May 28, 2025 • 76 mins
"You are worth loving—right now. You’re not missing anything. You’re not lacking. And your life isn’t wrong."
This message isn’t about surface-level self-help or quick fixes. It’s about the deep stuff—what you see when you look in the mirror, and how to finally make peace with it.
In A Guide to Loving Yourself… And Others (Part 1), Chaplain Heidi Woldhuis delivers a raw, funny, and deeply moving talk about our struggles with insecurity, body image, comparison, and worth. It’s not sugarcoated, and it’s not preachy—but it is packed with truth, grace, and the reminder that you don’t have to change a single hair on your head for God to love you.
This one hit home for a lot of us. Watch the full message on YouTube or catch the audio version on the Set Free 24-7 podcast.
🎧 Listen: https://setfree247.podbean.com 📺 Watch: http://youtube.com/@setfree247 🌐 Learn more: outreach419.com
#outreach419, #setfree247, #youareworthy, #bodyimage, #Godlovesyouasyouare, #realtalkrecovery
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What is this stuff?
(00:01):
Well, these are emotions, right?
Things we feel about self, things wefeel about others, and all this stuff
This actually ended up being a portionof what I was gonna talk on, and I think
that would've been a good thing, butI kept coming back to just this and I
had to pair all the other stuff away,and we're taking it right down to this.
(00:26):
The reason for that is, again,I interact with a lot of people.
I listen to a lot of people, I hearpeople and I hear where they're
at, and I hear the struggles.
And again, you're probably going,oh, great, we're gonna be talking
about hookup culture, all that.
Now I promise we're notgonna do that again.
I've chastised enough and scolded and allthe other stuff, and it wasn't even that.
(00:47):
It was just.
Speaking some truth forall of us, myself included.
We'll touch on some of that, butit goes a whole lot deeper when I
talk about our body, their value.
So let's see where this goes.
(01:08):
Your body, we were created
individuals in a specific way
by our creator who very specificallychose to create you exactly as you are.
And then the fall happens.
(01:28):
And with the fall, as we learned,everything is no longer as it was.
And we're now living inthese bodies that were.
Formed and designed by thecreator, and his very breath was
breathed into us and gave us life.
It's what separates usfrom a plant or an animal.
(01:52):
We are spirit creatures, butwe have souls that are divine,
and so often we find ourself dissatisfiedwith the design that was given to us.
(02:12):
This goes far deeper than thatimage that we see in the mirror and
how we feel about that, but that'spart of it, but it goes way deeper.
So I'm gonna go through someof these struggles that we have
residing in this body that we'vebeen given, what it's like with all
the experiences we've been through,the life that we lived, all of it.
(02:38):
We often base the value of selfon past things that we've done.
Like if people knew, oh,we've talked about that.
You know, if they only knew I'm notworthy, I made choices, I've done things
that I know that I shouldn't have done.
(02:59):
That's based, you know, that shameand that guilt that gets in there.
We talked about that emotion.
So we sit there with that andwe don't escape our passes.
And once we've, for once we've admittedto our failures, made the amends,
(03:20):
we've done all this stuff, it doesn'tmean that that just all went away.
We still will have, inour mind those reminders.
They come, it's part of that human nature.
It doesn't number on how we feel about.
Us think of our body there asjust you think of yourself.
(03:45):
We have this horrible thing that wealso do though, and this is where
we're going to that common thing.
We compare all the time comparison.
We look in that mirrorand we look at our image.
But then I think our brain,does it replay other images?
The if only I know mine does.
(04:08):
I know that I can look in the mirrorand be like, well that could be a
little different if maybe my nose wasa little different or, or if it looked
like the people on TV or corporate show.
Thank you.
Exactly.
Exact thank you.
And I don't mind that at all.
In fact, I love it.
So thank you.
(04:30):
More or less wrinkles?
Yes.
Are you pointing out my, in mine, I couldtell I was squinting because there's all
white lines and then I'm like, I looked inthe mirror and I'm like, oh no, I've got
this dark face with all these white lines.
And I'm like, it's becauseI was smiling outside.
Yay.
Perspective, right?
(04:52):
Perspective.
But we do that because everytime we turn around, aren't
we told this is what is ideal?
The all American girl next door,who decided that she's blonde, blue,
tall, and skinny, who decided that'sthe American girl next door model?
Really?
(05:12):
There's not a whole huge variety of thattype because we're all individual, right?
So now there's this ideal, butwe have a creator that says, but
I've got more than that for you.
I created you like thisbecause you're unique.
So we take our uniqueness that looksat us in a mirror and we start to hate
(05:38):
it and we're dissatisfied with it.
And this isn't good enough.
So, because I'm a girl, I know forus that can be, start at the top.
You know, our, our crowning glory.
Don't look at this.
This is this crowning glory.
Today's got a mind of its own.
(05:58):
But the hair thing, youknow the things we do.
You know, we gotta change the color,change the look, change the cut.
Do this, do that.
What's the current fad?
What's the current style?
What are people doing?
Blah, all this stuff.
So we worry about that andthen it's, then it's the makeup
and the latest and greatest.
(06:19):
I find it ironic how youcan look through history.
And it's always changed all the time.
Like if somebody's sitting theretrying to figure out what's gonna
be the next latest and greatest.
So how did everybody really feelabout the big spider eyelash thing?
I mean, who decided that was amazing.
(06:39):
Like seriously, look like you fellasleep with too much makeup and
smeared it in a pillow and now hereI am, you know, it's hard to blink
your eyes 'cause they're heavy.
I mean, eyelashes aren'tmeant to be this long.
And yet that's beauty standards, youknow, and we do it because beauty
(07:00):
standards, it's how you find people.
They're gonna look at me and think I'mamazing 'cause my hair is the latest.
And look at, I got my eyemakeup is done just great.
I can't do eye makeup to save my life'cause I can't see the mirror anymore.
So, so I just don't bother 'causeit's everywhere and it's a hot mess.
So I just do the best with what I can.
(07:21):
But, um, I used to.
I thank you.
I used to worry so muchabout all of those.
I used to be great at doinga full face of makeup.
My hair, except for lipstick,I always hated lipstick.
It feels terrible.
Guys wear lipstick for a day and thenask us, why do you want us to do that?
Ugh, ugh.
(07:41):
But then it becomes what we wear, right?
Is this outfit okay?
What are people gonna think?
Are they gonna laugh at it?
What if they don't like it?
I now, thankfully, got over myselfand I'm getting much better to where
if I really like something, I'll justput it on and wear it and enjoy it.
There's times I'll still talkmyself out of it 'cause I get
(08:03):
old remnants of the past come in.
But for the most part, I'm getting there.
I'm getting comfortable just being me.
But then it gets far worse when it comesdown to our actual physical bodies.
I'm talking about things that arejust these external things that.
Don't matter.
(08:24):
Now I'm getting down to the nitty gritty.
Our height, our size, our shape,
the size of our nose, shapeof our lips, all of it.
Yeah.
What lengths are people willing todo and go to to achieve the ideal?
(08:45):
When did it become the norm for us tosay, Hey doctor, this isn't good enough.
Can you cut this out?
Remove this, add this, change this.
Change my nose, change my face.
Give me something here.
You know, the junk in the trunkthing, and like the day I heard
their implanting, I'm like, what?
Like what?
(09:06):
Like I grew up in the eighties.
That wasn't desirable.
Like you didn't wantanybody at all in that.
And now like that's whatyou're supposed to ha.
It's impossible.
You can't keep up with those standards.
What's in one decade.
Is now the outer styleand now it has to be this.
So women are like, oh,plastic surgery can do that.
(09:26):
And all of a sudden, look at my new bodynow and then, oh, that's not the ideal.
So now I gotta change that.
And it's this horrible, horrible thingbecause I believe in my heart and soul
that that kinda life does a number onyou because it's, but is it good enough?
(09:47):
Am I good enough now?
Is it good now?
And guys,
get to the gym.
Don't forget leg day.
But um, you know what I'm talking about.
Meanwhile, there's a couple strandsof spaghetti coming out of their
(10:09):
shorts, but you know what I mean?
Don't forget leg day.
You know, you wanna match, but exerciseis good, but when it becomes an obsession,
male pattern baldness, what happens guys?
Guys freak out.
Oh, you're dome is glorious.
(10:29):
Don't cover that up, Dave.
The baldness starts and all of a suddenyou've got more hair in your ears and
nose than you do on the top of your head.
Are you saying, thank you, God,for the way you created me?
Or you're going, what is this?
What is shooting outta my ears now?
(10:49):
Like, come on.
It just migrated
it.
Slide Everything just slides down.
I know.
So eventually it ends up on the floor.
But um, so you know, you go in and youget the crops planted up top of your head.
You know what I'm talking about?
Hair transplant is perfect.
(11:11):
The grid pattern.
I know I sat there, I had apatient once and I'm like, those
are perfectly planted rows.
I mean, that's precision.
But it's all these dots with boop boop.
Yeah.
I'm like, you know, so it's notjust women, it's you guys too.
You know?
You know it.
You worry about it.
You have to have the right fit,gotta have the right shoes, gotta
(11:33):
have the hat, gotta do the thing.
You know it.
It's all about, and it's not baduntil it becomes that thing that
you can't walk out of the door with
until that becomes part ofyour identity, the who you are
after you've changed yourself.
(11:56):
And I changed myself all the time upuntil about three or four years ago
when I made this radical decision.
I thought it was radical at the time.
I. To just simply be Heidi.
Mm-hmm.
And why is that radical?
Because this culture in societydoesn't say, just be yourself.
(12:19):
'cause that's exactlywhat the world needs.
Mm-hmm hmm.
And let me tell you guys, you don't knowfear in a woman until she is someone
who used to wear full face and makeup isgonna go to Meyer with nothing on my face.
'cause I'm gonna see everybody andthey're gonna be like, who is that?
(12:41):
You know, one of these kind of thingslike pretend I don't see you all.
I did see the people and guess what?
It didn't seem to phase anybody thatthere was no makeup on this face.
I'm like, what?
What?
But it sell weird thingsthat get so ingrained.
It's why advertisingis such a big business.
(13:04):
Yeah.
Because of what it sells us.
And guess what?
We're buying it.
We're buying it.
If we weren't, we wouldn't be seeing it.
We wouldn't be seeing it.
So our bodies become somethingthat we pummel in hate and
destroy and alter and change.
(13:25):
Striving for this vague idea ofperfection and ideal in a world
that constantly changes that.
So we constantly are chasingbecause we wanna be cool and in
and you know, look at me, I'm just,you know, I'm up on everything.
Well, don't look at me now 'cause Idon't look like I'm up and everything.
(13:47):
But you know, it becomes somethingwe just get so obsessed with.
And then we have the old seekingvalidation in relationship.
We don't live in a culture.
(14:10):
That sees equal value between people inrelationship and those living single.
Being single doesn't mean alone.
We have a lot of single peoplein this community, and you're not
alone, but we have this idea thatrelationship, I'm not content this way.
(14:36):
I need a matching skeleton to sit withme, so my life will be so much better.
But we talked about that toobecause what happens, we're looking
to somebody else to fill what weare missing and how fair is that?
Does anybody here want someone towalk up to you and say, Dave, I'm
really lacking in this area, so I needyou to be my friend so you can take
(14:58):
care of that and make up for that.
For me to put thatexpectation on somebody.
Is just wrong.
It's impossible.
There is no way somebody else can fillthe voids you have in your own life.
You be in relationship with somebodywho you are compatible, where you
(15:20):
accentuate each other's characteristics.
You build each other up.
Yes, we too often try to do God'sjob and we pick our own person.
Now, before you go off thinking I'm allabout arranged marriages, no, I am not.
No, no, no.
(15:42):
Nor would I ever pick that foranybody because my picker, as
I've said before, was real bad.
Until this time I wasreal bad, real, real bad.
What you do wait for what?
God, I. Puts together.
Wait for that personthat gets brought to you.
And everybody's like, oh.
But I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm 27.
(16:04):
It's never gonna happen.
I'm like, oh you, oh,you sweet, sweet, babe.
But I remember, I remember being inmy twenties and having those feelings.
You know, you need to be with somebody.
You need this, you need that.
It's gotta look like that.
Because again, who decidedthis ideal standard?
(16:27):
This is how it's supposed to look.
And then I've had good, well-meaning.
Christians say, well, the Bible and God.
And I'm like, but what doeshe say about singleness?
It's desirable, it'spreferred, it's blessed.
It's a gift.
Huh?
How often does church talk about that?
(16:47):
Never.
I don't know where you're at.
That's sad.
Because what does it leave you feeling?
Along, right.
Is that how it's supposedto feel in the family?
No,
that hurts my heart.
(17:09):
Singleness is a beautiful gift andI'm gonna say my thoughts on that
are because being in relationship isa lot of work and it's really hard.
Singleness doesn't put you directlyin life with another person
riding those roller coasters withsomebody because those things
(17:30):
can take you away from things.
I'm in relationship, I am married,it means I have a priority.
That means that's gonna have to takepriority over other things, and it does
take up my time and it takes up a lotof head space, especially if things
(17:51):
have, maybe we had a rough, bumpy patch.
I carry that with me andnow I have a calling here.
So what if I carry it here?
I have to somehow step aside from that andout from it and continue on in my calling.
Yes.
So I looked at it like this.
They're not meant to go throughwhat I have to go through, right?
(18:12):
I'm supposed to do it on my own.
Well,
somebody else can't walk it for you.
A partner or person that you have inyour life should walk it with you,
but they cannot walk it for you.
People who aren't in a dating orromantic relationship, they aren't
(18:33):
left out there on their own.
Nobody here is left on their own towalk it because I watch it all the time.
There is a circle of people ready tobe here, ready to walk alongside you
and be that support in that person.
(18:54):
A relationship that you quickly go outto find to make all of that better isn't
gonna benefit your life and it's notgonna make it better, but it sure can
bring an awful lot of worse into it.
The very thing that you long for andgo beyond get what God has brought
to you can be the very thing thatcan derail you and set you back.
(19:16):
It's always that, be carefulwhat you wish for, especially
if you're gonna go grab it.
Yes, Carol.
I was in a ministry for 14 yearsthat everybody was just amazing.
Whether you're a single male female Yes.
They were all respected for their own.
Yes.
And it was worldwide.
Yes.
Thousands of people.
And you just felt beautiful.
(19:37):
Yes.
That's what I want.
But then I moved back here wherechurches are more respectful about Yes.
You know, they don't,they don't have that.
That brings me sadness.
Yes.
Because it's not meant to be that way.
That's not meant to be that way.
You're just a vital body member.
(19:57):
You don't, you're all,everybody a thumb, finger eye.
I think that I'm a little pinkytoenail, but if you yanked
that thing out, you'd know it.
Right?
It's all important.
All of it.
There's not lesser or greater.
Somebody in relationship doesn'thave it over somebody who's not.
(20:17):
It's just not that way, andit's not biblical truth either.
I gotta keep on going.
We often can feel defined.
Again, this kind of goes to thepast, but it's much more specific.
Those of us who have dealt with sometrauma or abuse, and I know there's a lot
of you along with me inside this space,
(20:41):
it's why I think churches needto really step up and do an,
we need to do a lot better in.
Loving people that have comethrough trauma and abuse.
Mm-hmm.
We really, really, reallyneed to do a lot better.
I understand the whole, you know,forgiveness and how that all works.
(21:04):
Trust me, I know it to my verysoul because I've done that part.
I have done that part.
But you don't lead with that witha victim who has just come to
you and told you what happened.
You don't quickly rush themto forgiveness and move along.
(21:24):
That's RET trauma, that'straumatizing them all over again.
That person is deserving of allthe support, all the love, all the
resources way before the abuser, andsometimes we've gotten it backwards
and we go to restore this one.
(21:46):
At the expense of that one.
As a church, we are never tosacrifice the sheep, the victims,
for the sake of this one over here.
The whoa.
Yeah.
Because it's become where this onegets protected and this one gets
(22:08):
left defend, and that isn't right.
And you wanna talk aboutwhat that can do to a person.
I know that I'm inrecovery because of trauma.
That's what that does to a person.
It destroys.
It destroys.
And we need to see that in the right way.
(22:31):
We often can feel that our worth isdirectly tied to our performance.
What we can do, do it all right?
And all these other people arejust successful as we define it.
And the whole thing islike, I gotta do it right?
Gotta do it right?
Gotta do it right.
Gotta do it better.
Gotta do it better.
(22:54):
Just do it.
This affects everything.
It will affect your relationship,it will affect your career, but
it's also gonna affect your faith.
You don't have to do the work to earn it.
And I will say that over and overand over again, and I'm not saying
just continue sinning becauseyou know Jesus died for it.
(23:15):
I will never say those words.
But if you're living your life tryingto do everything right, because you know
I sin and I gotta get it right and Igotta do better and I'm so sorry God, and
please forgive me, he already has on thecross on the, all you have to do is just
say, God, I'm so sorry it's I did this.
(23:37):
It's right here.
Thank you so much for taking care of it.
You don't have to pay pennant.
We don't have to add to what Jesus did.
It goes against human nature when you'vedone something wrong to bring it and then
take because you've done something wrong.
(23:59):
But that's what we're called to do.
Set that down and take Jesus.
Because the more you do that, the lessyou'll find yourself having to do that.
It's a natural reaction to followingwhat Jesus called us to, to live.
(24:19):
But you don't have to punish yourself.
You don't have to work yourself upinto a lather because you're trying
to be better and do better and domore and do this and do that because
I'm trying to be a good Christian.
You already are, becauseJesus said you are.
So stop trying for that.
And maybe just say, Jesus, I love youso much, and I'm gonna live my life
(24:43):
as best I can the way you did help me.
That's all.
We often believe that loveand value are things to earn.
So I'm gonna outdo myselftrying to earn your love.
I've done that before.
(25:05):
It didn't earn me thelove I wanted at all.
Mm-hmm.
At all.
But it did result in my bank accountsavings and retirement were wiped out.
It did result in anotherrelationship ended.
It did result in all kinds of things.
Didn't earn me anything.
(25:26):
And if you think that earned me value, no.
My value just took.
A bigger hit becauseI'm trying to earn it.
And then when they leave, you'releft like, oh, I wasn't good enough.
We take it personally.
Absolutely.
You are good enough.
(25:48):
You are worthy.
If you are in relationship,whether romantic or community,
and it's an environment whereyou feel that it's necessary to
perform, to earn respect and love.
It's kind of backwards.
It's a backwards way of living,especially in the family of God.
(26:22):
Ah, this one, I don't wanna be a burden.
Anybody here, have you ever said,oh, but I don't wanna be a burden.
Mm-hmm.
I hear over and over and over.
It's like, oh, there were some thingsI wanted to ask you, but you're so
busy and I didn't wanna bother you.
And that hurts my heart.
I will be very honest, and if Idon't have the time right then
(26:45):
and there, I will let you know.
But if there is something weighing onyou that you need to say to somebody, and
my name comes to mind, come and find me.
Come and find me.
You are not a burden to me.
It is not a burden to me when somebodycomes because they need to talk about
(27:06):
something or they need to share aburden, or maybe they just need a
hug, or maybe they just need to hear.
I love you and I'm here for you.
I will listen.
It doesn't matter how much is on my plate.
It doesn't matter if you know or don'tknow what is happening in my life.
(27:28):
I am here for you.
And if I don't have the space and timeright at that moment, I will let you know.
And I will say, but I will be availableat this time, or I will help you find
somebody that is safe to talk with.
But this whole, I don't wanna be a burden.
(27:49):
Oh yeah, yeah.
It's bad.
But no, I don't wanna be a burden.
That's not right.
That isn't a right way of thinking.
It's not how followers ofJesus should be thinking.
You are not a burden, and yourfamily is meant to carry burden.
So it's not heavy.
That's what families do.
(28:10):
It hurts me to know somebodyhad been burdened and didn't
say anything, and I choose tobelieve it's the same in reverse.
If you don't want me to sharemy burdens with you, then you
just don't have to listen.
'cause I'm going to continue todo it anyways because it helps me.
You have no idea how much you help mewhen I can come here and say, can you
(28:35):
please, please pray for my granddaughter.
My, I'm really getting kind of scaredabout this, but I know that you pray, my
nephew, I, we have prayers for please,unexpected and unexplained positive
responses to this cancer he has and whathappened starting that same afternoon.
(28:57):
That's what happens whenyou share those burdens.
Or I could have been silentand just lived through and
never told any of you about it.
Share your burdens.
It's much lighter andlife gets so much easier.
Don't stay silent.
(29:18):
The self-loathing, wekind of covered that up.
And then perfectionism.
Oh, I understand.
Doing a job and doing it well.
And that's important.
I don't believe we should go halfwaywith anything because we don't care.
And everything that we do, weare representing who we are.
And if you're a follower of Jesus,that means you are child of God.
(29:42):
It means that we hold ourselfto a standard and when we do
a job, we wanna do it well.
But when we have those perfectionistictendencies has, has anybody ever lived
with somebody who's a perfectionist?
It is awful because you cannever live up to their standard.
(30:08):
Wow.
And that mindset doesn't realizewhat they're doing to people.
You have set a bar impossibly high,you can't even live up to the bar.
You may set for somebodyyou can't move, right?
You can't nothing, everything.
It is the worst feeling in theworld to constantly trying to
(30:30):
be good enough to be worthy.
That's another reason why being arelationship isn't always the answer.
Because these struggles in that happens.
We often think our partners aregonna react the same way we do.
So what's wrong with you?
(30:54):
Hey, what did you do all day?
It looks like you don't care'cause you didn't get that done
Lazy.
We make judgment so oftenon other people by measuring
them, using us as the measure.
(31:17):
This is what I would've donein this situation, so why
were you stupid and did that?
You can't do that in relationship.
That's not what we're called to.
Perfectionism can be a dangerous thing.
There is not a perfect person on earth.
(31:40):
There is not a person who'sbetter than another person.
People sitting in these pews righthere are not better than somebody
out riding their Harley right now.
You are not better because you'resitting here than that person
going for a ride on their Harley.
I will say I often had far moredeeply spiritual thoughts in mind
(32:06):
when I was actually riding myHarley than I did in church before.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
I had my own Harley.
I was that biker girl.
Yeah, for a while.
It's fun riding a bike.
Perfectionism.
(32:29):
We need to live our life knowing weare broken, flawed, sinful, human
beings that are redeemed through Jesus.
We are not perfect.
Nobody is perfect.
The standards you setneed to be for yourself.
You don't get to set thestandards on somebody else's life.
(32:51):
You cannot tell somebody theymust live up to these standards.
You.
That's not our place to do that.
We are responsible for ourselves.
You wanna set thatstandard impossibly high?
You can go ahead andlive up to it yourself.
I'm not gonna join you'cause I know that I can't.
So,
(33:13):
uh, we often, a lot of us herestruggle because we are defined,
hi, I am Heidi, I'm an alcoholic.
Is that all I am?
No.
Mm-hmm.
There's so much more.
That's a piece of who I am.
It doesn't change the fact that Iam, I am an alcoholic in recovery,
(33:34):
so that does not mean that iseverything I am because wow, my life
is getting really rich and really full.
That will always be a piece of it.
But when you start lookingat life only as that.
Life gets really narrow and small.
(33:58):
You have to remember that there is somuch more life out there outside of your
drug use and your alcohol use in the past.
You're not sitting there.
I don't see anybody here doing math.
You know?
I didn't see any lines of cocainein the bathroom downstairs late.
No, I'm just kidding.
(34:19):
I don't think anybody here is drinking.
We don't do a mug check.
I don't feel we ever have to do that.
So
those aren't things that we're doing.
So you don't have to sit here allday going, yep, I'm an alcoholic
sitting here in this building.
I'm an alcoholic and I'mgonna eat some lunch.
Pretty soon.
(34:40):
I'm an alcoholic andthen I'm gonna do this.
We don't have to wrap ourselfup and be consumed by that only.
I don't say, hi, I'm Heidi, analcoholic, because I'm proud of that.
I'm just really proudto say, hi, I'm Heidi.
I'm an alcoholic in recovery.
That part I really like because thatopens the door for people to ask me
(35:04):
about it and I can tell them aboutrecovery, but it's not because I
want you to know I'm an alcoholic.
No, I want you to know I'm in recovery.
That's the part I want you to know.
That part, that part.
Lack of affirmation growing up,
(35:28):
how many of us here had a lack of goodpositive affirmation in your childhood?
Did you have parents that poured intoyou and made sure you understood your
wealth and your, your value, your worth?
That's very damaging.
(35:48):
Um,
yeah, I've spoken openly.
That wasn't a, a common,that wasn't a thing.
It's not even common.
It, it just wasn't a thing.
There was no affection in our house.
It just wasn't part of it.
Um, hugs, I love yous, all of it.
It was never done, ever.
I don't remember a single time onmy mother's side of the family.
(36:14):
My grandmother, I don't remem, mygrandfather died when I was 10.
My grandmother, I don't remembera hug, like I racked my mind.
It's like, did it ever happen?
No, it didn't.
She was very cold.
I can imagine how difficult mymother's upbringing was because
I know how difficult she was.
(36:35):
There's no pleasing her and shedidn't hide that she was cold.
And I remember being afraid of her.
I remember her.
Telling me how awful my parenting was.
'cause her kids were toilet trainedat 10 months old because she tied
them to the toilet until they wentand only then would she let 'em off.
(37:00):
So that was her way of traininga child to use a toilet.
Yeah, no, not gonna do that.
But it's like, you know, Idon't know where she got that
from and so on and so forth.
So my family, we had a lot ofgenerational curses of bondage and
awfulness that had to be broken.
(37:21):
And sometimes some of usare called to be just that.
And if you are that in your family,I will first say I'm really sorry
'cause I know the price of that andI'm gonna follow that up by saying
I'm so incredibly proud of you becauseI know what it takes to do that.
(37:44):
Breaking those things and changingthings, starting with you is a difficult
thing to do when you haven't had theaffirmation and you haven't had this.
It's hard work to becomesomething different than that.
It's hard work to become somebodywho does give people affirmations,
(38:05):
who does lift people up and fillthem instead of ripping them apart.
Or even worse than that.
Nothing.
No conversation.
No.
It was just discipline and that was it.
I had a childhood of discipline, justto make sure I'm doing the right thing,
(38:29):
but conversations about anything.
No, didn't happen.
No.
What did you do?
Tell me about your game.
'cause I didn't go, you know, it's.
Uh, that's not okay.
And, but those things follow usinto our adulthood and they leave
us not knowing how to connect withother adults in a healthy way.
(38:53):
We're very stunted.
I see that a lot in the recoverycommunity, and I'm finding for a lot of
us, we came from some similar things.
We have a lot of differences in ourstories, but some things are similar.
There wasn't tons of affirmationand love and support.
(39:13):
There wasn't a lot of good conversations.
There wasn't always good parenting.
Some of us didn't have one parent or theother, some of us didn't have any parents.
A lot of us have faced trauma andabuse, and now here we are as an
adult, expected to have it allfigured out and doing it right.
Huh?
(39:34):
How?
I don't know how to do thatbecause what's familiar.
Is the other, and many people just simplychoose to stay with what's familiar.
(39:55):
Oh, I'll just, man, Icould go forever on this.
We get some unrealistic expectations.
Oh, there it is.
That get placed on us by the churchand can lead us to feeling as if
God may not love us or accept us.
(40:19):
I need you to know that I love church.
You all know that.
I also speak all the time thatchurch is people and not a building.
It will never, ever, ever be a building.
If we were sitting outside in the dirtin that field, we'd be sitting in church
(40:41):
because we are the church wherever we are.
Church is,
this isn't a denominational thing.
This isn't a specific church thing.
This is just not a, anything in particularother than so many times God has
been used as a weapon against people.
(41:04):
Absolutely.
This has been used as a weapon.
You can pick and choose things outtahere to make it sound however you
want to, if you really want to.
I think almost all of us have experiencedthat from people who proclaim to be Jesus.
(41:25):
People.
Yeah.
I'm outta your Christian.
Hmm.
Say it be yes because.
It is a beautiful thing when you grow upin a family that's a good close family
and you attend church and you go to thisgreat church and you grow up there and
(41:48):
then you marry somebody from that churchand then you raise your family in that
church and then your kids get marriedand they stay in that church and you've
never been around anyone else, but that.
You get really comfortable there.
It becomes automatic for a lot of people.
(42:09):
It's just what you do.
Like clocking in at work, chgotta be there by nine 30.
We'll be out by 11.
Sounds good.
I can get the yard mode and stuff.
How much more thoughtis being put into church
and then often we canshow up at this church.
(42:30):
And there's been times when it'slike I've, I've walked in those doors
with all my hurt and my pain and mysuffering and my struggles, and I
get a hell by your condemnation typesermon dumped in my lap, which in my
mind at that time was like, yeah, Iam as worthless as I thought I was.
(42:54):
And I'm left in that as I go home.
That's not Jesus.
And that's not God.
Because love doesn't do that.
Love doesn't leave you in condemnationand self-loathing and without value.
(43:15):
Love doesn't come to you andsay, you worthless, vile, wicked,
evil person, you're gonna go tohell unless you get this right.
It will instill a good, healthyfear of God, but not fear in the
way the Bible talks about it.
Fear in the Bible.
(43:35):
I wish it was a different wordbecause it's not to be afraid of.
We are not to be afraidof approaching God.
Fear is awe in reverenceand understanding.
To the extent of our ability ofthe greatness of this being that we
love and worship, that will bringme to my knees, but not because I'm
(43:58):
afraid he's gonna strike me down.
It's more in awe that I get to approach.
There's a very different things.
I'm not afraid of God, and Ilove that so much because for
50 years I was terrified of him.
This random, vague notion out there,just ready to squash me rotten,
(44:22):
vile, horrible, awful person.
Worse than anybody else, you know.
Because that's how I saw myself.
Like I am the chief center of everybody.
Which can become a brag thing too.
Oh yeah.
I'm the greatest center of them all.
I'm the chief sinner.
I'm such a sinner.
Gonna pray some more.
(44:44):
Church is a place where you should befed and filled, where you should walk
out of and feel restored and lovedno matter what you came in here with.
And it should be the placewhere you should hear.
Please leave it all right here.
Please give it to Godwho's already handled it.
(45:12):
It is not the place where youshould get more shame, guilt,
and worry heaped on you.
You shouldn't walk out of a serviceand say, I gotta work harder.
Do better, try more.
Read my Bible more, underlinemore, journal more, answer more
questions, go to more studies,do some more of this and that.
Sometimes, and people look at melike I grew 10 heads when I say that.
(45:36):
Sometimes I will tell people, and Imean this with every fiber of my being.
Get your nose out of the Bibleand start living like a Christian.
Absolutely.
That's a life of service.
Thank.
(45:59):
I love reading out of here,
but I don't do it at the excuseexclusion of serving people.
This right here.
Is a collection of testimonies.
Testimonies are simply stories sharingof what God has done in somebody's life.
(46:23):
It has a lot of wisdom in here.
Anything you face in life isaddressed in here, but a lot of the,
and I'll air quote good Christians,
you should see my Bible, everything,all the different color highlighters,
all the different underlying, there'smore little tabby things up here with
(46:47):
all the notes and, and I'm not sayingthat it's horrible, but what I wanna
ask them is, how did you serve people?
Did you serve people outside ofyour ladies' Bible study group?
Did you serve anybodyoutside of your men's group?
(47:08):
Have you served anybody outside of thechurch congregation you're part of?
Did you notice anybody as you wentabout Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, thatwould've fit the people that Jesus
said you're to help if you can help.
Did you do that or did Well, no.
They're not Christians.
They don't go to my church.
(47:29):
They're Catholic, they're Baptist,they're Methodist, they're this,
they're Buddhist, they're Hindu,they're this, that, or the next thing.
Did the Bible say?
Well, except for them,because if it does show me
sometimes we do need to setthis down so we can be active
(47:55):
in the way God has called us to.
That can become a hugestumbling block for people.
I know some amazing people, theyhave so much knowledge about this.
They can memorize and recite,incite everything, turn right to it.
I got something for that.
It's right here.
That was my study.
(48:15):
Look at this.
I broke it all down.
I've got this word circled with a line.
'cause that goes to here andthen this one over here, and
then I color coded over here.
But they're not living it.
I If you don't step outside of it, no.
Then it's just here.
Does she have no, we're called to this.
(48:37):
Hands and feet of Jesus.
Hands and feet of Jesus.
I don't think Jesus life was portrayedsitting at a table with his nose in
a book until he went to the cross.
(48:58):
Ah.
All right.
Let's read one Corinthians,
or didn't you realize thatyour body is a sacred place,
the place of the Holy Spirit.
Don't you see that you can't livehowever you please squandering.
What God paid such a high pricefor the physical part of you is not
(49:23):
some piece of property belongingto the spiritual part of you.
God owns the whole works.
So let people see God inand through your body.
This might end up into a two-parter'cause this first part is going real
long and I'm not gonna keep you hereforever 'cause I know I talk too much, but
(49:49):
we are so.
Fearfully and wonderfully made rightas you are right now in this moment,
without changing a single thing, youare gloriously and marvelously made.
God himself attended to every detail,you know, in the creation thing.
(50:14):
Everything he saw was good until itgot to us, and then it was very good.
Why?
Because we were createdto be image bearers.
The day I started looking in themirror and saw an image bearer,
(50:36):
instead of trying to figure out whatcan I change, or if I contoured like
this, will my cheeks look thinner?
I know Dave.
It's a real thing.
It's, it's crazy what theycan do with contour today.
Crazy, crazy catfishing.
I think they call it
(51:04):
our self-worth matters a great deal.
The way we think about ourselfmatters a great deal because it
affects how you live in this world.
It affects the way people are gonnasee you and interact with you.
(51:26):
Are you living in a waythat makes Jesus appealing?
I can remember myself.
Ugh.
Cringe, cringe, cringe.
Truly believed because of thedenomination I was part of, that
I was better than everybody.
(51:47):
'cause we were told thatwe're the only true church.
This tiny little denomination we'rethe only ones that got it right.
Can you believe it?
How lucky are we?
I mean, sorry.
Blast hashtag So same.
Yeah.
Oh, but yours was wrongand mine was right.
(52:08):
So anyway, except you're German,so am I. Maybe we're the same.
I don't know, but,
but wow.
Cringe moments trying to haveconversations with people.
'cause they're like, whydo you think you're better?
Well, because I go to this church,
(52:29):
I didn't know how to answer that.
I just knew that I was better thoughbecause we said that because we got
the most pure preaching, kind ofsounded like it contradicted things
you read in the Bible, but they saidit was right, so I'm gonna believe
it, and I did until I couldn't escapethe fact that what I was being told
(52:49):
and what I was reading, it matched.
They didn't go together at all.
The idea
that that kids are having aOhio time down there tonight,
(53:11):
yay, Katie, bless her heart.
So
your value
and self-worth is Godgiven it's divine value.
When God Himself looks at you, Nick,and says, Nick, you're amazing.
(53:34):
You are exactly as I created you to be.
Just as you are, show people exactly whoI created you to be, not anything else.
And he says it to you and you,and you, and you, and you and you.
He created you exactly as he did.
So you could be that person in this world.
(53:57):
Not so you.
He didn't create you a blank canvasso you could figure out how to change
it for this season, and then thisdecade we need to be over here.
And then Twiggy comes on scene.
So we need to be like 80 poundsand then it's gotta be, you
know, the big and beautiful.
No, we're all beautiful in allthe shapes and all the sizes.
(54:24):
Yes.
Every one of us.
You don't have to change it.
You wanna color your hair,go ahead and color your hair.
But if you're doing it because youhate or don't like yourself, rethink
that because it's not gonna bringyou what you think you wanna wear.
Makeup, more power to you.
I just don't know how to doit and I don't bother anymore.
(54:46):
And my skin's been a lot happier.
So there's that.
Amen.
And I'm almost 60, so it'slike you get what you get.
So
I would love very much,this is gonna be a two part.
This is just, I've got so much more.
I want nothing more than to knowall of you, as you authentically
(55:08):
are the person God created.
That's who I wanna see and knowthat one, not the one that was
changed, altered, or amended.
I don't wanna know that one because I wantthe real, because that's the good stuff.
That's a really, really good stuff.
(55:31):
And I know that becauseGod said it was very good.
He didn't just say that about me.
He didn't just say it about Judy.
Every single one of you.
He takes such delight inall that longing that I had.
(55:51):
It's like my dad never told me this.
My mom never told me this.
Do you know what God says to me every day?
She's mine.
She's my favorite.
I love her.
Isn't she amazing?
Look at her.
She's exactly as I intended for her to be.
And we can all say that.
(56:14):
He takes such absolute and utter delight.
He would not.
He would not.
Have sacrificed his everything.
If you didn't have that muchvalue, if you were not worth
(56:39):
it, if you didn't have value,
Jesus would never have been sentin order to die the way he did.
And we forget that
(57:00):
it wasn't so much that we needed tounderstand how horrible and awful
and vile we are as sinners becauseI think life leaves us understanding
that because of the way we feel,anxiety, depression, anger, all
the stuff, it all comes from this.
(57:22):
We know where we fail.
We know where we fall short.
Why isn't that we don't more look tothe fact that it's telling us just
how much worth we have to God, that Ilove you that much, that I'm keeping
my covenant, that I made way back.
(57:45):
I have not failed.
I made a promise, and I am keepingthat promise because I love you,
not because you're so horribleand awful and vile and disgusting,
if that's all we were after Jesus, therewas no point to Jesus, no point at all.
(58:14):
We live lives so often forgettingthat it's already been paid,
covered, and it's done.
We keep dragging it back out.
But look at
my hair's, got this weirdcolic here and here, and then
here I got like five of 'em.
Like, ah, if it was straight and nocolics, you know, then I, they'd be great.
(58:38):
No, it's great the way it is.
'cause for some reason God's like, man,collars are gonna be amazing on her.
Let's give her five.
So I've got five, andthen let's make it curly.
And then it gets really big.
It's like cool, youknow, you're just unique.
I am.
I am unique.
And now finally, I'm starting tolove the fact that I'm unique.
(59:02):
I love that I now enjoylearning who I really am.
Mm-hmm.
I love that I'm brave enoughand I hate even using that word.
To live authentically.
What you see is what you get.
Who I am is who I am.
I'm the same way at home as I am here.
(59:25):
I have never lived that way before, ever.
I challenged myself too, and itwas difficult at first because
I was an actress on my bad days.
I can still pull that out.
Academy Award, get ready.
I'm really good.
I've been on stage before, but I'mtalking about the life acting we do.
(59:51):
Don't hide
the bits and parts of you thatyou see as flaws or failures
or, I got it wrong, or, or, or.
Those are the good parts of your story.
That what?
That's what makes now so good.
(01:00:15):
In the Bible.
King David wouldn't have nearlythe same punch for me if we
didn't know what he really did.
It's why I won't pretty it up.
I like the raw, real uglinessof life because it really makes
the other part so much better.
(01:00:37):
It makes the, but let me tell you whatGod did with it part so much better.
It's why I share my story.
This is not the person that lived thefirst 50 years of her life at all.
She didn't talk in front of anybody.
'cause I would've been crying andshaking and anxiety just galore.
(01:01:04):
I wouldn't be doing an outreach.
I wouldn't be here.
I wouldn't know all of you.
And in fact, I just plainwouldn't be living anymore because
that's the path my life was on.
And I thought that's what I wanted
(01:01:25):
because I was so sure
I wasn't enough because I was lessthan because I'm never gonna get
it right because I failed so manytimes because I've hurt people,
because I continue to make mistakes.
I continue to fall down and on andon, and then it's like I'm chunky,
(01:01:52):
I'm ugly, I've got a bad personality,I've got this, I've got that.
I've got, blah.
It was horrible.
My whole life was consumedby this awful darkness.
Just awful.
And the only piece I found wasthe idea of not being here.
(01:02:15):
That's why it's so important towork on what you see in the mirror,
because that's the enemy at work andwell versed in knowing where to get you.
(01:02:38):
I choose to believe today, and some ofthese things are hard to say 'cause I
battle with the whole, I don't wannasound arrogant like I have an ego, but
I do believe today that Satan perhapsknew that I'd become an adversary,
that I'd become somebody who has nofear of him because I know he lost
(01:03:01):
kind of a, I ain't afraid of you.
I don't have to run from you.
I don't have to make sure, Ugh,
I will talk to anybody in any environmentanytime, because I know who I am.
I know who I belong to.
I don't look to be in thosesituations, but if I find myself
(01:03:24):
in myself, it happened lastweekend, went to hear a show.
There were moments in there where I likeliterally physically stood completely
still, and I just prayed over that entireroom and I prayed protection over myself
because some of the things that I saw,everything in me wanted to run and flee.
(01:03:45):
And I'm like, I will notbecause I'm not afraid of you.
I'm not afraid of you, butI'm gonna start praying.
I started praying overthat band individually.
I started praying overthe people in that space.
Anybody I laid eyes on,I said a prayer over.
Before I would've just left.
Yeah.
(01:04:08):
I don't do that anymore.
Do you know why?
Because God created them too.
If I'm gonna run from people who don'thave my mindset, thoughts, or beliefs, how
am I ever gonna be Jesus in this world?
So while I don't seek it out,I no longer feel like I have to
(01:04:31):
immediately get up and leave.
Huh?
What's that gonna do?
Nothing.
But I do know what prayer does.
I do know because I see it happening.
And I do know when we left, I didn'tcarry evil with me because I know
whose I am and I know who I wastalking to, and I know who was with me.
(01:05:00):
We need to see not just our own worth.
I don't have any idea what time it is.
I'm sorry.
We cannot forget that every other personon this planet has exactly the same worth.
Everybody
that challenged me directly because Ihave some people that I really have some
(01:05:25):
opinions on certain population segments
that's on me.
I cannot have that.
Every person is known by Godand was created by God, whether
they choose to know him or not.
(01:05:48):
And I am called to serve in love, notin a way that will get me used or put
me in danger in places I shouldn't be.
But it means I don't have to be afraidand I don't have to run from people,
places, and things that have differentviewpoints and opinions than I do.
How do I witness in?
How am I gonna testify if Iflee and only stay with people
(01:06:11):
who think exactly like me?
I love that in this community.
I love all the thoughts andideas that come into here.
I love them and I will never, everdemand, but you have to think just
like me, 'cause I have it right, do I?
(01:06:33):
As soon as I start thinking thatway, I'm no longer teachable.
So we need to love.
We typically choose the people tolove that are easy to love, though
(01:06:57):
I do,
but we need to love people whoaren't like us in every walk
of life right where they're at.
And we don't have to wait for themto clean it up and get better.
Like me,
Jesus didn't do that.
I like the people he went and sat withbecause he didn't go to sit with, um, to
(01:07:21):
condemn, but he went there to love and toshare truth, but not in a judgmental way.
So many things in the Bible,again, I'm going long.
I know
he led with love.
It's why he said, what'sthe greatest commandment?
Because you know, we like our, all our.
(01:07:42):
Laws and our rules and stuff,everything can fit in a box.
Then gimme the list of rules.
You know, the 10 Commandments andthe 10 Commandments are a good thing.
But when Jesus died on the cross,we don't live under that any longer.
It doesn't mean there aren't any rules.
It does not mean that what itmeans is Jesus fulfilled them.
(01:08:05):
What it means is that we no longer haveto follow every single little bit of the
law, like the Jews had to before Jesus.
All those laws, they needed to liveby those, it's what they had to do.
That's just the pricethat you get paid for.
(01:08:26):
But I want more God and I'm gonna take it.
He's like, I tried to tell you
we're not under that becausewe now we have the spirit.
And it changed everything.
They didn't have the spirit before.
They only had the law.
(01:08:47):
It's how they knew what wasright and what was wrong.
We are spirit-filled people.
Spirit-filled people we already know.
Don't lie, don't kill, don't cheat.
Those are things that we know.
Those are inherent.
We don't need them written on awall to know that's not right.
How do we know that?
(01:09:09):
Because God is good and God is love.
We struggle so often.
If you're like me, Ishould say it that way.
I can remember having a conversationwith God just like, God, I so badly
(01:09:30):
want to get it right this time.
I want to do this right.
What I received, and again, not theboys, it's not how I talk to God.
(01:09:51):
It's not, I don't heara voice coming down.
Like I said, James Earl Jones didn'ttalk like he's got or something up
there, but he just said, leave with love.
Lead with love because tell me howyou're gonna get it wrong if it's based
out of love when God himself is love.
(01:10:11):
And it suddenly made all theunderstanding clear to me.
I was so worried about failing thatI forgot how simple he made it.
Greatest command.
You wanna know, love God andlove others as you do yourself.
(01:10:34):
It's why good, healthy self love is so.
Important lead with that andthe spirit will guide you.
He promised that.
He promised that.
It doesn't mean you get to makeeverything up, just will you.
Well, I feel like it shouldbe like this, so do that.
No, he's given you a guidelinebecause he knows what's best.
(01:11:02):
You are worthy and you are loved.
You are exactly enough as you are.
You don't have to change yourself.
You don't have to earn it.
You don't have to be better.
None of it.
Try love though.
If you're really struggling,try Love God first.
(01:11:25):
Say, Jesus, I love you.
If you find it too hard to reallyfully love yourself, start practicing,
but pour it out on other people andchallenge yourself to go beyond your norm.
Love people.
You typically wouldn't choose to.
I could fill in the blanks, buteverybody knows I, uh, that group.
(01:11:48):
Yeah, not a fan.
Try loving them.
Instead, as soon as you catch yourself,this'll be it, and then I'll be done.
I promise.
When you catch your mindsetgoing, they're wicked.
The way they're living, it's wicked.
As soon as that starts, love them.
Instead,
(01:12:09):
love them.
Instead,
openly talk with them.
Care about them.
Listen to them.
Be Jesus to them in a way that they'regonna be like, why are you so nice to me?
Why are you like this?
(01:12:30):
That's your opening.
Don't walk up to them.
It's like.
You're part of that community.
You know what the Bible says about you?
You're gonna go to helland then walk away.
Oh yeah, they're gonna follow you.
Oh, tell me about this.
Jesus.
I wanna know 'cause I wannabe hateful like you too.
Nobody does that.
You are not gonna scare peopleinto believing that Jesus is love.
(01:12:56):
It doesn't work that way.
But people could love Jesusbecause you love them,
but it means you're gonna have toface the one in the mirror because
that one there needs that love too.
(01:13:19):
That face looking back at you needslove too because you're a child of God.
God.
Do you think his kids have value?
How much value do your kids have to you?
(01:13:41):
What would you do to keep your kids safe?
Would you die for your kids?
Who's their father?
And he did.
You're worth loving right now.
You're not missing anything.
(01:14:03):
You're not lacking,
and your life isn't wrong.
You are loved.
Just gonna stop there.
(01:14:26):
Thank you.
There's been so manypeople just struggling.
With their worth and their value.
And I bring all of that home withme and I sit with it at home.
So it's just my prayer.
If that is you, leave it here, leave itwith God and walk out the doors free.
(01:14:52):
I just want you to know how he seesyou, because that's how I see you.
You don't have to sing.
Change a single hair on yourhead for me to love you.
Love you as you are
now.
I'm all done for right now.
Yes.
Uh, this remind me of, uh,second Corinthians four 16,
(01:15:13):
where this is our each day.
Every day.
Yes.
For certain and stuff like that.
Mm-hmm.
That's what matters.
Yeah.
Corinthians is amazing.
It's beautiful.
There's just, it's beautiful.
That whole book
(01:15:35):
is just telling us, Imean, this is a love story.
It's value, your value.
So we'll finish with one last song.
What is this stuff?
(00:01):
Well, these are emotions, right?
Things we feel about self, things wefeel about others, and all this stuff
This actually ended up being a portionof what I was gonna talk on, and I think
that would've been a good thing, butI kept coming back to just this and I
had to pair all the other stuff away,and we're taking it right down to this.
(00:26):
The reason for that is, again,I interact with a lot of people.
I listen to a lot of people, I hearpeople and I hear where they're
at, and I hear the struggles.
And again, you're probably going,oh, great, we're gonna be talking
about hookup culture, all that.
Now I promise we're notgonna do that again.
I've chastised enough and scolded and allthe other stuff, and it wasn't even that.
(00:47):
It was just.
Speaking some truth forall of us, myself included.
We'll touch on some of that, butit goes a whole lot deeper when I
talk about our body, their value.
So let's see where this goes.
(01:08):
Your body, we were created
individuals in a specific way
by our creator who very specificallychose to create you exactly as you are.
And then the fall happens.
(01:28):
And with the fall, as we learned,everything is no longer as it was.
And we're now living inthese bodies that were.
Formed and designed by thecreator, and his very breath was
breathed into us and gave us life.
It's what separates usfrom a plant or an animal.
(01:52):
We are spirit creatures, butwe have souls that are divine,
and so often we find ourself dissatisfiedwith the design that was given to us.
(02:12):
This goes far deeper than thatimage that we see in the mirror and
how we feel about that, but that'spart of it, but it goes way deeper.
So I'm gonna go through someof these struggles that we have
residing in this body that we'vebeen given, what it's like with all
the experiences we've been through,the life that we lived, all of it.
(02:38):
We often base the value of selfon past things that we've done.
Like if people knew, oh,we've talked about that.
You know, if they only knew I'm notworthy, I made choices, I've done things
that I know that I shouldn't have done.
(02:59):
That's based, you know, that shameand that guilt that gets in there.
We talked about that emotion.
So we sit there with that andwe don't escape our passes.
And once we've, for once we've admittedto our failures, made the amends,
(03:20):
we've done all this stuff, it doesn'tmean that that just all went away.
We still will have, inour mind those reminders.
They come, it's part of that human nature.
It doesn't number on how we feel about.
Us think of our body there asjust you think of yourself.
(03:45):
We have this horrible thing that wealso do though, and this is where
we're going to that common thing.
We compare all the time comparison.
We look in that mirrorand we look at our image.
But then I think our brain,does it replay other images?
The if only I know mine does.
(04:08):
I know that I can look in the mirrorand be like, well that could be a
little different if maybe my nose wasa little different or, or if it looked
like the people on TV or corporate show.
Thank you.
Exactly.
Exact thank you.
And I don't mind that at all.
In fact, I love it.
So thank you.
(04:30):
More or less wrinkles?
Yes.
Are you pointing out my, in mine, I couldtell I was squinting because there's all
white lines and then I'm like, I looked inthe mirror and I'm like, oh no, I've got
this dark face with all these white lines.
And I'm like, it's becauseI was smiling outside.
Yay.
Perspective, right?
(04:52):
Perspective.
But we do that because everytime we turn around, aren't
we told this is what is ideal?
The all American girl next door,who decided that she's blonde, blue,
tall, and skinny, who decided that'sthe American girl next door model?
Really?
(05:12):
There's not a whole huge variety of thattype because we're all individual, right?
So now there's this ideal, butwe have a creator that says, but
I've got more than that for you.
I created you like thisbecause you're unique.
So we take our uniqueness that looksat us in a mirror and we start to hate
(05:38):
it and we're dissatisfied with it.
And this isn't good enough.
So, because I'm a girl, I know forus that can be, start at the top.
You know, our, our crowning glory.
Don't look at this.
This is this crowning glory.
Today's got a mind of its own.
(05:58):
But the hair thing, youknow the things we do.
You know, we gotta change the color,change the look, change the cut.
Do this, do that.
What's the current fad?
What's the current style?
What are people doing?
Blah, all this stuff.
So we worry about that andthen it's, then it's the makeup
and the latest and greatest.
(06:19):
I find it ironic how youcan look through history.
And it's always changed all the time.
Like if somebody's sitting theretrying to figure out what's gonna
be the next latest and greatest.
So how did everybody really feelabout the big spider eyelash thing?
I mean, who decided that was amazing.
(06:39):
Like seriously, look like you fellasleep with too much makeup and
smeared it in a pillow and now hereI am, you know, it's hard to blink
your eyes 'cause they're heavy.
I mean, eyelashes aren'tmeant to be this long.
And yet that's beauty standards, youknow, and we do it because beauty
(07:00):
standards, it's how you find people.
They're gonna look at me and think I'mamazing 'cause my hair is the latest.
And look at, I got my eyemakeup is done just great.
I can't do eye makeup to save my life'cause I can't see the mirror anymore.
So, so I just don't bother 'causeit's everywhere and it's a hot mess.
So I just do the best with what I can.
(07:21):
But, um, I used to.
I thank you.
I used to worry so muchabout all of those.
I used to be great at doinga full face of makeup.
My hair, except for lipstick,I always hated lipstick.
It feels terrible.
Guys wear lipstick for a day and thenask us, why do you want us to do that?
Ugh, ugh.
(07:41):
But then it becomes what we wear, right?
Is this outfit okay?
What are people gonna think?
Are they gonna laugh at it?
What if they don't like it?
I now, thankfully, got over myselfand I'm getting much better to where
if I really like something, I'll justput it on and wear it and enjoy it.
There's times I'll still talkmyself out of it 'cause I get
(08:03):
old remnants of the past come in.
But for the most part, I'm getting there.
I'm getting comfortable just being me.
But then it gets far worse when it comesdown to our actual physical bodies.
I'm talking about things that arejust these external things that.
Don't matter.
(08:24):
Now I'm getting down to the nitty gritty.
Our height, our size, our shape,
the size of our nose, shapeof our lips, all of it.
Yeah.
What lengths are people willing todo and go to to achieve the ideal?
(08:45):
When did it become the norm for us tosay, Hey doctor, this isn't good enough.
Can you cut this out?
Remove this, add this, change this.
Change my nose, change my face.
Give me something here.
You know, the junk in the trunkthing, and like the day I heard
their implanting, I'm like, what?
Like what?
(09:06):
Like I grew up in the eighties.
That wasn't desirable.
Like you didn't wantanybody at all in that.
And now like that's whatyou're supposed to ha.
It's impossible.
You can't keep up with those standards.
What's in one decade.
Is now the outer styleand now it has to be this.
So women are like, oh,plastic surgery can do that.
(09:26):
And all of a sudden, look at my new bodynow and then, oh, that's not the ideal.
So now I gotta change that.
And it's this horrible, horrible thingbecause I believe in my heart and soul
that that kinda life does a number onyou because it's, but is it good enough?
(09:47):
Am I good enough now?
Is it good now?
And guys,
get to the gym.
Don't forget leg day.
But um, you know what I'm talking about.
Meanwhile, there's a couple strandsof spaghetti coming out of their
(10:09):
shorts, but you know what I mean?
Don't forget leg day.
You know, you wanna match, but exerciseis good, but when it becomes an obsession,
male pattern baldness, what happens guys?
Guys freak out.
Oh, you're dome is glorious.
(10:29):
Don't cover that up, Dave.
The baldness starts and all of a suddenyou've got more hair in your ears and
nose than you do on the top of your head.
Are you saying, thank you, God,for the way you created me?
Or you're going, what is this?
What is shooting outta my ears now?
(10:49):
Like, come on.
It just migrated
it.
Slide Everything just slides down.
I know.
So eventually it ends up on the floor.
But um, so you know, you go in and youget the crops planted up top of your head.
You know what I'm talking about?
Hair transplant is perfect.
(11:11):
The grid pattern.
I know I sat there, I had apatient once and I'm like, those
are perfectly planted rows.
I mean, that's precision.
But it's all these dots with boop boop.
Yeah.
I'm like, you know, so it's notjust women, it's you guys too.
You know?
You know it.
You worry about it.
You have to have the right fit,gotta have the right shoes, gotta
(11:33):
have the hat, gotta do the thing.
You know it.
It's all about, and it's not baduntil it becomes that thing that
you can't walk out of the door with
until that becomes part ofyour identity, the who you are
after you've changed yourself.
(11:56):
And I changed myself all the time upuntil about three or four years ago
when I made this radical decision.
I thought it was radical at the time.
I. To just simply be Heidi.
Mm-hmm.
And why is that radical?
Because this culture in societydoesn't say, just be yourself.
(12:19):
'cause that's exactlywhat the world needs.
Mm-hmm hmm.
And let me tell you guys, you don't knowfear in a woman until she is someone
who used to wear full face and makeup isgonna go to Meyer with nothing on my face.
'cause I'm gonna see everybody andthey're gonna be like, who is that?
(12:41):
You know, one of these kind of thingslike pretend I don't see you all.
I did see the people and guess what?
It didn't seem to phase anybody thatthere was no makeup on this face.
I'm like, what?
What?
But it sell weird thingsthat get so ingrained.
It's why advertisingis such a big business.
(13:04):
Yeah.
Because of what it sells us.
And guess what?
We're buying it.
We're buying it.
If we weren't, we wouldn't be seeing it.
We wouldn't be seeing it.
So our bodies become somethingthat we pummel in hate and
destroy and alter and change.
(13:25):
Striving for this vague idea ofperfection and ideal in a world
that constantly changes that.
So we constantly are chasingbecause we wanna be cool and in
and you know, look at me, I'm just,you know, I'm up on everything.
Well, don't look at me now 'cause Idon't look like I'm up and everything.
(13:47):
But you know, it becomes somethingwe just get so obsessed with.
And then we have the old seekingvalidation in relationship.
We don't live in a culture.
(14:10):
That sees equal value between people inrelationship and those living single.
Being single doesn't mean alone.
We have a lot of single peoplein this community, and you're not
alone, but we have this idea thatrelationship, I'm not content this way.
(14:36):
I need a matching skeleton to sit withme, so my life will be so much better.
But we talked about that toobecause what happens, we're looking
to somebody else to fill what weare missing and how fair is that?
Does anybody here want someone towalk up to you and say, Dave, I'm
really lacking in this area, so I needyou to be my friend so you can take
(14:58):
care of that and make up for that.
For me to put thatexpectation on somebody.
Is just wrong.
It's impossible.
There is no way somebody else can fillthe voids you have in your own life.
You be in relationship with somebodywho you are compatible, where you
(15:20):
accentuate each other's characteristics.
You build each other up.
Yes, we too often try to do God'sjob and we pick our own person.
Now, before you go off thinking I'm allabout arranged marriages, no, I am not.
No, no, no.
(15:42):
Nor would I ever pick that foranybody because my picker, as
I've said before, was real bad.
Until this time I wasreal bad, real, real bad.
What you do wait for what?
God, I. Puts together.
Wait for that personthat gets brought to you.
And everybody's like, oh.
But I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm 27.
(16:04):
It's never gonna happen.
I'm like, oh you, oh,you sweet, sweet, babe.
But I remember, I remember being inmy twenties and having those feelings.
You know, you need to be with somebody.
You need this, you need that.
It's gotta look like that.
Because again, who decidedthis ideal standard?
(16:27):
This is how it's supposed to look.
And then I've had good, well-meaning.
Christians say, well, the Bible and God.
And I'm like, but what doeshe say about singleness?
It's desirable, it'spreferred, it's blessed.
It's a gift.
Huh?
How often does church talk about that?
(16:47):
Never.
I don't know where you're at.
That's sad.
Because what does it leave you feeling?
Along, right.
Is that how it's supposedto feel in the family?
No,
that hurts my heart.
(17:09):
Singleness is a beautiful gift andI'm gonna say my thoughts on that
are because being in relationship isa lot of work and it's really hard.
Singleness doesn't put you directlyin life with another person
riding those roller coasters withsomebody because those things
(17:30):
can take you away from things.
I'm in relationship, I am married,it means I have a priority.
That means that's gonna have to takepriority over other things, and it does
take up my time and it takes up a lotof head space, especially if things
(17:51):
have, maybe we had a rough, bumpy patch.
I carry that with me andnow I have a calling here.
So what if I carry it here?
I have to somehow step aside from that andout from it and continue on in my calling.
Yes.
So I looked at it like this.
They're not meant to go throughwhat I have to go through, right?
(18:12):
I'm supposed to do it on my own.
Well,
somebody else can't walk it for you.
A partner or person that you have inyour life should walk it with you,
but they cannot walk it for you.
People who aren't in a dating orromantic relationship, they aren't
(18:33):
left out there on their own.
Nobody here is left on their own towalk it because I watch it all the time.
There is a circle of people ready tobe here, ready to walk alongside you
and be that support in that person.
(18:54):
A relationship that you quickly go outto find to make all of that better isn't
gonna benefit your life and it's notgonna make it better, but it sure can
bring an awful lot of worse into it.
The very thing that you long for andgo beyond get what God has brought
to you can be the very thing thatcan derail you and set you back.
(19:16):
It's always that, be carefulwhat you wish for, especially
if you're gonna go grab it.
Yes, Carol.
I was in a ministry for 14 yearsthat everybody was just amazing.
Whether you're a single male female Yes.
They were all respected for their own.
Yes.
And it was worldwide.
Yes.
Thousands of people.
And you just felt beautiful.
(19:37):
Yes.
That's what I want.
But then I moved back here wherechurches are more respectful about Yes.
You know, they don't,they don't have that.
That brings me sadness.
Yes.
Because it's not meant to be that way.
That's not meant to be that way.
You're just a vital body member.
(19:57):
You don't, you're all,everybody a thumb, finger eye.
I think that I'm a little pinkytoenail, but if you yanked
that thing out, you'd know it.
Right?
It's all important.
All of it.
There's not lesser or greater.
Somebody in relationship doesn'thave it over somebody who's not.
(20:17):
It's just not that way, andit's not biblical truth either.
I gotta keep on going.
We often can feel defined.
Again, this kind of goes to thepast, but it's much more specific.
Those of us who have dealt with sometrauma or abuse, and I know there's a lot
of you along with me inside this space,
(20:41):
it's why I think churches needto really step up and do an,
we need to do a lot better in.
Loving people that have comethrough trauma and abuse.
Mm-hmm.
We really, really, reallyneed to do a lot better.
I understand the whole, you know,forgiveness and how that all works.
(21:04):
Trust me, I know it to my verysoul because I've done that part.
I have done that part.
But you don't lead with that witha victim who has just come to
you and told you what happened.
You don't quickly rush themto forgiveness and move along.
(21:24):
That's RET trauma, that'straumatizing them all over again.
That person is deserving of allthe support, all the love, all the
resources way before the abuser, andsometimes we've gotten it backwards
and we go to restore this one.
(21:46):
At the expense of that one.
As a church, we are never tosacrifice the sheep, the victims,
for the sake of this one over here.
The whoa.
Yeah.
Because it's become where this onegets protected and this one gets
(22:08):
left defend, and that isn't right.
And you wanna talk aboutwhat that can do to a person.
I know that I'm inrecovery because of trauma.
That's what that does to a person.
It destroys.
It destroys.
And we need to see that in the right way.
(22:31):
We often can feel that our worth isdirectly tied to our performance.
What we can do, do it all right?
And all these other people arejust successful as we define it.
And the whole thing islike, I gotta do it right?
Gotta do it right?
Gotta do it right.
Gotta do it better.
Gotta do it better.
(22:54):
Just do it.
This affects everything.
It will affect your relationship,it will affect your career, but
it's also gonna affect your faith.
You don't have to do the work to earn it.
And I will say that over and overand over again, and I'm not saying
just continue sinning becauseyou know Jesus died for it.
(23:15):
I will never say those words.
But if you're living your life tryingto do everything right, because you know
I sin and I gotta get it right and Igotta do better and I'm so sorry God, and
please forgive me, he already has on thecross on the, all you have to do is just
say, God, I'm so sorry it's I did this.
(23:37):
It's right here.
Thank you so much for taking care of it.
You don't have to pay pennant.
We don't have to add to what Jesus did.
It goes against human nature when you'vedone something wrong to bring it and then
take because you've done something wrong.
(23:59):
But that's what we're called to do.
Set that down and take Jesus.
Because the more you do that, the lessyou'll find yourself having to do that.
It's a natural reaction to followingwhat Jesus called us to, to live.
(24:19):
But you don't have to punish yourself.
You don't have to work yourself upinto a lather because you're trying
to be better and do better and domore and do this and do that because
I'm trying to be a good Christian.
You already are, becauseJesus said you are.
So stop trying for that.
And maybe just say, Jesus, I love youso much, and I'm gonna live my life
(24:43):
as best I can the way you did help me.
That's all.
We often believe that loveand value are things to earn.
So I'm gonna outdo myselftrying to earn your love.
I've done that before.
(25:05):
It didn't earn me thelove I wanted at all.
Mm-hmm.
At all.
But it did result in my bank accountsavings and retirement were wiped out.
It did result in anotherrelationship ended.
It did result in all kinds of things.
Didn't earn me anything.
(25:26):
And if you think that earned me value, no.
My value just took.
A bigger hit becauseI'm trying to earn it.
And then when they leave, you'releft like, oh, I wasn't good enough.
We take it personally.
Absolutely.
You are good enough.
(25:48):
You are worthy.
If you are in relationship,whether romantic or community,
and it's an environment whereyou feel that it's necessary to
perform, to earn respect and love.
It's kind of backwards.
It's a backwards way of living,especially in the family of God.
(26:22):
Ah, this one, I don't wanna be a burden.
Anybody here, have you ever said,oh, but I don't wanna be a burden.
Mm-hmm.
I hear over and over and over.
It's like, oh, there were some thingsI wanted to ask you, but you're so
busy and I didn't wanna bother you.
And that hurts my heart.
I will be very honest, and if Idon't have the time right then
(26:45):
and there, I will let you know.
But if there is something weighing onyou that you need to say to somebody, and
my name comes to mind, come and find me.
Come and find me.
You are not a burden to me.
It is not a burden to me when somebodycomes because they need to talk about
(27:06):
something or they need to share aburden, or maybe they just need a
hug, or maybe they just need to hear.
I love you and I'm here for you.
I will listen.
It doesn't matter how much is on my plate.
It doesn't matter if you know or don'tknow what is happening in my life.
(27:28):
I am here for you.
And if I don't have the space and timeright at that moment, I will let you know.
And I will say, but I will be availableat this time, or I will help you find
somebody that is safe to talk with.
But this whole, I don't wanna be a burden.
(27:49):
Oh yeah, yeah.
It's bad.
But no, I don't wanna be a burden.
That's not right.
That isn't a right way of thinking.
It's not how followers ofJesus should be thinking.
You are not a burden, and yourfamily is meant to carry burden.
So it's not heavy.
That's what families do.
(28:10):
It hurts me to know somebodyhad been burdened and didn't
say anything, and I choose tobelieve it's the same in reverse.
If you don't want me to sharemy burdens with you, then you
just don't have to listen.
'cause I'm going to continue todo it anyways because it helps me.
You have no idea how much you help mewhen I can come here and say, can you
(28:35):
please, please pray for my granddaughter.
My, I'm really getting kind of scaredabout this, but I know that you pray, my
nephew, I, we have prayers for please,unexpected and unexplained positive
responses to this cancer he has and whathappened starting that same afternoon.
(28:57):
That's what happens whenyou share those burdens.
Or I could have been silentand just lived through and
never told any of you about it.
Share your burdens.
It's much lighter andlife gets so much easier.
Don't stay silent.
(29:18):
The self-loathing, wekind of covered that up.
And then perfectionism.
Oh, I understand.
Doing a job and doing it well.
And that's important.
I don't believe we should go halfwaywith anything because we don't care.
And everything that we do, weare representing who we are.
And if you're a follower of Jesus,that means you are child of God.
(29:42):
It means that we hold ourselfto a standard and when we do
a job, we wanna do it well.
But when we have those perfectionistictendencies has, has anybody ever lived
with somebody who's a perfectionist?
It is awful because you cannever live up to their standard.
(30:08):
Wow.
And that mindset doesn't realizewhat they're doing to people.
You have set a bar impossibly high,you can't even live up to the bar.
You may set for somebodyyou can't move, right?
You can't nothing, everything.
It is the worst feeling in theworld to constantly trying to
(30:30):
be good enough to be worthy.
That's another reason why being arelationship isn't always the answer.
Because these struggles in that happens.
We often think our partners aregonna react the same way we do.
So what's wrong with you?
(30:54):
Hey, what did you do all day?
It looks like you don't care'cause you didn't get that done
Lazy.
We make judgment so oftenon other people by measuring
them, using us as the measure.
(31:17):
This is what I would've donein this situation, so why
were you stupid and did that?
You can't do that in relationship.
That's not what we're called to.
Perfectionism can be a dangerous thing.
There is not a perfect person on earth.
(31:40):
There is not a person who'sbetter than another person.
People sitting in these pews righthere are not better than somebody
out riding their Harley right now.
You are not better because you'resitting here than that person
going for a ride on their Harley.
I will say I often had far moredeeply spiritual thoughts in mind
(32:06):
when I was actually riding myHarley than I did in church before.
Mm-hmm.
Yes.
I had my own Harley.
I was that biker girl.
Yeah, for a while.
It's fun riding a bike.
Perfectionism.
(32:29):
We need to live our life knowing weare broken, flawed, sinful, human
beings that are redeemed through Jesus.
We are not perfect.
Nobody is perfect.
The standards you setneed to be for yourself.
You don't get to set thestandards on somebody else's life.
(32:51):
You cannot tell somebody theymust live up to these standards.
You.
That's not our place to do that.
We are responsible for ourselves.
You wanna set thatstandard impossibly high?
You can go ahead andlive up to it yourself.
I'm not gonna join you'cause I know that I can't.
So,
(33:13):
uh, we often, a lot of us herestruggle because we are defined,
hi, I am Heidi, I'm an alcoholic.
Is that all I am?
No.
Mm-hmm.
There's so much more.
That's a piece of who I am.
It doesn't change the fact that Iam, I am an alcoholic in recovery,
(33:34):
so that does not mean that iseverything I am because wow, my life
is getting really rich and really full.
That will always be a piece of it.
But when you start lookingat life only as that.
Life gets really narrow and small.
(33:58):
You have to remember that there is somuch more life out there outside of your
drug use and your alcohol use in the past.
You're not sitting there.
I don't see anybody here doing math.
You know?
I didn't see any lines of cocainein the bathroom downstairs late.
No, I'm just kidding.
(34:19):
I don't think anybody here is drinking.
We don't do a mug check.
I don't feel we ever have to do that.
So
those aren't things that we're doing.
So you don't have to sit here allday going, yep, I'm an alcoholic
sitting here in this building.
I'm an alcoholic and I'mgonna eat some lunch.
Pretty soon.
(34:40):
I'm an alcoholic andthen I'm gonna do this.
We don't have to wrap ourselfup and be consumed by that only.
I don't say, hi, I'm Heidi, analcoholic, because I'm proud of that.
I'm just really proudto say, hi, I'm Heidi.
I'm an alcoholic in recovery.
That part I really like because thatopens the door for people to ask me
(35:04):
about it and I can tell them aboutrecovery, but it's not because I
want you to know I'm an alcoholic.
No, I want you to know I'm in recovery.
That's the part I want you to know.
That part, that part.
Lack of affirmation growing up,
(35:28):
how many of us here had a lack of goodpositive affirmation in your childhood?
Did you have parents that poured intoyou and made sure you understood your
wealth and your, your value, your worth?
That's very damaging.
(35:48):
Um,
yeah, I've spoken openly.
That wasn't a, a common,that wasn't a thing.
It's not even common.
It, it just wasn't a thing.
There was no affection in our house.
It just wasn't part of it.
Um, hugs, I love yous, all of it.
It was never done, ever.
I don't remember a single time onmy mother's side of the family.
(36:14):
My grandmother, I don't remem, mygrandfather died when I was 10.
My grandmother, I don't remembera hug, like I racked my mind.
It's like, did it ever happen?
No, it didn't.
She was very cold.
I can imagine how difficult mymother's upbringing was because
I know how difficult she was.
(36:35):
There's no pleasing her and shedidn't hide that she was cold.
And I remember being afraid of her.
I remember her.
Telling me how awful my parenting was.
'cause her kids were toilet trainedat 10 months old because she tied
them to the toilet until they wentand only then would she let 'em off.
(37:00):
So that was her way of traininga child to use a toilet.
Yeah, no, not gonna do that.
But it's like, you know, Idon't know where she got that
from and so on and so forth.
So my family, we had a lot ofgenerational curses of bondage and
awfulness that had to be broken.
(37:21):
And sometimes some of usare called to be just that.
And if you are that in your family,I will first say I'm really sorry
'cause I know the price of that andI'm gonna follow that up by saying
I'm so incredibly proud of you becauseI know what it takes to do that.
(37:44):
Breaking those things and changingthings, starting with you is a difficult
thing to do when you haven't had theaffirmation and you haven't had this.
It's hard work to becomesomething different than that.
It's hard work to become somebodywho does give people affirmations,
(38:05):
who does lift people up and fillthem instead of ripping them apart.
Or even worse than that.
Nothing.
No conversation.
No.
It was just discipline and that was it.
I had a childhood of discipline, justto make sure I'm doing the right thing,
(38:29):
but conversations about anything.
No, didn't happen.
No.
What did you do?
Tell me about your game.
'cause I didn't go, you know, it's.
Uh, that's not okay.
And, but those things follow usinto our adulthood and they leave
us not knowing how to connect withother adults in a healthy way.
(38:53):
We're very stunted.
I see that a lot in the recoverycommunity, and I'm finding for a lot of
us, we came from some similar things.
We have a lot of differences in ourstories, but some things are similar.
There wasn't tons of affirmationand love and support.
(39:13):
There wasn't a lot of good conversations.
There wasn't always good parenting.
Some of us didn't have one parent or theother, some of us didn't have any parents.
A lot of us have faced trauma andabuse, and now here we are as an
adult, expected to have it allfigured out and doing it right.
Huh?
(39:34):
How?
I don't know how to do thatbecause what's familiar.
Is the other, and many people just simplychoose to stay with what's familiar.
(39:55):
Oh, I'll just, man, Icould go forever on this.
We get some unrealistic expectations.
Oh, there it is.
That get placed on us by the churchand can lead us to feeling as if
God may not love us or accept us.
(40:19):
I need you to know that I love church.
You all know that.
I also speak all the time thatchurch is people and not a building.
It will never, ever, ever be a building.
If we were sitting outside in the dirtin that field, we'd be sitting in church
(40:41):
because we are the church wherever we are.
Church is,
this isn't a denominational thing.
This isn't a specific church thing.
This is just not a, anything in particularother than so many times God has
been used as a weapon against people.
(41:04):
Absolutely.
This has been used as a weapon.
You can pick and choose things outtahere to make it sound however you
want to, if you really want to.
I think almost all of us have experiencedthat from people who proclaim to be Jesus.
(41:25):
People.
Yeah.
I'm outta your Christian.
Hmm.
Say it be yes because.
It is a beautiful thing when you grow upin a family that's a good close family
and you attend church and you go to thisgreat church and you grow up there and
(41:48):
then you marry somebody from that churchand then you raise your family in that
church and then your kids get marriedand they stay in that church and you've
never been around anyone else, but that.
You get really comfortable there.
It becomes automatic for a lot of people.
(42:09):
It's just what you do.
Like clocking in at work, chgotta be there by nine 30.
We'll be out by 11.
Sounds good.
I can get the yard mode and stuff.
How much more thoughtis being put into church
and then often we canshow up at this church.
(42:30):
And there's been times when it'slike I've, I've walked in those doors
with all my hurt and my pain and mysuffering and my struggles, and I
get a hell by your condemnation typesermon dumped in my lap, which in my
mind at that time was like, yeah, Iam as worthless as I thought I was.
(42:54):
And I'm left in that as I go home.
That's not Jesus.
And that's not God.
Because love doesn't do that.
Love doesn't leave you in condemnationand self-loathing and without value.
(43:15):
Love doesn't come to you andsay, you worthless, vile, wicked,
evil person, you're gonna go tohell unless you get this right.
It will instill a good, healthyfear of God, but not fear in the
way the Bible talks about it.
Fear in the Bible.
(43:35):
I wish it was a different wordbecause it's not to be afraid of.
We are not to be afraidof approaching God.
Fear is awe in reverenceand understanding.
To the extent of our ability ofthe greatness of this being that we
love and worship, that will bringme to my knees, but not because I'm
(43:58):
afraid he's gonna strike me down.
It's more in awe that I get to approach.
There's a very different things.
I'm not afraid of God, and Ilove that so much because for
50 years I was terrified of him.
This random, vague notion out there,just ready to squash me rotten,
(44:22):
vile, horrible, awful person.
Worse than anybody else, you know.
Because that's how I saw myself.
Like I am the chief center of everybody.
Which can become a brag thing too.
Oh yeah.
I'm the greatest center of them all.
I'm the chief sinner.
I'm such a sinner.
Gonna pray some more.
(44:44):
Church is a place where you should befed and filled, where you should walk
out of and feel restored and lovedno matter what you came in here with.
And it should be the placewhere you should hear.
Please leave it all right here.
Please give it to Godwho's already handled it.
(45:12):
It is not the place where youshould get more shame, guilt,
and worry heaped on you.
You shouldn't walk out of a serviceand say, I gotta work harder.
Do better, try more.
Read my Bible more, underlinemore, journal more, answer more
questions, go to more studies,do some more of this and that.
Sometimes, and people look at melike I grew 10 heads when I say that.
(45:36):
Sometimes I will tell people, and Imean this with every fiber of my being.
Get your nose out of the Bibleand start living like a Christian.
Absolutely.
That's a life of service.
Thank.
(45:59):
I love reading out of here,
but I don't do it at the excuseexclusion of serving people.
This right here.
Is a collection of testimonies.
Testimonies are simply stories sharingof what God has done in somebody's life.
(46:23):
It has a lot of wisdom in here.
Anything you face in life isaddressed in here, but a lot of the,
and I'll air quote good Christians,
you should see my Bible, everything,all the different color highlighters,
all the different underlying, there'smore little tabby things up here with
(46:47):
all the notes and, and I'm not sayingthat it's horrible, but what I wanna
ask them is, how did you serve people?
Did you serve people outside ofyour ladies' Bible study group?
Did you serve anybodyoutside of your men's group?
(47:08):
Have you served anybody outside of thechurch congregation you're part of?
Did you notice anybody as you wentabout Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, thatwould've fit the people that Jesus
said you're to help if you can help.
Did you do that or did Well, no.
They're not Christians.
They don't go to my church.
(47:29):
They're Catholic, they're Baptist,they're Methodist, they're this,
they're Buddhist, they're Hindu,they're this, that, or the next thing.
Did the Bible say?
Well, except for them,because if it does show me
sometimes we do need to setthis down so we can be active
(47:55):
in the way God has called us to.
That can become a hugestumbling block for people.
I know some amazing people, theyhave so much knowledge about this.
They can memorize and recite,incite everything, turn right to it.
I got something for that.
It's right here.
That was my study.
(48:15):
Look at this.
I broke it all down.
I've got this word circled with a line.
'cause that goes to here andthen this one over here, and
then I color coded over here.
But they're not living it.
I If you don't step outside of it, no.
Then it's just here.
Does she have no, we're called to this.
(48:37):
Hands and feet of Jesus.
Hands and feet of Jesus.
I don't think Jesus life was portrayedsitting at a table with his nose in
a book until he went to the cross.
(48:58):
Ah.
All right.
Let's read one Corinthians,
or didn't you realize thatyour body is a sacred place,
the place of the Holy Spirit.
Don't you see that you can't livehowever you please squandering.
What God paid such a high pricefor the physical part of you is not
(49:23):
some piece of property belongingto the spiritual part of you.
God owns the whole works.
So let people see God inand through your body.
This might end up into a two-parter'cause this first part is going real
long and I'm not gonna keep you hereforever 'cause I know I talk too much, but
(49:49):
we are so.
Fearfully and wonderfully made rightas you are right now in this moment,
without changing a single thing, youare gloriously and marvelously made.
God himself attended to every detail,you know, in the creation thing.
(50:14):
Everything he saw was good until itgot to us, and then it was very good.
Why?
Because we were createdto be image bearers.
The day I started looking in themirror and saw an image bearer,
(50:36):
instead of trying to figure out whatcan I change, or if I contoured like
this, will my cheeks look thinner?
I know Dave.
It's a real thing.
It's, it's crazy what theycan do with contour today.
Crazy, crazy catfishing.
I think they call it
(51:04):
our self-worth matters a great deal.
The way we think about ourselfmatters a great deal because it
affects how you live in this world.
It affects the way people are gonnasee you and interact with you.
(51:26):
Are you living in a waythat makes Jesus appealing?
I can remember myself.
Ugh.
Cringe, cringe, cringe.
Truly believed because of thedenomination I was part of, that
I was better than everybody.
(51:47):
'cause we were told thatwe're the only true church.
This tiny little denomination we'rethe only ones that got it right.
Can you believe it?
How lucky are we?
I mean, sorry.
Blast hashtag So same.
Yeah.
Oh, but yours was wrongand mine was right.
(52:08):
So anyway, except you're German,so am I. Maybe we're the same.
I don't know, but,
but wow.
Cringe moments trying to haveconversations with people.
'cause they're like, whydo you think you're better?
Well, because I go to this church,
(52:29):
I didn't know how to answer that.
I just knew that I was better thoughbecause we said that because we got
the most pure preaching, kind ofsounded like it contradicted things
you read in the Bible, but they saidit was right, so I'm gonna believe
it, and I did until I couldn't escapethe fact that what I was being told
(52:49):
and what I was reading, it matched.
They didn't go together at all.
The idea
that that kids are having aOhio time down there tonight,
(53:11):
yay, Katie, bless her heart.
So
your value
and self-worth is Godgiven it's divine value.
When God Himself looks at you, Nick,and says, Nick, you're amazing.
(53:34):
You are exactly as I created you to be.
Just as you are, show people exactly whoI created you to be, not anything else.
And he says it to you and you,and you, and you, and you and you.
He created you exactly as he did.
So you could be that person in this world.
(53:57):
Not so you.
He didn't create you a blank canvasso you could figure out how to change
it for this season, and then thisdecade we need to be over here.
And then Twiggy comes on scene.
So we need to be like 80 poundsand then it's gotta be, you
know, the big and beautiful.
No, we're all beautiful in allthe shapes and all the sizes.
(54:24):
Yes.
Every one of us.
You don't have to change it.
You wanna color your hair,go ahead and color your hair.
But if you're doing it because youhate or don't like yourself, rethink
that because it's not gonna bringyou what you think you wanna wear.
Makeup, more power to you.
I just don't know how to doit and I don't bother anymore.
(54:46):
And my skin's been a lot happier.
So there's that.
Amen.
And I'm almost 60, so it'slike you get what you get.
So
I would love very much,this is gonna be a two part.
This is just, I've got so much more.
I want nothing more than to knowall of you, as you authentically
(55:08):
are the person God created.
That's who I wanna see and knowthat one, not the one that was
changed, altered, or amended.
I don't wanna know that one because I wantthe real, because that's the good stuff.
That's a really, really good stuff.
(55:31):
And I know that becauseGod said it was very good.
He didn't just say that about me.
He didn't just say it about Judy.
Every single one of you.
He takes such delight inall that longing that I had.
(55:51):
It's like my dad never told me this.
My mom never told me this.
Do you know what God says to me every day?
She's mine.
She's my favorite.
I love her.
Isn't she amazing?
Look at her.
She's exactly as I intended for her to be.
And we can all say that.
(56:14):
He takes such absolute and utter delight.
He would not.
He would not.
Have sacrificed his everything.
If you didn't have that muchvalue, if you were not worth
(56:39):
it, if you didn't have value,
Jesus would never have been sentin order to die the way he did.
And we forget that
(57:00):
it wasn't so much that we needed tounderstand how horrible and awful
and vile we are as sinners becauseI think life leaves us understanding
that because of the way we feel,anxiety, depression, anger, all
the stuff, it all comes from this.
(57:22):
We know where we fail.
We know where we fall short.
Why isn't that we don't more look tothe fact that it's telling us just
how much worth we have to God, that Ilove you that much, that I'm keeping
my covenant, that I made way back.
(57:45):
I have not failed.
I made a promise, and I am keepingthat promise because I love you,
not because you're so horribleand awful and vile and disgusting,
if that's all we were after Jesus, therewas no point to Jesus, no point at all.
(58:14):
We live lives so often forgettingthat it's already been paid,
covered, and it's done.
We keep dragging it back out.
But look at
my hair's, got this weirdcolic here and here, and then
here I got like five of 'em.
Like, ah, if it was straight and nocolics, you know, then I, they'd be great.
(58:38):
No, it's great the way it is.
'cause for some reason God's like, man,collars are gonna be amazing on her.
Let's give her five.
So I've got five, andthen let's make it curly.
And then it gets really big.
It's like cool, youknow, you're just unique.
I am.
I am unique.
And now finally, I'm starting tolove the fact that I'm unique.
(59:02):
I love that I now enjoylearning who I really am.
Mm-hmm.
I love that I'm brave enoughand I hate even using that word.
To live authentically.
What you see is what you get.
Who I am is who I am.
I'm the same way at home as I am here.
(59:25):
I have never lived that way before, ever.
I challenged myself too, and itwas difficult at first because
I was an actress on my bad days.
I can still pull that out.
Academy Award, get ready.
I'm really good.
I've been on stage before, but I'mtalking about the life acting we do.
(59:51):
Don't hide
the bits and parts of you thatyou see as flaws or failures
or, I got it wrong, or, or, or.
Those are the good parts of your story.
That what?
That's what makes now so good.
(01:00:15):
In the Bible.
King David wouldn't have nearlythe same punch for me if we
didn't know what he really did.
It's why I won't pretty it up.
I like the raw, real uglinessof life because it really makes
the other part so much better.
(01:00:37):
It makes the, but let me tell you whatGod did with it part so much better.
It's why I share my story.
This is not the person that lived thefirst 50 years of her life at all.
She didn't talk in front of anybody.
'cause I would've been crying andshaking and anxiety just galore.
(01:01:04):
I wouldn't be doing an outreach.
I wouldn't be here.
I wouldn't know all of you.
And in fact, I just plainwouldn't be living anymore because
that's the path my life was on.
And I thought that's what I wanted
(01:01:25):
because I was so sure
I wasn't enough because I was lessthan because I'm never gonna get
it right because I failed so manytimes because I've hurt people,
because I continue to make mistakes.
I continue to fall down and on andon, and then it's like I'm chunky,
(01:01:52):
I'm ugly, I've got a bad personality,I've got this, I've got that.
I've got, blah.
It was horrible.
My whole life was consumedby this awful darkness.
Just awful.
And the only piece I found wasthe idea of not being here.
(01:02:15):
That's why it's so important towork on what you see in the mirror,
because that's the enemy at work andwell versed in knowing where to get you.
(01:02:38):
I choose to believe today, and some ofthese things are hard to say 'cause I
battle with the whole, I don't wannasound arrogant like I have an ego, but
I do believe today that Satan perhapsknew that I'd become an adversary,
that I'd become somebody who has nofear of him because I know he lost
(01:03:01):
kind of a, I ain't afraid of you.
I don't have to run from you.
I don't have to make sure, Ugh,
I will talk to anybody in any environmentanytime, because I know who I am.
I know who I belong to.
I don't look to be in thosesituations, but if I find myself
(01:03:24):
in myself, it happened lastweekend, went to hear a show.
There were moments in there where I likeliterally physically stood completely
still, and I just prayed over that entireroom and I prayed protection over myself
because some of the things that I saw,everything in me wanted to run and flee.
(01:03:45):
And I'm like, I will notbecause I'm not afraid of you.
I'm not afraid of you, butI'm gonna start praying.
I started praying overthat band individually.
I started praying overthe people in that space.
Anybody I laid eyes on,I said a prayer over.
Before I would've just left.
Yeah.
(01:04:08):
I don't do that anymore.
Do you know why?
Because God created them too.
If I'm gonna run from people who don'thave my mindset, thoughts, or beliefs, how
am I ever gonna be Jesus in this world?
So while I don't seek it out,I no longer feel like I have to
(01:04:31):
immediately get up and leave.
Huh?
What's that gonna do?
Nothing.
But I do know what prayer does.
I do know because I see it happening.
And I do know when we left, I didn'tcarry evil with me because I know
whose I am and I know who I wastalking to, and I know who was with me.
(01:05:00):
We need to see not just our own worth.
I don't have any idea what time it is.
I'm sorry.
We cannot forget that every other personon this planet has exactly the same worth.
Everybody
that challenged me directly because Ihave some people that I really have some
(01:05:25):
opinions on certain population segments
that's on me.
I cannot have that.
Every person is known by Godand was created by God, whether
they choose to know him or not.
(01:05:48):
And I am called to serve in love, notin a way that will get me used or put
me in danger in places I shouldn't be.
But it means I don't have to be afraidand I don't have to run from people,
places, and things that have differentviewpoints and opinions than I do.
How do I witness in?
How am I gonna testify if Iflee and only stay with people
(01:06:11):
who think exactly like me?
I love that in this community.
I love all the thoughts andideas that come into here.
I love them and I will never, everdemand, but you have to think just
like me, 'cause I have it right, do I?
(01:06:33):
As soon as I start thinking thatway, I'm no longer teachable.
So we need to love.
We typically choose the people tolove that are easy to love, though
(01:06:57):
I do,
but we need to love people whoaren't like us in every walk
of life right where they're at.
And we don't have to wait for themto clean it up and get better.
Like me,
Jesus didn't do that.
I like the people he went and sat withbecause he didn't go to sit with, um, to
(01:07:21):
condemn, but he went there to love and toshare truth, but not in a judgmental way.
So many things in the Bible,again, I'm going long.
I know
he led with love.
It's why he said, what'sthe greatest commandment?
Because you know, we like our, all our.
(01:07:42):
Laws and our rules and stuff,everything can fit in a box.
Then gimme the list of rules.
You know, the 10 Commandments andthe 10 Commandments are a good thing.
But when Jesus died on the cross,we don't live under that any longer.
It doesn't mean there aren't any rules.
It does not mean that what itmeans is Jesus fulfilled them.
(01:08:05):
What it means is that we no longer haveto follow every single little bit of the
law, like the Jews had to before Jesus.
All those laws, they needed to liveby those, it's what they had to do.
That's just the pricethat you get paid for.
(01:08:26):
But I want more God and I'm gonna take it.
He's like, I tried to tell you
we're not under that becausewe now we have the spirit.
And it changed everything.
They didn't have the spirit before.
They only had the law.
(01:08:47):
It's how they knew what wasright and what was wrong.
We are spirit-filled people.
Spirit-filled people we already know.
Don't lie, don't kill, don't cheat.
Those are things that we know.
Those are inherent.
We don't need them written on awall to know that's not right.
How do we know that?
(01:09:09):
Because God is good and God is love.
We struggle so often.
If you're like me, Ishould say it that way.
I can remember having a conversationwith God just like, God, I so badly
(01:09:30):
want to get it right this time.
I want to do this right.
What I received, and again, not theboys, it's not how I talk to God.
(01:09:51):
It's not, I don't heara voice coming down.
Like I said, James Earl Jones didn'ttalk like he's got or something up
there, but he just said, leave with love.
Lead with love because tell me howyou're gonna get it wrong if it's based
out of love when God himself is love.
(01:10:11):
And it suddenly made all theunderstanding clear to me.
I was so worried about failing thatI forgot how simple he made it.
Greatest command.
You wanna know, love God andlove others as you do yourself.
(01:10:34):
It's why good, healthy self love is so.
Important lead with that andthe spirit will guide you.
He promised that.
He promised that.
It doesn't mean you get to makeeverything up, just will you.
Well, I feel like it shouldbe like this, so do that.
No, he's given you a guidelinebecause he knows what's best.
(01:11:02):
You are worthy and you are loved.
You are exactly enough as you are.
You don't have to change yourself.
You don't have to earn it.
You don't have to be better.
None of it.
Try love though.
If you're really struggling,try Love God first.
(01:11:25):
Say, Jesus, I love you.
If you find it too hard to reallyfully love yourself, start practicing,
but pour it out on other people andchallenge yourself to go beyond your norm.
Love people.
You typically wouldn't choose to.
I could fill in the blanks, buteverybody knows I, uh, that group.
(01:11:48):
Yeah, not a fan.
Try loving them.
Instead, as soon as you catch yourself,this'll be it, and then I'll be done.
I promise.
When you catch your mindsetgoing, they're wicked.
The way they're living, it's wicked.
As soon as that starts, love them.
Instead,
(01:12:09):
love them.
Instead,
openly talk with them.
Care about them.
Listen to them.
Be Jesus to them in a way that they'regonna be like, why are you so nice to me?
Why are you like this?
(01:12:30):
That's your opening.
Don't walk up to them.
It's like.
You're part of that community.
You know what the Bible says about you?
You're gonna go to helland then walk away.
Oh yeah, they're gonna follow you.
Oh, tell me about this.
Jesus.
I wanna know 'cause I wannabe hateful like you too.
Nobody does that.
You are not gonna scare peopleinto believing that Jesus is love.
(01:12:56):
It doesn't work that way.
But people could love Jesusbecause you love them,
but it means you're gonna have toface the one in the mirror because
that one there needs that love too.
(01:13:19):
That face looking back at you needslove too because you're a child of God.
God.
Do you think his kids have value?
How much value do your kids have to you?
(01:13:41):
What would you do to keep your kids safe?
Would you die for your kids?
Who's their father?
And he did.
You're worth loving right now.
You're not missing anything.
(01:14:03):
You're not lacking,
and your life isn't wrong.
You are loved.
Just gonna stop there.
(01:14:26):
Thank you.
There's been so manypeople just struggling.
With their worth and their value.
And I bring all of that home withme and I sit with it at home.
So it's just my prayer.
If that is you, leave it here, leave itwith God and walk out the doors free.
(01:14:52):
I just want you to know how he seesyou, because that's how I see you.
You don't have to sing.
Change a single hair on yourhead for me to love you.
Love you as you are
now.
I'm all done for right now.
Yes.
Uh, this remind me of, uh,second Corinthians four 16,
(01:15:13):
where this is our each day.
Every day.
Yes.
For certain and stuff like that.
Mm-hmm.
That's what matters.
Yeah.
Corinthians is amazing.
It's beautiful.
There's just, it's beautiful.
That whole book
(01:15:35):
is just telling us, Imean, this is a love story.
It's value, your value.
So we'll finish with one last song.
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