March 9, 2023 • 18 mins
As well as having the ability to reveal our ancestry, one of the biggest surprises that comes from DNA testing, is the discovery of unknown family members. 62-year-old Janet had always wondered if analysing her DNA might reveal a mystery from her father's past.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
So today I am talking to the rather wonderful Janet, who is one of our contributors on the
second series of DNA Family Secrets. Now for those people who haven't seen the programme, Janet
what was your question when you came to see us?My question was whether you could find my
half-sister, who I had known about since I was very young, but it was a secret in our family. And
(00:27):
I found out about her really by chance because it was one evening, my parents had some friends come
round and I happened to be just sitting in the room, just minding my own business. And then one
of the women that was in the group just turned to my dad and said, oh Danny what's all this
(00:47):
I hear about you having a daughter in Austria. And as soon as those words were said, I mean I
just remember these people being ushered out of the house very quickly, and that was it, there
was nothing said to me, and I then think I must have gone upstairs and told my sister about it.
But I have always been very adamant that I have this half-sister, and my sister Liz
(01:11):
shared that as well, but neither she or I asked my dad anything about it.
Okay so you're in a really difficult position because you now have this knowledge and you
must be dying to find out about it. When did you eventually ask your folks?
So it was from a conversation that I had with a friend, you know, regaling the story yet
(01:34):
again of this person, and she said, I think it's about time that you asked your mum,
because my dad had already died, so I wasn't going to get any information there. And I just said,
oh mum there's just something I want to ask, and I think she'd been waiting,
probably forever and she was on alert, and I just said, you know, what I'd heard, and her immediate
(01:59):
really response were two things, was like, well you know, who knows? Who have you told? And I
don't want you to find anything out about this.It does sound like it was a proper, sort of,
don't go there this door is shut.And I didn't.
Did it affect your relationship with your parents then, did you feel shut out or was
(02:21):
it just something that you realised, this is so painful for mum I can't go here?
I accepted the status quo. I didn't actually in a way think, oh this must have been really painful
for my mum. I actually wish I'd asked both of them about her because I think, if I'd asked my dad,
my dad couldn't have fudged it. He would not have been able to spin some story about it. And maybe
(02:46):
he would have been relieved to be able to tell me because he was passionate, you know, he was
highly emotional, positives, negatives of all of that, so he must have always wondered about her.
You know maybe I'm projecting, and I can feel quite emotional, you know, when you think about
that and think, you know, did he see her, did he not see her, how did he know that she was a girl,
(03:11):
did the Army tell him that she was born.So, this has been in your mind all of
this time and you decide to come to the programme, what prompted that?
Oh that was my daughter Holly that did that, because she'd watched the programme,
and said oh mum this is a really good programme with Stacey. And she said you know you might
(03:32):
be able to find your half-sister, but then she said, but you never will,
because I'm rubbish at seeing things through. And I said, hmm, and I was about to go to
work but my laptop was open. So, I just, you know, put in DNA Family Secrets, looked up the
production company and winged off my email.So I remember when you first came in,
(03:57):
I was saying to you that this was going to be such a long shot. And then, you know,
when you come back and I'm able to give you the results, and I'm able to tell you I was totally
wrong to be worried about that. We'd found your half-sister Renata. And it had taken literally
(04:19):
hours from uploading your results to one of the databases because Renata's daughter Claudia,
was on there, and we began messaging madly back and forth between the two of us. And it was this
really lovely moment because here you and Liz had been looking for Renata, and had known about her
existence all of these years, and Renata had been looking for you for virtually her entire life.
(04:45):
So this is what I got back from Claudia, so this is what they knew from their side. So they said,
my mother was born in 1946 in Graz, Austria. People told us she's the daughter of a British
soldier who was in prison in Graz in 1945 and had a liaison with my grandmother Anna.
Obviously he fled in May 1945 when Russian troops took the city of Graz,
(05:07):
my grandmother never heard from him again. When she discovered being pregnant her
father tried to reach the commander of the British troops in Carinthia, in Austria,
but they got no information about him. My grandmother never told us anything about him,
not even the name and we would be so happy getting to know our British family.
So that's what they knew from their side, and we get this when people come onto DNA Family Secrets,
(05:31):
and when I'm chatting to people and they've got a question about who their biological father was,
you can feel this longing, like waves coming off of them, and that was what was coming on
these messages. She was there and she'd been looking for you her entire life. And
I just thought that was just incredible to be able to tell you that, so how was it for
you guys on the other side of the table?I mean I was actually just sort of like
(05:54):
totally speechless. And it was just fact that she's actually still alive because, you know,
she could have been 80 something and she's just an amazing woman that doesn't look as though she's
76, or now 77, and it's just like incredible. And it was just like, I don't believe it,
because from that longing, that knowing for so long and there actually wow, there's your answer.
(06:21):
And for her I think this was the last, sort of attempt, of Claudia buying the DNA for her,
because I think they, even Renata was thinking am I right, because of my dad's name, because it's
like, well he's got two first names, you know, what's all that… you know, surely that's wrong. So
(06:42):
that was sort of like, she was starting to think, I've got it wrong. And then to be all of a sudden,
we were right, we knew. And there's that thing about, is there something within you that really
knows the truth, that intuitive kind of feeling.And it's really difficult because your dad
knew and obviously Renata's family is trying to find him,
(07:05):
does it make you feel differently about your dad?It's really, this is a tricky thing isn't it,
this is a tricky bit, because I'm looking at it from my perspective, it's sort of like,
Anna was younger than my dad, why did he have, you know, some relationship, you know,
what was this relationship have a meaning, was it just about sex, you know it's all of that
(07:28):
sort of stuff. And it's like sins of your father, literally like sins of your father here isn't it.
And that is the really difficult thing because it's another world, it's his life,
and he's not there to ask, so you can't know what the circumstances we're around it.
But it's such a different time anyway my dad was a prisoner of war, you know, in an alien country.
(07:50):
He wouldn't have known whether he was going to be alive in, you know, days, years. The state of the
world was totally in chaos wasn't it. So I'm not in a position to judge at all, and it's not fair
of me to make any judgment in that way. But I do think that what happened in his relationship with
(08:12):
Anna, it was of significance, you know there's Renata. Who, you know, didn't know her dad,
who has found that hard, who has longed to know answers. So it has had a consequence hasn't it.
I know when I'm telling people this information I feel like there's this huge responsibility,
and I know that I'm, sort of, changing someone's life, kind of right in front of me. And then
(08:38):
you go in and see Stacey and you see all of this stuff, and then you leave and you have to go home,
and how's that after a day of all of this information, what's that like?
That was really hard, really difficult because you obviously can't really prepare for it, because you
don't know what you're going to be told. And I got on a train and I suppose we were still a bit in
(09:02):
COVID kind of times, and still feeling in some kind of other world, and just like, everything
mushy inside, and the train was so packed. And there was a woman sat next to me and she sort of
said about, big queues and it was difficult but I've got this big bar of chocolate, she said,
(09:24):
would you like some. And of course I was thinking, oh you know we shouldn't touch it because you
never know, and she shared the chocolate and it was just sort of like, I needed that because,
you know, I wasn't going to have this conversation about where I'd been and tell the story but it was
transformational, I suppose that's the thing is that, I'd gone through a complete sort of like,
(09:44):
thrown into the bushes somewhere, and your kind of thinking, well what do I make of this.
Because my life's now not the same is it, you know, it's not the same, it's life-changing.
It's not life-changing in a negative way but it does take the ground from under your feet because,
oh this is a reality, this person exists, what's my responsibility in this, what do I do next.
(10:09):
So there are all those questions and I suppose there's still how does this all fit in.
Yeah and the healing power of chocolate I can understand,
It was, I'm not normally that, but he was like, oh yes, and it was like thank you whoever's thought
of sitting this woman next to me, with a big fat bar of chocolate, you did well.
I mean, but you're absolutely right, it's a huge thing because how do you start those
(10:33):
relationships, you've been apart for however many years, you've just found each other, and how do
you negotiate that forming a relationship. And as you said you are Renata's link to her
biological father, it must be really difficult, good and bad, but difficult. How do you negotiate
(10:53):
that and how do you start to move forward on that?I mean it's made doubly difficult because we don't
share language. So because Claudia’s English is so good, I think there's a lot of responsibility
put on to her, to do the translation, but also if I was in a conversation with Renata,
(11:14):
you know, if I could speak German, I might be asking her different questions. It's harder to
form the relationship with her, because of the language, whereas the relationship has
become stronger with Claudia, because of the language. And I suppose as well because our
ages are quite similar, but Renata, you know, she's got a lot of stories to tell.
(11:40):
And I think that, you know, her relationship with her children has been very open and very honest.
I mean, again, her husband died when the children were quite young and she was 27,
and I think there was a lot of hardship in that and she had a difficult relationship with her mum,
so she didn't have the support of her parents, but I would like to be able to speak to her. We could
(12:03):
go out for a coffee and she can show me around and introduce me to her friends, and her life.
Because I know that Claudia's life has been quite different.
I suppose it stops you from having that kind of candid, frank, open,
warm conversation about who you are.Yeah and, you know, and sort of asking about,
(12:24):
you know, who was it that told you and how did you feel when, you know,
you found out the person that you've been calling dad, all your life, isn't your dad, because that's
so hard isn't it. Because again it's sort of like you've been lied to haven't you, you know,
on the very basic level. What's it like to not to be able to trust your parents because they
haven't been honest with you. And knowing, in a way, that they felt it was in your best interests.
(12:51):
And it's these questions that I can't really ask, it's sort of like, how did you feel about
your stepfather afterwards, you know, did you like him anyway or did you not like him because
there was something that wasn't quite right. You know, she has half-siblings as well and we hear
about those and we've seen photographs but, again, it's not having that one-to-one conversation that,
(13:14):
you know, you're getting to know somebody aren't you, but actually the emotion of
when we actually first met was overwhelming.So let's talk about that because, I mean,
this was all in COVID time, and I remember there were various lockdowns and it's like will they get
to go, oh no its been cancelled, oh they're going to go, but I mean, tell me about that because,
(13:37):
I mean, we've seen a bit on the television, but that must have been hugely emotional.
It was incredibly emotional because it was during COVID times. So we'd had already our November trip
cancelled, which was absolutely devastating. And so then it was whether it was going to happen,
whether it was not going to happen, and you know it was just always on this knife edge. So we get
(14:01):
out which was, you know, great to be there, and then we were sort of a bit under house arrest,
because Brent who was filming it was so concerned that we were somehow going to meet
before he actually filmed the proper meeting, because we said, well could we just go for… no,
no you stay in your room, we'll bring you anything you want, just stay in your room, don't come out,
(14:23):
so we're kind of like pacing up and down.And then the time comes that we go to our
meeting place, it was really cold, but a beautiful blue sky. It felt like waiting for an exam or,
this anticipation of not knowing what it's going to be like, and it's going to be filmed,
and how am I going to respond. So it's kind of quite difficult, but the sun was
(14:44):
shining and it was just really nice.And we got a shout to come through,
and it felt like miles that we got to go and walk and meet her. And then there's this tiny,
because she's a very petite lady, and I sort of felt very tall, and I can't actually
remember what she said, and we just, sort of like, hugged her, and it was just wonderful.
(15:07):
And she also reminded me of my dad and maybe I said that as well, is that, my dad would have just
been so proud of her because she was everything that my sister and I weren't. So she's really
well turned out, she looks stunning and she's got a lovely scarf and a nice coat and a bag,
(15:27):
my dad would have just thought, oh why can't you two be like that. Which was kind of nice though,
it was nice because we could tell her that in all honesty that I knew how we would feel, but both
Claudia and Andrea were there as well, and it was just sort of like, quite amazing, thinking that
am I going to have to look emotional, I might just be very cold and not really know this,
(15:51):
but it wasn't an act it was real, and even thinking about it now, it still makes me cry,
because it's just quite incredible after so long, and she is just so pleased.
So having been through this process which has had huge ups and downs, I mean, one of the things
(16:14):
that you've got on the programme is that you've got support, so there's, you know, counsellors,
and social workers, and production team, and me, there's all kinds of people that you can chat to,
but it does sound like you have had support as well through your family. So you went through
it with Liz, but how has it been, that kind of emotional up and down of the whole thing?
(16:35):
Well obviously I think support is great if you've got it but there are people that haven't got
support. There are people that maybe don't even want to share what their secret is with somebody,
because they don't want to be, you know, it might be they might be a secret, you know,
it is that. And I actually think it is that saying, life is short,
and I feel that we were really fortunate that actually Renata
(16:59):
was still alive. That we were so lucky.As I've said, if it ended at the TV programme,
or it ended in that park in Graz that we met her, we hugged her, we saw her, and that would have
been enough but we've actually been able to go on further, and you kind of, your heart is settled.
(17:20):
If you want to know try and find out and if you can get help from somebody then, you know, that's
great if you can, but if you can't just go for it, and you know get those little bits of information,
because then it leads you on to the next bit of information, and the next bit of information,
and then you can find out.I think that's true, so that's
(17:41):
something that you hear a lot is that, people feel settled, they feel more settled once they've done
this. It's been something that's been going on in their lives, in the background in their minds,
and to have those answers helps settle them.I think you're absolutely right, and I would say,
(18:02):
I kind of feel at last I've got that answer, I've always known that she exists but it's been proved,
and she's there, and so there is that settling, making you more whole rather than having a chunk
missing. It is, it's like putting that final piece in that jigsaw. I know there's more
life to come but this is fundamental isn't it, this is about who we are.
(18:26):
Janet it's been so lovely to catch up with you, thank you so much.
So today I am talking to the rather wonderful Janet, who is one of our contributors on the
second series of DNA Family Secrets. Now for those people who haven't seen the programme, Janet
what was your question when you came to see us?My question was whether you could find my
half-sister, who I had known about since I was very young, but it was a secret in our family. And
(00:27):
I found out about her really by chance because it was one evening, my parents had some friends come
round and I happened to be just sitting in the room, just minding my own business. And then one
of the women that was in the group just turned to my dad and said, oh Danny what's all this
(00:47):
I hear about you having a daughter in Austria. And as soon as those words were said, I mean I
just remember these people being ushered out of the house very quickly, and that was it, there
was nothing said to me, and I then think I must have gone upstairs and told my sister about it.
But I have always been very adamant that I have this half-sister, and my sister Liz
(01:11):
shared that as well, but neither she or I asked my dad anything about it.
Okay so you're in a really difficult position because you now have this knowledge and you
must be dying to find out about it. When did you eventually ask your folks?
So it was from a conversation that I had with a friend, you know, regaling the story yet
(01:34):
again of this person, and she said, I think it's about time that you asked your mum,
because my dad had already died, so I wasn't going to get any information there. And I just said,
oh mum there's just something I want to ask, and I think she'd been waiting,
probably forever and she was on alert, and I just said, you know, what I'd heard, and her immediate
(01:59):
really response were two things, was like, well you know, who knows? Who have you told? And I
don't want you to find anything out about this.It does sound like it was a proper, sort of,
don't go there this door is shut.And I didn't.
Did it affect your relationship with your parents then, did you feel shut out or was
(02:21):
it just something that you realised, this is so painful for mum I can't go here?
I accepted the status quo. I didn't actually in a way think, oh this must have been really painful
for my mum. I actually wish I'd asked both of them about her because I think, if I'd asked my dad,
my dad couldn't have fudged it. He would not have been able to spin some story about it. And maybe
(02:46):
he would have been relieved to be able to tell me because he was passionate, you know, he was
highly emotional, positives, negatives of all of that, so he must have always wondered about her.
You know maybe I'm projecting, and I can feel quite emotional, you know, when you think about
that and think, you know, did he see her, did he not see her, how did he know that she was a girl,
(03:11):
did the Army tell him that she was born.So, this has been in your mind all of
this time and you decide to come to the programme, what prompted that?
Oh that was my daughter Holly that did that, because she'd watched the programme,
and said oh mum this is a really good programme with Stacey. And she said you know you might
(03:32):
be able to find your half-sister, but then she said, but you never will,
because I'm rubbish at seeing things through. And I said, hmm, and I was about to go to
work but my laptop was open. So, I just, you know, put in DNA Family Secrets, looked up the
production company and winged off my email.So I remember when you first came in,
(03:57):
I was saying to you that this was going to be such a long shot. And then, you know,
when you come back and I'm able to give you the results, and I'm able to tell you I was totally
wrong to be worried about that. We'd found your half-sister Renata. And it had taken literally
(04:19):
hours from uploading your results to one of the databases because Renata's daughter Claudia,
was on there, and we began messaging madly back and forth between the two of us. And it was this
really lovely moment because here you and Liz had been looking for Renata, and had known about her
existence all of these years, and Renata had been looking for you for virtually her entire life.
(04:45):
So this is what I got back from Claudia, so this is what they knew from their side. So they said,
my mother was born in 1946 in Graz, Austria. People told us she's the daughter of a British
soldier who was in prison in Graz in 1945 and had a liaison with my grandmother Anna.
Obviously he fled in May 1945 when Russian troops took the city of Graz,
(05:07):
my grandmother never heard from him again. When she discovered being pregnant her
father tried to reach the commander of the British troops in Carinthia, in Austria,
but they got no information about him. My grandmother never told us anything about him,
not even the name and we would be so happy getting to know our British family.
So that's what they knew from their side, and we get this when people come onto DNA Family Secrets,
(05:31):
and when I'm chatting to people and they've got a question about who their biological father was,
you can feel this longing, like waves coming off of them, and that was what was coming on
these messages. She was there and she'd been looking for you her entire life. And
I just thought that was just incredible to be able to tell you that, so how was it for
you guys on the other side of the table?I mean I was actually just sort of like
(05:54):
totally speechless. And it was just fact that she's actually still alive because, you know,
she could have been 80 something and she's just an amazing woman that doesn't look as though she's
76, or now 77, and it's just like incredible. And it was just like, I don't believe it,
because from that longing, that knowing for so long and there actually wow, there's your answer.
(06:21):
And for her I think this was the last, sort of attempt, of Claudia buying the DNA for her,
because I think they, even Renata was thinking am I right, because of my dad's name, because it's
like, well he's got two first names, you know, what's all that… you know, surely that's wrong. So
(06:42):
that was sort of like, she was starting to think, I've got it wrong. And then to be all of a sudden,
we were right, we knew. And there's that thing about, is there something within you that really
knows the truth, that intuitive kind of feeling.And it's really difficult because your dad
knew and obviously Renata's family is trying to find him,
(07:05):
does it make you feel differently about your dad?It's really, this is a tricky thing isn't it,
this is a tricky bit, because I'm looking at it from my perspective, it's sort of like,
Anna was younger than my dad, why did he have, you know, some relationship, you know,
what was this relationship have a meaning, was it just about sex, you know it's all of that
(07:28):
sort of stuff. And it's like sins of your father, literally like sins of your father here isn't it.
And that is the really difficult thing because it's another world, it's his life,
and he's not there to ask, so you can't know what the circumstances we're around it.
But it's such a different time anyway my dad was a prisoner of war, you know, in an alien country.
(07:50):
He wouldn't have known whether he was going to be alive in, you know, days, years. The state of the
world was totally in chaos wasn't it. So I'm not in a position to judge at all, and it's not fair
of me to make any judgment in that way. But I do think that what happened in his relationship with
(08:12):
Anna, it was of significance, you know there's Renata. Who, you know, didn't know her dad,
who has found that hard, who has longed to know answers. So it has had a consequence hasn't it.
I know when I'm telling people this information I feel like there's this huge responsibility,
and I know that I'm, sort of, changing someone's life, kind of right in front of me. And then
(08:38):
you go in and see Stacey and you see all of this stuff, and then you leave and you have to go home,
and how's that after a day of all of this information, what's that like?
That was really hard, really difficult because you obviously can't really prepare for it, because you
don't know what you're going to be told. And I got on a train and I suppose we were still a bit in
(09:02):
COVID kind of times, and still feeling in some kind of other world, and just like, everything
mushy inside, and the train was so packed. And there was a woman sat next to me and she sort of
said about, big queues and it was difficult but I've got this big bar of chocolate, she said,
(09:24):
would you like some. And of course I was thinking, oh you know we shouldn't touch it because you
never know, and she shared the chocolate and it was just sort of like, I needed that because,
you know, I wasn't going to have this conversation about where I'd been and tell the story but it was
transformational, I suppose that's the thing is that, I'd gone through a complete sort of like,
(09:44):
thrown into the bushes somewhere, and your kind of thinking, well what do I make of this.
Because my life's now not the same is it, you know, it's not the same, it's life-changing.
It's not life-changing in a negative way but it does take the ground from under your feet because,
oh this is a reality, this person exists, what's my responsibility in this, what do I do next.
(10:09):
So there are all those questions and I suppose there's still how does this all fit in.
Yeah and the healing power of chocolate I can understand,
It was, I'm not normally that, but he was like, oh yes, and it was like thank you whoever's thought
of sitting this woman next to me, with a big fat bar of chocolate, you did well.
I mean, but you're absolutely right, it's a huge thing because how do you start those
(10:33):
relationships, you've been apart for however many years, you've just found each other, and how do
you negotiate that forming a relationship. And as you said you are Renata's link to her
biological father, it must be really difficult, good and bad, but difficult. How do you negotiate
(10:53):
that and how do you start to move forward on that?I mean it's made doubly difficult because we don't
share language. So because Claudia’s English is so good, I think there's a lot of responsibility
put on to her, to do the translation, but also if I was in a conversation with Renata,
(11:14):
you know, if I could speak German, I might be asking her different questions. It's harder to
form the relationship with her, because of the language, whereas the relationship has
become stronger with Claudia, because of the language. And I suppose as well because our
ages are quite similar, but Renata, you know, she's got a lot of stories to tell.
(11:40):
And I think that, you know, her relationship with her children has been very open and very honest.
I mean, again, her husband died when the children were quite young and she was 27,
and I think there was a lot of hardship in that and she had a difficult relationship with her mum,
so she didn't have the support of her parents, but I would like to be able to speak to her. We could
(12:03):
go out for a coffee and she can show me around and introduce me to her friends, and her life.
Because I know that Claudia's life has been quite different.
I suppose it stops you from having that kind of candid, frank, open,
warm conversation about who you are.Yeah and, you know, and sort of asking about,
(12:24):
you know, who was it that told you and how did you feel when, you know,
you found out the person that you've been calling dad, all your life, isn't your dad, because that's
so hard isn't it. Because again it's sort of like you've been lied to haven't you, you know,
on the very basic level. What's it like to not to be able to trust your parents because they
haven't been honest with you. And knowing, in a way, that they felt it was in your best interests.
(12:51):
And it's these questions that I can't really ask, it's sort of like, how did you feel about
your stepfather afterwards, you know, did you like him anyway or did you not like him because
there was something that wasn't quite right. You know, she has half-siblings as well and we hear
about those and we've seen photographs but, again, it's not having that one-to-one conversation that,
(13:14):
you know, you're getting to know somebody aren't you, but actually the emotion of
when we actually first met was overwhelming.So let's talk about that because, I mean,
this was all in COVID time, and I remember there were various lockdowns and it's like will they get
to go, oh no its been cancelled, oh they're going to go, but I mean, tell me about that because,
(13:37):
I mean, we've seen a bit on the television, but that must have been hugely emotional.
It was incredibly emotional because it was during COVID times. So we'd had already our November trip
cancelled, which was absolutely devastating. And so then it was whether it was going to happen,
whether it was not going to happen, and you know it was just always on this knife edge. So we get
(14:01):
out which was, you know, great to be there, and then we were sort of a bit under house arrest,
because Brent who was filming it was so concerned that we were somehow going to meet
before he actually filmed the proper meeting, because we said, well could we just go for… no,
no you stay in your room, we'll bring you anything you want, just stay in your room, don't come out,
(14:23):
so we're kind of like pacing up and down.And then the time comes that we go to our
meeting place, it was really cold, but a beautiful blue sky. It felt like waiting for an exam or,
this anticipation of not knowing what it's going to be like, and it's going to be filmed,
and how am I going to respond. So it's kind of quite difficult, but the sun was
(14:44):
shining and it was just really nice.And we got a shout to come through,
and it felt like miles that we got to go and walk and meet her. And then there's this tiny,
because she's a very petite lady, and I sort of felt very tall, and I can't actually
remember what she said, and we just, sort of like, hugged her, and it was just wonderful.
(15:07):
And she also reminded me of my dad and maybe I said that as well, is that, my dad would have just
been so proud of her because she was everything that my sister and I weren't. So she's really
well turned out, she looks stunning and she's got a lovely scarf and a nice coat and a bag,
(15:27):
my dad would have just thought, oh why can't you two be like that. Which was kind of nice though,
it was nice because we could tell her that in all honesty that I knew how we would feel, but both
Claudia and Andrea were there as well, and it was just sort of like, quite amazing, thinking that
am I going to have to look emotional, I might just be very cold and not really know this,
(15:51):
but it wasn't an act it was real, and even thinking about it now, it still makes me cry,
because it's just quite incredible after so long, and she is just so pleased.
So having been through this process which has had huge ups and downs, I mean, one of the things
(16:14):
that you've got on the programme is that you've got support, so there's, you know, counsellors,
and social workers, and production team, and me, there's all kinds of people that you can chat to,
but it does sound like you have had support as well through your family. So you went through
it with Liz, but how has it been, that kind of emotional up and down of the whole thing?
(16:35):
Well obviously I think support is great if you've got it but there are people that haven't got
support. There are people that maybe don't even want to share what their secret is with somebody,
because they don't want to be, you know, it might be they might be a secret, you know,
it is that. And I actually think it is that saying, life is short,
and I feel that we were really fortunate that actually Renata
(16:59):
was still alive. That we were so lucky.As I've said, if it ended at the TV programme,
or it ended in that park in Graz that we met her, we hugged her, we saw her, and that would have
been enough but we've actually been able to go on further, and you kind of, your heart is settled.
(17:20):
If you want to know try and find out and if you can get help from somebody then, you know, that's
great if you can, but if you can't just go for it, and you know get those little bits of information,
because then it leads you on to the next bit of information, and the next bit of information,
and then you can find out.I think that's true, so that's
(17:41):
something that you hear a lot is that, people feel settled, they feel more settled once they've done
this. It's been something that's been going on in their lives, in the background in their minds,
and to have those answers helps settle them.I think you're absolutely right, and I would say,
(18:02):
I kind of feel at last I've got that answer, I've always known that she exists but it's been proved,
and she's there, and so there is that settling, making you more whole rather than having a chunk
missing. It is, it's like putting that final piece in that jigsaw. I know there's more
life to come but this is fundamental isn't it, this is about who we are.
(18:26):
Janet it's been so lovely to catch up with you, thank you so much.
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