November 25, 2025 • 21 mins
“Peace doesn’t show up at the finish line… it shows up in the middle of the process.”
Episode 4 of Life Beyond Suboxone is all about that quiet shift — when you start waking up rested, thinking clearly, and feeling your heart settle for the first time in years.
Stacy talks about finding balance, getting her confidence back, and realizing she’s becoming a woman she didn’t think she could ever be. No chaos. No crisis. Just healing… happening in real time.
Some lines that hit hard:
“My mornings finally make sense again.” “The fog lifted… and I didn’t even know how heavy it was.” “I’m choosing peace instead of reacting.” “This is the first time I’ve ever felt spiritually grounded.”
This episode shows the part of recovery most people never talk about: the good part — the calm part — the part where you finally feel alive again.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
We're on week four.
Life Beyond Suboxone.
Stacey's
Here
to give us an update.
Stacy, how's
your week
week's been good.
Slowing down a little bitfor work and life, but
been good all in all feeling good.
And
Do you feel like the medication
has evened out
now?
I know at
first you were talking like,
you felt like it
was flooding
you a little bit.
(00:20):
Like you
Yeah.
Had a lot.
Do You feel
like it's evening out now?
yeah.
The first week was a lot for
me.
just to feel all thatand not knowing what to
expect.
going into this not knowingwhat to expect from the
medication.
Because I had a certain
level of
expectation.
Like I had a certainlevel of, okay, this is
what, I've heard, this
is what
it says.
Sure.
But everybody's
different.
(00:41):
And
so
yeah, for the first week itwas me trying to, just kinda.
Professional Absorb the
medication.
Sure.
Second week.
I didn't really get to notice it a lot
because of,
like I
said, it
was the second week.
I had a lot going on.
a lot going on with work andpersonal life, and emotionally.
but Now
I'm noticing, Like Isaid, the sleep is good
(01:01):
and the, I have an appetite.
I'm not groggy during the day.
I don't get headaches as much on Suboxone.
I would
take my meds and in the morning.
and,
throughout
the day,
like I would've
to take,
I
would take
Tylenol or et cetera every day.
I, Every day
for,
since I've gotten
home from prison.
Really?
I would struggle with headaches
a lot.
Now I don.
(01:23):
Interesting.
Yeah.
and it was
always after I would
take the medication and
I never,
I thought
it was something else
that
was causing that up until Igot on the Sublocade shot.
I really thought it was something
else with the headache.
'cause I was telling My
doctor, my shoulders are tense.
I had a shoulder
injury and a car accident a whileago, but I thought maybe that
was causing it.
And I'm realizing that, no, it was
Suboxone.
Suboxone caused a lot of issues, for me.
(01:45):
it caused
headaches,
grogginess,
sleep,
issues, constipation, and amultitude of other things.
So
now that I'm realizing like that
those things are startingto, not be there.
Mm-hmm.
And so I'm paying attention a little
bit.
It's gotta feel nice to feel.
like,
Hey, I'm getting some of my
life back.
My
body's back
in control
of
itself.
(02:05):
I like that.
Instead
of dealing
with the side effects
from a medication.
do you think
part of
those side
effects was
the
amount
of time
that
you were
on it or do
you think It maybe
it was just
from the
medication itself?
It could have been
both.
Okay.
so in
prison
we
were on the Suboxone
pill,
so it was a little
bit different.
(02:25):
it still has a lot of
the side
effects, but I wasn't
getting the headaches as
much in
prison.
When I got
home, they switched meover to the sublingual, the
strip.
sure.
And
there's a big difference I noticedin between just, it's the same
medication but in two different forms.
Sure.
So
I'm
wondering if there's something else.
That they're doing to thatmedication to change the forms?
Who knows Yeah.
when it comes to medications?
(02:46):
but I struggled
with the
strip when I got home.
even the constipation waseven worse than it was in
prison.
and, I guess I never really
paid attention to a lot of
these
things before prison because
first of all, I was
in and out of addiction.
But
the
years that I, the
two and a half, three yearsI had in recovery before,
On
Suboxone.
(03:06):
I honestly,
I can't remember it to be like, Idon't remember how the medicine made me
feel.
so this is, paying attentionto it now is different.
Sure.
Now paying
attention to the things when recoverywas important for me, I started
paying attention to how my body is
feeling.
So there's a big difference.
Hmm.
Any
other changes?
(03:27):
Mood
or, my,
emotions are pretty level.
like I said, I'm not dealing withthe anger, like I would snap easily.
Like just the things at home,things that frustrate me.
I'm noticing that I'mhandling those a lot better.
handling, emotional things a lot better.
Things that my
personal life,
that I'd never thought I would
before.
Yeah.
So
you're getting ready
to
go for your
(03:47):
next shot here.
so
Wednesday, you're
gonna go see her?
Yes.
Have
used written
down
any questions or anything like that
for her?
Yeah.
I like what kind of conversation are you
gonna have with your doctor on this
next
visit?
So among the things is like the
headache thing.
And I wanna talk to herabout, if anybody else has
noticed that the sleep thing and Sure.
(04:08):
I know I had a conversation withsomebody that attends outreach about
how they said that when they were inthe Sublocade shot, it also helped with
pain.
because I haven't had any issues,like with my shoulder bothering me as
much, I want to talk to her about thatalso, is this Something that manages
pain?
because I don't wannabecome dependent on that.
And when I wanna get off ofSublocade, I wanna know that I'm
(04:30):
not gonna be searching for somethingelse that takes care of my pain.
I wanna try to figure out
things that
I can do, to.
Alleviate the pain on my own versus
being on something, Sure.
How much does Sublocade help with pain?
I
don't know That But hearingit from somebody else
saying that it helped with theirpain, it makes me wanna Sure.
(04:50):
Question her about that.
At
least find out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And get good
information
from your
doctor,
because that's what we always recommend,
right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We don't have a PhD behind
our name.
We're
just two people
in
recovery that are talking
about your journey.
Yes.
And and it's beeninteresting, to talk to other
people that are on the Sublocade shot.
(05:11):
one both of 'em being that they attend
outreach.
Yep.
So it's nice to knowthat, what their journeys
were or are like.
Yeah.
and one of 'em is a couplemonths ahead of me and
she, she says that
she pretty much feels
like the same way I do about thesleep and about how she feels and
being able to handle things better.
I know
she's going through a few otherthings, pers in her personal
(05:31):
life that she's handling a lot better
than she's ever been able
to.
Yeah.
Do you, find
strength in that support
knowing Hey, I got somebody that's
a couple months ahead of
me.
I got somebody
that
has already
transitioned
and
is off
of it.
Yeah.
to
have that support
network.
Yeah.
That
support
network
is
huge for me.
I have a huge, support network, notjust those two, but being able to talk
(05:53):
to people around here, my doctor, and,
there's been a few peoplethat have reached out to me on
Facebook.
Which is weird, but they're
like, Hey,
We've been on it, we are off it now.
and we just want you to let youknow, like you're doing a great job
And The things
that seen that you were sayingyou went through, we also went
through,
Um, I
love that.
So I, I had, give one of 'emmy number and we're gonna
get
together in
(06:13):
the next week, and
Have a conversation about, how she felt
when she got off of it and right beforeshe got off of it and how she's doing now.
Sure.
Yeah.
So
I love that?
It's all about
using
the experiences that
we go through
to be able to help the next person.
It is.
right?
It
is.
And it's nice to know likethere are people out there
that are willing to share their
stories.
Sure.
And willing to say, okay,I wanna help somebody
(06:35):
else
that's going through thesame thing that I did.
Yeah.
The
thing that
always gets
me, and
I just saw it
again
this week, there was
this other.
recovery
creator.
Okay.
he was talking about MATand somebody was like.
ah, if you're
on MAT you're
not
sober.
and it, that's such a
shortsighted
way
Of looking at things
(06:56):
because
the
MAT is allowing
You
to
get
stabilized
so
that.
you
can work
your recovery.
You don't have that.
Constant
noise Absolutely.
Of
addiction.
just rumbling around in
your head.
you now have some
peace
to
be able
to see
what your
You know, people that
say
things like that.
(07:16):
First of all,
I feel
that they don't get educated on
things.
There are people that are gonna say thatIf you are in recovery from narcotics
or drugs and you drink, you are not
sober.
If you're in recovery fromalcohol and you smoke pot, you're
not.
So
I the
whole thing is ridiculous.
I feel
first
of all, I didn't get the sober
like manual, right?
No.
who says like, where's the
(07:37):
checklist?
do I gotta.
But
it's weird.
it's different for everybody.
if
you're gonna
say
somebody's on
MAT and they're notsober, then I challenge
you to say
if they're on any depression
medication, they're not
sober.
Because just like depressionmedication, they, that those
things have
side
effects.
Sure.
Those things are altering your
moods, those things are
altering, your brain chemicals.
Yep.
better set
down then the whole
world's not sober.
(07:58):
If you ask
me
like, there's a
75%
of the world's on medication, so
they're not sober.
Better
set down your phone and your
coffee too,
right?
no,
I'm good on that,
but yeah, like
I'll
arm
wrestle you for some coffee.
Who
gets
to say what
sober,
is?
Yeah.
And
technically,
if we're saying sober,
is it
sober
(08:18):
from drugs?
Sober?
from alcohol Sober?
Sober From
what
The thing I
have
enjoyed about going through
the
Recovery Coach
process is
really
realizing that there
are multiple pathways
for people to
get
to the top of the, let'ssay the recovery mountain.
Okay.
There's People,
some people need MAT.
(08:39):
Yeah.
The
drugs today are different
than they were
back in 1930.
Absolutely.
When certain, programs and stuffreally came out and started
setting
some foundations.
So things are different.
Yeah.
communities
are Conversations are
different.
People have smartphones now.
They're not as much
face-to-face or
a lot of
people are doing online
groups
(08:59):
and there's
nothing
wrong with
that.
No.
But there is
power in that
getting
together
community.
So when I first started attending
meetings, I my first meeting I ever went
to was an AA meeting.
I got a drunk driving when I was young
and started going to those.
But when I first
started attending meetings in
recovery, I started to realize like the AA
group, didn't like the NA group.
And they judged
that
(09:19):
group and
it's so weird.
It's weird
because
they challenged
me to read the big book and when Idid, I found out that Bill w was not
only an alcoholic, but he had a pill
addiction.
Sure.
yeah, he was cross addicted.
Yep.
So, it's so strange
to me to
see
people in
recovery, battling each
other instead of coming togetherbecause I feel like it could be so much
stronger.
People just
came together
(09:40):
and everything evolves.
Yes.
Everything in
this world
has evolved.
Yes.
If you're not evolving, what
are you doing?
Mm-hmm.
And so
just like with that sober
thing, Things have to evolve.
Yeah.
things have to change.
And
Recovery has to change with that, Yeah.
recovery,
is always
evolving.
I think in my recovery,
(10:01):
I not only use the AA
methods, along
na,
smart
Recovery Sure.
And even Dharma.
Like I went to a, it's a refuge recovery
meeting
and Lansing, and that'sthe Dharma Recovery Book.
Yeah.
there's things that I will take from that.
Just to help me throughout my
day.
Yep.
So it's in all pathways.
Sure.
I don't care.
You're in recovery whenyou say you're in recovery.
(10:23):
I learned that
this year.
and that even
surprised me because looking at it, it is
true
when somebody says they're in
recovery.
And they're using less than it did the day
before.
Yeah.
And
less and less.
That's recovery to
me.
Yeah.
They're trying to get their life
back.
Yeah.
We've had
that here
before
where people will come to a
meeting
and.
(10:43):
we, and we
know that
maybe they're
still in active use
Yeah.
And, but
it's that
point where I hear them
say,
I'm in recovery,
or,
I'm, I'm, I'm sober Yeah.
or
whatever.
Then
making that statement, I
believe is a
very
powerful thing
start
identifying
with.
I'm in recovery from, or, yeah.
Yeah.
And yeah, just making thestatement and saying it out loud.
Yeah.
It's powerful.
(11:04):
super powerful.
I remember when I first came tothe tables, I would say, I, hi, I'm
Stacy and I'm an addict.
And I don't no longersay that words matter.
Yeah.
Words do matter.
Yeah.
Because
it was how I felt about myself.
Sure.
Because I'm not just a, anaddict and I'm not an addict.
I'm an addict in
recovery.
Sure.
So I just say I'm in recovery.
Yep.
other people like to say otherthings, and I find it interesting
(11:26):
to see what, just even in ourcommunity, what they say, when,
when they announce theirselves.
I love it.
Yep.
I love to hear there.
There's somebody that sayshe's in life recovery.
And I love that.
and
it's
how we
identify ourselves because it truly is
life
recovery when you think
about it, Yes.
It's then stopping the
addiction is one piece
and then you
have all
this other stuff and puttingyour life back together.
(11:47):
yeah, we had that, discussion, acouple weeks ago about the people that
said, I don't wanna be addicted to
recovery.
Sure,
yeah.
But
recovery is your life.
It's a lifestyle.
Yes.
Yeah,
Absolutely.
It's absolutely a lifestyle.
anything else that you'rethinking about, like leading up
to your appointment that
you're thinking
maybe I
better have
a conversation
with my doctor about
this or anything that
(12:08):
has
stood
out
this
last week?
um,
things that
have stood out to me, so super
glad that I switched to theSublocade shot because, being
on Suboxone, I have realized
that just taking my meds throughoutthe day I realized that I had to reach
for something when I didn't feel good.
That
was still an addictive behavior.
Sure.
I was still using addictivebehaviors, taking my Suboxone,
(12:30):
so that's somethingthat has stood out to me
where it's like.
I
am no longer doing that.
So now that I'm changing behaviors, Yep.
It's also changing my
mindset.
It's like that
conditioned behavior,
that like the Pavlov's dog, right?
Yeah.
The, you hear the bell and they salivate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that,
and that's
what I
like.
Even
during the day when I was
on I'm like.
I would take some in the morning andif I, didn't feel good throughout the
(12:52):
day, I'd be like, oh, man, I need, andthat was like how my mindset was, sure.
I
need to take my Suboxone,
it
wasn't drink more water take vitamins,help my you were breathing exercise.
Right.
It was
take a Suboxone.
And I am so relieved
that I have decided todo this because I am not
using those old addict ways,those addict behaviors.
(13:13):
Yeah, But talking to my doctor, I'm justgonna let her know how I've been feeling
and the things that we've talked about.
I did,
I've been writing in a journal a littlebit and just have some questions for
her, and wanna get, her ideas andmaybe some information from her and how
maybe, what
she feels, I should do to
to Sure.
Get prepared for the next few months.
Yep.
(13:34):
I know
that addiction has taken
a lot
from you.
Yeah.
And I know that just in your
world, not even
from you personally,
but from people, in your
family.
yeah.
Talk to me
about
the good that's
happening
this coming week.
This coming week We have
Thanksgiving.
Yeah.
It's usually the
biggest bar night ofthe year on Wednesday.
(13:54):
You're, I
don't
know, maybe
you'll be here
hanging
out
on, a movie night, but, I probablywould be on Thursday, yeah, I,
Little backstory.
My, my family, I've lost my older
brother and two younger siblings and, lost
my youngest child also.
But, two weeks ago I
got to
go sit
with my parents and my,son and my sister Sherry.
she's a, they, she's a,
(14:15):
not my blood sister,but she's definitely my
sister.
Yeah.
and, we got to have
dinner and we had a great
time.
Great night.
and we are spendingThanksgiving together, so I
get to spend it with my mom and stepdad
and then, my dad and mystepmom and my adopted
parents, Marty and Brian and my son.
and I'm,
so
it's
been
(14:38):
Years
Since your
feet were
under that
table and since everybody,since I've walked
into that house.
Mm. yeah.
They've lost a lot.
And,
they
were so
super scared that they were gonna lose me.
and in a way they did for a
while.
Sure.
But, yeah, my son is very, he'svery guarded and, he should
be, which I mean, he should be,
He's lost a lot.
His best friend just, shot himself last
(15:00):
Christmas, right around Christmas.
yeah.
Yeah, it's tender.
But
I'm just
so happy.
Like, I'm
just,
I'm grateful for everythingthat recovery has given me.
And that everything that God has given me,
because, we just had this conversation.
I realized that, God is real.
I've
tried everything to fight addiction.
I have tried MAT, I have
(15:21):
tried, staying awayfrom people, places and
things.
I have tried so hard
to
stay
sober at times And
it wasn't until I asked
God
literally that, to take this away
from me.
That's a powerful
prayer.
And, it
was,
and you better mean it when you
say
it.
Yeah.
And, I know it was in prison.
And, yeah, it was,
(15:42):
it has been the
one thing that I don't, Ihaven't had those cravings.
I haven't, I had cravingsfor drugs or alcohol
since then.
Yeah.
So I know this is a
spiritual thing.
I know this
is powerful And I thank God every day for
this.
I've heard it said
that everybody
has
a God shaped hole Yeah.
In
their
life.
(16:03):
And
we'll
go through life
sometimes trying
to put all
these
other
things inside of that whole drug.
Yeah.
Alcohol, sex.
Yep.
Money
work,
whatever
it is.
And nothing phones fits.
Yeah.
Phones.
Nothing
fits though.
No.
And it's
and then the
hole
just gets emptier
and emptier.
The
more
you try
to shove all that other stuff
(16:23):
and
God's just sitting there I'm
right here.
I'm the missing puzzle piece.
Come
on.
Yo, put me in the game coach.
And how many times have we
had
the opportunity?
I've been to
jail a few times
and Yeah.
it was
weird.
every time I went to jail, I got
closer and closer to God.
And it was when I went to
prison that I finallywas like, okay, I realize
(16:44):
yeah.
That, he sat me down andwas like, Hey, I'm Right.
here.
Yeah.
what are you doing?
So
It's
a lot and it's,
it is very powerful and it's hardsometimes to get people to realize
that, but I think people in my
life are starting to seelike the change Yeah.
And how real that the change is.
(17:06):
I hope that
through these videos,through you going to sit
with
your family Yeah.
On Thanksgiving,
that
they begin to see
just a
sliver
of some of the changes thatyou've made in your life.
'cause
just from,
how
long have
here?
Maybe
six
months.
seven
months now.
Seven
months.
Yeah.
just in
that time
(17:26):
it's
like night
and day.
Oh, it, it has
been
night and day, like I said,the first time I come here, I.
am Sitting down, having a conversationwith one of our friends, and I'm
like,
I,
don't know.
I don't know if this is the placeI'm supposed to be at I don't know.
And he told me,
just keep coming.
Just, and it was
right down the road from myhouse, like I said, God is real.
Yeah.
God is definitely real.
(17:46):
this place is right downthe road from my home.
It's
like you've
got no
excuse now not to go to a meeting.
Yeah.
So
I, I'm just So blessed at this point,
two
years ago
before
I,
before
I, before I went to
prison, I,
I had no relationships with my family.
Mm-hmm.
I wasn't allowed at my mom's house.
I wasn't allowed anywhere
(18:07):
in my family's houses.
And,
I now have
my
family in my life.
Yeah.
I'm spending holidays with
them.
I'm working.
I can buy things for Christmas.
Not that they want
anything.
Sure.
But that makes me feel betterto know that I can do that.
Yeah.
I am gonna make recovery in my world.
And I will
spend the rest of my lifebeing addicted to my recovery.
(18:30):
I will.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the gift that.
keeps
on
giving in
all of these
crazy ways, but the more
you say
yes to recovery and just
to life in
general
to yourself.
Right to yourself.
That's
when these
doors
just start
to open and you just walk through them
now with confidence, becauseyou've done hard stuff.
Yeah.
you've
(18:50):
been
there, you've done that and you have
confidence.
I can make it through it.
and nobody's saying that it's easy.
No,
but.
You feel better once you start.
achieving the small goals.
Yeah.
you start achieving your 30 days,
your 60 days, your 90 days, your one visitwith your kid, your second visit with your
kid.
Your counseling sessions, gettingyour license back, getting an id,
whatever the
(19:11):
things may be.
Once you start
getting
those small things back,you start realizing, okay,
I'm accomplishing my small goals.
I can make larger goals
now.
And, I never had goals.
I never had boundaries, Inever had any of those things.
And now that I'm.
Working on those thingsand I've attained those
small things.
I'm working on.
the bigger
things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's your recovery
(19:31):
capital.
Yeah.
It's
you building
that life
that
you
don't
want to escape from Yeah.
yeah.
'cause when you're just sober,you're you're like, man, I
can never get high again.
And you worry about that.
oh my God, I'm never gonna beable to get high or drink or.
do these things again.
But once you work recovery and you startbuilding that up, you're like, I don't
have to get high again.
(19:52):
Sure.
to escape from my problems.
I get
to be
sober.
I get
to have a life.
Yeah.
I get to build these
things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love it.
Anything else?
no.
I
love it.
I
think, the next
one is gonna be great.
I can't
wait
to hear
an update about
how Thanksgiving and
stuff went.
Can't
wait to hear an
update on how
the meeting with
your doctor
(20:12):
went.
Yeah.
Yep.
and I'm gonna, I'm gonna definitely,make sure I have my questions
for her when I go in and Yeah.
And even write some thingsdown before I leave there.
And
I'm gonna be sharing your videos
with,
somebody that.
Works at a
hospital.
and is their
provider
expressed
some
just briefly and, but
(20:33):
she
expressed some
interest and I
would love to have
her feedback Yeah.
On things too.
yeah.
And like we said, like any feedbackAnybody that's been through
this wants to, make a comment, has a
question, anything door open or
even say, yeah, I've been throughthat, or No, this is how it was
like for me or somebody that's
thinking about it.
has any
questions.
I would love to
(20:54):
answer.
them.
Yep.
If I can.
But
But I am not a doctor.
I'm, this is Just
my experience.
That's it, and that's how we're ending it.
As always, this is not medical, uh,information that we're giving you.
This is just
Stacy going through
her journey.
If you're thinking aboutgetting on, getting off of
Suboxone or
getting
on or off of
Sublocade,
please go
contact, your doctor.
(21:15):
Talk with them about what is right.
for you
and your
situation.
I'm
sure that
they would love to
come up
with a plan that
makes sense
for you and your recovery.
but
until next week.
Yeah.
And,
happy Thanksgiving to everybody that's
Thanksgiving's out there.
I know.
I'm ready
for
some food.
Yeah, And good food.
Yeah, it's gonna be goodfood and football and a big
(21:35):
nap.
Yeah.
I get to make 200 picklewraps and onion wraps.
Some for here, and
then some for the house.
'cause I love those.
Yeah, I love those.
I do too.
All right.
until next time, stay sober.
Not boring.
We're on week four.
Life Beyond Suboxone.
Stacey's
Here
to give us an update.
Stacy, how's
your week
week's been good.
Slowing down a little bitfor work and life, but
been good all in all feeling good.
And
Do you feel like the medication
has evened out
now?
I know at
first you were talking like,
you felt like it
was flooding
you a little bit.
(00:20):
Like you
Yeah.
Had a lot.
Do You feel
like it's evening out now?
yeah.
The first week was a lot for
me.
just to feel all thatand not knowing what to
expect.
going into this not knowingwhat to expect from the
medication.
Because I had a certain
level of
expectation.
Like I had a certainlevel of, okay, this is
what, I've heard, this
is what
it says.
Sure.
But everybody's
different.
(00:41):
And
so
yeah, for the first week itwas me trying to, just kinda.
Professional Absorb the
medication.
Sure.
Second week.
I didn't really get to notice it a lot
because of,
like I
said, it
was the second week.
I had a lot going on.
a lot going on with work andpersonal life, and emotionally.
but Now
I'm noticing, Like Isaid, the sleep is good
(01:01):
and the, I have an appetite.
I'm not groggy during the day.
I don't get headaches as much on Suboxone.
I would
take my meds and in the morning.
and,
throughout
the day,
like I would've
to take,
I
would take
Tylenol or et cetera every day.
I, Every day
for,
since I've gotten
home from prison.
Really?
I would struggle with headaches
a lot.
Now I don.
(01:23):
Interesting.
Yeah.
and it was
always after I would
take the medication and
I never,
I thought
it was something else
that
was causing that up until Igot on the Sublocade shot.
I really thought it was something
else with the headache.
'cause I was telling My
doctor, my shoulders are tense.
I had a shoulder
injury and a car accident a whileago, but I thought maybe that
was causing it.
And I'm realizing that, no, it was
Suboxone.
Suboxone caused a lot of issues, for me.
(01:45):
it caused
headaches,
grogginess,
sleep,
issues, constipation, and amultitude of other things.
So
now that I'm realizing like that
those things are startingto, not be there.
Mm-hmm.
And so I'm paying attention a little
bit.
It's gotta feel nice to feel.
like,
Hey, I'm getting some of my
life back.
My
body's back
in control
of
itself.
(02:05):
I like that.
Instead
of dealing
with the side effects
from a medication.
do you think
part of
those side
effects was
the
amount
of time
that
you were
on it or do
you think It maybe
it was just
from the
medication itself?
It could have been
both.
Okay.
so in
prison
we
were on the Suboxone
pill,
so it was a little
bit different.
(02:25):
it still has a lot of
the side
effects, but I wasn't
getting the headaches as
much in
prison.
When I got
home, they switched meover to the sublingual, the
strip.
sure.
And
there's a big difference I noticedin between just, it's the same
medication but in two different forms.
Sure.
So
I'm
wondering if there's something else.
That they're doing to thatmedication to change the forms?
Who knows Yeah.
when it comes to medications?
(02:46):
but I struggled
with the
strip when I got home.
even the constipation waseven worse than it was in
prison.
and, I guess I never really
paid attention to a lot of
these
things before prison because
first of all, I was
in and out of addiction.
But
the
years that I, the
two and a half, three yearsI had in recovery before,
On
Suboxone.
(03:06):
I honestly,
I can't remember it to be like, Idon't remember how the medicine made me
feel.
so this is, paying attentionto it now is different.
Sure.
Now paying
attention to the things when recoverywas important for me, I started
paying attention to how my body is
feeling.
So there's a big difference.
Hmm.
Any
other changes?
(03:27):
Mood
or, my,
emotions are pretty level.
like I said, I'm not dealing withthe anger, like I would snap easily.
Like just the things at home,things that frustrate me.
I'm noticing that I'mhandling those a lot better.
handling, emotional things a lot better.
Things that my
personal life,
that I'd never thought I would
before.
Yeah.
So
you're getting ready
to
go for your
(03:47):
next shot here.
so
Wednesday, you're
gonna go see her?
Yes.
Have
used written
down
any questions or anything like that
for her?
Yeah.
I like what kind of conversation are you
gonna have with your doctor on this
next
visit?
So among the things is like the
headache thing.
And I wanna talk to herabout, if anybody else has
noticed that the sleep thing and Sure.
(04:08):
I know I had a conversation withsomebody that attends outreach about
how they said that when they were inthe Sublocade shot, it also helped with
pain.
because I haven't had any issues,like with my shoulder bothering me as
much, I want to talk to her about thatalso, is this Something that manages
pain?
because I don't wannabecome dependent on that.
And when I wanna get off ofSublocade, I wanna know that I'm
(04:30):
not gonna be searching for somethingelse that takes care of my pain.
I wanna try to figure out
things that
I can do, to.
Alleviate the pain on my own versus
being on something, Sure.
How much does Sublocade help with pain?
I
don't know That But hearingit from somebody else
saying that it helped with theirpain, it makes me wanna Sure.
(04:50):
Question her about that.
At
least find out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And get good
information
from your
doctor,
because that's what we always recommend,
right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
We don't have a PhD behind
our name.
We're
just two people
in
recovery that are talking
about your journey.
Yes.
And and it's beeninteresting, to talk to other
people that are on the Sublocade shot.
(05:11):
one both of 'em being that they attend
outreach.
Yep.
So it's nice to knowthat, what their journeys
were or are like.
Yeah.
and one of 'em is a couplemonths ahead of me and
she, she says that
she pretty much feels
like the same way I do about thesleep and about how she feels and
being able to handle things better.
I know
she's going through a few otherthings, pers in her personal
(05:31):
life that she's handling a lot better
than she's ever been able
to.
Yeah.
Do you, find
strength in that support
knowing Hey, I got somebody that's
a couple months ahead of
me.
I got somebody
that
has already
transitioned
and
is off
of it.
Yeah.
to
have that support
network.
Yeah.
That
support
network
is
huge for me.
I have a huge, support network, notjust those two, but being able to talk
(05:53):
to people around here, my doctor, and,
there's been a few peoplethat have reached out to me on
Facebook.
Which is weird, but they're
like, Hey,
We've been on it, we are off it now.
and we just want you to let youknow, like you're doing a great job
And The things
that seen that you were sayingyou went through, we also went
through,
Um, I
love that.
So I, I had, give one of 'emmy number and we're gonna
get
together in
(06:13):
the next week, and
Have a conversation about, how she felt
when she got off of it and right beforeshe got off of it and how she's doing now.
Sure.
Yeah.
So
I love that?
It's all about
using
the experiences that
we go through
to be able to help the next person.
It is.
right?
It
is.
And it's nice to know likethere are people out there
that are willing to share their
stories.
Sure.
And willing to say, okay,I wanna help somebody
(06:35):
else
that's going through thesame thing that I did.
Yeah.
The
thing that
always gets
me, and
I just saw it
again
this week, there was
this other.
recovery
creator.
Okay.
he was talking about MATand somebody was like.
ah, if you're
on MAT you're
not
sober.
and it, that's such a
shortsighted
way
Of looking at things
(06:56):
because
the
MAT is allowing
You
to
get
stabilized
so
that.
you
can work
your recovery.
You don't have that.
Constant
noise Absolutely.
Of
addiction.
just rumbling around in
your head.
you now have some
peace
to
be able
to see
what your
You know, people that
say
things like that.
(07:16):
First of all,
I feel
that they don't get educated on
things.
There are people that are gonna say thatIf you are in recovery from narcotics
or drugs and you drink, you are not
sober.
If you're in recovery fromalcohol and you smoke pot, you're
not.
So
I the
whole thing is ridiculous.
I feel
first
of all, I didn't get the sober
like manual, right?
No.
who says like, where's the
(07:37):
checklist?
do I gotta.
But
it's weird.
it's different for everybody.
if
you're gonna
say
somebody's on
MAT and they're notsober, then I challenge
you to say
if they're on any depression
medication, they're not
sober.
Because just like depressionmedication, they, that those
things have
side
effects.
Sure.
Those things are altering your
moods, those things are
altering, your brain chemicals.
Yep.
better set
down then the whole
world's not sober.
(07:58):
If you ask
me
like, there's a
75%
of the world's on medication, so
they're not sober.
Better
set down your phone and your
coffee too,
right?
no,
I'm good on that,
but yeah, like
I'll
arm
wrestle you for some coffee.
Who
gets
to say what
sober,
is?
Yeah.
And
technically,
if we're saying sober,
is it
sober
(08:18):
from drugs?
Sober?
from alcohol Sober?
Sober From
what
The thing I
have
enjoyed about going through
the
Recovery Coach
process is
really
realizing that there
are multiple pathways
for people to
get
to the top of the, let'ssay the recovery mountain.
Okay.
There's People,
some people need MAT.
(08:39):
Yeah.
The
drugs today are different
than they were
back in 1930.
Absolutely.
When certain, programs and stuffreally came out and started
setting
some foundations.
So things are different.
Yeah.
communities
are Conversations are
different.
People have smartphones now.
They're not as much
face-to-face or
a lot of
people are doing online
groups
(08:59):
and there's
nothing
wrong with
that.
No.
But there is
power in that
getting
together
community.
So when I first started attending
meetings, I my first meeting I ever went
to was an AA meeting.
I got a drunk driving when I was young
and started going to those.
But when I first
started attending meetings in
recovery, I started to realize like the AA
group, didn't like the NA group.
And they judged
that
(09:19):
group and
it's so weird.
It's weird
because
they challenged
me to read the big book and when Idid, I found out that Bill w was not
only an alcoholic, but he had a pill
addiction.
Sure.
yeah, he was cross addicted.
Yep.
So, it's so strange
to me to
see
people in
recovery, battling each
other instead of coming togetherbecause I feel like it could be so much
stronger.
People just
came together
(09:40):
and everything evolves.
Yes.
Everything in
this world
has evolved.
Yes.
If you're not evolving, what
are you doing?
Mm-hmm.
And so
just like with that sober
thing, Things have to evolve.
Yeah.
things have to change.
And
Recovery has to change with that, Yeah.
recovery,
is always
evolving.
I think in my recovery,
(10:01):
I not only use the AA
methods, along
na,
smart
Recovery Sure.
And even Dharma.
Like I went to a, it's a refuge recovery
meeting
and Lansing, and that'sthe Dharma Recovery Book.
Yeah.
there's things that I will take from that.
Just to help me throughout my
day.
Yep.
So it's in all pathways.
Sure.
I don't care.
You're in recovery whenyou say you're in recovery.
(10:23):
I learned that
this year.
and that even
surprised me because looking at it, it is
true
when somebody says they're in
recovery.
And they're using less than it did the day
before.
Yeah.
And
less and less.
That's recovery to
me.
Yeah.
They're trying to get their life
back.
Yeah.
We've had
that here
before
where people will come to a
meeting
and.
(10:43):
we, and we
know that
maybe they're
still in active use
Yeah.
And, but
it's that
point where I hear them
say,
I'm in recovery,
or,
I'm, I'm, I'm sober Yeah.
or
whatever.
Then
making that statement, I
believe is a
very
powerful thing
start
identifying
with.
I'm in recovery from, or, yeah.
Yeah.
And yeah, just making thestatement and saying it out loud.
Yeah.
It's powerful.
(11:04):
super powerful.
I remember when I first came tothe tables, I would say, I, hi, I'm
Stacy and I'm an addict.
And I don't no longersay that words matter.
Yeah.
Words do matter.
Yeah.
Because
it was how I felt about myself.
Sure.
Because I'm not just a, anaddict and I'm not an addict.
I'm an addict in
recovery.
Sure.
So I just say I'm in recovery.
Yep.
other people like to say otherthings, and I find it interesting
(11:26):
to see what, just even in ourcommunity, what they say, when,
when they announce theirselves.
I love it.
Yep.
I love to hear there.
There's somebody that sayshe's in life recovery.
And I love that.
and
it's
how we
identify ourselves because it truly is
life
recovery when you think
about it, Yes.
It's then stopping the
addiction is one piece
and then you
have all
this other stuff and puttingyour life back together.
(11:47):
yeah, we had that, discussion, acouple weeks ago about the people that
said, I don't wanna be addicted to
recovery.
Sure,
yeah.
But
recovery is your life.
It's a lifestyle.
Yes.
Yeah,
Absolutely.
It's absolutely a lifestyle.
anything else that you'rethinking about, like leading up
to your appointment that
you're thinking
maybe I
better have
a conversation
with my doctor about
this or anything that
(12:08):
has
stood
out
this
last week?
um,
things that
have stood out to me, so super
glad that I switched to theSublocade shot because, being
on Suboxone, I have realized
that just taking my meds throughoutthe day I realized that I had to reach
for something when I didn't feel good.
That
was still an addictive behavior.
Sure.
I was still using addictivebehaviors, taking my Suboxone,
(12:30):
so that's somethingthat has stood out to me
where it's like.
I
am no longer doing that.
So now that I'm changing behaviors, Yep.
It's also changing my
mindset.
It's like that
conditioned behavior,
that like the Pavlov's dog, right?
Yeah.
The, you hear the bell and they salivate.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that,
and that's
what I
like.
Even
during the day when I was
on I'm like.
I would take some in the morning andif I, didn't feel good throughout the
(12:52):
day, I'd be like, oh, man, I need, andthat was like how my mindset was, sure.
I
need to take my Suboxone,
it
wasn't drink more water take vitamins,help my you were breathing exercise.
Right.
It was
take a Suboxone.
And I am so relieved
that I have decided todo this because I am not
using those old addict ways,those addict behaviors.
(13:13):
Yeah, But talking to my doctor, I'm justgonna let her know how I've been feeling
and the things that we've talked about.
I did,
I've been writing in a journal a littlebit and just have some questions for
her, and wanna get, her ideas andmaybe some information from her and how
maybe, what
she feels, I should do to
to Sure.
Get prepared for the next few months.
Yep.
(13:34):
I know
that addiction has taken
a lot
from you.
Yeah.
And I know that just in your
world, not even
from you personally,
but from people, in your
family.
yeah.
Talk to me
about
the good that's
happening
this coming week.
This coming week We have
Thanksgiving.
Yeah.
It's usually the
biggest bar night ofthe year on Wednesday.
(13:54):
You're, I
don't
know, maybe
you'll be here
hanging
out
on, a movie night, but, I probablywould be on Thursday, yeah, I,
Little backstory.
My, my family, I've lost my older
brother and two younger siblings and, lost
my youngest child also.
But, two weeks ago I
got to
go sit
with my parents and my,son and my sister Sherry.
she's a, they, she's a,
(14:15):
not my blood sister,but she's definitely my
sister.
Yeah.
and, we got to have
dinner and we had a great
time.
Great night.
and we are spendingThanksgiving together, so I
get to spend it with my mom and stepdad
and then, my dad and mystepmom and my adopted
parents, Marty and Brian and my son.
and I'm,
so
it's
been
(14:38):
Years
Since your
feet were
under that
table and since everybody,since I've walked
into that house.
Mm. yeah.
They've lost a lot.
And,
they
were so
super scared that they were gonna lose me.
and in a way they did for a
while.
Sure.
But, yeah, my son is very, he'svery guarded and, he should
be, which I mean, he should be,
He's lost a lot.
His best friend just, shot himself last
(15:00):
Christmas, right around Christmas.
yeah.
Yeah, it's tender.
But
I'm just
so happy.
Like, I'm
just,
I'm grateful for everythingthat recovery has given me.
And that everything that God has given me,
because, we just had this conversation.
I realized that, God is real.
I've
tried everything to fight addiction.
I have tried MAT, I have
(15:21):
tried, staying awayfrom people, places and
things.
I have tried so hard
to
stay
sober at times And
it wasn't until I asked
God
literally that, to take this away
from me.
That's a powerful
prayer.
And, it
was,
and you better mean it when you
say
it.
Yeah.
And, I know it was in prison.
And, yeah, it was,
(15:42):
it has been the
one thing that I don't, Ihaven't had those cravings.
I haven't, I had cravingsfor drugs or alcohol
since then.
Yeah.
So I know this is a
spiritual thing.
I know this
is powerful And I thank God every day for
this.
I've heard it said
that everybody
has
a God shaped hole Yeah.
In
their
life.
(16:03):
And
we'll
go through life
sometimes trying
to put all
these
other
things inside of that whole drug.
Yeah.
Alcohol, sex.
Yep.
Money
work,
whatever
it is.
And nothing phones fits.
Yeah.
Phones.
Nothing
fits though.
No.
And it's
and then the
hole
just gets emptier
and emptier.
The
more
you try
to shove all that other stuff
(16:23):
and
God's just sitting there I'm
right here.
I'm the missing puzzle piece.
Come
on.
Yo, put me in the game coach.
And how many times have we
had
the opportunity?
I've been to
jail a few times
and Yeah.
it was
weird.
every time I went to jail, I got
closer and closer to God.
And it was when I went to
prison that I finallywas like, okay, I realize
(16:44):
yeah.
That, he sat me down andwas like, Hey, I'm Right.
here.
Yeah.
what are you doing?
So
It's
a lot and it's,
it is very powerful and it's hardsometimes to get people to realize
that, but I think people in my
life are starting to seelike the change Yeah.
And how real that the change is.
(17:06):
I hope that
through these videos,through you going to sit
with
your family Yeah.
On Thanksgiving,
that
they begin to see
just a
sliver
of some of the changes thatyou've made in your life.
'cause
just from,
how
long have
here?
Maybe
six
months.
seven
months now.
Seven
months.
Yeah.
just in
that time
(17:26):
it's
like night
and day.
Oh, it, it has
been
night and day, like I said,the first time I come here, I.
am Sitting down, having a conversationwith one of our friends, and I'm
like,
I,
don't know.
I don't know if this is the placeI'm supposed to be at I don't know.
And he told me,
just keep coming.
Just, and it was
right down the road from myhouse, like I said, God is real.
Yeah.
God is definitely real.
(17:46):
this place is right downthe road from my home.
It's
like you've
got no
excuse now not to go to a meeting.
Yeah.
So
I, I'm just So blessed at this point,
two
years ago
before
I,
before
I, before I went to
prison, I,
I had no relationships with my family.
Mm-hmm.
I wasn't allowed at my mom's house.
I wasn't allowed anywhere
(18:07):
in my family's houses.
And,
I now have
my
family in my life.
Yeah.
I'm spending holidays with
them.
I'm working.
I can buy things for Christmas.
Not that they want
anything.
Sure.
But that makes me feel betterto know that I can do that.
Yeah.
I am gonna make recovery in my world.
And I will
spend the rest of my lifebeing addicted to my recovery.
(18:30):
I will.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's the gift that.
keeps
on
giving in
all of these
crazy ways, but the more
you say
yes to recovery and just
to life in
general
to yourself.
Right to yourself.
That's
when these
doors
just start
to open and you just walk through them
now with confidence, becauseyou've done hard stuff.
Yeah.
you've
(18:50):
been
there, you've done that and you have
confidence.
I can make it through it.
and nobody's saying that it's easy.
No,
but.
You feel better once you start.
achieving the small goals.
Yeah.
you start achieving your 30 days,
your 60 days, your 90 days, your one visitwith your kid, your second visit with your
kid.
Your counseling sessions, gettingyour license back, getting an id,
whatever the
(19:11):
things may be.
Once you start
getting
those small things back,you start realizing, okay,
I'm accomplishing my small goals.
I can make larger goals
now.
And, I never had goals.
I never had boundaries, Inever had any of those things.
And now that I'm.
Working on those thingsand I've attained those
small things.
I'm working on.
the bigger
things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's your recovery
(19:31):
capital.
Yeah.
It's
you building
that life
that
you
don't
want to escape from Yeah.
yeah.
'cause when you're just sober,you're you're like, man, I
can never get high again.
And you worry about that.
oh my God, I'm never gonna beable to get high or drink or.
do these things again.
But once you work recovery and you startbuilding that up, you're like, I don't
have to get high again.
(19:52):
Sure.
to escape from my problems.
I get
to be
sober.
I get
to have a life.
Yeah.
I get to build these
things.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I love it.
Anything else?
no.
I
love it.
I
think, the next
one is gonna be great.
I can't
wait
to hear
an update about
how Thanksgiving and
stuff went.
Can't
wait to hear an
update on how
the meeting with
your doctor
(20:12):
went.
Yeah.
Yep.
and I'm gonna, I'm gonna definitely,make sure I have my questions
for her when I go in and Yeah.
And even write some thingsdown before I leave there.
And
I'm gonna be sharing your videos
with,
somebody that.
Works at a
hospital.
and is their
provider
expressed
some
just briefly and, but
(20:33):
she
expressed some
interest and I
would love to have
her feedback Yeah.
On things too.
yeah.
And like we said, like any feedbackAnybody that's been through
this wants to, make a comment, has a
question, anything door open or
even say, yeah, I've been throughthat, or No, this is how it was
like for me or somebody that's
thinking about it.
has any
questions.
I would love to
(20:54):
answer.
them.
Yep.
If I can.
But
But I am not a doctor.
I'm, this is Just
my experience.
That's it, and that's how we're ending it.
As always, this is not medical, uh,information that we're giving you.
This is just
Stacy going through
her journey.
If you're thinking aboutgetting on, getting off of
Suboxone or
getting
on or off of
Sublocade,
please go
contact, your doctor.
(21:15):
Talk with them about what is right.
for you
and your
situation.
I'm
sure that
they would love to
come up
with a plan that
makes sense
for you and your recovery.
but
until next week.
Yeah.
And,
happy Thanksgiving to everybody that's
Thanksgiving's out there.
I know.
I'm ready
for
some food.
Yeah, And good food.
Yeah, it's gonna be goodfood and football and a big
(21:35):
nap.
Yeah.
I get to make 200 picklewraps and onion wraps.
Some for here, and
then some for the house.
'cause I love those.
Yeah, I love those.
I do too.
All right.
until next time, stay sober.
Not boring.
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