Coaches Takeover Series – People-Pleasing & Insecurity

Welcome to Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, where we bring truth with love to the tough topics of emotionally destructive relationships.

In today’s special Coaches Takeover episode, Leslie Vernick team coaches Diana Bala and Susan King dive into people-pleasing, insecurity, and the transformative path toward freedom in Christ.

We’re fresh off our 5-Day Insecurity Coaching Challenge—and in this conversation, we’re going even deeper.

In This Episode:

A recap of the 5-Day Insecurity Challenge:

Self-doubt Shame and guilt Perfectionism The inner critic People-pleasing

1. Highlights from the week:
   1. Women developing hope beyond shame and guilt
   2. Experiencing Scripture in new, life-giving ways
   3. Recognizing the hidden faces of insecurity

Key Insight: The Many Masquerades of Insecurity

Diana and Susan unpack the ways insecurity often masquerades as something good—but at a cost:

✅ Kindness

• Saying yes to everything, avoiding conflict
• Underneath: fear of rejection, desire to be liked
• Truth: Kindness includes boundaries

✅ Humility

• Downplaying strengths, deflecting compliments
• Underneath: fear of being judged, imposter syndrome
• Truth: Humility is not shrinking

✅ Responsibility

• Overfunctioning, taking on others’ problems
• Underneath: need to feel needed
• Truth: Healthy responsibility knows what is yours and what is not

✅ Peacemaking

• Avoiding hard conversations, keeping silent
• Underneath: fear of conflict
• Truth: Real peacemaking requires courage and truth

✅ Flexibility

• Always going along, hiding preferences
• Underneath: belief your needs don’t matter
• Truth: Flexibility shouldn’t erase you

Why Do We People-Please?

• To avoid conflict, rejection, or feeling like a burden
• It often begins in childhood:
  • Conditional love or safety
  • Messages like “Be a good girl,” “Don’t upset your father”
  • Approval as currency for worth

How Do We Transform?

Change your inner narrative:

“I must earn love” ➜ “I am already worthy.”

Embrace agency, reclaim your God-given identity, and practice compassion for the part of you that learned to survive by pleasing.

🌟 Featured Tool: The Truth & Trade Exercise

A simple, powerful way to interrupt people-pleasing patterns:

1️⃣ Pause & Name the Pattern

• Notice when you’re saying “yes” when you mean “no”
• Ask: What am I afraid will happen if I don’t please?

2️⃣ Identify the Hidden Belief

• E.g. “If I disappoint them, they won’t love me.”
• “Saying no makes me selfish.”

3️⃣ Speak the Truth

• “My worth is not dependent on someone else’s opinion.”
• “Boundaries create healthier relationships.”
• Biblical grounding:
  • “Am I now trying to win the approv