April 28, 2025 • 67 mins
Loneliness and Depression – A Message We All Need
This past Sunday, Heidi shared one of the most honest and heartfelt messages yet at Outreach 419. She opened up about the reality of loneliness and depression—how they sneak in, how they isolate us, and how they can quietly pull us away from who we’re meant to be. She didn’t shy away from the tough stuff. Instead, she leaned in, shared personal experiences, and reminded us that real connection starts with authenticity, healing, and trusting God through the hard seasons.
If you’ve ever felt unseen, unheard, or like you’re carrying more than you can handle, you are not alone. Heidi’s message is a powerful reminder that there is hope, there is healing, and there is a place where you are deeply loved and accepted.
👇 If something speaks to you, let us know in the comments. You never know who your story might encourage today.
#Outreach419, #LonelinessAndDepression, #YouAreNotAlone, #FaithInTheHardTimes, #RealTalkRecovery, #EmotionsMatter, #HopeIsReal, #RecoveryJourney, #HealingTogether, #FaithOverFear, #FromLonelinessToConnection, #SoberNotBoring, #StrengthInCommunity
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Thank you, Robert.
So right from that sadness righton into loneliness and depression.
There we go.
So, okay, loneliness and depression.
Not an exciting topic, but a topicthat I hear from everybody is, it's
(00:25):
a daily battle for a lot of us here.
Um, I struggled between, I wasn't sureif loneliness I. Or that other wonderful
emotion of anger was gonna be next.
In 100% of the people I talkedwith just said, can you talk
about loneliness and depression?
(00:47):
When 100% of the people are sayingloneliness and depression I am
understanding that I'm gonna be talkingabout loneliness and depression,
and I'm glad because loneliness anddepression, along with that guilt and
shame are things that will derail us fast.
(01:15):
Fast.
These caused me to stay in thisendless spiral of drinking,
shame, guilt, drinking, shame,guilt, drinking shame, guilt.
And then I'm very lonely and alone,and I'm isolated, which becomes
depression, which becomes more drinking.
(01:36):
You know the idea, I think most ofyou here have been in that awful loop.
So loneliness.
David describes it.
He experienced this in Psalm 1 42.
David King, the King Davidwasn't always living in a palace.
(02:01):
In fact, he was hiding ina cave when he wrote this.
Literally hiding, trying to save his life.
And he says, Look right and look left.
There's not a soul whocares what happens.
I'm up against the walland there's no exit.
It's just me and I'm all alone.
(02:22):
I cry out.
God, I call out to you.
You're my last chance,my only hope for life.
I think we've all been in a cave,may not have been a literal cave,
but I think we've all been in therehiding the saying, I've got nobody.
(02:47):
Where are they?
It's just me.
Everybody's after me.
And we can be in that cave fora lot of different reasons.
For some of us, there is just a lonelinessin our, in our addictions we may be using
(03:10):
with people, but is it connecting withpeople or is it just using with people?
There's a big difference in that.
I can promise you the people thatsat and drank with me weren't there
because we were having deep, meaningfulconversations about things that mattered,
becomes a superficial surface thing,and that's true in a lot of aspects.
(03:33):
It's not just in substance use,but life itself can be such a
superficial and surface thing.
I started realizing that when Irecognized that this feeling I so
often had was a longing for somethingmeaningful, like something that matters.
(03:56):
Like I'm sick of talkingabout the weather.
You know, you, you know how youhad a great day at the beach.
I mean, that's good.
I want to hear those things,
but I wanted more like the real kind ofthings when I was in my drinking era,
(04:18):
I wasn't getting any of that.
Those things weren't happening, butmy longing for it never went anywhere.
So you drink that feelingaway and pretty soon I am.
I'm in a cave of my own making feelinglike I'm the only one on the planet that
even knows that I'm alive and breathing.
(04:40):
'cause nobody else cares.
Right?
Where are they?
Some things that put us, there arethings that we've perhaps chosen to do.
Other things happen that put you inloneliness that weren't your choosing.
(05:01):
But it doesn't change the fact that we'restill sitting in that cave all alone,
calling out, trying to find relief.
And so many ways, and it's far morethough, than being alone because
I know that it's true in my lifethat my most alone feelings aren't
(05:24):
when I'm physically by myself.
The most alone feeling in the entire worldis when you're surrounded by people and
you feel unseen, unheard and disconnected.
That to me, was the worst.
You might not have seen it by my face,'cause you know, I'm out with a crowd.
(05:48):
This is social.
But really underneath it,nobody there knows me, nobody.
They have no idea about mystruggles, no idea about my reality.
They're only there for the socialdrinking thing or the superficial
thing, the stuff that doesn't matter.
(06:10):
How many of us have felt that?
How many of you have felt in agroup and felt so out of place?
Like what is it?
There isn't anything wrong with you.
Nothing, but what is it thatleaves us feeling that way?
Why that disconnect?
It's because it's surface,because it's superficial,
(06:33):
because nothing's gone deeper.
Nothing under the surface, butit drives us to look for it.
We don't want to feel lonely.
We want connection.
I am gonna tell you, some of you,maybe you'll squirm a little bit.
(06:56):
Some of the things we touchon in our drive to get over
loneliness might be topics thatdeal into the relationship realm.
And, um, we're just gonna talk aboutsome things because some of the things
that we seek out actually cause usmore harm and more disconnect and more
loneliness than we think that it does.
(07:18):
So I promise you we're gonna go there.
I'm not afraid to have some uncomfortableconversations because I love you
and I care about you because I havelearned some things in my life.
I've learned some things.
A lot of us in our loneliness,
we think we know what's gonna help for me.
(07:43):
The number one thing that Ithought would help gotta be in
a relationship with somebody.
'cause then it's gonna be so much better.
Anybody gonna get ready to squirm now?
Oh yeah.
You know, Dave, don'tyou watched it happen?
A man die?
Yes.
(08:03):
Over and over and over.
And I say this because I understand,because I've been there and I've done it.
I found myself by myself.
Lonely things are hard.
Not sure what to do, but finding arelationship's gonna make it all better.
It's gonna fix it and thenI'm not gonna feel this way.
(08:27):
Mm-hmm.
That worked out so well for me.
So good.
Robert is not my first husband.
No.
Things went so well for me whenI decided that choosing another
man to be in a relationship withis gonna make my life better.
(08:53):
So we bypass some things quite often.
And remember, I'm not judging you.
'cause a lot of this I'mtalking about myself.
We often grab the firstthing that comes along.
This'll, do you rememberthe big red carnival flags?
Well, somehow we don't see those anymore.
(09:15):
It's fine.
They might even be pink.
I don't even think they're red.
And pink is a cheerful color, right?
Pink is good.
It's the red ones that are bad, or,oh, those flags aren't quite that big.
I can, I'll, that'll be all right.
Or like me.
Just, I'm not worthy of better anyways,
(09:40):
so it's funny until it isn't,
because those relationships wereentered into because of, let's
just say it, hormones and physicaldesire, let's call it what it is.
If your relationship, especiallyfor those of us in recovery, if your
(10:01):
relationship starts in the bedroom,you've missed the foundation.
If you disagree with me, you cansay so, you won't hurt my feelings,
but you're not gonna change my mind.
It's not gonna start there.
I don't care how much you thought.
(10:22):
It was amazing.
Yep.
Went there too.
It doesn't start there.
Because guess what?
The next day there's reallife on your doorstep.
Who is that person?
How do they compliment your life?
How do they add and enrichyour life in the good ways?
(10:45):
How do they support you?
What are their interests,their goals, their drives?
What is their idealrelationship look like?
Oh, I'm not sure.
Oh, really?
Huh?
Okay.
Are those things important to you?
Do you want a relationship?
Are do you want some temporary company?
(11:08):
Temporary company leads tomore of this, I promise you.
If you don't think so, feel freeto try it and then come back
and tell me that I'm right and Ihope you don't 'cause it's awful.
I think we forget in this societythat the hookup culture doesn't
(11:33):
have to mean anything, does it
does.
Intimacy is a gift.
It hurts my heart that I thought so littleof myself, that I thought so little of
(11:56):
my value, that I didn't see myself theway God sees me, that I settled for
giant, huge circus, tent size red flags,
because it's just me.
Who am I to think I'm gonnahave a great relationship?
(12:17):
So I will love enough and care enoughfor both of us in this relationship
because that works out really well.
You know, you are all in.
You think you don't even know whatyou're all in for, but I'm all in.
Don't quite know 'em, but I'll, I'llfigure out who they are along the way.
This is great.
Look at 'em.
They're so cute.
(12:38):
Isn't she beautiful?
This is it.
This is it.
Ah, I see it all the time now andI'm like, we're not a dating club.
So, but it's because I love you becausenow I know what relationship is and
(13:00):
even more so I know what, it's not.
The real thing is worth waiting alittle bit for, but what if I miss it?
What if he just like walksright by and I missed it?
(13:23):
Newsflash time, you won't.
Who God intends for youwill be in your life.
You are not going to miss the one.
I'm telling you.
If you knew what it took for that man'spath to cross with mine, tell me that
(13:46):
God didn't bring him into my life.
There's no other explanation.
I'll give you the condensed version.
I'm at eight and a half years older.
Heidi doesn't date younger men,so that would've been that he
grew up on a farm in Clarksville.
I grew up in Hudsonville,would never have crossed paths.
(14:10):
They were Christian reform.
I was Protestant reform.
My church says they're wicked.
You will never date them Horrible.
He then CRCs
Robert,
from what I heard, dabbleda bit in drugs and fraud.
(14:34):
There was some cross countryjourneys and adventures and, and his
life that brought him everywhere.
I've always been in Michigan anddrank, had my kids, he had his kids.
He gets out of prison,ends up coming back here.
(14:58):
The thing that brought us togetherand caused our paths to cross.
Can I share with you that yes, I'vedone a number of running events.
I've done, I've got multiple 25 Ks,I've got multiple half marathons.
I've done 'em.
I've done them.
I hate to run.
I hate it.
(15:19):
I hated everything about it.
I didn't like the training,I didn't like the this.
I didn't like the that like, so you'regoing, well, why were you running?
Well, there's a good question becauseI had this foolish notion that I was
gonna make a list of things to checkoff in a certain milestone year.
(15:41):
And I was looking at this listthinking, but this is all fun stuff.
I should have something on there thatI would really hate to do running.
So that's how I ended up starting running.
How it ended up going into halfmarathons and stuff, I don't know.
'cause I thought it was gonna be,I'm just gonna do a 5K, retire
(16:02):
those shoes and say have at it.
And it didn't go that way because not onlydid I start out in my first event ever.
Was a half marathon.
13 weeks after I started running,I, they said I could do it.
And I'm like, okay.
I didn't even know how longthat was, but I did it.
(16:24):
And then I don't even know why Iapplied to be an ambassador for
the Amway River Riverbank Run.
I hate to run.
Did I tell you that?
I don't enjoy it.
So now here I am and I have tointerview all kinds of people.
Wanna be on this team.
This is a big deal.
They throw all kinds of cool stuff at you.
(16:44):
You get great shoes, you get tobe, you know, in the community
doing the run, all this stuff.
I'm like, okay.
I'm the only one.
I think they interviewed that.
I'm like, I really don't know how to run.
I don't know how to train.
I've never done this before.
I don't even know what the distancesare like, really don't know.
But they chose me.
(17:08):
So now I'm sitting there.
When I find out I gotin, I'm like, oh shoot.
Like I'm gonna have to run a lot.
So you have to go toall the training runs.
Guess who was one of the ambassadors theyear before that would've been that guy.
When you're on that team, it'salmost like this family thing.
(17:29):
You spend a lot of timetogether, you train together,
you're representing together.
It's where I met him and I can tellyou, you wanna know when you found
the one, the first conversation Ihad with him, and I'm not talking
just the, oh hi, how you doing?
And walk on by, not that one, but justa little bit of conversation happened.
(17:54):
And I can remember walking away andI didn't understand it, but I'm like,
I feel like my life just changedand I had no idea what that meant.
So if you don't feel that way aboutsomebody you've met, and I'm not
talking about in that hormonal, physicalway, I'm not talking about that.
(18:16):
I'm talking about InDEEP where it counts.
Mm-hmm.
If you don't feel like,I think my life changed.
Wait for that one.
Wait for that one.
And I am almost willing to beg you to,because I know what the destruction of not
(18:36):
waiting patiently on God did in my life.
It was horrible.
Horrible.
I was a really awful picker, like reallyawful picker until I said I'm all done.
Yeah.
I know you're laughing.
(18:56):
I have stories for days.
I just like, oh, it, it doesn't even seem.
Like that was me because theme now would never do that.
Right.
I'm telling you, I understand loneliness.
I understand it in a wayyou may not understand.
(19:21):
I get it,
I get it.
But a quick fix physical solutionis only gonna lead to more hookup
culture ain't great.
It isn't.
It's cheap.
It shallow and it's superficial.
And I'm not judging you.
(19:41):
I'm just saying plain facts.
I have talked to a number of womenbecause I've been trying to prepare
for talking about some of thesethings, and I've just asked them and
we've had conversations about this.
I'm not a guy.
So I don't know from the guy'sperspective, but I can tell you every
(20:01):
single woman said that after encounterslike that, it left her feeling
completely cheap, used and worthless.
Mm-hmm.
So men, is that what your intention was?
To make us feel cheap, worthless,and with no value whatsoever.
Just a useless piece ofsomething For my pleasure.
(20:23):
Is that what we are?
But women, we can't use men either,because I see that all the time.
Oh, he might have some money he'll giveme, he might do this, he might do that.
It'll be protection in aroof over my head maybe.
And I'm guilty of that.
I was so afraid, likehow am I gonna make this?
I just wanna be secure andhave a roof over my head.
(20:46):
So I'll ignore the big carnival red flags.
That's okay.
'cause at least I have a place to live.
At what cost?
I could talk all day what that cost.
My soul,
it's a hundred percentdifferent when somebody loves
your soul, not just your body.
Amen.
It's all the difference.
(21:07):
Mm-hmm.
Because if you think the quick fix stuffis good, you ain't seen nothing yet.
You don't even know
I'm starting to, because all of a suddenI'm like, I have that forever thing.
(21:29):
I have what God put together.
Yes.
Boring.
Not one single moment, not have you.
You met himself.
But when you find yourperson, it's amazing.
And here's what I'm gonna say now,though, what I wish that I had known
(21:55):
before was how much better I would'vefelt and how much happier I would've
been if I would've lived as a singleperson, if I would've taken the time to
get comfortable in that role and in thoseshoes where I would've enjoyed that time
(22:15):
of growth and learning and opportunitywhere I would find out exactly who I
am and more importantly, who I am not.
Because when you get that foundation,you're not gonna let people waltz in and
out of, I was gonna say your life, butI'm gonna say in and out of your bedroom.
(22:38):
And I'm going there because it's oneof the number one things I sit with and
talk with people about behind the scenes.
It's not judgment.
My heart hurts.
My heart hurts because every singleperson sitting in this space is unique
(22:59):
and special and amazing and gift
not secondhand used goods.
And I don't care where you'vebeen or what you've done.
You are worthy of somebodytaking time to get to know you.
(23:20):
You are worthy of people notpressuring you, pushing you,
or trying to take from you.
And it is my hope that maybe a littlesomething in anybody that needs
to hear it, that a light will comeon that will say, I know my worth.
(23:41):
I know what I bring to the table.
I know that my goals for a relationshipare what my life needs, and I'm
not going to lower that to fitthe next one that comes along.
(24:01):
Recovery is a difficult thing.
Why do we throw useless, temporarylittle flings into the mix
that leave emotions wrecked?
Because it does.
Hookup culture isn't asfrivolous as it sounds.
(24:25):
It is so damaging and destructive becauseyou don't feel like you have a lot of
value when somebody sees you as easy
pickens.
Truth ain't pretty to hear.
But this is a reality in lifebecause we crave to not feel lonely.
(24:52):
So depression.
Ha.
Depression is often hot on the heels.
Marley, you said depression.
We've been practicing that all week.
Good job.
Yeah, she is feeling so low.
(25:14):
Have you ever felt like this?
I felt like that though.
Oh dog.
I love you.
Okay.
Psalm 38 again from Da David Here.
Shall we help you back in?
Let's go back it up.
Come on there.
(25:36):
Even my dog gets broken sometime.
Oh, in the verse.
This is Great.
And now I'm flat on my face.
Marley showed youfeeling sorry for myself.
Morning to night.
All of my insides are onfire and my body is a wreck.
(25:56):
I'm on my last legs and I've had it.
My life is a vomit of groans.
Does anybody hereidentify at all with that?
Mm-hmm.
Those feelings when you'resitting by yourself?
All alone in the dark back home.
(26:28):
We are created beings, and that lonelinessthat seems to fill us at times leaves us
depressed, which leads us to isolation,which leads to loneliness, which leads
to depressed, which leads to isolation.
(26:49):
It's a vicious circle, but this createdbeing that we are, is searching and we
often think it's gonna be the next humanthat comes into our life that looks
appealing or group or whatever it may be.
But at the core of it, it isn't.
It's God.
We are always longing for our creator.
(27:15):
Which makes complete sense.
He breathed life into us.
We are part of him,
designed by him, uniquelygifted by him, loved by him.
But when we're living life, trying to findall those things in another human being.
(27:37):
Here's the other news, flash.
All that searching you're doing, tryingto fill that loneliness with someone else,
it will never, ever feel different, ever.
Oh, but I landed that one.
It wasn't a quick thing.
Oh, is it a good and healthy relationship?
And are you happy?
Well, no, not really.
(27:57):
We're working on it.
Well, you've been togetherless than six months.
I mean, how bad did it get?
And what is that telling you?
Why are you there?
Why do we stay in thingsso not meant for us?
Because we know, we do know whensomething isn't meant for us.
(28:21):
The isolation
is one of the best tools that Satan has.
It works so well because he isgot our undivided attention and
our thoughts can start worthless.
I have no meaning.
(28:42):
That's why nobody's here.
Nobody cares.
Why doesn't anybody love me?
Oh, I'm not worthy of that because Ifailed because I drank for 40 years.
Because I failed at times as amother badly because I disappointed
(29:04):
my family because I let my friendsdown because I ruined a marriage.
Because I, because I, becauseI, there's a million things
that we can all fill into this.
So that voice up here, it gets reallyloud for me at least it got so loud.
(29:27):
You don't matter, Heidi,who do you think you are?
I didn't have to sit and try to thinkabout the things that I did wrong.
'cause it was on replayin my head all the time.
I didn't have to go searching for it.
That's what I was runningfrom the knowledge of how
(29:47):
far off base I had gotten it.
Of choices that I'd made that in the lightof day and without the alcohol fueling it,
I am horrified, mortified, and so ashamed.
So ashamed.
(30:07):
Do you know, I'm sure you do.
How hard is it to live alife as two different people?
That's hard stuff.
I was a chameleon.
You could put me in any groupof people and I blended in.
(30:28):
Why?
Because I learned to readpeople and figure out how I
have to act and behave here.
I have been on boards andinteracted with some highfalutin
people at some times in my life.
I can clean up pretty well.
I.
I can carry myself and apparently theythought I was a professional 'cause I
don't know how else I ended up there.
(30:50):
That happens to me a lot.
I don't always know how I endup where I am, but there I am.
Everybody thinking I fit in.
I've also belonged to a biker club.
I have an endorsement.
I have my own Harley.
I got into that.
I have all this stuff.
I can look like a biker chick too.
(31:11):
I can pull that off.
Everybody was convinced ofthat too, in that circle.
The mom thing, doing the schooltrips and stuff, I was great.
They always asked me to be field trip mom.
The kids love you.
You're so much fun.
So I did that rule too, but I'mdoing all of those at the same time.
(31:33):
Every single one.
Do you know who knew Heidi?
Nobody.
Nobody, because who was I?
I didn't know.
I didn't know.
But I'm like, if I try to fit inhere, then I'll be accepted here
and I'm gonna fit in here, andthen I'm gonna be accepted here.
(31:55):
And that's gonna feel good.
And I won't be lonely and I'mgonna have all these friends.
But you're not gonna havefriendships if you're never known.
And at my core, if there's one thingI could share about me, I'm not
always one who wants to fill allmy time with superficial nonsense.
(32:19):
I really like good, meatyconversations about real things.
Suggest that maybe this came to mind.
You meet somebody, gonna go out on a date.
Try to engage in meaningful conversations.
If it goes nowhere, call it done.
(32:43):
Call it done.
Like, oh, I didn't come here totalk to you about important stuff.
When are we gonna go back to your house?
Come back to my house.
Run.
You're worth the conversation.
I think human beings were createdfor meaningful connection.
(33:07):
Does this make senseat all to anybody here?
Meaningful connection, becausethe absence of that is this.
Do you know how often I sat like this?
Even in my own home in acorner, often pleading, God,
(33:30):
can I just be gone?
Please can I just be gone?
Because I was still at war in myhead about the whole suicide is
really bad and you can't do that.
So, but God, if you could just dumplike a big old wreck or maybe a fireball
on my house or some horrific accident,'cause at least it's okay to go that way.
(33:53):
But please can I just be done?
We have all kinds of examples in the Bibleof people that experience loneliness.
We know David did.
He was hiding in a cave and hewas supposed to be the king.
I am certain young David as he's anointed.
No, like, oh, I'm gonna be the king.
He probably practiced kingly walksout in the field as he is tending to
(34:15):
the flocks and you know how kids are,you know, they're gonna get excited.
He wasn't done growing up.
I'm sure he didn't envision he was gonnahave to run to try and save his life.
I didn't en think he envisionedhe was gonna be in a cave hiding.
Thinking it's gonna be real hardto be king if I'm dead, like
(34:36):
the, maybe I got something wrong.
The Bible is filled with human beings wholived a story that is shared with us to
learn from, and there's a number of them.
Talk about loneliness.
Think about Adam and Eve and everything.
They had the absolute connection to God.
Everything close, personal thing, and inone fell swoop that was taken from them.
(35:04):
Do you think they experiencedloneliness and isolation and depression
to suddenly go from perfection tothe full weight of their decision?
That's where it firststarted, separated from God.
That would be loneliness.
(35:25):
How about Noah?
Oh, but God put 'em in that big oldboat with all the animals, you know,
the cute things we see, the littlebobbing thing with like elephants and
giraffes looking over the edge likethis is the greatest ride of our life.
I'm sure it was a traumatizing, terrifyingride, but can you imagine when that family
(35:47):
comes out of there and they look aroundand literally there is nobody else but you
Can you imagine, Robert, you're lookingaround, you're like, I only have my
wife to talk to for the rest of my life.
I mean, that's all there is.
So, but like he sufferedthe loss of so many.
He knew the people he lived with.
(36:09):
It was relatives and family members.
It was his neighbors, people he'dgrown up with, educated with.
He knew how they died.
I would think that's some lonelinessand isolation on everyone's behalf.
What about job?
God actually allowedeverything to be taken.
(36:33):
His businesses, his servants, hisflock, his health, his children.
10 of 'em.
10.
10,
and he is left suffering in a corner.
If you don't think that's some isolationand suffering and depression, I can't even
(36:57):
imagine Robert had a small taste of loss.
I can't imagine
We have Paul saved from the, likehe was living as Saul persecuting
and killing Christians to now beingone of the most vocal supporters and
(37:22):
teachers, and guess where that put 'em?
In prison.
Prison wasn't, it's not fun now, butI promise you it wasn't fun then.
I would dare say they would prefer theconditions of prison as we have them
now than then, but that's where he was.
(37:42):
Do you think he didn't have times ofloneliness and isolation and depression?
And then what about Jesus?
Jesus, just before he isbeing crucified as one thing.
One thing is he is trying toprepare because don't forget,
(38:02):
he was also fully human.
It wasn't a simple thing for him to say,I'm going to the cross and I can't wait.
Bring it.
If you don't think Jesus wardedwith human emotions, I think
we'd be wrong to think that.
Especially when you know.
(38:24):
Things the way that he did
and all he asked as he was gonnatake some time to pray was, please
stay awake and pray with me.
It's all he asked.
Did that happen?
(38:45):
No.
He walked away after that agonizingsuffering to find him sleeping.
Do you think that doesn'tfeel like loneliness?
It got worse for him though.
He got hung on that cross.
(39:08):
There's a lot of people around, thesewere spectator events at the time.
Whole families came to watch crucifixions.
Can you, we don't do that here.
That will never be an event.
But that was the norm.
It was very visible.
They weren't way off in this remote area.
They literally were by busy roadways.
(39:29):
It was a very visible executionof agonizing suffering.
And the reason for it is so they couldbe mocked and ridiculed, and humiliated
even more as people walked by, andthat's what he was preparing for.
But hanging up there, if we want thegreatest example of loneliness ever
(39:53):
displayed, what did he call out?
My God, my God.
Why have you forsaken me?
God couldn't stay presentwith him to pay that price.
(40:16):
So if we think we've experiencedloneliness, we haven't
experienced it like that.
He hung there.
It visualized rejectionby both earth and heaven.
And boy did he experience that there.
(40:36):
Rejected by all, all of 'em.
He could have just simply asked God, sendme the angels, and they would've come.
But he didn't.
He didn't.
Thank you Jesus,
(41:02):
but that you don't matter.
Let's call it what it is.
It's garbage.
It's garbage.
You do matter.
You matter so much more than yourhuman brain could ever comprehend.
(41:25):
I understand loneliness.
I understand depression.
I understand isolation.
I still battle it.
I still feel profoundly lonely at times.
And you know how many people surround me.
It's not a lack on anybody's part.
(41:46):
Trust me.
Everybody is amazing andwonderful and so good to me.
I have never felt more loved in my entirelife, but I experienced moments of it.
An example would be yesterday.
Yesterday afternoon, I was at a funeral.
My best friend's father-in-law died.
So I was at that funeral and Iwas glad to be there to support
(42:12):
her 'cause I love her dearly.
She's like a sister to me.
What I wasn't prepared for is to be sofully impacted by a wave of loneliness,
listening to this service as I heardpeople talking with great love about
family relationships and the loss ofa parent and how much they were gonna
(42:32):
miss 'em, and all the things they'ddone and the family interactions.
And I had to remove myself.
And I just sobbed because I just lost mymom and I didn't get to go to a funeral.
I don't have those relationships, andI found myself during that funeral
just grieving and experiencingsuch a feeling of loneliness.
(42:57):
As I got hit with the knowledge that Idon't have a family to go to, not blood
family, and that's where that train ofthought started coming back the other way.
I may not have that in myblood family, but God is more
(43:21):
than restored to me family.
I have so many people in mylife that love me so much better
than the family I was born into.
I have brothers and sisters.
I have two of the most beautifulolder women who I think would
(43:41):
battle to the death, trying to layclaim to the name Mama in my life.
One lives in Texas and oneis here in both of them.
Poor love into me the way a mother would.
Thank you, God.
Because it was crazy how theycrossed paths with me too.
They're not related to mein any way, shape or form.
(44:09):
I say this because I want you to hear me.
God knows you.
He knows your loneliness becausehe created us for community.
So that loneliness you so often battlewith, try leaning into community.
Try not to find a person to solve itfor you 'cause a person never will.
(44:34):
If you are looking to somebodyto make your life better,
don't be so unfair to them.
People can't do that for you.
Nobody will come in your lifeand make your life better.
Okay.
They will accent your life.
They will season your life.
(44:54):
And I can tell you, there'ssomething about seasoning.
You put the wrong seasoning in your dish.
Nobody's gonna wanna eat it.
It's not gonna be good.
It isn't going to be good.
And you might say, oh, but it's okay.
I can eat a plate of it.
(45:15):
I can tell you you're not gonnawanna keep eating that same gross,
yucky, strongly spiced life.
Mm-hmm.
For the rest of your life.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's exactly it.
If you want the forever thing,if that's what you want, get
(45:41):
right with yourself first.
If you never.
Find it comfortable beingalone with yourself.
Living life.
You may not be well preparedfor relationship because
(46:02):
you cannot ask somebody else
to fill in those areas you'renot quite ready to address.
Matthew 11,
(46:24):
Jesus, are you tired?
Are you worn out?
Are you burned out on religion?
Come to me.
Get away with me andyou'll recover your life.
I'll show you how to take a real rest.
(46:47):
Walk with me and work withme and watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won't lay anything heavyor ill fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you'lllearn to live freely and lightly
(47:16):
if you are living in the will of God
and you are following his plan foryour life, he said it right there.
My God is a God who keeps promises.
He will not put anythingill fitting in your life.
(47:42):
Think about that in relationship terms.
How often do we put up withless than or not right for us?
If at the very core it's somebodythat doesn't share your values,
it's ill-fitting, and Jesus said,I will never put that on you, not
(48:06):
to make you suffer, because God isnot saying, I like you to be lonely.
I'm gonna keep you lonely.
Why would he do that whenhe loves you so much?
He's simply saying, can you trust me?
Can you trust the planI have for your life?
(48:27):
Can you trust me to bring into itwhat and who I have waiting for you?
It says in the Bible that beingsingle is actually a gift, but many
are not able to live a single life.
(48:48):
But it says that why?
Because there's not distractions.
'cause I'm telling you, relationships forthose of us who have them, they are work.
You don't just say, oh, there's my personand everything is great because if you
aren't, I know everybody's laughing.
It's like, am I wrong though?
(49:12):
It is work, but it's intentionalwork in relationship.
There is a freedom that youhave in singleness that people
that are married do not have.
And it's not bad.
It isn't bad.
So what are you lonely for?
(49:38):
At the heart of it, we know it's God.
You know it.
It's that longing.
But when it comes to humanlyspeaking, if you believe God and
you have faith in God, what is it?
Do we
(49:58):
want good, authentic relationship
or do we want a weekend
so we can say, well, I have somebody
you wanna meet.
I don't know what his middle name is.
I'm not sure.
Oh, where did you grow up?
Oh yeah, I don't know.
(50:20):
Yep.
It's my boyfriend.
Like, what do you know aboutyour boyfriend or your girl?
What?
Like what do you really know?
Don't know a middle name,don't know where they're from.
Do they have brothers and sisters?
Did they go to school?
Did they, did they, did they,no, but we both did math.
Okay.
Well, there's some common ground,you know, you know, we, we like
(50:44):
having some drinks together.
Okay.
That, okay?
Those are a dime a dozen, right?
If you want just simple,casual, no strings attached.
Flings, hookups, thatkind of relationship.
(51:04):
They are a dime a dozen.
Dime a dozen.
I'm sitting here, oldgray hair, almost 60.
I'm a grandma.
And guess what?
Still a dime a dozen.
Be easy peasy, if that's what I wanted.
Oh, easy.
(51:27):
After 11 at the bar, it gets real easy.
Real easy.
Yeah.
Everybody starts looking betterthan they did earlier in the night.
Yeah.
We all know.
Those of us that know.
And the next day you're like, oh boy,
(51:49):
it's not good.
It's awful.
And it takes a piece of you,
a piece of you dies every time.
It does.
I don't care what youtell yourself it does.
Why?
(52:11):
That's God saying.
But your mind and your worthso much more than that.
Why do you treat yourself likeyou are a broken, damaged item all
covered with dust in the bargain bin?
Just hoping, well, maybesomebody will choose me.
Maybe.
Maybe I'll do anything.
(52:33):
I'll do everything.
I'll give you all my money.
I'll make sure I do this.
I'll,
you shouldn't have todo that in relationship.
I know a lot of people don't likehearing this because man, just wanna
(52:54):
date and this one and that one.
I don't want any of thestrings or any of this stuff.
I'm not gonna stop you.
I won't.
I'm gonna feel bad for youbecause I know it's gonna hurt.
I know it's gonna makeyou feel more lonely.
I know it's gonna cause more depression.
I know it's gonna cause more isolation.
(53:19):
And he's a solution.
God is a solution.
I pray that the ones that arefeeling so overwhelmingly lonely
(53:41):
or battling with depression
are hearing something that lets them know
how loved you are.
What a treasure and a gift to thisworld you are, how precious you are.
(54:01):
You've got so many gifts and talentsto offer this world, and it's my prayer
that we become so sure of that in ourlife, that when we look in the mirror,
we're saying This is what God sees.
This is what God sees.
(54:22):
You look at things a little bitdifferent when you recognize
who something belongs to,
things that belong to God are deservingof being treated as if they belong to God.
That's how much value we have.
(54:44):
God wasn't absent in my loneliness, andhe is not absent in your loneliness.
He's right here.
He's right here.
He's right there.
You aren't alone.
He made promises.
We sing that song a lot.
(55:05):
You know, he hears and what does he do?
He answers.
Don't reserve 'em just for the bad times.
Just when life is drug,it's like, oh, that's right.
I got my Solu solution in my back pocket.
I'm gonna pull God out right now.
Things are a little rough, don't like it.
So here God fix this soI can go back to this.
And then we forget, God, Iforgot God a lot in the bar.
(55:31):
Oh, I didn't pull God outta my backpocket in the bar or very often in life.
'cause that brought me more guilt.
But now in my life, Idon't put him in my pocket.
I don't reserve God justfor when times are bad.
(55:52):
I celebrate with him every day nowbecause of awareness, because of
understanding, because some days arereally hard and he's now the first one
I go to because I'm not looking at him.
Sitting over there to makeeverything better in my life.
I bring it to the one who Iknow can, and I trust him.
(56:17):
And that's what it comes down to.
We say we believe, wesay we love you, Jesus.
We, we need to live that way.
In relationship or not in relationship.
(56:37):
In relationship.
Don't go around miserable, gripingand moaning about all the things
you don't like about your partner,especially to other people.
Don't put those things out there.
If you're not in relationship,don't be boo-hooing and feeling
so horrible that I'm the onlyone that doesn't have anybody.
(56:58):
'cause I can tell you that's not the case.
I know a lot of people not inrelationship, many of them are doing
amazingly well and they're thriving.
And when and if their time comes.
Because for some God calls a callingon your life that is singleness
and that isn't a punishment.
(57:20):
And it is not a penalty.
It's because God sees something in youthat he can call you to that difficult
path and he will bless it and it willbe full and beautiful and amazing.
But for many there will be somebody.
But wait for the one he has.
(57:42):
That's all.
Just wait for that one.
Wait for the people that God has for you.
You know, it's not just a quick temporaryrelationship, that's a dime a dozen.
So are people, you know those friends,do they want the same thing that you do?
Because if they don't, oh there'sgonna be depression and loneliness.
(58:04):
'cause you won't escape that battle.
Sorry to tell you that it willcontinue because that's our human
nature because we belong to God.
Even if you haven't claimed him.
This is just so weird.
'cause none of this wasanything I had written down.
(58:25):
Sorry.
None of it.
Absolutely none of it.
I am glad that this topic was broughtup though, because I've sat with so many
people that I know are just grievingand suffering, and they're so lonely
(58:48):
because they're longing for connection.
I know that I can't beeverything to anybody.
Nobody can be everything toanybody, but as a community.
Do you know what that is to somebody?
Because I know what you are.
(59:09):
To me, I know on my worst, hardlonely days when I'm like, I
don't have, I can't go see my dad.
I can't go to my siblings homes.
I can't see my aunts, my uncles, mycousins, none of 'em not welcome.
On those days, when it hits home, I getto come home because I've got people
(59:34):
here that I know they love me, whetherI'm having a great day or even more,
they love me on my really hard days.
Find those communities when
searching.
Come here.
Don't fill it with things that arejust going to take more from you,
(01:00:00):
and that means.
Don't be someone thatwould ask that of somebody.
Don't be a taker simply becauseit's my pleasure to do so.
Don't use people.
Be honest and upfront.
(01:00:22):
Be who you are and don't sacrificeor compromise that to have something.
Be authentic and genuine.
Be transparent, and if someonedoesn't like your transparent,
that's a ill-fitting thing.
God didn't intend that for youbecause the one meant for you, the
(01:00:44):
community meant for you won't beuncomfortable with you being transparent.
That man doesn't flinch as I sharedeverything about myself with him.
Nobody on this earth knows more aboutme humanly than that man right there.
Because from the get go, I wantedhim to know because I fully expected.
(01:01:05):
'cause you're gonna leave too.
Mm-hmm.
Came closer.
He just came closer.
That's when it's real andthat's when it's good.
It's not lost in me.
(01:01:26):
And this is not a bragging thing.
I promise you it is not.
Robert and I hear often from people,oh, your relationship goals, please
don't put us on that pedestal.
That is a scary thing to be, I don'twant to be anybody's relationship goals
(01:01:46):
because I'm not you and you're not me.
And they aren't Robertand Robert aren't them.
We come with our own uniquestories and experiences.
We have an amazing and beautiful thing.
He is my best friend.
I am blessed.
But it came after a lot of heartbreakand it came after humbling myself
(01:02:09):
and getting out of the way andfull out saying, I'm done looking.
I'm all done.
God brought him in my life.
And then I'm like, I'm telling youeverything because you'll just leave.
Let's get this out of the way.
'cause I just, I'm not doing this again.
That didn't happen.
(01:02:29):
The opposite happened.
It's worth waiting for.
Yep.
God.
He understands and he's there.
Bring it to him.
It's not a surprise.
He already knows you're lonely andhe already knows you're depressed
and he's not punishing you.
(01:02:50):
He's not keeping you fromhappiness and joy, I promise you.
He is not.
He's saying, look at me.
Please.
Just look at me.
Look at me and trust me.
Just trust me.
If you can tell me oncewhere he has failed,
(01:03:11):
I will say, you can trustyourself then, but he hasn't.
There's always been an answer,
but sometimes we have to wait and it's inthe waiting that your faith gets built.
It's in the waiting whereyour foundation gets made.
(01:03:32):
We talked about what happens ifyou don't put that under your
life, the first storm, it's gone.
Nothing without a foundation lasts.
Not one single person I've talked tothat talked to me about loneliness or
what it feels to try dating right now.
(01:03:54):
Has ever told me that, well, Idon't want the forever thing.
Every single personwants that forever thing.
We need to live like that'swhat we're expecting.
Then
don't just use people as filleruntil the right one comes along.
(01:04:17):
Why would you do that?
Why do we do that?
It doesn't help the loneliness.
It makes it worse.
Be your authentic self.
Be exactly who you areas you're created to be.
'cause when I start gettingto meet that part of people,
(01:04:41):
that's my favorite version.
I love when people share the real with me.
That's an honored place to be.
And I love it.
So please be real andauthentic to who you are
(01:05:01):
and hand it to him.
You will recover your life ifthat's what you're looking for.
He told you the answer, sojust come back to Jesus.
(01:05:24):
You'll have a guaranteed best friend.
You'll be loved beyond anything youcould ever even possibly imagine,
and you will finally understand howmuch meaning your life has right now.
(01:05:46):
I hope something in this waswhat somebody needed to hear.
'cause I am like, okay, whatabout what I was gonna say?
But doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
I just pray for anybody that's hurtingright now that maybe something helped.
If it didn't bring itto God, leave it here.
(01:06:08):
He understands.
Bring it to one of us.
We're here to listen.
We know it's hard.
Most of us in this roomhave been there, done that.
It's experienced it.
Get it.
We really get it.
I don't want anybody to suffer.
(01:06:29):
I just know the one thatcan make it all better.
Thank you for being here.
We are going to close with onefinal song and then I will, uh.
Pray us out of here tothe food part of the day,
(01:06:50):
and I can't wait to see thecraft that the kids made.
They're so cute.
I'm gonna make one.
Thank you, Robert.
So right from that sadness righton into loneliness and depression.
There we go.
So, okay, loneliness and depression.
Not an exciting topic, but a topicthat I hear from everybody is, it's
(00:25):
a daily battle for a lot of us here.
Um, I struggled between, I wasn't sureif loneliness I. Or that other wonderful
emotion of anger was gonna be next.
In 100% of the people I talkedwith just said, can you talk
about loneliness and depression?
(00:47):
When 100% of the people are sayingloneliness and depression I am
understanding that I'm gonna be talkingabout loneliness and depression,
and I'm glad because loneliness anddepression, along with that guilt and
shame are things that will derail us fast.
(01:15):
Fast.
These caused me to stay in thisendless spiral of drinking,
shame, guilt, drinking, shame,guilt, drinking shame, guilt.
And then I'm very lonely and alone,and I'm isolated, which becomes
depression, which becomes more drinking.
(01:36):
You know the idea, I think most ofyou here have been in that awful loop.
So loneliness.
David describes it.
He experienced this in Psalm 1 42.
David King, the King Davidwasn't always living in a palace.
(02:01):
In fact, he was hiding ina cave when he wrote this.
Literally hiding, trying to save his life.
And he says, Look right and look left.
There's not a soul whocares what happens.
I'm up against the walland there's no exit.
It's just me and I'm all alone.
(02:22):
I cry out.
God, I call out to you.
You're my last chance,my only hope for life.
I think we've all been in a cave,may not have been a literal cave,
but I think we've all been in therehiding the saying, I've got nobody.
(02:47):
Where are they?
It's just me.
Everybody's after me.
And we can be in that cave fora lot of different reasons.
For some of us, there is just a lonelinessin our, in our addictions we may be using
(03:10):
with people, but is it connecting withpeople or is it just using with people?
There's a big difference in that.
I can promise you the people thatsat and drank with me weren't there
because we were having deep, meaningfulconversations about things that mattered,
becomes a superficial surface thing,and that's true in a lot of aspects.
(03:33):
It's not just in substance use,but life itself can be such a
superficial and surface thing.
I started realizing that when Irecognized that this feeling I so
often had was a longing for somethingmeaningful, like something that matters.
(03:56):
Like I'm sick of talkingabout the weather.
You know, you, you know how youhad a great day at the beach.
I mean, that's good.
I want to hear those things,
but I wanted more like the real kind ofthings when I was in my drinking era,
(04:18):
I wasn't getting any of that.
Those things weren't happening, butmy longing for it never went anywhere.
So you drink that feelingaway and pretty soon I am.
I'm in a cave of my own making feelinglike I'm the only one on the planet that
even knows that I'm alive and breathing.
(04:40):
'cause nobody else cares.
Right?
Where are they?
Some things that put us, there arethings that we've perhaps chosen to do.
Other things happen that put you inloneliness that weren't your choosing.
(05:01):
But it doesn't change the fact that we'restill sitting in that cave all alone,
calling out, trying to find relief.
And so many ways, and it's far morethough, than being alone because
I know that it's true in my lifethat my most alone feelings aren't
(05:24):
when I'm physically by myself.
The most alone feeling in the entire worldis when you're surrounded by people and
you feel unseen, unheard and disconnected.
That to me, was the worst.
You might not have seen it by my face,'cause you know, I'm out with a crowd.
(05:48):
This is social.
But really underneath it,nobody there knows me, nobody.
They have no idea about mystruggles, no idea about my reality.
They're only there for the socialdrinking thing or the superficial
thing, the stuff that doesn't matter.
(06:10):
How many of us have felt that?
How many of you have felt in agroup and felt so out of place?
Like what is it?
There isn't anything wrong with you.
Nothing, but what is it thatleaves us feeling that way?
Why that disconnect?
It's because it's surface,because it's superficial,
(06:33):
because nothing's gone deeper.
Nothing under the surface, butit drives us to look for it.
We don't want to feel lonely.
We want connection.
I am gonna tell you, some of you,maybe you'll squirm a little bit.
(06:56):
Some of the things we touchon in our drive to get over
loneliness might be topics thatdeal into the relationship realm.
And, um, we're just gonna talk aboutsome things because some of the things
that we seek out actually cause usmore harm and more disconnect and more
loneliness than we think that it does.
(07:18):
So I promise you we're gonna go there.
I'm not afraid to have some uncomfortableconversations because I love you
and I care about you because I havelearned some things in my life.
I've learned some things.
A lot of us in our loneliness,
we think we know what's gonna help for me.
(07:43):
The number one thing that Ithought would help gotta be in
a relationship with somebody.
'cause then it's gonna be so much better.
Anybody gonna get ready to squirm now?
Oh yeah.
You know, Dave, don'tyou watched it happen?
A man die?
Yes.
(08:03):
Over and over and over.
And I say this because I understand,because I've been there and I've done it.
I found myself by myself.
Lonely things are hard.
Not sure what to do, but finding arelationship's gonna make it all better.
It's gonna fix it and thenI'm not gonna feel this way.
(08:27):
Mm-hmm.
That worked out so well for me.
So good.
Robert is not my first husband.
No.
Things went so well for me whenI decided that choosing another
man to be in a relationship withis gonna make my life better.
(08:53):
So we bypass some things quite often.
And remember, I'm not judging you.
'cause a lot of this I'mtalking about myself.
We often grab the firstthing that comes along.
This'll, do you rememberthe big red carnival flags?
Well, somehow we don't see those anymore.
(09:15):
It's fine.
They might even be pink.
I don't even think they're red.
And pink is a cheerful color, right?
Pink is good.
It's the red ones that are bad, or,oh, those flags aren't quite that big.
I can, I'll, that'll be all right.
Or like me.
Just, I'm not worthy of better anyways,
(09:40):
so it's funny until it isn't,
because those relationships wereentered into because of, let's
just say it, hormones and physicaldesire, let's call it what it is.
If your relationship, especiallyfor those of us in recovery, if your
(10:01):
relationship starts in the bedroom,you've missed the foundation.
If you disagree with me, you cansay so, you won't hurt my feelings,
but you're not gonna change my mind.
It's not gonna start there.
I don't care how much you thought.
(10:22):
It was amazing.
Yep.
Went there too.
It doesn't start there.
Because guess what?
The next day there's reallife on your doorstep.
Who is that person?
How do they compliment your life?
How do they add and enrichyour life in the good ways?
(10:45):
How do they support you?
What are their interests,their goals, their drives?
What is their idealrelationship look like?
Oh, I'm not sure.
Oh, really?
Huh?
Okay.
Are those things important to you?
Do you want a relationship?
Are do you want some temporary company?
(11:08):
Temporary company leads tomore of this, I promise you.
If you don't think so, feel freeto try it and then come back
and tell me that I'm right and Ihope you don't 'cause it's awful.
I think we forget in this societythat the hookup culture doesn't
(11:33):
have to mean anything, does it
does.
Intimacy is a gift.
It hurts my heart that I thought so littleof myself, that I thought so little of
(11:56):
my value, that I didn't see myself theway God sees me, that I settled for
giant, huge circus, tent size red flags,
because it's just me.
Who am I to think I'm gonnahave a great relationship?
(12:17):
So I will love enough and care enoughfor both of us in this relationship
because that works out really well.
You know, you are all in.
You think you don't even know whatyou're all in for, but I'm all in.
Don't quite know 'em, but I'll, I'llfigure out who they are along the way.
This is great.
Look at 'em.
They're so cute.
(12:38):
Isn't she beautiful?
This is it.
This is it.
Ah, I see it all the time now andI'm like, we're not a dating club.
So, but it's because I love you becausenow I know what relationship is and
(13:00):
even more so I know what, it's not.
The real thing is worth waiting alittle bit for, but what if I miss it?
What if he just like walksright by and I missed it?
(13:23):
Newsflash time, you won't.
Who God intends for youwill be in your life.
You are not going to miss the one.
I'm telling you.
If you knew what it took for that man'spath to cross with mine, tell me that
(13:46):
God didn't bring him into my life.
There's no other explanation.
I'll give you the condensed version.
I'm at eight and a half years older.
Heidi doesn't date younger men,so that would've been that he
grew up on a farm in Clarksville.
I grew up in Hudsonville,would never have crossed paths.
(14:10):
They were Christian reform.
I was Protestant reform.
My church says they're wicked.
You will never date them Horrible.
He then CRCs
Robert,
from what I heard, dabbleda bit in drugs and fraud.
(14:34):
There was some cross countryjourneys and adventures and, and his
life that brought him everywhere.
I've always been in Michigan anddrank, had my kids, he had his kids.
He gets out of prison,ends up coming back here.
(14:58):
The thing that brought us togetherand caused our paths to cross.
Can I share with you that yes, I'vedone a number of running events.
I've done, I've got multiple 25 Ks,I've got multiple half marathons.
I've done 'em.
I've done them.
I hate to run.
I hate it.
(15:19):
I hated everything about it.
I didn't like the training,I didn't like the this.
I didn't like the that like, so you'regoing, well, why were you running?
Well, there's a good question becauseI had this foolish notion that I was
gonna make a list of things to checkoff in a certain milestone year.
(15:41):
And I was looking at this listthinking, but this is all fun stuff.
I should have something on there thatI would really hate to do running.
So that's how I ended up starting running.
How it ended up going into halfmarathons and stuff, I don't know.
'cause I thought it was gonna be,I'm just gonna do a 5K, retire
(16:02):
those shoes and say have at it.
And it didn't go that way because not onlydid I start out in my first event ever.
Was a half marathon.
13 weeks after I started running,I, they said I could do it.
And I'm like, okay.
I didn't even know how longthat was, but I did it.
(16:24):
And then I don't even know why Iapplied to be an ambassador for
the Amway River Riverbank Run.
I hate to run.
Did I tell you that?
I don't enjoy it.
So now here I am and I have tointerview all kinds of people.
Wanna be on this team.
This is a big deal.
They throw all kinds of cool stuff at you.
(16:44):
You get great shoes, you get tobe, you know, in the community
doing the run, all this stuff.
I'm like, okay.
I'm the only one.
I think they interviewed that.
I'm like, I really don't know how to run.
I don't know how to train.
I've never done this before.
I don't even know what the distancesare like, really don't know.
But they chose me.
(17:08):
So now I'm sitting there.
When I find out I gotin, I'm like, oh shoot.
Like I'm gonna have to run a lot.
So you have to go toall the training runs.
Guess who was one of the ambassadors theyear before that would've been that guy.
When you're on that team, it'salmost like this family thing.
(17:29):
You spend a lot of timetogether, you train together,
you're representing together.
It's where I met him and I can tellyou, you wanna know when you found
the one, the first conversation Ihad with him, and I'm not talking
just the, oh hi, how you doing?
And walk on by, not that one, but justa little bit of conversation happened.
(17:54):
And I can remember walking away andI didn't understand it, but I'm like,
I feel like my life just changedand I had no idea what that meant.
So if you don't feel that way aboutsomebody you've met, and I'm not
talking about in that hormonal, physicalway, I'm not talking about that.
(18:16):
I'm talking about InDEEP where it counts.
Mm-hmm.
If you don't feel like,I think my life changed.
Wait for that one.
Wait for that one.
And I am almost willing to beg you to,because I know what the destruction of not
(18:36):
waiting patiently on God did in my life.
It was horrible.
Horrible.
I was a really awful picker, like reallyawful picker until I said I'm all done.
Yeah.
I know you're laughing.
(18:56):
I have stories for days.
I just like, oh, it, it doesn't even seem.
Like that was me because theme now would never do that.
Right.
I'm telling you, I understand loneliness.
I understand it in a wayyou may not understand.
(19:21):
I get it,
I get it.
But a quick fix physical solutionis only gonna lead to more hookup
culture ain't great.
It isn't.
It's cheap.
It shallow and it's superficial.
And I'm not judging you.
(19:41):
I'm just saying plain facts.
I have talked to a number of womenbecause I've been trying to prepare
for talking about some of thesethings, and I've just asked them and
we've had conversations about this.
I'm not a guy.
So I don't know from the guy'sperspective, but I can tell you every
(20:01):
single woman said that after encounterslike that, it left her feeling
completely cheap, used and worthless.
Mm-hmm.
So men, is that what your intention was?
To make us feel cheap, worthless,and with no value whatsoever.
Just a useless piece ofsomething For my pleasure.
(20:23):
Is that what we are?
But women, we can't use men either,because I see that all the time.
Oh, he might have some money he'll giveme, he might do this, he might do that.
It'll be protection in aroof over my head maybe.
And I'm guilty of that.
I was so afraid, likehow am I gonna make this?
I just wanna be secure andhave a roof over my head.
(20:46):
So I'll ignore the big carnival red flags.
That's okay.
'cause at least I have a place to live.
At what cost?
I could talk all day what that cost.
My soul,
it's a hundred percentdifferent when somebody loves
your soul, not just your body.
Amen.
It's all the difference.
(21:07):
Mm-hmm.
Because if you think the quick fix stuffis good, you ain't seen nothing yet.
You don't even know
I'm starting to, because all of a suddenI'm like, I have that forever thing.
(21:29):
I have what God put together.
Yes.
Boring.
Not one single moment, not have you.
You met himself.
But when you find yourperson, it's amazing.
And here's what I'm gonna say now,though, what I wish that I had known
(21:55):
before was how much better I would'vefelt and how much happier I would've
been if I would've lived as a singleperson, if I would've taken the time to
get comfortable in that role and in thoseshoes where I would've enjoyed that time
(22:15):
of growth and learning and opportunitywhere I would find out exactly who I
am and more importantly, who I am not.
Because when you get that foundation,you're not gonna let people waltz in and
out of, I was gonna say your life, butI'm gonna say in and out of your bedroom.
(22:38):
And I'm going there because it's oneof the number one things I sit with and
talk with people about behind the scenes.
It's not judgment.
My heart hurts.
My heart hurts because every singleperson sitting in this space is unique
(22:59):
and special and amazing and gift
not secondhand used goods.
And I don't care where you'vebeen or what you've done.
You are worthy of somebodytaking time to get to know you.
(23:20):
You are worthy of people notpressuring you, pushing you,
or trying to take from you.
And it is my hope that maybe a littlesomething in anybody that needs
to hear it, that a light will comeon that will say, I know my worth.
(23:41):
I know what I bring to the table.
I know that my goals for a relationshipare what my life needs, and I'm
not going to lower that to fitthe next one that comes along.
(24:01):
Recovery is a difficult thing.
Why do we throw useless, temporarylittle flings into the mix
that leave emotions wrecked?
Because it does.
Hookup culture isn't asfrivolous as it sounds.
(24:25):
It is so damaging and destructive becauseyou don't feel like you have a lot of
value when somebody sees you as easy
pickens.
Truth ain't pretty to hear.
But this is a reality in lifebecause we crave to not feel lonely.
(24:52):
So depression.
Ha.
Depression is often hot on the heels.
Marley, you said depression.
We've been practicing that all week.
Good job.
Yeah, she is feeling so low.
(25:14):
Have you ever felt like this?
I felt like that though.
Oh dog.
I love you.
Okay.
Psalm 38 again from Da David Here.
Shall we help you back in?
Let's go back it up.
Come on there.
(25:36):
Even my dog gets broken sometime.
Oh, in the verse.
This is Great.
And now I'm flat on my face.
Marley showed youfeeling sorry for myself.
Morning to night.
All of my insides are onfire and my body is a wreck.
(25:56):
I'm on my last legs and I've had it.
My life is a vomit of groans.
Does anybody hereidentify at all with that?
Mm-hmm.
Those feelings when you'resitting by yourself?
All alone in the dark back home.
(26:28):
We are created beings, and that lonelinessthat seems to fill us at times leaves us
depressed, which leads us to isolation,which leads to loneliness, which leads
to depressed, which leads to isolation.
(26:49):
It's a vicious circle, but this createdbeing that we are, is searching and we
often think it's gonna be the next humanthat comes into our life that looks
appealing or group or whatever it may be.
But at the core of it, it isn't.
It's God.
We are always longing for our creator.
(27:15):
Which makes complete sense.
He breathed life into us.
We are part of him,
designed by him, uniquelygifted by him, loved by him.
But when we're living life, trying to findall those things in another human being.
(27:37):
Here's the other news, flash.
All that searching you're doing, tryingto fill that loneliness with someone else,
it will never, ever feel different, ever.
Oh, but I landed that one.
It wasn't a quick thing.
Oh, is it a good and healthy relationship?
And are you happy?
Well, no, not really.
(27:57):
We're working on it.
Well, you've been togetherless than six months.
I mean, how bad did it get?
And what is that telling you?
Why are you there?
Why do we stay in thingsso not meant for us?
Because we know, we do know whensomething isn't meant for us.
(28:21):
The isolation
is one of the best tools that Satan has.
It works so well because he isgot our undivided attention and
our thoughts can start worthless.
I have no meaning.
(28:42):
That's why nobody's here.
Nobody cares.
Why doesn't anybody love me?
Oh, I'm not worthy of that because Ifailed because I drank for 40 years.
Because I failed at times as amother badly because I disappointed
(29:04):
my family because I let my friendsdown because I ruined a marriage.
Because I, because I, becauseI, there's a million things
that we can all fill into this.
So that voice up here, it gets reallyloud for me at least it got so loud.
(29:27):
You don't matter, Heidi,who do you think you are?
I didn't have to sit and try to thinkabout the things that I did wrong.
'cause it was on replayin my head all the time.
I didn't have to go searching for it.
That's what I was runningfrom the knowledge of how
(29:47):
far off base I had gotten it.
Of choices that I'd made that in the lightof day and without the alcohol fueling it,
I am horrified, mortified, and so ashamed.
So ashamed.
(30:07):
Do you know, I'm sure you do.
How hard is it to live alife as two different people?
That's hard stuff.
I was a chameleon.
You could put me in any groupof people and I blended in.
(30:28):
Why?
Because I learned to readpeople and figure out how I
have to act and behave here.
I have been on boards andinteracted with some highfalutin
people at some times in my life.
I can clean up pretty well.
I.
I can carry myself and apparently theythought I was a professional 'cause I
don't know how else I ended up there.
(30:50):
That happens to me a lot.
I don't always know how I endup where I am, but there I am.
Everybody thinking I fit in.
I've also belonged to a biker club.
I have an endorsement.
I have my own Harley.
I got into that.
I have all this stuff.
I can look like a biker chick too.
(31:11):
I can pull that off.
Everybody was convinced ofthat too, in that circle.
The mom thing, doing the schooltrips and stuff, I was great.
They always asked me to be field trip mom.
The kids love you.
You're so much fun.
So I did that rule too, but I'mdoing all of those at the same time.
(31:33):
Every single one.
Do you know who knew Heidi?
Nobody.
Nobody, because who was I?
I didn't know.
I didn't know.
But I'm like, if I try to fit inhere, then I'll be accepted here
and I'm gonna fit in here, andthen I'm gonna be accepted here.
(31:55):
And that's gonna feel good.
And I won't be lonely and I'mgonna have all these friends.
But you're not gonna havefriendships if you're never known.
And at my core, if there's one thingI could share about me, I'm not
always one who wants to fill allmy time with superficial nonsense.
(32:19):
I really like good, meatyconversations about real things.
Suggest that maybe this came to mind.
You meet somebody, gonna go out on a date.
Try to engage in meaningful conversations.
If it goes nowhere, call it done.
(32:43):
Call it done.
Like, oh, I didn't come here totalk to you about important stuff.
When are we gonna go back to your house?
Come back to my house.
Run.
You're worth the conversation.
I think human beings were createdfor meaningful connection.
(33:07):
Does this make senseat all to anybody here?
Meaningful connection, becausethe absence of that is this.
Do you know how often I sat like this?
Even in my own home in acorner, often pleading, God,
(33:30):
can I just be gone?
Please can I just be gone?
Because I was still at war in myhead about the whole suicide is
really bad and you can't do that.
So, but God, if you could just dumplike a big old wreck or maybe a fireball
on my house or some horrific accident,'cause at least it's okay to go that way.
(33:53):
But please can I just be done?
We have all kinds of examples in the Bibleof people that experience loneliness.
We know David did.
He was hiding in a cave and hewas supposed to be the king.
I am certain young David as he's anointed.
No, like, oh, I'm gonna be the king.
He probably practiced kingly walksout in the field as he is tending to
(34:15):
the flocks and you know how kids are,you know, they're gonna get excited.
He wasn't done growing up.
I'm sure he didn't envision he was gonnahave to run to try and save his life.
I didn't en think he envisionedhe was gonna be in a cave hiding.
Thinking it's gonna be real hardto be king if I'm dead, like
(34:36):
the, maybe I got something wrong.
The Bible is filled with human beings wholived a story that is shared with us to
learn from, and there's a number of them.
Talk about loneliness.
Think about Adam and Eve and everything.
They had the absolute connection to God.
Everything close, personal thing, and inone fell swoop that was taken from them.
(35:04):
Do you think they experiencedloneliness and isolation and depression
to suddenly go from perfection tothe full weight of their decision?
That's where it firststarted, separated from God.
That would be loneliness.
(35:25):
How about Noah?
Oh, but God put 'em in that big oldboat with all the animals, you know,
the cute things we see, the littlebobbing thing with like elephants and
giraffes looking over the edge likethis is the greatest ride of our life.
I'm sure it was a traumatizing, terrifyingride, but can you imagine when that family
(35:47):
comes out of there and they look aroundand literally there is nobody else but you
Can you imagine, Robert, you're lookingaround, you're like, I only have my
wife to talk to for the rest of my life.
I mean, that's all there is.
So, but like he sufferedthe loss of so many.
He knew the people he lived with.
(36:09):
It was relatives and family members.
It was his neighbors, people he'dgrown up with, educated with.
He knew how they died.
I would think that's some lonelinessand isolation on everyone's behalf.
What about job?
God actually allowedeverything to be taken.
(36:33):
His businesses, his servants, hisflock, his health, his children.
10 of 'em.
10.
10,
and he is left suffering in a corner.
If you don't think that's some isolationand suffering and depression, I can't even
(36:57):
imagine Robert had a small taste of loss.
I can't imagine
We have Paul saved from the, likehe was living as Saul persecuting
and killing Christians to now beingone of the most vocal supporters and
(37:22):
teachers, and guess where that put 'em?
In prison.
Prison wasn't, it's not fun now, butI promise you it wasn't fun then.
I would dare say they would prefer theconditions of prison as we have them
now than then, but that's where he was.
(37:42):
Do you think he didn't have times ofloneliness and isolation and depression?
And then what about Jesus?
Jesus, just before he isbeing crucified as one thing.
One thing is he is trying toprepare because don't forget,
(38:02):
he was also fully human.
It wasn't a simple thing for him to say,I'm going to the cross and I can't wait.
Bring it.
If you don't think Jesus wardedwith human emotions, I think
we'd be wrong to think that.
Especially when you know.
(38:24):
Things the way that he did
and all he asked as he was gonnatake some time to pray was, please
stay awake and pray with me.
It's all he asked.
Did that happen?
(38:45):
No.
He walked away after that agonizingsuffering to find him sleeping.
Do you think that doesn'tfeel like loneliness?
It got worse for him though.
He got hung on that cross.
(39:08):
There's a lot of people around, thesewere spectator events at the time.
Whole families came to watch crucifixions.
Can you, we don't do that here.
That will never be an event.
But that was the norm.
It was very visible.
They weren't way off in this remote area.
They literally were by busy roadways.
(39:29):
It was a very visible executionof agonizing suffering.
And the reason for it is so they couldbe mocked and ridiculed, and humiliated
even more as people walked by, andthat's what he was preparing for.
But hanging up there, if we want thegreatest example of loneliness ever
(39:53):
displayed, what did he call out?
My God, my God.
Why have you forsaken me?
God couldn't stay presentwith him to pay that price.
(40:16):
So if we think we've experiencedloneliness, we haven't
experienced it like that.
He hung there.
It visualized rejectionby both earth and heaven.
And boy did he experience that there.
(40:36):
Rejected by all, all of 'em.
He could have just simply asked God, sendme the angels, and they would've come.
But he didn't.
He didn't.
Thank you Jesus,
(41:02):
but that you don't matter.
Let's call it what it is.
It's garbage.
It's garbage.
You do matter.
You matter so much more than yourhuman brain could ever comprehend.
(41:25):
I understand loneliness.
I understand depression.
I understand isolation.
I still battle it.
I still feel profoundly lonely at times.
And you know how many people surround me.
It's not a lack on anybody's part.
(41:46):
Trust me.
Everybody is amazing andwonderful and so good to me.
I have never felt more loved in my entirelife, but I experienced moments of it.
An example would be yesterday.
Yesterday afternoon, I was at a funeral.
My best friend's father-in-law died.
So I was at that funeral and Iwas glad to be there to support
(42:12):
her 'cause I love her dearly.
She's like a sister to me.
What I wasn't prepared for is to be sofully impacted by a wave of loneliness,
listening to this service as I heardpeople talking with great love about
family relationships and the loss ofa parent and how much they were gonna
(42:32):
miss 'em, and all the things they'ddone and the family interactions.
And I had to remove myself.
And I just sobbed because I just lost mymom and I didn't get to go to a funeral.
I don't have those relationships, andI found myself during that funeral
just grieving and experiencingsuch a feeling of loneliness.
(42:57):
As I got hit with the knowledge that Idon't have a family to go to, not blood
family, and that's where that train ofthought started coming back the other way.
I may not have that in myblood family, but God is more
(43:21):
than restored to me family.
I have so many people in mylife that love me so much better
than the family I was born into.
I have brothers and sisters.
I have two of the most beautifulolder women who I think would
(43:41):
battle to the death, trying to layclaim to the name Mama in my life.
One lives in Texas and oneis here in both of them.
Poor love into me the way a mother would.
Thank you, God.
Because it was crazy how theycrossed paths with me too.
They're not related to mein any way, shape or form.
(44:09):
I say this because I want you to hear me.
God knows you.
He knows your loneliness becausehe created us for community.
So that loneliness you so often battlewith, try leaning into community.
Try not to find a person to solve itfor you 'cause a person never will.
(44:34):
If you are looking to somebodyto make your life better,
don't be so unfair to them.
People can't do that for you.
Nobody will come in your lifeand make your life better.
Okay.
They will accent your life.
They will season your life.
(44:54):
And I can tell you, there'ssomething about seasoning.
You put the wrong seasoning in your dish.
Nobody's gonna wanna eat it.
It's not gonna be good.
It isn't going to be good.
And you might say, oh, but it's okay.
I can eat a plate of it.
(45:15):
I can tell you you're not gonnawanna keep eating that same gross,
yucky, strongly spiced life.
Mm-hmm.
For the rest of your life.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's exactly it.
If you want the forever thing,if that's what you want, get
(45:41):
right with yourself first.
If you never.
Find it comfortable beingalone with yourself.
Living life.
You may not be well preparedfor relationship because
(46:02):
you cannot ask somebody else
to fill in those areas you'renot quite ready to address.
Matthew 11,
(46:24):
Jesus, are you tired?
Are you worn out?
Are you burned out on religion?
Come to me.
Get away with me andyou'll recover your life.
I'll show you how to take a real rest.
(46:47):
Walk with me and work withme and watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won't lay anything heavyor ill fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you'lllearn to live freely and lightly
(47:16):
if you are living in the will of God
and you are following his plan foryour life, he said it right there.
My God is a God who keeps promises.
He will not put anythingill fitting in your life.
(47:42):
Think about that in relationship terms.
How often do we put up withless than or not right for us?
If at the very core it's somebodythat doesn't share your values,
it's ill-fitting, and Jesus said,I will never put that on you, not
(48:06):
to make you suffer, because God isnot saying, I like you to be lonely.
I'm gonna keep you lonely.
Why would he do that whenhe loves you so much?
He's simply saying, can you trust me?
Can you trust the planI have for your life?
(48:27):
Can you trust me to bring into itwhat and who I have waiting for you?
It says in the Bible that beingsingle is actually a gift, but many
are not able to live a single life.
(48:48):
But it says that why?
Because there's not distractions.
'cause I'm telling you, relationships forthose of us who have them, they are work.
You don't just say, oh, there's my personand everything is great because if you
aren't, I know everybody's laughing.
It's like, am I wrong though?
(49:12):
It is work, but it's intentionalwork in relationship.
There is a freedom that youhave in singleness that people
that are married do not have.
And it's not bad.
It isn't bad.
So what are you lonely for?
(49:38):
At the heart of it, we know it's God.
You know it.
It's that longing.
But when it comes to humanlyspeaking, if you believe God and
you have faith in God, what is it?
Do we
(49:58):
want good, authentic relationship
or do we want a weekend
so we can say, well, I have somebody
you wanna meet.
I don't know what his middle name is.
I'm not sure.
Oh, where did you grow up?
Oh yeah, I don't know.
(50:20):
Yep.
It's my boyfriend.
Like, what do you know aboutyour boyfriend or your girl?
What?
Like what do you really know?
Don't know a middle name,don't know where they're from.
Do they have brothers and sisters?
Did they go to school?
Did they, did they, did they,no, but we both did math.
Okay.
Well, there's some common ground,you know, you know, we, we like
(50:44):
having some drinks together.
Okay.
That, okay?
Those are a dime a dozen, right?
If you want just simple,casual, no strings attached.
Flings, hookups, thatkind of relationship.
(51:04):
They are a dime a dozen.
Dime a dozen.
I'm sitting here, oldgray hair, almost 60.
I'm a grandma.
And guess what?
Still a dime a dozen.
Be easy peasy, if that's what I wanted.
Oh, easy.
(51:27):
After 11 at the bar, it gets real easy.
Real easy.
Yeah.
Everybody starts looking betterthan they did earlier in the night.
Yeah.
We all know.
Those of us that know.
And the next day you're like, oh boy,
(51:49):
it's not good.
It's awful.
And it takes a piece of you,
a piece of you dies every time.
It does.
I don't care what youtell yourself it does.
Why?
(52:11):
That's God saying.
But your mind and your worthso much more than that.
Why do you treat yourself likeyou are a broken, damaged item all
covered with dust in the bargain bin?
Just hoping, well, maybesomebody will choose me.
Maybe.
Maybe I'll do anything.
(52:33):
I'll do everything.
I'll give you all my money.
I'll make sure I do this.
I'll,
you shouldn't have todo that in relationship.
I know a lot of people don't likehearing this because man, just wanna
(52:54):
date and this one and that one.
I don't want any of thestrings or any of this stuff.
I'm not gonna stop you.
I won't.
I'm gonna feel bad for youbecause I know it's gonna hurt.
I know it's gonna makeyou feel more lonely.
I know it's gonna cause more depression.
I know it's gonna cause more isolation.
(53:19):
And he's a solution.
God is a solution.
I pray that the ones that arefeeling so overwhelmingly lonely
(53:41):
or battling with depression
are hearing something that lets them know
how loved you are.
What a treasure and a gift to thisworld you are, how precious you are.
(54:01):
You've got so many gifts and talentsto offer this world, and it's my prayer
that we become so sure of that in ourlife, that when we look in the mirror,
we're saying This is what God sees.
This is what God sees.
(54:22):
You look at things a little bitdifferent when you recognize
who something belongs to,
things that belong to God are deservingof being treated as if they belong to God.
That's how much value we have.
(54:44):
God wasn't absent in my loneliness, andhe is not absent in your loneliness.
He's right here.
He's right here.
He's right there.
You aren't alone.
He made promises.
We sing that song a lot.
(55:05):
You know, he hears and what does he do?
He answers.
Don't reserve 'em just for the bad times.
Just when life is drug,it's like, oh, that's right.
I got my Solu solution in my back pocket.
I'm gonna pull God out right now.
Things are a little rough, don't like it.
So here God fix this soI can go back to this.
And then we forget, God, Iforgot God a lot in the bar.
(55:31):
Oh, I didn't pull God outta my backpocket in the bar or very often in life.
'cause that brought me more guilt.
But now in my life, Idon't put him in my pocket.
I don't reserve God justfor when times are bad.
(55:52):
I celebrate with him every day nowbecause of awareness, because of
understanding, because some days arereally hard and he's now the first one
I go to because I'm not looking at him.
Sitting over there to makeeverything better in my life.
I bring it to the one who Iknow can, and I trust him.
(56:17):
And that's what it comes down to.
We say we believe, wesay we love you, Jesus.
We, we need to live that way.
In relationship or not in relationship.
(56:37):
In relationship.
Don't go around miserable, gripingand moaning about all the things
you don't like about your partner,especially to other people.
Don't put those things out there.
If you're not in relationship,don't be boo-hooing and feeling
so horrible that I'm the onlyone that doesn't have anybody.
(56:58):
'cause I can tell you that's not the case.
I know a lot of people not inrelationship, many of them are doing
amazingly well and they're thriving.
And when and if their time comes.
Because for some God calls a callingon your life that is singleness
and that isn't a punishment.
(57:20):
And it is not a penalty.
It's because God sees something in youthat he can call you to that difficult
path and he will bless it and it willbe full and beautiful and amazing.
But for many there will be somebody.
But wait for the one he has.
(57:42):
That's all.
Just wait for that one.
Wait for the people that God has for you.
You know, it's not just a quick temporaryrelationship, that's a dime a dozen.
So are people, you know those friends,do they want the same thing that you do?
Because if they don't, oh there'sgonna be depression and loneliness.
(58:04):
'cause you won't escape that battle.
Sorry to tell you that it willcontinue because that's our human
nature because we belong to God.
Even if you haven't claimed him.
This is just so weird.
'cause none of this wasanything I had written down.
(58:25):
Sorry.
None of it.
Absolutely none of it.
I am glad that this topic was broughtup though, because I've sat with so many
people that I know are just grievingand suffering, and they're so lonely
(58:48):
because they're longing for connection.
I know that I can't beeverything to anybody.
Nobody can be everything toanybody, but as a community.
Do you know what that is to somebody?
Because I know what you are.
(59:09):
To me, I know on my worst, hardlonely days when I'm like, I
don't have, I can't go see my dad.
I can't go to my siblings homes.
I can't see my aunts, my uncles, mycousins, none of 'em not welcome.
On those days, when it hits home, I getto come home because I've got people
(59:34):
here that I know they love me, whetherI'm having a great day or even more,
they love me on my really hard days.
Find those communities when
searching.
Come here.
Don't fill it with things that arejust going to take more from you,
(01:00:00):
and that means.
Don't be someone thatwould ask that of somebody.
Don't be a taker simply becauseit's my pleasure to do so.
Don't use people.
Be honest and upfront.
(01:00:22):
Be who you are and don't sacrificeor compromise that to have something.
Be authentic and genuine.
Be transparent, and if someonedoesn't like your transparent,
that's a ill-fitting thing.
God didn't intend that for youbecause the one meant for you, the
(01:00:44):
community meant for you won't beuncomfortable with you being transparent.
That man doesn't flinch as I sharedeverything about myself with him.
Nobody on this earth knows more aboutme humanly than that man right there.
Because from the get go, I wantedhim to know because I fully expected.
(01:01:05):
'cause you're gonna leave too.
Mm-hmm.
Came closer.
He just came closer.
That's when it's real andthat's when it's good.
It's not lost in me.
(01:01:26):
And this is not a bragging thing.
I promise you it is not.
Robert and I hear often from people,oh, your relationship goals, please
don't put us on that pedestal.
That is a scary thing to be, I don'twant to be anybody's relationship goals
(01:01:46):
because I'm not you and you're not me.
And they aren't Robertand Robert aren't them.
We come with our own uniquestories and experiences.
We have an amazing and beautiful thing.
He is my best friend.
I am blessed.
But it came after a lot of heartbreakand it came after humbling myself
(01:02:09):
and getting out of the way andfull out saying, I'm done looking.
I'm all done.
God brought him in my life.
And then I'm like, I'm telling youeverything because you'll just leave.
Let's get this out of the way.
'cause I just, I'm not doing this again.
That didn't happen.
(01:02:29):
The opposite happened.
It's worth waiting for.
Yep.
God.
He understands and he's there.
Bring it to him.
It's not a surprise.
He already knows you're lonely andhe already knows you're depressed
and he's not punishing you.
(01:02:50):
He's not keeping you fromhappiness and joy, I promise you.
He is not.
He's saying, look at me.
Please.
Just look at me.
Look at me and trust me.
Just trust me.
If you can tell me oncewhere he has failed,
(01:03:11):
I will say, you can trustyourself then, but he hasn't.
There's always been an answer,
but sometimes we have to wait and it's inthe waiting that your faith gets built.
It's in the waiting whereyour foundation gets made.
(01:03:32):
We talked about what happens ifyou don't put that under your
life, the first storm, it's gone.
Nothing without a foundation lasts.
Not one single person I've talked tothat talked to me about loneliness or
what it feels to try dating right now.
(01:03:54):
Has ever told me that, well, Idon't want the forever thing.
Every single personwants that forever thing.
We need to live like that'swhat we're expecting.
Then
don't just use people as filleruntil the right one comes along.
(01:04:17):
Why would you do that?
Why do we do that?
It doesn't help the loneliness.
It makes it worse.
Be your authentic self.
Be exactly who you areas you're created to be.
'cause when I start gettingto meet that part of people,
(01:04:41):
that's my favorite version.
I love when people share the real with me.
That's an honored place to be.
And I love it.
So please be real andauthentic to who you are
(01:05:01):
and hand it to him.
You will recover your life ifthat's what you're looking for.
He told you the answer, sojust come back to Jesus.
(01:05:24):
You'll have a guaranteed best friend.
You'll be loved beyond anything youcould ever even possibly imagine,
and you will finally understand howmuch meaning your life has right now.
(01:05:46):
I hope something in this waswhat somebody needed to hear.
'cause I am like, okay, whatabout what I was gonna say?
But doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
I just pray for anybody that's hurtingright now that maybe something helped.
If it didn't bring itto God, leave it here.
(01:06:08):
He understands.
Bring it to one of us.
We're here to listen.
We know it's hard.
Most of us in this roomhave been there, done that.
It's experienced it.
Get it.
We really get it.
I don't want anybody to suffer.
(01:06:29):
I just know the one thatcan make it all better.
Thank you for being here.
We are going to close with onefinal song and then I will, uh.
Pray us out of here tothe food part of the day,
(01:06:50):
and I can't wait to see thecraft that the kids made.
They're so cute.
I'm gonna make one.
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