September 28, 2025 • 52 mins
Summary
In this episode of Retrieving Sanity, host Keegan Read speaks with Damian Bloss about his journey through addiction and recovery. Damian shares his experiences with trauma, survivor's guilt, and the impact of addiction on his life and relationships. He emphasizes the importance of breaking the silence around addiction, building a support system, and finding one's identity in recovery. The conversation highlights the ongoing struggle of managing addiction as a disease and the significance of community support in the recovery process.
Takeaways
Breaking the silence is crucial for accountability. Trauma can trigger self-destructive behaviors. Survivor's guilt often leads to addiction. Alcohol can become a coping mechanism. Addiction is a disease that requires ongoing management. Support systems are vital in recovery. Outreach helps others and reinforces personal recovery. Recovery is a journey of self-discovery. It's important to build new habits in sobriety. Community support can provide a sense of belonging.
Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Breaking the Silence 01:13 Damian's Journey Through Addiction 05:16 The Impact of Trauma on Addiction 08:54 The Cycle of Alcoholism and Self-Destruction 12:55 Understanding Addiction as a Disease 16:48 The Role of Support Systems in Recovery 20:17 Finding Your Own Path in Recovery 24:04 The Importance of Community in Sobriety 27:52 Rock Bottom and the Turning Point 31:35 The Detox Experience 35:14 Identity Loss and Rediscovery in Recovery 39:05 Building New Habits for a New Life 42:45 The Role of Higher Power in Recovery 46:29 The Importance of Family Support 50:24 Conclusion and Resources for Help #mentalhealth #mentalhealthpodcasts #addictionrecovery #recoveryjourney #breakingthesilence #retrievingsanity #trauma #survivorsguilt #outreach #supportsystems #communitysupport #self-care #identity #loss #grief #coping
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
and start by changing your mindset, you know,because we can't just get sober and think that
everything is magically going to get better. Like it seems to be, it seemed to me anyway,
well, I would go to these rooms and they wouldtalk and they got this, they just got a new
car and they got a new house. And I'm like,oh, if I get sober, that's all I gotta do to
(00:20):
get these things, you know? And it's like,I get sober and none of that happens. And
I'm like this. This isn't right. This isn'twhat I perceived it to be.
Hello, hello and welcome back to retrievingsanity with your podcast host Keegan and this
is your podcast for all mental health addictionrecovery issues and topics and today we have
(00:43):
a very special guest His name is Damien Blossand he has been through hell quite literally
So Damien, why don't you tell us a little bitabout yourself where you're from and what breaking
the silence is all about? Sure Yeah, thank youagain for having me on I appreciate it, you
know, and this is actually the start of thesuicide prevention awareness and recovery month.
(01:05):
So yeah, I appreciate it. But yeah, so a littlebit about me. My name is Damien Bloss. I live
in Maryland. Breaking the silence, what it isis just that. I've suffered in silence for
so long because of the stigma around addictionand I deal with mental health issues as well.
(01:31):
And they go hand in hand, you know? And uhso breaking the silence was just that I finally
was like, need to talk about this because everyother time I try to get sober and things, you
know, I just let it go. I wouldn't tell anybodybecause, I was basically preparing for to
(01:52):
never stop. So I didn't have to keep reiteratinglike, yeah, I fell off again, you know, all
that. So. But yeah, breaking the silence isjust that. It's holding myself accountable
and spreading awareness. Okay. So you've beenthrough it yourself though, right? You're not
just sitting there toting a torch that you'vejust found on the of the road, right? Oh yeah,
(02:17):
no, not at all. I definitely, like you said,been through hell on the account of my own
actions and this disease of addiction. Youknow, growing up though, I didn't have that
life or perceive that someone perceived meto be like, oh, I can see he's going to be
(02:40):
an addict or an alcoholic. uh I grew up ina fairly normal home, except my parents divorced
when I was eight or nine years old. That wasthe only thing. that didn't really affect
me much. I played baseball growing up and mydad was my coach. So like I saw him all the
time even though I lived with my mom full-time So everything was normal up until that point
(03:05):
of course in high school I would you know Iexperimented with drugs and alcohol, but never
to it never to excess Yeah, exactly um Youknow the the peer pressure and things like
that it wasn't until I was about 18 Almost19 years old when I started to self-destruct.
(03:26):
Oh, man Okay. Yeah. So whenever you startedto quote unquote self-destruct, what was the
straw that broke the camel's back? Becausenormally it's not something that sometimes
it is a big event that just weighs really heavyon someone. And sometimes it's a lifetime of
build up that eventually just breaks someone.Which one was it for you? It was, uh you know,
(03:48):
all of a sudden, pretty much I went, I hada traumatic experience. So at that age, uh
a close family member of ours, Pass away andit wasn't just that it was that the fact that
he died by suicide um And you know Being thataged and you know never experienced in that
(04:11):
First hand, know my family nothing like thatand oh it completely broke me and you know
the the thing about it too is that he's he Only confided in me with that information
that he wanted to do this and this was likea uh buildup of you know six to eight months
(04:32):
and He would always say he's gonna do it andthings like that and and you know me being
that young I was he would be like, you know,I'm just joking. Don't tell anybody I'm just
kidding around so, you know, I took it as thatI took it as that it like all right. He's just
joking around. Let's get back to normal conversation,but you know, towards the end there, he would
(04:54):
bring it up more and more. And, um, but itstill never clicked, never clicked. And then
he did it. And that was the moment that itcompletely broke me. Um, you know, I'm, I'm
sitting here with this information, you know, he could still be here and, know, all these
what ifs and why didn't eyes and, and, youknow, things like that. And, um, the family,
(05:19):
you know, didn't know how to, they weren't equippedto deal with this either. So like they're
trying to figure out like, did he do it becauseof you or because of you or you know, things
like that. So it's like, I'm sitting here withthis information and now I'm definitely not
telling anybody cause I don't want to be blamed. know, so, so, uh, yeah, it, broke me. Yeah.
(05:43):
I can totally relate with that. That's somereally heavy knowledge. dealt with at such
a age as well. Just in how do you go to someoneelse? If you've never been told that that kind
of exposure to vulnerable feelings is even okayin the first place, right? Because a lot of
us, we are just raised to mind ourselves, keepto ourselves and all will be well, but that's
(06:08):
obviously not the case. So whenever your familystarted to bicker amongst one another, that
would Definitely be the thing I would have doneis like, all right, I'm not telling you what
happened like, because it's obviously my fault,right? But it's not your fault, right? Because
it's not your action that actually happened.It's one of those things that it definitely
(06:33):
I would have survivors guilt. Is that somethingthat you have dealt with over the years? Oh,
yeah, absolutely. You know, why am I here?Why? Why did? Why did he do this? Why did
he leave me with this information? And, youknow, what am I to do? So I turned to the
bottle. That's that's what made me suppressall those emotions, all that guilt. And I
(06:58):
held on to that secret for 20 years, you know,and and it was it was hard. And the thing
is, too, is once I started to suppress allthat information and all those emotions I
started to love myself like I was loving whoI was becoming because you know growing up
(07:23):
I was very introverted I was very shy and youknow I would make friends but only if they
came to me and things like that but alcohollet me be this person and it brought out this
person that I had longed for Like I alwayswanted to be that, but I didn't know how to
do it. And it was letting me be that person.I started to forget why I was drinking in
(07:49):
the first place. Like I started to forget allthose feelings. So I thought it was working.
You know, I thought this is how I'm going tohave to live my life for the rest of my life.
know? Yeah. It sounds just like so manyother stories out there. It starts with one
act of I'm going to do this because I need tofeel better or maybe that's only thing that
(08:11):
I know what to do with these hard feelings andstuff because it suppresses them. It kind
of makes me deal with them in a different waythat I wasn't taught. And that's one of the
big things too is if you're feeling more social,that's one of the big things is that you kind
of trauma bonded with yourself, I guess, youknow. Whenever you try to bond with yourself,
(08:35):
it's kind of hard to break that habit becauseif you love who you are underneath that influence,
but at the same time you hate who you are andmeet that influence, what do do with that?
Right. Yeah. And I absolutely did. You know,I loved it for a little while until it stopped.
And still I stopped loving myself. I startedhating myself. You know, had run ins with the
(08:58):
law from, you know, alcohol induced. recklessendangerment and you know just a few stints
in jail and then I did go to rehab once andyou know I was in meetings and doing the counseling
and you know it was all court ordered. I didtake some information away from from that stuff
but I wasn't locked in. wasn't ready to giveup and that was you know I'd say probably 20
(09:26):
or 2004 2005 at that point when I got that youknow the getting arrested and things like that
and just being ridiculous with my drinking.But it didn't faze me any. Like I never hit
my rock bottom. you would think that that wasit. But I didn't hit my rock bottom until about
(09:49):
almost six years ago. Oh man. Yeah. So it carried on for so long. then I stopped drinking
to have fun. It was no longer fun. It was justto survive. I had to drink in order to be normal.
had to drink to function. I had to drink todo anything in life. couldn't, I couldn't
(10:11):
wake up and wait a little while before I hadto drink as soon as I woke up because I didn't
feel like myself until I did, you know, andthat was a 24, it was basically 24 hours
a day, seven days a week, aside from the timesthat I would pass out and wake up again and
start all over. Yeah. Yeah. I'm right therewith you. I've been there and it sucked.
(10:34):
It honestly really, really sucked. ah Wheneveryou wake up and you only feel okay after you
have a little bit of alcohol back in you andthen you're like, all right, I feel normal.
And then a few hours passes and you're like, all right, time to hit the bottle again. And
then maybe a few hours passes again. And soif you're at work, you have a little bit to
go with you. You find a way to get somethingduring lunch break, maybe. And then you find
(10:57):
a way to get some on the way home maybe. Andthen you stop by the liquor store on the way
home. And then yeah, dude, it's a one hellof a cycle and it sucks because that, like
you said, it is very much a, that's how youoperate. Like did you eat a whole lot while
you were underneath that influence? Because a lot of people don't realize that. Alcohol
(11:19):
is one of the four things we can get caloriesfrom so you literally run off of alcohol alone
yeah, no, and I'm glad you brought that uptoo because um you know I would I Would research
which like alcohol has the most carbs? How canI take food out of my equation? And just stick
(11:42):
with alcohol because I was doing it so muchlike you said too, and I was doing it at work
and you know I don't know how I was ableto function. People started noticing at work.
So I'm, I'm replacing actual food with alcohol.You know, I would eat a little bit just so
I could soak up some of it so I could drinkmore. That's the only reason why I did it,
(12:04):
you know? And it was like, and it was so crazybecause, you know, even now being sober,
my sobriety day is February 13th, 2020. Um,and Thank you, thank you. Even now, I'll get
those hunger pains when I'm getting kinda hungry,and it'll take me back and it scares the crap
(12:28):
out of me too because it starts making me think,I remember this feeling. Even after all this
time, I remember this feeling, what I used todo, and it kinda freaks me out a little bit.
But I eat food now, so. That's good. I'm realglad that you got back to eating food. And
I know for myself, the first actual meal thatI had whenever I was in rehab, I remember it
(12:53):
because I was like, I haven't eaten anythinglike this in a good hot minute, you know, and
I was like, it just it blew me away becauseI was like, how was I missing this this whole
time? But I was just in such a hole that fooddidn't matter. And it was expensive, right?
It would just get in the way of my alcohol consumptionin the first place. So I'm kind of surprised
(13:14):
you sat there and researched like which oneshas the most carbs and stuff so you can just
run off of it. That's pretty interesting. Yeah,it was crazy. Like like that's what it made
me do. And I've never been so locked in atthat point in my life. I've never been so locked
in on something where I'm like, I felt like,you know, it's some sort of scientist. Like
I'm researching all this stuff and I'm like,you know, trying to it's wild. what this
(13:41):
disease will do and have you do and make youfeel like it's for the best thing in humanity
for me to pick up. You know what I mean? Thatwould be the best thing for the entire human
race would be for me to pick up. you know,that's what this disease does to you too.
(14:02):
It makes you act so much out of character towhere you have those irrational thoughts that
you completely think are Rational. Yeah, yeah Just and then if you're like me whenever
you did try to get sober sometimes you'd sitthere and be like, alright Well, I was doing
beer for a little bit. So I'm gonna switch overto wine. No, okay, not the wine. Okay now It's
(14:25):
only gonna be clear alcohol Nope, okay, so we'regoing to move over to the spirits or something
and like I would always come up with the weirdestroutines or something like okay only on the
weekends or this or that and none of those everworked. It always devolved back into the whole
everyday all the time and it sucked. Wheneveryou mentioned it being a disease, a lot of
people like to say that it's not or some peoplelike to say that it's maybe a disease but
(14:51):
not in the traditional way that we think ofa disease. So what's your take on Sure. Yeah.
My, my take on that part is like, no, it'snot a disease. Like you can't compare it to
cancer and things like that. Um, but it's adisease because it tells me every single day
that I'm still here. I'm just waiting for youto slip up. And all I need to do is put myself
(15:20):
in a moment that reminds me. that is so overpoweringand reminds me that this feeling, I know how
to get rid of this feeling. And it completelytakes over your natural instinct, which is
to do other things, to get your mind off ofit. It completely takes control and says,
(15:45):
I know how to get rid of this. Just one, allyou need is one and I can help you. and take
yourself to the liquor store, pick up something and drink it. And I promise you, you'll feel
better. And when it does, obviously, um ifI have one, I'm having 20. So that is my take
(16:09):
on how it is a disease for me is that it's nevergonna be gone. I'm always gonna live with this
and I'm always gonna have that urge no matterwhat happens. um Now I have the tools and I
have the resources and things to combat that. Um, you know, so that is like the tools and
(16:31):
resources. I use that as my medicine to helpme, uh, fight this disease that I'm always
going to live with. Yeah. And I think that'san important aspect too. Uh, and that's one
of the things is that I've always describedalcoholism or addiction as the disease of choice.
because it starts with we definitely had thechoice to use or drink in the first place.
(16:56):
Then we had the choice to do it again or thirdor fourth, so on so forth. But we lose that
choice at somewhere along the way. It couldbe any number of things. And then at some point
it's like, hey, I'm stuck in the cycle and Ican't get out. And no matter what I do, I find
myself going back towards it willingly. Andso it takes this huge amount of willpower to
(17:18):
get to make that other choice. So it's alsoa paradox of sorts because getting in it also
requires the same kind of thing that it tookto get out. Whenever we talk about it being
lifelong though too, we do have to worry aboutmaybe developing other addictions as we get
out of the main addiction, don't we? Did youhave to deal with any of that? I actually
(17:39):
did not. Like alcohol was my main thing. never... I never mixed, you know, other illicit drugs
or anything like that. You know, for me, even if I had, and you know, I would stay absent
from everything. um I know there are otherswho, you know, say they are an alcoholic, but
(18:02):
you know, they'll pick up some marijuana orsomething like that. um And I don't shame anybody
that does that. uh You know, so for me, Theonly other thing that I had to try to quit
or kick ahead was uh cigarettes. uh so thatwas a pretty tough one for me. Trying to
(18:30):
kick that as well. Just like with alcohol,um especially alcohol, it's so socially acceptable.
Even smoking cigarettes is really socially acceptable. And hard to put down as well. ah So yeah,
I had to do that as well. Oh man. So you definitelydid almost the trifecta, you know, just the
(18:53):
alcohol, the nicotine, and you're now goingfull sober or straight edge as some people
like to say, which is really awesome becauseit's one of those things that we have. different
terms in sobriety, we have clean, sober, andso on and so forth. And people like to have
different milestones for different things. Andlike you said, I don't judge anyone on their
recovery journey, so long as they're activelyworking on bettering themselves. Sometimes
(19:18):
people have five different addictions, and theyneed to work on one at a time. And sometimes
while they're working on one, one will pickup a little bit more and go out of control.
And then they're finding themselves kind ofin that same loop. But that's the things that
they have their journey to go on. It's not myplace to tell them where they need to go.
you also said uh the tools that you use nowhelp with the disease and stuff. essentially
(19:42):
the disease is also more of a symptom. Wouldyou say for you or was it something that was
uh the disease was the disease itself, not someunderlying cause? kind of look at it like,
you know, when I look back at it, I kind oflook at it being my solution. uh you know,
to all my problems where alcohol didn't reallybecome a problem. Um, in that moment, it was
(20:11):
always a solution to my problem. So if I hadan issue, I would drink and then that would
solve the problem. So I never really lookedat it like that. Like you're saying as a symptom,
I always looked at, I always look at it nowfor me, it was, it was the solution, know,
Not to say it was right, but it was the solutionat the time for my problems. you know, with
(20:36):
the, and the tools that I use is basicallymy support system. I've grew, I grew my support
system tremendously and have like-minded individualsto help me stay on track. know, but yeah,
when you go back to what you were saying isthat I look at it as pretty much my solution.
Yeah. Alcohol was definitely the solution forme and all my problems. uh But whenever I was
(21:00):
trying to deal with my alcoholism, the thingis that I thought that alcohol was the problem
I was dealing with and whatever really was thethings underneath. I get what you're saying
now. Yeah. So what you were talking about wasyour support system and stuff. It has me curious.
Did you do a whole bunch of AA or anything likethat? Or are you one of the uh traditional
(21:22):
people, if you will, or are you someone that'skind of blazing their own trail? Yeah, so a
little bit of everything to be honest withyou. I did do AA and start by changing your
mindset. know, I, because we can't just getsober and think that everything is magically
going to get better. Like it seems to be, itseemed to me anyway, I would go to these rooms
(21:48):
and they would talk and they got this, theyjust got a new car and they got a new house.
And I'm like, oh, if I get sober, that's allI got to do to get these things, you know?
And it's like, I get sober and none of thathappens. And I'm like, this, this isn't right.
This isn't what I, what I perceived it to be.Um, so I dug into working on myself, changing
(22:09):
my mindset from a fixed mindset to a growthmindset and, changing my outlook on life in
general. And, you know, being a more positiveperson, it's not always going to be sunshine
and rainbows every day. But you can find a positivein every single negative situation. You just
got to look harder sometimes. But yeah, that'show I let them know. Like, take all this and
(22:30):
just, you know, do it your way. But here arethe tools. And one of the things that I heard
you say is essentially the uh concept of yinand yang. There's going to be good things
in the bad. But I think to really highlightthat is to also let people know that there's
going to be some bad things in the good too. And I think that whenever we're trying to
(22:55):
get into early recovery, a lot of us sit therewith a lot of shame and guilt over the things
that we've done or things like that. And wehave to recognize that even in recovery, we're
not perfect people. And like it says in AA,we are not saints. And a lot of people don't
really sit there and understand that because some people think that we have to be perfect
(23:16):
in recovery and you're saying no there's nota way to do it besides just not picking up
again not picking up a bottle not picking upyour substance of choice and it's easily
said but it can be really difficult to actuallydo so what's one of your suggestions to people
that want to stop first but they don't knowhow? um Reaching out is as hard as it is,
(23:43):
stigma surrounds it and judgments and we allthink that if we say something about it that
people are gonna look at us different and what made me, what helped me a lot is when I
finally hit that rock bottom and I knew thatI could not do this anymore, um just saying.
(24:08):
Forget it. You know who cares what the whatthis person thinks uh I am who I am this this
disease does not define who I am. I'm stillDamien on the inside. I know who I want to
be and you know, I was just able to say forgetit let him talk and you know, I I am not
(24:31):
being a voice for that person. I want to bea voice for the person that was like me who
was silent. who stayed to himself, who wasso worried about what other people thought
about me, and when it comes to this, and just do this for myself. I couldn't do it for anybody
(24:52):
else. And a lot of people would say, why don'tyou do it for your kids, or for your wife,
or for this and for that? And none of thatworked, because my addiction would not let
me care about anybody else but myself. So inrecovery, I also had to care about myself first.
(25:12):
And in order for me to love somebody else, Ihad to get myself better. And, you know, so
for that person, um it is, it is very hard.You know, it's easy for me to just say, yeah,
just don't forget about, or just say, forgetwhat other people think about you. It's so
very hard. Um, but I have, I feel like Weknow when we're ready to give it up and you
(25:40):
know, it took me a while to get to that pointtoo. Um, but this, this other world, so to
speak is so much more beautiful than the worldI was living in and I couldn't see it. Yeah,
that's for sure. And we don't realize the kindof hell that we're putting ourselves through
in the moment, but one of the things that you have said a couple of times real quick is
(26:04):
rock bottom. And you had just mentioned thatonce we're ready, we're ready. And you're damn
right. Because I don't know about you, butI don't think I've met anyone that is sober
with at least a year or more and said, oh,this is my first time trying to get sober.
You know, everyone else I know is like, oh,no, I would try this to get sober for a little
(26:24):
bit. I would try this. I decided enough wasenough. then everything got better real quick.
And then I decided to go back to it or somethinglike that. But there is definitely that rock.
bottom, it's that tipping point of sorts. Andit's kind of like, you know, if I go over that
ledge again, I'm not coming back, you know,so what was your absolute rock bottom? Like,
was there a specific moment that really justclicked? Or did you have one of those Bill,
(26:49):
I think it's Bill Wilson, right? moments wherehe's in the hospital and he had that eureka
moment? with me, my rock bottom came. uh Itwas when I now wanted to take my own life.
um It was it was to a point to where my addictionwas telling me that you've tried you've been
(27:15):
to jail, you've been to rehab, you've donethe counseling, you've done the meetings, you've
done all this, and it's still not working. Theonly way you're going to get out of this is
if you take yourself out, you know, and it wasit was the the words and the voice it was
so clear to me that that's what I needed todo. um And I was I was on the verge of it
(27:38):
and you know in my mind I didn't want to doit But you know I did because that was the
only way I was gonna get out So I'm in theprocess of texting my wife to you know tell
her that she's gonna have to pick up the kidstoday and You know in the process of me texting
her my vision is blurred and you know, everythingis just going wrong. I Accidentally called
(28:02):
this pastor in my phone And I had his numberbecause my dad had given it to me a while back
trying to get me to get sober at that pointbecause he was at his wits end. He wasn't sure
what to do. He just gave me this guy's number. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, sure. I'll call
him. I never did until that day by accident.you know, the phone's ringing. I'm staring
(28:25):
at it. I'm froze because I don't know whatto do. I can't hang up if I do. He's going
to call back. So he He eventually answers andI'm like just completely broke down to him.
That was the point where I said, I don't carewho knows somebody's got to help me here, you
know, and just let it all out. And he was like,I need you to meet me at the coffee shop up
(28:48):
the street. he met me and we sat and we talkedand he asked me to pray. I was like, I've
never prayed before in my life. My relationshipwith God was that He existed and that was it.
ah Because I was always like, why are you doingthis to me? Why me? You know, that kind of
(29:09):
thing. And he had me do that. And it was, it was like a weight was lifted off of me.
I came home that day, still told my wife thatshe has to pick up the kids, but it was because
I'm checking. Yeah. I was checking myself intorehab. You know, like you were talking about
too, where we, we always. We're going to doit and then we something happens and we just
(29:30):
go back to it and we pick up again on my wayto rehab. I was I had gotten sober before
I went to rehab because when I called them theysaid we can get you in right now if you need
to detox and you know me still thinking thatI can do this on my own. Now give me a couple
of days. Oh no. no. That's idea. Yeah. umAnd she was like, I can get you in in five
(29:56):
days if you don't need to detox. I'm like, allright, good. Set me up for that. So I did take
those next few days and I got sober on my own,which was the worst decision that I could have
made because I should have been under medicalsupervision. It was bad. I didn't have to go
(30:16):
to the hospital, but it was bad and I shouldhave. But, you know, I'm... The fifth day comes.
I'm a day out of withdrawal. I'm feeling reallygood. Like the, the my energy is up and I'm
just ready. I'm like, I can do this on my own.I just did it for four days. I feel so good
(30:39):
on the way to the rehab. Oh no. I'm, I'm like,how do I get out of this? Maybe, maybe the
directions to this place isn't, isn't rightand we'll get lost or, you know, all these
thoughts going through my mind. jump out ofthis car and just head off into the woods and
come back a couple days later and be like, I'mall right. um No, that, uh that, but that is
(31:05):
the irrational thoughts that, were poppingup that making me think that that's what I
should do. I did not do that. My wife droveme, we made it to the rehab and you know,
it was, that was the best decision. That'sawesome. ah I love that story for a few reasons
(31:26):
and one of them is because ah that synchronicity and that accident of just calling the pastor
and being able to break down and open up aboutsomething like that then there's the whole
element of Essentially just just because yougot sober doesn't mean that's the end of it,
right? Just because you got sober doesn'tmean that the uh recovery road has ended or
(31:51):
It doesn't mean that it's all pink cloud afterthat because the I got sober for four days
like, it's okay. Like, uh, but that's the thingis that getting that kind of sober after drinking
for however long is really, really dangerous.Like I had to get my medical detox. I'll ever
gave out on me if it wasn't for a medical supervision,I'd be dead, you know? So, uh, I really do
(32:15):
want listeners to know that if your story isNot the best in regards to that. Like if they
offer assistance with detox, it. It's worthit for sure. Because what was the hardest part
about the actual detox for you in that regard?Because that is one of the battles that a
lot of people face is they're afraid of thedetox itself because it's hard to go through.
(32:38):
You know, how did you make it through? Yeah,it was. It was very hard. You know, the shakes
and the sickness and always, you know, justnastiness, hallucinations. you know, I remember
my vision was legitimately blurred. I couldnot, it always felt like something was in my
(32:59):
eye. And, you know, it was so blurred, I couldn'treally see, you know, and I'm hallucinating
and I can't sleep and I can't eat anything.I can't drink anything because I can't keep
it down. you know, it was, It was such a horribleexperience. And you're right. And nobody should
(33:22):
go through that um without medical clearance. Like I said, I should have gone. And I was
just that stubborn. was afraid, you know, goingback through it. I was afraid to get sober.
I was afraid to know who I am without, youknow, drinking. I was afraid of all of that.
(33:44):
um I don't know what made me think like, I'lljust, I'll just see you in a couple of days,
you know, when they told me. Yeah. Yeah. Butyeah, that mean the withdrawal, it was, it
was horrible. And you just mentioned somethingagain, that I think a lot of people really
deal with and they don't realize that they'redealing with it. And that's the identity loss
(34:06):
of quitting drinking or quitting any substancethat they're actively using because Either
it be used to mask pain, to mask trauma, whetherit be used to build oneself up, to be someone
that they're not, builds confidence, so onand so forth. Whenever they take that element
away, they're afraid that they lose that partof them, right? So how would you tell someone
(34:30):
that, that is you. It's just you don't needthat substance in that moment, you know? Yeah.
And that's a hard one too, because you... Youhave to when you go through recovery, you know,
way after, you know, the rehab stay and thingslike that, you have to find out who you are.
(34:51):
And the only way to do that is by completely getting to the root of, of, know, what
made you do this in the first place? was not,uh I was totally afraid of who I was. um It's
not easy to tell somebody like you're you'regonna be better I promise you're gonna be better
(35:15):
because there's no way to For for that personto believe you it really starts with getting
to unlearning Everything that you had learnedbefore while using You know and that's the
hardest part is trying to because you're essentiallya new person once you hit recovery You are
essentially a new person because that the oldway of thinking the old way of doing things
(35:40):
has to be completely overhauled. Yeah. Andthat is the hardest part. that's that's why
it's it's very it was very important for meto work with a therapist because I know I
couldn't have done that on my own. Try to figureout who I really am. You know, if anybody was
was thinking how how could they do that? I reallysuggest someone a professional therapist,
(36:08):
a counselor or something like that. Yeah, forsure. And I love that you're talking about
uh all that because in death we are madenew, right? And that's kind of the weird thing
is that a lot of people think that recoveryis life. And while that is the case, it is
also beginning death because it is a death ofour old self. And again, that comes with fear
(36:33):
that comes with fear of the unknown and a lotof people sitting there going, I don't know
what to do. So you're sitting here able tooffer people that peace of mind and stuff like
that. And one of the things that you also mentionedbefore too, was your relationship with a higher
power and you didn't necessarily have one before and it kind of helped change everything. And
(36:53):
but you also are sitting there taking the therapyat the same time. You're not sitting there
leaning only into church or only into this.You're sitting there. You're making it really
well rounded so that you are figuring out whoyou want to be. Right. You're not just sitting
there going like, all right, this sounds good.I'm going follow that yellow brick road. Right.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Because, youknow, once you start, once someone tells you
(37:21):
to do something and you just do that. That'sexactly what you do is you're like, I'm just
going to stick with this then and see whatwhat that helps um or where that takes me.
Where does that rotate me? A lot of people usedto say um you should just pray this away.
you know, and that is not that praying. Yes.Pray to whoever your higher power is. Definitely.
(37:47):
But don't just do that. uh A lot of people wouldtell me, um you know, that they were in churches
and things like that. All you need to do ispray this away. And no, that's not how this
works. know, so I remember too, know, religionused to turn me away from wanting to go to
(38:09):
the rooms and things because, know, I alwaysfelt and they could say higher power, they
could say it doesn't have to be God. It's ina church. And, you know, in the, in the steps,
it has God multiple times and things like that.And I'm like, we pray at the end. so, you
know, it turned me off a lot about that. solike, even in my, my mentoring and things like
(38:35):
that, like, I don't, I don't lead with that.don't, I don't push that down anyone's throat
either. Um, you know, come, come when you'reready. Cause I didn't come until I was. Yeah,
and that's a really good way to put it too,because a lot of people will sit there and
like myself and you, sounds like, avoided gettinghelp sooner because the religion aspect is
(39:00):
like, well, I'm not going and you're sayingif I don't do this and I'm not going to get
better and I want to get better, but I don'twant to do that. So, yeah, I'm not getting
better, I guess, you know. So, and it kind ofgoes in line with step one and everything because
I'm only saying that because whenever I wasgetting sober or trying to, I was like, yeah,
(39:22):
I did step one. I admitted I was an alcoholic.Okay. Well then guess what? You have to do
the other steps. If you want to go forward,you can't just sit there and say, yeah, I got
a problem. That's it. Problem solved. That'dbe the same thing as trying to pray it away.
Just sitting there saying like, I'm going tosit there and do something about it. I'm
going to sit there and just. wine, essentially,right? And that was one of the things I heard
someone say in a room once was prayer withoutaction is just a complaint. And I was like,
(39:47):
yeah, that sounds about right. So it kind ofmade me think different about a lot of different
things like that, too. And you're also sittingthere saying that people can sit there and
you're letting people choose their higher power.Right. Because not everyone's higher power
is the same. Even if you're even if you'rein the same sect or whatever, your higher
(40:10):
power may not line up with someone else's perceivedqualities of your higher power, you know? Does
that make sense? Oh, yeah. So, um I definitelydon't. I wouldn't want that done to me. if
you know, and it was done to me quite a quitea bit. And, you know, I was like, I'm just
(40:31):
not I'm just not going to associate myself withyou then if you're going to try to. force this
on me and you know that's the last thing I wantto do especially trying to help others get
sober I don't want to push them away so youknow it doesn't matter your affiliation you
know just I do believe that we need to think of and believe in something bigger than ourselves
(40:52):
because I don't think that us alone can dothis and that other thing could be anything
imaginable it doesn't have to be you know thathigher power it can be anything You know, but
as long as you believe in something bigger thanyourself, because you're going to need all
(41:13):
the help you can get. And, you know, my, I tellthem, I'm like, you know, you'll never know
if that thing is what's going to help you ornot. So you have nothing really to lose. So
if you just believe in something bigger thanyourself, it can only help you. can't hurt
you. And I remember hearing someone say, Godgroup of drunks. Uh, and good orderly discipline
(41:38):
and there's some other ones that I've heardbefore, but that's the thing. Like you said,
it just has to be something besides yourselfthat you're putting into. But the thing is
too, is that you have to do it for yourselftoo. You can't necessarily sit there and go
and do it. Like you said, for your family, becauseit would have worked. You wouldn't be in this
position right now. Right. So one of my questionsis, uh, with your years in active addiction,
(42:04):
you had to have a family during that time andthey had to be with you through the whole thing.
and they're still all one whole unit, right?Yeah. Yeah. So it really is, you know, I feel
blessed in that way. My wife pretty much tookthe brunt of it. We've been together 15 years
(42:26):
and married 13. So yeah. Thank you. Um, youknow, and that was like the peak of my, of
my addiction at that point, you know, of coursemy, my parents and things they had to deal
with, but my wife, because she was there 24seven, um, dealing with that. And, know, I,
(42:47):
I, I am very blessed that she's still here,um, helping me, you know, and she, helps me
with my, um, breaking the silence group, youknow, she's done, uh, wellness, family wellness.
uh meetings and things like that. And, youknow, just trying to figure out how to deal
(43:07):
with me in recovery and, and, and how, or,you know, the things that led up to my addiction
and things like that. So she went through herown and she didn't have to do that. I didn't
ask her to do it. She just did it, which was super, super cool um on her end. I, I, that
(43:27):
is something that, that doesn't happen all thetime either where the spouses stay. You know,
I have a number of friends who, um you know,were in active addiction or people that I knew
came out of rehab and, you know, lost theirspouses and things. it's, you know, it's not
easy. When we're in active addiction, we thinkit's only happening to us when in reality,
(43:51):
in reality, it's happening to our, our spouses,our kids, our parents, you know, anybody that's
in our, in our way. is going to be affectedby this. it's such a blessing that she sticks
with it. I use her as my confidant. I confidein her and I talk to her all the time and
(44:15):
I don't feel judged when I talk to her. uhAnd that's a huge important aspect is not feeling
judged whenever you speak to someone about thingsthat are so close to you and especially to
someone that is so close to you. You know, youhave to feel that. And I'm just honestly super
impressed and just like inspired by her resilienceand sticking by your side and doing those things
(44:40):
with you and for you, because that's true loveright there, you know, and that does take a
lot of effort. So one of my questions is, Idid think I saw it on the pod match profile,
but do you think that we could have you allback on as a duo so that we can get both sides
of your story at the same time? Absolutely.Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Awesome. Because like
(45:02):
you said, our addiction makes us think that it's literally woe is me and why is the world
doing all this to me? And then in recovery,we're kind of sitting there and it's like,
oh, yeah, never, never mind. I messed up alot. And that's the thing is that we have
to make sure that our recovery doesn't onlyaffect us. We have to make sure that our recovery
(45:25):
extends to those that are first of all affectedby our past and then affected by future actions
going forward, right? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.Because, you know, it's much more than just
an I'm sorry or I apologize. It's so much morethan that. you know, that was my way of, you
know, essentially getting me off the hook wasme saying, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
(45:50):
I didn't mean to act that way. I'm not goingto do that again. And it wasn't until I started,
I stopped saying I'm sorry and started showingexactly what I'm doing in my recovery, how
I'm actually taking it seriously and how itis shaping me. Um, you know, and that is the
(46:15):
biggest apology that anyone who's been affectedby our addiction can have. That is the biggest
thing. for sure. So you kind of have to buildup new habits, right? To kind of help reinforce
this new mindset for yourself. So real quick,uh what is one habit that you have changed
(46:36):
that makes you who you are today? ah I do alot more things around the house. um You know,
I pick projects to do um in my house just soI can stay busy. You know, I like to play,
I like activities. So like, like to play golfand things like that. So, um, but mostly doing
(47:01):
things around the house because it keeps mebusy. Um, plus I had a lot of things that I
had to redo because I would do them in whenI was drunk and you know, they're all off level
and things like that. So I had to redo a bunchof stuff around the house because of that.
so, so yeah. Sorry, not trying to laugh toomuch at that, but that's pretty funny. mean,
(47:24):
yeah, that's something I would have done. It really shows that you're quick and well,
not necessarily quick, but you are being verythorough. You're sitting there saying, look,
this is something that I did in the moment,so I can recognize that it's not good. And
that's pretty cool, too, at the same time, right?Because it's a physical representation of what
(47:49):
you've been through, what you're doing. andyou're able to literally go back and fix some
mistakes. And I think that that's a prettycool symbology right there. I think that it
really does kind of highlight everything thatyou're doing. But real quick, I did forget
to ask you earlier on in the episode, but wherecan people find you if they're looking to get
some help with all of this? sure. You can findus on Facebook, Breaking the Silence, uh on
(48:14):
Instagram as well, Breaking the Silence. umI have a link tree that is tagged to both of
those. um And my Linktree has a direct emailto me, so if you want to reach out without,
you you want to do it privately, that's completelyfine. Join our groups. You can see our meetings.
They're virtual as well. So if you're not inMaryland, you can still join. And um there's
(48:38):
a link to my book as well on that Linktree.Sweet. My biggest question was really going
to be what's all the comics on the background? Ah, OK. Yeah, so I love collecting comics.
um And Funko Pops, although I've gotten outof the Funkos now, but comics I'm really into
And you know, like I got a wall over here toothat you can't see it's full of the Walking
(49:00):
Dead Like I have all the Walking Dead comicsand over here is a little mini arcade and then
my sports memorabilia over here But yeah thosecomics I'd you know, what's funny about that.
I'm the only one that really? uh Enjoys themover in my house. So I'll just change them
up every once in a while just cuz Just cuzI'm a nerd like that, you know Yeah, it's all
(49:21):
about the feng shui, you know, maybe maybe somecomic characters or heroes are fitting your
mood more so than others. So, Damien, I justgot to say thank you for being on the show
and I thank you for everything that you do foreveryone out there dealing with their sobriety,
struggling with their recovery and everythingalong those lines, because it's people like
(49:42):
you that are going to help make this world abetter place. One conversation at a time, you
know. Absolutely. And and thank you as wellfor having me on. I really do appreciate
it. love what you're doing with Retrieving Sanityand you know, just having this platform to
be able to talk about mental health and addiction.I think it's what we all need in the world
(50:03):
as right now and and you're fabulous host dude. I've loved being on here. um Very knowledgeable
and congrats on your journey as well. No, well,thank you very much, sir. I really appreciate
the kind words and It was five years for you.Correct. Are you going on six? Did you just
hit five? hit five on February 13th. So I'min the middle on you know, five and a half
(50:27):
or Yeah, yeah about five and a half. Yeah, that'sright because my cousin's birthday is Valentine's
and him and I are exactly six months apart Soyeah, you're definitely over the half mark
now. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah actually, yeah, cuztoday's the first. Yep And oh, thank you for
reminding me that today was National RecoveryMonth and Suicide Awareness Month. So I believe
(50:53):
people can still dial the 988 phone line. thatstill active? That is correct. Yes. Okay. I
did. I'd have to make sure because I know therewas something with I saw something with Canada
and the US and Canada's is still up and running.They were saying project. Yeah. So And I want
(51:14):
to say 988 is still active last I saw, again,I did see rumors that it wasn't. So I'd have
to double check, but I want to say I'm 99 %sure that it's still active. There is some
way of getting, getting in contact. So you'renot alone. Definitely. If you, if you're having
that thought, please reach out. Yeah, for sure.And if they won't answer, then reach out to
(51:39):
someone that you do know, because hopefullythey'll be able to help you out as well. So
everyone out there, thank you for listeningto Retrieving Sanity on WDJY 99.1 FM. This
has been Keegan and this has been Damien, somake sure to check him out over at Breaking
the Silence and just keep on keep on on. I droppeda rock. So with that being said, we'll see
(52:03):
you next time. Shalom!
and start by changing your mindset, you know,because we can't just get sober and think that
everything is magically going to get better. Like it seems to be, it seemed to me anyway,
well, I would go to these rooms and they wouldtalk and they got this, they just got a new
car and they got a new house. And I'm like,oh, if I get sober, that's all I gotta do to
(00:20):
get these things, you know? And it's like,I get sober and none of that happens. And
I'm like this. This isn't right. This isn'twhat I perceived it to be.
Hello, hello and welcome back to retrievingsanity with your podcast host Keegan and this
is your podcast for all mental health addictionrecovery issues and topics and today we have
(00:43):
a very special guest His name is Damien Blossand he has been through hell quite literally
So Damien, why don't you tell us a little bitabout yourself where you're from and what breaking
the silence is all about? Sure Yeah, thank youagain for having me on I appreciate it, you
know, and this is actually the start of thesuicide prevention awareness and recovery month.
(01:05):
So yeah, I appreciate it. But yeah, so a littlebit about me. My name is Damien Bloss. I live
in Maryland. Breaking the silence, what it isis just that. I've suffered in silence for
so long because of the stigma around addictionand I deal with mental health issues as well.
(01:31):
And they go hand in hand, you know? And uhso breaking the silence was just that I finally
was like, need to talk about this because everyother time I try to get sober and things, you
know, I just let it go. I wouldn't tell anybodybecause, I was basically preparing for to
(01:52):
never stop. So I didn't have to keep reiteratinglike, yeah, I fell off again, you know, all
that. So. But yeah, breaking the silence isjust that. It's holding myself accountable
and spreading awareness. Okay. So you've beenthrough it yourself though, right? You're not
just sitting there toting a torch that you'vejust found on the of the road, right? Oh yeah,
(02:17):
no, not at all. I definitely, like you said,been through hell on the account of my own
actions and this disease of addiction. Youknow, growing up though, I didn't have that
life or perceive that someone perceived meto be like, oh, I can see he's going to be
(02:40):
an addict or an alcoholic. uh I grew up ina fairly normal home, except my parents divorced
when I was eight or nine years old. That wasthe only thing. that didn't really affect
me much. I played baseball growing up and mydad was my coach. So like I saw him all the
time even though I lived with my mom full-time So everything was normal up until that point
(03:05):
of course in high school I would you know Iexperimented with drugs and alcohol, but never
to it never to excess Yeah, exactly um Youknow the the peer pressure and things like
that it wasn't until I was about 18 Almost19 years old when I started to self-destruct.
(03:26):
Oh, man Okay. Yeah. So whenever you startedto quote unquote self-destruct, what was the
straw that broke the camel's back? Becausenormally it's not something that sometimes
it is a big event that just weighs really heavyon someone. And sometimes it's a lifetime of
build up that eventually just breaks someone.Which one was it for you? It was, uh you know,
(03:48):
all of a sudden, pretty much I went, I hada traumatic experience. So at that age, uh
a close family member of ours, Pass away andit wasn't just that it was that the fact that
he died by suicide um And you know Being thataged and you know never experienced in that
(04:11):
First hand, know my family nothing like thatand oh it completely broke me and you know
the the thing about it too is that he's he Only confided in me with that information
that he wanted to do this and this was likea uh buildup of you know six to eight months
(04:32):
and He would always say he's gonna do it andthings like that and and you know me being
that young I was he would be like, you know,I'm just joking. Don't tell anybody I'm just
kidding around so, you know, I took it as thatI took it as that it like all right. He's just
joking around. Let's get back to normal conversation,but you know, towards the end there, he would
(04:54):
bring it up more and more. And, um, but itstill never clicked, never clicked. And then
he did it. And that was the moment that itcompletely broke me. Um, you know, I'm, I'm
sitting here with this information, you know, he could still be here and, know, all these
what ifs and why didn't eyes and, and, youknow, things like that. And, um, the family,
(05:19):
you know, didn't know how to, they weren't equippedto deal with this either. So like they're
trying to figure out like, did he do it becauseof you or because of you or you know, things
like that. So it's like, I'm sitting here withthis information and now I'm definitely not
telling anybody cause I don't want to be blamed. know, so, so, uh, yeah, it, broke me. Yeah.
(05:43):
I can totally relate with that. That's somereally heavy knowledge. dealt with at such
a age as well. Just in how do you go to someoneelse? If you've never been told that that kind
of exposure to vulnerable feelings is even okayin the first place, right? Because a lot of
us, we are just raised to mind ourselves, keepto ourselves and all will be well, but that's
(06:08):
obviously not the case. So whenever your familystarted to bicker amongst one another, that
would Definitely be the thing I would have doneis like, all right, I'm not telling you what
happened like, because it's obviously my fault,right? But it's not your fault, right? Because
it's not your action that actually happened.It's one of those things that it definitely
(06:33):
I would have survivors guilt. Is that somethingthat you have dealt with over the years? Oh,
yeah, absolutely. You know, why am I here?Why? Why did? Why did he do this? Why did
he leave me with this information? And, youknow, what am I to do? So I turned to the
bottle. That's that's what made me suppressall those emotions, all that guilt. And I
(06:58):
held on to that secret for 20 years, you know,and and it was it was hard. And the thing
is, too, is once I started to suppress allthat information and all those emotions I
started to love myself like I was loving whoI was becoming because you know growing up
(07:23):
I was very introverted I was very shy and youknow I would make friends but only if they
came to me and things like that but alcohollet me be this person and it brought out this
person that I had longed for Like I alwayswanted to be that, but I didn't know how to
do it. And it was letting me be that person.I started to forget why I was drinking in
(07:49):
the first place. Like I started to forget allthose feelings. So I thought it was working.
You know, I thought this is how I'm going tohave to live my life for the rest of my life.
know? Yeah. It sounds just like so manyother stories out there. It starts with one
act of I'm going to do this because I need tofeel better or maybe that's only thing that
(08:11):
I know what to do with these hard feelings andstuff because it suppresses them. It kind
of makes me deal with them in a different waythat I wasn't taught. And that's one of the
big things too is if you're feeling more social,that's one of the big things is that you kind
of trauma bonded with yourself, I guess, youknow. Whenever you try to bond with yourself,
(08:35):
it's kind of hard to break that habit becauseif you love who you are underneath that influence,
but at the same time you hate who you are andmeet that influence, what do do with that?
Right. Yeah. And I absolutely did. You know,I loved it for a little while until it stopped.
And still I stopped loving myself. I startedhating myself. You know, had run ins with the
(08:58):
law from, you know, alcohol induced. recklessendangerment and you know just a few stints
in jail and then I did go to rehab once andyou know I was in meetings and doing the counseling
and you know it was all court ordered. I didtake some information away from from that stuff
but I wasn't locked in. wasn't ready to giveup and that was you know I'd say probably 20
(09:26):
or 2004 2005 at that point when I got that youknow the getting arrested and things like that
and just being ridiculous with my drinking.But it didn't faze me any. Like I never hit
my rock bottom. you would think that that wasit. But I didn't hit my rock bottom until about
(09:49):
almost six years ago. Oh man. Yeah. So it carried on for so long. then I stopped drinking
to have fun. It was no longer fun. It was justto survive. I had to drink in order to be normal.
had to drink to function. I had to drink todo anything in life. couldn't, I couldn't
(10:11):
wake up and wait a little while before I hadto drink as soon as I woke up because I didn't
feel like myself until I did, you know, andthat was a 24, it was basically 24 hours
a day, seven days a week, aside from the timesthat I would pass out and wake up again and
start all over. Yeah. Yeah. I'm right therewith you. I've been there and it sucked.
(10:34):
It honestly really, really sucked. ah Wheneveryou wake up and you only feel okay after you
have a little bit of alcohol back in you andthen you're like, all right, I feel normal.
And then a few hours passes and you're like, all right, time to hit the bottle again. And
then maybe a few hours passes again. And soif you're at work, you have a little bit to
go with you. You find a way to get somethingduring lunch break, maybe. And then you find
(10:57):
a way to get some on the way home maybe. Andthen you stop by the liquor store on the way
home. And then yeah, dude, it's a one hellof a cycle and it sucks because that, like
you said, it is very much a, that's how youoperate. Like did you eat a whole lot while
you were underneath that influence? Because a lot of people don't realize that. Alcohol
(11:19):
is one of the four things we can get caloriesfrom so you literally run off of alcohol alone
yeah, no, and I'm glad you brought that uptoo because um you know I would I Would research
which like alcohol has the most carbs? How canI take food out of my equation? And just stick
(11:42):
with alcohol because I was doing it so muchlike you said too, and I was doing it at work
and you know I don't know how I was ableto function. People started noticing at work.
So I'm, I'm replacing actual food with alcohol.You know, I would eat a little bit just so
I could soak up some of it so I could drinkmore. That's the only reason why I did it,
(12:04):
you know? And it was like, and it was so crazybecause, you know, even now being sober,
my sobriety day is February 13th, 2020. Um,and Thank you, thank you. Even now, I'll get
those hunger pains when I'm getting kinda hungry,and it'll take me back and it scares the crap
(12:28):
out of me too because it starts making me think,I remember this feeling. Even after all this
time, I remember this feeling, what I used todo, and it kinda freaks me out a little bit.
But I eat food now, so. That's good. I'm realglad that you got back to eating food. And
I know for myself, the first actual meal thatI had whenever I was in rehab, I remember it
(12:53):
because I was like, I haven't eaten anythinglike this in a good hot minute, you know, and
I was like, it just it blew me away becauseI was like, how was I missing this this whole
time? But I was just in such a hole that fooddidn't matter. And it was expensive, right?
It would just get in the way of my alcohol consumptionin the first place. So I'm kind of surprised
(13:14):
you sat there and researched like which oneshas the most carbs and stuff so you can just
run off of it. That's pretty interesting. Yeah,it was crazy. Like like that's what it made
me do. And I've never been so locked in atthat point in my life. I've never been so locked
in on something where I'm like, I felt like,you know, it's some sort of scientist. Like
I'm researching all this stuff and I'm like,you know, trying to it's wild. what this
(13:41):
disease will do and have you do and make youfeel like it's for the best thing in humanity
for me to pick up. You know what I mean? Thatwould be the best thing for the entire human
race would be for me to pick up. you know,that's what this disease does to you too.
(14:02):
It makes you act so much out of character towhere you have those irrational thoughts that
you completely think are Rational. Yeah, yeah Just and then if you're like me whenever
you did try to get sober sometimes you'd sitthere and be like, alright Well, I was doing
beer for a little bit. So I'm gonna switch overto wine. No, okay, not the wine. Okay now It's
(14:25):
only gonna be clear alcohol Nope, okay, so we'regoing to move over to the spirits or something
and like I would always come up with the weirdestroutines or something like okay only on the
weekends or this or that and none of those everworked. It always devolved back into the whole
everyday all the time and it sucked. Wheneveryou mentioned it being a disease, a lot of
people like to say that it's not or some peoplelike to say that it's maybe a disease but
(14:51):
not in the traditional way that we think ofa disease. So what's your take on Sure. Yeah.
My, my take on that part is like, no, it'snot a disease. Like you can't compare it to
cancer and things like that. Um, but it's adisease because it tells me every single day
that I'm still here. I'm just waiting for youto slip up. And all I need to do is put myself
(15:20):
in a moment that reminds me. that is so overpoweringand reminds me that this feeling, I know how
to get rid of this feeling. And it completelytakes over your natural instinct, which is
to do other things, to get your mind off ofit. It completely takes control and says,
(15:45):
I know how to get rid of this. Just one, allyou need is one and I can help you. and take
yourself to the liquor store, pick up something and drink it. And I promise you, you'll feel
better. And when it does, obviously, um ifI have one, I'm having 20. So that is my take
(16:09):
on how it is a disease for me is that it's nevergonna be gone. I'm always gonna live with this
and I'm always gonna have that urge no matterwhat happens. um Now I have the tools and I
have the resources and things to combat that. Um, you know, so that is like the tools and
(16:31):
resources. I use that as my medicine to helpme, uh, fight this disease that I'm always
going to live with. Yeah. And I think that'san important aspect too. Uh, and that's one
of the things is that I've always describedalcoholism or addiction as the disease of choice.
because it starts with we definitely had thechoice to use or drink in the first place.
(16:56):
Then we had the choice to do it again or thirdor fourth, so on so forth. But we lose that
choice at somewhere along the way. It couldbe any number of things. And then at some point
it's like, hey, I'm stuck in the cycle and Ican't get out. And no matter what I do, I find
myself going back towards it willingly. Andso it takes this huge amount of willpower to
(17:18):
get to make that other choice. So it's alsoa paradox of sorts because getting in it also
requires the same kind of thing that it tookto get out. Whenever we talk about it being
lifelong though too, we do have to worry aboutmaybe developing other addictions as we get
out of the main addiction, don't we? Did youhave to deal with any of that? I actually
(17:39):
did not. Like alcohol was my main thing. never... I never mixed, you know, other illicit drugs
or anything like that. You know, for me, even if I had, and you know, I would stay absent
from everything. um I know there are otherswho, you know, say they are an alcoholic, but
(18:02):
you know, they'll pick up some marijuana orsomething like that. um And I don't shame anybody
that does that. uh You know, so for me, Theonly other thing that I had to try to quit
or kick ahead was uh cigarettes. uh so thatwas a pretty tough one for me. Trying to
(18:30):
kick that as well. Just like with alcohol,um especially alcohol, it's so socially acceptable.
Even smoking cigarettes is really socially acceptable. And hard to put down as well. ah So yeah,
I had to do that as well. Oh man. So you definitelydid almost the trifecta, you know, just the
(18:53):
alcohol, the nicotine, and you're now goingfull sober or straight edge as some people
like to say, which is really awesome becauseit's one of those things that we have. different
terms in sobriety, we have clean, sober, andso on and so forth. And people like to have
different milestones for different things. Andlike you said, I don't judge anyone on their
recovery journey, so long as they're activelyworking on bettering themselves. Sometimes
(19:18):
people have five different addictions, and theyneed to work on one at a time. And sometimes
while they're working on one, one will pickup a little bit more and go out of control.
And then they're finding themselves kind ofin that same loop. But that's the things that
they have their journey to go on. It's not myplace to tell them where they need to go.
you also said uh the tools that you use nowhelp with the disease and stuff. essentially
(19:42):
the disease is also more of a symptom. Wouldyou say for you or was it something that was
uh the disease was the disease itself, not someunderlying cause? kind of look at it like,
you know, when I look back at it, I kind oflook at it being my solution. uh you know,
to all my problems where alcohol didn't reallybecome a problem. Um, in that moment, it was
(20:11):
always a solution to my problem. So if I hadan issue, I would drink and then that would
solve the problem. So I never really lookedat it like that. Like you're saying as a symptom,
I always looked at, I always look at it nowfor me, it was, it was the solution, know,
Not to say it was right, but it was the solutionat the time for my problems. you know, with
(20:36):
the, and the tools that I use is basicallymy support system. I've grew, I grew my support
system tremendously and have like-minded individualsto help me stay on track. know, but yeah,
when you go back to what you were saying isthat I look at it as pretty much my solution.
Yeah. Alcohol was definitely the solution forme and all my problems. uh But whenever I was
(21:00):
trying to deal with my alcoholism, the thingis that I thought that alcohol was the problem
I was dealing with and whatever really was thethings underneath. I get what you're saying
now. Yeah. So what you were talking about wasyour support system and stuff. It has me curious.
Did you do a whole bunch of AA or anything likethat? Or are you one of the uh traditional
(21:22):
people, if you will, or are you someone that'skind of blazing their own trail? Yeah, so a
little bit of everything to be honest withyou. I did do AA and start by changing your
mindset. know, I, because we can't just getsober and think that everything is magically
going to get better. Like it seems to be, itseemed to me anyway, I would go to these rooms
(21:48):
and they would talk and they got this, theyjust got a new car and they got a new house.
And I'm like, oh, if I get sober, that's allI got to do to get these things, you know?
And it's like, I get sober and none of thathappens. And I'm like, this, this isn't right.
This isn't what I, what I perceived it to be.Um, so I dug into working on myself, changing
(22:09):
my mindset from a fixed mindset to a growthmindset and, changing my outlook on life in
general. And, you know, being a more positiveperson, it's not always going to be sunshine
and rainbows every day. But you can find a positivein every single negative situation. You just
got to look harder sometimes. But yeah, that'show I let them know. Like, take all this and
(22:30):
just, you know, do it your way. But here arethe tools. And one of the things that I heard
you say is essentially the uh concept of yinand yang. There's going to be good things
in the bad. But I think to really highlightthat is to also let people know that there's
going to be some bad things in the good too. And I think that whenever we're trying to
(22:55):
get into early recovery, a lot of us sit therewith a lot of shame and guilt over the things
that we've done or things like that. And wehave to recognize that even in recovery, we're
not perfect people. And like it says in AA,we are not saints. And a lot of people don't
really sit there and understand that because some people think that we have to be perfect
(23:16):
in recovery and you're saying no there's nota way to do it besides just not picking up
again not picking up a bottle not picking upyour substance of choice and it's easily
said but it can be really difficult to actuallydo so what's one of your suggestions to people
that want to stop first but they don't knowhow? um Reaching out is as hard as it is,
(23:43):
stigma surrounds it and judgments and we allthink that if we say something about it that
people are gonna look at us different and what made me, what helped me a lot is when I
finally hit that rock bottom and I knew thatI could not do this anymore, um just saying.
(24:08):
Forget it. You know who cares what the whatthis person thinks uh I am who I am this this
disease does not define who I am. I'm stillDamien on the inside. I know who I want to
be and you know, I was just able to say forgetit let him talk and you know, I I am not
(24:31):
being a voice for that person. I want to bea voice for the person that was like me who
was silent. who stayed to himself, who wasso worried about what other people thought
about me, and when it comes to this, and just do this for myself. I couldn't do it for anybody
(24:52):
else. And a lot of people would say, why don'tyou do it for your kids, or for your wife,
or for this and for that? And none of thatworked, because my addiction would not let
me care about anybody else but myself. So inrecovery, I also had to care about myself first.
(25:12):
And in order for me to love somebody else, Ihad to get myself better. And, you know, so
for that person, um it is, it is very hard.You know, it's easy for me to just say, yeah,
just don't forget about, or just say, forgetwhat other people think about you. It's so
very hard. Um, but I have, I feel like Weknow when we're ready to give it up and you
(25:40):
know, it took me a while to get to that pointtoo. Um, but this, this other world, so to
speak is so much more beautiful than the worldI was living in and I couldn't see it. Yeah,
that's for sure. And we don't realize the kindof hell that we're putting ourselves through
in the moment, but one of the things that you have said a couple of times real quick is
(26:04):
rock bottom. And you had just mentioned thatonce we're ready, we're ready. And you're damn
right. Because I don't know about you, butI don't think I've met anyone that is sober
with at least a year or more and said, oh,this is my first time trying to get sober.
You know, everyone else I know is like, oh,no, I would try this to get sober for a little
(26:24):
bit. I would try this. I decided enough wasenough. then everything got better real quick.
And then I decided to go back to it or somethinglike that. But there is definitely that rock.
bottom, it's that tipping point of sorts. Andit's kind of like, you know, if I go over that
ledge again, I'm not coming back, you know,so what was your absolute rock bottom? Like,
was there a specific moment that really justclicked? Or did you have one of those Bill,
(26:49):
I think it's Bill Wilson, right? moments wherehe's in the hospital and he had that eureka
moment? with me, my rock bottom came. uh Itwas when I now wanted to take my own life.
um It was it was to a point to where my addictionwas telling me that you've tried you've been
(27:15):
to jail, you've been to rehab, you've donethe counseling, you've done the meetings, you've
done all this, and it's still not working. Theonly way you're going to get out of this is
if you take yourself out, you know, and it wasit was the the words and the voice it was
so clear to me that that's what I needed todo. um And I was I was on the verge of it
(27:38):
and you know in my mind I didn't want to doit But you know I did because that was the
only way I was gonna get out So I'm in theprocess of texting my wife to you know tell
her that she's gonna have to pick up the kidstoday and You know in the process of me texting
her my vision is blurred and you know, everythingis just going wrong. I Accidentally called
(28:02):
this pastor in my phone And I had his numberbecause my dad had given it to me a while back
trying to get me to get sober at that pointbecause he was at his wits end. He wasn't sure
what to do. He just gave me this guy's number. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, sure. I'll call
him. I never did until that day by accident.you know, the phone's ringing. I'm staring
(28:25):
at it. I'm froze because I don't know whatto do. I can't hang up if I do. He's going
to call back. So he He eventually answers andI'm like just completely broke down to him.
That was the point where I said, I don't carewho knows somebody's got to help me here, you
know, and just let it all out. And he was like,I need you to meet me at the coffee shop up
(28:48):
the street. he met me and we sat and we talkedand he asked me to pray. I was like, I've
never prayed before in my life. My relationshipwith God was that He existed and that was it.
ah Because I was always like, why are you doingthis to me? Why me? You know, that kind of
(29:09):
thing. And he had me do that. And it was, it was like a weight was lifted off of me.
I came home that day, still told my wife thatshe has to pick up the kids, but it was because
I'm checking. Yeah. I was checking myself intorehab. You know, like you were talking about
too, where we, we always. We're going to doit and then we something happens and we just
(29:30):
go back to it and we pick up again on my wayto rehab. I was I had gotten sober before
I went to rehab because when I called them theysaid we can get you in right now if you need
to detox and you know me still thinking thatI can do this on my own. Now give me a couple
of days. Oh no. no. That's idea. Yeah. umAnd she was like, I can get you in in five
(29:56):
days if you don't need to detox. I'm like, allright, good. Set me up for that. So I did take
those next few days and I got sober on my own,which was the worst decision that I could have
made because I should have been under medicalsupervision. It was bad. I didn't have to go
(30:16):
to the hospital, but it was bad and I shouldhave. But, you know, I'm... The fifth day comes.
I'm a day out of withdrawal. I'm feeling reallygood. Like the, the my energy is up and I'm
just ready. I'm like, I can do this on my own.I just did it for four days. I feel so good
(30:39):
on the way to the rehab. Oh no. I'm, I'm like,how do I get out of this? Maybe, maybe the
directions to this place isn't, isn't rightand we'll get lost or, you know, all these
thoughts going through my mind. jump out ofthis car and just head off into the woods and
come back a couple days later and be like, I'mall right. um No, that, uh that, but that is
(31:05):
the irrational thoughts that, were poppingup that making me think that that's what I
should do. I did not do that. My wife droveme, we made it to the rehab and you know,
it was, that was the best decision. That'sawesome. ah I love that story for a few reasons
(31:26):
and one of them is because ah that synchronicity and that accident of just calling the pastor
and being able to break down and open up aboutsomething like that then there's the whole
element of Essentially just just because yougot sober doesn't mean that's the end of it,
right? Just because you got sober doesn'tmean that the uh recovery road has ended or
(31:51):
It doesn't mean that it's all pink cloud afterthat because the I got sober for four days
like, it's okay. Like, uh, but that's the thingis that getting that kind of sober after drinking
for however long is really, really dangerous.Like I had to get my medical detox. I'll ever
gave out on me if it wasn't for a medical supervision,I'd be dead, you know? So, uh, I really do
(32:15):
want listeners to know that if your story isNot the best in regards to that. Like if they
offer assistance with detox, it. It's worthit for sure. Because what was the hardest part
about the actual detox for you in that regard?Because that is one of the battles that a
lot of people face is they're afraid of thedetox itself because it's hard to go through.
(32:38):
You know, how did you make it through? Yeah,it was. It was very hard. You know, the shakes
and the sickness and always, you know, justnastiness, hallucinations. you know, I remember
my vision was legitimately blurred. I couldnot, it always felt like something was in my
(32:59):
eye. And, you know, it was so blurred, I couldn'treally see, you know, and I'm hallucinating
and I can't sleep and I can't eat anything.I can't drink anything because I can't keep
it down. you know, it was, It was such a horribleexperience. And you're right. And nobody should
(33:22):
go through that um without medical clearance. Like I said, I should have gone. And I was
just that stubborn. was afraid, you know, goingback through it. I was afraid to get sober.
I was afraid to know who I am without, youknow, drinking. I was afraid of all of that.
(33:44):
um I don't know what made me think like, I'lljust, I'll just see you in a couple of days,
you know, when they told me. Yeah. Yeah. Butyeah, that mean the withdrawal, it was, it
was horrible. And you just mentioned somethingagain, that I think a lot of people really
deal with and they don't realize that they'redealing with it. And that's the identity loss
(34:06):
of quitting drinking or quitting any substancethat they're actively using because Either
it be used to mask pain, to mask trauma, whetherit be used to build oneself up, to be someone
that they're not, builds confidence, so onand so forth. Whenever they take that element
away, they're afraid that they lose that partof them, right? So how would you tell someone
(34:30):
that, that is you. It's just you don't needthat substance in that moment, you know? Yeah.
And that's a hard one too, because you... Youhave to when you go through recovery, you know,
way after, you know, the rehab stay and thingslike that, you have to find out who you are.
(34:51):
And the only way to do that is by completely getting to the root of, of, know, what
made you do this in the first place? was not,uh I was totally afraid of who I was. um It's
not easy to tell somebody like you're you'regonna be better I promise you're gonna be better
(35:15):
because there's no way to For for that personto believe you it really starts with getting
to unlearning Everything that you had learnedbefore while using You know and that's the
hardest part is trying to because you're essentiallya new person once you hit recovery You are
essentially a new person because that the oldway of thinking the old way of doing things
(35:40):
has to be completely overhauled. Yeah. Andthat is the hardest part. that's that's why
it's it's very it was very important for meto work with a therapist because I know I
couldn't have done that on my own. Try to figureout who I really am. You know, if anybody was
was thinking how how could they do that? I reallysuggest someone a professional therapist,
(36:08):
a counselor or something like that. Yeah, forsure. And I love that you're talking about
uh all that because in death we are madenew, right? And that's kind of the weird thing
is that a lot of people think that recoveryis life. And while that is the case, it is
also beginning death because it is a death ofour old self. And again, that comes with fear
(36:33):
that comes with fear of the unknown and a lotof people sitting there going, I don't know
what to do. So you're sitting here able tooffer people that peace of mind and stuff like
that. And one of the things that you also mentionedbefore too, was your relationship with a higher
power and you didn't necessarily have one before and it kind of helped change everything. And
(36:53):
but you also are sitting there taking the therapyat the same time. You're not sitting there
leaning only into church or only into this.You're sitting there. You're making it really
well rounded so that you are figuring out whoyou want to be. Right. You're not just sitting
there going like, all right, this sounds good.I'm going follow that yellow brick road. Right.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Because, youknow, once you start, once someone tells you
(37:21):
to do something and you just do that. That'sexactly what you do is you're like, I'm just
going to stick with this then and see whatwhat that helps um or where that takes me.
Where does that rotate me? A lot of people usedto say um you should just pray this away.
you know, and that is not that praying. Yes.Pray to whoever your higher power is. Definitely.
(37:47):
But don't just do that. uh A lot of people wouldtell me, um you know, that they were in churches
and things like that. All you need to do ispray this away. And no, that's not how this
works. know, so I remember too, know, religionused to turn me away from wanting to go to
(38:09):
the rooms and things because, know, I alwaysfelt and they could say higher power, they
could say it doesn't have to be God. It's ina church. And, you know, in the, in the steps,
it has God multiple times and things like that.And I'm like, we pray at the end. so, you
know, it turned me off a lot about that. solike, even in my, my mentoring and things like
(38:35):
that, like, I don't, I don't lead with that.don't, I don't push that down anyone's throat
either. Um, you know, come, come when you'reready. Cause I didn't come until I was. Yeah,
and that's a really good way to put it too,because a lot of people will sit there and
like myself and you, sounds like, avoided gettinghelp sooner because the religion aspect is
(39:00):
like, well, I'm not going and you're sayingif I don't do this and I'm not going to get
better and I want to get better, but I don'twant to do that. So, yeah, I'm not getting
better, I guess, you know. So, and it kind ofgoes in line with step one and everything because
I'm only saying that because whenever I wasgetting sober or trying to, I was like, yeah,
(39:22):
I did step one. I admitted I was an alcoholic.Okay. Well then guess what? You have to do
the other steps. If you want to go forward,you can't just sit there and say, yeah, I got
a problem. That's it. Problem solved. That'dbe the same thing as trying to pray it away.
Just sitting there saying like, I'm going tosit there and do something about it. I'm
going to sit there and just. wine, essentially,right? And that was one of the things I heard
someone say in a room once was prayer withoutaction is just a complaint. And I was like,
(39:47):
yeah, that sounds about right. So it kind ofmade me think different about a lot of different
things like that, too. And you're also sittingthere saying that people can sit there and
you're letting people choose their higher power.Right. Because not everyone's higher power
is the same. Even if you're even if you'rein the same sect or whatever, your higher
(40:10):
power may not line up with someone else's perceivedqualities of your higher power, you know? Does
that make sense? Oh, yeah. So, um I definitelydon't. I wouldn't want that done to me. if
you know, and it was done to me quite a quitea bit. And, you know, I was like, I'm just
(40:31):
not I'm just not going to associate myself withyou then if you're going to try to. force this
on me and you know that's the last thing I wantto do especially trying to help others get
sober I don't want to push them away so youknow it doesn't matter your affiliation you
know just I do believe that we need to think of and believe in something bigger than ourselves
(40:52):
because I don't think that us alone can dothis and that other thing could be anything
imaginable it doesn't have to be you know thathigher power it can be anything You know, but
as long as you believe in something bigger thanyourself, because you're going to need all
(41:13):
the help you can get. And, you know, my, I tellthem, I'm like, you know, you'll never know
if that thing is what's going to help you ornot. So you have nothing really to lose. So
if you just believe in something bigger thanyourself, it can only help you. can't hurt
you. And I remember hearing someone say, Godgroup of drunks. Uh, and good orderly discipline
(41:38):
and there's some other ones that I've heardbefore, but that's the thing. Like you said,
it just has to be something besides yourselfthat you're putting into. But the thing is
too, is that you have to do it for yourselftoo. You can't necessarily sit there and go
and do it. Like you said, for your family, becauseit would have worked. You wouldn't be in this
position right now. Right. So one of my questionsis, uh, with your years in active addiction,
(42:04):
you had to have a family during that time andthey had to be with you through the whole thing.
and they're still all one whole unit, right?Yeah. Yeah. So it really is, you know, I feel
blessed in that way. My wife pretty much tookthe brunt of it. We've been together 15 years
(42:26):
and married 13. So yeah. Thank you. Um, youknow, and that was like the peak of my, of
my addiction at that point, you know, of coursemy, my parents and things they had to deal
with, but my wife, because she was there 24seven, um, dealing with that. And, know, I,
(42:47):
I, I am very blessed that she's still here,um, helping me, you know, and she, helps me
with my, um, breaking the silence group, youknow, she's done, uh, wellness, family wellness.
uh meetings and things like that. And, youknow, just trying to figure out how to deal
(43:07):
with me in recovery and, and, and how, or,you know, the things that led up to my addiction
and things like that. So she went through herown and she didn't have to do that. I didn't
ask her to do it. She just did it, which was super, super cool um on her end. I, I, that
(43:27):
is something that, that doesn't happen all thetime either where the spouses stay. You know,
I have a number of friends who, um you know,were in active addiction or people that I knew
came out of rehab and, you know, lost theirspouses and things. it's, you know, it's not
easy. When we're in active addiction, we thinkit's only happening to us when in reality,
(43:51):
in reality, it's happening to our, our spouses,our kids, our parents, you know, anybody that's
in our, in our way. is going to be affectedby this. it's such a blessing that she sticks
with it. I use her as my confidant. I confidein her and I talk to her all the time and
(44:15):
I don't feel judged when I talk to her. uhAnd that's a huge important aspect is not feeling
judged whenever you speak to someone about thingsthat are so close to you and especially to
someone that is so close to you. You know, youhave to feel that. And I'm just honestly super
impressed and just like inspired by her resilienceand sticking by your side and doing those things
(44:40):
with you and for you, because that's true loveright there, you know, and that does take a
lot of effort. So one of my questions is, Idid think I saw it on the pod match profile,
but do you think that we could have you allback on as a duo so that we can get both sides
of your story at the same time? Absolutely.Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Awesome. Because like
(45:02):
you said, our addiction makes us think that it's literally woe is me and why is the world
doing all this to me? And then in recovery,we're kind of sitting there and it's like,
oh, yeah, never, never mind. I messed up alot. And that's the thing is that we have
to make sure that our recovery doesn't onlyaffect us. We have to make sure that our recovery
(45:25):
extends to those that are first of all affectedby our past and then affected by future actions
going forward, right? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.Because, you know, it's much more than just
an I'm sorry or I apologize. It's so much morethan that. you know, that was my way of, you
know, essentially getting me off the hook wasme saying, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that.
(45:50):
I didn't mean to act that way. I'm not goingto do that again. And it wasn't until I started,
I stopped saying I'm sorry and started showingexactly what I'm doing in my recovery, how
I'm actually taking it seriously and how itis shaping me. Um, you know, and that is the
(46:15):
biggest apology that anyone who's been affectedby our addiction can have. That is the biggest
thing. for sure. So you kind of have to buildup new habits, right? To kind of help reinforce
this new mindset for yourself. So real quick,uh what is one habit that you have changed
(46:36):
that makes you who you are today? ah I do alot more things around the house. um You know,
I pick projects to do um in my house just soI can stay busy. You know, I like to play,
I like activities. So like, like to play golfand things like that. So, um, but mostly doing
(47:01):
things around the house because it keeps mebusy. Um, plus I had a lot of things that I
had to redo because I would do them in whenI was drunk and you know, they're all off level
and things like that. So I had to redo a bunchof stuff around the house because of that.
so, so yeah. Sorry, not trying to laugh toomuch at that, but that's pretty funny. mean,
(47:24):
yeah, that's something I would have done. It really shows that you're quick and well,
not necessarily quick, but you are being verythorough. You're sitting there saying, look,
this is something that I did in the moment,so I can recognize that it's not good. And
that's pretty cool, too, at the same time, right?Because it's a physical representation of what
(47:49):
you've been through, what you're doing. andyou're able to literally go back and fix some
mistakes. And I think that that's a prettycool symbology right there. I think that it
really does kind of highlight everything thatyou're doing. But real quick, I did forget
to ask you earlier on in the episode, but wherecan people find you if they're looking to get
some help with all of this? sure. You can findus on Facebook, Breaking the Silence, uh on
(48:14):
Instagram as well, Breaking the Silence. umI have a link tree that is tagged to both of
those. um And my Linktree has a direct emailto me, so if you want to reach out without,
you you want to do it privately, that's completelyfine. Join our groups. You can see our meetings.
They're virtual as well. So if you're not inMaryland, you can still join. And um there's
(48:38):
a link to my book as well on that Linktree.Sweet. My biggest question was really going
to be what's all the comics on the background? Ah, OK. Yeah, so I love collecting comics.
um And Funko Pops, although I've gotten outof the Funkos now, but comics I'm really into
And you know, like I got a wall over here toothat you can't see it's full of the Walking
(49:00):
Dead Like I have all the Walking Dead comicsand over here is a little mini arcade and then
my sports memorabilia over here But yeah thosecomics I'd you know, what's funny about that.
I'm the only one that really? uh Enjoys themover in my house. So I'll just change them
up every once in a while just cuz Just cuzI'm a nerd like that, you know Yeah, it's all
(49:21):
about the feng shui, you know, maybe maybe somecomic characters or heroes are fitting your
mood more so than others. So, Damien, I justgot to say thank you for being on the show
and I thank you for everything that you do foreveryone out there dealing with their sobriety,
struggling with their recovery and everythingalong those lines, because it's people like
(49:42):
you that are going to help make this world abetter place. One conversation at a time, you
know. Absolutely. And and thank you as wellfor having me on. I really do appreciate
it. love what you're doing with Retrieving Sanityand you know, just having this platform to
be able to talk about mental health and addiction.I think it's what we all need in the world
(50:03):
as right now and and you're fabulous host dude. I've loved being on here. um Very knowledgeable
and congrats on your journey as well. No, well,thank you very much, sir. I really appreciate
the kind words and It was five years for you.Correct. Are you going on six? Did you just
hit five? hit five on February 13th. So I'min the middle on you know, five and a half
(50:27):
or Yeah, yeah about five and a half. Yeah, that'sright because my cousin's birthday is Valentine's
and him and I are exactly six months apart Soyeah, you're definitely over the half mark
now. So yeah. Yeah. Yeah actually, yeah, cuztoday's the first. Yep And oh, thank you for
reminding me that today was National RecoveryMonth and Suicide Awareness Month. So I believe
(50:53):
people can still dial the 988 phone line. thatstill active? That is correct. Yes. Okay. I
did. I'd have to make sure because I know therewas something with I saw something with Canada
and the US and Canada's is still up and running.They were saying project. Yeah. So And I want
(51:14):
to say 988 is still active last I saw, again,I did see rumors that it wasn't. So I'd have
to double check, but I want to say I'm 99 %sure that it's still active. There is some
way of getting, getting in contact. So you'renot alone. Definitely. If you, if you're having
that thought, please reach out. Yeah, for sure.And if they won't answer, then reach out to
(51:39):
someone that you do know, because hopefullythey'll be able to help you out as well. So
everyone out there, thank you for listeningto Retrieving Sanity on WDJY 99.1 FM. This
has been Keegan and this has been Damien, somake sure to check him out over at Breaking
the Silence and just keep on keep on on. I droppeda rock. So with that being said, we'll see
(52:03):
you next time. Shalom!
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