June 26, 2024 • 23 mins
"Just because you're experiencing this now, it doesn't mean that it's going to be with you for all of your life."
In this episode, we explore the unusual and unexpected fears that arise during perimenopause and postmenopause, drawing from conversations with other women and personal experience.
We cover common fears such as driving, flying, health, and mortality, explaining that these fears are a normal part of the menopause transition due to hormonal changes, and we discuss why they might get progressively worse in perimenopause.
I share strategies for managing these fears, including professional support, mindfulness, and medical treatments like HRT. Knowing what causes these fears to worsen in perimenopause helps manage them, and knowing that we are wired to get happier as each decade passes - especially once on the other side of postmenopause, helps to put these fears and anxieties in their place.
"Our goal in midlife is to navigate those physical symptoms well, to understand what's happening with our brain and to navigate that well with whatever support that we need so that we can step into this next phase of life, which can be incredibly empowering, incredibly vital and filled with so much meaning and purpose."
Don't miss out on this deep dive into the complexities of midlife fears and anxieties. Tune in to gain a better understanding of these common experiences and discover practical ways to navigate them with confidence. And remember, you're not alone in this journey. Let's navigate midlife together.
Timestamp:
00:00 Perimenopause and postmenopause fears: understanding and coping.
03:14 Increased anxiety and new fears during menopause.
08:26 Recognize anxiety-driven supplement search as ineffective.
12:21 Isolation may feel comforting, but seek support.
15:26 Navigating perimenopause and trauma impact on treatment.
19:59 Midlife anxieties are common but temporary. Seek help.
21:24 Postmenopause brings stabilization and increased vitality
Follow Meegan on Instagram here
Join the waitlist for The Midlife Upgrade Course: https://meegancare.co.nz/course/
Please note: The content of this podcast does not substitute or constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your doctor or qualified healthcare provider.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Kia ora. Are you a woman navigating midlife, menopause and beyond?
I'm Megan Keir, your midlife mentor and psychosynthesis counsellor and coach.
Join me as we dive deep into the heart of midlife, unravelling the complexities
of menopause and exploring uncharted territories that lie beyond.
Together, we'll navigate through self-doubt, bid farewell to people-pleasing,
(00:22):
conquer imposter syndrome and tame those overwhelming feelings.
It's time to celebrate this vibrant second chapter of life, claiming your authentic
confidence and courage along the way.
Midlife is not a time to settle. It is a time to unleash your purpose,
make an impact uniquely your own, all while prioritizing your well-being.
(00:43):
So buckle up for conversations that resonate with the essence of your midlife journey.
Are you ready? Let's begin. Hey friends, welcome to the podcast.
I'm excited about our topic this week and
it's come out of conversations with women who are in perimenopause and postmenopause
and also my own experience through that arc of life as well which obviously
(01:05):
I'm still in and it is around the
unusual unexpected fears that arise in perimenopause and postmenopause.
And I'm not bringing this topic up to alarm you or to layer on more fears.
I actually want to speak to it because if we understand the context of why these
(01:27):
are arising, then it's a very normal part of perimenopause and recovery.
Early postmenopause, then we can understand them better.
For example, if I experience intrusive thoughts,
if I know where they're coming from, be it historical trauma or perimenopause,
(01:47):
which is another normal psychological experience that arises in perimenopause,
if I know where they're coming from and why they're happening,
it's much more easy to challenge those thoughts with reality,
reality right so those are the studies show that
that's an important piece to it to challenge those
thoughts with the actual reality to look
(02:09):
around and see reality and remind your brain tell
those thoughts that this is not the truth of what's happening right now it doesn't
need to be worried about right now and be quite strong and firm with your brain
and also it means that we don't have to layer on another level of worry around
what's going on in our brain so we're We're going to talk about some of the fears that arise,
(02:31):
some that I've heard from other women, some that I've experienced.
We're going to talk a little bit around what the research tells us about what's
happening, why they're arising.
There is so much more research to be done though.
It's very early days on understanding when estrogen starts to decline and progesterone
starts to decline, what happens to our brain.
(02:53):
We're early days in that research. And then we're going to look at some ways
that we can empower ourselves if this is our experience.
I think if you're not experiencing this, it's also a very, very important piece
to understand should it ever arise for you in perimenopause,
midlife, through that arc of midlife.
(03:14):
All right, so what are some of the fears that I'm talking about?
Well, there's a fear of driving, fears of flying, fears about our health,
fears that we're just going to drop dead.
They may have been completely not present for you prior to this experience of them.
Or in the background, easier to navigate or ignore, and perhaps just showed
(03:37):
up a little more loudly at different times of the month.
So in terms of the fear of driving and flying, so they're all under that arc
of increased anxiety, which is fairly well explained in terms of our menopause experience.
But if we get more specific about it,
(03:58):
a number of women I've spoken to that have
been discussing seen the topic online as well talk about
that they suddenly out of nowhere
have a fear of driving or a fear of driving over a
bridge or a fear of flying which they haven't had
before so mine wasn't so much a
fear of driving I had that when I had really heightened anxiety in my 20s when
(04:21):
I was unwell with Crohn's disease I had a big dollop of anxiety there went with
it and what accompanied that was a fear of driving long distances actually and
there wasn't a specific time where I resolved that fear.
It was something that I kept going
trying to challenge, manage and navigate and eventually it faded.
(04:43):
As my health increased, as my generalized anxiety decreased.
The fear of driving long distances got way, way less.
To now, it's just a little bit of a background hum sometimes and I can easily
focus on the excitement of arriving,
of my destination, of where I'm going to, of the fun of a road trip.
(05:05):
But for me, fear of flying became quite pronounced in perimenopause, kind of out of nowhere.
And I felt that it wasn't so much driven by my brain or my thoughts that I was
thinking my way into this fear, but rather it just arose out of nowhere in my nervous system.
(05:27):
And suddenly I was so afraid of
flying. And I flew fairly frequently for a while and that fear remained.
So it got worse over time in perimenopause and that fear remained.
And I did all the things that you can possibly do to support yourself if you
(05:48):
have a fear of flying from a psychological perspective.
So the meditations and the rescue remedy and the self-hypnosis and the countering
those worried, fearful thoughts, all of those good things and they didn't really
make much difference if I'm really honest.
It didn't stop me from flying but oh my goodness, I was just through a loop
(06:11):
having to fly and I knew logically it didn't make any sense but my body was just not listening.
So that's a really common experience for women in menopause and the rate of
anxiety for women in perimenopause and postmenopause is very high.
50% of women surveyed reported that they had an experience of moderate to severe
(06:36):
anxiety during that midlife arc.
And because these fears sort of sit under that umbrella of anxiety.
We can see why suddenly we're experiencing these fears seemingly out of nowhere.
Another fear that arises under that anxiety umbrella for women is fears around
(06:57):
their health and fear of death.
And I've linked those together because I think that they are important.
Interrelated. And it's a bit of a sneaky one, that one, because I've seen it with a lot of women.
I experienced it myself as well.
I saw it in my mother from that menopausal time right through until she did pass away.
(07:19):
And it can sneak in because we are experiencing more challenging physical symptoms.
We are experiencing heightened anxiety.
And so that can get channeled into fears around
her health and for some women fear of death and
what I mean by that is what they experience is that
they are consumed with worry that they have a terminal illness that they don't
(07:45):
know about that is just going to pop out of nowhere and their life is going
to be over or that I'm just going about living my life and this fear arises
that I'm going to die somehow.
Medical medical event, injury, accident. And in terms of the fear of health,
because it does sneak up on us, what that can look like is that we spend a lot
(08:07):
of time researching our health.
We spend a lot of time researching the symptoms that we're experiencing.
We spend a lot of time looking for alternative and medical treatments online.
So we're Googling it. Our mind is consistently consumed with worry about our
health. So it's right to the surface.
(08:28):
Your resting mind will go directly there.
And you might recognize that for yourself if you have a cupboard full of supplements,
but you still have that anxious worry inside of yourself that has you researching
for the next supplement.
And how I know that so well is that that has been a part of my experience also.
(08:53):
Now I'm not discounting this because I really
do understand having gone through the
experience of Crohn's disease and very early
menopause where I did a lot of
research to try and help myself and this can be on
the one hand somewhat useful but we need
to recognize when it flips over coming
(09:15):
from more of the brain's anxiety
and fear response and stress response
than a strategic way to
help our health and you can recognize that from a what i said around having
the cupboard full of supplements and yet you're still researching more and more
and more you're grabbing hold of every new thing that comes along and i know
(09:39):
we're flooded with all of that that information online so it's easy to get pulled into it.
And the other piece that I would look out for is if that.
Is if you are doing that in isolation, if you're not reaching out and seeking
help from a trained, qualified professional to support you on your health journey.
So we can see how some of it's very natural and normal and an expected response
(10:04):
to what's going on with our health and energy and vitality,
but brain crosses over that line and we're moving into the territory of anxious patterns.
And why this is important to understand is because when these fears take up
so much psychological energy.
Focus of your brain, if they're intruding into your day very frequently,
(10:28):
I think it's time to talk to somebody who's a professional that understands
absolutely that it's not going to diminish or undermine your fears and anxieties.
But that also understands them in the context of what's happening for us hormonally.
Another big one that comes up for us in this time of life is social anxiety
(10:51):
and agoraphobia where you're avoiding going out, you're avoiding certain places
for fear of that anxiety arising.
So that can be another one that is a slow creep. So at times of my life where
I've had more anxiety as a young woman, Those two were very present for me,
managed largely by use of alcohol and drugs,
(11:12):
or at least I tried to manage them with alcohol and drugs.
But then I outgrew that and things settled and I didn't have that experience
anymore until I came into perimenopause.
And I noticed that as I was moving around in town, where I was walking down the street, Great.
Old pattern of social anxiety arose again inside my nervous system.
(11:37):
Very fight and flight, very much not wanting to look at people in the eye,
not to make contact, not to say hello.
Feeling quite anxious for a lot of clients I hear that going to the supermarket
really triggers that for them.
And so this again can creep in in perimenopause.
And if you think about we've got the slow creep of this social anxiety and this
(12:02):
agoraphobia and then if I've also got these physical symptoms going on of perimenopause,
heightened generalized anxiety,
hot flushes, memory problems, fatigue, sleep issues, you can see how our world
can get so much smaller very very quickly.
We start isolating ourselves because we feel better in our own company at home.
(12:26):
So So whilst that might feel better for your nervous system for a period of
time, it is not going to make you feel better in your life overall,
over the arc of your life.
So this is where if you're using social isolation to try and manage the symptoms,
we need to be speaking with a professional about it.
Because our goal in midlife is to navigate those physical symptoms well,
(12:51):
to understand what's happening with our brain and to navigate that well with
whatever support that we need so that we can step into this next phase of life,
which can be incredibly empowering.
Incredibly vital and filled with so much meaning and purpose.
But we are not going to get there by isolating ourselves and continuously trying
(13:16):
to protect ourselves against those fears. We're
So that's where it's important to work with a professional or even just talk
with a friend who understands you, who understands what's going on,
who can hold space for you and support you to step outside of your comfort zone.
Because once we've reached a certain level with these fears,
(13:37):
breaking through that barrier can take a little bit of work,
but we can absolutely move through them and come out the other side.
Okay, so I'm not wanting to sound all doom and gloom, but what I want to do
is to highlight what can happen in terms of fears and anxieties.
It's fairly common. It's not well researched yet, but what's happening is that
(13:59):
because estrogen is not only declining on the decline.
But it's also fluctuating quite wildly in perimenopause, and then you've got
that slower decline of progesterone, these hormones are protective.
Against stress so there's a relationship
between estrogen and cortisol so when
(14:19):
estrogen goes down cortisol can go
up much more easily right so stress
hormones so to understand that because we've
got that hormone decline in perimenopause and those hormones act as a protector
against stress then our resilience for stress is a little lower at this time
(14:40):
therefore these fears and and anxieties show up more front and center.
Our brain has more trouble regulating.
To a neutral place for a period of time. The other things that can impact this
are life transitions, there may be separation, divorce, there may be aging concerns for ourself.
(15:03):
Our body absolutely does start to change in perimenopause.
This can give rise to some of those fears.
Because of the decline of estrogen and those protective hormones.
We might have some trauma lurking in the past that then starts to rear its ugly
head and that can show up in some of these fears and anxieties.
(15:25):
And I'm going to talk more about that in a future episode because that's a very
important piece for us to not only navigate, but it can be a really empowering piece.
You know, if trauma does start to show up in perimenopause,
I want to talk about how we can navigate through
that and actually take this opportunity to
(15:46):
once and for all heal the impact of
that trauma but that that's for another episode how these
are managed so we have the medical pathway which
finally now we're hearing
that HRT is helpful for this right so
if our hormones are lowered and they're not protecting our brain in the same
way then if we give those hormones a little bit of support then for many women
(16:12):
that is going to be protective often though So SSRIs are used down that medical
pathway and there's evidence there, of course, that they help with anxiety.
But if it was me, I would be making sure my doctor is up to date with current
treatment protocols around HRT primarily.
(16:33):
CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, there's some research around that as being
helpful for hot flashes actually, but also mood disturbances and perimenopause, menopause.
However, if like me, you have those very normal budget constraints and I'm talking
upwards of $200 a session with a psychologist to learn how to do CBT,
(17:00):
I think what I read was recommended sessions,
10 to 14 sessions, that's a lot.
So many of us will have budget constraints around that.
Of course, there's herbal remedies that can support in dialing down that nervous
system response that is giving rise to those fears and anxieties.
And some at-home strategies for managing fear and anxiety can be mindfulness and meditation.
(17:25):
I'll link a couple of guided meditations that are mindfulness-based at the end of the podcast.
So you can use those at home. They're very simple. and meditations that are
based on mindfulness practice that is helpful for reducing anxiety and stress.
So they can be helpful to use every day because what you're doing is you're
bringing in some more of that parasympathetic rest and relaxed response into your body.
(17:50):
You're accessing that through the cause and effect of your mindfulness meditation
practice and that's going to help and give a little bit more protection for
some of those fears and anxieties that arise. eyes.
I will say that when it's a really big fear situational base,
like for me, the fear of flying piece,
(18:12):
I did the meditations, I did the self-hypnosis,
I did all the things and it probably did help to turn the volume down a bit
but what was going on in my nervous system was way stronger than what mindfulness
and meditation could manage and could help with at that time because of that
situational fear that was arising,
(18:32):
and I've meditated for 30 plus years.
So my nervous system is very adept at coming into that parasympathetic response.
But I'm not writing it off. I think it's still very, very useful.
Other at-home strategies that we can use that are really important and helpful
is having that support system, having a friend.
(18:52):
I mean, speaking about those fears around the social anxiety.
Around the fears around my health, that kind of thing.
Having that person that can understand, that can be that steady presence who
can help you reality check is very helpful. And then,
of course, of course, fostering that growth mindset. So understanding that midlife,
(19:15):
perimenopause, early postmenopause is a magnificent time for transformation and growth.
Yes, what comes along with it for many of us are difficult body and brain symptoms.
Things are being shaken up in our psyche because of what's happening in our body and our brain.
And so we can take that and use it as a tool for our own growth and development.
(19:40):
And that's very much what we do in my program, the Midlife Upgrade course.
We access this time of change, which can feel unstable, and we use this time
of change to create transformation and to create growth and development within our psyche.
And I think rounding up to really remind ourselves to understand that That increase in fears,
(20:07):
phobias, anxieties in midlife, in perimenopause are absolutely.
Commonplace for a large proportion of women at this stage of life.
But remembering that they will not, for the most part, stick around for the rest of our life.
Just because you're experiencing this now, it doesn't mean that it's going to
(20:31):
be with you for all of your life.
It means that we can take the time to seek help from a professional,
that we can use this time of change for our own growth and development.
We can use this time to look at past traumas and hurts that maybe we haven't
healed, that maybe we haven't integrated.
We can remind ourselves that, yes, my brain is not as protected as it once was,
(20:58):
so it It moves into a fear state much more easily.
But there's things that I can do to support it, to challenge those thoughts,
to check in with reality, to gain support and gather support around me.
And I know that there are ways that can be used to help treat that,
(21:19):
either through the medical pathway or the natural medicine pathway.
And I also know that as I come out the other side of post-menopause,
that my brain will start to stabilize.
Those connections will stabilize more, and I will come into this much more even,
stable state in later post-menopause. And that time frame is different for every single one of us.
(21:46):
But I want to remind you that if you're not there yet, it does get better.
It gets so much better that there is so much hope that you will live your life
with so much more vitality.
The fears will dial down. Your capacity for joy actually dials up.
(22:07):
And there's research around that, which I just adore that our brain starts to
do that in that later post-menopause phase.
This is what's waiting for us. And let's manage these fears,
anxieties, and symptoms that are absolutely coming from the change of chemical
balance in our brain so that we can move through this phase and pop out the
(22:30):
other side a much more joyful,
vital version of ourselves.
I hope that's been really helpful.
If you've noticed fears, anxieties, it might be fear of driving,
fear of flying, fear of being around other people, fear of being outside your
house, fears around your health, fears around your mortality.
If you've noticed those had a big upswing and you're in perimenopause or postmenopause, let me know.
(22:57):
I'd love to hear your experience and I think sharing our experiences is really
helpful to understand this terrain.
All right, my friend, go so, so well. Enjoy the rest of your week and I'll talk
to you real soon. Hey, thanks for joining me on the podcast.
Really appreciate you. Check out my course where we just go so much deeper than
(23:19):
I can ever do on a podcast over an eight-week period.
The Midlife Upgrade course is a blend of video and learning modules and weekly
live calls where you will discover a roadmap for psychological freedom in midlife.
Check out all the details on my website. I really, really would love to have you join the course.
(23:41):
MeganKerr.co.nz forward slash course.
Kia ora. Are you a woman navigating midlife, menopause and beyond?
I'm Megan Keir, your midlife mentor and psychosynthesis counsellor and coach.
Join me as we dive deep into the heart of midlife, unravelling the complexities
of menopause and exploring uncharted territories that lie beyond.
Together, we'll navigate through self-doubt, bid farewell to people-pleasing,
(00:22):
conquer imposter syndrome and tame those overwhelming feelings.
It's time to celebrate this vibrant second chapter of life, claiming your authentic
confidence and courage along the way.
Midlife is not a time to settle. It is a time to unleash your purpose,
make an impact uniquely your own, all while prioritizing your well-being.
(00:43):
So buckle up for conversations that resonate with the essence of your midlife journey.
Are you ready? Let's begin. Hey friends, welcome to the podcast.
I'm excited about our topic this week and
it's come out of conversations with women who are in perimenopause and postmenopause
and also my own experience through that arc of life as well which obviously
(01:05):
I'm still in and it is around the
unusual unexpected fears that arise in perimenopause and postmenopause.
And I'm not bringing this topic up to alarm you or to layer on more fears.
I actually want to speak to it because if we understand the context of why these
(01:27):
are arising, then it's a very normal part of perimenopause and recovery.
Early postmenopause, then we can understand them better.
For example, if I experience intrusive thoughts,
if I know where they're coming from, be it historical trauma or perimenopause,
(01:47):
which is another normal psychological experience that arises in perimenopause,
if I know where they're coming from and why they're happening,
it's much more easy to challenge those thoughts with reality,
reality right so those are the studies show that
that's an important piece to it to challenge those
thoughts with the actual reality to look
(02:09):
around and see reality and remind your brain tell
those thoughts that this is not the truth of what's happening right now it doesn't
need to be worried about right now and be quite strong and firm with your brain
and also it means that we don't have to layer on another level of worry around
what's going on in our brain so we're We're going to talk about some of the fears that arise,
(02:31):
some that I've heard from other women, some that I've experienced.
We're going to talk a little bit around what the research tells us about what's
happening, why they're arising.
There is so much more research to be done though.
It's very early days on understanding when estrogen starts to decline and progesterone
starts to decline, what happens to our brain.
(02:53):
We're early days in that research. And then we're going to look at some ways
that we can empower ourselves if this is our experience.
I think if you're not experiencing this, it's also a very, very important piece
to understand should it ever arise for you in perimenopause,
midlife, through that arc of midlife.
(03:14):
All right, so what are some of the fears that I'm talking about?
Well, there's a fear of driving, fears of flying, fears about our health,
fears that we're just going to drop dead.
They may have been completely not present for you prior to this experience of them.
Or in the background, easier to navigate or ignore, and perhaps just showed
(03:37):
up a little more loudly at different times of the month.
So in terms of the fear of driving and flying, so they're all under that arc
of increased anxiety, which is fairly well explained in terms of our menopause experience.
But if we get more specific about it,
(03:58):
a number of women I've spoken to that have
been discussing seen the topic online as well talk about
that they suddenly out of nowhere
have a fear of driving or a fear of driving over a
bridge or a fear of flying which they haven't had
before so mine wasn't so much a
fear of driving I had that when I had really heightened anxiety in my 20s when
(04:21):
I was unwell with Crohn's disease I had a big dollop of anxiety there went with
it and what accompanied that was a fear of driving long distances actually and
there wasn't a specific time where I resolved that fear.
It was something that I kept going
trying to challenge, manage and navigate and eventually it faded.
(04:43):
As my health increased, as my generalized anxiety decreased.
The fear of driving long distances got way, way less.
To now, it's just a little bit of a background hum sometimes and I can easily
focus on the excitement of arriving,
of my destination, of where I'm going to, of the fun of a road trip.
(05:05):
But for me, fear of flying became quite pronounced in perimenopause, kind of out of nowhere.
And I felt that it wasn't so much driven by my brain or my thoughts that I was
thinking my way into this fear, but rather it just arose out of nowhere in my nervous system.
(05:27):
And suddenly I was so afraid of
flying. And I flew fairly frequently for a while and that fear remained.
So it got worse over time in perimenopause and that fear remained.
And I did all the things that you can possibly do to support yourself if you
(05:48):
have a fear of flying from a psychological perspective.
So the meditations and the rescue remedy and the self-hypnosis and the countering
those worried, fearful thoughts, all of those good things and they didn't really
make much difference if I'm really honest.
It didn't stop me from flying but oh my goodness, I was just through a loop
(06:11):
having to fly and I knew logically it didn't make any sense but my body was just not listening.
So that's a really common experience for women in menopause and the rate of
anxiety for women in perimenopause and postmenopause is very high.
50% of women surveyed reported that they had an experience of moderate to severe
(06:36):
anxiety during that midlife arc.
And because these fears sort of sit under that umbrella of anxiety.
We can see why suddenly we're experiencing these fears seemingly out of nowhere.
Another fear that arises under that anxiety umbrella for women is fears around
(06:57):
their health and fear of death.
And I've linked those together because I think that they are important.
Interrelated. And it's a bit of a sneaky one, that one, because I've seen it with a lot of women.
I experienced it myself as well.
I saw it in my mother from that menopausal time right through until she did pass away.
(07:19):
And it can sneak in because we are experiencing more challenging physical symptoms.
We are experiencing heightened anxiety.
And so that can get channeled into fears around
her health and for some women fear of death and
what I mean by that is what they experience is that
they are consumed with worry that they have a terminal illness that they don't
(07:45):
know about that is just going to pop out of nowhere and their life is going
to be over or that I'm just going about living my life and this fear arises
that I'm going to die somehow.
Medical medical event, injury, accident. And in terms of the fear of health,
because it does sneak up on us, what that can look like is that we spend a lot
(08:07):
of time researching our health.
We spend a lot of time researching the symptoms that we're experiencing.
We spend a lot of time looking for alternative and medical treatments online.
So we're Googling it. Our mind is consistently consumed with worry about our
health. So it's right to the surface.
(08:28):
Your resting mind will go directly there.
And you might recognize that for yourself if you have a cupboard full of supplements,
but you still have that anxious worry inside of yourself that has you researching
for the next supplement.
And how I know that so well is that that has been a part of my experience also.
(08:53):
Now I'm not discounting this because I really
do understand having gone through the
experience of Crohn's disease and very early
menopause where I did a lot of
research to try and help myself and this can be on
the one hand somewhat useful but we need
to recognize when it flips over coming
(09:15):
from more of the brain's anxiety
and fear response and stress response
than a strategic way to
help our health and you can recognize that from a what i said around having
the cupboard full of supplements and yet you're still researching more and more
and more you're grabbing hold of every new thing that comes along and i know
(09:39):
we're flooded with all of that that information online so it's easy to get pulled into it.
And the other piece that I would look out for is if that.
Is if you are doing that in isolation, if you're not reaching out and seeking
help from a trained, qualified professional to support you on your health journey.
So we can see how some of it's very natural and normal and an expected response
(10:04):
to what's going on with our health and energy and vitality,
but brain crosses over that line and we're moving into the territory of anxious patterns.
And why this is important to understand is because when these fears take up
so much psychological energy.
Focus of your brain, if they're intruding into your day very frequently,
(10:28):
I think it's time to talk to somebody who's a professional that understands
absolutely that it's not going to diminish or undermine your fears and anxieties.
But that also understands them in the context of what's happening for us hormonally.
Another big one that comes up for us in this time of life is social anxiety
(10:51):
and agoraphobia where you're avoiding going out, you're avoiding certain places
for fear of that anxiety arising.
So that can be another one that is a slow creep. So at times of my life where
I've had more anxiety as a young woman, Those two were very present for me,
managed largely by use of alcohol and drugs,
(11:12):
or at least I tried to manage them with alcohol and drugs.
But then I outgrew that and things settled and I didn't have that experience
anymore until I came into perimenopause.
And I noticed that as I was moving around in town, where I was walking down the street, Great.
Old pattern of social anxiety arose again inside my nervous system.
(11:37):
Very fight and flight, very much not wanting to look at people in the eye,
not to make contact, not to say hello.
Feeling quite anxious for a lot of clients I hear that going to the supermarket
really triggers that for them.
And so this again can creep in in perimenopause.
And if you think about we've got the slow creep of this social anxiety and this
(12:02):
agoraphobia and then if I've also got these physical symptoms going on of perimenopause,
heightened generalized anxiety,
hot flushes, memory problems, fatigue, sleep issues, you can see how our world
can get so much smaller very very quickly.
We start isolating ourselves because we feel better in our own company at home.
(12:26):
So So whilst that might feel better for your nervous system for a period of
time, it is not going to make you feel better in your life overall,
over the arc of your life.
So this is where if you're using social isolation to try and manage the symptoms,
we need to be speaking with a professional about it.
Because our goal in midlife is to navigate those physical symptoms well,
(12:51):
to understand what's happening with our brain and to navigate that well with
whatever support that we need so that we can step into this next phase of life,
which can be incredibly empowering.
Incredibly vital and filled with so much meaning and purpose.
But we are not going to get there by isolating ourselves and continuously trying
(13:16):
to protect ourselves against those fears. We're
So that's where it's important to work with a professional or even just talk
with a friend who understands you, who understands what's going on,
who can hold space for you and support you to step outside of your comfort zone.
Because once we've reached a certain level with these fears,
(13:37):
breaking through that barrier can take a little bit of work,
but we can absolutely move through them and come out the other side.
Okay, so I'm not wanting to sound all doom and gloom, but what I want to do
is to highlight what can happen in terms of fears and anxieties.
It's fairly common. It's not well researched yet, but what's happening is that
(13:59):
because estrogen is not only declining on the decline.
But it's also fluctuating quite wildly in perimenopause, and then you've got
that slower decline of progesterone, these hormones are protective.
Against stress so there's a relationship
between estrogen and cortisol so when
(14:19):
estrogen goes down cortisol can go
up much more easily right so stress
hormones so to understand that because we've
got that hormone decline in perimenopause and those hormones act as a protector
against stress then our resilience for stress is a little lower at this time
(14:40):
therefore these fears and and anxieties show up more front and center.
Our brain has more trouble regulating.
To a neutral place for a period of time. The other things that can impact this
are life transitions, there may be separation, divorce, there may be aging concerns for ourself.
(15:03):
Our body absolutely does start to change in perimenopause.
This can give rise to some of those fears.
Because of the decline of estrogen and those protective hormones.
We might have some trauma lurking in the past that then starts to rear its ugly
head and that can show up in some of these fears and anxieties.
(15:25):
And I'm going to talk more about that in a future episode because that's a very
important piece for us to not only navigate, but it can be a really empowering piece.
You know, if trauma does start to show up in perimenopause,
I want to talk about how we can navigate through
that and actually take this opportunity to
(15:46):
once and for all heal the impact of
that trauma but that that's for another episode how these
are managed so we have the medical pathway which
finally now we're hearing
that HRT is helpful for this right so
if our hormones are lowered and they're not protecting our brain in the same
way then if we give those hormones a little bit of support then for many women
(16:12):
that is going to be protective often though So SSRIs are used down that medical
pathway and there's evidence there, of course, that they help with anxiety.
But if it was me, I would be making sure my doctor is up to date with current
treatment protocols around HRT primarily.
(16:33):
CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, there's some research around that as being
helpful for hot flashes actually, but also mood disturbances and perimenopause, menopause.
However, if like me, you have those very normal budget constraints and I'm talking
upwards of $200 a session with a psychologist to learn how to do CBT,
(17:00):
I think what I read was recommended sessions,
10 to 14 sessions, that's a lot.
So many of us will have budget constraints around that.
Of course, there's herbal remedies that can support in dialing down that nervous
system response that is giving rise to those fears and anxieties.
And some at-home strategies for managing fear and anxiety can be mindfulness and meditation.
(17:25):
I'll link a couple of guided meditations that are mindfulness-based at the end of the podcast.
So you can use those at home. They're very simple. and meditations that are
based on mindfulness practice that is helpful for reducing anxiety and stress.
So they can be helpful to use every day because what you're doing is you're
bringing in some more of that parasympathetic rest and relaxed response into your body.
(17:50):
You're accessing that through the cause and effect of your mindfulness meditation
practice and that's going to help and give a little bit more protection for
some of those fears and anxieties that arise. eyes.
I will say that when it's a really big fear situational base,
like for me, the fear of flying piece,
(18:12):
I did the meditations, I did the self-hypnosis,
I did all the things and it probably did help to turn the volume down a bit
but what was going on in my nervous system was way stronger than what mindfulness
and meditation could manage and could help with at that time because of that
situational fear that was arising,
(18:32):
and I've meditated for 30 plus years.
So my nervous system is very adept at coming into that parasympathetic response.
But I'm not writing it off. I think it's still very, very useful.
Other at-home strategies that we can use that are really important and helpful
is having that support system, having a friend.
(18:52):
I mean, speaking about those fears around the social anxiety.
Around the fears around my health, that kind of thing.
Having that person that can understand, that can be that steady presence who
can help you reality check is very helpful. And then,
of course, of course, fostering that growth mindset. So understanding that midlife,
(19:15):
perimenopause, early postmenopause is a magnificent time for transformation and growth.
Yes, what comes along with it for many of us are difficult body and brain symptoms.
Things are being shaken up in our psyche because of what's happening in our body and our brain.
And so we can take that and use it as a tool for our own growth and development.
(19:40):
And that's very much what we do in my program, the Midlife Upgrade course.
We access this time of change, which can feel unstable, and we use this time
of change to create transformation and to create growth and development within our psyche.
And I think rounding up to really remind ourselves to understand that That increase in fears,
(20:07):
phobias, anxieties in midlife, in perimenopause are absolutely.
Commonplace for a large proportion of women at this stage of life.
But remembering that they will not, for the most part, stick around for the rest of our life.
Just because you're experiencing this now, it doesn't mean that it's going to
(20:31):
be with you for all of your life.
It means that we can take the time to seek help from a professional,
that we can use this time of change for our own growth and development.
We can use this time to look at past traumas and hurts that maybe we haven't
healed, that maybe we haven't integrated.
We can remind ourselves that, yes, my brain is not as protected as it once was,
(20:58):
so it It moves into a fear state much more easily.
But there's things that I can do to support it, to challenge those thoughts,
to check in with reality, to gain support and gather support around me.
And I know that there are ways that can be used to help treat that,
(21:19):
either through the medical pathway or the natural medicine pathway.
And I also know that as I come out the other side of post-menopause,
that my brain will start to stabilize.
Those connections will stabilize more, and I will come into this much more even,
stable state in later post-menopause. And that time frame is different for every single one of us.
(21:46):
But I want to remind you that if you're not there yet, it does get better.
It gets so much better that there is so much hope that you will live your life
with so much more vitality.
The fears will dial down. Your capacity for joy actually dials up.
(22:07):
And there's research around that, which I just adore that our brain starts to
do that in that later post-menopause phase.
This is what's waiting for us. And let's manage these fears,
anxieties, and symptoms that are absolutely coming from the change of chemical
balance in our brain so that we can move through this phase and pop out the
(22:30):
other side a much more joyful,
vital version of ourselves.
I hope that's been really helpful.
If you've noticed fears, anxieties, it might be fear of driving,
fear of flying, fear of being around other people, fear of being outside your
house, fears around your health, fears around your mortality.
If you've noticed those had a big upswing and you're in perimenopause or postmenopause, let me know.
(22:57):
I'd love to hear your experience and I think sharing our experiences is really
helpful to understand this terrain.
All right, my friend, go so, so well. Enjoy the rest of your week and I'll talk
to you real soon. Hey, thanks for joining me on the podcast.
Really appreciate you. Check out my course where we just go so much deeper than
(23:19):
I can ever do on a podcast over an eight-week period.
The Midlife Upgrade course is a blend of video and learning modules and weekly
live calls where you will discover a roadmap for psychological freedom in midlife.
Check out all the details on my website. I really, really would love to have you join the course.
(23:41):
MeganKerr.co.nz forward slash course.
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