April 13, 2023 • 14 mins
How To Grieve // Milestones & Anniversaries
In this episode, I share ways to grieve and cope with grief when it comes to milestones and anniversaries.
Everyone’s grief is different, and every experience is different. So this episode isn’t about how you should grieve but suggestions that have helped me learn how to grieve a death during milestones and celebrations.
One of the most challenging experiences of grief and loss for me has been milestones and anniversaries.
In this episode, I share how to deal with grief during these experiences.
Again keep what resonates and leave what doesn’t. Everyone copes and grieves differently, and I only hope you’ll find something that resonates with you.
Join our bi-weekly journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:15):
Hey, guys, and welcometo the Self-Development Collective.
So in this episode I'm going to talk abouthow to grieve and in particular
talk about milestones and anniversaries,
birthdays, celebrations.
Something that really caught me offguard in my grief.
Something that I had to learn toexperience was just
(00:38):
how hard milestones would be.
And something else that I learned as wellwas I always thought
that anniversaries, you know, birthdaysthe date of would be really hard.
But personally, I have found in somethingthat I've read as well that apparently
has come in is the anticipation.
So those days tend to be actually worsethan the actual day for some.
(01:01):
And that's somethingthat I've definitely experienced. So
if you feel like the anticipation
to any sort of milestone anniversaries,three birthday is really challenging.
That can be quite common in grief.
And it's nice to knowbecause I remember saying to a friend
the lead up was worse than the actual day.
(01:22):
And I was surprised by that.
But when I read it in in a bookrecently called Living with Loss,
I was so surprised by thatbecause I was like, Oh, okay.
So that's like a common thing.And sometimes it's
nice to know that in griefbecause it makes you feel less crazy.
It makes you feel like, okay,
this is a shared experience and it doesmake you feel less alone in your grief.
So that's somethingthat I do want to bring forward.
(01:44):
The lead up can be more
challenging than the day at times,and if you find that that is okay,
it doesn't meanthat it's just I'm not really sure.
I think the anticipation of it
sometimes it's kind of like the it'skind of like anxiety builds up.
And something I've recognized, too,
is anxiety around those those timesis usually my grief talking to me.
(02:07):
I label it as anxietybecause I feel really uncomfortable, but
I think it's really just the grieftrying to get through
and trying to express itself.
So that's somethingthat I've recognized as well. But
something that I do want to talk about
too, is just how challenging milestonescan be.
And something that I spoke aboutin a previous episode of About Lost
(02:29):
is when you're trying to cope with loss,when you're trying to live with loss.
Something that I really didn't anticipate
was how difficult certain experienceswould be.
So, for example,I just had my my beautiful daughter.
She's eight months old.
And through that experience,I really struggled
because my brother was a really big kidsperson.
(02:51):
He was known, like in our family,to be the most patient.
Always taking the younger kids to the parkreally wanted to be a dad.
And so having that experienceof becoming a parent
and knowing that he wasn't going to getthat as a sibling was very challenging.
So with that milestone,we at that event came so much grief,
(03:13):
which
is really something that I've learned
and something that I've realizedis kind of part of grief.
It's that bittersweet experiencewhere even my waiting, for example,
I wish I probably got more supportaround it at the time.
But my wedding, my wedding day,I was so anxious I couldn't enjoy myself.
(03:37):
I felt like I was in final flow, flyor fly up until the last 2 hours
because the last 2 hours was just dancingand I felt like I could just let loose
and be myself and, you know, reallyenjoy and be in the moment.
But the lead up was really hard.
The day was really hard
because I had to accept the factthat my brother wasn't there.
I had to accept the fact that my brotherwasn't going to get married,
(03:59):
that I wasn't going to see
my brother get married,that he was going to be my bridal party.
He was goinghe wasn't going to be part of my day
physicallythe way I hoped that he would be.
And so there was a lot there.
Like I always spoke about my brotherwalking down the aisle.
There was so much happening that day
that I really never thought about.
(04:20):
I never
I suppose we anticipate the challengesthat are going to come with anniversaries.
But for me personally,I didn't anticipate the challenges
that I would have, the big challengesI would have with milestones.
We kept doing things. Moving out.
Moving out was another one.
I have a really great therapist thatI started seeing just as I was moving out.
(04:42):
But moving out was another one.I didn't want to leave.
I felt like I was leavingmy brother behind.
I felt like I was moving forwardwithout him.
I felt a lot of guilt,a lot of frustration, a lot of anger.
And that's not somethingthat I had anticipated either, because
I had technically moved outwhen my brother passed away.
But then I moved back into be to be his care and sleep with him
(05:02):
as in in the same roomas he was passing when he was out
because he had palliative care at home.
So we were all me, my mom, and he were allsleeping in the loungeroom.
And so leaving that space
and going into a new spacereally signified the shift moving forward.
And something that I think happensin milestones with grief
(05:23):
is I don't know if I look,I understand the temporary grief,
but it's like all that grief comes back upbecause every time we have
a new milestone, it's a reminderthat life is moving forward.
It's a reminderthat we can't stay stuck in time.
And I think something that
that I have recognized is with milestones.
It's a reminderthat we're moving forward, but
(05:46):
it's also a reminder that we feelas though we're moving further away
from the last time we saw them, fromthe last time we had moments with them.
We're moving forwardand getting further away
from that, a part of our lifethat holds them physically.
And that is somethingthat's very challenging and something that
I have experienced first handand really struggled with through.
(06:07):
Basically,now that I look at it, every milestone
and the reason that I want to be a voicefor that is because I'm again, I'm
not really sure if that's somethingthat I read or or heard or recognized
or was told or wanted to be told.
But, you know, if you're hereand you're listening to this and you're
looking for some guidance in your grief,if you're looking for some support,
some sort of light,some sort of understanding.
(06:29):
I like recording these podcastsbecause I do think that it gives
a bit of perspective on griefand bit of some sharing.
My experience,it might not be exactly your experience.
Again, take what resonates level, does it,
but it also normalizesit and I think that's important part.
So with me, with milestones,I really started to get confused why
I was always strugglingand I really had to work with that
(06:51):
and understand that moving forward withthose milestones also means moving away.
And I think that that is very hard.
And if you haven't lost someone,it's really hard to understand.
And that's something that I thinkI have struggled with in my friendships
just because the closest people to mehaven't really lost anyone significant,
(07:11):
for example,or outside of what they expected.
So there I have one friend who losta cousin, which of course isn't expected,
but again, a different experienceto losing someone that you see every day
that you expect to be in your lifethe way you do with sibling.
And again, just different forms of grief.
It's not taking away from her experience,it's not taking away from mine.
It's just acknowledging that,
(07:32):
you know, I don't have anyone around methat had similar sibling grief.
And so those milestonescan be really tough because I feel like
everyone around me celebratingand I'm in this time warp where I can't
I can't always be there and presentbecause I'm disassociated a bit
because it is a bit overwhelming for me,because I have to recognize
that with every milestonecomes to grief as well.
(07:55):
And so how do we manage that?
How do we grieve during those moments?
And so I'm going to share with you justone or two things that have helped me.
So the first thing is understandingthat milestones will be challenging.
I think sometimes knowingthat being aware of it
just helps us to understand the processand what's happening.
So now I know that when milestones come upthat it's going to be challenging.
Like I know when we decide to havea second child that it's going to be
(08:18):
a challenging experience because it'sa reminder again of moving forward.
And I think that thatthat will be challenging at the time,
and I have to acknowledge thatand rely on my support during that time.
So it's making and that's my second point.
So being aware, aware of it is one thing,but the second part is communicating it,
knowing who your people are,knowing who your anchors are.
(08:40):
Maybe you have a really great therapist,
maybe you have a great communitythat you can go to or a support group.
Maybe you have a couple of peoplethat you tend to lean on
when you get triggered or,
you know, when things come up or peoplethat remember to celebrate
those milestones, all those peoplethat are there to celebrate them with you.
Like one of my best friends always spendmy brother's birthday with me.
And that's something that I appreciateand I love about them,
(09:02):
that they think of that,
that they think of being there for meon that day when a lot of people
don't, you know, and alot of people are living their own lives.
And I understand that.
So it's really nice to have friendshipsthat do that.
So calling those people,communicating to those people
and maybe not calling them,if you feel uncomfortable
with that, texting themsometimes it's nice to just say,
(09:22):
I'm really having a tough timewhen I think about X, Y and Z coming up.
And I just wanted to say it,
and when you say that to someoneto take the pressure off of that person,
knowing what to say back
and that's something that I have triedto express to my friends.
Like it's actuallynot about what you say back.
I just need to tell someonewhat's happening to me right now.
And I think that that's really importantwhen milestones or anniversaries come up.
(09:45):
So the first thing is being awareof the challenges that come with that.
So in particular, more milestonesbecause we expect anniversaries.
But I think to being aware thatwith anniversaries, birthdays,
that the lead up can actuallybe more challenging and making sure
that you have supportand techniques around that time.
And this is what I want to talk about inthis community that I'm that I'm creating.
(10:06):
Right.
We're going to be talkingabout things that we can do.
So the lead up means slowing down,taking things a bit easier than usual,
making sure that you do thingsfor yourself, like having a moment,
taking some tea, having some tea,watching your favorite show, whatever
makes you feel at home for you,
whatever makes you feel like you'retaking care of yourself, right?
(10:27):
That's the things to doduring the lead up.
And then something as well that I found isreally helpful is communicating
to the people around us and saying, Hey,I'm just struggling right now with this.
Coming up.
And I just wanted to let you know,and again, it's not actually about
sure that person will give you support,but it's also about being able
to just verbalize it, communicate it,put it out there.
(10:50):
So whether that's a person,a therapist, anything,
sometimes it just helps just to say it.
And so that's my second point.
When you're going about a milestoneor an anniversary coming up,
communicating that is really importantto the ones that you love,
because this is important for youto express yourself through that as well.
So that's something as wellthat I wanted to add to.
(11:12):
So honestly,
those are the two main pointsthat I think have helped me the most.
And I think the third point,which I think is another technique tool,
however you want to call itthat's really important,
that tends to gounnoticed, is self-compassion.
When you are grieving someone, milestonesand anniversaries are so hard.
(11:33):
Birthdays are so hard, my brothers.
But better.
The lead up to my brother'sbirthday is challenging every year.
It never gets easier.
It's always really, really challenging.
So how can we make that?
And it's not make it different?And how can we work with that experience?
How can we cope with that experience?
And so self-compassioncomes into it for me because
(11:56):
basically self-compassion is the waythat we would talk to others
when they're going through their ownchallenges, right?
What would you say to a friendwho is struggling?
Say it to yourself. Be compassionate.
I am going through a big experienceright now.
I am anxiousbecause a birthday is coming up.
I'm anxious because this is coming up.
For example, through milestones.
I usually have to have this conversationswith myself and say, I'm feeling anxious
(12:19):
right now because I miss my brotherand I wish I was here for this.
And that's okay.
And having that self-compassionand that self-awareness,
it means that we're just practicingthat, loving kindness to ourselves, right?
We're going, okay.
And you know what? It'snot about fixing it.
Self-compassion is not a fixing.
It's a coping that's very different.
(12:40):
Coping withsomething is allowing it, accepting it,
practicing that non judgment towards it,and being a friend to ourselves.
Right.
And that is one of the
biggest tools that I think that I wishthat we spoke about more in grief.
Because just saying that to yourselfis a form of self
acceptance is a form of kindness,it's a form of understanding
(13:01):
to ourselves that, hey, of courseyou're having a tough time right now.
This is a milestoneand you wish they were here.
And that makes complete sense.
Validating ourselves by ourselvesis such an amazing skill to have
and something that is just so usefulwhen it comes to those tough times.
So first thing is self-soothing.
(13:22):
Taking care of yourself,doing things that you love in the lead up,
even if you're not feeling the feels yet,do it for yourself.
Take care of yourself,be gentle with yourself.
Do things that you love.
You know, sit with a warm blanket and justtake a minute and don't rush about it.
Just take your time.
Second thing is communicatingand having your say
and really expressing it to the people,the community, your support,
(13:44):
just so they knowwhat's happening for you right now.
And the third thing is practicingthat self-compassion.
It feels hard because it is hardand we are trying to cope with it.
And self-compassionis just a technique to cope.
So I hopethat you found this episode helpful.
I hope that something here
resonates with you and as I always say,take what resonates, leave what doesn't.
(14:06):
But yeah, this is such a big thingwhen it comes to learning how to grieve
and how to cope and how to manageduring those anniversaries
and those huge moments that you worryare going to swallow you whole.
And they feel like they do.
So these are the things that have helpedme, and I hope that something here
resonates and you can use itthroughout your own experience.
But again, take whatresonates, laugh, what doesn't.
So thank you so much for being hereand I will catch you in
(14:29):
the next episode.
Hey, guys, and welcometo the Self-Development Collective.
So in this episode I'm going to talk abouthow to grieve and in particular
talk about milestones and anniversaries,
birthdays, celebrations.
Something that really caught me offguard in my grief.
Something that I had to learn toexperience was just
(00:38):
how hard milestones would be.
And something else that I learned as wellwas I always thought
that anniversaries, you know, birthdaysthe date of would be really hard.
But personally, I have found in somethingthat I've read as well that apparently
has come in is the anticipation.
So those days tend to be actually worsethan the actual day for some.
(01:01):
And that's somethingthat I've definitely experienced. So
if you feel like the anticipation
to any sort of milestone anniversaries,three birthday is really challenging.
That can be quite common in grief.
And it's nice to knowbecause I remember saying to a friend
the lead up was worse than the actual day.
(01:22):
And I was surprised by that.
But when I read it in in a bookrecently called Living with Loss,
I was so surprised by thatbecause I was like, Oh, okay.
So that's like a common thing.And sometimes it's
nice to know that in griefbecause it makes you feel less crazy.
It makes you feel like, okay,
this is a shared experience and it doesmake you feel less alone in your grief.
So that's somethingthat I do want to bring forward.
(01:44):
The lead up can be more
challenging than the day at times,and if you find that that is okay,
it doesn't meanthat it's just I'm not really sure.
I think the anticipation of it
sometimes it's kind of like the it'skind of like anxiety builds up.
And something I've recognized, too,
is anxiety around those those timesis usually my grief talking to me.
(02:07):
I label it as anxietybecause I feel really uncomfortable, but
I think it's really just the grieftrying to get through
and trying to express itself.
So that's somethingthat I've recognized as well. But
something that I do want to talk about
too, is just how challenging milestonescan be.
And something that I spoke aboutin a previous episode of About Lost
(02:29):
is when you're trying to cope with loss,when you're trying to live with loss.
Something that I really didn't anticipate
was how difficult certain experienceswould be.
So, for example,I just had my my beautiful daughter.
She's eight months old.
And through that experience,I really struggled
because my brother was a really big kidsperson.
(02:51):
He was known, like in our family,to be the most patient.
Always taking the younger kids to the parkreally wanted to be a dad.
And so having that experienceof becoming a parent
and knowing that he wasn't going to getthat as a sibling was very challenging.
So with that milestone,we at that event came so much grief,
(03:13):
which
is really something that I've learned
and something that I've realizedis kind of part of grief.
It's that bittersweet experiencewhere even my waiting, for example,
I wish I probably got more supportaround it at the time.
But my wedding, my wedding day,I was so anxious I couldn't enjoy myself.
(03:37):
I felt like I was in final flow, flyor fly up until the last 2 hours
because the last 2 hours was just dancingand I felt like I could just let loose
and be myself and, you know, reallyenjoy and be in the moment.
But the lead up was really hard.
The day was really hard
because I had to accept the factthat my brother wasn't there.
I had to accept the fact that my brotherwasn't going to get married,
(03:59):
that I wasn't going to see
my brother get married,that he was going to be my bridal party.
He was goinghe wasn't going to be part of my day
physicallythe way I hoped that he would be.
And so there was a lot there.
Like I always spoke about my brotherwalking down the aisle.
There was so much happening that day
that I really never thought about.
(04:20):
I never
I suppose we anticipate the challengesthat are going to come with anniversaries.
But for me personally,I didn't anticipate the challenges
that I would have, the big challengesI would have with milestones.
We kept doing things. Moving out.
Moving out was another one.
I have a really great therapist thatI started seeing just as I was moving out.
(04:42):
But moving out was another one.I didn't want to leave.
I felt like I was leavingmy brother behind.
I felt like I was moving forwardwithout him.
I felt a lot of guilt,a lot of frustration, a lot of anger.
And that's not somethingthat I had anticipated either, because
I had technically moved outwhen my brother passed away.
But then I moved back into be to be his care and sleep with him
(05:02):
as in in the same roomas he was passing when he was out
because he had palliative care at home.
So we were all me, my mom, and he were allsleeping in the loungeroom.
And so leaving that space
and going into a new spacereally signified the shift moving forward.
And something that I think happensin milestones with grief
(05:23):
is I don't know if I look,I understand the temporary grief,
but it's like all that grief comes back upbecause every time we have
a new milestone, it's a reminderthat life is moving forward.
It's a reminderthat we can't stay stuck in time.
And I think something that
that I have recognized is with milestones.
It's a reminderthat we're moving forward, but
(05:46):
it's also a reminder that we feelas though we're moving further away
from the last time we saw them, fromthe last time we had moments with them.
We're moving forwardand getting further away
from that, a part of our lifethat holds them physically.
And that is somethingthat's very challenging and something that
I have experienced first handand really struggled with through.
(06:07):
Basically,now that I look at it, every milestone
and the reason that I want to be a voicefor that is because I'm again, I'm
not really sure if that's somethingthat I read or or heard or recognized
or was told or wanted to be told.
But, you know, if you're hereand you're listening to this and you're
looking for some guidance in your grief,if you're looking for some support,
some sort of light,some sort of understanding.
(06:29):
I like recording these podcastsbecause I do think that it gives
a bit of perspective on griefand bit of some sharing.
My experience,it might not be exactly your experience.
Again, take what resonates level, does it,
but it also normalizesit and I think that's important part.
So with me, with milestones,I really started to get confused why
I was always strugglingand I really had to work with that
(06:51):
and understand that moving forward withthose milestones also means moving away.
And I think that that is very hard.
And if you haven't lost someone,it's really hard to understand.
And that's something that I thinkI have struggled with in my friendships
just because the closest people to mehaven't really lost anyone significant,
(07:11):
for example,or outside of what they expected.
So there I have one friend who losta cousin, which of course isn't expected,
but again, a different experienceto losing someone that you see every day
that you expect to be in your lifethe way you do with sibling.
And again, just different forms of grief.
It's not taking away from her experience,it's not taking away from mine.
It's just acknowledging that,
(07:32):
you know, I don't have anyone around methat had similar sibling grief.
And so those milestonescan be really tough because I feel like
everyone around me celebratingand I'm in this time warp where I can't
I can't always be there and presentbecause I'm disassociated a bit
because it is a bit overwhelming for me,because I have to recognize
that with every milestonecomes to grief as well.
(07:55):
And so how do we manage that?
How do we grieve during those moments?
And so I'm going to share with you justone or two things that have helped me.
So the first thing is understandingthat milestones will be challenging.
I think sometimes knowingthat being aware of it
just helps us to understand the processand what's happening.
So now I know that when milestones come upthat it's going to be challenging.
Like I know when we decide to havea second child that it's going to be
(08:18):
a challenging experience because it'sa reminder again of moving forward.
And I think that thatthat will be challenging at the time,
and I have to acknowledge thatand rely on my support during that time.
So it's making and that's my second point.
So being aware, aware of it is one thing,but the second part is communicating it,
knowing who your people are,knowing who your anchors are.
(08:40):
Maybe you have a really great therapist,
maybe you have a great communitythat you can go to or a support group.
Maybe you have a couple of peoplethat you tend to lean on
when you get triggered or,
you know, when things come up or peoplethat remember to celebrate
those milestones, all those peoplethat are there to celebrate them with you.
Like one of my best friends always spendmy brother's birthday with me.
And that's something that I appreciateand I love about them,
(09:02):
that they think of that,
that they think of being there for meon that day when a lot of people
don't, you know, and alot of people are living their own lives.
And I understand that.
So it's really nice to have friendshipsthat do that.
So calling those people,communicating to those people
and maybe not calling them,if you feel uncomfortable
with that, texting themsometimes it's nice to just say,
(09:22):
I'm really having a tough timewhen I think about X, Y and Z coming up.
And I just wanted to say it,
and when you say that to someoneto take the pressure off of that person,
knowing what to say back
and that's something that I have triedto express to my friends.
Like it's actuallynot about what you say back.
I just need to tell someonewhat's happening to me right now.
And I think that that's really importantwhen milestones or anniversaries come up.
(09:45):
So the first thing is being awareof the challenges that come with that.
So in particular, more milestonesbecause we expect anniversaries.
But I think to being aware thatwith anniversaries, birthdays,
that the lead up can actuallybe more challenging and making sure
that you have supportand techniques around that time.
And this is what I want to talk about inthis community that I'm that I'm creating.
(10:06):
Right.
We're going to be talkingabout things that we can do.
So the lead up means slowing down,taking things a bit easier than usual,
making sure that you do thingsfor yourself, like having a moment,
taking some tea, having some tea,watching your favorite show, whatever
makes you feel at home for you,
whatever makes you feel like you'retaking care of yourself, right?
(10:27):
That's the things to doduring the lead up.
And then something as well that I found isreally helpful is communicating
to the people around us and saying, Hey,I'm just struggling right now with this.
Coming up.
And I just wanted to let you know,and again, it's not actually about
sure that person will give you support,but it's also about being able
to just verbalize it, communicate it,put it out there.
(10:50):
So whether that's a person,a therapist, anything,
sometimes it just helps just to say it.
And so that's my second point.
When you're going about a milestoneor an anniversary coming up,
communicating that is really importantto the ones that you love,
because this is important for youto express yourself through that as well.
So that's something as wellthat I wanted to add to.
(11:12):
So honestly,
those are the two main pointsthat I think have helped me the most.
And I think the third point,which I think is another technique tool,
however you want to call itthat's really important,
that tends to gounnoticed, is self-compassion.
When you are grieving someone, milestonesand anniversaries are so hard.
(11:33):
Birthdays are so hard, my brothers.
But better.
The lead up to my brother'sbirthday is challenging every year.
It never gets easier.
It's always really, really challenging.
So how can we make that?
And it's not make it different?And how can we work with that experience?
How can we cope with that experience?
And so self-compassioncomes into it for me because
(11:56):
basically self-compassion is the waythat we would talk to others
when they're going through their ownchallenges, right?
What would you say to a friendwho is struggling?
Say it to yourself. Be compassionate.
I am going through a big experienceright now.
I am anxiousbecause a birthday is coming up.
I'm anxious because this is coming up.
For example, through milestones.
I usually have to have this conversationswith myself and say, I'm feeling anxious
(12:19):
right now because I miss my brotherand I wish I was here for this.
And that's okay.
And having that self-compassionand that self-awareness,
it means that we're just practicingthat, loving kindness to ourselves, right?
We're going, okay.
And you know what? It'snot about fixing it.
Self-compassion is not a fixing.
It's a coping that's very different.
(12:40):
Coping withsomething is allowing it, accepting it,
practicing that non judgment towards it,and being a friend to ourselves.
Right.
And that is one of the
biggest tools that I think that I wishthat we spoke about more in grief.
Because just saying that to yourselfis a form of self
acceptance is a form of kindness,it's a form of understanding
(13:01):
to ourselves that, hey, of courseyou're having a tough time right now.
This is a milestoneand you wish they were here.
And that makes complete sense.
Validating ourselves by ourselvesis such an amazing skill to have
and something that is just so usefulwhen it comes to those tough times.
So first thing is self-soothing.
(13:22):
Taking care of yourself,doing things that you love in the lead up,
even if you're not feeling the feels yet,do it for yourself.
Take care of yourself,be gentle with yourself.
Do things that you love.
You know, sit with a warm blanket and justtake a minute and don't rush about it.
Just take your time.
Second thing is communicatingand having your say
and really expressing it to the people,the community, your support,
(13:44):
just so they knowwhat's happening for you right now.
And the third thing is practicingthat self-compassion.
It feels hard because it is hardand we are trying to cope with it.
And self-compassionis just a technique to cope.
So I hopethat you found this episode helpful.
I hope that something here
resonates with you and as I always say,take what resonates, leave what doesn't.
(14:06):
But yeah, this is such a big thingwhen it comes to learning how to grieve
and how to cope and how to manageduring those anniversaries
and those huge moments that you worryare going to swallow you whole.
And they feel like they do.
So these are the things that have helpedme, and I hope that something here
resonates and you can use itthroughout your own experience.
But again, take whatresonates, laugh, what doesn't.
So thank you so much for being hereand I will catch you in
(14:29):
the next episode.
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