December 2, 2025 • 37 mins
How do we raise kids of character? Kristi Clover and Monica Swanson share practical tips for building lasting character and joy in your kids during the holidays and beyond. Monica, homeschooling mom of four and author of Boy Mom, Raising Amazing, and Becoming Homeschoolers” reveals how real-life challenges led her to develop effective, easy-to-implement character training practices—perfect for busy Christian families!
What you’ll discover:
• How to make character lessons part of everyday routines (without adding more to your plate!)
• Why modeling, humility, repentance, and prayer are the foundation for transformation
• Creative ways to use holiday traditions for gratitude and service
• Encouragement: It’s never too late to start instilling godly values!
Recommended Resources:
- Monica Swanson Podcast
- Raising Amazing, by Monica Swanson
- Boy Mom, by Monica Swanson
- Becoming Homeschoolers, by Monica Swanson
- Character Training Course
- Women’s Wellness Series
- 3 Day Homeschool Reset
- Ultimate Homeschool Organization Course(Get a $30 Coupon Here)
- More from Monica Swanson on the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast
- More from Kristi Clover on the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast
Chapters:
02:39 Homeschooling Happens in Real Life
02:54 Navigating Perimenopause While Homeschooling
04:11 I Wasn't Prepared! Nobody Talked About Perimenopause
06:17 Perimenopause and Frozen Shoulder
07:31 Perimenopause and Rising Divorce Rates
08:40 Navigating Teenage Hormones and Homeschooling
09:42 Our Teens Need Our Love and Support
10:03 Physical Activity is Crucial for Kids' Mental Health and Development
14:09 How Can We Turn Conflicts Into Opportunities to Connect With Our Kids?
14:28 Using Activity as an Opportunity for Connection and Conflict Resolution
17:06 Practical Advice for Staying Calm During Conflict
21:25 Practical Tips for Managing Perimenopause/Menopause
We want to hear from you! Is there a guest you’d like to hear from or a subject you’d like us to discuss on the podcast? How can we be praying for you? Talk to us here.
Sponsors:
Apologia is a Christ-centered, award-winning homeschool curriculum provider. Our mission is to help homeschooling students and families learn, live, and defend the Christian faith through our print and digital curriculum and online classes.
BJU Press Homeschool is dedicated to providing homeschool families with academically strong curriculum rooted in a biblical worldview. They offer a complete curriculum from preschool through 12th grade, available in both traditional textbooks and video courses. By teaching through the lens of Christ’s power, they help students view the world through the transformative story of God’s creation
CTCMath specializes in providing online video tutorials that take a multi-sensory approach to learning. Creative graphics and animation, synchronized with the friendly voice of internationally acclaimed teacher, Pat Murray, make learning math easy and effective. Start your free trial today.
The Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast is a member of the Biblical Family Network. Our mission is to support and encourage the family by providing the very best podcasts on family, discipleship, marriage, parenting, worldview, culture, and education, all from a Biblical perspective. Visit the website for more great shows
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
The good news is God's mercies are new every morning, and that
is whether your kids are toddlers or teenagers or even
grown. If you can humbly talk to your
kids and just say, listen, life's been busy.
There's been some challenges. I think I've missed a few things
and I am so sorry, but I want todo my work.
And I believe that God is still able to do His work in you.
(00:21):
Just talk to them, own your stuff, give it to the Lord,
pray, and God will meet you there.
Hello everyone, and welcome backto the Schoolhouse Rock podcast.
I'm Kristy Clover, and I'm excited to be your host again
this week. Today I have my dear friend
Monica Swanson on the show and we're going to be discussing how
(00:42):
to build character in our kids and joy in this holiday season.
You are going to love it. But before we get into our
conversation, I'd like to thank our sponsor, BJU Press
Homeschool. Their materials won't just equip
you for a successful homeschool journey, they'll prepare child
for a future full of possibilities so that your child
(01:02):
can confidently move beyond homeschool ready for whatever
God has next. They've crafted their curriculum
to give you the tools you need that are rooted in solid
biblical foundation. BJU Press Homeschool offers
lessons that encourage critical thinking skills as well as
activities that support multi sensory learning and the unique
(01:25):
learning style of your children.And they have both online and
parent LED formats to fit your lifestyle.
So Bjupress Homeschool will encourage a love of learning in
your child and they'll be with you every step of the way.
Visit them at bjupresshomeschool.com.
That's bjupresshomeschool.com. All right, my Schoolhouse Rock
(01:50):
friends, I'm so excited to welcome my friend Monica Swanson
on the show today. Monica is a popular Blogger at
monicaswanson.com. She's the host of the Monica
Swanson Podcast, which was formerly known as the Boy Mom
Podcast. She's the author of three great
books, Raising Amazing Boy Mom and Becoming Home Schoolers.
(02:11):
Monica and her husband, Doctor Dave, live on the North Shore of
Oahu where they've raised four sons, three who are legal adults
now and a 15 year old still at home and home schooling.
And another little fun fact is that Monica and I were both at
Pepperdine University. We were both sports Med majors
and we both ran on the same cross country team like a few
(02:34):
years apart. And we just never realized we
had that connection till about 8years ago.
So that was a fun and exciting dinner.
But welcome back to the Schoolhouse Rock podcast.
Monica, thank you so much. It's great to be here.
And yes, I I just love thinking about how we first connected and
realized all this, that we actually were in photos
together. So there was a little crossover
(02:56):
there. So fun.
It was so. Funny, I know, because I wasn't
on the cross country team the year that I think you your
senior year and then you were just kind of back and and
running with a team and you're this cute blonde that I saw
running really fat much faster than me.
I doubt it. You're running with all the top
dogs. I was just like doing my thing.
Well, it's been so much fun justhaving this friendship over our
(03:19):
writing careers now later on andlooking back and I just love
being your friend. Well, it's such a blessing to
me. I love it, but I can't.
I always love it when I have opportunities.
So the poor, the poor community here is probably like, is she
ever going to bring on a stranger?
Bring on people. I know it's much more fun so and
(03:41):
plus then it helps because like I know what what the best things
are that I can draw out of the guests that I have on so.
And with that said, I know exactly what I want to hear from
you because you are a pro at so many areas.
And I know you've been here on the podcast before sharing about
those different topics. But one thing I know you have
not necessarily shared here on this podcast and that is that
(04:05):
you are a wealth of information when it comes to character
building and kids. And I believe it kind of started
with your boy mom book. Is that correct, that you kind
of had that little like, you know, throw off of, hey, by the
way, character training and it rolled into more.
So share with us a little bit about how this became something
that became so popular for you to talk.
About yes, I love that because it is true that we usually know
(04:29):
the most about the things we've had to dig into because maybe
it's been a struggle in our past.
And with me, character did beginas a struggle.
I think that when my boys were young, I remember those older,
wiser homeschool moms would say,oh, just focus on character.
And I'd be like, what does that even mean?
Like, instead of something else,like, I just remember this focus
(04:51):
on character. And it was kind of a vague
suggestion that frustrated me, to be honest.
I thought, well, how do you do that?
Well, as we homeschooled, I did realize how important it was to
teach kids the things that were just really they couldn't learn
from a textbook or through math or English.
But it was just all the biblicalqualities of being patient and
(05:14):
kind and thoughtful. And so character building did
become a big part of our early years.
But as I shared in my book Boy Mom, when one of my sons hit
that early teenage zone, everything changed.
It was like he was a different person and we were navigating
new things. And it was by the grace of God
that at my wit's end, when I wassuper frustrated, I woke up.
(05:38):
It was January 1st or second, which is amazing timing, and it
was like the Lord just popped this idea in my head and I
thought of how important it is for me at that time.
I was listening to podcasts, following YouTube channels, I
was learning and growing. And I thought, you know, as a 13
year old, I think maybe my son needs to hear from somebody
(05:59):
outside of mom and dad. What if I gathered some
resources and I gave those to myson and I made it a required
part of his day. And because we're homeschooling,
we have that freedom to say, hey, you might start school 30
minutes later if that's fine. But let's add to your day
reading, listening to something,watching something.
And I would curate a little listfor him and give him some
(06:21):
resources that might inspire himfrom somebody outside of mom and
dad. So along with that, I gave him a
journal. And I said, this isn't your
private like their diary. This is where you write down
every day one thing you watch, listen to or read the date and 1
nugget. Just get one thing written down
that you learned or gleaned thatday.
And of course, anyone that has more than one child wouldn't be
(06:43):
surprised to hear that his firstresponse was, well, are the
brothers doing it? I said, no, actually they're not
because this is not a brother's issue.
We parent individually and rightnow this is something we're
working on with you. So this is required.
This isn't optional. And so the first day or two he
(07:03):
might have written down 1 littlenugget.
But over the next weeks something amazing happened.
That son started filling paragraphs, even pages with
notes that he was taking from these great resources.
And I'll be honest, those first resources I gave him were not
super impressive. When people ask me to see that
list, I'm like, you would not be.
(07:23):
It was like things I was listening to and watching.
But over time, of course, I did find more and better and pretty
soon he had a note cards hangingabove his desk with maybe a
quote from somebody or a Bible verse.
And that same son grew to just be a complete, you know, he he
loved listening to great podcastand preachers and speakers.
And to this day, he's, you know,graduated college and still is
(07:47):
somebody that just really loves to grow and learn and better
himself. And I believe all that began as
a young teenager when Mom required something.
I couldn't come up with a bettername in the moment, so I just
called it character training andthat stuff.
So that's a long story, but I think it's important to hear
that we did go through a really rough stage and it wasn't an
(08:08):
overnight change, but it was over time.
And so I put a little note aboutthat in my book, Boy, Mom.
And then I was flooded with emails over the next few years
and people just saying, I want to do some character training
with my son or daughter. Can you tell me some of those
resources? What were you using?
And that's when I realized that it was more than just that list.
I mean, as much as I, I think that was a big moment in our
(08:31):
parenting year, you know, experience giving him that list,
there was also a whole lot more that was going on.
Things we were doing as a family, things we built from the
time he was young. And so I decided to create my
character training course, whichwould allow me to not only share
a much better list, a much longer curated list and, and
something I can keep up to date and add to overtime, but also
(08:54):
share those other foundational principles and deal with a lot
of the other issues that relate to character.
So that's been a really fun partof my work is opening the doors
to my character training course about 3 * a year.
That's awesome. And hey, Full disclosure to
everyone listening, I have listened to the course and I
have had kids go through it. And one thing that I 1 nugget I
(09:15):
don't want people to miss was that point that you made about
the fact that parenting is an individual thing.
And it is hard because every kidis they want that.
Like even even even everything'sthe same.
And I'm not going to do this if you don't have this person doing
this. And it's it's so that was such
great advice. And because that was, I think I
learned very early, I think it was at a MOPS program and
(09:39):
somebody said the sooner you teach your kids that this world
is not fair, you know, fair, then like the better.
And I was like, ohhh, yeah. But I'm like counting out,
right? You have this many gummy bears
today and you have, you know, like, that's what life was like
for me as a young mom. And then it's just like, oh,
wait, you know, not that I don'ttry to divide things out nicely,
(10:03):
but there's just times when somebody needs something
satellite. Yes, yes.
And it goes, you know, extra blessings sometimes and extra
challenges sometimes, so. Yes, so good.
Well, we are in December right now, which is such a great time
to really be able to hone in andkind of focus a little bit
(10:25):
because we tend to slow down. We start, you know, thinking
about all the fun holiday traditions we have.
But it's a great season to focuson character building and
gratitude. And so how can we use this
season best to kind of do thingslike that?
Right. I love that because I think that
we can think of the holidays as an overwhelming time, a busy
(10:47):
time. It has that element to it, of
course. And sometimes I think we end the
holidays a little frustrated with our kids because we might
struggle with them being entitled or greedy or not very
thoughtful towards others. So what I like to do is just go
into the holidays since it's early in December as this comes
out and kind of flip that scriptand say, let's take advantage of
(11:09):
the opportunities we have this month to really speak life into
our kids character and encouragethem to take advantage of
opportunities you may not have other times of the year and
maybe create new opportunities. And I think there's so many ways
we can do that, whether it's, you know, taking something
you're going to do anyway, baking cookies, but instead of
just making it about, oh, bakingcookies, eating cookies, it's
(11:32):
like, let's think of somebody who might not have family around
that we can deliver these cookies to and really bless
them. And as we're focusing on that,
they might act like they're not listening, but they are, they're
hearing that for us. I love the elderly.
So I love to find a nursing homeor retirement community that we
might go in and my son plays guitar, ukulele.
(11:55):
And so let's find just one afternoon where we can spend an
hour or two serving somebody else.
So I just love taking the opportunity during the holidays
to really flip that. And instead of worrying that our
kids are going to, you know, endthe holidays as we've and I've
had holidays where I've frustrated by the end, I'm
thinking, what have I done wrong?
But if you go into it with intentionality, you can
(12:17):
certainly flip that and make it a really positive time.
Oh, I love that. I'm giggling only because my
ADHD kind of sat in a little bitas you were talking.
You said ukulele. Ukulele.
We play the ukulele. You don't say that around here.
People are like you're a guest, you're a tourist.
No, no, I'm a tourist. Oh my goodness.
(12:40):
We do love the ukulele. I'm going to get better.
I need to practice saying it like that because we do go to
Hawaii enough that I'm. Like, oh, there's certain
things. Shave ice, not shaved ice.
You don't put that D on there oryou are obvious tourist.
Oh yeah, it's shave ice. Shave ice.
There's a number of things. Next time you come over, I'll
give you a little tutorial first.
(13:01):
I know, I know. Oh my God, Monica, we're going
to Hawaii. Be careful, I can help.
Oh my goodness, I love it. Well, kind of in the world of
character training and charactertraits, are there any that you
feel like are really vital to train and to our kids to kind of
make part of their our daily lessons that are going to stand
out more than others? Yes, I think that just by
(13:24):
looking at the culture today and, and we hear people talking
about the things that are reallylacking in today's youth.
And I know I always feel kind oflike an old lady when I say
that. Like kids these days, you know?
But it's true. And, and because we're there.
Monica. I have these three young adult,
you know, similar to you. I have these three young adult
(13:44):
sons, but then I still have this15 year old.
And I cannot deny that there is a difference in the world he's
growing up in and the world his older brothers grew up in.
There's a 6 1/2 year gap betweenson #3 and son #4 for me and I
think there's just such a spiritof entitlement today.
Also, just that quick fix. Nobody wants to wait on
(14:06):
anything, including me. I confess it's an area I'm
working on all the time because life is so immediate.
You know, you push a button, youask Siri, you just get answers
so quick. So I would say when you look
around you and say, what are thethings that are lacking and how
can I, as a homeschool mom, I have this blessing that I've got
my kids at home around me all day.
(14:27):
How can I take advantage of thisopportunity to give them some of
these traits that honestly are going to make them stand out in
the world? When they go to apply for a job,
when they go to apply for college, when they are, you
know, building relationships, some really simple things will
make them stand out. You've probably seen even on
social media, how people talk about just being able to give
(14:48):
eye contact, just being able to be a listener, to show interest
in other people is so lacking right now in today's youth
culture that if we can teach ourkids to be thoughtful, to give
that eye contact, to be patient,you know, delayed gratification
is one of the qualities I love to focus on in my boys because
(15:08):
it's really hard today because everything's so immediate.
So I think that giving them someopportunities to practice that
and you can do it again by the things you're doing at home,
asking them to wait with patience when you see them being
impatient, talking about it, talking about scriptures that
speak to each of these things. We have that opportunity as
homeschool parents and, and I think the other thing I'll just
(15:32):
throw in while we're here is if you have more than one child,
then the sibling relationship isa great one to use to build
character. And I know that having four boys
competition's a big deal in my home.
Everybody's always competing foreverything.
And one verse that I love to point out to my boys is from
Romans 12/10. I believe it is, but it talks
(15:52):
about how we should love one another with brotherly
affection. It says and and it talks about
aiming to out honor one another.And that's my paraphrasing, but
I love to say, listen, if you'regoing to compete for anything,
try to outdo one another with brotherly affection, with honor.
And so I'm like, you want to compete.
(16:13):
Let's see how much character we can have because mom's going to
notice that Mom's going to call it out.
Mom's going to bless you when I see you out honoring one
another. And so does that work first time
every time? No, but I think that focusing on
some of the things that God's Word has to say about what
really matters and then really encouraging that, speaking life
into it when we see it and encouraging our boys, our our
(16:34):
kids, boys and girls is going toreally be effective in the long
run. Maybe not in one day, but if you
continue to do that, it does make an impact.
It really does. No, it's always powerful
because, you know, you and I, wewe speak different places on
homeschooling and, you know, parenting and whatever it is
that, you know, we're brought into speak about.
But what I find is really powerful is that my kids, so
(16:58):
often just them being them is what is drawing people in.
And my son just got invited to go to lunch with a couple who's
thinking about homeschooling. And it was just so cute because
he's like, why do they want to meet with me?
I don't think I want to meet with you.
And I just laughed because I'm like, because you have plenty to
say about. He's like, I don't know what to
say. I'm like, just share from your
(17:19):
heart. But what was powerful is that
they saw a difference in him. And so they were like, what is,
you know, what is different? What is making that change?
And so the. Proofs in the pudding.
I love that. I would tell anyone who's
considering homeschooling That'sa great idea.
Invite a kid out who has been homeschooled.
Get to know them. Ask them the questions.
(17:40):
They're going to be you know more.
You're going to learn more from them probably than from the
parents. Oh, yeah.
OK. So this is also making me think
about the fact that when my oldest two were, you know, kind
of getting a little bit older, they're now, you know, grown and
out of the house. But we used to do this silly
thing. And, you know, we don't pay our
kids for chores, but we do pay for certain things, like
(18:03):
memorizing Scripture. But one thing we used to always
tell them is like, we will pay you if we get a compliment
without you going to keep on going, you know, like, you know,
like, how's your day? But like just them being them,
we often had parents who'd be like, your boys were so
respectful today. And your boys did this, this,
this. Thing.
Kaching, kaching, yes. And so we, it was always so fun
(18:26):
because we were like, guess what?
And so now I have to think aboutlike, I'm like, do we compensate
Wade? The fact that somebody wanted to
take him to lunch, he did such agood job.
Well, he's getting lunch out of it.
He got a good lunch. That's right.
I love that. No, that's super good, Yeah.
Oh well this has been so great but we are going to have to take
(18:46):
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We're back with Monica Swanson now.
Before the break, we were talking about building character
in our kids, which is such an important part of parenting,
especially during the holidays. So Monica, I would love to dive
into something that every parentcan relate to.
(20:16):
And it's those tough moments when our kids don't show great
character. So what advice do you have for
us when it comes to handling those character struggles like
lying or laziness or even sibling conflicts?
I know we kind of talked a little bit about out honoring
each other and those sibling relationships, but how do we
handle this with grace and yet firmness because sometimes we
(20:40):
actually do have to. Oh yes, we do.
And it's necessary and it, it really does pay off.
So my biggest encouragement is always to communicate in advance
to have, I mean, what I'm not good at is thinking on the spot.
So if you do something and you need a consequence and I haven't
thought about it, I will just freeze and my mind goes blank.
(21:03):
So I really encourage parents tohave some consequences already
in place and then to make sure you've communicated those with
the kids so that they kind of know what to expect.
Like, hey, if I'm going to do this, I know what's coming to
me. And I think that's fair.
And that's kind of how life works, right?
We break a law, we know what theconsequence will be.
I love to use natural consequences whenever possible
(21:26):
if there's not a natural consequence.
So that would be like, you know,things that you don't really
have to intervene with. You know, you, I think of here
in Hawaii, it rains a lot where I live.
Kids will leave their skateboardoutside.
They're not taking care of it there.
It gets rained on. Maybe it ruins it.
You don't run out and buy them anew skateboard.
You say, I'm so sorry, give themsome empathy.
(21:48):
But then you're going to have toearn the money to buy yourself a
new skateboard. And so now they're going without
the skateboard. So that would be a really clear
natural consequence. Often times, unfortunately,
there isn't a natural consequence.
So then we turn to what I call logical consequences, and that's
something that's related. But maybe mom and dad have to
intervene in some way. So a very typical example might
(22:09):
be kids are up late, make a snack before bed, leave a mess
in the kitchen. Well, guess what?
Tomorrow I'm going to say you'reon kitchen duty.
Even though it's not your chore this week, you get to clean up
the kitchen in the morning because you left a mess last
night. So there is some intervention,
but it's related. It's kitchen, it's mess.
So you just look for ways to give them consequences.
(22:30):
And if they know that, hey, anytime you leave a mess in this
kitchen and you don't clean up after yourself, the consequence
will be you're going to have to take on an extra chore the next
day. So kids are aware of it, they're
prepared for it, and of course, all of these things are going to
be case by case depending on thechild's age, talking to them,
praying with them, those are allimportant.
But really nothing is going to speak as loud as a consequence.
(22:53):
They need consequences because that is how we learn in life.
So I think that the more prepared we are, the better.
And none of us are going to get this perfect.
I still don't, but it certainly helps when I do have that in
place. It's so true.
It's so great. So I love how you were talking
about how to weave in consequences into our just
(23:14):
day-to-day, like as moments happen, but how can we be
intentional, like you were saying, like planning ahead for
consequences, but how can we be intentional with these character
lessons to incorporate them intoour homeschool without adding
that like one more thing? Because so often that's what it
feels like. It's just right.
(23:35):
I want to teach this, but it's one more thing to add to like
your checklist or like even thatmentalist at the end of the day.
Oh. Totally such a good question.
And I have found and been pleasantly surprised by how some
small shifts and even how we communicate can make a really
big difference. I talk in my course about how
oftentimes we'll just use words that come to us.
(23:58):
Like my youngest is a little bitof a slob.
His bedroom has been an issue. He does not like to make his
bed. So it's easy for me to be like,
your room is a mess, clean it up, you know, don't be a slob.
Whatever kind of words might come out.
Whereas a small shift would be to think of some character words
to say like, listen, son, I knowyou want to grow up to be a
(24:20):
responsible young man. There's a word responsible.
So I'm going to ask you to cleanup your room because this is who
you are. I, I know you have it in you.
I see you take care of your golfclubs.
You'll keep them meticulously clean.
So now I want to see you do thatin your bedroom.
And so I'm going to give you, you know, a challenge if this
week, all week, you can wake up,make your bed, have your room
(24:43):
tidy before you come out for breakfast.
Then at the end of the week, I give you something special,
whatever might be his currency, as we call it, something that
really speaks to his heart. And so looking for opportunities
to use character words. And sometimes when kids are
little, it's just, hey, I noticed you are being kind to
your brother. Thank you for being kind.
That honors the Lord when you'rekind to your brother.
(25:05):
And then when they're unkind, that word now is out there kind.
It's not just like, hey, you know, don't, don't, don't be
mean. But it's like, oh, that was not
kind. We as followers of Jesus, we are
kind because Jesus is kind to us.
He calls us to be kind to one another.
And so now we're using that wordkind.
So sometimes just switching out our words for character rich
words kind of gets that going intheir head.
(25:26):
And so whether you're correctingor encouraging, you're just
thinking using character words. And that speaks to our kids in a
really different way. I love.
That and I even like how you differentiate and like that was
me, you know, like we can so often and use the words that are
not the words we want. So it's almost like we're
speaking the character, and I mean, we're speaking it into,
(25:47):
right? We're not manifesting, but we're
encouraging godly characters andjust using that different kind
of language makes a big difference.
And I think that kids then startto kind of TuneIn and when you
are then talking about it through scripture, through
different teachings, they're kind of connecting those dots
between what you just taught them and their own behavior.
(26:08):
Oh yeah, that's so, so great to to really differentiate there.
And one thing that I think is something to talk about a lot in
your book and in your course since I've gone through it, is
that important, the importance of modelling and how it's one
thing to tell our kids, be kind and then we get impatient with
people, you know, 'cause maybe, maybe I struggle sometimes when
(26:31):
I get bad customer service. I'm getting so much better now
so with. You that's like.
I know. In fact, I, I feel like, OK,
this little tangent note here, but I feel like in the world of
like when COVID hit and all these things, I just feel like
we kind of lost customer serviceat at some point.
And what I'm noticing now is it's coming back.
(26:52):
Like I literally got the last three or four stores I've been
to. I come home and I'm like, I got
great. Customers today, Oh, that's
encouraging. It's just like, Oh my goodness,
it's been so great. I'm like, there we go people,
let's bring it back. Because I've said that if I
weren't doing the work I do now,my my dream job would be to
travel the world and teach simple customer service.
(27:13):
Because it's so easy to give people good service.
Just saying simple pleases and thank yous and you know, my
pleasures and all of those things really make a big
difference. So I'm with you on that.
I want my kids good at that. I don't have character.
That's right. Oh no, exactly.
But how have have you seen like moments?
Like, do you have any moments you can call the mind or just
(27:35):
moments where you had to yes, show it yes, and how that shaped
your kids? Oh my goodness, definitely 100%.
I am the most, you know, human sinful person when I am in my
flesh. And I think a huge thing here is
being really humble with our kids and letting them know the
areas we struggle in. And yet not just saying, oh,
(27:56):
yeah, I'm super impatient. No, no, no, no, I struggle with
impatience, but thanks to God and his goodness, I am growing
in this. It is a root of the spirit.
This is an opportunity to speak scripture, to share with them
the things that God is laying onyour heart.
Hey, this morning in devotions, you know, I was reminded of the
fruits of the spirit and and these are the ones that I'm
(28:17):
really working on. And then really letting that be
a built in accountability. I always say kids are great
because they're built in accountability.
The things we're calling them upto, we want to be living out.
So if there's an area I'm not doing well and just just own it,
apologize, Let them know that you are sorry that you're
working on it, and then live it out.
Let them see you working on thatand growing.
(28:38):
And that is probably the biggestteacher that they're going to
have better than If you're perfect every day, then they
feel like they'll never live up to that.
But if you let them know that you trip and fall too, but that
you're depending on God's grace to help you, that's going to
inspire them to also continue togrow.
Amen. No, I feel like God purposely
gives us our spouses and our children to sharpen us
(29:00):
absolutely to grow. God knows exactly what character
things that he's working on us with.
So sometimes it goes beyond like, Oh, I'm, I'm helping my
kids to grow. And sometimes I'm like, Oh, you,
Lord, are helping me to grow, right?
Now all the time for sure. Well, how can scripture and
faith be woven naturally into character training?
(29:21):
So, like, do you have anything, you know, especially for boys or
kids who might not want to sit for a long time and do
devotional times. So do you have any advice for
parents who are struggling with just trying to figure out how to
get it to all kind of come to shape?
I love to quote Deuteronomy likeso many people that talk about,
you know, discipleship with yourkids and character.
(29:41):
But I do love in Deuteronomy chapter 6 where it talks about
teaching our kids. I mean, Moses was given God's
command to the Israelites sayingteach these things to your
children. And he didn't say over devotions
every morning or at church on Sundays.
He said when you get up, as you walk along the way, when you lie
down. And I've kind of taken that and
decided a great way to apply it would be, well, there's three
(30:05):
different times there when you get up.
So in the morning, whether it's just reading a, a short passage
of Scripture over breakfast or, you know, talking about God's
word as you start your day and then as you walk along your way.
Well, we don't walk as much. I mean, if you can get out for a
walk or a hike with kids, great.But if not, you're probably
going to drive in the car somewhere.
(30:25):
So how about in the car? Let that be an opportunity.
I usually when I take off from home, it's just my habit to say,
oh Lord, thank you so much for the day.
Please keep us safe as we drive and whatever else.
It's just my quick prayer as I leave the home.
And so when you're in the car, you can talk to the kids about
the Lord, what he's teaching you, what he's doing, Pray for
them wherever they're going. And then when you lie down and
(30:45):
that's right before bed, what a great way to end the day by just
praying for the kids. Even when they're older, they're
still going to appreciate it even if they don't act like it.
But maybe review a scripture that you're working on
memorizing as a family. Maybe have some time as a
family. We have never been super
consistent about family devotions, but every once in a
while we'll just sit down together after dinner and say,
(31:06):
hey, let's read some scripture. Let's you know, my husband too,
plays ukulele and guitar and we'll just do a couple worship
songs. And so I think that having that
rhythm to the day, morning, throughout the day, wherever
you're going, and then at the end of the day kind of gives you
that opportunity to not necessarily have one moment, but
to think about weaving scriptureinto your whole day.
(31:27):
So good, I love that. Thank you.
Now, I guess just to kind of round out our time together, how
would you encourage families whomaybe you're just now thinking
about this and they're like, I have high schoolers and maybe
they might feel like, man, I, I missed this.
Opportunity. Like it's too late.
Like how would you encourage people to just totally start
(31:50):
where they are? I hear from parents all the time
and the good news is God's mercies are new every morning.
And that is whether your kids are toddlers or teenagers or
even grown. And again, kind of circling back
to what I said before, if you can humbly talk to your kids and
just say, listen, lifes been busy.
There's been some challenges. I think I've missed a few
(32:12):
things, and I am so sorry, but Iwant to do my work.
And I believe that God is still able to do his work in you.
Can I encourage you? Can we together work on some
character, even if you're 18 years old before you launch or
as you're starting your new job?Maybe they live far away, but
you can say, listen, can we maybe do a little devotional
(32:32):
together? Can I send you scripture?
Can we talk about this? Because I think that kids,
again, are going to learn more from your mistakes and what you
do about them than if you are trying to be perfect and act
like you've got it all together.So just talk to them, own your
stuff, give it to the Lord, pray, and God will meet you
there. I love that.
(32:52):
Well, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us.
I love this. Topic.
I know, I know, I know what to talk to you.
About It's my favorite. I love it.
Oh, and I love how you helped toremind us that homeschooling
isn't just about academics. And that was a line when we were
first started talking that you're like, everybody talked
(33:12):
about that. I remember everyone's like
character over curriculum. Like that was like what I always
heard. And I'm like.
What does that mean? What does that mean?
How do I do this? But Oh my goodness.
And I am so excited because nextweek you and I are going to be
back and talking about the real and raw and funny world of
hormones in the house. So I cannot wait to talk about
(33:37):
that with you. I'm sure we're going to have
some good laughs over that. But before we wrap up here in
this episode, can you share where listeners can connect with
you and your books and resources?
You bet. My home base is my website
monicaswanson.com and for those of you listening who want to be
encouraged more in this area of raising kids of character, I
(34:00):
have a fun freebie on my websiteas well as a little e-mail
series where I send you encouragement and more free
resources all related to raisingkidsofcharacterandthatspecificallyis@monicaswanson.com/character.
Super easy on Instagram. I'm at Monica Swanson under
score, please say hi and tell mehow you found me.
(34:21):
I love to meet new friends. I love it.
And here, here's my little plug for you as well.
Out of all of the bloggers that I know through the year, I
probably only follow. Maybe five, maybe 5 people and
yours. Is 1 so I love.
Your emails like your. Newsletters are.
So good, I enjoy them so much I.Always say always be a Blogger
(34:43):
at heart. And I just love short form
content. It's so much fun so.
Oh my goodness, it's so good. So no, I highly, highly
recommend my friends following Monica Swanson.
Thank. You.
Well, thank you and keep in mindmy listening friends, that you
can find all of the links in theshow notes.
And don't forget to head over toschoolhouserocked.com where you
(35:07):
can stream for free Schoolhouse Rocked the homeschool Revolution
movie. Be sure to subscribe to
Schoolhouse Rocked YouTube channel and follow on your
favorite podcast app. It has been a pleasure to be
your host this week on the Schoolhouse Rock podcast.
And if you are listening today and thinking I need some help or
organizing and being a little more balanced, well my friends,
(35:28):
I have you covered. Because first I want to make
sure that you know that you are invited to grab my free three
Day Homeschool Reset. It is a quick and easy mini
course designed to help you clear the mental clutter, reset
your racines, and bring some peace back to your homeschool
space and days. And you can Sign up today at
(35:49):
christyclover.com/reset. In fact, you can use that link
to unlock a special $50 off of my Ultimate Homeschool
Organization course. It's everything you need to
create a system that actually works for your family.
So head over to christyclover.com/reset to get
access to all of my homeschool resources and the special
(36:11):
pricing on the Ultimate Homeschool Organization course.
So thank you for listening. I will see you back here next
week for a brand new conversation with Monica
Swanson. We'll be back to talk about
something a little more personallike hormones, emotions, and
homeschooling through the rollercoaster of seasons.
And it's guaranteed to make you laugh, as I know we will as
well. So you will not want to miss it.
(36:34):
Take care and have a great rest of your day.
You're listening to the BiblicalFamily Network.
Hey, I'm Miki. And I'm will.
And we're the Co host of the Culture Proof podcast.
We want to invite you to join usevery week as we discuss what's
happening in the world and then filter those happenings through
a decidedly biblical lens. There are many questions,
(36:57):
especially when we see what's happening in our culture today,
but the answers are found withinthe Word of God, so that's where
we want to look. Amen.
When we resist those cultural trends that rival the truth.
We remain culture proof. And in the world today, it is so
much more challenging. And so all the grace in the
world goes out to those kids whoare trying to navigate those
(37:19):
early teenage, tween and teenageyears.
It's tough. They need so much love and
support. I don't have to have everything
perfect, but this isn't probablysomething to lose my cool over.
And so just that perspective that His word and His spirit
brings when you just recenter, refocus.
And what's awesome about homeschooling is you can do that
with your kids.
The good news is God's mercies are new every morning, and that
is whether your kids are toddlers or teenagers or even
grown. If you can humbly talk to your
kids and just say, listen, life's been busy.
There's been some challenges. I think I've missed a few things
and I am so sorry, but I want todo my work.
And I believe that God is still able to do His work in you.
(00:21):
Just talk to them, own your stuff, give it to the Lord,
pray, and God will meet you there.
Hello everyone, and welcome backto the Schoolhouse Rock podcast.
I'm Kristy Clover, and I'm excited to be your host again
this week. Today I have my dear friend
Monica Swanson on the show and we're going to be discussing how
(00:42):
to build character in our kids and joy in this holiday season.
You are going to love it. But before we get into our
conversation, I'd like to thank our sponsor, BJU Press
Homeschool. Their materials won't just equip
you for a successful homeschool journey, they'll prepare child
for a future full of possibilities so that your child
(01:02):
can confidently move beyond homeschool ready for whatever
God has next. They've crafted their curriculum
to give you the tools you need that are rooted in solid
biblical foundation. BJU Press Homeschool offers
lessons that encourage critical thinking skills as well as
activities that support multi sensory learning and the unique
(01:25):
learning style of your children.And they have both online and
parent LED formats to fit your lifestyle.
So Bjupress Homeschool will encourage a love of learning in
your child and they'll be with you every step of the way.
Visit them at bjupresshomeschool.com.
That's bjupresshomeschool.com. All right, my Schoolhouse Rock
(01:50):
friends, I'm so excited to welcome my friend Monica Swanson
on the show today. Monica is a popular Blogger at
monicaswanson.com. She's the host of the Monica
Swanson Podcast, which was formerly known as the Boy Mom
Podcast. She's the author of three great
books, Raising Amazing Boy Mom and Becoming Home Schoolers.
(02:11):
Monica and her husband, Doctor Dave, live on the North Shore of
Oahu where they've raised four sons, three who are legal adults
now and a 15 year old still at home and home schooling.
And another little fun fact is that Monica and I were both at
Pepperdine University. We were both sports Med majors
and we both ran on the same cross country team like a few
(02:34):
years apart. And we just never realized we
had that connection till about 8years ago.
So that was a fun and exciting dinner.
But welcome back to the Schoolhouse Rock podcast.
Monica, thank you so much. It's great to be here.
And yes, I I just love thinking about how we first connected and
realized all this, that we actually were in photos
together. So there was a little crossover
(02:56):
there. So fun.
It was so. Funny, I know, because I wasn't
on the cross country team the year that I think you your
senior year and then you were just kind of back and and
running with a team and you're this cute blonde that I saw
running really fat much faster than me.
I doubt it. You're running with all the top
dogs. I was just like doing my thing.
Well, it's been so much fun justhaving this friendship over our
(03:19):
writing careers now later on andlooking back and I just love
being your friend. Well, it's such a blessing to
me. I love it, but I can't.
I always love it when I have opportunities.
So the poor, the poor community here is probably like, is she
ever going to bring on a stranger?
Bring on people. I know it's much more fun so and
(03:41):
plus then it helps because like I know what what the best things
are that I can draw out of the guests that I have on so.
And with that said, I know exactly what I want to hear from
you because you are a pro at so many areas.
And I know you've been here on the podcast before sharing about
those different topics. But one thing I know you have
not necessarily shared here on this podcast and that is that
(04:05):
you are a wealth of information when it comes to character
building and kids. And I believe it kind of started
with your boy mom book. Is that correct, that you kind
of had that little like, you know, throw off of, hey, by the
way, character training and it rolled into more.
So share with us a little bit about how this became something
that became so popular for you to talk.
About yes, I love that because it is true that we usually know
(04:29):
the most about the things we've had to dig into because maybe
it's been a struggle in our past.
And with me, character did beginas a struggle.
I think that when my boys were young, I remember those older,
wiser homeschool moms would say,oh, just focus on character.
And I'd be like, what does that even mean?
Like, instead of something else,like, I just remember this focus
(04:51):
on character. And it was kind of a vague
suggestion that frustrated me, to be honest.
I thought, well, how do you do that?
Well, as we homeschooled, I did realize how important it was to
teach kids the things that were just really they couldn't learn
from a textbook or through math or English.
But it was just all the biblicalqualities of being patient and
(05:14):
kind and thoughtful. And so character building did
become a big part of our early years.
But as I shared in my book Boy Mom, when one of my sons hit
that early teenage zone, everything changed.
It was like he was a different person and we were navigating
new things. And it was by the grace of God
that at my wit's end, when I wassuper frustrated, I woke up.
(05:38):
It was January 1st or second, which is amazing timing, and it
was like the Lord just popped this idea in my head and I
thought of how important it is for me at that time.
I was listening to podcasts, following YouTube channels, I
was learning and growing. And I thought, you know, as a 13
year old, I think maybe my son needs to hear from somebody
(05:59):
outside of mom and dad. What if I gathered some
resources and I gave those to myson and I made it a required
part of his day. And because we're homeschooling,
we have that freedom to say, hey, you might start school 30
minutes later if that's fine. But let's add to your day
reading, listening to something,watching something.
And I would curate a little listfor him and give him some
(06:21):
resources that might inspire himfrom somebody outside of mom and
dad. So along with that, I gave him a
journal. And I said, this isn't your
private like their diary. This is where you write down
every day one thing you watch, listen to or read the date and 1
nugget. Just get one thing written down
that you learned or gleaned thatday.
And of course, anyone that has more than one child wouldn't be
(06:43):
surprised to hear that his firstresponse was, well, are the
brothers doing it? I said, no, actually they're not
because this is not a brother's issue.
We parent individually and rightnow this is something we're
working on with you. So this is required.
This isn't optional. And so the first day or two he
(07:03):
might have written down 1 littlenugget.
But over the next weeks something amazing happened.
That son started filling paragraphs, even pages with
notes that he was taking from these great resources.
And I'll be honest, those first resources I gave him were not
super impressive. When people ask me to see that
list, I'm like, you would not be.
(07:23):
It was like things I was listening to and watching.
But over time, of course, I did find more and better and pretty
soon he had a note cards hangingabove his desk with maybe a
quote from somebody or a Bible verse.
And that same son grew to just be a complete, you know, he he
loved listening to great podcastand preachers and speakers.
And to this day, he's, you know,graduated college and still is
(07:47):
somebody that just really loves to grow and learn and better
himself. And I believe all that began as
a young teenager when Mom required something.
I couldn't come up with a bettername in the moment, so I just
called it character training andthat stuff.
So that's a long story, but I think it's important to hear
that we did go through a really rough stage and it wasn't an
(08:08):
overnight change, but it was over time.
And so I put a little note aboutthat in my book, Boy, Mom.
And then I was flooded with emails over the next few years
and people just saying, I want to do some character training
with my son or daughter. Can you tell me some of those
resources? What were you using?
And that's when I realized that it was more than just that list.
I mean, as much as I, I think that was a big moment in our
(08:31):
parenting year, you know, experience giving him that list,
there was also a whole lot more that was going on.
Things we were doing as a family, things we built from the
time he was young. And so I decided to create my
character training course, whichwould allow me to not only share
a much better list, a much longer curated list and, and
something I can keep up to date and add to overtime, but also
(08:54):
share those other foundational principles and deal with a lot
of the other issues that relate to character.
So that's been a really fun partof my work is opening the doors
to my character training course about 3 * a year.
That's awesome. And hey, Full disclosure to
everyone listening, I have listened to the course and I
have had kids go through it. And one thing that I 1 nugget I
(09:15):
don't want people to miss was that point that you made about
the fact that parenting is an individual thing.
And it is hard because every kidis they want that.
Like even even even everything'sthe same.
And I'm not going to do this if you don't have this person doing
this. And it's it's so that was such
great advice. And because that was, I think I
learned very early, I think it was at a MOPS program and
(09:39):
somebody said the sooner you teach your kids that this world
is not fair, you know, fair, then like the better.
And I was like, ohhh, yeah. But I'm like counting out,
right? You have this many gummy bears
today and you have, you know, like, that's what life was like
for me as a young mom. And then it's just like, oh,
wait, you know, not that I don'ttry to divide things out nicely,
(10:03):
but there's just times when somebody needs something
satellite. Yes, yes.
And it goes, you know, extra blessings sometimes and extra
challenges sometimes, so. Yes, so good.
Well, we are in December right now, which is such a great time
to really be able to hone in andkind of focus a little bit
(10:25):
because we tend to slow down. We start, you know, thinking
about all the fun holiday traditions we have.
But it's a great season to focuson character building and
gratitude. And so how can we use this
season best to kind of do thingslike that?
Right. I love that because I think that
we can think of the holidays as an overwhelming time, a busy
(10:47):
time. It has that element to it, of
course. And sometimes I think we end the
holidays a little frustrated with our kids because we might
struggle with them being entitled or greedy or not very
thoughtful towards others. So what I like to do is just go
into the holidays since it's early in December as this comes
out and kind of flip that scriptand say, let's take advantage of
(11:09):
the opportunities we have this month to really speak life into
our kids character and encouragethem to take advantage of
opportunities you may not have other times of the year and
maybe create new opportunities. And I think there's so many ways
we can do that, whether it's, you know, taking something
you're going to do anyway, baking cookies, but instead of
just making it about, oh, bakingcookies, eating cookies, it's
(11:32):
like, let's think of somebody who might not have family around
that we can deliver these cookies to and really bless
them. And as we're focusing on that,
they might act like they're not listening, but they are, they're
hearing that for us. I love the elderly.
So I love to find a nursing homeor retirement community that we
might go in and my son plays guitar, ukulele.
(11:55):
And so let's find just one afternoon where we can spend an
hour or two serving somebody else.
So I just love taking the opportunity during the holidays
to really flip that. And instead of worrying that our
kids are going to, you know, endthe holidays as we've and I've
had holidays where I've frustrated by the end, I'm
thinking, what have I done wrong?
But if you go into it with intentionality, you can
(12:17):
certainly flip that and make it a really positive time.
Oh, I love that. I'm giggling only because my
ADHD kind of sat in a little bitas you were talking.
You said ukulele. Ukulele.
We play the ukulele. You don't say that around here.
People are like you're a guest, you're a tourist.
No, no, I'm a tourist. Oh my goodness.
(12:40):
We do love the ukulele. I'm going to get better.
I need to practice saying it like that because we do go to
Hawaii enough that I'm. Like, oh, there's certain
things. Shave ice, not shaved ice.
You don't put that D on there oryou are obvious tourist.
Oh yeah, it's shave ice. Shave ice.
There's a number of things. Next time you come over, I'll
give you a little tutorial first.
(13:01):
I know, I know. Oh my God, Monica, we're going
to Hawaii. Be careful, I can help.
Oh my goodness, I love it. Well, kind of in the world of
character training and charactertraits, are there any that you
feel like are really vital to train and to our kids to kind of
make part of their our daily lessons that are going to stand
out more than others? Yes, I think that just by
(13:24):
looking at the culture today and, and we hear people talking
about the things that are reallylacking in today's youth.
And I know I always feel kind oflike an old lady when I say
that. Like kids these days, you know?
But it's true. And, and because we're there.
Monica. I have these three young adult,
you know, similar to you. I have these three young adult
(13:44):
sons, but then I still have this15 year old.
And I cannot deny that there is a difference in the world he's
growing up in and the world his older brothers grew up in.
There's a 6 1/2 year gap betweenson #3 and son #4 for me and I
think there's just such a spiritof entitlement today.
Also, just that quick fix. Nobody wants to wait on
(14:06):
anything, including me. I confess it's an area I'm
working on all the time because life is so immediate.
You know, you push a button, youask Siri, you just get answers
so quick. So I would say when you look
around you and say, what are thethings that are lacking and how
can I, as a homeschool mom, I have this blessing that I've got
my kids at home around me all day.
(14:27):
How can I take advantage of thisopportunity to give them some of
these traits that honestly are going to make them stand out in
the world? When they go to apply for a job,
when they go to apply for college, when they are, you
know, building relationships, some really simple things will
make them stand out. You've probably seen even on
social media, how people talk about just being able to give
(14:48):
eye contact, just being able to be a listener, to show interest
in other people is so lacking right now in today's youth
culture that if we can teach ourkids to be thoughtful, to give
that eye contact, to be patient,you know, delayed gratification
is one of the qualities I love to focus on in my boys because
(15:08):
it's really hard today because everything's so immediate.
So I think that giving them someopportunities to practice that
and you can do it again by the things you're doing at home,
asking them to wait with patience when you see them being
impatient, talking about it, talking about scriptures that
speak to each of these things. We have that opportunity as
homeschool parents and, and I think the other thing I'll just
(15:32):
throw in while we're here is if you have more than one child,
then the sibling relationship isa great one to use to build
character. And I know that having four boys
competition's a big deal in my home.
Everybody's always competing foreverything.
And one verse that I love to point out to my boys is from
Romans 12/10. I believe it is, but it talks
(15:52):
about how we should love one another with brotherly
affection. It says and and it talks about
aiming to out honor one another.And that's my paraphrasing, but
I love to say, listen, if you'regoing to compete for anything,
try to outdo one another with brotherly affection, with honor.
And so I'm like, you want to compete.
(16:13):
Let's see how much character we can have because mom's going to
notice that Mom's going to call it out.
Mom's going to bless you when I see you out honoring one
another. And so does that work first time
every time? No, but I think that focusing on
some of the things that God's Word has to say about what
really matters and then really encouraging that, speaking life
into it when we see it and encouraging our boys, our our
(16:34):
kids, boys and girls is going toreally be effective in the long
run. Maybe not in one day, but if you
continue to do that, it does make an impact.
It really does. No, it's always powerful
because, you know, you and I, wewe speak different places on
homeschooling and, you know, parenting and whatever it is
that, you know, we're brought into speak about.
But what I find is really powerful is that my kids, so
(16:58):
often just them being them is what is drawing people in.
And my son just got invited to go to lunch with a couple who's
thinking about homeschooling. And it was just so cute because
he's like, why do they want to meet with me?
I don't think I want to meet with you.
And I just laughed because I'm like, because you have plenty to
say about. He's like, I don't know what to
say. I'm like, just share from your
(17:19):
heart. But what was powerful is that
they saw a difference in him. And so they were like, what is,
you know, what is different? What is making that change?
And so the. Proofs in the pudding.
I love that. I would tell anyone who's
considering homeschooling That'sa great idea.
Invite a kid out who has been homeschooled.
Get to know them. Ask them the questions.
(17:40):
They're going to be you know more.
You're going to learn more from them probably than from the
parents. Oh, yeah.
OK. So this is also making me think
about the fact that when my oldest two were, you know, kind
of getting a little bit older, they're now, you know, grown and
out of the house. But we used to do this silly
thing. And, you know, we don't pay our
kids for chores, but we do pay for certain things, like
(18:03):
memorizing Scripture. But one thing we used to always
tell them is like, we will pay you if we get a compliment
without you going to keep on going, you know, like, you know,
like, how's your day? But like just them being them,
we often had parents who'd be like, your boys were so
respectful today. And your boys did this, this,
this. Thing.
Kaching, kaching, yes. And so we, it was always so fun
(18:26):
because we were like, guess what?
And so now I have to think aboutlike, I'm like, do we compensate
Wade? The fact that somebody wanted to
take him to lunch, he did such agood job.
Well, he's getting lunch out of it.
He got a good lunch. That's right.
I love that. No, that's super good, Yeah.
Oh well this has been so great but we are going to have to take
(18:46):
a quick break and I promise my sweet school has our friends.
We will be right back. Have you tried CTC Math yet with
your child? Here's a testimonial from
another happy homeschool mom. Amber said.
I'm absolutely thrilled with CTCMath.
It's a rare find that I've used with my children for more than
five years now. I have six children using CTC
(19:08):
Math and each child has found iteasy to navigate and very
applicable. Thank you so much for all that
you are doing and providing quality math lessons for my
children. If you're looking for a great
online math program, visit ctcmath.com.
That's ctcmath.com. Join Apologia for the Homeschool
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(19:32):
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Find thisincrediblefreehomeschoolresource@apologia.com/bootcamp.
We're back with Monica Swanson now.
Before the break, we were talking about building character
in our kids, which is such an important part of parenting,
especially during the holidays. So Monica, I would love to dive
into something that every parentcan relate to.
(20:16):
And it's those tough moments when our kids don't show great
character. So what advice do you have for
us when it comes to handling those character struggles like
lying or laziness or even sibling conflicts?
I know we kind of talked a little bit about out honoring
each other and those sibling relationships, but how do we
handle this with grace and yet firmness because sometimes we
(20:40):
actually do have to. Oh yes, we do.
And it's necessary and it, it really does pay off.
So my biggest encouragement is always to communicate in advance
to have, I mean, what I'm not good at is thinking on the spot.
So if you do something and you need a consequence and I haven't
thought about it, I will just freeze and my mind goes blank.
(21:03):
So I really encourage parents tohave some consequences already
in place and then to make sure you've communicated those with
the kids so that they kind of know what to expect.
Like, hey, if I'm going to do this, I know what's coming to
me. And I think that's fair.
And that's kind of how life works, right?
We break a law, we know what theconsequence will be.
I love to use natural consequences whenever possible
(21:26):
if there's not a natural consequence.
So that would be like, you know,things that you don't really
have to intervene with. You know, you, I think of here
in Hawaii, it rains a lot where I live.
Kids will leave their skateboardoutside.
They're not taking care of it there.
It gets rained on. Maybe it ruins it.
You don't run out and buy them anew skateboard.
You say, I'm so sorry, give themsome empathy.
(21:48):
But then you're going to have toearn the money to buy yourself a
new skateboard. And so now they're going without
the skateboard. So that would be a really clear
natural consequence. Often times, unfortunately,
there isn't a natural consequence.
So then we turn to what I call logical consequences, and that's
something that's related. But maybe mom and dad have to
intervene in some way. So a very typical example might
(22:09):
be kids are up late, make a snack before bed, leave a mess
in the kitchen. Well, guess what?
Tomorrow I'm going to say you'reon kitchen duty.
Even though it's not your chore this week, you get to clean up
the kitchen in the morning because you left a mess last
night. So there is some intervention,
but it's related. It's kitchen, it's mess.
So you just look for ways to give them consequences.
(22:30):
And if they know that, hey, anytime you leave a mess in this
kitchen and you don't clean up after yourself, the consequence
will be you're going to have to take on an extra chore the next
day. So kids are aware of it, they're
prepared for it, and of course, all of these things are going to
be case by case depending on thechild's age, talking to them,
praying with them, those are allimportant.
But really nothing is going to speak as loud as a consequence.
(22:53):
They need consequences because that is how we learn in life.
So I think that the more prepared we are, the better.
And none of us are going to get this perfect.
I still don't, but it certainly helps when I do have that in
place. It's so true.
It's so great. So I love how you were talking
about how to weave in consequences into our just
(23:14):
day-to-day, like as moments happen, but how can we be
intentional, like you were saying, like planning ahead for
consequences, but how can we be intentional with these character
lessons to incorporate them intoour homeschool without adding
that like one more thing? Because so often that's what it
feels like. It's just right.
(23:35):
I want to teach this, but it's one more thing to add to like
your checklist or like even thatmentalist at the end of the day.
Oh. Totally such a good question.
And I have found and been pleasantly surprised by how some
small shifts and even how we communicate can make a really
big difference. I talk in my course about how
oftentimes we'll just use words that come to us.
(23:58):
Like my youngest is a little bitof a slob.
His bedroom has been an issue. He does not like to make his
bed. So it's easy for me to be like,
your room is a mess, clean it up, you know, don't be a slob.
Whatever kind of words might come out.
Whereas a small shift would be to think of some character words
to say like, listen, son, I knowyou want to grow up to be a
(24:20):
responsible young man. There's a word responsible.
So I'm going to ask you to cleanup your room because this is who
you are. I, I know you have it in you.
I see you take care of your golfclubs.
You'll keep them meticulously clean.
So now I want to see you do thatin your bedroom.
And so I'm going to give you, you know, a challenge if this
week, all week, you can wake up,make your bed, have your room
(24:43):
tidy before you come out for breakfast.
Then at the end of the week, I give you something special,
whatever might be his currency, as we call it, something that
really speaks to his heart. And so looking for opportunities
to use character words. And sometimes when kids are
little, it's just, hey, I noticed you are being kind to
your brother. Thank you for being kind.
That honors the Lord when you'rekind to your brother.
(25:05):
And then when they're unkind, that word now is out there kind.
It's not just like, hey, you know, don't, don't, don't be
mean. But it's like, oh, that was not
kind. We as followers of Jesus, we are
kind because Jesus is kind to us.
He calls us to be kind to one another.
And so now we're using that wordkind.
So sometimes just switching out our words for character rich
words kind of gets that going intheir head.
(25:26):
And so whether you're correctingor encouraging, you're just
thinking using character words. And that speaks to our kids in a
really different way. I love.
That and I even like how you differentiate and like that was
me, you know, like we can so often and use the words that are
not the words we want. So it's almost like we're
speaking the character, and I mean, we're speaking it into,
(25:47):
right? We're not manifesting, but we're
encouraging godly characters andjust using that different kind
of language makes a big difference.
And I think that kids then startto kind of TuneIn and when you
are then talking about it through scripture, through
different teachings, they're kind of connecting those dots
between what you just taught them and their own behavior.
(26:08):
Oh yeah, that's so, so great to to really differentiate there.
And one thing that I think is something to talk about a lot in
your book and in your course since I've gone through it, is
that important, the importance of modelling and how it's one
thing to tell our kids, be kind and then we get impatient with
people, you know, 'cause maybe, maybe I struggle sometimes when
(26:31):
I get bad customer service. I'm getting so much better now
so with. You that's like.
I know. In fact, I, I feel like, OK,
this little tangent note here, but I feel like in the world of
like when COVID hit and all these things, I just feel like
we kind of lost customer serviceat at some point.
And what I'm noticing now is it's coming back.
(26:52):
Like I literally got the last three or four stores I've been
to. I come home and I'm like, I got
great. Customers today, Oh, that's
encouraging. It's just like, Oh my goodness,
it's been so great. I'm like, there we go people,
let's bring it back. Because I've said that if I
weren't doing the work I do now,my my dream job would be to
travel the world and teach simple customer service.
(27:13):
Because it's so easy to give people good service.
Just saying simple pleases and thank yous and you know, my
pleasures and all of those things really make a big
difference. So I'm with you on that.
I want my kids good at that. I don't have character.
That's right. Oh no, exactly.
But how have have you seen like moments?
Like, do you have any moments you can call the mind or just
(27:35):
moments where you had to yes, show it yes, and how that shaped
your kids? Oh my goodness, definitely 100%.
I am the most, you know, human sinful person when I am in my
flesh. And I think a huge thing here is
being really humble with our kids and letting them know the
areas we struggle in. And yet not just saying, oh,
(27:56):
yeah, I'm super impatient. No, no, no, no, I struggle with
impatience, but thanks to God and his goodness, I am growing
in this. It is a root of the spirit.
This is an opportunity to speak scripture, to share with them
the things that God is laying onyour heart.
Hey, this morning in devotions, you know, I was reminded of the
fruits of the spirit and and these are the ones that I'm
(28:17):
really working on. And then really letting that be
a built in accountability. I always say kids are great
because they're built in accountability.
The things we're calling them upto, we want to be living out.
So if there's an area I'm not doing well and just just own it,
apologize, Let them know that you are sorry that you're
working on it, and then live it out.
Let them see you working on thatand growing.
(28:38):
And that is probably the biggestteacher that they're going to
have better than If you're perfect every day, then they
feel like they'll never live up to that.
But if you let them know that you trip and fall too, but that
you're depending on God's grace to help you, that's going to
inspire them to also continue togrow.
Amen. No, I feel like God purposely
gives us our spouses and our children to sharpen us
(29:00):
absolutely to grow. God knows exactly what character
things that he's working on us with.
So sometimes it goes beyond like, Oh, I'm, I'm helping my
kids to grow. And sometimes I'm like, Oh, you,
Lord, are helping me to grow, right?
Now all the time for sure. Well, how can scripture and
faith be woven naturally into character training?
(29:21):
So, like, do you have anything, you know, especially for boys or
kids who might not want to sit for a long time and do
devotional times. So do you have any advice for
parents who are struggling with just trying to figure out how to
get it to all kind of come to shape?
I love to quote Deuteronomy likeso many people that talk about,
you know, discipleship with yourkids and character.
(29:41):
But I do love in Deuteronomy chapter 6 where it talks about
teaching our kids. I mean, Moses was given God's
command to the Israelites sayingteach these things to your
children. And he didn't say over devotions
every morning or at church on Sundays.
He said when you get up, as you walk along the way, when you lie
down. And I've kind of taken that and
decided a great way to apply it would be, well, there's three
(30:05):
different times there when you get up.
So in the morning, whether it's just reading a, a short passage
of Scripture over breakfast or, you know, talking about God's
word as you start your day and then as you walk along your way.
Well, we don't walk as much. I mean, if you can get out for a
walk or a hike with kids, great.But if not, you're probably
going to drive in the car somewhere.
(30:25):
So how about in the car? Let that be an opportunity.
I usually when I take off from home, it's just my habit to say,
oh Lord, thank you so much for the day.
Please keep us safe as we drive and whatever else.
It's just my quick prayer as I leave the home.
And so when you're in the car, you can talk to the kids about
the Lord, what he's teaching you, what he's doing, Pray for
them wherever they're going. And then when you lie down and
(30:45):
that's right before bed, what a great way to end the day by just
praying for the kids. Even when they're older, they're
still going to appreciate it even if they don't act like it.
But maybe review a scripture that you're working on
memorizing as a family. Maybe have some time as a
family. We have never been super
consistent about family devotions, but every once in a
while we'll just sit down together after dinner and say,
(31:06):
hey, let's read some scripture. Let's you know, my husband too,
plays ukulele and guitar and we'll just do a couple worship
songs. And so I think that having that
rhythm to the day, morning, throughout the day, wherever
you're going, and then at the end of the day kind of gives you
that opportunity to not necessarily have one moment, but
to think about weaving scriptureinto your whole day.
(31:27):
So good, I love that. Thank you.
Now, I guess just to kind of round out our time together, how
would you encourage families whomaybe you're just now thinking
about this and they're like, I have high schoolers and maybe
they might feel like, man, I, I missed this.
Opportunity. Like it's too late.
Like how would you encourage people to just totally start
(31:50):
where they are? I hear from parents all the time
and the good news is God's mercies are new every morning.
And that is whether your kids are toddlers or teenagers or
even grown. And again, kind of circling back
to what I said before, if you can humbly talk to your kids and
just say, listen, lifes been busy.
There's been some challenges. I think I've missed a few
(32:12):
things, and I am so sorry, but Iwant to do my work.
And I believe that God is still able to do his work in you.
Can I encourage you? Can we together work on some
character, even if you're 18 years old before you launch or
as you're starting your new job?Maybe they live far away, but
you can say, listen, can we maybe do a little devotional
(32:32):
together? Can I send you scripture?
Can we talk about this? Because I think that kids,
again, are going to learn more from your mistakes and what you
do about them than if you are trying to be perfect and act
like you've got it all together.So just talk to them, own your
stuff, give it to the Lord, pray, and God will meet you
there. I love that.
(32:52):
Well, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom with us.
I love this. Topic.
I know, I know, I know what to talk to you.
About It's my favorite. I love it.
Oh, and I love how you helped toremind us that homeschooling
isn't just about academics. And that was a line when we were
first started talking that you're like, everybody talked
(33:12):
about that. I remember everyone's like
character over curriculum. Like that was like what I always
heard. And I'm like.
What does that mean? What does that mean?
How do I do this? But Oh my goodness.
And I am so excited because nextweek you and I are going to be
back and talking about the real and raw and funny world of
hormones in the house. So I cannot wait to talk about
(33:37):
that with you. I'm sure we're going to have
some good laughs over that. But before we wrap up here in
this episode, can you share where listeners can connect with
you and your books and resources?
You bet. My home base is my website
monicaswanson.com and for those of you listening who want to be
encouraged more in this area of raising kids of character, I
(34:00):
have a fun freebie on my websiteas well as a little e-mail
series where I send you encouragement and more free
resources all related to raisingkidsofcharacterandthatspecificallyis@monicaswanson.com/character.
Super easy on Instagram. I'm at Monica Swanson under
score, please say hi and tell mehow you found me.
(34:21):
I love to meet new friends. I love it.
And here, here's my little plug for you as well.
Out of all of the bloggers that I know through the year, I
probably only follow. Maybe five, maybe 5 people and
yours. Is 1 so I love.
Your emails like your. Newsletters are.
So good, I enjoy them so much I.Always say always be a Blogger
(34:43):
at heart. And I just love short form
content. It's so much fun so.
Oh my goodness, it's so good. So no, I highly, highly
recommend my friends following Monica Swanson.
Thank. You.
Well, thank you and keep in mindmy listening friends, that you
can find all of the links in theshow notes.
And don't forget to head over toschoolhouserocked.com where you
(35:07):
can stream for free Schoolhouse Rocked the homeschool Revolution
movie. Be sure to subscribe to
Schoolhouse Rocked YouTube channel and follow on your
favorite podcast app. It has been a pleasure to be
your host this week on the Schoolhouse Rock podcast.
And if you are listening today and thinking I need some help or
organizing and being a little more balanced, well my friends,
(35:28):
I have you covered. Because first I want to make
sure that you know that you are invited to grab my free three
Day Homeschool Reset. It is a quick and easy mini
course designed to help you clear the mental clutter, reset
your racines, and bring some peace back to your homeschool
space and days. And you can Sign up today at
(35:49):
christyclover.com/reset. In fact, you can use that link
to unlock a special $50 off of my Ultimate Homeschool
Organization course. It's everything you need to
create a system that actually works for your family.
So head over to christyclover.com/reset to get
access to all of my homeschool resources and the special
(36:11):
pricing on the Ultimate Homeschool Organization course.
So thank you for listening. I will see you back here next
week for a brand new conversation with Monica
Swanson. We'll be back to talk about
something a little more personallike hormones, emotions, and
homeschooling through the rollercoaster of seasons.
And it's guaranteed to make you laugh, as I know we will as
well. So you will not want to miss it.
(36:34):
Take care and have a great rest of your day.
You're listening to the BiblicalFamily Network.
Hey, I'm Miki. And I'm will.
And we're the Co host of the Culture Proof podcast.
We want to invite you to join usevery week as we discuss what's
happening in the world and then filter those happenings through
a decidedly biblical lens. There are many questions,
(36:57):
especially when we see what's happening in our culture today,
but the answers are found withinthe Word of God, so that's where
we want to look. Amen.
When we resist those cultural trends that rival the truth.
We remain culture proof. And in the world today, it is so
much more challenging. And so all the grace in the
world goes out to those kids whoare trying to navigate those
(37:19):
early teenage, tween and teenageyears.
It's tough. They need so much love and
support. I don't have to have everything
perfect, but this isn't probablysomething to lose my cool over.
And so just that perspective that His word and His spirit
brings when you just recenter, refocus.
And what's awesome about homeschooling is you can do that
with your kids.
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