I Disappeared for 5 Years: What I Know Now

This is the story I’ve never told. Not publicly. Not like this.

For five years, I vanished from the world—not physically, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally. In this deeply personal episode of Love, Lindsay, I take you back to the years I was lost inside myself: battling depression, unraveling before my own wedding, withdrawing from Paxil too fast, and becoming someone even I didn’t recognize.

We’ll talk about:  Lying in bed for days at a time and why that Barenaked Ladies lyric—“Just like Brian Wilson did…”—felt like my entire existence  How Paxil gave me my life back… until it didn’t  The terrifying crash of antidepressant withdrawal (and the symptoms no one warned me about)  The hollow years: 2014 to 2018, where I was socially gone, emotionally paralyzed, and afraid I might never come back  What healing actually looked like—spoiler: it wasn’t pretty, fast, or aesthetic  The relationships I lost. The silence I sat in. And the fight to find my voice again

This is not an easy listen. But it’s a necessary one—for anyone who’s disappeared into themselves, or is afraid they might.

If you’ve ever thought, “I’m the only one feeling this way”—this episode proves you’re not. You were never alone.