#177 - With Problematic Pub Podcast - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie - Hot Water’s Green Room Podcast

Episode Transcript
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(03:18):
That's all right. When you go to the back, he's.
Yeah. And you go, can I have a
Mcflurry? And you go, sorry, the Mcflurry
machines, it's off. Go and turn it on.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, Mcflurry. I halted all the fucking but all
McDonald's, they said. All this other machines off,
it's all fair enough. And I saw them hand the fucking
Mcflurry in front of me. Yeah, so I don't count, I said.

(03:40):
This is the deal. I am not moving my until I get
Mcflurry not back this shit up. Do you know what it was?
Just give Mcflurry. Yeah, it was the.
Equivalent to a bouncer looking at someone and saying you've had
enough and you look you've had enough.
Fucking ice cream boy. Yeah, yeah, yes.

(04:03):
Welcome to another episode of the Green Room podcast, Cross
Pod. Yes, Cross Pod of Us is our
first one we've ever done. I believe we've done.
We're two people, yeah. But we obviously a gig which is
in Cardiff straight away I said to the lads need to get the lads
on I think. I think use our like our Welsh
counterpart Outerparts. Yes, both piss heads, both

(04:25):
funny, both gorgeous. Mongs.
Two countries, 4 mongs, yeah. Too many chromosomes, too many
chromes. Yeah, the problematic pub.
Podcast, yeah. Fucking clapping yourself, you
can't. How long?

(04:46):
Did you start? A year ago.
Oh. Just a year.
So it's like we, we, we had a long term plan.
We didn't think we'd get the numbers we were getting in the
year. But as it happens, it turns out
people in Wales and Nevada just love to piss twat soaking shit.
So it's been great. It's.
Amazing what sells a. Lot of people like they write
enema shows and they, you know, they pretend, they pretend, they

(05:08):
pretend to be trees. I just get fucking smashed.
It happened in stalk. We went to stalk gig in a
weekend and then we were like weshould start a podcast and then
when it was like months later. My mother, I say to you, he said
it's sort of podcast, what are we good at?
And we were down in the pints and said drinking and talking
shit and that will do. Maybe it's more we, we, we think

(05:28):
that was like, no one's doing a panel show podcast.
Oh, we would be too funny it. Was like 7 guests involved and
there was like music and stuff. That's what that's what they
wanted this to be initially, Yeah.
Yeah. Because it's called Green Room.
What? It's your fucking Reggie Crave
and all these fucking genius ideas.
Yeah. What is it?
Yeah, we'll just have someone who's just been on and then

(05:49):
they'll come on and you interview.
I'm like, we're not doing that like I.
Mean. It's just sitting in the back
waiting for them to be on them, coming off and then go.
So how did you find the gig then?
Like fuck. Off the side of the fucking
Britain. 'S just died on the last.

(06:11):
I just want to kill myself. Sorry, can't say we've got a
double because the fees are shy.No, no, they're so well paid and
great food. We yes, we basically then my
mate had a building the batal, but the land the free and I rent

(06:32):
the room off the room come available.
I rent room of him, but it's so fucking like shit.
We are we rent the room. We're paying rent for six
months. Nothing was in there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All then what?
I take people back partying in this empty room.
And then I said in the end there's, like I said, we got a
fucking build a podcast. Oh, so you're paying rent for
this room? Yeah, you're just.
Sitting there, empty room. What was you using?
I was just like a little laughter.
I was, I was sleeping in there 'cause I lived in Swansea.

(06:54):
Are you sleeping in that room? Yeah.
You like a stray cartoon? Yeah, you had You got tarpaulin
from somewhere. Oh, yeah.
He's wrapped up like a dead board, you know?
That was a quilt. Yeah, Yeah.
I like looking like I thought someone being killed in there.
I woke up, this fucking Rd. works around me.

(07:15):
Look what the fuck's going on, man.
We built there. We built the student.
We got like, we got a autistic producer, Jack, who's at class,
Yeah. You've got with.
Shut it. You've got a what?
Autistic producer. Yeah, how much pay him?
Yeah, we went to the Chinese one.
We couldn't find one, but yeah. Daddy does the ice for extra
£50. 75 We. Checked in our hotel in the

(07:41):
snow, yeah. That is.
We checked in our hotel, our hotel to check in Liverpool, got
there. First of all, she's like don't
move anywhere because we can check on you.
And OK, so she looked at me likethat.
So I'm trying to have a joke Chinese she don't understand me.
Well, let's be honest, what she did right?
She looked at you and then went on the computer for a bit too
long. And then what?
Yeah, then then she's like, I I got your special room.

(08:03):
So I thought I've been upgraded.So I'm guessing this room
fucking massive. Yeah, yeah, Medium walks him
like I supposed to be like the wedding this week.
Wherever open the door. Disabled bathroom.
Yeah, they basically looked at him and thought he was disabled.
Disabled. It's like a shot.
It's like a shot. Wheelchair.
This room is wheelchair. This room is fucking massive.
Yeah, it's for the Gambola. Yeah, I I've had the exact same

(08:27):
thing. So me and the sad eshan comedian
Eshan, we did a gig together andthen we were staying in the same
Travelodge and I'm fucking gone.I blacked out.
Gone. And he's carrying me in the
hotel. Yeah.
And we've not checked in yet or anything.
We've gone to the gig and then here and the woman behind the
counter went, oh, we didn't realise someone was cerebral

(08:47):
palsy was coming. Do you need a disabled suite?
I'm just dragging my leg. I've used that to my advantage.
I was out with a friend but and I was armed and I couldn't walk
right and he's got his arm on me.
He's taking me into the club andthe bouncy goes no charts and he
looks at the bouncer and he goes, hey, he's got cerebral
palsy. If you don't let him in, we'll
bring you on. Social media goes come on in.

(09:10):
But then The thing is I start tosober up, but I have to keep it
up tonight. I'm dragging myself around the
club and shit. On your floor, in the carpet,
scooped around. Where are you staying?
Yeah. You want.
Where are you staying? Yeah.
You best. Are you best?
Oh. Yeah, that's what.
She said she's fucking nuts. The woman is what she say.
She said to me if because the because the breakfast is

(09:32):
attached to the room. Yeah, if you get thrown out or
rested, you can't come back for breakfast.
Who the fuck you should get arrested?
Can I come in my sauce and baconplease?
She's fucking insane or something.
I look at her, I look at you, I said.
What's wrong about you fucking nuts?
But I said we said explained it again and it was the same words

(09:52):
like you fucking nuts. Yeah.
She said you can't the rule of taps for breakfast, so we get
thrown out. We can't come back in, Yeah.
Yeah, it's a sign of contracts for a gig once and one of the
like clauses in it do like your company's not done gigs before
and they think, oh, we need thisbig contract.
Yeah, yeah, like pay me under quid.
Do you know what I mean? You don't need all this.
And one of the contracts was youcannot do illegal drugs.

(10:15):
Yeah, I don't know. Have you seen my artist?
I don't want to be in breach of contracts.
They. Would say you can't do drugs.
I went and hope they're legal out there.
Yeah, like, like we, we know that.
Yeah, maybe we still do something.
We don't deal with him. Yeah, you're you're on the way
to the gig. Fingers crossed.
Please make cocaine legal by thetime I get.

(10:37):
Please, I know. Fuck it.
Somebody the. You know, The thing is, they
call me full of crazy people. They employ you and then they
want you to act normal. I know it's fucking insane.
Like, yeah. Yeah, I know.
What do they expect, really? Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. We're all just fucked up, aren't
we? Yeah.
All weird. We got snowed.
We got snowed in the midway, didn't we?
Well, we didn't we. What happened?
I stopped drinking. We want an excuse for the night

(10:59):
that we were trying to do dry January and six days inch of
snow came down. We're like, fuck, it was snowed
in, let's go on the piss, yes? I've been snowed in a few times.
No jokes on this part. Check your contracts on Patron.
We got snowed in and then I wentfor a We get armoured, goes out,

(11:20):
get beers, come back to the green room.
I brought back this. Was she Polish woman?
French woman? French woman.
Yeah. She come back in with me and
she's like, you're so funny. Yeah, it's a nice one.
She's like and you funny and shegoes in the room saying Ebie's
funny and then I go all night. But then she didn't leave what
she did. She pulled up a chair about that
far away from her face and just sat there staring at us.

(11:41):
And then we stay, then we stayedthere, and then we I was resting
somewhere on. My top Yeah, well, I I basically
left to get a pint and by the time I come back in, one of your
glass from your glasses was missing and you were you were
half naked resting an audience member.
I know. What the fuck went on?
I want to know. Which one's Tony and which one
is Jamie? I think you're Tony.

(12:01):
Yeah, yeah, Yeah, I think so. You've got an obviously not
size, but yeah, I think up here.Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like if you 2 did a podcast together you'd already be dead.
Do you know what I mean? It's.
Like. But in this game we went out
there's, we got invited in mid in Wales, in mid Wales.
Nothing happened to these places.
They like you drive there and it's like properly like this.
This town has got a shovel shop that makes money.

(12:24):
Oh, God, these are set of troubles.
Yeah. So we went back this farm out
these people, the audience went back drinking this and that.
And you went, didn't you? Did.
You get a write it back to a farm house.
Yeah, so he went like. Can I pick up the story?
Yeah, this is my, my, my recollection, right?
It's about 3:00 in the morning. And I'm like, boys, I'm done.
I've gone back. I said, mate, I'll leave the
hotel door open for you, right? So I'm kipping for about an hour

(12:45):
and I hear him come in and he's laughing his fucking head off.
And I'm like, what's going on here?
And he goes, he goes, one of theother comedians has accidentally
done, someone ordered someone's cocaine.
I was like, what do you mean? And he goes, oh, he doesn't know
much to do. So he sniffed the whole bag and
the next thing you're boom, boom, boom.
I was like, what the fuck? Is that the dealer?
He goes, no, that's the wildebeest.
Who the fuck is the wildebeest, right?
He goes, some girls following meon, right?

(13:05):
All you can do is Bombo. I look out the window, it's the
biggest fucking girl covered in town.
Look a wee. Bit of a dress on.
Yeah, Yeah. Scary.
And she's fucking. Banging the door, right?
So we fucking we, we lie in the floor.
We don't need to. She can't fucking see us, right?
She lies on the floor. Yeah, mate, she she finally goes
away. The other comedians with us
can't find the hotel room, right?

(13:27):
So I've gone out. Well, like help them.
Look, I've left the fucking dooropen, so I've gone about.
I come back, the wildebeest is leave and I look at him.
I'm like, what happened? You went, She wouldn't.
She wouldn't go and I was like off like she's like, no, I said
what's it would do if I make younow, will you go?
She's like, she's like I blowjob, I said.

(13:48):
I said I'm not sucking me off. I'll make you all boy.
I said no, it's a blowjob. This one would have bit my cock
off. She's angry and I was like, I'll
make you fuck off, but she was amonster.
When she oh unbelievable mate and real like I've never seen
any like yet. But that's what we got snowed in
basically. Yeah, yeah, in mid Wales.
Like and that was side six days in dry January, 6 days.

(14:10):
What's the longest you've went without a drink?
You won't beat me. I've been trying to get to 7
days yet. We've not been seven days since
we started recording. Starts the podcast.
Three years ago I so we haven't we haven't been seven days, so
we haven't went seven days out to drink since for three years.
It's all right, don't I? Oh, it's fucking.
I got the stage. I have to think about slowing

(14:31):
down. When I had gout in both elbows,
I couldn't get my phone in my pocket.
Yeah. Gout in both.
Elbows and his finger and my fingers and I couldn't get my
phone. Yes.
I didn't. I'm so fucked I couldn't go in
my pocket. Yeah, people fucking.
Ridiculous. People like that, you think you
fucking hard. I'm more like it's because I
can't fucking move my ass. Genuine I've.

(14:55):
Seen bodybuilders? She's genuinely at the time my
nan was 98 and she had more movement than this cunt girl.
I've never seen anything how. Did you get rid of that?
Well, he hasn't. I still got him.
I tried. I tried drinking out my body.

(15:18):
They say don't drink, but I, if I get fucking armoured, like I
think I drink the crystals out my body, but then it comes back
worse than it. It's like they run, they're
running Joke. I just, I, I don't always go to
work. I just sell cars.
There's always like fucked up inwork and I'd always have like a
limp, but I'd be dragging my armor something because gout is
like taking my body. And I just, there's a thing in
cars. It's called Motability.

(15:39):
So people come in and they have like a free car.
Oh yeah, yeah, there's a woman like in a wheelchair and I go up
and I say, yeah, Motability, meaning I do you want to buy a
car? Motability.
And she goes, I know I've been waiting for ages as well, love.
I said no. I said I'm not Motability.
I was selling the car. I mean, look a bit fucked up.
But yeah, we just always give. This is fucking nightmare.

(16:00):
Funny as fuck. You start standing up at the
same time a year ago. No, you've been going well.
You, you, I start. I'm going.
Like since 6-7 years you've beengoing. 16 years I've been going
16, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking I just got one on me.
He's 15. I am.
Well, you you got a break I'd. Send years off.
I'd send years off. Just do the booking gigs in

(16:21):
between, well, you just, well, you just couldn't be fucking
arsed anymore. No, what it was, mate.
I started off when I was 18 withthe lights of your Paul Smith.
She'd had the roses. Yeah.
That was fucking skill, and thatwas, Oh yeah, 2 bottles
together. You can look at a bottle and
open. Me, you know, that was.
I might take that back to Wales.New skills.

(16:46):
I went once I was in my local bar like last year and this guy
goes, you wouldn't believe it. I said what?
They got a new shot and something new, new thing on the
block. I said what's that?
I said baby Guinness. I said it's been wrong for
fucking years. It will eat.
It will eat my town last year. It's your town like backwards
like compared to everyone else Idon't mean.
Like, no, it's it's. Slow.

(17:07):
It's a slow. Town it's it's funny fucking
people, yeah, you he moved, he'smoved there 'cause it's.
Such a laugh. I, I was in a fucking city.
I was in Swansea. I have so many mad nights.
Where it, where it, where he, where he lives.
I've moved there. I'm like, I'm fucking having
this. But it's like, it's great.
Listen, I was. Out there you get in situation
like well one in not like you gowith the house parties and stuff
like when you're younger and onein one in say tell us OK fuck I

(17:29):
tell us something in Swansea when the Swansea's house
partying is out for days and this like I haven't seen him
since never known him before this father and son turned up on
the sesh together was always mental in it.
Yeah, it's weird. It's weird.
I think that's. Weird.
Yeah. You've seen him on the sesh
together. Yeah.
So we're in this house party now, like wherever.
It's fucking quite busy. And upon night, next day,
wherever. And then at the sons of 10 years

(17:51):
ago, the sang goes to his home and he said, Oh, dad, give me
your phone. I'm going to get some more
stuff. And Sang goes, don't go doing
drugs by bad for you, even though he's been on him as well.
All that and he goes, give me a phone.
He goes, you have my own if you lick my asshole.
So I'm like, wow, it's not right.
So I'm up for days now. I'm like, right, I'm
hallucinating now. He just said, so sang goes, no,

(18:13):
I'm not lick you asshole. And then he goes, you want my
phone, you lick my asshole. And then he goes, oh, go then,
right. So, so.
And I'm like, I'm always lookingat that.
But I was like, is this like, yeah, yeah, lick my ass up.
And he put his tones down. And this guy, this boy licked

(18:34):
this old man's asshole. Yeah.
Then he gave me his phone. Next one, Dad, we all like, he
comes back, he goes, dad, there's no credit on the phone.
Don't do drugs, boy. The only way you could have got
worse is when he licked the ass.What he said it is better than
mums. That's the only way.
That is, that's the perfect antidrugs campaign.

(19:00):
Not to do drugs like give him a phone.
And then there's all. I was in a fucking madhouse
party right when I was a teenager in in the roughest part
of Swansea place called Bornamine.
And I remember there's a guy came in and you know, there's
always some cunt with traffic corns in there, always turns out
and he goes, hey, Boyd, wouldn'tit be funny if we diverted the

(19:21):
traffic? And I was like, no, I wouldn't
be funny, right? We're two stories up.
He looks out the window and he goes, we'll just do it there.
He folds out the fucking window,right.
Two stories lands on right. His arm is clearly snapped.
He just looked up. He goes shut the corns down
then. We need to go pass.
No like no, like no like mad thing is like all this new

(19:44):
thing, though was M pick Manjarolike Manjaro sounds like a
fucking tobacco when arm breaks back from Egypt, but the mad
thing is like back back of the day when they lose weight, you
just take M cat. I never seen people like 30
stone They done M cat. They come back fucking like
that, yeah, didn't they? And it's.
Sad, sad Coke Diet thoughts. I I had, I had my best jawline
like 2017. That was when I was depressed

(20:06):
and just doing coke every day. Yeah, I looked phenomenal.
Probably chiseled. Drawers.
I'm sad. Don't.
Because it doesn't work. Because even if you don't, if
you're on a coke all night, the next day you wake up and you're
sad and you're depressed. So you're ordered a big chippy,
don't you? Yeah, you know what I mean.
Sad are. You Liverpool chippies like
legendary. Liverpool Chippy is the best
chippy but. You don't.

(20:27):
You don't do you don't do race souls.
Yeah, I'm different on coke, man.
When I when I do coke, what I want to eat is ass.
You go with the kids, Dad. Please, father.
He does that. He goes to work Monday.

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Yeah, I can't. I can't eat.
Well, why don't I hold the Coke?Yeah.

(21:55):
But then the next day when I'm just like sitting there just
going, I've been here again. I'm fucked up.
Yeah. And you just loaded a big chip
in. You're just like.
There's McDonald's where I live,they basically there's this
fuck, quite funny this guy goes there armoured in in Bertol, but
maybe he goes to McDonald's after the session.
So this guy turns up now armoured like too early.

(22:16):
So he drives straight there froma party like 7 in the morning.
He goes he goes the drive through and he walks.
That's all He walks the drive through and he said knocks the
window and he says he said I want I want burger and chips
server. And she said, oh, it's breakfast
menu and also you've got you haven't got a car.
I identify as a car. And she said, no, you can't come
to yours. He said, I want to fucking I

(22:40):
want to fucking burger and chips.
She goes home. Ahmed gets his car, comes back,
drives through the building armoured when no comes out
fucking bricks and go where my fucking burger.
Honestly, it's like mental. I know where my so I said you

(23:01):
know when you want to burger. I said I don't trust I create a
burger but I wouldn't go througha fucking shop like the guy went
hey. Have you, you know, just up
north? Yeah, like everyone makes that.
We're all mad usual. Fuck that.
There's. Something.
People, are they friendly And they like, yeah.

(23:21):
But you know what it is as well.So so like where Sandra lives is
Portal, but there's a massive steelworks, right?
So there's a lot of chemicals inthe air.
And I have genuinely included him.
Never met a normal person Portal.
They're all fucking something inthe water.
Fucking love. It, but we're outside the car
now so I'm outside so I I I got best.
I know what small town is definitely you know everybody so

(23:44):
I met swimming goes where you been?
Oh there's let me out now she's in jail.
She knocked someone out or something.
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's not sucking you right
now? Yeah, yeah.
Because you, you were burning the bloody cable ties off her
fucking luggage because the police hadn't done it.
Yeah, she's looking. Just got out of prison.
Like, yeah. She's so then I was like, oh, I
said, oh, you're right. Yeah, I'm soda back.
That's right. Now we don't do it again.

(24:05):
Next week, she turns up again. Yeah, we'll do it again back in.
Every. Week She's in jail every week.
So what do we have? We had her who just got out of
prison and then we had a bloody Scottish bare knuckled boxer who
just got back from Sweden in thecompetition when they were
allowed to gorge people's eyes out on each vacuum.
It's the people that walk past fucking wise.

(24:25):
It's full of crazy people. Yeah, yeah, it's Swansea's mad
because like Swansea's mad againbecause Swansea, Swansea a city
but thinks it's a town. So it's fucking rough and red.
In High Street in Swansea. I own a milkshake place in
Swansea. I mean, I guess now, right?
Let's get a milkshake river and behind me it's like a family.

(24:46):
She's like a posh part of Swans called Mumbles from Mumbles.
Obviously they're all there likethe kids.
No, and she goes don't look at him children.
So I'm like there's a fucking smack head dribble is gone.
So like she's so potent. It's gone down to his knees now.
Sweet. Don't look at him, children,

(25:08):
look at that. And this Chinese guy, he's like,
I go to the accent and he's likeget away, get away.
And then suddenly all of a sudden he go and he falls and he
smashed his head and he's like dead.
I thought he's dead. Everyone's outside and I'm like,
fucking hell. He was like only CPR.
I'm like, he was like, Nah, fuck, you're going to need him,
right. So this guy, is it a doctor?
A guy comes like a man like bring around and he goes, he

(25:31):
makes that. He goes and give me a pound for
a bus. Never off the job.
He died I. Remember I was I was on the
same, same St. in Swansea was like you.
These two people have an argument and she goes shagging
my mother. He goes no, I haven't babe.

(25:52):
He goes let me smell you cock then.
And I was like firstly, like, oh, does she go with the mum's
men? She smells like, that's weird.
But secondly, where does she learn those detective skills?
Because if ITV made that program, I'd fucking watch it.
Wasn't it not that pub we used to gigs there where you, you

(26:14):
brought like Andrew fucking thing down there, didn't you?
The guy, the piano? No, no, not steady. 1 Andrew
White Andrew and he brought him down and he's like.
He's he's, yeah. Very physical.
He's nuts the holes and seen everything.
And the guy who was running heresaid Christmas Day on the High
Street, you're a commotion. He thought Santa took him

(26:40):
prayers. It was Christmas Day, it was
Christmas Day. What's your praise name And all
the windows? A guy ball at naked with a
satrack, swing his cock and he said I I got a move from this is

(27:02):
insane, fucking wild, yeah. Insane.
He was fucking mental when he yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I I I genuinely like I I like madness, I I like going to
places and it's probably and I attract him and he even like I I
lived in bloody in in Norway fora while.
Is it also? And even then the?
People in Norway? Oh, you go there.
Oh yeah. They seem like very serious

(27:25):
people to me. Oh no, but that's what I met a
guy from Nottingham there, right?
And he was, I fucking, I went there and I want, I wanted to
run a comedy club, right. So I get there, the first guy I
meet, I just go into a random bar and there's a guy fucking
Troy. And first of all, his pub is
called The Dirty Cow. It's named after his ex-wife,
right? That's fucking, that's the kind
of guy you're dealing with, right?
And he goes, what are you doing here then?

(27:46):
And I said, I said, I said I want to do a bit of comedy.
He goes, want to run a club? I was like, yeah.
And he goes, I've got a venue. He takes me downstairs, empty
room. He goes, shall I build when I'm
a Carpenter? I've been in Arsenal 20 minutes,
right? He's fucking the sound, gives me
a job behind the bar. First thing he says, he goes,
oh, we doing for work? I said, oh, I'm struggling, I
don't know yet. And he goes, because I just had
a fight with my bar manager because you want the job.
And I was like, yeah. Fucking I think, right.

(28:08):
This guy is fighting his staff. I'm not getting involved in this
business. Yeah, Worker is fucking.
Had you worked the bars before? No, no, no.
But this guy mate, he was another level right there was
what we were up drinking all night one night and I had a
couple of friends over and he says to us he was right.
He was hotel across the road. I've got to deal with him.

(28:30):
He goes we can all have breakfast.
So fucking it's about 8 of us right We go in we're having a
breakfast. The moment the last bit of bacon
goes in he looks on table. He goes right every man for
themselves and he salmon flops out the fucking window.
Somebody. He's gone down.
Storybook runs on the road. Like fuck, he was running out of

(28:50):
the restaurant. He was fucking nuts.
But he looked after his knee did.
You stay there for. Are you?
I was running the Oslo Comedy Club, man, so I was getting an
Axel from the UK to come over like.
That story, even the cake and hewould like do a joke on stage
like, oh, you know people. I said to myself, I said I can't
fight, but I got people looking after me and at the back.

(29:10):
Troy stands up with this big fucking X military goes to
fucking right here. When they checked out he didn't.
He can sink a boat on heroin as well or something.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He basically he he bought a
boat, put his son in it, was trying to get the boat rung from
wherever he was to Oslo, smoked heroin, sunk the fucking boat to

(29:33):
him, and his son had to get picked up at the Norwegian Sea
by a helicopter. And now, he complained, he
doesn't see his son. He turned up with his bird,
didn't he? They all smacked.
Oh my God. Yeah.
So, Emily, he was. Oh, was he a junkie?
Yeah. No, no, But no, he was, he was,
he was a monarchy. But like every now and again
he's smoke heroin, right. Like I was insane.

(29:54):
Like his best mate was the ownerof Myspace Norway.
So he was he was friends of a millionaire.
But the millionaire was a junkie, right?
Yeah. So that like, I remember I was
behind his bar and he comes in and it's a fucking girl, right?
And she's like, and I was like, all right, Troy, I said, who's
this? And he goes, oh, it's Andres
niece. We've checked with the mental
institute to give us my heroin. We're on the piss side.

(30:19):
They release a Tucker on the fucking bed.
That way you can't. You said the wind is out there.
You couldn't deal with them then.
I was too much. They were insane.
You said they'd -20 and shit, wasn't it?
Yeah, it was. Too much.
They're cold. Yeah, yeah.
What was it called? The club like over there just
because I don't get busy like. Yeah, classmates.
So we, we basically we because it's it's a good English
speaking scene over there because it's their second

(30:40):
language, man. So I was able to gig a little
bit out there, but our club, because, like, because they love
anything British. Like, we were fucking packing it
out, man. So it's really good springing
axe over. But The funny thing was like, we
were paying all right, because it's so expensive.
Yeah, he did a shift behind the bar and got paid more than he
did for the game. All the anxious doing fucking.

(31:04):
Yeah, wasn't it some of the reviews you told me about this
place? Smack my wife.
Oh me. So, so if if you find, if you
look on the on the it's The Dirty cow Google page, the
reviews, they're in Norwegian. You've got to translate them,
mate. They're fucking nuts.
One person says never go in there again.
Went in and the owner flew a bucket at me.

(31:24):
What did it tell you that they weren't into the Swansea
supporters bar? Didn't.
They oh, man, this is brilliant,right?
It was an official Chelsea supporters bar, right?
Couple of 100 Chelsea fans everyweek came there to watch the
match, right? They won the Champions League.
It was a year, 2012. That's the one.
Yeah. So when they were celebrating,
they accidentally pulled the radiator off the wall, right?
So Troy's fucking furious. He goes.
He got no respect for my fucking.

(31:45):
But he was right. This time, next, he goes.
Next season now it's a Swansea supporters bar.
Like Troy, There's only four Swansea supporters.
You and us. He goes first game of the
season, right? He's locked the fucking doors.
He's taking the Chelsea fans flags down Swansea, fucking
Swansea, game on. There's all these Chelsea fans
knocking the middle fuck off youin the fucking ball he gave me

(32:10):
he's fucking. Wild.
He wasn't the one. He said when he went away the
bar was fucking booming. Yeah, yeah.
And he come back and spot it all.
He ruined it in one day, ruined it in one day.
And he was, we were out all night once on the on the piss,
right? And he fucked about 5:00 in the
morning. He looked at me.
He goes, who's opening up tomorrow?
I said you are, Troy. He goes, I'm not, mate.
I'm like, yeah, he was. If I'm working, you're fucking
working. I'm not working, Troy.

(32:31):
I go back to my house, right? Go to sleep, like I've been
sleeping an hour, all of you is boom, he's kicked my fucking
door in, right? And he's come into my room,
landed on me and he goes, you'rein my heart now.
You can't. Like he drags me into his bar.
I'm Ahmed. He's giving me a shot, right?
All these people are coming in and he's just decided the best
thing to do is to start throwingfucking lemons at the Reds,

(32:51):
right? So he's fucking lobbing lemons
like that, right? This one guy turns out he goes.
He goes, you can't do this with Vikings because you know,
Vikings, you're wankers. Oh mate, wildlife.
Did you go over there, Sado? No, before I, I.
Didn't know him there, man. Yeah.
You needed a bastard. Have you gigged?
Have you gigged abroad? I've done Italy.

(33:12):
Italy. Yeah, my family's all Italian.
I'm out there done a gig. I've done New York, NY.
New York. How did?
You get out of New York. Oh fuck.
You know, The thing is people inmy own town can't understand me.
I come over, stay this black guy, he come over and he's like,
my mother wouldn't fly seats andmy old mum was like, I want to

(33:34):
go to New York. So I'll come with you wherever.
It's good laugh. And I went over and done a
couple of gigs, all that stuff. And this black guy come up to me
after like proper like, you know, and he goes, he goes, he
goes, he said, he said you've got to it'll be a flow.
Then he's got you've got to throw, you've got flow.
Is your daddy black? I said, I said, no, he's black.
My old man's white as fuck with I love New York hat on.
He said, damn, he's whiter than Donald Trump's dreams, man, I

(33:59):
love New York back home, but that's like, we don't like a
small one. We don't have to wear them.
Like, it's fucking horrible. Yeah.
Because when my family's from Italy, no one speaks.
No one speaks English. My auntie like, yeah, so we go
over there. It's fucking mental though.
Here's a tip mate, if you are going to do comedy in a foreign
country, make sure the second language is the least English.

(34:21):
Jesus Christ. You lived in Barcelona, you live
the few places new. Yeah, yeah, he is homeless in
Amsterdam. Oh yeah.
Where's the best place to be? Homeless.
Well, I was only homeless in Amsterdam and we were.
That is probably the best place because.
Also stayed at the comedy club as well.
Before, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But you can kind of sleeping under this restaurant's chairs
in, in Amsterdam, like, but you can, that's all right.

(34:43):
Because you can kind of numb it a bit.
There's so much available to you.
Do you know what I mean? Like, and I met, I met a mad
Dutch girl then and she let me stay in her house.
And I didn't see that as a red flag.
It fucking was. Jesus.
Christ. The cat The cat.
Oh, yeah, yeah. So like after about two days of
being in a flat, I opened the fridge, big bag of grey powder,
and I'm like, fuck, what's this?Something we can have a bit of

(35:03):
fun with. I was like, Scarlett, what's
this year? She looks at me, goes, it's my
dead cat. I'm like, what do you mean dead
cat? And she goes, she goes, she
goes, it's nice and cool in there.
He tells me I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
Oh man, I was there for six months and you know when I left
as well, I had enough. You was fucking.

(35:24):
That's what I left. You know, like in the soaps, you
have that moment that can save arelationship.
You say the right thing. Her thing to say like I'm
walking down the stairs. She goes wait, can I turn brown?
She goes then catch. We'll miss you.
She. She.
I'm. Cold.
Yeah. I'm cold.
No, no. They warn me.

(35:48):
See what you think of it, ABK. It is sponsor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't sponsor us anymore,
so. You do, Do they?
Yeah. Who is the wrestler?
Isn't it? No, that's HP.
Michael HPK. That's the heartbreak, kid.
All right, that's what he calledme.
So what? What is?

(36:09):
What is it then? I don't know.
We we went there. We went to Bavaria.
Yeah, it's fucking hanging. We went to, we went to a small
town in Germany where it's brewed.
Did you? Yeah.
I mean, Jamie, Yeah. Fuck off.
Did you ever piss up? Like he was with me, he was all
week. We, we, some of the others who

(36:29):
went got pissed and everyone rode bicycles pissed up from
this quiet village. But I was the one who couldn't
ride a bike. So I was just, I was just
running my mind where everyone was.
There will be a message down thebottom.
Wait, wait, wait. For me, I got stabilized.

(36:52):
And then I woke up the next day and I was like, police in this
hotel. Oh, like, you could tell that's
how I hadn't seen police since. Like you know, Hitler was not
about. Just knocking him out and.
Listen. Legend like.
I woke up to go to have a breakfast.
Yeah, I've seen these police. And it was like, all people were
outside, like, you know, like itwas big to do.

(37:13):
Like it's a big drama that you've haven't seen for years
since Italy. And the night before we come in
and there's it's such a quiet town.
It's like, why do we just say inMunich?
It's like 20 minutes away from Munich.
Why don't we just say in Munich,Yeah, there's no bars open.
You just. Know there yeah, but it was
wasn't a casino it was like amusements you're like the ones.

(37:33):
Just it was noble. I see ones with a bending
machine. He went.
He went there before you could get a bevy.
He was thinking cans of Coco formore.
He only sold soft drinks. So there was no bar.
We went to one cocktail bar thatshot, like 12.
Yeah. And I was asking the guy like,
because I'm fluent in other languages.

(37:53):
I was like, yeah, Las BIC numero, Las bicos Los cocaine.
He's like, what, me? You can speak better English
than me. So when we got back to the Old
Town, I like a little Barry overthe bar.
I was like, oh, fuck this, mate.I need a fucking drink, lad.

(38:14):
I can't go to bed at 1:00 in themorning, so we're trying to
break into the bar. Who's going to pay?
He was going. To leave 4 pints of ice as well
we make. Some bottles, but yeah, you go.
So we we couldn't get over. It was a it was a high.
It was high like no, because it had a short on as well.

(38:37):
And then a friend gap and I couldn't get through the gap.
Callum Modolf, Yeah. What Callum?
You don't. You don't do bath cans and do so
when I when I go to hotel they always fill the bath up and
chuckle cans in and normally don't do that, no.
Why you bath cuns? Bath cun so think it will all
day you fill a bath. Don't sink cuns.
You fill the bath and just leaveall cans there and we come back

(39:00):
and we got cocons in the bath. And you put some redox in as
well, so. You feel relaxed.
I don't want the sink because I don't drink as much as you.
For bedtime, he is. He's got.

(39:20):
Fucking jacuzzi there. Bath bomb.
You should do Luster in that. Oh, Stella.
Did you ever see Jamie's ever from the podcaster as well?
Yeah. Amazing people talking about the
the the first man who have a carbo.

(39:42):
It's so fucking funny. Yeah, yeah.
So good, but it splits. Yeah, it splits South Wales.
I don't find it offensive. The people who fight, no
offense. But also people like, I know
people like that. Spot on.
Like, yeah. I thought you've always got
good, good singing. We have a lot of Welsh coming
into the live shows every Friday.
Get a ticket on the hot walls ofcomedy like.
We had, we had a stag do from Pontypridd, yeah.

(40:04):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they loved it.
They. Just, Swami said.
Come on, this way. They they, they come a stag do.
But you know what? I can start doing live show
because you do need people to listen or it's not as much as
stand up, but they behave and they behave.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'll say.
I. Will behave as well 2.
Stag do's one of breast fed and the other stopped his dad

(40:27):
dinner. Yeah, yeah, your new mum.
I my my dad, I went away with mydad.
He's like a good laugh. Can you always be one thing?
Can you never link that again? They're all about they.
My asshole boy went my dad. No, but.

(40:50):
I get on with my let me go with that.
But my dad's, I remember my dad's like proper like funny.
And we went away like no, like after 2001, after 911 thing and
the. Incident.
Yeah, small. So basically at that time
everyone was on their guard. Oh yeah.
So I go back to Italy and my ownman and this guy, and he's

(41:12):
probably a bit racist, but he was like Asian looking and he
was walking down the plane with a bag and like he's like, it's
like, and he's like, he's like looking at everybody going up
now he's looking at me like that.
And he'd look at you and he'd goback and he's looking at me the
plane and he's like fucking up this guy.
What happened? He was, he was a doctor for

(41:32):
Manchester. He left his glasses in the out.
He was looking for his seat number.
He's let his glass, he's our person here.
He's fucking sound as fuck. Ever since then, you can't be
racist. Ever since then, before he was

(41:54):
fine. Kids like, Oh yeah, he's its own
guy, man. Did you have you been to, have
you been to Swansea then? Yeah, yeah, kicked in Swansea
man. Grand Theft, yeah, Or the grand.
Theft. Yeah, in the arts wing upstairs.
Ran the studio. Yeah, that's right, mate.
So there's this one woman who who was on the front row, right

(42:17):
on a row, late 60s. Early SO.
Yeah, yeah. So she so she's, so she's a a
patron of the theater. So she she like, she like just
comes. From everything that's oh God.
I went on and I have built around there.
There's a woman here on her own,she's in the 60s and stuff.

(42:39):
So obviously I go on. I went, well I'm not changing
the chauffeur at any cunt. So I start, you're like a strip
off a little bit. I start, I start seducing her
and like whispering in her ear and all this stuff.
Give her a lap dance and all that.
She fucking loved it. And then after that, she
messaged and I don't know if youknow her, but she said you are
now my second favorite comic. It's you and Hayley Ellis.

(43:03):
And you couldn't get further apart like me, Hayley Ellis.
Hayley Ellis was like done straight down the road.
That studio, that story. So he's made steps like in
Swansea, he's like Mr. Swansea, like he's entertainer, does
plays like his family, Yeah, he does like fucking Pant, all that
kind of thing. You peed all that.
Yeah, yeah, probably, yeah. So he he invites us to play.

(43:26):
They doing it's like a a prison play.
So I haven't been to theatre since panto.
I was like 10 year old. So he's all 2 tickets, the
opening show come along, blah blah.
So, so he he drops out like literally an hour before.
So I was like, fuck out, you know, you should go.
So I said my mother and I said, do you want to come to a play
like And she's like. His mum and a date I think.
Mum and a date, yeah. Went over there.

(43:48):
You went to panto, would you want?
No, it was a panto. It was a serious play, never
been played for Yeah, so I guessso.
I fucking fills a fucking baggerfor lagers and fucking broke the
zip. Yeah, she's like, I can't take a
minute said I'm like fucking I had like popcorn Maltesers and
Stella. Yeah, we get this play the guy,
but I didn't know the way the play works, so I'm so I'm saying

(44:09):
it's full of people in lemon trousers and it's do you know
what I mean? These people, you know, I say
prop so I so they give me like VIP tickets and reserve seats
now and fucking so like this place.
But it's about a guy with drug addiction in prison and his,
his, his, he kills his daughter.It's like probably ending play.
So I didn't know like you think so?

(44:29):
I was like eating Bob got reallyloud, like in the bullshit
history. He knows he's like and my
daughter is dead. All these all these artsy
wankers all like. What's going on?
So I'm shut the fuck up, right. So basically.

(44:54):
So I'm so fat, right. You probably get his Tony,
right? Yeah.
Do you loose it with jeans on it?
It hurts. Yeah, Yeah, it does.
So it does. So when I go, I unbutton my
trousers. It's.
Got the best of belt as well. Yeah, but myself, so I can
breathe like, you know. So the break comes.
I forgot it. I stands at my trousers fall
down. They put they put the lights up

(45:15):
the gar and I go, I need small cans, I guess my fucking
trousers fall down. The one goes, Oh my God, what is
I had like white pants. I had skids.
Like to me she's like, Oh my God.
So I'm like, oh, fuck that, right.
So there was there was women down by there was women down by

(45:36):
me then who were there by mistake as well overseen the
play. And she said they wouldn't think
that her mother, my mother's nattering.
Oh, my son does calm, you know, like a fucking.
And then she she goes, Oh my God, we go for a divorce party.
This woman's got divorced. She come out for a party.
I just got a class when he comesto do a joke.
So I say, yeah, I'll do a joke. Whatever, let's go.
Now this woman comes up like this.
The woman comes back and I go, fucking hell no, I'm getting

(46:00):
divorced. You're an ugly cunt.
I beg your pardon? It's only from the wrong in the
front. It's the wrong woman.
Woman. You've insulted my wife.
It's me. It's me.
All right. He's texting me.
What the fuck is going on out there?

(46:21):
So I'm like what it is to explain the guy, this other
woman come and then so it's basically it all settles down
like for fuck sake, sits down and I'm I'm pissed at this point
now, so I'm not going to be as again.
So this place starts out so thisthis place like it's proper
stood. It's there like it's there.
So it's made staff and it's thisthing, but it's about hair.

(46:41):
When they start singing golden brown takes your boss a point
moment, because I've only had inthe pant.
Do I think it's a sing along start singing Golden man.
I'm pulling stairs off and stairs going golden man and it's
what's going on I'm the garden. I haven't seen it.

(47:03):
He's a fucking disaster. I've got a text after one.
I've got 1 cent this Robbie madelike straight after the play.
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New thing because he he fell over like.
Have you always end up in situations like that since
you're a kid? Because it it.
That sounds very much like, well, I put up with Jamie.
What he tells me. Yeah.
Yeah. But you just you don't mean to
do. It's no malice, but it's just
like, it's like, why am I? Am I OK?
Fuck off. It's like things happen, like I

(48:54):
said, go to New York, my dad right, so when New York, my old
man and so I can like fly in there along.
I really I wasn't a kid. I could panic and that so I so
that'll make like who sells Val Yeah, we don't you that so
you're going to see this guy like I'm flying.
We've got any Valiums? Like trying to calm my nerd?
Yeah, someone needs he gives me the wrong fucking ones now,
right? Valium.

(49:15):
Yeah, they're called. Yeah, they've got exist pins.
Yeah, these things are like 100 milligram tablets.
Yeah, they knock out cheap in wheels.
Yeah, the sheep will welcome back.
So on the way out now it doesn'texist in the car.
Has the best relaxing flight ever was like this, this is like
prop my car on my nerves. 10 hour flight guest New York blah

(49:35):
blah, blah. So I'm on out there.
It's on Ely my mate and I was like I saw I fucking he said so
I was talking in the airport andhe said you haven't called them
zest pins on who now you and I'mlike, yeah, I've got a strip of
them. He said whatever you do fucking
get rid of them. That's like you go to prison in
America for like they thought they're legal apparently.
So panicking I thought I got this pack of zest pins now so

(49:56):
I'm not going to throw them awaybecause they can trace me.
If there's nothing in them, theycan't do me.
So I took six of the zip spins. So done the six fix spins.
You took 6. 6 now rather. Than flush him down the toilet.
I didn't feel I know I meant to.But right, So I went there.
So I sit down, my old man on a beer, and it's all gunned up on
my ship. There's a beer as well.
Yeah, so guessing that I've got a pint in the airport.

(50:16):
So my feet, I don't think I got a stroke and my feet would just
drop, you know? And then I was my speech and my
man's like, what the fuck, right?
So the departure gate comes up and so I'm just like walking on
the airport like a fucking dinosaur.
This. Now I try to hold my bag, all my
muscles and relax out of them. So.

(50:38):
I, I get, I get into the check and I didn't know it was a thing
in America. So in America, every flight the
leaves, they check 2 random people.
Yeah, yeah. Put a parcel on it goes, gets
beep, beep, beep. Hello, Sir.
You've been distracted for random security check.
So they've pulling this woman. They're all fucking gunned up.
Now go to my guard. I can't speak.

(50:59):
I can't walk, man. Walking from the guest side.
It's true story, right? So he starts fucking taking my
trousers, no trousers, my shoes off.
And they're going to take anything off me.
This, this, this woman's hair. And I start stripping me.
I'm just walking my glasses off and they're in my hair checking
out. This woman stands up the gas,
she goes. This is against federal law.
He's clearly retarded. I can't speak now.

(51:23):
The guy was gone. There's the school guy was gone.
My guy apologise. They they took me through.
I was, I was first in the plane,everything.
No, no. But didn't you say to me what
you wanted to say was I'm not retarded, what you actually said
was. They, this girl they took, they
took me through and they put me first in the plane.

(51:44):
Everything. They fuck him, yeah, but that's
definitely that happens all the time.
Yeah. Did that.
Happen to you when you were younger like because because
Jamie's obviously told me close stories you were the same you
you've heard like does did that happen when you were a kid as
well it's because you're it's very.
Similar to social settings, it'smore situations happen around me
rather than I think. I've called, I think he's a kid.

(52:05):
I got slapped when some of thesethree times over the same fish I
was. I was in Italy as a kid.
So so I spent a lot of time. So my family's talents, every
holiday you go to Italy, blah blah.
So my auntie, there's fish here and she, she said oh, take his
fish out for the cat. Yeah.
So I'm just like a kid walking out with this fish now.
So my Nancy, we don't know what's going on with the fish.

(52:26):
Why you got fish slapping? Yeah.
So he takes it back in the house.
Then my auntie slaps me. Why you bring fish back inside?
And then I goes out the other door man 'cause he says open the
fucking fish and smack me in theface again.
I got smacked 3 times the same fish.
Stuff like that happened. Yeah, there's all this stupid
shit happened to that. It's just more situations
happening around you. Yeah, yeah, that's how I say it.

(52:48):
How am I in this? No, it doesn't happen to us.
I kind of like, I never have situations that are around me,
but I I open the straight stuff.So I remember when I was a kid,
I was quite mischievous and I had this idea one year that I
was going to try and catch Santa, right?
So he was. He was going to catch Santa.
I was. Going to catch him, right?
It was coming up at Christmas. It was Christmas Eve and in my,

(53:08):
my old living room, like, I don't know.
So there was like a chair that kind of went against the wall
creating like a triangle space, right?
So Christmas Eve I'm like, I'm going to sleep downstairs.
So I got on. Then I'm waiting for Santa,
right? And I fucking fallen asleep
forgetting about, well, I've literally sleeping like that and
I wake up in the morning and my mum horrified.

(53:30):
She can go Simon's being kicked by Santa.
Yeah, I had to. I'm.
Just worried. What was you going to do with
Santa though? You got a tie?
What was your question? Oh.
My goodness, suck him. Off you really want to say to
him, Are you my father? Please me.

(53:52):
I've age, I've age. You think I'm a bad boy, Santa.
How can I change that? I'll be on your naughty this
alright? You need help him?
Didn't that suck? I never had daddy, but I've got
all the sister, me and my sister's evil like evil.
Oh. Really I see different game my.
Sister and my uncle Martin, theyused to get me sister's Barbie

(54:14):
dolls yeah, RIP the heads off them and post them through like
the next door neighbour's dawn stuff with like with like death
letters my. Sister Goodfellas.
Honestly, my sister. My oldest sister Barbie so.
When I was 3 or 4, I could just start.
I was the oldest sister. You love your sister now she
just be like fucking grow up. Do you think father this is

(54:35):
real? You little fuck on tonight bad.
She's she's bad. You know my bad.
My fuck. My house is insane and I thought
that was normal until you go. I got a kid.
You go to people, that was it. It's like people are normal,
like. Oh mate, you want me to share my
address? People eating a tea together?
Oh. I went to a mate, I went.

(54:57):
I just on the couch you fuck comes to me belly.
Bowl I went to a mate's house once and they had tea at the
table. I went, oh, why'd you?
Are you as rich? You.
Eat and then we're like Turkey dinosaurs with the OG when they

(55:18):
yeah, yeah, yeah, Jamie Oliver, man.
He's fucked all that. And I was like, I was like
little twat. And I was like, I don't want
carbonara. I want Turkey dinosaurs.
I like carbonara. He smacked me with I love
carbonara. Are we sure?
Italian, aren't you? Yeah, yeah.
It's pasta. You used to like pasta now.

(55:40):
Or do you get sick of it when you're tired?
No, I yeah, I did you quite. A bit over the top with all
that, but. I've been told pasta in Italy
all that but like they think it's.
Perfectly in pizza it's. Not the same as you, is it?
There's no chemicals. It's not you don't get bloated
off it. Imagine having Italian DNA and
still looking like that though. Imagine that.

(56:06):
Your Italian roommate was funny when he who was Maddie, his
room. His old roommate was mental.
He is. He's in the same town.
Italy is where my family's from was random as fat, Yeah, but he
was a. Dirty dog.
He was a good looking boy, right?
Like improper Italian. When I moved in, he'd have.
Like 3 buttons on. There.
Yeah. One of those different girls.
Friday, Saturday, Sunday in likeevery weekend.

(56:28):
The jacket. Oh, yeah, he did, actually.
Yeah, he knows. Yeah.
It's the sheer fun button to there.
Isn't it? Yeah, always smelt fucking
brilliant. One of those I remember once a
fucking Sunday morning, I'm having my breakfast and he comes
in. He goes, hey mate, He goes.
I bring a girl home. Last night I was like, yeah, are
you? Then he goes fingers, he goes,
he goes, we hungry. So we order a pizza.
I'm like, yeah, and he goes and then we get horny.

(56:50):
So I start that fuck. I was like, yeah, he goes, pizza
arrived while we fucking. He goes, I'm angry, she's alone.
He goes, what I do, he goes. I put garlic bread on her back,
He goes every time I frost, I take a wedge.
He fucking eating food. Did you look dip dip on her
fucking? Edge is unbelievable.

(57:10):
I've never seen anything like it, like.
You know there's. A lot of Italians in South Wales
it's. Yeah, it's a big connection,
Carl Zaggy and. And it's one of those things you
know when you meet. What canal?
Why is that do? You understand?
My emigrate. Yeah, mine honor she let.
She lets it flee. Oh.
Yeah. Carl Zaggy.
Yeah. We're my family's from my
family. 'S from almost part of Europe,

(57:33):
South of Italy, tropical. My family with a better life.
They moved to Patol, but in South Wales it's insane.
I was like, why do you move here?
She's like, I don't know. Everyone else seemed to do it
like. It's insane.
Enzo's Swansea, Yeah, Enzo's sound a lot of.
There's so many Italians in Liverpool and stuff then.

(57:55):
No, not really. No Irish.
Irish. As Irish what?
Saint Patrick's Day like as a men's party.
Yeah, I think it's viral. For a.
Lot of Irish come to a heave. About 16, yeah.
What do you mean from Ireland? From Ireland, yeah.
Yeah, because Liverpool's notoriously, they're probably
one of the best party scenes if you're a raver, kind of like a
raver kind of if you want, if you get fucked up.

(58:17):
Liverpool's unbelievable night out and.
I think Paddy's Day in Dublin tall it's Yanks.
I think, yeah, I think it comes over like that.
Doesn't like the relative important NTM, so.
What do you think obviously of Manchester?
If you want to, you want to pickone for the best side up.
Would it be your own Manchester?You like Manchester?
Do you ever go to Manchester andTony?
He doesn't go to Manchester. He's just territories like

(58:39):
Manchester. That was just a proper rivalry
thing that he just went to Manchester.
It is Manchester make you drink here with me all the time.
Yeah, you don't go much. Because you've got no mates
there. Yeah, 'cause you're fucking up,
'cause you're a Scouser. All my my mates call me a
traitor. Yeah, yeah.
Really. Yeah.
Yeah. You, you live in Manchester.
Basically Swansea, Cardiff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(59:01):
She's. A little bit just.
What's it How long does it take to get from a car from lipool to
to? Manchester, it's 40 minutes, 40
minutes, it's the same as right.It's the same as us.
We're just like everyone says that with these big car drivers,
but we're just like second cousins that would shag at a
wedding. Yeah, what's the what's the one
we don't we? Don't need.
We don't need to win. What the hell?

(59:24):
What? Lick my ass, Lick my ass.
I bet you I get you. I fucking ram your.
Ass Everton. Like I go to Swansea, games over
Liverpool. Isn't that Everton and
Liverpool? It's all close.
It's not. It's not rivalry.

(59:46):
It's not rivalry. Get me wrong.
They'll. Snog each other mate, don't.
Get me wrong, it's there's fuck em, there's lots of fucking
losses either side, you know what I mean?
Football fans are just tapped. On which there's no rivalry
because they I don't think we don't one thing we don't talk
about. The same we serve football.
Politics, there's no points. It's bollocks because they say
oh, if this team actually we can't get on, but like

(01:00:08):
realistically like it doesn't IfI was in Wales and a fucking
girl put him into my and then she said oh by the way, support
Cardiff. I'm still eating that mate.
My mate, I can't say his name ofthe company but.
Go dive in there looking for Salah.
He's. Working the company, my mate and
what he would do, genuine fucking thing.

(01:00:30):
My mate would work with his company and what he would do in
interview, he talked, he talked around.
He's be friendly and he's like, he's like, he's like, I don't
support football. You support football.
The person getting the job and they go, yeah, I'm Cardiff fan.
He got you. He would not employ him if he
got the best CV ever. But he I'm just, yeah.
I'm fucking that's. Just that is not silly.

(01:00:51):
I was like, that's, he said. Oh, some people like, really go
for the job like. There's some same fact.
There's some fully. Grown men as well.
This guy, there's some. There's some city fans with a
wife, wife and kids and they won't eat red food.
I also as well yeah Everton manager had showed that he's
coming Yeah he put a a picture up on his family on Christmas

(01:01:12):
and he had the red Christmas seaand only have comments going.
You should know better. It needs to be blue.
Oh, that's. Funny why that it is.
You can't even have red they're taking.
They're taking their frustrationout because of their lack of
love in their marriage. And yeah, they they don't feel
loved. Yeah, and they have to have
anger, but they can't be angry to the wife anymore 'cause she's

(01:01:33):
been battered too many times. I was just saying he can't when
he used three nil now that. They take out and like the Kyle
Sacker or someone. Is it my fault?
Or Salas suck this. It's like, it's like your, you
say your mother like, like she was like, she grabbed your
stepfather and she'd shake it because you got Parkinson.

(01:01:54):
It is because you got Parkinson's.
No, she's jealous, to be fair. My, she, my mum, she's got mad
Parkinson's, but she has a laughof it, you know what I mean?
Like she she makes a shit on cocktail, I'll tell you that
straight. Off she can always get the last
the catch with the glass bottle.The only woman with a good hand
job. You're in the shower, you're

(01:02:16):
dancing last bit of shampoo mom mom, get this on for me she.
Fancy Jacuzzi tonight game? She wipes after the piss and
flicks herself off. Oh wow, she she messaged me
right? And she said that she was, she

(01:02:38):
started a new medication. I said, how's it going?
And she goes back to take it on the chin and she goes.
To be fair, we supposed to go inmy mouth, but I can't stop
shaking. Oh well, Rain Man is scholars
in. What a fantastic episode.
Please go and follow the boys. Where can they find you?
Problematicpubpub.com's website.Yeah, but we.

(01:03:02):
By the way, before we finish, just want to say you've you've
took the leap of open your own comedy club as well.
Yeah, we're in South Wales and yeah, we're only going to target
that issue. Yeah, fantastic.
Yeah, Yeah, fantastic. So we yeah, say the woods come.
We got tour at the end of the year, dates come out soon, live
show also. We bring the duty Sanchez back.
Yeah. We're going to probably get a

(01:03:23):
date there. So, you know, you've asked us
where we are Saturday. 20%, please.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then we'll jump on your pod.Obviously you have us and it
yeah, just go and support the lads pay.
We've got we have got a lot of Welsh fans out there.
So go and support the lads. If you haven't seen them yet.
Go and support the podcast especially goes to the comedy
club. It's only like 1015 quid ticket
and you get the the the people out of work and hot water and
stuff like that. So the lads do.

(01:03:44):
Say the Say the bit. Sport, comedy.
Comedy guys. Make sure you.
Support live comedy boys and girls.
Play some boys all. Right.
Cheers. This podcast is brought to you

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#177 - With Problematic Pub Podcast - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#177 - With Problematic Pub Podcast - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie