#180 - With Rob Mulholland - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie - Hot Water’s Green Room Podcast

Episode Transcript
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manscape.com. Let's get into the episode I'm.
In Rochdale tomorrow. Hey, save this boasting.
I've banged in a tour date in Rochdale, OH.
Rochdale away, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, maybe.

(03:10):
I did a tour sport for Smoke Roberts where I did smoke in a
pub tour. Oh yeah, I just did a tour of
pubs. Yeah, I did one in Lee.
A tough gig. Like just rope, like not settle,
you know, like there's a microphone.
What do you want there? Think.
I might. I've done that one.
I did one in Lee that was rough as fuck.
I did it with low mass, yeah. We did it together.

(03:33):
This is a sick gig. So it's the same pub.
So when I did it with a smoke, this woman got dragged out by
her feet by the landlader because she was pissed.
Lomas offered a roided up guy out.
It was fucking amazing. Yeah, yeah, This guy on the
front row shut up. Yeah, Lomas, just like, do you
want to take this outside? It's so funny, man.

(03:56):
We did it and I still remember the lineup.
It was me, you, Freddie Quinn and Simon Lomas.
You'd have to pay a mint for that.
Lineup and Chris Tavner, MC. And this was peak Lomas powers
as well. And Chris Tavner, MC.
Yeah, one of these things is notlike the others I've.
Never seen him before. Yeah, lovely lad.

(04:19):
Yeah, lovely guy, Great guy, Great guy.
It was. It was a little above his pay
grade this game. It was like he needed someone
who could stamp some control. And he just was like a Tory MP
going. Around, yeah, he's in this
really shiny bright blue suit. Yeah, yeah, like really shiny
and dressed. Just ever.
Only cunt in a suit in within a five mile radius.
That's including the funeral direction, yeah.

(04:40):
Everybody comics if you if you play in a if you play in a
corporate yeah, You know, I would say with myself, but I
mean, I would I don't matter, but I mean, you can't be with
suits. You're probably yeah, yeah,
cards. He's thinking the guy I thought
that, you say. That man I'm thinking about like
because I'm wearing my tux for me to I'm thinking about just
bringing it to club gigs yeah, it's so funny to like just be on
a normal gig dressed I mean you're.

(05:01):
Not gonna see it as though you're.
Not exactly. Yeah, it's just there's a really
funny contrast to my material tobe dressed up.
And also because everyone else on the bills in T-shirt and
jeans, it's sort of like I thought it makes me move fun as
well. Have we started?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
That was fucking subtle. Yeah.
We're not doing. Yeah, but yeah, I'm going to be
wearing the tux on my tour. Oh wow.

(05:25):
I'm in Liverpool on June 4th. Get your tickets.
Done mate, What's next week? I've done some, I've done some
fucking fun tour promo before I've come.
Oh, it's amazing you saw announcements.
Thank you. Yeah, so I got shot with BB guns
for that, but I'm trying to do some more fun things, right?
Because it's called allegations.I'm basically going to try and
get loads of dodgy to do me cameos, people who've been
cancelled right, The first one, there's an absolute home run.

(05:46):
I've already paid for this and fingers crossed the accept.
There's a guy. Do you know a guy on TikTok
called Ryan Windridge? No, right.
Basically he looks exactly like me, except like retarded, right?
So like, wow, I get comments allthe time, like oh, you Oh, I
thought this was Ryan Windridge and I've seen someone.
He's going Oh, I thought it was Rob Mullen.
So I'm paying him to pretend to be me to announce it.
I am Rob Mulholland and I am doing a standard tool.

(06:11):
I am Rob Mulholland. I've got my first UK tour.
Hi, I'm Rob Mulholland here tellyou all about my debut.
Coming to tell you all about my debut tour allegations, I'm
doing 34 dates starting in Derbyon May the 29th, then Blackpool

(06:32):
30th, Manchester June the 1st, Liverpool June the 4th and all
over the wonderful UK. Rob Mulholland dear, I'd love to
see you there. You can buy tickets and find out
more info@robcomedy.com. But The thing is he did have a
bit of a non scandal a couple ofyears ago.
That's just. I could use.
An ID of my look alike, yeah. Cocktails out.

(06:56):
Yeah, James, James, be good or something.
I don't know it's. Like a Scouse gay lad, Right?
Right. Yeah.
He's Cam Tony. Yeah, he's Cam Cuddle.
Yeah, that's my alter ego, by the way.
Yeah, He he had his haircut recently, though, but shaved all
his hair off because he had likea hair like me.
Yeah, Yeah. And it was the ringer.

(07:16):
And now he's had his haircut. I was like, yes.
Finally. I'm not getting as much, yeah.
Because this cunt Ryan Widridge is just a a relatively tall
bloke with a shaved head and glasses and a beard.
That's all it is. I've had that Paul breach a few
times. He looks like the guy from the
Isle of Man. Still like narrow eyes.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I've been getting the Spanish. This fat fellas saying Spanish
lessons have seen it, yeah. No.

(07:40):
I get post in the page and everything.
I'm just telling me like this fat guy was like that.
He looks like round moats and itsays like Spanish lessons for
free, you know, it just looks like someone he's obviously
does. This is a number I don't know a
lot of, an advert for Spanish lessons.
Yeah, Do you just get like any fat guy?
Do you get any fucking bold company glasses?

(08:02):
Like any bold company. Glasses show you this, this AI
version, this, this got 1.4 million impressions, Yeah.
And the tweet was. The Scouse, The Scouser from Hot
Waters Green room. So didn't even tag him.

(08:23):
That's when. It's bad.
It does look like you've put Tony Cameron AI.
Scouser from the Green Room podcast on the left there.
It's just a fight. It's just a fight.
Sunglasses. Yeah.
Yeah, that's amazing. This.
Is all I believe. Yeah, yeah, I was fucking sick
of getting those comments aroundWindridge.

(08:45):
So I'm like, right, some kid, some kid, some kid Beat the
frog. Tried to do it as their bit like
when I was hosting. So you they went Oh.
Thanks Ryan Windridge. And like, you know how you
didn't know who the fuck he was?And I didn't before that,
neither did anyone in the audience.
And he tried it again later and I was like, mate, they didn't
know the 1st. Time.
Oh, did he try and call back? He tried to do.
He called me. When you answer Windridge.

(09:06):
Yeah, yeah, something like that.Are.
You finding Austin beat the. Frog fucking Why the goglum not?
The power, because he was dying in his ass and I was leaving him
to it. Like sometimes you got to let
him hang themselves, you know? Of course, beat the frogs.
A bit of a friendly 1, isn't it?Yeah, it's a bit more friendly,
although I have cunted some people.
Off Yeah, it's funny. I need.
You need that, though. Yeah, you need to get.

(09:27):
There I want to gog. Show that he's well for me, I
fucking love it. Like because like my favorite
thing is when I turn up and I see on the list, right, because
I've got a list of all the namesthat start either they've got
one name and no surname. Oh shit, like always.
Like a Brazilian you played in Russia.
Exactly. This is Ronald Malcolm.

(09:47):
Yeah, it's totally that. It's just like this last just
signed for Shakhtar, the Nets. I love that.
Or if there's a little note going, oh, they've got props.
Oh, I had one. Recently, Oh, this, I was
fucking immortified with this. So there's this like little lad
and he was like dead cute. He had a little suit on right.
And he was like dead, sweet, dead nervous.
And he comes up to me and goes, excuse me, can I just say I've

(10:10):
I've left a magic trick on the stool on the stage.
Can you please not move it? And I was like, no problem.
It is annoying because that's normally where I put me drink in
the list and that, but I was like, you know what, we'll help
him out. So I do my opening section and I
go sit down. He's on about third the first
acts on and I realised because of this stool, I can't see one
of the card holders who needs tovote for people getting gonged
off and I completely forget the tricks on it.

(10:32):
Move the stool. All the cards go fucking
everywhere. Oh no.
So I tried to put him back together best of course, right,
because I don't fucking know. It works obviously before he
comes before before he comes up,I go look right.
I've got a confession to make about this next act right.
I fucked up his trick and if it if he.
Shouldn't have told him. Love.

(10:54):
And you see, I've got the sewer clubs.
That's a blockbuster. Card Card is free More.
I've got a lot right. If he goes a bit awkward and it
feels a bit shit, it's that that's my fault.
So don't vote. For him.
So he comes out, he walks up, hegets him out and he goes, oh, he

(11:15):
has ruined it and he tries to put it back together.
It takes ages. The trick's fucking shit anyway.
It makes it work. People give him leeway on that.
But like, fuck me, I felt awful.When he walks him just goes oh
it is ruined. I might have said on here
before, apologies if you're autistic ones like you said this

(11:36):
episode 27, but they don't. Like things changing anyway,
surely that'll be nice for. Jamie Sutherland told me once he
was open this hosting this gig in Wigan so I can a Cricket Club
or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. It's like a fundraiser.
They have this last one. He's only about 1617.
I was doing a bit of magic. It was like a rap variety night

(11:57):
to raise funds for the Cricket Club or whatever, rugby club,
whatever it was. So Jamie's like saying have you
ever performed before? I was like, no, first time
you're cocky. Magicians are.
That's about that pussy they get.
So Jamie's just saying like justa couple of things to recommend,
like when you get on, just like move the mic stand out the way.

(12:22):
No, just like, you know, just technical things I tell them
because. They people do not do that.
People just stand behind the micstand if you don't tell them.
Really basic stuff and he's like, no mate, I think of I
think I've got it covered, don'tworry.
And it's like it's. My first time I know what I'm.
Doing And it's like this, like this fucking guy and James.
Alright, fair enough. Yeah, sure enough, this guy gets
on and he's suffering the car, so he's nervous because the

(12:44):
adrenaline, even if you think you can, the adrenaline hitch.
It's insane. It's why if you if you ever see
a new act, get numbs out. Mate, it's mental.
It's like it's in the window. My first set ever had my closer
banger was I'd got given a leaflet by some like Christian
mad Christians in London, and I was like doing jokes about it.
But I stopped doing it because it's like the adrenaline it

(13:04):
yeah. It's just rattles.
And you can't. Stop it, man.
It's like it's in the wind. It's so he goes on and he's
shuffling the cards and he's clearly nervous and he hits into
the mic stand, knocks them all over anyway, picks them off.
It's OK pick up. So he's obviously he's, he's 2
nil down early doors. Yeah, yeah, you've got to shut

(13:26):
up shot, keep it, go back to basics and it's.
So he can pull. It's really friendly crowd.
Everyone knows. Everyone is really friendly
crowd. This is all funny.
He gets back on you, you get these cards back together and he
goes, I need something in the audience.
This kid in like second row fromthe back goes like that.
You know, like fucking like shame is just scored.

(13:51):
We now go live to the 1934 Olympics.
Two of the lads like Hitler whenhe's on the meth.

(14:12):
So this kid comes, yeah, you andthis kid's mums like this
fucking. He's only picked Rain Man and it
was a big guy. He can pulls it back in and
shuffles them all again and spreads them out.
And this artist went. There's 51 there he went.
No, no, it's a full decorant. It's 51 and he's seen his trick

(14:33):
and you put that card in your pocket.
No, Jamie said. His mum said His mum heckled
Jason Let him do his trick. That's.
True. Oh fuck, that's that's what the.

(14:53):
Best heckles I've ever heard. That is brutal because it's so
kind. That's why it's.
Brutal. Because they're trying to be
kind to you. That's why the words keep going,
keep going. I lost it.
Yeah, that's fucking. Brutal.
Mine was a nice speech mate. Oh, that's the I've had.
What is this? Someone just looked me in the

(15:16):
eye and just dead calmly. It wasn't even a shout.
They're waiting for a time when I wasn't talking.
What is this? Oh, another one when I was in
Brighton on tour, on tour, my tour show Jane Butchins and tour
show someone. Oh, where's Zoe Lyons when you
need it? Probably in Brighton still.

(15:37):
That's where she lives doing. SAS who does wins.
Lots of money. Fuck it up, man.
Did you ever have any, like, when you first started, like,
have any, like, ridiculous, like, affectations?
Because like, in my life, I think third gig I decided I'd
smoke on stage because you couldat the time, you know, it was
like, like, you know, you could smoke in pubs.
And I was like, that's cool, Yeah.
Because like Bill Hicks. Exactly, but normally what

(15:58):
happens is they'll tell stories for like half an hour and then
they'll have a fag you. Know so slowly down.
It's a five spot mate. Yeah mate, it's worse than that,
right? So when I went up with it later
so smokes bit up on the walk up right?
So I've already got it when I'm on stage, right?
There's a rollie and it went outwhen I was telling my first
joke. So now that's just like, throw
it away, carry on. I've seen somewhere like China,

(16:21):
I'm having some of the cup of tea on stage.
Well, you're mad. You fucking?
I mean, I've probably been. Oh, we have a thing.
I don't. We have stand ups on comedy.
X immediately. And you must be full of them
doing that. Maybe my biggest one is people
who can't hold the microphone. Oh mate, that's what I said.
It's it's mad, right? The bit at the top.

(16:43):
No, no, no, the bit the bottom is a cable.
The bit in the middle is called a handle.
Your men holds that when people are like this, cupping the cable
at the bottom that one that's exactly.
What he's been, I hate. I can't watch.
It there's a bunch of X battle rappers, Rowan 5, I'm talking to
you like lunacy did this as wellstarted doing it and they all
cut the mic like they're rappingand I ballot them for it like

(17:06):
no, no, you're making it less clear and you need to be clear
you're doing. Stand up for the rappers.
Yeah, I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't don't fuck did. You.
Oh, yeah, you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was. Well, to be fair.
Yeah. That was fucking class.
You did it. I remember that.
I remember a bar from. That bar, didn't I?
Yeah, sort of like you sort of you talk to loads of coppers,
Yeah, loads of coppers in me pocket lashed them all on the.

(17:28):
Stage yeah, I remember him saying you're a fat cunt.
Behind that stage is a packed lunch, so you use.
A prop battler. Yeah, probably a prop batter is
a prop battler, yeah. Yeah, and now I'm a musical
comedian. You did a shuffle, say.
I beat shuffle. Say yeah.
Oh, that's a. Fucking bitch.
I love shuffle, he's good. Didn't he have he had one with

(17:49):
Shotty Horror recently? Didn't he?
He was a classic, but it was amazing.
I finally I finally brought thatquality against.
My favorite shotty Arsenal ones.Yeah, that's.
Yeah, when he brought his uncle up in that.
Yeah, yeah, we're getters that has baited up there and they're
like. It was fucking, it was a good,
yeah, it was a good era. I wouldn't.
I wouldn't massively into it, but obviously the viral ones
watched. Yeah, he was on it.

(18:11):
Only you did Balls of steel that.
Mark, Mark Chris. No.
Mark Chris was yeah. Mark Dolan was ball composer
Steeler though. No, no, Chris did.
Balls of steel. He was Mr. Mr. Inappropriate.
Yeah. Right, right.
Yeah, he battle Blizzard, didn'the?
Yeah, he played off like a teacher.
Shoot. Well good, that was the first
one that like proper banged virally.
They used to have a man in there.

(18:31):
Yeah, yeah, I used to host. It.
Yeah. Oh, did you?
Yeah, that's why I beat Chef. Yeah, crap battles.
Before it was dead fun, but the problem was it was only about 3
comedians who could even vaguelydo it was the problem.
You know most comments aren't good here.
I see that with roast battles. But it's the roast that rhyme,
really. Is that that's all it is?
You've got to be good at roasting.
I know a little. Bit some people can't even

(18:52):
roast. Oh amazing, I find it.
With roast I see. I know, I know.
It's like you're such a such offteam.
Your mum's self that she fucking.
Was massive with sorry. It's the, it's the, it's the
problem with doing it with people you don't know.
I like roasts. When it's like people you love,
you know that's when it's amazing.
When it's all people you know, Idon't.
Like it when it's like combativeI.

(19:13):
Don't say this before why the head fell off, Didn't I?
Oh yes, on the way to the. Game is when you know you're
fat, right? Yeah, I was on the side.
I was. Was in, was in a movie there.
Sorry, did you step on step on some scales on the way in, did
you blah blah, don't. Count.
I'm an easy laugh. I'm sorry.

(19:34):
I'm an absolute laugh slag. So I was outside before.
It's a brick, The door, 1000. Laughs today I'm.
Talking to Rick the door like you're there.
My back is. Yeah.
And then Rick just like goes to move out the way, you know what
I mean? Because it was 1 past and it was
a girl and two women. It was one had a stick.
You know, black stick, Yeah. And so just the back, you know,

(19:57):
gentleman, I am. We don't want to be.
Naturally. And then she went.
Did I get a picture? And I was like, what?
What? Can I have a picture?
I said, yeah, OK, so we've got apicture with her.
And I was like, then she said something like about to get in
the van, you know, one of my jokes.
And I went and all this is goingon, I think.

(20:18):
And you're blind. Yeah.
How can you know this? Should you have been to see you
twice? And then my head was straight to
where I was like, you haven't, you know what I mean?
Because she's black and all the scoring from my head.
And then she just went in and I was like, my head fell off and
every quent, yeah, she could just be partially blind with the
stuff and I was like, yeah, but she see me from ages away.
Yeah, she's seen the solo Lassen.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's recognised the shit, she

(20:41):
just knew I was. That's got to be Tony.
Yeah, she just held back the fucking.
That's amazing. She was like a mad amount of
blind, though, because I know I,I I no, no, right, because like
I was driving in and I went pasther.
I know what you mean, right? I went past that.
They they crossed the road in front of me, right.
And the reason I've said she's amad amount of blind.
She had a white stick, but she was looking at her phone, right?
So she's got to have the amount of blind.

(21:03):
That means you can see that, butyou can't fully see your feet.
So that's a mad specific amount of blind.
Or she might have just been to aPIP meeting.
Yeah. As well, you know when you just
say you don't fix it away. And she went, she went, can I
get a picture? And I'll see like I was like.
What? This is my this is my aura like
you can just. She smells you like a ball down.

(21:29):
Yeah, that is a mad specific amount of blind in it.
She must be able to. I wonder if she can say her
knees. Head, shoulders, head,
shoulders, head, shoulders, titsand eyes.

(21:51):
But yeah, there's lots of different types of blind in it,
and there's lots of different types of death, right?
I learned lots about disabilities from other
comedians who've got them in it,you know?
Oh yeah, they're fucking about it.
Boring you to death in the firstform.
I don't mind if you've got a good one like that.
Like this is an ick. He is a fucking comedy ick.
I don't want to know about your mental health problems.
I don't care, I don't care. All have them.
Yeah, like when they're like. That's why we crave it's.

(22:12):
Having anxiety is a bit like, I can work it out, you know?
It's like being anxious all the time.
I get it. Because guess what?
I've got ADHD. Yeah, well, you've got it.
All fucking do. We all fucking do.
We all do. That's why we're here, right?
Shut up, I'll give you me fucking HIV.
I have ADHD. I don't think it's enough for a
show. I don't think I can do an whole
hour on. I'll leave my keys behind a lot.

(22:33):
Yeah. It's not.
It's not a top Tier 1. You gotta have something good
for me to be interested. Yeah.
Bipolar and that. But really, Absolutely.
I also I also tell you what the current meta in stand up comedy
is bisexuals with ADHD. Oh my gosh, I had a night where
I was going to beat the frog andsix acts in a row started with a
joke about how they were bisexual.

(22:54):
Six in a row and like after the 7th one who wasn't bisexual, I
went don't worry, I'm going to make him suck off a man in the
break. I think about.
It it's just I don't even and. Like it's one of those things
where it's like, cool, you know,you're bisexual, fine.
It's like it's a very liberal gig that the frog and bucket, no
one gives a shit, you know? It's not like the vapors.

(23:14):
I know you know. Just be funny 1st and then work
on interesting. But like they get the advice, do
what you know in it and you all start with basics and the jokes
about being tall first. You know it's what you start
with in it. And I also.
Do fat jokes. Yeah, I've got them now.
I'm. Sure there would be a piss.
Can't cope so. I do try to be like

(23:35):
compassionate with them though. Not really.
Like this to Jamie. Oh no, you got to give them.
Like to Jamie and said I had a really good gig, mean Jamie
don't have Freddy's gig. I was in the middle and I'd done
really well. And then I said to him
afterwards I'm quite to be biggest critic for myself, you
know what I mean? But I come off and.
Oh no, you've got plenty of big critics.
Well. You're nowhere near the top ten

(23:56):
mate. I.
Don't know if it's jingled in a nice.
Jesus shit, how was you? I was.
I was out of the match. You're the Tony Stanley.
Freddy said that was the best ofthe night, you know what I mean?
And Jamie? close.
But anyway. Do you have a bottle of?
What? A pause Breaks as well.
I wasn't counting, but someone else was.

(24:17):
It was the felony audience. Yeah.
So he's had. So.
Yeah. So after that, he said, Jamie,
don't go off. And he went.
So I just smashed this. Yeah, No.
But then I was like, I, I went you can I do too many fat jokes,
though? And he was like, you are a fat
joke. I was like, oh, yeah.
And then I was thinking she like, you know, because they're
not like you're not, they're notjust like very, very easy fat

(24:39):
jokes, you know what I mean? Fucker, you got that, You got
harmonica. Fuck.
Jamie shouldn't be allowed to touch that.
No, take that off him. He's going to.
He's going to lose a fucking finger.
He's an incredibly dyspraic man.You can't do that to him.
He. Definitely.
He's talking about Lawrence Mitchell's then.

(25:02):
That's funny enough. Sorry love, pull it.
Back Oh yeah, load's better thanhome bottle up and.
I've not got an engineering degree bro, I I reloaded it for
you. But.
Shut up. That's the that's the nerdiest
thing you've ever said. I've.
Reloaded but I. Reloaded a balloon.

(25:25):
Anyway, where were you told I'm a?
Fat joke, yeah. That's me.
But I don't think that. I don't think there's any such
thing as too many fat jokes, as long as they're funny and people
are laughing. That's what yeah, that's what we
that's what we both said that. People have a think shit it's
like. It's not just like you stand the
fat. You don't have to like, call
back. You don't.
Have to have a fucking message that people are.
Like being a message. And yeah, I just want to.
Have a He's funny. Yeah, I just want to have a

(25:46):
looking laugh like that. I.
Think sometimes you do you know the bills people know you do you
know when you see someone write proper good stuff you like wish
I was like that, but I'm just not.
But I could be fully in different ways he's.
Better than everyone. Just tell me again about the
tourism. Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean? But I mean when you see like
when you see your peers do a fucking well crafted joke.

(26:06):
Yeah, yeah, man. Yeah.
I'm too lazy to. Do that one yeah yeah, but like
yeah with like the newbies, I try and be kind because like I
know if I saw me do my first gigbeat the frog, I'd be like, he
should never do stuff again yeahyeah, I'd be like that cunt
should go home and be quiet not.The.
Never. Speak.
Yeah, yeah. I was like, I think that guy
speaking is done. Go.

(26:27):
Home. I mean, you had to go gigs
together with me. Yeah, yeah.
Jamie. Yeah, Fucking hell.
Hey, that was the day I like. That was the day I swore never
to take a gig off Jamie again. No, like that gig, like, it
isn't bad, but it's fucking, it's not bad at all.
It was a fun night, but it's fucking feral.
Yeah, it's feral. It is.

(26:49):
It's not a beginner gig, is it? Like, yeah.
No, you've got to be a seasoned vet just to get through that.
You've got to be able to just give it back.
If they smell weakness, you're fucked.
Yeah. Like you've got to be.
I'm in charge. We're going to be fine.
That guy's gay. Ha ha, ha, ha.
You know he's got to. Like that I hold Rob as well.
He didn't know. He was fucking you, dickhead.
Yeah, he was doing the fucking raffle.

(27:11):
Thanks mate. I.
Was the number I was because he was just fucking chaos in there.
No the numbers, right? Redraw, redraw and mate the
whole crowd and all of them so. Redraw it, shut up.
So I was like fuck it, right? I was like, fine, I'll redraw
it, right? So redraw it.
And now that's the game, right? And one of their mates won a
prize, came up and as he's walking up to get it they all
chant redraw and they go fuck you, we're doing it again.

(27:34):
And then every time I I choke a tile of your ass I go redraw.
It honestly they would have had a better night if we just
chanted and stopped doing jokes.Like our attempts at comedy,
we're getting in the way of the fun of chanting.
It was so it's a mad. Game to be sober, I'll tell you
that I. Fucked what I thought.
Yeah, yeah, 'cause you were in the spirit of.
It yeah, yeah, 'cause I was. Involved he was like nailed 3

(27:56):
pints on stage. Did you see?
Fucking shocked. 3 pints. Did you see Jordan last year?
Oh, it was about mate, they toldme about Jordan.
Yeah, yeah, I fucking love Jordan Deshamp, but like, I
wasn't shocked that he'd got to pick.
He was like, oh, he, he. He cancelled the three bad
anymore so. Yeah, he was.
He was like. So we'll get you saw you better.
He's not he. Remember that that last?
Con Jordan reminds me of me 10 years.

(28:17):
Ago. I was just gonna say he reminds
me of the tweed suit. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, he's very. Hero of us fucking banging so
when we did it. Was an alky in a tweed suit
when? We did that gig when we did that
mate. When we did that gig in Leah,
it's me, Freddie and Simon is out.
Is the split of the room right? Do you remember this?
Freddie and Simon were playing chess on the pool table.

(28:40):
Yeah, right. And me and him were just getting
paid in MDMA off the guys at thefree.
I texted him. I went to.
The funniest thing Freddie and Simon got off He wasn't even
playing. She just.
Seen yeah should we stay on it so he got on it with all the

(29:01):
crowd and fucking magic I meant to be mates after I text him
like 5 fucking love you that's fucking.
Class. Oh man, I used to be fun.
I'm doing. I'm doing.
One of the biker rallies in a few, like one of the recourses
in a few weeks. I used to like stay over at them

(29:22):
and party with the bikers. It was fucking class.
Some of the fun, saddest people ever.
Yeah, man, Like I've done gigs for like, you know, bikers
stuff, Yeah. I think they're that they're
that hard. They're not easy core.
Yeah, they're well up for a laugh.
Yeah, and like load because it'sa disabled group as well,
because an Abd who we do it for the National Association of
Bikers with Disabilities. So the like mod bikes for people

(29:43):
with disabilities stuff. It's a proper cool thing.
So the rate has money doing that.
So I was I was in a tent like backstage and one of the
backstage tents there off me Bollocks, because I've got you
get offered sometimes it's I gotoffered getting paid in speed
and I took half and half. So I was like, I'll have half
cash, half space. So I fucking nailed a load of

(30:03):
that and about a bottle of whisk.
I'm fucking gone. I'm in this backstage bit with a
bunch of bikers and someone passed out and we're like
fucking buckaroo, let's go. It's one of the best buckaroos
we've ever done, right? Chairs, tables, fucking crates
of stuff all over until a woman comes in the tent and goes,
lads, he's not pissed, he's got cerebral palsy.

(30:33):
Oh God, sorry, we're getting thetable.
Yeah. Sorry.
We've just killed the chairs of him.
Luckily, he found it funny. Ricky Bow shot a crippled again.
I also nicknamed the woman the Pillow because she had no arms

(30:53):
and legs. I didn't know when I was on
stage. I was like, you've got no other
legs. She was like, yeah, it's like
you're basically a pillow work. Fucking pillow.
She fucking creased. We became good mate so she was
class. Lied by lied by the door you
draft excluded bitch. Stupid little Oh that killed me.

(31:20):
I'll certainly call this mate a wheelie.
Oh yeah, that. Is best mates in a wheelchair
anyway, it was you with the wheelie.
Know what to say because we do like we we do like we know.
Actually, it wasn't just me. We all do.
Wheelie wheelchair joke. It's the best having a disabled
mate who's a laugh like cell phone.
Oh no, yeah, they got me. What's he say?

(31:40):
So I sent to me just like by the.
Just so you know, this is after this.
By the way, there's three of us all doing wheelchair jokes.
And then I said you just pull your trash on them and call them
a wheelie bin shit. Dead crap joke and I gets all
the shit for them. We make replied I might be a
wheelie bin, but at least. I'm not the size of a dumpster.
You got a stroke. He said a dumpster truck.

(32:02):
Sorry, yeah. I mean, only he's got a free
pass. I didn't say anything.
I respect. I respect his struggle, I said.
No. This is just by the gracious
dog. Go you.
I'm doing all these wheelchair putting the shit bums and he
goes, I respect this struggle. I.
Don't he's only 1% less disabledthan somebody in a wheelchair.
He is so marginally close to needing assistance to walk like.

(32:26):
I get pregnant women stand up onchains.
There's an old guy on VE Day in his uniform with his poppy and
he's like, do you want to sit? So we also got gout to be.
Fair. Yeah, Yeah, you got you
officially got gout now, Not official.
Yeah, but the rumours are circulating.
Here we go. Does it ever feel like you're a

(32:55):
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(33:42):
What? What made you go sober?
Combination of things, like I was just done with it, mate.
Your doctor? Nah, like, but that would have
been coming. Like I was drinking a bottle of
whiskey a day man for a while. Yeah, fair enough.
Yeah, I just got, I, I did a lotof LSD and realised I was
poisoning myself. I could feel it poison.
I drank whiskey when I was on acid.
I could feel the poison going through me.

(34:04):
Oh, that's good. And I was, I believe that.
And I was just a bunch of things.
It was a long lead up to it and like I was just fucking up a
lot, man. And I was just like tired of it.
Last ever night I got drunk. I went out with Tony Wright
amongst other people, but we ended up with Tony Wright at the
end. He's a fucking top lad, really
sweet boy. I love him and like my last
memory of being pissed is Tony being like, Rob, I think you
should go home because I was like screaming at a bouncer to

(34:25):
let me in a casino and I was like, I need to knock this on
the head. You know.
When you're really nice mates like scared.
I know it was the worst beer fever I've ever had and I just
fucking knocked it. I know, but when you need to get
in the casino though. I know, I was just saying it was
like, it's my money, I want to lose it.
Casinos are a bit they have a bit heavy-handed.

(34:48):
Mate, they're just they're also casinos a fucking bleak.
So you just start, you just wentstraight off.
Yeah, I just took a break and then I just never stopped 'cause
it was really good. I was like, I'm just gonna have
a few weeks off. The first day I stopped.
So what a. Real special occasion.
Would you go back? No.
No. No, I'll never go back now.
Yeah. I've Sophia.
I'm. Just done, I'm just done.
I don't miss out on anything man.

(35:09):
Like I I used to ruin nights outby being a pissed like con.
Oh yeah, I've been there, but I found it it.
Was funny. Like, it was funny, but it was
also a lot. When you go into IB fair, not
airport points, and then you land an IB fair and a face beer
on. Yeah, but like what I used to,
yeah. So I used to have a couple of
beers in the airport and I feel shit on the plane.
I'd arrive feeling shit and alsohalf hungover so.

(35:29):
So what I do now is I have a lovely breakfast, arrive feeling
great and then have a good time.Yeah, well, I'm not.
I'm going to bathe or I'll do pills.
I'm not pussy, right? I still do drugs.
I've got to have something in it.
Yeah. People make out like I'm sober.
I'm not sober sober. I just don't drink.
I do everything else. Oh yeah.
I'm glad you enjoyed you. I'm glad I got you at your peak

(35:51):
anyway. You really like, you really hit.
Your messy bastard. Born in.
I was born in the right era. Yeah, yeah, I was born in the
right. Era you were about for the real
peak of my drink as well yeah yeah, it was the real peak of.
It I was. A bit was I too.
Yeah, actually, yeah. I met you when I was in a
relatively sensible period because it was when I was living
with my ex and like I was driving to a lot of gigs, so I

(36:12):
wasn't drinking love I would. I was still binge drink and when
I did, but that period, actuallywhen I was first getting into
comedy, was probably the most sober I was when I was drinking.
Because you start seems I was did.
You have a break as well. What did you have a break from?
Stand up. I did but like years ago.
So I did like I started when I was 18 in London, did about 5
gigs and then just. Oh, right.
Stopped until I was about 20-3 and then just.

(36:33):
I thought it was like, I thoughtit was like 2 years before me
maybe. Yeah.
So what about that? Yeah, yeah, I was.
I was just like this little fucking ginger open spot.
Frick. He won't last long.
I. Was I was just round your ankles
like no, but I can drink, Sir, I.
Was like, you know what, he could stay.
You know these little scamp. It makes me feel less bad about
my alcohol. Problem drink and stiff Sir you.

(36:57):
Used to come to the MVD's. Then what was that?
Was that the what? The MVD's?
Hot water and MV. Yeah, no, I was just after MV.
You been in? So I was in the hotel.
Car Hotel. Yeah.
I was in the hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Like back those days, fucking
good times. Yeah.
It was like, it's mad. It was a proper one of those
that didn't realize how nostalgia could be.
Like we we started doing really well.

(37:18):
They get like the bigger rooms in the in the hotel, the
function rooms and they'd have them divides in the middle, you
know, like but all of comics would be on one side divide and
we'd all just be ripping each other and pretend you forget
that it's just it's. Just piping, yeah.
And the gigs going on, it's like200 people there sometimes and
Bens he just flying and go. Shut I've been those.

(37:38):
Geech was amazing. It was because like people
didn't know Paul. Obviously Paul Smith was hosting
and people had never seen it. So good.
One and he like he was. I remember the first time I saw
Paul being like, wow, like that's fucking MC.
He was ripping those rooms. Yeah, RIP it was.
Similar to when I first saw Nightingale.
Yeah, like this is. Stan Mate Nightingale was like

(38:00):
my hero when I started. We became really good mates.
We both lived in Leeds but like,like when I saw him beat the
frog, I was like, that's who I want to be when I grow up.
That's what's class now though. He don't have for so long and
now you're doing it. Yeah.
It's really nice because. I think it's a good bunch of
other me. Yeah, when I won, when I won,
beat the Frog World Series. Nightingale was hosting and we
were like, mates already. Because he like a lot of comics.

(38:20):
Like I'd be weird about hanging out with the open spot we just
got on, you know? And he was like, he's gonna be.
Good like that. Though No.
And he was like, he was dead happy for me.
I was dead happy to get it off him.
And like I'm host in the final this year.
It's 10 years since I won it andit's dead nice.
It's like a nice little full circle thing.
It's proper cool. He's in the final.
I haven't done it yet. Haven't.
You. No, no, it's the end of the year
mate. It's in like November.
The final just asked me to do italready.

(38:42):
Already. The talk will come out for that,
no worries. Big night.
Your eye. Over the last couple of years,
if you have, I'm not sure for this year, but last year I
thought Tabby Shakbar was fucking brilliant.
He didn't end up winning in the end, but he did really well on
the heats. Daniel Mcrena's really good.
He's come through. Yeah, Murphy won.
It was great. Shannon, who came second, was
fucking fantastic. I can't remember her fucking
surname because. She's not the old fella.

(39:03):
No, Murph, the young lad who's from Manchester, dead.
Man, he was brilliant. Fucking smashed it.
I wish I could remember. Shannon.
Surname dead. Sorry, she's got a fake surname
on Facebook so I'm gonna think about.
That Mccannon's good, he's good.He's really good, just really
funny, lad. So yeah, I love it.
I constantly see people. I'm like, oh, you're gonna be
class. You know, I might go to the
final. We've we've seen a few.
We've seen a few here. You can have my freebies.

(39:25):
I love them because I've done that before though.
You'll be off the air by them, maybe, yeah.
I've done that before. There's.
Some some drink tokens your way in the past.
This is how this is how much of A bum I've been.
Yeah, when you get 2 free drinksI go no, but if I buy you just a
coke, I'll have your pank. I'll save ATP fucking.

(39:47):
That was only last week. Oh you, you drive down.
You won't be needing them then. And also can I have a lift?
Yeah, it's always a wonderful night where you give Jamie a
beer tokens, game shitface. You've got to drive him home
while he's just muttering to himself because there is a level
of piss where Jamie just shuts down.

(40:08):
Oh yeah, and he will carry on for another 8 hours, but
cognitively he's not there. It's just.
He's been good though the past, I think the past couple of years
he's been better. Yeah, yeah.
It doesn't get really like that anymore.
But I think it's certain kind ofsituations.
Would you know? I have, I have the odd one
daughter, but I have like, Oh yeah, that's one.
That one's got away from me. That was one.

(40:29):
I have one. I have one every like two or
three months I'm like, yeah, there we go.
A little blow out there. Yeah.
I had too many of those, was my problem.
Like every night I was like. When I first started the
podcast, we like go to the pub after and you get like Barney
off The Simpsons after like freebies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'd be like fucking weird.
But now you're right. Now.
The hell. Told me that I was just a

(40:51):
fucking my problem was like I was just a fucking gob shy.
I'd get even louder and even more gobby when I was pissed and
like I wouldn't shut down as well.
Like I would black out and people wouldn't know I was black
out and I'd do another six hoursdrunk.
Me, that's why it's it's it's mind boggling.
I was a. Random drunk.
So like most nights I'd be dead on and off most nights.
See most nights I'd be dead fun.I'd be like trying to make stuff

(41:12):
happen to make it fun. That was my problem.
I get bored to try and make shithappen.
So most of the time it'd be fortunate.
We'd have a great laugh sometimes.
A lot of the time it get me in trouble and also I would get
arsy. Sometimes I'd get pissed and if
something didn't go my way, I didn't get let in somewhere
someone annoyed me. I could get into a fucking
ranty. Sometimes I'd be like miserable,
you know, it was random. Most of the time fine, but that
was fucking 510% were bad. Mine's mine.

(41:33):
Mine's very black out, very emotional.
Yeah. I really love everyone.
Yeah, yeah. I.
Used to message comics saying I think you're it's.
Gay though. You're so underrated.
You're so. Back and a compliment underrated
as well. And it's like everyone thinks
you're shit, but I think you're right.
I. Thought it was quite rated, I

(41:55):
didn't. Know there was no rating.
Thanks for that. Yeah.
Cheers mate. Yeah.
You've had some good news as well.
Oh, yeah, man, I'm having a baby.
Yeah, well, the missus is. I keep.
Yeah, yeah, keep saying it like that.
It sounds weird. Do you want your baby to be cold
head? I don't you babe, but it's.

(42:16):
I'll be honest with you, like myone of my mates who I got to
like show. Your babies me a Coke.
Well, well, no, he's got a point.
Because I. You I mean no, because I.
Got to, I got to, I got to a festival with a mother and son
pair. Like they both come and it's
like, I've always found it really like wholesome, but they
go raving together and I'd fucking love that.
Love to take pills with my kid. That'd be dead nice.

(42:37):
You know I love not for a while.Oh no, son, no.
When when I put you. On the bottle.
As you as you get that I've I'veseen people who they're close to
them that they party with them stuff and it's it's it's it's a
nice thing. It's because basically they're
not hiding anything away from them exactly.
And. They're so close and I won't.
Have you just tell? Me, and I'd rather they did
pills and drank. Like, pills have caused me a lot

(42:58):
less fucking problems than booze, you know, like.
PP The pills are here, yet should I have another one?
Oh, son. Wait half an hour, son.
Thank you, Pop. Start with a quarter.
We don't know how strong they are that nice.
Pop of and I grow up can I deal drugs of course you can so if

(43:23):
you do anything you. Try to buy them off the deep
web. Well, yeah, like generally I
would like I'm definitely gonna be like open with them about it.
And like, because the reason that I did loads of drugs when I
was a teenager was I got told from everyone, everyone fucking
sick, right. But like everyone told me like
at school and that it was all every drug will kill you, every
drugs fucking awful. If you do any drugs you get

(43:43):
addicted in, your life will be ruined.
I started smoking weed and I waslike, this is class and nothing
bad's happening. Maybe all the other drugs are
like this and so I just tried them all because like, I've been
lied to about that. One and then you just found
which ones. Yeah, I just found my sweet
spot. And you find your sweet spot.
Oh yeah. So like, yeah, I wouldn't.
They were doing like mushrooms and pills and stuff like that.
Good for you. Like I'd want them to do
psychedelics. They're really good for you.

(44:03):
Caffeine's a drug. Caffeine's a drug.
Yeah, man. Well, I can't.
No. I definitely would like to have
that sort of open relationship with him.
That'd be that nice. We're looking forward to that,
man. It's that nice.
No, a couple of weeks by now. First kid.
Yeah. First one man I like, I had a
really shit dad. So for ages I was like, I don't

(44:24):
really want to be a dad because like, I reckon I'll probably be
the same, but like, I'm not. I'm nice.
So I'm going to be sound. I've got such a low bar.
In order to be the best dad in my family, I've got.
I'm not batting me, missus. Oh, fuck off.
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I know, but as she made you see
cold. She is pretty annoying.
I'm struggling mate. I'll be honest with you, she's
doing fucking headed. And when your kid wants to dance

(44:45):
or not do drugs, mate, you've got to fuck him.
Off. Yeah, we've already talked about
how like my Mrs. is winding me up.
She was like she was sort of half hypothetically asking.
She was like, what if your kid comes back and says they want to
be a Man United fan? I was like, they're on the
streets. Like there could be a Leeds fan
or Stockport County where we live.
That's the choice. I'm not fucking having it.
I'm going to lay the lot. I've already they're not.
They're not due till fucking October.

(45:05):
I've already bought 540 kits. No, man, but like, you know, by
our girl, I'll wanna, you know, be nice if they're not into it,
the night into it, but you're like, it'd be nice.
But as. Well, yeah, mate, Yeah.
Yeah. For a Halloween baby, that's
spooky. Yeah, but it's mad.
Like I never thought, like, whenI was younger, I was.
I don't really want to do that. But like now, it feels dead

(45:25):
good. Man, it's mentally and.
Probably good place. Yeah, exactly.
You probably. Can't keep chacking as well.
You wouldn't. This is it, man.
I need, I needed to do that to sort everything else out because
like there was loads of all thisshit.
There was problems and like the drinking was kind of like the
most obvious bit of it and wouldlead to me doing all the fucked
up things, you know? So yeah, I needed to sort my
shit out in order to do it. It's.
Funny though, it's. So funny.

(45:46):
That's funny. Yeah, like.
I've got one more year left. Yeah, I keep saying.
I said. I said when I get 30, I'm sober.
I did as well. Basically, you know and.
Then I said. 30, man, and then Isaid 35 and now, and now I'm
only nine months away. And your liver's fucking
clinging on. You might have to.
We'll do we'll do 40 with gout you're.

(46:11):
Like a scumbag Henry the Eighth.You've got your tall poster
there. Now you're 40. 40 with gout Oh,
Jamie, 40 with gout. That's a good, that's a good
post to that. Speaking about your tour, yeah,
yeah. How many dates you're doing?
34 OH. Yes, come on, it's.
Probably too many because I've done all the little towns around
the city, so I'll probably cost myself tails.

(46:32):
I'm not like looking forward to it, man.
I've done 10. Weeks to meet the big cities.
But yeah, yeah, it's mine's getting mine.
I've just had some good news yesterday as well.
So it's getting extended finally.
It's just been, it's just been alot.
Yeah, yeah, it's a lot of organising in it, yeah.
It's getting cut. It's getting.
Put over to someone else's. We've got the same tour.
Manager, Bridget's fucking ClassA tour manager and she's just
sorted it out like she she is very kind and patient and like

(46:54):
you know, she's like, it doesn'tmatter if you don't do this
today, but you've got to fill inthis form and I'm like, okay,
so. And when she comes out with me,
she went, oh, this venue said I went.
What do you think is best that then?
Yeah. Yeah, I've got a couple of
venues that are too big for me, but they've they've promised me
they can section them off. I had to go one of them.
They were like it's a 350 seat of like, can it be smaller?

(47:17):
Can it be smaller? Can it be smaller?
I'm not that comfortable. Yeah.
You'd. Be surprised though, you know as
well. I hope so.
It's Sheffield, the Foundry. It's fucking massive.
Sheffield The Foundry Sheffield So.
It's going to do the lead mill, but it's been fucked over.
It's been. I was booked in for the lead
mill but we had to move it therebecause the lead mills.
RIP. The lead mill has been taken
over by some fucking cunts. They put me on the last tour, so

(47:41):
you'll be red doing that. Yeah.
They give me. I give a shit about the venue.
I used to go watch Geeks there when I was a kid and that it's
like a really. Story I was booked in there you
find that. Yeah, yeah, don't maybe to
another. I've got other venues, but like,
yeah, it's just the company. You've taken it over a pricks.
They're basically like. I am being.
Facetious. They're building, they bought

(48:03):
the building out and basically they've waited till after cover
to see how the business rebounded and then they're
basically kicking out the lead mill and everyone involved with
it and copying the business, just doing the same shit but
with a new name. And I think it's really gross
and they should fuck off. It's soon.
This is it. It's been there since 1980.
You can't. Really quantify things like
that. Yeah, it's literally the place
where Pulp did the first gig of the brand is.

(48:24):
Yeah, it's. Like that, maybe not as big in
terms well, like the Hacienda orsomething.
It's like that name. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, exactly. So many venues like that are.
Closed, you know, Yeah. The only thing I try and console
myself with because I'm sentimental about old buildings
and old venues and stuff. Yeah, but like, there are always
new ones starting is the thing. There's always going to be

(48:44):
somewhere else. You can't kill culture and as
much as they try. Some I like little themed bar
where, Oh yeah, you've got an Ian Curtis novel on the fucking.
That one's gone. Don't worry, that one didn't
last. Yeah, the Oasis one in
Manchester's. Fucking bad.
Anything fucking? Bad.
Maybe we had the Only Fools bar on the Fool.
Yeah, anything. It was a Peaky Blinders bar
briefly as well, down by the docks and yeah, what do?

(49:05):
You think miles off isn't it? Is this you can't still have a
Peaky Blinders bar in 2025? People are surely over Peaky
Blinders. Not there.
You know, if it's close, it wasn't that long if.
It's still open. I'm going after this Manchester
ones open. I didn't know the cultural
weight that would carry that would carry on.
I see I. Think people just flashing the
people that people are getting too lazy now and just stop being

(49:27):
creative. Yeah, like just doing that.
Like just any TV show bars like.Any sort of themed bar where
it's like, you know, like Karen Stein.
Other stuff are rude. Yeah, I'm going to take me
grand. I got asked to to do a comedy
gig there and I was like, no, yeah, yeah.
It's like, it's I hate that it'sall fucking failed actors and I
don't want to be around him. Yeah, the stance of failure

(49:50):
makes me sad. That's all you have to say.
That's all you have to say to him.
Yeah, well, that's the problem. I'd I'd fucking.
Obsess a charm school. Yeah, I'm bet I'm better at it
than them. But the fries in the bag?
Bread. Go get me sandwiches.
Shut up. Oh.
You fatty, Fatty now then, fatty, Yeah.

(50:13):
I would like the thing that is special about the places that
the food is nice, you know? That's why that's why I'd like
to go to a restaurant, not because they're being country
about it. Still open.
I don't know. I was.
So it was all kind of. Apparently the owner died in
2021. I order the big line.

(50:37):
No way did flat cap flatline. I mean, RIP obviously massage,
but you know I never deal with. April 24.
Last April, they closed. That is longer than I thought it
would. Last.
Because I saw it fucking years ago.
I was gigging next to it. I can't remember why, but like I

(50:57):
was gigging around there and I was like, fucking hell.
That was already a couple of years after peeking.
That was, I think that was the Baltic one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was that one where
there was like 5 people I think it was.
I love to say. Anyway, that's not a year
though, yeah. Yeah, totally is mate.
I love the series but. Some.
I love the series. Some of the fans that got in it,
I think it was our generations. Creightwins.

(51:19):
Do you know where people from who grew up in the 60s and
stuff, they fetishized the crazeso much?
Yeah, yeah, I think that's what lads did about.
It was just it was always Fiat 500 girl with Peaky Blinders guy
that was the that was the relationship one in their grey
house with their artificial and their Range Rover, you know,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the. Crushed velvet colours.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

(51:40):
Do you watch the show? It was a watch show.
I. Never watched it actually.
I don't watch a lot of dramas unless I always wait till
they're done so see if they're actually going to be.
It's very unbelievable. I just, I, I don't want to
become a picky blinders, man. I'm worried I'm going to get too
into it and I'm eight years too late and I've got the fucking
haircut and I'm like, hey, pickyblinders, everyone.
Hey, I'm watching anyone I'll call Mobland.
Oh yeah. It's fuck, what's it about?

(52:01):
Believable. Is it Tom Hardy?
One Tom Hardy one. Yeah, he used to be a hero.
Another. Yeah, I'll tell you.
What Solomon's what? Was Alfie Solomon?
Solomon, Jason. It's got a.
Fucking hammer. Tom Hardy as well.
I watched the film where he got his not YouTube he's.
He used to be a junk. He used to be a junkie.

(52:21):
Come back from Free Junkie. Joey reminds Joey reminds me of
in interviews because this I didn't interview him.
It's like I just want to say I've seen you stay behind with
all the fans and stuff and have a picture at Comic Con Joe when
he was Venom and no, Novat says that.
I just want to say some massive inspiration to him.
Tom's like it's very nice of youto say.

(52:42):
I've seen in Mike Bassett, England manager.
It's been a while since of city.Where Gary Wackett is drinking
tea off a like real delicate China cup.
You're being too specific. So Gary.
Gary Wackett hasn't even seen about 15.
Years. But he knows Gary Wackett.
Is brain works in mysterious ways.
Psycho Gary Wackett can. Only remember it can only

(53:02):
remember Mike Bassett and horse racing stats.
It's always. And what a shirt number sort of
Leicester's left back wore in 1993.
That's all his brain does. It's all all the power has gone
to those things and nowhere else.
Decision making. Zero.
Looks like he's going to create a character.
He stuck all his stats in that. Autism.
Yeah. Autism 100.

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Oh so fucking cheer. But Gary Wack is there.
He's drinking. He's trying to cook, Are you?
What about some criticisms, Gary, about your disciplinary

(54:28):
record? Well, you know, I'm a very
passionate management. What about 8 red cards in 15
games? What do you fucking say?
It's so fun. It's.
Just. A little delicate.
Film. Tell you what, I've been
watching. Have you seen Virgin Island yet?
No, that's fucking class. What's it about?
It's about virgins on an island.Yeah.

(54:49):
It's fucking brilliant, right? So they take all these virgins.
As they pop the cherries on the island.
Well, that's the thing, right? So they got.
Yeah, yeah. But I don't think they're gonna
show a full penetration. But fingers crossed, nobody.
You just wanna know if someone loses.
It so like there's a bunch of them, all these British virgins
and they've all gone out there and some of them.
British, oh, British virgins, amazing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because an American one I could
go like be. All sentimental and yeah.

(55:10):
For God, Yeah. Yeah.
And you're Christian, but just at least.
You gotta be like fuck. Yeah, they're fat.
They're autistic, they call they've been molested.
Those are about the three categories that you get there.
You get Minga molested, autistic.
Those are your big ones. There's a big those are the big
representative ones. But as they go on this island,
they're the people who run it are like these French hippie

(55:33):
prostitutes and like and like they dress it up.
They're sex therapists, but they're fucking shagging these
virgins. So like but season 2 it's
already it's. So what did they do?
So what's the point of the game?It's not a game, it's.
Not a game. It's not a game.
It's deadly serious. No, it's not.
It's not like, it's not like a Love Island game where the
knocking people out, they're allit's a documentary.

(55:54):
Like whack A mole but shagamong no.
They just put them all on there with these therapists and they
do like these therapies where like they rub their face on
their belly or whatever to give them human contact to get them
used to it and like work it up. But like they start too hard
because there's like they've putthe women in with this like yoga
teacher, fucking God of a man. Like, you know, he's got a

(56:16):
little man bun 6 pack flowy white sort of Roby thing.
And he's like, and like that's but that's a level 10 Shaq.
You need to start with like an awkward fumble with another
artist. Jamie and Jamie.
Yeah, well, Jamie. A new therapist.
Yeah, I'll. Send me in.
Yeah, I would. Love it if there's one of them
who's just lying, because how can you prove it?
It's like, yeah, I'm a bad virgin man.

(56:36):
Yeah, yeah. So.
I can't be on that island. So, so nervous.
Yeah. Oh I couldn't ever touch a fatty
mate. Probably need 2 therapists.
I. Need 2.
I need 2 therapists and my dad watches in the corner but.
Can I have a look at the therapist's feet?

(56:58):
So as as in a as in a, they've got the.
There's one of them who's streaking her head.
He's putting his billions like he's got to be soon.
He's fucking very eager. And he's clear.
He's clear. Like, some of them are dead
nervous, but some of them are just like, he's clearly like,
being trying and just not being good at it.

(57:20):
And now there's finally a woman who's been paid and like, but
that's what I don't get. Some of them are like in their
like, late 20s and like, yeah, Idon't have a shower.
Have you never heard of brass? Save up £200, you're problem
solved. Say that I've been friends
she's. Been taking to get to dating and
get it done, you know what I mean?
I do. I'll be friends all with that.
I've been friends owned by a brass in the past.
What? That's fucking you are, yes.

(57:44):
Good job you laughed then. Good job you laughed then.
I was getting a strike laughter that is ugly.
Call me ugly lad. Call you you just.
Said that you got a refund off aproject.
I said. I said the situation is ugly.
I didn't get a refund of a stiffcoat with her.
Yeah, you said you got friends all.

(58:05):
No 'cause I couldn't get it up. But when you say you got friends
on my rash you're literally paying for the service and if
she's went oh let's just be friends and kept you when that
is ugly. Yeah, she kept me on there.
Right, so that's a friend zone. She's just had a fucking night
off. And she's stiff.
She's like, Oh no, I don't get to shag this mess.
I'm a sniff coke together, but Icouldn't I couldn't get it up
and I don't worry about it. Oh come on of.

(58:25):
Course, that's just it. You've been playing.
You made that. The remade that was you.
You she, she comes to your hotelroom, you give her money and she
just went. No, no.
No, no, it's definitely like, surely you're, you know, she's
on the clock, she should still be trying.
You know it's her fault. It's actually just like we're
we're. Not a refund.
We're working but I had nowhere else to go, so it's just like,

(58:49):
it's just fucking. Was this in call?
Was it what? An in call?
Yeah, yeah. What does that mean?
Talking? I'll call.
You I don't know, I don't know the I don't know the slice.
Is very. I've actually, I've actually
never got a brass, not for any moral reasons.
It's just there's never been a point in my life when I've been
both a single and B able to afford a prostitute.

(59:09):
I would want a shag. I I went through a phase when I
was younger where I'd be on the coke and that was my, I get him.
That was my thing. And there was.
I just sneak off. It would have made I.
Just called it. Would have made my life a lot
easier because I would just try and pull and that was hard and
it wouldn't work all the time. I'd get all like horny and
frustrated. Like I don't, I don't think
there's anything morally wrong with it at all.
I think like I never should. Be a lot of it.

(59:31):
Yeah, I never. The bus, yeah, I never strucked
a bus. No, but you try.
It's a coke. Yeah, that's an attempt you've
got off on a technicality. There, listen, I've got off.
But I do think like in sales andthat like it's your sort it out.
Yeah, you can just. Because there's, there's always
some sort of exchange in a sexual relationship, you know,
maybe it's your company that they like, or maybe it's

(59:51):
something else, you know, But like, if you can't attract
anyone because you're a fucking ugly little mink, right?
You can save up some money, pop some cash away.
Problem solved. You're not a virgin anymore, you
know. Don't get angry.
But you wouldn't want to save ityou.
Wouldn't. Want to be deflowered in that
way? But it's.
Special. My deflower room was not a
special moment, I don't think. Most people I wasn't.

(01:00:13):
See that actually? I barely remember it, literally
all I remember I was so pissed. Literally all I remember is
being surprised by how warm it was and then jizz in it was it
was not a strong performance. Oh, that's warm.
Jeez. I just wanted to just get the
monkey off me back. Yeah, I did a bit, although I
was a bit romantic when I was a teen.
I was just like, no, I'm going to wait for the one.
And then I I told myself. Just get pissed at a party and

(01:00:33):
then yeah. I told myself that until someone
said you can do it. Yeah, Then I was like, Oh no,
I'm actually. Interested.
No. I'll wait for marriage.
You can fuck me. I was.
Gonna wait for marriage but likeyou know, till I was in love.
Yeah, but like basically that was me trying to console myself
a bit, but unfuckable when I was.
A teenager, I was saying. Yeah, I was an incredibly.
Unfuckable teen. I'll be selling a bit.
Until one woman hoisted a leg ather shoe.
Don't change. Shout out.

(01:00:55):
Shout out. Lindsay Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
At least you made me unclappy. I was.
I was not a Lady Colossa teenager though.
Just. Say, don't do that, love.
What is that? I was 14, 15. 1414 borderline
abuse 15 it gets there's There'sonly a really little range of

(01:01:19):
ages where it's good to lose your virginity and it's one way.
Either way, it gets sad done. Yeah, you've really.
Got I was in that sweet spot 17 perfect.
I think I think 17's a bang on. When did when was yours 1818?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's well within the
sweet spot. You're just, you know, 14 is 15.
It was 15's fine. I think 15 you, you're grand.

(01:01:41):
You know, I was like blue, but that was well.
If it's, if it's as well. If it starts to begin with A2,
it's starting to get a bit. If it's a 3, kill yourself.
What? And that's why you're watching
this program. I'm sorry but.
If if in 30 years you cannot figure out how to shag someone,

(01:02:02):
if you can't work it out by then, you know, because there's.
Someone who's on the way. Like, you know, you've right,
right? Just the the problem with Intels
is that we're always upset that,like, fit people don't want to
shag him. It's like, yeah, you're minging.
Yeah, you have to shag mingers. That's fine.
You can have a great time shagging mingers.
I have. I've had some brilliant nights
with mingers. Yeah, it's not a problem.

(01:02:23):
Yeah, people have. People have to.
What's it called? The the standards standards.
Way too high. You've got to be realistic and
some minging people have cracking vaggies.
It's. Not been damaged.
I've got a cracking badge. Alright, so on that lovely

(01:02:44):
public service announcement, some in sales.
I don't. I can't imagine any in sales
watching those though. Oh.
No, we're not that. We never get any on Dead Man.
All our fans are top shaggers. I'll.
Say that the shaggers will both be at dead meat, Yeah.
You're gonna be down in and out this year.
Best day of the fucking. Year what a what a fuck it was
fucking mini was my. My favorite gigs of the year

(01:03:06):
last year 100. Percent and like it's bigger.
And better this year. I I know what I'm doing this.
I wanna just get fucked. Up.
That's why it's about weight, but it's like nearly twice as
big this year, we've said. We've said a few times with
either you or Freddie been on here or off when you haven't
been on. We spoke about all all last
year. It was honestly one of our
favorite days, yeah. Thank you.
He's a fan of any any any of ours or.

(01:03:26):
Yeah, if you like comedy, it's amazing.
And like the lineups, fucking ridiculous.
Like, because everyone wants to do it because it's dead fun.
And like it's that's it. We just wanted to make it
fucking fun. Like most comedy festivals are
like a little bit up their ass, to be honest.
It's weird because it's meant tobe comedy.
I think what's nice about yours as well and people like like all
of us is we'll mingle with people exactly have a tink with.

(01:03:46):
People good hang. It would say nice things to.
Hang out with everyone and stuffand it's like that lack of like,
it's nice for people who love itto come hang out with us.
It's like that lack of Division's dead fun.
It's like everyone's a good vibeso it's fun to hang out I think.
That's just been a good thing about about this whole, this
whole point about this thing. I think we are very, all of us,
very yeah, tightly out with people who watch us.
That do this I did an hour on the gate.

(01:04:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he did. It was fucking class.
He was handing out wristbands. He was like, I don't even know
what him up for. Yeah.
We're gonna get him. We're gonna get him to just do
random jobs this year. It's gonna pop up in random.
Places try to give an Uber driver a gold he.
Was handing out the VIP's to everyone.
All right, getting that green room sent for him.
He. Was hand them all for the
armies. He was getting stuff for.

(01:04:30):
You there now? I think it's the only Comedy
Festival on earth where someone smoked crack and didn't get
kicked out. I will put my track in the box
and I will actually use it down.Santa Santa's called wristbands
for drinking vouchers. That's funny you.
Fucking screw up. There was free drinks in the
fucking green room. There was unlimited free drinks.
You fucking more like that. Though.

(01:04:55):
Right. Go and check Rob out.
Go and watch. Robcomedy.com for tour tickets
and Dead Man talk.com for Dead Mate.
Go and watch him, my fantastic comedian.
I'm one of my favorite guests and we're on Patreon, so if you
want to see all the access to episodes like this and two bonus
episodes a week, that's on patreon.com/hot Waters Green
Room and we'll see you again next.
Week and Jamie is also. On work in progress so it's on

(01:05:16):
my link tree. Find them, follow them, love
them, love you lots. Bye.
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#180 - With Rob Mulholland - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#180 - With Rob Mulholland - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie