Dolph Lundgren: Overcoming an abusive father | Forward Progress

Swedish actor, filmmaker and martial artist Dolph Lundgren addresses his physically tough childhood, including facing bullies as a child and facing his physically abusive father, Karl. Dolph says there wasn’t a hotline available to call back then in Sweden and explains how his mother also fell victim to Karl’s physical abuse. Later, Dolph reflects on how his troubling upbringing sparked a desire to train in karate, plus, why he never challenged his father in adulthood.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hey, it's Graham. Our past in depth guests have
shared so many inspirational stories about overcoming
adversity and tackling the darkest and most challenging
times in their lives. We're sharing one of those
moments in today's Thursday podcast in the hope that it
provides A blueprint for any difficulties you might be facing
this week. Dolph Lundgren.

(00:25):
Growing up, I understand you could not play sports.
No. How does that?
Work. I couldn't play sports because
the summer in Sweden is very short and the pollen goes from
like nothing to maximum high amount very quickly in May, say
in April or May, and I would getreally sick in the summer and I

(00:46):
couldn't really be outside much.And you were always picked
blast. Yeah, I picked last on the team
and so forth Between that and mydad beating me up, I I had a lot
of, you know, insecurity and. And bullying from classmates.
Bullying from classmates to somedegree, my way to to kind of
feel special was that I was verygood in school.

(01:08):
So that's how I kind of got backat them by answering all the
questions correctly. You mentioned your dad and the
abuse. He had a few other siblings that
obviously. Why was it that he would only
touch you and your mom? Yeah, it's a good question.
I think I may have reminded him of himself.

(01:34):
Maybe it was the fact that I wasthe first son and maybe my he
got jealous of of me because maybe my mom gave me more
attention he gave to him. I'm not sure.
I mean, he had a lot of issues. What would he do and what was
the worst? Well, he would sort of he just
when he had a bad day at work orif I'd done something wrong as

(01:54):
kids do, then he would just beatme up.
Or, you know, I think the worst time was maybe when I was about
8 or 9 or 10. He wouldn't like punch me and
break my nose or anything like that.
He would kind of just beat me up, kick me in the body or tear
my hair off. Sometimes he would I would have
like a kind of a thin spot of hair, like a bald spot almost.

(02:19):
Describe the embarrassment of going to school in those
situations. I think it was embarrassing for
me and I this isn't a day where you, there was no way to call.
There is no hotline, there is no, there is no psychological
counselling, nothing like that. You know, basically the man,
this is in the 60's. The man was the head of the

(02:40):
household and he was in charge. And my dad was a he had a high
position in the government. I couldn't say anything.
But I, I think mostly for me it was more, you know, I looked up
to him a lot, as you as a littleboy do.
And when somebody you love hits you, hurts you, you know, you,
you, it does a number on you as a kid.

(03:01):
I think you, you end up blaming yourself a lot.
Some were in there. I think it did somehow blame
myself. I think it gave me a real
ambition to, to succeed and to prove, to prove to the world
that I wasn't a loser. The fact that I became a fighter
and I became very good at schooland later tried to excel at

(03:22):
things. He, he helped me in that
respect. Maybe without him I wouldn't
have done that. Like my siblings here in Sweden,
they live nice lives, but they don't have that urge to, to
prove anything to the world. So he so that was a positive
thing to some degree. What would he do to your mom?
Beat her and, and torture her and throw her out of the house

(03:44):
and she'd have to sleep like in,you know, outside and she'd
still have to cook food for everybody.
And and yeah, it was, it was tough.
And and painful for you that youcouldn't protect.
Couldn't. Protect her.
Yeah, I know. You had some underlying anger
from what I understand, towards your mom for.
Yeah, that's what, Well, you know, if you're a young boy and

(04:08):
and if you're, if your father beats you, I mean, and a lot, a
lot of women would take the kid and say I'm out of here and, you
know, leave. But my mom didn't do that.
She was, you know, abused woman.So I think I had something
against her. But she was a wonderful person

(04:28):
and very she was very giving andvery loving.
There was a period where you didwant to hurt your dad badly.
Yeah, I mean, obviously I had dreams about it when I got
strong enough and when I was training martial arts and.
And I suppose some of the reasonbehind me doing all the training
was maybe to get back at him or stand up to him.

(04:51):
But, you know, life was strange.By the time you're 18 and you
shoot up and suddenly you're a six foot three and you're still
weighing 200 lbs. And then your dad in the
meantime, has gotten kind of weak and now he got sick too.
And I couldn't just show up. And then martial arts teaches
you to respect and it teaches you not to to misuse it.

(05:12):
So I couldn't just like, you know, take a train back home
just to beat him up. It wasn't my I, I wasn't.
It wasn't my personality. Why did you never talk to him
about it later in life? Yeah, But, you know, by the time
I got old enough to and mature enough to speak to him about it,
he was kind of he, he had, he had mental issues and he was

(05:37):
kind of like, he wasn't living in reality.
He was living in a parallel universe where he suspected
people of being after him. And he saw like secret police
everywhere. And and he was kind of sick.
And I realized there is no way Icould bring it up to him.
He had no recollection of that at all.
He grew up in the, during the depression in Sweden in the 30s

(06:00):
when people starved to death in,in a small town.
And I think my, his, my grandfather, his dad used to be
a hard drinker and he was very violent too.
And I'm sure my dad, he was probably a sensitive young boy
and somebody really abused him. So I, I forgave him because I, I

(06:22):
knew that he, you know, he didn't want to be that way.
What was involved with getting to the place where you forgave
him? I think when I, I really had to
do therapy to really forgive him, perhaps he was forced to do
something when he was a kid. He, he may have had other
adventures, you know, plans or dreams that he never, he never

(06:48):
acted on, but I did. I, I switched.
He probably admired that in me to some degree, that I had the
guts to do that, to follow my instinct, my heart, instead of
what he he he did what he was told by his parents.
You know what? Thinking about that still makes
you emotional well. Because I wish I would have, you

(07:12):
know, I wish he wouldn't have had that illness that I could
have connected with the nice part of him.
He was a very smart man and charming and, and I just feel
sorry for him. I wish I would have been there
to help him. That's it for now, but if you're
hungry for more in depth interviews, head over to
youtube.com/graham Bensinger. You can dive into our deep

(07:35):
library, which includes more than 2000 clips spanning 12 plus
years. Thanks again for listening.