
that a diagnosis even
(09:42):
isn't always the end. It's.
It's the problem that you, or
challenge that you now can work towards, whether it's just a
longer, happier quality of life.
You know, all little things you could do to have the
quality versus quantity sometimes. I mean, we gotta
make those choices, which are difficult, and I get
(10:04):
that. But I love that you're being your best
advocate, the best you can, because, yes, insurance does not
cover a lot of these things. Cause they're like, ah, you don't need it.
You're not sick. You don't need it.
>> Danae (10:17):
So true. I so
appreciate what you said about the, turning
the gene on, the mutation on, right? Because we all have the genes.
It's whether we or not. And that's
where the caring for yourself comes in. Right?
The being good to you. as the
caregiver. I absolutely agree. there should
(10:38):
be no fear around anything that you might find out in
genetic counseling. It is awareness, it is knowledge, it
is empowering to have that, information. Because
then you get to decide what to do
next, how you might make changes, if at
all, how you're living, how you
look. go throughout your day. Like, take a quick look,
how you go throughout the day, how you start the day,
(11:01):
how much sleep you're getting. Hydration, right.
Before we started, we both took a few sips of water
because we know how important, being well hydrated is
to have a conversation like this
and be able to speak well, you know, getting
all the things count.
>> Jolene (11:18):
Absolutely.
So your dad got a diagnosis, and then
let's go back to the story. Your dad got a diagnosis, and so you became
part of. I'm sorry. I'm really good about going this way
and then this way.
>> Danae (11:30):
I welcome it. I welcome it.
>> Jolene (11:33):
So now you're becoming a caregiver a second
time.
>> Danae (11:36):
Yes. Yes.
>> Jolene (11:37):
Now you're the primary caregiver versus being the
secondary.
>> Danae (11:42):
Good distinction. Exactly. Exactly, yes.
And living in the home and seeing the day to day
unfolding, and so, I mean, make no mistake,
it was very scary. You know,
he. At first, in the initial meeting, the tumor
board meeting, with all the people coming in, we're so lucky
he's been referred to Stanford. So when you're at
Stanford, you know, everyone comes
(12:04):
into a room. The main people, the people who are learning,
the students.
>> Jolene (12:08):
Wow.
>> Danae (12:09):
It's very exciting and yet also overwhelming just to
be in a smallish room with a lot of people. All eyes on
your dad. and initially, he
wanted to decline all the treatment, which
was several radiations, eight
chemotherapies. No surgery
indicated. and they basically told him, you'll
(12:30):
die.
>> Jolene (12:31):
Yeah.
>> Danae (12:32):
No. If you don't say yes to all these things. This is
so serious. Beyond serious.
So he did step into it,
and, I just
said yes to all the things. I
was handed a caregiver manual, interestingly enough,
which I didn't read, jolene, until
(12:52):
just last July, when he was
diagnosed with his third cancer, because
I thought, I care for my dad. Of
course I'm going to do all the things. If he needs to go to an appointment, I'm going to
do it. He needs his food chopped, his pills crushed.
All the things. I will do it. I stepped away from all
my teaching, minus one thing, in the fall of 2017,
(13:13):
so I could be all hands on deck for him. He
ended up in a sniff in a skilled nursing facility for
m. About 87 days. And I drove every
day on a 70 miles round trip from our
home, and I don't care. That was
my desire to do there for
him in his need, in his grave time of
(13:33):
need. but I read the manual last
July, and I realized, oh, my
goodness. Wow. Danae, this is not about how
to care for dad. It's about how to care for
you as the one that is giving the
care. Wow.
Outstanding.
>> Jolene (13:51):
And I think that's a point that a lot of
caregivers neglect is
themselves. it's hard because when
my mom was sick. My dad was the primary caregiver, though.
When she got really sick, my work
was nice enough to let me go every morning to go
check in, prepare food. So I basically got to
work late, but that just meant I worked a lot later
(14:13):
that night because I didn't have this typical nine to five
job. So I might show up at work at
1030, but I wasn't leaving till
930. So, you know, you forget to take.
>> Danae (14:23):
Care of you, and it
accumulates, you
know, in that phase, that 2017 fall
from July through December. You know, I ate
horribly. You know, I put on
some weight, and people say, oh, I can't see, I can't
tell. And it's not about a number. It's
about how my body changed. Like, I wasn't
(14:46):
taking care of myself at all.
I. You know, I was putting him first, and. And he
would be the first to tell me when he wasn't severely
medicated, you know?
So, actually, Danae, you have to put yourself
first.
>> Jolene (14:59):
Yeah. You kind of lose yourself in the process,
like, you know, and, finding yourself again
is difficult and figuring out
who you want to be on the other side.
And it sounds like you've had several iterations
of this as well now.
>> Danae (15:16):
Yes. And I feel like, you know, first of all, to be
funny, we would do anything to, you know, get a cash refund
on all this experience that we have gained from, first
my mom, then my dad, and his first,
cancer, and then his second, and now his third, and more
grateful that it's all primary and not the n word, which I do not
even say out loud because I don't want to. and
(15:36):
yet. Wow. It also is an opportunity for me to
become better towards myself.
We want to think about why. Why did this happen to my mom?
Why did this happen to my dad, our family? Why is this happening
again? You know, you can dwell on that for a minute or an
hour, but, you know, definitely not longer than that, because it's not going
to get you anywhere. but the gift
(15:58):
is that it's an opportunity to show up and be better
each day.
>> Jolene (16:04):
So, what are some things you actually do besides
yoga? Obviously, to take care of yourself.
Like, what. What are your primary focuses?
To keep your health. Because one of the things
I like to teach now that I learned, unfortunately, the
hard way, is if you don't take care of yourself, eventually, you
cannot take care of the person who needs you.
>> Danae (16:24):
Yes. Yes.
>> Jolene (16:25):
it was a long road backwards, so that I was capable
again. so what are things you
like to incorporate or share with people
so that they keep their sanity, they keep their physical
health, their mental health, because it's more than just,
oh, I gained weight. Yeah, but are you sick?
Are you so drained and tired you can't get out of bed
(16:46):
to take care of your family or your
spouse or just you. You can't go for a
walk. You got to the point where everything hurts.
Like, how do you get out of that? Or how did you
get out of that specifically?
>> Danae (16:59):
Well, ah, I've had those days where everything hurts, and I've
had those days where I want to just stay under the covers, for
sure, honestly. full stop. And
how do I get out of that? Laughter. Laughter
is such an
elixir for me and for my dad to make jokes, you
know, to laugh instead of to cry. Nothing
(17:20):
wrong with crying. And I absolutely have shed enough
tears on through all this time.
but laughter is so, so helpful to be silly.
definitely to get outside walk is helpful for
me to clear my head. you know, we
are on a podcast right now, but tapping into
that, you know, that's such a great way to,
(17:42):
learn something new or to be inspired,
for a short period of time. So I wouldn't say
it's an escape, but it's a chance to kind of
detach from the
schedule, the duties,
right. The tasks at hand, and sort of, you
know, just focus for a 30 minutes or a 45 minutes
(18:03):
chunk and learn what you're going to learn
in that talk. So I really, really enjoy
podcasts.
>> Jolene (18:09):
Yeah. I also think, the more you share,
and I want to encourage you to keep sharing because it
makes people know they aren't alone, even
if they've gone through it. And on the other side, sometimes the
guilt of what they might or
might not have done. And it's like, you can only do
what you can do, and you should never
feel guilty about not doing enough.
(18:32):
And it's hard to get that for
me to explain that to people, because if you're not
in it, it's like, I did the best I could.
You're doing the best you can for you, for your father,
for your family. Like, that's all we can
do. And for some people, that means that they
can't physically be hands on. They have to go to work
(18:53):
to finance it all. Like, and that's
okay.
>> Danae (18:56):
Yes. And there are many ways to show up as a
caregiver, and I. And I know the guilt
piece. Have I done enough? I have. You know,
initially, for sure, I would play that. It's a game, you know?
Am I doing enough? Mercy me. Yes, you
are doing enough. You're driving a great
distance every day to sit at a bedside and watch someone
sleep, mainly, or to make sure they're not using the
(19:18):
suction device that I would remove all the
secretions that formed in his mouth from the
radiation. And instead I walk into the room and he's
suctioning his sock because he's so, like, strung out
on all the morph. You know, it's really kind of cute
to see it for a second, but.
>> Jolene (19:35):
It'S funny now to talk about it. It's just not at the
time.
>> Danae (19:39):
Not at the time. No, no.
But, that's such a great piece because people will often ask,
well, don't you have any siblings? And I say, I do.
I have a brother, and he lives.
>> Jolene (19:49):
On the east coast, which makes it
difficult because he cannot be there. I mean, I'm blessed
that when my dad started, we realized he
couldn't live alone anymore. My brother stepped up to
the plate and said, he's going to move in with me.
Part of that is because my husband was out in the wild and this
was all during COVID And my husband's a
(20:10):
first responder, so we didn't want my dad to get sick
either, but. So, we got the house ready, he moved
in here, and three days a week, at the minimum,
I drive to my brother's just like
you. It takes me an hour to get here, an hour to get
home, and I do and give him the relief.
So we both work from home, which is, we're blessed that
(20:30):
way. So he can go do his meetings or he can get out of the house
or, you know, a week ago, it was his birthday. He went out
with his friend, you know, his girlfriend, his friends, they went
out. So things like that. And it's hard because
you can't just say, well, why isn't it 50 50? Well, it's
never going to be 50 50.
You know, with my mom, my mom being female, there was a
(20:50):
lot of things she preferred me to do versus my
brother. The same with my dad. My dad's not going
to let me go in when he takes a bath. You
know, they're still private. Yes.
>> Danae (21:02):
no, it's. This is such a true, true
consideration. Yes. With my mom, for sure. I
remember being in the shower and bathing her and not having
any qualms or concerns. You know,
interestingly enough that we did have a time in the snf
where I would assist the,
CNA, the certified nurse assistant in bathing
him, and he was wearing, you know, some
(21:23):
underwears, and
he, had to be seated in a chair in order to do it.
and we do joke, like, is that going to. Are we going to get to
a point where I'll be wiping your bottom?
>> Jolene (21:36):
that might happen, but you know what? We try to
respect privacy until that needs to happen.
>> Danae (21:41):
Yes, exactly. Exactly. Right. You know, because
the third cancer is prostate cancer. So many times
I have been in the waiting room, not been in the actual
room, just to give that level of
comfort and privacy, because
he is a man, and these are the parts that are of
concern. And, you know, let's. Let's
(22:02):
be mindful of that. And if. And when
he says, you know, it's okay, come on over. Come on
in. You know, he'll make the comment
senior porn to make everybody laugh.
But, But, yeah, those are important considerations, especially
when it's, you know, opposite.
>> Jolene (22:18):
Yeah. You know, and, I
mean, I'm hoping your brother does come visit. I mean,
I'm sure he does. And he calls and, you know, it's
just hard, you know. I mean, I have family
that had this similar situation, and there was eight
siblings, but it still falls on the one because you
also, when there's medical things going on, can't have a lot of
(22:38):
people involved. It gets confusing. It's
got to be pretty much the same person going to the
doctors with them to get the information or
same, you know, if it's a big family, maybe the same two people,
but when you've got
five people and it's rotating, the information
doesn't come across. Right. Like it gets lost
(22:58):
in the, shuffle a little bit.
>> Danae (23:01):
I agree. It could be the telephone game.
Yes, yes, yes.
>> Jolene (23:07):
Okay, so what else
do you suggest
to manage it all? Like, where you don't get overwhelmed?
Because it's a lot. It's a lot. It's not just you and
what you need to do for your
physical, your dad's physical, you know,
well being, doctors, food, cooking,
(23:28):
cleaning, work, business,
all of it. So how do you incorporate it
all?
>> Danae (23:35):
So clarity.
Clarity and communication. So
we have a board, excuse me. a calendar
that's attached to the refrigerator for my dad.
And, you know, it's a dry race situation. So
we update all the things in terms of his
schedule, medical appointments, where he's got to go and be that I
take him to, and also what Denny's doing. So
(23:58):
10:00 a.m. Podcast interview on a
Thursday. Right. So, that
he, knows I'm unable to be
available to him, right? And at first, that was
so hard. Like, of course, I feel like the
scene in love, actually, if people have seen this beautiful
movie, which is about love and all the ways love
(24:19):
happens. But Laura Linney's character, I think
that's the actress, his name. She's the one that's always
answering the phone for the brother. Right? The brother's
always. Even when she's about to get intimate with the really hot
guy from work, he's calling, and she's
answering the phone. so
setting some boundaries
(24:40):
around all of it. so,
yes, my father can call me anytime, day or
night. Am I going to answer every
time, day or night? No, I have my phone on
silent at nighttime. We have agreed that
if there's an emergency, he will take a 911
to a hospital,
some, protocols, what if
(25:03):
scenarios, so that
boundaries, can be held.
>> Jolene (25:11):
Now, I've got an important question. Do you
have people around you to reach out for help when you do need a
break?
>> Danae (25:18):
Not exactly. Not exactly.
Because my brother is on the east coast. and
that's something I'm working on where I would.
I could have a.
I could release the control around it a little bit if
I'm being.
>> Jolene (25:33):
Having some. Even, it's something that we've talked
about, too, is having someone come in for a few hours
once a week, and just that few hours that, you
know, they can get bathed or they cook a meal that day.
It gives you some. I don't have to worry about that
time space.
>> Danae (25:49):
Yes, exactly. Exactly. there's a
neighbor that comes to mind that she and my
dad, they know each other quite well. They have each other's
phone numbers. I. You know, in a pinch, in fact, I have.
I have relied on her when, you know, my dad has said he ended
up at a store, and he thinks he left the
key in the front door. And
(26:10):
I said to her, hey, are you home by chance? And can
you just walk across the street? And if you see
that key, can you put it in this location? And
sure enough, she saw that key, and she put it in that
location for us, you know, because I don't live with my
dad anymore. I moved away in
2021. So I have my own space with my
(26:30):
fiance, which is very nice. but, it's
about 50 miles away. Oh,
wow. Across the bridge. Yeah. And,
I still come over four or five times a week for
sure, on the schedule and more if
needed. but so I do. I guess I have
Rebecca. So that's great. I have,
that's good.
>> Jolene (26:50):
So I get it. I live, through the canyons, we
call it. I don't have a bridge, I have to go through the
canyons.
>> Danae (26:56):
Nice.
>> Jolene (26:58):
It's a nice drive, though. It's peaceful. That's what I look at. My
drive time is peaceful time
podcast time to listen to other people's
stuff.
>> Danae (27:08):
Exactly. That's when I consume them in the.
>> Jolene (27:11):
Driving, everyone's like, how do you listen to
books and all that? I'm like, well, I drive in the
car. I don't listen to them pretty much any other time.
Maybe on a walk here and there, but for the most part,
driving.
>> Danae (27:23):
Agreed.
>> Jolene (27:25):
So I'm happy to hear that you do have an escape, because
I know when you're in it full time, it can get
very, very overwhelming,
very, hard on you. So
what else do you suggest for someone
just getting into caregiving, like, that's just new
to it because it can get over. Like
(27:45):
the beginning can be more overwhelming because
you're not only dealing with needing to help somebody,
you're dealing with a diagnosis of an illness. Most of
the time it's a rarity where it's just they got
older and slowed down like that, you kind of see as
it happens. But when someone gets diagnosed with cancer
or some other disease where they need someone
(28:06):
pretty much full time at first,
wow.
>> Danae (28:09):
I think to just give yourself a hug
and say, this is such a
beautiful gift you are giving to the person
and to yourself, and that no matter what, you are doing
your best. Every day when you show up,
you're doing your best and believe it
so wholeheartedly. and that,
(28:30):
take the breaks, you know?
the 24/7 mode is not sustainable.
Burnout will happen fast and then what
also can happen, which sometimes does happen
for my dad and I, is that
miscommunication?
maybe I'm noticing this a lot more because
(28:52):
his decline is starting to really happen in terms
of, walking. He now walks
and I get so sad because
adult Danae knows he will not live forever,
and baby Danae wants him to live
forever. so sometimes I
might rush him or I might be
(29:12):
abrupt, with my speaking and then
realize that and see that and get all
sad about that and apologize.
So if you're starting, then just
realize every day is a little different, you
are doing your best. it's going to be
hard, it's going to be exhausting. But taking
(29:33):
care of yourself, putting the oxygen mask on first, like
we hear every time we board a plane. It's so,
so true. and that your
person, they're going to be okay with that because they
want to make sure you can keep helping them.
They're going to be your biggest fan in support of that. That you take a
break, actually.
>> Jolene (29:52):
Exactly. And honestly,
I look at it more now as being blessed to have that
time.
>> Danae (29:59):
Yes. Yes.
>> Jolene (30:00):
The one thing we are not promised is tomorrow.
>> Danae (30:03):
Exactly.
>> Jolene (30:03):
For ourselves, for our spouses, for everybody. Like, we're
not. So
enjoy it and make the best of
it, is what I like to say.
You know, it's.
>> Danae (30:15):
It's.
>> Jolene (30:16):
It is what it is in life, we know is not easy.
So just feel blessed that you can have that time
and do what you can and be okay with whatever
it is.
>> Danae (30:26):
Acceptance is huge.
Acceptance is huge. Yes. And it's
something I grapple with. Right.
Because in yoga, we were taught to release
attachment, you know, and, you
know, my dad is very logical. He'll say,
you know, it's. It's only going to happen once, Danae,
(30:48):
when you come here. And I am not able to
say anything back to you, as I
passed. but just take it day by day.
Absolutely.
>> Jolene (30:58):
Absolutely. I want to say thank you so much
for this conversation, because I think it's going to help a lot
of people in similar positions.
where can people find you? I know that you primarily
do yoga and teach online.
and in person.
>> Danae (31:15):
Yes, I am all
teaching, online. Excuse me. I am all teaching on
person. I have one private client
that is out of state. She lives on an island, actually, Puget
island, all places. So I'm not commuting to her
anytime, soon. So we do meet
on facetime for her lesson. But
(31:36):
I have public classes in Livermore
and Castro Valley. I have the university class, and then
private yoga support is in person preferred
all around the Bay area. I travel for that. and where
people can connect with me is on instagram. That's my
favorite social media platform. My full
name at deneerobinette. my website is also my
(31:56):
full name,
www.danaerobanet.com.
>> Jolene (32:01):
And I will have all of that information linked in
the show notes. And, I really appreciate your time. Cause I
know time is valuable for a lot,
and sometimes this is your personal time. So I'm
happy to have you. And I look forward
to speaking to you again about maybe some other
relaxation and stress techniques in the future. Cause I think
(32:21):
that that would be another great topic. And,
anyway, you're a great person of service,
so I appreciate you taking this time. I
really do appreciate it.
>> Danae (32:32):
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Jaleen, thank
you for your time as well. Thank you for this
platform that you are offering of learning and
sharing ideas and absolutely, I would be so delighted
to return and come back and share some of those protocols and
techniques with the community.
>> Jolene (32:48):
Awesome. thank you so much and I will see you next time.
Wonderful.
>> Danae (32:52):
Bye.
>> Jolene (32:53):
I hope you enjoyed this conversation with Danae, and
please make sure you check the show notes for all of her information,
including her upcoming retreat to the
Galapalos Islands. Until next time,
friends. Bye.
Thanks for listening in today. I hope you've got some nuggets
to take away on your health journey. Remember, this
(33:13):
podcast is for educational and entertainment
purposes. No medical advice is being
given by listening to this podcast, you agree to the
full disclaimer, which is linked in the show notes. You
can stay connected to me by joining the
newsletter@holistichealthmatesimple.com
where I share additional tips and tricks weekly.
Once again, thank you for being a part of my community and until
(33:35):
next time, have a blessed day.
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