#167 - With Jojo Sutherland - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie - Hot Water’s Green Room Podcast

Episode Transcript
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mansgate.com. Let's get into the episode.
Well, that's how we should introduce her.
I know. Please do that.
Be hilarious, he'd love it. But she but she keep all the

(03:16):
same man. I want, I want some avant-garde
potting, man. You just caught.
You just caught. Have you had a haircut?
Just today, yeah. Well.
Done. I didn't notice because I
wasn't. I wasn't comparing it to
previous. Yeah, you.
Always look sleep. You always look trim.
OK, It doesn't. I mean on the hair, obviously.
You just take a wonder in our YouTube comments, sorry.

(03:40):
Well. We should be recording.
This this is class. Wish it wasn't.
Welcome to the Hot Water Screening Podcast and we have a
retaining guest, The queen of comedy, You are JoJo.
Thanks, and I'm retiring from comedy, but yeah, so this would
be my last time. Really.

(04:01):
Yeah, genuinely. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to retire from the life circuit next year, but
enough about that can. We step.
Back the fuck. Yeah, I will.
I will. Only I will.
I will return by popular request.
Yeah, it'll be you lads. Yeah.
You can. You don't have to be a comedian.
It's got an air, no? Really.
It's got enough. The last time I seen, the last

(04:26):
time I seen Joe was there the Dead Man Festival.
No. Can I just see I haven't
actually got it in my diary for this year.
I know I haven't been, but, but,but what I do have it in my
diary because I've put it in my diary, because I've looked at
the dates and I've put it in my diary.
Yeah, I haven't officially been asked.
I haven't yet. But I'm fucking going.

(04:47):
I'm going. I'm going how?
Class was that day. Well, a day that you turn up at
midday and you're handed createsa beer and edibles and I go, can
I take these now? And they go, yeah.
And I go, you don't want me to be professional then?
And the look in the face was like as if.
We've not put you be professional.
Invited to be professional and Ionly saw quite recently a clip

(05:11):
of my storming the stage of all use on the stage.
I stormed the stage because I was so fucked off that they
booked visit the halfway. Well, they add, they add they
add two different tents on, didn't they?
Yeah, yeah, and the some that's obviously fucking festival gigs
overrun and stuff. Yeah, yeah, and they add Dead
Men live, that was. Inside the podcast and.

(05:33):
Someone really good on in another tent?
We had Garrett. Millerick Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. So I had an empty tent and those
cunts had a full tent and so I went in and stopped the podcast.
Yeah, so. No, I just said fucking why have
you programmed 2 gigs at the same time?
Fucking shut up, shut up, finishand give us your audience.

(05:57):
Your audience. That's what you hate those
Thanks. Yeah, well, you know, like, do
you know, like there was a little 10 for the like the green
room, 10 for all of all of us class, wasn't it?
We got in there, wasn't it? And I was meant to be staying
with how he pressed him, but then she had to leave early.
And then I, we something could happen with that travel anyway.
I took my car, but then I got sofucked I slept in my car.
Yeah, I can't go anywhere. It was just a great we we talked

(06:20):
about a few times. Obviously the lads have been
back on since and it was honestly one of my favourites
because I've only just been, I've only come back comedy for
the past few years and it felt like it was one of them really
good parties with a lot, lot of comments you don't get to see
all the time. It's.
Just good people. You know what was great is it
shouldn't have worked because ifyou organise it right,
genuinely, how the fuck did? How did fuck did you pull it
off? And secondly, I've never had so

(06:42):
much fun in a field full of people that look like serial
killers and rapists. Honestly, they all look.
They all look like they would stab me or fuck me.
And I love another choice of my life.
And he will do. Yeah.
Yeah, that. That's me, 2025.
Well, I mean, we all forget he wants me last year, but I can't

(07:03):
imagine we're all going to be there.
I can't wait for it because today, no, it's a really good
day, isn't it? Really.
Really. Really good comedy, really good
comedy because there is something that's this is my
overriding bucking anxiety aboutbucking stand up at the moment.
This whole idea, Oh, you can't see anything, You can't, you
can't say anything. Laws.
It's funny, but people are fucking second guessing what

(07:25):
they should or shouldn't say, orthey're worrying about what the
audience might think. That festival.
Nope. It's like the idea that people,
oh, oh, people just want to be racist.
No, they don't. And it's not we never.
Wanted to be racist. We've never wanted to be sexist.
It's like it was funny, but because literally you don't have
your hands tied behind your back.
We had such the some of the comedy I saw that day and night,

(07:47):
some of the best comedy I've seen in fucking.
Years. And it was clever.
And it was. And it's not.
Uriot And it was silly and it was surreal.
It was like comedy fucking should be.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that. Was great.
Well, you weren't there for watching Toys MC.
It was surreal. All right?

(08:07):
What the fuck? OK, there was the occasional
blip. I have to take one for the team.
Yeah, well, you know, we're going to.
Fucking go to get into the bath.We've got to give the comedy
police something to fucking fight over.
So yeah, they probably shed the bath, but there's about 30
people in there and Jamie come to watch me and all the fans

(08:28):
like there's Jamie. He wasn't even watching me.
He was just fasting with him sitting in the.
Audience watching me watch Sony.Yeah, I honestly no this.
Not laughing. Here's here's an example of how
I am either out of touch or couldn't give a fuck.
But we were in Blackpool and. That was a sick night, wasn't
it? How good was that night?
When you were in Blackpool we might have got a little bit

(08:51):
tipsy. Anyway.
And I have no clue that apparently.
Anyway, it doesn't matter. We were going for another drink
because we were not done and we went to the castle.
We went to the castle in Blackpool and he's staggering
like a motherfucker. We get to the castle and the
bouncer stops him of my oh fucking here we go.

(09:12):
We can't get in because of this drunk cunt.
Oh no, fucking Jamie Hodgson bouncing.
Wanted a picture with him. He was all over him like a
fucking rash. I was like, what the fuck is
going on here? How do people know who the fuck
you are you skanky cunt? I'm standing there like chopped
liver with my fucking perfectly performed jokes, No.

(09:36):
Because he get takes his sock off and showers with people.
Yeah, honestly. I think it's great you can't
have a drink, you ma so on the pistol.
It was so. It was a good night out, that
Kyle guy. Probably looked like The Odd
Couple, didn't he? That Kyle guy who tagged along?

(09:56):
Oh. He.
Was used like a like a fan tag along.
Yeah, and he's. Mrs. And they honestly.
They couldn't. Believe their luck, they were
just so. Nice you know with the podcast
of told JoJo and his show it is it is mad, but every gold stiffy
or I I've just come back off tour myself and yeah you go meet
these people who just. Love you awake.
Yeah, and they're so lovely as well.
You can obviously get your Dick heads on Apple very very rarely,

(10:18):
but isn't. It what a lovely feeling and
also because people are so surprised that you would talk to
them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so that you make their day and and people go oh, fucking
idiots. Not at all.
How lovely. A lovely thing to do.
And funnily enough, and I promised I'd give him a shout
out so I'm saying that. Hi, Preston.
So I got an Uber here because I thought we might be drinking and

(10:40):
I got in the gap with James David.
So James said, oh, you're going to Blackstock.
He said, oh, I've just been listening to their podcast.
So he, he's a massive fan. So I said I was coming to record
it. So I said I'd give him a shout.
Thank you. Very much, James.
Uber driver. Bloody lovely, lovely guy.
Lovely, lovely guy. Yeah, a few more.
No exactly, I should have got his actual number, shouldn't I?

(11:00):
Because he could do a little fucking back hander.
Because Uber take a percentage. Yeah, I'm because JoJo went and
then if you stay out past JoJo, you've done well.
It's like, it's like, you know, when you say at the start of the
season you finish above City, you probably win the league
well, blacked out all the while and fucking hell, remember
meeting Dave Chisenel, the dartsplayer.

(11:21):
Oh. Fast players just.
Fucking hell. Did you stay out past me?
But we managed. We were on the same train the
next day looking green as fuck when we were like I.
Checked close, it was the Fridaynight we went out, wasn't it?
Yeah. And I don't know, I checked I.
Checked I checked me WhatsApp. No, it must have been the
Saturday because I left. We were leaving on the Sunday.
Oh, I didn't go. Over No, because, because I

(11:44):
messaged Ryan at 4:00 in the morning saying put guys on the
guest list for tomorrow. That's right, four like 4:00 in
the morning. Yeah, yeah, you totally made his
night. He was.
Absolutely. I can't believe it, but we
couldn't get in anywhere becausethat cunt was fucking hammered.
Start getting casinos and that and he was getting turned away

(12:04):
'cause he was pissed. Well.
That's right, we. Went to the casino, then we went
to mum. One mum.
Coming back to me, and then I tried to go ahead as Mother
Superior, just going out with mychildren.
And obviously we're being very sensible.
We just want one. We just want a little spin on
the tables and maybe one small cherry.
It was like your. Sorry, not tonight, children.

(12:26):
It was like your week in Wife Swap where it's like your rules.
You have to go on the fish for your kids.
We watch that deal. We watch that a few months ago.
Wife Swap. My Wife Swap.
Jojo's your Wife Swap. Yeah, JoJo was on it back in the
day 2006. Was it 2?
1006, yeah. Yeah, me, me lost watch over.

(12:47):
She's fucking amazing. She's like, it's like, exactly
as she is now, like 20 years younger, joking.
I look four years older. I looked four years older. 20
years where? Does the end of code.
Doncaster fucking Donnis. I came back with a knocked off
telly. They didn't fucking show that in
my. Hello.

(13:11):
They were all on fucking benefit.
What was the most fella like? Do you know what he was made out
to be like this lazy ass. He didn't have a job.
I mean he fucking he was doing cashing and that's fine.
Nobody, but he turned out reallynice.
But in all seriousness, I did myshow about it this last year in
Edinburgh. Is that thing of they take two
extremes. So she wasn't as mental as she

(13:33):
was made out and she was. And it's it feels like that's
how we live now in this reality television.
Basically everybody on the Internet is is watching an
episode of Why Swap going fucking bitch.
Oh, I wouldn't, But yeah, it's basically mothers pitched
against mothers. Yeah.
And it's, you know, but if you take I worked it out, what was

(13:54):
it? 378 hours of footage down to an
hour was it? You can tell whatever fucking
story you like, can't you? Oh yeah, yeah.
You can tell whatever. So I mean, when I watched it,
because we didn't get to see it before it was released and so I

(14:15):
was so confident how well I was so confident in my performance
over a week in Doncaster, 1010 days it was that we literally
had the town hall. There was about 80 people, all
our neighbors, the villagers, everybody.
It was like watching it. And I spent the whole time

(14:36):
going, we're the fucking dogs. And then the kids were.
Like you. Never fucking showed a dog and
the kids were going. The muffins couldn't have been
there because don't bother. It was like I spent the whole
time and I swear to God, I thought I was going to come
across a really calm, filthy, lazy, unfit mother.
It's it's basically how I walkedaway from that reality TV

(14:59):
programme. And then she was so fucking OCD.
She called the CDO because the letter should have been in
order. She was off her tits of mental.
But one of the best experiences I've ever had.
That's really great. Yeah, I remember Ryan St.
John, they had they had some some programme about living in
Blackpool or something. And we'll just watch the comedy

(15:20):
and and they said we need, we need to have a we need to have a
narrative. So we we'll we'll show you an
act is cancelled on the night and you have to have auditions
in the afternoon to see you're going to do it.
It don't work like that. Yeah.
Just do it. Yeah, you just.
Put in a forum anyone, please. No, although some of the acts
you see on stage, you think theyfucking should have auditioned

(15:40):
to us. What's the what's the reason you
give it up then, Joe? So in all seriousness, I had a
complete meltdown on Christmas Day because I think that's do
you mean. Got time to, I've said.
Oh, I mean, and I mean when I told everyone to fuck off, I
mean everyone, Oh well, I was out the family WhatsApp group.

(16:04):
I have fucking told. I've sent fucking messages.
Anyway, I had a complete and utter not crisis, just just.
Do you know just fuck all? I fuck you.
Over, I think overworked by, by choice, by choice, overworked by
literally I'd, I think I'd done Edinburgh, Manchester, Leeds,

(16:25):
Newcastle, Nottingham, London, Brighton and then driven fucking
straight back up to Scotland from Brighton, Christmas Eve
Eve, hadn't bought a drumming and we were all getting
together. And I love, I love them all, of
course I do. But it's and also I live a very
different lifeline because I gave up my house 2 1/2 years
ago. I live on the road.
Kids are all grown up. They've got their own lives.

(16:47):
I'm separated, but I'm kind of in a slightly juxtaposition
where who I'm hanging out with and and where I'm gigging.
I'm not as sort of in with, you know, I lived in a sleepy little
village for 30 years and I've got all my mates and we brought
our kids up. But I've slightly not changed,
but my lifestyle's different. Yeah, yeah, but equal.
I'm going to be 60 next year. So it was like, what the fuck am

(17:08):
I going to do? Really?
I mean, I've, you know, I've gigged in every fucking yeah.
I mean, I've gigged all over theworld.
There's not a comedy club that doesn't book me apart from the
ones that I refuse to work for the I've done all the festivals,
I've had my Radio 4 special, I've had my YouTube, I've had
the reviews and. I've.
Had Wife Swap but 25 years next year I've been doing and I have

(17:31):
got fuck all to show friends. I like fuck off.
There's nothing I literally I gave up my house.
I've got everything I own is in my car, which is broken down.
It's going through the fucking menopause go.
It's it's fucked off to Scotlandon the back of an EE van.
Like the EE is not lost on me. And then it's that thing going,

(17:53):
I've got nothing to show for it.But it's also I, I'm gonna be
60. What do I want do in my life?
And the circuits, not the circuit that I remember.
Yeah, People are not like a stupid cunt.
You know, people are not stayingup on 90 drugs.
And. Yeah, you know, and people going
and and get on with it, but I don't enjoy the circuit like I
used to. Yeah.

(18:14):
So just a bit. Boring in it.
It's a bit boring. It's a little bit easy, it is.
I I'd say that instead of balancing acts in terms of
fucking gender and race and sexuality, I I just split it.
Drinkers and non drinkers, yeah.No, there's enough balance.
There's enough balance in drinkers, so there's.
Not a place for everybody, you know You don't.
I'm not. Forced, I know, but don't put me

(18:35):
in a weekend in the Glee with him.
But yeah, but again, don't be inthe Glee and also also don't
don't meet me. I feel like I'm on bills now
with people that have to be on. You know, I'm sick to death of
you know, I've I look at lineup sometimes and you know, I think
as an MC, I'm gonna fucking struggle to say you're gonna
have a good night because you fucking know.
Yeah, and I so. That's being honest.

(18:55):
I told you I am. Honest.
And because I've made this decision, so I was really like,
what do I want to do? And I've thought about this.
So for about 3 years I've wantedto open a venue, like an arts
festival venue all year round inEdinburgh.
Yeah, basically like the Edinburgh Festival in one
building all year round, bookingthe best acts, using the best

(19:16):
staff, using my family, all the rest of it.
Although we've all fallen that, but we're fine again.
But so I kind of want to start to retire.
I want to be in one place. It used to be that the idea of
just comparing the same gig, youknow, but Paul Smith, I mean, I
mean, it's done right. Yeah, You know, so it's not
that. It's not.
I don't want fame. I've realized I never did.

(19:37):
I don't want to be on panel shows.
I'm I'm not whatever the demographic is or whatever the
the public one. I I did put on a tour show in
lowest off and I sold three tickets for whatever reason, I
am not people love me on stage. People always come up to me.
I've got a great reputation, butpeople and I don't want to go on
to her. So I was like, what do I want to

(19:57):
do? So here's my plan and this might
be an exclusive and I'm not going to tell you the whole.
Plan. But, but, but I'll tell you the
whole whole plan. But I I've got 25 years of
experience. I've got nothing to show for it
materially. But what I do have is the

(20:18):
friendship and love and support of some really good cunts.
Yeah and I cannot buy. Well in fact, actually this
brings us back to Blackpool. I cannot walk past someone who's
homeless in the street. Absolutely.
I just if you walk past if you don't acknowledge someones
homeless. Even if you've got no change,

(20:39):
you're just like. I said whatever you do, well,
whatever you do for the rest of the day is irrelevant.
You don't have to give people money, but you can just go.
I'm sorry, I can't and I can't afford to give you money.
But can I give you a hug? Yeah.
Yeah. And fuck me.
Do they want a hug? When was the last time they had
a hug? Anyway, that spawned an idea,
which basically this came from the fact that I fucked a man in
a tent in Glastonbury. This is where the story.

(21:00):
Starts. I do.
I love you so much. Seriously, like the homeless?
I love it, you know so. So I fucked about Nintendo.

(21:24):
Very amazing. Auntie Andre.
So funny. He was he was with he was with
his cousin and we hung out in the artist bar.
But I've got on grape. But when when James left, he
messaged me to say, Debs, his cousin has left her boots behind

(21:45):
the camper van. If they're still there and they
fit you, you can have them. So I was like totally dude.
And I was like, fuck yeah, they are still there.
They do fit me. But Jesus, give me a number, you
know, I need to give her some money for these.
They're really, really expensiveanyway.
No, don't be daft. She's a designer.
So she's a designer called Debs Baker, Fiorentini and Baker.
They got a shop in Shore Ditch. They got a factory in Bologna in

(22:06):
Italy. She's an Italy.
Yeah, she's good. She's the, she's at the New York
Fashion Show at the moment. She's this massive designer who
makes boots for rock stars. So I was like, all right, OK, so
I got a number and I said, listen, these are great, you
know, don't be silly. And I was like, well, next time
in London, come to a gig. Yeah, so we've, you know, James
and I still make, but, you know,that's gone by the wayside.

(22:27):
But Debs and I have remained mates and her partner Franco.
So they come and see me in the backyard whenever I'm in London,
they'll come to a gig. I was there the 8th of October
last year. And I was like, oh, I'm at the
backyard. And she went, oh, I've had an
idea. Do you want to pop around the
shop and I'll run it by you? So she said to me we thought
about maybe do a charity night. Stand up in our boots, Right.

(22:49):
Stand up in our boots to help, blah, blah, blah.
So I meant immediately went stand up in our boots to help
people off the street and back in their feet.
She went fucking brilliant. Yeah.
Great. Yeah.
So she gave me these boots for nothing.
Literally. I've not taken off my feet.
Yeah. 500, six, £100 worth of boots.
Yeah, so I went on at the backyard that night and said we
just started an initiative called Standing Up on Our Boots

(23:10):
to help people off the street. We're going to have, we're going
to have a charity night one night.
And then I thought, I thought about it.
I was like, well actually I could maybe I could maybe do a
few. So it took me 20 minutes to book
Aberdeen to Brighton. I've got all the glees, I've got
all the stands, I've got hot water, I've got the frogging
bucket. Yeah, I've got the forging.
So on the 8th of October 2025, every comedy club that I have a

(23:34):
very close personal relationshipwith will be putting on the same
gig, stand up in our boots to help people.
So we're then going to connect it.
We're going to live stream it now.
I've moved on with that, I'm going to.
So my daughter Haley, her friendis her dad's just taken over the
CEO of Logan Air. So it's like, fuck, why don't we

(23:56):
do it on a plane? So we're gonna put Jonathan Pie
in the sky. So we're gonna have a gig and a
plane we're gonna have and actually put 8th of October in
your diary in the club. So it's a Wednesday.
So basically I've out of nowheregoing to create Live Aid but
with comedy because Iceland. Iceland doesn't have a rough
sleeping population because they've sorted it.

(24:19):
They have 3 shelters. You go, you get dinner, bed and
breakfast. But then what I wanted?
To do, there's also support and then places.
And they get support. So what I want to do is then
raise awareness of the problem because there is such a fucking
correlation. If it wasn't, the only
difference between us, the standup comedians, and being on the
street is comedy. Oh yeah, absolutely.
Comedy saved our lives. The industry fucking murdered

(24:42):
some of us. Yeah, and the fact that Tony
Slattery and Robbie Bonham and endless people have had to
fucking crowdfund for their funerals makes me want to puke.
So I'm going to run all these common gigs and then we're going
to have them on planes, trains and automobiles.
We're going to have a gig in Iceland where they don't have,

(25:02):
so we've got a documentary behind it.
So basically the catalyst and from that we are going to
change. We're going to parliament on the
13th of March to talk to government about putting comedy
on prescription. So I'm working with Crack Health
to use comedians to run workshops, to hate mental
health. It's all well and good handing

(25:25):
out antidepressants. It's all well and good saying to
people, Oh yeah, no, I understand Prince William, I
know you want to end homelessness and you're doing a
really good job heightening and raising awareness.
But going to fucking shelter andgoing, I understand how you
feel, know you fucking don't. But people who have tried to
commit suicide, people who have addiction problems, people.
And if you look at people that are famous comics who actually,

(25:48):
it's a sliding doors, it's a sliding doors between them,
actually making a bit of money. Even Billy Connolly.
Billy Connolly is an icon of this.
If it hadn't been for Michael Parkinson, if it hadn't been for
Pamela Stevenson, Billy Connollywas a folk singer telling a few
jokes. If that could have gone any
other way, where would Billy Connolly be?

(26:09):
Probably on the fucking streets being walked past like we do.
So that is by big momentum that we change the attitude towards
homeless, that we help people off the street.
Somebody said to me, oh, somebody works for Centre Point
and you know, it's really hard to access, you know, people on
the street and how would you getthem to come to work some And I
went fucking flyer them. I will make Flyers and go.

(26:33):
And the ace is about joined up thinking and it's not, there's
not brilliant work going up and down the country.
There's loads of people doing their bit but weirdly I think I
can draw all those bits together, tie them together,
have comedy for fucking Live Aidfor comedy.
Raise awareness on the 8th of October.
Every fucker laugh for one day actually want to do it.

(26:53):
Perth, Adelaide and Melbourne gig at one minute to midnight on
the ninth because 10th is world homeless daylights.
You have to come on there the time.
And then once I've done that andI've really fucking changed the
world and we have comedy on prescription up and down the
country in every major cities employing comedians who get paid
by the way, and you'll get paid for the gig.

(27:15):
It's not charity gig. You can invoice.
It's £100 for everybody you invoice.
Either do it to Gift Aid or takethe money because some people
need the fucking money to embarrass.
And then with that, I'm going topersuade some rich cunts to buy
me a venue and I'll run it in Edinburgh.
And then we'll show the gold standard of how you can run a

(27:36):
venue properly without ripping off comics.
Colin. You're going to sign up, lad.
Yeah. You watching now?
Hey, hey, hey. Come to the seller.
Come to the seller, sign up, come on, sign up £3.00 a month.

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(28:42):
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(29:05):
Get started today at.linkedin.com/results Terms
and conditions apply. Oh, I'm fired up now.
Oh, and I'm going to do my last French show this year called
Nothing left to say, but I'm having the last word.
Yes, love that. Also, if you just heard that as
well, that was very, very, very touching.

(29:27):
Joe, thank you very much for that.
I've just announced it on your podcast because I haven't done.
That that's great. There will be a proper.
Press announcement. What we want to ask from our,
from our listeners who who love us and support us, please go and
support that day because it's absolutely fantastic 'cause if
it has, Joe's just said it's allaround the country.
So and obviously, you know, we can't always get up to
Liverpool, Manchester with me and Jamie Arbor, just keep an
eye out on that line, so. Amazing.

(29:49):
We don't book dickheads. Jeff Joe's Booker.
There's going to be classics on where to.
Go do you? Know what, there's a point do
you know, and honestly, because I've I've become a slightly
fucking become quite risky inasmuch because I know what I'm
doing, I absolutely know what I'm doing.
I don't give a fuck. And so this, those gigs will be

(30:11):
brilliant and there'll be two reasons not everyone can do the
gig because they will be out of the country or be able to do it.
But every comic that is on the that bill I will have a personal
relationship with, I will have, you know, there's loads of
people with the chats we've had over the years, you know what I
mean? We've all fucking poured us
that. We're so vulnerable at times and
and lots of people don't realisethat.

(30:33):
Michael McIntyre is my favorite story and people have varying
views of Michael McIntyre, but he was really skint before he
got a bit of faith. In loads of.
That he was in loads of debt andthere was a company called Cabot
Financial. I know them very well, the jest
and the fucking arse. I got made bankrupt.
Yeah and years later Cabot Financial.

(30:54):
He was booked to do a corporate 20,000 lbs.
Found out it was Cabot Financialand told them go fuck
themselves. Yeah, yeah.
And I'm like, that is class. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? So people like that.
But, you know, the world can change.
And in fact, we we are one bad decision away from being on the
streets. Especially what we do now
there's, there's also financial security, There's no.
There's no pension, there's no if.
You say something wrong with something it's not.

(31:16):
Right. We're we're at the mercy of
bookers and clubs. And you know, some clubs are
better than others, but that's not the point.
And it's not a thing of going. I, if I have nothing else, I'm
going to leave a fucking legacy.It's that thing of just going.
Yeah, just. Like that'd.
Be. Good though, but gigging,
Gigging to get your debts off ifMoorcroft Group are listening,

(31:38):
if you are, if you want that 386LB off, I'll eat Christmas.
Hello very dot. But also, yeah, exactly.
Very good. I've got, I've got a bank
account in Spain that I think I fucking I might get arrested
for. But there'll be two reasons.
There'll be two reasons genuinely.
No, we're judging you. We're judging you.

(32:00):
But. After Christmas presents and I
was I would spend the money on be or gay on presents.
No, but that's my point. And people when you're talking
to people who when you are literally on your fucking arse
when you're in a homeless shelter or not even in a
homeless shelter and you someone's saying to you, if they
can just look at people who theydeemed to be quite successful

(32:22):
and go, oh fuck you, you were there and you got out of it.
There is something about, yeah, give them antidepressants, yeah,
give them blankets. But how about we give them
fucking hope that things can change.
But the only people that are involved with this and there's
loads of good cunts in this business, but the only people
you've got to be either. So people don't don't phone me,

(32:42):
I'll phone you. Yeah.
The only reasons you won't be asked to do this gig is you're
not funny or you're a cunt. You decide which.
I'll give them the choice to decide which they are what.
Do you think you are? Yeah.
Yeah, not. You've not been asked.
It's 'cause you're not funnier. You're a your choice.
By the way, Joe talk for both ofus, we'd be absolutely honoured

(33:05):
to do that. Oh, you're 100?
Percent, especially 100%, what'sprobably best for those?
Yeah. We'll be Oh no 100.
Percent. We'll be honoured to.
Do that, the flagship. There's only one gig in London.
Its backyard is a flagship and that'll be running all day, so.
We'll do wherever. Yeah.
No, it's it's going to be. Barking.
Wicked. Yeah, that's.

(33:25):
And it's all going to start to get announced.
I want someone particular personto announce it, so I will do.
It was meant to be launched on the 6th of February, but because
I'm working with Crack Health and all this kind of stuff,
which is another thing that's going to be amazing.
So she'll be admitted. So yeah, I'm doing interviews at
the moment about the workshops because we're already trialling
the workshops and yeah, I just wanna run a really smart, nice

(33:48):
venue in Edinburgh with a drop in centre where then people off
the streets we can help. Them.
I mean, I've got advice and stuff and.
Also just do comedy workshops and then they can either do a
bit of creative or. Working.
Yeah, that's the thing cause. Train people up.
Cause 'cause they've, I've, I'veheard it's been murmurings of
like, if you're depressed, you get like a comedy course on NHS.

(34:09):
But imagine being depressed. You finally get your diagnosis
of depression. You finally get your diagnosis
and you walk into a course run by Rob Thomas I.
Mean, I mean, we can't, we can'tsave everyone.
Some people, some people might want to hang themselves.

(34:30):
It could go either way. I'm not saying it's gonna be a
success. I've just told you my ideas.
I'm only joking, Roberts. Yeah, but yes, you'll.
Find that. That's my big plan, guys.
And then, if I survive, you can all come to my 21st birthday
party, my new venue next. Year.
Oh yeah, I love that man. Yeah, yeah, we've definitely.
But also I've told you now so ifI do drop dead then fucking.

(34:53):
Make sure it. Happen.
Yeah, we will. We.
Will that's still trying to organise that. 6.
Gigs. And fucking Rob Mulholland can
organize dead meat. You can fucking organize a
couple of gigs. Fucks sake.
Yeah, that's class, that joke. Thank you very much for giving
us the. Exclusion.
As well, you've got. We're talking about what we do

(35:14):
now with I guess we have a comedy X, so there's nothing
major. I'm I'm we might have been
guilty of him ourselves 100. Percent.
It's definitely. Me.
But Joe, just like definitely hack bits of crowd work, that's
me. Or hack bits of material, that's
me. Even even one of mine at the
minute is people who want the mic like that.
Oh, I can't have that. There's a weird thing with

(35:36):
people putting the microphone cord around their.
Neck. I've seen that, yeah.
Well, Phil Ellis. No, but loads of people just
gotta take the. I've seen a stuff swing.
I've no I've seen a swing or. Wrapping it round or wrapping
it? Round, yeah, around the arm.
Wearing wearing the mic cable. What you do a lot?
Wearing the mic. John Wayne, you know.
I'm saying a lot. Some of the comedy eggs.

(35:57):
Some of the comedy eggs though, have some of them have come
round for me. Sometimes I go, Oh my God, I
haven't heard that for ages. Oh, what time do you call this?
Do you need to watch? Do you know what I mean?
Oh, yeah. It's like, oh, you're a lady,
you need to watch. Where do you learn to whisper in
a helicopter? All the I don't hear those as
much now, and I'm you. Shouldn't drink on it empty yet.
Oh, shouldn't I get and I fuckedyour mum.

(36:20):
I mean, that never gets old. I've got a good one.
I I don't talk fluent bevied. You know, if someone's like, if
someone's shouting out pissed. Yeah, I have Bevage.
Yeah, I'd say. Do you come with subtitles?
Yeah. That's my little.
God, it's Alex. Oh, but now I'm obviously
listen. Well, hackers, you know, like.

(36:42):
And also in especially if you'reMC ING, and I have to say this,
people don't realise it is a high wire act.
So if you are in the moment, andyou do, sometimes you do just
fucking grab. Yeah, you've.
Got. And it's a bit of motive.
Yeah, you do with confidence. You dip in the pot.
Yeah, yeah. You know, and also remember,
those hack fucking lines were original at 1:00.

(37:04):
Point. Yeah, yeah, somebody did come up
with them. You know, the original Joe
brand. I'll just move this mic stand
out the way in case you can't see me.
Yeah, yeah, Yeah, it was. Joe Joe Brand.
Wasn't it? Oh, famously Joe Brand?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, every, every big comic
does that. Like those?
Really. So, but yes, so but don't do it.
But the reason, the reason they're the reason they're hack

(37:27):
is. Because people.
It was funny. You know you'll let me if the
mics I'm not the way so you can see me.
That used to be his opener and Idid a gig in years ago.
I did a gig in years ago and he had a wireless mic and he still
did it. He's lying.

(37:47):
Don't listen to him, say Ellen. Here's AI.
This is a really interesting question.
I found I I write fucking shit down notebooks all over the
place. I found a notebook that has my
very first ever routine I ever did on stage at my I did a

(38:07):
comedy course. It's written out years ago, 25
years ago, written out word for word and then there's loads of
notes with a quilt. I have a glyphics.

(38:31):
But so there's nose and notes and things.
So I'm going to tell you one, one joke that I wrote, which I
think is fucking brilliant. I don't know why I'm going to
start using it again. And another one where I was
like, I think I wrote a joke that people fucking nicked and
it became hack because I was talking.
So when I started comedy, I was a single parent on income
support with three kids and it just came out violent

(38:53):
relationship. I had my house repossessed in
the verge of bankruptcy. And I thought, comedy.
I honestly, so I had this whole routine about being on income
support and Social Security and I was like, so as soon as I my
first opening line on stage was if it's Elliot, Ohio, if there's

(39:17):
any photographers don't take anypictures because for security.
Reasons. Social Security reasons, that is
written down in my book and it'smuch longer from 25 years ago.
I'm like, I got a fucking minute.
I think that has been nicked offme when I was in open spot.
It might be that you've come with it and someone's had it as

(39:37):
well. So where you think when you
started out you? Think The thing is.
Nailed one there. Rob Thomas was a.
Similar joke but but equally though when you think about
where you get jokes from but when you think about all my
jokes come from real experience.Yeah, yeah, Yeah, it was.
Much more to that joke. So I was it was a whole piece
about being on Social Security. But my favorite joke, and this

(40:00):
is how long ago is, is that I bought my son Grand Theft Auto
Vice City for his birthday, which might not be wholly.
Good for an 11 year old, but I'mworking on the principal.
By the time he's 18, he'll be sobored with stealing cars,
picking up prostitutes and selling drugs that he'll rebel
and become a St. It's a fucking good job, Young.

(40:21):
Yeah, But then I was like, so I did that recently on stage
going, I found one of my first ever jokes.
It's this. And I was like, that clearly
didn't work out because he's 33 now and just come out of prison,
which is true. Yeah.
So what happened to him happenedto me and Rob Thomas.
We don't know Rob Thomas, obviously.
We love Rob Thomas. Lovely guy.

(40:41):
He's Rob Thomas. Gave me a hard time for doing
the key Hopkins get, you know that didn't.
Yeah. Yeah, he's a big guy.
I I just think that's long. He's a big.
Guy Rob, he wouldn't do it for the same grand.
Yeah, that's what he said. He said, oh, I wouldn't do it.
I mean, you've not been asked. I I just think modeling modeling
modeling. I don't sleep at night 10 grand.

(41:01):
He puts his sorry from triple fair when it's ain't true, the
cunt. Obviously, Rob, so I was a big
guy. Yeah.
So I I don't sting where it happened to me.
I was going to I be fair and. Go into, I'd be fair.
I was on a plane and the belt didn't fit me.
Yeah. So I I wonder why I know what I
do is I hide. I hide one of the belts, like,
stuff it down the side and then the other under my belly.

(41:22):
Yeah. OK, So when we look around like
that, what I'll do is I'll pretend to be asleep as well.
OK, so you're fudging the SO. I had this joke and it was it
was whole, but by the basics caller like flight attendants
glasses, you know what I mean? Because basically the snitches
because even if it does crash, what the fuck is the belt going
to do? You know what I mean?
And and then I was playing out like where I had one eye open

(41:44):
and I was acting out and and then he got went any snacks and
then I was trying to test me. You know what I mean?
Stuff like that. I was.
Trying to test me, see if I've got an appetite.
And then I had this, this bit about this.
So I don't I don't on stage. And it was all it was OK that
way, that way to do. And I see Rob doing like a
similar thing. I went, lad.
You're for robbing me, Taylor. He went.

(42:04):
No, we're both just fat guns. Oh yeah.
Yeah, you can make the same of. Them extensions, you see?
Yeah, you know. What I mean I know 'cause.
It's a big fight. Orange thing.
Pull out the finger, big orange thing, and here's the whale.
This one's for the whale. And that's it.
And I think that's it. A lot of the hack stuff does
come from people just have the same.

(42:26):
That happened to me. Yeah, yeah.
It was actually stereotypes. Have you ever been moved on the
plane? No.
Why? What do you mean?
What you mean? To me, what we're meant to go
with Ireland and if you don't sit on that side of end up well.
It seems to be very important the positioning of the luggage.

(42:49):
Why am I getting? What have I done?
You brought up fat bells. All this shit that's happened
though. People have been moved because.
Of that. I was Vladimir Mctavish.

(43:11):
Do you know Vlad Paul? I know the names.
Like Granddaddy, a Scottish comedy.
He's fucking Marvis. I love him, but he used to do
this bit about the fact that he'd go on holiday with.
In fact, I think he needs from Tommy and Jane who Tommy Owens
sang comedy club and they were of a larger build.
But you know the the fact that their baggage went through all

(43:32):
right, but Christine and Vlads didn't.
It was overweight and he was like, were you like those cunts
on the plane? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So again that. Observation.
Yeah. Ricky's race had it done as
well. Yeah, he went.
If the fat cunt can get on. Yeah.
They they, they're only allowed to say Connor Flannel, I can

(43:54):
call. It should be a combined weight
with your luggage and your BMI. I've.
Got all these whales there maybe?
Checking in any speedos. But you know what?
You know what's really this? Here's an interest, here's an
interesting conversation. Because you feel self-conscious
about being overweight. Yeah, I've been made to feel

(44:15):
self-conscious because I'm overweight.
So I wouldn't mind if people go,people get you're too skinny.
I go, no, I'm not overweight. When did when did not being
overweight become a fucking grind?
So neither is going if you're medically the right size or not.
You know someones fucking got asked to grind a cunt.

(44:38):
There's just can't. There's no.
There's no. Yeah, but there's always
something wrong, now, isn't it? That's what, as you said before,
it's a social media thing, isn'tit?
It's like, no, no one's perfect,so you can't be perfect.
Race the rudder. Raise the sails.
Raise the sails. Captain, an unidentified ship is

(44:59):
approaching over. Roger.
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Yes, this is. This is why she's the legend
I've got. More of them I also do love.

(46:06):
Do you love the fact? Yeah.
This is why didn't we say when we had a we had an episode a
couple of years ago where we hada dream green room.
Yeah, we didn't. We just like not even stand up.
Yeah, just a dream green room. And JoJo was in.
It yeah. You talk to us.
Yeah, yeah. Just forgetting people's houses
as well because I was meant to have, I was meant to be on a gig

(46:29):
with you, wasn't it last year? But I had to pull it was in
Cardiff and now because it was going to be planning a nice
house. Which one?
Beef is, yeah. I remember the first time I had
to cancel that because I was, I was still working in the
nightclubs then and then I. Quit the clubs and.
Then I ended up doing beefies a few months after.
You were meant to be there and Iwas very cross that you weren't
sorry. I get very cross when I think
that somebody. Was there like, have a bite with
the stuff? Yeah.

(46:50):
Like and then somebody else turns up you've.
Been replaced by Mr. Dunganese from London.
Yeah, fuck that. It's not a bad kick.
That is it. Yeah, it's a lovely gig, me.
And Hattie. So me and Hattie went to.
This, this is a game what reallyfucking winds me up.
How can these gigs that are a room above a pub, 100 people

(47:10):
Max, pay more than fucking exactly?
That's that's what's we have this conversation.
We really we're saying. No, it's insane.
No, it's like it's got to stop. And and fucking late payers and
like that you. Got the voice in the.
Morning. So you know I boycotted at least
another expensive I boycotted monkey barrel.
Yeah yeah so I wrote them an e-mail going and frankly your

(47:31):
wages are insulting and exploits7 you take 3 weeks to pay.
Who the fuck are you cunts? I got me.
Sorry, excuse. Sorry, who are you?
You. You've got the money.
Yeah, Yeah. And I don't.
Think it's the money though. The customers aren't saying.
I was gonna call the show. I'll pay you in three weeks.
You've already got the money, sogive us that.
Of the played on Klarna no. No, no.

(47:54):
No, some people do that. You know, I, I tried to, I tried
to do this in Australia and I didn't get away with it because
of two acts which I won't name, but fuck me once I'm retardable.
But this is my plan, so let's gothe balance of power If and this

(48:15):
is not and I'm the hello hot water.
I love you. It's not Stan, I love you.
This is not about you. It's about the principle of the
entire industry. If at 8:00 on Friday night,
every comic up and down the country when we're not going on.
But they won't do that. No, no, no.
No, no, no. No, I know, but what would I

(48:38):
know? What the What the fuck would
they do because they're not a bar restaurant?
A Blackstock would be fine because they do have other
things, but stop treating us like fucking chopped liver.
But there's still, there's people out there that undercook,
you know? Yeah, no.
No, no, I know. But that's where we fell out.
In fact, Adam Rowe, and he knowsI'm cross with them, with the

(48:58):
Pro Comic Forum and we set that up.
That was meant to be a geographically helpful thing for
the professional comics to know where everybody was, promoters
and acts, and it was purely for people who relied on comedy as
their income. And we were fucking yelled at
because people like Chris Washington, who were employed as

(49:21):
a postman at the time, and I know Chris is a professional
comic now, but people like Chriswere not allowed onto the forum
because they didn't rely solely on their income.
That was no judgement on his comedy.
Yeah. It's you still employed by his?
Well, because you've got the fucking safety net of a fucking
monthly wage, so you can take £75 and fucking Scunthorpe on a
Friday, Yeah, whereas the rest of us are low.

(49:42):
That's why the comic forum has always been £150 or more.
Yeah, but we were basically bullied into the fact that
people who were not deemed to beas good as Chris Washington or
others, that they should be on the forum.
If you're. That good, but do you know why
that's we fucking? We've done it to ourselves.
It's been a race to the fucking bottom.
Yeah, because people who have full time jobs can under no.

(50:05):
One says no one says let's boycott this place 'cause
there'll always be someone who'scoming up and to be fair, don't
even I don't even blame that person coming up they want to
say something sadly of. Course.
But we, we've, we've done it to ourselves.
We've done it to ourselves. Joe Shady, can you pass this one
here to put on your side? Yeah.
We've done it to ourselves, actually.
We've only got ourselves to blame.

(50:25):
I'll get a but. I'm sorry but.
That's that thing you can go well, you know, and that has no
disrespect, but people have to pay their dues people, and it's
not comedy's not fucking easy, kids.
It's fucking hard. And if you've got the fucking
balls to give up your full time job and try, I went.
Full time. I went full time five times.

(50:47):
Yeah, I quit 5. I quit 4 jobs.
I only got a three-year, just the.
Reason the reason our wages are so shit is because we're being
undercut with people who've got full time jobs who might be
better comics. But that's not the point.
The principle is you didn't havethe fucking balls to believe in
yourself. Yeah, yeah.
So fuck off. I'll tell you, it's got proper
bottle because I quit minimum mate, with minimum wage jobs and

(51:10):
all that call centre stuff. Scott Bennett quit like bags.
Did he? Yeah, he quit.
I like Scott. He was a, he was an inventor,
won't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that's that's proper ball. They give, they give.
A blank cheque. I like leaving it leaving it.
That's exactly so mate. So Scott Bennett, absolutely.
He believed in himself and he's fucking getting rewarded and so

(51:31):
he should be fucking brilliant. He's amazing on the.
Role He's a gay fellow as well. And he's a sweetheart, although
we have the joy of dying on her arses at a bottomless brunch.
Oh, oh, we just. Every time I see him because
he's so good and he annoys me how good he is, I go, yeah, but
no, he didn't die. Of course he didn't die.
But fuck me, that was. Soft.

(51:51):
Oh yeah. Oh, that was a shift.
A lot of heavy lifting. We're like WJ, we like that
kicks like you're back yourself and you know you've got enough
and stuff for 100%, but it is not better.
When I was three last week, I was just, I was just come from
doing an hour's talk show to then do a 15 minutes site
tonight. What you're doing tonight,
closing tonight. But you actually.
Sat at the back and I'm just doing me gig to him.

(52:13):
Just I prove a point. You have to lose your mouth.
All over the place and he's laughing.
I'm going, but it's still funny.You know what?
I. Mean it's still funny, but.
That's it would. Have died.
Oh no. It's like it.
But I. I hope it's fun.
No, you didn't die, but it's funny.
I can't believe that the most valuable commodity in this
industry is the one that is treated with the least respect

(52:35):
and me to, I mean, talk about fucking with our mental health,
you know, and there's clubs where, you know, you text on the
day to see if you can get on. Pick me.
Pick me. Do you mean you don't get a
reply, You don't get paid for three weeks?
You don't. It's like, and this is a
difference, right? Nobody has to book you.
I can't bear this. Oh, you've got to get booked
because you're a woman or you'vegot to get booked.
Fuck off. Funny's funny.

(52:56):
So if someone doesn't want to book you, they don't have to
book you. But if they do want to book you,
you fucking better pay them, youcunts.
So stop going. Oh yeah, we could get anyone.
No you can't because there's very few funny cunts.
I ate that very few. I'll tell you what I ate at the
minute advertising for gigs likethe Post if you're free.
Yeah. Just send an e-mail, Yeah, I'm

(53:16):
not liking a post mate, I'm. Not liking a post?
You, man. I'm not slipping into your DA.
Seen who else? Just like this post if I don't
get pics of them on throwing myself off the bridge.
But that happens a lot where youcan go.
Oh, I didn't get that gig. Who did?
Sorry, who? Yeah, sorry.
Fucking who got that gig. And it's that thing.
You're gonna go. In I wanna just start applying

(53:37):
me this year because I was waiting waiting for people to
ask me because. What the fuck are you think you
are, fucking Princess Tony waiting?
What do you think? There's a promoter sat in his
pants at breakfast going, Oh, I know who I need to have my bill,
no one's going to ask. You know that I know, but I.
Just it's like, it's like the prom all over again.

(53:59):
You just say like. That I went to all preschool.
Yeah, but no, he still did it. But there should be no should
not? You shouldn't, no.
Shouldn't be an offence. Well does she?
And I'll fucking yeah. I'm getting against you now,
flying. This is my SO when people say to
me, and I get asked a lot, so and and I know that some clubs
are difficult. Hot water is impossible to get

(54:19):
into, the stand is impossible toget into the Comedy Store is
impossible. I don't deny that it's a fucking
tough job, yeah, to try and get seen.
But I will also say there is nota comedy club or a promoter in
the country who says I'm not booking them.
They're fucking too funny. I mean, there isn't.
They're right. So.

(54:39):
And it's not to say that you're they they like what they like.
That's fine. They don't have to think you're
funny. You might think you're funnier
than the person that you see on the bill and you might be, but
they disagree. I mean, no comedy subject.
So someone not booking you get over you.
Yeah, of course. There's somebody booking you and

(55:00):
then goes, oh, I'll pay you. I'll pay you sometime next
summer after I've come back my. Fucking.
Come back, yeah, come back from my fucking South of France,
whatever I was. Fuck, I show the nice as well.
Yes, whatever. I know.
So. Good, that envelope there.
All and also you. Didn't and a nice house after
you've got a big fuck off dude. Dude, the.

(55:21):
Car but not sending invoice and wait fucking 8 days.
You only like. I don't even want to pipe now
you want to be. For all my madness, things like
that, HMRC I'm actually squeaky clean with I used I would always
decline. Yeah, the same.
But I do other scams like I'm collecting parking tickets
because what I'll do is no, but I'll.

(55:41):
I'll I love HMRC. I'll see.
I pay this policy by HMRC. Let's look.
In their fucking tax books. It's 5th of April soon.
Don't forget or you get off fired.
Yeah, it's like you're 200 up inthe.
Tilers, they're rob violers of the Catch you.
You're over 200 up in the Test match.
Don't forget to declare. I like other scams like I pay

(56:08):
for an hour of parking and then leave the car there for three
days, get a ticket and it's cheaper than parking.
But they caught on to me now. Oh.
Shit, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You pay for an hour, so you get,you get a ticket that says
you've gone over your time, leave it anyway.
Leave it anyway so you get a ticket.
Can't they stick it again? No.
Yes, so they but they didn't used to.
Do that. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, so they never used to. And also you played the
adrenaline rush of, oh, I might not even get a ticket.

(56:33):
It's a gamble, isn't it? Love Little gambles?
Gambling is gambling. I love it.
I've got a bus lane ticket in London which I'm not going to
pay because I'm going to go to court and just fuck with them.
I can't be arsed. I'm a boss.
I'm. Just going to be I'm a boss.
I'm going to be. I'm a boss.
I'm going to identify. As a boss, I am, yes.

(56:53):
Joe what? John Michael.
Joe, what Michael Leary did Michael O'Leary, you know, the
owner of Ryanair, the. Ryanair.
Isn't it he he, he, he set up a taxi company which you can do
for like £12 and then just registered one car to his
Mercedes? I love little wins.
I love the little taxi lane. It's a little win.
I love little wins. One yeah, I'm.

(57:15):
Just. I love defiance.
I'm just going to I'm just goingto go to court from a bus lane.
Fine. And then just just completely
bamboozled them, just. Breakdown.
They're just, they're just goingto go just get her out the
courtroom. That's class.
Get out. You can represent yourself and
all. That yeah, I love it.

(57:35):
I love it. Yeah, no, I represented myself
when I ran someone over. I wasn't even drunk, I.
Wasn't even drunk, you know, hey, so Joe, you know, because
obviously you know because you're retired and obviously I

(57:57):
want to I'm. Not retiring I'm.
I don't know. Yeah, we're looking forward.
We're going to help. We're going to help as we can.
What was. Well, I want to always show
where would you say for the past25 years, your favorite city in
the country to play? Can you pick one?
I It's a three-way race. All right, OK.
And it is Glasgow, Newcastle andLiverpool save.

(58:20):
As race, that's solid for. Yeah.
And I think it's. Manchester View as well Lower.
I mean, yeah, because it's obviously my city, but if I take
locality out of it, a fucking Newcastle Standard expanse.
Newcastle Standard is on, and weirdly so when Newcastle.
I don't give you know, it gets abit of a bad Rep.
No, I, I, I had, I had one, I had a boss one there, but

(58:41):
Newcastle was just a 'cause it was the next day Newcastle just
where it was just, it was like here, it was like hometown for
you. It's.
Weird Newcastle. Standards.
So the way that they section it off, Newcastle opened.
Oh such good close down. I remember when the.
Stands we went. We went from the Edinburgh
stand. We all got on the bus.
I got pissed at Hank Cart. So I went to Newcastle opening

(59:02):
and I did that club for I think maybe 10 years.
And then I did it New Year's Eveone night and I walked in and
went where? Where did the rest of this club
come from? There'd been bits of doors just
being sectioned off on a Friday,Saturday, but you opened up
fully outside and I was like, itwas incredible.

(59:26):
That's all of the size sections over the.
Left like 300 in it when you open all out.
So I mean, normally we saw it that mean it wasn't, but it was
like sectioned off at what, 23250?
I've never seen it. I think it's 3320.
I've never seen section off Fuckit.
And same at Glasgow Stand if themezzanine's open and the it's
incredible and the same here a whole lot.

(59:49):
Yeah, even when you play tight 200 in there, you know what I
mean? It feels on you, so yeah.
No, it is. So they're my proper favourites.
Yeah, yeah. And I have to say top secret in
London in terms of a London club.
Stuff. I haven't played that yet.
It's like fucking shooting fish in a barrel, but fuck me, it's a
good. It's yeah, I I flagged me merch
on the streets there Yeah, because he wanted a quid for

(01:00:12):
every fiver like 20% of my. Mid Top Secret.
Yeah, they like 20% of my merch and so I'll be fogged on the
streets. So we don't on the streets.
I'm. Mark Rothman, if you are
listening, darling, and I love you very much, but stop making
comics fucking text on the day. Please pick me.
It's fucking degraded. Stop it.

(01:00:35):
And I mean fucking. Stop it, honestly.
Well, because I'm retiring, so Idid podcast recently.
Sadly, they're sadly, they're stopping at two things are at

(01:00:57):
risk here. Now my diary is full to the end
of this year. OK.
And Kate, well, maybe people might take them off, but take
them out after what I've said. But two things are going to
happen. One, what are you going to do?
Not book me? Fuck you and secondly I said
hope you don't get Alzheimer's as well because the amount of

(01:01:18):
secrets that you have from people.
I am comedy Mama and everyone's told me so much shit which I
have diligently kept myself but do not you.
Are a very loyal person I'm. Very loyal.
I love a gossip don't get me wrong.
Oh I love a gossip and I will. I'm the 1st to tell you so and
so. Is having an affair or what?
What? I can't.

(01:01:41):
I can't wait to swear the gossip.
But if somebody tells me something in confidence, for
instance, I know that Hattie is now publicly pregnant.
I was very, very yes. So she has.
I've known for months. I've never told you I know, so
I'm loyal to. You yes, exactly.
So that's my point is exactly things like that, Tony.

(01:02:02):
So things like Hattie's pregnancy I knew from well, I,
well, I was there when she went to get inseminated.
Fuck with a fucking Turkey. I was there before she was.
Pregnant. I was shooting the fucking
Turkey. And I never, I never fucking
said a word to a soul about shame.

(01:02:24):
I never either. And so.
She told she told me in confidence.
Oh, mate, that's funny. The story's funny.
I don't know. She told me outside Cryptic.
How did she tell? Me like it, you said sort of why
you your stomach being bigger orsomething like that.
Yeah, yeah. So was mine and he went she like
that. She she she told she told me
cryptically. It was like that.

(01:02:45):
She told me cryptically, but alluded to like putting on my
obvious stuff. But Jamie, I just went.
All right, Yeah, I'm not. She was like, no.
What you mean hi. We got home and then Lauren went
what she said to Hattie. I went what?
I wasn't anything like she's trying to Sally just pregnant
and you went. And you went oh.
It makes sense. But it was so sweet because when

(01:03:08):
she did the have a word rose andshe was pregnant, very few
people know. But there was a there's a
beautiful picture of her and Freddie Quinn where he just
susses it. Yeah, yeah.
He's like he said, there's something about and you just see
this picture of them where he's like, you're glowing.
And he just there was the they've captured on stage where
he's guessed and she's admitted it.

(01:03:30):
And it's like, Oh yeah. Yeah.
She's yeah. So it was.
So yeah, so I've got a lot. Congratulations for the Green
Room team on yes. We would have a, we would have a
baby hard. I feel happy.
Yeah, I was shit. We had to get a van ride home
for like 5 hours. Sorry.
And she's went. I want to tell ya, forgot an
offer and yes that. I know she's well.

(01:03:51):
It was so hard keeping it to herself.
Yeah, yeah. But yeah, we're all made-up
everyone who's messed. Up and she's gonna be an amazing
mum, that baby's. Gonna be will say, yeah, I will
say that. On cooking in the first week I
do. I do have a fear.
I don't know if you believe thisfear.
Yeah. You're a mum yourself.
Your traditional way. Shagging.
Yeah, I. Well, so I've told you so I've

(01:04:19):
led you to believe you. Know just wipe yourself from a
dirty towel and. Honestly I sniffed sperm and
become fucking pregnant. I give birth like I'm shelling
please and I sniff sperm and then fucking up someone else's
baby. I think, I think it's my fear,
no offense tight, I'm sure sure this will be sound, but.
I do a friend I. Think all IVF.

(01:04:41):
I think all IVF babies turn intocunts when they're grown-ups.
Oh well no, that's just. They're.
Only children 'cause. They're too loved and it's too
much pressure. It's only child I've never been
told. You'll make Gareth much.
Well, on that note. That was a bit much, babe A.
Bit you know I love you, Gareth.A bit large, there's your ball a

(01:05:03):
bit much. There's your ball, put some
respect on. His.
Name. There's your ball.
No, I love that. Mark, if you're watching, that's
what I can bring to Top Secret. I can wrap a little bow up my
heart, you little bum. Unfortunately, that's the end of
the episode, but I wish I could do this all night because Joe is
honestly, she's the she's the legend in the game.

(01:05:25):
She's she's she's the comedy mumand we love her and she's a
fucking piss cat like us. And we're gonna have a good
drink tonight, aren't? We are going to be.
Safety on Saturday, so we'll have a few tonight to sell.
I know so I'm a fucking liability because I'm retiring
so. Thank you very much for
listening and we'll catch you next next time, Thank you.
Bye. Hey.

(01:05:47):
What's that? Joke A cast powers the world's
best podcast. Here's a show that we recommend.

(01:06:08):
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#167 - With Jojo Sutherland - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#167 - With Jojo Sutherland - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie