Oksana Masters: Finding new outlets to combat depression | Forward Progress

Oksana Masters, a 17-time U.S. Paralympic medalist, opens up about her struggles with self-image and identity due to bullying and feeling different from her peers. She shares how therapy helped her find happiness and come to terms with her emotional stressors. Today, she proudly displays her prosthetic legs to inspire children in sports.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
As we wrap up the week, we're bringing you one of the many
positive messages from our past interviews.
Each Thursday, we're sharing stories of our most watched
athletes, celebrities, and leaders.
We hope these problem solving narratives inspire you to tackle
obstacles in your own life. This week, Oksana Masters.

(00:22):
There was a period of time whereyou dislike your reflection
because you didn't have, like, family that you resembled.
Yeah. My friends, like, look so much
like their mothers and their fathers and I'm such a visual
person and I think when out of the mirror I didn't have any of

(00:43):
that. I didn't know who I was.
I have my mom and my family, butwho am I when I see myself?
Besides, I hate what I see because it's so different
because the kids are telling me that in school and that, yeah,
so like I, I struggled with thatwhole identity thing and like, I

(01:08):
have my family here, but it's really.
And I love my mom for sure, but it's like, you're kind.
I feel sometimes alone in the world because there's no one
that that that connects me to something and they look in the
mirror kind of thing. And that's not what I know.
That's not what family is and that's not everything, but it's

(01:29):
just always made me wonder. What happened where I think the
school calls your mom about you being on like suicide watch?
I tried some crazy things. I tried to also like cut my
hands off too because I hated myfingers.
I didn't really realize and I think my mom knew but didn't.

(01:50):
And then, like, I needed to go through therapy because how bad
things were. And it was just a time where a
lot of memories were coming backand I was suppressing
everything. And when kids were telling me
that you're a freak, you walk weird.
What's wrong with you? I didn't want to live anymore.
Like, I don't know. Really.
Yeah. Well, yeah, because I never saw

(02:12):
anyone that looked like me. Like, I can hide my legs, but I
can't hide my hands. They're like the little paws are
out there for the world to see. I took a birthday cake into
school and I got mobbed by like 5 kids saying why are you
letting everybody bully her and I said what are you talking
about? And I asked the teacher and she

(02:34):
goes, I don't know what they're talking about, but apparently
they were pushing her, calling her names, making fun of her,
doing all kinds of stuff. And she, no, she was not going
to tell me because probably she thought I couldn't do anything.
And also because she's pretty much a problem solver on her own
anyway. Now, like I want P kids to see

(02:56):
my prosthetic legs. I want people to see the
different ways you can do sportsbecause when you start making
that more normal, then they're not going.
Then those generations from now,kids will not be made fun of
hopefully one day, but I think they're always going to because
humans. So what was involved for you in
getting past that, you know low point where you were having

(03:18):
those thoughts? So I went to therapy.
The session was supposed to be ashort session just to see Two
hours later, the doctor comes out.
Therapist comes out to my mom and says like she we're going to
have a lot of, lot of work to dohere because I had a lot of

(03:38):
anxiety, depression, just attachment issues and things
that I, I didn't know my mom didn't know she's a single
parent. Also, she didn't have that other
person. She actually ended up having day
treatment and a psych ward. They wanted to take her
overnight. They wanted her to be an
impatient. I said I can't do that to her.
That will that will. I might as well just let you

(03:59):
kill her because she will think I'm giving her up.
We're not doing that to. Me and honestly Graham didn't
feel normal because then I had to have a doctor tell me you're
not normal you need medication and I started hating the fact I
needed medication to be normal when I already wasn't normal.
Now my mind's not normal so I felt like I had no control of

(04:22):
anything anymore. People were telling me what I
could do with my bodies, what I my mind and how to live and how
to think and medicine to help me.
And I just. But I didn't realize that until
I started going to art therapy and drawing things out.
And I was talking, didn't realize I was like, that was
therapy and what I was saying and the process of healing and.

(04:46):
What? What sorts of things were you
drawing? I I don't remember, like the one
I really remember is we were talking about animals, this
doctor and I, and I'm talking about something that makes me so
happy. But then I'm drawing let's like
room with a sliver of like it's everything's black, but then

(05:08):
there's a shadow and snow walls and then there's red coming out
or whatever. And which was like blood
basically. And then just like monsters and
all these horrible things. And then it gets like the one
was like someone just like there's like a a person laying

(05:32):
down and someone's laying down on top of them.
And my body is drawing things that are completely messed up
and are terrifying that an 8 and10 year old should not be
drawing at all. But the weird thing is like I
didn't even know I was doing it until I look and I was like
whoa, like I did not know I was doing it.
How does that happen? I don't know, I was so lucky to

(05:53):
have that therapist that understood what I was drawing
and knew that things that I was drawing, there were some words
in there that I was drawing halfin Ukrainian, half in English
and some numbers. And like 6 always appeared a
lot. And like she never made me feel

(06:16):
like, oh, there's something wrong.
She's like oh OK this is interesting and would have me
talk about it but I could not remember why I was doing it.
From that she gave my mom suggestions prescription for
some to help with my anxiety andsevere depression.
And that really was where I started.

(06:38):
Like my mom always lost this because like when I first felt
happy for the first time, like Ifelt that emotion finally when I
was like 11 or 12 years old. And your mom, you had to explain
to you what that was. Yeah, well, I didn't know what
that feeling. I didn't know.
I was not happy. Like I think I did a pretty good

(07:04):
job as a kid masking everything and never really like I knew how
to adapt to my environment. When you would even laugh when
you, like, got hurt, right? Yeah.
I'm a weirdo. Or like you'd fall and hit your
head and. Start laughing well, like I
didn't cry for like the first few for a long time when I came

(07:26):
to America because if I, if I cried in Ukraine, if it wasn't
the caretakers that were hurtingyou, the kids would hurt you
because you made sounds and thenwe would all get hurt if the one
kid did something. And so I, I was very, I did not
show a lot of emotions and wouldlaugh instead.

(07:49):
And just because I didn't want to show that sign of weakness
either. Yeah.
In what ways did you find therapy helped?
For me it's a feeling thing. I don't even know how to like
put it towards how it helped me,but it helped my mind be so calm

(08:12):
and so still. And unlike like you were saying
like earlier, like the happy andwhat happy means and actually
feeling and living those emotions correctly and healthy
and not living in fear and just masking something up.
Because what happened for me wasI went from trying to hurt

(08:37):
myself and cutting myself to notand found other outlets to like
whether it was poor or whether it was drama or whatever it was.
As a kid, it helped me not hurt myself.
And I didn't help me also realize what I was doing is
hurting myself because I didn't know.

(08:58):
I think sports is what really, really helped is that I think
she definitely was a lot happierwhen she started rowing and.
Which was life changing. For it was life changing for
her. I was recreating feelings and
sensations, what was normal to me, and that helped me realize
what I went through as a kid wasnot normal.

(09:19):
That's not a normal way to grow up.
And without not knowing, you're never going to find your way out
either. You have to recognize it first.
You persevered through and accomplished so much in life.
What do you think you most learned?
Oh my gosh. I think something I I'm learning

(09:47):
still is to never count myself out because there's so many
times that I don't believe in myself and I diminish what I've
achieved or just don't think I'mworth it.
Everything seems against stackedup against you and you're set up
to fail to never. There's that 1% chance to never

(10:09):
count yourself out. The minute you count yourself
out of anything, you're done, you're out of it.
You're checked out mentally and you're going to be definitely
checked out of it physically. And I think there's a lot of
moments in my life where I it was so much easier to just give
up and stop. I think like, not just myself,

(10:35):
because I'm not the only one that goes through adversity,
goes through challenges. I think humans, what I'm
learning is humans are capable of overcoming so much more than
we give ourselves credit for andare like able to achieve so much
than we are think that we can and it all does even possible
until that moment that you achieve something and it's no

(10:57):
longer impossible. And there's we all have it.
It's all just state of mind and mindset.
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