#181 - With Kyle Legacy - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie - Hot Water’s Green Room Podcast

Episode Transcript
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Let's get into the episode. Hey, hey, hey, we're back

(03:05):
another episode. I'm a host down, but he is
coming in later. I said I'm not starting without
you. I'm starting without him because
we're on the time limit, so fine.
Solo ring A Ding Ding. Return of the King.
Tony's terrified on my riffs. That's what it is, the car box
shaking right now. Ball away.
I got to lose 2 Stones podcast though.

(03:27):
It's going to be a nightmare. And he's currently running laps
at the studio. He was scared to get in the
scared to get in his pit, but. I was going to sit sitting
there, but that's going to be some debits.
You know what I mean, I. Slept in a dip in my old bed.
Yeah, for about 5 years in a broken mattress.
Yeah, just curving out and that and I had a bit of join.

(03:50):
Your body just adjusts. Yeah, Yeah, I couldn't.
I was, I couldn't sleep in normal beds like Tom Hanks in
Castaway. That's like you.
Slept like a. Prawn.
You. Were past the fish market.
You're like, I'm just. Going to get a nap of you.
Boys, I slept awful. That's not a not king size bed.

(04:13):
By the card that's no I've done that because it like I did a
matches for like a 11 and I don't know why.
I just refused to get another one for ages, and it would
deflate every night. So like, I'd put it on, then I
got to sleep, and then I'd wake up and I'd be like fucking
halfway down it, like fucking trapped, you know, like fucking
number Unbreakable where fuckingBruce Willis is trying to get

(04:35):
out the pool or whatever the fuck.
It was like that closing in on me.
I'd turn it back on. I'd reappear.
Like fucking he was sick. He used he did that to me,
didn't he, Callum? We went, we went when we was
like open spots went to London for a week to open mics.
That's just what my name about and we stayed in.
You're Robin Perkins. Oh yeah, stayed to an aircraft.
So I was on an airbed and that and I'd fall asleep 1st and he'd

(04:57):
just like down every night and say I popped every night but
wait till I fell asleep. It could be completely.
I was on his goal like that and I did so far fucking.
I'm not paying £30 for a new bed, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was just him every night.
Let me, let me. Yeah, that's.
So funny you got to punch your kids out.
So fucking. Not bad enough.

(05:17):
Did you think Callum, that was yeah, that's.
What? Well, you know me, I'm such a
fucking gypsy. Even now I'm like as soon as I
sat on this couch, I'm like thisis a nice couch.
This. Is the 3000 model this is?
I'm like, this is fucking great.This is sick like man chiller
first time first time we recorded it.
I got him really I was I I can'topen some sleep on here.
It's like this is a sick couch to be almost.

(05:37):
Later. Yeah, yeah.
To be homeless, yeah. No, this is better than better.
Homeless people don't deserve this.
This. You know what I mean?
That's like, even if I was on the side of the road, if I saw
the homeless person sleeping alright, be like, get off it.
Like come on, what are you doinghere?
I saw a homeless person read thebook once.
That was quite interesting. That was like a good, like a,

(05:58):
it's like a, you know, like a political painting.
It's not going to be a fucking. Home renovation like that, It's
10 ways to improve your life. Where is this spot the dog?
Yeah, some of the big where's wallet you?

(06:19):
Assume it would have to be if he's reading it, it's got to be
like fucking fiction or something, you know?
You've got to be like Harry Potter to be like, take yourself
out of this shit. Looks like a dog one one of
those like shit your dad books like you know, like about
fucking SAS and all. Oh yeah.
I know that. One of them, yeah, but maybe.
Just maybe a scratch and sniff. I feel like every book a

(06:39):
homeless person reads is a scratch and sniff.
You got too much stuff on their hands and that I'm like.
It looks quite. It looks quite poetic.
That and beautiful, didn't it? Stops.
Maybe stop. Yeah.
Maybe he's doing it as a prop. Like a prop.
Homeless. But that's true, yeah.
I don't like it when they like ask kind of weekly poetry for a

(07:00):
quid. I was like now I'll give you a 5
and not 2. Yeah, exactly.
I'll pay you not to bomb. That's brutal.
That is. Oh, my Lord.
Really. Somebody's asked you for.
Yeah. Yeah.
Do you want to hit a poem for a quid?
It's like an outdoor sort of like a big garden body, like a
small outside the front place inManchester.
Yeah, I mean, I support the arts, but I'm not fond of this
shit. Just too crazy.

(07:22):
Yeah. How many times can you arrive?
Rhyme Crack. Holy shit love, exactly what are
you all about? I don't know.
So yeah, I gave it like I alwaysgive, give money for if I've
got. It's just cashless society in
it, bro, Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
But you can't pay with that. I could pay with some tips.

(07:44):
Connor poetry tips. Oh yeah, yeah.
Just a bookmark or something like that I.
Won't give you money? I'll give you my wisdom and I
have the money allowed to shut up.
Yeah, exactly. I'm like money doesn't buy
haikus like so. That's AT shirt money.
Don't buy haikus. That should be a documentary for

(08:08):
the whole this guy that Yeah, money.
Don't buy haikus. I didn't even know I knew that
word. That's.
Fucking I used to flirt with a girl from work in haiku.
Really. Yeah, Yeah.
Is that creepier than regularly you reckon I.
Want. Yeah, but she was like really
nerdy, really quiet and shy. So she was.
And yeah, but she, she was married as well.

(08:29):
And then we ended up having. Forbidden haiku for your ears
only. So, but she was like really
attractive because I was intelligent.
I was. Yeah, of course.
But we was we was like not, not nothing too sexual, but really
like pretty flirtatious on haiku.
And then she thought fucking he's he's he's different.

(08:51):
This guy went, yeah, I just had a haiku checker up.
The what? I just had a haiku checker up.
So that just what it just makes haikus.
Makes haikus. Really.
Yeah, what the fuck? So you're hitting them with the
most. Niche haikus like once you.
Have for dinner tuna sandwich. Tuna sandwich.
Leave the cucumber bread. Oh, it's a haiku, The one that

(09:15):
does it right. 757. Oh, so it's like. 7 syllables 5.
Tuna. Mayo all 5575.
Google Haiku. For it.
Yeah, Google. Yeah, yeah, 575.
So you have footed with a girl. Fire Haiku did.
You get any haiku pussy? Did you get any haiku pussy?
No haiku haiku head. What, what?

(09:35):
What happened? Then I just fizzled out.
Yeah, I just, I got got a new job, moved on.
But if I was fought like Joey off like these imagination
wanks, Yeah, I always thought I'd do a gig one day.
Yeah. And she's in the crowd.
I'd missed me last strange like,oh, just to stay as Richard.
Richard to working. Yeah, yeah.
And we're just like having haikulittle chat on the on the couch
and just fucking. Just like look at this, I kept

(09:58):
every haiku or something like that I.
Used to RIP me head off to that one.
I, I was used to think that because you know, when you go on
ALDI and you meet like girls on ALDI or something, like you go
like I'd go with me mom and that.
But then I'd take me mates or something like that, Chris
Cassidy from school and we'd meet the girls and all that.
You'd neck them and shit like that or whatever and stuff like
that. Maybe like fucking grab a tent
in the pool and shit and did write your letters wouldn't need

(10:21):
this before like text and they write your letters.
I used to just RIP them off likewith the fucking they put like
the passport photos in there andstuff like that and I would just
RIP them up and that could I couldn't read and write and
shit. So I was like, oh fuck, I'm
going to ruin anything. I'm cool.
And if I write back like fuckingall these spelling mistakes and
all that shit. I had that done to me so I had
I've I've found love with some girl on MSN.

(10:43):
She's from Liverpool so rememberher e-mail address?
Well, I remember a mates e-mail address because she didn't have
MSN. So you wait.
You were fucking. On MSN.
Yeah, but then you were using, she was using their mates one
like the actual desktop, you reckon?
Or just here Well. E-mail I think the first night
we met on Omni chat or Teen chatdot Yeah she was at a mates

(11:03):
house. Okay.
And then we got chatting. But I really liked Rachel, not
Jillian. Yeah.
And so Rachel mustn't have had the Internet and that so.
This sounds like the original catfish, don't it?
Yeah, it's just. Like the first ever, it's an
Indian noodle Internet cafe for Sean.
And I used to ringer in a telephone box and that.
No, I thought MSN was the fucking.

(11:23):
Yeah, MSN, but then because I. Was any?
That's not me, Yeah. 'Cause I ran, I used to ring
girls all the time off the landline and ran up big.
Birds. Oh yeah, of course.
So. We almost like stop ringing you
calendar. Yeah, he's got to speak.
You have a power. A little Winnie the Pooh phone.
Yeah, be like that. Of course I don't mind fucking

(11:44):
pausing Football Manager for theyou any day, baby.
Don't you worry about that. Yeah, it's not.
Going on the background though. So then I've written a love
letter which anyone who's seen last page episode, oh, it's not
out yet. The next page, Oh, it's gone out
today. I have a thing for some patrons,
so apologies for repeating it. Basically when I was 9, I fell

(12:05):
in love with a girl on holiday. Yeah, OK.
And I written. What destination?
Blackpool or Wales? OK, nice.
And I that's what I. Wanted to say something on the
same holiday camp. I written a letter of permission
to see if I could be his. Be a girlfriend.
No way. Yeah.
And that's the most gently thingin the world.
That's crazy that she rejected her.

(12:25):
Wait, but the dad gave you permission?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK.
Yeah, and I saw on the council she ran off.
Really. Yeah.
Brutal. Funny though.
What, you ask? I just.
I just, I'll take care of her and all this.
I'll take care of her. I'll show her the world.

(12:46):
She's. Going to be happy and crude.
Don't you worry, Dad. She.
Was 7. What was the What was the
Penguin one? Remember the Penguin 1?
It was like, it was like MSN kind of, but it was Penguins.
Oh, and you remember that one? Club Penguin where club?
Penguin, I think that was it, yeah.
Going, isn't it? Nah, it's just an older one than
that then. This was like for sure.
Hotel what? Habbo Hotel was what?

(13:07):
Hammer Hotel? Nah, I think that was yeah,
before my time. So I I've written this girl from
Liverpool. Yeah, I've written.
We've never seen each other so hot.
This is proper blind glove. Like love is blind.
Yeah, exactly. And I put a picture in of me on
a balcony looking at your mums tits.
Look at your mums tits Yeah, okay, because.

(13:28):
I was next to me mom on a balcony.
And you're trying to blag. It was like just a random bed.
No, no, I'm just like I just look at your mums tits because I
was like fucking else I was then.
Yeah, yeah. But it adds my jaw lining so I
thought I look good here. OK, nice.
Yeah. So I sent that to her and she
she never she never messaged back and never got in touch to

(13:48):
her hotel. I know I'm going to try and
track down her e-mail. She'll track her.
That 7 year old, have you been? Out there anyway, but what's her
name? She was called Rachel.
Her friend was called Gillian Stevenson.
Gillian Stevenson But you don't wait.
Rachel's the one you liked, though isn't.
It Rachel's one I didn't. Know your last name now.
No, no, can't remember Gillian Stevenson.

(14:11):
I remember 'cause she had her e-mail.
We need Gillian Stevenson to grass up Rachel, that's all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you can, and it's, I know
you're telling Stevenson, 'causeyou had a blue Yonder e-mail
address. What?
That's crazy that yeah, she was before airtime.
She she was on blue Yonder, yeah.
Yeah, exactly. I mean, she was using it as an
actual e-mail account. Let me see if I see your e-mail.

(14:32):
Yeah, that's crazy on my old one.
Rachel's got it. That must have been an AOL or
something like that maybe? Yeah, she was deaf or blue
Yonder. Yeah, so I'm going to see if
it's on my old e-mail. That's so.
Funny, yeah, to find it on Facebook or something wouldn't.
You, I mean, this is getting weird.
I mean, yeah, this is. This I need to I need to stop

(14:52):
tracking down. Stalking and then obviously
everybody has to listen and it'slike trying to.
Do that I. Need to stop?
Yeah. She was a golf.
She's a golf. She might she might have aged
out of the golf. Yeah, I imagine.
God forbid she might have just. I imagine the golf I imagine.
Fuck golf. Fuck.
Off. I imagine she was a fuck golf.
OK yeah, she give a fuck. Golf energy.

(15:13):
Oh yeah, nice. If you're Rachel, I'm working
CEX now. If your name's Rachel, look.
Down If you're wearing dark Martens, it could be you.
Hey, do you smell of monster? I'll tell you what does go with
a monster. Have you Have you got a
wristband of every music festival that you ever went to?

(15:36):
If the case is so apply below here click this link.
Do you have a 10 named after youdownload?
Do you use weird blue light bulbs is the regular ones?
This could be you. I'll tell you what does go by
with Monster. Any 10 Vodka.
Any anytime, any place, any 10. Oh, is that the?

(15:59):
Is that the slogan? It's now I made it up bro.
Any 10 if you drink this whole any woman will look like a 10
if. You drink this whole thing.
Any woman would look like a 10 if you drink this.
Have you not got the confidence to choke your nan?

(16:20):
If you think family events are going too.
Smoothly if you didn't punch therat by your last fucking bar
mitzvah. Drink a fucking look at that
lights open. I think.
I don't know, that's crazy. You can glass.
Somebody in the dark. How convenient.
I know for me I only want supervised access to my children

(16:42):
and that's why I drink. 8 are. You sick of seeing your kids
with more than once a week? That's hilarious.
Sucks. It's a very nice drink.
Come on in, Masson. Yeah, they're funny.
Driving vodka. Driving vodka, You can operate

(17:05):
every machinery with this. That's the bit that they take
Problem. If you find that every time you
punch that wall. And hit your hand.
Drill the football of this. You'll go through it like the
Kool-aid Man. I love if Tony Walton, then he

(17:26):
says. That he says that what's what's
the catch phrase as well? He's got no.
What is it? What's he say?
It's like, hello, he's got a catch phrase out of here that's
yeah, that's fine, that that's so funny.
And then when he comes, we'll just keep saying that and he

(17:47):
won't get it. Yeah, suddenly he came in.
Then it's so funny. Like, sorry I'm late.
I'm like you are right on time. For this riff, so we so yeah.
Oh, yeah. When he comes here, we're gonna
go. Oh yeah, yeah.

(18:11):
That's so funny though. Is that's going to fall?
Should I do that as a clip then you say?
So much, yeah, that's a clip, shot all.
All the clips are going to be. I'm totally fat, of course.
It's crazy. Hello boss, I.

(18:32):
Am the godfather. You come to me on the day of my
podcast record. She's like, Tony's going to be
sleeping with the fish. She's not even here.
Oh, obviously Tony's in the toilet.
Oh yeah, so she fucking is. Last night we, you know, back my
boy in the wheelchair. Oh yeah.
He got trapped in a lift, literally.

(18:56):
So Creatures Comedy Club, you got to, you put them in, then
you got to go down and call it. And like, so I was doing, I'd
done it for them like twice and that.
And then we just got stoned and then outside and then me, me and
Daddy Davies were like, it'd be funny if we'd fucking left the
middle of the lift and all that.And then we go down to the club,
we get a beer and then we're like.
Where's Beck? Oh, we'd left for 15 minutes.

(19:19):
Look at this. Look at this.
The funniest screenshot of this.This message.
Where is it? Missed call.
The lift in the lift for like 10minutes.

(19:45):
I love, I love that, he said. It's so cool, like a black guy,
yo. Still the lift he.
Left him in there for about 15 minutes.
He was so high as well, like he must.
He was like, I was a nightmare. And they're just mirrors
everywhere. He couldn't do nothing.
Like he's just facing it backwards.
Oh, it's so funny. Yeah.
Well, was that just like open micos?
Yeah, just that. Yeah, in.

(20:05):
Fact. It was my show.
So yeah, it's slightly above it somehow, no?
It's just a Wednesday show wherethey write down the questions on
the topics and we just riff off them.
Oh, sorry. I'm sorry.
Yeah, sorry. Different from do it whenever he
wants to laugh like. No, don't do anything.
How do I? How did you call it?
You rat, you piece of shit. What the fuck?

(20:28):
That's like saying that's like saying volleyball.
No, that's fair stays and I won't go to that now.
Oh totally, the do improv as well.
Yeah, yeah, Evan does it with him.
What's today? Oh.
Fin fin that. Lad.
Yeah, Kevin. Yeah, talking about it's all
American thing like that, Yeah. It's a lot of, I mean, my
favorite is like, remember that scene on Ted where he's like,

(20:50):
they go to Hackley Improv and they're like fucking like 911
and Bill Cosby and all that. Me and my mate Brett Blake used
to do after to him it was Sid Singh.
Do you remember him? Sid Singh?
He used to live in Edinburgh andstuff like that.
And we would go because every year we'd just torture some guy.
Normally it was this guy. We'd go there noon every day for
like a week straight and volunteer constantly.

(21:11):
It'd be always and kids just fucking straight away.
Boom. And whatever he tell us to do,
we'd do the opposite, you know what I mean?
He'd be like be a chicken and I'm I'm a no noose, you know
what I mean? Yeah, exactly.
Fuck you. Again, started coming at.
Me. Well, literally, you've been
still 40 minutes. What's me do with Riff about

(21:32):
Slender Man? He walks in and.
You're like. No you, you fucking idiot.
Sticking sex. So yeah, so and then whatever he
like, he asked for suggestions. We'd be like Bill Cosby, 9/11,
all the statsman's ones. And then the best was he'd be
like, could someone tie me? So I'll be like, I'll tie me.
And he'd be like, got to start the time and let us know when
it's a minute. So so I'll just never start the
time. So I got like that anybody, it's

(21:54):
a minute, but I forgot to fucking start it.
Sorry. Then I do it again and like I
fuck forgot to start it. And then I just keep it playing
for it and be like, get someone else do it.
Like Nah, Nah, I'll do it. I'll do it.
And then we just fuck with them myself.
I did 11 certain, but where I just said give a round of
applause after every sentence. Oh, really?
So I was I was down the post office before ladies and

(22:14):
gentlemen ran over post office staffing.
Come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's it's, you know, Chase black comedy night.
It's like. Common explosion.
Yeah, we have a token white guy.I was like, right, Hey, guys,
round of applause for black people, man.
And then I went to Common Navy shows around the corner.
Round of applause. Colon Navy.
The Colon Navy's in town. What you do?

(22:40):
So the last few is like, it's just, I've been like.
Just side of like, whoa, black people get in.
That's like post office, call itAva.
Yeah, it's. These white people.
Really love them round the floor.
I don't know. Yeah.
I remember doing that. I think I was, I think I did he
always have the the token white spot because yeah, too fast.
And 9 I got on that show becauseI pretend I was black.

(23:01):
Like that's why I was trying to make the record.
Like I've done gay shows I don'tlike.
I can't. I'm not gay, obviously.
I've done book shows. I can't read, don't get shows I
can't. Legally I can't.
And then so I was doing all of them and then like I think he
booked me because he thought it was black and then he found out
like through the set that I wasn't or whatever.
Yeah, well, the one I did was like, the white guy does shit
and he drags you off stage halfway through.

(23:22):
Oh yeah. So you die.
You die on purpose. Yeah.
And then he drags you off so andthen.
He tries to get someone to say the N word, like saying
snickered on me or something like that.
Yeah, yeah. Chase, the latest.
That's funny. What's it actually called,
though? It's not called the black comedy
explosion, is it? It's called like, I think it's
sort of like blacks on another. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(23:44):
Where have you been then? Where's the lot?
Like travels? Australia, America and Thailand,
baby just got back from Thailandon Friday.
That's why I'm wearing the wristband.
I love midgets because you know what I mean?
You know as ever since I've beena black boy, I always wanted to
bang a Midget, didn't I? I've told you this before,
haven't I? I've sent you the videos and.

(24:11):
Oh, you said it last time I knewwe spent a well, fucking
beyblade. Exactly.
So I went all the way to Bangkokbecause, well, I think it's the
more ex Midget, it's probably a bit more accessible there, you
know what I mean? The more in the workforce and
like just seeing them randomly pop up and that.
And Chuck Mighty told me that dothis gig, which I couldn't be
asked travelling for, do this gig.

(24:31):
But then afterwards we go to this place called All the Small
Things. So it's a, it's, it's a Midget
bar. The Midget the guy owns, it's a
Midget. The bartender is a Midget, the
strip is a Midget. I don't think the bounce is a
midgets because that's anarchy, obviously.
You know what I mean? You're like, get out.
No, fuck off, roller coaster, Roller Coaster Tycoon.
You're drowning now, you stupid.Mask off you little simp.

(24:57):
You fucking borrow her then. So.
So we get there. And they're not fucking working
like it's some sort of uni Midget union thing or whatever
the fuck it is or something likethat.
I don't know. So there's only one Midget there
and it's a guy. So like fucking, you know what I
mean? I'm devastated.
Like I'm angry at this point. I'm like, what the fuck came all
the way Chang minds and I'm fucking midgets and all that,

(25:17):
like, and then I end up like banging a regular sized girl.
I mean, she was still smaller because Asian, but like not like
Midget level or whatever. And so it was a nightmare, but I
mean like it was still good. I've been a bang there for like,
no, you're part of a bang for three hours and I couldn't come
because fucking I was. I was because she wasn't a
Midget. Exactly.
And. You fucking?

(25:37):
That was hammered. And then so then I ended up
having to give myself a happy ending in the morning, even
though I'd fucking paid for it. Like I tried.
I think I was like, she was blowing me as I was watching
like basketball highlights. And I think still nothing.
And then afterwards we were likecuddling and I was like, what
the fuck, You're a prostitute? Leave.
And then like, yeah, so she left.
So I was like, just fucking. I was just.
I was angry, banging her becausethey're no midgets.

(25:59):
I was devastated. Then I couldn't find any in
Bangkok either. Bullshit.
Are you a Midget? Are.
You a Midget? Rachel, you a Midget golf you.
You'll only need a cup of this and you'll see him as it said.
Have you ever wanted to be eye level with your bevy?

(26:21):
You ever wanted to hide behind the bevy?
Do you want a drink from the Empire State Building?
Have you always wanted to be King Kong?
Climb this, get climb this, get it in here.
So yeah. So just regular size Asian
bitches in Bangkok. So bored in there.
Sorry guys, I wanted to get a fucking picture.

(26:41):
But now. But they go to a ping pong show.
That was sick. Like a like a woman like.
A like a stinky Vicky. Yeah, like I want.
Yeah, of course. No, no, I didn't rock up with a
bat. You got like just sending it
back to them? I think I've missed book deal.
So this is yourself firing out the fan, yeah?

(27:02):
Well, now it's like, I mean, theheart's not in anymore, you know
what I mean? It's like they're like just
dropping out. Like I think they used to shoot
them out. Now they're just like, they just
bounce them and fucking dribble along or whatever.
So you're doing that A fish. One woman had a fish in there.
Yeah, the fish came out like. Like literally came out and.
Was like in that bowl, like whatthe fuck just happened there?

(27:25):
Like it was a fish in there. They would there was a lad at
the end of the at the stage and he was like that trying to get
sprayed. Like this Eastern European guy.
He was getting sprayed. He was catching a ping pong ball
in his mouth. The fucking psycho.
Like I got sprayed halfway through my like on me legs and I
was like, we're gone. Let's fuck this like like the

(27:45):
pussy juice that was it 'cause they were putting that in there.
They. Were.
Putting water in there and then they they, they'd put it out and
it was like Coke. So it was like coke colour.
It was fucking horrible. And they would also like they
were pulling razor blades out. I thought it was the fuck that
was for. I don't know who that was for.
That was fucking weird. Then they were shooting.
They had balloons in the corner.They were like like African

(28:06):
darts out of the fucking thing. Yeah, and like she missed like 4
of them. There must have been a guy
walking out of the bathroom justgetting fucking things like
that. Just passed out straight away.
Just fucking hadouken. I've been to JFK.
That was a conspiracy. That was a balloon show gone
wrong. It was a Midget time binge.

(28:26):
Exactly. Punk shouldn't have took that
left. For a grassy Knoll.
It's better like Elegy. Hey Britain.
Hey, America. So yeah, they're shooting that
out. One of them had LAD coming out
of the thing like LAD strip, which I don't know how she was
powering it, to be honest. I don't know if it was like

(28:47):
power to the pussy or whatever the fuck it was, but she would
pull that out and she put that like ribbon around everywhere.
And then yeah, it was like we were there for like an hour and
then after that it was like, what are we fucking?
You know what I mean? They novelty had wore off, you
know what I mean? Like.
I was traveling for. I've been away since like mid
jar. What was it now?
Me fucking. Yeah, so yeah, Australian

(29:07):
American man fucking. How'd you do all forms and that
like visas and that like there'ssomebody under them?
So for for America was doing a little bit how you going?
And that's why I'm trying to getthe visa now to move back in
November, because now I'm I'm like losing money when I go
without the visa because fuckingI'm in with the clubs now, but
they can't pay me now. So like it was fine before when
I went making fucking any money,I was getting cash and Venmo,

(29:28):
but now it's like fucking all the comedy clubs got like a
fucking jar of checks for me andshit like that.
So I've got to get the fucking visa now with Trump being a
fucking Dick head or whatever, even against fucking white
people and I have to get it now.So like I mean with Australia,
I'm a citizen. And then because we married an
Australian and then Bangkok, I was just there for a week.

(29:52):
So I just taught us. I was just there when I remember
Arnie Pie. Don't you remember him?
It's all Asian guy. Oh no, I'm getting mixed up with
The Simpsons. Yeah, yeah, That's why I
understand his name, because, oh, it's not a part of this guy.
Yeah, isn't it? His real name's like Luteron Kid
or whatever the fuck. So he runs a comedy club there,
the Bangkok Comedy Joint. So what in America you can't get
paid off? You got visa?

(30:13):
What's all that about? Well, I mean like you need the
visa to get the bank account andall that.
Fucking long that that's how I'm.
Going I mean the smaller clubs give you the cash, the Venmo, my
cousin he pays me or me mates, but like the bigger ones are
like doing all by the fucking box.
So did you like the mother shipsand all that you?
Did kill Tony over there. Nah, I bypassed that.
Didn't fuck him either. I did fingering friends.

(30:33):
I don't know. No, no.
I just got passed to the mother ship.
So I was just doing regular like15 minutes there.
Like I didn't have to do 10. Went straight to 15.
That was sick. And then and like eager loves me
there. The Booker calls me the King,
which is fucking dope. Yeah.
What's the what's the kool-aid? What's the?
Oh yeah, what comes in here? We go my friends here.

(30:58):
Oh yeah, you say? My friend, Yeah, second-half
with my friends. The Kool-aid guy.
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Get started today at.linkedin.com/results Terms
and conditions apply. I found out Part 2.
Part 2 Yeah, I'm sorry about being late, guys.

(32:24):
It. Is perfect that he came in his.
Cheeks are red as well. It's like, come on, you knew you
make a fucking. And there's a big hole in the
door. I was flushed to get any of
these I was part of. I was late.
Yeah, well, you don't have to be.
That's fine. I was half an hour late.
I apologise. That's.
We can't open anything. To happen again.
If you can't open it in any time.

(32:45):
Yes, this is absolutely fantastic, by the way.
Is it? Yeah.
It's actually really lovely. Yeah, all.
Right, it was. A bit cold.
A bit warmer. You didn't even sip it.
That was a sip. Did any?
Liquid go in the mouth then. Do I have one?
Taste so nice money. Can I have, can I have one Tony
from the ice bucket, please? Oh.
Yeah, I don't know. I.
Like a pink one. Yeah.

(33:07):
Would you like one, Kyle? I don't do vodka, but maybe I'll
see a bit and I'll have a bit. But you wouldn't if you did do
vodka. Maybe it's my check.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, maybe you're not a fan of
vodka. Maybe.
Maybe I just like good vodka. Maybe it's shit vodka that'll
get me over the edge. You.
Like this then? Because this is premium what?
Is your choice to drink. And just beer.
And then I'll do tequila shots and like Roman and Roman Roman.

(33:28):
Later on. Yeah, exactly.
Oh, singing this sweet. Well, that's dancing.
Dancing off. Tax write off.
Oh my Lord Jesus Christ, are youare you in the girls face the
and Ibiza are you thirsty for cock and vodka will fucking

(33:50):
combine them both you slow together in you.
Hey, you sure Willy Owen big enough that you drunk that?
I think it might be an God. What the fuck.
Hello that's great. It might be the iconic you were
making when you sipping that drink but either late.
And he prostitutes a Midget witha cock that size.

(34:10):
It's a small ship after all. Do you think, What did you
think? You just obviously come back
from a world tour as usual. Just came back from the world
tour, baby. Yeah, exactly.
Regardless if they want. Because I want to just got here,
sorry. So I don't Australia, America
and Thailand. Thailand for the first time,

(34:32):
which was fucking not. Like, you know, stand up with
Thailand. Yeah, my friend, Naughty Pie
runs this Bangkok comedy joints.Check it out if you're there.
Midgets come free and it's sick.2 shows a night you can smoke
weed inside on stage and stuff like that.
That's cool. Is there any mushrooms or
anything? No, I didn't smoke a shit all
the way because it was legal andand I'm just getting fucking

(34:52):
bevy, but I got fucking bang cock belly, didn't I?
Unlike the last night. Well, I drank the tap water by
accident. Brush my teeth with her like a
fucking idiot. So like, I'm banging all these
prostitutes, I'm eating scorpions off the street.
I'm sound and then fucking one like glass of water fucking
takes down the king. Bullshit.
What was the king? Sick.
The king was sick. The king was the king was sick,
Yeah. It's like that fucking episode 1

(35:14):
of Game of Thrones. The King.
Was sick. He worried about that, Yeah, a
bit of fight left in them, but low energy.
And that flight, 12 hours just in the bathroom, lad.
The whole way back from from Bangkok to London, just fucking.
Then I had to get a train from London to Liverpool.
Just in the toilet the whole way.
Just shit and shit and and nothing.
I'm not eating anything, you know what I mean?
Can't even keep water down and that.
But then all I cared about was being sound for Sunday's game

(35:37):
and the parade Monday. They sort of like for that.
Like, yeah. And you just stopped, just
carried on drinking then, Yeah. Just fucking push through at
that point. Yeah, that's it.
Because once you're bevy, doesn't even fucking matter, you
know what I mean? Yeah, so that was sound and
that, but yeah, fucking don't drink the tap water in Bangkok.
I'd say that fucked up crazy. Yeah, it's definitely not
drinking out of a Midget pussy. Did you have did you have them
drinks them, them, them? We called drinks like weed

(36:00):
drinks, are they? Or like the weed shakes or
something maybe. Yeah, no, I didn't have the
mushroom shakes because they went there.
They I think they have got to goto the islands for that.
But I had like, yeah, all the weeds.
Maybe mushrooms have to be heavyover there though, aren't they?
Yeah, it's like proper existential, like get one with
nature and stuff on the beach. Oh for sure, and then imagine
doing a mushroom in like Cal Sand Rd.

(36:21):
It'd be crazy. I might.
You know what I mean? I just couldn't do.
I couldn't do psychedelics me. Oh, you could blood.
No, I just don't think I'm in the right mind frame.
I'm scared of acid. I wouldn't do acid.
I think I'd get stuck for me in that ship.
No. What do you thought?
Well, you get stuck everywhere else, so.
I deserve that. I deserve.

(36:41):
That Oh yeah, no, when you should do mushrooms over there.
Yeah, it's all free. It'd be a safe space, wouldn't
it? Can we do that on?
Paper I don't know. I don't know if I'm do you get
what I mean when they say you shouldn't say it looks if you're
not in the right right main frame of.
Mind. Yeah, exactly.
But. How do you know if you're in the

(37:01):
right frame of mind? Well, you got to do it in like
AI guess like a happy with people you know, so.
Mushrooms on Patreon. You do it.
You do it somewhere where it's like a safe zone or whatever,
you know what I mean? Yeah.
I mean, not that I'd do it that much, but if I did, there was.
Two more shoes on Patreon I. Just got to feel I'm going to
get stuck in a trip, right? Yeah.
And I'll be in like, fucking. What's it called?
The mental hospital? Broad.

(37:21):
Broad is it? Broad More.
Broad more. Yeah, you.
Know. What?
I mean like the state jacket? I'm just fucking in my own head
like Tony Gallon was. Imagine any friends.
Yeah, just everyone. Everyone.
Tony Gallery friends they love. Yeah, Tony Carroll and friends
just bring it on like Roger Crayand Peter Sutglund.
He smashed out like a bastard's girlfriend's skull.

(37:48):
You're back tonight, baby, back on hot wall.
Is he back to my show tonight? Oh, exactly.
Look forward to it. The fucking dream team.
We're back together, baby. That's it, baby.
It's going to be safe. Yeah.
What are you going to put me on 1st to?
Save the show, yeah. That's that's what I want to see
it. Love it.
Big start. Because, well, I have seen my
shows. I do it really badly as Big
chaos. You're probably after me.

(38:09):
Yeah. I just get away with it.
Then it was like, oh, I was facing.
She was safe. I was like, yeah.
Thanks. I'm going to put him on.
I'm going to put him on 1st in the comedy competition so we can
see for two minutes. Are you doing a competition?
No, I didn't. I didn't apply.
I didn't apply. Well, I figured it, but I've
done it too late I found. That Jamie, Jamie, Jamie can fly
for me. Yeah, I got.
Are you on then? Yeah.
But they moved then anyway. So you don't even know when I

(38:30):
haven't had it. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, Gmail. But he went so tall it's often.
Yeah, he knows. I've done, I don't what's that
one where it's XD and acid tripsy tripsy or something like
that tripsy. So I tripsy.
I think it is, I don't know, like ages ago, like last time I
don't ask. I didn't know I was asking
photos of Gary. So I'm like boom.
And then halfway through it's getting fucking crazy as shit.

(38:53):
I remember I went back to my fucking room, tried to what?
What? Was like happening to you just.
Fucking crazy visual shit and all that.
Like, you know, like, like I went to my room to watch 21 drum
sheets and fucking call me nerves.
You know what I mean? Of course.
Yeah, yeah. Johnny Hill, but a bit of
fucking yeah. Good.
Fucking movie. But a Chan and Tatum and then I
just I was on like the 6th floorand a four people knocking on my

(39:16):
window. So it was like weird as fuck.
Yeah, I kept opening it. Nobody was there.
What the fuck? Close it and then.
Fuck back to Chan Tatum. Yeah, back to yeah, of course.
I'd love to do it on Patreon man.
You just want more patrons. That's how to do it.
Do you? Think so.
I cannot. Of course.
As long as you, I think if you don't do it because it takes
like half an hour or something to set in, doesn't it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll see.

(39:37):
So then they see it. You're like they're watching me
and like, oh, it's hit them now.Yeah, you know what I mean?
Yeah. 10 minutes before record, then 20 minutes into record.
Which is normally record next one just.
Like, yeah, yeah. They were just snogging each
other. Then I go out, Tony.
I never had mine. Oh, no, no, yeah.

(40:04):
You're blowing them. You're wicked.
The camera. I haven't even talking.
Jokes on you. Don't have this mushroom?
I'll have that one. Play the money on music.
He's a Kool-aid guy, by the way.Oh, it's just instead on some
guy. Yeah.
I think Ryan Reynolds is playinghim in the bio pic.
Nobody bought it. So yes, you've got all your gigs

(40:33):
in Australia? Australia as well.
Yeah, just fucking standard cashgrab.
You single now or you? Sadly, yeah well, I try fat you
met you met me Yeah she sound black girl from black man
whatever, whatever and preach allies.
And. I'll take a knee, but I got a
bad knee so. But know that I want black

(40:53):
people and. Yeah, I just looked at the
schedule. I'm like, I'm not even going to
fucking see it forever, you knowwhat I mean?
I'm trying to move to America inNovember, so.
It's are you going to try and move over?
There. Yeah, that's the plan.
I've been dancing with the devilfor too long with the fucking
esters and shit. So now.
So what did you meet a few few fangirls down on the way?
I mean, yeah, like after I brokeover there, I fucking doubled

(41:14):
down on the pussy and of course,yeah, yeah, of course.
Make up for last time and and then.
But yeah, she told me she loved me if it scared me and I broke
up with her so. But now I'm like, maybe they'd
love it. I don't know.
So yeah, now, yeah, I don't knowexactly.
Do you want to try any sorrows? Are you recently single and

(41:35):
think you've made a bad decisionin your life?
You recently break up with a black girl so you can't even
look at yourself when you drink a Col. 45 anymore.
Get yourself, get yourself to many 10.
Let's fucking go. Yeah, Black people ain't
drinking this. Definitely not, no.
So yes, when you're an American,did you do the comedy Mothership

(41:57):
then? They fucking love me there,
Lance. Did they?
Adamiga calls me the king. Everybody hates her literally
because Hinchcliff, they always say what you got to bring it on
to like credits, You know what Imean?
There's no MC, so they just bring you on like, you know what
I mean? One after over and they're like,
what do you want me to say? Everybody's like HBO Latino or
fucking this Netflix fucking Saigon or whatever.

(42:17):
And then like I was like, oh, just saying from Liverpool, the
King's back. And Hinchcliff isn't like, I'm
not saying that. I'm like, well, you are because
what else you going to say? And then he says.
And then I came on afterwards, Iwas like, I don't even know this
guy and he's called me the king.I was like gay puppets.
And then after that, everybody called me.
And so I was like, did you do well?

(42:37):
Oh yes, Master. I mean, nobody's doing fucking
crowd. We're kind of certainly not
doing it. They're not different to my
level, you know what I mean? So it's like, fucking easy.
I mean, half of them probably didn't even know what.
The fuck I was. Saying, but it was just laughing
exactly and then that's the thing about the good clubs
they're easy. You know I mean the hot water
it's fucking amazing and it's easy.
You know what I mean it's like the same with once once the club
is built so well and that's likesold out for a year in advance.

(42:59):
You know what I mean? So when people, they'll come,
they've like made an effort, they're fucking excited and all
that shit, Yeah. Class to play that wouldn't.
It Oh yeah, it's fine. It's fine.
Like, but I mean, it was funny because like he gets like,
welcome back to the best comedy club in the world.
I still have looked around. I was like, is this hot water
comedy club? He's like, well, I'm like, don't
worry about it. I'm available for these days.
As comics, all comics here, we love to hear the stories about

(43:23):
doing well, surely on your will,so you must have had a stinker
or two. Oh well, fucking obviously
that's what we want to. But it's kind of legacy, right?
Yeah, it's usually a bad one youhave.
Any but not. Not like anything at the big
clubs and like that. No, I am.
I had I had fucking some. So I met Bill Bear one night and

(43:45):
the night before that it was a it was a when Liverpool got
knocked out of the the ChampionsLeague, PSG.
I was watching it there and I think it kicked out for like 2
or something. So I was drinking all day and
then I was just angry bombing the shows before that like this.
I've done this gig for Greg Giraldo Junior.
You remember Greg Giraldo? In.
Fact, this American guy that is he, he, he died or something?

(44:05):
He was like famous. I didn't know him either.
But his son does stand up now. And his son's like, sound.
Yeah. Like he's like, like, started
with like Patrice, all that sortof shit back in the day, like
one of those like legends on theroast and all that.
He died. So he'd done that.
And I was just, yeah, just fucking bombing up a storm, just
angry as fuck. Like, I was like, I don't even
do it. I was asked questions and then
they wouldn't even wait for thatanswer.

(44:28):
Yeah, exactly. It was like that just calling
people nonsense and they didn't even know what a nounce was.
Like it was like, what the fuck?And then so I'd bombed like
those three there, just fucking walk through city, walk through
fucking New York just from grenades for fucking for the
next gig and then get to the one, the comedy village.
So I'm like, this is the one I'mgoing to fucking do.
Well, this is the last one I've got to fucking save today.

(44:48):
And then so I'll go on, I'm fucking mad and follow us on
last. So I'm like fucking killing
going a bit over. Then I get off stage and this
bold guy's like good set. I'm like a nice one, whatever.
Walk to the back of room, everybody's video and I'm like,
what the fuck's going on here? And then turn around.
They're like, oh, welcome to thestage.
We've got to drop in. Here's Bill Bay.
So I'm like, well, I'm grabbing everybody's phone like he can't
follow me. He can't follow me.
The fucking old fucking he can't.

(45:10):
Follow me. Is he what the fuck?
And Glenn Ganigan, Ross or whatever the fuck.
And then so and then he. Goes with Bill, Beatty said.
You had a good set. Yeah, yeah.
So then he got off stage and he's walking like, because I
watched a bit of a set, but thenhe started talking about
politics. So I went out for a siggy.
I don't know what he's on about,you know what I mean?
And then he comes out and I'm like, you couldn't let me have
it, could you? Like you couldn't let me have
the best set. And he's like, Nah, you a good

(45:32):
lad. I was nervous following you.
I was like, well, don't say that.
You fucking lie. And then he's a Liverpool fan,
apparently. So we were just talking about
like all the other comedians were just waiting to talk to
him. I'm just there having to sing
with him, talking about Liverpool.
He had him any Instagram and then he just left.
Yeah, exactly. He was like, what?
I was like, I'm going to Boston next weekend for a wedding.
He was like, check this out and all that.

(45:53):
And I was like, oh, I got a wedding.
So I'm not doing any gigs or whatever, but.
But he was sound. Yeah.
To be honest. Yeah.
So when she got, which is good because you kind of want like,
I'm not like he's not in my top five, but I mean, I rate him as
one of the best, you know what Imean?
Like, so it was good that he wassound like.
Yeah. What once you get over there as
well mate? You got a little in now with
Bill Bear. If I see him again, hopefully
you'll fucking remember. Yeah, well, remember.
Get some fucking. Support spots.

(46:13):
But yeah, in terms of actual fucking, didn't have any rough
fun. I don't like a comedy strip
tease where there was like I wasstripping to like 6 people.
But I mean, that's standard and that's standard.
That's it for the naked like. Full no mankini.
I wear the mankini. No one else now.
Yeah. So the Dicks pretty much.
It's peak. And you know what?
I mean, taking the calls, yeah, on stage and have a.
Little bit at any time before you go on stage.

(46:35):
Of course, any time. Yeah, yeah, it's crazy.
Hopefully be able to have a pisser you're not.
Pissed they don't even tell theyhad to declare different
customs. I was I was pissed on me balls
before I started drinking this. You.
What I was pissing on me balls is that small really before I
started drinking this week now. Now he pisses the bed.
Well, it does say may include slung, so.

(46:58):
Yeah, we've yeah, this. Is a drink where you if you
could drink it and it'd make your Dick bigger, would you
drink it? But also if he stopped drinking
it would make it smaller so. You have to drink that thing
forever. So you'd have to drink that.
You couldn't drink anything else.
You just had to be this like foreverything.
KFC Graver. KFC gravy.
It would be so like you're brushing your teeth with KFC

(47:20):
gravy and all that. I'd.
Pave it, bro. Really.
Yeah. Just to have the bigger there.
Yeah, but then you stink of gravy, don't you?
Yeah, but I stink of gravy anyway.
Yeah. That's how funny that is.
Yeah, because that would change.Your mind, it's like, what's
that smell? I'm like, well, it's not this.
Yeah, exactly. It ordered the family Book it.

(47:44):
Might be anytime probably. Anytime.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it would be smooth blood
smooth. Nice.
Company Manali. I've got a massive Dick, so I
can drink anything. Next question, Yeah.
I've seen it. Have you?
Yeah, have you seen it in the flash or?
Oh really? I don't remember that one, but.
Can you remember it all? Nah, I got to stop.

(48:05):
Oh yeah, shot shot my caravan blinds.
And you guys concerned that? Yeah.
Oh shit. So once you passed, that was
something you just. You knows I've seen it.
Yeah. It was a sports day.
Oh yeah. Oh yeah, that's true.
Yeah, when you're another stand up washing the.

(48:27):
Bathroom you a girlfriend meeting with these that's what
it was oh it. Was yeah.
Do you remember we had that meeting, that state meal of ABK
and you can go, So I had to go. Oh yeah.
I had sports day dinner in SaintEllen's, so I said to you, you
go instead and you went. I can't go, so I had to go.
So I've been on the piss playingsports day.

(48:49):
Stone, did you smoke or not? No, you don't smoke.
It was Ahmed. Yeah.
So what a fuck, I've got a steakmeal with a sponsor so I had a
Baffin a bog. It was so I was using I.
Walked in for the pissing. In there just a hand dryer so.
With a like fucking hand wash just like yeah, but like that

(49:11):
you. Should have blue point.
But it was when I came in, I said welcome to Bella Vista.
It was like that absolute Gypsy fucking yeah.
It was like in. Between it was probably Caravan
Club. Yeah, I was like, what are you
doing? And he's like, I'm late for the
meeting. I'm late.
For the meeting I'm like shut the fuck up but also.

(49:32):
Like how we were just a mess. I went to see The Who that might
actually as well. Yeah.
After that, yeah, we all that shit going on.
Did you get a stand up shower though?
Nah, didn't need to understand. You also The Who have.
It's all divorced dads in it. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Yeah, I wasn't the only one smelling like gravy there.
Fucking stinking dad fucking. It's coming around.

(49:54):
I was coming around. It's nice of it.
I think if I haven't got diabetes, I want to get it now
after this. Like, yeah, it's being sponsored
by this. It's sweet, yeah.
It's sweet, yeah. But you're not.
Wash. You'll be better with just the
bottles. Then you can put your own tonic
in mixer because they also come in bottles.
What? What really this is like?
They come in bottles. Yeah.

(50:14):
So you haven't got to have you can have sugar free like mixers
with it. Oh.
Sorry, I tried to get involved with the adverts but never mind.
I'll just that's all I've been on the.
Sugar free, the ship sailed on that one.
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(51:19):
and conditions apply. So I've got the energy drink 1
of it. So I think I've only got
diabetes like five years ago. Going to the notches.
Yeah, it must have been that onekind of Anita.
Oh yeah. Apart from that, you're a pitch
you the health it, says Ian. On this form, yeah.

(51:42):
That's crazy. That is, there was this drink.
I don't even know if it came over to this country, but I
studied for one year in in Connecticut.
Shitty, shitty Connecticut in America.
I was trying to be a basketball player.
I still had hoop dreams then before the riffs took over.
Good full night, failed basketball.

(52:03):
Jackson's the coach in the MC. Yeah, he runs the comedy course
playing in the film He. Would play me in the film.
Fucking great question. Probably be like who's like a
good light skinned comedian now?I mean good, good actor at the
moment. Maybe like Jonah and no like him
that lad Jonah. Hill.
Jonah Hill, I'm going the black eye in that new F1 movie.

(52:25):
He's called Idris as well, but Idon't think he's related to
Idris Alba. So the two black guys, well,
they might know. Whatever, I don't know X, but
because they won't let me in thegroup chat, you're fucking
right. Like Kool-aid?
Not related to LL Cool J LL LL Kool-aid.

(52:54):
You got a pitch of the Kool-aid man, please, because I don't
know why I'm getting skipped there for.
I'll get I'll get one for you. I.
Think you might be better Just wait until after the episode
with I'll Show. Yeah, I mean, Kyle's going.
To He's still pitching me. Yeah, I got one.
There he is in between takes. No, get it get get, get it up.
Show. That's so funny.

(53:16):
Yeah, yeah. This one called Phone Loco.
You ever heard that? No, for Loco.
So it was cocaine in the can, pretty much.
Oh, God. Like it was like the big, big
cans like this, massive ones. Like monsters?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like, I don't know
what they were. They were like probably like
fucking special brew, like 10% or something like that.
Literally cocaine in the can. This Asian guy drank one on our
campus died so fucking we had toget rid.

(53:38):
He went illegal and all that sort of shit.
But I yeah, like they were nuts.I remember I had I went to
Halloween for as dressed as Jackie Moon from semi pro went
seven years in a row at the costume.
You know that movie. Let's get tropical.
I don't like Michigan MB. For me for five years.
He went to talk. Five years.
What? That's just green paint or what?
Yeah, I got called Chef. My mum put my mum put Sig Burns

(54:00):
in the T-shirt and went as a pirate.
All right, nice. Or or or the kid that needs
fucking out policy. For.
Your costume out of it. It's a Halloween party show.
I'm not getting your costume. You'll only wear it once.
Just put bifters out on you. Yeah.
That's so funny. Yeah, just.
A pirate slash fucking Billy Elliot.

(54:20):
It's. Gotta be a pirate.
You want them you. Used to wear like bed sheets,
like piss stain bed sheets as a ghost.
Yeah, of course. Walking out, a big yellow stain
on his back. Yeah, incontinent.
Ghost, yeah. The ghost of Piss.
And let's see, he just had one hole, which was the glory hole.

(54:43):
You wear us the. Yeah, so I went a semi, Jackie
Moon semi. Yeah.
So it's like he's got an Afro and he's got the shorts.
So I do that and I drag two of them one night for like then I I
had a mid term like I met like atest that exam the next day.
So I drank 2 of them. I thought, oh, that'll be chill.
Two of them and then a party andtwo of them don't remember
fucking not. And apparently we got in fights.
And I think like I woke up the next day and like this fucking

(55:04):
girl's bed. I was like, what the fuck?
I'm late for this test. So I had to go to the test,
still dressed as Jackie Moon, headband on everything, walking
in, fucking let's get tropical. The lecturers like I walk in,
he's like, what the fuck? And then so I do the exam.
I'm fucking hungover, shit like that, still fucking bevy.
Do it all like that, cheat off the guy next to me.
And then I come in the next day like a week, ladies, like, I

(55:26):
don't know if you've done this, but you've got an A -.
I was like, fucking let's go. King Kong ain't got shit on me.
Jackie Moon as well. So I was like, oh, maybe this is
like a good luck thing. So I tried to do my final exams.
There's Jackie Moon, but I couldn't relive it now.
Yeah. Just doing gong Jols is Jackie
Moon. Exactly.

(55:46):
But yeah, if you get your hands on For Local America, I've won
the fucking heavy. So who'd you say that you were
played in this film though to fail basketball and then since
the stand up? And his name is he's a black
guy. He's in a new F1 movie with Brad
Pitt. I want him.
Yeah, yeah, like Jack Samuel Jackson coaching your comedy
career and you have to get a three star average on the over
your fringe run. Yeah, exactly.

(56:08):
Yeah. And then maybe the.
American comics go to the food. Who's the owner of the comedy
club though? It's got to be like a a shook
knight or something maybe. Is he still alive?
That's the crazier. Yeah, it's I almost.
Ed Harris or something like that, maybe.
Brando back in the day. Marlon Brando, but yes.
Ask him. Ask him.
Don. Don.

(56:29):
Don. And then you meet other comics
and they're like me and Jamie. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, kiss, kiss his ring to geta Thursday middle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it. No, I got to do something like.
Comic just on that way. Kiss kissed his ring.
Yeah, he would. He would play you in a Kyle's

(56:49):
film. Thomas Turku's.
Is that the guy off as England? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I know. With the eyes, yeah.
Come on, give us a give us a weekend.
So I don't think you. That's good.
Pauline quirk. No Pauline Quirk.

(57:09):
With it with. Pauline Quirk.
I reckon, I reckon. Oh yeah, that'd be cool.
Nah. Pauline English.
Are you in Eating? Yeah.
Pauline Quirk all day, bro. No, Paul and Quirk can do it.
She's got range. Who's that guy?
He was. He's been in so fucking much.
I saw him the other day and something.

(57:30):
He was like that. He failed the terrorist attack
or something. I'm going to find this.
This will be great if I'm what the fucks name.
He felt in real life. No, no, like in the movie or
something, he like failed. Like he stopped the terrorist
attack or something, became likea hero, but then he almost got
blamed for it. Now you know what I mean.

(57:51):
No, no, no. Fuck, it'll come to me anyway.
What? Are you going to type in Google
for that? Because you'd be careful.
Yeah, no, yeah. Yeah, exactly, Zach.
Yeah. Failed tennis.
It'd be good if someone played Jews like a method actor who
lives as you for six months or to get into the role.
Yeah, Daniel Day Lewis had six months as Abraham Lincoln before
playing Lincoln, and he just hasto be a fat meth for six months.

(58:13):
Yeah, like, yeah, like ChristianBale, he always likes to gain
weight and lose weight for rolesand shit, don't he?
Yeah, Christian Bale don't sharea key with his dad for six
months. Well, he asked in half.
He wants to fucking ask. I'll.
Be sick dad, and just lie next to me on the couch.
That's so funny that. So what are you?
What's your thought process, lad?
Shut up, I don't write. Christian, I think, I think.

(58:37):
What film would you like about your life?
What would you? How would you want?
Just someone who's like unlucky and love foot tracks down 8 year
old girls. Oh, that's from his part, you
know. You could actually Savile
lifestyle and. You could do like a ROM com
thing, but it's like it's when you're younger and you're
teaching it down and she moves like to the side of the world

(59:00):
and then you go and you go and yeah, follow and you you fight,
you track it down, you go there and you turn up to hers and she
just pulls a rape alarm out the police.
Just the rest here. Then it's the end.
Like the notebook. It's called like.
The police. Or something like that, yeah.

(59:20):
Oh, George, what would yours be?Danny?
How would you like your film to be in your life?
Taxi driver to Bradford. Oh, we've.
Nothing after that. Kidnapped a kid to Bradford.
I dropped a kid off. I get people messaging saying
that what actually happened in Bradford because he makes all
sorts of stories up like I'm a fucking psychopath who made this
kitten. But what, you dropped off a

(59:41):
random Kingdom rat? Oh my God.
Sorry. Wow, fuck me.
That's that's amazing. The blue one.
Yeah, the blue one's amazing. It's a shame we've stopped
recording, man. Now it looked it's.
Really amazing. Is there any space left on the
cameras to film again? Because I really want to plug
this one. This is fucking fantastic.
I should be able to squeeze it in.

(01:00:02):
Hi, I'm Tony Carroll from Any 10Vodka.
I just want to jump on here veryquickly to say blue Raspberry is
my new favorite. And he said the off camera.
Hey, get yourselves down to B&M bargains and grab yourself some
blueberry vodka. I know what I'm doing for my
gender reveal. Put one of these cans near your

(01:00:24):
pregnant wives minge and see which opens faster.
If you if you wanted to be sponsored by an alcoholic
company, who would you be yours?Ohh apart from any 10.
Yeah, 'cause exclusive. I can't compete with you boys.

(01:00:45):
Of course. Now I'd go give me Corona.
Really. Hear me?
Corona. Yeah.
Corona. Yeah, of course.
In a bottle, yeah. Oh, something.
Really. Yeah, I would do that.
Or maybe sailing Jerry's room. Oh, sailing Jerry's room would
be but. You have to, you have to, it's
got to be on brand, man. I just don't think you.
I don't think you and Corona go wet really well, do you?
Oh. No, he does.

(01:01:05):
He looks like. You know, just look Mexican.
He looks spring break like in Cancun or something.
There you go. Yeah, exactly.
I'll give it to it's. Corona Mexican.
I've probably. It's got to be yeah.
It's got to be, yeah. I thought like I think yours
would be like. Carlsberg or something?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Carlsberg and a Cosby.
I could do that. Yeah.
Carlsberg. We make riffs the best.

(01:01:26):
Yeah, that'd be good. Right.
But but in any ten. Yeah, exactly.
Anytime, anywhere or any place. If you're white, if you're
black, if you're anything, drinkanytime, even if you're even if
you're the blueberry from Willy Wonka.
Drink it. Yeah, Even if you will come
true. Even if you're a.

(01:01:47):
Gustavo. Yeah.
Even if you're. Like a player.
He's probably an adult now, yeah.
Even if you're on the 11th step on your recovery programme, go
back to square one with any 10, yeah.
The alcoholic this summer with any 10.
There we go. Thank you very much for me for
jumping on. I look forward to tonight.

(01:02:08):
We're going to have a bar. It's coming.
From James Comedy on Instas. You already know baby, I'm doing
a show yeah. Comedy strip teases back at 28th
of June at what? You wanted the comedies and.
Caesars then, obviously, becauseit's in the title.
But is it? Is it?
If you do, if you do Baji, you have to strip.
So yeah, I host it. We have, I don't know, 5-6
comedians on the two unfunniest voted by the audience after
strip. So if you kill, if you don't

(01:02:28):
want to strip, then just fuckingkill.
Yeah, You know what I mean. What if everyone kills?
Well, then I just I make an executive decision.
It would be the funniest to strip.
Alright, so if it's like, you know what I mean, A tall white
guy in a small black. That's funny.
That's always well. That's what, Yeah, of course.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's on the show.
Could he share his with? Dogs on the show he's.
Getting yeah, of course, yeah. Like, I know he's stripping
before the show starts. Let's be serious.

(01:02:50):
Yeah, unless, unless the crowd really wants it.
But like, yeah, you know what I mean?
Go and see that, go and buy any 10, sign up to Patreon and we
love you lots. Thank you.
Peace bye. Hi, I'm Raj Punjabi from

(01:03:14):
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(01:03:36):
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#181 - With Kyle Legacy - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#181 - With Kyle Legacy - Hot Water’s Green Room w/Tony & Jamie