August 5, 2025 • 36 mins
Are your preteens navigating big emotions, shifting hormones, and tough questions about faith? You’re not alone! In this inspiring episode of the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast, host Kristi Clover sits down with bestselling author and homeschool mom Tricia Goyer (mom of 10 and author of over 100 books!) to discuss practical ways to disciple your kids through the “hard stuff.” Learn how to respond to anger, support preteens struggling with anxiety, and cultivate honest conversations about faith—all while building genuine connections at home.
Whether you’re facing explosive outbursts, silent worries, or simply want to nurture real faith and communication in your homeschool family, this episode is packed with wisdom, encouragement, and actionable tips. Don’t forget to subscribe so you won’t miss next week’s part two!
Key Insights:
✨ Calmly handle anger and emotional outbursts
✨ Support anxious children without pressure
✨ Create safe spaces for tough faith conversations
✨ Build daily family rhythms that foster independent faith
Recommended Resources:
Faith That Sticks: 5Real-Life Ways to Disciple Your Preteen, by Tricia Goyer and Leslie Nunnery
YWAM Missionary Stories(Christian Heroes, Then and Now Series)
SanitySavers for Moms Bootcamp
Sponsors:
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Take that space to figure out what's going on 'cause sometimes
they don't even know what's going on.
And often when I don't lecture, I don't try to, like, fix the
problem in the moment. I don't argue, I don't tell them
that's not the way you treat me.And they come back 45 minutes
later. I'm sorry I talked to you that
way. I forgive you.
(00:20):
Well, hello and welcome back to this Schoolhouse Rock podcast.
I'm Christy Clover and I am so excited to be your host again
this week. Today I get to welcome someone
very near and dear to me, my sweet friend Tricia Goyer.
And we're going to be discussinghow to disciple your preteens
and teen children through the hard stuff like hormones.
So you are not going to want to miss this discussion.
(00:42):
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(01:26):
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(01:47):
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easy All right, my schoolhouse rock friends.
I am so excited to welcome my dear friend Tricia Goyer on the
show today. Tricia is a homeschooling mom of
if you don't know her, wait for it, wait for it 1010 children.
And she is a beloved author of over again, wait for it 100
(02:11):
books. Like if she does not wow you
just with those statistics, I don't know what's going to wow
you. But she is someone who's just
has a heart for encouraging families, which just shines
through an everything that she does.
So you may have heard her from, you know, either her podcasts or
ministries that she's a part of.She's a powerful storyteller,
both with fiction and real life books.
(02:32):
And so I just am so blessed to have her as a friend of mine.
So I am excited to introduce youguys to Trisha Goyer.
So hello my sweet friend, how are you?
Hey Christy, you are one of my favorite people.
And so I'm just like smiling so big.
I'm like, I get to hang out withChristy Fun.
It's so fun. I know podcasts like this always
(02:53):
crack me up because I'm like let's just chat.
I know exactly. Like we got lots of flies on the
walls during our conversation. Oh well, I want to talk a little
bit. We're going to talk through some
themes of your newest book that you co-authored with Leslie
Nunnery. That is Faith that Sticks, 5
(03:13):
real life ways to disciple your preteen.
But in case I missed anything inyour introduction, what what did
I miss? I mean, I don't know what your
book counts even at anymore I feel like.
There's over 100. I don't know, I haven't, I
haven't gone and sat down and actually like counted everything
out. So over 100.
And I have a new novel with Nathan coming out soon, our
(03:38):
Second World War 2 steampunk that's new.
So. That's.
Amazing talking about preteens to World War 2 and airships.
I do all the things. You do all the things, and so
our guests know Nathan is your son.
He's your third of. The lineup, yes, I love that.
You know, it's when he is in thelineup, Christy.
(04:03):
It's a sign of real friendships.This is my friend.
Like you really are friend. Oh, well, I cannot wait.
I know that we have your first book with Nathan somewhere on
one of our shelves, but yeah, I have like, my little Trisha
Goyer corner of of my bookshelves.
So every home school. Family should have a Trisha
Goyer. I mean, and honestly, I mean,
(04:26):
OK, so prayers that change history.
Anytime you and I did a conference together, I'm always
like, you need a prayer that changes history.
Fabulous book. But what's great is your books
make for great read alouds too. So I'm just saying, I'm just
saying, well, I am excited because I mean #1 having you, I
don't even know. Can I do a podcast and host a
(04:47):
podcast and not have you as a guest?
I think you always, you know, been one of my tried and true
guests on my podcasts through the years.
But today we're going to be digging into the preteen years
and you still actually, I guess you're out of preteen.
You have all teenagers. So at this point, so Casey is
14, but I will say his brain isn't 14 yet because we're still
(05:11):
like, why did you do that? And he's like, I don't know why
I did that. Why did you think that was a
good idea? I don't know.
So I feel like he's 14, but I still feel like all the things
that we talked about for preteens, like their brains
developing, their bodies are developing, they're really
smelly. Like they don't know what
they're doing. They're emotional, like all the
(05:31):
things are still like happening.And then Alyssa's 15, so she
just turned 15. So I will say some of the
emotions have calmed down, but Ifeel like we're barely like
barely getting past the preteens.
I would say like I'm just 16. I still it still has the same
issues of all the things that preteens deal with.
I know I always kind of giggle, 'cause I'm like, what is preteen
(05:52):
like, you know? So today we'll, we'll, we'll
think within the mind of these, you know, these shift when the
shift starts to happen. That's what we're talking about
today. In fact, that is kind of what I
want to talk about is because, you know, we have these hormones
that hit and with the hormones come a lot of different emotions
and we kind of have extremes. So let's start with like the
(06:14):
more explosive of the emotions. I figured we could kind of talk
about anger. You're definitely an expert in
that area since you've written afew books.
I don't. Like being an expert on anger,
Christy, but. Sorry.
Well, you personally, you know, like, yeah, I know you are, I'm
so sorry. But yes.
No, but you are an expert and you have written about it, which
means you have researched it andyou have 10 kids and you have
(06:35):
kids in the foster care system. So, you know, a thing or two
about angry children or, you know, anger that demonstrate,
you know, kind of comes forward in life.
So what are some ways that parents can really respond when
their preteen starts acting out?Like whether it's yelling or
shutting down or just, you know,snapping off and you know, all
the, the beautiful things we have to look forward to when we
(06:56):
hit this age. And I think it's a surprise to
people because especially if kids didn't have anger before,
like like all kids get angry. But like it's a different thing
when you have the, the preteen years.
First of all, we talked about hormones.
All the hormones are raging. And I know, you know, I mean,
women go through hormonal changes and there's some days I
(07:18):
would just be mad. I don't know why.
So I understand that. But then it's boys and girls.
So it's not just, it's not just girls, boys, all their hormones
are changing, but also the braindevelopment.
I want to jump in here 'cause it's, it's part of the anger.
Their brain is developing at thesame rapid time as like newborn
age and then that terrible two age, the preteen age, their
(07:39):
brain is developing. So we see them growing.
I mean, my 14 year old went to like this tall to my ears.
So now he's taller than me in six months.
So we see their body growing, but we, their brain is growing
and changing and developing and they honestly like, if you say,
what are you thinking? They might not really be
(07:59):
thinking because there's just like so much they're running
into walls because their body's changing.
So there's so much growth and change.
So just knowing that there's that there might be parents that
are like, I'm shocked because this child never would yell or
roll their eyes or sweet little Bella all of a sudden just had
the worst attitude. I'm like, where did you come
from? And so just know, like it's
(08:21):
every child, it's every child. It's also a time when they're
wanting more independence. And that's kind of a push back
to with the anger. And I think one of the things
with anger is, first of all, we just have to stay calm.
And so one thing that I tell myself and I talk to other
parents is like when you stay calm, you win.
And when we're when we get upset, even if they're yelling
(08:44):
or rolling their eyes, I mean, you know, we could go into
lecture mode. We can follow to them to the
room. You don't talk to me that way.
That is not going to help anything.
But when we stay calm, we win and we're able to regulate them.
And so kids, just like when we have a little baby, when they're
crying and fussing and dysregulated, we bounce them and
(09:05):
and preteens need us to regulatethem.
Not in the same way. We're not going to go to a 12
year old, I know. But and just by us staying calm
and also naming their emotion like you're angry and that can
move it from by stating their emotion.
And they might say, I'm not angry, I'm mad, OK, you're mad,
why are you mad? And turn it around and asking
(09:27):
questions about what's going on,what's happening with them.
And then they'll start talking. So there's the there's the
emotional brain and then there'sthe thinking brain.
If we're if they're in their emotional brain, they're upset,
they're angry, they're crying. Any emotions that are seem like
over the top. It's very real to them, but over
the top to us. If we stay in that emotional
(09:48):
mindset and we get emotional too, it just keeps like we're
just circling all the emotions. But when we say if we stay state
the emotion which we think it is, we might not even be right,
but we state the emotion and then they might say I'm not, I'm
not angry, I'm sad or I'm not mad.
I'm upset because the neighbors said that home schoolers are
(10:08):
stupid or whatever it is. It moves from the emotional
brain to the thinking brain because then they start
communicating. So we start a conversation and I
think that is really helpful. Also, we don't have to solve
anything in the moment. So letting them go away.
We'll talk about this later. I understand you're upset.
Just I think you just need a little time to have some me time
(10:31):
and put it in not say go to yourroom and calm down.
But maybe you just need some a little time just by yourself for
a little bit. Putting it in those type of ways
really help. And it helps them to first of
all take that space to figure out what's going on because
sometimes they don't even know what's going on.
(10:52):
And often when I don't lecture, I don't try to, like, fix the
problem in the moment. I don't argue.
I don't tell them that's not theway you treat me.
It just happened yesterday with one of my kids, and they come
back 45 minutes later. I'm sorry I talked to you that
way. I forgive you.
And so I think we really have tokind of pull back and then just
(11:12):
be curious about what's going on, asking questions.
And again, they might not have an answer, but at least they're
thinking about it. But anytime we say calm down, I
mean I know if I'm upset and someone says calm down, no I'm
going to show you why I'm at so that that never helps.
So I'm saying calming down calm down doesn't help.
But stating their emotion and giving them space to figure out
(11:34):
really will help during these years.
That's so incredible. Yeah.
I feel like we, we forget that we are very hormonal and we
don't always make sense. And we have emotions and
feelings that get the best of usas well.
And so they're just for the first time really experiencing
this with the extremes, you know, having the hormone
hormonal influence. Because I know even as I'm in
(11:55):
I'm in a ministry where I try tohelp adults figure out, you
know, different emotional traumas.
And so a lot of that is naming what emotion got triggered.
And half the time they're like, I don't know what I was feeling.
I don't, I, I don't know. So I love this because it's like
if we start helping our kids identify what it is they're
feeling and what's at the heart of it, Oh my goodness, that's
(12:17):
going to help them into adulthood.
It's incredible. Absolutely.
And then we could offer later topray.
Can I pray with you about that or do you need some
encouragement about that? I remember how when I was your
age, I felt that too. And just be empathetic with
them. You know, we could point them to
Scripture, but in not in the moment, Not in the moment.
Like you're supposed to respect your parents like that doesn't
(12:38):
help them. No, and I think that's actually
another really great thing that you pointed out that I hope
that, you know, especially our our younger moms that are just
kind of coming into this new phase of parenting, helping your
kids to understand they're not alone.
This is totally normal because they feel it feels abnormal to
them in the moment. And so they they start wondering
like, what is this? Who am I?
(12:59):
And like, am IA mad angry person, you know.
And so I know that that's reallybeen helpful for my kids as
they've gone through different things and they're like, I'm
like, this is so normal. I'm like, you know, especially
with my, my daughters, as they're getting older, they like
start crying. I'm like, oh, welcome to
womanhood, my friend. Like, yeah, just cry randomly.
And they're like, really. And I'm like, yeah, really.
Like, have you seen me cry randomly?
(13:20):
I cry randomly. So just making them feel like
taking the sting out of like this is big and and just make
normalizing it. John would say let just go slide
the chocolate under the door. Just let them go to the room and
slide the chocolate under the door.
And I think another important thing I know I'll add in, it's
like and not be concerned what other people are thinking.
(13:42):
Yeah. So I mean, even at conferences
when my kids are like roll theireyes or cuz it no, I'm not going
to give you $20 from the money bag to go get whatever we'll
talk about in a minute. And there's other people in the
booth. I'm thinking I need to explain
it away or I need to tell my child not to.
It doesn't matter what other people like.
I just have to go back to that. Like I am in my relationship
(14:06):
with my child and I was overly concerned with my older kids.
Like what do people think? Or every parent, every parent is
going to deal with the emotionalkids, disrespectful kids, angry
kids, sad kids, all the it's everyone.
So we don't have to feel like our kids need to outwardly act a
certain way. In fact, that will like that
(14:27):
doesn't bring our hearts close if we're just wanting them to
perform and act a certain way and we're not really start to
connect with them or deal with their emotions.
I will add that too, because I think sometimes we're so
concerned about what other people may think that we may say
something, do something that will hurt our relationship with
our child when this is just a normal way that all preteens
(14:49):
act. I love it, it's so good.
And you know, and I know we've touched on a lot of aspects of
dealing with the hormones, but is there anything else you would
add when we look at the flip side of these emotions, when
they don't explode, they implode.
And so just with anxiety. So is there any additional tips
you might have if you have a child or anyone has a child
who's kind of struggling with, you know, anxiety or fear or
(15:10):
worry or self doubt? Yeah, absolutely.
So I think anxiety is just as prevalent today as all the
outward stuff. And again, it's inner feelings
that something is not OK and they, they want, they can't fix
it. They don't know what to do.
Maybe there's a problem. The test, it doesn't seem like a
big problem, but to them it is very real.
(15:32):
And just understanding that, that it's OK to talk about it.
It's not to pressure them to, tolike, oh, it's OK, you'll be
fine. Just go to youth group, you
know, if they're feeling anxiousor whatever it is, like don't
pressure them. Let them know that there is a
bigger problem. And then we can also seek just
be listening here. But sometimes you need to seek
more help. Like one of our, our children,
(15:53):
we, she found an amazing counselor that helped her work
through anxiety. So just like, even though it's
more quiet, it is can be very hard for kids.
They might feel overwhelmed, they don't know what to do.
And if we're pushing them, if we're pressuring them, if we're
trying to just make it OK because it doesn't seem like a
big deal to us, that is not going to help them.
(16:15):
So, you know, being a listening ear, but sometimes there is a
time that they need to get a really good counselor, Christian
counselor, they can just help them, support them, talk through
things, figure out coping mechanisms to help them when
they're anxious. And I think again, it, we don't
have to feel like we should haveour act together or our kids
(16:35):
should have our act together. There's amazing people out there
that can help our kids. One of our kids just graduated
from therapy on Tuesday and she's doing amazing now.
But just all this to say that there are people that there that
can help us and it it is not something they can just get over
that there needs to be more tools to help.
(16:56):
Oh absolutely. Well, this is also good, but we
do need to take a quick break sowe are going to be right back.
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All right, my friends, we are back with Trisha Goyer and we've
(18:20):
been talking about some of the emotional challenges that come
with the preteen years. But now I want to shift a little
bit into something that is just as important, if not more
important, and that is how to cultivate deeper conversations
and to have this real, you know,to help our kids have a real
lasting faith. So let's be honest, because one
(18:41):
of the biggest challenges that we kind of have in the season is
creating space for these honest conversations, especially things
like faith, possible doubts, andeven some of the bigger life
questions that we get. You know, the world is
constantly throwing different questions at us.
So that's what I want to kind oftake a little deeper dive into.
(19:01):
So sometimes our kids do ask these really tough questions.
And the beautiful thing about being homeschool family is that
we do have time to kind of get in there and dig deeper.
So what are some ways that that parents can keep these lines of
communication open and help their kids to feel safe asking,
you know, the the tougher questions?
(19:23):
Yeah. And I think you mentioned the
thing about time, is that we have to have time.
Now, sometimes we can fool ourselves, which I've done
before, where we think we're here all day.
They can just ask us the questions whenever they want to.
Like, yeah, I could push aside the history lesson or whatever,
but it's mostly time focusing onthings that they're interested
(19:43):
in talking about. And so I found when I take time
to like I'm running errands and I'm going to take one child with
me and then ask about whatever Mario Kart or whatever Nerf gun
or Lego set, whatever they're interested in at the song that
they like, they'll talk and talkand talk.
And then it seems like the last 10 minutes before we get home,
(20:04):
that's when the questions will come up.
You know, so if we're on our phone, if we're rushing to
Co-op, if we're doing things, they could tell that we're not
listening, we're not distracted.And so we really need to make
the space. I've taken time for one of my
kids or two of my kids where I just will take them away,
sometimes overnight, sometimes out to dinner and just having
(20:25):
that time to have questions. And I'll and I'll talk about
when I was growing up and I mean, I'll lead things where
we're going with different conversations that they could
bring stuff up. But even like our last road
trip, we just got back from Orlando.
We're listening to 80s music in the car.
And then we start talking about our teen years.
And then we end up in some really, really good
(20:46):
conversations about choices and about regrets.
And they're talking about their things.
So we do need that time and thatspace that we are making for
kids. That's often why 11:00 at night
when you are so ready, because they finally see like, we are
not our friends, not in front ofus.
We don't have our computers on our laps, We're not sitting
(21:08):
there grading their math tests. And it's often more quiet, TV's
off. And then that's where they
finally feel like they can ask it.
And so we could foster those times.
But also John has been a troopermore than me.
I'm like falling asleep in the couch, but but taking that time
because he will go for an hour, whatever conversation and this
(21:31):
and that. And well, let's go back to the
beginning. Why did how did God create
things? I mean, he does a better job at
those lightning things. I think I do a better job at
like carving out. Let's go.
I'm, I'm going here. Why don't you come along with
me. Let's spend time doing this,
even if it's just errands aroundtown, that time that we're
checking in that we're spending there.
(21:53):
And if they know that we're listening to the things that
they're interested about, then they'll be more open to to share
about the deeper things, the deeper struggles, the hard stuff
in their lives. It's so good.
And I guess like one of the things I kind of as you was
talking that I was thinking about was that I know a lot of
parents are, you know, they struggle.
(22:14):
They struggle with sharing theirstory with their kids,
especially people who have kind of had, you know, I don't know
how to put it like, you know, I have more challenges.
We don't want, we don't want ourkids to repeat our past.
I'm like, you know how I did things like, yes, mom, we know.
I mean, I was a Teen Mom and I, it was very helpful that when
(22:38):
they were because I with my first three, I was helping start
a crisis pregnancy center and mentoring teen moms.
And then with the younger ones, by the time we adopted, the ones
that we adopted as preteens and teens, they had read some of my
books. So they and so there they knew
about my past. But now I can say now remember
(22:59):
when I was a teen, like we know and I'm like, but but listen,
like I wish I would have done. I wish my mom would have sat
down with me and and I'm doing this because I love you.
So it's not like a lecture so much.
Sometimes they might say it turns into a lecture, but I
really want to share because I don't want them to go through
the same pain and the heartache.But if they do make those
(23:19):
choices, I understand also because kids aren't going to be
perfect either, but they still struggle, you know, So the more
we can share our story where we're not perfect and hello,
we're homeschool parents. They they know we're not
perfect. They know that we lose our
temper. They know that what whatever,
you know? But the more we can be real and
(23:42):
honest with our struggles, then they can come to us with their
struggles. And I think that really, that
really can make a difference. And also even saying like, Hey,
if you want a sibling to come talk to me, We've had, we've had
that before where one of our kids has had a struggle and
they've asked a older sibling, can you come with me to mom and
dad to talk? And so, you know, just knowing
(24:04):
that, like if you need a friend or sibling to talk to you, if
you have something, we're here, we'll listen.
Just letting them know that we're not going to immediately
jump into preaching mode or condemnation mode, that we
really care and want to be thereto help and support them.
Yeah, no, I 'cause I know like even I think everyone, everyone
has a past if it, it is difficult when you feel like,
(24:25):
man, I really blew it. And I don't want my kids to
repeat this, but maybe I don't want them to know.
Because if they don't know, you know, what a mess I made of
things or different choices thatI made that I wish that I
hadn't, then maybe they won't repeat it.
But I think it comes back to just being honest and authentic
and allowing our kids to see howthe Lord worked in our lives,
(24:46):
Right. I mean, like God has such.
I love your story. I mean, God had such a
beautiful, he weaved together this beautiful tapestry of your
life. And so we, you know, our kids
get to hear that and see that when we share that with them.
So yeah. And also I think if we've made
mistakes, we also have special radar for certain things because
I'll be like, I have a special radar about that type of guy.
(25:08):
I could tell like mom and sure enough, I'm like, I don't want
to tell you I was right, but we like because we made mistakes,
we have awareness about things that can help them.
Like we're here to help them, support them, to encourage them,
to help them make good choices. And then they're going to go
live in the world where there isa lot of pain and heartache and
(25:33):
we want to be there to be there support for them.
Yeah, no, Steve and I have this thing where we we don't, we
don't do that. I told you so.
But you know, like how that nagsthat you.
So Steve and I have moments where we like, we'll kind of
come out of the conversations with our kids and we'll like be
in our room by ourselves. And I'll be like, can I?
I just need to get it out. I told you so.
I told yourself like, I just needed, I needed to come forth.
(25:54):
So yeah, we, we have our little moments of maybe I saw this,
maybe I called this. Did you not hear me call that
like? Yes, I always joke it's one of
our daughters. She it's like if I tell her,
she'll almost want to do the opposite.
And so I'm like, you just need atattoo on your and I'm not pro
tattoo like I'm just sound, but it's like GLTYM girl, listen to
(26:17):
your mother like I'm like just have it there on your hand.
Like, girl, listen to your mother, girl, listen to your
mother. And every time she, she's like,
I don't want to say I told you so, but I'm just like, like
this, like go get a tattoo on your hands.
And she's like, I know I should have listened to you.
And so we kind of made it. Go get these temporary tattoos.
Playful way, a playful way of saying, girl, listen to your
(26:39):
mother because I tried to tell you, but they do.
Some of them will listen, some of them will just like need to
test it out. So the movie Tangled, I sing
that's a song all the time. Like, you know, just when we had
this. So bringing humor into the
moment is helpful. But yeah, I definitely sing.
The mother knows best, but I'm like, darn, it's ruined because
(26:59):
she's not the mom. She's spoiler.
Yeah, exactly. There's some parts of the song
that are not healthy, but like, I like, I like that main part.
Yeah, exactly. I stick to that.
Well, I want to just cover one more thing and that is, you
know, what are some things that we can incorporate as parents
into our kind of rhythms, our weekly daily rhythms that can
(27:24):
really help our kids grow their faith?
So, you know, we want to be helping them to have a, you
know, so they're talking with us, we're having these faith
conversations, but how can we behelping them to grow their own
independent relationship with the Lord?
So what are some things we can do to kind of foundationally
bring that in? I mean, we've got great
curriculum that we use and, you know, family Bible studies, but
(27:44):
how do we move beyond that to helping them really grow their
faith? Yeah, so the last thing I just
narrowed it down to five things,which after I read them, you're
going to be like, those are so obvious, but they're actually
like if you do these things, which you already mentioned,
Bible reading, Bible reading, prayer conversation, we've
already talked about that service.
(28:04):
And then relationships like justlike the board game night
tonight, we're we're doing finger foods for dinner and
we're doing bargain at nights. And then we got, I ordered some
tents so we could have a backyard.
This is our big, we, we're not camping people.
This is like a big step. We got tents we're getting on
Monday night. We're sleeping outside like so
(28:25):
it's not a relationship. It's not trying to bring fun
into things. But with those things, I loved
how you use the word rhythms because that made a huge
difference in our lives when we first started homeschooling.
So for those that don't know, wehave 3 biological, then we
adopted a newborn and then two from foster care and then a
sibling group before for foster care.
So at one time I had seven that I was homeschooling from the
(28:48):
ages of 5 to 15. And I had to figure out like I,
how am I going to do this? So we did a lot of reading
around the table. So we would read a chapter of
the Bible or sometimes we would do Bible study and we would have
a little prayer journal and thenwe would do the YWAM missionary
stories, the use of the mission missionary stories and then do
(29:08):
read out louds. And I was basically just trying
to maintain order, like keep it from chaos.
We did do they had the little wedid our little folder system,
Christy Clover's little folders with their, their workbooks and
stuff. But the main rhythm, the main
rhythm was we'd sit down, we'd do our prayer journals, we would
read the chapter in the Bible, we'd do the missionary story,
(29:30):
and then some read out loud and then the workbook.
So that rhythm, even if it started at 9:00 or 11:00 or
1:00, hopefully if we had appointments or something, it
might be in the afternoon. The rhythm really kept things
going. And at first, the girls we
adopted were preteens. And suddenly they go from living
in foster care, not always even living together, to now you're
(29:52):
living in a family. And we're going to home school
and we're going to read the Bible.
And they're like, where have I landed?
What planet is this? And they were not always happy.
They did not have the greatest attitudes.
And I would just say it, you know, this is what we're going
to do. Just if you don't want to
listen, just put your head down.Just put your head down.
We're all sitting here and you don't have to listen.
Well, pretty soon they're askingquestions.
(30:14):
They're more involved. And as we went along, like those
seeds were planted. And so I will say preteen years,
teen years, you might have kids that like, I don't want to do
that. That's stupid.
I don't think I believe that andI will.
I have one that was like, for sure.
I don't think I believe in God. I'm like, it's OK.
Just put your head down. Just listen.
(30:35):
Well, that's one of them that's serving in Poland right now.
And you know, she's like mom. I never would have thought that
I would be loving God and serving.
I'm like me neither, me neither girl like for sure.
So just know that rhythm of incorporating these things like
talks about God's word will not return void when we take time to
(30:57):
share his word and we time is the word of the day time when we
take the time because we do havelike the math that he's done the
handwriting, the Co-op all thesethings.
Those are tend to try to crowd into that time.
And so honestly, when we adoptedthe kids, I'm like, if we never
(31:19):
finished the math curriculum, ifthey're still at a 8th grade
reading level when they graduate, like I don't, that's
not my goal. But but if they know Jesus and
we have time to pray together and they hear these wonderful,
amazing missionary stories and learn how to be good people and
what it looks like to serve God.Like that is going to be my
ultimate focus because if they're amazing careers, all the
(31:46):
college sugar degrees, but don'tlove Jesus, like it's not, it's
not going to matter. Like that's not going to be
successful in my heart as why I went into home school.
And so really just incorporatingthose rhythms into life.
And I'm not perfect. You know, we just had summer.
I have not sat down and what we just got back from vacation.
We we need to get next week. We're going to get back into our
(32:07):
rhythm. But and just know there will be
seasons where it's a busy time. Grandma was sick for a while.
My grandma lives with us. I'm and then just go back to the
rhythm and because they know that this is the rhythm, then
it's easy to pick up again. That's so great.
Oh, Tricia, you're amazing. I know everybody is so
encouraged by this. Before we wrap up, I would love
(32:30):
for you to share, like, where people can find you, which, you
know, like where your books are.All 100 of them.
We all just need to have a Tricia 100.
There you go. But yeah, all your resources and
just where we can find you. Yeah, my website is just
triciagoyer.com. It's Tricia goyer.com on
Facebook. I'm Tricia Goyer, Instagram.
(32:51):
I'm Trisha Goyer. My newsletter is through my
website. Yeah, pretty much.
You put my name in and you'll find me everywhere.
And photos of my kids. And now I have grandkids, so
you'll see photos of them too. So fun well, thank you so much
for coming on the show and I am so excited to continue our
(33:12):
conversation next week. So for all of you listening in,
just keep in mind that you can find all of the links.
So spelling no spelling we can we will link everything and
we'll probably any like the little things whenever you hear
a podcast like what we know, there's some things that we'll
mention that you know you're going to be you might be driving
and so we want to make it easy. So just make sure that you can
(33:34):
head over in this case to schoolhouserock.com.
You'll find all the links there.Be sure to subscribe to
Schoolhouse Rock YouTube channeland follow us on your favorite
podcast app. It has been a pleasure to be
your host this week on Schoolhouse Rock podcast.
And if you are listening today and thinking I need help
(33:54):
organizing all of this homeschool in mom life chaos.
Well, I would love to invite youto check out some of my free and
affordable resources that I havecreated just for homeschool
moms. So first up is my brand new
homeschool reset that is a free three day mini course that'll
help you clear the mental clutter, reset your routines and
(34:15):
free yourself of some of that clutter in your homeschool
space. So if you are ready to go
deeper, I also have a Sanity Savers for Moms boot camp.
It's a 90 minute workshop where I walk you through 7 powerful
ways to trade chaos for calm andto create systems that actually
work for your family. So you can find both of those
resources at kristiclover.com, which is KRISTI.
(34:37):
So Kristi, clover.com and go to forward slash reset for the
homeschool reset or forward slash boot camp to go check
those out. But thank you for listening.
I will be back here next week for Part 2 of my conversation
with Tricia Goyer. So have a great rest of your
day. You're listening to the Biblical
(34:59):
Family Network. Hey, I'm Miki and I'm Will and
we're the Co host of the CultureProof podcast.
We want to invite you to join usevery week as we discuss what's
happening in the world and then filter those happenings through
a decidedly biblical lens. There are many questions,
especially when we see what's happening in our culture today,
but the answers are found withinthe Word of God, so that's where
(35:20):
we want to look. Amen.
When we resist those cultural trends that rival the truth.
We remain culture proof. So sometimes I would say it's
like takes 3 minutes of making adifficult decision, but then on
the other side of it, you can find a positive environment and
focus less on. I was very concerned about other
(35:41):
people thought I was very concerned about what other
people were doing and we need todo that too.
Like I was very concerned about checking all the checked boxes
in the curriculum or whatever, those external things that now
I'm like, OK, this is not as important as I thought it was.
Take that space to figure out what's going on 'cause sometimes
they don't even know what's going on.
And often when I don't lecture, I don't try to, like, fix the
problem in the moment. I don't argue, I don't tell them
that's not the way you treat me.And they come back 45 minutes
later. I'm sorry I talked to you that
way. I forgive you.
(00:20):
Well, hello and welcome back to this Schoolhouse Rock podcast.
I'm Christy Clover and I am so excited to be your host again
this week. Today I get to welcome someone
very near and dear to me, my sweet friend Tricia Goyer.
And we're going to be discussinghow to disciple your preteens
and teen children through the hard stuff like hormones.
So you are not going to want to miss this discussion.
(00:42):
But before we get into our conversation, I'd like to thank
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(01:04):
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It's totally self-paced which makes it perfect for independent
learners and parents. Love the built in progress
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York shared. Since using CTC Math, my
(01:26):
daughter has stopped stressing over math and I find her
actually enjoying it. Thank you so much for all you've
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solid math solution, CTC Math might just be the fit.
You can start a free trial at ctcmath.com and see what it's
(01:47):
all about. South CTC math is is math made
easy All right, my schoolhouse rock friends.
I am so excited to welcome my dear friend Tricia Goyer on the
show today. Tricia is a homeschooling mom of
if you don't know her, wait for it, wait for it 1010 children.
And she is a beloved author of over again, wait for it 100
(02:11):
books. Like if she does not wow you
just with those statistics, I don't know what's going to wow
you. But she is someone who's just
has a heart for encouraging families, which just shines
through an everything that she does.
So you may have heard her from, you know, either her podcasts or
ministries that she's a part of.She's a powerful storyteller,
both with fiction and real life books.
(02:32):
And so I just am so blessed to have her as a friend of mine.
So I am excited to introduce youguys to Trisha Goyer.
So hello my sweet friend, how are you?
Hey Christy, you are one of my favorite people.
And so I'm just like smiling so big.
I'm like, I get to hang out withChristy Fun.
It's so fun. I know podcasts like this always
(02:53):
crack me up because I'm like let's just chat.
I know exactly. Like we got lots of flies on the
walls during our conversation. Oh well, I want to talk a little
bit. We're going to talk through some
themes of your newest book that you co-authored with Leslie
Nunnery. That is Faith that Sticks, 5
(03:13):
real life ways to disciple your preteen.
But in case I missed anything inyour introduction, what what did
I miss? I mean, I don't know what your
book counts even at anymore I feel like.
There's over 100. I don't know, I haven't, I
haven't gone and sat down and actually like counted everything
out. So over 100.
And I have a new novel with Nathan coming out soon, our
(03:38):
Second World War 2 steampunk that's new.
So. That's.
Amazing talking about preteens to World War 2 and airships.
I do all the things. You do all the things, and so
our guests know Nathan is your son.
He's your third of. The lineup, yes, I love that.
You know, it's when he is in thelineup, Christy.
(04:03):
It's a sign of real friendships.This is my friend.
Like you really are friend. Oh, well, I cannot wait.
I know that we have your first book with Nathan somewhere on
one of our shelves, but yeah, I have like, my little Trisha
Goyer corner of of my bookshelves.
So every home school. Family should have a Trisha
Goyer. I mean, and honestly, I mean,
(04:26):
OK, so prayers that change history.
Anytime you and I did a conference together, I'm always
like, you need a prayer that changes history.
Fabulous book. But what's great is your books
make for great read alouds too. So I'm just saying, I'm just
saying, well, I am excited because I mean #1 having you, I
don't even know. Can I do a podcast and host a
(04:47):
podcast and not have you as a guest?
I think you always, you know, been one of my tried and true
guests on my podcasts through the years.
But today we're going to be digging into the preteen years
and you still actually, I guess you're out of preteen.
You have all teenagers. So at this point, so Casey is
14, but I will say his brain isn't 14 yet because we're still
(05:11):
like, why did you do that? And he's like, I don't know why
I did that. Why did you think that was a
good idea? I don't know.
So I feel like he's 14, but I still feel like all the things
that we talked about for preteens, like their brains
developing, their bodies are developing, they're really
smelly. Like they don't know what
they're doing. They're emotional, like all the
(05:31):
things are still like happening.And then Alyssa's 15, so she
just turned 15. So I will say some of the
emotions have calmed down, but Ifeel like we're barely like
barely getting past the preteens.
I would say like I'm just 16. I still it still has the same
issues of all the things that preteens deal with.
I know I always kind of giggle, 'cause I'm like, what is preteen
(05:52):
like, you know? So today we'll, we'll, we'll
think within the mind of these, you know, these shift when the
shift starts to happen. That's what we're talking about
today. In fact, that is kind of what I
want to talk about is because, you know, we have these hormones
that hit and with the hormones come a lot of different emotions
and we kind of have extremes. So let's start with like the
(06:14):
more explosive of the emotions. I figured we could kind of talk
about anger. You're definitely an expert in
that area since you've written afew books.
I don't. Like being an expert on anger,
Christy, but. Sorry.
Well, you personally, you know, like, yeah, I know you are, I'm
so sorry. But yes.
No, but you are an expert and you have written about it, which
means you have researched it andyou have 10 kids and you have
(06:35):
kids in the foster care system. So, you know, a thing or two
about angry children or, you know, anger that demonstrate,
you know, kind of comes forward in life.
So what are some ways that parents can really respond when
their preteen starts acting out?Like whether it's yelling or
shutting down or just, you know,snapping off and you know, all
the, the beautiful things we have to look forward to when we
(06:56):
hit this age. And I think it's a surprise to
people because especially if kids didn't have anger before,
like like all kids get angry. But like it's a different thing
when you have the, the preteen years.
First of all, we talked about hormones.
All the hormones are raging. And I know, you know, I mean,
women go through hormonal changes and there's some days I
(07:18):
would just be mad. I don't know why.
So I understand that. But then it's boys and girls.
So it's not just, it's not just girls, boys, all their hormones
are changing, but also the braindevelopment.
I want to jump in here 'cause it's, it's part of the anger.
Their brain is developing at thesame rapid time as like newborn
age and then that terrible two age, the preteen age, their
(07:39):
brain is developing. So we see them growing.
I mean, my 14 year old went to like this tall to my ears.
So now he's taller than me in six months.
So we see their body growing, but we, their brain is growing
and changing and developing and they honestly like, if you say,
what are you thinking? They might not really be
(07:59):
thinking because there's just like so much they're running
into walls because their body's changing.
So there's so much growth and change.
So just knowing that there's that there might be parents that
are like, I'm shocked because this child never would yell or
roll their eyes or sweet little Bella all of a sudden just had
the worst attitude. I'm like, where did you come
from? And so just know, like it's
(08:21):
every child, it's every child. It's also a time when they're
wanting more independence. And that's kind of a push back
to with the anger. And I think one of the things
with anger is, first of all, we just have to stay calm.
And so one thing that I tell myself and I talk to other
parents is like when you stay calm, you win.
And when we're when we get upset, even if they're yelling
(08:44):
or rolling their eyes, I mean, you know, we could go into
lecture mode. We can follow to them to the
room. You don't talk to me that way.
That is not going to help anything.
But when we stay calm, we win and we're able to regulate them.
And so kids, just like when we have a little baby, when they're
crying and fussing and dysregulated, we bounce them and
(09:05):
and preteens need us to regulatethem.
Not in the same way. We're not going to go to a 12
year old, I know. But and just by us staying calm
and also naming their emotion like you're angry and that can
move it from by stating their emotion.
And they might say, I'm not angry, I'm mad, OK, you're mad,
why are you mad? And turn it around and asking
(09:27):
questions about what's going on,what's happening with them.
And then they'll start talking. So there's the there's the
emotional brain and then there'sthe thinking brain.
If we're if they're in their emotional brain, they're upset,
they're angry, they're crying. Any emotions that are seem like
over the top. It's very real to them, but over
the top to us. If we stay in that emotional
(09:48):
mindset and we get emotional too, it just keeps like we're
just circling all the emotions. But when we say if we stay state
the emotion which we think it is, we might not even be right,
but we state the emotion and then they might say I'm not, I'm
not angry, I'm sad or I'm not mad.
I'm upset because the neighbors said that home schoolers are
(10:08):
stupid or whatever it is. It moves from the emotional
brain to the thinking brain because then they start
communicating. So we start a conversation and I
think that is really helpful. Also, we don't have to solve
anything in the moment. So letting them go away.
We'll talk about this later. I understand you're upset.
Just I think you just need a little time to have some me time
(10:31):
and put it in not say go to yourroom and calm down.
But maybe you just need some a little time just by yourself for
a little bit. Putting it in those type of ways
really help. And it helps them to first of
all take that space to figure out what's going on because
sometimes they don't even know what's going on.
(10:52):
And often when I don't lecture, I don't try to, like, fix the
problem in the moment. I don't argue.
I don't tell them that's not theway you treat me.
It just happened yesterday with one of my kids, and they come
back 45 minutes later. I'm sorry I talked to you that
way. I forgive you.
And so I think we really have tokind of pull back and then just
(11:12):
be curious about what's going on, asking questions.
And again, they might not have an answer, but at least they're
thinking about it. But anytime we say calm down, I
mean I know if I'm upset and someone says calm down, no I'm
going to show you why I'm at so that that never helps.
So I'm saying calming down calm down doesn't help.
But stating their emotion and giving them space to figure out
(11:34):
really will help during these years.
That's so incredible. Yeah.
I feel like we, we forget that we are very hormonal and we
don't always make sense. And we have emotions and
feelings that get the best of usas well.
And so they're just for the first time really experiencing
this with the extremes, you know, having the hormone
hormonal influence. Because I know even as I'm in
(11:55):
I'm in a ministry where I try tohelp adults figure out, you
know, different emotional traumas.
And so a lot of that is naming what emotion got triggered.
And half the time they're like, I don't know what I was feeling.
I don't, I, I don't know. So I love this because it's like
if we start helping our kids identify what it is they're
feeling and what's at the heart of it, Oh my goodness, that's
(12:17):
going to help them into adulthood.
It's incredible. Absolutely.
And then we could offer later topray.
Can I pray with you about that or do you need some
encouragement about that? I remember how when I was your
age, I felt that too. And just be empathetic with
them. You know, we could point them to
Scripture, but in not in the moment, Not in the moment.
Like you're supposed to respect your parents like that doesn't
(12:38):
help them. No, and I think that's actually
another really great thing that you pointed out that I hope
that, you know, especially our our younger moms that are just
kind of coming into this new phase of parenting, helping your
kids to understand they're not alone.
This is totally normal because they feel it feels abnormal to
them in the moment. And so they they start wondering
like, what is this? Who am I?
(12:59):
And like, am IA mad angry person, you know.
And so I know that that's reallybeen helpful for my kids as
they've gone through different things and they're like, I'm
like, this is so normal. I'm like, you know, especially
with my, my daughters, as they're getting older, they like
start crying. I'm like, oh, welcome to
womanhood, my friend. Like, yeah, just cry randomly.
And they're like, really. And I'm like, yeah, really.
Like, have you seen me cry randomly?
(13:20):
I cry randomly. So just making them feel like
taking the sting out of like this is big and and just make
normalizing it. John would say let just go slide
the chocolate under the door. Just let them go to the room and
slide the chocolate under the door.
And I think another important thing I know I'll add in, it's
like and not be concerned what other people are thinking.
(13:42):
Yeah. So I mean, even at conferences
when my kids are like roll theireyes or cuz it no, I'm not going
to give you $20 from the money bag to go get whatever we'll
talk about in a minute. And there's other people in the
booth. I'm thinking I need to explain
it away or I need to tell my child not to.
It doesn't matter what other people like.
I just have to go back to that. Like I am in my relationship
(14:06):
with my child and I was overly concerned with my older kids.
Like what do people think? Or every parent, every parent is
going to deal with the emotionalkids, disrespectful kids, angry
kids, sad kids, all the it's everyone.
So we don't have to feel like our kids need to outwardly act a
certain way. In fact, that will like that
(14:27):
doesn't bring our hearts close if we're just wanting them to
perform and act a certain way and we're not really start to
connect with them or deal with their emotions.
I will add that too, because I think sometimes we're so
concerned about what other people may think that we may say
something, do something that will hurt our relationship with
our child when this is just a normal way that all preteens
(14:49):
act. I love it, it's so good.
And you know, and I know we've touched on a lot of aspects of
dealing with the hormones, but is there anything else you would
add when we look at the flip side of these emotions, when
they don't explode, they implode.
And so just with anxiety. So is there any additional tips
you might have if you have a child or anyone has a child
who's kind of struggling with, you know, anxiety or fear or
(15:10):
worry or self doubt? Yeah, absolutely.
So I think anxiety is just as prevalent today as all the
outward stuff. And again, it's inner feelings
that something is not OK and they, they want, they can't fix
it. They don't know what to do.
Maybe there's a problem. The test, it doesn't seem like a
big problem, but to them it is very real.
(15:32):
And just understanding that, that it's OK to talk about it.
It's not to pressure them to, tolike, oh, it's OK, you'll be
fine. Just go to youth group, you
know, if they're feeling anxiousor whatever it is, like don't
pressure them. Let them know that there is a
bigger problem. And then we can also seek just
be listening here. But sometimes you need to seek
more help. Like one of our, our children,
(15:53):
we, she found an amazing counselor that helped her work
through anxiety. So just like, even though it's
more quiet, it is can be very hard for kids.
They might feel overwhelmed, they don't know what to do.
And if we're pushing them, if we're pressuring them, if we're
trying to just make it OK because it doesn't seem like a
big deal to us, that is not going to help them.
(16:15):
So, you know, being a listening ear, but sometimes there is a
time that they need to get a really good counselor, Christian
counselor, they can just help them, support them, talk through
things, figure out coping mechanisms to help them when
they're anxious. And I think again, it, we don't
have to feel like we should haveour act together or our kids
(16:35):
should have our act together. There's amazing people out there
that can help our kids. One of our kids just graduated
from therapy on Tuesday and she's doing amazing now.
But just all this to say that there are people that there that
can help us and it it is not something they can just get over
that there needs to be more tools to help.
(16:56):
Oh absolutely. Well, this is also good, but we
do need to take a quick break sowe are going to be right back.
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All right, my friends, we are back with Trisha Goyer and we've
(18:20):
been talking about some of the emotional challenges that come
with the preteen years. But now I want to shift a little
bit into something that is just as important, if not more
important, and that is how to cultivate deeper conversations
and to have this real, you know,to help our kids have a real
lasting faith. So let's be honest, because one
(18:41):
of the biggest challenges that we kind of have in the season is
creating space for these honest conversations, especially things
like faith, possible doubts, andeven some of the bigger life
questions that we get. You know, the world is
constantly throwing different questions at us.
So that's what I want to kind oftake a little deeper dive into.
(19:01):
So sometimes our kids do ask these really tough questions.
And the beautiful thing about being homeschool family is that
we do have time to kind of get in there and dig deeper.
So what are some ways that that parents can keep these lines of
communication open and help their kids to feel safe asking,
you know, the the tougher questions?
(19:23):
Yeah. And I think you mentioned the
thing about time, is that we have to have time.
Now, sometimes we can fool ourselves, which I've done
before, where we think we're here all day.
They can just ask us the questions whenever they want to.
Like, yeah, I could push aside the history lesson or whatever,
but it's mostly time focusing onthings that they're interested
(19:43):
in talking about. And so I found when I take time
to like I'm running errands and I'm going to take one child with
me and then ask about whatever Mario Kart or whatever Nerf gun
or Lego set, whatever they're interested in at the song that
they like, they'll talk and talkand talk.
And then it seems like the last 10 minutes before we get home,
(20:04):
that's when the questions will come up.
You know, so if we're on our phone, if we're rushing to
Co-op, if we're doing things, they could tell that we're not
listening, we're not distracted.And so we really need to make
the space. I've taken time for one of my
kids or two of my kids where I just will take them away,
sometimes overnight, sometimes out to dinner and just having
(20:25):
that time to have questions. And I'll and I'll talk about
when I was growing up and I mean, I'll lead things where
we're going with different conversations that they could
bring stuff up. But even like our last road
trip, we just got back from Orlando.
We're listening to 80s music in the car.
And then we start talking about our teen years.
And then we end up in some really, really good
(20:46):
conversations about choices and about regrets.
And they're talking about their things.
So we do need that time and thatspace that we are making for
kids. That's often why 11:00 at night
when you are so ready, because they finally see like, we are
not our friends, not in front ofus.
We don't have our computers on our laps, We're not sitting
(21:08):
there grading their math tests. And it's often more quiet, TV's
off. And then that's where they
finally feel like they can ask it.
And so we could foster those times.
But also John has been a troopermore than me.
I'm like falling asleep in the couch, but but taking that time
because he will go for an hour, whatever conversation and this
(21:31):
and that. And well, let's go back to the
beginning. Why did how did God create
things? I mean, he does a better job at
those lightning things. I think I do a better job at
like carving out. Let's go.
I'm, I'm going here. Why don't you come along with
me. Let's spend time doing this,
even if it's just errands aroundtown, that time that we're
checking in that we're spending there.
(21:53):
And if they know that we're listening to the things that
they're interested about, then they'll be more open to to share
about the deeper things, the deeper struggles, the hard stuff
in their lives. It's so good.
And I guess like one of the things I kind of as you was
talking that I was thinking about was that I know a lot of
parents are, you know, they struggle.
(22:14):
They struggle with sharing theirstory with their kids,
especially people who have kind of had, you know, I don't know
how to put it like, you know, I have more challenges.
We don't want, we don't want ourkids to repeat our past.
I'm like, you know how I did things like, yes, mom, we know.
I mean, I was a Teen Mom and I, it was very helpful that when
(22:38):
they were because I with my first three, I was helping start
a crisis pregnancy center and mentoring teen moms.
And then with the younger ones, by the time we adopted, the ones
that we adopted as preteens and teens, they had read some of my
books. So they and so there they knew
about my past. But now I can say now remember
(22:59):
when I was a teen, like we know and I'm like, but but listen,
like I wish I would have done. I wish my mom would have sat
down with me and and I'm doing this because I love you.
So it's not like a lecture so much.
Sometimes they might say it turns into a lecture, but I
really want to share because I don't want them to go through
the same pain and the heartache.But if they do make those
(23:19):
choices, I understand also because kids aren't going to be
perfect either, but they still struggle, you know, So the more
we can share our story where we're not perfect and hello,
we're homeschool parents. They they know we're not
perfect. They know that we lose our
temper. They know that what whatever,
you know? But the more we can be real and
(23:42):
honest with our struggles, then they can come to us with their
struggles. And I think that really, that
really can make a difference. And also even saying like, Hey,
if you want a sibling to come talk to me, We've had, we've had
that before where one of our kids has had a struggle and
they've asked a older sibling, can you come with me to mom and
dad to talk? And so, you know, just knowing
(24:04):
that, like if you need a friend or sibling to talk to you, if
you have something, we're here, we'll listen.
Just letting them know that we're not going to immediately
jump into preaching mode or condemnation mode, that we
really care and want to be thereto help and support them.
Yeah, no, I 'cause I know like even I think everyone, everyone
has a past if it, it is difficult when you feel like,
(24:25):
man, I really blew it. And I don't want my kids to
repeat this, but maybe I don't want them to know.
Because if they don't know, you know, what a mess I made of
things or different choices thatI made that I wish that I
hadn't, then maybe they won't repeat it.
But I think it comes back to just being honest and authentic
and allowing our kids to see howthe Lord worked in our lives,
(24:46):
Right. I mean, like God has such.
I love your story. I mean, God had such a
beautiful, he weaved together this beautiful tapestry of your
life. And so we, you know, our kids
get to hear that and see that when we share that with them.
So yeah. And also I think if we've made
mistakes, we also have special radar for certain things because
I'll be like, I have a special radar about that type of guy.
(25:08):
I could tell like mom and sure enough, I'm like, I don't want
to tell you I was right, but we like because we made mistakes,
we have awareness about things that can help them.
Like we're here to help them, support them, to encourage them,
to help them make good choices. And then they're going to go
live in the world where there isa lot of pain and heartache and
(25:33):
we want to be there to be there support for them.
Yeah, no, Steve and I have this thing where we we don't, we
don't do that. I told you so.
But you know, like how that nagsthat you.
So Steve and I have moments where we like, we'll kind of
come out of the conversations with our kids and we'll like be
in our room by ourselves. And I'll be like, can I?
I just need to get it out. I told you so.
I told yourself like, I just needed, I needed to come forth.
(25:54):
So yeah, we, we have our little moments of maybe I saw this,
maybe I called this. Did you not hear me call that
like? Yes, I always joke it's one of
our daughters. She it's like if I tell her,
she'll almost want to do the opposite.
And so I'm like, you just need atattoo on your and I'm not pro
tattoo like I'm just sound, but it's like GLTYM girl, listen to
(26:17):
your mother like I'm like just have it there on your hand.
Like, girl, listen to your mother, girl, listen to your
mother. And every time she, she's like,
I don't want to say I told you so, but I'm just like, like
this, like go get a tattoo on your hands.
And she's like, I know I should have listened to you.
And so we kind of made it. Go get these temporary tattoos.
Playful way, a playful way of saying, girl, listen to your
(26:39):
mother because I tried to tell you, but they do.
Some of them will listen, some of them will just like need to
test it out. So the movie Tangled, I sing
that's a song all the time. Like, you know, just when we had
this. So bringing humor into the
moment is helpful. But yeah, I definitely sing.
The mother knows best, but I'm like, darn, it's ruined because
(26:59):
she's not the mom. She's spoiler.
Yeah, exactly. There's some parts of the song
that are not healthy, but like, I like, I like that main part.
Yeah, exactly. I stick to that.
Well, I want to just cover one more thing and that is, you
know, what are some things that we can incorporate as parents
into our kind of rhythms, our weekly daily rhythms that can
(27:24):
really help our kids grow their faith?
So, you know, we want to be helping them to have a, you
know, so they're talking with us, we're having these faith
conversations, but how can we behelping them to grow their own
independent relationship with the Lord?
So what are some things we can do to kind of foundationally
bring that in? I mean, we've got great
curriculum that we use and, you know, family Bible studies, but
(27:44):
how do we move beyond that to helping them really grow their
faith? Yeah, so the last thing I just
narrowed it down to five things,which after I read them, you're
going to be like, those are so obvious, but they're actually
like if you do these things, which you already mentioned,
Bible reading, Bible reading, prayer conversation, we've
already talked about that service.
(28:04):
And then relationships like justlike the board game night
tonight, we're we're doing finger foods for dinner and
we're doing bargain at nights. And then we got, I ordered some
tents so we could have a backyard.
This is our big, we, we're not camping people.
This is like a big step. We got tents we're getting on
Monday night. We're sleeping outside like so
(28:25):
it's not a relationship. It's not trying to bring fun
into things. But with those things, I loved
how you use the word rhythms because that made a huge
difference in our lives when we first started homeschooling.
So for those that don't know, wehave 3 biological, then we
adopted a newborn and then two from foster care and then a
sibling group before for foster care.
So at one time I had seven that I was homeschooling from the
(28:48):
ages of 5 to 15. And I had to figure out like I,
how am I going to do this? So we did a lot of reading
around the table. So we would read a chapter of
the Bible or sometimes we would do Bible study and we would have
a little prayer journal and thenwe would do the YWAM missionary
stories, the use of the mission missionary stories and then do
(29:08):
read out louds. And I was basically just trying
to maintain order, like keep it from chaos.
We did do they had the little wedid our little folder system,
Christy Clover's little folders with their, their workbooks and
stuff. But the main rhythm, the main
rhythm was we'd sit down, we'd do our prayer journals, we would
read the chapter in the Bible, we'd do the missionary story,
(29:30):
and then some read out loud and then the workbook.
So that rhythm, even if it started at 9:00 or 11:00 or
1:00, hopefully if we had appointments or something, it
might be in the afternoon. The rhythm really kept things
going. And at first, the girls we
adopted were preteens. And suddenly they go from living
in foster care, not always even living together, to now you're
(29:52):
living in a family. And we're going to home school
and we're going to read the Bible.
And they're like, where have I landed?
What planet is this? And they were not always happy.
They did not have the greatest attitudes.
And I would just say it, you know, this is what we're going
to do. Just if you don't want to
listen, just put your head down.Just put your head down.
We're all sitting here and you don't have to listen.
Well, pretty soon they're askingquestions.
(30:14):
They're more involved. And as we went along, like those
seeds were planted. And so I will say preteen years,
teen years, you might have kids that like, I don't want to do
that. That's stupid.
I don't think I believe that andI will.
I have one that was like, for sure.
I don't think I believe in God. I'm like, it's OK.
Just put your head down. Just listen.
(30:35):
Well, that's one of them that's serving in Poland right now.
And you know, she's like mom. I never would have thought that
I would be loving God and serving.
I'm like me neither, me neither girl like for sure.
So just know that rhythm of incorporating these things like
talks about God's word will not return void when we take time to
(30:57):
share his word and we time is the word of the day time when we
take the time because we do havelike the math that he's done the
handwriting, the Co-op all thesethings.
Those are tend to try to crowd into that time.
And so honestly, when we adoptedthe kids, I'm like, if we never
(31:19):
finished the math curriculum, ifthey're still at a 8th grade
reading level when they graduate, like I don't, that's
not my goal. But but if they know Jesus and
we have time to pray together and they hear these wonderful,
amazing missionary stories and learn how to be good people and
what it looks like to serve God.Like that is going to be my
ultimate focus because if they're amazing careers, all the
(31:46):
college sugar degrees, but don'tlove Jesus, like it's not, it's
not going to matter. Like that's not going to be
successful in my heart as why I went into home school.
And so really just incorporatingthose rhythms into life.
And I'm not perfect. You know, we just had summer.
I have not sat down and what we just got back from vacation.
We we need to get next week. We're going to get back into our
(32:07):
rhythm. But and just know there will be
seasons where it's a busy time. Grandma was sick for a while.
My grandma lives with us. I'm and then just go back to the
rhythm and because they know that this is the rhythm, then
it's easy to pick up again. That's so great.
Oh, Tricia, you're amazing. I know everybody is so
encouraged by this. Before we wrap up, I would love
(32:30):
for you to share, like, where people can find you, which, you
know, like where your books are.All 100 of them.
We all just need to have a Tricia 100.
There you go. But yeah, all your resources and
just where we can find you. Yeah, my website is just
triciagoyer.com. It's Tricia goyer.com on
Facebook. I'm Tricia Goyer, Instagram.
(32:51):
I'm Trisha Goyer. My newsletter is through my
website. Yeah, pretty much.
You put my name in and you'll find me everywhere.
And photos of my kids. And now I have grandkids, so
you'll see photos of them too. So fun well, thank you so much
for coming on the show and I am so excited to continue our
(33:12):
conversation next week. So for all of you listening in,
just keep in mind that you can find all of the links.
So spelling no spelling we can we will link everything and
we'll probably any like the little things whenever you hear
a podcast like what we know, there's some things that we'll
mention that you know you're going to be you might be driving
and so we want to make it easy. So just make sure that you can
(33:34):
head over in this case to schoolhouserock.com.
You'll find all the links there.Be sure to subscribe to
Schoolhouse Rock YouTube channeland follow us on your favorite
podcast app. It has been a pleasure to be
your host this week on Schoolhouse Rock podcast.
And if you are listening today and thinking I need help
(33:54):
organizing all of this homeschool in mom life chaos.
Well, I would love to invite youto check out some of my free and
affordable resources that I havecreated just for homeschool
moms. So first up is my brand new
homeschool reset that is a free three day mini course that'll
help you clear the mental clutter, reset your routines and
(34:15):
free yourself of some of that clutter in your homeschool
space. So if you are ready to go
deeper, I also have a Sanity Savers for Moms boot camp.
It's a 90 minute workshop where I walk you through 7 powerful
ways to trade chaos for calm andto create systems that actually
work for your family. So you can find both of those
resources at kristiclover.com, which is KRISTI.
(34:37):
So Kristi, clover.com and go to forward slash reset for the
homeschool reset or forward slash boot camp to go check
those out. But thank you for listening.
I will be back here next week for Part 2 of my conversation
with Tricia Goyer. So have a great rest of your
day. You're listening to the Biblical
(34:59):
Family Network. Hey, I'm Miki and I'm Will and
we're the Co host of the CultureProof podcast.
We want to invite you to join usevery week as we discuss what's
happening in the world and then filter those happenings through
a decidedly biblical lens. There are many questions,
especially when we see what's happening in our culture today,
but the answers are found withinthe Word of God, so that's where
(35:20):
we want to look. Amen.
When we resist those cultural trends that rival the truth.
We remain culture proof. So sometimes I would say it's
like takes 3 minutes of making adifficult decision, but then on
the other side of it, you can find a positive environment and
focus less on. I was very concerned about other
(35:41):
people thought I was very concerned about what other
people were doing and we need todo that too.
Like I was very concerned about checking all the checked boxes
in the curriculum or whatever, those external things that now
I'm like, OK, this is not as important as I thought it was.
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