Why our problems are actually solutions

Welcome to another enlightening episode where we explore how our problems are usually concealed solutions to deeper issues in our lives. This is a thought-provoking discussion that may stir your ego, make you feel vulnerable about self-reflection. However, we encourage you to accommodate these feelings openly and try to see beyond the immediate discomfort.

We delve into how our problems often stem from unresolved fears, suppressed feelings, and desires. Our body cleverly crafts solutions to these problems, which we often misinterpret as problems themselves. For instance, issues like developing a disease that one can't ignore could be a system's solution to expressing repressed suffering and a desire to be recognized.

Moving further, we reflect on various examples that help in understanding why we can have fears or tensions about certain successful outcomes. We try to find if the fear is about being judged, ridiculed, or not fitting in. We also ponder whether we fear our dreams because they deviate from societal norms.

Consider this thought-provoking twist, what if our so-called problems are happening for us, not to us? They could be pointing us to our deeper subconscious belief systems, manifestation of fears, paving the way for new thought patterns, and thus, hidden under the guise of problems. Appreciating our problems could indeed be our first step towards acceptance, self-compassion and the start of creating real solutions for our real underlying issues.

In essence, this episode inspires you to dive deeper into the roots of your problems and tackles them at their source. It emphasizes the importance of self-love and how it underpins our ability to self-reflect and transform. Join us on this reflective journey to understand the true meaning of our so-called problems and the power we have to change our reality. And remember, every step, every layer uncovered, all contribute to your deep self-awareness and radical transformation.

 

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hi beautiful souls, welcome back to finally a new episode.
The topic of this episode is how our problems are actually solutions.
Now before we dive in, I am currently in Amsterdam, so you might hear some rain in the background.
All right, let's dive right in. Let me start this episode off with a warning.

(00:24):
This episode might trigger some people and it might make your ego stand up and
try and protect the parts of you that are feeling vulnerable.
So try and take a deep breath in these moments and soften your body.
See what parts of you are feeling attacked and try and stay open.

(00:44):
Oftentimes when we feel attacked, there's a sign. There's a sign to breathe
into those parts and see what it is actually triggered by, what it's actually asking you to see.
So we often complain about the things that are happening in our lives.
It is so easy to blame and complain about others and our circumstances.

(01:06):
It feels easy and let's be honest, it often feels good. We're protecting our own view of ourselves.
Now by this point, you might already know that our outside world is just nothing
more but a a reflection of our internal world.
So what we do as a human is create our solution to deep-rooted problems with clever ways.

(01:31):
And when I say clever, you might actually want to replace that with annoying for a lot of people.
But the solutions work. Oftentimes, we have deep-rooted to our conscious unknown
fears or suppressed feelings, desires, needs, and wants.
So what does our system do? It finds a solution. Let me give you an example.

(01:54):
For example, we might feel unhappy with life. Early on in childhood,
we've learned to suppress our feelings and our suffering.
Learned that people will not take our cry for help serious.
Not feeling seen or not feeling taken serious. Our self-image becomes one where
we feel self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance is a replacement when there's not enough self-love.

(02:18):
Through the idea of, look at how strong I am. I overcame this or that.
So that then can become your identity, holding on to needing suffering in our
lives in order to feel some sort of replacement for self-love.
A clever way of our system might be to develop a disease that people cannot ignore.

(02:39):
A way for people to actually see our suffering and a way for ourselves to actually
feel comfortable enough to express our suffering, or even a way for our ego
to show the world, see how strong I am?
I'm able to manage my life with this debilitating disease, to get the recognition
that we crave in order to feel that sense of self-acceptance.

(03:02):
Now let me give you another example. If you're afraid to be seen by the world.
Afraid to be judged, afraid to be ridiculed, afraid to not belong,
always feeling like you're an outsider, you're different from others,
and you might have dreams and desires that are outside of of the norm of today's society.

(03:27):
What will your system do?
It will stop you from being successful in your attempts of following your dreams.
It might even stop you even before you have even articulated your dreams,
telling you stop being ridiculous.
This is just a dream. It's never going to happen, etc, etc.
And you might say to yourself, this might not be for me.

(03:50):
Well, at the the same time, you continue to hold your dreams in your body,
never fully satisfied by the other jobs that you do.
So one of the things I do when my clients come to me with their so-called problems
is I ask myself, what might this problem be the solution of?
The same goes in my own life, of course. Whenever something is happening in

(04:14):
my life that I call a problem, I ask myself, what might this be a solution for?
Now mind you that this asks for a lot of self-reflection because the first response
of our system will be to scream, what are you talking about? I am suffering.
Of course this is not helping me.

(04:34):
This is actually our ego. Our ego trying to protect us and protect our own self-image.
The last thing we want is to feel fully responsible for our own problems,
aka solutions in our life.
Because this might actually damage our own self-acceptance. If we don't have
enough self-love, it is hard to acknowledge and take responsibility for our own creations.

(04:59):
We all need self-love. It is one of the things we crave the most in this life.
And this is often covered up.
Covered up by judging others in order to make ourselves feel better.
Covered up by trying to be the best and pleasing our bosses or co-workers, etc.
In order to get their approval to feel that we then at least can approve of

(05:21):
ourselves, etc., etc. These are just a few examples.
It can show up in many different ways, shapes and forms.
So a lack of self-love will often threaten our ability to self-reflect.
Because we don't have a way to look at the less beautiful parts of ourselves
and still love ourselves deeply.
We'll feel more disgust and judgment towards ourselves.

(05:45):
So how are we able to move through love while we feel like that?
So our systems will help protect us and resort to blame and victim mindset so
we can at least exist with ourselves.
So how are we able to self-reflect Well, we feel like that.

(06:06):
So our systems will help and protect us and resort to blame and victim mindset.
So we can at least exist with ourselves.
Super logical and understandable. But not very helpful to our self-reflection.
And we need deep self-reflection in order to fully know and understand ourselves.
And be able to transform certain patterns in our lives.

(06:29):
Like the so-called things we call problems.
Now, why is it so important to be able to understand these solutions masked as problems?
It is so we can actually transform them. If I hadn't understood the fact that
the problem that I was having of people not being there for me when I needed

(06:49):
them, even though I was always there for them,
was actually a solution to me not feeling worthy and good enough without overgiving.
A solution to me not feeling worthy of receiving.
Receiving I would have never been able to
transform that I would have never learned on a deeper level how to receive and

(07:10):
feel worthy of receiving now mind you after five years this is still something
that I'm deepening even now I'm still finding new subconscious belief that I
get to transform in order to be able to receive on a deeper level.
So how can you actually find what your problem is trying to solve in your life?

(07:30):
One easy hack for that is to simply ask yourself, how would it feel if this
problem would have been solved right now?
Or how would it feel if this or that would arrive in my life right now?
And to check in with your body. Does your body feel safe, expensive,
and excited when you think about that?

(07:53):
Or is there a part of your body that tenses up?
For example, if one of the problems you are experiencing is that you can't seem
to find a deep, loving, and supportive relationship.
Real deep and true love where you feel deeply nurtured. Now imagine your dream
person showing up in your life.
Does your whole body scream, yes, I want this? Or is there a part of your body that that feels afraid.

(08:19):
Now again, this asks for a lot of deep self-reflection.
It is so easy to stay on the surface and say, yes, this feels amazing.
But try and really check in with your body.
Is your whole body getting excited or is there part of you uncomfortable and tense?

(08:39):
Chances are that there's a part of you that feels deeply afraid of being fully
seen, deeply afraid of being reflected back to you that you aren't good enough,
deeply afraid of being hurt, of losing control, etc., etc., you name it.
Now, how can you actually find out what you are afraid of?
Sometimes we can find the tension, but we can't really figure out why we're

(09:03):
feeling tense in that situation.
You can ask that tense part in
your body, what are you afraid that might happen if this were to happen?
And keep on asking questions. And then what? And then what? Et cetera,
et cetera. Self-reflection is something we can learn.
But it does all start with self-love.
With the ability to look at our less beautiful parts and be able to say,

(09:27):
hey, I see you and this might be less beautiful, but that does not,
nor will it ever change the fact that I deeply and fully love you. you.
Self-love often starts with self-compassion, with deep understanding of ourselves.
If we deeply understand why we do what we do, it is easier to still be compassionate

(09:48):
towards ourselves and say, I see you.
I understand why you did what you did. I forgive you and I deeply love you.
Now, how can we move away from victim mindset, aka the idea that our problems
are happening to us instead of for us.

(10:09):
It is all here to help us out in one way, shape, or form.
It starts with radical acceptance that we create our own reality and that our
reality is simply showing us our deeper levels of our subconscious and belief systems.
But it's also showing us where to start.
If we choose to change and transform our reality, it is showing us what what

(10:35):
belief systems we get to unravel, what fears we get to release,
what new thought patterns we can create, etc, etc.
So maybe we can even infuse some gratitude for our so-called problems.
It was once here because we didn't know a better way to meet our needs,
infuse us with self-acceptance or protect us from fears.

(11:00):
Can we step into radical acceptance and take ownership for our current reality,
not with blame or with shame, but with deep understanding, deep compassion and love.
But also with a fierce, deeper inner knowing that we also have the power to
change our current reality, change our current so-called problems.

(11:23):
Now, once we know what's underneath it all, we are able to actually create a
real solution to the real underlying problems, aka fears, belief systems, lack of self-love, etc.
So we start with acknowledging that our current problems are not actually problems,
but more solutions to problems that are actually at the roots.

(11:47):
So for example, and I see this in a lot during my sessions, especially with
people who have have experienced a lot of trauma in their lives,
when you have lived your whole life and fight, flight, or freeze,
your system hasn't learned yet to feel safe in safety.
It doesn't know yet that it's safe to experience safety.
Safety is often confused with unsafety and boredom.

(12:12):
So your system might reject anything that's bringing you peace and anything
that is taking you out of the familiar, creating more and more so-called problems.
But it's actually here to try and help you and to give you the solution for
you feeling deeply uncomfortable and unsafe within safety.
So the real problem is not at all the problems that are currently present in your life.

(12:34):
That is simply a solution to the fact that you will feel way too unsafe with safety present.
The real problem is that your system is confusing unsafety with safety.
Not knowing that we can actually start working on the real problem.
So that looks like teaching your system to be comfortable with safety.
Now this often sounds easier than it actually is, especially when you come from a lot of trauma.

(12:59):
This takes a lot of nervous system regulation work and rewiring.
But as long as you're aware of the real problem underneath and keep taking steps
in that direction, it is 100% possible.
Layer by layer. Let's take another example.
I hear this one a lot as well. The desire to be in a relationship.

(13:22):
So the problem is I am single and I want to be in a relationship.
Why am I not in a relationship yet? There must be something wrong with me.
Now, like all so-called problems, there can be a million different reasons why
this is your current reality.
A.k.a. there can be a million real problems at the root. The trick is here to ask yourself again.

(13:45):
What if my dream person is showing up in front of me right now?
Would my whole body scream, yes, I want this?
Or would a part of you be afraid? afraid, asking questions like,
but what if this person fully sees me and finds out that I'm not good enough?
What if this person will hurt me?

(14:06):
Why would my dream person want me? What do I even have to offer?
What if I will lose myself? Etc, etc.
Now, there you have the real problem. Your fears, your belief system,
et cetera, et cetera, these are
the things, the belief systems we actually get to work on or transform.

(14:28):
These are at the roots that actually need our attention, not the service level
things we call problems.
You often see people working on the surface level problem. It's like symptom
control, taking medication while being sick, etc, etc.
Now, of course, this is necessary, but it is also nothing more than symptom control.

(14:49):
Why am I actually sick? What is my body trying to tell me? What am I holding?
And working on the actual cause, even if you're able to temporarily control the symptoms.
I guarantee you, if you're not working on the root causes, you will find yourself
in the same cycle over and over again.

(15:10):
Maybe exactly the same and maybe in a different shape or form.
And this goes for all of the problems.
See how you might do symptom control instead of working on the root causes.
Start with finding the root causes and see what these root causes need.
For example, and this is a personal one for me, I've always viewed myself as

(15:33):
this strong woman, and I test some sort of self-identity on that belief.
It was often praised in my environment. It made me feel better about myself
knowing I am this strong woman, always able to handle anything that comes her way.
It gave me a sense of self-acceptance.
No, not deep and real self-love, because self-love doesn't require me to do anything.

(15:58):
So what happened? I made sure I attracted things in life I had to overcome.
So as soon as I found this root cause, I made sure to work on my self-love,
teaching myself that I am worthy and amazing just as I am.
I didn't need to do or overcome anything in order to receive my own love.
And yes, this came in layers.

(16:18):
Sometimes I catch myself attracting situations that require me to be strong
again and recognizing that I might need to add to myself self-love.
So I wouldn't need a difficult situation to overcome in order to feel loved by myself.
So on that note, here we are at the end of this episode.
Keep on asking yourself, what is the actual problem underneath my so-called

(16:45):
service level problem, a.k.a. solution?
What is it that I actually would need to do in order to shift and transform
this mindset, this belief system, these fears, etc., etc.?
Try and go this layer deeper. and maybe just maybe even add gratitude for your

(17:06):
current problems knowing full well it is actually here to help you and try and
protect you so I would love to hear your thoughts on this episode,
so feel free to shoot me a message on Instagram at innerblisstravels or leave
a comment in the show notes and if there are any other topics you would love
for me to talk about I would love to to hear that as well.

(17:29):
If after this episode you feel like you might need some help with finding your
root causes, at the moment of recording of this episode, I still have one spot
for one-on-one coaching available.
So feel free to schedule a free discovery call. I will place a link to that
in the show notes as well.
And for now, I am sending you so much love and I am fully cheering you on for

(17:52):
diving so deep into yourself.
And until next episode!