May 13, 2025 • 26 mins
In this compelling episode of No Tears For Black Girls, host Samantha Paul invites listeners to engage with the transformative journey of Ashley, a remarkable survivor whose experiences illustrate both the personal and systemic challenges faced by many in our society. From a profoundly unsettling childhood marked by betrayal and silence to a powerful emergence as an advocate for change, Ashley's story is a testament to resilience and the pursuit of justice.
At a tender age of six, Ashley's world was turned upside down when someone she trusted shattered her sense of safety. Instead of receiving the support she desperately needed, she encountered skepticism and dismissal from those around her. As she navigated the complexities of her youth, Ashley faced mounting obstacles that would haunt her for years. With the intervention of a compassionate teacher at age twelve, what seemed to be a pivotal moment turned into another instance of lost opportunity, underscoring the systemic failures that often go unnoticed in our communities.
Over the course of three decades, Ashley's journey was fraught with familial struggles, societal stigma, and the frustrating delays of institutional responses. However, her indomitable spirit never wavered. It was on her thirtieth birthday that Ashley found renewed purpose, as long-buried truths came to light, reshaping her understanding of justice and healing. Driven by a desire to protect her child and uplift others who have experienced similar trauma, Ashley's advocacy work became a beacon of hope and empowerment.
Join us in this enlightening episode as we unpack the complexities of Ashley's experiences, exploring the profound impact of systemic gaps on individual lives, the power of community support, and the journey of reclaiming one's voice. Her story serves not only as a source of inspiration but also as a call to action for those seeking to understand and dismantle the barriers that perpetuate suffering. Tune in to hear how Ashley's courage and determination can inspire systemic change and foster a culture of accountability and support.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back to No Tears for Black Girls, the podcast
amplifying stories of courage and systemic change.
I'm your host, Samantha Paul, and today we share the powerful
journey of Ashley, a survivor who turned personal struggles
into advocacy despite facing institutional gaps and societal
barriers. At six years old, someone she
(00:23):
trusted disrupted Ashley's senseof safety.
Instead of support, she encountered doubt and silence
from those closest to her. By age 11, her challenges
intensified, leaving lasting impacts on her well-being.
At 12, a caring teacher noticed signs of distress.
But what should have been a turning point led to missed
(00:44):
opportunities for accountabilityand years of unresolved
questions. Over 3 decades, Ashley navigated
family complexities, societal stigma, and systemic delays in
addressing her case. Yet her determination never
dimmed. On her 30th birthday, renewed
efforts brought clarity to her past, revealing truths that
(01:07):
reshaped her understanding of justice.
Along the way, she discovered strength and community support
and channeled her experiences into empowering others.
This episode highlights how systemic gaps, from fractured
trust in families to institutional inaction, can
deepen pain, and how Ashley's love for her child became a
(01:28):
catalyst for healing. Join us as she shares her story
of perseverance, young motherhood, and reclaiming her
voice to inspire change. Yeah, they were.
They were suggesting that I get an abortion still.
Yeah. So it was going to be a
procedure where they use the same method that they use for
(01:52):
like lethal injection. So they were going to take a
needle and they were going to put me in like the do they use
the ultrasound and find the heart and just penetrate the
heart with the needle and it stops the heart.
And then I just give birth to a stillborn.
Sexual abuse and trauma involving minors demands careful
(02:14):
attention and understanding. This account follows Ashley's
harrowing journey through childhood abuse, teenage
pregnancy, and her eventual pathtoward healing and justice,
spanning several decades of her life.
The story begins when Ashley wasjust six years old, experiencing
her first encounter with sexual abuse from her cousin.
(02:37):
When her mother discovered the incident, rather than receiving
support, Ashley faced blame and punishment from her grandmother,
who was her legal guardian. Because of her mother's mental
health challenges. This experience set a pattern of
institutional failure that wouldcontinue throughout her
childhood. The abuse escalated when Ashley
(02:57):
turned 10, with her cousin, then17, starting a pattern of
nighttime assaults. He would enter her room and lay
his full body weight on her, conducting acts of molestation
without penetration. However, after her 11th
birthday, the abuse intensified when her cousin sexually
assaulted her during what appeared to be innocent
(03:20):
wrestling, causing significant physical trauma that affected
her well-being for years to come.
The incident left her unable to eat comfortably until age 25 and
created long lasting physical and emotional trauma.
A pivotal moment occurred when Ashley was 12.
Her cousin's 17 year old friend,who had learned about the
(03:41):
previous abuse, began showing aninterest in her through subtle
hints and teasing. One September day, when Ashley
returned home early from school,this friend sexually assaulted
her. Despite her protests and pain,
he continued and she remained silent, believing her
grandmother wouldn't believe herclaims, a belief reinforced by
(04:03):
previous experiences. The discovery of her pregnancy
came through an observant 7th grade teacher who noticed
physical changes. At just 4 feet 5 inches tall and
weighing 48 lbs, Ashley gave birth without pain medication
because of her young age. Her baby weighed 6 lbs twelve oz
and measured 19 inches long. The hospital staff showed
(04:26):
remarkable compassion, even organizing a baby shower for
her, providing a rare moment of support during this challenging
time. The aftermath of the pregnancy
revealed complex family dynamics.
Ashley's grandmother contacted the perpetrator's mother, but
instead of supporting Ashley, they work to keep the situation
quiet. After his own mother reported
(04:49):
him for lying about the paternity rather than the
assault, authorities arrested the accused.
They ordered ADNA test, but the samples remained untested for 12
years, leaving questions about paternity unresolved.
During her school years, Ashley faced significant bullying and
ostracism. She recalls incidents where
(05:09):
classmates would throw change into her locker, mockingly
calling it child support. Despite these challenges, she
attended parenting classes at the hospital where she was the
youngest participant, but found acceptance and guidance from
other mothers. The resolution to the paternity
question came on Ashley's 30th birthday, when DNA results
(05:31):
confirmed with 99.9999% certainty the identity of her
son's father. This revelation led to
confrontations with both the perpetrator and his mother, who
had denied any involvement. During a video call with her
abuser, he made disturbing comments that revealed he had
been aware of her cousin's abuse, suggesting A calculated
(05:54):
pattern of predatory behavior. Throughout her ordeal, Ashley
faced multiple systemic failures.
Her grandmother, who should havebeen her protector, often sided
with the abusers and even coerced Ashley into making false
statements that undermined her credibility.
The legal system failed to properly investigate and process
(06:17):
evidence that could have broughtearlier justice.
Her father was absent from age 5, and a brief reconnection at
age 13 proved unsuccessful. The impact of this trauma
affected Ashley's relationships into adulthood.
She notes that her past experiences often attracted
partners who sought to maintain her vulnerability rather than
(06:38):
support her growth. However, she emphasizes she has
no regrets about keeping her child, describing their
relationship as one bright spot in her difficult journey.
Their relationship evolved from feeling like playing with a doll
to a deep, meaningful bond that helped her heal the
perpetrators. Eventual exposure came through
(06:59):
his girlfriend, who discovered his past and shared his
information online, including his picture.
This public revelation served asa form of delayed justice,
though it couldn't undo the years of trauma and silence
Ashley endured. Ashley story illuminates several
critical issues. The importance of believing
survivors. The need for proper support
(07:21):
systems for young victims of abuse and the significance of
DNA evidence in achieving justice.
Her experience also highlights how institutional failures can
compound trauma while demonstrating the resilience of
survivors. Today, Ashley shares her story
to raise awareness about childhood sexual abuse, incest,
(07:42):
and teenage pregnancy. Her message emphasizes the
importance of breaking silence around abuse and the potential
damage of forcing victims to keep quiet.
When asked what she would tell her younger self, her response
is simple but powerful. I love you.
Her journey from victim to survivor and advocate shows the
(08:05):
possibility of healing and seeking justice even years after
the initial trauma. This case underscores the
complex intersections of family dynamics, justice system
responses, and long term trauma recovery.
It serves as both a warning about the prevalence of
childhood sexual abuse and a testament to the possibility of
(08:28):
healing and seeking justice. Even years after the initial
trauma. Ashley's story continues to
affect others, encouraging survivors to speak up and seek
the support they deserve. First started when I was 6 by a
(08:49):
family member who's a cousin. It didn't go as far as like, you
know, in a scary way because my mom walked in and she ended up
catching him. But when I was brought to my
caregiver, which is my legal guard guardian, which is not my
(09:11):
mom, it's my grandmother, instead of her asking questions
and wanting to, you know, get insight on what happened to me
or what was going on, I was blamed and also whooped.
And the more she kept asking me what's going on, I told her the
truth, but she kept whooping me.And I just, you know, I felt
(09:34):
like I had, I guess I had to lieand say nothing was happening.
Right. So and this was a cousin.
Yes, he was. This the first time anything he
tried to do anything, was he that was.
The first time that he tried to do something, that was the first
time, yes. And and your mother?
Why wasn't your mother your legal guardian, your caretaker?
(09:55):
My mom is considered by the state incompetent to raise a
child and she had two which is me and my older brother so she
they deemed her cognitive as faras like mentally wise.
So the state gave legal custody,more guardianship of my brother
(10:20):
to my grandmother until we were 18.
OK, so with your cousin, does this continue?
Does he come back around? Yes, he comes back once I turn
10 1/2 and that's when it when it started at night when I was
sleeping. What would he do?
He would come in my room and laylay like on top of me, like his
(10:46):
whole body weight on top of me and just thrust until he left
his. Yeah.
Yeah. And on me, OK, So I was more so
just like it was more so the arousal part for him and the
(11:07):
release, right. So there is no penetration.
It's more so just molestation, right?
It's like sexual misconduct, right?
With a child. How old is he?
He was at that time. 17. 17 and you were ten.
I was. 10 1/2 yes. 10 1/2 and sohe's not actually penetrating
(11:30):
you, you say going inside of you, but just like on your body
sexual. Experience, yes.
At what point does he penetrate you?
So that happened after my 11th birthday.
We were like family was over andwe were like play wrestling like
normal, you know, family, you know, cousins and stuff like
(11:53):
that. And I had on a dress and we were
like wrestling and stuff like that.
And he had came and grabbed me from behind and I'm thinking
like, you know, he's going to like, you know, do some
wrestling, you know. And I know he was like holding
on to me and pulling his pants down at the same time.
And when he got my undergarmentsdown he were was trying to
(12:19):
penetrate but because I was wiggling he end up piercing my
anus and I end up having trauma there.
So now from him, it's just just a monstrous act from OK, he
(12:52):
continues. What kind of complications did
you have as a result of I was? Scared to like, believe myself.
Does it hurt? So you were unable to move your
valves? Yeah, so bad.
(13:14):
Want to take a break? Let's take a break later down
the line, maybe a year. I guess your cousin talks about
what he had been doing to you with a friend.
(13:36):
Talk to me about what happens next.
Well, his friend, it was actually my brother's friend, my
brother vouched for him to come into the house and be a part of
our, you know, little family. And my cousin, you know, they
all was like, it was just the three of them and they all hung
(13:57):
out and stuff like that. So he made him aware of what he
was doing, but it was only because he was, he brought him
in to my room one night and I woke up and I saw both of them
in my room and I told him, what do you do?
Get out of my room and stuff like that?
And at that time, I, I didn't know if the conversation or
(14:21):
anything. I just knew that he would do
little, you know, subtle things.I I guess to say, you know, he
likes me or whatever, right? Right.
Right, but. He was older, right?
So I didn't. How old was he?
17 as well. Yeah, OK.
And you were at this time I. Was 12/12 yes and he just made
(14:43):
like subtle hints. OK, subtle hints, but never,
never was like touching you, violating you or anything like
that. No, I was.
Just like more so like kind of coming coming down to my age
level mentality. Yeah.
It's like doing little, you know, like how they say like
(15:04):
offer boy likes you, he hits youright, right, right.
You know, So it was like little things like that, like, you
know, like, you know, say something about my parents or.
Right. Pick on you, Yeah.
When did you get home early fromschool?
I got it was September. It was in September.
It was like the beginning of theschool year and I got home on my
(15:28):
like my brother was supposed to meet me and he he didn't.
So I walked. I end up walking home from
school that day and I didn't know anybody wasn't home.
So when I rung the doorbell, instead of my brother not answer
the door was his friend who answered and let me in.
(15:49):
And I'm getting undressed out ofmy school clothes and, you know,
and going to settle down and getready, you know, do my homework
and stuff like that. Before my grandmother, my mother
came home and he had came in my room while I was getting
undressed. And he had like not pushed, but
(16:15):
like, you know, guided me down on the bed and he went and did
oral 1st and then that's when hewent and inserted and and it
was, it was painful and I told him to stop and because it was
(16:37):
hurting. And now he just kept going and I
never spoke about it or said anything and to anybody because
it was more. So I got to that point where it
was like, if, you know, my grandmother doesn't didn't
believe me when my cousin was, you know, violating me, then
(17:00):
she's not going to believe this,right?
So I just kept it to myself up until I found out I was
pregnant. Did your cousin ever penetrate
you vaginally? No, just the aim.
And OK. What happened when you first
(17:31):
told your grandmother about yourcousin penetrating you anally?
She told me that I was lying. No repercussions.
No, she told me that I was lyingand she never even wondered why
I wouldn't sit down and eat. And your cousin, I thought I.
(17:56):
Was being with those. Right.
And your and your cousin stoppedcoming back around after that.
So this incident happens now with your cousin's friend or
your brother's friend rather. He takes off after you stay at
home and you just kind of what'sgoing through your mind.
A 12 year old kid. I kind of blocked it out.
(18:23):
I didn't just, you know, kind ofjust happened.
You know, this thing just happens.
You know, just you tell yourselfit happens.
You were kind of used to the abuse.
Yeah, Especially because. Well, when you get beat, not to
not tell the truth, you just kind of you kind of just like
(18:44):
young like compartmentalize a lot of things of.
Course, you kind of just. Sit there because you have
important, you have other things, you know, like at
school, so. At what point do you realize
that you're pregnant? Well, I didn't know 'cause I
(19:06):
know I wasn't even in a grade where they were teaching about
and, you know, the anatomy or. The body I didn't even.
Touch that, that subject. So I knew nothing.
I didn't even know what a periodwas.
So I couldn't even, I couldn't even go and say, hey, there's
something different about my body because I'm just thinking
(19:29):
like, you know, you're a kid, you're growing, you're getting
fat at first, you know, it's like, OK, I'm not eating
anything. I'm not getting fat.
You know what I mean? Yeah, that's where that came in
as. Yeah.
You know, a lot of things ran through my mind like, oh man,
you know, he could have tore something.
Right, right. Go to.
The doctor's or something, you know, I just, there's a lot of
things. At 12 years old, had you even
(19:50):
started your menstrual? No.
You didn't. Well, he impregnated me like in
the just like in the time frame of when they were supposed to
start. I like I just turned 12 so so it
(20:12):
didn't even start. You told me you hadn't had a
period until you were 24 years old.
Yeah. How?
Well, with the doctors telling me that, you know, my body kind
(20:32):
of going in a different direction reverse almost like,
so consulting with like, you know, my like medical team
people that I, you know, I trusted, like, you know, you
kind of things are going to start differently.
It's not going to start when youneed to.
So I think I was like, you know,my body was going through like a
(20:57):
grown phase and it didn't know how to just, it didn't know how
to get back in line. He offset something, Yeah, yeah.
Mm hmm. I've never heard anything like
this. Well, just the lining.
Also, I was young so everything stretched.
(21:22):
Hey, you, you, you told me aboutall the things that your your
body had to sort of fast track. Yeah.
To to to grow a baby. To grow a baby.
Yeah. And then after I gave birth,
that's what I had to kind of, you know, take my medical series
(21:44):
as far as like steroid shots. Steroid shots things can.
You know, just wrap it so that things like in my body can
speed. Up right.
OK, how do you find out that you're pregnant again?
You said you were you. You were wondering how you were
getting bigger, but you wasn't eating.
You was like wondering what's going on?
(22:06):
How do you actually find out you're pregnant?
Actually, my 7th grade teacher reached out to my caregiver and
just, you know, suggested that, you know, I do that.
I get, you know, a visit like a physical for school and stuff
(22:28):
like that. And, you know, she was like
watching my like watching me like play and I had rolled my
belly in a way or like we were dancing with kids and stuff like
that. And she saw a bulge, A bulge
like in like here in the, in theMay section area.
That was not normal and that's what made her, you know, jump to
(22:49):
that conclusion that you need tocheck her out and stuff like
that. So once I left school that day,
my mom, my mom took me straight to the clinic and I did a few
piss in the cup and stuff like that, like they asked me to.
(23:09):
And then I sat in the waiting room for a while and then they
called me back into the room. And then they said to me that I
was pregnant and I was just like, I what like.
As atrocious as the crime was, is almost as fascinating as this
(23:31):
journey of pregnancy was as well.
I. Didn't experience it from start
to finish because I didn't know right, but when I did find out
and they told me, there was evenmore of a shock.
So you rolled the belly and yourbaby hit back.
I'm here. So and your teacher just said
(23:56):
that's not right? Yeah, something.
'S not right, yeah. That's not that's not the any.
Arms. But my belly's like, like, what
is that? Yeah, yeah, that's not your
lunch. OK, OK, OK.
So in my mind, you go to you gave birth in the hospital.
(24:19):
Yeah. You're walking a 12 year old
through the hospital preparing for labor.
Are people not looking like? Well, I was actually going for
check UPS for the last two months that I had.
I was like, it was really hard, you know, with people staring
and wanting to know how old I amand like you just looks like a
(24:43):
baby, you know, you get that allthe time and stuff like that.
But one thing that did kind of make me feel, you know,
comfortable the, the hospital wasn't they, they were, they
were making sure that they kept an eye on me and they threw me a
baby shower. So that kind of made me excited.
(25:04):
What, you know, even though, youknow, you're 12 years old,
you're like, I'm expecting a baby.
And it's like, no, so, but they saw how like overwhelmed I was.
So my last doctor's visit they threw me a baby shower and they
they furnished everything and they brought everything like
clothes from infant to like whenit turned like 2 years old.
(25:27):
So how'd that make you feel? Well, it made me feel supported
and that someone cares, right? Right.
Yeah, so. And they stayed in touch with
me. Thanks for listening to No Tears
for Black Girls. If you enjoyed our show, please
(25:49):
take a moment to leave us a fivestar rating, hit that subscribe
button and give us a follow on social media.
Your support means the world to us and helps us continue sharing
these important stories. Stay blessed, stay loved and
most importantly, stay safe. Peace and love to you all.
Welcome back to No Tears for Black Girls, the podcast
amplifying stories of courage and systemic change.
I'm your host, Samantha Paul, and today we share the powerful
journey of Ashley, a survivor who turned personal struggles
into advocacy despite facing institutional gaps and societal
barriers. At six years old, someone she
(00:23):
trusted disrupted Ashley's senseof safety.
Instead of support, she encountered doubt and silence
from those closest to her. By age 11, her challenges
intensified, leaving lasting impacts on her well-being.
At 12, a caring teacher noticed signs of distress.
But what should have been a turning point led to missed
(00:44):
opportunities for accountabilityand years of unresolved
questions. Over 3 decades, Ashley navigated
family complexities, societal stigma, and systemic delays in
addressing her case. Yet her determination never
dimmed. On her 30th birthday, renewed
efforts brought clarity to her past, revealing truths that
(01:07):
reshaped her understanding of justice.
Along the way, she discovered strength and community support
and channeled her experiences into empowering others.
This episode highlights how systemic gaps, from fractured
trust in families to institutional inaction, can
deepen pain, and how Ashley's love for her child became a
(01:28):
catalyst for healing. Join us as she shares her story
of perseverance, young motherhood, and reclaiming her
voice to inspire change. Yeah, they were.
They were suggesting that I get an abortion still.
Yeah. So it was going to be a
procedure where they use the same method that they use for
(01:52):
like lethal injection. So they were going to take a
needle and they were going to put me in like the do they use
the ultrasound and find the heart and just penetrate the
heart with the needle and it stops the heart.
And then I just give birth to a stillborn.
Sexual abuse and trauma involving minors demands careful
(02:14):
attention and understanding. This account follows Ashley's
harrowing journey through childhood abuse, teenage
pregnancy, and her eventual pathtoward healing and justice,
spanning several decades of her life.
The story begins when Ashley wasjust six years old, experiencing
her first encounter with sexual abuse from her cousin.
(02:37):
When her mother discovered the incident, rather than receiving
support, Ashley faced blame and punishment from her grandmother,
who was her legal guardian. Because of her mother's mental
health challenges. This experience set a pattern of
institutional failure that wouldcontinue throughout her
childhood. The abuse escalated when Ashley
(02:57):
turned 10, with her cousin, then17, starting a pattern of
nighttime assaults. He would enter her room and lay
his full body weight on her, conducting acts of molestation
without penetration. However, after her 11th
birthday, the abuse intensified when her cousin sexually
assaulted her during what appeared to be innocent
(03:20):
wrestling, causing significant physical trauma that affected
her well-being for years to come.
The incident left her unable to eat comfortably until age 25 and
created long lasting physical and emotional trauma.
A pivotal moment occurred when Ashley was 12.
Her cousin's 17 year old friend,who had learned about the
(03:41):
previous abuse, began showing aninterest in her through subtle
hints and teasing. One September day, when Ashley
returned home early from school,this friend sexually assaulted
her. Despite her protests and pain,
he continued and she remained silent, believing her
grandmother wouldn't believe herclaims, a belief reinforced by
(04:03):
previous experiences. The discovery of her pregnancy
came through an observant 7th grade teacher who noticed
physical changes. At just 4 feet 5 inches tall and
weighing 48 lbs, Ashley gave birth without pain medication
because of her young age. Her baby weighed 6 lbs twelve oz
and measured 19 inches long. The hospital staff showed
(04:26):
remarkable compassion, even organizing a baby shower for
her, providing a rare moment of support during this challenging
time. The aftermath of the pregnancy
revealed complex family dynamics.
Ashley's grandmother contacted the perpetrator's mother, but
instead of supporting Ashley, they work to keep the situation
quiet. After his own mother reported
(04:49):
him for lying about the paternity rather than the
assault, authorities arrested the accused.
They ordered ADNA test, but the samples remained untested for 12
years, leaving questions about paternity unresolved.
During her school years, Ashley faced significant bullying and
ostracism. She recalls incidents where
(05:09):
classmates would throw change into her locker, mockingly
calling it child support. Despite these challenges, she
attended parenting classes at the hospital where she was the
youngest participant, but found acceptance and guidance from
other mothers. The resolution to the paternity
question came on Ashley's 30th birthday, when DNA results
(05:31):
confirmed with 99.9999% certainty the identity of her
son's father. This revelation led to
confrontations with both the perpetrator and his mother, who
had denied any involvement. During a video call with her
abuser, he made disturbing comments that revealed he had
been aware of her cousin's abuse, suggesting A calculated
(05:54):
pattern of predatory behavior. Throughout her ordeal, Ashley
faced multiple systemic failures.
Her grandmother, who should havebeen her protector, often sided
with the abusers and even coerced Ashley into making false
statements that undermined her credibility.
The legal system failed to properly investigate and process
(06:17):
evidence that could have broughtearlier justice.
Her father was absent from age 5, and a brief reconnection at
age 13 proved unsuccessful. The impact of this trauma
affected Ashley's relationships into adulthood.
She notes that her past experiences often attracted
partners who sought to maintain her vulnerability rather than
(06:38):
support her growth. However, she emphasizes she has
no regrets about keeping her child, describing their
relationship as one bright spot in her difficult journey.
Their relationship evolved from feeling like playing with a doll
to a deep, meaningful bond that helped her heal the
perpetrators. Eventual exposure came through
(06:59):
his girlfriend, who discovered his past and shared his
information online, including his picture.
This public revelation served asa form of delayed justice,
though it couldn't undo the years of trauma and silence
Ashley endured. Ashley story illuminates several
critical issues. The importance of believing
survivors. The need for proper support
(07:21):
systems for young victims of abuse and the significance of
DNA evidence in achieving justice.
Her experience also highlights how institutional failures can
compound trauma while demonstrating the resilience of
survivors. Today, Ashley shares her story
to raise awareness about childhood sexual abuse, incest,
(07:42):
and teenage pregnancy. Her message emphasizes the
importance of breaking silence around abuse and the potential
damage of forcing victims to keep quiet.
When asked what she would tell her younger self, her response
is simple but powerful. I love you.
Her journey from victim to survivor and advocate shows the
(08:05):
possibility of healing and seeking justice even years after
the initial trauma. This case underscores the
complex intersections of family dynamics, justice system
responses, and long term trauma recovery.
It serves as both a warning about the prevalence of
childhood sexual abuse and a testament to the possibility of
(08:28):
healing and seeking justice. Even years after the initial
trauma. Ashley's story continues to
affect others, encouraging survivors to speak up and seek
the support they deserve. First started when I was 6 by a
(08:49):
family member who's a cousin. It didn't go as far as like, you
know, in a scary way because my mom walked in and she ended up
catching him. But when I was brought to my
caregiver, which is my legal guard guardian, which is not my
(09:11):
mom, it's my grandmother, instead of her asking questions
and wanting to, you know, get insight on what happened to me
or what was going on, I was blamed and also whooped.
And the more she kept asking me what's going on, I told her the
truth, but she kept whooping me.And I just, you know, I felt
(09:34):
like I had, I guess I had to lieand say nothing was happening.
Right. So and this was a cousin.
Yes, he was. This the first time anything he
tried to do anything, was he that was.
The first time that he tried to do something, that was the first
time, yes. And and your mother?
Why wasn't your mother your legal guardian, your caretaker?
(09:55):
My mom is considered by the state incompetent to raise a
child and she had two which is me and my older brother so she
they deemed her cognitive as faras like mentally wise.
So the state gave legal custody,more guardianship of my brother
(10:20):
to my grandmother until we were 18.
OK, so with your cousin, does this continue?
Does he come back around? Yes, he comes back once I turn
10 1/2 and that's when it when it started at night when I was
sleeping. What would he do?
He would come in my room and laylay like on top of me, like his
(10:46):
whole body weight on top of me and just thrust until he left
his. Yeah.
Yeah. And on me, OK, So I was more so
just like it was more so the arousal part for him and the
(11:07):
release, right. So there is no penetration.
It's more so just molestation, right?
It's like sexual misconduct, right?
With a child. How old is he?
He was at that time. 17. 17 and you were ten.
I was. 10 1/2 yes. 10 1/2 and sohe's not actually penetrating
(11:30):
you, you say going inside of you, but just like on your body
sexual. Experience, yes.
At what point does he penetrate you?
So that happened after my 11th birthday.
We were like family was over andwe were like play wrestling like
normal, you know, family, you know, cousins and stuff like
(11:53):
that. And I had on a dress and we were
like wrestling and stuff like that.
And he had came and grabbed me from behind and I'm thinking
like, you know, he's going to like, you know, do some
wrestling, you know. And I know he was like holding
on to me and pulling his pants down at the same time.
And when he got my undergarmentsdown he were was trying to
(12:19):
penetrate but because I was wiggling he end up piercing my
anus and I end up having trauma there.
So now from him, it's just just a monstrous act from OK, he
(12:52):
continues. What kind of complications did
you have as a result of I was? Scared to like, believe myself.
Does it hurt? So you were unable to move your
valves? Yeah, so bad.
(13:14):
Want to take a break? Let's take a break later down
the line, maybe a year. I guess your cousin talks about
what he had been doing to you with a friend.
(13:36):
Talk to me about what happens next.
Well, his friend, it was actually my brother's friend, my
brother vouched for him to come into the house and be a part of
our, you know, little family. And my cousin, you know, they
all was like, it was just the three of them and they all hung
(13:57):
out and stuff like that. So he made him aware of what he
was doing, but it was only because he was, he brought him
in to my room one night and I woke up and I saw both of them
in my room and I told him, what do you do?
Get out of my room and stuff like that?
And at that time, I, I didn't know if the conversation or
(14:21):
anything. I just knew that he would do
little, you know, subtle things.I I guess to say, you know, he
likes me or whatever, right? Right.
Right, but. He was older, right?
So I didn't. How old was he?
17 as well. Yeah, OK.
And you were at this time I. Was 12/12 yes and he just made
(14:43):
like subtle hints. OK, subtle hints, but never,
never was like touching you, violating you or anything like
that. No, I was.
Just like more so like kind of coming coming down to my age
level mentality. Yeah.
It's like doing little, you know, like how they say like
(15:04):
offer boy likes you, he hits youright, right, right.
You know, So it was like little things like that, like, you
know, like, you know, say something about my parents or.
Right. Pick on you, Yeah.
When did you get home early fromschool?
I got it was September. It was in September.
It was like the beginning of theschool year and I got home on my
(15:28):
like my brother was supposed to meet me and he he didn't.
So I walked. I end up walking home from
school that day and I didn't know anybody wasn't home.
So when I rung the doorbell, instead of my brother not answer
the door was his friend who answered and let me in.
(15:49):
And I'm getting undressed out ofmy school clothes and, you know,
and going to settle down and getready, you know, do my homework
and stuff like that. Before my grandmother, my mother
came home and he had came in my room while I was getting
undressed. And he had like not pushed, but
(16:15):
like, you know, guided me down on the bed and he went and did
oral 1st and then that's when hewent and inserted and and it
was, it was painful and I told him to stop and because it was
(16:37):
hurting. And now he just kept going and I
never spoke about it or said anything and to anybody because
it was more. So I got to that point where it
was like, if, you know, my grandmother doesn't didn't
believe me when my cousin was, you know, violating me, then
(17:00):
she's not going to believe this,right?
So I just kept it to myself up until I found out I was
pregnant. Did your cousin ever penetrate
you vaginally? No, just the aim.
And OK. What happened when you first
(17:31):
told your grandmother about yourcousin penetrating you anally?
She told me that I was lying. No repercussions.
No, she told me that I was lyingand she never even wondered why
I wouldn't sit down and eat. And your cousin, I thought I.
(17:56):
Was being with those. Right.
And your and your cousin stoppedcoming back around after that.
So this incident happens now with your cousin's friend or
your brother's friend rather. He takes off after you stay at
home and you just kind of what'sgoing through your mind.
A 12 year old kid. I kind of blocked it out.
(18:23):
I didn't just, you know, kind ofjust happened.
You know, this thing just happens.
You know, just you tell yourselfit happens.
You were kind of used to the abuse.
Yeah, Especially because. Well, when you get beat, not to
not tell the truth, you just kind of you kind of just like
(18:44):
young like compartmentalize a lot of things of.
Course, you kind of just. Sit there because you have
important, you have other things, you know, like at
school, so. At what point do you realize
that you're pregnant? Well, I didn't know 'cause I
(19:06):
know I wasn't even in a grade where they were teaching about
and, you know, the anatomy or. The body I didn't even.
Touch that, that subject. So I knew nothing.
I didn't even know what a periodwas.
So I couldn't even, I couldn't even go and say, hey, there's
something different about my body because I'm just thinking
(19:29):
like, you know, you're a kid, you're growing, you're getting
fat at first, you know, it's like, OK, I'm not eating
anything. I'm not getting fat.
You know what I mean? Yeah, that's where that came in
as. Yeah.
You know, a lot of things ran through my mind like, oh man,
you know, he could have tore something.
Right, right. Go to.
The doctor's or something, you know, I just, there's a lot of
things. At 12 years old, had you even
(19:50):
started your menstrual? No.
You didn't. Well, he impregnated me like in
the just like in the time frame of when they were supposed to
start. I like I just turned 12 so so it
(20:12):
didn't even start. You told me you hadn't had a
period until you were 24 years old.
Yeah. How?
Well, with the doctors telling me that, you know, my body kind
(20:32):
of going in a different direction reverse almost like,
so consulting with like, you know, my like medical team
people that I, you know, I trusted, like, you know, you
kind of things are going to start differently.
It's not going to start when youneed to.
So I think I was like, you know,my body was going through like a
(20:57):
grown phase and it didn't know how to just, it didn't know how
to get back in line. He offset something, Yeah, yeah.
Mm hmm. I've never heard anything like
this. Well, just the lining.
Also, I was young so everything stretched.
(21:22):
Hey, you, you, you told me aboutall the things that your your
body had to sort of fast track. Yeah.
To to to grow a baby. To grow a baby.
Yeah. And then after I gave birth,
that's what I had to kind of, you know, take my medical series
(21:44):
as far as like steroid shots. Steroid shots things can.
You know, just wrap it so that things like in my body can
speed. Up right.
OK, how do you find out that you're pregnant again?
You said you were you. You were wondering how you were
getting bigger, but you wasn't eating.
You was like wondering what's going on?
(22:06):
How do you actually find out you're pregnant?
Actually, my 7th grade teacher reached out to my caregiver and
just, you know, suggested that, you know, I do that.
I get, you know, a visit like a physical for school and stuff
(22:28):
like that. And, you know, she was like
watching my like watching me like play and I had rolled my
belly in a way or like we were dancing with kids and stuff like
that. And she saw a bulge, A bulge
like in like here in the, in theMay section area.
That was not normal and that's what made her, you know, jump to
(22:49):
that conclusion that you need tocheck her out and stuff like
that. So once I left school that day,
my mom, my mom took me straight to the clinic and I did a few
piss in the cup and stuff like that, like they asked me to.
(23:09):
And then I sat in the waiting room for a while and then they
called me back into the room. And then they said to me that I
was pregnant and I was just like, I what like.
As atrocious as the crime was, is almost as fascinating as this
(23:31):
journey of pregnancy was as well.
I. Didn't experience it from start
to finish because I didn't know right, but when I did find out
and they told me, there was evenmore of a shock.
So you rolled the belly and yourbaby hit back.
I'm here. So and your teacher just said
(23:56):
that's not right? Yeah, something.
'S not right, yeah. That's not that's not the any.
Arms. But my belly's like, like, what
is that? Yeah, yeah, that's not your
lunch. OK, OK, OK.
So in my mind, you go to you gave birth in the hospital.
(24:19):
Yeah. You're walking a 12 year old
through the hospital preparing for labor.
Are people not looking like? Well, I was actually going for
check UPS for the last two months that I had.
I was like, it was really hard, you know, with people staring
and wanting to know how old I amand like you just looks like a
(24:43):
baby, you know, you get that allthe time and stuff like that.
But one thing that did kind of make me feel, you know,
comfortable the, the hospital wasn't they, they were, they
were making sure that they kept an eye on me and they threw me a
baby shower. So that kind of made me excited.
(25:04):
What, you know, even though, youknow, you're 12 years old,
you're like, I'm expecting a baby.
And it's like, no, so, but they saw how like overwhelmed I was.
So my last doctor's visit they threw me a baby shower and they
they furnished everything and they brought everything like
clothes from infant to like whenit turned like 2 years old.
(25:27):
So how'd that make you feel? Well, it made me feel supported
and that someone cares, right? Right.
Yeah, so. And they stayed in touch with
me. Thanks for listening to No Tears
for Black Girls. If you enjoyed our show, please
(25:49):
take a moment to leave us a fivestar rating, hit that subscribe
button and give us a follow on social media.
Your support means the world to us and helps us continue sharing
these important stories. Stay blessed, stay loved and
most importantly, stay safe. Peace and love to you all.
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