Summary
In this episode of 'Retrieving Sanity', host Keegan Read engages with clinical counselor Philip Quinones, who shares his journey into the field of psychology and counseling. They discuss the importance of self-worth, the struggles of mental health, and the resilience needed to navigate life's challenges. Philip emphasizes the significance of understanding human behavior, the nature of good and evil, and the stages of change in personal development. The conversation highlights the necessity of operating within negative feelings and the process of change in therapy. In this conversation, Phillip Quinones and Keegan Read explore the complexities of relationships, emphasizing the importance of accountability, vulnerability, and self-awareness. They discuss the need for individuals to invest in their relationships, navigate their feelings, and overcome negative self-talk. The dialogue also touches on the significance of understanding attachment styles and the role of self-validation in fostering healthy connections. The episode concludes with a game segment, 'Toolbox or Trap,' where they evaluate common mental health practices.
Takeaways
Philip Quinones emphasizes the importance of self-worth and how it can be influenced by societal expectations.
Dysthymia, a mild form of depression, can affect one's perspective on life and relationships.
Resilience is key to navigating life's challenges and understanding that experiences shape us.
Human behavior is complex, and understanding it requires empathy and objectivity.
The nature of good and evil is subjective and often tied to survival instincts.
Self-talk plays a crucial role in personal development and mental health.
Change is a process that requires self-reflection and motivation from within.
Negative feelings are a natural part of life and should not be avoided.
Therapy is about processing change and finding personal solutions.
Understanding the stages of change can help individuals navigate their personal growth. Relationships require investment and accountability.
Feelings should not dictate actions in relationships.
Understanding one's attachment style is crucial for relationship success.
Self-validation is key to overcoming negative self-talk.
Vulnerability fosters deeper connections in relationships.
It's important to serve your partner in a relationship.
Navigating feelings in dating requires patience and understanding.
People change, and relationships should evolve accordingly.
Choosing battles wisely can enhance relationship dynamics.
Communication is essential for resolving conflicts in relationships.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Mental Health and Healing
00:27 Philip's Journey into Psychology
04:23 Struggles with Self-Worth and Dysthymia
09:17 Transformative Life Experiences
14:22 Understanding Human Behavior and Choices
20:12 The Nature of Good and Evil
21:38 Survival Instincts vs. Moral Consciousness
24:09 Navigating Change and Self-Reflection
27:00 Stages of Change in Personal Development
28:46 Understanding Feelings and Emotional Responses
31:25 Embracing Negative Feelings in Life
36:43 Dating Dynamics and Self-Perception
41:12 Accountability in Relationships
42:25 Understanding Modern Dating Dynamics
44:17 The Importance of Vulnerability in Relationships
45:12 The Concept of Relationships as Continuous Discovery
48:10 The Role of Self-Validation in Relationships
50:12 Toolbox or Trap: Navigating Mental Health Practices
01:01:02 Building Trust and Understanding Attachment Styles
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Music: Addictions by Jay Someday is licensed under a Creative Commons License.
So if you have a lot of exes telling you thesame things, have some voice, the same things.
If you have a lot of arguments or reactionsto the same thing, you need to think about
why are you having those reactions as a responses?You haven't attended to them.
(00:21):
Welcome back to Retrieving Sanity with podcasthost Keegan and this is your podcast for all
mental health addiction recovery issues andtopics. today we have a special guest and
I just have to ask you all real quick. Do youall ever think that you're okay with just kind
of healing along on your own? Well, we gotsome good news for you. Today's guest is Philip
Quiñones, a clinical counselor and coach whodoesn't just help people feel better, but live
(00:45):
better. With a background in psychology andcounseling, Philip takes a holistic down to
earth approach to mental health. Whether he'sworking with couples stuck in toxic cycles
or individuals battling self-doubt, he bringscompassion, clarity, and practical tools to
the table. If you've ever felt like therapywas intimidating or not for people like you,
Philip's here to flip that script. So, Philip,how are you doing today? Man, I'm doing so,
(01:07):
so very well and I'm looking forward to addinggreat value to your listeners. Awesome. So
why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself,like where are from, how you came about going
into psychology and counseling and all that,and just what you do for people today. Absolutely.
So, um, um, I am from Atlanta, Georgia. Um,my family is from the U S Virgin Islands, um,
(01:27):
of St. Croix. So I'm Afro Latino. So that'swhere the key on this comes from. Uh, grew
up, um, from a single mom. My mom was almost40 when she had me. So I grew up with an older
mom just by herself. So that just kind of gaveme a lot of old soul, if you could say, and
a lot of high conscientiousness. Um, I liketo often say that I wasn't brought up. I was
(01:49):
raised. because again, where she was in herlife. And so that just instilled a lot of
great morals, ethics, observations of peoplejust ahead of my peers in that type of realm
and type of development. so kudos to her forthat. And so was always very successful in
school. Never had a problem with that. HonorRolls, A's and B's. Up until high school, finishing
(02:10):
high school with my associate's degree. um SoI graduated with that as well. Went on to
Georgia State for undergrad and I did not havepsychology in mind at first. A lot of happenstance
has happened to me to get to this point. SoI was pre-med, realized very quickly I wasn't
good in pre-med and then switched to sportsmanagement because I've been an athlete all
(02:33):
my life playing baseball, basketball, doingswimming, mostly really taking basketball very
serious to get to the collegiate level. Didn'twork out. So I wanted to kind of stay close
to that after I realized pre-med wasn't forme. So I did sports management. And I did not
end up getting in the major. so then after beingin Rio college for two years, went to my advisor
(02:53):
and asked her, hey, based on all my credits,based on my timeline of wanting to get out
of here in two more years, what major can Iget that will get me out of here? And she
said, psychology. And I was like, okay, cool.So I just wanted to get out of college. did
not like school. I'm good at school, but neverliked it. And so at that point in time, I
had no idea what I was going to do. So I graduatedin psychology. realized very quickly you can't
(03:17):
do anything with an undergraduate degree inpsychology. And so I did an audit of myself.
I said, what can I do day in and day out that if I wasn't being paid for it, I would still
do it. What is fulfilling to me? What is mytemperament of my social interactions with
the world and what just kind of would getme going every single day and what do I value?
(03:40):
And so I noticed that because of my discernmentvery early, my kind of wisdom, outside perspective
observations of people, my, I guess you couldsay, drawnness to older people and having
those kind of high level intellectual conversations, a lot of my peers would really trust me with
a lot of introspective of their life. Andso I realized I get just having a great conversation
(04:05):
with people, making them feel safe, hearingthings that either their parents or their siblings
or their best friends or their romantic partnernever heard. And this random person or this
person that I know is trusting me with that.so I was like, you know, people would call
me Dr. Phil, even, you know, I don't have one.And so that's kind of how I got here. So I
was like, OK, well, after undergrad, I waslike, that sounds like a therapist to me.
(04:28):
So six months later, I was in grad school andthen I graduated with my master's in clinical
counseling psychology. And so been doing thisnow ongoing for about three years now. And
so that's what I do as a mental health professional.And that's what I kind of want to keep going
for the. rest of my career just adding thattype of value and safe space for people to
change, navigate their negative feelings, and just have better transformations for themselves.
(04:51):
And so I do that day in and day out. Wow. Okay.Interesting that you didn't want to go into
psychology. You just kind of fell into it, butit sounds like you were kind of being prepped
for your whole life. Right. So real quick,what is it that you like, what do you struggle
with? Because it's almost sounds like there'sbits of self doubt or maybe a little bit of
(05:17):
lesser self-worth Because you didn't have thatInitial get go of like I want to do this for
sure Yeah college and like I know for myselfI don't have a whole lot of self-worth or self-belief
and so that is speaking from experience andI've always had a passion for mental health
stuff. Yeah, not in The way of like I'm goingto do that for a profession Yeah. So it's
(05:41):
interesting. What struggles do you actuallyface or what did you struggle with growing
up the most? Yeah, absolutely. That's a greatquestion. And so my self-worth, especially
with my mother, was instilled indirectly. I'vealways been a self-assured kid and a self-assured
person. But I think what happens and what disappointspeople is that they have these kind of gargantuan
(06:05):
and really big dreams and goals. And what happensis that when you don't reach it, or you don't
reach it in the way that you think that youwant to go about it, you get disappointed in
yourself. And so the value of who you are becomes the tangible things that you're trying
to achieve, but don't reach or don't get inthat point in time. I was never like that.
(06:25):
I loved my childhood. I was very loved asa person. I was very encouraged. I was having
great a personal development as a child, whetherit was learning morals, how to act, you know,
with other children misbehaving, or if I sawmy peers in high school doing things that I
don't know were non-productive or illegal and seeing the repercussions of that, like
(06:48):
I didn't have to, at every single stage ofmy life, I have seen what it's like to not
have the ability to have your worth put onthings. So it's just always been me. And why
that's so comfortable with me is because itmakes you so resilient and diverse because
(07:09):
if you have an obstacle this way, I just gothat way. And because it's not a plan, I don't
get disappointed in it. It just, it wasn'tmeant to work out. So I know a lot of people
that struggle with that because society tellsyou that those tangible things are a measure
of your self esteem and your self worth. But I'm here to tell you that no, it's not. It's
just who you are. And so my struggles as a humanbeing mostly comes from my dysthymia and dysthymia
(07:36):
is a word that is not really used as commonlyanymore, but it's just a mild form of depression.
And what do I get depressed about? One, whenthe weather changes, when it's really cold,
which is very common. And the other thing thatI've struggled with is my relation to pretty
poor romantic relationships with women. Andso after those things have happened, I've
(08:00):
had really life changing moments for myself.But it's how you relate to it that I really
tell clients because those things can eitherbe a downfall or those things can be a tangible
things for you to learn from. And so from everyone of those situations, everything has happened.
(08:22):
So for example, I didn't get to Georgia Statefirst. So my first school was what was formerly
known as Georgia Regents University in Augusta.That's where I originally signed, but then
I broke up with my second girlfriend comingout of high school and I was depressed. And
so I was, I told my mom, like, no, I want tojust come back home. And on my birthday,
December 11th, when I told I wanted to comehome, I was home. And so that's when I went
(08:48):
to Georgia state and transferred and startedthat next January at that school. So it's
kind of like, well, if I never had the breakupand I was painful and hurtful. And, I wasn't
eating, sleeping 16 hours, missing class. Ilost my Hope scholarship because my grades
dropped. So I lost hope my first semesterof college in my career. So trust me, all
(09:11):
those bad things could have, you know, moldedme into this bitter, angry, upset, continuous
person. But then I wouldn't have ended up atGeorgia state. So, and then, so I wouldn't
have changed my major to psychology. If I wouldhave got disappointed and say, I want to be
this and this major. is going to show me myvalue. No, I changed my major three times
(09:32):
and so I wouldn't have ended up in psychology.And so sometimes my life has been so happenstance,
but I've been so present and joyful about thethings that I've been through that even though
that they are objectively negative, I don'tput a label on the feeling. It's just a feeling.
(09:52):
I don't put a label on what happened. It's justwhat happened. So again, I think that my mom
was really good at not necessarily makingmoments a label of a negative experience.
That wasn't a good time. That was bad. Thatwas a poor choice. That was disappointing.
(10:14):
How could you? You know better. I didn't havethat. So if a plate broke, go get the dustpan.
Like it wasn't that, oh my God, why are youdoing that? And I told you, no, it was just.
It broke. That's it. just even those small momentsthat I remember with my mom can instill that.
And that's what I do with people as an adultis how they have a relation with the things
(10:38):
that are happening and the things that havecontinued to happen or they've had to, or they
are in a place where those things are stilloverwhelming from the past. How do we just
make it about identifying what the thing is and not necessarily a dreading? that feeling
going on, but learning from it, using a differentpart of the brain to understand it because
(10:59):
it has happened. You are going through it, butwe can move past that depending on what techniques
and what skills we add to our repertoire inorder to attend to that. So that's what I do
as a professional. And that's from anythingfrom trauma to anxiety to depression to couple
conflicts to different personality disorders,different intellectual disorders. So and from
(11:22):
any of those type of spaces, so that's whatI do. And I've been lucky enough to have that
in my life and then apply that to some otherplace. Wow. That is really impressive. Real
quick. Can I ask about like part of your childhood?It sounds to me like you're one of the people
that are able to successfully sit there andlisten to other people's misery, grief, like
(11:44):
stories of not good stuff happening and thengoing, I'm not going to do that. And then you
just don't do that. Right, exactly. So thestark contrast for me is that I'll hear those
and I'll be like, man, that sucks. And thenI'll be presented with something later in life
that is similar to that. For example, smokingcigarettes. OK, it's it's a bad thing. Everyone
(12:06):
knows that it's unhealthy. This said another. But my curiosity got the better of me. It
was like, well, if it's so bad, why do so manypeople do it? You know, right. And then I just
fell into it for a while. And I'm just now overtwo weeks nicotine free again. Congratulations
man, that's what's up. Thank you. But that'skind of the thing is that I fell into the pit
of curiosity and you are able to sit there andgo like learn from other people's experiences.
(12:33):
So how do you stave away the curiosity aspectsof like, what if I did it? Because it seems
like to me that Whenever it goes, oh, that can'thappen to me or something like that, or I'll
change the circumstances, I'll do this a littlebit different. Do you think that that's ego
talking? whenever someone doesn't have muchof an ego? Or what is that? I think it's
(12:55):
a natural way for life to help discern anddefend itself. So the mind's way is literally
looking out for danger and fear. That's reallywhat it is. And then that's one part of the
brain, which is our reptilian type of brain,which is the brain stem. But in the front is
the executive functioning part. That is ourlogic, our thinking, our analytical, our applications,
(13:16):
our reinforcements of good and bad behavior,punishments, consequences. That's all here.
That's a different part of the brain. And Ithink that we have developed up to that point
in our evolution in order to be able to addthat skill. Whereas other animals don't have
that. They're just pure rep, pure nature, pureanimalistic. We have conscientiousness. And
(13:39):
so. With that being said, what I like abouthuman beings and why I like this field so much
is because even though we have social implicationsof different facets of life based on religion,
nationality, language, sexuality, like we haveall these different social practices, what
(14:01):
I work with are fundamental things that no matterhow different you think that you are, you're
all the same underneath your skin. You havea hippocampus, an amygdala, executive functioning
part of your brain. You have blood flow, whiteblood cells, red blood cells. You have how
many bones you have, have how many muscles youhave. We're all the same underneath. And so
(14:22):
that's what I like about the objectivity oflooking at a person. I don't need to go through
what you have gone through. I don't need todo that. I need to empathize with it, but
I can also see why that would be detrimentalbecause If most people are going through the
same experiences, but they're having some typeof negative consequence with that, well, my
(14:44):
executive functioning goes, well, it's probablynot something that is going to yield a positive
outcome. So why would I need to do it? Andso I can also think, okay, in my short term,
I may have some type of satisfaction, but inmy long term over time, it's not going to necessarily
be beneficial. And so a lot of people don'tthink about that. A lot of people just behave.
(15:06):
They don't, they're not conscious of what they'redoing. And so what I like to do with people
is I really don't know what you think andwhat you feel. And that's great. So for example,
if you say, smoke cigarettes, I'm like, peopleassume that that's negative. I'm saying that
I don't know that's negative as a therapist.I don't know. Maybe you don't know, but, and
(15:30):
so I ask you, well, Keegan, what was that likefor you to be smoking cigarettes every single
day? I don't know. literally don't know. SoI'm not going to associate it with it being
a seven minute detriment to your mortalityautomatically because I know that right. So
it could be no, that's how I handled anxiety.That's how I dealt with stress when I was
(15:53):
doing work. Okay. I can see that. So now it'snot just a cigarette. It's a tool. And so
we just have to say, well, what is the outcomeof this tool continue to be used in this type
of way? You know, so maybe we need to add adifferent tool that maybe has a similarity,
but doesn't necessarily have as much of an outcome.So if we went from cigarettes to hookah
(16:17):
or vaping, that's a little bit better. So Ican't, it's a little bit better compared to
that. So that may be success for you, but toget you to stop the addiction or stop the habit,
that's not success and therapy. So I say, sothere's something you need to change. What
is it that you need help changing that you'reambivalent about? But one thing we don't do
(16:41):
is put morals and values on feelings. They'rejust feelings. So that's what's very helpful
to train clients with that. And I've been ableto do that through my life. So when somebody
comes in, I just treat them all the same becauseit really does not matter. Wow. Okay. And
(17:02):
it sounds to me like you don't associate moral.feelings because the way that you were raised,
quite literally, because you weren't raisedto fear consequences, and that is amazing.
And for instance, actually, quick question,do think that people are born inherently good
or evil? That's a, that's man, that would beits own episode. I for sure we can talk about
(17:23):
that for hours.
So for instance, yeah, go ahead. I was justgonna say for me I believe that we're inherently
good and we are taught to fear consequencesand that is the whole uh start of self-survival
in a sense, right? Because in the instance thatI was used I was presented with it was whenever
(17:47):
the kid eats cookies from the cookie jar andyou ask them if they did it they're going
to tell you no and Even though they have crumbson their face or whatever. Yeah made them
afraid of telling the truth. Yeah, there isa consequence there that they are afraid of
receiving. And it's not because that they'rebad. It's not that they want to lie. It's that
(18:11):
they're looking out for themselves. You know, so apologies on that. didn't mean to cut
you off. No, you're no, you're fine. No, I agreewith you on that. Because especially as a parent,
yes, we can put two children in the same situationand they'll just turn out different. That's
just how life works. Whether it's trauma, whetherit's a reinforcement of feeling safe to have
(18:32):
that autonomy to just disclose the truth andnot have a negative consequence, you may be
perfect and your child may end up at least sociallyin a very negative circumstance. It just kind
of like that. Rogers was very good at thatbecause he did an experiment with a drunken
parent and a non-drunken parent and how theyturned out and they just, the kids just turned
out differently. But anyway, um... if it'sgood or bad. uh There are a certain amount
(18:59):
of people in the world at a very small numberthat are able to look at other human beings.
other than that, 99.99 % of people that haveever been able to be a human being are just
animalistic. And maybe they have consciousness,but they're just animalistic. So it really
(19:19):
takes a select few people to say, well, whatare we doing? And how do we label? that as
language and symbols and infrastructure andour brains have been able to identify that
from the caveman, if you want to say all theway up to now being more civilized creatures,
there's only a few amount of people that havebeen able to be born to do that. So when we
(19:46):
talk about good or bad, that's why when youread a lot of philosophy, it's not necessarily
labeling as good or bad. It's just callingit what it is. So how I see it is people are
inherently made to protect themselves. Howthey go about protecting themselves is operating
(20:09):
from a survival standpoint in their brain. So again, and you can justify from a moral
standpoint in any situation what's good or bad.For example, I think universally throughout
time, we can agree that killing somebody isprobably the worst thing that you can do to
a human being. I think that's just top tierand there are other worse things than that.
(20:33):
But it's kind of like, well, maliciouslykilling somebody is wrong. But if I'm defending
myself and somebody happens to get killed, I'mmorally good. Even so, it's just that the
objectivity is the word kill. why are we labelingit good or bad? Because I can kill an animal
(20:55):
for my sustenance as my nutritional value asa human being as I need to survive. But if
I kill them just for sport, it's wrong orhuman being. So it's just a word and you give
the value to that word. But I do think everyday, day in and day out, people, what we call
Mazel's hierarchy of needs, You go about yourday trying to survive. Your body right now
(21:20):
all the time, it's trying to survive. So youneed food, water and shelter and money now
that we're civilized in order to do that. Howyou go about that survival is neither good
or bad. I just think that you're meant to survive.And as we observe other animals in their type
of nature and habits, all you see is survival.So you think that because we have conscientiousness
(21:43):
and we can put ethics, morals, and values becauseof our consciousness on the behaviors that
that makes us different than a lion, a jaguaror a tiger going after what they need to go
after or protecting what they need to protect.No, it's just survival. It's not a moral
of good or bad. We implement that. So inyour personal life, I would say that You don't
(22:10):
need to label your feelings or your thoughtsas a moral or uh label. But as you socialize
with people, yes, there are behaviors thatare ethical need morals and need values because
that's how we stay civilized. Right? Becausewe wouldn't. We would just be animals, like
real animals. Yeah. And you raise a really goodpoint. Whenever it comes to the whole moral
(22:34):
aspect of things, because whenever we're inthe moment, whenever we're in thralls of a
situation, morals be damned, everything's outthe window. Like Fry to Freeze or Fawn, they
added Fawn now. So yeah, that's it. How am Isurviving? Yeah. And that's the thing is that
after the fact of a situation happens, that'swhenever you can sit there and be like, did
(22:54):
I act in good faith? Did I act as a moral person?Was this ethical? And then you can sit there
and evaluate yourself. But at the same time,if like you said, if you were to sit there
and just put that label on certain things, you'redamning yourself into a negative thought loop
in a sense that is really hard to break outof because self talk is everything man. So
(23:16):
you are able to help people essentially breakdown the objective truth, and then just tell
them as it is straightforward, like, hey, thisis what it is. And so you just kind of got
to switch gears a little bit, right? Yeah,yeah, I help navigate them to figure that out
for themselves. Right. And it's just littlenudges like but they have to figure that out
(23:37):
for themselves. So as a therapist, my one linethat I say is that I process change. And so
this person already wants to change somethingbecause I didn't show up at Keegan's house
saying, hey, do you want to do therapy? Do youwant to, you have a problem? Do you want to
change? I didn't do that. You came to me. Sothat unconscious or conscious motivator, there
is a reason why we do what we do. So you don'tjust go to the hospital to hang out with your
(24:02):
doctors. No, you go there to have a problem.and get a solution and get out and then deal
with the insurance companies after. But youknow, it's the same thing with psychology.
You're not supposed to be here for a long timeunless you have a mental illness, which is
a very different case than dealing with a mentalhealth problem. So I help navigate you and
(24:23):
nudge you to process your change for yourselfbecause what I would want you to do, my advice,
my perspective, isn't going to help you change yourself. Science has not shown that. That
has to come from your own motivation. So Ifind different interventions in order for
(24:44):
you to do that depending on what type of symptomsyou are experiencing. So I have to let that
person come to that. If not, like, I don'tknow if you heard the show Danny Phantom, you
know, back in Nickelodeon, right, where youcan just go into somebody's body. I wish I
could do that. You know, I'll be I'll be a billionairetherapist, if I can just be able to make the
change for somebody. But I'm not Danny Phantom.So I can't go on you and make and make you
(25:07):
do what I want you to do. You have to come tothat on my own. And so there's a science with
getting people to change for the bettermentof themselves. And like you said, that self
talk, self reflection, that introspective,that really sitting with your feelings and
be able to think about what it is you're goingthrough is a space that we can create for
(25:27):
you to help make that more proactive. in yourchange process. Yeah. And from the sounds
of it, you actually sit there and you nudgethem in the right direction by asking them
clarifying questions for themselves. the morethat they understand their own story from the
perspective of themselves from the outside lens, they're able to sit there and kind of get
(25:49):
that second viewpoint that makes them go like,oh, shit. Yeah. OK, never mind. I was acting
a little silly there, right? so like you'resaying, that self-talk. changed. So whenever
that self talk needs to change, how do you guideyour clients through that? Because it's not
necessarily as simple as saying, Oh, just don'tspeak to yourself that way. Right. Because
(26:13):
it's been great. It's been exactly into us that if I do this, like, of course, we've heard
examples of like, would you talk to your bestfriend that way? Yeah. You need to become your
own best friend. It's like, okay, well, sure.Yeah, that sounds great. But right. I'm mean.
So I know all parts of me, the parts that Idon't like, and those parts don't deserve to
be out in the real world. Right? So how doyou guide people into correcting their self
(26:38):
talk, especially like if it comes to anythingin society, like let's say dating, for example.
Okay. Yeah, let's let's start there. So twothings popped up from my mind. One is there
are five stages of change. There's pre contemplation,contemplation. preparation, action, and maintenance.
In any facets of our life, we can be in differentstages in different ways. For example, let's
(27:04):
say somebody, it's New Year's, and somebodyhas a New Year's resolution because they want
to be fitter and healthier and get into a healthierwellness lifestyle, which everybody does, and
that's why gyms skyrocket in January. But it's kind of like, they've pre-contemplated
because they're like, no, I don't need to change.And then they realize, I'm contemplating like,
What would it look like? What would I feel?You know, the nutrition and what I have to
(27:28):
eat and how much I have to work out and my sleepand my hydration. And then preparation is like,
okay, I'm getting the membership. I'm goingthere. I'm trying to stay consistent, but I'm
kind of in and out. Like I'm go for a week.I go for two days. There's a yoga class here.
I go with that, but it's not something I'm doing.And then action is like, no, I have a consistent
(27:49):
objective measure. of what I'm going to do tochange and reflect on what that action or consequences,
both positive and negative, are going to reinforcewhether or not this is going to be adopted
or not. And then maintenance is now I got this,I know it works for me. So in any facet of
your life, your relationship, finances, physicalhealth, mental health, emotional health, career,
(28:13):
whether or not you want to go to the grocerystore, whether or not you want to buy this,
sell this, start that, end this. No matter whatyou're in a stage of change. so identify where
that stage of change is. So with a lot of clients,we stay in the prep, the contemplative preparation
stage a lot before the action because they'renot ready. So I can't determine when somebody
(28:35):
is ready to change. That's not my call. Thatis their call. So we stay in that self-talk,
reflective, introspective. what interventionworks, what would it look like? We have change
talk, we have sustained talk. There's very measurableways to look at how somebody is preparing
to do their change. So that's one thing thatreally helps with that. The second thing is
(29:00):
in, we have a, in our arsenal of feelingswheel. In the center of the feelings wheel,
pretty smart people have determined what arefundamental, unconscious, feeling that we
have that we operate from. then as we expandthat, it gets bigger and more definable. Right.
And the fundamental there's six of them. Fourout of the six are negative. Yeah. So 66 %
(29:27):
of our fundamental feelings that we operatefrom are negative. So why would I try to convince
somebody to try to go and operate within theother 33 %? of their fundamental feelings.
That's illogical. That's not sustainable.That's unachievable. Again, talking about those
(29:49):
kind of disappointing goals if I don't reachthem and them defining me. If I'm not happy,
if I'm not in love, if I'm not doing somethingproductive, if I'm not uh euphoric, if I'm
not smiling, okay, I'm just like, then you'rejust not doing it. So what do I do? I have
people have a relation with their negativefeelings. Nobody told you that you need to
(30:11):
operate within a positive feeling when you needto do something. You know, so when you look
at a tiger, you look at a lion, they, it doesn'tmatter if it's sleep, snow, rain, good sunny
day. It okay that you're on pride rock. It doesn'tmatter. You need to go and get what you need
to do. You need to protect your hide. You needto protect your, your lioness and you need
to go get food. That's it. So they don't operatewithin looking at it. Oh, I'm happy today and
(30:35):
everything is go lucky and I can do it whenI'm happy. No. That's great if you go through
life and have those experiences and that joyfulnessand those good memories and that have that
laughter and you know, good vibes and positiveawesome. But as it relates to the inside of
what's happening, I try to train people to havea relation to say, how do I still do what
(30:56):
I need to do? Even when I'm most of the time going to have a negative feeling about it.
So I don't like to change somebody if they havemajor depressive disorder. You're not going
to be the most outgoing and euphoric personthere's ever been. That's just not how it is.
So if we improve from severe major depressivedisorder to more moderate mild, we made a
(31:17):
thing. So you have to, you may be just proneto more negative feelings and emotions, which
is called neuroticism. And you need to operatewithin those. Like you keep striving for
this social, I guess, picture perfect, influential thing that the marriage has to be happy. No,
it's just marriage. Like I have to love mypartner. No, you have to do what you say you're
(31:41):
going to do in order for that person to feellove when you don't feel like it. You're going
to be inconvenienced, burdened, annoyed, pissed off. You still got to do what you got
to do. Yeah. Like, so when it comes to dating,a lot of people have that kind of cynical way
of looking at how they go about dating becausethey think that the dopamine that they're supposed
to receive and the serotonin levels that they'reexperiencing chemically when it comes to a
(32:05):
person or an experience defines that there'sgoing to be a correlation with a successful
positive relationship. And that's not true.So what I'm saying with a lot of people, even
that first date is no one, you need to sacrificeon your end. Two, it's just an impression.
It's an interview. Like the first one is goingto be like this person I'm 28. Like I have
(32:26):
28 years of life that you have never heardof. And you think that you're going to understand
all of the fears, uh negative experience, positivesexperience. um, uh, insights, uh, life circumstances,
death, friendships, exes, like you think you'regoing to understand that within two hours of
getting some drinks? No, that's not just gonna,that's not gonna work. So it's about making
(32:48):
the investment that you would have. It wasthe stock market and in your finances into
a person. It's the same way. The stock is goingto go like this all day long, but you're looking
at it on the day. No, but if you look at iton the year, it looks like this. But you're
just stuck on this part and you're, you're getting anxious about that. But I'm just like,
(33:08):
no, operate within your negative feelings.If you're not feeling it, it's not about your
feelings all the time. It's about sometimeswhat you know, your feelings are there of
just an interpretation of what your body's experiencing.That's all feelings are. We've labeled them
because of language, but that's all that theyare. And that doesn't mean you have to behave
(33:29):
based on how you feel all the time. That'snot how it is because if not, again, we will
be very on civil life if everybody was justacting on what they feel all the time. So
I have a way to implement an intervention tohelp clients relate to that differently in
their life. Okay. I love this because you'renot sitting there. You're not saying that
(33:56):
at first, whenever you were talking about beingmore objective, based and everything. I was
almost afraid that you were saying like feelingsbe damned, like they don't need a place here.
But that's the thing is that you went rightinto what I was talking about with my therapist
whenever I was in rehab, just like once wefind our lines, we actually have more freedom
(34:16):
to operate within those lines. We actuallyhave a playground. you will. We have once we
know where we're at, once we
But that's the hard part, Whenever we're taughtthat negative feelings shouldn't even be felt
sometimes. That's- Yeah. Yeah, it's sillybecause like you said, our main part of us
(34:43):
is negative. And that's because it's all basedoff of fear, survival, and instincts. like,
I'm sorry, but not a lot of nature is very happy. Exactly. If you look out at nature, it is
absolutely brutal. Absolutely- doggy dog world hierarchy of uh what's the guy um evolution
(35:04):
with evolution you know darwin yeah darwinismyou know survive with the fittest thank you
yeah like that's it that's really all it's not it's not this nature geographical discovery
channel edited type of beautiful the sun andthe gazelle and the end of no bro it's a dog
if you really put us back in the jungle likeoh like It's not about that from the smallest
(35:26):
creatures to the biggest ones like it's justabout survival. So yeah, you're so right about
that. Yeah, if anything, I would have to saythat our good feelings came from the like
the morning after a brutal like stampede wentthrough the village or something. Holy crap.
made it. Yeah. Yeah. I loved it. You're talkingabout embracing the negative feelings because
(35:49):
it's just part of life. So and whenever itcomes to the whole dating aspect. Uh huh. It's
very good that you put it in the term of itbeing an interview because a lot of people
sit there and they kind of... Well, and thisis every person, every relationship is going
to be completely different. And so a lot ofpeople sit there and they'll do comparisons
(36:12):
on dating. Uh And just same thing with wheneverit comes to like mental health. People sit
there and they look at someone and they go,man, they've got it all together. So I got
to do everything that they're doing. Yeah, they're having troubles dating and whatnot
then they go all right now I need to do everythingthat that person's doing but I don't actually
understand that that person may be miserablebehind closed doors so Absolutely, how do
(36:36):
you how do you make people reconcile the negativeself-talk that they may have with themselves?
Whenever it comes to the dating world becausein today's world that is we've got tinder
We've got all these different things like I'mlucky that I got married And that's the thing,
right? Like not everyone feels like they'relucky in that aspect either. Some people feel
(36:56):
like they may have settled. Some people mayfeel like they didn't know what they were
actually signing up for, whatever they did itbecause like you said, we have to do what
we said we're going to do, whatever we don'tfeel like we're supposed to do that thing that
we said we were going to do. So how do you helppeople overcome those boundaries with themselves?
Absolutely. I would say what popped in mymind was How is this true? How is it true
(37:23):
that you don't find yourself to be worth X,Y, and Z? How do you find yourself that you
are not this? Because if you're not that, you're actually not that. So it's just kind
of like your relation to it, you think thatit's negative, but I'm also saying, well,
what would be the worst thing if this was actuallytrue? Well, and literally sometimes it's one
(37:46):
or two sentences. Well, then I would be that.And I'm like, Okay. Well, how about we start
to accept that more than deny it? Because themore that we're pushing back, it's like two
magnets. What is it? When they're the same polarized,either positive, positive, they just push back.
Like that little field in the middle, whateverthat is, it's just pushing back and back. But
(38:08):
I'm just kind of like, what if you just startto relax a little bit and say, Hey, like
what is true about this? So I think there'sa wisdom in life and in experiences that nothing
new is under the sun. And so with that beingsaid, if there's a lot of experiences or feedback
that when we are working together, that we realizethat there is a fundamental principle or pattern
(38:32):
or a lot of the same circumstances happening,especially in your dating, it's not the other
people, it's you. Sorry, but it's not them.You know why? Because nobody can make you do
anything and nobody can make you feel any typeof way. This is you. So it's about what
are things and feedback and circumstances thathave happened that have produced this same
(38:55):
type of outcome from you. You want to victimizeyourself about it and say, well, it's me, but
I'm sitting here saying, no, you need to beaccountable for need to be accountable for.
So if you have a lot of exes telling you thesame things, have some voice, the same thing.
If you have a lot of arguments or reactionsto the same thing, you need to think about
why are you having those reactions as a responses? You haven't attended to them. So, and then
(39:19):
if you have the same outcome, it's probably you. It's actually always you. So it's
about trying to teach people how to use theirnegative self-talk to say that this is a part
of me and it's okay that I'm feeling this typeof way and I'm operating from this. It is
okay. that I can still feel this and stillwant to be able to hopefully give somebody
(39:43):
some type of good experience with me, evenwith this. They're not supposed to burden those
types of feelings. They're not supposed to havethe repercussions of somebody's mistakes.
And they're really not supposed to have theexperience of your unattended accountability
because they didn't ask to be here. You wantedthem to be here and be a part of this. So
(40:07):
You need to attend to you before you put thaton somebody else. Because again, you guys are
going to be a burden for each other. It's abouthow much that person is supposed to bear your
burden. And it's, it's not supposed to be whereyou're trauma is from childhood, your mom and
dad relationship, your exes, your, all of thosetypes. They're not supposed to deal with that.
(40:28):
So attend to you. And I'm a very, you know,kind of straightforward therapist when it comes
to that. So the other part is. I think peopleneed to realize that what is this relationship
for? And a relationship is about how am I ableto service somebody else? It's not about you.
(40:50):
And that's very hard with my clients to kindof get that point across. It's about, well,
as soon as they start talking about it, I askedthem, well, what do you think they thought?
What do what do you think their reaction was?What do you think that they were experiencing
with you that caused this? What? What was yourpart in this? And they're like, well, why do
you want to know about that? Because again,you need to learn about that. I don't care
(41:14):
what happened. You need to learn about why thosethings happen because those things happen for
a reason. If it was a fight or fight response,oh my God, I'm a victim. No, that's called
defending yourself. I'm sorry. That's calleddefending yourself. Whether it's verbally or
whether sometimes it's physically, that's calleddefending yourself. If this was not brought
upon you. And so, oh yeah, like this personjust woke up. making being mad at you. This
(41:34):
person just woke up with the decision to makethat they made. No, there's, there was a pattern.
Like there's a reason why this is happening.So I just try to get people to have a relation
with that. And then especially now with thistechnology, tech technological age of Tinder
hinge, be okay. Those types of Bumble, thosetypes of things. Like, bro, this is, this
(41:54):
is not real life. This is just a snapshotof a person that yes, we have to be physically
attracted to them. But again, they have yearsof life of fear, insecurities, traumas, how
they grew up, their beliefs, their foundations,their strengths, their intellectual, their,
they have a lot of family structure, theirreligion, like their nationality, where they
(42:19):
come from, is it individualistic? Is it grouporiented? Like there is a lot that you don't
understand in a snapshot of a swipe from leftto right. There's a lot you don't understand.
so understand that you have to sacrifice andget to know that person outside of what's
their favorite color and what's their favoritemovie. Like it's a lot that you have to invest
(42:40):
in. And again, don't look at the day to day and say, doesn't work for me today. No, when
you, because you're on the day to day basis,when you get out and you start looking at the
bigger picture, it's going to look as if itwere to grow, but you have to put something
into it to get what you want out of it. Anda lot of people just like you said, aren't
willing to do that. And some people just don'talign with that. So you either have the short
(43:03):
term people who just want the short term stuff, or you have the long term people that is
making it more difficult because the short termpeople are more here to stay than the long
term. So it's just finding the right peopleto align, but that's what dating is for is
finding the right fit for yourself, but do thework before somebody has to make you a burden,
both man and woman. Man, that was beautiful.Thank you for that. That was a wonderful breakdown.
(43:26):
And we're close to our game show aspect. Yeah.Yeah. I've got to ask real quick. Do you think
that we can see you on in the future? BecauseI know we've got a lot more room to cover.
Yeah. I love this conversation. Absolutely.Absolutely. No, I would love to be on. You
great questions. Amazing. I love this energy.Thank you, man. I appreciate that. And for
some reason, while you were talking about thewhole dating aspect and trying to understand
(43:51):
other people, first of all, I'm not first ofall, I'm already saying that. I would like
to also say that I love how you're emphasizingthat the relationship is about serving the
other person, not being served. And so I thinkthat a lot of people could clear up some like
messy situations just by being straightforwardat the very beginning in that aspect. Like,
are you here to serve me or are we here to serveeach other? But I got an image in my head
(44:16):
of just like, if people were books, that wouldhelp out a lot, you know, like for your first
date, you just come up and you say, Hey, like yeah right yeah think that's one of the
things is that if we were actually able to sitthere and visualize how much someone has actually
(44:41):
been through and say like, hey, this is whatyou've got to understand to really get to
know this person. Like it is going to be someactual work. Are you willing to do that? A
lot of people would probably say. Probablynot. Right. Absolutely. They wouldn't. I think
that's the beautiful thing about the relationship.The relationship is supposed to be a continuous
(45:02):
discovery. It's not supposed to be looking atyour life browser history of what it is. me,
it's like, that's a... I guess you're goingto find a problem. know, kind of like red card
theory. Again, you're operating from a spaceof defense, right? Because one of the things
that has to connect you in a relationship isvulnerability. Like you have to be vulnerable
(45:27):
about everything in order to really have thatvery rare connection with another person.
So to me, if we had the book and we had thebrowser history, we would find a problem to
protect ourselves. And to me, it's kind oflike, no, like people change. And so this is
(45:48):
about now and going forward. We can't go backjust like if you kind of look at it like a
stock, we can't go back and buy Apple in 1990.We can't go back and buy Microsoft when it
first went public. We can't go back and buyBitcoin in 2010. Like we can't go back now
and we could have said I could have. You didit. So We can only go forward. So to me, it's
(46:10):
like, I've worked with some of the, guess youwould say objective negative things. I've worked
with women that are on the streets selling theirbodies, but have turned out to be amazing
mothers. Once they're done with that life anddone surviving, they have three kids, a nice
husband and a beautiful thing. So if I said,Oh my God, you were on the streets, you were
selling your body for money and, and no, shehad to survive. if I, if I only read that,
(46:34):
like if it was a Harry Potter book, then myimagination is going to create what it creates.
That's like, if you and I read the same cover,like it was a blue car, you may think midnight
Navy. I might think sky. Somebody else mightthink royal. So blue is interpretive of what
blue means to us. I think it's the same waypeople's lives rise. No, know people with women
(46:56):
with PhDs and that do talk show host and arevery well known and very well off that make
terrible partners based on the things that theytell me. and the feedback from the people
that I know they've dated. So there's just nocorrelation with somebody's past and any
tangible societal measure that correlates witha long-term successful fulfilling and tight-knit
(47:22):
bonded relationship. There's no correlationwhatsoever and there never will be. It's about
people choosing each other, what they haveto sacrifice and what they're going to be vulnerable
about going forward. And you don't have tonecessarily feel like you have to do that
and love as much as you may feel it for somebodyelse. If somebody else doesn't interpret it
that way, then it's not going to be a serviceto another person. So I think that's my opinion
(47:47):
on that. Yeah, I love that. uh It really doesjust kind of make me think that if people
were to stop seeking outside validation forthemselves, that would probably solve a lot
of shit too. A lot. But it's, okay. But it'sabout, you're okay to feel that way. We all
compare whether it's a dollar more, a bettercar, a better house, a better looking person,
(48:11):
higher education, a better title. Like we allit's fine. That's normal. But this is what
I have. And what I kind of tell people is outin your type of statistics too. What type of
statistics are you associated with? Becausefor me. oh If I compare myself to the rest
of the other 8 billion people in the world,I would really put myself in the top 5 % just
(48:33):
because where I am, safety, accessibility, finances, resources, laws, like I have, I'm okay. So
it's like, every looking forward, it's likethese smallness amount of people, but other
people are not here. So sometimes that gratitudeand that mindfulness of saying, yeah, I'm
always comparing what's in front of me, butnever what's behind me. I think people can
(48:56):
implement that skill as they get triggered naturally about their comparisons with other people
in different facets. Hmm. Okay. And that issomething that we can definitely talk about
and explore in depth next time. Absolutely. Just because right now we've got time just
enough for a quick little game show. Let's doit. All right. It's time for a little segment
(49:18):
we are going to call Toolbox or Trap. I'm goingto throw out some common practices.
Got it.
Gotcha. so first up, daily affirmations. Toolboxor trap? Trap? I don't think that there's any
(49:43):
evidence with talking positive. Again, I thinkit's that relation that you have to strive
for the positive. But I think it's just that,no, you need to be able to operate within how
you feel that day regardless. So yourself talkabout this positivity. Sometimes I think if
your affirmations are like more actually morenegative than they are positive. I actually
(50:06):
think that you would say those like I'm notin danger. I'm not in that situation anymore.
I'm in a better, I'm in a better spot thanwhat I was. Actually, I think those are more
aware in a better foundation to say. Oh, I'mgoing for that. I'm heading for that. That's
my goal. No, I think again, operating withinthat, that foundational negative space in the
(50:29):
experience of a human being. And then also,um, more of looking back at where you came
from. So that way you're able to go forward.think your affirmation should be more about
more negative, not negatively impactful, butmore negative and more grounded compared to
that forward thinking because now if I go aboutmy day and I don't feel that and I didn't
(50:54):
accomplish that and I don't have that, nowI'm disappointed. So, you know, I think it's
more something we can throw out. I don't necessarilyimplement that in my practice with a lot of
people. I just don't. So journaling, yes, butnot necessarily affirmation. Gotcha. Thank
you for that. Gave me a good bit of stuff tothink on right there. Hyperindependence. Hyperindependence?
(51:15):
We can... I would say throw that out. I thinkyou need to be a self-sufficient adult. Cause
if anybody from the mic, the map, the microto the macro have to carry you, then it's a
burden unnecessarily to somebody else. So everybodyhas different attachment styles. again, understanding
(51:35):
somebody, your own attachment style is veryimportant. So if you haven't ever done that
type of assessment before, it's very free onGoogle to do your attachment style. Again,
the more aware you are of yourself, if you are that type of person. And you see that it's
overbearing or that it exhausts you or thatcodependency takes away your autonomy for
(51:56):
being self-sufficient. So I would just be moreinformed about that and know that that could
be dangerous for yourself and for other people.So you may be hyper in that type of way, but
again, just like anything, we want to get youa little bit more mild, more independent, more
self-sufficient for yourself in many differentfacets. So Just be vigilant about that. Thank
(52:19):
you for that. up next, couples journaling. That's nice. would say put that in the toolbox.
um I think again, what I would like to seehow I kind of do with couples is you underestimate
culture and culture isn't just day of the deadfor Hispanic and LGBTQ or Black History Month.
(52:40):
It's not about that. Culture is sneaker, anime, gardening club, workout club. your religion,
you know, uh Independence Day, you're in yournational culture is just a subset group that
people enjoy being around each other. So you,when you're meeting a person, they have their
own culture, their own beliefs, their own practices in different many, in different facets. Understand
(53:06):
that now it's a Venn diagram where you're comingin the middle and you're combining those.
So, Hey, you're avoidant. You're more assertive.So how do we meet in the middle when you're
like this and I'm like this, you're more passive,you're more good boundaries. How do we put
that together? I don't know. You're Muslim andyou're Christian. How are we going to make
(53:27):
this work? That's a very hard thing to put inthe middle, but maybe it does. So I'm saying
as you combine together, I think you shouldknow what are my cultures, my beliefs, my values,
and what are theirs and then coming with thattogether. So if you journal that yourself.
and then bring that to the table. think thatwould be such a great tool. And actually I've
never had couples do a couple's journal. I hadthem do their own journals, but I actually
(53:51):
never bought that together. So I actually mightadd that to my toolbox too. Yeah, it's awesome.
Just a little bit of a sneak peek. Me and mywife, whenever we started dating, I actually
started up a Google stock and shared it withher and I titled it. Nice. What did I title
it? I titled it. I think it was a journal fortwo. Yeah, a journal of feelings for two lovers
(54:13):
wanting to best communicate as best they can. Okay, that's nice Okay, and so what we do
is we'll actually just sit there We'll do ourdate our name and then whatever entry it is
Yes for stuff that we need to talk about butwe don't know how to talk about face to face
Like I'm going through this and I just needto get it out. I don't need to like burden
(54:35):
you with it right now I just need to get offmy chest stuff like that. Absolutely That's
awesome. Yeah, it's helped out a ton and I thinkwe have like over a hundred pages or so. Oh,
wow. Yeah, that's amazing. You know, wow. Ithink that's a great tool. think I'm at that.
I never really thought about that. So I thinkthat's just so helpful for somebody again to
(54:56):
just know like I'm not somebody can communicatesometimes. I don't know. It's just a jot notes
down and just reference it later. That's greatbecause I think people again, they just kind
of have an expectation of a relationship withsomebody but no. It's just like a workout.
Like you need to work on the relationship veryintently, whether it's sitting down with finances,
(55:18):
whether it's about life decisions or whetherit's about attending to the quality of our
relationship, however, where you go about that,you need to be able to do that with yourself.
And it's, or even scheduling sex. That's anotherthing. Cause a lot of people are sexless when
they come to me, it's like schedule it. Andthey're like, I don't want to, it's not natural,
it's not sexy, it's not... I know, but thisis not about it feeling that type of way.
(55:44):
This is about we need to have sex and be ableto connect. If the spark comes back and you
start doing the freak stuff again, awesome,but now we need to force it. So even the relationship
needs to operate within the negative, even ifit's just something you kind of just let it
go along, but it's so cool that you're veryintentful with your wife. about that. That's
just a brilliant idea. Like, I'm definitelygoing to take that back to my clients for sure.
(56:07):
haven't not ever heard of that yet. just a simple Google Docs and share with each other.
operating the couple's relationship in thenegative too. I like that. That is really
good too. I like that a lot. um Okay, I've got two more. right, snooping through your partner's
phone to build trust. Throw that out. I thinkone as a person, I would just say, you got
(56:34):
to choose your battles. Just choose your battles.And then I think again, it's one of those
where that is their autonomy. And if you areworried about that, again, based on your attachment
style and your traumas and your insecurities, maybe that's an issue. But again, bring that
to the table. Say what it is, because it'snever about the thing. It's about the interpretation
(56:56):
about the thing. What happens happens. It'sabout your feeling and your relation to that
type of thing. So it's not the phone. It'sabout somebody maybe being dishonest about
the intent of what they were supposed to do for another person. And if they're doing that,
then bring that to the table, you know, to saylike, no, that's a boundary of mine. And that's
something that I find disrespectful and eitherreinforce it or not reinforce it based on that.
(57:21):
So I would not necessarily do that. But again, let's use your battles. with that because
again, it's like, what is the long-term effectof what I'm doing? The short-term effect that
it's like this, but then also what is, how doesthis is going to affect our relationship going
forward? And sometimes it doesn't need to justbe taken upon just because you feel that way
right now. Okay. Yeah. Definitely choose yourbattles on that one. Um, and last for right
(57:47):
now, attachment styles. Definitely understandthat for yourself. Again, I think. We all connect
with that. Again, I think it's more, you know,mother father. I Freud was very right on about
that. And so that's just a representation inyour romantic life too. understand that and
communicate that because again, some peopleare judgmental about other people's attachment
(58:11):
style. But to me, it's more of like, I haveto love them that they're not going to change
their attachment style. So it's either I'm stayingand this works for me. Or I'm going and to
me it's like if you like somebody and you lovesomebody you have to like them for them. If
it's an anxious attachment style, if it's anavoidant one, like that's them. So how do
(58:34):
I more make them feel safe? It's an opportunity. How do I make them feel safe that they can
come to me? How do I make it feel like theydon't have to argue? How do I make it feel
like we can have a civilized conversation? Howdo I make it feel like we don't have to get
disrespectful and go over each other's boundaries?in order to attend to this. What things make
them feel fulfilled with that attachment style?Look at it again, look at it as this is an
(58:59):
opportunity for somebody to be vulnerable andfeel safe. And how do I make that for them?
What happens is that you think that attachmentstyle doesn't serve you. No, that attachment
style serves them. It was their way to survive.That's their coming up. That's their conditioning.
So when you make it about you, you're goingto feel negative about their attachment style
(59:21):
and how it affects you. But you can make itpositive if you make it about them. And once
you serve them, you will be surprised at howit's going to serve you. Man, I love that.
Thank you for that. And that
Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. I have more questions,but we're running short on time. Yeah, all
(59:47):
good. Real quick. Thank you for playing ournew game toolbox or trap. Because of that,
you have earned yourself the title of the bridgebuilder of breakthroughs, my friend. Oh, for
your ability to connect everyday people withdeeper healing through a blend of heart science
and honesty. Yeah. So let's go. question. Phillips, the name of this podcast is Retrieving
(01:00:13):
Sanity, and we explore how all facets of livinglife impact mental health. Looking at the
incredible motley adventures of your life, whatdoes retrieving sanity personally mean to you
today and what's one practice or perspectiveyou believe is crucial for anyone on that journey?
Mm, receiving sanity. Well, I guess you cando the opposite, which is insanity, which is
(01:00:35):
trying to do the same thing over and over andexpecting a different result. I think that's
a fundamental philosophical wisdom statement. And so to achieve that sanity, look about
what you need to change because I'm doing thesame thing expecting a different result. So
that probably means I need to do something different. So whether that's attending to my emotions,
(01:00:55):
whether that's trying out something new, whetherthat's attending to a bad habit or addiction
or attending to a wound that is just kind of been there or compartmentalized because of
life. No, like start unboxing those type ofthings. Start saying that now today I can choose
a different behavior and instead of a reaction,it's becoming a response. So maybe you see
(01:01:19):
yourself or see situations that keep happeningto you and those things keep letting you down
and impacting you negatively. It's probablysomething that you need to change and having
your relation to explore that, your curiosity to keep saying that I will never be a certain
type of thing I'm always going to be growing, then stay curious about that. If not, then
(01:01:40):
you're going to stay insane, but I think thatwould be a good way for people to reach at
least a fundamental sanity for themselves. flippingthe script on its head. For sure. Something
that you seem to be really good at doing. So, Philip, I've got to say thank you very much
for being on the show today. has been an absolutehonor and pleasure. uh I'm looking forward
(01:02:03):
to our future conversation. Absolutely. oh Buteveryone out there, thank you for listening
to Philip and Keegan on retrieving sanity onWDJY 99.1 FM and catch us next week. But
I've got to remind y'all. love yourself, loveothers if you can, but first you gotta love
yourself, be nice to yourself, be nice to othersif you can, but again be nice to yourself first,
(01:02:25):
and because all the other stuff will follow, and we'll see y'all next week, but until then
y'all just stay safe. Much love. Shalom Kephal.