Foundations 2 - Narcissistic Peronality Disorder Introduction

Join John Boswell, MSW, LCSW, as he goes over the signs and symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and how to identify people with the disorder.

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Howdy folks, this is John Boswell, LCSWyour friendly neighborhood therapist,

(00:29):
and I'm here to talk to you aboutnarcissistic personality disorder or NPD.
Now you're probably tuning in becauseyou think that there is a narcissist
in your life, whether it be your bestfriend or your husband or girlfriend or
someone just close to you, even your boss.
So you're probablylooking for some answers.
What I'm gonna do for you todayis I'm gonna help break down for
you in very layman's terms, whatthe criteria is for narcissistic

(00:53):
personality disorder or NPD, and kindof help guide you in the right way.
Now, when I'm choosing, we knowas a disclaimer, that only a
true mental health professionalcan diagnose in the NPD however.
If you feel as though that shouldresonate with anything that's talked
about in this podcast or on this viewing,go ahead and check out the resources
or the place below to help you find amental health professional to work with.

(01:16):
All right.
Thanks for tuning in.
. Okay, so let's first break downwhat a personality disorder is.
A personality disorder is a categoryof mental health conditions, and
there's about 10 of them wherepeople act outside of societal norms.
And what I mean by societal normsis there's certain behaviors,
there's certain ways that we'reall expected and accepted to.

(01:38):
For instance I think we can all agree,or most of us could agree that it's
not cool to knock, go over littleold ladies and steal their purses.
Or if we were to run so over with our car,we probably feel bad and feel remorseful.
Well, people with NPD orAntisocial Personality Disorder
may not feel the same way.
They may not have that same levelof remorse or empathy for victims.

(02:03):
Personality disorder isexactly what it sounds like.
It is a disorder.
Personality.
All right, so when we talk about NPD,I want you to think of NPD as a scale
or narcissistic behaviors as a scale.
And narcissistic personality disorder isthe very, very far extreme scale of it.
And narciss at tendencies issomething that we all tend to have.

(02:27):
So what I mean by that, I meanthat there's always moments.
We're kind of feeling ourselves and wemay think we look good today, or we may
think we're a little bit better thansomebody or just, you know, we kind
of think we're the shit . It happens.
It happens.
And that's completelynormal with a narcissist.
It's at a point where it'swhat we call pathological.
It's at a point where it's.

(02:47):
Unhealthy and it's almost aovercompensation to deal with in
its intense shame that they carry.
So when we look at narcissisticpersonality disorder,
we look at the criteria.
There's actually nine symptoms that welook for as mental health professionals
and an individual will need to haveat least five of these behaviors
for us to give an actual formaldiagnosis of NPD and these behaviors.

(03:11):
These are actually gonnastart in childhood and we're
gonna actually see them.
Progress into adulthood.
We don't diagnose any kids withpersonality disorders, anyone
under, under the age of 18 becausefrankly you just don't know what
they're going through as a phase.
So that, you know, they need to justbeing a little brat at the moment.
it's clinically speaking, but.
By time we're the age of 18,our personalities are kind of

(03:33):
ingrained and we start to havethat criteria we can look at.
So the first thing we're looking atis first criteria is do they have a
grandiose sense of self importance?
So what I mean by that is, Again, do Ikind of think I'm the shit all the time?
And do I exaggerate my achievements?
So I'm gonna say that I am the best racecar driver in the world just because

(03:56):
I go, you know, 70 on I 95 instead ofgoing to speed limit, or I may really
exaggerate about how great I am at golf.
And I played maybe one or two tournamentsand did okay, but I'm gonna go ahead
and say that I'm the best golf playerever, or I'm the best person in the
entire league for the entire county.
It's a very exaggerated sense of thisgrandiosity and this self importance,

(04:18):
and they kind of brag about this.
All the time.
It's a consistent part of theirvocabulary and, and their behavior.
And we all know someone like this.
Usually these people are alsopreoccupied with fantasies of
limited unlimited power and success.
So what they'll do is a lot oftimes they'll go ahead and try to
achieve these positions of power.
A lot of times we'll see them aspolice officers and law enforcement.

(04:40):
Not to say that all police arenarcissists and be very clear on that.
But again, they're attractedto positions of power.
So you may have some policeofficers that are we'll see them
narcissists as judges, CEOs.
Political figures, celebrities, a lotof positions of power, places where
they get to be the authority and theyget to kind of be the one in control.

(05:01):
And they, this will also transferover into personal relationships.
So they need to feel as though they're themost Im important person in relationship.
They are dominant.
They are having all thetension focused on them.
You'll even see it inside family.
As narcissists grow up into adulthoodand have their own families, they
need to kind of be the centerof tension and the household.

(05:24):
They may be kind of a tyrant.
And I expect kind of everyone tokind of serve dad or serve mom,
but they are the person who is mostimportant and a lot of times they'll
create chaos in the household inorder to keep the attention on them.
A lot of times narcissist feelsthough they are special or they're
unique and they can only beunderstood by someone else special.

(05:47):
So I'll give you an example I knew of.
Individual who said that his friendwas a narcissist and he would only see
a therapist who happens to be a PhD.
Cause they had to be the top therapistwho could possibly understand them.
If I were to go see my doctor, I only seethe doctor that has all the accolades.
That is the absolute best.
And a physician's assistant wouldnever be good enough to, you

(06:09):
know, treat me if I were narciss.
Another criteria will berequiring excessive admiration.
So again, that lust for power, thatlust for attention you can see how this
would easily fit for a celebrity andbeing on stage and getting the adoration
or being a performer of some sort.
And it may be as simple as beingthe class clown or being the

(06:30):
leader of your social group.
Having to be the onethat everyone looks up.
A lot of times one of the criteriais having a sense of entitlement.
Because I'm special.
I deserve favorable treatment.
You know, officer, you should not giveme this ticket because, well, you know,
I'm a celebrity or I'm a politician,or because I am the CEO of Microsoft,

(06:54):
I should get special privileges.
I shouldn't have to pay taxes if.
I am so freaking awesome.
I should not have to conform tothe rules of regular society.
I shouldn't have to stand inline in the grocery store.
, you imagine that I should be able tojump in front of everyone else in line
because I am, I don't know, rich, orbecause I, my position work, whatever.

(07:15):
It's, but that sense of entitlementis, tends to be ingrained a
lot of times, narcissists or.
And what happens is they'll takeadvantage of other people in
order to get to where they want.
Where do we see this a lot of times at?
Where does this socially acceptable?
Think about it, within major corporations.
Right.
So a lot of times we'll see CEOs orwe'll see people who, or management

(07:39):
and things like that who willkind of step on the little guy.
And the crazy part about it is alot of times narcissists are very
good in these positions of power.
They're very good at what they do.
I happen to work with a narcissistwho was completely racist and
just really despicable to all thestaff and really spoke down to
everyone, however, He brought inexcellent sales for the company.

(08:03):
I'm talking about millionsof dollars a year.
So the owner of the company was willingto excuse his bad behavior, even if he
was nasty to therapists and doctors andother people who may have had a higher
position or even been more educated.
He had value, so, and heused this to his advantage.

(08:24):
Of course saying that narcissiststend to lack empathy, and that is
one of the very common symptomswe'll see as well, the criteria.
They're able, they're unable to kindaidentify and recognize that I should
feel bad for stepping on other people.
Or if, let's say my wife is hurt and shefalls down the stairs, you know, well,

(08:46):
that's interrupting the game right now,so I don't know what you're gonna do.
They only.
They don't have a lot of empathy andthey don't only see people the same way
that you and I may see people and kind oftreat them with compassion and dignity.
They're very good at faking it.
So they're able to kindof blend in society.
So for instance, they know that,hey, if my wife were to fall down

(09:08):
the stairs, the right thing todo is ask, Hey, are you okay?
But it's not really heart.
There's really no follow through ifyou should, to say, no, I'm not okay.
I fell down the stairs.
Well, you know, sucks for you.
I'm watching the game right now.
One of the other criteria is they tendto be envious of others or those who

(09:29):
they believe be in positions of power.
So you'll see that they'llrespect other people.
Who tend to be, have the samekind of tyrannical behavior or
that'll be higher up in position.
They have a respect for them and an envy.
However, they feel as thoughanyone of they, that they feel is
beneath them is envious of them.

(09:49):
Everyone wants to be like me.
I had a narcissist once tell me, youknow, a lot of my coworkers think that I'm
arrogant and they don't like me becauseI have an ice body and I drive an ice car
and I work out and I make a lot of money.
But, you know, I really just, you know,I'm not trying to flaunt it in their
face when I show these things off.
It's just, you know, they'rejealous of me or they're envi.

(10:12):
The last criteria we look foris them being arrogant or hoy.
Needless to say, , that is one of thecriteria that we'll see with narcissist.
Now, there are actually subtypesof narcissist as well that
make it even more confusing.
We have your overt narcissist, andthese are the narcissists who tend

(10:33):
to be very grandiose braggadocious.
This is the person who has to be theloudest person in the room, who has
to have all the attention on them,who has to kind of make chaos or be
the center of attention and be funny.
Then you have your covert narcissist andthey tend to be a little harder to detect.

(10:53):
Hence the word covert.
With covert narcissist,they are very, very fragile.
And what they'll do is a lot of timesthey will kind of be the woe is me.
You know, everyone, the job hatesme because I have a nice car and a
nice body, and I make a lot of money.
Woe was me and see what they do.

(11:14):
Is it a very slick way?
This is a way of getting sympathyand attention from other people.
Wow, I feel so bad for you everyone.
It must be so hard being soattractive and so successful.
And then you have the worst type ofnarcissist, arguably, which is your
malignant narcissist and malignantnarcissist, or kind of combination
of narcissistic personality disorderand antisocial personality disorder.

(11:39):
What malignant narcissist, whatwe'll see is they tend to be venge.
So if you do, the worst thing you can doever do to a narcissist is embarrass them.
Make them feel shame.
Cause that's actually keeping themback to a childhood place, a childhood
trauma, and kind of reverting themback to that, a malignant narcissist.
Once you do that, if you call them out,are you embarrass them in front of anyone.
They are going to become vengefuland you're gonna turn against you and

(12:02):
you have just made your worst enemy.
A lot of times you'll hear about malignantnarcissist when you're actually going
through a breakup or a bad divorce.
They may try to turn your family againstyou, your kids, your boss, your your,
your coworkers, all that good stuff.
But they become venge.
. Okay, so after hearing that you thinkyou may have a narcissist in your life,

(12:24):
or worse yet, you may think you arean actual narcissist, what do you do?
Well, there's a couple things.
For one, you can always run , whichis completely okay, but what if
you don't actually wanna run?
What if you wanna stick it out and youthink that this can actually work well?

(12:46):
It seems like you have a few options here.
More than likely it's gonna be,you're gonna be uneven to change them.
Put it out there flat out.
What we can do though, is work on how youdeal with them, because sometimes we have
narcissists in our lives that we can'tnecessarily get rid of and maybe mom or
dad or maybe a husband or a wife even.

(13:07):
So in this podcast, we are gonna talkabout ways to kind of navigate those
relationships and deal with them.
The best thing that you can do is work.
Work on empowering yourself, work onyour self-esteem, work on figuring
out what it is that attracts you to anarcissist in the very first place, and
then you work on setting those boundariesand work on ways to kinda adapt.

(13:29):
So, and again, in futureepisodes, we'll talk more on that.
Thank you for tuning in and I lookforward to talking to you soon.