October 21, 2025 • 32 mins
How does prayer shape a thriving Christian homeschool family? Join host Aby Rinella for an inspiring conversation with Kathy Roberts—a true Titus 2 woman with decades of wisdom. In this episode, "Praying Wife - Week 1," Kathy shares how being a praying wife transforms your home, your marriage, and your family. Discover practical tips, heartfelt stories, and biblical truths about releasing control, trusting God, and connecting with prayer partners. Whether you’re facing struggles or joys in your marriage, you’ll be uplifted and equipped to point your family back to Jesus.
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Connect with Kathy Roberts
@KathyGreeneRoberts on Instagram
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Sometimes the God we know isn't the God of the Bible.
It's the subtle thing that can creep into our lives where we
go, well, God loves you, He'd never let you dot, dot, dot,
right? So we we got to know who the God
of the Bible is. Hey everyone, welcome back to
the Schoolhouse Rock podcast. I'm Abby Rinella, and I'm super
excited to be your host this week and next.
(00:23):
And we have an incredibly important and exciting topic to
talk about this week. But before we do, I need to
thank BJU Press Homeschool for sponsoring the Schoolhouse
Rocked podcast. Their materials won't just equip
you for a successful homeschool journey, they'll prepare your
child for a future full of possibilities so that your child
can confidently move beyond homeschool, ready for whatever
(00:45):
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curriculum to give you the toolsyou need and are rooted in a
biblical foundation. BJU Press Homeschool offers
lessons that encourage critical thinking skills as well as
activities that support multi sensory learning and the unique
learning styles of all your children.
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(01:05):
lifestyle. BJU Press Homeschool will
encourage a love of learning in your child and they'll be with
you every step of the way. Visit them at
bjupresshomeschool.com. That's bjupresshomeschool.com.
OK, so I'm here today with KathyRoberts, who when I think of
when the Bible talks about the Titus two woman, this is that
(01:26):
woman. She is an amazing godly woman.
She has raised multiple childrenwho are all grown now, one being
autistic that she's still the caregiver to got married to an
amazing man who is my parents pastor and she is a wealth of
information. Grace love and you are going to
love to hear from her today. Welcome Kathy.
Thank. You so much for having me, Abby.
(01:48):
I'm just so blessed by you and the time that we've shared
together. You're just an amazing woman of
the faith and I'm so inspired byyou.
Well, thank you. Can you just very quickly give
us a little, a little intro to who you are?
You know your children, what youlove.
Just just introduce yourself to our audience so they can get to
(02:09):
know you a little bit. More.
Well, thanks. Well, I was a native California
born girl who got the blessing of being relocated through the
ministry to Buell, Idaho, which is my little Hallmark town is
what I call it. I'm a Hallmark movie lover and I
love it here. My husband and I've been married
(02:30):
for 39 years. We have three sons and we have 3
grandchildren who are practically all teenagers now
and our youngest son is has autism.
So we have a special needs guy and it is absolutely my joy to
serve the Lord, serve my family,and serve my husband and of
(02:53):
course, serve the body. I absolutely love that.
And Kathy, you what, what drew me to you originally is you and
I are a little bit of the same personality where we love to
have a lot of fun and you have an adventurous spirit.
But more than that, you are a woman and you and you shared a
little and we're going to share more this weekend next.
But you are not one of those fake Sunday morning Christians
(03:17):
that acts like everything is perfect all the time.
I've never seen a church body walk so just Raleigh with one
another through if that's a word, that's not even a word,
but we like it. I like it through the hard and
the good and the easy and the difficult and the pain and the
struggle and and the blessings as well.
(03:38):
And and you're a person who has been through really hard things
and you don't candy coat it. But what you do and and as I
watched you is you point back tothe hope of Jesus through every
single thing and your life. Just it is just such a perfect
light and a perfect example of of who Jesus is in every
circumstance in our life. And so today we are going to
(04:00):
talk about something that is near and dear to your heart, but
is also near and dear to mine. And our topic today is going to
be marriage and more specifically, being a praying
wife. And, and so many people this,
you know, we're, we're a homeschool podcast, but a lot of
people might say, you know, why this isn't a marriage podcast.
This isn't a wife podcast. But the reality is, is
(04:22):
homeschool is home and school. And everything we do in our
homeschool journey is founded onfirst and foremost, God and his
word and secondly the home. And without a home that is set
up in, in the way that God has set the home up, then we really
have no home school, right? It a home school is just an
extension of home. And, and so God did design the
(04:45):
family to run in a certain way. And he designed wives for a
certain purpose. And he gave wives a certain
power that we have, which is thepower of being able to pray for
our husbands. And I really want to what I want
to dive into to with you today is so many homeschool moms that
listen to this. This is what our day looks like.
(05:07):
We talk and we talk and we talk and we teach and we teach and we
teach and we correct and we correct and we correct and we
instill things into our kids. And then this man walks in at
the end of the day, right? And it is so often our default
to want to talk and talk and teach and correct and, and, and
tell him right and guide and direct.
(05:30):
And that's really not well. Well, first of all, you're going
to get into this. That's not going to work.
That's not how God has has called us to be in our husband's
life that you have this saying that I've heard you say that is
talk less and pray more. And so I really want you to
share a little bit about why youhave a passion to encourage
(05:50):
women to focus more on the praying more, talking less, and
just the importance of of why we're even going to be talking
about that today. Yeah, well, it's so true.
And I've learned this the hard way.
I I am a very, just like you said, I, I was actually a Marine
Corps wife. So I got very used to being a
dependent and then my husband would come back into our lives
(06:13):
and I found myself in vying for control.
And so, and then the other thingthat I think we can do a lot of
times is we either put a high expectation upon our husbands to
be everything that we need them to be at all times, or we put
very little expectation on them and we kind of take over.
(06:35):
And so I think we've got to findthat right balance in how God
has designed the home and the marriage that we would come
along as a helpmate. And that doesn't mean that you
as a helpmate don't do some of the maybe more intricate details
of your family life, but it doesmean that you come alongside as
a partnership, not as ACEO, right?
(06:59):
I love that. I think a lot of times what
happens is we don't see it. We don't hear it, but what we
see in our husband's is the result of it.
And what we can see in our husband's is they're just kind
of pulling back. They they get really quiet, they
become unengaged and maybe some of the things that we are
expecting them to be engaged in and we're confused.
(07:21):
And so where talk less pray morecame from was that I had this
idea that if I would confront toconnect my my husband to me.
So I would confront everything like let, let's talk about it.
Let's learn from it. Let's grow in this.
Let's let's so work through everything.
And I realized that I was constantly, it sounded like to
(07:44):
my husband, I was just probably being overly critical because I,
I wanted to just talk about every little thing.
I thought that's how you communicate.
I mean, communication's good, right?
And what I realized is, is that sometimes we do confront to
connect, but most of the time weconfront to control.
We want that person to do the things the way we think they
(08:07):
should be done or the way that we see them.
And we forget to realize that that person is an individual
with their own thoughts and, andreasons for why they do things a
certain way. And So what I realized when I
was coming into this is I alwaysthought like all this
communication can only be good. But what I feel like can happen
sometimes is we just talk, talk,talk too much about stuff.
(08:31):
And we sometimes we just need tostep back and pray and ask the
Lord first and foremost, is thissomething that's really
essential? Is this necessary?
And that's a, that's a big thing.
And then the, you know, because sometimes, you know, if the
husband just leaves the shoes inthe path of the door and in the
middle of the night when you're on your way to the bathroom and
(08:52):
you trip them every night, you know, you can complain about
that every day and you could tryto get control over that.
But in the day, you may just want to move those shoes and let
it go, you know. So I think just to having a
mindset of praying first before we sit down to have
communication that maybe has some sort of conflict resolution
(09:14):
involved with it, to really takethe time to pray first.
Should I have it right? Second, how should I have it?
And so praying more and talking less.
Sometimes I talk too much first.Yeah, you and me both, sister.
And I think, you know, my husband used to say all the time
with the kids, he's like, if if your voice is the constant voice
(09:38):
that they hear, they're never going to have an ear for the
Holy Spirit, right? If you are non-stop convicting
the kids and telling them that every single thing move your
shoes, do this, do that, that we're drowning out the voice
that that we really want them tohear, right.
Or if we make all these little things, our crosses to die on,
like the shoes, then when, when we really do need to come to
(09:59):
them about something bigger, it's really not going to be
heard. And I, I think that's such AI
mean that's so, that's so impactful.
But you said something about like control.
And I think there's, you know, how you do it, the word of the
year. Do you ever do that?
Like this is my word of the year.
And then you find like God brings you all the, the, you
know, like you keep hearing it over, like obviously this is
(10:20):
something I need to work on Lord'cause you're putting it in my
face over and over. But this year I'm really working
like the words that have just resonated with me are surrender
and release. And then with that comes being
able to trust and you know, I'vebeen watching you.
I I don't want you to think thatI'm a stalker because I'm not.
But if ladies listening to this,if you're going to stalk
(10:42):
someone, Kathy is the lady to dobecause she is such an
incredibly godly woman and she just she just exudes the the
things that we as women aspire to be.
But she also knows that we cannot be those things without
the Lord and without the Holy Spirit.
But as I've watched you in the last years, you know, you guys
(11:03):
in this last year have dealt with with something outside of
both of your control. And that's Jackie was diagnosed
with cancer. And then next week we're going
to talk about we won't right now, but we're going to talk
about the beginning of your marriage.
And these are two things that one is was outside of your
guys's control that you had to walk through and another was
choices of your husbands that deeply impacted your life.
(11:26):
And so as women, we often have all these things coming at us
all the time. And, and the, the question is,
and we want, we want your adviceis how then do we release and
trust God with both the things that we're in together as a
married couple or the things that we have no control of that
are impacting us that that he isdoing?
And, and how do we, how do we release this?
(11:49):
How do we trust God in this stuff?
Yeah, oh, so true. And, and I think for me, one of
the the biggest things that I constantly have to remind myself
is, is that nothing has happenedin my life that hasn't already
passed through the sovereign hands of my savior.
That is so good. That is in control even when I
(12:11):
know I'm not. And so when I feel out of
control or when circumstances come into my life that maybe
we're influenced by the choices of others, you know, I know that
God has he. He has it in his hands.
He's in control. He's allowed this in my life.
And so surrendering, I think, really comes from submission to
(12:35):
trusting God. And when we trust God, that's
where we triumph, because when we try to trust in our own heart
or our own understanding, then that's where we're driven and
tossed like the waves of the sea, right?
And I feel like with some of thethings that God's doing, we need
dynamic endurance provided through hardship or depth.
(12:56):
So what I think, so I'm going tosay that again, depth is dynamic
endurance provided through hardship.
So we always think when suffering comes into our life or
something really hard, you know,our, our maybe based on our
little girl childhood or whatever, we go, Oh, I am I
doing something wrong? Is but biblically we understand
(13:18):
that that's not true. God brings hard things into our
lives to grow us that we would know and that we would grow and
that we would go because see, ifwe know him, we're going to
stand on who he is. He's in control, He's good, he's
got a plan, and if we are surrendering or submitting to
him, then we're going to grow because that depth of character
(13:42):
is going to be built in US and that's what we want.
We know that that depth of character is what's going to
hold us through storms. It's going to strengthen us in
him for him because ultimately we're bringing glory to him when
we and endure the storm. If we falter, you know, can he
use it? Absolutely.
(14:02):
Has he used it in my life hundreds of times.
But when we triumph, people not only go, wow, you made it, but
they go, I want to know this Godthat you'd lean on to get
through these things. And at the end of the day,
that's our great purpose. So, so when we know and when we
grow and when we go, we, we don't even know maybe that our
(14:25):
witness is going out before us and testifying of the
faithfulness of God. And so first and foremost, I
think the, the best thing we cando, step one is to know God.
We need to know him. And if we don't, sometimes I, I,
I was convicted some years ago and, and I, maybe I could
challenge your listeners with this.
(14:45):
Sometimes the God we know isn't the God of the Bible.
And that sounds kind of harsh tosay, doesn't it?
But I don't mean it to in the sense that it's the subtle thing
that can creep into our lives where we go.
We'll even hear other Christianssay it where they'll go, well,
God loves you. He'd never let you dot dot dot.
Right. Or, you know, if you get a
(15:06):
diagnosis like cancer, but I thought God loves you, right.
You know, that we can kind of think that.
So we we got to know who the Godof the Bible.
Is and the only way to do that is being to.
Present to His word we. Have to be in His word.
Absolutely, Kathy, we're going to fall.
We're going to come back for that, but we need to take a
quick break and then we're goingto come right back into these
(15:27):
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(15:49):
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We are back and we are talking about the power of a praying
wife and this control versus release.
And when, when I listen to you, what I'm realizing is control is
based out of fear. And fear comes from not knowing
(16:55):
who our God is. But when we can release, it is
because we can trust and we can only trust a God that we know.
But you were talking a little bit about how how sometimes we
have misconceptions, right? We have misconceptions of if God
loves me then he would never. Or we even have misconceptions
of prayer, like if I pray then he's going to answer this way.
(17:18):
And you were really sharing thatsometimes the process is part of
the plan, right? We walk through really hard
things and God allows it and he doesn't lift it from our life in
order to, as you were saying, strengthen us for the next time
and in order to help us be a witness to those around us.
And we are next week. We're I want to talk a little
(17:38):
bit about your early years of marriage.
But I think it was through thoseearly years of marriage that
allowed you as as we were all watching as flies on the wall as
you were walking through with Jackie.
Well, I was a family on the wallbecause I live so far away, but
your body was walking with you through it.
But you had a different kind of a piece.
You had a different kind of a, away that you went through it
(17:59):
because you've been through hardthings and you've seen God show
up. And so that's kind of what you
were sharing is the growing right and the depth that we gain
from going through hard things. Yes, and it was amazing.
I often say that you know, when God promised you, promises you
the peace that surpasses all understanding, right?
(18:21):
That it's like you're in the eyeof a hurricane and the hurricane
is all around you. But in the center is this
peaceful place and what I felt like when we walked through this
cancer journey. First of all, I think it's good
to, as you're pressing into knowing God and spending time in
His Word, cultivating a habit where you're sitting at His feet
(18:44):
daily, which I suspect most of your listeners, that's part of
your day, right? But it can be a classroom and
not maybe a prayer room for you.So I am a teacher of the Word
too. And so sometimes I think we got
to watch out for that where we're not sitting in the word
for the next thing that we're needing to do, but that we are
(19:08):
truly sitting at his feet. And so cultivating that time
with him in prayer and in his presence, you know, we get to
capture the heart of God in those in those intimate places.
And So what I felt like the Lordand his wonderful mercy showed
me through this journey with Jackie's cancer was in my prayer
(19:28):
time, he would reveal to me the things that I could be thankful
for and that helped me strengthen me so much.
And I really do feel like he bubble wrapped us in peace.
It was it was the truly it. It was so rich, so full, so
great. And I am grateful.
(19:49):
Of course. Also I would like to mention
that to partner with others in prayer, to accept prayer from
others, to allow people into your story.
If it wasn't for the prayers of the Saints, you know, I I really
don't know if we would have experienced the same level of
being bathed. In peace the way we have, I
mean, I, I suppose we would because the Lord is the one who
(20:11):
gives the peace, but I believe he, he arms us to be able to do
battle together in unity as we pray for one another.
So incorporating your prayer partners, your prayer teams to
be part of your story when yoursare struggling.
And so I encourage all of us, weneed to have a good prayer
(20:32):
partner as well, somebody that we can call and know that
they're not going to, they're going to take that straight to
the throne, right? They're not going to try to
solve our dilemmas or maybe evengive us a little bit of pity,
but they're actually going to bethat prayer warrior.
I think that's an important part, a resource that we need,
(20:55):
especially as women and you. Know what it takes vulnerability
because I've seen too many women, especially I I don't know
maybe it's a homeschool mom thing.
Maybe it's AI mean we it's prideis universal, but often times we
don't want to be weak. We don't want to be seeming as
we are weak. We don't and or we want to just
have this picture perfect. We look like we have it all
(21:17):
together. And, and that is what I have so
loved about sitting in the feet of your church body is it's just
a lot of really real people going through really real
things, pointing each other backto Jesus Christ and lifting each
other up to the Lord. And, and so we have to be
willing to be vulnerable and say, I'm struggling with this.
(21:38):
Will you pray with me? Right.
And that's hard for a lot of women to do.
Yeah. Well, I think we get in AI as
Christians in general. I know that women tend to
compare a lot with other women. And I think in the home school
culture, what I see with a lot of my friends and experiencing
it, sometimes we do struggle with maybe being transparent
(22:03):
because maybe we perceive there's some sort of expectation
out there. And, and I think that that kind
of isolation is something we have to be really careful that
the enemy doesn't get a footholdthere, right?
And so it is really great if youdon't.
Sometimes it's even better to partner with somebody.
Like, for example, you and I don't actually attend the same
church, but you do come to visitus, which we always love when
(22:26):
you're there. But it's nice to have somebody
outside of your circle maybe right that you can, you can
partner with in prayer and be vulnerable with yes, with when
it comes to praying for our husbands, I think sometimes we
we tend to look around and think, well, look, their husband
always helps and he's always this and he's always that.
(22:49):
And so we end up with, we come to the Lord in prayer with this
unreal expectation or perceptionand we're praying for something
and our prayers are kind of a mess because we don't have their
whole story. We don't know what what goes on,
but yet we can get in this. We have to guard, I think,
against the danger of unreal perceptions, unreal comparisons,
(23:12):
and just know that God wants to use it all, even the the faults,
the flaws, the weaknesses. I don't like feeling weak
either. I don't think any of us do.
But I think that I think of Paul, you know how he said, you
know, that his strength was madeperfect in his weakness and, and
(23:36):
that encourages me that in my weakness, God can use it.
One time it was funny because I,I have a sensitive, we all have
a sensitive area where like, right, maybe it's your house
isn't clean enough or you're notput together or you're not
organized, you're late or, or whatever.
You, your weaknesses For me. I, I had, I don't, you're blonde
also, but when I was younger, people would go, Oh, you're just
(23:59):
a dumb blonde. So I got this in my head that I,
I, I'm not dumb, you know, I'm not dumb.
And, and so, so when I, when I do things really dumb, I would
get really under it, like reallyunder it.
And then I felt the most freeingthing, and that is to just admit
(24:19):
it. I made a mistake.
I did something really dumb. Laugh about it with yourself and
just be like, Oh man, I feel so dumb right now that I did this
dumb thing. So my favorite quote is Corey
Tenboom and it says forgiveness is setting the prisoner free,
only to find out that the prisoner was me.
And I think that we can take that into many levels.
(24:41):
And one of them being forgiving yourself honestly too right.
But I think when it comes to ourhusbands, you know, forgiveness
is a big problem. I think a lot of times in
marriage we can allow little foxes to creep in and for sure
unforgiveness can take hold. And and so again, focusing back
(25:02):
on our original perspective of the essential power of praying
for our husbands is is just really tending that garden well.
Because. Keeping those short accounts
with with the Lord in our own lives, having that humility to
extend grace to our husbands andto the others.
Having the ability to laugh off your own weaknesses and mistakes
(25:27):
with your best friend or with your kids or even with your
community. These are the things that keep
us free, and when we're free, werespond so much better than when
we're shackled up with our own fears, expectations.
Totally and then we can go to the Lord in prayer from a
(25:48):
different angle of God, change him, change him, change him
right. And instead we can go to the
Lord in prayer and say, I am just as fallen.
I have just as many struggles. It's the old log and sliver.
You know, the thing that God says like, wow, I, I, I am just
as fallen as he is. And then, and then we can allow
our prayer to start to say, Hey,God, will you change me so that
(26:10):
I can love him in whatever it ishe's going through.
And then we can find that piece.And I think, you know, one of
the reasons I love you is I'm I'm a person where I used to
always hear this. You know, women should have a
gentle and quiet spirit. And I was always like, OK, maybe
in like, it's not in me. Like when I was a kid, my
parents would check my hearing. I've shared this story because
(26:32):
people thought I was half deaf because I was so loud.
And every year they'd get my hearing checked.
And every year my hearing was perfect.
And eventually I'm like, I thinkI'm just loud and and I hated it
about myself. And then I was always like, see,
I'm never going to be the general and quiet spirited
woman. And then at one point in my life
(26:52):
in my college years, I had a godly woman sit me down and say
it's a general and quiet spirit,not a general and quiet voice or
a general and quiet personality necessarily.
What it means is you are not loud in order to control a
situation. You do not need to dominate to
control a situation. You are not all work up all the
(27:14):
time, but instead you have a peace because you can rest and
release and trust the Lord. And you might do that really
loud because I happen to be loudand fun and wild and crazy.
But but I've learned that a gentle and quiet spirit is
something entirely different. And it comes from starting with
a humility and be realizing, youknow, God is in control.
(27:38):
Like you said, he's sovereign. He I want you to say again what
you said at the beginning of this, because that was so
powerful. There's nothing that I have
something that God's hands tell me.
Tell me what that was. There's nothing that comes into
my life that hasn't passed. I'm going to put my hands up
past through the loving hands ofmy Heavenly Father and it's so
empowering. Yes, and that gives us that
(27:59):
general and quiet spirit becausewe can rest in that.
And when we go to the Lord in that, in that demeanor, right,
then we can pray for our husbands in in a way that is so
much more powerful. Because what I'm learning is if
if I can nag my husband enough to change, because I can like I
(28:19):
can nag him to bit to where he'sready to crack.
So finally he picks up his shoesor whatever, right or he does
devotions with the kids in the way that I think he should.
But The thing is, is at the end of the day, my nagging is never
going to bring a lasting change.Where if I would just shut up
and pray and let the Holy Holy Spirit do the work, that's
what's going to bring a real lasting change.
(28:41):
But what I want to come back andtalk about next week is so often
we go to God in prayer for our husbands because we want to see
God change them. But at the end of the day, what
we find is it's God going to change us through these trials
and how God changes us and drawsus as the women to him through
(29:02):
the trials that we go through. And so I, I want to close out
this week just just encouraging,encouraging everyone to come
back next week because Kathy hasthe most incredible story that
makes her relatable, that makes her has given her a dose of
grace and understanding towards women when they go through hard
(29:23):
things because she's been there.And so I invite everybody back
next week to finish this out andhow we can as women, rather than
tight fist and control and talk and talk and talk and teach and
teach. And then still that we can
surrender and release and trust God even in the really, really,
really hard things. So Kathy, what, what would you
(29:47):
as we leave this this this week,what would be the one great word
of wisdom that you would give toto women to close out their
week? Grace changes everything.
Nag less, pray more is another, you know, talk less, pray more.
But I really it started out as nag less, pray more.
And nagging does not draw peopleto us, doesn't draw our husbands
(30:09):
to us, but grace does. And that's what draws us to the
Savior. And grace truly changes
everything. And so to be women of grace, we
need to understand first and foremost what He's done for us
and our identity in Him. Be walking in that truth and
freedom. So we're ready to extend grace
through the power of His Spirit when He gives us opportunity.
(30:32):
Amen, Amen and Amen again. Hey everybody, come back here
next week if you want to just check out the incredible things.
I mean, Kathy is from the old Bible church, but I know that
she would tell you the same thing I did.
Find yourself a Bible teaching from beginning to end through
the Word church. Find yourself women to to exhort
(30:52):
you, encourage you, equip you, sharpen you in the word and and
get on your knees. Get on your knees because we
don't just serve a religious Godthat sits on the pages of a
book. We serve a living God that wants
a personal relationship with us.So get yourself into fellowship,
get yourself into the Word, and get yourself back here next week
when we get to hear the beginning of this incredible
(31:15):
story that the Lord has done in Kathy's life.
So we will see you back here next week.
Thanks so much for joining us today for the Schoolhouse Rocked
podcast. We'd love to hear from you.
If there's a topic you'd like usto cover, reach out to us at
podcast at schoolhouserocked.com.
One last thing, if you know a friend who would be encouraged
(31:36):
by this podcast, please share itwith them.
Join us next week for another exciting episode of the
Schoolhouse Rock podcast. Until then, keep pointing your
kids to Jesus. You're listening to the
biblical. Family Network.
Hey, I'm Miki and I'm Will and we're the Co host of the Culture
(31:57):
Proof podcast. We want to invite you to join us
every week as we discuss what's happening in the world and then
filter those happenings through a decidedly biblical lens.
There are many questions, especially when we see what's
happening in our culture today, but the answers are found within
the word of God. So that's where we want to look.
Amen. When we resist those cultural
trends that rival the truth, we remain culture proof.
(32:21):
I pressed into God like never before in my life.
And what I would say happened inthat transferring time in my
life was that Jesus wasn't just my savior anymore.
He became my Lord. He was my everything.
And I just said, Lord, do whatever it takes.
Girls, pray the word. If you don't know how to pray,
take a scripture. Pray the word of God.
(32:43):
It's power and it's it's righteous prayer, 'cause it's
His words.
Sometimes the God we know isn't the God of the Bible.
It's the subtle thing that can creep into our lives where we
go, well, God loves you, He'd never let you dot, dot, dot,
right? So we we got to know who the God
of the Bible is. Hey everyone, welcome back to
the Schoolhouse Rock podcast. I'm Abby Rinella, and I'm super
excited to be your host this week and next.
(00:23):
And we have an incredibly important and exciting topic to
talk about this week. But before we do, I need to
thank BJU Press Homeschool for sponsoring the Schoolhouse
Rocked podcast. Their materials won't just equip
you for a successful homeschool journey, they'll prepare your
child for a future full of possibilities so that your child
can confidently move beyond homeschool, ready for whatever
(00:45):
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biblical foundation. BJU Press Homeschool offers
lessons that encourage critical thinking skills as well as
activities that support multi sensory learning and the unique
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And they have both online and parent LED formats to fit your
(01:05):
lifestyle. BJU Press Homeschool will
encourage a love of learning in your child and they'll be with
you every step of the way. Visit them at
bjupresshomeschool.com. That's bjupresshomeschool.com.
OK, so I'm here today with KathyRoberts, who when I think of
when the Bible talks about the Titus two woman, this is that
(01:26):
woman. She is an amazing godly woman.
She has raised multiple childrenwho are all grown now, one being
autistic that she's still the caregiver to got married to an
amazing man who is my parents pastor and she is a wealth of
information. Grace love and you are going to
love to hear from her today. Welcome Kathy.
Thank. You so much for having me, Abby.
(01:48):
I'm just so blessed by you and the time that we've shared
together. You're just an amazing woman of
the faith and I'm so inspired byyou.
Well, thank you. Can you just very quickly give
us a little, a little intro to who you are?
You know your children, what youlove.
Just just introduce yourself to our audience so they can get to
(02:09):
know you a little bit. More.
Well, thanks. Well, I was a native California
born girl who got the blessing of being relocated through the
ministry to Buell, Idaho, which is my little Hallmark town is
what I call it. I'm a Hallmark movie lover and I
love it here. My husband and I've been married
(02:30):
for 39 years. We have three sons and we have 3
grandchildren who are practically all teenagers now
and our youngest son is has autism.
So we have a special needs guy and it is absolutely my joy to
serve the Lord, serve my family,and serve my husband and of
(02:53):
course, serve the body. I absolutely love that.
And Kathy, you what, what drew me to you originally is you and
I are a little bit of the same personality where we love to
have a lot of fun and you have an adventurous spirit.
But more than that, you are a woman and you and you shared a
little and we're going to share more this weekend next.
But you are not one of those fake Sunday morning Christians
(03:17):
that acts like everything is perfect all the time.
I've never seen a church body walk so just Raleigh with one
another through if that's a word, that's not even a word,
but we like it. I like it through the hard and
the good and the easy and the difficult and the pain and the
struggle and and the blessings as well.
(03:38):
And and you're a person who has been through really hard things
and you don't candy coat it. But what you do and and as I
watched you is you point back tothe hope of Jesus through every
single thing and your life. Just it is just such a perfect
light and a perfect example of of who Jesus is in every
circumstance in our life. And so today we are going to
(04:00):
talk about something that is near and dear to your heart, but
is also near and dear to mine. And our topic today is going to
be marriage and more specifically, being a praying
wife. And, and so many people this,
you know, we're, we're a homeschool podcast, but a lot of
people might say, you know, why this isn't a marriage podcast.
This isn't a wife podcast. But the reality is, is
(04:22):
homeschool is home and school. And everything we do in our
homeschool journey is founded onfirst and foremost, God and his
word and secondly the home. And without a home that is set
up in, in the way that God has set the home up, then we really
have no home school, right? It a home school is just an
extension of home. And, and so God did design the
(04:45):
family to run in a certain way. And he designed wives for a
certain purpose. And he gave wives a certain
power that we have, which is thepower of being able to pray for
our husbands. And I really want to what I want
to dive into to with you today is so many homeschool moms that
listen to this. This is what our day looks like.
(05:07):
We talk and we talk and we talk and we teach and we teach and we
teach and we correct and we correct and we correct and we
instill things into our kids. And then this man walks in at
the end of the day, right? And it is so often our default
to want to talk and talk and teach and correct and, and, and
tell him right and guide and direct.
(05:30):
And that's really not well. Well, first of all, you're going
to get into this. That's not going to work.
That's not how God has has called us to be in our husband's
life that you have this saying that I've heard you say that is
talk less and pray more. And so I really want you to
share a little bit about why youhave a passion to encourage
(05:50):
women to focus more on the praying more, talking less, and
just the importance of of why we're even going to be talking
about that today. Yeah, well, it's so true.
And I've learned this the hard way.
I I am a very, just like you said, I, I was actually a Marine
Corps wife. So I got very used to being a
dependent and then my husband would come back into our lives
(06:13):
and I found myself in vying for control.
And so, and then the other thingthat I think we can do a lot of
times is we either put a high expectation upon our husbands to
be everything that we need them to be at all times, or we put
very little expectation on them and we kind of take over.
(06:35):
And so I think we've got to findthat right balance in how God
has designed the home and the marriage that we would come
along as a helpmate. And that doesn't mean that you
as a helpmate don't do some of the maybe more intricate details
of your family life, but it doesmean that you come alongside as
a partnership, not as ACEO, right?
(06:59):
I love that. I think a lot of times what
happens is we don't see it. We don't hear it, but what we
see in our husband's is the result of it.
And what we can see in our husband's is they're just kind
of pulling back. They they get really quiet, they
become unengaged and maybe some of the things that we are
expecting them to be engaged in and we're confused.
(07:21):
And so where talk less pray morecame from was that I had this
idea that if I would confront toconnect my my husband to me.
So I would confront everything like let, let's talk about it.
Let's learn from it. Let's grow in this.
Let's let's so work through everything.
And I realized that I was constantly, it sounded like to
(07:44):
my husband, I was just probably being overly critical because I,
I wanted to just talk about every little thing.
I thought that's how you communicate.
I mean, communication's good, right?
And what I realized is, is that sometimes we do confront to
connect, but most of the time weconfront to control.
We want that person to do the things the way we think they
(08:07):
should be done or the way that we see them.
And we forget to realize that that person is an individual
with their own thoughts and, andreasons for why they do things a
certain way. And So what I realized when I
was coming into this is I alwaysthought like all this
communication can only be good. But what I feel like can happen
sometimes is we just talk, talk,talk too much about stuff.
(08:31):
And we sometimes we just need tostep back and pray and ask the
Lord first and foremost, is thissomething that's really
essential? Is this necessary?
And that's a, that's a big thing.
And then the, you know, because sometimes, you know, if the
husband just leaves the shoes inthe path of the door and in the
middle of the night when you're on your way to the bathroom and
(08:52):
you trip them every night, you know, you can complain about
that every day and you could tryto get control over that.
But in the day, you may just want to move those shoes and let
it go, you know. So I think just to having a
mindset of praying first before we sit down to have
communication that maybe has some sort of conflict resolution
(09:14):
involved with it, to really takethe time to pray first.
Should I have it right? Second, how should I have it?
And so praying more and talking less.
Sometimes I talk too much first.Yeah, you and me both, sister.
And I think, you know, my husband used to say all the time
with the kids, he's like, if if your voice is the constant voice
(09:38):
that they hear, they're never going to have an ear for the
Holy Spirit, right? If you are non-stop convicting
the kids and telling them that every single thing move your
shoes, do this, do that, that we're drowning out the voice
that that we really want them tohear, right.
Or if we make all these little things, our crosses to die on,
like the shoes, then when, when we really do need to come to
(09:59):
them about something bigger, it's really not going to be
heard. And I, I think that's such AI
mean that's so, that's so impactful.
But you said something about like control.
And I think there's, you know, how you do it, the word of the
year. Do you ever do that?
Like this is my word of the year.
And then you find like God brings you all the, the, you
know, like you keep hearing it over, like obviously this is
(10:20):
something I need to work on Lord'cause you're putting it in my
face over and over. But this year I'm really working
like the words that have just resonated with me are surrender
and release. And then with that comes being
able to trust and you know, I'vebeen watching you.
I I don't want you to think thatI'm a stalker because I'm not.
But if ladies listening to this,if you're going to stalk
(10:42):
someone, Kathy is the lady to dobecause she is such an
incredibly godly woman and she just she just exudes the the
things that we as women aspire to be.
But she also knows that we cannot be those things without
the Lord and without the Holy Spirit.
But as I've watched you in the last years, you know, you guys
(11:03):
in this last year have dealt with with something outside of
both of your control. And that's Jackie was diagnosed
with cancer. And then next week we're going
to talk about we won't right now, but we're going to talk
about the beginning of your marriage.
And these are two things that one is was outside of your
guys's control that you had to walk through and another was
choices of your husbands that deeply impacted your life.
(11:26):
And so as women, we often have all these things coming at us
all the time. And, and the, the question is,
and we want, we want your adviceis how then do we release and
trust God with both the things that we're in together as a
married couple or the things that we have no control of that
are impacting us that that he isdoing?
And, and how do we, how do we release this?
(11:49):
How do we trust God in this stuff?
Yeah, oh, so true. And, and I think for me, one of
the the biggest things that I constantly have to remind myself
is, is that nothing has happenedin my life that hasn't already
passed through the sovereign hands of my savior.
That is so good. That is in control even when I
(12:11):
know I'm not. And so when I feel out of
control or when circumstances come into my life that maybe
we're influenced by the choices of others, you know, I know that
God has he. He has it in his hands.
He's in control. He's allowed this in my life.
And so surrendering, I think, really comes from submission to
(12:35):
trusting God. And when we trust God, that's
where we triumph, because when we try to trust in our own heart
or our own understanding, then that's where we're driven and
tossed like the waves of the sea, right?
And I feel like with some of thethings that God's doing, we need
dynamic endurance provided through hardship or depth.
(12:56):
So what I think, so I'm going tosay that again, depth is dynamic
endurance provided through hardship.
So we always think when suffering comes into our life or
something really hard, you know,our, our maybe based on our
little girl childhood or whatever, we go, Oh, I am I
doing something wrong? Is but biblically we understand
(13:18):
that that's not true. God brings hard things into our
lives to grow us that we would know and that we would grow and
that we would go because see, ifwe know him, we're going to
stand on who he is. He's in control, He's good, he's
got a plan, and if we are surrendering or submitting to
him, then we're going to grow because that depth of character
(13:42):
is going to be built in US and that's what we want.
We know that that depth of character is what's going to
hold us through storms. It's going to strengthen us in
him for him because ultimately we're bringing glory to him when
we and endure the storm. If we falter, you know, can he
use it? Absolutely.
(14:02):
Has he used it in my life hundreds of times.
But when we triumph, people not only go, wow, you made it, but
they go, I want to know this Godthat you'd lean on to get
through these things. And at the end of the day,
that's our great purpose. So, so when we know and when we
grow and when we go, we, we don't even know maybe that our
(14:25):
witness is going out before us and testifying of the
faithfulness of God. And so first and foremost, I
think the, the best thing we cando, step one is to know God.
We need to know him. And if we don't, sometimes I, I,
I was convicted some years ago and, and I, maybe I could
challenge your listeners with this.
(14:45):
Sometimes the God we know isn't the God of the Bible.
And that sounds kind of harsh tosay, doesn't it?
But I don't mean it to in the sense that it's the subtle thing
that can creep into our lives where we go.
We'll even hear other Christianssay it where they'll go, well,
God loves you. He'd never let you dot dot dot.
Right. Or, you know, if you get a
(15:06):
diagnosis like cancer, but I thought God loves you, right.
You know, that we can kind of think that.
So we we got to know who the Godof the Bible.
Is and the only way to do that is being to.
Present to His word we. Have to be in His word.
Absolutely, Kathy, we're going to fall.
We're going to come back for that, but we need to take a
quick break and then we're goingto come right back into these
(15:27):
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We are back and we are talking about the power of a praying
wife and this control versus release.
And when, when I listen to you, what I'm realizing is control is
based out of fear. And fear comes from not knowing
(16:55):
who our God is. But when we can release, it is
because we can trust and we can only trust a God that we know.
But you were talking a little bit about how how sometimes we
have misconceptions, right? We have misconceptions of if God
loves me then he would never. Or we even have misconceptions
of prayer, like if I pray then he's going to answer this way.
(17:18):
And you were really sharing thatsometimes the process is part of
the plan, right? We walk through really hard
things and God allows it and he doesn't lift it from our life in
order to, as you were saying, strengthen us for the next time
and in order to help us be a witness to those around us.
And we are next week. We're I want to talk a little
(17:38):
bit about your early years of marriage.
But I think it was through thoseearly years of marriage that
allowed you as as we were all watching as flies on the wall as
you were walking through with Jackie.
Well, I was a family on the wallbecause I live so far away, but
your body was walking with you through it.
But you had a different kind of a piece.
You had a different kind of a, away that you went through it
(17:59):
because you've been through hardthings and you've seen God show
up. And so that's kind of what you
were sharing is the growing right and the depth that we gain
from going through hard things. Yes, and it was amazing.
I often say that you know, when God promised you, promises you
the peace that surpasses all understanding, right?
(18:21):
That it's like you're in the eyeof a hurricane and the hurricane
is all around you. But in the center is this
peaceful place and what I felt like when we walked through this
cancer journey. First of all, I think it's good
to, as you're pressing into knowing God and spending time in
His Word, cultivating a habit where you're sitting at His feet
(18:44):
daily, which I suspect most of your listeners, that's part of
your day, right? But it can be a classroom and
not maybe a prayer room for you.So I am a teacher of the Word
too. And so sometimes I think we got
to watch out for that where we're not sitting in the word
for the next thing that we're needing to do, but that we are
(19:08):
truly sitting at his feet. And so cultivating that time
with him in prayer and in his presence, you know, we get to
capture the heart of God in those in those intimate places.
And So what I felt like the Lordand his wonderful mercy showed
me through this journey with Jackie's cancer was in my prayer
(19:28):
time, he would reveal to me the things that I could be thankful
for and that helped me strengthen me so much.
And I really do feel like he bubble wrapped us in peace.
It was it was the truly it. It was so rich, so full, so
great. And I am grateful.
(19:49):
Of course. Also I would like to mention
that to partner with others in prayer, to accept prayer from
others, to allow people into your story.
If it wasn't for the prayers of the Saints, you know, I I really
don't know if we would have experienced the same level of
being bathed. In peace the way we have, I
mean, I, I suppose we would because the Lord is the one who
(20:11):
gives the peace, but I believe he, he arms us to be able to do
battle together in unity as we pray for one another.
So incorporating your prayer partners, your prayer teams to
be part of your story when yoursare struggling.
And so I encourage all of us, weneed to have a good prayer
(20:32):
partner as well, somebody that we can call and know that
they're not going to, they're going to take that straight to
the throne, right? They're not going to try to
solve our dilemmas or maybe evengive us a little bit of pity,
but they're actually going to bethat prayer warrior.
I think that's an important part, a resource that we need,
(20:55):
especially as women and you. Know what it takes vulnerability
because I've seen too many women, especially I I don't know
maybe it's a homeschool mom thing.
Maybe it's AI mean we it's prideis universal, but often times we
don't want to be weak. We don't want to be seeming as
we are weak. We don't and or we want to just
have this picture perfect. We look like we have it all
(21:17):
together. And, and that is what I have so
loved about sitting in the feet of your church body is it's just
a lot of really real people going through really real
things, pointing each other backto Jesus Christ and lifting each
other up to the Lord. And, and so we have to be
willing to be vulnerable and say, I'm struggling with this.
(21:38):
Will you pray with me? Right.
And that's hard for a lot of women to do.
Yeah. Well, I think we get in AI as
Christians in general. I know that women tend to
compare a lot with other women. And I think in the home school
culture, what I see with a lot of my friends and experiencing
it, sometimes we do struggle with maybe being transparent
(22:03):
because maybe we perceive there's some sort of expectation
out there. And, and I think that that kind
of isolation is something we have to be really careful that
the enemy doesn't get a footholdthere, right?
And so it is really great if youdon't.
Sometimes it's even better to partner with somebody.
Like, for example, you and I don't actually attend the same
church, but you do come to visitus, which we always love when
(22:26):
you're there. But it's nice to have somebody
outside of your circle maybe right that you can, you can
partner with in prayer and be vulnerable with yes, with when
it comes to praying for our husbands, I think sometimes we
we tend to look around and think, well, look, their husband
always helps and he's always this and he's always that.
(22:49):
And so we end up with, we come to the Lord in prayer with this
unreal expectation or perceptionand we're praying for something
and our prayers are kind of a mess because we don't have their
whole story. We don't know what what goes on,
but yet we can get in this. We have to guard, I think,
against the danger of unreal perceptions, unreal comparisons,
(23:12):
and just know that God wants to use it all, even the the faults,
the flaws, the weaknesses. I don't like feeling weak
either. I don't think any of us do.
But I think that I think of Paul, you know how he said, you
know, that his strength was madeperfect in his weakness and, and
(23:36):
that encourages me that in my weakness, God can use it.
One time it was funny because I,I have a sensitive, we all have
a sensitive area where like, right, maybe it's your house
isn't clean enough or you're notput together or you're not
organized, you're late or, or whatever.
You, your weaknesses For me. I, I had, I don't, you're blonde
also, but when I was younger, people would go, Oh, you're just
(23:59):
a dumb blonde. So I got this in my head that I,
I, I'm not dumb, you know, I'm not dumb.
And, and so, so when I, when I do things really dumb, I would
get really under it, like reallyunder it.
And then I felt the most freeingthing, and that is to just admit
(24:19):
it. I made a mistake.
I did something really dumb. Laugh about it with yourself and
just be like, Oh man, I feel so dumb right now that I did this
dumb thing. So my favorite quote is Corey
Tenboom and it says forgiveness is setting the prisoner free,
only to find out that the prisoner was me.
And I think that we can take that into many levels.
(24:41):
And one of them being forgiving yourself honestly too right.
But I think when it comes to ourhusbands, you know, forgiveness
is a big problem. I think a lot of times in
marriage we can allow little foxes to creep in and for sure
unforgiveness can take hold. And and so again, focusing back
(25:02):
on our original perspective of the essential power of praying
for our husbands is is just really tending that garden well.
Because. Keeping those short accounts
with with the Lord in our own lives, having that humility to
extend grace to our husbands andto the others.
Having the ability to laugh off your own weaknesses and mistakes
(25:27):
with your best friend or with your kids or even with your
community. These are the things that keep
us free, and when we're free, werespond so much better than when
we're shackled up with our own fears, expectations.
Totally and then we can go to the Lord in prayer from a
(25:48):
different angle of God, change him, change him, change him
right. And instead we can go to the
Lord in prayer and say, I am just as fallen.
I have just as many struggles. It's the old log and sliver.
You know, the thing that God says like, wow, I, I, I am just
as fallen as he is. And then, and then we can allow
our prayer to start to say, Hey,God, will you change me so that
(26:10):
I can love him in whatever it ishe's going through.
And then we can find that piece.And I think, you know, one of
the reasons I love you is I'm I'm a person where I used to
always hear this. You know, women should have a
gentle and quiet spirit. And I was always like, OK, maybe
in like, it's not in me. Like when I was a kid, my
parents would check my hearing. I've shared this story because
(26:32):
people thought I was half deaf because I was so loud.
And every year they'd get my hearing checked.
And every year my hearing was perfect.
And eventually I'm like, I thinkI'm just loud and and I hated it
about myself. And then I was always like, see,
I'm never going to be the general and quiet spirited
woman. And then at one point in my life
(26:52):
in my college years, I had a godly woman sit me down and say
it's a general and quiet spirit,not a general and quiet voice or
a general and quiet personality necessarily.
What it means is you are not loud in order to control a
situation. You do not need to dominate to
control a situation. You are not all work up all the
(27:14):
time, but instead you have a peace because you can rest and
release and trust the Lord. And you might do that really
loud because I happen to be loudand fun and wild and crazy.
But but I've learned that a gentle and quiet spirit is
something entirely different. And it comes from starting with
a humility and be realizing, youknow, God is in control.
(27:38):
Like you said, he's sovereign. He I want you to say again what
you said at the beginning of this, because that was so
powerful. There's nothing that I have
something that God's hands tell me.
Tell me what that was. There's nothing that comes into
my life that hasn't passed. I'm going to put my hands up
past through the loving hands ofmy Heavenly Father and it's so
empowering. Yes, and that gives us that
(27:59):
general and quiet spirit becausewe can rest in that.
And when we go to the Lord in that, in that demeanor, right,
then we can pray for our husbands in in a way that is so
much more powerful. Because what I'm learning is if
if I can nag my husband enough to change, because I can like I
(28:19):
can nag him to bit to where he'sready to crack.
So finally he picks up his shoesor whatever, right or he does
devotions with the kids in the way that I think he should.
But The thing is, is at the end of the day, my nagging is never
going to bring a lasting change.Where if I would just shut up
and pray and let the Holy Holy Spirit do the work, that's
what's going to bring a real lasting change.
(28:41):
But what I want to come back andtalk about next week is so often
we go to God in prayer for our husbands because we want to see
God change them. But at the end of the day, what
we find is it's God going to change us through these trials
and how God changes us and drawsus as the women to him through
(29:02):
the trials that we go through. And so I, I want to close out
this week just just encouraging,encouraging everyone to come
back next week because Kathy hasthe most incredible story that
makes her relatable, that makes her has given her a dose of
grace and understanding towards women when they go through hard
(29:23):
things because she's been there.And so I invite everybody back
next week to finish this out andhow we can as women, rather than
tight fist and control and talk and talk and talk and teach and
teach. And then still that we can
surrender and release and trust God even in the really, really,
really hard things. So Kathy, what, what would you
(29:47):
as we leave this this this week,what would be the one great word
of wisdom that you would give toto women to close out their
week? Grace changes everything.
Nag less, pray more is another, you know, talk less, pray more.
But I really it started out as nag less, pray more.
And nagging does not draw peopleto us, doesn't draw our husbands
(30:09):
to us, but grace does. And that's what draws us to the
Savior. And grace truly changes
everything. And so to be women of grace, we
need to understand first and foremost what He's done for us
and our identity in Him. Be walking in that truth and
freedom. So we're ready to extend grace
through the power of His Spirit when He gives us opportunity.
(30:32):
Amen, Amen and Amen again. Hey everybody, come back here
next week if you want to just check out the incredible things.
I mean, Kathy is from the old Bible church, but I know that
she would tell you the same thing I did.
Find yourself a Bible teaching from beginning to end through
the Word church. Find yourself women to to exhort
(30:52):
you, encourage you, equip you, sharpen you in the word and and
get on your knees. Get on your knees because we
don't just serve a religious Godthat sits on the pages of a
book. We serve a living God that wants
a personal relationship with us.So get yourself into fellowship,
get yourself into the Word, and get yourself back here next week
when we get to hear the beginning of this incredible
(31:15):
story that the Lord has done in Kathy's life.
So we will see you back here next week.
Thanks so much for joining us today for the Schoolhouse Rocked
podcast. We'd love to hear from you.
If there's a topic you'd like usto cover, reach out to us at
podcast at schoolhouserocked.com.
One last thing, if you know a friend who would be encouraged
(31:36):
by this podcast, please share itwith them.
Join us next week for another exciting episode of the
Schoolhouse Rock podcast. Until then, keep pointing your
kids to Jesus. You're listening to the
biblical. Family Network.
Hey, I'm Miki and I'm Will and we're the Co host of the Culture
(31:57):
Proof podcast. We want to invite you to join us
every week as we discuss what's happening in the world and then
filter those happenings through a decidedly biblical lens.
There are many questions, especially when we see what's
happening in our culture today, but the answers are found within
the word of God. So that's where we want to look.
Amen. When we resist those cultural
trends that rival the truth, we remain culture proof.
(32:21):
I pressed into God like never before in my life.
And what I would say happened inthat transferring time in my
life was that Jesus wasn't just my savior anymore.
He became my Lord. He was my everything.
And I just said, Lord, do whatever it takes.
Girls, pray the word. If you don't know how to pray,
take a scripture. Pray the word of God.
(32:43):
It's power and it's it's righteous prayer, 'cause it's
His words.
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