Steve Young: Overcoming Doubt and Anxiety | Forward Progress

In this week’s motivational podcast, Hall of Fame quarterback Steve Young opens up about his struggles with separation anxiety from childhood through his college years. The 49ers icon also reflects on the immense pressure he felt as he took on the challenge of stepping into Joe Montana’s legendary shoes.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Hey, it's Graham. Our past in depth guests have
shared so many inspirational stories about overcoming
adversity and tackling the darkest and most challenging
times in their lives. We're sharing one of those
moments in today's Thursday podcast in the hope that it
provides A blueprint for any difficulties you might be facing
this week. Steve Young.

(00:22):
A friend once asked you I guess,if you ever enjoyed life and you
replied, do I ever enjoy anything you talk about, like
anxiety? Describe how that would come out
in you. As a kid, I would, you know, I
was 3 sports, I was a captain, Iwas straight A's.

(00:45):
I was doing all this fun, cool stuff.
I was loving it. I wasn't feeling, I didn't feel
pressured. I didn't feel like my parents
were over my back or anything. I just just flourishing.
But I never wanted to go to on trips, they go, hey, we're going
to skiing in Vermont. I'm like, oh, no, no, I don't
want to do that. And I never really thought much
about it until my parents would try to go away from town when I

(01:05):
was a kid. And then I'd freak out and try
to convince my other brothers and sisters that are babysitters
and axe murderer like. And you did once I did.
Then I wanted to go to college. And when I finally decided to go
to BYU on scholarship, I remember going to school,
actually leaving the house and going on the plane.
I dreaded it in a way that was like, I didn't know how to

(01:28):
describe it to anybody. I didn't want to show it, but I
was freaking out. And and I barely made it through
my first semester of college. But other kids, my, you know, my
brothers and sisters, Yeah, let's go to school.
It's sweet. I mean, I was like, hey.
And that is what is separation anxiety.
That's kids have it. And that's what I had.
It was genetics because my mom'sside of the family.

(01:48):
But I did not know it until I was 33 years old, under real
duress when I was playing for the 49ers.
It's another another interestingbut long story, but.
Jim, your buddy, said about you at the time that you wouldn't do
much, stayed in your dorm room, walked around with your head
down, wouldn't engage socially, and seemed sad and sullen.

(02:11):
That first semester, I dreamed of going home.
I didn't unpack my bags. That was the truth.
Those guys became my best friends and I'm grateful for
them to walk it through with me because they didn't know what I
mean. What is that?
What do you what's why is it so hard?
Why my dad what just have fun and I I the transition, the

(02:32):
change. That's why it's called
separation anxiety. It's a separate from home.
And then once I went back for call home for Christmas that
first year, I realized when I got home, man, I couldn't wait
to get home. I got home and like, Oh, I have
another home. My brain somehow kind of
transition. I was like, and so then it was
fine. Going to college was great and

(02:52):
that helped me make other transitions in my life.
But childhood separation anxietyin your genes, you're born with
it. You know, it influenced my life
in a lot of ways that I didn't even realize.
And your mom I think was called the class mom for?
Yeah, in second grade, because Iwouldn't go to school because I
think the anxiety of something new as a kid at 767 years old,

(03:16):
your, your, your body just says don't do that, don't go.
And so my mom would walk me to school and she would stick
around for a little while while I kind of got settled.
And then I remember the teacher making me, we'll make you the
president of the class. And that was like, somehow
there's this other part of me that like, achievement.
And I was like, oh, OK, I'm good.
But it's like, I, I think that'swhy I'm really big on mental

(03:37):
health, because I want people tobe able to ask questions, to be
able to say, look, I have an insecurity.
If you think you don't have insecurities, you're not human
and be able to be open and, and,and, and be vulnerable enough to
say, you know, I've been carrying and dragging this
insecurity around my whole, I didn't even understand it.
And if you don't realize how good life could be if we deal

(03:59):
with it, if we can kind of name it.
That was what was great when I was 33 years old when the child
psychologist, when I ran up there because Jim Clint, the
team doctor finally said, look, bro, I think you got something
going on from your childhood. And I ran up there and he's
like, you have undiagnosed childhood separation anxiety.
A lot of kids had it. It's in your genes naming it.

(04:19):
Then I could be like, oh, that'swhy by, you know, on Saturdays
before the games, I don't want to watch football.
I want to watch, you know, some movie because I I don't want to
be reminded of the anxiety levelfor me was always higher.
I was like, why? And all of a sudden it's like,
oh, 'cause it's in your genes. And that's that helped.
In what ways will the anxiety come out in you today, and how

(04:42):
have you learned to manage it? The truth is what was great
about it was to talk about it, to know it to to to point it out
and say that's a part of you that you didn't choose to take
on. It's a part of your genes and
just like then and then, dealingwith it was like really powerful
to be able to say it. Well, and interestingly, you

(05:03):
were talking about mental healthbefore that was even really part
of the conversation during the. Day when I was growing up, I was
the king and then at night I'm like, I got to run home, you
know, like that's a little that's that I I wrote a little
children's book right when we won the Super Bowl.
Then it was kind of this, a lot of the stories of my growing up

(05:24):
and paper routes and bikes and stuff for and and they go.
What do you want to title it? And I go, I want to title it.
At least I'm not as weird as Steve Young because I think
that's super powerful to be ableto tell everybody.
At least I'm not as weird because I think there's
something in as you're, as you're growing up to feel like I
can be vulnerable and it's OK because like people are weird

(05:45):
and that's that's cool. And how do we, how do we work it
out? And so again, I retired mostly
because I was worn out emotionally.
I just had been 18 years and I just worn out.
And I think that even more than physically and in that way, the
day I retired, I remember Brent Jones, my long term roommate, my
best friend, He goes, you're going to because he'd retired a

(06:07):
couple years before he goes, you're going to love it.
It's amazing. It's just, and it was amazing to
leave it behind. And it felt like what I left
behind was this sense of anxietyand I couldn't get my heart rate
above 30. Like ever since, you know, I
think it just, it got, it got burned.
It got burned out somehow. But I, I, it's funny if you just

(06:30):
said that because every time my wife says, you know, we should
move, there is a little feel. It's like, oh, no, I like, I
like home. You know, I think there's
there's still in your genes a little bit of that.
You mentioned Joe Montana a a bit ago.
You had wrote in your book, which was fantastic.
The pressure to replace Montana was unbearable.

(06:51):
The weight of the expectations was crushing me.
My anxiety was overwhelming me, you told your brother in one
conversation. You didn't think you were going
to actually make it till Christ?Skipping.
Yeah, right. So I.
And like, what did you mean by that?
You got to give me a minute here.
I replacing Joe, trying to be Joe.

(07:12):
What I realized very quickly is that as you're if you're a fan
of the 49ers, when Joe's not in the field, they're only remember
memory is Joe never threw an incompletion, never threw an
interception and never lost a game.
And here comes this guy which all he does is throw
incompletions, throw interceptions and lose games.
So it's like this. It's all overwrought anyway.
It's insanity and I'm in the middle of the season.

(07:34):
There's a the Gulf War had broken out in the Middle East in
October of 1991. And the front page of the San
Francisco Chronicle, it was the Gulf War.
It's Steve Young's fault becauseit was funny, right?
It's funny. But for me, living this out, it
was, I had, I felt like I was inthe bottom of a hole in

(07:54):
depression and victimization andnot everything's my fault.
And on my way home, that's when I ran into the great Steve
Covey, who said I told him all the terrible things that were
happening in my life. And he said, you know, Steve,
let me let me ask you a couple questions.
Eddie De Bartolo. And I told him how great he was.
Bill Walsh, I told him how greathe was.

(08:15):
And Joe Montana's on the on the team.
I'm like, yeah, that's the problem.
He goes, but if you had to ask him questions for mentorship,
could you do it? I'm like, yeah, you could.
I could. You know, Steve, I travel the
world looking for platforms for human beings to have the ability
to iterate and get better and find out how good they can get.
And I can tell you, I travel in the world.
I've never seen a better one, the one that you have.

(08:37):
And I realized then at that moment, literally at that
moment, it became crystal clear to me that the hole that I was
in the bottom of I dug, the victimization that I felt was
self-inflicted and I had just lacked the perception and the
perspective to see the opportunity.
And I and I, I raced from that plane flight home and never

(09:01):
looked back. Thanks for listening.
We'll be back next week and every week sharing long form
interviews on Mondays and shorter uplifting stories on
Thursdays and then trending clips on Fridays.
We'd love to hear from you with ratings and reviews.
Do you prefer the longer podcastepisodes or are shorter ones I'm
excited to get? Your take?

(09:21):
Thanks again.