April 23, 2023 • 10 mins
Coping With Grief // Acceptance Stage of Grief // Does It Ever Get Easier?
In this episode, I chat through one of the grief stages that I struggled with the most - acceptance.
Thinking of the grief stages after the death of a loved one gives us a sense of direction. But the grief stage of acceptance is one I struggled to cope with.
In this episode I talk about coping with grief and dealing with loss and if it ever gets better.
I share what the grief stage of acceptance looks like for me and chat about whether grief and loss ever get better.
As always take what resonates and leave what doesn’t ❤️
Everybody's experience of grief is different and I can only share what I feel and know from my perspective.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
You're now listeningto the Self-Development Collective,
a podcast in community full of inner workand self-development ideas
to help us get unstuckand become the person we truly want to be.
Hi guys, and welcometo the Self-Development Collective.
So in this episode today,I want to talk about the stages of grief
(00:23):
and in particular the stage of acceptance.
And the reason that I want to talk aboutthe acceptance stage
is because
I found it a little misleading.
In my own grief experience.
And again,this is just the experience I had.
I know that a lot of peoplefind the stages of stages of grief
(00:47):
really importantbecause something that we look
for at the beginning,especially at the beginning of grief.
I mean, you're in this worldand you think, what the hell is going on?
Where am I? What am I doing?
Where am I supposed to go?
And I think the biggest question I had
was, is this ever going to get better?
Is this ever going to feel easier?
Is is ever going to be okay?
(01:08):
And I think that
when you hear about the five stagesand you see that stage of acceptance,
I don't know about you,but I had this idea that I was going
to get to this stage of acceptancewhere I get to this point
where I could reflect on my brotherand reflect on my life
and really look at thingsand be like in this great full space,
this happy spacewhere I could reflect on things and
(01:32):
accept,I suppose, in a more positive light.
And the reason that
I want to talk about this stage today
is because I think sometimeswith the idea of acceptance,
we tend to think that with acceptancecomes this positive state.
And that'swhat I found a little misleading.
(01:55):
This is what I've recognizedfeels like acceptance for me
when I look at the grace stagesand when I say acceptance,
I think that acceptance is bittersweet
and that the reason that I likethis term is because acceptance for me
has come from a placewhere I always have to look at milestones
(02:17):
and accept the fact that in any milestonein anything that I have
and anything that I do,I have to accept the fact
that I will always wish that my brotherwas there and that a part of me
will always be sadthat he's not a part of me, will grieve
for the rest of my life, and a part of mewill especially grieve him.
(02:37):
Those moments where you wantthe people that you love,
their and someone isn't.
And I think that
that acceptance stage,
it doesn't not feel like grief.
And I think that's the challengebecause I think sometimes in acceptance,
we think that we should get to this placewhere and especially in the culture
(03:00):
that we're in, you know,
there's a really big push to move onand get going and keep yourself busy.
You know, do we get to that pointof acceptance where things feel better?
And I think honestly, for me, acceptancehas been acknowledging
that things will not always feel better.
And it's not like a bad place to be in,
because I do think that, you know,grief is love.
(03:22):
So you don't expectto stop loving someone.
So I'm not really surewhy people expect us to stop grieving
because it's goes hand-in-hand.
If anything, grief is just
the expression of that lovewhen that person isn't here, Right?
So we don't expect
ourselves to stop loving someone So why dowe expect ourselves to stop grieving?
And I think that there's an ideathat in that acceptance phase,
(03:45):
we only focus on the love.
But the thing is that the grief comeshand in hand.
I mean, it's just part of love.
It's it's it's reallyit's love in another form.
And so I suppose the acceptance
stage is something that I foundI really struggled with reading.
I think that it does implythat there's this stage that we get to
(04:07):
or that we should be getting to,and that's the part
that I think I struggle with the most,because, look, everybody's
everybody's experience is different.
Take what resonates, leave what doesn't.
Some people may get to a stagewhere they feel that they've reached
that part of acceptancethat they feel has been, you know,
that idea that has been expressed of,you know, being okay with things and,
(04:27):
you know, but for me, I know in my lifeacceptance is going
to look like accepting the fact thatmy life didn't turn out the way I'd hoped.
My brother next to me and that is okay.
And that's acceptance for me.
And so that's why I always saywith every moment that it's bittersweet.
The birth of my daughterwas one of the hottest,
most beautiful things
(04:48):
that I've experiencedbecause I've created this amazing human.
But then withthis experience has also come up.
Everything that I thought I was going
to be experiencing with my brother,because we always spoke about having kids
and having them play together,living in the same street.
But also my brother was a big baby person.He loved kids.
He was so patient.He would have made a great father.
(05:09):
So throughout
a key milestone for me.
I've had to grieve and acceptthat that pot of grief
will always come into my lifein different forms, depending on
what I'm going through, and it'll alwaysbring different things up.
And that's kind of whereI'm at with that stage of acceptance.
And that'swhat I'm kind of learning at this point,
(05:29):
that it's not really aboutgetting to this space where we can
look on things and be eternally gratefuland have this idea that we just,
you know, we're kind ofin this blissful acceptance.
It's more the fact that
I'm understandingthat this will be my life and I accept.
I'm acceptingthat grief will be part of it.
(05:50):
And that's what I think I'm concernedwith the most
when it comes to the five stagesand the stage of grief,
that the acceptance impliesthat we should accept things and move on,
not accept things and move forwardwith each without grief.
And this is somethingthat I really want to emphasize because
I don't know if it's like it's not reallyspoken about in our culture in that way.
You know, it's not really somethingthat we're taught to move forward with.
(06:12):
It's like, hey, you know,and you know what as well,
I understand because if someone had saidto me, You're going to grieve
for the rest of your life, initially,
I think it would have beenreally hard to hear.
But also that's because I don't knowif I had examples of people,
and that's why I want to come up hereand talk about my experience
and show you whatit might look like for you.
(06:33):
You know, this is excuse me,this year will be five years
when my brother passed away.
And it's a differentit's a different experience,
but it's a different area of acceptancethat I thought I would be in.
And I don't think it's a good thing.
I don't think it's a bad thing.I think it's just an experience.
And that's the best waythat I could explain it.
Bittersweet.
I always have great moments,but I always understand that with those
(06:56):
moments come that grief, that wanting himthere, wanting him to see things
and I think when we
accept that life is going to look likethat for us, that's
when we reach acceptance and that'swhat acceptance looks like for me.
So this has been a really short episode,but I think again, those five stages
and that idea of acceptance, I just wantedto bring a different way about it.
(07:20):
I just wanted to discuss it and be reallyopen about what it looks like to me
so that you have an ideaof what it might look like for you
when you're a couple of years or,you know, ten years, know, again,
everyone's experience is different.
But I do think that people grievingand showing
and talking about their experience,I think provides different forms of light
to people that are going through itand might be
(07:41):
might be at the side of the tunnel versushalfway through.
Will, you know,I know that the tunnel is ongoing,
but the way I like to explain grief is
when I was traveling in Italy,
they had passagesthat go through mountains.
So you have like these beautiful viewsof the mountains and all this light,
and then you go through this tunnelfor a while
(08:03):
and then you'll come out to another viewin a beautiful mountain.
And for me, that's like grief.
I go through these momentswhere I can really understand
things, acceptingto appreciate the moment of things.
And then I get back into the tunnelof grief where something might come up.
For example,that stage where I just had my daughter
and things are really challengingand I'm back in the darkness.
So what I'm trying to dowith the work here and what I'm
(08:24):
trying to do by coming up hereand talking to you about this,
is showing youthat I have seen those moments
and that those moments that do existin between the tunnels.
And I think that that for me, knowingthat the journey is going to look like
that is acceptance,knowing that there's going to be moments
where things are going to be beautifuland sweet and knowing that
it might be followed by times
(08:45):
where things will feel a bit more bitteror the grief will be bigger.
I have to understand thatthat will be my journey.
And that's something that,
yeah, that I think is really importantto talk about.
It's really important
to talk about that level of acceptanceand what it might look like.
So I hope this episodehas been helpful for you.
(09:05):
This has been more of a like
kind of go with it sort of episode,but a really important one
because again, I really wanted to talkabout the stages of acceptance,
the grief stages of acceptanceand what I thought
it was versus what it actually is for mein my experience.
To give you an ideaof what it might look like for you,
but also to give you a different ideaon what it could look like.
(09:29):
And I hope that that's been helpfulfor you.
And as always, I say, everyone'sgrief experience is different.
So take what what resonates, leavewhat doesn't.
And I'm sending you lots of lovebecause if you're
listening to this in your,you know, your grieving,
it's always bittersweet.
And I send you my thoughts and I send youmy love because this is such
such a big experience
(09:53):
and I'm thinking of you.
So thank you so much for being hereand listening to this episode.
I hope you've enjoyed itand I will catch you in the next one.
You're now listeningto the Self-Development Collective,
a podcast in a community full of innerwork and self-development ideas
to help us get unstuckand become the person we truly want to be.
You're now listeningto the Self-Development Collective,
a podcast in community full of inner workand self-development ideas
to help us get unstuckand become the person we truly want to be.
Hi guys, and welcometo the Self-Development Collective.
So in this episode today,I want to talk about the stages of grief
(00:23):
and in particular the stage of acceptance.
And the reason that I want to talk aboutthe acceptance stage
is because
I found it a little misleading.
In my own grief experience.
And again,this is just the experience I had.
I know that a lot of peoplefind the stages of stages of grief
(00:47):
really importantbecause something that we look
for at the beginning,especially at the beginning of grief.
I mean, you're in this worldand you think, what the hell is going on?
Where am I? What am I doing?
Where am I supposed to go?
And I think the biggest question I had
was, is this ever going to get better?
Is this ever going to feel easier?
Is is ever going to be okay?
(01:08):
And I think that
when you hear about the five stagesand you see that stage of acceptance,
I don't know about you,but I had this idea that I was going
to get to this stage of acceptancewhere I get to this point
where I could reflect on my brotherand reflect on my life
and really look at thingsand be like in this great full space,
this happy spacewhere I could reflect on things and
(01:32):
accept,I suppose, in a more positive light.
And the reason that
I want to talk about this stage today
is because I think sometimeswith the idea of acceptance,
we tend to think that with acceptancecomes this positive state.
And that'swhat I found a little misleading.
(01:55):
This is what I've recognizedfeels like acceptance for me
when I look at the grace stagesand when I say acceptance,
I think that acceptance is bittersweet
and that the reason that I likethis term is because acceptance for me
has come from a placewhere I always have to look at milestones
(02:17):
and accept the fact that in any milestonein anything that I have
and anything that I do,I have to accept the fact
that I will always wish that my brotherwas there and that a part of me
will always be sadthat he's not a part of me, will grieve
for the rest of my life, and a part of mewill especially grieve him.
(02:37):
Those moments where you wantthe people that you love,
their and someone isn't.
And I think that
that acceptance stage,
it doesn't not feel like grief.
And I think that's the challengebecause I think sometimes in acceptance,
we think that we should get to this placewhere and especially in the culture
(03:00):
that we're in, you know,
there's a really big push to move onand get going and keep yourself busy.
You know, do we get to that pointof acceptance where things feel better?
And I think honestly, for me, acceptancehas been acknowledging
that things will not always feel better.
And it's not like a bad place to be in,
because I do think that, you know,grief is love.
(03:22):
So you don't expectto stop loving someone.
So I'm not really surewhy people expect us to stop grieving
because it's goes hand-in-hand.
If anything, grief is just
the expression of that lovewhen that person isn't here, Right?
So we don't expect
ourselves to stop loving someone So why dowe expect ourselves to stop grieving?
And I think that there's an ideathat in that acceptance phase,
(03:45):
we only focus on the love.
But the thing is that the grief comeshand in hand.
I mean, it's just part of love.
It's it's it's reallyit's love in another form.
And so I suppose the acceptance
stage is something that I foundI really struggled with reading.
I think that it does implythat there's this stage that we get to
(04:07):
or that we should be getting to,and that's the part
that I think I struggle with the most,because, look, everybody's
everybody's experience is different.
Take what resonates, leave what doesn't.
Some people may get to a stagewhere they feel that they've reached
that part of acceptancethat they feel has been, you know,
that idea that has been expressed of,you know, being okay with things and,
(04:27):
you know, but for me, I know in my lifeacceptance is going
to look like accepting the fact thatmy life didn't turn out the way I'd hoped.
My brother next to me and that is okay.
And that's acceptance for me.
And so that's why I always saywith every moment that it's bittersweet.
The birth of my daughterwas one of the hottest,
most beautiful things
(04:48):
that I've experiencedbecause I've created this amazing human.
But then withthis experience has also come up.
Everything that I thought I was going
to be experiencing with my brother,because we always spoke about having kids
and having them play together,living in the same street.
But also my brother was a big baby person.He loved kids.
He was so patient.He would have made a great father.
(05:09):
So throughout
a key milestone for me.
I've had to grieve and acceptthat that pot of grief
will always come into my lifein different forms, depending on
what I'm going through, and it'll alwaysbring different things up.
And that's kind of whereI'm at with that stage of acceptance.
And that'swhat I'm kind of learning at this point,
(05:29):
that it's not really aboutgetting to this space where we can
look on things and be eternally gratefuland have this idea that we just,
you know, we're kind ofin this blissful acceptance.
It's more the fact that
I'm understandingthat this will be my life and I accept.
I'm acceptingthat grief will be part of it.
(05:50):
And that's what I think I'm concernedwith the most
when it comes to the five stagesand the stage of grief,
that the acceptance impliesthat we should accept things and move on,
not accept things and move forwardwith each without grief.
And this is somethingthat I really want to emphasize because
I don't know if it's like it's not reallyspoken about in our culture in that way.
You know, it's not really somethingthat we're taught to move forward with.
(06:12):
It's like, hey, you know,and you know what as well,
I understand because if someone had saidto me, You're going to grieve
for the rest of your life, initially,
I think it would have beenreally hard to hear.
But also that's because I don't knowif I had examples of people,
and that's why I want to come up hereand talk about my experience
and show you whatit might look like for you.
(06:33):
You know, this is excuse me,this year will be five years
when my brother passed away.
And it's a differentit's a different experience,
but it's a different area of acceptancethat I thought I would be in.
And I don't think it's a good thing.
I don't think it's a bad thing.I think it's just an experience.
And that's the best waythat I could explain it.
Bittersweet.
I always have great moments,but I always understand that with those
(06:56):
moments come that grief, that wanting himthere, wanting him to see things
and I think when we
accept that life is going to look likethat for us, that's
when we reach acceptance and that'swhat acceptance looks like for me.
So this has been a really short episode,but I think again, those five stages
and that idea of acceptance, I just wantedto bring a different way about it.
(07:20):
I just wanted to discuss it and be reallyopen about what it looks like to me
so that you have an ideaof what it might look like for you
when you're a couple of years or,you know, ten years, know, again,
everyone's experience is different.
But I do think that people grievingand showing
and talking about their experience,I think provides different forms of light
to people that are going through itand might be
(07:41):
might be at the side of the tunnel versushalfway through.
Will, you know,I know that the tunnel is ongoing,
but the way I like to explain grief is
when I was traveling in Italy,
they had passagesthat go through mountains.
So you have like these beautiful viewsof the mountains and all this light,
and then you go through this tunnelfor a while
(08:03):
and then you'll come out to another viewin a beautiful mountain.
And for me, that's like grief.
I go through these momentswhere I can really understand
things, acceptingto appreciate the moment of things.
And then I get back into the tunnelof grief where something might come up.
For example,that stage where I just had my daughter
and things are really challengingand I'm back in the darkness.
So what I'm trying to dowith the work here and what I'm
(08:24):
trying to do by coming up hereand talking to you about this,
is showing youthat I have seen those moments
and that those moments that do existin between the tunnels.
And I think that that for me, knowingthat the journey is going to look like
that is acceptance,knowing that there's going to be moments
where things are going to be beautifuland sweet and knowing that
it might be followed by times
(08:45):
where things will feel a bit more bitteror the grief will be bigger.
I have to understand thatthat will be my journey.
And that's something that,
yeah, that I think is really importantto talk about.
It's really important
to talk about that level of acceptanceand what it might look like.
So I hope this episodehas been helpful for you.
(09:05):
This has been more of a like
kind of go with it sort of episode,but a really important one
because again, I really wanted to talkabout the stages of acceptance,
the grief stages of acceptanceand what I thought
it was versus what it actually is for mein my experience.
To give you an ideaof what it might look like for you,
but also to give you a different ideaon what it could look like.
(09:29):
And I hope that that's been helpfulfor you.
And as always, I say, everyone'sgrief experience is different.
So take what what resonates, leavewhat doesn't.
And I'm sending you lots of lovebecause if you're
listening to this in your,you know, your grieving,
it's always bittersweet.
And I send you my thoughts and I send youmy love because this is such
such a big experience
(09:53):
and I'm thinking of you.
So thank you so much for being hereand listening to this episode.
I hope you've enjoyed itand I will catch you in the next one.
You're now listeningto the Self-Development Collective,
a podcast in a community full of innerwork and self-development ideas
to help us get unstuckand become the person we truly want to be.
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