May 22, 2024 • 26 mins
Step 1 of our 5 Steps to Becoming a Maven in your Midlife is available now to watch on YouTube or listen to wherever you get your podcasts from. Embark on a remarkable adventure of self-discovery and self-improvement in this inspiring episode from the dynamic duo co-hosts, Amy Alexander and Denyse Rabbat of Midlife at the Mailbox. This episode explores how our past stories and experiences, from school life to career aspirations, shape our current outlook and choices as we navigate the often complex journey through midlife transition.
In this episode, learn from real stories of the hosts and their clients as they vividly recall moments in their lives that sparked their interest in politics, business, and education. They share riveting tales like the unforgettable story of "Scotty Scottsdale" and highlight the defining moments that molded their career choices, inspiring listeners to embark on their own personal voyage to discover their 'why' – the purpose that fuels their energy and passion.
The episode also offers practical exercises to help listeners unearth their formative stories and themes, leading them towards a purposeful midlife transformation. They share wisdom derived from renowned thought leaders like Simon Sinek and translate lessons learned from the fields of coaching and career development into a practical roadmap for a meaningful second act in life.
To assist you on this illuminating journey, we're sharing a valuable resource with our listeners - the Maven Guide. Download the Maven Guide to Accompany you as you listen or watch Season 3.
This guide simplifies the process of breaking down your life stories and charting the course toward becoming the master of your midlife. It's time to perfect the art of becoming a Maven in your Midlife.
Every Monday, catch us LIVE on Instagram @midlifeatthemailbox, where we share our midlife moments. Be sure to follow our show and add us to your favorites so you never miss any of our content.
Before you go, please take a moment to leave us a rating wherever you get your podcasts, and consider sharing our show with your favorite midlife bestie. Positive ratings and shares help more people like you discover our show. Plus, check out our show notes for episode highlights and sign up for our email list to receive our exclusive Maven Guide!
We'd love to hear from you, our amazing Mailbox Listeners. Follow our show on Instagram or Facebook @midlifeatthemailbox, or send us a message in our DMs. You can also follow Amy @amplifybya2 and Denyse (that's Denyse with a Y, thanks Mom!) @DenyseRabbat. Your feedback is always appreciated.
See you at the Mailbox!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Hi, thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Midlife at the Mailbox.
I'm Amy Alexander, and on the other mic is Denise Rabat.
Over nine years ago, during a chance meeting at our neighborhood mailbox,
two strangers met and a new friendship blossomed into something bigger.
Although we no longer share a mailbox, and while we may have many miles between
(00:22):
us, we're closer than ever in real life. This chance meeting in our neighborhood
mailbox inspired a friendship, a business relationship, and three seasons of a podcast.
Welcome, Midlife Maven. If this is your first episode tuning into our podcast,
we are thrilled you found us.
(00:42):
And we highly recommend starting this particular journey with us at the very beginning.
Beginning you see we have designed this season specifically
to guide you step by step to rediscovering your
purpose and passions in order to fully blossom as
a maven in your midlife therefore we encourage you to pause right here and hop
back to episode one so you can follow the progressive roadmap we have created
(01:04):
just for you over the coming shows rest assured the insights and aha moments
in every episode will compound to help you take ownership of writing your next chapter.
Simply search for Midlife at the Mailbox to start at our origin story or click
on the very first episode of season three under our podcast name.
Get ready to transform how you approach your midlife and beyond.
(01:27):
If not now, when? In midlife, something profound awakens within.
Some may dismiss it as the nefarious midlife crisis, but a lot of us might say
it's a yearning for a feeling of like vitality, right? We talk a lot about that.
We discuss the topic at length with our clients.
We've talked about it in previous podcasts.
(01:48):
We talk about it on the phone, right? A lot of the time. And it's really about
finding your why, right?
What makes you get up in the morning? What gives you energy?
What is your purpose here, you know, while you're here on this earth?
And we bring it up season after season. And why is that, right? Why?
You know, it's a question that, you know, we often ask ourselves because it
(02:12):
is so important to know your why as you embark on any new journey,
personally or professionally.
So if not now, when? This can also be tied back to when Denise asked me to start this podcast.
And as the yes friend, I totally agreed.
And really, we went months and months and then, you know, of like,
(02:34):
what should we do? What should we talk about?
What should we do? What should we talk about? And then off we went on this mission
of what we discuss and when and how we'd make the show happen.
In. Yeah. And three years later, here we are.
And if you're a seasoned listener, you know that I also am a self-help book aficionado.
I used to be in the closet, but now I'm fully out because I've shared this the
(02:59):
last women's conference that I spoke.
And now I'm sharing it with all of you here on the mailbox.
And, you know, if you're here and you've been here for a while,
you know I'm an optimist, and I love to hear people speak about leadership and
just fulfilling purpose.
And my latest person I'm really excited to be following is the optimist and
(03:23):
leadership expert, Simon Sinek.
Um, he's best known for popularizing the concept of why in business with his influential TED talk.
I think last time I counted, it was over 65 or not. I counted every single YouTube counted.
It was 65 million views since, you know, over 10 years ago.
(03:46):
And he has the best selling book that starts, sorry, the best selling book called
start with your why and the infinite game. And I came across him last year when
I was preparing for my own speaking opportunity.
If you listened to the first episode, you'll know I was selected to speak at
the Central California Women's Conference in Fresno, California.
(04:08):
And I was preparing for this debut.
I had a lot of ideas of what I could talk about for a whole hour.
And you all know me here. I had no trouble talking and wasn't afraid of getting in front of a crowd.
However, I wanted the content to be meaningful. And I wanted to really encompass
and encapsulate the podcast, my coaching, and my clients,
(04:30):
and really just personal anecdotes of what, you know, I come across in midlife,
what my friends come across in midlife.
And so I went back to the basics, and I learned more about finding your why.
And what was my why for this discussion? Well, I was an expert,
you know, while I was an expert in coaching, a career development and resumes
and LinkedIn, I knew I could bring that to the table and emulate that to thousands
(04:53):
of women. But really that wasn't enough, right?
I wanted to talk about midlife because that is hard, right? It is hard.
You know, you can teach someone to redo their resume or upgrade their profile
on LinkedIn or how to interview with, you know, different strategies.
Figuring out and really trying to master this middle third of your life,
(05:16):
really, if you kind of think about midlife as three thirds,
or each one third, you're zero to 30, or zero to 25 or so, being the first third
of your life, that youth and adolescence and later adolescence.
And then the second third of your life is this midlife, mid third,
middle third, and then the last third being your later life.
(05:38):
And so we wanted to put these learnings into easy,
actionable lessons that men and women could really, or anyone for that matter,
could use to refocus their life, figure out what gives you energy versus what
depletes you, and really how to be intentional with how you spend your time.
So, you know, one of the things too, Denise, that when you talk about energy
(05:59):
and vitality and feeling like a sense of purpose, you know, think about us like
today as we were getting ready to come and do our recording.
Neither one of us would ever, I mean, very rarely be out of the house unless
I've got like hockey or like you've got like a school function or something with your kids.
Like we're not ones to like have a full face of makeup, like out the door.
(06:21):
Like we were out at like 830.
We set our alarms. We were like up, you know, we were ready to go.
We were in our clothes for the day, you know, I'll be at our sneakers to like walk.
We kind of felt like, you know, cities, city, we really joked as we were walking,
like, we're in the we're like, you know, in this a small town,
but we're like big city girls, like cue every Hallmark movie.
(06:43):
But it just truly shows like, you know, even though we got here,
and we were still kind of like working on what we wanted to fully bring to the table today.
And in this conversation, like, it just shows the vitality and just the excitement
that we have around this piece that we've built within our lives and how exciting,
(07:03):
you know, it is for us. And it's truly full circle.
It's our dangling carrot. It is our dangling carrot. In the first season, we talked about that.
And that was pretty raw at the time. We didn't really know what that was.
But that's also finding your why, right?
This is our why right now. No one's knocking on our door.
No one this morning, you know, was going to miss us if we weren't, you know, shower,
(07:25):
shampoo and shine and looking our best or that we hadn't prepped,
you know before but we crammed it all in when we could have probably been enjoying
a little bit more but that's okay because this gives us more energy than probably
spending an hour at every eve even though i love every eve we'll get there tomorrow
but you know what i mean this this does give us purpose and this is why we're
(07:46):
here i mean we talked about in that first episode but.
We kept coming back to this for a reason, and we thank you all for listening
because this also, you know, your feedback and encouragement gives us a lot of purpose.
And so we thank you for that. We love it. Yeah, but that's absolutely true.
I mean, it's a nice parallel.
I hadn't thought about that, but you're absolutely right. As I was sitting here
and, like, listening, I was like, wait, I definitely need to talk about that
(08:08):
because it definitely was a moment this morning that was, you know,
like, yeah, we're not. This is our why.
This is our why. like we're not up we are not like I mean Denise like wants
to try to be like an early morning person as I as my husband drove me to the
airport yesterday at 5 30 I was like oh my god there's like a world outside of like 7 a.m.
Like it's very hard for me to fathom but at the end of the day you know like
(08:32):
people get a lot of shit done before well this gives us energy it gave us a
lot of energy and like we're we're we're roaring we're ready to go and we're
powering through with our episodes.
And so when it came time for planning for season three, I thought,
let's bring those steps.
I said, you know, one of the pieces that I always share with my clients in terms
of like creating content is we don't always have to reinvent the wheel.
(08:56):
So we, we actually, I mean, Denise did all of the work for her presentation,
but I played a little bit of a role in some editing and some back and forth
conversation and listening in as she like presented it to me over Zoom.
And so there was some feedback. And I really thought like, this is our podcast.
(09:16):
Like, this is what we talk about. This is what we preach. This is,
you know, what we'd like to share and discuss.
And so I really felt like it would make a really great opportunity for us to
utilize what she had put together and not recreate the wheel for this season
and just expand on it and really talk about how,
you know, we've almost gone through, not almost, but how we have gone on through
(09:39):
these steps in various aspects of our business and kind of figuring out what was next.
Yes, we're giving you guys the best of the best. We've kind of done it in different.
In different iterations, but and also our clients, right?
I mean, we found that this is what works. We find that this is the best that
we know of the best of this time in this iteration.
(10:00):
So that's how we built this methodology. Amy's being a little modest.
She listened to me present this speech, this hour speech at least twice.
She was my partner. I embarked on her in figuring out finding your why.
We're going to learn how in a little bit. it. She was the first call I made.
I said, will you be my partner in this partner exercise?
(10:21):
We're going to talk to you and share with you. Remember the yes friend.
Yes. And she also, with her graphic abilities, created the Midlife Maven Guide,
which good news, you didn't have to join the Fresno Women's Conference to get that guide.
We are giving you your own guide. This will help to be a tangible resource for
you to follow along in their podcast this season.
(10:43):
And also just in In general, share it with a friend. Yeah. It's really got some good information.
So in our show notes and at the end of the episode, we'll tell you where you can find that guide.
Right. And so, you know, you might think of finding your wine,
hearing that sounds a little touchy-feely, right?
It might be a little too touchy-feely or esoteric for Amy, right?
Sometimes I side on this, you know.
(11:07):
I side a little bit more with, like, feeling some of that, you know,
kumbaya. But like Coldplay says, this whole point of finding your why is going
back to the start, right? Yeah.
And we can start to uncover your why with origin stories.
And this is based on, like I said, Simon Sinek. I did not create this piece
of the methodology, but you starting with this is really, you know,
(11:30):
is something we think is important.
Because a lot of times people will come to us like, I want to get on social
media, right? Or I need to put my business on social media.
Or I need a website. or yeah or someone will come to me and say I want to
I want to I need to revamp my resume or I want to make a big career change I
want to do x and now I want to do y and you know and I'll say great especially
on the resume great but you know what we got to do a little thinking work as
(11:54):
I need to go back yeah we need to start a little bit before there needs to be
a little bit of internal work.
Or some pensive work to be done before we start to do the writing or the promoting
and And so this is where these formative stories come about.
And it's not just a way to shoot the breeze.
This is really important because
(12:15):
these formative stories are important because they really can find,
you can find themes in these things and really some inner joy and inner happiness
that maybe you hadn't thought of.
So part of this method in finding your why is thinking about these stories from
your past. And if you have trouble getting started, I like to prompt my clients
(12:37):
and I prompted the attendees at the conference. She's prompted me.
Yeah. To say, what did you like to do in the fifth grade?
A lot of people by the fifth grade, especially in our generations,
more in the midlife generation, the fifth grade, the world hadn't creeped in yet.
Thank God there was no internet when we were in the fifth grade.
(12:57):
But, you know, most children haven't started adolescence or if they are,
they're pre-adolescence and they really haven't, you know, there isn't as much
of the peer pressure culture at that point yet. And so what were you like?
What did you do in the fifth grade, right? And so that's, you know,
just kind of the first, you know, the first method of doing that.
(13:20):
So I'll share a little bit of my story, a formative story of mine.
I shared this at the conference too. But on the fifth grade,
I was in a, in my classroom, my teacher was a woman named, my fifth grade teacher was Mrs.
Rachel Artinian. Hi, Mrs. Artinian.
Denise loves the shout outs. I dedicated her, I dedicated my master's thesis to her.
(13:42):
But each morning of our homework was to read the newspaper, the physical newspaper.
So I was reading the Fresno Bee.
And I would bring that current event to class, whether I wrote it down or cut
the article physically out of the newspaper.
And then everyone in the class would do that. That was part of our daily homework.
And we would vote on a current event of the day. And she added it to this like
(14:03):
bulletin board across the class.
And it was just so exciting if your current event was chosen.
And so that just got me into loving the idea of studying politics and how the
world worked and how business worked, because we not just covered,
you know, the current events weren't always about just different political events.
(14:26):
It could be about business or whatever that looked like.
And so I just still, that just enamored me from that day to start learning about
the world and reading when you can, reading media about what that is.
And so that's instilled in me forever. And today I ultimately still do that, right?
I'm part of my job as a career coach and career transition is to learn about that world of work.
(14:47):
So I'm super interested in how people choose their careers and connect with those people, right?
We talked about Scotty Scottsdale last night. Scotty Scottsdale is a gentleman
who has a golf cart transportation business here in downtown Scottsdale.
And we had so much fun learning about how he got to where he was.
And we actually he he happened to be after he dropped us off for our last stop.
(15:10):
He was sitting outside of our hotel when we came back.
And as Denise and I were walking around the city and we were kind of like chatting,
we were like, you know, like the one thing that we really didn't do is like
we were really curious about, like, what was Scotty Scottsdale's like story?
And, you know, in our previous seasons, we've talked about telling your story.
And, you know, we he he he filled us in like when he was 25,
(15:35):
he had a pharmacy and then he sold his pharmacy and then it just like went on.
And I'm not going to go into Scotty Scottsdale's like story,
but it was just really interesting as a 25 year old to like have this business
and like where he is in his midlife today.
And like all of the different pieces that have led to his journey to, you know, build that up.
(15:55):
And I think that's it's so true, even hearing, Denise, about your conversation
with what you did with your school, you know, because that led to some early pieces.
You know, you you worked for you did some like not government.
But I mean, I majored in political science and school international relations in college and MBA.
(16:16):
I you know, at one point I thought I wanted to join the State Department.
I took the State Department exam, but couldn't handle D.C.
And but yeah I mean I I've always she was a formative figure in my life and
a mentor whether she knew it or not but you know I did like I said I dedicated
my thesis to her because she inspired me she was also a woman who didn't come
from education originally and so that was inspiring to me as well but that's
(16:39):
just an example of a formative story yep.
And so if I were, you know, that was one of the stories that Amy and I shared
together as we did this exercise.
And so now I've shared my story. And, you know, let's hear Amy's story. I know she's got. Yep.
So I have I have a story. I have a story for everything.
Well, and, you know, we were sitting and we were working on on what we wanted
(17:01):
to talk about and what like a formative story would be.
And Denise was kind of prompting me. She's like, what did you do?
You know, the fifth grade and what did you play? And I was just kind of like
thinking back that when I was growing up, like I did, I played a lot of school.
Right. We, you know, remember before the Internet, before like we actually had
to like, you know, get creative with the things that we were doing in our time.
(17:22):
And I had a little my mother was a teacher.
I had like a chalkboard in the basement. She would bring me home things from school that I could use.
And, you know, I taught school to my little sister or whomever.
You know, this is what we did.
And when it came time for college, everybody and I was like trying to figure out like what was next.
Everybody was like, Amy, you should be a teacher. You'd be a great teacher. Like I love children.
(17:46):
I love being around them. I like, you know, it brings me so much joy.
And so I was like, OK, great.
Like, I didn't know what else I wanted to do. So like being a teacher just seemed like an easy thing.
So not easy, but, you know, and just, OK, it's not easy teacher,
but like an easy direction that I could do within within college.
(18:07):
So I went, I did that. I did all the I did all the coursework.
I went and I did my fieldwork and I was in a second grade classroom.
And I just after I was done with that, I was like, nope, I do not want to be a teacher Sure.
At the college like Forest that I went to, I had to double major at in communications.
And so I had a fallback in my communications degree, which I clearly use every single day.
(18:32):
But it's funny, like where I'm at today, it's a total like full circle. Because while I didn't.
I recognize that being a classroom teacher for young minds was not the direction that I wanted to go.
The education piece hasn't left because in my coaching, I'm educating every
single day through the through my one on through my like I have like a group
(18:56):
coaching that I do once a month.
You know, Amplify, Amplify Second Friday, where I teach a certain concept on
marketing. So I'm constantly.
Your Glenview Public Library. Yeah, I've taught a class on how to podcast.
And like, so you want to start a podcast, like the things that you need to do.
(19:16):
And I really enjoy that. I really enjoy getting up in front of a crowd.
And I mean, my crowds are not like huge, but you know, a couple dozen people
typically, and I and I enjoy that.
And it brings a lot of joy and vitality to me.
You know, and so these are, you know, you've got this like formative story,
right of being a teacher or wanting to be a teacher back when,
(19:37):
you know, you're small to where we are, you know, where we are today.
And so I think that that's, that's a very helpful why in determining what it
is that I see for myself in this next, you know, in this next phase,
whether it's for the full midlife or whether it's just for, you know,
a time and, you know, and then even our podcast is super educational, right?
(19:59):
We're able to educate about, no, like here, here we are educating on finding
your why and sharing and why is it so important, you know, to uncovering that part of your journey?
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, in today's storytelling is just the start mailbox.
We encourage you really to read Simon's book, Finding Your Why or Starting With
Why, any of his books. So just watch his TED Talk.
(20:19):
It's 18 minutes on TED, excuse me, on YouTube.
Check it out. Simon Sinek, you'll find it.
Or just complete the exercise in its entirety, right?
You'll find that But the exercise, just to give you a little preview,
the exercise in the book is that you find a partner, accountability partner,
someone that you know but not know too well.
So I broke a little bit of the rules because I didn't know Amy well,
(20:41):
but I was preparing this for myself.
Speaking opportunities, so, you know, time is of the essence.
But it shouldn't be someone you know that well, because that person knows you,
might know those stories, and might come with a little bit of bias.
So try to find someone you trust and know, but not too well.
And then you are going to, you yourself are going to sit and brainstorm 10 stories,
(21:04):
formative stories, 10 origin stories, 10 just like the one I had in your life.
And they do not all have to be happy success stories. So I just told you something that was happy.
However, it could be something that didn't work out. Right. And there are lessons
that are learned in that. Right.
There could be, you know, it could be a failure of yours, but it was really
(21:24):
formative and it has affected you, whatever that looks like.
So you would find, you'd write down the 10 stories, then the other,
your partner would do the same, write down their 10 stories.
Then you get together and commit to like, probably two hours of time,
quiet, where you both can share, trust another person to be confidential and
just share your stories.
(21:46):
And then while you're sharing, that person is writing down themes, right?
There's a facts column and then the meaning column. Then that person should
have, you know, a notepad, just be jotting down what the facts are, right?
And like the facts for mine was like fifth grade teacher, you know,
like to read the newspaper.
But the meaning or the theme that was coming out of that was like sharing information,
(22:08):
learning about interested in business and work, the world of work,
how people get, or how people decide on careers, all those things, right?
That now are a major part of my life.
So then you'll switch and you'll do, the other person will do you and listen
to yours and vice versa, and then you'll have a lot of findings and you'll be
(22:29):
interesting to hear what that other person hears.
And then when you do that, you kind of walk away with a couple of themes or trends.
And so while that might sound like a big undertaking, it's not,
but here at The Mailbox, we're all about help, right?
So here we are. We're going to get you started because support in midlife is
what most of us are yearning for, right?
(22:51):
We just need a little bit of help, just a little.
We don't need a handhold. We sometimes need that like accountability. Yeah, yeah.
So we're going to help you. We're going to help you take that first step to
finding your why and becoming the maven of your midlife.
And I have a warning. This step is not easy. This step is hard.
It can take a while. However, it is monumental in your progression to becoming
(23:16):
that maven of your midlife and it will help everything be easier down the way
because finding out your why or your purpose,
what gets you up in the morning, what gets you going, what gives you energy
is so vital. Having that purpose, I can't explain enough.
So we also wanna help you with a guide because we're really in this for helping you.
(23:38):
So here's the first step. up we want you to visit our website midlife
at the mailbox.com and check out our free downloads
here you will clearly see an area will
say download and grab the maven guide okay
or on social if you want to or any of our socials at midlife at the mailbox
on instagram at denise rabat on instagram for myself or at amplify by a2 amplify
(24:03):
by a2 you can comment on any of our posts with the word guide.
And we will share that download directly with you.
Just to give you a little preview in case you're like, I don't know if I'm into
this guide. Here is how it's starting.
So the guide is going to be broken up into steps of page, each page is a step.
And we want you in this first step to write down, just jot down one to two important
(24:27):
life stories or origin stories that you're comfortable sharing with a partner.
Just jot them down. Just like, you know, the time I went to camp and didn't
write my mom a letter, right?
And, you know, and write a second one. And then when you do that,
maybe jot down a couple of accountability partners that you might consider.
(24:47):
And that's all you need to do to start because just making that invisible thought visible,
Can really be powerful. Can really be powerful. It's out in the universe.
Yeah. And if you do need more help with finding your why in your career,
you can call me or, you know, start to follow me on LinkedIn or on Instagram for tips.
Or if you're looking to find your why in your business or your brand or social
(25:10):
media, Amy's your girl. So I'm here by a two.
So check it out. And I'll kind of leave you with this last, this last anecdote.
I said Brooke Shields, who is, you know, just a person in midlife who's,
I think, inspirational for a lot of us, said in her keynote speech before,
you know, at the Central California Women's Conference that I was at,
she said, be with people that can hear our voice or hear your voice louder than you can.
(25:35):
So I encourage you and implore you to do that. It can be life changing and so much fun.
After now, see you back at the mailbox for next time. Bye.
That's a wrap for this week's step on becoming a Maven in your midlife.
Throughout this season, our goal is to provide you with actionable tips on becoming
the expert of your own midlife journey.
(25:57):
We hope this episode leaves you feeling encouraged and full of positive energy.
Every Monday, catch us live on Instagram at midlife at the mailbox,
where we share our midlife moments.
Be sure to follow our show and add us to your favorites so you never miss any of our content.
Hold up, wait. Before you go, please take a moment to leave us a rating wherever
(26:19):
you get your podcasts and consider sharing our show with your favorite Midlife Bestie.
Positive ratings and shares help more people like you discover our show.
Please check out our show notes for episode highlights and sign up for our email
list to receive our exclusive Maven Guide.
We'd love to hear from you, our amazing Mailbox family.
Follow our show on Instagram or Facebook at Midlife at the Mailbox or send us a message in our DMs.
(26:43):
You can follow Amy directly at Amplify by A2 and Denise, that's Denise with
a Y, thanks mom, at Denise Rabat.
Your feedback is always appreciated. See you at the mailbox.
Hi, thank you so much for joining us for another episode of Midlife at the Mailbox.
I'm Amy Alexander, and on the other mic is Denise Rabat.
Over nine years ago, during a chance meeting at our neighborhood mailbox,
two strangers met and a new friendship blossomed into something bigger.
Although we no longer share a mailbox, and while we may have many miles between
(00:22):
us, we're closer than ever in real life. This chance meeting in our neighborhood
mailbox inspired a friendship, a business relationship, and three seasons of a podcast.
Welcome, Midlife Maven. If this is your first episode tuning into our podcast,
we are thrilled you found us.
(00:42):
And we highly recommend starting this particular journey with us at the very beginning.
Beginning you see we have designed this season specifically
to guide you step by step to rediscovering your
purpose and passions in order to fully blossom as
a maven in your midlife therefore we encourage you to pause right here and hop
back to episode one so you can follow the progressive roadmap we have created
(01:04):
just for you over the coming shows rest assured the insights and aha moments
in every episode will compound to help you take ownership of writing your next chapter.
Simply search for Midlife at the Mailbox to start at our origin story or click
on the very first episode of season three under our podcast name.
Get ready to transform how you approach your midlife and beyond.
(01:27):
If not now, when? In midlife, something profound awakens within.
Some may dismiss it as the nefarious midlife crisis, but a lot of us might say
it's a yearning for a feeling of like vitality, right? We talk a lot about that.
We discuss the topic at length with our clients.
We've talked about it in previous podcasts.
(01:48):
We talk about it on the phone, right? A lot of the time. And it's really about
finding your why, right?
What makes you get up in the morning? What gives you energy?
What is your purpose here, you know, while you're here on this earth?
And we bring it up season after season. And why is that, right? Why?
You know, it's a question that, you know, we often ask ourselves because it
(02:12):
is so important to know your why as you embark on any new journey,
personally or professionally.
So if not now, when? This can also be tied back to when Denise asked me to start this podcast.
And as the yes friend, I totally agreed.
And really, we went months and months and then, you know, of like,
(02:34):
what should we do? What should we talk about?
What should we do? What should we talk about? And then off we went on this mission
of what we discuss and when and how we'd make the show happen.
In. Yeah. And three years later, here we are.
And if you're a seasoned listener, you know that I also am a self-help book aficionado.
I used to be in the closet, but now I'm fully out because I've shared this the
(02:59):
last women's conference that I spoke.
And now I'm sharing it with all of you here on the mailbox.
And, you know, if you're here and you've been here for a while,
you know I'm an optimist, and I love to hear people speak about leadership and
just fulfilling purpose.
And my latest person I'm really excited to be following is the optimist and
(03:23):
leadership expert, Simon Sinek.
Um, he's best known for popularizing the concept of why in business with his influential TED talk.
I think last time I counted, it was over 65 or not. I counted every single YouTube counted.
It was 65 million views since, you know, over 10 years ago.
(03:46):
And he has the best selling book that starts, sorry, the best selling book called
start with your why and the infinite game. And I came across him last year when
I was preparing for my own speaking opportunity.
If you listened to the first episode, you'll know I was selected to speak at
the Central California Women's Conference in Fresno, California.
(04:08):
And I was preparing for this debut.
I had a lot of ideas of what I could talk about for a whole hour.
And you all know me here. I had no trouble talking and wasn't afraid of getting in front of a crowd.
However, I wanted the content to be meaningful. And I wanted to really encompass
and encapsulate the podcast, my coaching, and my clients,
(04:30):
and really just personal anecdotes of what, you know, I come across in midlife,
what my friends come across in midlife.
And so I went back to the basics, and I learned more about finding your why.
And what was my why for this discussion? Well, I was an expert,
you know, while I was an expert in coaching, a career development and resumes
and LinkedIn, I knew I could bring that to the table and emulate that to thousands
(04:53):
of women. But really that wasn't enough, right?
I wanted to talk about midlife because that is hard, right? It is hard.
You know, you can teach someone to redo their resume or upgrade their profile
on LinkedIn or how to interview with, you know, different strategies.
Figuring out and really trying to master this middle third of your life,
(05:16):
really, if you kind of think about midlife as three thirds,
or each one third, you're zero to 30, or zero to 25 or so, being the first third
of your life, that youth and adolescence and later adolescence.
And then the second third of your life is this midlife, mid third,
middle third, and then the last third being your later life.
(05:38):
And so we wanted to put these learnings into easy,
actionable lessons that men and women could really, or anyone for that matter,
could use to refocus their life, figure out what gives you energy versus what
depletes you, and really how to be intentional with how you spend your time.
So, you know, one of the things too, Denise, that when you talk about energy
(05:59):
and vitality and feeling like a sense of purpose, you know, think about us like
today as we were getting ready to come and do our recording.
Neither one of us would ever, I mean, very rarely be out of the house unless
I've got like hockey or like you've got like a school function or something with your kids.
Like we're not ones to like have a full face of makeup, like out the door.
(06:21):
Like we were out at like 830.
We set our alarms. We were like up, you know, we were ready to go.
We were in our clothes for the day, you know, I'll be at our sneakers to like walk.
We kind of felt like, you know, cities, city, we really joked as we were walking,
like, we're in the we're like, you know, in this a small town,
but we're like big city girls, like cue every Hallmark movie.
(06:43):
But it just truly shows like, you know, even though we got here,
and we were still kind of like working on what we wanted to fully bring to the table today.
And in this conversation, like, it just shows the vitality and just the excitement
that we have around this piece that we've built within our lives and how exciting,
(07:03):
you know, it is for us. And it's truly full circle.
It's our dangling carrot. It is our dangling carrot. In the first season, we talked about that.
And that was pretty raw at the time. We didn't really know what that was.
But that's also finding your why, right?
This is our why right now. No one's knocking on our door.
No one this morning, you know, was going to miss us if we weren't, you know, shower,
(07:25):
shampoo and shine and looking our best or that we hadn't prepped,
you know before but we crammed it all in when we could have probably been enjoying
a little bit more but that's okay because this gives us more energy than probably
spending an hour at every eve even though i love every eve we'll get there tomorrow
but you know what i mean this this does give us purpose and this is why we're
(07:46):
here i mean we talked about in that first episode but.
We kept coming back to this for a reason, and we thank you all for listening
because this also, you know, your feedback and encouragement gives us a lot of purpose.
And so we thank you for that. We love it. Yeah, but that's absolutely true.
I mean, it's a nice parallel.
I hadn't thought about that, but you're absolutely right. As I was sitting here
and, like, listening, I was like, wait, I definitely need to talk about that
(08:08):
because it definitely was a moment this morning that was, you know,
like, yeah, we're not. This is our why.
This is our why. like we're not up we are not like I mean Denise like wants
to try to be like an early morning person as I as my husband drove me to the
airport yesterday at 5 30 I was like oh my god there's like a world outside of like 7 a.m.
Like it's very hard for me to fathom but at the end of the day you know like
(08:32):
people get a lot of shit done before well this gives us energy it gave us a
lot of energy and like we're we're we're roaring we're ready to go and we're
powering through with our episodes.
And so when it came time for planning for season three, I thought,
let's bring those steps.
I said, you know, one of the pieces that I always share with my clients in terms
of like creating content is we don't always have to reinvent the wheel.
(08:56):
So we, we actually, I mean, Denise did all of the work for her presentation,
but I played a little bit of a role in some editing and some back and forth
conversation and listening in as she like presented it to me over Zoom.
And so there was some feedback. And I really thought like, this is our podcast.
(09:16):
Like, this is what we talk about. This is what we preach. This is,
you know, what we'd like to share and discuss.
And so I really felt like it would make a really great opportunity for us to
utilize what she had put together and not recreate the wheel for this season
and just expand on it and really talk about how,
you know, we've almost gone through, not almost, but how we have gone on through
(09:39):
these steps in various aspects of our business and kind of figuring out what was next.
Yes, we're giving you guys the best of the best. We've kind of done it in different.
In different iterations, but and also our clients, right?
I mean, we found that this is what works. We find that this is the best that
we know of the best of this time in this iteration.
(10:00):
So that's how we built this methodology. Amy's being a little modest.
She listened to me present this speech, this hour speech at least twice.
She was my partner. I embarked on her in figuring out finding your why.
We're going to learn how in a little bit. it. She was the first call I made.
I said, will you be my partner in this partner exercise?
(10:21):
We're going to talk to you and share with you. Remember the yes friend.
Yes. And she also, with her graphic abilities, created the Midlife Maven Guide,
which good news, you didn't have to join the Fresno Women's Conference to get that guide.
We are giving you your own guide. This will help to be a tangible resource for
you to follow along in their podcast this season.
(10:43):
And also just in In general, share it with a friend. Yeah. It's really got some good information.
So in our show notes and at the end of the episode, we'll tell you where you can find that guide.
Right. And so, you know, you might think of finding your wine,
hearing that sounds a little touchy-feely, right?
It might be a little too touchy-feely or esoteric for Amy, right?
Sometimes I side on this, you know.
(11:07):
I side a little bit more with, like, feeling some of that, you know,
kumbaya. But like Coldplay says, this whole point of finding your why is going
back to the start, right? Yeah.
And we can start to uncover your why with origin stories.
And this is based on, like I said, Simon Sinek. I did not create this piece
of the methodology, but you starting with this is really, you know,
(11:30):
is something we think is important.
Because a lot of times people will come to us like, I want to get on social
media, right? Or I need to put my business on social media.
Or I need a website. or yeah or someone will come to me and say I want to
I want to I need to revamp my resume or I want to make a big career change I
want to do x and now I want to do y and you know and I'll say great especially
on the resume great but you know what we got to do a little thinking work as
(11:54):
I need to go back yeah we need to start a little bit before there needs to be
a little bit of internal work.
Or some pensive work to be done before we start to do the writing or the promoting
and And so this is where these formative stories come about.
And it's not just a way to shoot the breeze.
This is really important because
(12:15):
these formative stories are important because they really can find,
you can find themes in these things and really some inner joy and inner happiness
that maybe you hadn't thought of.
So part of this method in finding your why is thinking about these stories from
your past. And if you have trouble getting started, I like to prompt my clients
(12:37):
and I prompted the attendees at the conference. She's prompted me.
Yeah. To say, what did you like to do in the fifth grade?
A lot of people by the fifth grade, especially in our generations,
more in the midlife generation, the fifth grade, the world hadn't creeped in yet.
Thank God there was no internet when we were in the fifth grade.
(12:57):
But, you know, most children haven't started adolescence or if they are,
they're pre-adolescence and they really haven't, you know, there isn't as much
of the peer pressure culture at that point yet. And so what were you like?
What did you do in the fifth grade, right? And so that's, you know,
just kind of the first, you know, the first method of doing that.
(13:20):
So I'll share a little bit of my story, a formative story of mine.
I shared this at the conference too. But on the fifth grade,
I was in a, in my classroom, my teacher was a woman named, my fifth grade teacher was Mrs.
Rachel Artinian. Hi, Mrs. Artinian.
Denise loves the shout outs. I dedicated her, I dedicated my master's thesis to her.
(13:42):
But each morning of our homework was to read the newspaper, the physical newspaper.
So I was reading the Fresno Bee.
And I would bring that current event to class, whether I wrote it down or cut
the article physically out of the newspaper.
And then everyone in the class would do that. That was part of our daily homework.
And we would vote on a current event of the day. And she added it to this like
(14:03):
bulletin board across the class.
And it was just so exciting if your current event was chosen.
And so that just got me into loving the idea of studying politics and how the
world worked and how business worked, because we not just covered,
you know, the current events weren't always about just different political events.
(14:26):
It could be about business or whatever that looked like.
And so I just still, that just enamored me from that day to start learning about
the world and reading when you can, reading media about what that is.
And so that's instilled in me forever. And today I ultimately still do that, right?
I'm part of my job as a career coach and career transition is to learn about that world of work.
(14:47):
So I'm super interested in how people choose their careers and connect with those people, right?
We talked about Scotty Scottsdale last night. Scotty Scottsdale is a gentleman
who has a golf cart transportation business here in downtown Scottsdale.
And we had so much fun learning about how he got to where he was.
And we actually he he happened to be after he dropped us off for our last stop.
(15:10):
He was sitting outside of our hotel when we came back.
And as Denise and I were walking around the city and we were kind of like chatting,
we were like, you know, like the one thing that we really didn't do is like
we were really curious about, like, what was Scotty Scottsdale's like story?
And, you know, in our previous seasons, we've talked about telling your story.
And, you know, we he he he filled us in like when he was 25,
(15:35):
he had a pharmacy and then he sold his pharmacy and then it just like went on.
And I'm not going to go into Scotty Scottsdale's like story,
but it was just really interesting as a 25 year old to like have this business
and like where he is in his midlife today.
And like all of the different pieces that have led to his journey to, you know, build that up.
(15:55):
And I think that's it's so true, even hearing, Denise, about your conversation
with what you did with your school, you know, because that led to some early pieces.
You know, you you worked for you did some like not government.
But I mean, I majored in political science and school international relations in college and MBA.
(16:16):
I you know, at one point I thought I wanted to join the State Department.
I took the State Department exam, but couldn't handle D.C.
And but yeah I mean I I've always she was a formative figure in my life and
a mentor whether she knew it or not but you know I did like I said I dedicated
my thesis to her because she inspired me she was also a woman who didn't come
from education originally and so that was inspiring to me as well but that's
(16:39):
just an example of a formative story yep.
And so if I were, you know, that was one of the stories that Amy and I shared
together as we did this exercise.
And so now I've shared my story. And, you know, let's hear Amy's story. I know she's got. Yep.
So I have I have a story. I have a story for everything.
Well, and, you know, we were sitting and we were working on on what we wanted
(17:01):
to talk about and what like a formative story would be.
And Denise was kind of prompting me. She's like, what did you do?
You know, the fifth grade and what did you play? And I was just kind of like
thinking back that when I was growing up, like I did, I played a lot of school.
Right. We, you know, remember before the Internet, before like we actually had
to like, you know, get creative with the things that we were doing in our time.
(17:22):
And I had a little my mother was a teacher.
I had like a chalkboard in the basement. She would bring me home things from school that I could use.
And, you know, I taught school to my little sister or whomever.
You know, this is what we did.
And when it came time for college, everybody and I was like trying to figure out like what was next.
Everybody was like, Amy, you should be a teacher. You'd be a great teacher. Like I love children.
(17:46):
I love being around them. I like, you know, it brings me so much joy.
And so I was like, OK, great.
Like, I didn't know what else I wanted to do. So like being a teacher just seemed like an easy thing.
So not easy, but, you know, and just, OK, it's not easy teacher,
but like an easy direction that I could do within within college.
(18:07):
So I went, I did that. I did all the I did all the coursework.
I went and I did my fieldwork and I was in a second grade classroom.
And I just after I was done with that, I was like, nope, I do not want to be a teacher Sure.
At the college like Forest that I went to, I had to double major at in communications.
And so I had a fallback in my communications degree, which I clearly use every single day.
(18:32):
But it's funny, like where I'm at today, it's a total like full circle. Because while I didn't.
I recognize that being a classroom teacher for young minds was not the direction that I wanted to go.
The education piece hasn't left because in my coaching, I'm educating every
single day through the through my one on through my like I have like a group
(18:56):
coaching that I do once a month.
You know, Amplify, Amplify Second Friday, where I teach a certain concept on
marketing. So I'm constantly.
Your Glenview Public Library. Yeah, I've taught a class on how to podcast.
And like, so you want to start a podcast, like the things that you need to do.
(19:16):
And I really enjoy that. I really enjoy getting up in front of a crowd.
And I mean, my crowds are not like huge, but you know, a couple dozen people
typically, and I and I enjoy that.
And it brings a lot of joy and vitality to me.
You know, and so these are, you know, you've got this like formative story,
right of being a teacher or wanting to be a teacher back when,
(19:37):
you know, you're small to where we are, you know, where we are today.
And so I think that that's, that's a very helpful why in determining what it
is that I see for myself in this next, you know, in this next phase,
whether it's for the full midlife or whether it's just for, you know,
a time and, you know, and then even our podcast is super educational, right?
(19:59):
We're able to educate about, no, like here, here we are educating on finding
your why and sharing and why is it so important, you know, to uncovering that part of your journey?
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, in today's storytelling is just the start mailbox.
We encourage you really to read Simon's book, Finding Your Why or Starting With
Why, any of his books. So just watch his TED Talk.
(20:19):
It's 18 minutes on TED, excuse me, on YouTube.
Check it out. Simon Sinek, you'll find it.
Or just complete the exercise in its entirety, right?
You'll find that But the exercise, just to give you a little preview,
the exercise in the book is that you find a partner, accountability partner,
someone that you know but not know too well.
So I broke a little bit of the rules because I didn't know Amy well,
(20:41):
but I was preparing this for myself.
Speaking opportunities, so, you know, time is of the essence.
But it shouldn't be someone you know that well, because that person knows you,
might know those stories, and might come with a little bit of bias.
So try to find someone you trust and know, but not too well.
And then you are going to, you yourself are going to sit and brainstorm 10 stories,
(21:04):
formative stories, 10 origin stories, 10 just like the one I had in your life.
And they do not all have to be happy success stories. So I just told you something that was happy.
However, it could be something that didn't work out. Right. And there are lessons
that are learned in that. Right.
There could be, you know, it could be a failure of yours, but it was really
(21:24):
formative and it has affected you, whatever that looks like.
So you would find, you'd write down the 10 stories, then the other,
your partner would do the same, write down their 10 stories.
Then you get together and commit to like, probably two hours of time,
quiet, where you both can share, trust another person to be confidential and
just share your stories.
(21:46):
And then while you're sharing, that person is writing down themes, right?
There's a facts column and then the meaning column. Then that person should
have, you know, a notepad, just be jotting down what the facts are, right?
And like the facts for mine was like fifth grade teacher, you know,
like to read the newspaper.
But the meaning or the theme that was coming out of that was like sharing information,
(22:08):
learning about interested in business and work, the world of work,
how people get, or how people decide on careers, all those things, right?
That now are a major part of my life.
So then you'll switch and you'll do, the other person will do you and listen
to yours and vice versa, and then you'll have a lot of findings and you'll be
(22:29):
interesting to hear what that other person hears.
And then when you do that, you kind of walk away with a couple of themes or trends.
And so while that might sound like a big undertaking, it's not,
but here at The Mailbox, we're all about help, right?
So here we are. We're going to get you started because support in midlife is
what most of us are yearning for, right?
(22:51):
We just need a little bit of help, just a little.
We don't need a handhold. We sometimes need that like accountability. Yeah, yeah.
So we're going to help you. We're going to help you take that first step to
finding your why and becoming the maven of your midlife.
And I have a warning. This step is not easy. This step is hard.
It can take a while. However, it is monumental in your progression to becoming
(23:16):
that maven of your midlife and it will help everything be easier down the way
because finding out your why or your purpose,
what gets you up in the morning, what gets you going, what gives you energy
is so vital. Having that purpose, I can't explain enough.
So we also wanna help you with a guide because we're really in this for helping you.
(23:38):
So here's the first step. up we want you to visit our website midlife
at the mailbox.com and check out our free downloads
here you will clearly see an area will
say download and grab the maven guide okay
or on social if you want to or any of our socials at midlife at the mailbox
on instagram at denise rabat on instagram for myself or at amplify by a2 amplify
(24:03):
by a2 you can comment on any of our posts with the word guide.
And we will share that download directly with you.
Just to give you a little preview in case you're like, I don't know if I'm into
this guide. Here is how it's starting.
So the guide is going to be broken up into steps of page, each page is a step.
And we want you in this first step to write down, just jot down one to two important
(24:27):
life stories or origin stories that you're comfortable sharing with a partner.
Just jot them down. Just like, you know, the time I went to camp and didn't
write my mom a letter, right?
And, you know, and write a second one. And then when you do that,
maybe jot down a couple of accountability partners that you might consider.
(24:47):
And that's all you need to do to start because just making that invisible thought visible,
Can really be powerful. Can really be powerful. It's out in the universe.
Yeah. And if you do need more help with finding your why in your career,
you can call me or, you know, start to follow me on LinkedIn or on Instagram for tips.
Or if you're looking to find your why in your business or your brand or social
(25:10):
media, Amy's your girl. So I'm here by a two.
So check it out. And I'll kind of leave you with this last, this last anecdote.
I said Brooke Shields, who is, you know, just a person in midlife who's,
I think, inspirational for a lot of us, said in her keynote speech before,
you know, at the Central California Women's Conference that I was at,
she said, be with people that can hear our voice or hear your voice louder than you can.
(25:35):
So I encourage you and implore you to do that. It can be life changing and so much fun.
After now, see you back at the mailbox for next time. Bye.
That's a wrap for this week's step on becoming a Maven in your midlife.
Throughout this season, our goal is to provide you with actionable tips on becoming
the expert of your own midlife journey.
(25:57):
We hope this episode leaves you feeling encouraged and full of positive energy.
Every Monday, catch us live on Instagram at midlife at the mailbox,
where we share our midlife moments.
Be sure to follow our show and add us to your favorites so you never miss any of our content.
Hold up, wait. Before you go, please take a moment to leave us a rating wherever
(26:19):
you get your podcasts and consider sharing our show with your favorite Midlife Bestie.
Positive ratings and shares help more people like you discover our show.
Please check out our show notes for episode highlights and sign up for our email
list to receive our exclusive Maven Guide.
We'd love to hear from you, our amazing Mailbox family.
Follow our show on Instagram or Facebook at Midlife at the Mailbox or send us a message in our DMs.
(26:43):
You can follow Amy directly at Amplify by A2 and Denise, that's Denise with
a Y, thanks mom, at Denise Rabat.
Your feedback is always appreciated. See you at the mailbox.
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