Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) - S12 E96 - Shoot The Hostage

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello and welcome to Shoot the Hostage with me, Dan, and my partner, Sarah. We're a movie podcast who talks about a different film each week based on a theme. We do swear and we do spoil the featured movie, so only ever listen if you've seen the film or you don't care too much about spoilers. If you're a regular listener, you can just skip forward until you hear the intro music cuz you've heard all of this before. But if you are new to the show and you do enjoy what you hear, there are a couple of things you can do to help support the show. Firstly, make sure that you're subscribed on your cosplayer so you get notified when new shows drop on Mondays. Uh you could rate us five stars on Spotify, which couldn't be easier. You just hit the star icon below the show's artwork. Or if you have a spare few minutes, we'd love it if you could submit a review wherever you listen. Uh make sure you come follow us at swth_pod on social media. We are active on Instagram, threads, and Tik Tok. And lastly, the biggest thing you can do to help is tell a friend about the show. So that's about it. That's enough preamble from me. Uh over to me and Sarah for this week's episode. So, we're continuing our video game movie theme with 2001's Tomb Raider. You were going to say 2001,

(00:01):
a space odyssey.
That's not based on a video game.
No, it's not based on
anything.
Is it based on book?
Maybe.
Who knows?
But that's not what we're covering.
We're not here to talk about 2001. We're here to talk about a movie of equal quality.
Tomb Raider 2001 with Angelina Jolie.
Can we not cover 2001 of Space Odyssey instead?
We can cover that if you like. Well, we didn't watch it though.
But we have watched it.
Yeah,
I would rather talk about that space baby than whatever nonsense was going on in this movie.
I'm sure we'll unpack the uh everything about 2001 of Space Odyssey at some point when we inevitably cover it,
but will it be my choice or yours?
Uh, well, that's a really good question. I suppose it depends who picks space or giant baby season.
Giant baby season. What else could that possibly entail? Honey, I blew up the kid. There we go. the other one, isn't it? It's a season.
That's the only other one.
It's a short season. I'm not saying it's going to be a long season, but it's going to be a short season. So, Tomb Raider is our second Simon West movie.

(00:22):
Is it?
Yep. Director.
Oh, did um Did he do Conair?
Conair is the one.
Of course he did. Yeah, of course he did.
And if you've listened to that show, you know how enthusiastic I was about that one.
You love Conair.
I loved Conair. Yeah. And this is definitely not sarcasm.
Conair or Tomb Raider 2001
Conair
because at least that's got Nicholas Cage.
That's true. It has a bunny.
John Kusack in sandals.
Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Um, so Tomb Raider then. So I think I'm going to do what you did in the Until Dawn show and I'm going to say spoilers for obviously the the movie
but also definitely the first two games which I'm quite familiar with.
Oh well, I've never played them so I'm going to have to leave and just leave. this entire show to you then.
Okay. Well, look, I mean, we could just go go away. You can go and play them cuz I do own the first three on the PlayStation. So, you could go and play them for for four weeks and then we could return.
Yeah. All right.
Record.
I'll do that then.
But no spoiler. So, spoilers for potentially some of the games. I may not delve into spoil spoiler territory, but I may do. I don't know. It just sort of covers you legally, doesn't it? So, the suits can't come for us with the lawyers. Yeah.

(00:43):
Nobody's going to sue us for a spoiler.
Not yet. It's only a matter of time now, is it?
Oh, don't. There's no precedent that could possibly be set for that.
So, um, so you've never played a Tomb Raider game?
No.
Ever?
Ever?
Never touched a Tomb Raider game?
No.
Ever seen a Tomb Raider game?
What's Tomb Raider?
No. Um, no. I must have watched friends play them.
Okay.
But I was never very interested if I'm being perfectly honest.
Okay.
But you are.
Yeah. I Well, it was right time. right place. 1996, 12, 13 years old. PlayStation, new console.
Boobs.
Boobs. Yes. So, I was probably about the right age. And then the first Tomb Raider came out in 96. Absolutely blew me away. Really, really loved it. Went on to play Tomb Raider 2 and then Tomb Raider 3. Um, do you know much about the games? Obviously, you was alive in the '9s when Tomb Raider was about. It was a it was quite a big deal, I think. Like, it was all over games. master and the PlayStation magazines and you remember the little demo discs that you used to get with the magazines?
I do.
Did you get those?

(01:04):
No.
But do you remember anything from the culture about Lara Croft and Tomb Raider from the '9s or did that sort of pass you by?
Um,
sort of I sort of see it as entrenched in girl power and all of the Spice Girls stuff in the '90s. I mean, it's the same.
Oh, no. I I did not get that at all.
No.
Um, I don't know. cuz I think baby feminist Sarah probably wouldn't have been that into it because yes, she is an intelligent protagonist who's shown to be very capable. She's also designed exclusively for the male gays. So, I don't know. Maybe that's part of the reason that I didn't have any interest.
Yeah,
I know she raids tombs.
She does raid tombs and that's not a euphemism.
And that's about all I know.
So, um over to you Well, so a little bit about the um the original games, I guess. So, in 1994, the original PlayStation was released in Japan, and then in 1995, it came over to the UK.
There was just one single PlayStation that was in Japan, and then it came over to the UK.
Yes.
Then it was passed around.
That's right. It was like
you all got a turn.
It's like a time share thing,
right?
You could go on holiday to a little um a little place and play the PlayStation, but then you had to sit through a speech about how much it costs to rent a PlayStation. for certain amount of time. It's worth it cuz you get a discount on a holiday,
right?

(01:25):
But all your time is not your own, but you know, you get a sacrifice and I think you get a pan of chocolate as well.
Oh, I'm in.
So, it's worth it. Yeah. I mean, there's more than one now. That's how it started.
Well, there's five now.
There's of It's a well-known fact that there are now five PlayStations in the world.
I have one of them here. I'm very fortunate.
You You are permanent owner of one of the one of the five.
Yeah. religious. It's quite the honor.
I'm a very very lucky boy and I I treasure it and I I wake up every morning and think I'm so lucky to have this PlayStation. Um it's so Tomb Raider was originally developed with a male lead character and that was the case for a couple of months at least during the development phase of the game. They ultimately decided to go with a female character to try and distance themselves from any guesses which character?
Indiana Jones.
Indiana Jones. Absolutely.
Famous topheavy
Yeah.
protagonist.
Yeah. So by um so in 1996 then so developing the game by spring 96 they had the foundation of the game in place but they still had loads and absolutely loads of work to do to hit a December release date which is uh in time for Christmas obviously.
Shrewd
shrewd shrewd business move. I'm not sure if the next business move is going to be Ashrewd and it's it's a bit of a recurring in theme with at least the first three or four Tomb Raider games.
How many are there? Just quickly,
around 20.
20? Yes.
Are you serious?

(01:46):
Yeah.
20 different Tomb Raider games.
Yes.
Oh, wow.
Yeah. Loads. There's like the original three. Then there's the next three which I think are called the legacy. Like there's
I had no idea.
Then there's reboots and like spin-offs and mini games and yeah, there's there's so much. I I didn't realize just how much that there was until doing the research for this. I'm familiar with I think I've played I played one and two from one and two from start to finish and three I'm not sure if I finished that in the ' 90s and then I got one or two of the reboots as well in the 2000 I think 2013 and 2018 somewhere around there and they were very good but going back to the original Tomb Raider 96 they had the release date for December but the suits decided I don't know what why don't we bring that release date forward so we can sell more copies between October and December so they decided that knew release date was going to be October giving them just 3 or 4 months to finish the game which didn't you know it's not you hear all these stories about animators working really really hard and stuff and I guess that's the sort of reason why because just these time pressures are on people
who don't have any tangible skill
tell them what to do
y but it's the people on the ground that are going to be sleeping in the office and
working 24 hours a day and missing weekends and getting divorces and losing relationships and which is all stuff that actually happened
while making these games.
I hope they got at least a time share of the PlayStation and a Panachal out of the deal.
Yeah, Pan Shakal at a minimum.
Yeah, they did. I think the original setup in I think it was core design, they actually did offer some kind of like share situation like the workers were given shares of the company and I guess in turn shares of the profits, but only while they were in employee of the company. So, they were working their butts off to try and get these games out. But they had to do it. If they had left, they wouldn't have got they wouldn't have seen the fruits of their labor. So, they were kind of stuck in that position, which sounds like a nightmare. But bringing that date forward as well, that meant that there there had to be some compromises on performance. Uh, no animation was included for the sky, no skybox. So, they just blacked out the sky and they blacked out areas in the background. But, I think it actually worked. in the game's favor cuz it made it a bit creepier, bit more atmospheric. I think re I've been replaying the original Tomb Raider or Tomb Raider Remastered which came out last year. Um, and it's a world of difference. You can switch between updated graphics and original graphics or it's original for the PC. So, it's even better than it was on the the original PlayStation, but even then it's like I can't believe we used to play that.
I know there was um there was a Halo game that's did something similar and you could toggle between the original and the remastered and it was Shocking.
It's unbelievable, isn't it?
I could I can't go back.
I would love to be able to go back and experience that again, just to compare what you see now and what you see then. Cuz all I remember when I booted up a PlayStation game in 1996, I was like, "Wow, this looks so much like real life. This is so realistic. This is photo realism."
I mean, it's a step up from like Pong. So, we were spoiled and we're spoiled now.
Yeah, that's true. I think I was stepping up from a what would I have been stepping up from? Mega Drive I guess. Mega Drive 2 to a PlayStation and that was a massive huge difference. Um they hit their target released in October. Huge success. Massive success. Tomb Raider Laraft was everywhere. Um sequel was put into development immediately. Some of the development team left over disagreement about um I guess working conditions but also about

(02:07):
not enough Panach.
Not enough Panachala. Also about overly sexualizing the main character, Laura Coft.
Oh, good for them.
Yeah, I it's something that I think a lot of the original team weren't comfortable with.
Um, but something that marketing relied on way too much was that it was it was everywhere. It was this new and maybe the first time where there's a a video game character that's classed as a like a pinup. Like, what's
I don't think I've ever seen that before.
No, probably not. And And also something I find odd is I think young men today, this is a this is a generalization.
Here it comes.
No, I get the impression that a lot of young men today are still reluctant to play as a female a female presenting character.
Do you reckon?
I do.
Yeah. I I mean I wouldn't be surprised. So in order to
or to admit to doing it, put it that way.
Yeah, I suppose. So in order to uh entice young boys to play a a game with a female lead, you got to make her boobs a 36 D and you got to make them jiggle about a bit in the in the graphics.
Yeah.
Yeah. Well, it works, didn't it?
Well, yeah.
I don't know how much of that is to do with leaning on the sex appeal or whether it was just a new inventive creative game that we something that we've not quite seen before that was really well executed.
Probably a bit of both.
Yeah.
If I'm going to exercise Um, my best judgment, I guess. Yeah, probably a little of column A, a little of column B, because it's funny. I was just thinking like what I just said about young men being reluctant to play as female characters. I suppose if you're not given a choice and the only character you can play as is female, then they'll be less likely to winge about it.

(02:28):
Yeah, I guess so.
Or make fun of one another.
I do. You think that Lara Croft paved the way for female characters in games cuz I feel like they're they're certainly more common now than they were. But I'm just thinking only I'm really only thinking about in relation to our season Resident Evil Alice. I know Alice is made up for the film,
but there were there have been quite a lot of female characters in the Resident Evil games.
Yeah, that's true. So, I feel like the '9s was quite a big time for that, but also it was still the '9s.
So, we still had, you know, FHM magazine, we had Loaded magazine, for him magazine.
There was in January of 2000 the Millennium edition of Loaded magazine. There was a hundred different covers of the magazine and one of them was a Lara Croft limited edition cover which 16-year-old me might have owned.
I thought you were going to say you still had it.
No.
Like 16-year-old you. That's fine. If you if you still had it now as a man in his 40s, that would be tragic.
It would be pretty tragic, wouldn't it? Yeah. cut out the picture of Lara's face and put it in my wallet.
Did you?
That would be weird, wouldn't it? Yeah.
Who's that? Your wife? No.
No.
It's my favorite computer game character, actually.
Listen, some people might do that, and that's fine as long as they're happy.
Yeah. I mean, each to their own.
Yeah. So, 1997, a full year after the first game had come out, Christmas, ridiculous deadline, they hit it again. They they they released the game in in Christmas and it was a huge success. The mechanics were mostly the same, but vehicles like boats and snowmobiles were added. The studio did push for at because at this point it' all become about Lara Croft. So even the games are saying Tomb Raider featuring Lara Croft. This movie is called Lara Croft Tomb Raider.
Um but by the time the second game came out was probably peak Tomb Raider I would say popularity. The studio wanted developers to add a nudie cheat code called nude raider where you put in a code and her clothes for off, which would have been fun, wouldn't it?
When I when I say I don't like men, obviously I don't mean all men. I do mean those men.

(02:49):
Yeah, I know.
Those specifically those men. That's who I'm talking about.
Do you know who I like really? It's the developers. Cuz when a studio asked them to include a nudie cheek hose, do you know what the developers said?
f*** off.
Not far off. They said bog off.
Oh,
yeah.
I really really hope all these people who sacrificed sleep and stood up on their principles sold their shares and made bank.
So do I. Um yeah, so they said bog off. As a compromise, they did add a nude raider cheat code, but instead of removing Lara's clothes, when you put in the code, she exploded. And I'm pretty sure that I tried it.
Anarchy. I love it.
Yeah. Really fun. Funny. I loved that. Yeah, I loved it.
I thought you were going to say like they made the butler naked or something instead.
No. Oh, the butler suffered enough when you used to lock him in the freezer in Tomb Raider 2, which you can still do.
That might just be a you thing.
It's not a me thing, though. That's the thing. I thought like when the game came out and the butler's following you around in Lara's house, it's like the training bit. And you've seen the big freezer. It's like the size of a room. You think, I wonder if he'll follow me in the freezer. And he does. And you're like, I'm quite a bit quicker than him. I Wonder if I can shut the freezer door with him still in it. Yeah. Yeah, you can. And uh I did that and it wasn't until years later that I was talking about Tomb Raider games to my friend and uh he said he did exactly the same thing and now the internet has become a thing. It's apparently something that a lot of people used to do and you can still do it. I did it like 3 days ago.
You haven't changed a bit, have you?
I had to see if you could still do it and This time he froze. He froze in there. I don't think that used to happen.
Well, he died.
No, he just like froze a bit and then when you open the door it takes about 3 to 4 seconds and he just defrosts and then carries on following you about.
You Walt Disney him.
Yeah. Is he frozen?

(03:10):
Well, that's the rumor, isn't it? Cryogenically frozen somewhere. But yeah, I can't can't really cast judgment on you torturing the butler because I used to put my Sims through hell.
I know.
I've heard all about your Sims your Sims journey.
Battle Royale.
What did you do to him? Tell the listeners.
Um, I would put a maximum of I think it was eight people was the maximum you could put in a house. Um, and I would remove all of the windows and the doors and I would put that horrible clown painting on every wall. I would remove the toilets and the beds um until they peed themselves and argued and fought and died. And then the the last one to survive was the winner,
right? And what did I get? A lifetime of therapy, I assume.
Um, no, I just would start a new game at that point.
Reset then?
Yeah.
So, you just deleted them all anyway.
Yeah.
Wow.
Don't Don't say that.
The Sims, their god is Sarah.
No, don't say that because I do sometimes, like when I'm trying to sleep at night, I am sometimes kept awake by the notion that if we're in a simulation, we're probably in a simulation. I don't know. Like They're my simulation. So, was I putting them through actual pain and torment? Were they to some degree sentient?
I don't know. You're looking off into the middle distance there, like you're asking a philosophical question about the Sims.
I do think about my dead Sims sometimes.
You should have thought about that before you tortured them to death.
Look, I was young.
I know. We all make mistakes, don't we? Yeah.

(03:31):
It's not like the throng. They weren't actually conscious, were they? But, but were they?
Yeah,
that's the question, isn't it?
Throng. Look. Yeah. Um, what about Fame Park? Do you remember? Did you ever play Fame Park?
I did. And then, well, I had Roller Coaster Tycoon,
right?
And I realized that you could um set them going without completing the track.
Yeah. Yeah.
Zero days since an accident.
Yeah. I love closing the park, letting all the cues build up, and then like building this really nice attraction, but just taking one block out of the roller coaster and just watching it fly. off the screen.
Let's hope that none of them were sentient. Hey,
no, that's what these games were intended for. That's what they put them in there.
Um, so back to Tomb Raider then. So, I'm going to stop talking about the development of the games after I've spoken about Tomb Raider 3, but wanted to speak about them leading up to the movie. So, in 1998, another year after Tomb Raider 2, Tomb Raider 3 is released. Development team super burnt out now and refused to return if they only had a year to turn it around to Tomb Raider. agree. So, the studio agreed and said what they would do instead is try to work on a like Tomb Raider 2.5, like a good extension to the second game. So, the team began working on that and they're developing Tomb Raider 2.5. And after a few months, the studio looks at it and goes, "This is really good. Why don't we just call it Tomb Raider 3?" They didn't say that to the staff.
Oh, they put out a press release announcing Tomb Raider 3. The development team are like, "What the f***? So we are making Tomb Raider 3 then.
I hope they all demanded raises at that point.
I hope so too. I think after that a lot of the team left. There was a lot of restructuring. They they went into more of a mentor role and kind of helped shepherd it into a new era with the next couple of games. Set the foundations for the next couple of games at least. But yeah, so a really like troubled development story there for the first three games at least for something that was such a huge success. There was a lot of people working really hard and probably didn't get rewarded in the right ways um back then which is
all too common I guess with things with things like this.
So the movie then Laura Croft 2 made of the movie
that is what we're here to discuss. Yes,
it was released on my birthday. Uh the budget was 115 million.
I haven't looked this up but if I had to guess probably the most ever spent on a video game movie at that point.

(03:52):
Yeah.
Can't think what else might have been the past it since
well uh Warcraft that was one that's insane.
Yeah, I think a lot of movies in in this season actually Until Dawn being the least with 15 million I believe so far anyway.
And so far one of the better movies we've talked about.
Yeah.
Yeah. Worldwide box office of 275 million. So did pretty well. Did all right.
I thought you were going to say more than that. I'm actually surprised.
I I bet by the studios standards, they would say that this underperformed.
Yeah,
I was surprised too. I thought it would have done better. After learning all of that stuff about the development of the first three movies and first three games and how they were received and developed, my experience really dropped off after the third game.
Um, so doing this research has been really good to fill in a lot of gaps. Really good um documentary on YouTube about those games actually. Let me mention it before I forget.
Like an ual an official video or something that's fanade.
I think it's fanade. It's it's a 90minute documentary about the first I think it's six games, but that's on YouTube if you search Marco Marco Style and look up Tomb Raider games. But yeah, I I uh I wonder if that number that 275 million box office would have been a lot more had the film released a year or possibly two earlier when we were more on the hype of Tomb Raider. Because in 2001 I think we're on the fifth game by then and that's the worst received game.
Oh s***.
That's meant to be like just a flatout bad game.
Have you not played that one then?
No, I haven't. I haven't. I haven't played four. I played the first three and then
2013 and 2018. There's loads that I haven't played. But I think um
she must be a pensioner by now.
Yeah. But still running about, still knocking about, still opening those tombs and shooting stone monkeys. So, you know, got to keep doing it, ain't you? That's what she does.

(04:13):
That's what keeps her young. People do sedoku. Larov just hangs on a bungee in her hallway.
God. Yeah, we're going to talk about that.
We will.
Um, so yeah, the rights were procured by Paramount the film rights in 1998. Brent v. Freriedman, who wrote Mortal Kombat Annihilation, wrote a script. Spoilers, Mortal Kombat Annihilation does not feature in this season. In 99, Steven E. Duza took a stab at the script, who I don't know if you know that name, but he wrote and directed
Street Fighter from 1994, which is another classic.
Oh, goody.
Yeah.
When you say took a stab at the script, do you mean did a new script or did a rewrite?
I think I think just did a whole new script, right?
There were there a couple of there are a couple of um drafts that they went through. I think eventually they started talking about cast and obviously landed on Angelina Jolie, but
I mean she's she's a good choice.
I think so. And aside,
we'll talk about the accents. I've got a paragraph on accents to talk talk at at you about, so we'll get there. But um I I agree before we get to that point. I agree. I think Jolie is probably the best choice. But there are a couple of other names that were mentioned on Wikipedia, which did peique my interest. So
if only Ronitra had been a better actor.
Yes. Well, Rona was number one that I'd written down because she was the official model for Tomb Raider 2 and forever associated with that role.
Just for two onwards. I believe so. Yeah.
Ah, was there a an inspiration for the first game or
No, I don't I don't believe there was. I did a quick Google and it seems that she wasn't really based on anyone and there was certainly no moapin or anything then. It's just a character that they just made up and I guess Ronitra kind of looked enough like someone with triangle boobs, but they thought, yeah, she could be the official model for Tomb Raider 2.
She can wear those s***** 90s Morpheus sunglasses.
Yeah. Yeah. So, Ronitra obviously I think was probably fan favorite. I'm guessing Jennifer Love Hewitt because it was the early 2000s.
I don't hate it, but I don't I don't really Has she ever done anything that's actionbased?

(04:34):
I think that would have been a bit of a left field choice.
Yeah, possibly. I can't think of much.
She was like the romcom girl.
Yes. I mean, she's sort of final girl, I guess. is where I first
of a final girl
um saw her in those um what are they called? I know we did last summer. Yeah. But she was in sitcom. Was it sitcom or drama TV drama before that? Party of five. Was she in that?
Maybe.
Okay.
I don't know. She was in Can't Hardly Wait.
Oh, yes.
Ethan Embry.
Yes, of course. Oh, your beloved
1998.
Oh, very nice.
I have it on VHS.
Do you?
I do.
We've never watched it.
I'll make you watch it one day.
Please don't. Uh, who else we got? Fam Kansen.
Okay. Yeah, I don't hate that either.

(04:55):
No, I think that could work. Jennifer Lopez.
No.
No.
But that's primarily Well, no. That's 100% personal bias.
I don't like her.
She's She doesn't seem very likable.
No, I agree. How about Elizabeth?
So does Ben Affleck.
How about um Elizabeth Hurley? I don't really know about that. I can't remember the last thing I saw her in. Is she even still acting?
Uh, I have no idea. But in 2001,
she was quite popular, I believe. Well, it would have been around about the time that Bedazzled came out and that was a huge success.
That was everywhere.
I can't tell if you're being serious or not.
Don't you remember going into Burger King and there was like a tie in Bedazzled Burger?
No.
Yeah, it was great. It was in the shape of Liz Hurley.
You've made that up. Was that the Brandon Fraser one?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do remember the film. No, I I'm still preferring Angelina over all of these suggestions.
I'm not I'm not minding Elizabeth Early. I think possibly she's my pick. Ashley Jud also considered apparently. I don't know how much these people were considered. They're just names that I wrote down on Wikipedia, but it's
just brunettes. Fun to say, is it? Yeah. Ashley Jud, uh Sandra Bulock, Diane Lane, Demi Moore, Denise Richards.

(05:16):
No.
Agreed. Yeah. So, this is, as I mentioned before, the second movie that we are cover and directed by Sil West previously conair. Do you know much else about the director? Familiar with his work at all apart from Conair?
Not really. I know the name.
General's Daughter.
Oh, is that the big travolta head?
Yeah, that could be any movie really.
I think we probably spoke about it in our Conair episode.
We Well, we talked about the front cover being a big travolta head.
Yeah,
specifically.
Well, I think we also spoke about the fact that Simon West directed a music video for Never Going to Give You Up by Rick Ashley.
Yeah, that rings a bell.
Yeah. He also directed Expend Two Balls.
Is that the only one you own?
It's the only one that I like.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's the only one I think is fun enough to justify its existence.
Okay.
Um, so yeah, action director, which is one of the things that I think I I've I've got my issues with this film. I think some of the action is decent, although I do wish they had gone in a different direction. with it. Um, so how do you feel then about the performances? Let's begin, shall we, with the accents? Cuz we mentioned the accents earlier. Let's get that out the way. Let's address the elephant in the room. No one's doing their own f****** accent in this movie. Not name me one f***** that's doing Rimmer. Maybe Rimmer's doing his own accent.
Ian Glenn.

(05:37):
No. Is he
Scottish?
Oh my god.
How did I not know that?
I only found out today.
I think I've only ever seen him do English accents in things. Oh no, that must suck for a Scott. He must hate that.
So you got Jolie doing the English accent.
Yeah. Daniel Craig doing trying to do American.
Yeah.
Uh
John Voy doing Anthony Hopkins.
The only person in the movie whose accent is actually good.
And that's because he's doing an Anthony Hopkins impression.
Close your eyes and tell me that's not an Anthony Hopkins impression. Uh,
but it's a good impression.
It's a good impression. It's so good that I was like, "That's Hopkins."
And that's the only compliment you'll ever hear me give to John Boy.
Yeah, agreed. Um, who else we got? Noah Taylor, who is doing Cockney.
His Australian accent was coming through,
was it?
Yeah.

(05:58):
Right. I didn't notice I didn't notice that.
Oh, there were points when I was just like, is he doing an accent?
And I generally think he's a a good actor. So, I guess being a good actor doesn't always equal being good at accents.
No, of course not. I I liked him in this. I thought that he did a pretty decent job at portraying that character that we've all seen a thousand times in action movies. The tech sidekick.
Yeah, he's Simon Peg in Mission Impossible.
Yeah,
he's that guy.
Yeah, precisely.
Yeah, he was all right. He was all right. Little bit of light comic relief.
Yes. Yes. And I thought he he delivered his lines pretty well. One of the things that I think is pretty weak about this is just the thin characterization and the
of everybody,
the lack of arc or the the laziness applied to the arc. Anyway, the arcs, the character arcs.
Um, but I think that that Noah Taylor actually does pretty well. I think Jolie does well. I think that she gives it everything and I think that it shows. I think she's got the physicality. that you need for Laura Croft. I think she's got the right kind of attitude and tenacity to be able to show that anyway on screen and I think she did a really decent job. What do you think of Jolie in this? Are you a Jolie person? Is she
not really?
What's your What's a like a go-to Angelina Jolie movie for you if it's not hackers?
Yeah.
Um, Girl Interrupted.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Gone in 60 seconds. Anyone?
No.
No. Wanted?
I No, definitely not. Definitely not Wanted. God, I forgot that movie existed. Was that the one where they had to like try and shoot around a corner or something?

(06:19):
Yeah, you can bend bullets.
Oh, no. Bad, bad, bad.
Maybe Chris Pratt is your best friend, which is enough reason to lose your mind and turn into an assassin.
Bend a bullet into my own brain if that was the case. I'd
find a way to bend bullets into Chris Pratt.
Yeah,
don't do that.
You have to say that nowadays, did you? Well, yeah. We do. We don't genuinely wish harm on anyone. I don't. I can't speak for you.
Did you say generally or genuinely?
Genuinely.
Yeah. I generally don't miss wish on people I don't like.
But also, you've got to be careful cuz people are just wasting podcasters willy-nilly at the moment.
This is true.
Which will make it glaringly obvious when this podcast was recorded.
Love and peace to everyone.
Yeah.
Won't we all just get along?
Except Chris Pratt.
Except Chris Pratt. Yeah.
No, I it's kind of difficult for me to answer that question really because I don't because I didn't play the games so I don't really have
much basis for comparison.

(06:40):
Fair.
I think to be honest, I like Angelina most in roles like this.
Okay. Like a strong lead, a strong action lead.
Yeah. I think that's kind of what she is good at,
was good at. I don't know. She sort of
doesn't do much. She doesn't do much at all these days. No. And she does seem to be going in a different direction when she does.
She pops up in things, but not to the extent that she would have been when she was building her career at this time.
I mean, the last thing I saw her in was Eternals, and that was years ago now.
Yeah. But she she did that that one about the singer
Maria.
Maria. That's the most recent thing that I can think of.
That was last year. Yeah. Which again is nothing like this. But um
No.
Yeah. I do think she's sort of in her heyday at least was really well suited to this kind of role. So, I'm glad
I'm glad that she was cast. Um, I don't love the character. I think my class bias is sort of peeking through a little bit cuz I'm just like posh b****.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's fair. But she's also quite obnoxious with it. She just gets on her bike and f****** whises to that auction is just like, "Oh, I love that."
Just strolls in, puts her feet up on the chair. And I I get it's supposed to be like
read as, "Oh, she's cool. She's a she's a wild card. She doesn't care." It's like, no. You're acting like a c***.
Yeah.
Stop being so entitled.

(07:01):
Like man is a free Lady Croft.
Yeah.
It's interesting what you're getting at there cuz I think she's she's not very likable. She's It's weird. I find her likable in a in like a Michael man sense in that she's very good at what she does and I enjoy seeing her on screen and doing the action stuff. Although I feel Tomb Raider I probably would have preferred it had it lent more on the puzzle solving element than the action stuff. something that was strong in the early Tomb games which they kind of went away from moving more towards action. So I get why they did it for the film. Action movies are the biggest films of all like you must make action movies cuz they make so much money. That's why they did it.
I would have enjoyed more puzzle solving actually in this movie.
Me too.
Rather than just like this thing fit in hole turn key.
Yeah.
And it it was just there wasn't really any puzzle solving. It was just oh my dad's written me a letter. It's in a book.
Yeah. Yeah.
And that was about it.
The poem that I've just read you is by a man with a book and I put the thing in that book.
Yeah.
Puzzle solved.
And then the rest of the movie she's guided by possibly not real but maybe real mystical foreign children, which is a troubling stereotype.
Yeah. And ghost dad.
And ghost dad. Yeah.
Not Cosby.
Not Cosby. That would
be a different movie.
You got to say that these days, isn't it? Yeah. Um, mystical ghost dad played by real life dad John Voy. Famously, they get on really well.
They love one another. Yeah. There are no issues within that family at all.

(07:22):
They they refuse to shoot the scenes together, so they had to split screen it in post and stitch together.
I don't know if you're joking.
That could be true.
I thought that that was true and I looked it up and it's not true.
Is John Voy actually a baddie or I think so. Is he just unlikable?
I don't know. I don't agree with his politics, let's put it that way, but maybe let's not get into that.
And he's just kind of gross,
I think,
to look at.
Yeah,
I know I'm no oil painting, so you know, maybe those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones and all that, but how much money would you have to be paid to um give John Voy an openmouth kiss on on full smacker?
You asking for me or are you asking people to write in?
No, you
a snog or just like a kiss on lips? But open mouth.
Open mouth. Kiss on the lips. No tongue.
No.
What time of day is it?
Uh, midday.
So I'm not drunk.
Well, maybe.
Can I be drunk?

(07:43):
Yeah.
Probably do it for a tenner.
A tenner?
Yeah.
Wow.
It's a free tenner. And it's a story to tell. What? I like I'll eat some dog s*** or something before I give him a kiss and then Give a little peg.
You'll divine him.
Yeah. f*** hell. It took me a minute.
God. Yeah. I've actually seen Pink Flamingos, unfortunately.
So, we're a fan. So, we are a fan of Angelina Jolie.
Yeah. I think I think she was the smart choice. I think my only real criticisms are the accents atrocious and the fact that I look, I don't need my protagonist to be likable. That needn't be a complaint under normal circumstances. You just have to make them interesting and watchable and have the story be good. But I think that's where this film is lacking.
Yeah.
I think they sort of tried to have their cake and eat it because you can't really have a character like that and introduce the nuance of the dead dad and the oh, she's a bit of a loner, she's a bit spiky, but then just have it be a throwaway action movie.
Yeah.
It doesn't really afford that level of character development. It is. It's a weird one because I feel like watching it and watching it with the commentary as well and and hearing Simon West justify some of the decisions for some of the action sequences and just the the more sort of character- based moments as well. Like they they tried but not I I probably not hard enough I would say like um like the thing that I hate about the Lara Croft character in this movie is that at the start start of the film Arnold Jim is like I'm just trying to make you a lady. Please wear a dress. Please wear a dress cuz you're a lady and you need to dress like a lady. And then she does all the Tomb Raider stuff and like kicks stone monkeys in the head and all of that. And at the end of the movie
at a robot.
She Yeah. eats a robot.
Shoots at a robot.
Yeah, there's some deleted scenes I didn't see. She uh and it gets to the end of the movie and we f****** breakfast club it. We put her in a dress, give her a big f****** floppy hat, and now she's a lady.
And the reason that they did that is because they wanted to put in a character arc for for Lara Croft.
A character?

(08:04):
Are you joking?
No, I reckon that that stinks of a re-shoot to me. They've watched they've shot the movie and they've cut it together and gone,
"Oh, she's still wearing pants.
She has not progressed in character at all.
Oh my god.
We should put her in a white dress immediately."
I don't think I would like Simon West. Do you?
I don't know. I don't know. I He's quite He seems to be quite articulate and sort of non nonsense in the commentary. He seems all right, but I mean, how much can you get to know someone from listening to a movie commentary for an hour and 41 minutes?
I mean, Hitler was articulate.
I'm not for a second comparing the two.
That's true. He was articulate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm going to get cancelled, aren't I? One of these days.
One of Well, one of us might do. Yeah.
Yeah.
If one of us does, then we're going to have to just take down the entire ship. Aren't we? Burn it all down.
Raise it to the ground.
Why Why are we casting Daniel Craig in this?
I don't really know. I think I think the question that we should be asking is why are we casting Daniel Craig in this as an American?
Well, I mean that's a bizarre choice. It's a curious choice and that his accent is not very good. Particularly when he has to raise his voice.

(08:25):
It's it's like oh even I can notice that and I don't notice these accents. half as well as you do.
It's um that's a pretty common thing. People tend to it tends to become most obvious when people are shouting
when you're putting strain on your voice and it's kind of hard to disguise your natural uh tones and sounds. Yeah, for sure. Originally that character was called Alex Mars, but they changed it to Alex West because they couldn't get the clearances signed off in time. So, he got to shoot day. Simon West is like can't use Alex Mars. I I know what I'll do. I'll use my dad's name, which was Alex West, cuz he knew that he could get clearances on that. Um,
wait, why couldn't they get clearances on Alex Mars from who?
The whoever's called Alex Mars in the world, I guess.
Wait, what? Clearances?
Yeah. When you're making stuff and you get, you know, you're clearing all of the getting all of the product stuff cleared and any songs or art that you're using in the film and stuff. You also need to get names cleared as well and check those
for real.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
You have to reach out to everybody in the world called Alex Mars.
Yeah. Everyone, every production has got yellow pages and then they have to go through a bit like um Have you seen the film The Terminator from 1984?
No, I've never heard of this.
There's a a character in that called well, it's played by an actor who um you might be familiar with called Arnold Schwarzenegger and he opens a phone book and he goes through the phone book and he finds everyone called Sarah Connor and he finds them and he shoots them in the face.
Oh, is that what happens.
Yeah, that's what happens. But that's
But they couldn't track down all of the Alex Marses.
Yeah. The the lawyers don't shoot anyone in the face, but they will try and track down every person called Alex Mars. Write them a letter.
Eliminate them.
Yeah. They write them a letter in blood and eliminate them. No, don't eliminate them. You're putting me off here. It's I I always find it weird seeing Daniel Craig in this because obviously he's James Bond and he's he's quite a big or 5 years after this came out I believe the first Bond was 2006 first Craig era Bond anyway so it's kind of this I think being his main his first big studio role I would say I did look at his credits and I didn't recognize anything before it's kind of this lay leading into Bond uh wrote a pedition is knocking about in there somewhere as well
he did a he did a movie where he shagged an old lady
oh yeah

(08:46):
yeah I think I think that might have been prior to this maybe.
Was he in Harold and Maud?
No, it wasn't Harold and Mud. I don't cast versions on that film. It's excellent.
You've made me watch it.
Yeah, cuz it's good. It's
a weird movie though, is it?
Yeah. Bit.
Yeah. Yeah. It's not as conventional as Tomb Raider 2001, is it?
It's not. No.
Well, okay. Let's talk about some of the action sequences.
Mhm. is this does lean very much on the action is an action film.
Yeah,
it's 43 minutes before we see a tomb.
But it does open with an action sequence.
This is what I'm getting at cuz it opens with a f a fume.
Opens with a fume,
which we're calling a fume.
A fume. That's like a colloquial term for a vagina, isn't it?
A fume.
F. Yeah.
No.

(09:07):
Get your f out.
Fu.
Put your f away.
Where your mind off?
Um, yeah, this does start with an action sequence. It's the bit where she eats that robot.
Yep.
Yeah, which I I don't like that. I don't like that sequence at all. I think I think it looks all right. I think it's perfectly well executed.
Are there robots in the game?
No. Okay. I was wondering
that was a strange choice on all counts. Then
there may be possibly in three and beyond where they did, I believe, start to introduce more sci-fi elements, but my familiarity line with the first couple of games, it's all about ancient stuff. You're you're solving puzzles in tombs and finding old keys and solving old riddles and stuff. It's uh you know, mythical creatures and legends and all that stuff. It's not really robots aren't really a thing. And it's sort of moving away from what Tomb Raider is. I think I find it very jarring. I remember the first time I watched it just thinking, why is there a robot
and it's a fake out because you're meant to think that it's a tomb as well, but it's just her training area.
Mhm.
But I say, why don't you just open it on a tomb, man? I know that there were some budget problems. Apparently, they were they were meant to be three pieces of this magic triangle that they're trying to find, but they had to cut it down to two cuz they could only afford two kind of tomb areas, two big sets. So, perhaps that was part of the reason, but I just didn't I didn't love the opening. action sequence for that. But I think it looked all right.
If I'm being honest, that sounds like a skill issue.
I don't know. I think you can you can budget for two tomb areas and then move things and set dress things in a way to make it look like four.
They did something similar at the end of the movie in the third act where they were going through the caves on sleds. They just had a circular kind of cave and they just raced around it and shot it from different angles. And with the main set in at the end of the movie as well. They had a they built it in they built all of the solar spinning solar um configuration stuff, but then it had a the set was a semicircle. So, they did that too. But I think you're like I you don't need to go too much with it. Like I would have been perfectly happy with an opening sequence. Maybe she's just solved a clue. Like I would want more solving puzzles in this film because I just do. But maybe she's just solved something and she's got to escape this tomb before it collapses. And you just see do a couple of signature jumps. Oh, she's doing the running jump now and she's pulling herself up and going, "Ah!" when she pulls herself up. Or she finds a purple crystal and goes, "Aha." Like, I don't know. There's there's a way to do it. And the opening from the opening scene for me, I'm like, "This is not Tomb Raider,
right?
It's still Laura Croft, so like there is some nostalgia there for me. And like I do I'm glad it exists and I enjoy it on some level, but it's not quite what I had in mind when it comes to a who made a who made a film, but there are other good action scenes. What do you think of the bungee sequence
in the hallway?
Um, loved it then by the sounds of it.

(09:28):
I didn't really know what to make of this. Look, I saw this film back when it came out and remembered almost none of it. And when that started happening, I was just like, what the f*** is she doing?
Because it just made me think of those. I don't even know if they're still a thing. They're probably horrendously unsafe and were taken off the market,
but those things that people used to put in doorways that that they would sit babies in.
Yeah, I wanted them.
Did you? And they could bounce.
Loved it.
They could just amuse themselves.
Yeah.
That's That's all I could think of.
Maybe that's what it was.
Maybe.
Maybe it's like a because she's lost her dad and she just like being in that bouncy thing reminds her of having a parent being a baby. She's like, "Oh, big big Lara. baby hanging around in a in a lobby.
Maybe it's um some sort of regression therapy.
Yeah,
that definitely real scientifically backed thing.
Yeah, I'm sure that it is. I ain't got time to do the research right now.
No, it's quackery.
It's It's a bizarre thing, isn't it? Because you see it and you're like, "What's happening? Why is she hanging off of bungee cords in a living in a in a in a foy foyer? Is it of a foyer when there's a chandelier? That was a lot of um information. I don't know. I don't know.
She's in this big room.
Mhm.
And she's hanging there and you're thinking, why is she hanging there? And it's like, oh, I know why. Cuz she's going to have to do action at some people in a minute.

(09:49):
But that's kind of why I hate it because it's
she's just jumping up and down, which do you know what? Didn't didn't look too bad. I would potentially be up for that. It looks lowkey kind of fun. But she doesn't seem like the sort of person who's just bouncing up and down for the hell of it.
So, what did that serve for her?
I agree. It served to have a cool action sequence.
Was it a cool action sequence?
I thought it was all right. Yeah. I I it was pretty different.
The action sequence in itself not bad.
Yes.
But the fact that the thing that precedes it is just that she's bouncing on bungee ropes in her hallway.
Yeah.
Kind of just makes it a bit of a head scratch. for me.
Well, West tries to defend that choice in a commentary.
Okay.
And he says, "Well, I was trying to think of a way. How would Lara be relaxing at night? She's not He's probably not the sort of person that's going to be, you know, just put a candle on and chill out. She raised tombs. She's an accident actually heroin. She's a heroin. She does.
No, she's doing heroin.
She does heroine. She's a heroine that does heroine.
She should do some heroin. She shouldn't do some heroin. She's not real. It doesn't matter. Allegedly.
That was last season.
Yeah. Uh, and he was like, "Well, what would Lara Croft do to relax?" And his um solution was, "Well, she'd probably hang from the ceiling on bungee cords." Obviously, that's your first answer, isn't it?
What curious man.
It's It's a weird one. It doesn't make any sense other than to serve as an action sequence. And that is uh clunky, isn't it? It's just not there's no depth or or anything there. And not that you need depth in a stupid action movie really so much, but when it's just

(10:10):
but it's nice
and it's there, you it, you're like, "Why?" You see her hanging there, you're like, "Why is she hanging there? That's a very strange choice." And it you just immediately know why. And it's to serve the next scene
and it's annoying. But the scene in and of itself, I thought was decent. Spins the people up in the cord, spin around. They're all wearing masks cuz this is a a film for children, so we can't show people being shot
in the games. Um, was she also part of Cir was
or was this just for the film.
Well, the game is all about climbing. The original couple of games is about climbing, solving puzzles,
so it's not totally out there.
No.
Okay.
Bungee cord's not so much. She's more jumping from rocks to crevices, pulling herself up, diving off of waterfalls and cliffs and and and such. So, she's there's always been that kind of physicality to the character. So, that did kind of work thematically, I guess. But the first game was less about the action and more about the puzzles. In the first game, she's just going around shooting gorillas and and like lions and stuff. Real gorillas.
It's mostly Yeah. Real Yeah, real gorillas. Yeah.
What?
They're just cuz they're guarding the tombs and you got a gorilla coming at you. What are you going to do? You got two pistols. You're going to shoot in the face, isn't you?
A Listen, after what you told us that you did to your Sims,
don't go R about me shooting pixelated gorillas.
I guess the difference is Um, Sims look like humans.
Okay.
Like if something looks like an animal.
Yeah.
Like even lemmings. I hated lemmings.
Why would you? Like when they the boulders came down and squished them, I got so sad.

(10:31):
I couldn't play it.
Okay.
Yeah. So, I wouldn't re I couldn't recommend Tomb Raider to you because you would have to shoot some gorillas.
No, I couldn't.
But yeah, it's the as I said the the the games are more about your puzzle solving and the more the games went on, the more they let into the action. And this is very much an actionbased movie, but you didn't have people so much either in the original game. It was mostly animals that were guarding the tombs, which added to the sense of isolation. You're there in this big tomb on your own. It's dark in a distance. You can't see what's going on. You got to solve a puzzle. Very atmospheric, very rewarding when you solve a puzzle and you don't know what's lurking around the corner. The second one, every level has got like a 100 people on it and it's sort of starts becoming a bit annoying, becomes more about shooting people than it does about solving the actual puzzles. Um, so I think Tomb Raider one was my sort of favorite for that reason really and it's part of the reason why I I like this movie just fine. I think it's okay, but I definitely would have loved it if they lent more into that that puzzle stuff. I guess they sort of tried to do a like a a at least a what do we call it? A solving mechanism in that middle tomb where They're in Is it Cambosia where they've got the big old log thing
that you need a big log to pierce the the bowl of
Could have done that with a pencil
precisely. Yeah, exactly.
It was a bit elaborate.
It was way too elaborate.
Unnecessary.
Um completely fought up by Simon West. The idea of the log, the set was not built with that log in mind.
So, they had to build it special. They had stunt people trying to jump on the log. Couldn't do it. Came to the day of the shoot. had a word with Jolie. West is like and he calls her an and do you reckon you could jump on this log sort of you know oh I'll give it a go and she nailed it within a couple of attempts she managed to jump on the log and looked like she was shifting the momentum of the of the log to be able to pierce that bowl of green water which like you said she should have just used a pencil for that green water's probably been there for like what 5,000 years Well, it's 5,000 years since the last alignment, so you assume no. Yeah.
Rank.
Yeah. I wouldn't make a cup of tea with it.
No. How are all these mechanisms still working after all that time?
WD40.
Do the gorillas also perform maintenance?
I believe so. Yeah.
They're all voiced by John Clees.
They all have little those little um what are they called? Dungarev suits with like a little notepad that you put in the front pouch like my superior but

(10:52):
human clothes. um made from denims. They all have those workers just going around in the in the tombs.
Cool.
The one's got a broom.
One's got some like Mr. Sheen and Polish and stuff. And it's a whole thing. Um maybe they should make a movie about that.
Lowkey would watch that.
It's not list.
This is This is I don't know why this is my thing. Like whatever I watch, I'm just like, "Yeah, but I want to see the film about the paperwork. book that happened afterwards.
I don't know why I'm such an a****** about that.
Yeah. You want to see You want to see stuff about the people that make stuff happen, the team, the boots on the ground, the real people,
not the people at the top.
Mhm.
Um, so the Cambodian Tomb again, enjoy that sequence. Logic based thoughts aside, I think it looks quite well. I think it's actually lit a bit too well, to be honest with you.
It's lit way too well. I mean, she repels down whatever. And she's got a little glow stick.
Yeah,
I did write in my notes, Tomb Raver.
Yeah,
that was the cheat code in the second game. She bangs out glow sticks.
Um, and it it's kind of mindblowing how well just that glow stick lights up the entire tomb.
Yeah,
it's almost unbelievable.
Almost almost. Yes, that's the key. Yeah,

(11:13):
I thought um I thought that this movie looked really really good. But if I had one complaint, it would be that some of the sets were lit too well.
Like I said, in the game, a lot of the background stuff and the sky dark um adds a certain atmosphere, but when the set's really light and you can see everything, it removes some of that tension, I think. But it did look well. It was well designed. I thought the CGI for the Stone Monkeys was quite good for 2001. I thought that that worked quite well.
Not terrible. Um, I guess The Mummy did something similar two years before.
Yeah, I did write a note about that actually. The Mummy had to have been an influence on this.
Must have been
very similar in tone.
Yeah,
at the very least. But I feel like the lighting issue might have been an era thing as well cuz I know that um obviously lighting techniques have come on a little bit in the last couple of decades. But a huge complaint from audiences now is that often films are too dark
and they can't discern what's happening. Whereas if you watch stuff from a couple dec decades ago, it was much brighter in general.
I wonder if that's more of um a tech based thing like film and digital and the different tools that are available.
Yeah, cuz I mean it could be any number of things cuz obviously specific cinema setups will make movies look different. So
yes, I quite liked all of that that stuff in the Cambodian temple. There was also Did you notice there were little crawly around stone gorilla things with wings? Yeah, they reminded me of something out of um Dark Crystal.
Oh, really?
Why? What were you going to say?
I was going to say the Griffins from uh Warcraft.
Oh, yeah. Kind of.
Well, Simon West called them griffin. Griffins. He called them in in the Griffins. Griffins. Yeah.
Okay. I couldn't really make out completely what I was looking at if I'm being honest.
Well, it's it's a weird thing that doesn't really exist.
Yeah.
And it wasn't lit very well.

(11:34):
Yeah.
Unlike the rest of the set,
despite the fact that I mean, how many lumens was her glow stick?
At least 10. That was the That's the doctor from Halloween, though, isn't it? How many lumen How many Dr. Lumis' were there in her glow stick?
Dr. Lumis.
Is he named Dr. Lumis?
That's from Halloween.
That's why I said Dr. Lumis.
Oh, I thought you said Doctor Who.
Did I say Doctor Who?
You said Doctor Who. I might be going insane.
We'll find out when I edit it, won't we?
Yeah.
All truths are revealed when Danny Boy is listening. editing the podcast. I don't keep a note, but if I did, I'd be winning.
Um, one thing I liked about this film is that they at least well that it ended, but they did at least attempt for some equality.
Explain.
Well, near the beginning, she's got a shower scene, and it's it is a bit like, oh, for f***** sake,
got to show some side boop in the kitchen.
This is made for 13year-old boys and 13year-old boys exclusively. But Daniel Craig gets a similar much shorter shower scene. Um, and a maid screams at his dick. Very strange scene.
Yeah, a move only seen by Louis CK until that point.
I don't think he was ejaculating into a plant pot or whatever. I don't know. I wasn't there. All right. But yeah, they do at least attempt equality, which I respect.

(11:55):
Um, they were going to not have that scene in the film, the Daniel Craig one.
Okay.
They uh tested the film. Audiences responded to that character and said, "We want more um Alex West." So, they're like, "f*** it. All right. Well, you want more? We'll give you more. Look, oil up, Craig. Get that f****** baby oil on you."
And dehydrate immediately.
No water for Daniel Craig for 4 months. Get in that sauna. Yeah. Very strategically uh placed. B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B B Bister there covering his uh his boyhood.
Yeah.
Um I did I did watch, as I say, watch the commentary today and reound that scene a couple of times to see if I could pause it in the correct position, see if there was any
uh Baby Craig action. Couldn't see any. I was trying to make comparisons to our Resident Evil show where we saw
snatch snatch of Jovich.
Well, you didn't.
I didn't. No, you saw Snatch of Jovich
and so did um Michelle Rodriguez, apparently.
Yeah. But you did not.
No, I missed it, unfortunately. Um, so I tried to write my wrongs from that episode by trying to spot a the penis of Daniel Craig. What are we talking about?
The Daniel Craig's dick.
I'm sorry.
I'm not.
We talk about dicks a lot on this show, don't we?
We do.
Yeah.
Should we talk about vagina more to offset that?

(12:16):
We should probably in the interest of balance. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
What do you think Jony's ming then?
I'm sure it's immaculate. Do you know what? I'm sure it's excellent.
I'm sure it's I'm sorry. I couldn't resist. Um, is this the is this the most 2001 soundtrack ever made?
Yes.
Would it be any more 2001 if basement jacks were on the soundtrack? Oh, wait. Hex notes they are.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Only at the end though.
Where's your head at?
Where's your head at?
I It did make me laugh while we were watching this because you you said at the time like, "Oh, this soundtrack is the most ' 90s thing ever."
I was like, "It's not even the most ' 90s soundtrack in an Angelina Jolie film."
True. Boys,
hackers.
Hackers. Yeah.
All roads lead back to Hackers this episode.
Um, yeah. I didn't I didn't enjoy the soundtrack at all.
I I guess it's a a 2001 soundtrack, but it's it's definitely a a post n That's such a dumb thing to say, isn't it? It's a post90s soundtrack from 2001.
Sure is.

(12:37):
Intelligent discussion on Shula Hostage. I uh God, I feel like an idiot. Um it's it's a lot of bands and more sort of dance focused, but a lot of things that became popular in the '9s like Basement Jacks.
Basement tracks is like the on good song on this soundtrack.
Oh, there are Well,
yeah.
Are there?
Well, I I feel like a lot of a lot of the the artists in this became popular in the ' 90s were at their peak in 2001, and none more so than Oxide and Neutrino. Do you remember them?
No. Well, I remember the name.
Do you remember that garage song that had the sample from Casualty on it?
Maybe.
Ah. s***. I've been shot.
Oh yeah.
I don't f****** believe this. Can everyone stop getting shot?
Yes. Is that what that was from?
Everyone stop getting shot.
We have such different taste.
When I say you say we say they say make some noise.
You all right there?
Yeah. They um they did uh No good for me. They did a that a version of that track as well, but They I don't know. They were popular for way too long outside Neutrine. I don't know what we were all thinking. Uh maybe 2001 is the last time that one of their songs was ever bought for a movie and it was this one.
Probably
not a fan of Missy Elliot.
Oh yeah, I am.

(12:58):
Yeah.
But I felt like her song was maybe out of place amongst everything else in this movie.
I reckon I agree. Yeah, it was. It was it was out of place in this movie and in the scene. It was in as well. I thought it was in the cleanup scene post that bungee fight scene and it was just in the background. The UPS delivery guys like, "Oh, what are you doing cleaning up? Was there some people with guns last night? Why are you listening to Missy Elliot? Bye, Lara Croft."
And then he went, "Oh, it's a letter from my father. He wrote it before he died." No s***.
This Oh, the script. Can we talk about the script?
Oh, go on.
It was not good.
Correct.
Good talk.
Yeah. Do you know what? I I this This for me felt like such a overhang of the stink that Richard Curtis left on British movies because everyone's saying f****** bugger. Every other word in this movie is bugger this and bugger that.
How many When's the last time you said bugger as an English person?
2001.
2001. Yeah.
I genuinely I don't know.
We don't say it.
No. It's a bit of a weird I was going to say stereotype, but I don't know where it's come from.
I don't know. Maybe posh people do say Maybe that's why we don't know about it. We don't around with the people.
Low life mock mouths.
Well, we are definitely that. But yeah, it's um that's I noticed a lot.
I think every character says bugger apart from Manfred Plow where he's very articulate and talking about Illuminati and spatial alignments.
Ian Glenn.

(13:19):
Oh, is his name Manfred Plow?
Manfred Powell.
Powell.
Yeah.
Yeah. And he employs. He He's employer He employs someone called Mr. Pims.
Mr. Pims can do one.
Mr. Pims is the most important character in this in this movie.
Julian Rind Tutt.
Yes.
Looks like the poshest person alive,
but very funny.
And I will not elaborate on why.
Okay. Is it the floppy blonde hair?
I said I wouldn't elaborate. He sat there looking expectant.
What What What else in this script stands out to you then as a being somewhat disappointing.
All of it. Yeah. It's mostly just perunctry. The only person who really Well, actually, no. The only two people who really get any dialogue that says anything about their character are Laura Croft and I forget his name, his character name, but Noah Taylor. They're the only two that really are able to inject any character.
I I I feel like um Noah Taylor sort of nails that British sarcasm quite well, I think. And which is part of the reason why I have do enjoy him in this despite the script being flawed.
I do feel like the Australian sense of humor is a bit more aligned to the English.
Yeah.
Than than the American maybe.
I guess in general, yeah, you're probably right. Yeah. It's all that that colonization we did.

(13:40):
Not all bad, is it? We gave him sarcasm.
Quit it.
We killed everyone. We replaced everyone's human lives with sarcasm.
It was worth it.
Yeah.
Sorry. stole all of their trinkets and put them in museums. Weren't we excellent? Let's pat ourselves on the back. Give us our country back.
f*** off. Sorry. I'm Let's not get too political.
Take our country back. Do you think when when everyone's saying like take our country back that also we're going to give everyone else's s*** back?
No.
No. We can't do that, can we?
Also, do you do you think that the people yelling give us our country back have ever set foot in a museum and looked at any of the things that we stole? Anyway,
I don't think that they've even seen the film Night at the Museum, let alone steps in one.
I think that might be their only exposure to a museum.
I reckon you might be right.
Yeah,
not to generalize, but they're all f****** morons.
Um,
this this is the show. This is the one that gets us canled.
This is it.
Who thought our our commentary on Tomb Raider 2001 is the one where we get cancelled for expressing political opinions?
Oh dear. Um, what should we wrap this up? Are we about done talking about Two Mainer 2001 now, Sarah? Are there any other bits and pieces on your list you would like to cover?

(14:01):
Um, I'm just scanning my um, it's mostly just stupid stuff. Um, oh, I was quite happy early on that she was wearing a practical outfit, which is was one of my complaints last week.
Yeah,
she's got flat shoes on. The shorts aren't ideal.
No, they're very short.
Yeah.
Yeah. It's not. It wouldn't be what I would choose to do when I'm raiding tombs, which I do often.
Yes. Um I think it's weird, isn't it? I think they they that's what I mean by when I say they did try.
She she does wear trousers.
She does.
I think she needs a sports bra. I'm sure I'm sure that scene where she's slow motion running at the end absolutely put bums on seats.
Yeah, the way they they added a lot of the jiggle in post as well.
But the whole time I was just like Oh, that looks painful.
Yeah. Would that hurt? Would it?
It would hurt me.
Right. Okay. Well, apparently they um they weren't content with Angelina Jolie's breast size. They did pad them out a bit to become more in line with the sort of shape and size we're talking about with the cartoon character Laura Croft, who's apparently I think a 30, is it 34 D or something? And Jody was a C, so they padded out her breasts so they were bigger.
God,
a C. Get it out of my sight. Angelina Jolie. Oh god. Put those in. Oh, that's much better. Yeah.
I could barely stand to look at her before.
Yeah.
It's weird, isn't it? It's that weird balance. And that's why it feels so 90s to me because it's like
we're at a time where they were pushing, let's be honest, it's a marketing ploy. The girl power thing. Spice Girls pushing like fe empowerment, but it was to sell tickets. It was to sell things. It was branding. It wasn't for any altruistic reason. But

(14:22):
that being said, I'm sure that it did have a net positive impact for many people.
Mhm.
So, it's a good thing ultimately.
And you can tell they were trying.
Yeah.
For in some respects anyway.
Yes, they were. And and I think I think some of that is good, but then also you can't deny that it was just made at a time where they just didn't really know how to do that kind of character properly. Maybe we still don't, God forbid, we would get I don't know, maybe we get a woman to write a Lara Croft character. How about that? We could do that.
Um, I think we should get Phoebe Waller Bridge to do it. You heard it here first.
That's a good idea. You should I reckon that you should hang, let me think about this. Who could potentially pay Phoebe Phoebe Wallbridge enough money to develop a tumor? Let's Let's go with maybe a limited limited show. Let's go for a TV show. f*** it. What about Amazon? What if they
Amazon? Amazon/gum.
Yeah, is a company owned by Amazon.
Yeah.
Who also owned James Bond, who employed Daniel Craig for the longest time also.
Phoebe and Phoebe.
Uh yeah, they're making a new Tomb Raider thing
with Sophie Turner, I believe.
I think that casting is quite good. Seems seems to work on paper, I guess. Are they going to make her wear fake boobs? I would hope we've come on in leaps and bounds in the last two dec decades.
I think I think we have.
I think the fact that a female writer is tackling it.
Yes.
And Amazon have been paying Phoebe Wbridge for nothing for years.

(14:43):
So they obviously value her talent immensely and you'd think they would listen to her. So hopefully
Yeah. Hopefully we get the Tomb Raider that we deserve.
Did you see the 2018 Tomb Raider with Alysia Vakanda?
I didn't. No, I was going to ask you about that actually cuz you've seen it, haven't you?
Yeah. Not bad.
How does that compare?
I think that they treat the character of Lara Croft a lot better.
In In what way?
She is I don't want to spoil that movie because we're not here to talk about it, but there's certain decisions made about that character that means that more struggle was introduced. She's not running around having showers, not seeing side boob and padded boobs and that sort of thing. I think the characters treated a lot better. Yeah, that's why it flopped.
Yeah.
Um I don't know if it flopped, but it didn't do it must not have done brilliantly because otherwise we would have got more of them.
But that was a lot more grounded as well than I think the original movie. Obviously, it's still a two- m movie. I think Walton Gogggins was in it if I remember rightly.
Okay.
But it was all right. It was more like it's more of a movie, more of a proper movie. But not a brilliant movie. It was just it was okay.
Was there more tombs and puzzles?
I can't remember. Maybe there was. Maybe. It's been a while. I did want was hoping that I would get a chance to rewatch it before before this.
Uh but I didn't get time sadly.
So, what do you think of the climax of the film?
The So, you've got the the climax being we're going to join the triangles together now.
Yeah. We're going to do the World's easiest jigsaw that even a baby could do.
It's just two triangle pieces. Yeah. Uh and then we My name's Man for Pal. I'm a big evil man, so I'm going to shoot my boss evil big man. And then I'm going to be big boy evil man.

(15:04):
Head of the Illuminati or something.
That's right. They're the Illuminati in the third act for some reason. Yeah.
Yeah. Because of triangles. Triangles are evil. We know this.
I've seen the void.
Yeah. Exactly.
Uh so I'm going to throw a knife at Daniel Craig and he's going to get dead for a bit. Um, and then what that's going to mean, um, Lcraft, is that you're going to have to make a decision about saving people and and and maybe not saving them. Depends on what you're feeling and how you feel about it, really. Uh, so we're going to join the triangles together, and then, as far as I can tell, the magic shrinks them down to like a microscopic size, and they run up that triangle in a foot race to decide who becomes the god of time.
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Weird ending. weird ending.
I think the ending to this film is rubbish
and really really anticlimactic.
Yeah,
that's my biggest issue is it just feels like a big Is that it?
Yeah, absolutely. I I don't think it was executed very well. I feel like it was to me it feels like something that was written that same morning. Not only that, they do that and then they have a fist fight after as well. It's like what? Why are we having a fist fight? Again, added during the production of the movie because they felt that they needed a bigger ending. I disagree. You don't need a fist fight in a Tomb Raider movie. Not once have I seen Larov do a fist fight, at least in my limited experience of the first couple of games. Um, there's not even many humans in it, as I said before.
Yeah, we all know about the epic amount of gorilla blood that's on your hands.
Um, yeah, I didn't love the ending. I thought it was pretty
weak, actually. And even after that point, after the fist fight, and then we're going to revisit ghost dad and she's going to put the dress on and that stuff pretty
go home and she's going to see what her insurance premiums have gone up to and go.
Yeah. Yeah. Hillary, we've got to sell Croft Manor.
Yeah.

(15:25):
Sell your slippers. Sell that shotgun. Put your bulletproof vest on.
Mhm.
Keep your trade.
Stick that silver tray on eBay.
I wonder where he was intending to stick it.
Yeah. So, we're pretty um pretty anticlimactic ending. The the one thing that I did like about the last 10 15 minutes is when she finds the dog sled, she goes, "Aha." And it's like that's what she does when she finds the a secret in the in the games. So, it's pretty cool. There were a few Easter eggs in there. Okay.
As much as it deviated from the games and I that did that does bother me in this,
there was a lot of stuff in there just more subtle stuff as well. More like Foley work when she splashes into the water is very similar to when you do a swan dive off of a cliff. Um, yeah, like like I said, when she finds a secret. She's got the dual weapons. She She has a canoe at some point. She's uh a lot of the vehicles, like I say, the sled and the dogs and stuff like there there there is stuff in there. The fact that there is a butler. I feel like that it would have been better if they'd have taken more elements from the game though. In that original game, the main baddy that the the hero obviously is Lara Croft, woman, but the baddie is also a woman in the original game, but we can't have that in the film because we're trying to sell tickets. So, that's a bit disappointing. Maybe he could have done that. Um, and there's some other characters in the in the original game as well. One that pops up a lot and is a fan favorite called Pierre. Like, he should have been in this movie. He should have been the Alex West character.
I was just going to say that. Would that have made sense?
I think so. He's probably kind of what he's been based on, like a rival Tomb Raider that's also, you come across him, not in that way. You find him at various points when you're playing through Tomb Raider one. You can't kill him,
but he just pops up. He tries, of course. He's trying to shoot at me. He shoots at me and then does French words at me and then runs away.
Yes. God. Flashbacks.
Uh yeah. Just like I don't know why are we not doing that in the film. I don't understand. If you're doing an adaptation, surely you have the rights to do that. Why would you not just put a character in there called Pierre making French and then you've got all the people from the games going, "Ah, it's Pierre. Look, love the games."
But then you've got to take out everybody in the real world that's called Pierre to get clearance.
That's right. Yeah,
it's a big job.
Yeah, I only know one. Pierre Cardan,
you know Pierre Kardan?
I do. Yeah. Close personal friends with Pierre Kardan.
Um I think Are we done with two major now? Sarah,
I'm done with it. Yeah,

(15:46):
let's be done with it then. So,
what have we learned?
We've learned that you should never try to adapt a video game into a movie. We've learned that. six times so far this season.
And also, uh, don't join a secret society because all they do is talk at you.
Yeah.
So boring.
I could never join a secret society cuz I'm really terrible at remembering sequences of things. I would never remember the handshakes.
I'll just be like, "High five. Is it?" Yeah. Cool.
Even if they do meet at what looks like Hogwarts.
Yeah.
Very strange. Yeah. I I'm not in love with this movie.
No. Two stars.
I Uh,
and I think that's been generous.
I I I think objectively I I agree with you. I think two is a fair score cuz I don't think it's terrible, but and there is some good stuff in it.
Yeah, I've seen way worse
this season.
See Borderlands.
Yeah, it's not Borderlands two stars. Maybe it's two and a half compared to Borderlands,
but it's not terrible and there is stuff to like and and I think the main reason why I will continue to go back to this isn't nostalgia is because it came out at a time when I was a teenage boy. I was a kid just really seriously getting into gaming then. Like I don't play many games these days,
but Tomb Raider was a game that got me into that kind of gaming.

(16:07):
Mhm.
Um and it's been really fun to revisit it these last couple of weeks.
Oh, good.
And I think had I not been into the the game so much, I don't think I would have the the the I don't think I'd feel anywhere near the joy that I feel watching this film um as I do. Not that it makes me super happy, but just some of it I'm just like, "Oh, yeah, that was fun, wasn't it?" When do you remember when we were looking forward to the Tomb Raider movie and that was fun and then we watched it.
Yeah. What you miss is the nostal nostalgia of the anticipation.
Yeah. Yeah. Listen, it's all right.
Yeah.
It's it's forgivable, but uh we can do better now. So, Phoebe Wall Bridge, let's hope that that's Let's hope it gets I hope he gets made cuz I think there's potential there
and I'm sure it will be it will be good and I'm looking forward to seeing what they do.
Are you looking forward to seeing what we do next week for our next episode?
Really? No,
I'm not surprised.
It's not been your favorite season, has it, of movies?
Slog, dude.
Well, you'll be pleased to know that we're getting there.
God, next week is uh episode seven of eight video game movies, and we're talking about Need for Speed.
Oh, good. Our second Dominique Cooper movie of the season.
I've never seen this. So, first time watch for me.
I'm sure I'll love it.
I think that you're really going to get a lot out of this movie.

All Episodes

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) - S12 E96

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

CrimeLess: Hillbilly Heist

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001) - S12 E96