What’s the secret behind a thriving, peaceful homeschool? It might just be habit training! Join Cindy West and special guest Jennifer Pepito, author of Habits for a Sacred Home, as they discuss the power of establishing meaningful habits, fostering virtue, and modeling character for your children.
In this episode, you’ll discover:
- How Charlotte Mason-inspired habit training goes beyond daily chores to building lifelong values
- Practical ways to get started with habit training, even if you’re new or feeling overwhelmed
- Why parent modeling is KEY to your child’s success—and how to embrace imperfection with humility
- The connection between habit training, character growth, and cultivating independence in your kids
Jennifer shares real-life strategies, a list of simple starter habits (connection, eye contact, outdoor time, and more!), and the encouragement every homeschool mom needs.
Recommended Resources:
Guides to delight-led learning
Listen to Jennifer's podcast here
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Apologia is a Christ-centered, award-winning homeschool curriculum provider. Our mission is to help homeschooling students and families learn, live, and defend the Christian faith through our print and digital curriculum and online classes.
BJU Press Homeschool is dedicated to providing homeschool families with academically strong curriculum rooted in a biblical worldview. They offer a complete curriculum from preschool through 12th grade, available in both traditional textbooks and video courses. By teaching through the lens of Christ’s power, they help students view the world through the transformative story of God’s creation
CTCMath specializes in providing online video tutorials that take a multi-sensory approach to learning. Creative graphics and animation, synchronized with the friendly voice of internationally acclaimed teacher, Pat Murray, make learning math easy and effective. Start your free trial today.
The Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast is a member of the Biblical Family Network. Our mission is to support and encourage the family by providing the very best podcasts on family, discipleship, marriage, parenting, worldview, culture, and education, all from a Biblical perspective. Visit the website for more great shows, like the Thinking Dad, Culture Proof, Homeschool Insights, and Made2Homeschool.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
There are all these habits that coalesce to make a happy and
peaceful home school, and some of them are habits that we're
teaching our kids, but they're all habits that we should be
modeling as well. Hey, everyone, and welcome back
to the Schoolhouse Rock podcast.I'm your host, Cindy West, and I
am here with a guest that I knowyou're going to be very excited
(00:22):
about. But first, I need you to hear a
word from one of our awesome sponsors, CTC Math.
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(00:43):
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(01:06):
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start your free trial. CTC Math Math Made Easy.
Now it is time for me to introduce you to one of my
friends, Jennifer Pepito. Jennifer, welcome.
(01:27):
She and I have known one anotherfor quite some years now.
We've actually never met in person, but we sure do have a
good friendship and she and I are both what we would call
eclectic Charlotte Mason Homeschoolers.
She is an author who has writtena book titled Habits for a
(01:47):
Sacred Home, and we are going totalk a little bit about that
book and a lot about the topic of habit training, which is
something that is well was originally introduced to me as a
Charlotte Mason homeschooler. So Jen, first, hey, welcome.
(02:08):
And I'd love if you could start by telling us just a little bit
about your background and what led you to write Habits for a
Sacred Home. Oh, thanks so much for having
me, Cindy. And it's so awesome that Garrett
and Yvette have hosted me today as well.
Yeah, Habits for a sacred home. I it came out of years of
(02:29):
homeschooling. I've been homeschooling for 27
years. We started a morning time habit
thanks to what we learned through Charlotte Mason.
And later on, Cindy Rawlins gaveit a word like we didn't call it
morning time until Cindy Rawlinsuntil her books.
But we would gather every morning and read out loud
together and look at poetry and art.
(02:52):
And I just had such a beautiful experience together.
And so all of these years of home schooling led to 2020 when
in California, the world was just nuts.
It was, you know, I know that the whole, the whole world, the
whole world shut down. There was a lot of trauma in the
(03:13):
whole world, a lot of terror in the whole world.
And I, like many other homeschool moms, felt that.
But at the time, I was reading about the monastic movement,
about Saint Benedict and about the rule of life that he
incorporated into his monasteries.
And many people say that that monastic movement saves
civilization, that as they were reading books and copying down
(03:36):
the Bible and, you know, keepinga garden and having this balance
of work and prayer, that sort ofa civilized life or Western
civilization was saved. And as I saw the chaos around us
and not just the pandemic, but then riots and the same time as
riots, lockdowns and just all kinds of intense chaos.
And Cindy and our friend Alicia Hutchinson talked a lot about
(03:59):
that. I started reading these books
about the monastic movement. I was like, Oh my gosh,
homeschool moms are like Saint Benedict.
We in our homes are keeping old practices alive.
People today barely eat meals around a table.
They barely read books to their children.
(04:20):
They, they barely read the Bibleout loud, you know, and we are
keeping these things alive in our homes.
And in so doing, we're saving civilization.
And I know that might sound a little grandiose, but really the
work we're doing as homeschool moms is so impactful and so
world saving. Yeah, well, that's a great way
(04:41):
to put that. So could you describe a little
bit about what your definition of habits are that build a
sacred home? And here's why I ask, you know,
when most of us as mothers thinkabout habit training, think
(05:02):
about habits we are particularlyfocused on.
Let's get our kiddos to have a daily habit of brushing their
teeth the first thing in the morning.
Let's make a habit of making a bed.
Let's make a habit of you bring your laundry down every single
morning. Or, you know, very, very
practical, body based, home based kinds of things.
(05:25):
Is that how you would describe the word habit?
I mean, those are important habits, but the book is centered
around 9 values and so you know,it's called Habits for a Sacred
Home. And sacred really means
consecrated. It doesn't mean perfect.
And so the these values are things like order, simplicity,
(05:48):
stewardship, prayer, and then the habits are the ways that we
put these values into practice. So for instance, if your family
has a value for prayer, then maybe you will have morning and
evening prayers. Maybe you will make sure you
have a morning habit of praying before you look at your phone.
If your family has a value for work or a rule of life that says
(06:11):
that work is part of our family culture, then your habit might
be making sure the dishes are done before you go to bed at
night or making home cooked meals for your family.
So there are many kinds of habits that we as mothers engage
in. I think that's where it starts.
Like we can talk all day about training our children in habits,
but if we don't have good habits, it's going to just be
hypocrisy and actually lead. I think often those kinds of
(06:34):
behaviors like a a parent behaving one way and telling
your child to act another way isoften what leads to bitterness
and rebellion. Oh, OK.
All right. So let's go there because, well,
first, you know, let me mention I've said the word Charlotte
Mason a couple of times. By no means are you or I saying
(06:56):
that this is something that Charlotte Mason homeschoolers
do. Do you believe, before I get on
to my second part of my question, do you believe that
this is a concept for homeschoolers in general,
whether or not they follow a certain practice, a certain
method, where habit training is something that's actually laid
(07:17):
out for them to do? Yes, I mean this should be for
all all families, at least all Christian families who are like
rooted and grounded in the word of God.
But Charlotte Mason definitely considered habits as like 1/3 of
the education. Her motto was education is an
atmosphere, a discipline and a life.
And so the atmosphere is like partly our example and the home
(07:39):
that we create. But then the discipline of
habits was 1/3 of the content, like just the habit of
attentiveness or the habit of doing your best work or the
habit of caring for each other, courtesy, respect, things like
that. Those were a 1/3 of what what
she would have considered the curriculum in a sense.
(07:59):
And I think that there's, you know, it's a mistake if we pile
on a lot of academics and we don't have basic habits of
virtue in our homes because for instance, if you want to
homeschool, but your children will not listen to you, it's
going to be really hard to get anything done.
And so you have to start with a habit of order or habit of
(08:20):
respect. If you, if you yell all the
time, then your children are going to be in fight and flight
and they're going to have a really hard time learning.
And so you as the mom, need to develop a habit of mental speech
or a habit of self-control. So there are all these habits
that coalesce to make a happy and peaceful home school.
And some of them are habits thatwe're teaching our kids, but
(08:42):
they're all habits that we should be modeling as well.
OK. All right.
Well, before we get to the practical about mom and then
kids, I love that you mentioned the word virtue because I was
thinking of the word character or character training.
And we all as Christian parents want to do that or should want
(09:03):
to do that, right? So in my mind, habit training
and character training or strengthening virtues, they kind
of go hand in hand. Yes, absolutely.
And and I mean, there's there are quite a few quotes by
founding fathers that say that without virtue we really can't
have freedom. And I think it's, you know,
(09:24):
something that maybe we haven't highlighted enough that and, and
I know, I know in my experience as a homeschooler, there's been
a lot of talk about behavior. So it's not like something new,
but I feel like in the last few years, there's AI think a
generally positive sort of awareness that sometimes people
(09:45):
are saying a lot about virtue and not behaving very
virtuously. You know, parents might be
saying a lot about obeying us, but in the meantime they are
angry and judge mental and ashamed.
And so there's a lot sometimes said about virtue and not really
acted on. But if we don't have virtue, we
(10:06):
can't retain freedom. And so it's, it's just a, it's a
basic sort of, it's a basic, it's a foundation of our homes.
OK, so you just said two things that I really want to highlight.
Let me see if I can remember them both.
The first was this is about freedom, and I'm also
transitioning that into the ideaof independence.
(10:31):
What are we trying to do with our homeschool children?
We are trying to raise them intocomplete independence and these
philosophies, this habit training idea, this virtue
building idea, that's all going right along with the idea of
training them in independence. Because if they are trained well
(10:52):
in various habits and various character responses, then
independence and freedom are thethings that come from that.
The second thing you said led medown the road of thinking about
sin and parents. And you know, because you've
mentioned a couple of times thatparents are the place where this
(11:15):
starts. We, we cannot expect our
children to follow footsteps that of habits of character that
aren't modelled for them, that aren't strengthened by watching
us actually do those things. But we are sinners.
We can't do that perfectly. It's not like we train ourselves
(11:37):
into certain habits and then forever more.
We are perfect people, right? I mean, that's that's not how
Christianity works. Can you describe how this idea,
and I think this is where we're going to get a little practical,
how this idea of it starts with parents, but parents aren't
perfect. How do we intertwine that and
(12:00):
begin first and foremost being models ourselves?
And then we'll talk more about what this is going to look like
with kids. Well, this is such a good
question, Cindy. I'm glad you picked up on that
and went a little deeper becauseI think sometimes as parents, we
underestimate the virtue of humility or the virtue of
(12:22):
repentance because yes, like we're all we know, all have
sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
We're going to make mistakes as parents.
And I think that in the, in the past, like there was a movement
towards holiness. Like we, we were, we've been
homeschooling a long time. So we were a part of this
movement towards, you know, godly homes and raising godly
children. But a lot of times the parents
(12:44):
were doing it out of, I think sometimes a misplace where like
attainment of salvation almost. And so then instead of being
able to humbly admit when they made a mistake, which is a
virtue, they just continued to hide or manipulate or control or
(13:06):
be be almost oppressive in the way they parented.
You know, just do as I say and not as I do or just, you know,
children should be seen, not heard, things like that.
But I think that when as parents, like, yes, some days as
moms, we are going to yell at our kids.
Some days as moms, we are going to sit around scrolling on our
phones instead of reading out loud to our kids and talking
(13:27):
about virtue. But if on those days when we
blow it, we can humbly go to ourkids and say, I, I made a
mistake today. Like my ideal for our family is
that we would be, you know, continually pursuing God, that
we've run hard after righteousness.
But today I was tired, I was hormonal and I didn't make good
(13:47):
choices. And I am sorry tomorrow will be
better, but I appreciate your your grace with me.
And so there, there's, there's so many virtues that can be
modeled like the virtue of humility, the virtue of
compassion, the virtue of mercy.Those need to also be modeled.
But I think in, you know, in thelast, you know, few years, the
virtues of mercy, humility have maybe overtaken the virtues of
(14:13):
self-control or the virtues of like diligence even, or order.
And so it's just keeping things in balance, which is what I love
about the rule of Saint Benedict, which is the the book
habits for a sacred home is the life the Rule of Saint Benedict
as evidence in the life of evangelical women, you know,
women of faith. And so, you know, seeing how
(14:35):
someone like Sabina Wormbrand lived out this virtue of
stewardship or how someone like Edith Schaefer lived out this
virtue of work helps us to see, okay, here's a very ancient
virtue or rule of life or character quality that I can see
exhibited in the life of Edith Schaefer, who diligently served
her family, served a community. And one of our homeschool
(14:57):
heroes, Susan Schaefer McCauley,her writing is the result of
Edith Schaeffer's laborers in many ways because it's her
daughter. So I think that, you know,
seeing it exemplified in these women's lives really makes it
more clear for us as moms who are like, I don't, I'm not, I'm
not in a monastery. I have to take care of my
family. I have to, you know, I can't
just like be with Jesus all day and, and be inspired by, by God.
(15:21):
I have to actually like deal with these sinners in my home.
And so even though we live in the real world and we don't have
the gift of hours and hours of prayer or something, we can
still be growing in our faith and growing in our virtue.
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(16:53):
What are some really practical ways for somebody who is new to
this idea that habit training itis a good thing that it is is
something that can be done on the toothbrush side all the way
up to the this is how we react when we are angry side of
(17:14):
things. Where is a good place to start
this process in our homes? Yeah, In my restoration home
community, we focus on 1% improvement.
So each month we actually have just three habits that we work
on. For instance, in January, we
worked on auditing our time, so we kept track of everything we
(17:36):
did in a day. In January, we also worked on
eye contact because children whoare not bonded with us are not
going to respond to our directions.
And finally, we worked on chore chart training.
We worked for a whole month on, on setting up a chore chart and
then following through because you have to inspect what you
expect. And so just having like 3 new
(17:58):
habits a month, that's been lifechanging for the members of my
community because they're seeing, oh wow.
Like if I, you know, this month we're working on no screens
before our morning routine. So people decide what their
morning routine, it might be Bible, it might be exercise, it
might be making your bed. And when they have that morning
routine in place and they don't pick up their phone until the
(18:19):
morning routine is done and, andmoms are experiencing more
clarity, they're experiencing more peace, They're able to be
more responsive to our kids. So even just those small little
shifts, like whether it's the mom and it always has to start
with the mom. Like if we as mothers do not
have the habit of giving our children instructions, they're
not going to have any habits. Like we have to train our
(18:40):
children. The Bible says train up your
children the way they should go.And so it is, you know, just
small daily habits and, and it takes a lot of diligence.
My youngest child, I have seven children.
So we worked really hard on habit training with the oldest
children, but some of the youngest ones got kind of under
the radar, so to speak. And so some of this habit
(19:02):
training, like I'm still workingon this.
It's not a, a finished work in asense, but I'm also still
working out on it, on myself. And I think there's so much hope
for us as moms because when I was a teenager, I didn't have
good habits, like I didn't have a lot of self-control over my
time. Some of this has has developed
into adulthood for me. And so, you know, wherever you
(19:25):
are as a mom in that process, like just start with one thing.
Just start with reading your Bible everyday.
Just start with reading the Bible to your children everyday.
Just start with one thing. And when you when you have that
going well, then you add something else.
I think the mistake is often when moms hear about habits and
they're like, OK, we're going torevamp the house.
And they they do, they try to get their kids to do things they
(19:48):
haven't been doing themselves. And so there's a lot of pushback
then from the kids. And then they just say, oh, I
am. I'm a failure as a parent.
I can't do this. Forget about it.
Whereas if we could just start alittle bit smaller, a little bit
smoother, and start with showingsome character and virtue
ourselves, then it's going to beeasier to get our kids on board.
And I think sometimes the first habit does have to be connection
(20:11):
with our children. Like, you know, that's why in
the peaceful press we have a free connection challenge where
you look your kids in the eyes every day, you give them a hug
every day, you go outside with them every day, and you read
aloud every day. You know those few little
habits. They create bonds with our kids
and then when our kids feel loved by us, they're much more
likely to do what we say and to be responsive to our directions.
(20:33):
But if we just ignore our kids all day and just like, don't
even bother to push back againsttheir behaviors or even give
them a hug or listen to what they're saying to us, they're
not going to respond to our directions to them.
OK, I love that you said that. And I'm going to ask everybody
to grab a pencil and a piece of paper or grab your phone and
(20:55):
open your notes section. And Jennifer, would you please
repeat those four things that you said?
It really if you just do these four things to start with
connection, that's a great placeto start.
Do you remember what you said? Yes, and I'll send you the link
for the free connection challenge too, because it's a
free download with like a challenge tracker and and emails
that help you go with it. But basically you look your kids
(21:16):
in the eyes for even just 10 seconds a day.
You give them like a 20 to 32nd hug a day.
You go outside for, you know, maybe 20 minutes together.
Just go outside, no phones, justlook at the sky, look at the
bird. Just be outside together and you
read out loud like even just a page or a picture book just
because if you, if you, if you can read out loud to your
(21:37):
children, then you can homeschool them.
If you can be quiet and still together outside, they will
start to tell you about what youread.
They'll start to narrate for you.
You will make progress with yourhome school.
If you guys are having like unstructured time together in
nature and then if you're hugging them and looking them in
the eyes, they will know that they're loved by you and they'll
(21:57):
respond to your directions. I loved that you said you
revisit your own habits sometimes and have to re
strengthen those. I think that's true of all of us
and it's good to hear that we don't get a habit down and it's
done forever. Sometimes we do have to revisit
those things, but in my home school what I did practically
(22:18):
was to I had a weekly, an open 3ring binder is how I kept my
lesson plans and during habit training season, which I'm not
doing as much now, I have a senior, he is my last remaining
homeschooler and we don't work on habits like we used to.
But during that time of really strong habit training with my
(22:39):
kids, I would write down one thing for me and one thing for
each particular kid that I wanted them to be working on
that week. And what my ultimate goal was is
about a month on a habit. And when that habit, when I was
(23:01):
tracking that habit, like you said, I think you said something
about inspect. What was your phrase there?
Inspect what you expect. OK, there you go.
I love that. So I was inspecting what I did
expect, and when I noticed that it was becoming a habit, I would
feel free to add a second thing in.
So it's not like I spent that whole month just on that single
(23:24):
habit. Sometimes we did, but sometimes
I could maybe two or three weeksin kind of keep that one as a
watchful eye, but I could add another.
And I did at different stages for different kids because of
their their needs, their abilities.
And that way we weren't all working on the same exact thing
(23:44):
because we didn't all need the exact same thing, whether it was
a practical thing or a heart related thing.
Jennifer, as we come to the end of this episode, I want to know
if there's anything else that you definitely want everyone to
hear about this idea of a. Habit training.
We actually came up with a list of 52 virtues for our
Restoration home community because I think sometimes we
(24:07):
don't even know where to start. Like what are the habits?
And obviously in Habits for a sacred home, it has the 9:00
values. But then we broke it down for
the year into like a, a different habit for each week or
a different virtue for each weekwith a habit.
So like we had the habit of being peaceful.
(24:28):
And then the virtue practice wasto sit quietly without a device.
And there was a book that went with it.
And we had the habit of self-control.
And then we had a virtue practice of think before you
speak. So because there's a lot of
virtues that we're modeling themthrough our lives, but I think
having it, you know, having a list of virtues to work on, you
know, a practice of industriousness or a practice of
(24:51):
being patient at practice of being faithful and the virtue
practice of finish what you start.
So having like a list like this.And that might be helpful for
moms to just kind of brainstorm a big list of the virtues or
habits that you want your children to have, you know,
things like honesty or obedienceor care for others or courtesy.
And then just pick something to work on.
(25:13):
Like you said, just have one thing that you start with.
I love that and I'm almost thinking, you know the chore
chart idea of brush your teeth, make your bed, bring your
laundry down. You could always do a little
tour chart idea with the virtuous habits as well.
I love that idea and you mentioning your book list
reminded me. I will put a link in the show
notes too. On my blog.
(25:35):
I have a whole blog post of books that support various
character training traits, so I think with both of those
resources, we can get folks pretty far down the road.
OK, so Jennifer Pepito, will youplease tell people where they
can find you and where they can find your book Habits for a
(25:57):
Sacred Home? Yeah, if you go to
thepeacefulpress.com, everythingis linked on that page.
There's a a link to the book Habits for a Sacred Home, to my
podcast, to our community. Everything I've mentioned here
you can find linked on the peaceful press.com.
OK. Awesome.
I hope you guys will check that out.
I am Cindy WI have been your host today.
I am also known as Missus Cindy from the No Sweat Nature Study
(26:22):
podcast and video classes. So you can check those out at
ourjourneywestward.com. I will be back with you next
time with another episode of theSchoolhouse Rock podcast with
Jennifer Pepito where we will betalking about living books.
Whether you know what that term means or not, I know you will
(26:42):
love it. Thanks for being here today and
I hope you will join me again next time.
You're listening to the BiblicalFamily Network.
Hey, I'm Miki and I'm Will. And we're the Co host of the
Culture Proof podcast. We want to invite you to join us
every week as we discuss what's happening in the world and then
(27:02):
filter those happenings through a decidedly biblical lens.
There are many questions, especially when we see what's
happening in our culture today, but the answers are found within
the Word of God, so that's wherewe want to look.
Amen. When we resist those cultural
trends that rival the truth. We remain culture proof.
It's not rocket science to read out loud to your children.
(27:23):
And and the beauty of it is thatwe're being educated with our
children. The big ideas and the love for
beauty that comes when you feed your children a rich diet of
literature in the in the books that we read and then talk about
together shape our families. And in my mind, wonderful books
is the best way to teach virtue to our children.
It's not just about will I give my kids a broader vocabulary
(27:48):
than they would get from workbooks.
It's not just about will I make homeschooling more interesting
to my children than I could through just giving them
workbooks. It's about virtue.
There are all these habits that coalesce to make a happy and
peaceful home school, and some of them are habits that we're
teaching our kids, but they're all habits that we should be
modeling as well. Hey, everyone, and welcome back
to the Schoolhouse Rock podcast.I'm your host, Cindy West, and I
am here with a guest that I knowyou're going to be very excited
(00:22):
about. But first, I need you to hear a
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done to help her find success ina subject she hated but now
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start your free trial. CTC Math Math Made Easy.
Now it is time for me to introduce you to one of my
friends, Jennifer Pepito. Jennifer, welcome.
(01:27):
She and I have known one anotherfor quite some years now.
We've actually never met in person, but we sure do have a
good friendship and she and I are both what we would call
eclectic Charlotte Mason Homeschoolers.
She is an author who has writtena book titled Habits for a
(01:47):
Sacred Home, and we are going totalk a little bit about that
book and a lot about the topic of habit training, which is
something that is well was originally introduced to me as a
Charlotte Mason homeschooler. So Jen, first, hey, welcome.
(02:08):
And I'd love if you could start by telling us just a little bit
about your background and what led you to write Habits for a
Sacred Home. Oh, thanks so much for having
me, Cindy. And it's so awesome that Garrett
and Yvette have hosted me today as well.
Yeah, Habits for a sacred home. I it came out of years of
(02:29):
homeschooling. I've been homeschooling for 27
years. We started a morning time habit
thanks to what we learned through Charlotte Mason.
And later on, Cindy Rawlins gaveit a word like we didn't call it
morning time until Cindy Rawlinsuntil her books.
But we would gather every morning and read out loud
together and look at poetry and art.
(02:52):
And I just had such a beautiful experience together.
And so all of these years of home schooling led to 2020 when
in California, the world was just nuts.
It was, you know, I know that the whole, the whole world, the
whole world shut down. There was a lot of trauma in the
(03:13):
whole world, a lot of terror in the whole world.
And I, like many other homeschool moms, felt that.
But at the time, I was reading about the monastic movement,
about Saint Benedict and about the rule of life that he
incorporated into his monasteries.
And many people say that that monastic movement saves
civilization, that as they were reading books and copying down
(03:36):
the Bible and, you know, keepinga garden and having this balance
of work and prayer, that sort ofa civilized life or Western
civilization was saved. And as I saw the chaos around us
and not just the pandemic, but then riots and the same time as
riots, lockdowns and just all kinds of intense chaos.
And Cindy and our friend Alicia Hutchinson talked a lot about
(03:59):
that. I started reading these books
about the monastic movement. I was like, Oh my gosh,
homeschool moms are like Saint Benedict.
We in our homes are keeping old practices alive.
People today barely eat meals around a table.
They barely read books to their children.
(04:20):
They, they barely read the Bibleout loud, you know, and we are
keeping these things alive in our homes.
And in so doing, we're saving civilization.
And I know that might sound a little grandiose, but really the
work we're doing as homeschool moms is so impactful and so
world saving. Yeah, well, that's a great way
(04:41):
to put that. So could you describe a little
bit about what your definition of habits are that build a
sacred home? And here's why I ask, you know,
when most of us as mothers thinkabout habit training, think
(05:02):
about habits we are particularlyfocused on.
Let's get our kiddos to have a daily habit of brushing their
teeth the first thing in the morning.
Let's make a habit of making a bed.
Let's make a habit of you bring your laundry down every single
morning. Or, you know, very, very
practical, body based, home based kinds of things.
(05:25):
Is that how you would describe the word habit?
I mean, those are important habits, but the book is centered
around 9 values and so you know,it's called Habits for a Sacred
Home. And sacred really means
consecrated. It doesn't mean perfect.
And so the these values are things like order, simplicity,
(05:48):
stewardship, prayer, and then the habits are the ways that we
put these values into practice. So for instance, if your family
has a value for prayer, then maybe you will have morning and
evening prayers. Maybe you will make sure you
have a morning habit of praying before you look at your phone.
If your family has a value for work or a rule of life that says
(06:11):
that work is part of our family culture, then your habit might
be making sure the dishes are done before you go to bed at
night or making home cooked meals for your family.
So there are many kinds of habits that we as mothers engage
in. I think that's where it starts.
Like we can talk all day about training our children in habits,
but if we don't have good habits, it's going to just be
hypocrisy and actually lead. I think often those kinds of
(06:34):
behaviors like a a parent behaving one way and telling
your child to act another way isoften what leads to bitterness
and rebellion. Oh, OK.
All right. So let's go there because, well,
first, you know, let me mention I've said the word Charlotte
Mason a couple of times. By no means are you or I saying
(06:56):
that this is something that Charlotte Mason homeschoolers
do. Do you believe, before I get on
to my second part of my question, do you believe that
this is a concept for homeschoolers in general,
whether or not they follow a certain practice, a certain
method, where habit training is something that's actually laid
(07:17):
out for them to do? Yes, I mean this should be for
all all families, at least all Christian families who are like
rooted and grounded in the word of God.
But Charlotte Mason definitely considered habits as like 1/3 of
the education. Her motto was education is an
atmosphere, a discipline and a life.
And so the atmosphere is like partly our example and the home
(07:39):
that we create. But then the discipline of
habits was 1/3 of the content, like just the habit of
attentiveness or the habit of doing your best work or the
habit of caring for each other, courtesy, respect, things like
that. Those were a 1/3 of what what
she would have considered the curriculum in a sense.
(07:59):
And I think that there's, you know, it's a mistake if we pile
on a lot of academics and we don't have basic habits of
virtue in our homes because for instance, if you want to
homeschool, but your children will not listen to you, it's
going to be really hard to get anything done.
And so you have to start with a habit of order or habit of
(08:20):
respect. If you, if you yell all the
time, then your children are going to be in fight and flight
and they're going to have a really hard time learning.
And so you as the mom, need to develop a habit of mental speech
or a habit of self-control. So there are all these habits
that coalesce to make a happy and peaceful home school.
And some of them are habits thatwe're teaching our kids, but
(08:42):
they're all habits that we should be modeling as well.
OK. All right.
Well, before we get to the practical about mom and then
kids, I love that you mentioned the word virtue because I was
thinking of the word character or character training.
And we all as Christian parents want to do that or should want
(09:03):
to do that, right? So in my mind, habit training
and character training or strengthening virtues, they kind
of go hand in hand. Yes, absolutely.
And and I mean, there's there are quite a few quotes by
founding fathers that say that without virtue we really can't
have freedom. And I think it's, you know,
(09:24):
something that maybe we haven't highlighted enough that and, and
I know, I know in my experience as a homeschooler, there's been
a lot of talk about behavior. So it's not like something new,
but I feel like in the last few years, there's AI think a
generally positive sort of awareness that sometimes people
(09:45):
are saying a lot about virtue and not behaving very
virtuously. You know, parents might be
saying a lot about obeying us, but in the meantime they are
angry and judge mental and ashamed.
And so there's a lot sometimes said about virtue and not really
acted on. But if we don't have virtue, we
(10:06):
can't retain freedom. And so it's, it's just a, it's a
basic sort of, it's a basic, it's a foundation of our homes.
OK, so you just said two things that I really want to highlight.
Let me see if I can remember them both.
The first was this is about freedom, and I'm also
transitioning that into the ideaof independence.
(10:31):
What are we trying to do with our homeschool children?
We are trying to raise them intocomplete independence and these
philosophies, this habit training idea, this virtue
building idea, that's all going right along with the idea of
training them in independence. Because if they are trained well
(10:52):
in various habits and various character responses, then
independence and freedom are thethings that come from that.
The second thing you said led medown the road of thinking about
sin and parents. And you know, because you've
mentioned a couple of times thatparents are the place where this
(11:15):
starts. We, we cannot expect our
children to follow footsteps that of habits of character that
aren't modelled for them, that aren't strengthened by watching
us actually do those things. But we are sinners.
We can't do that perfectly. It's not like we train ourselves
(11:37):
into certain habits and then forever more.
We are perfect people, right? I mean, that's that's not how
Christianity works. Can you describe how this idea,
and I think this is where we're going to get a little practical,
how this idea of it starts with parents, but parents aren't
perfect. How do we intertwine that and
(12:00):
begin first and foremost being models ourselves?
And then we'll talk more about what this is going to look like
with kids. Well, this is such a good
question, Cindy. I'm glad you picked up on that
and went a little deeper becauseI think sometimes as parents, we
underestimate the virtue of humility or the virtue of
(12:22):
repentance because yes, like we're all we know, all have
sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
We're going to make mistakes as parents.
And I think that in the, in the past, like there was a movement
towards holiness. Like we, we were, we've been
homeschooling a long time. So we were a part of this
movement towards, you know, godly homes and raising godly
children. But a lot of times the parents
(12:44):
were doing it out of, I think sometimes a misplace where like
attainment of salvation almost. And so then instead of being
able to humbly admit when they made a mistake, which is a
virtue, they just continued to hide or manipulate or control or
(13:06):
be be almost oppressive in the way they parented.
You know, just do as I say and not as I do or just, you know,
children should be seen, not heard, things like that.
But I think that when as parents, like, yes, some days as
moms, we are going to yell at our kids.
Some days as moms, we are going to sit around scrolling on our
phones instead of reading out loud to our kids and talking
(13:27):
about virtue. But if on those days when we
blow it, we can humbly go to ourkids and say, I, I made a
mistake today. Like my ideal for our family is
that we would be, you know, continually pursuing God, that
we've run hard after righteousness.
But today I was tired, I was hormonal and I didn't make good
(13:47):
choices. And I am sorry tomorrow will be
better, but I appreciate your your grace with me.
And so there, there's, there's so many virtues that can be
modeled like the virtue of humility, the virtue of
compassion, the virtue of mercy.Those need to also be modeled.
But I think in, you know, in thelast, you know, few years, the
virtues of mercy, humility have maybe overtaken the virtues of
(14:13):
self-control or the virtues of like diligence even, or order.
And so it's just keeping things in balance, which is what I love
about the rule of Saint Benedict, which is the the book
habits for a sacred home is the life the Rule of Saint Benedict
as evidence in the life of evangelical women, you know,
women of faith. And so, you know, seeing how
(14:35):
someone like Sabina Wormbrand lived out this virtue of
stewardship or how someone like Edith Schaefer lived out this
virtue of work helps us to see, okay, here's a very ancient
virtue or rule of life or character quality that I can see
exhibited in the life of Edith Schaefer, who diligently served
her family, served a community. And one of our homeschool
(14:57):
heroes, Susan Schaefer McCauley,her writing is the result of
Edith Schaeffer's laborers in many ways because it's her
daughter. So I think that, you know,
seeing it exemplified in these women's lives really makes it
more clear for us as moms who are like, I don't, I'm not, I'm
not in a monastery. I have to take care of my
family. I have to, you know, I can't
just like be with Jesus all day and, and be inspired by, by God.
(15:21):
I have to actually like deal with these sinners in my home.
And so even though we live in the real world and we don't have
the gift of hours and hours of prayer or something, we can
still be growing in our faith and growing in our virtue.
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(16:53):
What are some really practical ways for somebody who is new to
this idea that habit training itis a good thing that it is is
something that can be done on the toothbrush side all the way
up to the this is how we react when we are angry side of
(17:14):
things. Where is a good place to start
this process in our homes? Yeah, In my restoration home
community, we focus on 1% improvement.
So each month we actually have just three habits that we work
on. For instance, in January, we
worked on auditing our time, so we kept track of everything we
(17:36):
did in a day. In January, we also worked on
eye contact because children whoare not bonded with us are not
going to respond to our directions.
And finally, we worked on chore chart training.
We worked for a whole month on, on setting up a chore chart and
then following through because you have to inspect what you
expect. And so just having like 3 new
(17:58):
habits a month, that's been lifechanging for the members of my
community because they're seeing, oh wow.
Like if I, you know, this month we're working on no screens
before our morning routine. So people decide what their
morning routine, it might be Bible, it might be exercise, it
might be making your bed. And when they have that morning
routine in place and they don't pick up their phone until the
(18:19):
morning routine is done and, andmoms are experiencing more
clarity, they're experiencing more peace, They're able to be
more responsive to our kids. So even just those small little
shifts, like whether it's the mom and it always has to start
with the mom. Like if we as mothers do not
have the habit of giving our children instructions, they're
not going to have any habits. Like we have to train our
(18:40):
children. The Bible says train up your
children the way they should go.And so it is, you know, just
small daily habits and, and it takes a lot of diligence.
My youngest child, I have seven children.
So we worked really hard on habit training with the oldest
children, but some of the youngest ones got kind of under
the radar, so to speak. And so some of this habit
(19:02):
training, like I'm still workingon this.
It's not a, a finished work in asense, but I'm also still
working out on it, on myself. And I think there's so much hope
for us as moms because when I was a teenager, I didn't have
good habits, like I didn't have a lot of self-control over my
time. Some of this has has developed
into adulthood for me. And so, you know, wherever you
(19:25):
are as a mom in that process, like just start with one thing.
Just start with reading your Bible everyday.
Just start with reading the Bible to your children everyday.
Just start with one thing. And when you when you have that
going well, then you add something else.
I think the mistake is often when moms hear about habits and
they're like, OK, we're going torevamp the house.
And they they do, they try to get their kids to do things they
(19:48):
haven't been doing themselves. And so there's a lot of pushback
then from the kids. And then they just say, oh, I
am. I'm a failure as a parent.
I can't do this. Forget about it.
Whereas if we could just start alittle bit smaller, a little bit
smoother, and start with showingsome character and virtue
ourselves, then it's going to beeasier to get our kids on board.
And I think sometimes the first habit does have to be connection
(20:11):
with our children. Like, you know, that's why in
the peaceful press we have a free connection challenge where
you look your kids in the eyes every day, you give them a hug
every day, you go outside with them every day, and you read
aloud every day. You know those few little
habits. They create bonds with our kids
and then when our kids feel loved by us, they're much more
likely to do what we say and to be responsive to our directions.
(20:33):
But if we just ignore our kids all day and just like, don't
even bother to push back againsttheir behaviors or even give
them a hug or listen to what they're saying to us, they're
not going to respond to our directions to them.
OK, I love that you said that. And I'm going to ask everybody
to grab a pencil and a piece of paper or grab your phone and
(20:55):
open your notes section. And Jennifer, would you please
repeat those four things that you said?
It really if you just do these four things to start with
connection, that's a great placeto start.
Do you remember what you said? Yes, and I'll send you the link
for the free connection challenge too, because it's a
free download with like a challenge tracker and and emails
that help you go with it. But basically you look your kids
(21:16):
in the eyes for even just 10 seconds a day.
You give them like a 20 to 32nd hug a day.
You go outside for, you know, maybe 20 minutes together.
Just go outside, no phones, justlook at the sky, look at the
bird. Just be outside together and you
read out loud like even just a page or a picture book just
because if you, if you, if you can read out loud to your
(21:37):
children, then you can homeschool them.
If you can be quiet and still together outside, they will
start to tell you about what youread.
They'll start to narrate for you.
You will make progress with yourhome school.
If you guys are having like unstructured time together in
nature and then if you're hugging them and looking them in
the eyes, they will know that they're loved by you and they'll
(21:57):
respond to your directions. I loved that you said you
revisit your own habits sometimes and have to re
strengthen those. I think that's true of all of us
and it's good to hear that we don't get a habit down and it's
done forever. Sometimes we do have to revisit
those things, but in my home school what I did practically
(22:18):
was to I had a weekly, an open 3ring binder is how I kept my
lesson plans and during habit training season, which I'm not
doing as much now, I have a senior, he is my last remaining
homeschooler and we don't work on habits like we used to.
But during that time of really strong habit training with my
(22:39):
kids, I would write down one thing for me and one thing for
each particular kid that I wanted them to be working on
that week. And what my ultimate goal was is
about a month on a habit. And when that habit, when I was
(23:01):
tracking that habit, like you said, I think you said something
about inspect. What was your phrase there?
Inspect what you expect. OK, there you go.
I love that. So I was inspecting what I did
expect, and when I noticed that it was becoming a habit, I would
feel free to add a second thing in.
So it's not like I spent that whole month just on that single
(23:24):
habit. Sometimes we did, but sometimes
I could maybe two or three weeksin kind of keep that one as a
watchful eye, but I could add another.
And I did at different stages for different kids because of
their their needs, their abilities.
And that way we weren't all working on the same exact thing
(23:44):
because we didn't all need the exact same thing, whether it was
a practical thing or a heart related thing.
Jennifer, as we come to the end of this episode, I want to know
if there's anything else that you definitely want everyone to
hear about this idea of a. Habit training.
We actually came up with a list of 52 virtues for our
Restoration home community because I think sometimes we
(24:07):
don't even know where to start. Like what are the habits?
And obviously in Habits for a sacred home, it has the 9:00
values. But then we broke it down for
the year into like a, a different habit for each week or
a different virtue for each weekwith a habit.
So like we had the habit of being peaceful.
(24:28):
And then the virtue practice wasto sit quietly without a device.
And there was a book that went with it.
And we had the habit of self-control.
And then we had a virtue practice of think before you
speak. So because there's a lot of
virtues that we're modeling themthrough our lives, but I think
having it, you know, having a list of virtues to work on, you
know, a practice of industriousness or a practice of
(24:51):
being patient at practice of being faithful and the virtue
practice of finish what you start.
So having like a list like this.And that might be helpful for
moms to just kind of brainstorm a big list of the virtues or
habits that you want your children to have, you know,
things like honesty or obedienceor care for others or courtesy.
And then just pick something to work on.
(25:13):
Like you said, just have one thing that you start with.
I love that and I'm almost thinking, you know the chore
chart idea of brush your teeth, make your bed, bring your
laundry down. You could always do a little
tour chart idea with the virtuous habits as well.
I love that idea and you mentioning your book list
reminded me. I will put a link in the show
notes too. On my blog.
(25:35):
I have a whole blog post of books that support various
character training traits, so I think with both of those
resources, we can get folks pretty far down the road.
OK, so Jennifer Pepito, will youplease tell people where they
can find you and where they can find your book Habits for a
(25:57):
Sacred Home? Yeah, if you go to
thepeacefulpress.com, everythingis linked on that page.
There's a a link to the book Habits for a Sacred Home, to my
podcast, to our community. Everything I've mentioned here
you can find linked on the peaceful press.com.
OK. Awesome.
I hope you guys will check that out.
I am Cindy WI have been your host today.
I am also known as Missus Cindy from the No Sweat Nature Study
(26:22):
podcast and video classes. So you can check those out at
ourjourneywestward.com. I will be back with you next
time with another episode of theSchoolhouse Rock podcast with
Jennifer Pepito where we will betalking about living books.
Whether you know what that term means or not, I know you will
(26:42):
love it. Thanks for being here today and
I hope you will join me again next time.
You're listening to the BiblicalFamily Network.
Hey, I'm Miki and I'm Will. And we're the Co host of the
Culture Proof podcast. We want to invite you to join us
every week as we discuss what's happening in the world and then
(27:02):
filter those happenings through a decidedly biblical lens.
There are many questions, especially when we see what's
happening in our culture today, but the answers are found within
the Word of God, so that's wherewe want to look.
Amen. When we resist those cultural
trends that rival the truth. We remain culture proof.
It's not rocket science to read out loud to your children.
(27:23):
And and the beauty of it is thatwe're being educated with our
children. The big ideas and the love for
beauty that comes when you feed your children a rich diet of
literature in the in the books that we read and then talk about
together shape our families. And in my mind, wonderful books
is the best way to teach virtue to our children.
It's not just about will I give my kids a broader vocabulary
(27:48):
than they would get from workbooks.
It's not just about will I make homeschooling more interesting
to my children than I could through just giving them
workbooks. It's about virtue.
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