April 21, 2025 • 64 mins
Star of the stage and good Friend of the pod Kay joins us again this week. Always amazing having her on… Even if she is VERY intense. Enjoy!
Use code GREENROOM for 20% off and Free shipping @manscaped.com
Sponsored by ABK from Rokit Drinks
Thanks for listening. Make sure to follow us on all social channels and subscribe to the podcast on your app or wherever you get your pods.
Video episodes are only available on the Hot Water Comedy Club YouTube Channel and members will get an exclusive extra weekly episode.
Become a Patreon for an extra exclusive weekly episode along with loads of other perks. 7 day PATREON trials now available
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Instacart is on a mission to have you not leave the couch
this basketball season, because between the pregame rituals and
the postgame interviews, it can be difficult to find time for
everything else. So let Instacart take care of
your game day snacks or weekly restocks and get delivery in as
fast as 30 minutes because we hear it's bad luck to be hungry
on game day. So download the Instacart app
(00:22):
today and enjoy $0.00 delivery fees on your first three orders.
Service fees apply for three orders in 14 days.
Excludes restaurants. Acast powers the world's best
podcasts Here's a show that we. Recommend.
Hello hello, it's Brooke Devard from naked beauty.
Join me each week for unfiltereddiscussion about beauty trends,
(00:46):
self-care journeys, Wellness tips and the products we
absolutely love and cannot get enough of.
If you are a skin care obsessiveand you spend 20 plus minutes on
your skin care routine, this podcast is for you.
Or if you're a newbie at the beginning of your skin care
journey, you'll love this podcast as well because we go so
much deeper than beauty. I talk to incredible and
inspiring people from across industries about their
(01:08):
relationship with beauty. You'll also hear from skin care
experts. We breakdown lots of myths in
the beauty industry. If this sounds like your thing,
search for Naked Beauty on your podcast app and listen along.
I hope you'll join us. Acast helps creators.
Launch, grow, and monetize theirpodcast everywhere. acast.com
(01:32):
yo-yo yo-yo. This episode is brought to you
by the spring cleaning champions, Manscapes.
This season, make sure to groom your carpets and the drapes with
the leaders in below the waist grooming.
Clear out that winter Bush with Manscaped Lawnmower 5.0 and
watch your confidence bloom likespringtime flowers.
(01:56):
Their fifth generation trimmer features 2 interchangeable next
Gen. skin safe blade heads, a standard one for taking a little
off the top, and a new file blade to go smooth wherever your
heart desires. It also features jewel LED
(02:17):
spotlights to guide you through the darkest winter debris.
You can take this thing whereveryou want thanks to its combat
case. You can use this thing wherever
you want to because this bad boyis waterproof, spring clean, and
doesn't just apply to the netherregions.
(02:38):
Get the full grooming experiencewith Manscape Signature beard
hatch a broken plus handyman electric face shaver Manscaped
is always a right tool for the job.
Get 20% off free shipping with the Code Green Room at
(02:59):
manscape.com. Let's get into the episode.
Doesn't. Have to be chocolate 5G Nice.
I mean, it's the nightly boss. Well, that's the most council
estate thing I've ever read, andI can say that because I'm from
(03:22):
1245. It's just snack.
I don't know you. I don't know you could get that.
I've got that. I've been I've been stuck with.
Whispers. I've been stuck with whispers
for years. You've got to get crisp with
your snack. I I don't.
You've got to use this. I have two packets of crisp at
all. Oh, you've made an economical
decision and. I'll give you that.
Yeah, yeah, I've been. I've had a little taste crisp
(03:43):
already. I like to call up fancy meal
deals mean you don't want it to be in payday.
What's a? What's the difference?
Like A51. What?
What's the select? The hotties just thought you've
seen and the butties are heavy. The black.
And the black? Yeah, and the black and the
black. The New York Deli one, The new.
York Deli One. York Deli sandwiches are, fish
aren't. They they're like Tory meal
deals you. Know Tory meal deal it's.
(04:05):
All right, it's got a little bitTory every now and again.
Yeah. When like you know in like you
know like an M and S1. I've never, I've never even beat
shopped at M&S. It's my call in life to do my
big shop at M&S. That's my goal.
Has it been a Waitrose 1 Waitrose of them?
No, I've just got Tesco ones or fucking got ones.
Oh no, I've never been, but I'veseen yourself.
Been inside the Waitrose? I was, I was flicking through
(04:26):
the channels yesterday. I I I'm I'm turning to you down.
I thought, John, you what? How's this on telly?
Yeah, yeah, the one the the other week.
I had to watch out just amazement it was.
And listen, they come across really nice fellas.
Don't dig them out, but it's just weird to see you're the
Thomas brothers like Ryan Thomas.
(04:48):
Oh. Ryan yeah, one's on Love Island,
one's Watsley Rose Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They've really come across really sound lads.
But they was hosting a competition on ITV and it was
just loads of artistic people having a paper aeroplane
contest. And I was like, what am I
watching here? And they're in the back going,
(05:09):
yeah, I'd beat you, bro. And he had no chance, brother.
And then they have a little paper.
I mean, it's 7:00 Saturday night, telly.
Fuck off, that was Saturday night telly.
Saturday night telly for Britain.
We used to be a proper country, that is bring back hole in the
wall and the hole in the. Wall, the hole in the wall.
Fucking hole in the wall. I don't.
Really watch? I don't really watch.
(05:30):
I've never really watched. Telly.
So was it Dale? Was it Dale Winton 1st and then
Anton? 2 Beck Hosters.
So Antonio Beck was a team captain, I can't remember.
The one was Patel went and hosted and it was basically Oh
my God, it was sick. So it was like celebrities.
And then there was water and they'd stand on like the edge of
the water and a Waller come towards them with a hole in it
in like a certain shape. And they'd have to make the
(05:51):
shape. You have to do that.
So like they wouldn't get knocked in the water, but you've
honestly never seen telly like watching Allison Hammond try and
fit through that's. Funny it.
Was the PES program. I was looking through yesterday
and it was Denise Van Outen talking about shopping.
(06:13):
So it's just like getting cheesefrom different companies and
going this one's £2.50, this one's £1.80.
Let's do a taste test. And then he's got some fellow
and one was a proper granddad. He always like, he, he signs up
to surveys to get free stuff allthe time.
All these coupons, smashers and he was like all those for me.
They're exactly the same. Shut the fuck up, Target up.
(06:39):
The GI will be surprised if thatone was more expensive.
How many are we recording, by the way?
Yeah. How many minutes in are we to
lead on that Voice 3? Minutes.
I don't know because you told meafter doing it on Sunday.
I hate the voice. I hate it.
I hate that. Yeah, Sunday.
Yeah. Yeah, I popped so Casey, so
(07:00):
obviously Casey was on and and I'm going through, you know,
post show depression. So she was like get out the
house and come and see me because you're just going to rot
in your own bed. So I did and I was greeted.
I was saying these before. I haven't been.
I was I've popped in and out of the just to like see people.
We had a drink the other week going into that green room full
of all them comedians. Like I like, you know what it's
(07:22):
like when the green room's chocker.
Yeah, and it's loads of different.
I have to stay out there. I was literally like I've not
been there for a while. I was like absolutely sensory of
loads even wasn't acting on thatstupid fucking voice over me or
nothing. It actually makes me feel sick.
I've got some Mr. Mr. Birthday on Sunday.
I had a bad back, didn't you, baby?
Yeah, so it's that nerve you're.Not the only one in the walls,
(07:45):
bro. So I had to get super sub in
Callum. Yeah, that's a horse with me.
So I was doing cold compare and obviously I don't compare
because it's shit. And we was just we was being
shit on purpose and saying, Oh, sick crowd work that bro, and
then just stomach butting each other.
So I'd go, what's your name, mate?
But Robert went Robert, That's agood name.
(08:05):
That and I kind of went, Oh, well, that was so good.
So, yeah. What's this now?
Then? What's this now?
I'm going to fucking do some showboating.
Now I've got my confidence. So what's your name?
Tim. What?
Tim, what do you do? Tim, you went personal trade.
I went PT. Yeah.
What's this then? I just did 10 press UPS.
Yeah. Can't lift my arm.
(08:27):
There's no way you could do 10. Press.
I did 10 press UPS right? I've got footage.
I'll try to get it. I'll try to get it crop it in.
Oh, that's funny. I went to truck some darts
today. Yesterday I was sound.
Don't say you're an injured darts player.
Lad, I went to play some darts and I can't bring me an arm up
(08:50):
above the ball. All my darts were going bull and
below I can't lift it. You're.
Going to have to do Paralympic darts.
I've just got a spare triceps lad.
So you're out injured. I've just are you out?
Did you play that? From doing 10 Press up lads.
Has the darts players that get injured.
Yeah, yeah, repetitive strain. Yeah, arthitis.
Yeah, arthitis. Yeah, so.
(09:11):
You can't let go of the. Do you know you can insure your
hands? Yeah, yeah.
Not hard. Yeah.
So like you know him. I like goalkeepers do.
Well, yeah, so like my ex-boyfriend was a musical
director, wasn't he? And he had to he he insured his
hands is what darts players haveto do.
They have to insure their hands because if.
Something happens boyfriend insured his hands because.
He was a musical director who played Vienna, OH.
I thought so nice. Yeah, he insured his hands.
(09:33):
He could keep fingering me. She's got a tooth as a clip.
The black key. You just show up balls off her
big yellow tooth. I'm.
(09:58):
Mischief. Yeah.
Yeah, I missed. So.
Yeah, I missed them. So I I I we had the live show
Friday. Yeah.
I had a few drinks after. Not on, not on heavy, but I must
have been when I fell asleep. I must have been out for the
count. And then all and then all my
weight on just what, Like I twisted on one side and I swear
that I woke up on one of my legs.
I just couldn't feel my leg. I was like, I've lost me one of
(10:20):
my limbs. Yeah, God.
And then it was starting to get back.
Like, get me feeling back as much.
People 7-8 in the morning, and then this pain, I had them in my
back here. I thought it was because that's
where your kidneys are. And I've been thinking loads
lately. So I thought, I want to die.
Yeah, I've lost one of my kidneys.
Even more than normal. Yeah, probably.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the bottle one.
(10:41):
Just looking for answers to bottle the bottle.
They're never there, are they? Can't your dad give you a rub
down? No, I asked them.
Oh my God. I asked him, of course I asked
him just to phone that, just to feel it.
You know what I mean? She's doing something up with a
certain body just right now. So no, I was stuck on my dad's
couch and honestly, I couldn't move.
I literally could not move. You still sleep on the couch.
(11:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably why I've.
Got a minute? Wait, why you didn't use that?
Why you didn't use that? Because it's a fucking bump.
Yeah, I thought. You were getting a.
Flash. I haven't found any.
Right, OK. So so I saw your stuff in my
dad's. Like it's the room, does he have
enough storage really? Well, it's there, isn't it?
(11:24):
Oh, that just sounds awful. No, there's no, it's only like
mostly cold and stuff like that,you know what I mean?
And Saini's, I've got those Saini's.
But yeah, I've got, I've got loads of loads of storage in my
dad. So it's down there.
But I basically, as I woke up and I had a gig Saturday night,
Mr. Atomista, Where Yesterday, Saturday.
Interesting. Which is for a random promoter.
(11:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Alexander's.
No, no, Alexander's Friday. Just outside just it was I don't
know it was but the post code Cho that.
Was me a port maybe? Yeah, maybe.
I think it might have been. Yeah, but so I missed the exact
tonight. What?
Was the thing. I missed tutor, but still still
at when you missed and then I had.
(12:08):
I've sort all the rooftop out, all the entertainment, the
rooftop I've been wearing. I was sick.
So I missed the rooftop opening.Yeah, Mr. Gig Saturday night,
missed the rooftop Sunday, the birthday show, the 15th birthday
show. I was there for the first being
every single one. I missed this one quarter of the
meat. I mean, mates Christian as well.
I mates babies. Christian needs fumes.
So you mates Christian? I mean mates Christian.
(12:30):
That's how old are they? Yeah.
There's not a few. Why is it why it's a few
minutes? If not, well.
Because none of the lads went. Oh no.
That's bad, isn't? It that looks like I'm just
lying. I'm like, I'm not thank you as
well. You don't be a little bit what
you don't be a little. Bit yeah, but you like you.
You've admitted to me in the past how much you lie.
I know, but what I said, what I said.
But then a, then a defensive. Why did he?
(12:52):
Why? Because he didn't leave yet.
He. Didn't believe me.
Yeah. And he kept saying send the
selfie. Yeah.
I was like, I was like, I was like of what though?
Yeah, because I was. I just wouldn't tell me.
I was like, what? You'd send himself in me back.
You can't see. It no because he's he's in
hospital. I didn't have to go with the
Aussie a lot, yeah. Yeah, send me yourself.
I still haven't moved for two days.
Send me yourself. Send me yourself.
(13:13):
And he did. And he did, yeah.
What did he? Do with because he's doing, he's
out. He's out himself.
Is it? Dead.
Sad. Yeah, put it.
Do you know what it was now? And I know what it was now.
It was Callum. That hurts me.
You. Just kept saying liar, liar and
then Callum doing the exact sameto me when we were in Black
Pearl. Me and Callum and you want
(13:33):
yourself coming to Waltzers, right?
And. I was like and.
I was like no, and I feel sick and I felt proper sick.
I have food poison these these no after it and he was going
you're just a liar, but that's what are you on about What's the
motors are like because don't want to go in the waltzers of.
Your you get off on lying though.
I don't get. That you do and not I see your
little eyes light up. I've been with you when you've
(13:55):
lied to other people. Go on name.
Names. I'm not naming names, not naming
names. And it's never, it's never to,
it's never to gain anything. You'll just.
Lie about lie when there's the thrill of it.
You'll. Just lie about saying, yeah, I
had I had I I had cheese, but itbefore and you had you had ham.
This never happens. You've done.
(14:17):
This I lie when I have to lie. Everyone lies when I have to
lie. There's got to be a motive
behind it. You do these two mates.
To be fair, when you and Callum are together, yeah.
Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And imagine how I felt then. Yeah, not.
Good for more of my dad's couch while them two dancing round in
the green room like Hufflepuff. They were genuinely dancing
round on the. Green room.
Not homophobic Slayer by the way.
(14:38):
I just said they like Hufflepuffs because if if you're
on a Harry Potter I believe themtwo will be in Hufflepuff, no?
Is that what? It's.
Called No, you No, actually I was having this conversation
today, so I'm really good at this.
Even Callum will be in Hufflepuff.
You, yeah, you will be. There you go.
I don't know where I'd place Callum.
Where would I be slivering? No.
(15:00):
No, he wouldn't be. No, he wouldn't be.
No, you're like fucking Crab andGoyle and that.
No, I would be Griffing though. Would they I?
Mean I'm not brave. You're not brave.
I'm annoys me. This is what annoys me.
(15:21):
You're not understanding, You'renot understanding the the
essence of the houses. Go on.
Then because if you're because Isaid this not longer, I was
talking on this. It's brave what you?
Get it's not just so I'm so sorry K thanks for coming down
right you won't. Get in our quotes.
I you won't get in our quotes you think.
About it, you know, any title, any, any table, take Harry
(15:41):
Potter or the Rings, any film, any series.
I'm the main character. You know you'd be in the Harry
Potter special needs school. I wouldn't.
Yeah, you would. Glad.
Colour it in where you've won. Just eat my mic.
Licking the echo. Cough, right, If I was in Harry
Potter, right, the only thing, the only thing we'd have to take
out is quit the chair because obviously there's I'll have to
have a fucking big Hoover or something right?
(16:03):
So right, so we just take, take that out, take, take, take that
out, take that out, right. Even my name, if you swap my
name with Harry Potter, it even looks like it.
Tony Carroll. What do you want to build?
Just so many different letters. No, I know what I mean.
It's a main. It's it's a main name in it.
It's just got that main, main, main character vibe.
You're not right. Tony Karen, the Chamber of
(16:25):
Biscuits. Tony, Karen.
The Chamber of Biscuits. Taurus, we've got a.
New we. Got all acoustic.
And you, you and Callum would just be like that little Hubble
(16:47):
puffs. Kissing on that yeah good.
Oh yeah, I'll. Be you.
I think you'd be in a, you'd be in Slytherin.
Me. Yeah, Yeah.
Yeah. Well, what's your thought
process with that? I think you'd be the goody in
Slytherin. You'd be the one to say like, oh
let's not bully Tony Callum as and his mates.
Why was I being Slytherin in thefirst place?
Because you've got them, you know them.
(17:08):
What? What have I got?
You have got them. You've got a little bit of
treat, not like a snake treat, but I mean, you know what I
mean? Like a thinking treat where you
can fucking, you can say it out.It is, you know what I mean?
You have a go, you know what I mean?
You've got that Slytherin tongue, let's say.
So. Slytherin tongue?
That sounds like a bad child. Like Plenty of Fish she's a
(17:29):
Harry Potter fan of. We've got a Slytherin tongue.
So I'm not. No, no.
So I've done the actual pot. So there's only one quiz that's
definite, and that's the Pottermore quiz, which is
created by the world of Harry Potter.
I don't. Know what to do on Peter in
episode? Fuck that.
Genuinely find out there. You've got to sign up and make
an account though, yeah? What you've.
Got to sign up and make it so I've got a pot of more account
there. Have I ever talked about this on
(17:51):
here? I'm a massively big.
I am into Harry Potter. I love Harry Potter.
I fucking love Harry Potter and I've got a thing where I can't
tell people like I'm quite good at being like, you're in this,
you're in. This.
You're in yours then. So the possible quiz is the only
just one and I'm a Hufflepuff. I'm at my core, I'm a
Hufflepuff. Now The thing is, people are
hoes that you say like I'm Griffed 'cause I'm the main
(18:12):
character. If you actually watch and read
Harry Potter, you understand theactual like the the traits of
each house. Just because the story of Harry
Potter is about like the main people are in Griffin doesn't
mean that's the main house. Remember, Harry Potter went to
Hogwarts, but he he isn't the whole of Hogwarts.
That school was going on for years.
It's the exists now in the realmof Harry Potter.
(18:33):
So, so, you know, let's all justhave a minute and remember that
that's not. Just the main part of its
history, but it's not the whole history.
Exactly. Thank you, Jamie about.
Godwin Griffin though, man. Godwin got expelled anyway from
Hogwarts because I'm a bad man. I think they would have asked
you to leave. I don't.
There's a lot of stairs that you've got to like go up.
(18:54):
Yeah, I know, but I can just go Wing Guardian Leviosa and make.
An you'd be you'd be a Kip and Icould couch you with sciatica.
Yeah, you won't get out the horse.
Sciatica removers. Oh God.
Yeah. All right then what would your
(19:14):
take be on then with with if you've got experience with what,
what do you think houses we've been?
I think, I do think that you've got whole up of traits,
definitely because you remember Hufflepuff's the only house that
hasn't got a negative quality attached to it.
Yeah, that's a light then. I'm generally negative for you
know what before. You finish the.
Sentence No, I do think you, I don't think you've got the
(19:38):
characteristics of. I've got the empathy, man.
Yeah, Yeah, I think you. Yeah, I think.
Slytherin isn't. It no, I think you are probably
more Griffins or. See, you're not brave.
I'm dead brave but. It's not necessarily.
It's not necessarily I'm. Dead brave.
Watch me, I'm dead. Brave.
(19:58):
I'm dead brave. I'm dead brave on my poorly
back. You don't really kicked off with
the crowd. I'd be out of pregnant woman.
So there you go. That's not good, you know.
That. Show me the live show.
Yeah, one time he was a bit of arguing in a crowd and then it
got to like a push match. OK, two groups, yeah.
(20:18):
Then all kicked off. She's a pregnant lady there with
a fella in the middle of it. All right, there's.
No. Doorman there, there's no
doorman separate this like squabble.
So I naturally, because I'm a hero got up and and separate
there and I'll turn around just to make sure my my my colleague
or my best friend was OK and I'dsay around and he was gone.
(20:43):
Where's he gone? Right?
Oh, so the live show finishes it, goes upstairs to green room,
and he's only there having a little chin bag with this
pregnant woman. I said what the fuck are you
doing here? Saved a life.
He said I've saved a pregnant woman's life.
Oh no. I watched the footage back.
He hid behind a pregnant woman. Yes, he did.
(21:04):
Yes. He did.
He's not lying. He's behind though.
I have to sit. There like.
This while I was there on the frontline.
You know what I mean? Gryffindor that.
Is that is Gryffindor tree? Because but the thing with
Gryffindor is it's not necessarily about being brave.
It's they they do before they think.
(21:27):
That is me. And that is Tony.
That is me. You don't.
Do fucking nothing. Not OK, not, I don't mean do, is
it? Jealous.
You want to be Gryffindor? You don't.
Do you do? It's not to be all an end all,
no houses. They're having a knowledge.
What, what? What test?
What was the test to say to you then?
What did you get? I got a little puff.
Did you? Yeah.
On the possible quiz. I can't.
(21:47):
You're the only person that's ever said that I that I'm a
Southern, the only person. No, you're not just doing it.
For the I can't be in a Southern, though, because
they're, you know, they're vicious, they're cunning,
they're loyal. Have you ever had a Oh it?
Could be slivering then because loyalty or whatever, then that's
what I say. But I do.
But you're not. But you're I don't know what
this is. I don't.
(22:10):
See them? So say.
So say you've like. Oh, we've got new merch coming
now that could be a mug. Loyalty over everything, sorry.
Hey, there's. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
All I was thinking there was I can't wait to see the my lads I
have. I haven't half missed them.
You're. Having a good time.
In life, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, I wish I was. What?
(22:35):
What's your favorite? Sorry I cut you off there me
brain. I'd say before message.
Me if you want to know a hug. What are you in?
Don't say that to these. These are going to be coming up
with some mad shattered lions. Harry Potter lions, isn't it?
Yeah, can I? Slytherin and all that.
So I don't know. You're a massive Harry Potter
(22:57):
fan. Yeah, massively love it.
Always reading at least one of them on like a loop.
I've got a Harry Potter dressingguy, I've got Harry Potter
pajamas, I've got 2 mugs I've got.
Well, I forgot I did have Harry Potter bed bed sheets, but I got
rid of them because I thought that was before.
Do you know 1? Of my favourite ever birthdays.
Yeah, I was on my own in last. So I took myself for a Curry and
(23:19):
I listened to Philosopher's Stone on audiobook.
That it was it. Was it Stephen Fry?
Stephen Fry. Oh yeah, it's got this.
It's got to be Fry. But I love the always.
I love the Fry. I love the audio book more than
the film. That was your favorite Get?
Well, no. I massively prefer the books of
the film. So in my head, the films and the
books are two completely different things because they're
so different. So I don't really acknowledge
(23:40):
them like, you know. Them also, what was amazing was
when I was when I was listening to Phosphorus Stolen, I thought,
you know what, I won't get into more books, but I'm not reading
because it's effort. I like audio books and I thought
I'll download the Harry Potter'sagain because I never read him
as a kid and I thought I got a bit of Foamo from it.
I thought I was even Friday right now.
It's a voice I recognized. I was listening to Foster's
(24:02):
Stone on the way to Leicester and when they got when he got on
the train, it's when I was getting on the National Express.
I was like, fuck me, this is me going to Hogwarts here, but I'm
getting the bus because my mum'sa Trump you.
Get to Hogwarts and you're my house.
Like, no, you get on the National Express.
(24:22):
I'm not. Taking the.
Kings the only kid in Hogwarts on free school dinners.
Harry Potter. Yeah, Nah, he had a rich
household. No, he had money.
So did he so? Well, no, he had So.
(24:43):
No. No.
Yeah, so he didn't. So he he grew up in his auntie
and uncles, but didn't know he was a wizard, did he?
So like. And he was badly neglected.
Like if you read the books, is he?
They don't. You put them in the in the.
Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was Auntie and uncle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know that.
I thought they were just like foster parents.
No, no, no. So they were told.
So he was told that his mum and dad died in a car crashing into
his auntie and uncle. And then Big Bad's hag returns
(25:04):
up and he's like, mate, you're afucking wizard you.
And he's like sick, I might. And he's like, listen, your
parents were killed and he was like, oh, Belter.
And he was like, and he tried tokill you but you got away with
it. You didn't pay us that ever
asked. And he's like, so I'm sick.
Then they get to the Wizards andbank and he goes, Oh yeah, by
the way, your man and dad left you some dough and it's here.
No idol. And how much was it like?
(25:25):
DoH, DoH. Bado.
Yeah. Was it?
Yeah. Not like, no, not a millionaire
vibe, but like she's. Just like that on the Top Shop
and I have to say see what he. Buys the old shop.
Cause 'cause. Cause 'cause the.
The she's like, I've seen that on the sorry on the stage.
We'll take. The lot Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
'cause little Ron's a polo and cardamom your Ron, yeah.
(25:46):
Yeah, because all my uncles havethe same big eyes and we've seen
hairline in that. So do you know whether, say, if
I'm out in like open show in Manchester, whatever, they'll go
Ginger hair, receding hairline. He must be a Hutchinson.
Oh. It's so good, man.
(26:07):
Yeah, it's we went to Florida, the Harry Potter world in
Florida. Oh yeah, I think, I think sick.
I think I Remember Me telling. Me this sick bro I'm desperate
they. Are.
Banging breath and out if I got most a couple of hours
obviously. Did you get yourself?
A 1 though. Nah, I can't remember.
(26:28):
I was just fucking bouncing around me.
It was sick. I think I'd cry.
I'd love in person, says. I would massively base and says.
I think I'm just so. I'm just start crying.
I think I'd just be so overwhelmed because I've been.
One of these rights just being in me head and that's why I used
all the starters conversation. It's called your Hufflepuff was
because I've seen unlike when you're on short on YouTube and
(26:49):
then did you start playing a film on shorts and she keeps
going algorithm and that's what's been going on Parry part
10. I'm feeling like I need to watch
them again. No, yeah, it's a film.
It's a film on the, you said thefilm on the book.
Totally different though. He must he.
Must be no no, the same plot lines but.
Like the same plot line but. There's just so much missed out.
Of the book expose more about like the history of it all and
stuff. Yeah.
(27:09):
And like, there's just. Yeah, there's just a lot more in
the books that like, explains somuch.
A lot of a lot of the film, I think, is left unexplained.
But the book really goes into itlike, why?
It's a shame that we didn't know.
We don't know who wrote the book, though.
I wrote the book. No.
What was that girl? That woman?
No. JK.
Don't know, don't know who that is, but they sound transferable.
(27:30):
The singer from the singer. From Jamiroquai, this is the
return of the space winter. I like to think it was Cher.
Cher. Yeah, Cher.
(28:01):
You always know what he means. Yeah, that's the skill that's.
What I do so? You've got a post traumatic.
Show disorder. Show disorder, yeah.
Yeah, it's good. Post traumatic show disorder.
Yeah, yeah. Bob Breeders.
You gave me your best shot. You gave up halfway through.
(28:22):
That's. What made that funnier?
Read her through. Read her through and Bob who?
Back with a vengeance, Yeah, Just finished the tour.
Last show was on Saturday. All over.
(28:44):
So I've been on tour since the end of Jan.
I've been everywhere like we didthe Birmingham, we did down
South couple of places, Stockport.
It's been, Oh my God, literally I've this is the, that's the
happiest I've ever been in my life.
Is it? Me.
(29:04):
On tour, I've ever. Seen some of it.
And I told you that, and I don'tknow what I'm doing with the
rest. Of my squad, because you've got
a little squad. In it, rapper squads like
absolutely the best people. Like I've never like, laughed so
much. Like absolutely like.
Gets goals after NOLA. Yeah.
Oh, sick. We're all, we're living like I
was living with the girls and like, so like we go back to our
Oh my fucking God. Tell us, you ever tried MDMA
(29:27):
gummies? No.
No, no mate, Did you? Do MDMA gummies.
MDMA gummies. And it's the same as MDMA.
We we I. So I've never took MDMA, right,
Because I don't I'm not a drugs man anymore.
I don't really, I mean, not thatI ever was, but like I but like,
but like I don't touch any. I don't touch anything anymore.
(29:49):
Yeah. Is that because of the next day?
Do you know what? No.
Do you know what it was? I thought.
You'd have a terrible come down you.
It does fit with my personality massively.
That's what I always ask her if she's coming out for the match
and that just because she's so much better when she's depressed
all. That tape it's that day will
(30:10):
ring in my whenever you in Oh you in there?
Oh, I was on such a bad come down Evan we're on the brink of
relegation. It was the last game of the
season. We had to win and I was sat in
the pub. I was shaking.
I was crying and he the final whistle blip and I turned round
sobbing and Jimmy just had his phone like that way click,
(30:30):
click. I was just I couldn't breathe.
I was it was honestly never watch ever not to come down.
It is the worst thing you could ever do.
Sound advice. Honest to God, don't do it.
But yeah. And so don't touch anything
more. But then yeah, empty make
gummies sick, are they? Yeah, really cool, but vibes
(30:53):
because you've never. Had them before, have yourself.
But it's not, and it's not a lot, so it's not like.
Probably just like the right dosages.
Yeah. So it's not like 'cause I think
sometimes when you've got like do.
You feel dead fucking happy, like.
You loved everyone you. Just love the world.
For about 20 minutes I was just sacked doing this.
Oh yeah, Yeah, that's yeah. To, to me and it was just and it
(31:14):
was just no come down, no nothing.
Absolutely sad. I cried once off.
MDMA Oh mate, I've cried. I've had such, I've had such.
Me and my mate, me and my mate was like, I was just playing
with a tap and go, how fucking mint is it?
We turn this tap what comes out,but it's so fucking good water
in it mate, I'm going to wear a bath, go get a bath.
(31:37):
And then he flooded his mum's bedroom bathroom.
So fucking can't. You staying at this water?
No, he put it on a we went and played with the taps again and
he fucked it. I got really into, I kept
wanting to replay a Heat Wave byWiley.
You know, booze in a heat wave, booze in heat wave.
I'm a party. I'm gonna dance.
(31:58):
Put your hands up on my body. I'm a party.
I just kept asking. I just kept asking to put it
back on again because I'm like, this is such a good song.
This is good tune that's prefer.Like I was like, this is the
Best Song. Obviously when there's when it's
the first like week of like, youknow, you get a little bit of
sun after months of rain and that oh, not play a bit of heat
(32:19):
wave. Yeah, spray a wasp to death.
Yeah, love that. And what was the other sort of
WAVY, You know, get high, get lit, get drunk, get WAVY?
Get WAVY, stop by. That's also by Wiley.
That's. Why?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And where are my Rolex?
Also by Wiley. Honestly, do you know what?
I think we should really start focusing more on Wiley's
(32:39):
discography because. He's got some wrong that's right
in the heart. You can't go wrong.
Wiley. He's the godfather, Isn't he
Grand? Is he?
Oh, did he? Say that, but he's fucking
sapped. Any So why do you want to talk
about Mum so much? Where's yours?
Let me just allow it. What the hell?
Let me just pause. So highly.
Those storms in there and they have a little dish and they have
(33:00):
a little. No, I I do think where's,
where's? Yours I don't know.
Where Are My Rolex is one of thebest songs.
Of the. Solution.
It's not going to be there. Harry in Harry Potter, he sees
(33:21):
his mum and dad in the mirror, in a mirror of Astrids and it
shows you your greatest desire. So maybe you'd see your mum, I
imagine, holding a big bag of limo.
No, you have a big pussy there, wouldn't I?
Big pussy? What would be?
What would be what? Would be what would be the thing
in the mirror? Like your deepest dark.
Like your deepest desire. We'd like a don't know, just
(33:41):
holding me. Your mum holding you.
Yeah, that's how everything's going to be, alright.
Yeah, shoving a key in your nose?
No. No, I wouldn't do that with your
mum. No, because that that'd be
that'd be too far. Yeah, yeah, I just want to be
just held and just be like, it'sgoing to be fine.
No, I've been gone, but I'm back.
Oh, fuck off. You'd slump.
(34:04):
You don't deserve me, baby. No, no she doesn't.
She shouldn't. She shouldn't be in your deepest
desire. My, my deepest desire will be, I
think it will be a, it will be afemale of some sort of, you know
what I mean? In a different way, yeah.
Sensual way, yeah. And yeah, it was probably a big
butty, yeah. Good boys, aren't they?
(34:25):
Good. Butty, man, I was thinking about
butties last night, Love. Just like I was about to this
morning. I was just dead hungry.
I was thinking, I really do the butty now.
I was thinking what was? And then I was watching this.
Fucking you watching this. You know, I love like high
school, like fucking drama, Americanized dramas.
Watching this like vampire shit.Yeah, last night.
(34:47):
You can't call me playing Pokémon, you're watching Vampire
Diaries like. Are you watching Vampire
Diaries? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why? I.
Don't know. That's sadder than playing
Pokémon. That is, yeah, I.
Just watch what I've saw that against things that's.
What it is right? So then I just seen this fellow,
he's talking and he was in the kitchen and he made this butty.
I was like, oh, I really want a butty.
(35:07):
And it just looked unbelievable,like.
What was on it? It was like some sort of meats
like ham or something nice. And then it was like loads of
letters and some art, all that and I don't know why.
I was just like that looks really nice sounds.
Fit. Though to be honest, so maybe I
might go, you know, might go to weight rolls after here and.
(35:28):
Get a posh boy. Waitrose.
Posh boy. I was just saying that 'cause
you're saying we haven't been. Yeah.
Where is the nearest waitress. Don't know you want to look at.
Formby. Formby, Formby, money stays
somebody. Don't it just?
Hey, they're all where they're, you know, tell you.
(35:49):
What, We're not welcome there? Are we?
Some. Gorgeous houses around there
though, you know, Like we were driving home from Southport
through the week and it going down and I was like, Oh my God,
like I'm obsessed with what people do to get that their
mouths do you know what I mean? I.
Can't imagine to be a vibe rightnow though.
I can imagine just be dead boredom.
(36:10):
Yeah, but. You know what I mean?
Like save save, me and my dad are not moved in there.
Just sticking with your dad. Yeah, me, Dad.
Yeah, yeah, I love that. Say if we moved there, like we'd
make an insistent I I can't imagine there's any, any like
school duggery going on or you know what I mean?
No, I bet it is, but I bet it's all like.
Like it's underhanded. Like, yeah, yeah.
(36:32):
Yeah. Like Desperate Housewives.
Yes, couple of murders. Every like every couple of week
someone gets a little bumped off.
Yeah, yeah, stunning. All like financial crime, like
hacking someones Bitcoin and that.
Yeah, dealers in there. Oh yeah, well, because I was
thinking this, I was like, not all of these are grafters.
Some of them will be, but not all of them will be grafters.
You will be like, what else? Pay as well.
There's like a lot of you won't be any comedians there, I'll
(36:54):
tell you that. No.
I bet. I bet there are podcast
producers. Yeah, No, I'll tell.
You later never. Mind isn't what's next form
being he. Yeah, I'm.
Obviously supporting him. No, it's for me.
Like for me, yeah, there's. One comedian there.
There's a little fraud, wasn't there fucking.
(37:16):
Cry about money as. Well, what's that?
Can Rob Thomas? He's private school as well,
Yeah. Yeah.
Mason Taylor fraud. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, they think they got the streets, bro.
The older St. casts. Rob Thomas, Working class hero.
Yeah. That's already podcast me today.
I don't know, like husband Rob. Told me Rob told me on the other
one podcast. The the the reason I'm single is
(37:37):
because I'm too intense. Wow.
Intense. Yeah, I.
Don't see he was intense. I don't see that as a bad state.
What are your views on this? Intense.
I don't see he was intense. I don't think I'm intense.
I. Don't think you're intense.
I think you're emotionally fragile and folks, I don't think
you're intense. But that's fine.
I know that. No, that's actually fine.
Yeah, that's fine. No, I don't know.
I definitely don't think you're intense.
(37:58):
I'm. Not are you intense when you
seen someone like I. Don't think so.
Well, well, actually depends whowho what we met.
I've met a couple of of people you've been dating in the past
30 years and I wouldn't have said that have.
You. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, of course. Yes, of course.
Yeah. Sorry, that confused me.
Do. You know what I mean?
Like, I would have been there. I wouldn't have thought like
(38:20):
really. Not but really, he said it to
me. Do you know what I've thought
of? Nothing since this was weeks ago
and maybe he's. Still not on purpose 'cause
that's what he does. He he does, he does.
He just, he plays on it. He does and he just like zooms
in on it and he was like you, just you just a bit too intense.
I was like, I don't think I'm intense at all.
I don't. Get that vibe?
No. Just celebrity obsessions
(38:41):
because you're quite intense with them, aren't you?
Like you're. Die for Jordan Pickford.
I would die for Jordan Pickford,yeah.
You are intense. When it comes to Jordan
Pickford, yes I am. Are you doing in a fight, Harry
Potter? Jordan Pickford.
John Pickers. Well-being good being good
didn't that for the credit. He'd be a great keeper.
Inquisition. Oh my God, put Jordan Pickford
(39:03):
in like a Harry Potter robe. Oh, that's, that's porn.
He's a little arms. But he can do do well with them
little arms, thank you very much.
Fuck me. I am going to foot in foot you
gear like you know. Do you reckon he's never a
legend? He's never a legend.
Yeah, of course he is. Yeah, because he's stayed for
him and they've like been rough on there.
(39:23):
He's the reason we're not in thechamp.
We would have been in the championship.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd have been relegated.
We'd have been relegated easily.You.
Might go. I'd love to.
I'd love to think. That you might go back to
Sunderland you'll fight little by odd club on.
Yeah, well, Rooney did. Yeah, drop me like a little.
Yeah, but I don't know, I think.He's got 10 years, he's been
there for a while, aren't? He What year are we in?
(39:45):
25. Maybe not ten.
Not ten, seven, I think, but, well, his family's got like two
kids now and they live up here, so just one of them.
And I think he's happy he's settled.
He's got family and two kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Right.
(40:05):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send them, send them a gift for
the baby shower. So I did do once.
This is Jenny true. I got.
I was rotten drunk and I messaged his wife.
Wow. Yeah, you are I.
Reply to a story being like look, look gorgeous here babe,
because I thought in my head, I'll get me today and then I'll
(40:26):
be inviting for half a dinner parties so I can meet Jordan
Bigford that's still watching story.
Because I wanted to know I. Was like I wanted.
To know that I'm not. Like trying to steal a fella.
I mean, I'm not that sadistic. But I wanted it to be like I.
(40:47):
Didn't want it to be like I'm not trying to steal your fella.
I love you as well. I love the all of all.
I love the pig foods. I love the.
Pig keeping up with the pig. Keeping up with the.
Pig foods staying up with the pig foods 'cause the kid was.
Sick staying up with the pig foods yeah, I just didn't want
to, you know, think I was a threat so I just wanted to
(41:09):
message her and be like look gorgeous.
Yeah babe. Yeah, yeah, like a a Vardy.
Situation. No, no, no.
I love to admit I think he's fucking fit and I would rail him
everywhere but I don't want to to just.
I love him so much that I want him to be happy with his family.
Do you know what I mean? That's fucked up.
That's very intense. That's.
(41:30):
Very intense. Very.
Intense. Well, there's that sort I.
Don't, I don't know if you can share it on here, but it's that
story that went around obviouslyabout you.
What story? Well, we'll cut it if.
You're not comfortable with it, but I heard that you, you got,
you have some K time, shall we say.
And when you're rubbing your tooth, you have Jordan Pickford
gloves on. That's why do you know it speaks
(41:59):
Do you know? What?
Genuinely, do you know what? Genuinely.
Right. This is how toxic this industry
is that you said that story wentround about you my bull drunk
holes. What fucking what is this now?
What the millions of fucking stupid shit that's been said
about me? Is this going to be now?
Being college all the time? I was like, hold on, hold on,
(42:27):
hold on. I was like, kid on.
Defences are up, defences are up.
But do you know what's so funny about that is that my, my friend
Chantelle and her family did hera charity ball and they
auctioned off Jordan Pickford's gloves, genuinely.
And I was like, whoever it is, I'll match it.
(42:50):
I'll beg, seal and borrow. Get me them gloves, get me them
gloves. And do you know what he went to?
He's a 12 year old son. I was like, oh for fuck's sake.
I can't do anything else. Like I think you went for like
4. Tonne or something like that,
yeah. Would you smelt them if you got
them? Yeah.
I'd like them. Oh God, that isn't sense.
I'm just imagine you'd tell us where we get.
(43:11):
In them you should. Actually do that?
I mean, can you? Please do again control and pick
the. Gloves if I can man them, yeah.
100 million cents. I am so funny.
Yeah, I just tag John. John.
And Picker and see if you'll send us some Golden Gloves to
the club. For Kay Jordan, it's me again.
(43:33):
Love you do. We plea to him do.
We ask him for some gloves. Hello, Mr. Pickford.
I'm Kay. You will recognise me from some
of the stories that you've seen and also from the podcast where
we talk about you quite extensively and a lot of it's
(43:53):
been clipped. And the girl who said that she
identifies as a ball so you'll save her.
I would just like to put out a plea for you to please send some
of your goalkeeping gloves, preferably signed, but if you
haven't got time, that's absolutely OK.
I respect you are a busy man. If you could please send some of
the gloves to black stock market.
Where are we black? Black socks.
(44:15):
Black socks. Black socks market. 58 Black
Socks St. 1515 Black Socks BlackSocks Street I can't even speak.
That would mean a lot to a little girl who who you have
helped save her childhood club from from relegation.
You mean a lot to me and loads of love to you and your
beautiful family and if you don't send them, I'll kill
(44:36):
myself. Oh my God, I said.
Anyway, so robbing. Some intense, very funny.
No, I don't think you are OK. Not in real life.
Yeah. So, yeah, so.
You know, as you said about the the show finishing.
(44:57):
Yeah. What, what have you got plans
for what's next? Or are you in that state where
you're just like, I don't know, literally in that state?
Of I don't know, do I have to goback to stand up on that?
Or yeah, no, I'm coming back. I never.
I was digging throughout like, it's just we, it's just, it's
that, that it's that difficult thing, isn't it?
Because like, obviously we're gigging and stuff.
(45:17):
Then I never get offered like jobs like Magic Michael, like
that. Like I can't turn them down.
So like it's hard because then you're interrupting your flow
and like it's difficult with progression and stuff.
So it's just people take over you on the circuit.
You're like just people gigging loads and stuff.
Yeah. And it's just and you, you feel.
Bad because like like Adam Thornton said to me on on
Sunday, he was like, why haven'tI not seen you on any lineups?
And I was like, I haven't been yet.
(45:38):
And it's and you still perform and like, it's not like I'm
going to just like work on officers.
Like I'm still performing and I'm still doing like just acting
and comedy. Like it.
Yeah. How did you find Because?
Obviously I've seen the play, but I looked away out of
respect. Oh yeah, yeah, you get, you get
sort of slit nude. Yeah, get your tits out.
Don't I get your? Tits.
(45:59):
Yeah, Yeah, well, it was the same in this one.
Because. So you're the only one that
hasn't seen my tits. Now.
I went on Saturday. You.
Went on Saturday. Yeah, yeah.
I was very shocked because it. Says on it nudity when you're
buying a ticket and she said to.Me before it.
That Oh yeah, I got shagged in acar, so I was like everyone was.
He was open to Jake. Obviously.
Yeah, yeah. So I thought it would be Jake
(46:20):
the male, and then next thing she's running around with
ourselves. Yeah, yeah, she's going for
Paul. Yeah.
Oh, is he? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I.
Thought I recognise. Yeah, he's.
Like a really nice. Guy, he's absolutely one of
like. I absolutely adore him.
Yeah, I absolutely adore. Him.
Was he on X Factor? Is that?
(46:41):
How he started Oh, don't forget,I know I.
Know his entire IMDb. Yeah.
So yeah, yeah. So he he he was on X Factor and
then he literally left X Factor and went straight into the
jungle. Yeah.
Came second in the jungle. He's done Dancing on ice.
He's done SAS Tuesday's wins. He's a master chef.
Is there anything else that fuckhas done?
He's in Hollywood. Yeah, I don't say now, does it?
(47:04):
I want the kids to go to an open.
In an envelope space, God love you.
No, I do. I do.
Absolutely no. He comes across really.
He is, but like he's. It's so far like we.
Had we developed such a lovely relationship, like proper
brother and sister vibes like we, What I mean by that is we
used to box like we'd have like full blown mic.
Did you do about them, Smith? Did you do about them, Paul
(47:27):
Smith? Yeah, we.
Should land it one. I lasted 90.
Seconds. I sent Paul a video.
Actually I. Can't remember where but we we
found boxing gloves somewhere and Jake was punching like
shadow boxing in the dressing room and I sent a video to Paul.
(47:47):
Jake was Jake was in. I did a video.
Paul just apply saying Nah I've got PTSD, don't send me this
shit. But no, he's a fucking he's.
An absolute dream. He's such, such a good lad.
Yeah, I still haven't. Seen it yet?
No. It's over now, isn't it?
We might be. Coming back next year.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(48:07):
Yeah, and watch you get your. Tits out.
Yeah. Yeah, fully.
Blown so did you think it was Jake then who was going to get
naked Is that what you went I guess so yeah.
Because most. Of the crowd was like nans or 40
plus women, you know what I mean, hungry women.
But if Jake came on stage, plenty of people shouting take
them off, Yeah, take them off like lad.
(48:27):
It was rich. Get the heckled that you.
At the halter and. If he showed a bit of skin, they
were all like, you know, yeah. You're.
Always has to. Do it.
That's why you're always doing it.
Yeah, I'm always I'm. Listen, it has happened to me.
It has actually happened. It has.
Happened to me. Me and Jake are.
The same do you? Know what I face?
Do you know what I face, man? I, I'm a Jamie.
(48:49):
I fuck No. Jake got all the time.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, like.
It's. But do you know what's so?
Funny I said this when when whenwe first when we started again.
I it's just the heckles and stuff, but it's mad like
switching your brain from like comedian to act because
obviously if they're shouting stuff at me, my natural reaction
(49:09):
is yeah, like sting your back but.
You can't. So you have to just be like,
last thing you got to do, you got to spike your night gig.
And your brain just goes into Rita Soon Bob, too.
Well, I got a laugh, so I was so.
Honest to God it's it's a fucking vulnerable position to
be in. Take the take the thing off.
That's because I'm getting changed and literally took it
(49:31):
off. I'm not saying anything funny
and I literally took my top off and someone just went if that
was it, just love to eat it just.
Love to eat it. Fucking hell I've.
Had that before as well. But.
Yeah, I got like, it's mad. Like they shout out like, oh
fucking hell. Like Reese, say your fucking
slag. Like, yeah.
(49:52):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That what I went.
I went. Sashes, yeah.
And then fuck off. Fuck off.
Yeah, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When we finished one on or in the car with Bobby, like look
like there's a bit where he's going, like the bit at this
thought where it's like a Jew, either you want to put his
condom on or whatever. And we're both like, no, no.
(50:12):
And some woman shouted I will. And I was like, oh I fucking
can't bear any of you. It's proper hen do.
Stack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But thank you. For coming.
It's like a hen. Do on the train, but the whole
train's hen do that was like it's it's grimoire.
Yeah, I was stood at the bar for. 10 minutes, I was only
getting a bottle of water, but we went to 3:00 show in front of
(50:34):
me. There was one group in front of
me. I was there 10 minutes because
they were taking shots of Tequila Rosie.
There was like 4 or five nans just whilst they've been asking
for a bottle of wine and while the girl was trying to get the
one, they were like, oh wait, give us another shot as well,
why are you doing that? And she was just the honestly
like three shots of Tequila Roselike these like 4 fashion.
I was like, this is a mad group.That's sick, though.
(50:56):
Mate, the audiences was sick. Like he loved to, Yeah.
Bouncing, yeah. Like they're.
Like I was just like Billingham,which is in the northeast.
Never been to Billingham for Smith.
Said he's had some wild talkers sick.
Do the amount of people who saidto me as well, like, oh, I
didn't know Jake it Jake was only known for knocking out Paul
(51:17):
Smith. That was like mental like, no,
like it's mad the amount of people who like Jake wouldn't
like that I said that. But Billingham is sick.
You never get a chance to go to Billingham.
If I get a chance to play Billingham go because that
they're they're up for it, then it's an absolute shit hole.
But like what goes Billingham? Yeah.
Shout out to Ruby who? Works in Billingham forum
theatre. Absolute legends.
Love you. Did you watch this?
(51:40):
Ruby it's girl. She watch.
This. Oh well.
If it's a girl bro but she's sick, I love.
Loved Ruby. Hi Ruby, Shut up.
Share a. Bevy with us, she's.
Sick girl. Absolutely balcer.
You don't play for Ruby's. Gloves.
Oh God. Sicko.
(52:03):
Yeah, Anyway, enough about me. How have you boys been?
Well, how have I not? Have I seen you sit in?
I don't think you see the end ofthe tour one month.
I know. No.
No tour was unbelievable. Yeah.
Was it? Sick.
Yeah, yeah, to. Say.
I keep saying it, but you know, it's gonna probably be later,
later on, later on in the summer, it's gonna be extended
sick. Just got to go.
(52:23):
Through a few more. Things and then you had the
first Sunday to boss. Yeah, unbelievable, unreal.
He's a looked sick. Yeah, went to Scotland for the
first. Time I've never been been to
Scotland before and that was good.
Belfast was class. Newcastle was unbelievable yeah.
So yeah, everybody's boss. Liverpool was hard because the
the first show used the first time show wasn't he was.
(52:44):
Not the first show, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, but I'm sorry. It's fair.
It was what I. Thought you meant on.
I mean like the open and show yet you.
Oh, that wasn't. That would have been the last
time I saw you because. I I was I was only came and saw
you yeah for a drink yeah, I popped in on me my own yeah yeah
yeah. That was it.
An Oh yeah, because I. Had to be in Belfast the next
day. Yeah.
You're back to ALDI. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(53:04):
Yeah, yeah. And put.
Liverpool because it starts off in Liverpool and it was like the
big room sold out and that it was just fucking just electric.
Unbelievable. So comparing everything else to
that was a big thing you bought.Everyone was everyone, everyone
was class, you know what I mean?So thank you everyone who come
out to watch me. I've just got a new tour.
(53:24):
Manager So we're going so soon. Exclusive news here.
Yeah, the thing. Is the guy who who's got me
website login. It's gone off great.
I can't get hold of him. Needs to remember the password.
What are you on about life? Honestly, that's been life.
(53:45):
Pissed me off, you know? What do you do when having a
website and you not having a login?
I know it's mad, isn't it it? Is.
Do you know what I've lost, Danny?
Your house, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I lost that ages ago.
But you know your National Insurance number.
I lost that. I don't know where it is.
Oh, it's how do you not do we have any do?
You not remember Ashland Jones number we?
(54:06):
Have any we have any online? Play slips No.
No. Yeah, possibly, Maybe, possibly.
No, I've got just. Speak to some, yeah.
Speak to the people used to. Work for in the club.
If you've ever received the payslip, it's on.
That no what I don't, sorry, it doesn't.
Know what? I asked.
(54:26):
I don't even want to know. Which I'm sorry, I don't want to
know. I'd, I'd.
So, Theresa. Bob doing sheer anxiety.
This is what honestly. He got told he was getting
kicked out in the end of November when because you had
six weeks and it landed at the start of January.
And I was on at him the whole. Like 6 weeks like lad, please
(54:48):
get you out sorted. And he was like I will do.
I'm not going to end up like my dad because he got kicked out on
the last day and I'm not doing that.
And honestly the whole time I was just stressing out.
Like please Tony just get it sold to that.
You're going to end up on the streets.
Would have been sick if I was onthe seat.
Though, wouldn't I? No.
Yeah, So. Soon it would have been sick.
How would? It have been sick.
(55:09):
Because. I could have learned shit life
lessons. Life lessons would mean it's a
really. Good patron special.
There you go. What did you learn?
How to stay warm? How much you can charge for a
blowjob? Yeah, yeah.
I suck your Dick for chippy. Nah, suck your Dick for chippy.
Buy me. Sausage dinner suck.
Your sausage? No, I'd suck before Chippy.
(55:31):
I don't. I don't want suck before, Yeah,
I don't want chippy breath on mycock.
It's so right. He's so right to fair, So, so
right. No, I I do.
You know what, though? I think that genuinely might be
a requisite for just being a male comedian.
Because these are all useless atadmin.
These are all useless. It's not my fault.
(55:52):
It's not getting back to me. I've got.
ADHD. No, yours isn't.
What? Sorry I've.
I've just had to say I've come out.
I've got ADHD. What?
I've got ADHD. Have you Actually?
I don't know. He told me.
I didn't tell him yet, but I. Said he had a lot of the traits
so I've got to have and I've gone through the whole thingy of
it. So I was like, I'm not being
that guy, but a lot of the things you're saying is what I
(56:15):
was saying. Well, like the the inability to.
Focus on like admin and tasks and stuff.
Yeah, and just like the procrastinating.
And all sorts of other stuff. And there was loads of what to
think because the thing like people go ADHD, attention
shifting. You were like badly behaved.
But it's not. It's like there's all the other
bunch of stuff. And he was saying all them other
bits. I can't remember them right now,
(56:35):
but you know what I mean. That's your ADHD.
Yeah, Yeah. Oh.
Right. OK, Yeah.
I'm I've definitely got it. One, you've got it, but I think
you've got a different kind. Of ADHD.
I'm so like, you're, well, more autistic.
Than you are ADHD. You have a spreadsheet,
Freestanders. That's autism, darling.
(56:57):
How? Is the.
Love life my love. Have you got any?
What's the latest? Any anyone on the go the the
love life love life yeah I was dating a old, old romantic in
the corner really not on tour not on like nothing no just
right so it's. Because it's your.
It's your audience. Just smoking like coked up lads.
No, no loads of birds. I like, I like Matt Rife of UK
(57:20):
comedy. Oh, that's what I thought.
Yeah, yeah. Got the same jaw fat yeah no, I
get a lot I get lots of. That's lots of female fans and
not on, not on there. No, I don't like mixing business
with pleasure. You've changed your tune.
Absolutely. Fuck, you know when did National
(57:41):
Interplay? I've, Yeah, I've, you know you.
Know I've experimented, I've doubled what like gay no.
No, we're like with. Fat with.
Yeah, well, there's that night. We weren't.
We watched the boxing together. What?
When we watched it, what I went.Around he went.
Yeah, I could just come around mine, touch the boxing.
It's like, you know, in America or something.
So stupid o'clock. And when I went to knock on it,
(58:03):
oh, forgot you forgot you was coming round, even though we
arranged it three hours ago and he was just in a towel and he
proceeded to touch the whole match, still in his towel.
Didn't get ready to just stay there if it was towel.
What's? Wrong.
Did the towel accidentally fall?A.
Couple of times accidentally fall, but.
(58:23):
There was, there was a palpable tension in the air that he knew.
He knew that my brain would go. So I wonder what happened if I
RIP it off. Obviously.
So then it's me instigated it. He's using my own nature again.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Basically.
So yeah. Basically, I've had a couple of
flings right, OK, but nothing's materialized and I'm just going
(58:46):
to focus on myself after after this injury, the doctor said I
need to lose weight. So he's someone sold me in an
action professional way, not like Skip.
Oh, I've got a blood test in a couple.
Weeks. Do you get what I mean?
Like when? When I'm saying on stage and I'm
the last man or like people comeand say fuck, I'm gonna laugh.
But when a professional soldier,a professional soldier, you're
like, I need. To do, yeah, it's all a little
(59:07):
bit, so I'm gonna have to. Yourself a little bit, get a bit
more confident and then get backon this because when you're the
best version of. You you can attract the best
version of someone else. Look at that.
You've got to love yourself. Before you can love.
Others. Yeah.
If you don't love yourself, how the hell are you going?
To expect to love anybody else. I love myself.
I don't love you. We know Jamie's love life's
(59:31):
going he's. Got obviously he's got a
perfect. What about?
You my love. Oh my Hyman, screw back.
What my hymen screw back. I'm a virgin.
Oh, born again, I'm born. Again, virgin my.
Genuinely, I am, but it's good though, because if it now means
that I could have the Son of Godif he wants me to, I've gone
back into that, so that's nice. He's still a little fraud.
He was. Shagging Mary, Madeline.
(59:52):
Him. Yeah, Joseph.
Nah, Jesus. No.
I'm saying I'm. Saying that if God is now
looking for a virgin to bear thenew Son of God, yeah, would you
shag? He could come.
For me now or. Come in me because he's got what
would you shag God? I don't know.
No, I agree a bit. God shagged us all.
Yeah, well. I'd shag my gods because my
(01:00:13):
God's Jordan Pickford so Nah. But God, my God is.
My God, like my Lord, and. Saviour, he's shagged us all
means no. I thought that bro get.
Your head on love. In there have some happiness.
In there go on get your head on love.
What's the two vaginas that. One's.
My ass and one's my mouth. Why that far away?
What? Listen.
Before I had a bad back, I wouldbe flexible.
(01:00:33):
Good, yeah. That's how he ate his back.
Fuck we God. No, I think I'm a.
I'm a. Oh yeah, I'm, I think I'm a born
again virgin again. But it's got to that point where
no. What's that?
Kink dating app what's? That called there's one way like
slaves get matched up with much.Do you want to be?
Do you want to have? To my profile, yeah.
(01:00:56):
Also do the. Slave one let's.
Do that on the Patreon. So your slave profile?
Slave. Yeah, like sex.
Slave. Profile there's like slave,
what's it called like why you looking at me like?
Master Zach, you can see that. That's old.
No, I can barely manage fucking hint.
I have a hint profile I never really got.
(01:01:18):
So you have got a. Date your app when you want a
little bit of K time you have a picture of you on stage.
No. Have a bollocks?
Have I bollocks? No, no, no, no.
I try and avoid that as much as I can.
When they ask you what to do, I'm like, oh, I suppose it's
different. I've got. 10 photos in the world
got hot water. Yeah, because women love women
love male. Comedians.
Men don't love female comedians.That's true.
(01:01:39):
Really. Like intimidating.
To them or something I don't. Know what?
Emasculating isn't it? Yeah, it.
Is. Yeah, it's weird, isn't it?
Yeah. Well, male comedians love.
Female. Comedians, we love UK.
Oh, that's. Nice, didn't know where you
would go with that. I say because a lot of them
don't. A lot of them actively want me
dead. Well, we do.
(01:02:01):
That's nice. But no, I'm a fucking.
I am. I've got to that point where
like, you're so hungry that you go past the point of being
hungry and you're like, if you ever.
You know what I mean? I've never.
Yeah, I always. I've never done that, but to be
I've been watching big little survival and I've seen like
people do that where they, you know, they go past the hunger.
That's me now with with like. Sex.
(01:02:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've had. I've had dry smells like that.
Do you know what I think? I prefer a wank anyway.
Fuck. It don't know single.
In that, you know, I just think it's, I just, I think.
It's nice to. I just like female company
though, No? Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, I mean, I, I love I. Like male?
Company, but I've got I've got mates for that yeah I don't need
like no, I mean like I. Like the I like the choice.
(01:02:45):
I can't be arsed. I can't.
Be fucked with it. I cannot be fucked with it.
I like showing on my sweet side,you.
Like flash on my naughty boy side.
You know what I mean? You like flash on your face?
Wait, wait. Wait, maybe leather Jack?
Get on dates and stuff and show them I'm a bad, like motorboat
and flaps. Yeah.
Well, this has been a great episode.
Thank you very much for coming on, Kate.
(01:03:05):
Is that the end that is? The end of my.
Friend, we're ending it on motorboat and.
Flaps, Motorboat and flaps 2. Shirts coming soon.
That's nice. That's exactly that's what.
I wanted actually. I'm glad you said it and not me.
Motorboat then flaps keep. It safe out there.
Get consent. Motorbot flap.
Yeah. No means no, guys.
Yeah, struck me too, Kay. Thanks for coming on and.
(01:03:26):
My friend, I will see you Kay. Comedy is it?
Kay Nicholson Comedy. On Instagram, Instagram and
yeah, go and. See Rita Bob soon, or don't
because it's finished. It finished on Saturday, yeah,
but it's coming out again next. Year it might be going on
another run. Next year back, but at that
point I'll be 30 trying to play a 15 year old.
(01:03:48):
So that's all the people in Greece got away with it, didn't
they? It's.
About fucking 5617. That's my homework.
You know, how many years have you been kept behind?
Yeah, thanks. For having me boys, I've loved
lots of and. If you wanted to jump on my next
(01:04:12):
show, give me a shout. Tony Carroll and friends of.
Course, it's been a while, hasn't it?
It has been a while. It's.
Nice to have friends on. Actual friends.
Tony Carroll and people he's blinked that toys.
That's what it's Tony Carroll and.
People who've bought in breakfast.
Bye, yeah. I love you.
Instacart is on a mission to have you not leave the couch
this basketball season, because between the pregame rituals and
the postgame interviews, it can be difficult to find time for
everything else. So let Instacart take care of
your game day snacks or weekly restocks and get delivery in as
fast as 30 minutes because we hear it's bad luck to be hungry
on game day. So download the Instacart app
(00:22):
today and enjoy $0.00 delivery fees on your first three orders.
Service fees apply for three orders in 14 days.
Excludes restaurants. Acast powers the world's best
podcasts Here's a show that we. Recommend.
Hello hello, it's Brooke Devard from naked beauty.
Join me each week for unfiltereddiscussion about beauty trends,
(00:46):
self-care journeys, Wellness tips and the products we
absolutely love and cannot get enough of.
If you are a skin care obsessiveand you spend 20 plus minutes on
your skin care routine, this podcast is for you.
Or if you're a newbie at the beginning of your skin care
journey, you'll love this podcast as well because we go so
much deeper than beauty. I talk to incredible and
inspiring people from across industries about their
(01:08):
relationship with beauty. You'll also hear from skin care
experts. We breakdown lots of myths in
the beauty industry. If this sounds like your thing,
search for Naked Beauty on your podcast app and listen along.
I hope you'll join us. Acast helps creators.
Launch, grow, and monetize theirpodcast everywhere. acast.com
(01:32):
yo-yo yo-yo. This episode is brought to you
by the spring cleaning champions, Manscapes.
This season, make sure to groom your carpets and the drapes with
the leaders in below the waist grooming.
Clear out that winter Bush with Manscaped Lawnmower 5.0 and
watch your confidence bloom likespringtime flowers.
(01:56):
Their fifth generation trimmer features 2 interchangeable next
Gen. skin safe blade heads, a standard one for taking a little
off the top, and a new file blade to go smooth wherever your
heart desires. It also features jewel LED
(02:17):
spotlights to guide you through the darkest winter debris.
You can take this thing whereveryou want thanks to its combat
case. You can use this thing wherever
you want to because this bad boyis waterproof, spring clean, and
doesn't just apply to the netherregions.
(02:38):
Get the full grooming experiencewith Manscape Signature beard
hatch a broken plus handyman electric face shaver Manscaped
is always a right tool for the job.
Get 20% off free shipping with the Code Green Room at
(02:59):
manscape.com. Let's get into the episode.
Doesn't. Have to be chocolate 5G Nice.
I mean, it's the nightly boss. Well, that's the most council
estate thing I've ever read, andI can say that because I'm from
(03:22):
1245. It's just snack.
I don't know you. I don't know you could get that.
I've got that. I've been I've been stuck with.
Whispers. I've been stuck with whispers
for years. You've got to get crisp with
your snack. I I don't.
You've got to use this. I have two packets of crisp at
all. Oh, you've made an economical
decision and. I'll give you that.
Yeah, yeah, I've been. I've had a little taste crisp
(03:43):
already. I like to call up fancy meal
deals mean you don't want it to be in payday.
What's a? What's the difference?
Like A51. What?
What's the select? The hotties just thought you've
seen and the butties are heavy. The black.
And the black? Yeah, and the black and the
black. The New York Deli one, The new.
York Deli One. York Deli sandwiches are, fish
aren't. They they're like Tory meal
deals you. Know Tory meal deal it's.
(04:05):
All right, it's got a little bitTory every now and again.
Yeah. When like you know in like you
know like an M and S1. I've never, I've never even beat
shopped at M&S. It's my call in life to do my
big shop at M&S. That's my goal.
Has it been a Waitrose 1 Waitrose of them?
No, I've just got Tesco ones or fucking got ones.
Oh no, I've never been, but I'veseen yourself.
Been inside the Waitrose? I was, I was flicking through
(04:26):
the channels yesterday. I I I'm I'm turning to you down.
I thought, John, you what? How's this on telly?
Yeah, yeah, the one the the other week.
I had to watch out just amazement it was.
And listen, they come across really nice fellas.
Don't dig them out, but it's just weird to see you're the
Thomas brothers like Ryan Thomas.
(04:48):
Oh. Ryan yeah, one's on Love Island,
one's Watsley Rose Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They've really come across really sound lads.
But they was hosting a competition on ITV and it was
just loads of artistic people having a paper aeroplane
contest. And I was like, what am I
watching here? And they're in the back going,
(05:09):
yeah, I'd beat you, bro. And he had no chance, brother.
And then they have a little paper.
I mean, it's 7:00 Saturday night, telly.
Fuck off, that was Saturday night telly.
Saturday night telly for Britain.
We used to be a proper country, that is bring back hole in the
wall and the hole in the. Wall, the hole in the wall.
Fucking hole in the wall. I don't.
Really watch? I don't really watch.
(05:30):
I've never really watched. Telly.
So was it Dale? Was it Dale Winton 1st and then
Anton? 2 Beck Hosters.
So Antonio Beck was a team captain, I can't remember.
The one was Patel went and hosted and it was basically Oh
my God, it was sick. So it was like celebrities.
And then there was water and they'd stand on like the edge of
the water and a Waller come towards them with a hole in it
in like a certain shape. And they'd have to make the
(05:51):
shape. You have to do that.
So like they wouldn't get knocked in the water, but you've
honestly never seen telly like watching Allison Hammond try and
fit through that's. Funny it.
Was the PES program. I was looking through yesterday
and it was Denise Van Outen talking about shopping.
(06:13):
So it's just like getting cheesefrom different companies and
going this one's £2.50, this one's £1.80.
Let's do a taste test. And then he's got some fellow
and one was a proper granddad. He always like, he, he signs up
to surveys to get free stuff allthe time.
All these coupons, smashers and he was like all those for me.
They're exactly the same. Shut the fuck up, Target up.
(06:39):
The GI will be surprised if thatone was more expensive.
How many are we recording, by the way?
Yeah. How many minutes in are we to
lead on that Voice 3? Minutes.
I don't know because you told meafter doing it on Sunday.
I hate the voice. I hate it.
I hate that. Yeah, Sunday.
Yeah. Yeah, I popped so Casey, so
(07:00):
obviously Casey was on and and I'm going through, you know,
post show depression. So she was like get out the
house and come and see me because you're just going to rot
in your own bed. So I did and I was greeted.
I was saying these before. I haven't been.
I was I've popped in and out of the just to like see people.
We had a drink the other week going into that green room full
of all them comedians. Like I like, you know what it's
(07:22):
like when the green room's chocker.
Yeah, and it's loads of different.
I have to stay out there. I was literally like I've not
been there for a while. I was like absolutely sensory of
loads even wasn't acting on thatstupid fucking voice over me or
nothing. It actually makes me feel sick.
I've got some Mr. Mr. Birthday on Sunday.
I had a bad back, didn't you, baby?
Yeah, so it's that nerve you're.Not the only one in the walls,
(07:45):
bro. So I had to get super sub in
Callum. Yeah, that's a horse with me.
So I was doing cold compare and obviously I don't compare
because it's shit. And we was just we was being
shit on purpose and saying, Oh, sick crowd work that bro, and
then just stomach butting each other.
So I'd go, what's your name, mate?
But Robert went Robert, That's agood name.
(08:05):
That and I kind of went, Oh, well, that was so good.
So, yeah. What's this now?
Then? What's this now?
I'm going to fucking do some showboating.
Now I've got my confidence. So what's your name?
Tim. What?
Tim, what do you do? Tim, you went personal trade.
I went PT. Yeah.
What's this then? I just did 10 press UPS.
Yeah. Can't lift my arm.
(08:27):
There's no way you could do 10. Press.
I did 10 press UPS right? I've got footage.
I'll try to get it. I'll try to get it crop it in.
Oh, that's funny. I went to truck some darts
today. Yesterday I was sound.
Don't say you're an injured darts player.
Lad, I went to play some darts and I can't bring me an arm up
(08:50):
above the ball. All my darts were going bull and
below I can't lift it. You're.
Going to have to do Paralympic darts.
I've just got a spare triceps lad.
So you're out injured. I've just are you out?
Did you play that? From doing 10 Press up lads.
Has the darts players that get injured.
Yeah, yeah, repetitive strain. Yeah, arthitis.
Yeah, arthitis. Yeah, so.
(09:11):
You can't let go of the. Do you know you can insure your
hands? Yeah, yeah.
Not hard. Yeah.
So like you know him. I like goalkeepers do.
Well, yeah, so like my ex-boyfriend was a musical
director, wasn't he? And he had to he he insured his
hands is what darts players haveto do.
They have to insure their hands because if.
Something happens boyfriend insured his hands because.
He was a musical director who played Vienna, OH.
I thought so nice. Yeah, he insured his hands.
(09:33):
He could keep fingering me. She's got a tooth as a clip.
The black key. You just show up balls off her
big yellow tooth. I'm.
(09:58):
Mischief. Yeah.
Yeah, I missed. So.
Yeah, I missed them. So I I I we had the live show
Friday. Yeah.
I had a few drinks after. Not on, not on heavy, but I must
have been when I fell asleep. I must have been out for the
count. And then all and then all my
weight on just what, Like I twisted on one side and I swear
that I woke up on one of my legs.
I just couldn't feel my leg. I was like, I've lost me one of
(10:20):
my limbs. Yeah, God.
And then it was starting to get back.
Like, get me feeling back as much.
People 7-8 in the morning, and then this pain, I had them in my
back here. I thought it was because that's
where your kidneys are. And I've been thinking loads
lately. So I thought, I want to die.
Yeah, I've lost one of my kidneys.
Even more than normal. Yeah, probably.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the bottle one.
(10:41):
Just looking for answers to bottle the bottle.
They're never there, are they? Can't your dad give you a rub
down? No, I asked them.
Oh my God. I asked him, of course I asked
him just to phone that, just to feel it.
You know what I mean? She's doing something up with a
certain body just right now. So no, I was stuck on my dad's
couch and honestly, I couldn't move.
I literally could not move. You still sleep on the couch.
(11:02):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably why I've.
Got a minute? Wait, why you didn't use that?
Why you didn't use that? Because it's a fucking bump.
Yeah, I thought. You were getting a.
Flash. I haven't found any.
Right, OK. So so I saw your stuff in my
dad's. Like it's the room, does he have
enough storage really? Well, it's there, isn't it?
(11:24):
Oh, that just sounds awful. No, there's no, it's only like
mostly cold and stuff like that,you know what I mean?
And Saini's, I've got those Saini's.
But yeah, I've got, I've got loads of loads of storage in my
dad. So it's down there.
But I basically, as I woke up and I had a gig Saturday night,
Mr. Atomista, Where Yesterday, Saturday.
Interesting. Which is for a random promoter.
(11:45):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not Alexander's.
No, no, Alexander's Friday. Just outside just it was I don't
know it was but the post code Cho that.
Was me a port maybe? Yeah, maybe.
I think it might have been. Yeah, but so I missed the exact
tonight. What?
Was the thing. I missed tutor, but still still
at when you missed and then I had.
(12:08):
I've sort all the rooftop out, all the entertainment, the
rooftop I've been wearing. I was sick.
So I missed the rooftop opening.Yeah, Mr. Gig Saturday night,
missed the rooftop Sunday, the birthday show, the 15th birthday
show. I was there for the first being
every single one. I missed this one quarter of the
meat. I mean, mates Christian as well.
I mates babies. Christian needs fumes.
So you mates Christian? I mean mates Christian.
(12:30):
That's how old are they? Yeah.
There's not a few. Why is it why it's a few
minutes? If not, well.
Because none of the lads went. Oh no.
That's bad, isn't? It that looks like I'm just
lying. I'm like, I'm not thank you as
well. You don't be a little bit what
you don't be a little. Bit yeah, but you like you.
You've admitted to me in the past how much you lie.
I know, but what I said, what I said.
But then a, then a defensive. Why did he?
(12:52):
Why? Because he didn't leave yet.
He. Didn't believe me.
Yeah. And he kept saying send the
selfie. Yeah.
I was like, I was like, I was like of what though?
Yeah, because I was. I just wouldn't tell me.
I was like, what? You'd send himself in me back.
You can't see. It no because he's he's in
hospital. I didn't have to go with the
Aussie a lot, yeah. Yeah, send me yourself.
I still haven't moved for two days.
Send me yourself. Send me yourself.
(13:13):
And he did. And he did, yeah.
What did he? Do with because he's doing, he's
out. He's out himself.
Is it? Dead.
Sad. Yeah, put it.
Do you know what it was now? And I know what it was now.
It was Callum. That hurts me.
You. Just kept saying liar, liar and
then Callum doing the exact sameto me when we were in Black
Pearl. Me and Callum and you want
(13:33):
yourself coming to Waltzers, right?
And. I was like and.
I was like no, and I feel sick and I felt proper sick.
I have food poison these these no after it and he was going
you're just a liar, but that's what are you on about What's the
motors are like because don't want to go in the waltzers of.
Your you get off on lying though.
I don't get. That you do and not I see your
little eyes light up. I've been with you when you've
(13:55):
lied to other people. Go on name.
Names. I'm not naming names, not naming
names. And it's never, it's never to,
it's never to gain anything. You'll just.
Lie about lie when there's the thrill of it.
You'll. Just lie about saying, yeah, I
had I had I I had cheese, but itbefore and you had you had ham.
This never happens. You've done.
(14:17):
This I lie when I have to lie. Everyone lies when I have to
lie. There's got to be a motive
behind it. You do these two mates.
To be fair, when you and Callum are together, yeah.
Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And imagine how I felt then. Yeah, not.
Good for more of my dad's couch while them two dancing round in
the green room like Hufflepuff. They were genuinely dancing
round on the. Green room.
Not homophobic Slayer by the way.
(14:38):
I just said they like Hufflepuffs because if if you're
on a Harry Potter I believe themtwo will be in Hufflepuff, no?
Is that what? It's.
Called No, you No, actually I was having this conversation
today, so I'm really good at this.
Even Callum will be in Hufflepuff.
You, yeah, you will be. There you go.
I don't know where I'd place Callum.
Where would I be slivering? No.
(15:00):
No, he wouldn't be. No, he wouldn't be.
No, you're like fucking Crab andGoyle and that.
No, I would be Griffing though. Would they I?
Mean I'm not brave. You're not brave.
I'm annoys me. This is what annoys me.
(15:21):
You're not understanding, You'renot understanding the the
essence of the houses. Go on.
Then because if you're because Isaid this not longer, I was
talking on this. It's brave what you?
Get it's not just so I'm so sorry K thanks for coming down
right you won't. Get in our quotes.
I you won't get in our quotes you think.
About it, you know, any title, any, any table, take Harry
(15:41):
Potter or the Rings, any film, any series.
I'm the main character. You know you'd be in the Harry
Potter special needs school. I wouldn't.
Yeah, you would. Glad.
Colour it in where you've won. Just eat my mic.
Licking the echo. Cough, right, If I was in Harry
Potter, right, the only thing, the only thing we'd have to take
out is quit the chair because obviously there's I'll have to
have a fucking big Hoover or something right?
(16:03):
So right, so we just take, take that out, take, take, take that
out, take that out, right. Even my name, if you swap my
name with Harry Potter, it even looks like it.
Tony Carroll. What do you want to build?
Just so many different letters. No, I know what I mean.
It's a main. It's it's a main name in it.
It's just got that main, main, main character vibe.
You're not right. Tony Karen, the Chamber of
(16:25):
Biscuits. Tony, Karen.
The Chamber of Biscuits. Taurus, we've got a.
New we. Got all acoustic.
And you, you and Callum would just be like that little Hubble
(16:47):
puffs. Kissing on that yeah good.
Oh yeah, I'll. Be you.
I think you'd be in a, you'd be in Slytherin.
Me. Yeah, Yeah.
Yeah. Well, what's your thought
process with that? I think you'd be the goody in
Slytherin. You'd be the one to say like, oh
let's not bully Tony Callum as and his mates.
Why was I being Slytherin in thefirst place?
Because you've got them, you know them.
(17:08):
What? What have I got?
You have got them. You've got a little bit of
treat, not like a snake treat, but I mean, you know what I
mean? Like a thinking treat where you
can fucking, you can say it out.It is, you know what I mean?
You have a go, you know what I mean?
You've got that Slytherin tongue, let's say.
So. Slytherin tongue?
That sounds like a bad child. Like Plenty of Fish she's a
(17:29):
Harry Potter fan of. We've got a Slytherin tongue.
So I'm not. No, no.
So I've done the actual pot. So there's only one quiz that's
definite, and that's the Pottermore quiz, which is
created by the world of Harry Potter.
I don't. Know what to do on Peter in
episode? Fuck that.
Genuinely find out there. You've got to sign up and make
an account though, yeah? What you've.
Got to sign up and make it so I've got a pot of more account
there. Have I ever talked about this on
(17:51):
here? I'm a massively big.
I am into Harry Potter. I love Harry Potter.
I fucking love Harry Potter and I've got a thing where I can't
tell people like I'm quite good at being like, you're in this,
you're in. This.
You're in yours then. So the possible quiz is the only
just one and I'm a Hufflepuff. I'm at my core, I'm a
Hufflepuff. Now The thing is, people are
hoes that you say like I'm Griffed 'cause I'm the main
(18:12):
character. If you actually watch and read
Harry Potter, you understand theactual like the the traits of
each house. Just because the story of Harry
Potter is about like the main people are in Griffin doesn't
mean that's the main house. Remember, Harry Potter went to
Hogwarts, but he he isn't the whole of Hogwarts.
That school was going on for years.
It's the exists now in the realmof Harry Potter.
(18:33):
So, so, you know, let's all justhave a minute and remember that
that's not. Just the main part of its
history, but it's not the whole history.
Exactly. Thank you, Jamie about.
Godwin Griffin though, man. Godwin got expelled anyway from
Hogwarts because I'm a bad man. I think they would have asked
you to leave. I don't.
There's a lot of stairs that you've got to like go up.
(18:54):
Yeah, I know, but I can just go Wing Guardian Leviosa and make.
An you'd be you'd be a Kip and Icould couch you with sciatica.
Yeah, you won't get out the horse.
Sciatica removers. Oh God.
Yeah. All right then what would your
(19:14):
take be on then with with if you've got experience with what,
what do you think houses we've been?
I think, I do think that you've got whole up of traits,
definitely because you remember Hufflepuff's the only house that
hasn't got a negative quality attached to it.
Yeah, that's a light then. I'm generally negative for you
know what before. You finish the.
Sentence No, I do think you, I don't think you've got the
(19:38):
characteristics of. I've got the empathy, man.
Yeah, Yeah, I think you. Yeah, I think.
Slytherin isn't. It no, I think you are probably
more Griffins or. See, you're not brave.
I'm dead brave but. It's not necessarily.
It's not necessarily I'm. Dead brave.
Watch me, I'm dead. Brave.
(19:58):
I'm dead brave. I'm dead brave on my poorly
back. You don't really kicked off with
the crowd. I'd be out of pregnant woman.
So there you go. That's not good, you know.
That. Show me the live show.
Yeah, one time he was a bit of arguing in a crowd and then it
got to like a push match. OK, two groups, yeah.
(20:18):
Then all kicked off. She's a pregnant lady there with
a fella in the middle of it. All right, there's.
No. Doorman there, there's no
doorman separate this like squabble.
So I naturally, because I'm a hero got up and and separate
there and I'll turn around just to make sure my my my colleague
or my best friend was OK and I'dsay around and he was gone.
(20:43):
Where's he gone? Right?
Oh, so the live show finishes it, goes upstairs to green room,
and he's only there having a little chin bag with this
pregnant woman. I said what the fuck are you
doing here? Saved a life.
He said I've saved a pregnant woman's life.
Oh no. I watched the footage back.
He hid behind a pregnant woman. Yes, he did.
(21:04):
Yes. He did.
He's not lying. He's behind though.
I have to sit. There like.
This while I was there on the frontline.
You know what I mean? Gryffindor that.
Is that is Gryffindor tree? Because but the thing with
Gryffindor is it's not necessarily about being brave.
It's they they do before they think.
(21:27):
That is me. And that is Tony.
That is me. You don't.
Do fucking nothing. Not OK, not, I don't mean do, is
it? Jealous.
You want to be Gryffindor? You don't.
Do you do? It's not to be all an end all,
no houses. They're having a knowledge.
What, what? What test?
What was the test to say to you then?
What did you get? I got a little puff.
Did you? Yeah.
On the possible quiz. I can't.
(21:47):
You're the only person that's ever said that I that I'm a
Southern, the only person. No, you're not just doing it.
For the I can't be in a Southern, though, because
they're, you know, they're vicious, they're cunning,
they're loyal. Have you ever had a Oh it?
Could be slivering then because loyalty or whatever, then that's
what I say. But I do.
But you're not. But you're I don't know what
this is. I don't.
(22:10):
See them? So say.
So say you've like. Oh, we've got new merch coming
now that could be a mug. Loyalty over everything, sorry.
Hey, there's. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
All I was thinking there was I can't wait to see the my lads I
have. I haven't half missed them.
You're. Having a good time.
In life, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, I wish I was. What?
(22:35):
What's your favorite? Sorry I cut you off there me
brain. I'd say before message.
Me if you want to know a hug. What are you in?
Don't say that to these. These are going to be coming up
with some mad shattered lions. Harry Potter lions, isn't it?
Yeah, can I? Slytherin and all that.
So I don't know. You're a massive Harry Potter
(22:57):
fan. Yeah, massively love it.
Always reading at least one of them on like a loop.
I've got a Harry Potter dressingguy, I've got Harry Potter
pajamas, I've got 2 mugs I've got.
Well, I forgot I did have Harry Potter bed bed sheets, but I got
rid of them because I thought that was before.
Do you know 1? Of my favourite ever birthdays.
Yeah, I was on my own in last. So I took myself for a Curry and
(23:19):
I listened to Philosopher's Stone on audiobook.
That it was it. Was it Stephen Fry?
Stephen Fry. Oh yeah, it's got this.
It's got to be Fry. But I love the always.
I love the Fry. I love the audio book more than
the film. That was your favorite Get?
Well, no. I massively prefer the books of
the film. So in my head, the films and the
books are two completely different things because they're
so different. So I don't really acknowledge
(23:40):
them like, you know. Them also, what was amazing was
when I was when I was listening to Phosphorus Stolen, I thought,
you know what, I won't get into more books, but I'm not reading
because it's effort. I like audio books and I thought
I'll download the Harry Potter'sagain because I never read him
as a kid and I thought I got a bit of Foamo from it.
I thought I was even Friday right now.
It's a voice I recognized. I was listening to Foster's
(24:02):
Stone on the way to Leicester and when they got when he got on
the train, it's when I was getting on the National Express.
I was like, fuck me, this is me going to Hogwarts here, but I'm
getting the bus because my mum'sa Trump you.
Get to Hogwarts and you're my house.
Like, no, you get on the National Express.
(24:22):
I'm not. Taking the.
Kings the only kid in Hogwarts on free school dinners.
Harry Potter. Yeah, Nah, he had a rich
household. No, he had money.
So did he so? Well, no, he had So.
(24:43):
No. No.
Yeah, so he didn't. So he he grew up in his auntie
and uncles, but didn't know he was a wizard, did he?
So like. And he was badly neglected.
Like if you read the books, is he?
They don't. You put them in the in the.
Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was Auntie and uncle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't know that.
I thought they were just like foster parents.
No, no, no. So they were told.
So he was told that his mum and dad died in a car crashing into
his auntie and uncle. And then Big Bad's hag returns
(25:04):
up and he's like, mate, you're afucking wizard you.
And he's like sick, I might. And he's like, listen, your
parents were killed and he was like, oh, Belter.
And he was like, and he tried tokill you but you got away with
it. You didn't pay us that ever
asked. And he's like, so I'm sick.
Then they get to the Wizards andbank and he goes, Oh yeah, by
the way, your man and dad left you some dough and it's here.
No idol. And how much was it like?
(25:25):
DoH, DoH. Bado.
Yeah. Was it?
Yeah. Not like, no, not a millionaire
vibe, but like she's. Just like that on the Top Shop
and I have to say see what he. Buys the old shop.
Cause 'cause. Cause 'cause the.
The she's like, I've seen that on the sorry on the stage.
We'll take. The lot Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
'cause little Ron's a polo and cardamom your Ron, yeah.
(25:46):
Yeah, because all my uncles havethe same big eyes and we've seen
hairline in that. So do you know whether, say, if
I'm out in like open show in Manchester, whatever, they'll go
Ginger hair, receding hairline. He must be a Hutchinson.
Oh. It's so good, man.
(26:07):
Yeah, it's we went to Florida, the Harry Potter world in
Florida. Oh yeah, I think, I think sick.
I think I Remember Me telling. Me this sick bro I'm desperate
they. Are.
Banging breath and out if I got most a couple of hours
obviously. Did you get yourself?
A 1 though. Nah, I can't remember.
(26:28):
I was just fucking bouncing around me.
It was sick. I think I'd cry.
I'd love in person, says. I would massively base and says.
I think I'm just so. I'm just start crying.
I think I'd just be so overwhelmed because I've been.
One of these rights just being in me head and that's why I used
all the starters conversation. It's called your Hufflepuff was
because I've seen unlike when you're on short on YouTube and
(26:49):
then did you start playing a film on shorts and she keeps
going algorithm and that's what's been going on Parry part
10. I'm feeling like I need to watch
them again. No, yeah, it's a film.
It's a film on the, you said thefilm on the book.
Totally different though. He must he.
Must be no no, the same plot lines but.
Like the same plot line but. There's just so much missed out.
Of the book expose more about like the history of it all and
stuff. Yeah.
(27:09):
And like, there's just. Yeah, there's just a lot more in
the books that like, explains somuch.
A lot of a lot of the film, I think, is left unexplained.
But the book really goes into itlike, why?
It's a shame that we didn't know.
We don't know who wrote the book, though.
I wrote the book. No.
What was that girl? That woman?
No. JK.
Don't know, don't know who that is, but they sound transferable.
(27:30):
The singer from the singer. From Jamiroquai, this is the
return of the space winter. I like to think it was Cher.
Cher. Yeah, Cher.
(28:01):
You always know what he means. Yeah, that's the skill that's.
What I do so? You've got a post traumatic.
Show disorder. Show disorder, yeah.
Yeah, it's good. Post traumatic show disorder.
Yeah, yeah. Bob Breeders.
You gave me your best shot. You gave up halfway through.
(28:22):
That's. What made that funnier?
Read her through. Read her through and Bob who?
Back with a vengeance, Yeah, Just finished the tour.
Last show was on Saturday. All over.
(28:44):
So I've been on tour since the end of Jan.
I've been everywhere like we didthe Birmingham, we did down
South couple of places, Stockport.
It's been, Oh my God, literally I've this is the, that's the
happiest I've ever been in my life.
Is it? Me.
(29:04):
On tour, I've ever. Seen some of it.
And I told you that, and I don'tknow what I'm doing with the
rest. Of my squad, because you've got
a little squad. In it, rapper squads like
absolutely the best people. Like I've never like, laughed so
much. Like absolutely like.
Gets goals after NOLA. Yeah.
Oh, sick. We're all, we're living like I
was living with the girls and like, so like we go back to our
Oh my fucking God. Tell us, you ever tried MDMA
(29:27):
gummies? No.
No, no mate, Did you? Do MDMA gummies.
MDMA gummies. And it's the same as MDMA.
We we I. So I've never took MDMA, right,
Because I don't I'm not a drugs man anymore.
I don't really, I mean, not thatI ever was, but like I but like,
but like I don't touch any. I don't touch anything anymore.
(29:49):
Yeah. Is that because of the next day?
Do you know what? No.
Do you know what it was? I thought.
You'd have a terrible come down you.
It does fit with my personality massively.
That's what I always ask her if she's coming out for the match
and that just because she's so much better when she's depressed
all. That tape it's that day will
(30:10):
ring in my whenever you in Oh you in there?
Oh, I was on such a bad come down Evan we're on the brink of
relegation. It was the last game of the
season. We had to win and I was sat in
the pub. I was shaking.
I was crying and he the final whistle blip and I turned round
sobbing and Jimmy just had his phone like that way click,
(30:30):
click. I was just I couldn't breathe.
I was it was honestly never watch ever not to come down.
It is the worst thing you could ever do.
Sound advice. Honest to God, don't do it.
But yeah. And so don't touch anything
more. But then yeah, empty make
gummies sick, are they? Yeah, really cool, but vibes
(30:53):
because you've never. Had them before, have yourself.
But it's not, and it's not a lot, so it's not like.
Probably just like the right dosages.
Yeah. So it's not like 'cause I think
sometimes when you've got like do.
You feel dead fucking happy, like.
You loved everyone you. Just love the world.
For about 20 minutes I was just sacked doing this.
Oh yeah, Yeah, that's yeah. To, to me and it was just and it
(31:14):
was just no come down, no nothing.
Absolutely sad. I cried once off.
MDMA Oh mate, I've cried. I've had such, I've had such.
Me and my mate, me and my mate was like, I was just playing
with a tap and go, how fucking mint is it?
We turn this tap what comes out,but it's so fucking good water
in it mate, I'm going to wear a bath, go get a bath.
(31:37):
And then he flooded his mum's bedroom bathroom.
So fucking can't. You staying at this water?
No, he put it on a we went and played with the taps again and
he fucked it. I got really into, I kept
wanting to replay a Heat Wave byWiley.
You know, booze in a heat wave, booze in heat wave.
I'm a party. I'm gonna dance.
(31:58):
Put your hands up on my body. I'm a party.
I just kept asking. I just kept asking to put it
back on again because I'm like, this is such a good song.
This is good tune that's prefer.Like I was like, this is the
Best Song. Obviously when there's when it's
the first like week of like, youknow, you get a little bit of
sun after months of rain and that oh, not play a bit of heat
(32:19):
wave. Yeah, spray a wasp to death.
Yeah, love that. And what was the other sort of
WAVY, You know, get high, get lit, get drunk, get WAVY?
Get WAVY, stop by. That's also by Wiley.
That's. Why?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And where are my Rolex?
Also by Wiley. Honestly, do you know what?
I think we should really start focusing more on Wiley's
(32:39):
discography because. He's got some wrong that's right
in the heart. You can't go wrong.
Wiley. He's the godfather, Isn't he
Grand? Is he?
Oh, did he? Say that, but he's fucking
sapped. Any So why do you want to talk
about Mum so much? Where's yours?
Let me just allow it. What the hell?
Let me just pause. So highly.
Those storms in there and they have a little dish and they have
(33:00):
a little. No, I I do think where's,
where's? Yours I don't know.
Where Are My Rolex is one of thebest songs.
Of the. Solution.
It's not going to be there. Harry in Harry Potter, he sees
(33:21):
his mum and dad in the mirror, in a mirror of Astrids and it
shows you your greatest desire. So maybe you'd see your mum, I
imagine, holding a big bag of limo.
No, you have a big pussy there, wouldn't I?
Big pussy? What would be?
What would be what? Would be what would be the thing
in the mirror? Like your deepest dark.
Like your deepest desire. We'd like a don't know, just
(33:41):
holding me. Your mum holding you.
Yeah, that's how everything's going to be, alright.
Yeah, shoving a key in your nose?
No. No, I wouldn't do that with your
mum. No, because that that'd be
that'd be too far. Yeah, yeah, I just want to be
just held and just be like, it'sgoing to be fine.
No, I've been gone, but I'm back.
Oh, fuck off. You'd slump.
(34:04):
You don't deserve me, baby. No, no she doesn't.
She shouldn't. She shouldn't be in your deepest
desire. My, my deepest desire will be, I
think it will be a, it will be afemale of some sort of, you know
what I mean? In a different way, yeah.
Sensual way, yeah. And yeah, it was probably a big
butty, yeah. Good boys, aren't they?
(34:25):
Good. Butty, man, I was thinking about
butties last night, Love. Just like I was about to this
morning. I was just dead hungry.
I was thinking, I really do the butty now.
I was thinking what was? And then I was watching this.
Fucking you watching this. You know, I love like high
school, like fucking drama, Americanized dramas.
Watching this like vampire shit.Yeah, last night.
(34:47):
You can't call me playing Pokémon, you're watching Vampire
Diaries like. Are you watching Vampire
Diaries? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why? I.
Don't know. That's sadder than playing
Pokémon. That is, yeah, I.
Just watch what I've saw that against things that's.
What it is right? So then I just seen this fellow,
he's talking and he was in the kitchen and he made this butty.
I was like, oh, I really want a butty.
(35:07):
And it just looked unbelievable,like.
What was on it? It was like some sort of meats
like ham or something nice. And then it was like loads of
letters and some art, all that and I don't know why.
I was just like that looks really nice sounds.
Fit. Though to be honest, so maybe I
might go, you know, might go to weight rolls after here and.
(35:28):
Get a posh boy. Waitrose.
Posh boy. I was just saying that 'cause
you're saying we haven't been. Yeah.
Where is the nearest waitress. Don't know you want to look at.
Formby. Formby, Formby, money stays
somebody. Don't it just?
Hey, they're all where they're, you know, tell you.
(35:49):
What, We're not welcome there? Are we?
Some. Gorgeous houses around there
though, you know, Like we were driving home from Southport
through the week and it going down and I was like, Oh my God,
like I'm obsessed with what people do to get that their
mouths do you know what I mean? I.
Can't imagine to be a vibe rightnow though.
I can imagine just be dead boredom.
(36:10):
Yeah, but. You know what I mean?
Like save save, me and my dad are not moved in there.
Just sticking with your dad. Yeah, me, Dad.
Yeah, yeah, I love that. Say if we moved there, like we'd
make an insistent I I can't imagine there's any, any like
school duggery going on or you know what I mean?
No, I bet it is, but I bet it's all like.
Like it's underhanded. Like, yeah, yeah.
(36:32):
Yeah. Like Desperate Housewives.
Yes, couple of murders. Every like every couple of week
someone gets a little bumped off.
Yeah, yeah, stunning. All like financial crime, like
hacking someones Bitcoin and that.
Yeah, dealers in there. Oh yeah, well, because I was
thinking this, I was like, not all of these are grafters.
Some of them will be, but not all of them will be grafters.
You will be like, what else? Pay as well.
There's like a lot of you won't be any comedians there, I'll
(36:54):
tell you that. No.
I bet. I bet there are podcast
producers. Yeah, No, I'll tell.
You later never. Mind isn't what's next form
being he. Yeah, I'm.
Obviously supporting him. No, it's for me.
Like for me, yeah, there's. One comedian there.
There's a little fraud, wasn't there fucking.
(37:16):
Cry about money as. Well, what's that?
Can Rob Thomas? He's private school as well,
Yeah. Yeah.
Mason Taylor fraud. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, they think they got the streets, bro.
The older St. casts. Rob Thomas, Working class hero.
Yeah. That's already podcast me today.
I don't know, like husband Rob. Told me Rob told me on the other
one podcast. The the the reason I'm single is
(37:37):
because I'm too intense. Wow.
Intense. Yeah, I.
Don't see he was intense. I don't see that as a bad state.
What are your views on this? Intense.
I don't see he was intense. I don't think I'm intense.
I. Don't think you're intense.
I think you're emotionally fragile and folks, I don't think
you're intense. But that's fine.
I know that. No, that's actually fine.
Yeah, that's fine. No, I don't know.
I definitely don't think you're intense.
(37:58):
I'm. Not are you intense when you
seen someone like I. Don't think so.
Well, well, actually depends whowho what we met.
I've met a couple of of people you've been dating in the past
30 years and I wouldn't have said that have.
You. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, of course. Yes, of course.
Yeah. Sorry, that confused me.
Do. You know what I mean?
Like, I would have been there. I wouldn't have thought like
(38:20):
really. Not but really, he said it to
me. Do you know what I've thought
of? Nothing since this was weeks ago
and maybe he's. Still not on purpose 'cause
that's what he does. He he does, he does.
He just, he plays on it. He does and he just like zooms
in on it and he was like you, just you just a bit too intense.
I was like, I don't think I'm intense at all.
I don't. Get that vibe?
No. Just celebrity obsessions
(38:41):
because you're quite intense with them, aren't you?
Like you're. Die for Jordan Pickford.
I would die for Jordan Pickford,yeah.
You are intense. When it comes to Jordan
Pickford, yes I am. Are you doing in a fight, Harry
Potter? Jordan Pickford.
John Pickers. Well-being good being good
didn't that for the credit. He'd be a great keeper.
Inquisition. Oh my God, put Jordan Pickford
(39:03):
in like a Harry Potter robe. Oh, that's, that's porn.
He's a little arms. But he can do do well with them
little arms, thank you very much.
Fuck me. I am going to foot in foot you
gear like you know. Do you reckon he's never a
legend? He's never a legend.
Yeah, of course he is. Yeah, because he's stayed for
him and they've like been rough on there.
(39:23):
He's the reason we're not in thechamp.
We would have been in the championship.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'd have been relegated.
We'd have been relegated easily.You.
Might go. I'd love to.
I'd love to think. That you might go back to
Sunderland you'll fight little by odd club on.
Yeah, well, Rooney did. Yeah, drop me like a little.
Yeah, but I don't know, I think.He's got 10 years, he's been
there for a while, aren't? He What year are we in?
(39:45):
25. Maybe not ten.
Not ten, seven, I think, but, well, his family's got like two
kids now and they live up here, so just one of them.
And I think he's happy he's settled.
He's got family and two kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Right.
(40:05):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send them, send them a gift for
the baby shower. So I did do once.
This is Jenny true. I got.
I was rotten drunk and I messaged his wife.
Wow. Yeah, you are I.
Reply to a story being like look, look gorgeous here babe,
because I thought in my head, I'll get me today and then I'll
(40:26):
be inviting for half a dinner parties so I can meet Jordan
Bigford that's still watching story.
Because I wanted to know I. Was like I wanted.
To know that I'm not. Like trying to steal a fella.
I mean, I'm not that sadistic. But I wanted it to be like I.
(40:47):
Didn't want it to be like I'm not trying to steal your fella.
I love you as well. I love the all of all.
I love the pig foods. I love the.
Pig keeping up with the pig. Keeping up with the.
Pig foods staying up with the pig foods 'cause the kid was.
Sick staying up with the pig foods yeah, I just didn't want
to, you know, think I was a threat so I just wanted to
(41:09):
message her and be like look gorgeous.
Yeah babe. Yeah, yeah, like a a Vardy.
Situation. No, no, no.
I love to admit I think he's fucking fit and I would rail him
everywhere but I don't want to to just.
I love him so much that I want him to be happy with his family.
Do you know what I mean? That's fucked up.
That's very intense. That's.
(41:30):
Very intense. Very.
Intense. Well, there's that sort I.
Don't, I don't know if you can share it on here, but it's that
story that went around obviouslyabout you.
What story? Well, we'll cut it if.
You're not comfortable with it, but I heard that you, you got,
you have some K time, shall we say.
And when you're rubbing your tooth, you have Jordan Pickford
gloves on. That's why do you know it speaks
(41:59):
Do you know? What?
Genuinely, do you know what? Genuinely.
Right. This is how toxic this industry
is that you said that story wentround about you my bull drunk
holes. What fucking what is this now?
What the millions of fucking stupid shit that's been said
about me? Is this going to be now?
Being college all the time? I was like, hold on, hold on,
(42:27):
hold on. I was like, kid on.
Defences are up, defences are up.
But do you know what's so funny about that is that my, my friend
Chantelle and her family did hera charity ball and they
auctioned off Jordan Pickford's gloves, genuinely.
And I was like, whoever it is, I'll match it.
(42:50):
I'll beg, seal and borrow. Get me them gloves, get me them
gloves. And do you know what he went to?
He's a 12 year old son. I was like, oh for fuck's sake.
I can't do anything else. Like I think you went for like
4. Tonne or something like that,
yeah. Would you smelt them if you got
them? Yeah.
I'd like them. Oh God, that isn't sense.
I'm just imagine you'd tell us where we get.
(43:11):
In them you should. Actually do that?
I mean, can you? Please do again control and pick
the. Gloves if I can man them, yeah.
100 million cents. I am so funny.
Yeah, I just tag John. John.
And Picker and see if you'll send us some Golden Gloves to
the club. For Kay Jordan, it's me again.
(43:33):
Love you do. We plea to him do.
We ask him for some gloves. Hello, Mr. Pickford.
I'm Kay. You will recognise me from some
of the stories that you've seen and also from the podcast where
we talk about you quite extensively and a lot of it's
(43:53):
been clipped. And the girl who said that she
identifies as a ball so you'll save her.
I would just like to put out a plea for you to please send some
of your goalkeeping gloves, preferably signed, but if you
haven't got time, that's absolutely OK.
I respect you are a busy man. If you could please send some of
the gloves to black stock market.
Where are we black? Black socks.
(44:15):
Black socks. Black socks market. 58 Black
Socks St. 1515 Black Socks BlackSocks Street I can't even speak.
That would mean a lot to a little girl who who you have
helped save her childhood club from from relegation.
You mean a lot to me and loads of love to you and your
beautiful family and if you don't send them, I'll kill
(44:36):
myself. Oh my God, I said.
Anyway, so robbing. Some intense, very funny.
No, I don't think you are OK. Not in real life.
Yeah. So, yeah, so.
You know, as you said about the the show finishing.
(44:57):
Yeah. What, what have you got plans
for what's next? Or are you in that state where
you're just like, I don't know, literally in that state?
Of I don't know, do I have to goback to stand up on that?
Or yeah, no, I'm coming back. I never.
I was digging throughout like, it's just we, it's just, it's
that, that it's that difficult thing, isn't it?
Because like, obviously we're gigging and stuff.
(45:17):
Then I never get offered like jobs like Magic Michael, like
that. Like I can't turn them down.
So like it's hard because then you're interrupting your flow
and like it's difficult with progression and stuff.
So it's just people take over you on the circuit.
You're like just people gigging loads and stuff.
Yeah. And it's just and you, you feel.
Bad because like like Adam Thornton said to me on on
Sunday, he was like, why haven'tI not seen you on any lineups?
And I was like, I haven't been yet.
(45:38):
And it's and you still perform and like, it's not like I'm
going to just like work on officers.
Like I'm still performing and I'm still doing like just acting
and comedy. Like it.
Yeah. How did you find Because?
Obviously I've seen the play, but I looked away out of
respect. Oh yeah, yeah, you get, you get
sort of slit nude. Yeah, get your tits out.
Don't I get your? Tits.
(45:59):
Yeah, Yeah, well, it was the same in this one.
Because. So you're the only one that
hasn't seen my tits. Now.
I went on Saturday. You.
Went on Saturday. Yeah, yeah.
I was very shocked because it. Says on it nudity when you're
buying a ticket and she said to.Me before it.
That Oh yeah, I got shagged in acar, so I was like everyone was.
He was open to Jake. Obviously.
Yeah, yeah. So I thought it would be Jake
(46:20):
the male, and then next thing she's running around with
ourselves. Yeah, yeah, she's going for
Paul. Yeah.
Oh, is he? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I.
Thought I recognise. Yeah, he's.
Like a really nice. Guy, he's absolutely one of
like. I absolutely adore him.
Yeah, I absolutely adore. Him.
Was he on X Factor? Is that?
(46:41):
How he started Oh, don't forget,I know I.
Know his entire IMDb. Yeah.
So yeah, yeah. So he he he was on X Factor and
then he literally left X Factor and went straight into the
jungle. Yeah.
Came second in the jungle. He's done Dancing on ice.
He's done SAS Tuesday's wins. He's a master chef.
Is there anything else that fuckhas done?
He's in Hollywood. Yeah, I don't say now, does it?
(47:04):
I want the kids to go to an open.
In an envelope space, God love you.
No, I do. I do.
Absolutely no. He comes across really.
He is, but like he's. It's so far like we.
Had we developed such a lovely relationship, like proper
brother and sister vibes like we, What I mean by that is we
used to box like we'd have like full blown mic.
Did you do about them, Smith? Did you do about them, Paul
(47:27):
Smith? Yeah, we.
Should land it one. I lasted 90.
Seconds. I sent Paul a video.
Actually I. Can't remember where but we we
found boxing gloves somewhere and Jake was punching like
shadow boxing in the dressing room and I sent a video to Paul.
(47:47):
Jake was Jake was in. I did a video.
Paul just apply saying Nah I've got PTSD, don't send me this
shit. But no, he's a fucking he's.
An absolute dream. He's such, such a good lad.
Yeah, I still haven't. Seen it yet?
No. It's over now, isn't it?
We might be. Coming back next year.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
(48:07):
Yeah, and watch you get your. Tits out.
Yeah. Yeah, fully.
Blown so did you think it was Jake then who was going to get
naked Is that what you went I guess so yeah.
Because most. Of the crowd was like nans or 40
plus women, you know what I mean, hungry women.
But if Jake came on stage, plenty of people shouting take
them off, Yeah, take them off like lad.
(48:27):
It was rich. Get the heckled that you.
At the halter and. If he showed a bit of skin, they
were all like, you know, yeah. You're.
Always has to. Do it.
That's why you're always doing it.
Yeah, I'm always I'm. Listen, it has happened to me.
It has actually happened. It has.
Happened to me. Me and Jake are.
The same do you? Know what I face?
Do you know what I face, man? I, I'm a Jamie.
(48:49):
I fuck No. Jake got all the time.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, like.
It's. But do you know what's so?
Funny I said this when when whenwe first when we started again.
I it's just the heckles and stuff, but it's mad like
switching your brain from like comedian to act because
obviously if they're shouting stuff at me, my natural reaction
(49:09):
is yeah, like sting your back but.
You can't. So you have to just be like,
last thing you got to do, you got to spike your night gig.
And your brain just goes into Rita Soon Bob, too.
Well, I got a laugh, so I was so.
Honest to God it's it's a fucking vulnerable position to
be in. Take the take the thing off.
That's because I'm getting changed and literally took it
(49:31):
off. I'm not saying anything funny
and I literally took my top off and someone just went if that
was it, just love to eat it just.
Love to eat it. Fucking hell I've.
Had that before as well. But.
Yeah, I got like, it's mad. Like they shout out like, oh
fucking hell. Like Reese, say your fucking
slag. Like, yeah.
(49:52):
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That what I went.
I went. Sashes, yeah.
And then fuck off. Fuck off.
Yeah, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When we finished one on or in the car with Bobby, like look
like there's a bit where he's going, like the bit at this
thought where it's like a Jew, either you want to put his
condom on or whatever. And we're both like, no, no.
(50:12):
And some woman shouted I will. And I was like, oh I fucking
can't bear any of you. It's proper hen do.
Stack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But thank you. For coming.
It's like a hen. Do on the train, but the whole
train's hen do that was like it's it's grimoire.
Yeah, I was stood at the bar for. 10 minutes, I was only
getting a bottle of water, but we went to 3:00 show in front of
(50:34):
me. There was one group in front of
me. I was there 10 minutes because
they were taking shots of Tequila Rosie.
There was like 4 or five nans just whilst they've been asking
for a bottle of wine and while the girl was trying to get the
one, they were like, oh wait, give us another shot as well,
why are you doing that? And she was just the honestly
like three shots of Tequila Roselike these like 4 fashion.
I was like, this is a mad group.That's sick, though.
(50:56):
Mate, the audiences was sick. Like he loved to, Yeah.
Bouncing, yeah. Like they're.
Like I was just like Billingham,which is in the northeast.
Never been to Billingham for Smith.
Said he's had some wild talkers sick.
Do the amount of people who saidto me as well, like, oh, I
didn't know Jake it Jake was only known for knocking out Paul
(51:17):
Smith. That was like mental like, no,
like it's mad the amount of people who like Jake wouldn't
like that I said that. But Billingham is sick.
You never get a chance to go to Billingham.
If I get a chance to play Billingham go because that
they're they're up for it, then it's an absolute shit hole.
But like what goes Billingham? Yeah.
Shout out to Ruby who? Works in Billingham forum
theatre. Absolute legends.
Love you. Did you watch this?
(51:40):
Ruby it's girl. She watch.
This. Oh well.
If it's a girl bro but she's sick, I love.
Loved Ruby. Hi Ruby, Shut up.
Share a. Bevy with us, she's.
Sick girl. Absolutely balcer.
You don't play for Ruby's. Gloves.
Oh God. Sicko.
(52:03):
Yeah, Anyway, enough about me. How have you boys been?
Well, how have I not? Have I seen you sit in?
I don't think you see the end ofthe tour one month.
I know. No.
No tour was unbelievable. Yeah.
Was it? Sick.
Yeah, yeah, to. Say.
I keep saying it, but you know, it's gonna probably be later,
later on, later on in the summer, it's gonna be extended
sick. Just got to go.
(52:23):
Through a few more. Things and then you had the
first Sunday to boss. Yeah, unbelievable, unreal.
He's a looked sick. Yeah, went to Scotland for the
first. Time I've never been been to
Scotland before and that was good.
Belfast was class. Newcastle was unbelievable yeah.
So yeah, everybody's boss. Liverpool was hard because the
the first show used the first time show wasn't he was.
(52:44):
Not the first show, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, but I'm sorry. It's fair.
It was what I. Thought you meant on.
I mean like the open and show yet you.
Oh, that wasn't. That would have been the last
time I saw you because. I I was I was only came and saw
you yeah for a drink yeah, I popped in on me my own yeah yeah
yeah. That was it.
An Oh yeah, because I. Had to be in Belfast the next
day. Yeah.
You're back to ALDI. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
(53:04):
Yeah, yeah. And put.
Liverpool because it starts off in Liverpool and it was like the
big room sold out and that it was just fucking just electric.
Unbelievable. So comparing everything else to
that was a big thing you bought.Everyone was everyone, everyone
was class, you know what I mean?So thank you everyone who come
out to watch me. I've just got a new tour.
(53:24):
Manager So we're going so soon. Exclusive news here.
Yeah, the thing. Is the guy who who's got me
website login. It's gone off great.
I can't get hold of him. Needs to remember the password.
What are you on about life? Honestly, that's been life.
(53:45):
Pissed me off, you know? What do you do when having a
website and you not having a login?
I know it's mad, isn't it it? Is.
Do you know what I've lost, Danny?
Your house, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I lost that ages ago.
But you know your National Insurance number.
I lost that. I don't know where it is.
Oh, it's how do you not do we have any do?
You not remember Ashland Jones number we?
(54:06):
Have any we have any online? Play slips No.
No. Yeah, possibly, Maybe, possibly.
No, I've got just. Speak to some, yeah.
Speak to the people used to. Work for in the club.
If you've ever received the payslip, it's on.
That no what I don't, sorry, it doesn't.
Know what? I asked.
(54:26):
I don't even want to know. Which I'm sorry, I don't want to
know. I'd, I'd.
So, Theresa. Bob doing sheer anxiety.
This is what honestly. He got told he was getting
kicked out in the end of November when because you had
six weeks and it landed at the start of January.
And I was on at him the whole. Like 6 weeks like lad, please
(54:48):
get you out sorted. And he was like I will do.
I'm not going to end up like my dad because he got kicked out on
the last day and I'm not doing that.
And honestly the whole time I was just stressing out.
Like please Tony just get it sold to that.
You're going to end up on the streets.
Would have been sick if I was onthe seat.
Though, wouldn't I? No.
Yeah, So. Soon it would have been sick.
How would? It have been sick.
(55:09):
Because. I could have learned shit life
lessons. Life lessons would mean it's a
really. Good patron special.
There you go. What did you learn?
How to stay warm? How much you can charge for a
blowjob? Yeah, yeah.
I suck your Dick for chippy. Nah, suck your Dick for chippy.
Buy me. Sausage dinner suck.
Your sausage? No, I'd suck before Chippy.
(55:31):
I don't. I don't want suck before, Yeah,
I don't want chippy breath on mycock.
It's so right. He's so right to fair, So, so
right. No, I I do.
You know what, though? I think that genuinely might be
a requisite for just being a male comedian.
Because these are all useless atadmin.
These are all useless. It's not my fault.
(55:52):
It's not getting back to me. I've got.
ADHD. No, yours isn't.
What? Sorry I've.
I've just had to say I've come out.
I've got ADHD. What?
I've got ADHD. Have you Actually?
I don't know. He told me.
I didn't tell him yet, but I. Said he had a lot of the traits
so I've got to have and I've gone through the whole thingy of
it. So I was like, I'm not being
that guy, but a lot of the things you're saying is what I
(56:15):
was saying. Well, like the the inability to.
Focus on like admin and tasks and stuff.
Yeah, and just like the procrastinating.
And all sorts of other stuff. And there was loads of what to
think because the thing like people go ADHD, attention
shifting. You were like badly behaved.
But it's not. It's like there's all the other
bunch of stuff. And he was saying all them other
bits. I can't remember them right now,
(56:35):
but you know what I mean. That's your ADHD.
Yeah, Yeah. Oh.
Right. OK, Yeah.
I'm I've definitely got it. One, you've got it, but I think
you've got a different kind. Of ADHD.
I'm so like, you're, well, more autistic.
Than you are ADHD. You have a spreadsheet,
Freestanders. That's autism, darling.
(56:57):
How? Is the.
Love life my love. Have you got any?
What's the latest? Any anyone on the go the the
love life love life yeah I was dating a old, old romantic in
the corner really not on tour not on like nothing no just
right so it's. Because it's your.
It's your audience. Just smoking like coked up lads.
No, no loads of birds. I like, I like Matt Rife of UK
(57:20):
comedy. Oh, that's what I thought.
Yeah, yeah. Got the same jaw fat yeah no, I
get a lot I get lots of. That's lots of female fans and
not on, not on there. No, I don't like mixing business
with pleasure. You've changed your tune.
Absolutely. Fuck, you know when did National
(57:41):
Interplay? I've, Yeah, I've, you know you.
Know I've experimented, I've doubled what like gay no.
No, we're like with. Fat with.
Yeah, well, there's that night. We weren't.
We watched the boxing together. What?
When we watched it, what I went.Around he went.
Yeah, I could just come around mine, touch the boxing.
It's like, you know, in America or something.
So stupid o'clock. And when I went to knock on it,
(58:03):
oh, forgot you forgot you was coming round, even though we
arranged it three hours ago and he was just in a towel and he
proceeded to touch the whole match, still in his towel.
Didn't get ready to just stay there if it was towel.
What's? Wrong.
Did the towel accidentally fall?A.
Couple of times accidentally fall, but.
(58:23):
There was, there was a palpable tension in the air that he knew.
He knew that my brain would go. So I wonder what happened if I
RIP it off. Obviously.
So then it's me instigated it. He's using my own nature again.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Basically.
So yeah. Basically, I've had a couple of
flings right, OK, but nothing's materialized and I'm just going
(58:46):
to focus on myself after after this injury, the doctor said I
need to lose weight. So he's someone sold me in an
action professional way, not like Skip.
Oh, I've got a blood test in a couple.
Weeks. Do you get what I mean?
Like when? When I'm saying on stage and I'm
the last man or like people comeand say fuck, I'm gonna laugh.
But when a professional soldier,a professional soldier, you're
like, I need. To do, yeah, it's all a little
(59:07):
bit, so I'm gonna have to. Yourself a little bit, get a bit
more confident and then get backon this because when you're the
best version of. You you can attract the best
version of someone else. Look at that.
You've got to love yourself. Before you can love.
Others. Yeah.
If you don't love yourself, how the hell are you going?
To expect to love anybody else. I love myself.
I don't love you. We know Jamie's love life's
(59:31):
going he's. Got obviously he's got a
perfect. What about?
You my love. Oh my Hyman, screw back.
What my hymen screw back. I'm a virgin.
Oh, born again, I'm born. Again, virgin my.
Genuinely, I am, but it's good though, because if it now means
that I could have the Son of Godif he wants me to, I've gone
back into that, so that's nice. He's still a little fraud.
He was. Shagging Mary, Madeline.
(59:52):
Him. Yeah, Joseph.
Nah, Jesus. No.
I'm saying I'm. Saying that if God is now
looking for a virgin to bear thenew Son of God, yeah, would you
shag? He could come.
For me now or. Come in me because he's got what
would you shag God? I don't know.
No, I agree a bit. God shagged us all.
Yeah, well. I'd shag my gods because my
(01:00:13):
God's Jordan Pickford so Nah. But God, my God is.
My God, like my Lord, and. Saviour, he's shagged us all
means no. I thought that bro get.
Your head on love. In there have some happiness.
In there go on get your head on love.
What's the two vaginas that. One's.
My ass and one's my mouth. Why that far away?
What? Listen.
Before I had a bad back, I wouldbe flexible.
(01:00:33):
Good, yeah. That's how he ate his back.
Fuck we God. No, I think I'm a.
I'm a. Oh yeah, I'm, I think I'm a born
again virgin again. But it's got to that point where
no. What's that?
Kink dating app what's? That called there's one way like
slaves get matched up with much.Do you want to be?
Do you want to have? To my profile, yeah.
(01:00:56):
Also do the. Slave one let's.
Do that on the Patreon. So your slave profile?
Slave. Yeah, like sex.
Slave. Profile there's like slave,
what's it called like why you looking at me like?
Master Zach, you can see that. That's old.
No, I can barely manage fucking hint.
I have a hint profile I never really got.
(01:01:18):
So you have got a. Date your app when you want a
little bit of K time you have a picture of you on stage.
No. Have a bollocks?
Have I bollocks? No, no, no, no.
I try and avoid that as much as I can.
When they ask you what to do, I'm like, oh, I suppose it's
different. I've got. 10 photos in the world
got hot water. Yeah, because women love women
love male. Comedians.
Men don't love female comedians.That's true.
(01:01:39):
Really. Like intimidating.
To them or something I don't. Know what?
Emasculating isn't it? Yeah, it.
Is. Yeah, it's weird, isn't it?
Yeah. Well, male comedians love.
Female. Comedians, we love UK.
Oh, that's. Nice, didn't know where you
would go with that. I say because a lot of them
don't. A lot of them actively want me
dead. Well, we do.
(01:02:01):
That's nice. But no, I'm a fucking.
I am. I've got to that point where
like, you're so hungry that you go past the point of being
hungry and you're like, if you ever.
You know what I mean? I've never.
Yeah, I always. I've never done that, but to be
I've been watching big little survival and I've seen like
people do that where they, you know, they go past the hunger.
That's me now with with like. Sex.
(01:02:22):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've had. I've had dry smells like that.
Do you know what I think? I prefer a wank anyway.
Fuck. It don't know single.
In that, you know, I just think it's, I just, I think.
It's nice to. I just like female company
though, No? Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, I mean, I, I love I. Like male?
Company, but I've got I've got mates for that yeah I don't need
like no, I mean like I. Like the I like the choice.
(01:02:45):
I can't be arsed. I can't.
Be fucked with it. I cannot be fucked with it.
I like showing on my sweet side,you.
Like flash on my naughty boy side.
You know what I mean? You like flash on your face?
Wait, wait. Wait, maybe leather Jack?
Get on dates and stuff and show them I'm a bad, like motorboat
and flaps. Yeah.
Well, this has been a great episode.
Thank you very much for coming on, Kate.
(01:03:05):
Is that the end that is? The end of my.
Friend, we're ending it on motorboat and.
Flaps, Motorboat and flaps 2. Shirts coming soon.
That's nice. That's exactly that's what.
I wanted actually. I'm glad you said it and not me.
Motorboat then flaps keep. It safe out there.
Get consent. Motorbot flap.
Yeah. No means no, guys.
Yeah, struck me too, Kay. Thanks for coming on and.
(01:03:26):
My friend, I will see you Kay. Comedy is it?
Kay Nicholson Comedy. On Instagram, Instagram and
yeah, go and. See Rita Bob soon, or don't
because it's finished. It finished on Saturday, yeah,
but it's coming out again next. Year it might be going on
another run. Next year back, but at that
point I'll be 30 trying to play a 15 year old.
(01:03:48):
So that's all the people in Greece got away with it, didn't
they? It's.
About fucking 5617. That's my homework.
You know, how many years have you been kept behind?
Yeah, thanks. For having me boys, I've loved
lots of and. If you wanted to jump on my next
(01:04:12):
show, give me a shout. Tony Carroll and friends of.
Course, it's been a while, hasn't it?
It has been a while. It's.
Nice to have friends on. Actual friends.
Tony Carroll and people he's blinked that toys.
That's what it's Tony Carroll and.
People who've bought in breakfast.
Bye, yeah. I love you.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.