When Pretending Breaks You: Finding Peace After Overfunctioning in a Destructive Marriage

Have you ever felt like you’re barely surviving behind the scenes while projecting a picture-perfect life to the outside world? You’re not alone. In this powerful episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Coach Diana sits down with Jeannie—a homeschooling mom, writer, and woman of deep faith—who opens up about her journey from silent suffering as a pastor’s wife to finding clarity, healing, and her God-given voice.

Through years of overfunctioning, pretending, and holding on to a crumbling marriage, Jeannie learned the life-changing difference between suffering silently and living in truth. Her story is raw, redemptive, and full of hope for anyone wondering if they’ll ever feel peace again.

 

Key Takeaways

Overfunctioning Isn’t Strength—Truth Is For years, Jeannie believed that being a good wife meant suffering silently, forgiving endlessly, and making everything look okay on the outside. But through Leslie Vernick’s CONQUER and Walking in Core Strength programs, she discovered that true strength is not about carrying someone else’s sin—it’s about stepping into reality and living aligned with God’s truth.

Survival Mode Isn’t Sustainable Jeannie’s life was marked by constant moves, ministry demands, and emotional neglect. She did what many women do—minimize, suppress, endure. But eventually, even her strong spirit broke. The turning point came not from hardship itself, but from being unseen, unheard, and spiritually isolated. That’s when she realized: living in non-reality wasn’t faith—it was fear.

God's Peace Follows Obedience to Truth Learning the difference between forgiving and trusting, honoring God over pleasing people, and choosing obedience over image changed everything for Jeannie. Isaiah 54 became her anchor—God as her Redeemer and Husband. As she let go of false beliefs and idols like marriage and image, peace finally moved into her home and heart.

Purpose Can Be Reborn in the Ashes After her husband left, God breathed life into Jeannie’s long-dormant writing dreams. Within hours, a publisher emailed to accept her article. Soon after, her children’s book was published. Her obedience opened the door for God to redeem her pain and restore her voice—not just for her healing, but for others.

You Don’t Need to Know the Whole Path—Just Do Today If you’re stuck, afraid, or overwhelmed, Jeannie offers this grace-filled reminder: You don’t need to figure out the next ten steps. Just do today. One faithful, truthful step at a time. With God’s help and the support of wise others, you can do hard things—and you don’t have to do them alone.

Jeannie’s journey shows how easy it is to get lost in confusion, questioning your own reality and wondering if things will ever change. She learned that facing the truth, even when painful, was the very doorway to peace and freedom. And if you find yourself wondering whether the man in your life is truly changing or just putting on another mask, there is a safe place to explore that question.

👉 Register for the free Conquer Workshop: Is He Changing, or Just Pretending? Click here to save your spot.

Friend, if you feel lost, confused, or weary from carrying the weight of a destructive relationship, take heart. You are not weak—your perseverance proves your strength. But you don’t have to live in survival mode any longer. God sees you. He values your voice. And He is writing a new chapter in your story—one filled with peace, purpose, and unshakable hope. You are never alone when you walk with Him.