September 19, 2023 • 30 mins
Join Mark on a transformative journey as he delves into the profound impact of shame and guilt on mental health. Host Mark A. Turnipseed explores how these emotions can become the primary triggers for mental health challenges among otherwise healthy individuals. We all experience moments when we feel unseen and unworthy, and it's a natural part of our human experience. Mark reminds us that beneath it all, we are inherently holy and perfect.
Discover a powerful path to healing and liberation through a meditation technique that Mark has personally found to be remarkably effective. This meditation practice involves separating your mind, body, and spirit, allowing you to discern the differences in how your mind perceives you, how your body feels you, and how your spirit experiences you.
Unravel the layers of shame and guilt that may have been holding you back, and explore a newfound sense of freedom and self-acceptance. Tune in to explore this transformative meditation and take the first step toward a more peaceful and empowered you. Don't miss out—try it for yourself, and you just might find the inner peace you've been seeking.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hello.
Hello,
everybody.
This is Mark A turn up seat on the Empire Self podcast.
Here we are talking about all those little things that hold us back from being the bright,
shining light,
the bright empire of hope,
beauty and promise that we can be to ourselves and to everyone in our lives.
(00:23):
There were so many things in my life holding me back from being an empire of my own self from being safe inside of my own skin,
from feeling like I was worth being in the presence of anybody else.
I really felt as if a lot of my life was largely unseen,
(00:49):
unseen by me and unseen by other people.
It was almost as if I would walk through a daily existence in which I was nearly invisible and I was invisible out of my shame.
I just really felt like I wasn't worth even being noticed.
Now,
you may have that type of feeling.
(01:11):
You may have that type of despair that's so deep and dark that you don't even feel like you exist.
Or there may be something more like what I still have today where it's just a little bit of a lingering of that same symptom from my childhood.
Right.
As a child,
it was a very scary place to be.
It was outrageous.
(01:32):
I felt so alone into teenagerhood.
Right.
I felt alone as well.
And what would end up happening would be outrageous actions and behaviors in order to make myself known to make myself seen so that I could see myself and so that other people could see me that ultimately led me to making some very bad decisions,
(01:53):
right?
And as we see in,
in teenagerhood and early adulthood,
people who don't resolve that they end up making bad decisions later on in life,
right?
And that's why I have four duis and a few drug charges.
That's why I've been arrested.
That's why I've been having to get different jobs every few years,
right?
Because largely I felt unseen now,
(02:19):
this can happen at all different levels for people.
Some people,
it might not be like you are just an absolutely invisible void,
human being without any worth or any reason for any sort of conversation.
Or you may be like I was saying more like how I am today where it's just kind of a malignant lingering,
(02:42):
strange insidious sort of feeling that occasionally comes almost as if it's triggered from a external source and then it comes in and it may very much so be the trigger actually exists within,
right?
Because here is what I'm coming to understand about not being enough about not being seen,
(03:10):
what happens outside of my perception,
what happens outside of my general uh area of attention is outside of my realm of understanding.
Correct?
If that is the case,
if if a tree,
when it falls,
(03:31):
still makes a noise,
right?
Or does it not make the noise?
Now,
we have to really consider this when we,
when we look at the perceptions of others as it's pertaining to us,
especially as it's pertaining to anything that is of the negative light.
(03:53):
So there are cases in life,
right,
where you feel like somebody doesn't like you or somebody doesn't think highly of you and doesn't think much of you.
And then when you talk to them,
they tell you,
they don't think highly of you and they don't think much of you in those cases,
your perception was correct in a lot of cases.
And even in those cases,
(04:14):
however,
if your perception is correct or if your perception is skewed,
if you return the favor to yourself much like a mirror.
So if you're looking in the mirror,
if you're looking in this mirror,
and somebody says,
I don't want anything to do with you and then you say it back to yourself.
This person doesn't want anything to do with me and I don't want anything to do with me.
(04:35):
I don't have a purpose here,
then you have lost power.
All of a sudden you've lost presence,
you've lost purpose and it is a slippery,
slippery,
slippery slope.
Because here's what I've come to understand is that a lot of times the reason why somebody might not want to be around you is actually because you've entered into this situation,
(05:00):
not being yourself in the first place.
So there's been so many times in my life that I've looked back over the past couple of years where I've gone,
man.
I feel like I just got done with this beautiful event with all these celebrities.
And I feel like nobody saw me.
I feel like I just went through that,
(05:22):
that business meeting and everybody was looking at my,
you know,
coworker but not me because,
you know,
he's older has a little bit more knowledge and I felt largely unseen.
But what I am starting to recognize is I had walked into the situation,
feeling unseen in the first place.
(05:44):
And then when somebody shifts,
sends me some sort of,
you know,
secondary form of,
you know,
communication in which their body languages change or something.
And it makes me think that they're now confirming the thoughts that I had about myself,
that I wasn't enough to begin with.
(06:04):
Then all of a sudden I reflect back to them the power of not being enough and then they in turn confirm.
Oh wait,
he's just not quite all there.
He's just not quite all there.
He's not,
he's got something but he's not being his beautiful,
authentic self.
(06:26):
Ultimately.
That's exactly how I felt about myself for a long time.
So over the course of the past few months,
as this has been coming more and more and more present and more pungent in my life,
I've started to recognize that I have to find ways that I can take control of that.
Right?
I have to and I have to set myself up for success and I have to do that every single day.
(06:52):
Right?
I have trauma.
I have my reasons for thinking like I'm not enough,
I have my continued issues,
my continued mental health challenges that make me think so.
But I also have a set of practices,
tools and skills that help me on a daily basis to recognize that I'm enough.
And not only that there is a type of conversation,
(07:16):
right?
There's a type of conversation that I can have with myself that proves that I am enough,
no matter what that type of conversation,
it really evolves out of a good connection with mindfulness with yourself.
If,
if for instance,
I'm not able to really have a communion inside of myself,
(07:36):
with myself,
talking to myself in a way that's not just confirming negative notions or something.
If I'm actually able to have the conversation with myself inside of myself,
then I will be successful at this.
The trick to having a conversation within though comes with understanding that the human being and everything in life is tripartite,
(08:03):
right?
That means that it has three different,
you know,
uh characteristics.
It has the mind body and the spirit.
And you may think,
right?
This pillow over here doesn't have mind,
body and spirit.
But the very fact that that pillow is being observed by a mind,
body and spirit actually gives it all of those components as well.
(08:27):
And it makes it a mere reflection of life,
right?
So we can actually really,
we can construe everything heaven,
a set of three,
you know,
as two things as perception and the onlooker comes together,
what do they get?
They find an object,
right?
As a perception,
an onlooker as the perceiver perceives themselves,
(08:47):
then what do they get?
They have the third thing,
the mind,
right?
So we have this interesting thing that occurs within us and within nature no matter what there is this rule of kind of threes.
So if that's the case,
right,
then technically inside of myself and inside of myself mentally,
what I'm actually able to do to make this conversation more productive is to separate each of those three things.
(09:14):
So in my meditation,
right,
I'm going to start with some deep breaths and I'm going to pull myself into a very grounded situation inside of one of those aspects.
It's easiest for me actually to pull myself inside of the body.
So the first thing that I do is like a body scan nice and slow all through my body,
I connect my mind or I connect my body,
(09:36):
that's it.
I'm just connecting my body.
And what ends up happening while I'm connecting my body is obviously that the mind connects to it because I'm using my mind to focus in on parts of the body.
And this connection when that connection happens,
I notice that that connection is actually because of a communication that I'm doing between my body and my mind.
(09:57):
It's when it's that magic moment,
when you notice that the mind has connected with the body that then out of um what do you call it?
Out of necessity?
The spirit is there because that's,
that's the essence of the principle of the threes.
When two gather,
when two hit together,
then they create a third,
(10:18):
right?
They create a unity,
they create a brand new thing.
I mean,
you can see it all the way down to the cellular level and you can see it all the way up out through outer space and into the unknown,
right?
So the principles of threes are there.
And then when we experience that within the body,
we then separate each of them.
(10:40):
The way that we separate.
The way that I separate the mind is that I rest inside II,
I notice now that I have these three different things,
right?
And then I simply allow the thoughts to come.
So a lot of people believe that meditation is about expelling thoughts and you know,
finding an empty state of mind.
But instead in this moment for this particular meditation.
(11:03):
What I wanna do is I actually want to allow the thoughts to come in and when these thoughts come in,
I don't stop them,
I don't stop them at all.
So if they come in and they're disturbing,
let them come in and keep being disturbing.
If they get even more disturbing,
let them stay more disturbing.
Let them just keep coming in and what ends up happening in those,
(11:24):
if you are really,
really actually paying attention to the main aspect of that and that's flow,
right?
We're letting a thought flow in if we're truly paying attention to that part of it and not the actual thought in and of itself,
I can almost guarantee you that that thought is not gonna go as deep and as dark and as scary as you think it's going to,
(11:46):
the only reason why it would start going deep and dark is because you are thinking about it too much.
You are letting your mind grasp onto it.
So as that starts to happen,
if your mind does grasp onto a thought and you're like,
man,
I just want to hold on to this thought because it's so good or I gotta dive deeper into this thought because it's so bad.
(12:10):
And I'm actually curious and then the sensation is just overwhelming and I want to find out where's this nightmare headed,
any of that type of stuff,
right?
Or it's so bad.
I'm trying to run away from it.
That's all controlling the mind.
And the whole idea is to let it flow by letting it flow.
When,
when,
when I,
when I practice that over time,
(12:33):
I end up beginning to find a place where I can let go of the mind,
letting go of the body is very simple.
Right?
Letting go of the body is what we do when we're sleeping.
So it's the,
it's,
it's your greatest place.
It's like the one of the most exciting places that we get to experience in life is actually going to sleep,
(12:53):
right?
It feels so good.
Sleeping does.
So that's all you have to tap into as it pertains to letting go of the body.
It's just a relaxation.
Pay more attention to the breathing out than the breathing in.
If you're trying to let go of the body,
trust me,
it's just all of a sudden when you're breathing out,
your heart rate decreases,
your breathing rate,
(13:14):
decreases your cells,
your blood,
they actually all calm down.
So if you're really anxious and a really heated up moment and you're starting to experience a panic attack,
your idea is to let go of the body,
let go of the body,
the mind,
it may still keep freaking out,
(13:35):
but just go ahead,
deep breath out and let go of the body.
Now,
if you are able to get to a place where you have,
now let go of the body and you have let go of the mind,
then what do you have left?
You're simply working backwards in the arithmetic.
(13:57):
So now you don't have the body,
you don't have the mind.
All you have left is the spirit.
This is the seat of the soul right here inside of the inside of the body.
Inside of what you know,
the ancients used to believe was like in the pituitary gland,
right inside of here,
we have the seat of the soul,
(14:18):
the seat of the soul is going to be observing actually the things of the body and the things of the mind.
Now,
it can get very confusing there.
You're going,
is this a thought of my mind or is this a thought of my body?
Well,
curiously,
when you're visioning,
when you're visioning it from the soul,
you can very easily recognize a thought that is a thought of the mind in a thought that is the thought of the soul.
(14:46):
The soul will always only see you as the true you,
which is an energetic truth and necessity that was birthed out of love and the creation of this universe,
right?
You are stardust,
(15:07):
you are God's love.
You are a necessary ingredient that comes forth when all the elements are together.
When all the elements of this universe are together,
you are there and you are born here as the guardian of the elements.
(15:27):
I say the guardians of you know,
planet earth.
The Bible would say like that we we tend to the garden,
right?
Or something along those lines,
it was like that's,
that's why,
right?
Because when all these elements are together,
consciousness and us exist now,
this consciousness that exists,
(15:48):
that consciousness is the truth,
right?
So inside of this,
inside of this consciousness,
this thought cloud,
right?
That is where our spirit is observing life.
And this spirit is attached to all the other thoughts and all the other people's spirits to to the great spirit,
right?
It's attached to everything because there's no separation out of the out of the spirit.
(16:12):
Once you've,
once you've taken out the mind and body,
all you have is the thought.
And when that happens,
right,
then actually,
we're able to solve the question about the tree falling because of course,
of course,
we,
we were connected to that.
Of course,
it still makes the noise.
We're attached to that energy of life that created that tree.
(16:33):
But it actually didn't happen if we're just on the mind,
you're right,
because if it's on the mind,
the tree falls and then it doesn't actually happen.
So in that sense,
right?
What we have here is a communication issue going on between the mind,
body and the spirit.
(16:54):
So when we're in this situation where we're thinking like we're not enough or we're believing that somebody thinks this about us.
We're basically hearing the the the tree not actually fall.
We're basically we're basically hearing a falsehood out there.
We're hearing something that our mind is creating,
but that our spirit is not actually attached to our spirit is not actually experiencing it.
(17:18):
Our mind is just saying,
you know what if this is the case,
if a tree is actually falling,
then it is making the noise,
then,
you know,
I think it's probably,
but I'm not perceiving it.
So it's not really making the noise or is it?
Well,
the the truth,
the truth is the truth is,
is that your spirit is actually attached and it is making that noise with that tree as it falls in ricochets and it will last forever,
(17:46):
just like you will last forever.
Now as it pertains to the individual who's thinking less of you or you thinking less of them,
it's a falsehood,
right?
It's a one aspect thing,
it's a mind thing.
If it's part of their mind that only exists inside of their mind,
that's like them imagining a tree falling and then you going oh,
(18:11):
a tree just fell inside of your mind.
And that makes it true.
It's only true if inside of their spirit.
If inside of their spirit,
after they remove body and mind,
if their spirit sees you as not being enough,
then you are not enough.
(18:32):
But if they see you and your body and your mind and they say that body and that mind is not enough.
They are not looking at the full you and you,
when you look at your mind and your body,
and you say this body is not enough,
this mind is not enough.
You are also not looking at the real you that God has given you.
You have a spirit attached to you.
That is ultimately the truth of who you are.
(18:55):
It's the only thing that runs all the way through your entire life from the moment that you wake to the moment that you die and it carries on with every other string of life that is on this planet,
every other color,
every other vibration,
every other gust of wind you are attached to.
And the truth is that everything that comes from,
that is from love,
(19:18):
that means the rest of it is the stuff that you have to parse away the mind,
the body parts it away go after something that's eternal.
So,
what I've started to do in the past few months as I began to recognize this is that I needed to start paying attention to what my spirit said that I was now,
(19:43):
I had been through all sorts of things.
You know,
I've tried to search around for God and I ended up going back to the church,
right?
Because that's where I had my childhood understanding of God.
That's where my language comes from.
That's,
that's how I'm able to understand these principles,
right?
So I went back to the church and I started prayer and I started to look at myself,
(20:07):
I mean,
one of the first things that I remember reading about in the Bible,
right?
Was recognizing,
seeing yourself as God sees you.
And I was like,
man,
that is such a really cool concept because I really don't like how I see me and I really don't like how other people see me.
So what I started to do what I started to go well,
then how am I supposed to tap into how God sees me?
(20:28):
What am I supposed to do there?
How,
how am I supposed to do?
And it became very clear from my other practices of mind,
body and spirit training in yoga,
in Buddhism meditation and in my triathlon training that I can separate my mind and my body and I can see myself for who I am and I can run a freaking Ironman race and I can start 14 hours earlier,
(20:52):
not believing that I can do it.
I can believe that I'm not enough and I can do 14 hours of hard,
intense endurance training.
And I can emerge victorious despite not believing in myself,
despite my mind or my body,
not believing in myself.
If that is not true,
(21:12):
that a spirit can compel you.
Then I don't know what is.
Now.
When this started to become true to me,
I started to recognize when I'm in this boardroom when I'm speaking in front of these people.
When I am walking through the metro when I'm in the grocery store.
And I have a thought that I'm not enough that I'm not being noticed that all I have to do is separate my body,
(21:36):
my mind and my spirit.
And then I got to tap into that spirit and I gotta let that spirit flow.
And then what ends up happening when I do that is I look right back at that person who I thought at first didn't see me and all I see in them is a big old kiss of love.
Every single time,
(21:56):
every single time,
every single time,
I'm not joking.
I really believe in the power of love to heal every single thing I really do.
And I look forward to the next case in which I don't think that it's going to work and I look forward to trying it and seeing if it does because so far I've not been shown that it doesn't work.
(22:22):
I have not been shown that it doesn't work so far.
Every single time that I tap into the love inside of my heart,
to the self compassion inside of my heart.
I'm compelled to continue,
I'm compelled to drive forward.
I'm compelled to recognize myself as a holy and perfect being capable of great and wondrous things.
(22:49):
It's when I let my mind and my trauma come back in and start defining me.
It's when I let other people's perceptions and their fallen trees start to define me that's when I start to lose it.
That's when I start to not be enough.
That's when I start to be unseen.
That's when I start to be the loneliest person in the face of the planet surrounded by the entire world.
(23:13):
And that's how you can end up being that way too.
But there's a way out,
there is a way out and that way out is so very simple.
There is clear,
practical physical ways that you can tap into your spirit to see yourself as the bright shining light that you are.
(23:36):
There are proven ways of doing such and if there's proven ways of doing such guys and it,
and it,
it doesn't involve medications,
it doesn't involve medicines or plant,
even plant medicines.
If you want to be free,
then you must begin to see yourself through the eyes of the only thing that is free on this planet.
(24:03):
And that is the spirit that rushes through all of us.
That's the spirit that charges up the rivers.
That's the spirit that keeps the moon cycling around.
That's the spirit,
that's the motion of the ocean.
That is God,
that is life,
that is love.
That is where you were born from.
That is where you will go to.
(24:23):
And if you can ride on that,
you can ride anywhere baby.
And if you can really,
really start to harness in on that and really bring that all around you,
you can start building up a building,
a fortress,
a fortress built on spirit and built on love.
And if you do that,
(24:44):
then there is no shaking the foundation upon which you stand and live,
there's no shaking it because no thought,
no words,
no imaginary concept or nightmare can rob you of the the truth because you know that no matter what comes down,
no matter what fiery thought comes down,
(25:06):
no matter how dark it is that if I separate my mind and body,
that no matter what the truth is going to be there,
it's like it's like no matter what gets on my TV screen,
I know my Windex.
I'm just gonna,
I'm just gonna wipe it right off and I'm gonna be able to see Chris still clear.
Exactly the stream of information that I need to be seeing that's telling me about myself.
(25:30):
And that is how we start building an empire of self.
That is how we build an empire because it is in an empire that somebody feels safe,
that somebody feels free to be expressive to be who they are to yield.
The wonderful things that they want to yield in their life.
May it be gold or a whole bunch of corn from their harvest like whatever it is,
(25:55):
right?
We wanna dance through the streets.
That's the empire.
The empire is free dance in your streets.
Have people come in and feast and make love and just have a wonderful time because that is what life is about.
Let it all in,
baby,
let it all in.
Because when we die,
(26:16):
how are you going to,
when when you die?
And you're just spirit,
how are you gonna continue letting it all in?
Right?
Because you will be all,
you will be part of the all right now.
You have this glorious moment.
Seize it.
Please come seize it because I want to party with you.
I want to live with you.
I want to live in life and love with you because I know that when you do it,
(26:38):
anything can happen,
anything can change the people in front of you who would be up against you are now standing with you and in your corner,
all of a sudden your enemies,
even your enemies become your teammates.
All of a sudden,
everything that used to hold you back is now propelling you forward to a greater sense of purpose,
(26:58):
to a greater mission and to a stronger being.
So get off your ass and separate your mind,
body and spirit.
See yourself for as you are as God has made you as love says that you are and get rid of the rest of the stuff.
Use that stuff only only to articulate the beauties of the spirit and to bring and to maybe even bring back to the spirit.
(27:25):
Showing the spirit.
Look what my mind said about me,
look what my mind said about my body and then that spirit,
that spirit will start learn.
You'll start learning to hear the rebuke of your spirit.
You'll start learning to go.
My mind is telling me that I'm depressed right now.
My mind is telling me that I'm not worth it.
My mind is telling me this and your spirit will go,
(27:48):
you know the truth,
you know,
you are worth it and it's ok to feel like you're not right now.
It's ok because you know the truth.
So let that feeling come in,
it's not going to have to affect anything you do say or think about yourself.
And then,
and once that happens,
once that minute happens where you really truly accept that everything slips away.
(28:12):
All that depression slips away.
You see yourself for the light that you are y'all.
It's,
it's not really a practice.
It's like working a muscle,
right?
That's gonna take a long time till that happens.
It's an instant moment.
It slips away every single time.
Every runner that I know will talk about this as you get like 18 miles in a marathon.
(28:35):
As thoughts start to come in,
you just have to let them slip away and only then are you going to be able to maintain the same energy that you have?
So let that thought slip away and glide yourself back onto the sunlight of the spirit and glide through this beautiful stream called life and enjoy being the wonderful empire of self that you can be everybody.
(29:00):
This is Mark a turnip seat on Empire self.
If you like this podcast,
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And also please,
please,
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I have a little Patreon button and in that button,
if you support the message that I'm sending out to the world,
(29:25):
if you think that this could impact somebody that you know,
or if it's impacting your life,
if this is a message that you believe that more people should hear,
because so many people are struggling with the same issues that used to hold me back,
right?
If you think that other people can reach to the summit of,
of hope and love that I reached out of heroin addiction,
(29:49):
suicidal behaviors,
hurting other people.
If you think that other people can achieve that and you think we can save some lives,
then please go in there,
support me and I will continue to work hard spreading this mission with all of my heart and soul.
That is my promise to you.
This is my passion to you and I want to keep on moving with this.
(30:11):
So I love you all.
Thank you for joining me on Empire Self podcast.
Again.
I am your host.
Mark a turnip seat.
I look forward to talking to you next week.
Hello.
Hello,
everybody.
This is Mark A turn up seat on the Empire Self podcast.
Here we are talking about all those little things that hold us back from being the bright,
shining light,
the bright empire of hope,
beauty and promise that we can be to ourselves and to everyone in our lives.
(00:23):
There were so many things in my life holding me back from being an empire of my own self from being safe inside of my own skin,
from feeling like I was worth being in the presence of anybody else.
I really felt as if a lot of my life was largely unseen,
(00:49):
unseen by me and unseen by other people.
It was almost as if I would walk through a daily existence in which I was nearly invisible and I was invisible out of my shame.
I just really felt like I wasn't worth even being noticed.
Now,
you may have that type of feeling.
(01:11):
You may have that type of despair that's so deep and dark that you don't even feel like you exist.
Or there may be something more like what I still have today where it's just a little bit of a lingering of that same symptom from my childhood.
Right.
As a child,
it was a very scary place to be.
It was outrageous.
(01:32):
I felt so alone into teenagerhood.
Right.
I felt alone as well.
And what would end up happening would be outrageous actions and behaviors in order to make myself known to make myself seen so that I could see myself and so that other people could see me that ultimately led me to making some very bad decisions,
(01:53):
right?
And as we see in,
in teenagerhood and early adulthood,
people who don't resolve that they end up making bad decisions later on in life,
right?
And that's why I have four duis and a few drug charges.
That's why I've been arrested.
That's why I've been having to get different jobs every few years,
right?
Because largely I felt unseen now,
(02:19):
this can happen at all different levels for people.
Some people,
it might not be like you are just an absolutely invisible void,
human being without any worth or any reason for any sort of conversation.
Or you may be like I was saying more like how I am today where it's just kind of a malignant lingering,
(02:42):
strange insidious sort of feeling that occasionally comes almost as if it's triggered from a external source and then it comes in and it may very much so be the trigger actually exists within,
right?
Because here is what I'm coming to understand about not being enough about not being seen,
(03:10):
what happens outside of my perception,
what happens outside of my general uh area of attention is outside of my realm of understanding.
Correct?
If that is the case,
if if a tree,
when it falls,
(03:31):
still makes a noise,
right?
Or does it not make the noise?
Now,
we have to really consider this when we,
when we look at the perceptions of others as it's pertaining to us,
especially as it's pertaining to anything that is of the negative light.
(03:53):
So there are cases in life,
right,
where you feel like somebody doesn't like you or somebody doesn't think highly of you and doesn't think much of you.
And then when you talk to them,
they tell you,
they don't think highly of you and they don't think much of you in those cases,
your perception was correct in a lot of cases.
And even in those cases,
(04:14):
however,
if your perception is correct or if your perception is skewed,
if you return the favor to yourself much like a mirror.
So if you're looking in the mirror,
if you're looking in this mirror,
and somebody says,
I don't want anything to do with you and then you say it back to yourself.
This person doesn't want anything to do with me and I don't want anything to do with me.
(04:35):
I don't have a purpose here,
then you have lost power.
All of a sudden you've lost presence,
you've lost purpose and it is a slippery,
slippery,
slippery slope.
Because here's what I've come to understand is that a lot of times the reason why somebody might not want to be around you is actually because you've entered into this situation,
(05:00):
not being yourself in the first place.
So there's been so many times in my life that I've looked back over the past couple of years where I've gone,
man.
I feel like I just got done with this beautiful event with all these celebrities.
And I feel like nobody saw me.
I feel like I just went through that,
(05:22):
that business meeting and everybody was looking at my,
you know,
coworker but not me because,
you know,
he's older has a little bit more knowledge and I felt largely unseen.
But what I am starting to recognize is I had walked into the situation,
feeling unseen in the first place.
(05:44):
And then when somebody shifts,
sends me some sort of,
you know,
secondary form of,
you know,
communication in which their body languages change or something.
And it makes me think that they're now confirming the thoughts that I had about myself,
that I wasn't enough to begin with.
(06:04):
Then all of a sudden I reflect back to them the power of not being enough and then they in turn confirm.
Oh wait,
he's just not quite all there.
He's just not quite all there.
He's not,
he's got something but he's not being his beautiful,
authentic self.
(06:26):
Ultimately.
That's exactly how I felt about myself for a long time.
So over the course of the past few months,
as this has been coming more and more and more present and more pungent in my life,
I've started to recognize that I have to find ways that I can take control of that.
Right?
I have to and I have to set myself up for success and I have to do that every single day.
(06:52):
Right?
I have trauma.
I have my reasons for thinking like I'm not enough,
I have my continued issues,
my continued mental health challenges that make me think so.
But I also have a set of practices,
tools and skills that help me on a daily basis to recognize that I'm enough.
And not only that there is a type of conversation,
(07:16):
right?
There's a type of conversation that I can have with myself that proves that I am enough,
no matter what that type of conversation,
it really evolves out of a good connection with mindfulness with yourself.
If,
if for instance,
I'm not able to really have a communion inside of myself,
(07:36):
with myself,
talking to myself in a way that's not just confirming negative notions or something.
If I'm actually able to have the conversation with myself inside of myself,
then I will be successful at this.
The trick to having a conversation within though comes with understanding that the human being and everything in life is tripartite,
(08:03):
right?
That means that it has three different,
you know,
uh characteristics.
It has the mind body and the spirit.
And you may think,
right?
This pillow over here doesn't have mind,
body and spirit.
But the very fact that that pillow is being observed by a mind,
body and spirit actually gives it all of those components as well.
(08:27):
And it makes it a mere reflection of life,
right?
So we can actually really,
we can construe everything heaven,
a set of three,
you know,
as two things as perception and the onlooker comes together,
what do they get?
They find an object,
right?
As a perception,
an onlooker as the perceiver perceives themselves,
(08:47):
then what do they get?
They have the third thing,
the mind,
right?
So we have this interesting thing that occurs within us and within nature no matter what there is this rule of kind of threes.
So if that's the case,
right,
then technically inside of myself and inside of myself mentally,
what I'm actually able to do to make this conversation more productive is to separate each of those three things.
(09:14):
So in my meditation,
right,
I'm going to start with some deep breaths and I'm going to pull myself into a very grounded situation inside of one of those aspects.
It's easiest for me actually to pull myself inside of the body.
So the first thing that I do is like a body scan nice and slow all through my body,
I connect my mind or I connect my body,
(09:36):
that's it.
I'm just connecting my body.
And what ends up happening while I'm connecting my body is obviously that the mind connects to it because I'm using my mind to focus in on parts of the body.
And this connection when that connection happens,
I notice that that connection is actually because of a communication that I'm doing between my body and my mind.
(09:57):
It's when it's that magic moment,
when you notice that the mind has connected with the body that then out of um what do you call it?
Out of necessity?
The spirit is there because that's,
that's the essence of the principle of the threes.
When two gather,
when two hit together,
then they create a third,
(10:18):
right?
They create a unity,
they create a brand new thing.
I mean,
you can see it all the way down to the cellular level and you can see it all the way up out through outer space and into the unknown,
right?
So the principles of threes are there.
And then when we experience that within the body,
we then separate each of them.
(10:40):
The way that we separate.
The way that I separate the mind is that I rest inside II,
I notice now that I have these three different things,
right?
And then I simply allow the thoughts to come.
So a lot of people believe that meditation is about expelling thoughts and you know,
finding an empty state of mind.
But instead in this moment for this particular meditation.
(11:03):
What I wanna do is I actually want to allow the thoughts to come in and when these thoughts come in,
I don't stop them,
I don't stop them at all.
So if they come in and they're disturbing,
let them come in and keep being disturbing.
If they get even more disturbing,
let them stay more disturbing.
Let them just keep coming in and what ends up happening in those,
(11:24):
if you are really,
really actually paying attention to the main aspect of that and that's flow,
right?
We're letting a thought flow in if we're truly paying attention to that part of it and not the actual thought in and of itself,
I can almost guarantee you that that thought is not gonna go as deep and as dark and as scary as you think it's going to,
(11:46):
the only reason why it would start going deep and dark is because you are thinking about it too much.
You are letting your mind grasp onto it.
So as that starts to happen,
if your mind does grasp onto a thought and you're like,
man,
I just want to hold on to this thought because it's so good or I gotta dive deeper into this thought because it's so bad.
(12:10):
And I'm actually curious and then the sensation is just overwhelming and I want to find out where's this nightmare headed,
any of that type of stuff,
right?
Or it's so bad.
I'm trying to run away from it.
That's all controlling the mind.
And the whole idea is to let it flow by letting it flow.
When,
when,
when I,
when I practice that over time,
(12:33):
I end up beginning to find a place where I can let go of the mind,
letting go of the body is very simple.
Right?
Letting go of the body is what we do when we're sleeping.
So it's the,
it's,
it's your greatest place.
It's like the one of the most exciting places that we get to experience in life is actually going to sleep,
(12:53):
right?
It feels so good.
Sleeping does.
So that's all you have to tap into as it pertains to letting go of the body.
It's just a relaxation.
Pay more attention to the breathing out than the breathing in.
If you're trying to let go of the body,
trust me,
it's just all of a sudden when you're breathing out,
your heart rate decreases,
your breathing rate,
(13:14):
decreases your cells,
your blood,
they actually all calm down.
So if you're really anxious and a really heated up moment and you're starting to experience a panic attack,
your idea is to let go of the body,
let go of the body,
the mind,
it may still keep freaking out,
(13:35):
but just go ahead,
deep breath out and let go of the body.
Now,
if you are able to get to a place where you have,
now let go of the body and you have let go of the mind,
then what do you have left?
You're simply working backwards in the arithmetic.
(13:57):
So now you don't have the body,
you don't have the mind.
All you have left is the spirit.
This is the seat of the soul right here inside of the inside of the body.
Inside of what you know,
the ancients used to believe was like in the pituitary gland,
right inside of here,
we have the seat of the soul,
(14:18):
the seat of the soul is going to be observing actually the things of the body and the things of the mind.
Now,
it can get very confusing there.
You're going,
is this a thought of my mind or is this a thought of my body?
Well,
curiously,
when you're visioning,
when you're visioning it from the soul,
you can very easily recognize a thought that is a thought of the mind in a thought that is the thought of the soul.
(14:46):
The soul will always only see you as the true you,
which is an energetic truth and necessity that was birthed out of love and the creation of this universe,
right?
You are stardust,
(15:07):
you are God's love.
You are a necessary ingredient that comes forth when all the elements are together.
When all the elements of this universe are together,
you are there and you are born here as the guardian of the elements.
(15:27):
I say the guardians of you know,
planet earth.
The Bible would say like that we we tend to the garden,
right?
Or something along those lines,
it was like that's,
that's why,
right?
Because when all these elements are together,
consciousness and us exist now,
this consciousness that exists,
(15:48):
that consciousness is the truth,
right?
So inside of this,
inside of this consciousness,
this thought cloud,
right?
That is where our spirit is observing life.
And this spirit is attached to all the other thoughts and all the other people's spirits to to the great spirit,
right?
It's attached to everything because there's no separation out of the out of the spirit.
(16:12):
Once you've,
once you've taken out the mind and body,
all you have is the thought.
And when that happens,
right,
then actually,
we're able to solve the question about the tree falling because of course,
of course,
we,
we were connected to that.
Of course,
it still makes the noise.
We're attached to that energy of life that created that tree.
(16:33):
But it actually didn't happen if we're just on the mind,
you're right,
because if it's on the mind,
the tree falls and then it doesn't actually happen.
So in that sense,
right?
What we have here is a communication issue going on between the mind,
body and the spirit.
(16:54):
So when we're in this situation where we're thinking like we're not enough or we're believing that somebody thinks this about us.
We're basically hearing the the the tree not actually fall.
We're basically we're basically hearing a falsehood out there.
We're hearing something that our mind is creating,
but that our spirit is not actually attached to our spirit is not actually experiencing it.
(17:18):
Our mind is just saying,
you know what if this is the case,
if a tree is actually falling,
then it is making the noise,
then,
you know,
I think it's probably,
but I'm not perceiving it.
So it's not really making the noise or is it?
Well,
the the truth,
the truth is the truth is,
is that your spirit is actually attached and it is making that noise with that tree as it falls in ricochets and it will last forever,
(17:46):
just like you will last forever.
Now as it pertains to the individual who's thinking less of you or you thinking less of them,
it's a falsehood,
right?
It's a one aspect thing,
it's a mind thing.
If it's part of their mind that only exists inside of their mind,
that's like them imagining a tree falling and then you going oh,
(18:11):
a tree just fell inside of your mind.
And that makes it true.
It's only true if inside of their spirit.
If inside of their spirit,
after they remove body and mind,
if their spirit sees you as not being enough,
then you are not enough.
(18:32):
But if they see you and your body and your mind and they say that body and that mind is not enough.
They are not looking at the full you and you,
when you look at your mind and your body,
and you say this body is not enough,
this mind is not enough.
You are also not looking at the real you that God has given you.
You have a spirit attached to you.
That is ultimately the truth of who you are.
(18:55):
It's the only thing that runs all the way through your entire life from the moment that you wake to the moment that you die and it carries on with every other string of life that is on this planet,
every other color,
every other vibration,
every other gust of wind you are attached to.
And the truth is that everything that comes from,
that is from love,
(19:18):
that means the rest of it is the stuff that you have to parse away the mind,
the body parts it away go after something that's eternal.
So,
what I've started to do in the past few months as I began to recognize this is that I needed to start paying attention to what my spirit said that I was now,
(19:43):
I had been through all sorts of things.
You know,
I've tried to search around for God and I ended up going back to the church,
right?
Because that's where I had my childhood understanding of God.
That's where my language comes from.
That's,
that's how I'm able to understand these principles,
right?
So I went back to the church and I started prayer and I started to look at myself,
(20:07):
I mean,
one of the first things that I remember reading about in the Bible,
right?
Was recognizing,
seeing yourself as God sees you.
And I was like,
man,
that is such a really cool concept because I really don't like how I see me and I really don't like how other people see me.
So what I started to do what I started to go well,
then how am I supposed to tap into how God sees me?
(20:28):
What am I supposed to do there?
How,
how am I supposed to do?
And it became very clear from my other practices of mind,
body and spirit training in yoga,
in Buddhism meditation and in my triathlon training that I can separate my mind and my body and I can see myself for who I am and I can run a freaking Ironman race and I can start 14 hours earlier,
(20:52):
not believing that I can do it.
I can believe that I'm not enough and I can do 14 hours of hard,
intense endurance training.
And I can emerge victorious despite not believing in myself,
despite my mind or my body,
not believing in myself.
If that is not true,
(21:12):
that a spirit can compel you.
Then I don't know what is.
Now.
When this started to become true to me,
I started to recognize when I'm in this boardroom when I'm speaking in front of these people.
When I am walking through the metro when I'm in the grocery store.
And I have a thought that I'm not enough that I'm not being noticed that all I have to do is separate my body,
(21:36):
my mind and my spirit.
And then I got to tap into that spirit and I gotta let that spirit flow.
And then what ends up happening when I do that is I look right back at that person who I thought at first didn't see me and all I see in them is a big old kiss of love.
Every single time,
(21:56):
every single time,
every single time,
I'm not joking.
I really believe in the power of love to heal every single thing I really do.
And I look forward to the next case in which I don't think that it's going to work and I look forward to trying it and seeing if it does because so far I've not been shown that it doesn't work.
(22:22):
I have not been shown that it doesn't work so far.
Every single time that I tap into the love inside of my heart,
to the self compassion inside of my heart.
I'm compelled to continue,
I'm compelled to drive forward.
I'm compelled to recognize myself as a holy and perfect being capable of great and wondrous things.
(22:49):
It's when I let my mind and my trauma come back in and start defining me.
It's when I let other people's perceptions and their fallen trees start to define me that's when I start to lose it.
That's when I start to not be enough.
That's when I start to be unseen.
That's when I start to be the loneliest person in the face of the planet surrounded by the entire world.
(23:13):
And that's how you can end up being that way too.
But there's a way out,
there is a way out and that way out is so very simple.
There is clear,
practical physical ways that you can tap into your spirit to see yourself as the bright shining light that you are.
(23:36):
There are proven ways of doing such and if there's proven ways of doing such guys and it,
and it,
it doesn't involve medications,
it doesn't involve medicines or plant,
even plant medicines.
If you want to be free,
then you must begin to see yourself through the eyes of the only thing that is free on this planet.
(24:03):
And that is the spirit that rushes through all of us.
That's the spirit that charges up the rivers.
That's the spirit that keeps the moon cycling around.
That's the spirit,
that's the motion of the ocean.
That is God,
that is life,
that is love.
That is where you were born from.
That is where you will go to.
(24:23):
And if you can ride on that,
you can ride anywhere baby.
And if you can really,
really start to harness in on that and really bring that all around you,
you can start building up a building,
a fortress,
a fortress built on spirit and built on love.
And if you do that,
(24:44):
then there is no shaking the foundation upon which you stand and live,
there's no shaking it because no thought,
no words,
no imaginary concept or nightmare can rob you of the the truth because you know that no matter what comes down,
no matter what fiery thought comes down,
(25:06):
no matter how dark it is that if I separate my mind and body,
that no matter what the truth is going to be there,
it's like it's like no matter what gets on my TV screen,
I know my Windex.
I'm just gonna,
I'm just gonna wipe it right off and I'm gonna be able to see Chris still clear.
Exactly the stream of information that I need to be seeing that's telling me about myself.
(25:30):
And that is how we start building an empire of self.
That is how we build an empire because it is in an empire that somebody feels safe,
that somebody feels free to be expressive to be who they are to yield.
The wonderful things that they want to yield in their life.
May it be gold or a whole bunch of corn from their harvest like whatever it is,
(25:55):
right?
We wanna dance through the streets.
That's the empire.
The empire is free dance in your streets.
Have people come in and feast and make love and just have a wonderful time because that is what life is about.
Let it all in,
baby,
let it all in.
Because when we die,
(26:16):
how are you going to,
when when you die?
And you're just spirit,
how are you gonna continue letting it all in?
Right?
Because you will be all,
you will be part of the all right now.
You have this glorious moment.
Seize it.
Please come seize it because I want to party with you.
I want to live with you.
I want to live in life and love with you because I know that when you do it,
(26:38):
anything can happen,
anything can change the people in front of you who would be up against you are now standing with you and in your corner,
all of a sudden your enemies,
even your enemies become your teammates.
All of a sudden,
everything that used to hold you back is now propelling you forward to a greater sense of purpose,
(26:58):
to a greater mission and to a stronger being.
So get off your ass and separate your mind,
body and spirit.
See yourself for as you are as God has made you as love says that you are and get rid of the rest of the stuff.
Use that stuff only only to articulate the beauties of the spirit and to bring and to maybe even bring back to the spirit.
(27:25):
Showing the spirit.
Look what my mind said about me,
look what my mind said about my body and then that spirit,
that spirit will start learn.
You'll start learning to hear the rebuke of your spirit.
You'll start learning to go.
My mind is telling me that I'm depressed right now.
My mind is telling me that I'm not worth it.
My mind is telling me this and your spirit will go,
(27:48):
you know the truth,
you know,
you are worth it and it's ok to feel like you're not right now.
It's ok because you know the truth.
So let that feeling come in,
it's not going to have to affect anything you do say or think about yourself.
And then,
and once that happens,
once that minute happens where you really truly accept that everything slips away.
(28:12):
All that depression slips away.
You see yourself for the light that you are y'all.
It's,
it's not really a practice.
It's like working a muscle,
right?
That's gonna take a long time till that happens.
It's an instant moment.
It slips away every single time.
Every runner that I know will talk about this as you get like 18 miles in a marathon.
(28:35):
As thoughts start to come in,
you just have to let them slip away and only then are you going to be able to maintain the same energy that you have?
So let that thought slip away and glide yourself back onto the sunlight of the spirit and glide through this beautiful stream called life and enjoy being the wonderful empire of self that you can be everybody.
(29:00):
This is Mark a turnip seat on Empire self.
If you like this podcast,
then please follow along,
subscribe,
hit up the youtube channel,
my Instagram.
And also please,
please,
please down at the bottom of this,
I have a little Patreon button and in that button,
if you support the message that I'm sending out to the world,
(29:25):
if you think that this could impact somebody that you know,
or if it's impacting your life,
if this is a message that you believe that more people should hear,
because so many people are struggling with the same issues that used to hold me back,
right?
If you think that other people can reach to the summit of,
of hope and love that I reached out of heroin addiction,
(29:49):
suicidal behaviors,
hurting other people.
If you think that other people can achieve that and you think we can save some lives,
then please go in there,
support me and I will continue to work hard spreading this mission with all of my heart and soul.
That is my promise to you.
This is my passion to you and I want to keep on moving with this.
(30:11):
So I love you all.
Thank you for joining me on Empire Self podcast.
Again.
I am your host.
Mark a turnip seat.
I look forward to talking to you next week.
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