August 4, 2025 • 72 mins
“You don’t need a weapon to murder someone—you just need your words.” That was one of the heavy-hitting truths Chaplain Heidi dropped this week at Outreach 419, and it made the whole room pause. This message isn’t about judgment—it’s about reflection. Are we tearing people down behind their backs while shaking their hands in public? Are we guilty of gossip, slander, or silent bitterness that quietly poisons relationships? “Socially acceptable murder isn’t about what the law says—it’s about what your heart says.” What if the greatest damage we cause isn’t seen… but spoken? Chaplain Heidi challenges us to look inward. To ask hard questions. And to get real about the kind of atmosphere we’re creating with our words—whether it’s life-giving or silently toxic. When was the last time your words gave life to someone instead of silently cutting them down? Are you building people up when they’re not in the room? This one’s worth watching—and even more worth sharing. 💬 Drop a takeaway in the comments or consider sharing with someone who’s been hurt by gossip—or who’s trying to grow in how they communicate. Let’s break cycles, not people. #Outreach419 #SoberNotBoring #SundaySermon #SpeakLife #HealingNotHurt #GossipKills #RecoveryChurch #LifeGivingWords #EmotionalHealing #FaithAndRecovery
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
All right, so let's openwith prayer a moment.
Father God, I thank you for this beautifulday, for the beautiful yesterday.
I'm so grateful for this breakin this super hot, humid weather.
But God, I'm grateful for everyday that you send to us here.
I'm grateful for everyperson that is here.
(00:21):
I pray your blessings over allof us as we are here today.
I pray that it's you andyou only that is heard.
I pray that your spirit fills aspace, father, that it fills not
just a space, but each of us in here.
'cause as we've often said, thisbuilding, Lord, this is not the church.
This is not.
(00:44):
A place where we go to findyou because you are in us.
We father are the church.
Your people father who arefilled with your spirit, are
a living, breathing church.
And I pray that we are a living,breathing testimony to our Father.
God, help us be prepared to hear whatyou have to say on this topic today.
Father, give me your words and not mine.
(01:07):
Give me out of the way so it isonly you that is in this space.
I thank you for your son Jesus, whothrough through him, we have that
eternal promise of life with you inheaven, that this is not it for us.
And we have so much hope and joy in that.
Thank you Father for everythingin your name we pray.
(01:30):
Amen.
Amen.
Ah, the What If book.
I think I just enjoy doing this so youall get to do it with me every Sunday.
Uh, for you that don't know thisbook titled Simply What If is
written by a woman named Ann Smith.
She was 100 years old when she putto paper a list of questions that all
(01:52):
started with what If, but it's wisdomthat she's gained from her life today.
I opened to this and decided to stickwith it, and it simply says, what if
I find it hard to rejoice with thosewho got something that I wanted?
Hmm.
(02:13):
Those are hard things.
I have, um, been in a positionwhere the struggle was very real
to let me get this to turn on here.
I have wanted things and then Igot to watch other people receive
it, and those can be difficult.
(02:34):
There we go.
Ah, we're going through the commandments.
We're talking about them individuallyin a way that we can maybe see what
does it mean to live these today?
We're on this one this week, andyou're like, well, that's a no brainer.
We all know that, right?
(02:54):
You shall not murder.
Pretty simple and straightforward.
Exodus 20, verse 13, very simplyin the message version says,
no murder cut and dry this.
Remember, it's referringto the unjust killing.
Things get a lot more gray when we'retalking warfare and capital punishment.
(03:20):
But even those now I sit and I haveto think about and understand and
look at it in a God perspective, andit gets mucky and sticky and hard
warfare.
That one hits home because I have a sonthat's serving in the Marine Corps now and
(03:41):
is overseas in the Middle East right now.
I have to sit and think about that.
I have to think about what he's calledto do in times I haven't talked, haven't
that conversation with him, but I, Iknow he's been called to do hard things.
It's part of his job and wherehe goes, it's, it's, it's part
(04:05):
of what he is called to do.
My nephew is, um, going throughit, trying to get that piece of it.
He's newly out of the Marine Corps.
He also was in the Middle East.
He was also at cabal when that happened.
My nephew was called to warfare andhe is suffering with the effects
(04:31):
after even knowing in that space.
He didn't have a choice outside ofwhat he had to do, but it doesn't
mean the torment didn't follow him.
That's the awfulness of war.
It is these, these people overthere serving our country.
They're our kids.
It's my kids and it's my nephew.
(04:51):
And I can tell you they're not over there.
A bunch of gun happy peoplelooking to shoot people.
I can tell you they're not.
My son died over there, so I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
It's a hard thing.
Warfare.
It's an ugly thing, but as long asthere's human beings on this earth,
it's gonna happen because men.
(05:12):
And women.
Humans, we have this thing and thisneed for power to be the top dog.
And some people are willing to do anythingand then there's capital punishment
and you can make that eithera very black and white issue
or we can make it very gray.
There's a, I was a very black andwhite issue girl before certain crimes.
(05:35):
I'm like, give me the gun.
I'm a real good shot andwe can take care of this.
And now I have to look at it through thelens of God and it makes it harder for me.
And sometimes I wish it wasn't harderbecause it causes me to spend a lot
of time sitting with things thataren't black and white anymore.
There's a, a luxury, I think, to befound in black and white thinking.
(05:56):
'cause it's simple.
It's either this or it's this.
I don't have that anymore.
The more my understanding of God grows,the more I can understand that everybody,
including those that do the worst.
Of the worst of the worst, andeverybody likely is thinking in
(06:16):
their mind right now, people that youknow are up for capital punishment.
And it typically comes down toone segment of the population.
Let's just say it pedophiles, we, Ihear all the time, everybody's ready to
load right now, I'm gonna take care ofit, hunt them down and shoot him dead.
I used to be one of those becauseI was one of their victims, but now
(06:38):
I'm like, can I tell you about God?
I'm not saying you don't deservepunishment because you do.
Some things do deserve a price to be paid.
You don't escape that price.
(07:01):
But I also deserved death.
I didn't deserve heaven and God inhis great mercy loves me so much.
That I now know whereI'm gonna spend forever.
But as I've gotten deeper intohim, the more my heart is longing
that everybody, everybody on thisplanet, I long for them to be there.
(07:27):
I don't know how I got there outsideof God, because humanly speaking,
my mind doesn't wanna go there.
And there are people that I'm like,God, do you really call me to love 'em?
Really?
And he says, yeah, I do.
I do.
(07:47):
And he shows us how that's done.
And, um, what I thought wasimpossible is in fact not impossible.
So I just wanted from the beginning toclear up that when it says no murder,
it is talking about that unjust murder.
You made me mad.
(08:08):
I am gonna take care of it.
I want what you have, so I'm gonnaeliminate you so I can have it.
We're talking about thatunjust type of killing.
But
the thing is, every single one ofus are murderers because the Bible
also says this Acts two, verse 23.
(08:30):
You nailed him to across and murdered him.
So how did we do that?
Like I didn't physicallyend the human life of Jesus.
I didn't nail the nailson the cross physically.
I didn't mock him atthat moment physically.
(08:51):
'cause I didn't exist yet.
I wasn't here, but I share in this.
I share in this.
I am a murderer in that aspect.
I killed Jesus.
And there's no getting around that.
There's point blank nogetting around that fact.
(09:14):
So if I'm guilty of this,
it makes it a little bit easier for meto understand what God is calling me to
towards others who chooseactions that we judge severely.
'cause God's like, but child, you murderedmy son and I love you and he died for you.
(09:40):
So let's talk about thedifferent ways this happens.
Matthew 5 21 through 22 says,you're familiar with the command
to the anxious do not murder.
But I'm telling you that anyone whois so much as angry with a brother
or sister is guilty of murder.
(10:01):
Am I the only one here that'sever been angry at somebody?
I don't think so.
So I had plate clearing to do today.
I had some anger towards some peoplein my heart, like I had some anger
and I'll just be very open about it.
I've been struggling with it this week.
(10:23):
Anger over some unfairnessand not rightness.
I had to let that go and give that to God.
But this makes his commandmenta whole different thing for us.
See it Before Jesus,Israel was under the law.
(10:45):
They had to keep the law.
It was, God knew that they couldn't doit perfectly, but there was just hundreds
of laws that they had to follow, andit covered every aspect of their life.
It's all that they had as anatonement for their choice of sin.
So they, you know.
(11:05):
Would look to the law so they wouldknow what is right and what is wrong.
After Jesus died on the crossand we received the spirit,
we're no longer bound by law.
We don't have to follow all those oldreligious laws as we find it in the Old
Testament, because Jesus fulfilled themand people are like, well, that's great.
(11:26):
I can do whatever I want.
Well, it doesn't say that.
It does not say that because people thatare filled with the spirit are not gonna
be out trying to sin simply because I can.
Well, if Jesus covered it all, whycan't I just do whatever I want?
Thanks Jesus.
(11:48):
Thank you.
I'm gonna go, you know I'm gonnahave this affair, but it's okay.
Jesus covered it.
No big deal.
I just say I'm sorry.
Sorry.
God.
Thanks for covering it.
Yeah, I lied, but everybodylies all the time.
Jesus covered it.
When you sit and think about that though,
(12:12):
it's like every single time it's like I'mkilling him again and again and again.
Thank you, Jesus, for what you did.
So I'm gonna go do it again.
You're amazing.
And the more I sat and thought aboutit like that, the more I'm like,
I'm really starting to feel kindof icky thinking about it that way.
(12:39):
These things kill words, hatred, neglect,judgment, indifference, unforgiveness,
shame, envy because of this.
Because they can destroyidentities of ours and others.
So like words.
(13:00):
Sticks and stones may break mybones, but words will never hurt me.
That's crap.
I don't believe that for a second,
tell a child, growing up in harshnessand ugliness with awful words, getting
thrown at 'em, that doesn't hurt you.
Is that true?
No, no, no.
(13:22):
It destroys them, but itdoesn't just stop with children.
What we say to each other has power,
the feelings behind it,the way that it's brought.
You don't get the privilegeto say, it's just words.
Get over it.
(13:43):
No words are that serious.
How we talk to each other, how wetalk to the people we live with.
Let's start there.
I can remember growing upgetting ready for church.
You know, by the time you get to churchand you walk in the door, all the kids
(14:04):
are smiling and looking clean and thehair's all done and mom and dad are
just like, here we are looking great.
Oh, the getting ready at home and thedrive to church was, you know, just at
each other and fighting and bickeringand mom and dad are mad and you better
not misbehave in church and in abackhand across the seat and whatever.
(14:29):
I mean, but then you walkin and everything's fine.
The walking into church lookinglike everything fine is the lie
because the reality was the uglinessin words before because, you know,
we're getting ready to go to church.
I dreaded Sundays like, 'cause everythingchanged and it was like all these
(14:50):
different rules and the fake smile onmy face all day and and those things.
And it happens over and over and I get itto a point, but still it's a fake thing.
But words,
and sometimes we justify our words thatwe say to others by, but it was the truth.
(15:15):
I just spoke the truth.
Well, I watched you speaking thetruth to them, and it was obvious
that your intent was to, I'm justgonna jab 'em because it's the truth.
So I have a right to say this.
Speak the truth in love.
That's what the Bible says.
(15:37):
Yes, we are called to speak the truth.
But that doesn't give us theright to say it how we want to.
'cause it's the truth.
So if you don't like it, that's too bad.
It's the truth.
No, you have to care about it.
You have to care about what it lookslike, sounds like in his received on the
other side of your words that matters.
(15:57):
Speak truth, but speak it in love.
Speak gently to your childreneven in correction, because
they're learning from you.
Our kids didn't show up onthis planet knowing it all.
They looked to you forinstruction and guidance.
You know, I think back to when myhorse had a fo, did that little,
(16:20):
that little one know anythingyet it was learning from mom.
Did it know what to do when I firstput a halter on and then a lead rope?
Oh no.
All it new is like something weird isgoing on my head and now there's this rope
and it's pulling back and now you know.
I could have been one of two ways.
(16:42):
I watch people very much intoa, I'm gonna break 'em, and
that's literally what they do.
It's, they believe very much thatyou break the spirit of this animal.
So then they're just gonnalisten because they're broken.
It's the same thing why they'll chainup a baby elephant so it can't move.
And then when it's an adult,it's as twine and it still
(17:04):
stands there like, I can't move.
This is all it is.
And it's forever held by somethingthat it could easily walk away from,
but its spirit, but gone and broken.
I didn't AP approach my horse that way.
It took patience and gentleness.
I had to earnest trust.
And as soon as this little one decidedthat I was trustworthy, it wasn't
(17:28):
afraid anymore, I didn't yell andget loud and scream because even
an animal knows that those words.
They'll react to it.
So imagine our children.
Why are we loud and harsh and angry?
Why is punishment the first thing they'relearning and they need us for that?
(17:51):
Words matter.
And then hatred.
That's kind of an easy one.
Oh, but
let's go back to where my son is.
He's in the Middle East.
How easy do you think it is forme to have hatred in my heart
for the other side, for theirreligion and the way they live?
(18:17):
Let's just start with theway women are treated.
That gets my blood boiling.
'cause I happen to be a woman.
And the idea of living that wayis appalling to me that my young
daughter would be taken and marriedto some old man when she's like nine.
My heart.
I had to fight hate.
(18:40):
I had to fight hate because Iknow what they would do to my boy.
I have to fight hate,
but hatred
isn't part of who God is, right?
We talk often about who God isand who God is, and if God is all
(19:02):
good and is only capable of good,the only hate that can come in is
for that, which is the opposite.
We can't be filled with hate, but wecan hate hate because that's the devil,
but don't be filled by it.
We can only be filledif you're a child of God
(19:26):
with love.
And then I'm like.
How do I love people so
openly against my God andmy faith and my belief,
(19:47):
and God's like, have youtried praying for them?
Because what you hate isn't them.
It's the spirit that's in them.
It gets easier for me when Iremember where it comes from.
Neglect,
neglecting the people in ourlives that God has brought into
(20:08):
our lives is a form of killing.
Let's say God has called youto relationship a marriage
relationship, and you're nowliving in a home with this person.
Are you taking care of thatrelationship as your first priority?
Because God does call you to thatyour partner is your first priority.
(20:30):
Before your job, before your friends,and yes, even before your kids.
So why is it so often thatthe one we live in is the one
who receives the worst of us?
Why is that the one that were like, theyknow I love 'em, so I had a bad day.
(20:53):
I am gonna unload.
You're gonna receive all the junk.
I couldn't take out on other people.
Hey, sorry, had a bad day.
No, that, sorry, I had a bad day.
That doesn't justify it.
We have a calling and a responsibility tonot neglect what God says is the priority.
(21:16):
Start with God and thenstart in your home.
Don't neglect there.
Even the whole, but I'm working.
I'm gone all the time.
I gotta work and then I'mgonna have another job.
And then this, I'm busy all the time.
I don't have time for this.
They know that I love them.
What, what more do they need?
I tell 'em,
(21:37):
what does a good relationship look like?
Somebody that just flies in, where's myplate of food and leaves the dishes on the
thing, and then there's the dirty clothesand I'm going to bed and I'm tired.
Like, okay, and do the dishesand do the clothes, and, and
that was the extent of it.
And then you wake up in the morningand it's another busy day and gotta go.
(22:00):
And have you checked in?
Have you talked?
Have you connected?
Have you taken time together?
Because that's neglect of a relationship.
And the more that happens, you'renot gonna get closer and closer.
That relationship.
What happens to a gardenthat you don't neglect?
(22:22):
Pretty soon you're trying to find yourvegetables underneath all those weeds
because those weeds, they come quick.
I think, Dave, you know that I thinkyou've been working in the garden.
Weeds will take over quickly.
And the same thing happens in our lives.
If we're not getting the weeds outof our lives, they will take over and
you're gonna have to start digging tofind what used to be so tend to those
(22:44):
relationships at home, don't neglect them.
And then once you've gotten that goodand you're solid, that good united
front, if you are in a relationship, ifyou have children, don't neglect them.
When you have been given children, youhave a calling on your life to raise
(23:06):
them and lead them and instruct them.
And I've realized we all come fromall kinds of backgrounds with all
kinds of different experiences.
You know most of you here that Ihave some very broken relationships
with four of my six kids.
That guts me and it will, until that'seither repaired or I get to heaven.
(23:31):
That's just the reality of my life.
But even then, I'm notcalled to neglect that.
It was my daughter's birthday yesterday.
She won't talk to me, but you betterbelieve I'm gonna send love in a
happy birthday with no expectation.
I will not neglect the relationship.
I'm still their mom.
If you have children athome, it is important that
(23:54):
you take the time with them.
I don't care how busy you are and howtired you are, that's not their fault.
They are still children who need you.
They need your time and yourattention before you have another
busy project to do out in the garage.
Are in the basement or with the guys or,or, but I have a bowling league or a ball
(24:20):
league or a this league or a that league.
No, if your kids already aren'tgetting any of you, those leagues
can wait, but your kids can't.
And I'm saying this as amother who is way too busy.
I was either working as much overtimeas I could as a paramedic and then
(24:40):
dealing with life, you know, 'causeI don't drink in front of my kids.
You know, I would drink right after workat the bar and then that got a little bit
long before I'd finally get rolling home.
I neglected my kids
hard to say yes, but it's truth.
It's the reality of it.
(25:02):
Make people in your life a priority.
That relationship.
Your kids, your friends, theseare important people in life.
The most important thing inyour world is not your job.
It is not your bank account.
It is not the house you live in,the car you drive, the clothes
(25:24):
you wear, the neighborhood youlive in, the state you live in.
It is how you treat people.
Amen.
That's right.
We got it reallybackwards in this country.
You know, the great American dream ismy great American nightmare because it
(25:45):
sure takes us away from trusting God.
Oh, judgment.
Ah, this judgment is destructive to us.
Into others.
I dare say more so to us becauseremember God's saying, oh,
(26:07):
the same way you judge people.
I'm just letting you know I'm goingto use the same standard on you.
How many of you would change theway you judged people if you knew
God was waiting to do that to you?
As soon as you got done?
If you're like me, it will change becauseI changed or I'm working to change.
(26:30):
I was judgy.
Judgers son could have changed my nameto that because I got it all figured
out and I can tell people how you shouldlive your life so you can get it right.
That's kind of embarrassing because alot of that I've now had to backtrack
from because I was really wrong.
But we can judge so many things.
(26:52):
We can judge other religions, we canjudge cultures, we can judge races.
We can judge in politics.
We can judge, judge, judge,and judge all the time.
And then we get down to,
(27:16):
we'll judge somebody on their appearance.
We'll judge somebody on, didyou see what they were wearing?
Are you kidding me?
Mm-hmm.
It's like, I'd never drive that.
How embarrassing.
Oh, that hair.
(27:36):
Oh man.
Somebody give that one a cheeseburger.
Somebody take the cheeseburger away.
I mean, it goes on and on.
It's endless.
It's endless.
For the women in here, we arewell versed in it because boy
advertising sure gets used to tellus what we're supposed to look like.
(28:02):
I can't speak for the men because I'ma girl and I see that kind of stuff.
I don't know if it does the same to you,but we're constantly bombarded with being
shown what we're supposed to look like.
And I can tell you right now,I don't look anything like what
you're supposed to look like.
(28:23):
None of it.
I started looking just outtacuriosity, what's the current trend?
And I'm like, when did that all happen?
Because last year I think it wassomething else completely, and I'm
talking even body modification.
What used to be up top and out frontis now this surgical stuff like.
(28:48):
I'm like, what?
Like really, really suck.
It's the, that's the latest and greatest.
It's what they're doing.
That's right.
And I said it before Igrew up in the eighties.
We didn't want that junk in the trunk.
I said that last week, and nowthey're like going like the BBL.
(29:09):
I'm like the BBL.
They're like, what?
It looks ridiculous.
It's awful.
And it's so unnatural.
But we're like, there's girlsthat are going to the gym trying
to look like this influencer.
And I'm like, girl, that's all surgery.
And she's trying to pretendthat those heavy weights, which
(29:30):
aren't even real, they're fake.
You know?
She ain't lifting no 600 pounds.
I'm telling you, girl, it's a lie.
But they fall for it.
If we go to the gym anddo these few little.
Like this one girl's, like, all yougotta do is this and it's gonna be huge.
You're gonna have this huge, andI'm like, that ain't gonna work.
(29:50):
It's not gonna, it's not.
And then I found myself just simplywanting to cry because this stuff has left
me literally broken at home because itwas impossible to ever be the standard.
'cause we all want to be attractive andappealing and desirable and beautiful,
(30:17):
but we all come packaged so differently
and then we get advertising tryingto make us all these little cookie
cutters because this is the IT thing.
No, it's not.
The IT thing is exactly how youare and how you were created.
That to me is the IT thing.
That's the desired thing.
(30:37):
It is shocking to me.
That it took me until 57 years old torealize I am the happiest just as I am
gray hair, no makeup, wearing, whateverI wanna wear, accepting that this body
that I have is just the one I have.
I don't need A BBL oranything else they're doing.
(31:00):
I just don't.
My God says, come as you are.
Come as you are the way He made you.
Because he looks at me and he looks atyou, says, man, isn't she beautiful?
Isn't he amazing?
They perfect.
Look what I've done.
All the different colors, thedifferences in hair, the differences
(31:23):
in eye colors, skin color, all of it.
It's beautiful.
I think of a flower garden,if it was all one flower.
How often would we stop to look at it?
We wouldn't because we've seenit a million times, but it's the
variety that makes it beautiful.
(31:44):
And the same is truewith people in clothing.
Like seriously, is itreally that big of a deal?
It just puts somethingon and call it good.
Do you like it?
That's great.
That's great.
Wear it.
Who cares?
Who cares about the brand and the logo?
Who cares if it was used or brand new?
Who really cares?
(32:06):
Seriously, who cares ifyou've worn this outfit?
I got it like eight years ago.
I've got some things in mywardrobe that are that old and
they're some of my favorites.
I still love 'em and I don'twear them out anywhere.
Why?
Because they're eight years old.
Why not?
Who cares?
It's clothes.
(32:27):
It's clothes.
It's so silly.
But we get so cruel inthe way we judge people.
But I think the worst is whenwe judge people on things.
They have no control over race.
(32:47):
Who here got to put in theorder for what you were gonna
look like when you were born?
Anybody?
I didn't.
I just happened to have been bornwhite with brown hair and blue eyes.
Five feet, four.
That's, that's how God made me.
(33:08):
I couldn't change that if I wanted to.
My son-in-law was born a black man.
He didn't put an order in for that.
God said, and this is verygood, just like to me.
(33:28):
Asian, Hispanic, all of them.
That's of God.
And we judge that as lesser or better.
That judging, no matter whereit's coming from, I don't care
what side it's on, is wrong.
(33:48):
Not a single one of us decided, nota single one of us could change it.
I couldn't make myself ablack female if I wanted to.
And a black man can'tmake himself a white man.
None of us can.
God ordered that
(34:09):
and dictated that.
The judgment on, ugh,
if they would just work hard, theycould have the things that I have to.
If they wouldn't have made thesedecisions and choices, you know, these
addicts and whatnot, and I was like, wow,
(34:32):
it's been interesting for me to be onthis side of things to be an addict.
It's like, uh, I'm, Iam who I used to judge.
If they cared enough, they'd stop.
Anybody heard that one?
If you cared, you'd stop.
(34:52):
Don't you love us?
If you loved us, you wouldn't do this.
Boy, that's not true, is it at all?
So instead, I now have an understanding.
And having an understanding isso much better than judgment.
Any day.
(35:14):
Just stop with the judging and maybetry to understand and learn more.
So you know how to loveproperly indifference?
Nah, don't care.
Doesn't affect me.
So I don't care.
There's a lot going on in thisworld that as Christians we're
(35:35):
called to care about and we don't,
I'm gonna say it again.
Slavery.
We're like, oh, but AbrahamLincoln took care of slavery.
Oh really?
There's over a million people that areconsidered in slavery in the US right
now, and that's just in the US 'causethere's tens of millions around the globe
(35:57):
at minimum.
And I'm talking slavery and I'mtalking from children on up everywhere.
And we're like, huh, but we're here.
It doesn't affect us, but it doesbecause guess where we get all those
cheap things we like to buy or where?
(36:17):
And yeah, I'm going back to thisone because it leaves me unsettled
every time I make those purchasesbecause now I can't not see
how this is made and manufactured andcan I still say, oh, but it's cheap and
I don't have that much money to buy it.
You know, like made in the US ata factory by people making a wage.
(36:42):
So I gotta get the cheap stuffbecause I can afford that and I
want it so it doesn't affect meand I can't do anything about it.
I can stop buying it.
It's not as easy as I thought.
It's not that easy because we are verydriven in this country to have things.
(37:09):
Just watch the delivery trucks outand about nonstop everywhere in this.
I will just say in our county room,room, room, room, seven days a week,
all hours of the day, growing up,you didn't have that happening.
There weren't packages being delivered allhours of the day at these frantic paces.
(37:34):
But our desire to have isdriving that and the lower the
prices get, guess what happens?
The more people are buying, right.
That's real good for the peopleselling it that don't have to pay.
Their labor works out great for them.
(37:55):
We have to care, even when it seemslike we can't make a difference because
when God's people collectively start tocare, maybe something can change and be
different, being indifferent to people.
That we have the ability to helpand choose not to 'cause they knew
(38:16):
better, told them they knew better.
I wish God gave out passes so we couldfeel better about just walking on by.
We're not called to easy here becausehe is asking us to look around and
(38:36):
notice when you pass by somebodywho has a need that you can help
with, I put them in your path.
What are you gonna do?
Help them.
It's what we're called to do.
I was really profoundly struck by thisminister who shared something that he did.
He took a new job at a churchand he really wanted to know
(38:59):
what his church was like.
So this man dressed as if helived on the streets, had a box
blanket, little pillow and stuff,and he just laid on the sidewalk.
In front of the church on Sundayto see what people were gonna say.
At best, they walk byand try to ignore 'em.
(39:21):
You know, kind of taking abigger, wider path around.
Other ones are like, yougotta move, you gotta leave.
You can't be here.
Imagine what that congregationthought when the person that walked
up front was the homeless man thathad been sleeping on the sidewalk
and said, I'm the minister you hired.
(39:41):
That was me on the sidewalk laying there.
I'm like, oh,
the beautiful thing though, thatchurch had a radical change.
They now are so active in theircommunity, serving people in addiction,
(40:03):
serving people who are homeless.
Their entire attitudes have changedby that one profound lesson.
They look down and judged at the one theytypically hold in the highest esteem.
That would've been a hard thing for me tosit in the pew and then watch him walk.
(40:25):
I would've been like, whatdoes he think he's doing?
There is no difference between someonewho stands up here and brings you
God's word than there is somebodylaying on the curb on the street.
(40:48):
Because we were both, wegot chickens in the house.
We were both, we were bothcreated with great love and care
by our father, God, our creator.
I am certainly no better thananybody else on this planet.
(41:09):
None of us are then on forgiveness.
If we, if you are in recovery and manyof us in here are, I think we have
learned what not forgiving does to you.
When you hang onto it and you refuseto forgive, who does that hurt you?
(41:33):
Yeah.
It destroys us.
It kills us inside.
It eats us up alive.
But if God through Jesus hasforgiven everything he said, it
is finished, that means finished.
When God says something'sfinished, it's finished.
(41:54):
That doesn't mean he is like, well,I guess I gotta go back and do more.
No, it's, it's finished.
Yeah.
You to send more.
Mm-hmm.
So we cannot in our striving tobe like him, refuse to forgive.
And I say that knowing how difficultthat can actually be, but we need
(42:20):
to remember that in forgiving.
We're not saying Do whatever you want to.
It's fine.
I'll just forgive you.
It's okay.
I'm just gonna lay here andlet you wipe your feet on me.
It's okay.
No, that's not okay.
But in forgiving somebody, you arereleasing the power and hold they
have on your life because God doesnot want you walking through life
(42:43):
carrying the weight of what others havechosen to do that isn't ours to carry.
I've carried that weight for decades andit had me on my face, in the dirt, on
the ground, incapable of even standingup anymore that I'm not gonna forgive.
(43:05):
But then all I did was thinkabout what was done to me.
I focused on that and I ate it up.
But when you do that and youeat that junk and that poison,
you wanna forget about it.
So for me, it was thebottle, 40 years of it.
I can drink it away, I can drink itaway, I can drink it away, it'll be fine.
(43:29):
It just got worse and worse andworse until forgiveness happened.
And then you find out thatfreedom is right there.
Oh, and we talked before aboutshame and how destructive shame can
be, whether we shame other peopleor we bear the shame ourself.
(43:50):
There's so much in my life I couldsit and just weep in, shame over.
I'm telling you, if moments of my pastwere flashing on this screen behind
me as I talk, people would be like.
What,
what her what?
And I'd be like, that was me.
(44:12):
But the worst part of it forme is not that you would know.
The worst part for me came when I'm like,God was right with me when I was doing it.
Like he was there.
That's where my shame came from becausethat's when I realized how far I'd
(44:35):
gone from God, how I justified actions,because it's not hurting anybody.
It's my life.
I can choose to do what I want.
And you know, those overlyreligious types aren't gonna
keep all their rules on my life.
And it's,
I think everybody here has probably triedto justify actions by many different ways.
(45:02):
But at the end of the day, when wesit with the knowledge of what we
have done, shame can destroy us.
Shame was a huge part of my addiction.
Also, just living with shame.
And my shame wasn't even initiallymine to carry, and then I heaped
(45:22):
plenty of my own on top of it.
Shame is a killer, but if we knowthat, why do we shame other people?
And again, start in your own homewith your partner if you have
one in children, if you have one.
Do we shame them in the way wetreat them and act towards them?
(45:46):
The words that we say, dowe belittle or humiliate?
Do we remind them ofwhat they've done wrong?
Make sure they knowwhat they've done wrong?
Or do we lift up and build andedify because shame is horribly
(46:07):
destructive, but so is envy.
Hmm.
Has anybody ever envied, have youever wanted something like really bad?
You know, I can start the thing offwith like, I still want my little goats
and my cute little fluffy cow, and Iwould like a horse and a whole farm.
Can I just have a whole farm?
(46:28):
But I can't get to thepoint where I envy it.
I lived with that for a long time, butI also envied people that lived in a
better neighborhood and a better house.
Ooh, that's a really nice car.
I love that outfit.
Oh, they're all professional andthey got their life together.
I wish I was professionaland had my life together.
(46:52):
Oh, she looks really good.
How come I can't look good like that?
People would like memore if I look like that.
Why can't I have that body?
Why can't I have this?
Why can't I be intelligent like that?
Why can't I be a gifted athlete like that?
There's so many things that we envy
(47:13):
and have we taken the time to evenget to know the person we're envying?
What did it cost them to havewhat they have growing up?
The epitome was to have a beautiful homein a beautiful neighborhood with two brand
new cars in the garage because homeownerswon't let you leave them parked on the
driveway and no toys up front 'causehomeowners won't let you have those.
(47:36):
But in the backyard and the pool and,and that, I envied that because so
many people I knew had those things.
I have the benefit now of knowing whatit cost them to have those things.
The relationships inside those homeswere horrible because in those homes of
(47:57):
the people I knew, there were men thatwere working at least two full-time jobs
to maintain this lifestyle because ontop of it, they had to send them to a
Christian school that cost 4,000 a kid.
And then you're calledto have a bunch of kids.
So in our house, that meant myparents were obligated right out
(48:17):
of the gate to pay church budget.
That was set.
You were told how much you had to pay andthey gave you envelopes, and if you didn't
put it in the plate, you got a phone call.
And then 16,000 a year had to gofor education right off the top.
And then you can start working about howand shoes and clothing, that's backwards.
(48:41):
That is backwards.
I would've rather had my dad home.
'cause I never really got to knowmy dad because he was never home.
I,
(49:02):
which meant my mother was left to doit all the child rearing on her own.
But she confided later in life.
She never wanted to be amom that stayed at home.
She wanted a career in work,but it wasn't allowed then.
So she had envy of something shewanted and she resented being a mother.
My father was resenting thiswhole weight of trying to provide,
(49:25):
'cause he always had to be gone.
So he was cranky when he got home.
So their relationship, I grew up witha volatile set of parents in my home.
They were always screamingabout money, always.
And we're sitting there having to listento this and trying to keep everybody
happy, but it ingrained in us this factthat having this stuff is everything.
(49:50):
That's what you want and something'swrong that we don't have it.
So if we get it, thenthings will be better.
But no, the whole thing was skewed fromthe get go because a priority was wrong.
Don't envy those that have, becausequite often the price to have it is huge.
I would rather have what I have todayin this relationship that I have,
(50:15):
which is less than I've had in a verylong time, but in every other aspect,
it's far greater than anything I'veever had because when you're talking
about commas or no commas in your bankaccount, I could really care less.
God is providing and we have enough.
I am grateful that I no longer envy.
(50:39):
Wealthy people and all this stuff theyhave because it's just stuff, stuff.
But then we can get down to this.
You're sitting in your home,you're in your relationship.
You start looking around.
It's like, oh, the neighbor'srelationship looks better though.
(51:03):
Oh, the neighbor's.
The neighbor's husbandlooks so much better.
Mine sure's got thisdad bond thing going on.
But look at him.
Oh, look at his wife.
How come?
How come you can't look like her?
She had kids too.
What?
You know that stuff's hurtful.
(51:25):
Keep your eyes in your own home.
Keep your eyes in your own house.
Don't envy what somebody else hasbecause they were given that by God.
He gave you what you have.
(51:46):
If you don't have a relationship,
I understand that we are wired to havethat and desire it, but don't let your
envy over not having it turn you into anugly person full of bitterness and ugh,
because I don't have what's wrong with me.
(52:10):
Nothing.
We've mentioned before, God sayssingleness is actually a blessing.
We just forget to talk about that.
It's a gift from God that few areable to do, but we treat it as
if, well, what's wrong with me?
Nobody wants me.
(52:32):
God does.
Is that nothing?
So we can start there.
The issue with all of thesethings is because of this,
we're destroying whatGod has intended for you.
(52:52):
He has a plan and a calling on your life.
He created you, formed you, gave you tothe parents you have with everything that
you have in the house, you have or don'thave vehicles, you have or don't have.
Maybe a lot of clothes.
Maybe you've got an outfitor two, doesn't matter.
God decided that and he's like, Ilove this one so much and I have a
(53:16):
plan and a calling on their life,and he has his whole plan and calling
set up for mom and dad and the kids.
And in that environment peoplethrive, but we've got sin.
And because of that, we have all thesecracks and brokenness and what should be
(53:39):
this beautiful, beautiful thing, and wedon't stop to realize how often we are
killing people over and over and over.
We're destroying their spirit.
They don't follow thecalling on their life.
They no longer feel theirworth and their value.
(54:04):
They now see themself as brokenand unworthy, always trying
to do better and be better.
Like we break people
young and old.
I especially worry about ourkids and what they hear both
at home and outside of home.
(54:26):
What's said to them?
Our children are broken.
All the time in a way that killstheir spirits, but we do it to
each other behind their back.
It's almost worse.
It's not even, almost that is worse.
If you have something to sayabout somebody, make sure
(54:48):
they're there when you say it.
Hmm.
Are there things you wouldn'tsay because they were there?
I'll say, for me, that changes a lot.
(55:08):
If what you're saying about somebodyis not something you would say if they
were standing right in front of you.
Keep your mouth shut.
Amen.
That's right.
Why do we feel the need to say it?
I,
why do we tear people down?
(55:29):
When they're not around, whydo as soon as they leave, do we
start talking, oh, did you hear?
Are we trying to make ourself look better?
Maybe like, oh, I didn't do that.
It's really easy to do though.
You get real caught up in it.
(55:51):
Yes, there are times when situationsget talked about, but if you can't
express that you have care for themin a way that's like, I gotta pray
over this situation and pray for them.
If you're gonna be talking aboutsomebody with somebody, at least
make sure they know that you lovethem enough to pray about them.
(56:13):
But if your whole goal is to makesure I tell you the latest dirt
that I have on somebody, if somebodyapproaches you with that, be the
person that says, why don't we invitethem over so we can talk about it.
And maybe shut it down.
(56:33):
We're just as guilty as those doingthe talking if we don't shut it down.
Because I have witnessed and heard andbeen part of conversations that have
destroyed people behind their back.
It has ruined their name, theirreputation, and that I'm also
on the receiving end of that.
(56:55):
It doesn't feel good.
Why would I wanna do it to other people?
Because that is part of the thou shaltnot murder that God's talking about.
God didn't simply talk about thephysical ending of a life, what he means.
(57:15):
This is even having hate towardssomebody, having ill will and bad
feelings, envy, jealousy, lust, greed.
All this stuff.
Judgment, indifference, neglect.
These are all forms of murder.
The way God talks about do not murder.
(57:46):
These are all things that we all do.
We're human beings.
We wanna be top dog.
We wanna be the person.
So it can be really easy toclimb over people to get there.
Oh, well, if they want it,they can put the work in.
But that's not what Godcalled us to 'cause.
(58:08):
God called us to bepeople who love and serve.
People who love and serve aren'tactively out there trying to destroy.
There's been a lot ofdestroying of people.
Lots of talk in behind backs.
(58:31):
I am not innocent myself.
And I had to take that one up before God.
And sometimes I have to do that with thepeople that happen to because I was wrong.
I've challenged myself, and I'm gonnachallenge you also to be people who
(58:52):
don't willingly choose to be part ofit, that you don't jump on the dog pile.
And I think you all know what I mean.
My favorite thing to watch isthis ridiculous online stuff.
It's so easy to be a cruel bullyonline, and I'm sick of it.
(59:13):
I hate reading the things I readsimply 'cause pe Oh, I can, I'm just
gonna drop this right here becauseI can don't even know 'em, but my 2
cents are gonna count and it's ugly.
And it's hateful.
This dog pile mentality.
The first one goes in for a bite.
There's a whole, oh, okay.
(59:34):
I'll do that too.
Let's jump on 'em.
Do we ever stop to think aboutthe one getting jumped on?
Does anybody care?
Anybody?
Yeah.
Try to care once and guess what?
They jump on you.
But we have to be people thatare willing to take that.
(59:57):
That atmosphere is one thatI just want to be away from.
I don't want that to be a normalexpected thing in this space.
I don't want it in my life.
I want us to be a people thatrecognize that everybody we see and
(01:00:19):
interact with is a loved created.
Human being known by God
that God is listening, watching, andknows every single thing we're choosing
to do all the words we're choosing touse the way that we're speaking to people
(01:00:39):
the way we may be using people ball.
If the person in your life doesn'tknow you're using them, get that
straight with 'em now becausethat's a special kind of cruelty.
Don't use people to your benefit.
Don't climb over themto make yourself better.
(01:01:01):
Don't neglect them because otherthings are more important than
people in your life, because I'mtelling you, people should be the
most important things in your life.
You need to take careof those relationships.
We murder them through neglect.
And not taking care of how many greatfriendships do we do, do we not have
(01:01:26):
because we're too busy to have 'em.
I'm guilty of that.
My relationship with people ismore important than my busyness.
If I'm too busy
to be working to get it right withthe people in my life, I need to
(01:01:46):
take some busyness off my platebecause I am called to serve and
I'm not called to serve my job.
We are called to serve each other.
(01:02:07):
It sounds real easy.
Thou shall not kill, cut and dry, right?
But it's not.
It goes far beyond just ending a life.
If we are followers of God and ofJesus, we need to love people in a way
(01:02:33):
that they also love who they are, andGod, that we love you because you are.
God created that.
Our approach is always, I am lovingand serving because I'm called
to, and that will never tear down.
That will never bully.
(01:02:54):
Oh, I don't like bullies picking onpeople smaller and weaker than you.
That makes us feel real big, doesn't it?
But we're called to uplift and to help.
And to be the person someone can turnto, we as followers of God should be the
(01:03:15):
safest people on the planet to go to.
So why is it so many people say, Iwill never go to a church service?
'cause you know what those peopleare like, oh, that one guts me.
That breaks my heart inways you cannot imagine.
'cause I was one of those peoplebecause I said I will never step
(01:03:39):
foot in a church building again.
And for 27 years I did notbecause of the people inside.
That's how much it matters howyou treat people in that aspect.
I was killed who I was 'cause I'm achild of God and it chased me away from
the people who should be my family.
(01:04:04):
That's why we need to remember thatchurch isn't this building in this space.
It's you.
And that's why this command mattersbecause you are showing people what
church is by the way you treat them.
It's not, oh, whatdenomination do you go to?
(01:04:26):
What church do you go to?
No.
I am the church.
Oh really?
Well, you're kind of mean.
Hmm.
Anybody ever met a meanjudgmental Christian?
Yeah.
No, I'm not.
But a hypocrite, so, yeah.
(01:04:47):
Yep.
So we need to remember thatwe are the church to everyone
we come in contact with.
Jesus died for all of that.
(01:05:08):
Every bit of it.
Knowing how we were gonna act and behave,knowing how we were gonna treat people,
knowing the awfulness and the murderthat we were gonna commit against people
without ending their physical life.
He knew that and he said, I got it.
I'm gonna cover that for you,
(01:05:30):
beginning of mercy.
'cause we truly did.
We just stood there guilty
and without conditions, hejust said, I forgive you.
That's it.
That easy, that simple.
(01:05:51):
And sometimes because it's sosimple, we forget how big it is.
I forgive you freely.
So why do we turn around andtreat people the way we do?
So we could put more nails in them,like we wanna repo them to the cross.
(01:06:16):
It's covered.
But if we really know that it shouldbother us when we treat people poorly,
it should bother us when we do thosethings we were talking about, we
should be deeply convicted by that.
(01:06:39):
He was completely innocent of everything.
Didn't judge anybody, didn'tkill anybody, didn't neglect
anybody, didn't do anything wrong.
We did all that and he took care of it.
So challenge yourself tothink of this commandment.
(01:07:02):
In far greater terms, notsimply the ending of a life.
Understand that we can killa person's hopes and dreams.
We can destroy their calling.
We can destroy the directionthat they were meant to go in.
(01:07:23):
We can destroy their confidence, wecan destroy their trust, all of it.
That's a kind of killing, that is cruel.
For someone not to know whothey truly are because they've
been so destroyed is horrible.
(01:07:44):
So we're here today becausewe say we're Jesus people.
That means we long to belike him and to follow him.
To live like him and to be himin this world because it's the
example that the world has.
And if you look around,the world really needs it.
The world doesn't need morepeople acting just like they are.
(01:08:07):
They don't need us to respond inkind, and that's why we're here.
So we respond differently.
And they're like, butwhy do you act that way?
Let me tell you what he's done for me.
That's why I love you, even thoughyou've done fill in the blank,
(01:08:28):
because I want you to know Jesus.
If it's too hard for you to do it for you,remember who you're really doing it for,
and it gets a lot easier to be kind andloving and good to even those who aren't
kind, loving and good to you becausedo we really want them lost in that?
(01:08:53):
Or do we want them to know Jesus too?
Ask yourself that carefully.
When somebody does you wrong,what is your wish for them?
Go to hell.
Or can I tell you about God?
I want you to know God sothey can be free from that.
'cause imagine that's abondage that they're in.
(01:09:17):
That's what we're fighting.
Not the person.
Take pity on and love that person thatis trapped in bondage and not in freedom.
'cause that's where ugliness comes from.
That's where all this hatredand awfulness comes from.
It's an ugly, awful kind of bondage.
(01:09:39):
So don't be like that.
Be different.
That's where Jesus was radical andthat's what we're called to be.
All we have to do is just love people.
(01:10:02):
That's it.
Where they're at as they are, love them.
And besides, chances are peoplealready know where they're screwing up.
I don't think they need us to tell 'em.
I already, I knew where I got it wrong.
This has been anotherconvicting one for me this week.
(01:10:26):
I start to realize those littlethings that I do all the time.
So I'm hoping that like me, we're gonnabe challenged to react and respond
to people differently, to be better,to pray for people instead of cursing
people and to pour into our families andpeople before pouring into other things.
(01:10:57):
I am so grateful
for a God that understands ourfailings and gave us a way out of it.
I'm just gonna close with that.
There's so much rattling around inmy brain, but, um, I hope that you
(01:11:20):
heard God in this, that if there wassomething in your life that needed
convicting on, that you were convicted.
Maybe I'm the only one, but Iwas, I wanna be better to people.
I'm going to do better.
And what that means is I'm no longergonna be a safe place for people
who are trying to destroy somebody.
(01:11:43):
I will gently shut that down.
Because I'm not gonna allow people whoaren't present to be destroyed by people
who are, because it's just not fair.
And God says, no,
God help me.
So, so, um, I'm justgonna finish on that note.
(01:12:06):
We will, um, sing our last songClose in Prayer, and we have lunch
downstairs for anyone that wouldlike to stay and eat with us.
All right, so let's openwith prayer a moment.
Father God, I thank you for this beautifulday, for the beautiful yesterday.
I'm so grateful for this breakin this super hot, humid weather.
But God, I'm grateful for everyday that you send to us here.
I'm grateful for everyperson that is here.
(00:21):
I pray your blessings over allof us as we are here today.
I pray that it's you andyou only that is heard.
I pray that your spirit fills aspace, father, that it fills not
just a space, but each of us in here.
'cause as we've often said, thisbuilding, Lord, this is not the church.
This is not.
(00:44):
A place where we go to findyou because you are in us.
We father are the church.
Your people father who arefilled with your spirit, are
a living, breathing church.
And I pray that we are a living,breathing testimony to our Father.
God, help us be prepared to hear whatyou have to say on this topic today.
Father, give me your words and not mine.
(01:07):
Give me out of the way so it isonly you that is in this space.
I thank you for your son Jesus, whothrough through him, we have that
eternal promise of life with you inheaven, that this is not it for us.
And we have so much hope and joy in that.
Thank you Father for everythingin your name we pray.
(01:30):
Amen.
Amen.
Ah, the What If book.
I think I just enjoy doing this so youall get to do it with me every Sunday.
Uh, for you that don't know thisbook titled Simply What If is
written by a woman named Ann Smith.
She was 100 years old when she putto paper a list of questions that all
(01:52):
started with what If, but it's wisdomthat she's gained from her life today.
I opened to this and decided to stickwith it, and it simply says, what if
I find it hard to rejoice with thosewho got something that I wanted?
Hmm.
(02:13):
Those are hard things.
I have, um, been in a positionwhere the struggle was very real
to let me get this to turn on here.
I have wanted things and then Igot to watch other people receive
it, and those can be difficult.
(02:34):
There we go.
Ah, we're going through the commandments.
We're talking about them individuallyin a way that we can maybe see what
does it mean to live these today?
We're on this one this week, andyou're like, well, that's a no brainer.
We all know that, right?
(02:54):
You shall not murder.
Pretty simple and straightforward.
Exodus 20, verse 13, very simplyin the message version says,
no murder cut and dry this.
Remember, it's referringto the unjust killing.
Things get a lot more gray when we'retalking warfare and capital punishment.
(03:20):
But even those now I sit and I haveto think about and understand and
look at it in a God perspective, andit gets mucky and sticky and hard
warfare.
That one hits home because I have a sonthat's serving in the Marine Corps now and
(03:41):
is overseas in the Middle East right now.
I have to sit and think about that.
I have to think about what he's calledto do in times I haven't talked, haven't
that conversation with him, but I, Iknow he's been called to do hard things.
It's part of his job and wherehe goes, it's, it's, it's part
(04:05):
of what he is called to do.
My nephew is, um, going throughit, trying to get that piece of it.
He's newly out of the Marine Corps.
He also was in the Middle East.
He was also at cabal when that happened.
My nephew was called to warfare andhe is suffering with the effects
(04:31):
after even knowing in that space.
He didn't have a choice outside ofwhat he had to do, but it doesn't
mean the torment didn't follow him.
That's the awfulness of war.
It is these, these people overthere serving our country.
They're our kids.
It's my kids and it's my nephew.
(04:51):
And I can tell you they're not over there.
A bunch of gun happy peoplelooking to shoot people.
I can tell you they're not.
My son died over there, so I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
It's a hard thing.
Warfare.
It's an ugly thing, but as long asthere's human beings on this earth,
it's gonna happen because men.
(05:12):
And women.
Humans, we have this thing and thisneed for power to be the top dog.
And some people are willing to do anythingand then there's capital punishment
and you can make that eithera very black and white issue
or we can make it very gray.
There's a, I was a very black andwhite issue girl before certain crimes.
(05:35):
I'm like, give me the gun.
I'm a real good shot andwe can take care of this.
And now I have to look at it through thelens of God and it makes it harder for me.
And sometimes I wish it wasn't harderbecause it causes me to spend a lot
of time sitting with things thataren't black and white anymore.
There's a, a luxury, I think, to befound in black and white thinking.
(05:56):
'cause it's simple.
It's either this or it's this.
I don't have that anymore.
The more my understanding of God grows,the more I can understand that everybody,
including those that do the worst.
Of the worst of the worst, andeverybody likely is thinking in
(06:16):
their mind right now, people that youknow are up for capital punishment.
And it typically comes down toone segment of the population.
Let's just say it pedophiles, we, Ihear all the time, everybody's ready to
load right now, I'm gonna take care ofit, hunt them down and shoot him dead.
I used to be one of those becauseI was one of their victims, but now
(06:38):
I'm like, can I tell you about God?
I'm not saying you don't deservepunishment because you do.
Some things do deserve a price to be paid.
You don't escape that price.
(07:01):
But I also deserved death.
I didn't deserve heaven and God inhis great mercy loves me so much.
That I now know whereI'm gonna spend forever.
But as I've gotten deeper intohim, the more my heart is longing
that everybody, everybody on thisplanet, I long for them to be there.
(07:27):
I don't know how I got there outsideof God, because humanly speaking,
my mind doesn't wanna go there.
And there are people that I'm like,God, do you really call me to love 'em?
Really?
And he says, yeah, I do.
I do.
(07:47):
And he shows us how that's done.
And, um, what I thought wasimpossible is in fact not impossible.
So I just wanted from the beginning toclear up that when it says no murder,
it is talking about that unjust murder.
You made me mad.
(08:08):
I am gonna take care of it.
I want what you have, so I'm gonnaeliminate you so I can have it.
We're talking about thatunjust type of killing.
But
the thing is, every single one ofus are murderers because the Bible
also says this Acts two, verse 23.
(08:30):
You nailed him to across and murdered him.
So how did we do that?
Like I didn't physicallyend the human life of Jesus.
I didn't nail the nailson the cross physically.
I didn't mock him atthat moment physically.
(08:51):
'cause I didn't exist yet.
I wasn't here, but I share in this.
I share in this.
I am a murderer in that aspect.
I killed Jesus.
And there's no getting around that.
There's point blank nogetting around that fact.
(09:14):
So if I'm guilty of this,
it makes it a little bit easier for meto understand what God is calling me to
towards others who chooseactions that we judge severely.
'cause God's like, but child, you murderedmy son and I love you and he died for you.
(09:40):
So let's talk about thedifferent ways this happens.
Matthew 5 21 through 22 says,you're familiar with the command
to the anxious do not murder.
But I'm telling you that anyone whois so much as angry with a brother
or sister is guilty of murder.
(10:01):
Am I the only one here that'sever been angry at somebody?
I don't think so.
So I had plate clearing to do today.
I had some anger towards some peoplein my heart, like I had some anger
and I'll just be very open about it.
I've been struggling with it this week.
(10:23):
Anger over some unfairnessand not rightness.
I had to let that go and give that to God.
But this makes his commandmenta whole different thing for us.
See it Before Jesus,Israel was under the law.
(10:45):
They had to keep the law.
It was, God knew that they couldn't doit perfectly, but there was just hundreds
of laws that they had to follow, andit covered every aspect of their life.
It's all that they had as anatonement for their choice of sin.
So they, you know.
(11:05):
Would look to the law so they wouldknow what is right and what is wrong.
After Jesus died on the crossand we received the spirit,
we're no longer bound by law.
We don't have to follow all those oldreligious laws as we find it in the Old
Testament, because Jesus fulfilled themand people are like, well, that's great.
(11:26):
I can do whatever I want.
Well, it doesn't say that.
It does not say that because people thatare filled with the spirit are not gonna
be out trying to sin simply because I can.
Well, if Jesus covered it all, whycan't I just do whatever I want?
Thanks Jesus.
(11:48):
Thank you.
I'm gonna go, you know I'm gonnahave this affair, but it's okay.
Jesus covered it.
No big deal.
I just say I'm sorry.
Sorry.
God.
Thanks for covering it.
Yeah, I lied, but everybodylies all the time.
Jesus covered it.
When you sit and think about that though,
(12:12):
it's like every single time it's like I'mkilling him again and again and again.
Thank you, Jesus, for what you did.
So I'm gonna go do it again.
You're amazing.
And the more I sat and thought aboutit like that, the more I'm like,
I'm really starting to feel kindof icky thinking about it that way.
(12:39):
These things kill words, hatred, neglect,judgment, indifference, unforgiveness,
shame, envy because of this.
Because they can destroyidentities of ours and others.
So like words.
(13:00):
Sticks and stones may break mybones, but words will never hurt me.
That's crap.
I don't believe that for a second,
tell a child, growing up in harshnessand ugliness with awful words, getting
thrown at 'em, that doesn't hurt you.
Is that true?
No, no, no.
(13:22):
It destroys them, but itdoesn't just stop with children.
What we say to each other has power,
the feelings behind it,the way that it's brought.
You don't get the privilegeto say, it's just words.
Get over it.
(13:43):
No words are that serious.
How we talk to each other, how wetalk to the people we live with.
Let's start there.
I can remember growing upgetting ready for church.
You know, by the time you get to churchand you walk in the door, all the kids
(14:04):
are smiling and looking clean and thehair's all done and mom and dad are
just like, here we are looking great.
Oh, the getting ready at home and thedrive to church was, you know, just at
each other and fighting and bickeringand mom and dad are mad and you better
not misbehave in church and in abackhand across the seat and whatever.
(14:29):
I mean, but then you walkin and everything's fine.
The walking into church lookinglike everything fine is the lie
because the reality was the uglinessin words before because, you know,
we're getting ready to go to church.
I dreaded Sundays like, 'cause everythingchanged and it was like all these
(14:50):
different rules and the fake smile onmy face all day and and those things.
And it happens over and over and I get itto a point, but still it's a fake thing.
But words,
and sometimes we justify our words thatwe say to others by, but it was the truth.
(15:15):
I just spoke the truth.
Well, I watched you speaking thetruth to them, and it was obvious
that your intent was to, I'm justgonna jab 'em because it's the truth.
So I have a right to say this.
Speak the truth in love.
That's what the Bible says.
(15:37):
Yes, we are called to speak the truth.
But that doesn't give us theright to say it how we want to.
'cause it's the truth.
So if you don't like it, that's too bad.
It's the truth.
No, you have to care about it.
You have to care about what it lookslike, sounds like in his received on the
other side of your words that matters.
(15:57):
Speak truth, but speak it in love.
Speak gently to your childreneven in correction, because
they're learning from you.
Our kids didn't show up onthis planet knowing it all.
They looked to you forinstruction and guidance.
You know, I think back to when myhorse had a fo, did that little,
(16:20):
that little one know anythingyet it was learning from mom.
Did it know what to do when I firstput a halter on and then a lead rope?
Oh no.
All it new is like something weird isgoing on my head and now there's this rope
and it's pulling back and now you know.
I could have been one of two ways.
(16:42):
I watch people very much intoa, I'm gonna break 'em, and
that's literally what they do.
It's, they believe very much thatyou break the spirit of this animal.
So then they're just gonnalisten because they're broken.
It's the same thing why they'll chainup a baby elephant so it can't move.
And then when it's an adult,it's as twine and it still
(17:04):
stands there like, I can't move.
This is all it is.
And it's forever held by somethingthat it could easily walk away from,
but its spirit, but gone and broken.
I didn't AP approach my horse that way.
It took patience and gentleness.
I had to earnest trust.
And as soon as this little one decidedthat I was trustworthy, it wasn't
(17:28):
afraid anymore, I didn't yell andget loud and scream because even
an animal knows that those words.
They'll react to it.
So imagine our children.
Why are we loud and harsh and angry?
Why is punishment the first thing they'relearning and they need us for that?
(17:51):
Words matter.
And then hatred.
That's kind of an easy one.
Oh, but
let's go back to where my son is.
He's in the Middle East.
How easy do you think it is forme to have hatred in my heart
for the other side, for theirreligion and the way they live?
(18:17):
Let's just start with theway women are treated.
That gets my blood boiling.
'cause I happen to be a woman.
And the idea of living that wayis appalling to me that my young
daughter would be taken and marriedto some old man when she's like nine.
My heart.
I had to fight hate.
(18:40):
I had to fight hate because Iknow what they would do to my boy.
I have to fight hate,
but hatred
isn't part of who God is, right?
We talk often about who God isand who God is, and if God is all
(19:02):
good and is only capable of good,the only hate that can come in is
for that, which is the opposite.
We can't be filled with hate, but wecan hate hate because that's the devil,
but don't be filled by it.
We can only be filledif you're a child of God
(19:26):
with love.
And then I'm like.
How do I love people so
openly against my God andmy faith and my belief,
(19:47):
and God's like, have youtried praying for them?
Because what you hate isn't them.
It's the spirit that's in them.
It gets easier for me when Iremember where it comes from.
Neglect,
neglecting the people in ourlives that God has brought into
(20:08):
our lives is a form of killing.
Let's say God has called youto relationship a marriage
relationship, and you're nowliving in a home with this person.
Are you taking care of thatrelationship as your first priority?
Because God does call you to thatyour partner is your first priority.
(20:30):
Before your job, before your friends,and yes, even before your kids.
So why is it so often thatthe one we live in is the one
who receives the worst of us?
Why is that the one that were like, theyknow I love 'em, so I had a bad day.
(20:53):
I am gonna unload.
You're gonna receive all the junk.
I couldn't take out on other people.
Hey, sorry, had a bad day.
No, that, sorry, I had a bad day.
That doesn't justify it.
We have a calling and a responsibility tonot neglect what God says is the priority.
(21:16):
Start with God and thenstart in your home.
Don't neglect there.
Even the whole, but I'm working.
I'm gone all the time.
I gotta work and then I'mgonna have another job.
And then this, I'm busy all the time.
I don't have time for this.
They know that I love them.
What, what more do they need?
I tell 'em,
(21:37):
what does a good relationship look like?
Somebody that just flies in, where's myplate of food and leaves the dishes on the
thing, and then there's the dirty clothesand I'm going to bed and I'm tired.
Like, okay, and do the dishesand do the clothes, and, and
that was the extent of it.
And then you wake up in the morningand it's another busy day and gotta go.
(22:00):
And have you checked in?
Have you talked?
Have you connected?
Have you taken time together?
Because that's neglect of a relationship.
And the more that happens, you'renot gonna get closer and closer.
That relationship.
What happens to a gardenthat you don't neglect?
(22:22):
Pretty soon you're trying to find yourvegetables underneath all those weeds
because those weeds, they come quick.
I think, Dave, you know that I thinkyou've been working in the garden.
Weeds will take over quickly.
And the same thing happens in our lives.
If we're not getting the weeds outof our lives, they will take over and
you're gonna have to start digging tofind what used to be so tend to those
(22:44):
relationships at home, don't neglect them.
And then once you've gotten that goodand you're solid, that good united
front, if you are in a relationship, ifyou have children, don't neglect them.
When you have been given children, youhave a calling on your life to raise
(23:06):
them and lead them and instruct them.
And I've realized we all come fromall kinds of backgrounds with all
kinds of different experiences.
You know most of you here that Ihave some very broken relationships
with four of my six kids.
That guts me and it will, until that'seither repaired or I get to heaven.
(23:31):
That's just the reality of my life.
But even then, I'm notcalled to neglect that.
It was my daughter's birthday yesterday.
She won't talk to me, but you betterbelieve I'm gonna send love in a
happy birthday with no expectation.
I will not neglect the relationship.
I'm still their mom.
If you have children athome, it is important that
(23:54):
you take the time with them.
I don't care how busy you are and howtired you are, that's not their fault.
They are still children who need you.
They need your time and yourattention before you have another
busy project to do out in the garage.
Are in the basement or with the guys or,or, but I have a bowling league or a ball
(24:20):
league or a this league or a that league.
No, if your kids already aren'tgetting any of you, those leagues
can wait, but your kids can't.
And I'm saying this as amother who is way too busy.
I was either working as much overtimeas I could as a paramedic and then
(24:40):
dealing with life, you know, 'causeI don't drink in front of my kids.
You know, I would drink right after workat the bar and then that got a little bit
long before I'd finally get rolling home.
I neglected my kids
hard to say yes, but it's truth.
It's the reality of it.
(25:02):
Make people in your life a priority.
That relationship.
Your kids, your friends, theseare important people in life.
The most important thing inyour world is not your job.
It is not your bank account.
It is not the house you live in,the car you drive, the clothes
(25:24):
you wear, the neighborhood youlive in, the state you live in.
It is how you treat people.
Amen.
That's right.
We got it reallybackwards in this country.
You know, the great American dream ismy great American nightmare because it
(25:45):
sure takes us away from trusting God.
Oh, judgment.
Ah, this judgment is destructive to us.
Into others.
I dare say more so to us becauseremember God's saying, oh,
(26:07):
the same way you judge people.
I'm just letting you know I'm goingto use the same standard on you.
How many of you would change theway you judged people if you knew
God was waiting to do that to you?
As soon as you got done?
If you're like me, it will change becauseI changed or I'm working to change.
(26:30):
I was judgy.
Judgers son could have changed my nameto that because I got it all figured
out and I can tell people how you shouldlive your life so you can get it right.
That's kind of embarrassing because alot of that I've now had to backtrack
from because I was really wrong.
But we can judge so many things.
(26:52):
We can judge other religions, we canjudge cultures, we can judge races.
We can judge in politics.
We can judge, judge, judge,and judge all the time.
And then we get down to,
(27:16):
we'll judge somebody on their appearance.
We'll judge somebody on, didyou see what they were wearing?
Are you kidding me?
Mm-hmm.
It's like, I'd never drive that.
How embarrassing.
Oh, that hair.
(27:36):
Oh man.
Somebody give that one a cheeseburger.
Somebody take the cheeseburger away.
I mean, it goes on and on.
It's endless.
It's endless.
For the women in here, we arewell versed in it because boy
advertising sure gets used to tellus what we're supposed to look like.
(28:02):
I can't speak for the men because I'ma girl and I see that kind of stuff.
I don't know if it does the same to you,but we're constantly bombarded with being
shown what we're supposed to look like.
And I can tell you right now,I don't look anything like what
you're supposed to look like.
(28:23):
None of it.
I started looking just outtacuriosity, what's the current trend?
And I'm like, when did that all happen?
Because last year I think it wassomething else completely, and I'm
talking even body modification.
What used to be up top and out frontis now this surgical stuff like.
(28:48):
I'm like, what?
Like really, really suck.
It's the, that's the latest and greatest.
It's what they're doing.
That's right.
And I said it before Igrew up in the eighties.
We didn't want that junk in the trunk.
I said that last week, and nowthey're like going like the BBL.
(29:09):
I'm like the BBL.
They're like, what?
It looks ridiculous.
It's awful.
And it's so unnatural.
But we're like, there's girlsthat are going to the gym trying
to look like this influencer.
And I'm like, girl, that's all surgery.
And she's trying to pretendthat those heavy weights, which
(29:30):
aren't even real, they're fake.
You know?
She ain't lifting no 600 pounds.
I'm telling you, girl, it's a lie.
But they fall for it.
If we go to the gym anddo these few little.
Like this one girl's, like, all yougotta do is this and it's gonna be huge.
You're gonna have this huge, andI'm like, that ain't gonna work.
(29:50):
It's not gonna, it's not.
And then I found myself just simplywanting to cry because this stuff has left
me literally broken at home because itwas impossible to ever be the standard.
'cause we all want to be attractive andappealing and desirable and beautiful,
(30:17):
but we all come packaged so differently
and then we get advertising tryingto make us all these little cookie
cutters because this is the IT thing.
No, it's not.
The IT thing is exactly how youare and how you were created.
That to me is the IT thing.
That's the desired thing.
(30:37):
It is shocking to me.
That it took me until 57 years old torealize I am the happiest just as I am
gray hair, no makeup, wearing, whateverI wanna wear, accepting that this body
that I have is just the one I have.
I don't need A BBL oranything else they're doing.
(31:00):
I just don't.
My God says, come as you are.
Come as you are the way He made you.
Because he looks at me and he looks atyou, says, man, isn't she beautiful?
Isn't he amazing?
They perfect.
Look what I've done.
All the different colors, thedifferences in hair, the differences
(31:23):
in eye colors, skin color, all of it.
It's beautiful.
I think of a flower garden,if it was all one flower.
How often would we stop to look at it?
We wouldn't because we've seenit a million times, but it's the
variety that makes it beautiful.
(31:44):
And the same is truewith people in clothing.
Like seriously, is itreally that big of a deal?
It just puts somethingon and call it good.
Do you like it?
That's great.
That's great.
Wear it.
Who cares?
Who cares about the brand and the logo?
Who cares if it was used or brand new?
Who really cares?
(32:06):
Seriously, who cares ifyou've worn this outfit?
I got it like eight years ago.
I've got some things in mywardrobe that are that old and
they're some of my favorites.
I still love 'em and I don'twear them out anywhere.
Why?
Because they're eight years old.
Why not?
Who cares?
It's clothes.
(32:27):
It's clothes.
It's so silly.
But we get so cruel inthe way we judge people.
But I think the worst is whenwe judge people on things.
They have no control over race.
(32:47):
Who here got to put in theorder for what you were gonna
look like when you were born?
Anybody?
I didn't.
I just happened to have been bornwhite with brown hair and blue eyes.
Five feet, four.
That's, that's how God made me.
(33:08):
I couldn't change that if I wanted to.
My son-in-law was born a black man.
He didn't put an order in for that.
God said, and this is verygood, just like to me.
(33:28):
Asian, Hispanic, all of them.
That's of God.
And we judge that as lesser or better.
That judging, no matter whereit's coming from, I don't care
what side it's on, is wrong.
(33:48):
Not a single one of us decided, nota single one of us could change it.
I couldn't make myself ablack female if I wanted to.
And a black man can'tmake himself a white man.
None of us can.
God ordered that
(34:09):
and dictated that.
The judgment on, ugh,
if they would just work hard, theycould have the things that I have to.
If they wouldn't have made thesedecisions and choices, you know, these
addicts and whatnot, and I was like, wow,
(34:32):
it's been interesting for me to be onthis side of things to be an addict.
It's like, uh, I'm, Iam who I used to judge.
If they cared enough, they'd stop.
Anybody heard that one?
If you cared, you'd stop.
(34:52):
Don't you love us?
If you loved us, you wouldn't do this.
Boy, that's not true, is it at all?
So instead, I now have an understanding.
And having an understanding isso much better than judgment.
Any day.
(35:14):
Just stop with the judging and maybetry to understand and learn more.
So you know how to loveproperly indifference?
Nah, don't care.
Doesn't affect me.
So I don't care.
There's a lot going on in thisworld that as Christians we're
(35:35):
called to care about and we don't,
I'm gonna say it again.
Slavery.
We're like, oh, but AbrahamLincoln took care of slavery.
Oh really?
There's over a million people that areconsidered in slavery in the US right
now, and that's just in the US 'causethere's tens of millions around the globe
(35:57):
at minimum.
And I'm talking slavery and I'mtalking from children on up everywhere.
And we're like, huh, but we're here.
It doesn't affect us, but it doesbecause guess where we get all those
cheap things we like to buy or where?
(36:17):
And yeah, I'm going back to thisone because it leaves me unsettled
every time I make those purchasesbecause now I can't not see
how this is made and manufactured andcan I still say, oh, but it's cheap and
I don't have that much money to buy it.
You know, like made in the US ata factory by people making a wage.
(36:42):
So I gotta get the cheap stuffbecause I can afford that and I
want it so it doesn't affect meand I can't do anything about it.
I can stop buying it.
It's not as easy as I thought.
It's not that easy because we are verydriven in this country to have things.
(37:09):
Just watch the delivery trucks outand about nonstop everywhere in this.
I will just say in our county room,room, room, room, seven days a week,
all hours of the day, growing up,you didn't have that happening.
There weren't packages being delivered allhours of the day at these frantic paces.
(37:34):
But our desire to have isdriving that and the lower the
prices get, guess what happens?
The more people are buying, right.
That's real good for the peopleselling it that don't have to pay.
Their labor works out great for them.
(37:55):
We have to care, even when it seemslike we can't make a difference because
when God's people collectively start tocare, maybe something can change and be
different, being indifferent to people.
That we have the ability to helpand choose not to 'cause they knew
(38:16):
better, told them they knew better.
I wish God gave out passes so we couldfeel better about just walking on by.
We're not called to easy here becausehe is asking us to look around and
(38:36):
notice when you pass by somebodywho has a need that you can help
with, I put them in your path.
What are you gonna do?
Help them.
It's what we're called to do.
I was really profoundly struck by thisminister who shared something that he did.
He took a new job at a churchand he really wanted to know
(38:59):
what his church was like.
So this man dressed as if helived on the streets, had a box
blanket, little pillow and stuff,and he just laid on the sidewalk.
In front of the church on Sundayto see what people were gonna say.
At best, they walk byand try to ignore 'em.
(39:21):
You know, kind of taking abigger, wider path around.
Other ones are like, yougotta move, you gotta leave.
You can't be here.
Imagine what that congregationthought when the person that walked
up front was the homeless man thathad been sleeping on the sidewalk
and said, I'm the minister you hired.
(39:41):
That was me on the sidewalk laying there.
I'm like, oh,
the beautiful thing though, thatchurch had a radical change.
They now are so active in theircommunity, serving people in addiction,
(40:03):
serving people who are homeless.
Their entire attitudes have changedby that one profound lesson.
They look down and judged at the one theytypically hold in the highest esteem.
That would've been a hard thing for me tosit in the pew and then watch him walk.
(40:25):
I would've been like, whatdoes he think he's doing?
There is no difference between someonewho stands up here and brings you
God's word than there is somebodylaying on the curb on the street.
(40:48):
Because we were both, wegot chickens in the house.
We were both, we were bothcreated with great love and care
by our father, God, our creator.
I am certainly no better thananybody else on this planet.
(41:09):
None of us are then on forgiveness.
If we, if you are in recovery and manyof us in here are, I think we have
learned what not forgiving does to you.
When you hang onto it and you refuseto forgive, who does that hurt you?
(41:33):
Yeah.
It destroys us.
It kills us inside.
It eats us up alive.
But if God through Jesus hasforgiven everything he said, it
is finished, that means finished.
When God says something'sfinished, it's finished.
(41:54):
That doesn't mean he is like, well,I guess I gotta go back and do more.
No, it's, it's finished.
Yeah.
You to send more.
Mm-hmm.
So we cannot in our striving tobe like him, refuse to forgive.
And I say that knowing how difficultthat can actually be, but we need
(42:20):
to remember that in forgiving.
We're not saying Do whatever you want to.
It's fine.
I'll just forgive you.
It's okay.
I'm just gonna lay here andlet you wipe your feet on me.
It's okay.
No, that's not okay.
But in forgiving somebody, you arereleasing the power and hold they
have on your life because God doesnot want you walking through life
(42:43):
carrying the weight of what others havechosen to do that isn't ours to carry.
I've carried that weight for decades andit had me on my face, in the dirt, on
the ground, incapable of even standingup anymore that I'm not gonna forgive.
(43:05):
But then all I did was thinkabout what was done to me.
I focused on that and I ate it up.
But when you do that and youeat that junk and that poison,
you wanna forget about it.
So for me, it was thebottle, 40 years of it.
I can drink it away, I can drink itaway, I can drink it away, it'll be fine.
(43:29):
It just got worse and worse andworse until forgiveness happened.
And then you find out thatfreedom is right there.
Oh, and we talked before aboutshame and how destructive shame can
be, whether we shame other peopleor we bear the shame ourself.
(43:50):
There's so much in my life I couldsit and just weep in, shame over.
I'm telling you, if moments of my pastwere flashing on this screen behind
me as I talk, people would be like.
What,
what her what?
And I'd be like, that was me.
(44:12):
But the worst part of it forme is not that you would know.
The worst part for me came when I'm like,God was right with me when I was doing it.
Like he was there.
That's where my shame came from becausethat's when I realized how far I'd
(44:35):
gone from God, how I justified actions,because it's not hurting anybody.
It's my life.
I can choose to do what I want.
And you know, those overlyreligious types aren't gonna
keep all their rules on my life.
And it's,
I think everybody here has probably triedto justify actions by many different ways.
(45:02):
But at the end of the day, when wesit with the knowledge of what we
have done, shame can destroy us.
Shame was a huge part of my addiction.
Also, just living with shame.
And my shame wasn't even initiallymine to carry, and then I heaped
(45:22):
plenty of my own on top of it.
Shame is a killer, but if we knowthat, why do we shame other people?
And again, start in your own homewith your partner if you have
one in children, if you have one.
Do we shame them in the way wetreat them and act towards them?
(45:46):
The words that we say, dowe belittle or humiliate?
Do we remind them ofwhat they've done wrong?
Make sure they knowwhat they've done wrong?
Or do we lift up and build andedify because shame is horribly
(46:07):
destructive, but so is envy.
Hmm.
Has anybody ever envied, have youever wanted something like really bad?
You know, I can start the thing offwith like, I still want my little goats
and my cute little fluffy cow, and Iwould like a horse and a whole farm.
Can I just have a whole farm?
(46:28):
But I can't get to thepoint where I envy it.
I lived with that for a long time, butI also envied people that lived in a
better neighborhood and a better house.
Ooh, that's a really nice car.
I love that outfit.
Oh, they're all professional andthey got their life together.
I wish I was professionaland had my life together.
(46:52):
Oh, she looks really good.
How come I can't look good like that?
People would like memore if I look like that.
Why can't I have that body?
Why can't I have this?
Why can't I be intelligent like that?
Why can't I be a gifted athlete like that?
There's so many things that we envy
(47:13):
and have we taken the time to evenget to know the person we're envying?
What did it cost them to havewhat they have growing up?
The epitome was to have a beautiful homein a beautiful neighborhood with two brand
new cars in the garage because homeownerswon't let you leave them parked on the
driveway and no toys up front 'causehomeowners won't let you have those.
(47:36):
But in the backyard and the pool and,and that, I envied that because so
many people I knew had those things.
I have the benefit now of knowing whatit cost them to have those things.
The relationships inside those homeswere horrible because in those homes of
(47:57):
the people I knew, there were men thatwere working at least two full-time jobs
to maintain this lifestyle because ontop of it, they had to send them to a
Christian school that cost 4,000 a kid.
And then you're calledto have a bunch of kids.
So in our house, that meant myparents were obligated right out
(48:17):
of the gate to pay church budget.
That was set.
You were told how much you had to pay andthey gave you envelopes, and if you didn't
put it in the plate, you got a phone call.
And then 16,000 a year had to gofor education right off the top.
And then you can start working about howand shoes and clothing, that's backwards.
(48:41):
That is backwards.
I would've rather had my dad home.
'cause I never really got to knowmy dad because he was never home.
I,
(49:02):
which meant my mother was left to doit all the child rearing on her own.
But she confided later in life.
She never wanted to be amom that stayed at home.
She wanted a career in work,but it wasn't allowed then.
So she had envy of something shewanted and she resented being a mother.
My father was resenting thiswhole weight of trying to provide,
(49:25):
'cause he always had to be gone.
So he was cranky when he got home.
So their relationship, I grew up witha volatile set of parents in my home.
They were always screamingabout money, always.
And we're sitting there having to listento this and trying to keep everybody
happy, but it ingrained in us this factthat having this stuff is everything.
(49:50):
That's what you want and something'swrong that we don't have it.
So if we get it, thenthings will be better.
But no, the whole thing was skewed fromthe get go because a priority was wrong.
Don't envy those that have, becausequite often the price to have it is huge.
I would rather have what I have todayin this relationship that I have,
(50:15):
which is less than I've had in a verylong time, but in every other aspect,
it's far greater than anything I'veever had because when you're talking
about commas or no commas in your bankaccount, I could really care less.
God is providing and we have enough.
I am grateful that I no longer envy.
(50:39):
Wealthy people and all this stuff theyhave because it's just stuff, stuff.
But then we can get down to this.
You're sitting in your home,you're in your relationship.
You start looking around.
It's like, oh, the neighbor'srelationship looks better though.
(51:03):
Oh, the neighbor's.
The neighbor's husbandlooks so much better.
Mine sure's got thisdad bond thing going on.
But look at him.
Oh, look at his wife.
How come?
How come you can't look like her?
She had kids too.
What?
You know that stuff's hurtful.
(51:25):
Keep your eyes in your own home.
Keep your eyes in your own house.
Don't envy what somebody else hasbecause they were given that by God.
He gave you what you have.
(51:46):
If you don't have a relationship,
I understand that we are wired to havethat and desire it, but don't let your
envy over not having it turn you into anugly person full of bitterness and ugh,
because I don't have what's wrong with me.
(52:10):
Nothing.
We've mentioned before, God sayssingleness is actually a blessing.
We just forget to talk about that.
It's a gift from God that few areable to do, but we treat it as
if, well, what's wrong with me?
Nobody wants me.
(52:32):
God does.
Is that nothing?
So we can start there.
The issue with all of thesethings is because of this,
we're destroying whatGod has intended for you.
(52:52):
He has a plan and a calling on your life.
He created you, formed you, gave you tothe parents you have with everything that
you have in the house, you have or don'thave vehicles, you have or don't have.
Maybe a lot of clothes.
Maybe you've got an outfitor two, doesn't matter.
God decided that and he's like, Ilove this one so much and I have a
(53:16):
plan and a calling on their life,and he has his whole plan and calling
set up for mom and dad and the kids.
And in that environment peoplethrive, but we've got sin.
And because of that, we have all thesecracks and brokenness and what should be
(53:39):
this beautiful, beautiful thing, and wedon't stop to realize how often we are
killing people over and over and over.
We're destroying their spirit.
They don't follow thecalling on their life.
They no longer feel theirworth and their value.
(54:04):
They now see themself as brokenand unworthy, always trying
to do better and be better.
Like we break people
young and old.
I especially worry about ourkids and what they hear both
at home and outside of home.
(54:26):
What's said to them?
Our children are broken.
All the time in a way that killstheir spirits, but we do it to
each other behind their back.
It's almost worse.
It's not even, almost that is worse.
If you have something to sayabout somebody, make sure
(54:48):
they're there when you say it.
Hmm.
Are there things you wouldn'tsay because they were there?
I'll say, for me, that changes a lot.
(55:08):
If what you're saying about somebodyis not something you would say if they
were standing right in front of you.
Keep your mouth shut.
Amen.
That's right.
Why do we feel the need to say it?
I,
why do we tear people down?
(55:29):
When they're not around, whydo as soon as they leave, do we
start talking, oh, did you hear?
Are we trying to make ourself look better?
Maybe like, oh, I didn't do that.
It's really easy to do though.
You get real caught up in it.
(55:51):
Yes, there are times when situationsget talked about, but if you can't
express that you have care for themin a way that's like, I gotta pray
over this situation and pray for them.
If you're gonna be talking aboutsomebody with somebody, at least
make sure they know that you lovethem enough to pray about them.
(56:13):
But if your whole goal is to makesure I tell you the latest dirt
that I have on somebody, if somebodyapproaches you with that, be the
person that says, why don't we invitethem over so we can talk about it.
And maybe shut it down.
(56:33):
We're just as guilty as those doingthe talking if we don't shut it down.
Because I have witnessed and heard andbeen part of conversations that have
destroyed people behind their back.
It has ruined their name, theirreputation, and that I'm also
on the receiving end of that.
(56:55):
It doesn't feel good.
Why would I wanna do it to other people?
Because that is part of the thou shaltnot murder that God's talking about.
God didn't simply talk about thephysical ending of a life, what he means.
(57:15):
This is even having hate towardssomebody, having ill will and bad
feelings, envy, jealousy, lust, greed.
All this stuff.
Judgment, indifference, neglect.
These are all forms of murder.
The way God talks about do not murder.
(57:46):
These are all things that we all do.
We're human beings.
We wanna be top dog.
We wanna be the person.
So it can be really easy toclimb over people to get there.
Oh, well, if they want it,they can put the work in.
But that's not what Godcalled us to 'cause.
(58:08):
God called us to bepeople who love and serve.
People who love and serve aren'tactively out there trying to destroy.
There's been a lot ofdestroying of people.
Lots of talk in behind backs.
(58:31):
I am not innocent myself.
And I had to take that one up before God.
And sometimes I have to do that with thepeople that happen to because I was wrong.
I've challenged myself, and I'm gonnachallenge you also to be people who
(58:52):
don't willingly choose to be part ofit, that you don't jump on the dog pile.
And I think you all know what I mean.
My favorite thing to watch isthis ridiculous online stuff.
It's so easy to be a cruel bullyonline, and I'm sick of it.
(59:13):
I hate reading the things I readsimply 'cause pe Oh, I can, I'm just
gonna drop this right here becauseI can don't even know 'em, but my 2
cents are gonna count and it's ugly.
And it's hateful.
This dog pile mentality.
The first one goes in for a bite.
There's a whole, oh, okay.
(59:34):
I'll do that too.
Let's jump on 'em.
Do we ever stop to think aboutthe one getting jumped on?
Does anybody care?
Anybody?
Yeah.
Try to care once and guess what?
They jump on you.
But we have to be people thatare willing to take that.
(59:57):
That atmosphere is one thatI just want to be away from.
I don't want that to be a normalexpected thing in this space.
I don't want it in my life.
I want us to be a people thatrecognize that everybody we see and
(01:00:19):
interact with is a loved created.
Human being known by God
that God is listening, watching, andknows every single thing we're choosing
to do all the words we're choosing touse the way that we're speaking to people
(01:00:39):
the way we may be using people ball.
If the person in your life doesn'tknow you're using them, get that
straight with 'em now becausethat's a special kind of cruelty.
Don't use people to your benefit.
Don't climb over themto make yourself better.
(01:01:01):
Don't neglect them because otherthings are more important than
people in your life, because I'mtelling you, people should be the
most important things in your life.
You need to take careof those relationships.
We murder them through neglect.
And not taking care of how many greatfriendships do we do, do we not have
(01:01:26):
because we're too busy to have 'em.
I'm guilty of that.
My relationship with people ismore important than my busyness.
If I'm too busy
to be working to get it right withthe people in my life, I need to
(01:01:46):
take some busyness off my platebecause I am called to serve and
I'm not called to serve my job.
We are called to serve each other.
(01:02:07):
It sounds real easy.
Thou shall not kill, cut and dry, right?
But it's not.
It goes far beyond just ending a life.
If we are followers of God and ofJesus, we need to love people in a way
(01:02:33):
that they also love who they are, andGod, that we love you because you are.
God created that.
Our approach is always, I am lovingand serving because I'm called
to, and that will never tear down.
That will never bully.
(01:02:54):
Oh, I don't like bullies picking onpeople smaller and weaker than you.
That makes us feel real big, doesn't it?
But we're called to uplift and to help.
And to be the person someone can turnto, we as followers of God should be the
(01:03:15):
safest people on the planet to go to.
So why is it so many people say, Iwill never go to a church service?
'cause you know what those peopleare like, oh, that one guts me.
That breaks my heart inways you cannot imagine.
'cause I was one of those peoplebecause I said I will never step
(01:03:39):
foot in a church building again.
And for 27 years I did notbecause of the people inside.
That's how much it matters howyou treat people in that aspect.
I was killed who I was 'cause I'm achild of God and it chased me away from
the people who should be my family.
(01:04:04):
That's why we need to remember thatchurch isn't this building in this space.
It's you.
And that's why this command mattersbecause you are showing people what
church is by the way you treat them.
It's not, oh, whatdenomination do you go to?
(01:04:26):
What church do you go to?
No.
I am the church.
Oh really?
Well, you're kind of mean.
Hmm.
Anybody ever met a meanjudgmental Christian?
Yeah.
No, I'm not.
But a hypocrite, so, yeah.
(01:04:47):
Yep.
So we need to remember thatwe are the church to everyone
we come in contact with.
Jesus died for all of that.
(01:05:08):
Every bit of it.
Knowing how we were gonna act and behave,knowing how we were gonna treat people,
knowing the awfulness and the murderthat we were gonna commit against people
without ending their physical life.
He knew that and he said, I got it.
I'm gonna cover that for you,
(01:05:30):
beginning of mercy.
'cause we truly did.
We just stood there guilty
and without conditions, hejust said, I forgive you.
That's it.
That easy, that simple.
(01:05:51):
And sometimes because it's sosimple, we forget how big it is.
I forgive you freely.
So why do we turn around andtreat people the way we do?
So we could put more nails in them,like we wanna repo them to the cross.
(01:06:16):
It's covered.
But if we really know that it shouldbother us when we treat people poorly,
it should bother us when we do thosethings we were talking about, we
should be deeply convicted by that.
(01:06:39):
He was completely innocent of everything.
Didn't judge anybody, didn'tkill anybody, didn't neglect
anybody, didn't do anything wrong.
We did all that and he took care of it.
So challenge yourself tothink of this commandment.
(01:07:02):
In far greater terms, notsimply the ending of a life.
Understand that we can killa person's hopes and dreams.
We can destroy their calling.
We can destroy the directionthat they were meant to go in.
(01:07:23):
We can destroy their confidence, wecan destroy their trust, all of it.
That's a kind of killing, that is cruel.
For someone not to know whothey truly are because they've
been so destroyed is horrible.
(01:07:44):
So we're here today becausewe say we're Jesus people.
That means we long to belike him and to follow him.
To live like him and to be himin this world because it's the
example that the world has.
And if you look around,the world really needs it.
The world doesn't need morepeople acting just like they are.
(01:08:07):
They don't need us to respond inkind, and that's why we're here.
So we respond differently.
And they're like, butwhy do you act that way?
Let me tell you what he's done for me.
That's why I love you, even thoughyou've done fill in the blank,
(01:08:28):
because I want you to know Jesus.
If it's too hard for you to do it for you,remember who you're really doing it for,
and it gets a lot easier to be kind andloving and good to even those who aren't
kind, loving and good to you becausedo we really want them lost in that?
(01:08:53):
Or do we want them to know Jesus too?
Ask yourself that carefully.
When somebody does you wrong,what is your wish for them?
Go to hell.
Or can I tell you about God?
I want you to know God sothey can be free from that.
'cause imagine that's abondage that they're in.
(01:09:17):
That's what we're fighting.
Not the person.
Take pity on and love that person thatis trapped in bondage and not in freedom.
'cause that's where ugliness comes from.
That's where all this hatredand awfulness comes from.
It's an ugly, awful kind of bondage.
(01:09:39):
So don't be like that.
Be different.
That's where Jesus was radical andthat's what we're called to be.
All we have to do is just love people.
(01:10:02):
That's it.
Where they're at as they are, love them.
And besides, chances are peoplealready know where they're screwing up.
I don't think they need us to tell 'em.
I already, I knew where I got it wrong.
This has been anotherconvicting one for me this week.
(01:10:26):
I start to realize those littlethings that I do all the time.
So I'm hoping that like me, we're gonnabe challenged to react and respond
to people differently, to be better,to pray for people instead of cursing
people and to pour into our families andpeople before pouring into other things.
(01:10:57):
I am so grateful
for a God that understands ourfailings and gave us a way out of it.
I'm just gonna close with that.
There's so much rattling around inmy brain, but, um, I hope that you
(01:11:20):
heard God in this, that if there wassomething in your life that needed
convicting on, that you were convicted.
Maybe I'm the only one, but Iwas, I wanna be better to people.
I'm going to do better.
And what that means is I'm no longergonna be a safe place for people
who are trying to destroy somebody.
(01:11:43):
I will gently shut that down.
Because I'm not gonna allow people whoaren't present to be destroyed by people
who are, because it's just not fair.
And God says, no,
God help me.
So, so, um, I'm justgonna finish on that note.
(01:12:06):
We will, um, sing our last songClose in Prayer, and we have lunch
downstairs for anyone that wouldlike to stay and eat with us.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!