Episode Transcript
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(00:24):
Well, hello there, everyone.
It is John Seymour.
Welcome to Inspirations for Your Life.
It's another fantastic day.
You know, I'm trying to do some streams
during the week live on site.
Today, I'm at another beautiful spot here at
Montclair State University, coming here to do some
(00:45):
studying.
And I said, gee, why not come and
actually do my show here live?
So it is great to be with everyone.
Thank you so much for joining me.
Good morning, everyone.
If you'd like to get something to eat
or to drink, whether it's hot, cold, feel
free to do that.
I had something before, so I'm good at
the moment.
But I do want to take this moment
to say welcome to everyone, a very big,
(01:07):
big welcome to everyone.
If you're coming here for the first time
and if you're coming back, of course, a
big welcome back.
I always appreciate those that come back.
This whole week is about decoding the modern
life, right?
How do we decode modern life, you know,
to understand, like, you know, what's going on
(01:27):
and things like that.
I think that's an important thing for a
lot of people to realize, that, you know,
decoding modern life and understanding it, basically under
a microscope is what I like to say.
So I have my glasses off today because
I'm using my laptop.
And as you know, with the polarization of
a laptop, I won't be able to see,
(01:49):
right?
So again, it is so great to be
with everyone.
If you are new here or not, and
you don't know about BelieveMeAchieved.com, why not
check that out?
I'm actually broadcasting right now kind of in
the back patio of what used to be
the old Montclair Diner here at Montclair State
University.
So they've opened a new restaurant now, the
(02:11):
1908 Club.
But I'm just basically diagonal from University Hall,
which is over to my right, your left.
There's Nursing and Graduate School.
And then there is the Student Center, which
is diagonally in front of me there.
All right.
So again, do check out BelieveMeAchieved.com for
(02:33):
more of my amazing, inspiring creations.
And we're trying to broadcast live at a
lot of different places.
So if you have a place in New
Jersey and you'd like me to broadcast there,
well, reach out to me because I would
love to pop on over and do a
show at your place and give you some
free PR.
All right.
(02:53):
So let's get this show started because, again,
I have so much to share with everyone.
First, as I said, a very big, big,
big welcome back to Inspirations for Your Life.
This is the daily motivation show where I
decode the rules of modern life, success, and
happiness one story at a time.
(03:15):
Oh, who am I?
I'm John C.
Morley.
I'm a serial entrepreneur, engineer, specialist, video producer,
podcast host, coach, graduate student here at Montclair
State University, and, of course, a passionate lifelong
learner.
And I am dedicated to helping each and
every one of you achieve your best self
to become a better version of yourself.
(03:37):
Today's episode, Modern Life Under the Microscope, takes
you deep into the unspoken social rules, the
quirky ones, the boundaries, and the Internet etiquette
most of us navigate away from every single
day.
Ready to elevate your life and tap into
practical wisdom you can use right now.
Well, yeah, it doesn't matter what your age
(03:58):
is.
It's just there's some different nomenclatures to how
you'll respond to depending who you're communicating with.
You're in the right spot, guys.
So let's dive in.
Everyday Social Rules talks about some great stuff.
And this is series four, show 46, episode
number three.
So let's just dive right in.
The read receipt.
(04:19):
You remember that, right?
Power move ever left someone on read or
felt the sting when it was you?
Well, we all know the tension that amounts
from that.
Read receipts have become subtle signals of interest,
urgency, and sometimes power.
Are you using this feature as a mindful
(04:39):
way to communicate or a shield to dodge
uncomfortable replies?
Harnessing digital transparency can build trust, but it's
all about intention.
I said this before, guys.
Everything we do in life has to be
about intention.
We don't just show up.
Of course, there's some great spontaneous moments, but
we have to make the choice to show
(05:00):
up.
So number two, why group chats are emotionally
exhausting.
The group chats promise connection, but often they
deliver too much drama, fatigue instead.
And you're hit with endless notifications, side conversations,
and pressure to respond.
Emotional bandwidth shrinks faster.
(05:21):
Consider, well, setting boundaries.
Mute the threads, catch highlights, and connect individually
for deeper relationships.
I think that's what it's all about, guys.
So number three, how to ghost politely.
There's never a polite way to ghost, right?
Does that even exist?
(05:42):
Yeah, no pun intended.
If we all heard about ghosting, but is
there a kinder way to exit digital conversations?
I've even found it in my own life
where I have found people to be younger,
older than me, and then they just decide
that they don't want to communicate anymore.
But rather than saying they don't want to
communicate, they just decide to blow you off.
(06:02):
I think that is the most rudest thing.
Everyone has the right to do what they
want to do, but I think we need
to be respectful of others.
So if I don't want to hang out
with you, I say, hey, look, Mike, I
had fun the first time, but I'm just
not really liking our vibe.
It's nothing personal.
I just don't really like connecting with you.
The truth is gentle honesty wins every time.
(06:27):
So in one of these situations about, oh,
I don't know, 10, 12 years ago, I
had befriended someone.
We were great friends.
And all of a sudden, they were blowing
me off like other things were taking part.
I'm like, hey, you want to do that?
That's fine.
But if you set time with me, all
right, you're going to show up.
Because if you do that three times, I'm
just going to block you.
(06:48):
But I'm telling you that, right?
So he decides right away he's just going
to ignore me and block me when I
call him.
He ignores me.
So I think that's just rude.
So again, if you need space, just say
so.
Ghosting leaves questions.
Honesty offers closure.
We don't need to be ghosts.
We can live in our world and be
respectful human beings.
(07:09):
We don't need to be, quote unquote, this
crowd, that crowd.
And I'm not going to name different generations
because it's not the fault of one generation
or another.
It's just a specific time in life and
what that means to everyone.
So be thoughtful.
Would you like it if somebody just, like,
blew you off?
I'm not just talking about a date.
(07:30):
I'm talking about a friend.
Maybe you're playing racquetball together at school.
And suddenly, he just decided or she decided
to just, like, blow you off, right?
Because they had something better to do.
Hey, look, John, I know we're supposed to
play racquetball today.
My sister's in town or my girlfriend's in
town or my boyfriend's in town or whatever
it is.
(07:50):
And, you know, I really want to hang
with them.
I'm sorry to do this to you last
minute, but is it okay if we reschedule
some time?
Even if it's last minute, it still has
respect.
All right.
A respectful goodbye, a respectful can we reschedule,
can be a powerful act of kindness.
Kindness is something I think a lot of
(08:10):
people in our world, they're missing, right?
They are missing.
Number four, the new rule of double texting.
Is double texting desperate or just assertive?
So the stigma is fading.
If you have something meaningful to share, don't
(08:32):
hesitate to follow up.
Authenticity beats outdated etiquette every time.
Now, I mean something important.
You know, hey, we're going to the concert,
right?
And then you text back, oh, gee, you
know what?
We're changing the restaurant.
We're going to Freddy's instead of Melinda's or
whatever, whatever.
That's okay.
But don't be somebody that's like, you know,
(08:53):
oh, we're doing this.
Like, don't be that guy that sends this
text and that text and that text.
You know, you've all been there before.
Number five, why people lie about being busy.
Have you ever said you're busy?
You just need a break?
Most people do this.
It's become social shorthand for protecting our time
and energy.
(09:14):
But I want to tell you, you have
your right to set boundaries.
You have your right to say no to
people and say yes to yourself.
You have your right to do these things.
You have your right to take your time.
But I don't think it's your right to
be rude.
I don't think so.
The key, value your boundaries and honor others
(09:35):
with empathy, not judgment.
Now, if you say to somebody, hey, you
know what?
I'm kind of doing something.
I'm busy.
No problem.
You say, hey, I'm busy, right?
And you're really not busy.
Well, that's a problem.
Or say, hey, what am I doing?
Oh, I'm going somewhere.
Oh, can I come along?
So that's when people get evasive.
But in the beginning, please try to be
kind.
(09:57):
Number six, the psychology of ignoring DMs. Why
do we put up digital messages?
Oh, this has gotten so out of hand
in the last couple years.
Sometimes we fear conflict or just feel overwhelmed.
If you're on either end, remember, a thoughtful
response beats a rushed one.
(10:18):
And not everything is as urgent as it
seems.
You could simply just, you know, give a
thumbs up or I'll get back to you.
Like, don't let somebody hang you.
I think that is the rudest thing that
anybody could do, whether they're younger than you,
whether they're older than you, right?
And then I've had people that, like, you
know, they're textaholics.
Like, you know, they text and I'm like,
I'm not really a texter.
And I say that mean that I don't
(10:39):
know that I not that I don't know
how to text.
I say that because a lot of the
younger generations, they're expecting you to get like
an instant response, right?
I'm like, hey, I'll text you.
But just I want to let you know,
I don't text like immediately right back.
I will get back to you, but it
might not always be right away.
Like if you text me about something and
it's important, I'll get back to you.
But if you're just like texting me every
(10:59):
day, like that drives me out of like
insane.
So why people, number seven, say no worries
when they're worried.
This is crazy.
Isn't always worry free.
It's often a polite buffer for genuine concern
or discomfort.
Try reading between the lines and responding with
(11:21):
empathy, not just politeness.
But you'll say no worries.
And I get with a very like casual
nonce.
Oh, no worries.
No worries, dude.
No worries.
That's fine.
But like, oh, no worries.
Like, you know, it depends how you say
it.
No worries.
Number eight, when ha-ha doesn't mean funny,
ha-ha covers awkwardness, masks, annoyance, or fills
(11:44):
silence more than signals genuine humor.
Like, you know, you're talking to somebody and
they don't like what's going on.
Ha-ha, you're real funny.
Like they're being sarcastic and they're just trying
to like change the thing there.
Or ha-ha, yeah, let's change the subject.
Next time, ask yourself, is this laughter related?
(12:04):
Is it real?
Or is it a stand in for something
else?
In other words, is it a replacement?
I think that's important.
Number nine, the quote unquote like as social
currency.
Now, everybody wants a like, right?
Means affirmation or sometimes just social obligation.
But remember, real validation comes from within.
(12:25):
Likes matter in the digital world.
But your self-worth should never hinge on
a tally, okay?
You guys know I'm all about true content.
I'm all about sincerity.
I'm all about trust, right?
I love to have you like me, follow,
and share.
But I don't want you to do that
if my content doesn't resonate with you.
(12:47):
If it does resonate with you, then hey,
you know, come on and do that.
By the way, guys, if you have a
restaurant, if you have a place that you'd
like me to visit and broadcast from, I
would be happy to do that.
Pretty simple setup.
I just use a laptop.
We'll probably get more elaborate as we move
on.
But again, I really like doing these outside
lives.
I mean, they're just a lot of fun.
(13:08):
I mean, a lot of fun, guys.
So number 10, why silence feels like rejection?
I know, we've all been there, right?
Unanswered messages or pauses in conversation can trigger
insecurity.
Maybe the person is just busy.
Is this a person that generally doesn't respond
right away like I don't respond right away?
Like I made a new friend a few
(13:30):
months ago.
And I said to the person, hey, look,
I just want to let you know that
if you text me and I don't get
back to you, it's nothing personal.
It's just that I don't text immediately.
So if you're like on your phone and
you're like texting and expecting, like I'd rather
talk to you on the phone, right?
Combat this, ladies and gentlemen, by strengthening your
own confidence.
(13:50):
Sometimes silence is just someone's pause.
It's not them pushing you away.
So take a chill pill.
Relax.
All right.
I was on my way here to school
today.
And when I was doing this, there was
a car.
OK.
And this car was behind me.
There was a red light.
OK.
The light went green.
(14:11):
And as soon as it went green, I,
you know, I basically I went a couple
seconds after.
He's immediately flooding the horn.
And so I do this like, you know,
like not a middle finger, just like, you
know, calm down.
Some people, they're late.
I try to get somewhere.
Get up earlier.
I mean, I get about five o'clock
in the morning and I do exercises.
(14:33):
OK.
Figure out what you need to do to
get your day going.
Sometimes if I'm running really behind, which can
happen once in a blue moon, maybe I
don't take a shower.
I come back home later in the afternoon
and take a shower.
So number 11, 1-1.
How emoji tones change everything.
A simple emoji can set the tone friendly,
(14:54):
sarcastic, teasing or something sincere.
You use them to add warmth.
Hopefully.
Digital tone sometimes needs extra clarity.
So the most important part of the message,
and we've talked about this before, it's not
what I say.
OK.
It is how I say it.
(15:16):
Like, how are you doing today?
As opposed to, well, how are you doing
today?
That how you're doing is like, I really
don't care.
Maybe I'm on a walk.
I'm like, oh, good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
How are you doing?
Like that's sincere.
Somebody like, oh, I'm doing great.
And you or somebody just says, oh, how
are you?
Or, hi, how are you?
Like, they're in another world, right?
(15:37):
So you've got to not take this personally.
Some people, like when I do my hikes,
I got to tell you, if I say
hello to 10 people, two people just either
ignore it or like don't even respond.
Like, oh, yeah.
A lot of times I'll say good morning
or good afternoon to somebody and the one
person ignore me.
(15:57):
But the other person, I'll say it aloud.
I'm like, oh, good afternoon.
And then they'll respond.
And the other person in front responds.
Sometimes it's just they're in a daze or
sometimes, you know, they're not paying attention.
Number 12, why people overshare online.
Sometimes social media feels safer than true intimacy.
(16:18):
Sometimes.
But be careful, guys.
If you're going on vacation, don't like lay
out your old personal story, your whole like
secrets.
That's a good way to get robbed.
Oversharing can be a call for connection or
a way to process feelings.
Now, what I found is that some of
(16:39):
the younger generations, when they're not OK with
feelings, you know what they're going to do?
They're going to just block you.
They're going to say they're busy.
Some people don't even have the stamina to
be able to build friendship.
Why?
Because they don't have confidence in themselves.
Balance opens with self-care.
(16:59):
OK.
And, of course, privacy.
If you want to have a friend, guys,
you need to be a friend.
That's important.
Number 13, the etiquette of canceling plans.
Again, it happens, right?
As I said to you that that thing
happened, I was playing to you about plans
change.
Life happens.
(17:20):
The new etiquette.
Cancel clearly, kindly and promptly.
Hey, Joe, I know we're supposed to get
to have a meeting tomorrow for lunch.
I have to reschedule with you, or I
need to cancel, and I need to get
back with you at the end of this
week to reschedule some time.
One of my family members is coming in,
(17:41):
or this is happening, or that's happening.
But be honest about it, right?
People appreciate honesty over ambiguity.
If you don't want to share the reason
like, hey, Joe, I know we're supposed to
get to lunch together, to be quite honest
with you.
Or you can just say, hey, my parents
are in town, or my boss suddenly came
into town, or whatever it is.
(18:02):
I work for myself, so I have my
own boss.
Or maybe it's something like, hey, I just
found out I won this, and I need
to go take care of this, or whatever.
Or I just found out that this concert's
going to be in town, and their last
concert's at 2, and I really want to
go see them.
Respectful.
Number 14, why people post soft launches.
(18:27):
Of relationships, a subtle photo, a hidden ag.
These soft launches let us share joy while
protecting privacy.
It's social strategy for modern era.
You know the thing today.
You say one word about whether it's our
president or whatever.
I mean, I remember, I think I was
telling you, I gave a compliment about our
(18:48):
president doing something.
Now, I'm not saying I was on one
side or the other side.
I vote for the cause, not the party,
Republican, Democrat.
So even though I am Republican, I do
vote independent.
I will tell you, though, that it was
crazy because we were at this event.
(19:08):
And first of all, these people at the
event heard me say this.
They said, gee, that was a great idea
you did that.
As soon as I did that, it's like
this wall went up.
They went to go get coffee, get donuts.
They said, do you want anything?
But then they left, and they ate their
coffee and donuts away from everybody else because
apparently they were excommunicating me.
(19:29):
I mean, that's just rude, guys.
Number 15, the secret language of group selfies.
Who stands where?
Who takes the shot?
Groupie selfies are full of silent signals about
relationships and inclusion.
Make space for everyone and capture real memories.
(19:50):
And nobody wants to be like alienated, right?
You remember being on the team in high
school or maybe in grammar school where maybe
you weren't the jock at the time.
And nobody wanted to pick you because, let's
face it, you were not good at athletes,
right?
I remember we were doing indoor hockey.
Now, we weren't doing the hockey which had
(20:11):
ice because our school didn't have an ice
rink.
This school does here at Montclair State University.
And so what's happening, which is pretty interesting,
is that we were playing with the pucks
and the sticks.
And we were playing on just the gym
floor.
And this wasn't a gym floor like the
(20:31):
wooden floor because you wouldn't be caught dead
doing that.
This was just like a regular concrete floor
that had little speckles and stuff.
So it wasn't really a full gym floor.
And so you play these games.
And so I remember the first time, I
didn't get picked.
Second time, I didn't get picked.
Third time, I didn't get picked.
(20:52):
Eventually, I got put on somebody's team, right?
It just wasn't like the top two teams.
So all I did after that, I kind
of like sulked.
But then I went on the team that
I was chosen for.
And I just looked over at the gym
instructor.
And I just shook my head.
And he looked at me.
And he didn't say anything.
(21:12):
But he was like giving me this look
that he was sorry.
And so the next time, we went to
pick teams.
He said, we're going to do something different
today.
I'm going to ask the people that I
(21:35):
want to be captain.
So I got to be one of the
captains.
So as being a captain, I got to
pick people, right?
Of course, I would pick people that were
athletic.
But I'd also pick people that weren't athletic,
that were my friends.
And so I remember at the end of
this, he said, sports is about inclusion.
(21:55):
It's not about exclusion, regardless of your level.
That doesn't make you be an A student
or a D student.
What makes you be the A student in
gym, because this was hard to understand, is
do you do the right things?
Are you here on time?
Do you have your gym clothes?
Are you dressed and ready for gym at
10 o'clock?
So are you down here at 9, let's
(22:16):
say 940?
Are you getting dressed in under like 10
minutes, and then being on the floor for
10 o'clock, and sitting a teepee style
ready for calisthenics?
And so the other thing that's also important
is your attitude.
How well you try.
It doesn't matter if you get the goal
or not.
(22:37):
At least you're trying.
And then the attitude of how well you're
relating to everybody.
And our instructor got up, and this lady,
because it was actually one instructor and then
the other person.
And in both times, my grammar school and
my high school, I had a lady and
(22:59):
I had a gentleman that was running the
class.
I think in grammar school it was called
gym.
In high school they got a little more
formal.
They called it phys ed, physical education, because
you get the physical education award from the
president and all that.
Anyway, he said something before class about how
grades are determined.
And he said something else.
He said, I want to let you know
(23:20):
that that also involves how you pick.
Are you always just picking people because they're
the best?
I'm going to be watching for what I
see, because it will be affecting your grade.
There was one guy who was pretty athletic,
a jock.
He's up there, and he's friendly, but in
an acquaintance kind of way.
(23:40):
Not somebody I'm going to hang around with,
but somebody that would be, let's say, kind
to me.
But not somebody I'm going to hang around
with.
Also someone that's a jock, and I'm not
a jock.
So I remember he got picked, and I
was like, oh, here we go again.
And the professor, I'm at college, so I'm
(24:02):
saying professor, the instructor said to me, don't
worry.
I promise you it's going to be better
this time.
And first person that got called.
I was picked.
I'm like, yay.
Other people got called.
So they picked, let's say, the non-jocks
first, then a few jocks.
And so what that did was it took
one of the students who basically got, who
(24:25):
was going to get a B to now
getting an A, because it's about people, right?
So why people crave validation in our crazy
world but deny it is most of us
long for approval, even if we won't admit
we want approval.
Understanding this can unlock stronger self-esteem and
(24:45):
deeper bonds.
Number 17, how to disagree with drama, without
the drama, I should say, because everybody does
it with drama.
Conflict doesn't need chaos.
My favorite one is I want to agree
to disagree.
Validate the feelings.
Hey, Eddie.
Hey, Joseph.
I understand that you're not happy with this
decision, and I disagree, or I want to
(25:07):
agree to disagree with you.
That's a polite way of doing it.
Validate their feelings, okay?
Focus on the issue at hand, not the
personalities.
Remember that respectful disagreement fuels growth.
In that time of the phys ed class,
if I was there now, I would say,
hey, whoever it was, say, Mark, Eddie.
Hey, Eddie, I know I'm not a jock.
(25:29):
I know you're a lot better in athletics
than I am right now.
I'm smart.
I'm into technology.
I'm into computers.
I'm a whiz at what I do.
But for me, you know, let's say throwing
a baseball or, you know, putting a basketball
in a hoop, it's not easy for me.
And I have to tell you how I
(25:51):
feel when I get left last on the
team.
That's how I would have handled it, right?
When I'm in computer class with you and
you don't know what's going on, I don't
bash you or say, gee, you don't know
(26:12):
what a function is or you don't know
what a variable is.
I don't do that.
I help you.
I guess I was just hoping that we
would at least, even though we're not best
friends, at least maybe we could at least
coexist together and kind of be amenable.
And from that moment, this one kid, his
name was Eddie, nice guy.
He was somebody that would always play the
(26:33):
game, but he's not somebody after that point
that would throw me under the bus.
In the beginning, he would throw me under
the bus, but no more.
He started understanding that we had a commonality.
All right?
Number 18, the rule of three in small
talk, three questions or topics, then move deeper
or gracefully exit.
This trick keeps conversations lively without awkward stalls,
(26:56):
right?
Number 19, why people apologize too much.
Sorry can be a habit for many.
Practice saying thank you instead or be direct
with what you need.
Confidence builds respect.
Oh, thank you for the time.
I appreciate it.
Number 20, guys, just kidding.
As a defense mechanism, sometimes hides discomfort or
(27:19):
honesty.
Pay attention to these moments.
They often signal deeper truths ready to come
out.
21, why compliments make people uncomfortable.
Many people deflect or minimize compliments.
Practice receiving them with a simple thank you.
It affirms both you and the giver.
And just time for one more point.
(27:40):
We're really out of time here.
People hate voice notes.
Voice notes are more personal, but can feel
time consuming for others to get involved with.
They're awkward.
So choose the wrong forms of communication depending
on the relationship before you send it.
And remember, LOL can be a challenge, right?
(28:00):
Aggressive LOL isn't laughter.
It sometimes is a soft jab to, hey
you, are you really doing that?
I'm John C.
Morley, serial entrepreneur.
Be sure to check out BelieveMeAchieved.com for
more of my amazing, inspiring creations.
Have yourself a great rest of your day.
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out about this if it resonated with you.
Have a good one, everyone, and be well.